The Neighborhood Listen - Giving Rid Of Goats? with Talia Tabin

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

'Tis the season as Burnt to prepare for his Christmas ascent, Joan to harmonize a niche carol, and Doug to show off for the neighbors. Later, Michaela (Talia Tabin) joins the show to express her unusual need for a goat.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock this episode and ALL seasons of The Neighborhood Listen ad-free, as well as full length exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone You've got the neighbor half app And us, burn And Jode From coyotes to mail theft

To weird things to sell We'll cover it all And meet new neighbors as well We'll chat about any posts You're missing So just tune in To the neighborhood listen God damn

Wires Are you okay? I'm fine There's wires all over the place. We've started. Are we recording, Doug? We're recording.

Okay. You're complaining about the wires? I'm not. That makes it sound like I'm being a petulant child. And it's really just there's so many. Joe! Well, thank you for that, I guess. But there are, it does seem like the wires a little more tangled than usual.

There are. And it's always interesting because, you know, since my husband, Doug, records in a different room every week, sometimes it's less wires. Sometimes it's more wires, because depending on how far away he is. You are right. I'm not going to deny the fact that there does seem to be a few more chords. Well, thank you eventually. And I wish that he had masking tape them or, you know, how like, especially like on the stage, if there's cords, you know, then you put, so people don't trip over them.

Yes, of course. They sort of cover them up with like a. Gaff. Oh, hey, babe. Yeah, Gaffer's tape. Is that what it's called? It is, yeah. Yeah.

So where are you? They would never use masking tape. Okay. I understand. I stand corrected. I use the wrong. I used the wrong type of tape. You're right.

Could you use duct tape? Could you do that? No, you wouldn't want to do that because that would stick forever. Yeah, that's so true. Does it stick forever? You just have so much gunk. If you peeled up the tape, then there's all the residue. Yeah.

Then you got to get one of those scrapers. Oh, I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. You got to get gougon. You ever try goo gun on? Yeah, you know what? It very rarely works.

That's not been my experience. What is the secret to how you're supposed to do it? it because I feel like it's just, oh, it's me in a rag. How did you do, Bern? What did you do? Walk me through it. Well, I open up the jar. So far, you're doing it right. I say, go ahead. Okay, wait a minute. You expected to jump out and do it like it's a magical potion? What do you think I'm doing?

Well, okay, yes. You probably put it on a rag and you probably rubbed it on the price sticker, whatever you wanted to get off. Yes. Well, at first I peel off the price sticker with my thumbnail. Yeah, you try to get as much as you can off with your thumbnail. Yes. Peel off. Then it's time. What?

Oh, Doug heard piloff. He heard peel off. He's hungry. I'm starving for pilaf. It was a real rice peel off. What would that be, that event, a rice peel off? Oh, where you're all in the parking lot. Doug's on it.

Oh, in the parking rubbing. Well, I see this again, you're in a car. You're going to peel off. Oh, yes, yes, yes. We went to the same place, he and I. And how does the rice factor it? Are you? Big bowl of rice at the end of the race.

That's not what I was going to say. A big bowl of rice. It's a big bowl of rice. We're racing for a big bowl of rice. It's a rice race. Drag rice. Drag rice. Wow.

We're up to a strong start, everybody. So what room are you in, babe? Are you really far? We haven't even said who we are yet. I don't know that Doug should get introduced first. Doug, stand down and stand by. As we've said before. Welcome to the neighborhood listen.

This is the neighborhood listen. This is the podcast. If you were wondering, let's have it a third time. This is the neighborhood listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents. We are two such residents. My name is Burtmea Payday. I am the pharmacist and chief of the Dignity Falls Missy Pharmacy right here in Dignity Falls.

And with me, as always is. I'm Joan Pedestrian. I'm the top realtor here and also the top local actress. That's right. And the voice you heard earlier is Doug, our engineer, who is Joan's husband, Doug Corn Pedestrian. That's right. He took my last name. Doug, where are you this time?

I'm excited about this one. I'm in the snow globe. The snow globe. Tis the season. So you haven't filled with water yet. Make sure you get out of there before you fill it with water. You can't.

Unless you have scuba. Well, I think he wants to swim around in it. Am I right? Tell me about it. The snow globe's more about. Wouldn't it be fun to swim in a snow globe? Finally get to go in that little house. Visit the Empire State Building.

So how have you constructed this, babe? Well, it's all, it's a ball. Sure, good place to start. A globe taken care of. And it rotates. It rotates. Yeah. To keep the snow flying?

To keep the snow flying. Oh, I see. It rotates at a great speed. I was going to say, I think it should agitate more than rotate. Agitate. Like a snoo. Like a snoo. How do you know a snoo burns?

