The Neighborhood Listen - Fighting at Trader Joe w/ Ronnie Adrian

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Joan tells Burnt about her new realty-related business in Dignity Falls, while Doug just wants to dry off. Plus, special guest Scomare Buns (Ronnie Adrian) explains the argument between him and his partner at the local "Trader Joe".See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHap app and us, Bert, and Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

Welcome once again to How come I can never look at you burnt? It's not so much that you can't look at me, it's your reactions sometimes catch me off guard And that one, I didn't expect, I just didn't expect it It was unexpected, that's all It was real, Just. Oh, I know. I never. It was meant to convey.

Oh, fun. I never. Of course I understand that now. You can picture when I say that. You can picture what I'm doing physically. You can picture a shoulder taking a sharp turn. A shoulder taking a sharp turn. Anyway, this is all to say welcome to the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast from the Neighbor of Dignity Falls that is all about the comings

and goings of its citizens, of which there are two who are hosting a podcast about it. Who? This is the one you're listening to. Oh, talk about a shoulder that took a turn. And why don't you, then you go introduce yourself and then I'll introduce myself. Oh, okay. Okay. I am Joan Pedestrian.

I'm the top realtor here in Dignity Falls. Don't forget it. And star of the stage in our community productions. Sometimes just in my mind, I think. Is that true? Well, sometimes I do feel a little bit like that. I still get insecure about my talent

sometimes, yes. But you know, the problem is you got to believe in yourself. You got to toot your own horn. It surprises me that you would ever doubt your talents because I've seen you in countless productions and you're always obviously head and shoulders above everyone else who's on the stage with you. And I hope no one listening will, if they've been in the productions in the community theater, I hope they don't take offense at that. Well, that's fine. That's why I started doing so many one woman shows so I couldn't be compared to other people exactly well even though you're being compared favorably people were saying well you're better than these other people

right was it but that's you know to give them a break oh from the comparison yeah yes well that's i think that's very nice of you yeah well i do what i can because it is like when you're on the stage and then you see these other people and you're like they stink they're terrible and what are they doing how how could it not some of what joan's doing rub off a little bit but no well i do like to try to set an example and lead a cast only people would i show up knowing everyone else's lines that just in case well just in case you know because you want to know the whole text and you want to you want to be uh you know the more i mean there's no such thing as too prepared correct and you're supposed to be listening and if i actually know already what they're

saying it's easier for me to listen of course it's how could it not be if you if you're in a conversation i can prep my listening reaction better. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And it shows because I will see you, I'll see you reacting to something and sometimes it'll be like, I never would have thought of having that reaction.

Oh, it's because I planned it, but I make it look like I didn't. And it works. It works on me. It's a craft. Now, hey, who are you? My name is Burnt Me a Payday. I am a pharmacist here in dignity falls i work at the cvs and uh if you've if a doctor has prescribed something to you for some ailment chances are you end up meeting me that's right and uh you are one of the other people that

works at the pharmacy or one of the gang as you call them one of the gang people that works at the pharmacy. Or one of the gang, as you call them. One of the gang, the gang down at work. Have you had a hangout with a gang lately? Yes, what did we do? We played, it's not laser tag. Air rifles? It was just BB guns, I think. We were just shooting each other with BB guns. Wow, that seems more intense, actually.

Well, I mean, we had safety equipment on. We had helmets and goggles and things like that. But everything else was very game. And we were just shooting the hell out of each other with these BB guns. I don't know why, but I pictured you, like, you know, if you're doing it against a team, I picture you all wearing your white coats. Oh, there was no teams. Is that accurate?

There was no teams. Okay. And there was no real scoring. So it was just anarchy. We were just shooting each other. Were you on a course or? No. You know what?

We got into that old abandoned water tower. Oh, wow. Yeah. And we climbed in there. And then we just started. I'm surprised there weren't any Instagrammers there. They're always there doing stuff for the brand. Well, we shooed them away. I mean, they saw the rifles and they didn't know they were BB guns. Sure, sure. And they left just started. I'm surprised there weren't any Instagrammers there. They're always there doing stuff for the brand. Well, we shooed them away.

I mean, they saw the rifles and they didn't know they were BB guns. Sure, sure. And they left pretty quick. I'm just so tired of seeing, you know, like girls in like fancy dresses up there. It's dangerous. And you know, they give you. And people trying to do their family pictures up there. You're going to carry your kids up there.

It's so rickety just to have a cool, rustic looking picture. That's I've seen like multiple like pictures of multiple generations yes and i'm thinking how did they all get octogenarians up there how'd they get a wheelchair up there it's like how yes she's sitting in her wheelchair yeah i've here's what i think this is my theory is that uh one of them goes up like the one who's in the best health goes up and then lowers down a rope or something. It just seems ridiculous. I think they just should tear the thing down, honestly. Oh, it's a death trap for sure.

There are so many, because we have such a, we sort of have a rich history. We hang on to our history and we hang on to our older buildings. But we're in a generation now. We're in a time now where if anything's old or even slightly old looking and slightly cool, everyone's taking their picture in front of it. I know. And it's

disrespectful in a certain way. But of course, they can't tear it down because of the ravens that live in their protected species here. Yes. They are endangered only in Dignity Falls. Yeah. And people won't let up. Because in Dignity Falls

was this weird thing where they were hunted for their beaks. Yes. Yes. There was a time when that was the chief export of our town was Raven Beaks. The Raven Beak boom. It would be the RBB.

And people would wear necklaces of Raven Beaks. Men would have cufflinks. People would make eyeglass frames out of them. Tools, home-crafted tools. Home-crafted tools. It was barbaric. It was a little, it was straight. What I think about it now.

It's a part of our history. You know, when you grow up here, you just don't even think about it. You're like, can you me um a pair of beaks which is just to trim your you know to trim some paper or to cut some you know to and and you don't even think about what you're saying give me the beaks uh-oh the kids have a uh a project due for school. Give them the construction beaks.

Give them the beaks. No, what am I trying to say? Oh, I don't know. The safety beaks. The safety beaks. Because they get construction paper with them. Oh, yes. There was a way to make the beaks a little less.

Those were ones where the beaks were. Yeah. And those were baby beaks. It's terrible. I think they were crow beaks. Oh, you think it was a scam? Yeah, I think it was a scam. There was a way. There were certain people who could hold a beak up to the light and you think it was a scam? Yeah, I think it was a scam. There was a way.

There were certain people who could hold a beak up to the light and see if it was an authentic raven. Yes, exactly. Counterfeit beaks was a problem for a while. What was strange, though, is that the ravens lived even after they lost their beaks. And they were furious. They were terrifying.

Oh. Because they were just these beakless birds jumping around. Just this monstrous black bird with an oval hole in its face. So eventually... Oh, bird, are you okay? I'm sorry, I just had a cough. Eventually they started being born without beaks. Yes, they evolved. Yes, they evolved. So it's almost like too late

when they stepped in to consider them endangered. But now they all live in the water tower. And I mean they flew away when we started with the bb guns let me tell you something the ricochet is inside that thing oh we didn't take it circular that's horrifying what a terrible idea yeah but it was fun we had a good time okay good we had a good time uh and of course with us is my husband, Doug, who is our engineer. Babe, where are you today? Hello. I'm in the dryer. What? You're in the dryer?

It's the dry room. The dryer room. We got an industrial. It's kind of like a walk-in freezer. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. No, you go ahead, babe. It's kind of like a walk-in freezer.

Okay. It's filled with rice. So if your cell phone gets wet and then you put it in the rice. Right. That's the basis of it. So it's filled to the top with rice. So if your cell phone gets wet, and then you put it in the rice. Right. That's the basis of it. So it's filled to the top with rice? No, more like waist high. Okay.

And when you open the door, what prevents the rice from falling out? There's like a banister kind of thing. A banister? Do you leap over this banister to get into the rice? Yeah, and it's actually really fun. Listen, again, this was one of those

Doug designed rooms. I didn't sanction it. And it's a whole room. It's a whole room. If you come out of the shower, you can just jump in the rice. It started as a, okay, the reason you call it a dry, it started as a dried goods room. Okay.

