The Neighborhood Listen - Food or Feet w/ Jiavani

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Burnt regales Joan with stories of gigging for frogs as a boy scout, while Doug explains why he attempted to take out a PPP loan. Plus, special guest Carlo (Jiavani) explains why his mother thinks he and his friend Josh are freeloaders. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHalf app and us, Bert, and Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.

Welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that takes a look at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls and its inhabitants, who are all very interesting people, if I may say. My name is Burnt Mia Payday. I am one of your hosts, along with... Joan Pedestrian. And let me just say, Burnt, that was the smoothest intro we have had in forever. It truly was, and i don't know what i want to give you a standing ovation no joan please i wish you would take your seat please take your seat at the kitchen that got me that was fantastic i don't know how it happened

but maybe it'll happen again did you hear that butter i i think i did hear that, babe? Who has butter? I think I did hear that. Yeah, sorry. I think he did. Yeah. Oh, oh. You are the engineer, so if you didn't hear it. Are you in the cave today, babe? I'm trying to just do all visual engineering. Is he where? In the cave? The cave.

Yeah, it's just a cave. It's not a room in the house. No, we just dug down, and he wanted a cave. He wanted like a- Well, it sounds like a hole. No, it's like the Indianaiana jones ride have you ever been on that burn to disneyland have you ever been to disneyland you know i've i've been to disneyland once i uh got through the entrance i was overwhelmed and i turned right around and left

how old were you uh 22 i thought i could handle it but did you go by yourself? I went by myself. So you just took a trip? I just took a trip. You went to Canada's mainland? It's a very expensive ticket to just walk out. Hey, don't think I wasn't aware of that. I wish you had just gone and taken a look before buying a ticket. I asked for my money back and I said,

hey, you know what? I can't handle this. Can I get my $130 back? What was it you couldn't handle? Just the sights, the sounds, the smells. It was everything. Just the joy, the popcorn, the train. I walk in, you know, you see that big flower arrangement.

And I was like, I just started imagining all the people that worked on it. The flowers put you off. That was the beginning of it. Wow. That was the tip of the spear. Oh, burnt. This is the saddest story I've ever heard about the happiest place on earth. I hear it's fun.

It is fun. Well, anyways, they have this ride. And actually, I think it's kind of like you wanted it to be half Pirates, half Anita Jones. Right, babe? That's right. Right. So the line, both. Two favorites.

Both. Those are his favorites. He loves the cave rides. What does that mean he wants it to be half? Okay, so there's this ride. You've heard the movies, Pirates of the Caribbean, Caribbean, however you want to say it. I prefer Caribbean. So do I.

It's more fun to say Caribbean. It is more fun to say Caribbean. But Caribbean food. I know. Caribbean is more appropriate, I suppose. But anyhow. Not for pirates. They're famously inappropriate.

And so that's an underground ride at Disneyland. You go on and you're basically in the cave for like a long time. You go on this cave. Well, yeah, it's like in a cavern, if you will. OK, it's a cave slash cavern. I don't know what makes a cave a cavern. I don't know what makes a cavern a cave. My darling Clementine in a cavern.

And he's got stalactites and stalagmites, you know, you gotta have them. You gotta have them both. Stalagmites might be above you. Yes. Stalactites hold tight to the ceiling. Again,

you should have made it into the park because you would have seen a bunch of stalagmites and stalactites. So we've got those. Just look up. There they are. Or look down. What is that?

Stalactites hold tight to the ceiling. Stalagmites might be above you. Oh, I got it wrong. Wow, that happened fast. Wait, so they're both on the ceiling? Yes. Oh, but you know what? I know, but there's a ride

where they have them coming up from the bottom. Oh, no. There is. Those are just cones. Like safety cones? Yeah. So the ride was broken. It's the bottom. Oh, no. There is. Those are just cones. Like safety cones? Yeah. So the ride was broken. It's not a stalag anything.

So Thunder Mountain was broken when I saw that? Not a stalag anything. It's a stalag anything. Stalag neutral. It's a stalag not. Is that a t-shirt? I beg your pardon? Well, you know, sometimes when people say fun things on a podcast, they say, that's a t-shirt.

Oh, right, right, right. I've always wanted to do that. What would the t-shirt be? Would it just be stalagmots? It would just say stalagmots. Just like a, just an orange cone. Yeah. That's what it would be.

That's all you need. Were the stalagmots from Land of the Lost? They were those lizard creatures? Yeah. You mean the Sleestacks? Sleestacks! What a great name. It was a great name.

Sleestack. Yeah, just a bunch of people in green outfits. Yes. Just sloshing around. They didn't have enough to go around. And I was terrified of them as a child. They were terrifying. Terrifying.

Remember the one wore a nice tunic? Is that right? Yes. I would like a nice tunic. We call him the Mitch McNutt of the Sleestacks. Oh, Mitch McNutt. Turtle neck and tunic. Is that right? Yes. I would like a nice tunic. We call him the Mitch McNutt of the Sleestacks. Oh, Mitch McNutt. Turtleneck and tunic. TNT. Alright, now I don't know how we got so off topic,

but he's in the cave. He's in the cave. Not the wine cave. No, of course not. No, that's different. This is an actual cave where like he's putting in bat sounds, you know. He's putting in bat sounds. Yeah he's putting in bat sounds yeah again the wine cave had bats but this is a real bats in the wine cave fake bats in the real like the old say real bats for the wine cave fake bats for the real cave that's the way of saying someone's

not mentally well that's what really no that's just the old dignity falls way of saying someone's not mentally well that's what really no that's just the old dignity falls way of saying it that's right it used to be bats in the belfry that's right right but at dignity falls we say we say real bats in the wine real bats in the wine cave fake bats in the real cave and that's a shirt that's a shirt that's absolutely a shirt absolutely shirt front back hey we sold shirts how did they do do you know i don't know but we did anyone ever buy one we had a shirt of the of the famous uh billboard that welcomes you to dignity falls of a of a of a old a minor jeremiah jordan type who's jeremiah jordan jeremiah Jeremiah Jordan's my friend from college.

Jeremiah Johnson is the Robert Redford character. He's become such a meme now. He's a meme. Everyone thinks it's Zach Galifianakis, but it's Robert Redford. Is that right? Yes. And if you were Zach Galifianakis, don't you feel great? I think so. People are saying, oh, I thought you were.

That's a young Robert Redford. I thought Robert Redford was you for a second. We wouldn't want to hear that. He had covered in a lot of hair and an entirely fur suit. That's right. But yes, and it's him wrestling a bear. And that's our welcome to Dignity Falls as you drive in. And as you drive out.

Yes, it's a miner and a bear charging at each other. Yes. They're looking out at the viewer. Yes. Taking the time to look out at the viewer. Correct. To welcome you. To welcome you, yes.

Even though they're very, they're about to be locked in combat. In the middle of battle, yes. And then when you leave town, of course, the sign is the bear at the viewer. Correct. To welcome you. To welcome you, yes. Even though they're very, they're about to be locked in combat. In the middle of battle, yes. And then when you leave town, of course, the sign is the bear and the miner with their arms around each other in, you know, with the aftermath of the battle,

the miner's guts are falling out. Correct. His intestines are spilling out of his open wounds. Uh-huh. And the sign says, that's Dignity Falls for you. That's Dignity Falls for you.

That's what we say. And they're beautiful shirts. I think they're gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. And I don't know that we've ever sold a single you. That's Dignity Falls for you. That's what we say. And they're beautiful shirts. I think they're gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. And I don't know that we've ever sold a single one. Let us know if you've purchased a shirt. Send us pictures. I've been trying to fold them in the merch room,

and it's taken a while. What does that mean, Doug? So people have bought them or they haven't bought them? I think they have bought them. They're on back order. And they're waiting for you to fold them bought them. I think they have bought them. They're on back order. And they're waiting for you to fold them. Right. I have to ship them out.

Doug and I went on an Alaskan cruise a couple years ago. Congrats. Thank you. It was a big deal. It was a big bucket list item. And he could not get enough of what those people, what people on a cruise do when they're cleaning the rooms. They make little animals out of the towels.

Absolutely, I've heard of this, yes. Doug thought that was the greatest thing in the world. I mean, he'd rush through dinner to get home and see what they did. On the Alaskan cruise, do they do any sort of Alaskan animals? Oh, sure. They're giving you a seal. They did a whale. But these are all,

I feel like these would be on regular cruises, but on the Alaskan cruise, is there anything, you know, specific to Alaska? Why couldn't they do a moose on a Caribbean or Caribbean cruise? Well, why would they do a moose there?

Because it's a whole entire week. I mean, you run out of animals. I mean, they did. I don't think that they're thinking thematically but i guess that they should i guess that they should it wasn't really a family cruise yes i think i'm asking why on the alaska cruise they wouldn't do a moose but then you brought up the the caribbean cruise and i thought you thought they would do a moose there. Here's why. Okay.