We started selling them at the Falls Missing. You're kidding. Yes. Usually that doesn't happen. We have some big box items now. You sure do, I guess, because that is huge. What else do you have? No, you can.

Yes, you can. And they're in boxes, yes. At the pharmacy, in a box. Yes. How does that even work? Well, you just drive it right out of the box? No, no, no. You can't do that.

Okay. Oh, no, you don't have to put it together yourself at home. Well, yes, you do. You get a car kit. All make some models. Oh, dear. But you are responsible for getting it out of the store. You have to assemble.

You have to assemble it in the store. What is this amazing race? You don't assemble it in the store. We can't have that. I thought that's what you just said. No, I said you were responsible for getting it out of the store. Right. So you would have to assemble it in the store if you want to get it out.

No, you mean you just carry the box out. Yeah, you have to get the box out there. Okay. And you can't do it in the parking lot either. Wow. We can't have all this going on. This is a place of business. I don't.

Did you really need all this extra product? I don't make sense for a pharmacy. I don't think we did. I also agree it doesn't make. sense for a pharmacy? Good, good. I, as the pharmacist in chief, of course, I am the top guy there. So when the owners of the Falls Missy said they were going to do this, I said, I don't know about this. And they said, well, we're doing it. And I said, I had to go back to the gang and say, I tried. I tried to get, they make adults news because Doug was having a real

problem with night terrors. And I would kind of like shake him to go back to bed and he would calm down. Well, I wasn't getting any sleep. Right. And it's like, I don't have babies anymore. I don't care to do that. I'm on shake duty. Right. So it was this, it's very big. You think of a regular snoo's big. And it would, it would just, if people don't know, a snoo is sort of like the catalack of cradles. That's pretty good, right? The Cadillac of Cradle. It's pretty good, Joe. The cradle of the future. Do people know what a Cadillac is anymore? Oh, dear. I'm not sure they do. I mean, I think they still make them. Did you have a grandparent in the 80s? That's what they drove. Now it's just, what, escalades? That's a Cadillac, right?

That's how they would know it. It's just those big, fat, black, cool-looking cars that drive celebrities around. That's all it is. Yeah, that's all it is. Yeah, tinted windows, rappers. We've had to change the lyrics in rhubarb caravan to pink escalade. You've kept the crushed velvet seats, though, right? Of course, yeah.

Did you also change it from when you do Aretha Franklin's freeway? because she sings freeway of love. Rather than the freeway in a pink escalade. No one can sing. She says Cadillac in that one too. No one can sing it.

I can sing it. Why can't I guess with you guys sometimes? Sure. Oh, are you telling me you've never had Joan do guest vocals for rhubarb caravan?

He always changes the subject be like, hey, could I sing me this week? And he's like, ow, and then like pretends his foot is hurting or it's very weird. Wow. Even Desi Arnaz was more

forthright than that with Lucy. I mean, my foot. it was black and blue. I went to the emergency room. Because you kicked it right into the kitchen island here. Okay, but it did hurt. The second I brought it up. It did hurt. I wasn't attending. Now all of a sudden, you're acting like it's no big deal and I can guess thing with you guys. Well, I can't wait to. So anyways, we got a minute and a little snoo for a while, but it would just,

it would, oh, I was explaining what it is. You put the baby in there and it gently rocks them to sleep. And if they wake up, it rocks them a little harder. Now, it, you can't, you know, go on for too long. It will stop if it, if the baby keeps crying. It's not like a washing machine. It is it. But his was. because it kind of, it had a glitch. You didn't like my washing machine? I'm sorry, it was really good. I'm sorry.

I always want to honor impressions on this podcast. And I, you know what? I was only think of impressions of humans. Impressions of appliances, we haven't discussed you. I don't, look, I don't fancy myself on Michael Winslow, but I do my best. Do people know who Michael Winslow is? If you don't know what a Cadillac is,

you don't know. If you're a certain person, this is a beautiful episode for you. You are in heaven. So anyhow, but that, it didn't work because his, he was, he was thrown out of it. It was terrible. Oh, no, like the mechanical bowl thrown right out. Yes. So, okay, we've got circle.

That's as far. All right. Circle. Circle. What are you using for the, you know, the snow? It always looks to me like, you know, it always looks to me. Oh, okay. Wait, but is that going to, it always looks to me like the salt that comes on a big pretzel.

You know what I mean? That's what I like to imagine is in there. That made me hungry just now. I love those pretzels. You love the salt. I love those big soft pretzels with the, those jagged grains of salt. Yeah. Like, crack your teeth.