Okay. And then yes, he just decided. What would you do? It was just a place to store them. To store dried goods. Correct. Like what are dried goods?

Is that cans of things? Is that what dried goods are? It would be canned goods. Here's the good joke. When you're right, you're right. Here's what I think of when I hear the term dried goods. Okay.

Hard tack. From the Civil War. It does. It does. It does evoke a very sort of Civil War. Yes. Yes. Is that a dried good?

I believe that's a dried good. Yes. I mean, but also rice. Right. Rice is a dried good. Okay. Yes. Noodles.

Well, sure. I mean, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. box of spaghetti would be dry goods yeah why not that's in there okay and then peaches no what peaches no canned goods wet goods wet goods now this is a i was not aware of this category just what i made up so anyways one day we had a big bag of rice it spilled doug got an idea in his brain that that

was actually more fun and then ordered a ton more rice. And then he just basically turned it into a ball pit, but rice. More fun than what? Than a dry goods room. Than a dryer. Oh, I see. Than a dryer.

Okay. So now you're fresh from the shower. You're dripping wet. I'm assuming what you're saying, Doug, is no towel, go straight for the rice room and then dive right in. Run for the rice room. In this case, he's the iPhone, and he gets dried off. The rice sucks all the moisture out of his body.

Does it, or does he just come out covered with rice? I try not to get... I got sticky rice one time. I'm trying to find an even drier rice. I'm sorry. Sticky rice becomes sticky when it is cooked. Is that not correct? Yes.

Unfortunately, what he means is he actuallyer rice. I'm sorry. So sticky rice becomes sticky when it is cooked. Is that not correct? Yes. Unfortunately, what he means is he actually cooked rice. I mean, this is. I don't know why you're not feeding the unhoused. I know. It's true. It's true. Get tripped. I apologize.

But you do have several rooms in your home devoted to storing vast amounts of food. I know. And that's a good point. And thank you for calling me out on that, Bernd. And maybe we need to make some changes, Doug. I mean, we can, but what's rice really worth? I mean, rice is- I mean, per grain?

Were you going to say per grain? Per grain. I don't know. I guess we'd have to buy the lowest cost bag of rice and count the grains and then divide it oh boy don't get him started he will do that that's what we would have to do we're not

going to do that okay so just I can already see you thinking about it we're not doing that okay I mean I can hear him thinking about if we have wet towels no I know I just meant I know we can't see it it's like I can't see it right it's like the same way that no one could see my shoulder twist when you were talking

yeah I can hear what I can hear what his face is doing but you also know that he's going to do it I know he's absolutely going to do it and that he's probably already googling it are you Doug? that's his answer but yes if you have a wet towel a damp

swimsuit, anything. Oh, you can just toss it in there. You can just toss it in the dryer. Yes, that is the dryer. I guess you could argue that it saves energy. I don't know. I'm trying to. You could.

Certainly not human energy. No. Just, you know, you cut down on your electricity if you're not throwing your clothes in the dryer. By the way, I donated the old dryer so you can get off my back with that. Well, we were talking about the unhoused, so I don't know what they could do with it. Where'd you donate just the dryer? Like, what's anyone going to do with a dryer?

Well, I mean. Sorry, Doug, that was very aggressive. Yeah. So somebody who has purchased a washing. Sorry, Doug. That was very aggressive. So somebody who has purchased a washing machine at the end and then they come to regret their choice. I thought

I could get by without a dryer, but I'm big enough to admit I made a mistake. If only someone were... And I will not buy one, but if someone donates one I will accept it Berndt

does your apartment complex have like coin operated laundry or do you have to go to the laundromat still or do you have an in apartment appliance

I do not have an in suite in room whatever you call it we do have in the basement and on the roof we have on the roof two laundry rooms on the roof. We have two laundry rooms. On the roof?

Like, but covered? No, I wish. Why? I wish, because it's windy up there. And it's not so bad when the clothes are wet, but when they are dry, you can lose some things.

Well, sure. You try to get them in the basket. Well, why do you use that one? Is it better than the one in the basement? Well, sometimes the other one's full. I hate it when it's all full. There's two, there's one washer get them in the basket. Well, why do you use that one? Is it better than the one in the basement? Well, sometimes the other one's full. I hate it when it's all full. There's two, there's one washer and dryer in the basement.

And then there's 16 machines on the roof. 16? That's insane. Are they the same price? No. Cheaper? They're all the exact same machine. Some cost more.

Some cost less. That's so stupid. Yes. One machine, you don't know it. It's different every time. cheaper they're all the exact same machine some cost more that's so stupid yes one machine you don't know it it's it's different every time uh you can put you can put the money in then when you're when your clothes are ready there's you get all the coins from the machine are in there too what it's a jackpot machine this is huge that's cool they call it the jackpot machine they do yeah and it's a And it's one of the washers. How about this, you know, the flotsam and jetsam that ends up getting left, you know,

it's always like one G string and like a couple socks and then just, what, is that not what the kids call it? A thong? What's wrong with that? Nothing wrong. Back in my day when i used to wear them right maybe tmi i certainly don't anymore that's a young woman's game i'll tell you what sure what do you call it we don't need to get hung up on this but what were you what was your question

what should I call it? Oh. I think they just say thong now. They say thong? See, I grew up in a household that called flip-flop songs, and so that's what's very confusing for me. Sure. There's dignity falls that people don't know.

We don't have one regional term for flip-flops people say here we'll say flip-flops they'll say thongs they will say uh sandal clogs sandal clogs they will say stubbers because you can stub your toes so easily uh mr mrs eisenhower i don't know where that came from toe peekaboos toe peekaboos it Toe peekaboos? It's not really a peekaboo, though, when you think about it. Maybe a slide. There's mostly just peek, no boo. It's actually all boo, no peek.

Yeah, so, I mean, we have a bunch of names for them. Slats? Slats, sure. Cans. Cans. Cans. That one I don't get either. I don't get it either. Yeah.

So, okay, so that's why i've always had a problem problem with but now what was your question earlier oh just the random crap that's always left on the table and no one ever seems to claim it like for months and months and months and you're down there why didn't you claim that thong not a problem on the roof because it all blows away. Why would you go up there? Oh, because it's cheaper. It's cheaper. Okay. Gosh.

And you know, it's sometimes cheaper, but the two in the basement are always, they're always occupied. Well, obviously. There's just two. That's just ridiculous.

And it's covered. You know, you can go there. Well, Bert, anytime you want, you can just come over here and, you know, I have a great, huge, wonderful washing machine. Rice is free for you.

Well, I do. I still like to line dry, though, a lot of things. So you can just come over here and i mean i have a great huge wonderful washing machine free for you well i still like to line dry though a lot of things so you could always come in line dry is it that you like to or that you have to because your dryer is gone and rice is not actually drying your clothes it's a little bit of both i don't know i would feel to to be a to be a grown man and putting all my dirty clothes in a duffel bag, bring them over to your home like I'm coming home from college. I don't know. That might be a bridge too far for me. But I appreciate the offer. Okay.

Well, you're welcome. So nice. You should get that dryer back if you can. I'm going to try. I'm really not happy about this particular room. It makes no sense and it makes me feel culturally sensitive. It makes me feel societally insensitive. Oh, I see.

That's what I meant to say, whose culture is it? Not ours. Now, Joan, what's going on stage-wise with you? You know what we never talk about is what's going on in the world of realty. Oh, well, okay.

I mean, the interest rate's way up. It's of realty? Oh, well, uh, okay. I mean, the interest rates way up. I mean, it's a tricky, it's a tricky time. Uh, but you know, I am, I'm doing really great. Uh, I, what I said is I'm kind of moving into more of a consultant cause I said, I feel like realty is really like a young person's game and it's apparently a reality, a reality television, uh, you know, game. So what I'm going into is I'm starting a company that is training realtors to be realtors on reality shows. And it's called reality. Okay, could you spell that for me?

I wanted it to be a combination of real and realty and reality. Right. Three different words share most of the same letter. Right. That's what's tricky about it. There's no I in realty. Is that a motto that you have? Yes, that's what Doug wants it to be. There's no I in realty.