I took the kids, just me, on a Disney cruise with another mom friend. And that was in the Caribbean. Now the kids were Jollibee and Matt and Kaboosh. And the twins, Matt and Kaboosh, yes. Yes. And they loved it then. But Doug hadn't gotten to experience the towel situation. Now on a Disney cruise, they were doing all sorts of magical animals. It had nothing to do because it's for kids characters to choose from of course uh but a frog a frog yes or a moose you know the flying carpet from aladdin

that'd be so easy just lay it out there yeah uh but the alaskan cruise wasn't a family themed cruise. So I think that's possibly why, you know, they weren't so back on the towels. They pull back on the whimsy a little bit. Well, Alaska is a rough place.

Well, it's not for the week. Did they allow you to shoot wolves from the boat? What? What are you talking about? Well, I know they do. What do you think happens on cruises?

I know they do helicopter hunting of wolves where you can go up in a helicopter. Yes. Oh, I don't like that at all. I don't like that. It sounds very unsporting. How did you,

how did you even hear about that? Uh, I think it was because of, uh, the, uh, uh, vice presidential hopeful Sarah Palin was doing it.

Well, that's not a surprise. It made the national news. Did you ever hunt burnt? When I was a kid, I remember in the scouts, and it was not the Boy Scouts, just the scouts. Oh, just the scouts. Yes, which was at Dignity Falls,

unique to Dignity Falls. We were not affiliated with the Boy Scouts. No, no, no, it was an option. Everybody was welcome. Nobody wanted to do it. So it was me and three other kids and uh they gave us a 98 year old man i believe a 90 yeah there's no they did they forgot to put any kind of age range yes because he said anyone yeah so there's a 90 how old you said 98 98 year old man that's

what you said there was a six month old child yes um that just got dropped off every day oh boy i mean daycare is expensive daycare is expensive scouts are free scouts are free daycare that was their motto scouts are free daycare is expensive scouts are free that's right they put it in latin on the sash and um uh uh yeah so we would hunt we would go gigging we would go uh looking for frogs. Gigging? That's what it's called? Yes. Oh, that's so cute. I thought you meant you were like hanging out at coffee shops and doing poetry.

Slam poetry? Mm-hmm. Do you remember years ago, The Gap had a commercial where they had a slam poet? They had some poet on the stage. Oh, I think I remember that. Here's what I remember. He said, sky fits heaven, so ride it. Mother fits child, so hold your baby tight.

And the face they adorn. And then something about the jeans. You remember a lot more than I thought you were going to say. I used to remember the whole thing. You just launched it in. You're like, you were quoting Yates. I used to, you know, I'm ashamed of this now, but when I was a young man, I used to use it on dates.

You did not, Bert! I'd pretend it was my own, yes. Oh my gosh. I'm ashamed of this now, but when I was a young man, I used to use it on dates. You did not, Bert! I'd pretend it was my own, yes. Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. I just love that you were on a date once. It worked like a charm. Well, I mean, you know, I'm not, I'm not. Don't. Thank you, Doug.

I'm just saying, I'm having a hard time getting him out there in the world now. I wasn't meaning to be insulting. I'm so sorry if'm having a hard time getting him out there in the world now I wasn't meaning to be insulting I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings no it's like when I was younger of course

I played the field I like envisioning a young virile burnt out you know plagiarizing a gap ad to get some action absolutely

and it worked like a charm like every there was not a woman who could resist it and one man and one man so when you were at the scouts you would go gigging

for frogs yes we would look for frogs and then uh we would catch them and then we would cook and eat them oh my wow and and the flower beds at disneyland were too much for you no frogs in those though true oh i would have i would have killed to see a frog poking his head out there i would have known everything was all right. Oh, wow. And then you would have eaten him, I guess. Well, not now. No, not now.

We were, this was an imperative. No, I understand. You needed the protein. You were in survival mode. I don't just see any frog. You just don't willy-nilly bite a head off. Ozzy Osbourne style. I just love frogs. You do love frogs. Are there frogs in the cave, babe? I think there should be. I love, I just love frogs. You do love frogs. Are there frogs in the cave, babe?

I think there should be. I would love to have a few. I'm thinking about a Caribbean moose. That's all I can think about now. I think we should put that in the cave. Over the sea. Oh yeah, that's why we were even talking about that.

Why were we talking about the towels? Oh, I know, because that's how he's trying to fold the t-shirts in the merch room. He's trying to fold them like different animals. Right. To ship to customers. No, he just wants to store them thatshirts in the merch room. He's trying to fold them like different animals. Right, to ship to customers.

No, he just wants to store them that way in the merch room. That seems unpractical or impractical. I mean, have you met my husband? We have two caves in our house, Burnt. Vastly different sizes. That's the issue you have. Vastly different sizes. Yeah.

The shirts are we talking about? No, the caves. I mean, this cave I'm in right now is basically the size of my body. I think also the fact that we offer the shirts only in 4XL and XS is probably a hindrance. That's too much of a range.

Yeah, too much of a range. Well, I guess we should take a break because we have a guest, right? Yes, we do. But I was confused. Doug looks all the guests. I was momentarily confused. How long have we been going, Doug?

Oh, about, give me my minute. Give me my minute. Oh, Doug always takes a minute. One of Doug's famous minutes. The Doug's minute. An engineer minute. And it always takes exactly a minute. 14, 53, 54, and counting. He's just going to keep on going. And it always takes exactly a minute 14 53 54

And counting He's just gonna keep on going That honestly took Let's do a minute of him just counting That took all of my will and strength out of me Oh Bert no it's fine But it means we can keep on talking What he was doing the seconds passing by

It took all the strength out of you It took everything out of me oh my goodness but i mean we still have to do the show so uh i'll have to i'll have to just rally what can we do wow what can we do to help you you want to tell me about uh something that you did with the gang lately your friends from work sick of talking about myself john i want to hear about you oh well okay what do you want to hear about well what what is up with the kids now what's up with juliope juliope is in her senior year of high school uh-huh mad and kaboosh are in um well junior college right uh and they are doing okay

you seem you seem a little i don't know you you do you not know exactly how they're doing or are you trying to put a brave face on it well i just haven't heard from them for a little while right and they are at a junior college outside of town right uh and you're getting lower and lower i'm sorry i didn't mean it makes me feel uneasy because it makes me feel like you're more concerned with everything I say. Oh, I'm so sorry. You know, like, right, right. Oh, I'm getting more concerned. You feel like it's getting bad.

Yes. Yeah. No, no, no. I'm just trying to listen and be an attentive listener. Okay. Well, I appreciate that. Let me go back to Jalaipi. She's in her senior year of high school and she doesn't know what she wants to do yet.

She's thinking, oh, what? Wait a minute. You're doing it again. I don't mean to do yet. She's thinking, she, Oh, what? Wait a minute. You're doing it again. I don't mean to do it. I apologize. Closing your eyes helps. What do you mean? Yeah.

Who are you talking to? And what do you mean? To burn. For listening. are you making a joke about how to listen to me? Yes. To close your eyes. Cause he sleeps.

That's what happens. You're saying closing your eyes helps listening. He closes his eyes and he goes, I'm listening. This is easier for me to listen to you, babe. This way you get my full attention. And then he's, I'm talking and then I look over and he's out. Yeah. He's out. So don't tell him that we can't have him falling asleep on the podcast, babe. But I didn't realize I was asleep. Doug has that problem sometimes. Yeah. you know, I had a, I had a girlfriend, uh, years ago, uh, we would watch TV and, uh,

you know, she would, you know, she'd be on a couch, I'd be on a chair and she'd be on a couch and she would, she always had to stretch out completely on the couch and then we'd watch TV and she would always fall asleep. And then she always seemed surprised that she fell asleep. Like, did she do the jerk awake? No, she didn't do the jerk awake, but the show would be over. Like she'd hear the noise of the credits or whatever would wake her up. And she went, oh, I fell asleep. As if it was strange that getting in a completely prone position with a blanket on top of you would cause you to fall asleep at night.

Was that what caused the end of the relationship uh no it was so i wish oh that sounds dark she joined the merchant marines oh wait oh wait a minute not a word i swear i know this story i swear you said that have i told you the story before i think you have it would have probably been a couple years ago. Merchant Marines, you just don't hear that phrase every day. And that just stuck out in my head. So true. Yeah.

But July P is doing pretty well. She doesn't know what she wants to do next year. She might just take a year off. Gap year. Yeah, gap year. And just work at the gap. Oh, work at the gap. Sky fits heaven, so ride it.

Mother fits child, so hold your baby tight. Every time you say mother fits child, I feel like her last name is Fitz child. It's a good name. I can't think of it as Fitz child. Exactly. It's a good name. She sounds like a famous poet.

Sure. But while Doug is working on a book of poems. Doug, is this true? It is true. I only have one so far. And are these the rhyming kind or are these the free verse? It's free, well, he's a mix of both. Is that the term or is it blank verse?

I think it's just verse. I think there's internal rhymes. Well, it's different. If it's... What are those terms that I just used? What are they called? What do they do? I think if it's Shakespearean, it's something different.

And that's what I was getting confused with. Right. Iambic pentameter or verse. That's likean, it's something different. And that's what I was getting confused with. Right. Iambic pentameter or verse. That's like a whole separate thing. Okay. I'm not the writer. I'm the actress. Believe in the sky.