Yes. Crack your teeth. Well, they're always clumped in one spot of the pretzel. It's the same salt they used to like put on the sidewalks. But sometimes they can pierce your upper palate. For sure. Yum, yum, yum. So how big is it going to be?

Is it in the room and is it on a stand or is the entire room shaped like a circle? Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Okay. So which is it? I am King Kong size compared to the city or the town. This is not at all answering this. This is a Dodge, another classic Doug Dodd.

I don't think it is a Dodge. You're asking for scale, right? I am. Is there just a, is there a room that is square and then within it is a snow globe? How about that? Is that how it looks? The room itself is a globe. See, this is what I was afraid of.

Yeah, it's sticking out the back of that house. So then how do you get into it if it's full of water? What does that mean? It's not filled with water, man. I'm with you, sticking out the back of the house. Talk about that more. You're moving too fast for me. You know how we move on this show.

You know how we move. You heard us with our guests. We need answers. This show is at Aaron Sorkin' Walk and Talk down a hallway, Doug. And you better get on board. If you're going to run to keep up, then get a running. Oh, boy, those are fun. I love those.

Oh, they're so much fun. He writes the same five lines of dial. dialogue for everybody. Picture a clear globe sticking out the back of the house. Yeah, almost like an airlock. So then it is in... It's like an airlock.

Is this so people can see it walking by? Yeah. And so it rotates fully, you know what I mean? Oh, it does. Yeah. Okay. And it is partially in a room. Yeah, so it's partially in a room, right?

I mean, it's its own room. How much of the globe is sticking out of the back of the house? The whole thing. How, it's sticking out? It's mostly an exorral to no glow. Well, there's a whole. hallway that kind of short sort of hallway

that interlocks it with the house so wait is this like a submarine situation like an airlock do you go I've got an airlock I said airlock

maybe I'm maybe too fast for you don't have to get mad physician slow myself down did we get confirmation that you're going to swim in it we were mainly I don't know why we need the airlock

so far mainly dealing with the tech specs I know so far far, there's no water in it. Thank God. The thing with the snow globe is you're not, you're not supposed to think that it has water in it.

There's never been a time, I understand it, but there's never been a time when I haven't fully aware there's water. No, I guess I can't buy into the illusion that much. I can't, either. I'm learning about this now from you. Which water are you learning? That there's water in those things. Are you kidding?

I thought it was like an ethereal snow that kind of floats around. Oh, babe, there's no way you just thought. How did you explain the ball? There's always a bubble on top. There's bubbles. There's no bubbles. Always a bubble on top. You're never.

Nope, you're the bubble. Hold on. So, okay. The bubbles not the focus. But then how were you going to get the snow to move? How are you going to get the snow? Because these are very light packing peanuts.

Were you just going to have a fan blowing on the whole time? Well, right now it just rotates a lot so that the, the, the packing peanuts sort of stay whipped up in the hair. I'm sorry. If you're saying without a fan, that's not how this works. A peanut. cannot be so light that it just floats. A peanut can be so light that it never touches the ground. Is this a haiku? This is beautiful. A peanut can be so light, but it never touched it.

So there's a, there's a model. My soul is at peace. There's a model of dignity falls. Oh, wow. Okay. Of course, you know, that the snow falls on. And you're King Kong size. I'm King Kong size for scale. I just kept thinking. Do you want to be King Kong? He wants to be King Kong in the Snow Globe on the Empire State. Of course. I thought it was going to be a Christmasy snow globe because of the season. It is. Oh, and King Kong? What do you think?

A King Kong Christmas. Well, no, he's just saying for size. He's not, you're not dressed as King Kong. I thought he was, but this is Doug we're talking about. So in his mind, you have to imagine he might be King Kong. I'm trying to make sure. You're not dressed as King Kong? I'm not dressed as King Kong.

I'm not dressed as King Kong. But I am behaving much like King Kong. Why? Well, because I'm King Kong size, wouldn't you? Well, why do you? This is what I'm saying. Every guy loves to be able to be in a tiny model of a city and it's just this wreck shit. Wouldn't you stomp on Mitch McNut's house?

Oh, my God, I'd stomp on Mitch McNut's house? What would you stomp on? Mitch McNut's house? That's what I've been doing. I'd turn him into jelly. But then you want to hear, want to hear what happens? Oh, God. They strap myself in because I don't have water, I guess.

That's the next thing. What does that look like? So you've already played in the snow globe. Oh, he's doing some music box. I guess you can have a music box on the snowblood. I've seen those. As it rotates. That's the sound of the room itself winding.

Yeah. That ratchet sound? Yes. And then now I'm floating. And it plays a little beautiful. Joy to the world. And the beautiful peanut. Now, okay, let me ask you this.