So it's like R-E silent I A- l not silent i am still at workshopping it sure okay so i just i want if you can help me if any listeners can help me i wanted to convey that i'm going to teach you realty and reality because you have to know both you have to know both these days because there's so many damn realty shows. That's right. So, but you still have to have your license

and you, I mean, maybe, I don't even know where they're getting these people. Some of these people don't know what they are doing. They put together an awful sloppy open house. What happened? Oh, some of these women put out the hors d'oeuvres that like they would want to eat, which is just an empty plate.

And it's like, you have to give them someone, I mean, something to eat. You have to give people something to eat. They literally put out an empty plate? uh yes i saw one episode where they did i swear to god the television show yes oh i thought this was the local no no my girls here are my girls and guys are great here they're fantastic no uh but what i'm saying is is that you have to you have to still know how to be a good realtor but apparently now you have to have this whole uh camera awareness and you have to i don't know look the part and are these you have to still know how to be a good realtor. But apparently now you have to have this whole camera awareness

and you have to, I don't know, look the part. And you have to have offstage drama. And so you have to generate all of that. And you know what? I'm good at that stuff because I'm a dramatic person myself. So you come to me and I will come up with your backstory

so that you can, so in your confessionals, you can talk about it. And I will train you with your backstory. Right. So that you can, so in your confessionals, you can talk about it. And I will, I will, I will train you as an acting teacher. Because let's face it, this stuff is all acting anyways.

These people are just, you know, it's all completely false. It's completely false. But I'm, so I'm just going to try to, to take advantage of it. Now the confessional is the thing where they sit in front of a,

a still image of some room. Well, yeah. And they talk about something that happened a year and a half ago. Something blurred out behind them. They talk about something that happened a year and a half ago. Correct. As if it just happened in that moment. Yes.

In a shiny jewel-toned shirt. Yes. They're using the present tense, even though this happened. Right. Like someone just fell, and it cuts to someone nine months later going, what just happened? Exactly. Now, now also is this one of those shows i know on some of these shows uh they introduce the people and then uh at the

top of the show here's the characters essentially yeah and then they have to have like a little sassy bomo that they say oh yes that's right is this something that you're teaching people well you know i don't know that they all do it but it it is a good idea to have. I just think it is a good idea to have, you know, to just be like, I'm open as a house, you know? What would someone mean by that? Well, unfortunately,

I think that it's supposed to be meant to be taken several different ways, but it's probably just going to mean that she's a, she's kind of slutty. That's what gets the views. That's what gets the likes. That's what gets the likes. What'd you say? What'd he say? I'm not going to repeat it.

I'm not going to repeat it. I stood up for myself and I'm sorry. Jonah, I guess I'll have to just listen back to this episode to find out what Doug said. Yes, I will. You know, I listen back to these

three times in a row. In my car. Three times? Yeah. Because I was on loop. Three times in a row. Yes. Wow. Well because i was on loop i love three times in a row yes wow well i mean if i have time sometimes i might not be you know as i'm driving around from houses to house houses houses that's what they say in the realty game from houses to house because that's what you that's what you tell your clients is that i want to get you from looking at a bunch

of houses to being in one house yes and then we'd also do like how you're going to, cause everything's slow motion. So it's like your house needs to look good when like, you know, they zoom it up and then all of a sudden it slows down and then they zoom you up and then you spin around and it slows down. You have to know how to look. Apparently that's important to be a realtor. Now you have to look good in slow motion. I mean, I'm so angry about all of it. Honestly, furious. I am. But you know, instead of trying to beat them, I'm going to join them. You're making anger into lemonade. That's right. Anger aid.

Drink it every day. Alright. Well, I think we need to take a break. I think we probably do. Yes? Yeah, so let's do it. Let's do it. We're in charge. We are full grown adults. This is our show. We can do as we please. Podcasting is still doesn't, it's not turned into a reality show yet. Has it? We are full grown adults. This is our show. We can do as we please.

Podcasting is still, it's not turned into a reality show yet, has it? We can still have this. Oh, not yet. Oh God, I don't want to give them an idea. But don't you think they want to? Oh boy, oh boy. Where then all of a sudden it's just burnt, you know,

in front of Connie in the background going, I don't know what just happened with Joan. It got so weird in the room. Was that me? Yes. This is exciting. Was it good? I thought you had a recording of my voice.

I had a mustache in my mind when I did it. And it helped. I don't have a mustache. We have to take a break. More with Neighborhood Listen. Who turns? This is Margie The man who is trapping cats Is doing it illegally The rules are very strict You have to use a certain kind of trap

And you can trap only certain times of year I don't live in your area and you can trap only certain times of year. I don't live in your area. Well, Joan, are you going to read it? I got you. Last time, now I got a taste of my own medicine. I know how it feels. And it's all in fun. I'm surprised. It's all in fun. It's just a little prank got a taste of my own medicine. I know how it feels and I was surprised. And it's all in fun.

It's just a little prank. An old prank from last week. Okay, here we go. We have a post. Yes. So people know what we do is we use the NeighborHap, which is the neighborhood social networking application

and we scour that for interesting people posting or being posted about in Dignity Falls. And then we invite them on the show. That's right. And Doug is our booker. Yes. He vets all these people.

And he apparently sends his pilot to everyone that we book. Yes. Doug has written. Unsolicited. Doug has written a pilot and he's been sending it to everyone. It is called Evidence Lee about a man named Lee who is very good at detecting evidence. I believe it's called Evidence Lee. It's called Evidence Lee. Oh, sorry, you're right. Evidence

Lee. Yes, that's right. I've stopped sending it with the booking email. Oh, good. I think that's much better. Okay. Thank you. So this, oh, and this post was submitted to us by Alexandra Burr. Thank you. If you would like to submit. Very historical name.

It's like a combination. You would like to submit a post from the neighbor half that maybe we missed. You can send it to us at burnt and Joan at gmail.com. Yes. Now this post was written by Hans and he says, man annoying his wife slash girlfriend at trader Joe. man annoying his wife slash girlfriend at Trader Joe. You know, Dignity never got Trader Joe's.

They only got Trader Joe. We never. We only got. And they thought we wouldn't know the difference. I know. And it is. It's like in a dream where you're at Disneyland, but it's not quite Disneyland.

Do you know what I mean? It's like that. It's Disneyland. Okay. So it's at Trader Joe. A 35 to 45 year old male was reported inside the trader joe on on lincoln on friday he grabbed a gallon of two percent milk and put it in the shopping cart shared with his female companion she then verbally chastised him for not grabbing the fat-free version and rolled her eyes at him. They were seen shortly thereafter in the frozen food section browsing for vegan waffles. And I believe today we have the man being,

yes, so, and we don't know his name because he's, we haven't met him before. He's refused to speak to us until being introduced. Yes. And so, yes. Yeah, welcome. Please tell us who you are and tell us your story. Hello, everybody. I am Skomar Bund. i am the person hi skomar i am the person that that post was about

okay i didn't want to talk earlier because i didn't want any of my story misconstrued okay until i got on to the mic understood understood yes there's a lot of people out here talking about me talking about my girlfriend who happens to also be my trainer she was my girlfriend first before she was a trainer okay no one said all right no one wasn't thinking anything okay and i just want to clear the air she's helping me everyone she's helping me okay okay all right so so what why was there or was there not an argument when you had grabbed 2% milk and she wanted fat free? Was that her helping you because she wanted you to have the fat free for yourself? You know, sometimes, sometimes, even though I have perfect hearing, it's hard for me to hear.

OK. So when she yells, sometimes I can't hear. Right. You know, it's like, oh, I grabbed the 2% milk and I'm such a dummy. OK. Why did I grab the 2%? But I don't know. Hans does say that she was verbally chastising you uh-huh so that didn't seem like

she was just speaking up to be heard uh-huh like what does she say to you in those in those moments you know like helpful loving things like you're fat ass i'm surprised you grabbed the two percent milk you know why didn't you grab something else fat free milk uh something like all right look here skomar or should i say sko no i don't get that well because like i said she just became a trainer so she still doesn't really know how to motivate she doesn't know how to like she doesn't know how to use like really good wordplay just yet yeah okaynames, yeah, okay. Yeah, but at the same time, so I just go with it because I'm like,

oh yeah, skono meaning like skomar, don't do that. That's a no. So I think it's like a, you know, we have a shorthand. If she's going to expand to more clients, probably,

probably she should get a better vocabulary when it comes to like, sure. So right now, you are her only client? Yes. Okay.