Believe. Oh, wait, he's doing one. Where pigeons fly. Oh, so that one's. Is always smiling. Believe in the sky where pigeons fly is always smiling. Actually, I don't mind it. I kind of like that.

I don't. It sounds like poetry. It does sound like poetry. That might be a t-shirt. Might be a t-shirt. It might be an existing t-shirt for all I know. Could be. I like that bit.

That's cute. See, he's doing great. Can I? What is it again? Believe in the sky. Believe in the sky. Believe in the sky. Where the pigeons fly. It helps to close your eyes.

It does. It honestly helps. See? Doug, when you're right, you're right. You're going to want to really focus on each word. Believe in the sky. Where pigeons fly. Is always smiling. Like like is the sky always smiling

that's my question uh-huh who's always smiling in your in your in your mind well i don't like to give all the answers away it's really up to the it's the poet's prerogative right sure yeah the pp the pp it's not a t-shirt that's why I tried to ask for a PPP loan. Oh boy. Okay. What are the third piece? Pour the first. Pedestrians,

uh, poets, pedestrians, poets, prerogative. And so they said, Doug took my last name when we were married. So,

uh, that's why that comes into play in case someone doesn't remember who's listening. So you walk out into the bank and you say, I'm Doug Korn Pedestrian. I would like to take out a PPP loan. No, no. He did it with me. I gave him the loan. That's why it's called Pedestrian.

We have a little bank we operate. It's just more of just a way of just keeping... I'm just in charge of finances. And you know, when Doug wants to start a project, he writes up a proposal. But do you go to a room in the house that's the bank? Yes. Okay. All right. Is it near

the cave? No, it's about Kitty Corner. Meow. As the crow flies... Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Oh, I thought you were doing another. I thought you were doing another oh I thought it did sound like

I thought you were doing another one I don't know if they're going to all be bird themed is that your metier Doug just birds

you're going to have to explain that word to him I might have to explain it to myself because I thought I used it correctly but now I'm not sure

let me close my eyes tell me what that is metier is your sort of your your bailiwick I thought I used it correctly, but now I'm not sure. Let me close my eyes. Tell me what that is. Metier is your sort of, your bailiwick, your sort of area of expertise, I think. Your, I don't know, your expertise? The thing you're known for? I gotta look it up.

Oh, here he goes. He's gonna look it up. Metier, Is that French? Why? I'm just gonna say yes. I'm assuming. Not really knowing what either of those words. Baileywick is a great word. It's a fun word.

It's a great Kenzian. Very much so. All right. Okay. He's looking it up, everybody. He's looking it up. Oh, it's got those accents in there. Do you want a Doug minute? Do you want a Doug minute?

Do you want a Doug minute? I'm just going to say you need a Doug, you need a Doug minute. And you got real upset with Doug's minute. I don't need a minute. And now we got a lot of silence. I'm ready to go. Okay.

Here, this is from the Oxford English Dictionary. Metier. Let's go, let's give a little pronunciation. Metier. Nice. Metier.

Metier. A profession or occupation. and here's the example the boy must begin to learn his metier as heir to the throne what an example so profession everyday everyday example yeah so the answer is no then because it's not my profession here's another one no an occupation or activity that one is good at and And I think that's the... We're looking for hobby though, right? Or were we looking for... We were never looking for... Okay.

If you said that, I didn't hear it. And I certainly didn't say it. Maybe because I'm thinking it's Doug's hobby. So, because he's right. It's not his profession. Am I good at it? That's the PP. Okay.

That's the poet's prerogative. Yes. Wouldn't that be the audience's, the reader's prerogative to determine if you're good at it? No. Having to explain it. He doesn't have to explain it, I think, is what we were talking about reader's prerogative to determine if you're good at it? No, having to explain it. He doesn't have to explain it, I think, is what we were talking about was his prerogative, right? Right, but... Should we look up prerogative?

An outstanding or advantageous characteristic. The example here, subtlety is not his métier. Oh, there you go. I like that one. It's a little saucy. That's fun. All right, so we don't know if Doug would consider it his métier. Oh, there you go. I like that one. It's a little saucy. That's fun. All right. So we don't know if Doug would consider it his metier. No. An activity that he has created.

I feel like I still don't know what it means. Really? I read three examples. I would just say strength. That's what I want to say. You know what I mean? It's not his strength, but I know that's not exactly it. I think the word is making me mad okay we should take a break now yeah because i need to shake it off i'm just annoyed seeing red i can't even explain it all right well we'll take a break and we'll be understanding that word is not my metier you used it perfectly well then there you go we'll be right back with more of The Neighborhood Listen. Hi, y'all. This is Beth here, calling all Elvis fans.

I've inherited my father-in-law's Elvis Presley collection, and although I do want to keep some things, there are way too many things in this collection. Too many to show here. In fact, I have collector plates, coffee cups, Christmas ornaments, etc. That etc. is doing a lot of heavy lifting, y'all. If you know anyone that is a collector or is interested, please contact me and I'll let you know what I have. Which is a lot. I'll be selling things very cheap just to get rid of them.

Yeah, like in fact, all of this stuff is just $1. I have Elvis Christmas ornaments. I'll sell those for $20. And boy, there's a lot of them. Yeah, like in fact, all of this stuff is just $1. I have Elvis Christmas ornaments. I'll sell those for $20. And boy, there's a lot of them. Only four are pictured here out of 129. I don't even understand how they made that many. There's one of him singing. There's one of him in Hawaii in real cute shorts. Actually, I might keep that one. At home with Elvis. I don't know. Here he's in a casino dressed like a Ghostbuster. Listen, my father-in-law was a sweet man. He passed away just a few months ago. And what I got in the will was the Elvis collection. Never mentioned Elvis. We never talked about Elvis.

In fact, I didn't even know that he had this. This was hidden in a basement in a closet like it was a shameful thing. His wife didn't even know about it. And my husband's no help. And now I'm just surrounded by all these Elvis plates. And you know what? Not going to lie. They're entering my dreams. I think some of them follow me as I walk past.

One is talking to me. So please come and get these. I will throw them at your head for free. And welcome back to The Neighborhood. Listen, we have a guest here with us. Yes, we do. In case you don't know what we do is, oh, something fell over there, Doug. What happened? Did something

fall in the cave? Did something fall in the cave? Was it a stalactite? That's, no, that was a cone. Oh. Cone right up there on the ceiling. No, no, no. Floor. stalagnot yeah okay go ahead burnt uh that's a shirt um so we we have what we do is we scour the uh the neighbor app the social networking app for neighborhoods that everyone uses and we try to find somebody from here in dignity falls that would be fun to talk to or interesting to talk to.

Yeah. Both. Hopefully both. Hopefully both. But if not, at least one. At least one. We've had some people that were not fun to talk to, but were interesting. Uh-huh.

We bet a few that were neither. We'll see what this one turns out to be now. All right. And so this post was submitted by a listener, Justin Thomas. And if you have a post you'd like to submit, just do a screenshot and send it to Bert and Joan at gmail.com like Justin did. Justin, we thank you for your post. And the post comes to us from Karen. Karen says to the woman who hooked up with my son last night, I am not his roommate. I am his mother. He's a freeloader and I'm the one who taught him to put a little bit of nutmeg inside those scrambled eggs. He did not go to culinary school. I hope you get to read this because you're in for a good ride and not allowed back into my house because he needs

to get a job. I would have introduced myself had I known he said this to you, but since we live under the same roof, I heard him say this to his friend on the phone. His friend's name is Josh. You probably heard him talk about his friend because he published one book and thinks he is suddenly a famous author he's also a freeloading slob sincerely mom now we don't have karen here who we have is karen's son carlo welcome carlo to the neighborhood listen hey you guys hey you guys i mean how funny is my mom? Wow. She's razzing me. She's just razzing. Yeah. She's hilarious. Oh, okay. So, so this is not really, um, I mean, is it true what your mother says? I mean, I, I absolutely went to culinary school. I mean,

I got in, I got in, I smelled the smells. I said, this isn't for me, but I did take away some fantastic little tips and tricks. How long, how long were you there? I mean, eight to 10 minutes. Oh, okay. That's like, like Disneyland amount of time. Sort of. Yes. I mean, yeah. If I could have, if I could have toughed it out for 10 minutes. So you shouldn't tough stuff out. I think that's like the wrong way to approach life in general i i get that that can be fair sometimes you don't you only want to push yourself as far as you can but sometimes you have to i don't know that that's true i mean like do flowers tough stuff out um do they wither and die as nature well i think nature it's nothing but tough i would say yes i

would say once they're in a vase yeah they, their toughing it out days are over. I don't know. I think a flower in a vase has given up. They have accepted their fate. Right. I mean, because they didn't have a choice, right? Yeah, they're cut off from their major food supplies. Yeah.

And it's just time to go, you know? So if you're not connected to your major food supply, then I think that you just let go or you go back to your major food supply, which is what I when i moved back into karen's house okay got it so okay yes so you you you got into culinary school you were accepted or you just walked into a building i mean they opened the door like somebody opened the door oh that's what you mean they accepted you yeah they were leaving they were opening the door i said they did like a little hold on to the door thing very polite i was accepted oh i'm here okay i stood around i thought there's too much star anise in the air well i mean you knew enough to know that phrase i asked somebody what that horrible smell was they said maybe it's star anise and i said i

hate star anise now. I do too. Carla, what drew you to culinary school in the first place? I had to go to a bathroom. So you weren't, you weren't, you were not.