Oh, are you okay? Did you choke on a peanut? No, did one get in there? Oh, my God. This is dangerous. My greatest fear. Opening a package and accidentally inhaling one of those peanuts. And you're alone.

And I'm alone. I'm throwing myself over a kitchen chair. It's never a reason to get married. It is. Well, I'm engaged. I know. And how is that? going. Let's give Doug a break for a minute because we really

peppered him with a lot of questions. Let's let him get his thoughts together. Get your thoughts together. Get the peanut out of your mouth. Because I do want to know how fast the room is rotating in order to keep the peanuts in the air. So I know I keep asking you for a date. No, that's okay. The last thing you said was your, but we are

are you how, what T minus are we at for you going and camping out for Christmas on the top of the Devils Tower in Wyoming? Oh, we're going to get their Christmas Eve. Okay. Yeah. And then we begin our ascent.

Okay. Yes. And have you done any kind of rock climbing ever? I mean, I've been on top of rocks, I guess. Okay. I'm not talking about like, you know, two rocks at the park and you just climb them. I mean, this is major. Okay.

This is major. In fact, I meant to look up the stats of like if you can actually climb this thing. I'm going to do it at the break. Yeah, because I don't. I meant to look that up and I didn't. I'm not sure that this is safe. In fact, I believe that Gabby can get everyone up there safely because she seems to be super human.

Yeah. And her family is, you know, They're very experienced climbers. Okay. Have they done it before? Have they made this climb before? Have they scaled Devastower in Wyoming? Have they scaled DeVis Tower?

I don't know. Oh, I don't like that answer. I'm not going to lieburn. I can't remember if they said they had done this many times or if they always wanted to do this. Oh, dear. I think there's a, you need to make that distinction before you leave. Okay, then what do I do? I mean, it would be so rude if I said I'm not doing it because you haven't done this a million times.

I think it could be rude. I think maybe I'm just... He's my future in-laws, John. I understand. I understand. And there's a lot of them. I know there are. There are so many.

What were you going to say, babe? What's that, Doug? Do you have any special rituals on Christmas Eve? Like, do you open a present, one present each, or do you have a special dinner? We open, we do have a special dinner. It's very special. On your assent. Oh, you're talking specifically...

No, I think that you meant traditions for Devil's Tower or just in general. Well, I mean me and Gabby. Traditions that you were going to have to do. Oh, do they have traditions that I now have to follow? Sure. Oh, he's so unhappy. Are you rolling your eyes? Yes, you can hear it.

No, I'm. And I think he shrugged. I think it was a double. I think it was a shrug and I roll. It was a Doug shrug. No, a part of me just gave up. That's what happened. Well, hopefully the rest will catch up.

I think I was asking a fair. interesting question. Does. Nobody, okay, we were just trying to get clarification on this question and I don't know why you got so bent out of shape about it. I think he's upset because we didn't receive the news of the snow globe the way he wanted us to. We just immediately got into like the details of it as opposed to just being so thrilled at the, at the, you know, the sort of magic of it all, right? And he's also asking because we, of course, in the pedestrian home, have all sorts of fun traditions. and I think we were hoping to include you and Gabby in those. Oh, that's nice.

You know, every year we do Secret Santa, which is not, I know a lot of people do Secret Santa different ways. But in our case, it's every night someone in the family has to break into the house. Yes. And whoever can't be detected. Right. And has to leave a present behind and then take something else from someone, like actually steal something.

So they have to break in. They can't wake up anybody. They have to leave a present, take a present. And someone's on watch, dude. for the tree. You have to defend the tree at all costs. That's right. At all costs?

What does at all costs look like? Well, because the boys added this to the Secret Santa tradition is that also you try to defeat the tree. And that's what they called it. Defeat the tree. Okay. I'm talking, of course, about my twin boys, Matt and. Paddington Zero. And Paddington Zero.

And so that became sort of the almost, it was almost like Capture the Flag, right? That was almost their main objective. Capture the flag. What's that? That's from Halo. Okay. Killionaire.

I, you know, this is where I run into trouble because I just don't play video games. All the boys do, and they love it. Killing spree. Every once in a while HALO would say something to you while you were playing the game. Oh, HALO is a person. Halo is not a person.

Oh. Hilo the game. So if you're playing with your, If you're playing with your friends, every once in a while the game would chime in. Oh, God. That it was noticing how you were playing. That's terrifying.

Imagine if you were playing Miss Pac-Man when I was a kid and the machine just went, eat the cherries. I would have been terrified. Pellet spree. Hungry, hungry, Pac-Man. So that's what. Ghost attack. And I figured that Gabby would be so good at this game because, you know,

she could like repel down the chimney or she could sneak through, you know, one of the back doors. Tunnel through the ground for Secret Santa and finally show Matt and Pantyton Zero that they got them, they've met their match, you know. So, of course they've met their match many times. It always ends in a terrible fire. That's true. So, tradition in itself. So the Secret Santa, it's chosen at random.