Right now, I am her only client and her guinea pig. And are you, so you're not, obviously you're not paying her for these services this is you're you're together so she's just no she needs to understand the act of doing work and getting paid so i i do pay her and i pay her a full rate oh wow even though she's never done this before nope okay how did she

learn did she get a certificate in training or did she just decided her mother died and when she was cleaning out the attic she found an old jane fonda tape and was inspired oh okay that's all it took so so is she giving is she's putting you through like a jane fonda aerobic 80s workout never seen the tape all i know is that all i know is everything that i do I do a lot of on my back, uh, crotch thrust. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. Okay. I do a lot of, yes, a lot of crotch wiggling. Um, I do a lot of, uh, half squat,

like a leg, like a leg lifts, lots of leg lifts, roll around, uh, mid torso style stuff. Um, but like I said,

I can't picture that one. That was, that was a little, that one took, threw me for a loop yeah um you know just a lot of you know a lot of stuff like that i do a lot of uh um like arm stuff like do you imagine if like uh when a person like when a person is muscular and then they're trying to show their muscles so they flex yeah absolutely so i do an exercise where like i just repeat doing that from side to side with my muscles um with no weight in my hand okay okay um you know just a bunch of different stuff but like i said i haven't seen the tape but i'm assuming that this is all original stuff from my girlfriend and nothing to do with the jane fonda tape that she found and inspired her new career path. Oh, I see. And how long have you been doing this mode of exercise?

I have been doing it with my girlfriend now for five months. And have you seen results? Good question. Since I'm seeing him now, but I don't know what he looked like five months ago. Exactly. Okay. Well, how much would you think that I weigh now? Oh, boy.

240 pounds. Okay. Now, I can tell you right now now i used to weigh 215. i used to wait i i used to wait 215. i used to wait 215. but see this is the thing you know when somebody becomes a new trainer right you know they they're learning so they're like learning how to like the different foods and different things. Right. Of course. So, you know, just like in anything, it gets worse before it gets better.

Oh, well. Okay. When you're demolishing a house, you demolish a house to build a house. So similarly, I had to demolish my body in order to then get the body

that ultimately me and her want. Is this where, is this the body you want? Where you're at now or are you still on your way? No, no, no, no, no, no. I definitely want to get lower than what i was previously right so this is the demolition phase yes okay as of right now this is the phase this is like oh this is i've been bulldozed so what was she having you so what was she having you eat because generally you're going

to see a lot of weight gain from diet i mean like yes from some muscle gain but it doesn't sound like your workout is is weight training based yeah uh so what did she have you eating in the beginning what what is the diet she had you on um a lot of chicken fried because she says like baked is she's looking to say baked that she said well she wants to do something where like people can eat fried chicken and still get weight loss um she wants to do like she wants she's looking for a way to eat fried chicken and not gain weight you're saying yes because she said that she read up on this stuff that baked chicken is something that a lot of trainers and a lot of you know like movie stars and athletes eat to lean themselves and she's working on a way to then instead of eating baked chicken which she

says doesn't taste good at all okay and she's looking at a way to make fried chicken be just as healthy as baked chicken right okay and how is she what what steps has she taken to making this happen um i could tell you from the minute i met her she used to have really really good fried chicken and now her fried chicken is less spice filled but it still feels like it's maintaining all its grease so it's like eating fried chicken it's like eating worse tasting fried chicken but it's still getting all all the fat of the fried chicken right Right. So like fried chicken from a gas station. I would say no, because I've had a lot of good gas station fried chicken. All right.

And this new workout style fried chicken is not very tasty. Workout style, is that what she calls it? Yes. Workout style fried chicken. That has a ring to it. Right. Is she also on a similar diet as you are? No.

Okay. No, no, no, no, no. She continues to just maintain whatever she was doing before because as she says, I'm the trainer, not the trainee. Right. I see. Okay. Okay.

So it seems like, okay, but now, again, according to this post, you had reached for the 2% and she was saying, get the fat free. At some point, as you could see yourself gaining a lot of weight okay was she trying to reverse it now and is she about to change her diet to get you back down to where you want to be well still in the working phase i'm eating more eggs now and less fried chicken so that's definitely a different turn how many eggs a day would you say about 16 more than a dozen a lot yes okay that Okay. That's a lot of eggs. It is.

Well, because you eat four meals a day. You do, yes. On your, I mean, I don't. I don't either. No, what are the meals? Breakfast. Sure. Brunch.

Okay. Lunch. Dinner. Oh, okay. He has a breakfast and a brunch. dinner oh okay he has a breakfast and a brunch uh how these are all things that i didn't use to eat before i got healthy before i got healthy i didn't use to do this so speaking of speaking of health i i i i mean i have a bunch of questions i have two my two questions um let me ask this one and i don't mean this to be um i hope it doesn't sound

rude okay but is your girlfriend uh is she in very good shape is she healthy that's a good question um wow burnt oh well i can say this my girlfriend is a trainer. Right. Yep. Yes. Oh, okay. I think that's the end. That's the end of the question. Of the answer. Okay. How many, how many unfit trainers do you know?

I mean, I don't, I guess of all the trainers I've ever met, they've all seemed to be in good health. Good shape. You know, generally they look like I want to look if I'm, I'm, you know, if I've hired a trainer, you ever hired a trainer, Bert? Never hired one, but there was somebody that was telling me what to do for a while.

Was in a gym setting. I'm going to need you to elaborate. Well, I don't want to take time away from it. Oh, okay. So with that, I will say that, yes, I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is very fit. Okay. Because she is a trainer.

Yes. Like when I'm at home and I'm running on the treadmill and she's like watching me, you know, because she's training me. I'm running on the treadmill and she's like watching me you know because she's training me and in the moments where she's watching me train like run and maybe I've been running for like three minutes and she's like you know I'm gonna go take a nap watching you run is making me sleepy you know that's just because she herself is so fit it is like it's probably me doing it sloppy and it's like oh you're running so you know you're running so slow now i've never seen my girlfriend run right i've never seen her actually lift a weight i've never seen her do anything physical besides uh besides uh throw my clothes out of

the closet oh okay why did she do that because she she wanted to me to give me a sort of mental idea of these clothes aren't your clothes anymore. Right. These clothes are for the clothes that used to be you. You're going to get new clothes. So then we got smaller clothes for me. So as you can see, this old Buffalo Bills Super Bowl lost T-shirt is literally the only thing that I got that can fit me right now. Right. And it's pretty tight.

Yes. Very tight. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I've had it since I was a... It was my dad. It was my dad's shirt. Oh, wow. And he was smaller than you are now.

Yes, he was smaller than me. He was a small person. Yes, yes, yes. My dad was very tiny. Right. It was... They almost say like, are you sure that is your dad because you're significantly bigger than your dad oh when they would see you together like

did they think you were his father that kind of thing uh they did sometimes and then i'd be like well how do you explain the age stuff and everybody without fail 100 of the time this is never nobody has not said this when I brought that up. They have said Benjamin Button's disease. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. Now, I haven't seen the movie. Did they confirm it was a disease in the film?

Gosh, dang it. I haven't seen the movie either, babe. Because I've heard. You've seen Benjamin Button? I've heard the phrase Benjamin Button disease many times in my life. Me too. Did they call it a Benjamin Button disease in the movie? Benjamin Button.

Do they, or are we just now referring? I mean, his name was, like, did the doctor say, what's your name? And he says, Benjamin Button. We're going to name the disease after you. Sorry. Sorry, sir. Mr. Button. I did see it. You did see it? Oh, okay. Are you still waiting on that

answer? Oh, yeah. It's never too late. No statute of limitations on telling us if you've seen Benjamin Button. That's right. He gets smaller. No, we know. Okay, yeah, we know that. Oh, what don't you know?

If it's called Benjamin Button's disease in the film. Oh, I think it does not. But I only made it like a minute in. All right. So when you said you saw the movie. Yeah. We have a bad habit of everyone in this town watching movies only a minute in. Only a minute in.