It was just the first place. Yes. You were hoping they had a bathroom in there. You didn't go with the intention of learning to be a chef. I had been told by several other establishments on that block to keep going, keep on trucking, keep on walking. Well, and that way you toughed it out.

You did keep on going until you found, well, did you find a bathroom in there? I mean, by that point, I had already gone. So it was more of like a cleanup, finding a place to clean up. Oh, dear. I'm surprised that they let you in. And that must have been a problem in a kitchen finding a place to clean up oh dear i'm surprised that they let you in and that must have been a problem in a kitchen food prep i wasn't there long yeah i would imagine yeah but you know i still learned a lot i learned a lot it was important time in my life i'm grateful that 10 minutes that journey yeah it's a 10 minutes i'm grateful for that

journey and i am who i am today because of it. Carlo, was your mother the one who taught you to put the nutmeg in the scrambled eggs? She doesn't know anything about nutmeg

and scrambled eggs. I was doing cinnamon a bunch. I was mostly, I started with cinnamon and then I started adding eggs when I was like,

so just plain cinnamon. Just cinnamon. Just eating cinnamon for breakfast. Like the cinnamon challenge of the yesteryear. It's punchy. It sure is.

I'm not interested in balance. Yes. Yeah. How much would you eat at a sitting? I guess like whatever, however much a ladle holds. That's a whole lot. Just take it right out of the ladle? Yeah.

I mean, it's like a normal size ladle. I don't know like how many pounds that is, but. Now, would you, let me ask you, Carla, what was your method? Would you tip it back into your mouth or would you dip your tongue in it like a lickum stick? Because as we know, it can be very, it can make you choke. A metal straw.

What? Metal straw. Yeah. Wow, that's impressive. Yeah. I like that they're already bent and that they don't bend any further or less, regardless of how you move them.

Any further or less. Okay, so you're sipping cinnamon straight through a metal straw. Yeah. And then at one point you thought, egg, it's missing egg. Yeah, I read my friend Josh's book. Oh, what was that, by the way? What is the title of his book? The book is called Food or Feet.

Food or Feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's mostly pictures. Okay, I'm just going to ask you if it was a. And it's just like, I mean, it's mostly pictures. Okay. I'm just going to ask you if it was a cookbook or a picture book. I mean, it's both. I mean, like, because you can cook the things that you see in the book, which makes it a cookbook, but it's mostly pictures of food and feet with some captions about like where

the photo was taken. But it doesn't tell you whether it's food or feet. Is it food and feet in the same? Oh, it doesn't tell you. See, it's Josh's prerogative for you to determine if it's food or feed. Is it food and feed in the same? Oh, it doesn't tell you. See, it's Josh's prerogative for you to determine if it's food or feed. It's up for interpretation. He doesn't like to give it all away.

I mean, he's very prolific in that way. Is it vague? Is it hard to actually determine whether it's food or feed in this book? I mean, there's no like answer key. So I feel like I know. I feel like I've gone through the book several times and i feel like every once in a while i'll change my answer but i in that moment

i always feel confident that i got it have you ever asked josh hey is this food food or foot i wouldn't do that to an artist oh okay all right i wouldn't do it and this but this book was published. Yeah. Huffington. Wow. Huffington Post. You're kidding. He just says Huffington. I don't know how many Huffingtons there are, but it was published. It's got a stamp on it.

So it's a physical book. Yeah. And it's got a stamp on it. Which you can't order. It's easy to just get a book made. Of that man and he pressed. Exactly. Absolutely. So maybe it's that and

then he put his own little and then he put his own little uh you know publishing house on it it's not like a cute thing this is a major accomplishment oh and you're diminishing it oh wow wow i didn't mean to do that okay great as long as you're rescinding i i rescind it great we're back on track, everybody. Woo! That was a close call, I guess. That was a close call. So, I mean, honestly,

I really, I can't stop thinking about anything, but I want to try nutmeg with my egg. It's all I've thought about since I read the post. What's that? N-U-T-M-E-G-G. Just combine it.

A nutmeg. Nutmeg and egg. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Forget it. What? No, I like it. I wish I would have said that.

No, no, no. First, I had to rescind being too cute about the book, and I feel bad about that, and I made a stupid play on words. I don't know. It's that mediate thing that is still driving me crazy. I'm so sorry. I wish I'd never said it.

Oh, I'm all upside down about it. All right. So, did you have any- Am I in the upside down? Did you, what? Never mind. Did you have any interaction with Karen, with the mom? Because I'm a little confused as to what the actual,

because she says, I'm not, I'm not your, I'm not my son's roommate. I'm the mother. Was there an interaction that made you think that she was a roommate? Did you talk to her? Oh, I introduced her as my roommate. I'm the mother. Was there an interaction that made you think that she was a roommate? Did you talk to her? Oh, I introduced her as my roommate.

Absolutely introduced her as my roommate to my date. Okay. Yeah. Because, you know, she is my roommate. I mean, what else is she? She's my roommate. She's like, she has a, I have half of her room. She's my roommate.

I mean, but if she pays for everything, I might say she's your landlord. See the difference? if she pays for everything i might say she's your landlord see the difference your landlord pays for everything that i mean that's a dope situation we're both in i guess i'm doug's landlord for example i mean it's pretty clutch yeah well i mean i not that but you you are living there rent free you're living rent free in her home absolutely right absolutely so i am not interested in a challenge or in any sort of adversity toughing it out yeah we're clear on that yeah uh who tell me about your girlfriend oh she would be very offended if i did call her my girlfriend oh um i met i met her at my at my gig um that earlier that night that she came over. Frog gig? I had been catching frogs earlier in the day,

but then I was playing some steel drums with my band, the Wine Bats. Oh, the Wine Bats. Fun. Yeah, we were down at Dignity Falls Tavern. Oh, ZFT. Just banging out. Yeah, we call it DTF for fun,

even though we know it's not the right order. I get it, I get that. That's kind of... I won't say cute, but it's fun. That one is cute. Oh, okay. That's a big gig. We didn't work for two years for it.

It's okay. To play the DTF? That's a big gig. How did you get it? Oh... Rhubarb Caravan's been trying to play there. Doug is in several dad bands. Oh, yeah. I heard Rhubarb Caravan at my work party. That's right.

Where do you work? A radio show. Yeah, they did play at a radio show. That was a great show. I'm pretty sure those bridges were mostly Coldplay, but like the rest of the songs were yours. Okay. So you would write original songs,

but then you would, you would just put in bridges from Coldplay songs. I feel, I feel on trial right now. Yeah, he feels really put on the spot. I don't think it was intentional, was it? That was my bandmate who did this idea. It did seem like one of y'all was going rogue. I stood by and tried to protest.

Stood by and tried to protest. First, they came for Coldplay Bridges, and you said nothing. Everyone loves the bridges, though. That's the problem. We just fell in too deep Get those glow sticks going And everyone is having a good time

I can feel you guys like wanting to resist And then just giving the crowd what they want Yeah It's wild to imagine somebody leaving a live music gig And saying the highlight for me The bridges Where they just sang about yellow The whole time so you did so okay so you

did the gig in the radio shack wait no i was doing a gig at dtf sorry and this is not the right order or the right letters okay and you play steel drums yeah we all play steel drums okay how many members three okay yeah yeah we have two drums three people okay i i double up with tank fun yeah it's cool do you do covers or what i mean how i'm sorry there's three drums yeah three people are sharing one drum three people two drums correct three people two drums okay me and tank double up okay everybody got it. And who has the drum to themselves? Oh. Don't even get me started on Rita. I feel like I struck a nerve.

Don't even get me started on Rita. How did Rita end up with her own drum? She's the best one. She really is the best one. She's so good. She wanted to play both drums, but we were like, that's not a band. You have to let us. Okay.

Just let us share one of your drums. And she said, okay. Wow. But she gets her own and she never ever shares just because she's the best. Does she? Oh, did she like style it where it's like her name is on the drum? That's always. Her drum.

Power move. Her drum says Rita. And then the other drum says borrowed. It's so rude. Is that one also Rita's drum? They're both Rita's drum. It would have been less offensive if she just put Rita on both of them. I'm surprised she

started a band in the first place. It sounds like she wants to be a solo act. She pushed for it. How did you all get together? She was playing a gig. She was playing that gig. And we were kind of pushing for it that night so we could share that drum. So this is the same night you were talking about before?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So she like, I don't know that she like wanted us up there that much. I see. Rita's out there playing a solo gig with her drum that says Rita and another one that says borrowed.

And she's playing both of them. And then here's two other people in the crowd. Who just get up on stage. I mean, we've been bugging her about it for a while. We've been talking about it for a while. So you knew her, you weren't strangers to her. We had been bugging her, but she didn't know tonight was the night, but we knew. We had been

planning for it. So we jump up the bouncer, who is the girl I went home with that night, was like, what's going on? And like, Rita's a professional, you know, she really didn't want to ruin her gig. She was like, it's fine. And the bouncer was like, OK, OK. Is this Tina the bouncer? Yeah. Yeah.