Obviously, you draw names from a hat or not draw names from a hat, but you draw straws? How do you determine who's the Secret Santa? We draw fly wings from a snow glow. weirdly, an empty one that broke a long time ago. Fly wings. Fly the insect? Yes. You just have like a little dish of fly wings, a little ramekin?

This was the boy's idea again, of course. That's chilling. I'm going to say it, Joan. That's legitimately terrifying. To get enough wings. You know, it just becomes such a tradition to me that I don't see. It's endearing, you know, I don't see it that way anymore. How there are enough wings?

How did it get broken? How did it, how did the fly wings? He's asking questions like a six-year-old. Doug, these are legitimate questions. Oh, you know what he's trying to do? Yeah, he's trying to do what we did to him. Yeah. Okay.

He's trying to act like what we did was ridiculous. It's true. When it actually applies just as well to this. You're validating his questions trying to prove a point. I get it. I let you be a good parent. Thank you. You're welcome.

Can you imagine? Listen, I'm not saying that, especially in your earlier days, you were not fit to be parents since you were out all night, vigilantey style trying to stop crimes from happening and just hiding in alleyways. You wouldn't be proud to have such a man as a dad? Okay. Now you're putting it in the light where now I seem the fool, but you need to stay home for a child.

You can't just be gallivanting all the time at night. Obviously, if I had a child, those activities. Have you talked about this? Have you talked about this? About children? Yeah. We're both kind of skeptical at this point. Okay.

I feel like that's a no. Yeah. Well, but we go back and forth because. What are your pros and cons? Pros. Okay. Cute. Chris.

Cons. Responsibility. Only one pro. No, we've boiled it down. Because we... Cute versus responsibility. We had these two long columns and we're like, let's just boil this down. I think you should just get a hamster then.

So what about the special meal? Okay, but we never nailed down. Are you talking about Gabby's family that I am joining? Are you talking about me and Gabby? Let's say this. Let's say this one more time. I'm going to crack that globe. Oh, no.

Not again. It was so traumatic the first time it happened. Let me try to rephrase. I'm talking about the broken glove that we use to pick the flowers. What are you going to do on Christmas Eve as you ascend up? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're talking about what's going to happen.

this Christmas Eve. I'm saying are you preserving any rituals that you are doing on this Christmas Eve, Doug? Okay. You know what? I think actually we're getting caught in a loop and we got to get to our guest and I want us to be in a good mood for when we talk to him. Do you have plans?

So am I bringing some of my own rituals? Yes. To a scaling devil's tower in Wyoming. Does we call them Christmas rituals? Something that doesn't sit right with me about that. Yes. I will be watching. Here without a Santa Claus as we ascend to Devil's Tower.

Which one is that? It's the one where Santa Claus doesn't do it that year. But you know who's in it? Give me a reference. I can't even think of it. I feel like that's the one with the heat miser and the cold miser. Oh, it's one of those like stop motion things. Sorry, heat miser and snow miser.

I say cold miser because it should be cold miser. I agree with you. I understand this. Oh, okay. So I think how long we've been talking, babe. I do think it's time to take a break. It probably is. time to cool off and uh and uh pretty pretty hot out of the collar for a guy in a snow globe

whatever you need to do let's cool off let's take the temperature down let's peel off let's cool off hey oh hey truce okay okay let's do a truce let's have a truce for now great 24 minutes oh then perfect perfect time for a truce let's have a 24 minute truce we'll be right back with the neighbor listen when the neighbor listen returns Hello, this is Lynn. VHS tapes mostly used can be taped over. Many VHS tapes free seem to be used. Many boxes of new tapes previously donated to Goodwill, the one directly across from the DIY store on Apple and Old Dig. If you want to seek out new slash unused tapes. Those still in my locker appear to be used. I didn't realize that until today when

people came to get some. They did take several boxes. There are many more. You can tape over them. Let me know whether you want some. There are many boxes of them available. VCR's pictured above are no longer available. They were taken today. I can't figure out how to remove the photo I miss my I miss my VCR I like the sounds I like pressing the buttons

why can we return to a simpler time memories press between the pages of my mind Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Joan, it's that time of the podcast show. I'm sorry, the what now? The podcast show, which people say. It's time when we have a guest.

Now, every week on the show, we comb the neighbor app, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look for interesting people in Dignity Falls to talk to. Maybe they want to amplify their message. Maybe they want to, you know, answer for some sort of thing they've been accused of. Who knows? Maybe they're looking for something and they want people to have.