Okay. So Skomar, I'm so sorry. Back to you. So, okay. So you've got these clothes. Here's what I want to know. This might be sort of like a shift. But we've been talking a lot about your girlfriend what's your girlfriend's name first of all

pamsy pamsy that's adorable it's a very sweet name pamsy and scowl yeah i think it's cute um we know what her thing is i want to know what your thing is well my thing is being a mold of clay for the love of my life oh real okay really okay do you have a job yes okay what do you do i am a professional trainee i am somebody who my girlfriend trains right um i used to have a job before i really took on this thing because i decided that in my life i wanted to be the most supportive person that I could be for somebody that I really cared about. A noble, a noble endeavor. I used to have a bunch of friends.

We all came up together. We all decided we were going to be hedge funds guys. And then we got this big contract and then we bankrupt the contract and everybody blamed it on me. So I've been blackballed from the hedge fund gang. So as of right now, I'm realizing the only person that I got is me and my girlfriend. So whatever she wants to do now, that's what I do. So let me ask you this. When you say you're a professional.

F Brian, by the way, F Brian. Oh, is that a little message to Brian? Yes. I'm just saying F him. In case he's listening. Yeah. Brian, F you. F you, Brian. You know who you are. You know which Brian you are. Oh, is that one of the guys? Is that a little message to Brian? Yes. I'm just saying F him. In case he's listening. Yeah. Brian, F you. F you, Brian.

You know who you are. You know which Brian you are. Oh. Were there a couple of Brians in the hedge fund gang? Yes. There was three Brians. Three Brians. But the Brian who knows, he knows what I'm talking about.

He knows. Okay. Were any of them with a Y? Oh, good question. Oh, the Brians? Yeah. One was B-R-I-A-N. One was B-R-I-A-N. One was B-R-E-N.

Oh. Okay. And the other one was not with a Y. It was B-R-I-N. Oh. Oh. Okay. All right. And, and,

okay, so this is my question. Is, Oh, so I should point out, I'm 34, by the way. Oh,

okay. I'm not a 35 to 45. I'm 34. Oh. So whoever wrote that, obviously, you don't. Oh,

I see. I see. Got it. Got it. Hans got that wrong, obviously, you don't. Oh, I see. I see. Got it. Hans got that wrong. 34 years old. And I'm barely 34. Like my birthday was only nine months ago. I wouldn't have even said.

I would have put you at like 32 at the highest. You look very good. Hey, thank Pamzy. Well, speaking of Pamzy. So you said earlier you're a professional trainee. Does that mean Pamzy is paying you to be the object of her training? Right now, I'm in the apprenticeship. Okay.

So while I do pay her as a trainer, full rate, like I said earlier, right now, she does not pay me to be trained. Because as she states, this is an opportunity for me to better myself learn discipline and also help somebody that she that that i love right okay all right so i just want to point that out that's why i came here i don't want it to feel like why does he keep talking about his girlfriend it's just that i feel like in that post like our relationship was slandered and in that my girlfriend was slandered Because in the time that we live in, anytime that a woman is telling a man something, you know, maybe a little bit more aggressive

than the average man wants to hear, all of a sudden, that woman is this, that woman is that. But I want everybody to know that Pamphie's a saint. And she's helping me. A saint, okay. I mean, I'll go with you on that. You're absolutely right about that, what you're talking about. That is so true. I mean, I'll go with you on that. You're absolutely right about that, what you're talking about.

That is so true. I have to say, though, given that some of the things you're telling us about what she's talking to you, sometimes it does sound a little harsh, but you just think that's tough love, that you're okay with that? Yeah, and the times that I cry about it

or think dark thoughts, stuff that I don't really want to speak on here. But just in the sense that it's like. Give us a little taste. Like I said. You're always pushing people to these things. I'm not going to talk about it here because that's just not. But at the same time.

One dark thought? You won't give us one dark thought? Not at all. Just let it go, Bert. I won't. I won't. Will you tell me after? I'm intrigued.

I mean, listen. I just want everybody. Like I said, I won't talk about it. But in those times where I feel like, oh, it'd be cool if I didn't wake up tomorrow. You ended up getting it anyway, Burns. Is that dark enough for you? I should have just waited. You know, that's just me then having to realize that I'm still mentally not strong enough you know can i this is i just feel this weird need to ask this are you afraid of pamsey sometimes no she's not he's looking around all around she's not here she's not here she's not here. I mean, what's your definition of afraid?

Well, what if we start with your definition of afraid? I know. The fact that you're checking your, your, your behind you looking around. Yeah. That,

that kind of already tells me because I would say definition of afraid of someone is that if I hear their name, I don't turn around to see if they're lurking behind me. Yes. I mean, I could have been looking for anything. Just give me one second. Patsy? Patsy, are you here? Patsy? Patsy, are you here? She's not here. She's not here, I promise. Sometimes she can be

a little bit intense. A little bit intense, sure. And if you don't know her, like, sure, sometimes you could feel that, wow, am I in danger with this woman? But I know her. Right, but could you give us an example? Because you're still saying you feel in danger. Me?

I didn't say that. Oh, okay. I guess you were saying we would feel like that. Okay, so give us an example of what we might find dangerous. Okay. What we might find dangerous. Okay. What we might find. Okay. So what we might find.

All right. Okay. So you two like sleep. Love it. The best. Okay. It's okay. All right.

Just so, so what sleep? I didn't realize that. I didn't realize that. Could take it or leave it. I don't know when I'm asleep realize that. I didn't realize that. Could take it or leave it. I don't know when I'm asleep or not. So. Sorry, Doug. Did you say you don't know when you're asleep?

Sorry, Skomart. We have to sort of ask questions about this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to derail. Yeah. I thought. Yeah, it's difficult for me to tell the difference sometimes. It's the lack of imagination thing, I think, coming out again.

Oh, right. Because you probably don't. I close my eyes. Because you think maybe you're dreaming right now. Maybe you think you're dreaming right now. Maybe. Because I'll close my eyes and see the exact same thing that I just saw before I close my eyes. So you close your eyes.

You just see the ceiling of the bedroom. And us sitting here and wow. And I open my eyes. And you're like, wow, same. It takes like half an hour

sometimes to realize, oh, I can, I can leave bed. I can, I can leave bed. All right. That explains why he just lays in bed

a whole lot. Right. Because it takes takes a while to realize he has permission to leave bed to leave bed skomar so sorry yeah we're so so sorry so wait a minute that's a good point so imagine that what is that one i want to point out so oh okay you can't you can't leave bed because you don't understand that you are awake right you're like oh i'm not awake so this isn't leave bedtime you don't know that yes you don't know so in bed you know and but you have to be up because your training session is at five

o'clock now pamsey won't be out there till seven but you have to get up at five oh you know and get ready get yourself all trained get yourself all stretched out you know start a pre-workout all this type of stuff make it for two hours yes okay um a lot of stress you know but so imagine you know maybe you had a late night you know maybe you're catching up on a couple episodes of cobra kai or whatever your your show of choice of course you know and five o'clock rolls around and you don't get up okay right the alarm is beeping pamsey walked into the room that she makes you sleep in on days that you have't get up okay right the alarm is beeping pamzy walked into the room that she makes you sleep in on days that you have to get up at five and your alarm is going and you're still asleep some people might find it dangerous how she hovers over you with the pillow oh and

then if you don't wake up she puts the pillow close to your face and when i say close i mean like on it right that's pretty close sure that's on that's on and she covers up your two nasal passages and your mouth passage right and she holds the pillow down over you and you're trying to like get out of this thing right and she holds the pillow down until you know there's like one more arm jerk left in your in your arm before you fully pass out right potentially die okay and that's a lesson to learn now some people might say that's dangerous i understand that that she's teaching me discipline i gotta get up at five i can't just let that clock keep going right like i'm disturbing her i'm disturbing her cats you know i'm disturbing her parakeet like i have to i have

they all in the special room with you and what is the special room that you have to sleep in when you have to get up five it's like a converted closet so it's bigger than a closet. It's like a walk-in closet, but square, not rectangle. Okay. Okay. Oh, yikes. Speaking of disturbing. How's it been converted from a closet? They took all the clothes out?