That's the one who you went home to your mom's place with. Yeah, she came to me and my roommate's place. She's a great gal, Tina. Real great gal. She is. Very well spoken. Uh-huh. Wonderful array of hats every time I've seen her around the falls.

So are you saying she wouldn't like you calling her your girlfriend because it's very new? Is that what you're saying? Because she's very dignified. Oh. calling her your girlfriend because it's very new is that what you're saying because she's very dignified um and i just i don't think i don't i really i mean maybe because she said so but i'm i don't think i'm on her level oh um which is okay with me that's like i mean that's a that's a big win for me you know which is tina coming home to be in my room. Oh, just having her, having her come home. Yeah. A person who's so dignified. I mean, that's something, that's something my mom, I, that's why I introduced her to my roommate. I was like, look what I got. And, but now your mother has said, Karen has said, uh, Tina will never be allowed back in your home.

I mean, what's she going to do? She's going to kick out a dignified lady? Come on. Can you even picture it? Tina comes in all polite and like, hello, Mrs. Caldwell. Like, how are you? What? Karen's going to kick her out?

Come on. Who did that? I mean, I will say it does sound, it's kind of a hostile post, you know? Do you have a good relationship with your wife? And it seems very, very firm and final. It does. It very much does. And the fact that she felt the need to make it public,

you know, it's less about Tina and more about Karen, for sure. For sure. For sure. And it's a lot about me, you know? She's, she gets jealous. It's a lot about me. Are you an only child?

I'm an only child i have i have a brother okay so you're not but i'm like i'm the most important one to karen so like i i identify as an only child when you say you're the most important one is it because karen seems to focus a lot of attention on you because you're living in her home i mean that's our relationship your relationship is you living with her home. I mean, that's our relationship. Your relationship is you living with her. Yeah. I won't leave. She razzes me publicly online.

What does your brother do? Why would you ask that? We just ask questions here. We just try to get to know. Who cares? Who cares what he does? Who cares if he's happy? Who cares if his wife is a freaking empress? What? Who cares what he does? Who cares if he's happy? Who cares if his wife is a freaking empress?

What? Who cares? Who cares? Oh, no, Carlo. Carlo. I know. Hey, I'm fine. Okay.

I'm fine. I'm more fine than my brother. I'll tell you that. You say he's married to an empress. I mean, yeah. Wait. I would love to do some follow empress. I mean, yeah. Wait, I would have figuratively, I would imagine. Yes, absolutely. Is that okay?

We have some follow-ups? She's a literal empress. A literal empress. Old dignity. Empress. Remember, old dignity still has the old monarchy. Old Dig does have a figurehead monarchy. This is before our state joined the

union of course back in the colonial times and um somebody swooped in and said i'll i'll if you're not gonna have that king uh i'll be a king yep and uh that was what was his name that's engraved yeah that's how you get king judd king judd the first very hopeful right um and uh so they keep it as a sort of figurehead in Old Dig. So this is the Empress of Old Dig? Yeah. Judd III was like, I'm going to be emperor instead of king. Right.

Wait, are you saying that? Okay, go on. Please go on. Yeah. And so then we got this empire within the falls, you know? And then, so here comes Trinityinity the empress trinity yeah and she's all interested like everybody is and freaking brendan starts hanging around the house karen can't get enough of her. She's so sweet. Oh, boy.

Anyway, whatever. Let them live in their three-story home. Who's more dignified, Tina or the Empress? Tina. Tina is a bouncer with strength, beauty,

and charisma. There's something that's regal about Tina. It's true. It is true. You've seen her. You've felt the power of her presence. Wouldn't you want to take that home and show your mom what you can do?

Oh, I was with you up until that last part. I want her to be proud of me. Is that weird? Tina or your mom? My mom! No, that's not weird karen but you're my brother's married to an empress yeah that is hard that's hard to to sort of compete with but it's not when you got somebody like tina if you if i could just share as a mother i think what

happens is you want the best for your kids and and sometimes you mistake that as, oh, you know, if someone important likes your son or if someone fancy likes your son, that's that's like a come up for your kid. That's that's exciting. And and it doesn't really mean anything. You should just care about whether your children are happy and see in this case, you know, she's making you feel unhappy because she's making you feel less than. And I'm very sorry about that. It is a mistake that mothers make. Thank you so much for saying that. Thank you so much for saying that. If my mom is listening, I want you to know, mom,

that I'm not listening to what this lady is saying. Everything you're doing is fine. Everything you're doing is fine. You make me better. You make me better, Karen. Oh, she's addressing her mother. And saying that what you are saying is incorrect. And Carlo is not going to listen to it.

Karen is pushing me. Karen is pushing me to be better. Is it working though? I mean, Tina paid attention to me. I'm playing gigs. Right. Gig? Yeah, I guess that's true.

Do you think you're going to get another gig? Do you think you now have a band? Gigs are just something you got to take. Oh. People don't just give you gigs. You got to go out there and snatch them. Oh, just like you went to culinary school. Yeah, I went to culinary school.

And your idea of taking a gig is literally someone else is doing a gig and then you just sort of bum rush the stage. The music leads me and I lead it. You know, I have to say for someone who says they don't want to tough stuff out, I feel like it takes much more confidence and inner, I don't know, strength to bum rush a stage and get up in front of a bunch of people when you don't even know what's going to happen. I'd be more scared to do that.

It's a lot less work than like rehearsing and stuff though. Well, I love rehearsal, but that's just me. Of course you love rehearsal. Let me ask you this, Carlo. As far as the steel drum goes, before this gig, did you or Tank know how to play the steel drum? Oh, that's

a good question. Thank you. I've been more of a bass man. Right. Okay. Thank you. I've been more of a bass man. Right. Okay. So no. No. No.

But I heard Rita play a bunch and been very impressed. Steel drum is one of those things where it actually looks pretty easy. I mean, of course it's not. Of course it's not. But it's just a big bowl. Yeah. It doesn't have a single button. It's like tap dancing.

There are no settings. Tap dancing looks incredibly easy, but it's actually very hard. Oh, tap dancing is hard. Yes, I can attest to that. But you look at tap dancing, you think, I bet I could do that. I think it depends on what kind of tap dancing

you're watching. You know, if it's like a... The kind where they make the noise? Are you watching on slow motion? Very fast. Yeah, I'm watching on slow motion. And I'm thinking, yeah, i see how they're doing that that scene from white christmas where she puts down her foot and goes that that's incredibly

difficult i've never seen it what oh i've never seen it i would have paid for a white she's right on her tippy toes she's being suspended and she's getting the the fastest taps out of the very ball of her foot and it's unbelievable. She's being suspended. Well, I don't know how she does it. She's suspending her legs somehow. I don't know if someone's holding her up or if she's just lifting up her leg. I don't remember. Is it like a close-up so you can't tell? Yes, it's a close-up

so you can't tell. She might be hanging on to a bar. Right, but it wouldn't matter because to get that speed would still be impressive. That is my favorite tap dancing. It's just a single foot tapping as fast as possible. That's like George Orwell's 1984 picture of single foot tapping as fast as possible. Carlos, sorry.

We are getting very off topic. I mean, that sounded amazing. Honestly, that sounded incredible. I have to say, you are a very positive person. Doug, are you doing that in the case? Doug is trying to. He's doing it. He's doing it. He's doing it.

He's doing it. Doug, it's easy. Oh, it's easy, he says. That was fast as hell. Confirmed. Oh my gosh, Gregory Hines over here. Wow. That's another example.

Gregory Hines, you ever watch Gregory Hines? In slow motion, yes. No, okay, yeah, that's why. Okay, so that really. I watch the entirety of White Nights in slow motion. Okay, Yeah. That's why. Okay. So that really. I watched the entirety of White Nights in slow motion. Okay. Wow. At half speed.

There's a wonderful scene. Six hour movie. Thoroughly modern Millie of an old timey office. Yes. All of the people that are typing on their typewriters are tap dancing under their desk. Yes. Carlo is right. Oh, it's fantastic.

It's fantastic. Fantastic. They have tap shoes on. Typewriters and tapping. Right. So the tapping is actually supposed to be the sound of their typewriters. And it's really, really fun. It's really fun.

I'm really vibing with you right now. So much so, Carlo. I love that you know that. That's so good. Oh, yeah. You can see that performance on the Tony Awards on YouTube. You've got to look it up. Oh, my gosh.

It's called Forget About the Boy. They redid it when I came on stage. Forget About the Boy. They redid it when you came on stage? Yeah, that was the second take that you saw on YouTube. Wait a minute. You went on stage at the Tony Awards? I was so moved.