Help. And this week is no different. Now, look, if you see a post that you think we should cover on the show, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at burnt and Joan at gmail.com. And I think this one was sent in by a listener. Let me make sure. Again, we have listeners, not fans. We do not want to presume.

Ever, ever, ever. Yes, this comes from Terese Witkowski. Thank you, Teres, for this submission. This is in the In Search of section. And this person says, does anyone know or is selling slash? giving rid of goats. Not miniature ones, thought. And here to tell us more about that is Michaela.

Michaela, welcome to the neighborhood listen. Hi, Michaela. It's so nice to be here. Oh, thanks for being here. Absolutely. I feel like I see you guys around town and I'm always trying to wave, get a little bit more of your attention.

So it's just, it's so nice. Oh, I'm so sorry if I've never waved back. Oh, no, no, no. What other things have you done to try to get our attention? Well, um, called your name. Oh, dear. Right in that face. Oh, dear.

I feel badly. Everybody's busy, though, right? Everybody's... Everyone is busy. Yes. Yes. So I don't take the first of them. Have you also called my name?

No, no. Okay. Just John. Oh, okay. Just John. Well, you're more visible than I am, of course. That is true. Yeah.

You're behind all the boxes of snooze in the pharmacy. And cars. And cars. But you're on the stage. Are you a fan of Joan's stage work? Huge. Oh, dear. That's, I mean, our town celebrity.

Oh, no, that's nice. I would never say that myself. That's very kind. No, but we'll say it for you. It's very true. Oh, my goodness. How nice. Well, thanks.

I'm so flattered. Oh, I'm blushing. Is that so weird? You know. Hello. I don't see. Really? Yeah.

I'm not showing. My cheeks aren't red. They feel so hot. No. Oh, no. Are you just saying that? Am I coming down with fever? Fever.

Oh, no. Joan has a fever. Oh, my gosh. I would be so mortified to have given Joan a fever. No, you can. And don't worry. Sometimes we just pop into Elizabeth McGovern's voice from downtown Abby and the way that she talks. And we have a really fun time saying fever.

Fevere. Up upstairs downstairs. Okay. Yes. Exactly. So, Michaela, can you tell us about... Galsford Park. What?

Amen. Jane Austen. Merchant ivory. Wow, this is exciting. This is a fun game. Where do I see? Agatha Christie. Agatha Raisin.

You guys ever heard of that? No, what's that? Oh, it's a cozy murder mystery series about a detective named Agatha Raisin, and she lives in the Cotswoles. Oh, adorable. The Codswolds. I don't know how to say it. Me either.

But it's, every time, it's like Agatha Raisin murder, murder of the plant or something. Is this a child series? Because that's what it sounds like to me. No. It sounds like, it's for adults. It is. Are you sure? But Agatha Raisin sounds absolutely like a very clever childhood, you know, like fake murder mystery series.

If you were going to write murder mysteries for adults and you said the name of the character is Agatha Raisin, And surely someone would say, well, no. Exactly. Not really. No, yeah, like the baker's, the baker's death. Okay. You know, yes, close. So close.

But wrong. Try again, birds. The baker's death. So anyway, that's a, Agatha Raisin is a British. Is it a cartoon? Is it animated or live action? It's a book series. It's a book series.

But they did make it into on. into on. Can I ask the BBC? Okay, can I ask about the raisin of it all? Because why it isn't supposed to be? John loves raisins. No, I understand that. Joan does love that.

I understand that it's her last name. That's the part I wasn't confused about. Okay, great. Why is her last name, raisin? And is it supposed to be like a distant cousin of Agatha Christie? But the show, no, no. Just same, you know what we say in my house. Same name, different person.

Same name, different person. In what context do you say that at your house? Well, okay, I have a bunch of kids. In what context are you saying it now? I have. Fair question She's about the Agatha's Oh yeah she was answering that question

Same name different person You know when kids are like wait But it's not the same name is it It's the same first name Yeah Right but why raisin Like there's got to be a description At some point

You know what? Because it's so specific I mean you could choose anything Is the other Agatha Agatha Christi Is that what we're saying? Yeah That's why same name different person Right

Yes Yes But I still don't understand And there has to be Raisin is such an odd last name It is not discussed in the books at all? It must be discussed.

People are the other characters must say, your last name is raisin. I get the raisin. It's just, she's from the Cotswold. It seems to be she's from the Cotswall. Let's let, Aged the Raisin.

Let's let her stay with me. But you know what? It's not for kids. I mean, she has a crush on her neighbor. That's definitely. At least, a sexual crush. Is his name Peter Prune?