Yes. And then she took all the clothes out, and then she put a sleeping bag in the corner. Oh, so you're just doing a sleeping bag. Like an extra soft one. Right. Okay. All right. But how many times

has this pillow thing happened? I would say about four times a month I don't get up in time. That's, that's, that's too many

for that to happen. It's not that it may seem dangerous. That is dangerous. Correct. Is dangerous. I don't know anybody that wouldn't find that dangerous.

Yeah. Oh, you don't know Pamzy. Well, I don yeah oh you don't know pamzy well i don't i don't know pamzy but i do know pillows and faces and and and that is you can't do nasal passageways and mouth passage absolutely are you two like really highly trained athletes oh i mean i i am not no okay i mean so seemingly you don't know what it takes to make it you know and so i'm pretty sure if you got any highly trained athlete on here barry bond so they can say go well that's not what this podcast is really um you know uh you know any of the greats they would tell you that oh a trainer like that that's that dedicated it's only going to get you to the top one that almost kills you on a regular basis yeah we all know that saying what doesn't kill you could kill you in the future but if it doesn't kill you at

the time keep on moving okay there's another thing at play here at work, Skomar, and that is that none of these tactics seem to be working. Because for me, let's say the second time someone tried to smother me with a pillow. Okay. I would

never miss that alarm again. Right. Oh, I see. So first of all, the tactic is not responding he's not responding with a learned behavior of like not so mean but i will also argue that these tactics are not um fitness related uh true because it's just her smothering you i don't see how that increases your i mean maybe your lung capacity i don't know but. But not your athleticism, nor does berating you verbally. If you had told me that she took you out

and made you push a tire a bunch in the sun, I'd say, yeah, that sucks. But that's going to be, I mean, you love Cobra Kai, right? So you remember all those Karate Kid. I've never seen the show. I just use it as a reference. Okay. Karate Kid. I've never seen the show. I just use it as a reference. Okay. Sorry.

Yeah, I've never seen the show. I've seen it. Well, did you see Karate Kid? You know, the one that the actual original. Oh, yeah. With Jaden Smith? Loved it. Well, that's fine.

Yes, that's great, too. Because that's Karate Kid. Do you say Karate Kid or Karate Kid? Oh, you mean the Karate Kid? Yeah. Now I don't even know. It's like a Berenstain thing. Now I don't know what it is.

You just tricked my brain. I think I've always said The Karate Kid. Oh, you're talking about, oh, I thought you meant to say The Karate Kid or Karate Kid. You're asking where the emphasis is. Yes. The Karate Kid. Yeah, I put it on roddy i think that makes more sense because that it's describing the type of kid he is right as opposed

to he's not a gun flinger sorry scomar i feel like i've been saying it wrong this whole time and i apologize you say the karate kid i say the karate kid that is very interesting i'm an interesting fellow so so okay let's get back to karate kid and all of the training right that he has to do that kind of stuff i'm sorry i've only seen like the first minute of that i went to the theater this is this whole thing people need to really stick with something uh all right well then yeah rocky you ever seen? It's about a boxer? Oh, yes. Sorry. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Sometimes, I'm going to be honest with you. Okay. I don't think it's related to the pillow stuff, but some of my friends, quote unquote, they say that maybe I've lost some brain cells over the last few months. Oh, dear.

So sometimes it's hard for me to remember things right off the bat. Oh no. Who knows? What do they know? What do they know? Your friends are saying some of the lack of oxygen

on so many occasions could perhaps have had some long lasting effects. I think your friends are trying, they're probably concerned about you. No.

No, my friends are trying to stab me in the back. If someone's going to stab me in the back, I'm guessing right now it's going to be Pamsi. It kind of seems that way. Well, then that just means I wasn't quick enough to block her.

Oh, Skomar. That's a lesson. I think... Are there any of these training exercises that she makes you do that you enjoy? Yes. I mean, listen.

There's a lot of exercises that you do that's just part Yes. Yeah. I mean, listen. Yeah, there's a lot of exercises that, you know, that you do that's like, that's just part of the game. You know, I don't crave it, but you know, you just have to do it

to be able to achieve the goals that you want. But then there are some that are very fun. There are some that is very fun. Okay. Can you name one? Yes.

Sometimes, Pamzy makes me run all the way to New Barn to get a pie that they make in New Barn City. And then when I come back with the pie, she lets me watch her eat it. The whole thing. She lets me watch her eat it. Now, New Barn is 15 miles away.

Those pies are huge. And the they're famous for having oversized pies new people don't know new barn pies they're famous for being essentially a pie and two quarters sized it's almost it's almost three pies and so you have to run not only run all the way. And so you have to run, not only run all the way there, but then you have to run back holding one of those pies. And they classically come out piping hot. Piping hot. Piping hot. Yeah.

And so, I mean, that's quite a feat. But it also seems like a lot. And then you don't get to eat any of the pie? That just seems. Well, that's not the, you know, because that's not the point of the exercise you know so i run there so yeah i go all the way to new board and you must run both ways i must run both ways now she didn't say how much of a break i can take in between the two i was gonna say right and she's not following you right that's for me there you go you know so sometimes i can be oh you know and hope she's not listening so i can be like oh man looks like the bridge the bridge was it was clogged so i couldn't run right away

or whatever like um but that is true and you had to get to new barn there's like there's like 14 bridges that you have to go over yes they do get clogged they get clogged all the time the most clogged bridges in the area our infrastructure is a real mess ever since we drained that lake i don't even need the bridges anymore getting of the end so okay um so you'll take a little break but then you still do have to buy the pie and then yeah i have to buy the pie and then I have to run back with my hands over my head holding the pie up. And when I run there, I have to run with my hands up

because it's a training to be like, all right, so you're ready to run with the pie. You're just a man running on the road with his hands up, just running at top speed. That must be quite a sight. Looking as if something is chasing you. Correct. Like a supernatural creature perhaps.

Yes, yes. I look like any, if you've ever seen. Correct. Like a supernatural creature, perhaps. Yes. Yes. I look like any, if you've ever seen the show Scooby-Doo, I look like any time that Shaggy and Scooby are scared to death and they run out of a room or a car or a building or something. I'm running like that. So my legs literally looks like a circle. Yeah, a circle. I hate to ask this, but is there any, are there any consequences if the pie comes back a little road damaged from being jostled about? I mean, I will say this.

There has been one time that maybe the pie didn't come back as pristine as it was when I got it. Right. that maybe the pie didn't come back as pristine as it was when i got it right and you know oh take your time i'm afraid i know you shouldn't be afraid because this was a life lesson for me right every time he says it's a lesson it's not good every time i look down at my stomach and i see the stitches i know oh whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. I can't, you know, I can't make a mistake. I can't let this pie fall. Skomar, I, look, we've never met. I don't know your life.

I think you have to get out of this relationship. I do too. It's terrifying. And I hate to say it, but I swear I just saw someone walk past us. No. Yes, I just saw someone in the backyard. Could you describe Pamsey, what she looks like?

Yes. Pamsey, she is about 5'5". Her right arm is way bigger than her left. Like visibly. It's noticeable right away. Right away. Okay. Right away.

Right. Right away. Okay. I don't even know if we need any more than that. I think that's it. But you know what? But maybe you're too all right.

Maybe, maybe I should get out of this relationship. Yes. I don't think there's a maybe to it. No, you 100% should. I think you need to. I think I will. I'm going to have to tell her tonight that her and I are no longer a couple.

Okay. And that she's only my trainer. No. Score. Oh, my goodness. Thank you two for really no no no i can't date her anymore we just don't because honestly i felt like romantically we just have been we've just been drifting apart right right you know ever since the training started uh well if the training started on the first no because I would say the training started on the

first and we started falling apart around the third so I don't think I don't think it's too correlated and you've been doing this for five months yes good lord so yeah I think you know what so I think yeah I mean do you do you fear any consequences from firing her as your trainer? Well, that's not what's on the table right now. So I don't fear it. Would you consider that? I mean, if I gave it another, if I gave it a full year and I didn't see results, then sure. Then maybe something to think about.