I was so moved. I was like, I'm not a seat filler. I'm a tap dancing typist. Carlo, what an interesting, it's almost like that Catch Me me if you can yes exactly you just see something and you say i'm gonna do that i'm gonna do it i'm gonna be this person but you're not gonna go out and like buy a uniform and impersonate somebody you're gonna do it right in that moment oh my gosh that's all we've got that's all we got is the moment so i gotta know

what happened when you bum rushed radio city stage Radio City stage and tried to, I assume it was during the commercial break, wanted to get a bus. Is that what you know? Is the Tonys a Radio City musical? Generally, yes. I do apologize. I just wanted to be very clear that generally- There was a little bit of sauce on that, though. Generally, yes.

I didn't mean for there to be. I probably just went into my theater expert mode, which sometimes I put that hat on. Absolutely. Theater expert mode hat. Theater metier. Which is just a beret. Could that be a hat? A theater expert mode?

A theater expert mode is definitely a t-shirt. Yeah, it's a trucker hat. No, not a t-shirt. A hat. I thought it was a beret and then I was like, oh, it'd be hard to read

something on a beret. You know what? It's fun. It should be on a beret and it should be like when kids put a message on their graduation caps that from a certain angle

you can see it, but you can't see it straight on. Only if you're sitting in a theater seat. That's right. I have a beret. On the top of it,

it says, you're taller than 5'5". Oh, that's fun. That's fun. Wait, I have to know what happened when you tried to get up on stage. Tried? I did it. I was a phenom.

But how long were you allowed to be on stage? Because they have heavy security there. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, they have like a 15 second delay on the streaming, on the broadcast. So I guess it was about 15 seconds because it didn't make it to air. They reset so fast. Yeah. So probably like 11 seconds of just pure glory for everyone who saw it.

Were you sitting at one of the typewriters? Absolutely. Oh, that dancer was upset. She worked hard to get there. Wait, I remember this now. I remember watching the Tonys. Oh, you do? And during that number.

I love that you watched the Tonys, Bert. All of a sudden they cut to a shot of Harvey Fierstein in the audience looking very confused. Is that right? How do you remember this all of a sudden? Well, because I was like, why are they? He seems confused. Why are they showing this? And now I understand it's because he was seeing Carlo jump up on stage and be manhandled off.

Oh, yeah. That's happened. They probably cut to him. Because of a full 15 seconds. Yes. That was that look of confusion was actually all oh it was all yeah yeah golly i've never been able to tap my feet like that since or before were you wearing tap shoes was i wearing tap shoes yeah because i mean you were in the audience as a

seat filler i was wearing some pot roasts because of my friend. Did you say you were wearing some pot roasts? The food. Or, wait, is this food or foot? That was trying to promote Josh's book.

At the Tony's. At the Tony's. The best place to promote a book. Best place to promote anything. To promote a picture book about food or feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I went up there. And all you have to do is put some pot roasts on your feet

and get on camera. Which was it? This predates the Gaga meat dress. True. It really does. This was very fashion forward of you. Yeah, I was, I'm an innovator. This was very fashion forward of you.

Yeah, I was. I'm an innovator. So nobody heard the tapping. It was mostly squish. So you get up onto that stage. Mostly. What would you say the parts that weren't squish were? The parts that weren't squish were a little bit of gristle.

So there was a little bit of scratch. Gristle scratch.-huh but those were rare those were rare because my feet were quite sweaty they were rare not medium yeah yeah yeah josh must be so pleased i think so he hasn't talked to me but oh no you're falling out with josh i mean you were talking to him on the phone i thought that karen overheard you talking to him on the phone wasn't that the thing that she said in the post yes okay so why were you talking to him is this since I just wanted no because I was thoroughly modern Millie that was years ago very true I wanted her to wanted her to think I was talking to Josh

oh because he wrote a book so So you were pretending? Yeah. You were just talking to like a dead phone? I don't want to call it dead. You were just talking into your phone. I mean, the phone worked. Right. There was just no one on the other line. This was for the benefit of carrying your mother.

Yeah. I just thought that would be like the perfect, that would be the perfect way to show her that like i'm great you know if i just by pretending to talk to your friend josh and lying about going to culinary school no by putting the nutmeg in the eggs not a ladle full of cinnamon in a metal straw adding an egg but to do the nutmeg in the egg, followed by the glory of Tina. Right. And then top it all off with a conversation with my published friend.

I thought for sure Karen will let me start paying rent. Oh, you want to start paying rent? I wouldn't mind. I think it would get me her respect, but she won't let me because she does love to control me. But she does. Okay. So this is mixed messages. It's well made potentially.

Okay. But I mean, we, Karen has said that you don't have a job and that you need to get a job. And is this what she says privately? Or, or is this just, are you saying she's, she's, uh, uh, talking on both sides of her mouth? She's saying what? Calm down. What gets worked up sometimes? He floats above his body. Sometimes he hears himself floating up there. I figured you were looking for the phrase talking out of both sides of her mouth. And then I found it. Yeah. So I think what he's saying is, which is it? Has your mother said to you, you are a freeloader and you need to get a job?

Does she say that to you? Or are you, and is that true? Are you someone who doesn't want to get a job? Or are you what you just said? Someone who wants to pay rent? Someone who wants to actually try to get a job? I have, the Radio Shack is mostly volunteer. Though sometimes they slide me, they slide me some, you know, sweet H phones. The Radio Shack is mostly volunteer. That checks out.

Sometimes they slide me some sweet H-phones. What is H-phones? What's an H-phone? Headphones. Oh, we're old. Headphones. Come on. I did not realize there was a cool term for headphones.

You say D-H-phones. You need some DCH phones. Okay. Okay. So yeah, I would like to make some money. I would like her respect. I do like freeloading. Can all of these things be true?

I mean, yes, they can be true, but you didn't really answer the question. Okay. And you're saying that she, are you saying privately your mother forbids you to get a job she won't let me pay rent okay when you when you've tried to pay rent from well i haven't tried okay well then what does that mean you say you want to pay rent and she won't let you i want to i want to so bad how does she i want to so bad. How does she? I want to so bad.

I feel like I'm not sure. I want to put that money in her hand and I want her to say, thank you. It's the first. Right. And how does she? You don't really want to pay rent though. You want her to love you for you. And that's what's really going on here.

Okay. I feel like you're reading right out of my poetry book. You want to be able to say she loves me for me. Like in that song yes um which is all any child can ever ask a parent to do of course and so i'm very sorry you're not getting that from her and you feel like you have to uh have a friend or have a glorious dignified girlfriend or go to culinary school How is your mother preventing you from paying rent? That is a good question.

Because you keep saying, you alternate between I want to pay rent, but then you said I tried to pay her rent and she didn't let me. Take us through that scenario. I tried to pay her in headphones. In headphones. That's what my currency is. You got some D's H phones.

I got some D's H phones. I said, I got three pair for you care. And she said, I don't care. Oh. And it hurt. What monetary value would we put on these three pairs of headphones? I mean, none of them were worth selling, which is why they were given to me. Right.

Okay. So you can see how that wasn't really rent that you tried to pay her right do you understand that if this is my language of currency well but i think first you have to agree both parties have to agree on what what constitutes rent and if there's not yeah the faith you're giving me carlo very... I'm trying to take it in. I'm trying to grow. Carlo's closing his eyes, okay. I'm trying to grow. I want to hear you.

I want to hear you. I want you to hear him. I know I'm messing up and I want to be good. I'm trying to take it in. Oh, you are good, Carlo. And you've got a really positive attitude and I really do appreciate that. I'd be potentially bordering on a sort of denial.

Yes. But I think you do. If you want to do better and you want to do good, I think that you actually have to get a paying job that pays money. Money. And then either pay rent or move out and pay rent on, on a place of your own. Yes.

Money. I agree. Yeah. Okay. And maybe get an actual. Is that the only word you heard? I don't know. She's just,

he's just, that's his takeaway. Carlos just said the word money twice. Okay. He said money twice. You can only take in as much as you can take in at a time. That's true. That is true.

That's very true. I would also say, and then move in and get an actual roommate, right? Then you're not alone in having to pay rent. Maybe tank. Maybe tank. Tank. I love tank. actual roommate, right? Then you're not alone in having to pay rent. So maybe Tank, maybe Tank, Tank. I love Tank. Like he's a good friend. Tank is a good friend. Oh yeah. Tank's great. Tank's great. Tank's been auditioning for, for your band, Doug. I, I don't want to lose them.

I really don't want to lose them. You can have them. Oh, great. Oh, great. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Wow, that was easy. Me and Tank could get a little place with a courtyard. Yeah, where does Tank live now? Tank lives at the Emperor's house.

What? Oh, wait. With your brother? Yeah. Wait. They get along great. They get along great. I'm sorry if that's a lie, but they get along great. They get along great. I'm sorry if that's a lot, but they get along

great. I don't want to resent him because I love Tank. I don't resent him nothing. Now I kind of want him in the band. Oh no. Too late, Doug. I already lost Josh. Don't take Tank. You want Tank for

Butterscotch Rollercoaster? What is it? Butterscotch Roller Coaster? What is it? Butterscotch Roller Coaster. I mean, do you think we're not executing? No, what is that? Rhubarb Caravan. Oh, I thought you were talking about our song. Do you have another band?