No. No, burn. But see, it's not. Oh, she's not happy about that. You're, digging on Agatha Raisin. We're not, I just think actually Agatha

Razin and Peter Prune. That's the voice of my husband, Doug. Okay, good. You've heard the show. Well, I call him on the street too. Babe, you guys are busy. But see, he's in a different room. You can't see him. How do people recognize you, babe? Sorry, you called Doug's name, but not mine. Okay. Okay. Just going to get hung up on this. Don't get hung up on this bird. Don't read

into it too much. No, it's fine. No, there's nothing. It's just everybody's busy. I'm busy. She's too busy to call your name. Sometimes I'm busy. Sometimes they are busy. I'm busy. You're busy. You know, everybody's busy. Yeah. It's true. Everybody's busy. So, okay, I don't want to get hung up on Agatha Raisin. But I'll probably, it'll come back around at some point.

But let's get into, you were about to explain why it is you're looking for a goat. I have so many kids. Oh, how many? I had not baby goats. I have five children. Wow, that's a lot. Five children. That's a lot. And we just lost our nanny.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah. Thank you. What are the ages of your children? Four months, four years. Oh, wow. 14, oh, just two and six. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on a second. Four months.

I decided 14 is the oldest. Four months, four years. She decided 14 was the oldest. That's, we can't, that's the oldest. You can't have any other older children beyond that one. What were the ages again? It was four months, four years, 14, 14, two and six.

Oh, two and six. Two and six. Okay. And what are their names? In order. Julie, Jessie, Jamie, Jamie, John and, Karen.

A Karen. A Karen. Listen, we're working with her. We're working with her. We're making sure that she doesn't turn into that kind of Karen. Okay. Yeah.

Is it like a family name? A bold choice to use that name. Is it a family name? Why did you name her Karen if I may ask? Yes. It's a family name. Okay. Yes.

All right. Yes. You're not related to James Karen, star of the Poltergeist movie. I am. Oh, what? Yes. Wow.

He was the family. guy who moved the headstones that didn't move the bodies. See, I've never seen polter guys because I do not like scary movies. Oh, I saw it when I was way too young. Oh, dear. And it's the TV one, right? The TV polter guys? Yeah, terrifying. I don't recommend it. I don't let my children see it. The clown. Even though I've heard about the clown. Yeah. Even though it is part of our heritage, our ancestry, we do not, I do not let them watch it, not even the 14 year old. But you can probably watch his past mark commercials. You named Karen after him. Truly. I'm sorry, what's the

relation? we're related okay we're related cousins cousins okay good enough cousins

second cousins related cousins once removed okay okay but listen why I'm here

is because we lost our nanny sure and I am I have been interviewing everyone in this town and there is not a nanny

insight that I think could really encompass everything that I need and I want to get back to nature a little bit I want the kids to get back to nature

a little bit so I felt like maybe I hire a goat or find a goat adopt a goat and the 14 year old can't pitch in it that was my very first question that's the oldest so they don't know too much you know beyond that they only know what does that younger but certainly they're old enough to know how to I'm sorry am I coming for you in your life no no please Michaela I'm just seeking to understand okay great so yeah the 14 year old you know they're a little you know they're they love to

play video games, and they're kind of in their own world. I don't trust a 14-year-old. I mean, that's sort of fair. What's the 14-year-old's name? Oh, I can't. I can't. I can't remember. Yeah, John.

I think that's right. Is that the same right? I think that's right. It feels right. It feels right. So I'm sorry, what would the goat do? Well, what don't goats do? Right?

I think I need to have an answer to. Goats can talk. Dial 9-1-1. make food, change diapers. We have the 14-year-old, right? The 14-year-old can dial 911. He can do these things. Yeah, but not everything.

A goat can... I feel like if you're a babysitter, all you need is down 911, you know, food, make sure they don't die. I don't know. That's so simplistic. You're saying the goat is bad and clean up here. That's like making a frozen cons list

with one thing on each. No, no, no, no. Goats can give you milk. So there we go. We don't need somebody to drive us to the grocery store. Great point. a process. I mean, is it not? I mean, just, you can't just, it's not like you're just,

it's not going, you can't drink it straight out of the teeth. You can't drink it straight out of the teeth. Thank you. I think I was a little uncomfortable about saying teeth, Byrne. Thank you for saying it for me. It's not a great word. It's not a great word. No, it's not a great word. No, it's not because I think it's dangerous. Why? I think it is too. Because they could kick the baby. They could kick the baby. I hope the baby's not just sitting around closely within range. The baby wouldn't be drinking from the tea to be like a six year old, the six year old. I guess, but the, but no one should be doing that. six-year-old