Well, I mean, after five months, you've gained 25 pounds. And you've suffered an attempt on your life. That's right. How many times? 20 times.

And she threw out all your clothes. Right. To motivate me. Okay. Right. Do you feel motivated? I'm sorry,

but do you feel motivated by any of these things? It's a good question. Well, I think motivation is subjective, for sure.

So, I think, yeah. Like, if I, like, if the idea is being like, I want to get this pie back

in condition because I want to live. Right. Motivation. That's, you're right, that's not the kind of motivation that is a positive. That's just

survival is what that's called. That's just survival. That's not motivation. I'm going to tell you that anytime we've asked you a direct question about, you know, do you think this is harmful? Do you think, are you scared of Pamsey? Whatever. Those are questions. These are direct questions that you have always said, well, what have you

considered this or whatever? I think you're trying to hide something not just from us, but from yourself. Sure. Or also, that's probably the answer she gives him, too. You know, he's using this sort of like circular speak. I think you're right. I think you're right. So I think that you, do you have a friend you could stay with tonight?

I mean, I guess I could text Brian, B-R-I-N. Do you have a friend you could stay with tonight? I mean, I guess I could text Brian, B-R-I-N. Oh, he's a good one. Yeah, he's a good one. He's the one that I'm still the most connected with. He's the one that, you know, if Pamsi took too much melatonin and she's, like, going to be sleeping for a while, that I can really sneak on and sneak on to the old PS4 and,

you know, play online with my friend. Right. I mean, if I was brave enough, I would sneak in and play her PS5, but

I haven't worked my way up to that yet. Oh, so you live together? Yes. And she has her own game console that she doesn't allow you to touch? Yes.

It's probably special for her big arm. Yes. She keeps it her own game console that she doesn't allow you to touch. Yes. It's probably special for her big arm. Yes. She keeps it in my room. I assume if she has a big arm, she has a big hand, right? One big hand? So you think she has... Well, that wouldn't affect the console itself, but maybe the controller.

Sorry, that's what I was thinking. If she had a Switch, yes, for sure. Those are tiny. You'd need like a Switch with one. I'm just picturing a whole car i don't know i just yeah it's tricky it's tricky it's fun to think about though i i think that what you should do is you should leave you should text your friend bright hyphen n and i think you should go straight to his home and i think you should uh not see pansy for a while. And don't tell her where you're going.

Oh, absolutely not. No communication with her tonight. Okay. But what if she stops by his house? I mean, it is her brother. Oh. Oh, dear. I don't, you know. I mean, can you trust him to say, you know, Skomar's not here?

Terrible liar. Okay. Brian's one of them. He's like, but that's why he's one of the good ones, because I know he will never lie to me. But also that means he will never lie to anybody else. Right, right, right, right. It's going to work.

Okay, well, I mean, best of luck to you. We end up saying that a lot to people on here, don't we? But we really mean it, Skomar. I think you need to get out of that environment so that you can see new ways you can be treated, you know, so that you can have one night's sleep where you don't wake up with a pillow in your face, so that you can be motivated in in a positive way uh and

i i really i really do wish you the best and i hope that you stay safe okay but if anyone sees him in the trader joe's first of all make sure he's okay sorry trader joe i can be i can i can dream i know uh If anyone sees you, now we maybe know a little bit more about you. First of all, check and see if Skomar needs help. Yes, exactly. Well, you won't see me at the Trader Joe because I was banned from there.

You were banned from there? Why? Well, because anytime that a woman is yelling at a man, people assume that something that the man did. Sure. So Pamsey can go in there all she wants,

but my face is plastered all over the thing as a don't let in, a don't let in situation. Just because someone yelled at you. Yikes. But she was,

she was yelling pretty aggressively. Right. And when I, and I'm saying yelling, but I mean to say she was motivating me pretty aggressively.

Okay. Okay. Before I let you go, is there anything that you would like to say to Hans, who made the original post? What I would like to say is you shouldn't just go around posting stuff if you don't know all the facts, you know? And so I'm glad I came on here to be able to clear up my ex-girlfriend's name.

That's going to get, I got to get used to saying that. Yeah. Yeah. But good for you. I mean's going to get, I got to get used to saying that. Yeah. Yeah. But good for you. I mean, it kind of, I thought it sounded very natural. Yeah.

Yeah. They clear my ex-girlfriend's name, but my current trainer. No. And that's good. And, you know, and if you see somebody

and you think they actually need some help, maybe say something. That's right. To them. Maybe, you know, maybe ask them. You know, maybe go up to them, you know, actually need some help, maybe say something to them. Maybe, you know, maybe ask them, right.

You know, maybe go up to them, you know, while, you know, their girlfriend is like, well, I'm going to go grab some eggs real quick while you take a look at these

vegan waffles. And then, you know, maybe say, yeah, is everything all right? Or so it's because they can then tell you like, yeah,

it's all fine. I'm in training mode. And then now you don't have to do your little Twitter, your thumb thing. You know, it's correct. That's very good point i mean what was hans's aim really just to tell a stupid story without without any kind of just gossip that's all it was what was he expecting what was he expecting what what were people supposed to say exactly oh i i i hans is bad as pamsey as far as I'm concerned. That's right.

They should join forces. One final question, Skomar. What makes a waffle vegan? Apparently, it has no meat in it. We looked at the back of the ingredients and it has no meat in it. And what brand of waffles would you use?

Vegan waffles. That's what it said at the top. Oh, okay. It just said vegan waffles. All right. Okay, I don't know as much about veganism as I should perhaps, so I was just wondering.

Well, I think the actual title is Vegan Joe Waffles, you know, because it's one of their lines where they'll have... Oh, it might not even be vegan food. Right. It's just one of the personas of Joe. Right.

All right. Well, Skomar, thank you for coming on. Yes. And I really hope that you are able to move on. Yeah. I hope so, too. Okay. Hey, what do I do with this physical script?

Like, I got somebody... Do you want it signed? He actually sent him a physical script with brads and everything. He didn't even send him a file. Do I want it signed? No. What do I place it? You can just leave it here. You can just leave it here. Don't worry about it. We're in that blue trash can outside.

Great. Okay. All right. Well, take care, Skomar, and we'll be right back after a break. Hey, everybody. This is Erin. Bag of plastic utensils free. Mix of forks, spoons, and knives. Porch pickup free. I will never have the need for a single utensil ever again. I am, as you can see, there's a whole bunch here. I ordered a ton of takeout in my life. I don't even have any real cutlery. So I am just gonna eat with my hands.

I am making the commitment in the new year to go utensil free. It's just too many sharp, pointy things in my life. Too many complications, just too many edges. And I just don't need, I don't need the clutter. You know what I mean? A lot of people are doing this. This is a new movement. I'm the first that I know of. So I guess I'm a pioneer. So anyways, why don't you come and get this so that I can cut these utensils out of my life? Thank you. these utensils out of my life.

Thank you. Look at us doing it right away. That was what a chilling tale from Skomar. Oh my gosh. I'm going to, that one's going to stick with me for a little while. I'm going to worry about him a little bit, I think.

You know what? I'm not. And I'll tell you why. Because we really tried to make him see reason and he just refused. And the fact that he was willing to break up with her as a romantic partner but insisted on he was going to continue paying her as the

charlatan therapist. I know. Fried chicken is not healthy food. It's never going to be. No, no. Do you want one of those pies now? I want one of those pies too. Oh boy, they're good. They're good. No, they don't deliver. You know,

they're huge pies and they make you pick it up. I know. It's like unless you have a hatchback, there's no way to do it. So true. But anyways, we haven't had one in a while and it would be nice to go out and have a New Barn pie. I haven't been out to New Barn in such a long time.

I used to go there all the time as a kid. I used to go and watch the races and... Skomars. Is that Patsy out there? Pamsy? Yes, yes. Her arm is huge. It's huge.

It's almost dragging on the ground. I didn't think it would be that much bigger than the other arm. It really is like a whole other body. Anyways. What's your favorite new barn pie? Oh, I was going to ask you that. That's so funny. I like the maple bacon.