Oh, there's a song called Butterscotch Roller Coaster? Yeah, that's one of our signature songs. So you feel like you could use someone who has experience of playing Costa. Butterscotch roller coaster goes down smooth. Yes. I love Butterscotch. It's kind of like a Hotel California mood. I love Butterscotch roller coaster.

Yeah, but more guttural. I love that part when it's like, are we human or are we dancers? Oh, wow. So wait, that sounds like you stole another bridge. It's the killers. That's where it really takes off. Well, so you might want Tank to play on Butterscotch Rollercoaster just as much of the steel drum as he's gleaned from that one time.

If she lets us borrow it. Yeah. Oh, true. That's very true. I mean, or he says borrowed on it. Why not? Yeah. Exactly.

It makes sense. I think it all tracks. Okay. So, Carlo, do you think you, could you talk to Tank and say, hey, let's get a place together? I think the word that you said earlier, I'm forgetting it.

Money? Yeah. I feel like he's going to say something about that, and I'm going to start spinning my wheels. Okay, but what if you got a job? Just silence. That. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I feel some resistance to that suggestion. Have you ever had a job, Colleen? You guys got to try nutmeg. Oh, okay. Nutmeg. That's a word for nutmeg and eggs.

Oh, dear. Nutmeg and eggs. Oh, dear. Nutmeg and eggs. We're losing the plot a little. Nutmeg and eggs. Yeah, I mean, all I can say is, Carlo, that might be the first time you're going to have to actually tough it out, which is maybe just get a job, you know? Yeah.

Something small. Something just to understand what that's like. Ooh, just, now you have a furious look at your face the idea of the effort right it is the idea of the effort it's just the idea alone i'm wondering if there's a okay i'm wondering i'm gonna try to level with you guys i'm wondering if there's a job where i can just rush in do it Rush in? Why do you want to be rushing? That's sort of my style.

Okay. Right. You rush the stage and I get it. I want to be inspired to work. I want to do it for a few seconds to minutes and I would like to get the money and get Karen's love.

I hate to say this, but the only job that sounds like to me is crime. Crime. Is just running in, taking money and leaving. You're right. I love running in and taking things. Oh no. You gotta snatch it.

You gotta snatch it up. But it's illegal. Yes, you don't, don't take. No, no. You gotta snatch it up. Oh, boy. But it's illegal. Yes, you don't want to do that. Because you could go to jail. Yeah. People don't just give you jobs. Oh, they do, actually.

Well, they do, actually. I mean, yes, you have to do an interview, but. Take them like a flower who works for it. Wow. That's what you said. All the way back to the flower.

I said flower. Well, I'm not sure I said that. I think you're twisting a lot of. Just like that, but. You think you're twisting a lot of, you're conflating a lot of phrases. I know. Yeah. I have to say, I'm feeling for Karen a little bit right now.

That only started for you? Well, because again, I have an instinct to want to, I don't like that Carlo's not feeling loved by his mother. That's tough. But it is, as we're trying to help him, it is, you can see the circular sort of pattern here. It's hard to help him.

Do you feel that you failed your sons and that's why they set so many fires? Well, I mean, first of all, first of all, it takes two to parent. And so I feel like- So it's Doug's fault. What, no, no. I just think you always have to share responsibility

with things. I could look to So it's Doug's fault. What? No, no. I just think you always have to share responsibility with things. I could look to some things I could have done differently. You know. Did you love them when they set those fires? I love them no matter what. It's only love. It got your attention. Love is what saved them.

Got a lot of attention. No, no, no, no. Carla, don't get any ideas. Don't get any ideas. Sounds like something you'd be inspired to do. No, no, no. no. Carla, don't get any ideas. Don't get any ideas. Sounds like something you'd be inspired to do. No, no, no. Go back to stealing money. I don't know.

I guess this is where we say best of luck to you, but that doesn't feel like enough. It's true. Carla, we do end a lot of our conversations with our neighbors by saying best of luck to you. Lately, that's the way it's been going. Yes. With a lot of our conversations with uh our neighbors by saying lately that's the way it's been going yes with a little turn up at the end best of luck to you because we're just not sure uh sometimes we're able to sort of find an end to these posts you know if it's a question that needs an answer or something that needs resolved but in this case

i don't i don't know what to say yeah i feel like i feel like we've said it and it's been rejected and we will just agree to disagree hey hey uh mother fits child when it smile this is beautiful beautiful poem thank you uh you know what maybe next time the next thing you should bum rush and jump up to and snatch is an open mic slot at a poetry jam. I would do that. Because you know what? All of a sudden,

you became what I feel like was your authentic self. And I felt like you were really channeling something there. So I go back to the poetry, Carla. I really would. Thank you. Thank you.

You're welcome. I don't know what's going to be on my feet. Maybe me, but I will. I mean, are you still promoting the book or are you doing a poem? It never stops. None of it ever stops. This might have been a whole poem. We don't know.

Thank you. Good point. Yeah. Thank you for seeing me, mom. Oh, no. Oh, my. Well, Carla, I think we have to let you go now. But thank you so much. And I hope things improve at home same same here bye just ran out well we will have more when the neighborhood Hi, this is Crystal.

Um, and I'm knocking, knocking the price down from $1 to free. Uh, wanted a dog stroller. My dog needs a stroller. If anyone has one to sell or give away, please let me know. So that's right. Originally I was going to offer $1, but now I want it for free. So that's $1 off for me. Give me that stroller.

My dog is tired. And we're back. Well, Carlo. Wow, that was just, sometimes you leave an episode or a guest interview with sort of just an unsettled feeling where I like it when I feel like we've helped. Exactly.

And I don't like it when it feels like we didn't. And you know what? I also like when we have a post that may read one way and then we meet the person in question and then it turns out that it was a misunderstanding or they're different or whatever. But I think- Those are nice.

I think that Karen really nailed it. I think Carlo is a freeloader. I think so. Yeah. And wow. I'm so, I was just so confused. It's when you leave having more questions than when you started.

I have zero questions. I have zero questions. I think Karen summed it up nicely. You think it's a cut and dry i think having met carlo and talked with him for a while i think that karen uh nailed it um fair enough it is a wild that he was able to uh to to to convince uh tina from uh the dignity falls tavern to go anywhere with him i know because again like he said he she's dignified and and she doesn't take shit from no one.

You know, she's a bouncer. She has, you know, she's wonderful. She's broken up, you know, me and the gang do the trivia night at Dignity Falls Tavern. And a lot of times there's disagreements, there's arguments. Sure.

And Tina will break that up. And she really- The trivia is so open-ended sometimes. Hey, Doug. Hi there. The trivia is so open-ended sometimes. He never Doug. Hi there. He never leaves, Bert. He's always here. I know.

It's just the way he kind of moseyed on into the conversation. All right. You guys are having a salty day today. They'll ask open questions instead of questions with factual names. Can you give me one example? He's describing trivia.

You mean a trivia night? The trivia night. That's why so many fights break out. Well, what's an example of an open-ended trivia question they ask? Tell me about your day. That's not a trivia. How would that ever be a trivia question, babe? That's my point.

We've been doing the trivia. I don't know where you're doing your trivia. The trivia referee or whatever you call him asked me that one time, and I was just infuriated. That was conversation, babe. That wasn't trivia was trivia general question for everyone it was trivia night so you're saying as soon as the sun goes down no matter where you are and no matter what is being said it's trivia it's like the purge. In DTF, the tavern. On Trivian night.

You know, you're there for a reason. He's wearing his badge. Yes, he does take it all very seriously. Rory, yes. Oh, God. It's just like, we get it. He adds to that uniform of his. Oh, yeah. It seems like every week.

Yes, it's a real pieces of flair situation. He's got epaulets now. Yes, he does. Uh, and, uh, he,

he, you know, you see him around town all week and he's talking about it. Like he spends all week preparing. Yes. And he lets you know that he's been preparing and it's, well, we assume he's always like,

Oh, it's just that it's so hard. You know, I'm doing the questions and it's the same thing. It says every week. And it's like, you know what? If you hate it so much, stop doing it.

That's right. That's what I always wanted to say to someone like that. Also, you can't be building a uniform for a post that doesn't exist and hate it that much. Exactly. But of course, what he does is he loves to complain about it. That's what he loves. He loves to complain. One of those people who loves to complain about the job that they actually secretly love.

Yes. And you know, he is dying. So I cut him some leeway. We wish him well, and we're just going to move on from that. We wish him well. Rory, enjoy the time you have left. You could have a better attitude about it. Rory's facing his own open-ended question. Okay, Doug? It's true. We could be a better attitude about it. Rory's facing his own open-ended

question, okay, Doug? It's true. He could be a lot nicer to him. That's right. I'm sorry for moseying in. No, that's quite all right. You know, thinking about Rory, I realize that, you know, let's not sweat the small stuff. That's right. Oh, my. Okay, well, I got a post

here. One last one to talk about. This one I find just really, you know how sometimes I feel like a post is a cry for help. But a really subtle one. So this is from Finn. And it says, has a picture of just a black New York Yankees ball cap. Okay.