I like the maple bacon. I like that one. It's like apple, but with avocado on top. That's right. Their flavors are really outside the box. Yeah. Some people put cheese on an apple pie and they put just a little dollop of avocado. I like the Starburst flavor.

Oh, yeah. That's fun where they put the melt Starburst on top. It's so hard to eat, though. It's so hard to eat. Because when they solidify again, they re-solidify. It's basically just one big starburst on the top. Oh, yeah. I miss newborn. I should go

back. But you were saying the races? Yeah, the turtle races. Yes, yes. They were famous for the turtle races. And they would inject the turtles with methamphetamine, we found out. This is terrible. It was terrible. It was terrible. And I didn't know anybody. I was just a young guy.

And I thought it was fun. I'd take a date there or whatever. And then just seeing these turtles just out of their minds, just running, climbing the walls. And they would balance a pie on the, on their shell. And that was the other thing is that they had to keep it. If it fell off, they lost.

Yes. And of course, most of the time it did because these turtles are out of their minds on meth. But every once in a while you get one that could do it. Every once in a while you could, well, well,

that's, there was a lot of dark chapters in our town here. So especially surrounding animals, you know, because we didn't respect turtles like we should no we sure didn't we sure didn't it's too bad um and there was a bounty on them for a while what was up with dignity falls and the our bounties on animals i think it's the people that settled here and uh they they were very fearful and uh and vengeful people

at trader joe they still put the wanted signs up you know they have one for bounties and all that yeah doug's always loved a wild west theme always sure always has uh you know here's what i thought was funny they would have on the wanted posters for the for the turtles they would have the front and side view. I mean, come on. It's just any turtle. Any turtle. In terms of the brine with the hyphen,

you know, that gave me a good idea. Maybe the name for my show should be R-E-A-L hyphen T-Y. And so you kind of, your brain kind of makes a sound when it sees the hyphen so that it ends up being real. Lit T, something like that. Where the I sound comes from. makes a sound when it sees the hyphen so that it ends up being real lit tea, something like that. Like where the sound comes from. Well, it just, the hyphen makes it.

Do we have a one last post? Just the, yes, we do. All right. So this, this comes from someone named Romy. Burnt, you're gonna, I mean, this is something else. Let's break this down.

Romy says, is that part of the, nope, sorry, Burnt, you're going to love this. This is not part of the post. Romy says, I'm curious to know what people mean when they post quote, looking for a reliable electrician at a reasonable price to fix a wiring problem in my kitchen. End quote. Romy wants to know what that means. I mean, it's all there. Does Romy think that there's some sort of like side business going on or that this is like a, like a side speak for something else untoward going on?

This is like an urban dictionary situation where yes maybe they've taken a an absolutely reasonable phrase and then it comes to mean something completely different but an entire phrase yes but he's hearing teens say this hey i'm looking for a reliable what is it reliable electrician at a reasonable price this sounds like something a gen z person would ask what that means right like. They'd be like, what? I don't understand any of these words. What are wires? Wiring, electrician, kitchen. Exactly.

Reasonable. I'm just kidding. I was getting carried away. Oh, sure. Okay. But really, that just sounds like such a boring adult sentence that maybe Romy is a young person going, what does it mean? Or do you think Romy is someone who's been ripped off by so many electricians for so much money yeah that he is he's trying to be ironic here and saying like there's no such

yes it could be heavily it does have a sarcastic tone you know uh but this is it's just kind of wild to me because I again I don't this is one of those posts where I don't know what you're expecting in terms of comments well because you're either going to get a bunch of other sarcastic people that think it's a joke and they're just gonna i guess do a play on this people throw in like that yeah so you can find them at the dodo bird sanctuary did it help when i leaned in okay he leaned in and he adjusted his glasses up and down did i do that yes did you not even realize well i only wear these for reading i didn't realize i put them on didn't even realize sorry i mean you i you forgot i i've maybe i've missed mustache to you and miss

glasses to you no i'm wearing reading glasses of course yeah so i mean listen i don't know but i've now now it's gonna make me think when i read something innocuous like this well what does it mean are they being intensely ironic yeah or does this mean something else looking for a quote-unquote reliable quote-unquote electrician or is it do they think that it's like maybe Looking for a quote unquote, reliable quote unquote electrician. Or is it all in quotes? Do they think that it's like maybe looking for a threesome? Or an affair? Wait,

do you think that it is? I don't know. Is that what this person means? Oh, because you know, did you see, did you see that show called Better Call Saul? And when somebody wants to disappear.

How much have you watched of it? I've seen the first minute. I'm joking. Of course. I've seen, I've seen the whole thing. Oh, I haven't seen the first minute. I'm joking, of course. I've seen the whole thing. Oh, I haven't seen the whole thing. I know that when somebody wants to disappear, they call up this place and they say, I'm looking for this part for this vacuum.

Oh, right. But it's a front for helping people disappear. Of course, making someone disappear. So that's what they worry this is. Maybe this person has seen too many television shows. Maybe, or maybe Romy is, you know, ruining someone's business by, you know, exposing them. Oh, gosh. I mean, listen, if she thinks that there's a dark underbelly to Dignity Falls, she might not be wrong.

It's a shame because Skomar could use uh a complete new identity uh and location and maybe he should be asking for a reliable electrician to wire his kitchen for a fair rate yeah honestly the more i look at it now i think this sentence is extremely suspicious yeah romey's onto something i think so follow the money romey well if anyone has any thoughts about that let us know and if anyone wants to share sure what if you have any thoughts about anything we've said let us know usually people just do that anyway this is the first time it's ever been encouraged. I don't know. I feel like I have a real friendship with,

I've met some of these listeners now. I know. It's very nice, isn't it? On the street, in the park. Yes. Yes. And I feel a real sense of community sort of starting to begin. Beginning.

I ran into someone, someone at the pharmacy. Well, they ran into me because I was working there. And they were coming to pick up some eczema medication. And they said, hey, I love the show. Be sure to tell Joan I was front row every night for her performance of Gypsy and the Sound of Music. No. Yes. Are you serious?

Yeah. Oh, that fills my heart with joy. That's so nice. It was a big fan. Oh, isn't that sweet? I would love to do that again do you still have the time of reboots we could always just reboot that one is the time of reboots joan is do you still have the costume or would you get a new costume oh of course i have the costume okay and both sides are holding up pretty well both sides are pretty well let's see uh yes i'd say that the that the maria side holding up better. Because that's very easy. That's just the habit.

Exactly. Right? Exactly. But the other side is like a boa that's looking a little bit tired. Yeah. Boy, when they start to lose their freshness, they look bad. Just the saddest thing. Yeah, it's like a dying bird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty sad. Just a thread bear. I guess you say feather bear boa. You know, I worry about big birds sometimes. Do you? Because, well, sometimes it seems like some of those feathers are,

they're not going to stay on for long. And I wonder, like, is he, is this an intentional choice or is big bird in need of a refresh? I didn't know you thought about big birds so much, bird. I think about them every day. Well, there you have it, folks. Bird thinks about big bird every day. Well, listen listen if you would like to send us uh a post we may have listened on the neighbor

app uh screenshot it and send it to burnt and joan at gmail.com and we'll read your name on the air as well as the post uh and i think that's about it right i think so too. Babe, you got anything? Wow. I can't see him, but it sounded like Doug was miles away. He's halfway to New Barn. If you see me... Think about that starburst pie. That starburst pie is on my brain. If you see me on the street,

just don't touch my receding neckline. That's been a thing. What? You guys have nice interactions with our listeners. Well, because we've talked about Doug's receding neckline.

They tickle it or something. Oh, that's rude. Don't do that. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. He's very self-conscious about it. Well, even if he wasn't, don't do it.

Exactly. Don't touch people. Just don't touch people. I do know that people feel they know us in that way. That's right. But, you know,

just keep your hands to yourself. All right. All right, let's go get that pie, babe. All right. That does it for this edition of Almost at Dignity Falls, but that's not the name.

It's called The Neighborhood Listen. And we'll be back next week. And until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode are real only some geographical specifics have been changed the neighborhood listen is executive produced and hosted by me paul f tompkins and me nicole parker our producers

are brett morris and judith cargbo the show is engineered by brett morris who also plays doug skomar was played by ronnie The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.