$30. New era, black New York Yankees hat. It just says, I bought this not too long ago and it docent D O S E N T. It's a typo. Okay. Fit my head. Not a doesn't. It does. Yeah. It's a typo either way. It's a typo either way. I bought this not too long ago and it doesn't fit my head and all I do is take care of it. All I do is take care of it. And I, I don't know what that means. And it makes me feel like something's going on. This is one of those posts where you say, Oh, there is, there is a lot under the surface here. Yes. All I do is take care of it.

You know, it's, it looks like it's in great condition. So do you think it was $30? Do you think that he, he, first of all, if it doesn't fit my hat, I want to know if it's too big or too small. Yes. That's my first question always. Yes. Yeah. Because you know, it can be fixed. You know, that's fixable. Some, one is fixable. Well, now here's the thing about hat sizes is that it's fixable within reason. That's right. Bert is our resident hat expert. That's true. And by the way, I would never wear a black baseball cap. I think they're, it's ridiculous. It's absurd.

What's absurd about it? Well, there's no, I mean, if your team's colors are black, then fine. But if they're not, let's say if your team, their colors are red and white and you're wearing a black baseball cap. I think you look like a fool. Like what is it? You're going to, you're going to a funeral. You're going to a, some somber event. I'm assuming it's like a way to make it cooler or fancier. Well, it's not though. It's not, nothing's cooler than your team's own colors. I listen, I, you're not going to get any argument argument from me i don't have a team per se so you know uh that's that i don't i don't have a a dog in the race uh but this cap i feel like is meant to look cool so is it just that he's all i do is take care of it is is he is he almost haunted by

the fact he can't wear this hat and deeply sad about it and so he just he carries it around what does take care of? Does he, is he washing it every day? Is he the experiment when they give you in school? Yes. Is it like that? He just feels like he has, it makes me think if all he does is take care of it all day,

he's either annoyed and I'm like, well, you don't have to take care of all day either. I want to tell him you don't have to take care of it all day. All I do is take care of it. Okay. All day or all I do? No, hang on. I think he said, okay, all I do is take care of it, but that Did he say all day or all I do? No, hang on. I think he said, okay, all I do is take care of it.

But that's even more. That's worse. That's worse. All I do. All I do. I'm losing sleep. I'm losing sleep. My job is suffering.

My job is suffering. My relationships are suffering. Because I have to take care of this hat. Because I have to take care of this hat. He says I can't wear it. Does he think it's like a pet that he can't leave it alone? I mean, it doesn't require a lot of upkeep. No.

A hat. A hat. No. I mean, basically. Especially a cap lot of upkeep. No. A hat. A hat. No. I mean, basically. Especially a cap. If you're taking care of it, basically what you're doing is you're putting it in some sort of box and you're putting it on a shelf. And that's what I'm thinking.

Does he see it as more of a, I don't know. Do you have to spray it? I don't think he has to spray it, Doug. No. I mean, I don't know. He moseyed right back. I don't know what kind of spray would be a daily spray for a hat. I think he was just throwing out an idea burn.

Well, I'm just answering his. I know. There was just a little bit of sauce on it, like you said last time. You what? You spray your hats? With what? Like a scotch guard? Well, I don't know what that is, but like a little, my own concoction.

Your own special recipe of hat spray. And what- Little water, lavender. Okay, and what do you do this for? Why does this happen? So they don't dry out. Okay, what are these hats made of? Straw, mostly.

Well, you actually want those to dry out. You don't want to moisten your straw hats. With water and lavender. What does the lavender do? Just for smell? Yeah, I think it's just a nice touch. I think that Doug likes the earthy smell of like a wet straw.

You know, it does bring up a lot of like, you know, sort of a rural sense and absolutely brings to mind the holy family and it fits better on the on the head you know just like your head on there because it's just a sopping wet hat uh yeah i guess so i don't i don't know babe i can't i i wasn't aware you were doing that so but it does explain why you smell like lavender all the time and wet which is not i don't yeah it's sort of like a like a pleasing smell followed by sort of a an upsetting smell it's confusing that's our doug that's our doug that's our doug that's okay it's all right doug i did not mean to imply that

you're not allowed to speak. I just was taken unawares momentarily and maybe this black baseball cap thing really bugs me. I know. I know, Burton. I didn't mean to upset you with it. It's just, if anybody, contact Finn. Baseball's supposed to be fun. It is. That's why I love to go see

our team, the Diplomats. When they play, they're not a great team and fans of the Diplomats were a they play, they're not a great team. And fans of the Diplomats, we're a long-suffering bunch. But I love that their colors are so bright. And it's a lot of yellow and pink. Yes, and they have polka dots. And they have polka dots, which a lot of people think that that's not a cool uniform. Well, baseball's not cool.

It's not supposed to be. It never was and it never will be. Okay. It's just supposed to be our favorite pastime, right? That's right. It's America's pastime. It's absurd, long, and slow. It is very slow.

It's boring. Especially when the diplomats play. But we love it. When the diplomats play, oh, so many times out. And I think that they're really getting in trouble with the league. They have to pay a lot of fines because they're taking so many times out and sometimes it'll be like,

you know, the manager walks out to the mound and he says to the pitcher, hey, I want you to read this article. I meant to show you this earlier. Then they take a timeout while he reads the whole article. And that contributes to it and what also doesn't. Did they take a time out while he reads the whole article? And that contributes to it. And what also doesn't help is they have a seventh inning stretch,

but they have a eighth inning walkabout. Yes. And everyone just walks around and says hello, checks in with each other. There's no time limit on it. And you're not, there's no time limit. It's when everybody is seated again. And the thing is,

you're not allowed to end up back in the seat you started out in. That's right. It's supposed to be sort of a game. Yes. So it gives the people in the good seats a chance to let the people in the bad seats see what it's like. But then fights break out because, I mean, some people don't want to give up their seat. They're not aware of it. Yeah, exactly.

Why do we need to do this? People always try to sit on the field. They want to sit in the dugout. And it's like, well, you're stretching the limits of the goodwill of this exercise and you lose a lot of the crowd honestly after that a lot of people just find their way to their car they think they're doing an irish goodbye to the baseball game yeah and they are sneaking out and that's why we get that's where you get that long so i'm not sure i love the walkabout though i met a lot of i met a lot of people uh doing the walkabout um and uh yeah i think it's a wonderful tradition i think more teams in the league should embrace it anyway next week of

course uh the the dignity fallsomats will be playing the Cleveland Guardians. And it's a series. It's going to be a seven game series. That's right. I am singing the national anthem for that one. For all games? Mm-hmm.

Now, they've never done this before. They're going to have the same person sing the national anthem for all seven games. Yep. This is exciting, Joan. Congratulations. I'm going to do it in a different key each time. Is it just going to go up, up, up, up, up or down, down, down, down, down?

You're going to have to come and find out. Ah, there we go. Okay, so tickets have never been cheaper to see the diplomats. So go right now and get, buy a hundred and have a great time at the ballpark. Well, that's all we have time for. And I'll be singing show turns tunes during the walkabout.

Show turns. No, show turns is when you start singing a show tune, then you turn around and you're singing a completely different song. And the orchestra has to keep up. Yeah, so the show tune turns into another song, but I also turn as well. That's right. Yeah.

And the organist, of course, uh, uh, uh, what is her name? Uh, Lottie, uh, the organist at the, uh,

at the ballpark. Lottie. Oh, oh, I already, I already said her name burnt. And why am I now forgetting her name? Did you say her name?

Why have we been talking here? Not, well, I've been talking here, but in a previous episode, we discussed the organ player. At the ball, at the ballpark? Oh no organ player at the ball at the ballpark not at the ball cart ballpark sorry which organist did we met the organist at the ball cart which is out in front of the stadium okay you're talking about a big cart that sells baseballs

so because you're also allowed to throw a ball in the field if you if you want if you want them to use your ball in play uh you're allowed to toss it out obviously not while a play is happening you have to you have to yell down me maybe and then you if if the umpire turns around and points at you the home plate umpire then you can throw your ball down on the field and then they will change it out they'll use your ball yes Yes. And that's the ball. The ball is sold to the ball cart out front. And then there's a, there's a, there's a woman named Marcy who is the organist for the ball cart. But you're talking about Lottie McQueen, I believe.

Lottie McQueen. Thank you. Sorry, sorry. We have a lot of organists in town. So many. I mean, you know, it was, it was certainly the chief export of the town for a while was pipe organs and uh so lottie mcqueen has been playing the organ there right for i want to say 70 years yes correct and she is fast i'll tell you what no

i'll give her the set list hasn't lost a step for the walkabout but uh what were for the show turns i should say and uh and she really keeps up because you know i try to do it on like a word you know on on a on two songs like a pop song and a show tune that's to share a word like also be like don't tell me not to live just sit and putter don't cry out loud right they share the word don't just keep it exactly so uh i have a lot of fun doing it so that's going to be i'm going to be doing that uh seven times too or however many i'll be starting the conga line i like to start a conga line in the walkabout. Doug has been trying to get that becoming a tradition.

I endorse it. I think it's great. I think it also will probably speed things along. Good. Well, that's all we have for this week, but we'll be back next week

with a new guest and we hope you will join us. And until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode are real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins.

And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Carlo was played by Giovanni. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.