I don't think you want to put your child on those mechanic wheeled slides I just said I wanted to interview a goat to see

about the possible I didn't say it's hired and it's done for well now I'm caught up on the fact you're going to interview the goat

what's that going to look like? Well I'm just looking I said is someone giving is someone looking no miniatures I knew that

that would be a problem I need them to be taller than the babies that's a good idea I think you know I could put like a little

bag thing on the goat and then put the baby in the goat bag? I'm sorry. A bag thing on the goat and put the baby in the cat? You know like a donkey has like pouches on the side. Saddle bags. Oh okay. Right. I was thinking

the goat's just going to carry on. Are both parents gone in these scenarios and it's just a goat and the can I ask what you do? You're married? Yes, I'm married. Okay, what are you and your husband? Husband? What's your husband's name? Corey. Corey. What do you and Corey do? That has you so busy? We are we work for you know the big plant oh you work for the big plant we work in the plant

can you tell us anything about the big plant we can't talk a ton about it it's so many NDAs we are I'm drowning in NDAs can you tell us what they make there you know I can't tell you but I can give you I can allude you're allowed to give him I can allude okay there's there's always that rainbow colored smoke coming out yes yeah it's pretty it's very pretty Then there's the blood-curdling screams that you get in the middle of the night. Yeah. But we work during the day. I know.

So we're, it's a tough. It's scary. We're always up at night with a scream. So. You must have a hard time selling homes around there. Oh, I sure do. You can't. It's like, it's as bad as being around a cemetery.

I mean, it's like you definitely got to show them during the day. Oh, you absolutely do. Yeah. But then some people have requested to come by at night. And so then I just, I throw a huge party. I play music really loud. You throw a party. And do you hire people to get there?

How do you fill the house with people for the party? Well, you know, I have my ways. I am the top realtor. So what I do is I'm like, you know, as course, if everyone knows, one of my deals is if you purchase a house from me, you get a discount off on, you know, tickets to my next show at the Disney Falls Road. That's right.

A discount. Who would want to get a discount? I want to pay full price. Come on. It's theater. No, no. I'm just clarifying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For McKay. But also. you know, I make really great drinks, you know, so I just, you know, basically, is it you and the, and the people that you're showing the house to, or you bring people to fill out the party? It's any clients who are potential, yeah. It's an open house. It's an open house. But I like to call them open raves, you know what it means.

So that's what I do. So we just go and we have a good time and nobody hears the screams. But let's get back to what you might be able to tell us about it. I'm so sorry. Can I tell you a very quick story about someone, a friend of a friend who is a realtor. and this is this really happened this person got this realtor got bitten by something

maybe a snake maybe some kind of bug and it caused a horrible reaction in her hand oh my god to the point where they had to I'm sorry to glove her finger what does that mean what does that mean

deep glove not the skin not the skin coming off she was wearing a glove and they took the glove off please say that if only Please say that. She was wearing the glove she was born with. She was wearing nature's glove. She was wearing nature's glove and they had to peel up one of the fingers of nature's glove

and then extract a poison sack that was growing inside her finger. I'm so sorry to our listeners. But here's why I bring it up. This episode is not going to make fans of anybody. Because part of, you know what? Somebody's going to be. I mean, it's almost a violent scenario. That's true.

request of striped by your listeners. Got it, got it, got it, got it. So everything was fine, but this person, the realtor was required to hold their hand up at a 90-degree angle. Because if they held it, if they just let it fall naturally, the pain would start. Oh. And so they had to hold their hand up. And so they were showing houses. No.

Walking around just there. What? Do you mean like an exposed mussely hand? No, no. Oh, no. No. No, of course. This is after the.

Brut, you skip some steps. I'm sorry. I'm still. I'm still back on nature's gloves. I'm still hoping they removed the sack. They removed the poison sack and then sewed everything back up. And take God. Can they use their finger again?

I think at this point, yes. But they had to walk around with their hand up as if they were looking for a high five or had a question. Oh my God. But the last thing they wanted was a high five. Absolutely. Exactly. Oh, no.

Can you imagine? So they explained it very quickly at the outset of showing the properties. No high fives. I mean, I'd just put a sign around my neck. Yeah, exactly. If I were that person. I would put a sign that says, I appreciate the gesture, but please no high fives. But please.

That's not an explanation you can give quickly. I mean, you'd have to put a lot more on the sign to explain what's going on. Yeah. I had a poison sack. Is that what you said? What were they doing that they got bit? Yeah. Were they showing the house?

They were by a pool and they were reaching for their jacket in the grass. No, no, no. It happened just like that. Could happen to end you. I got trapped in a panic room once that I didn't even know existed when I was showing my house. I bet you're panicking.

Absolutely. How do you get out? It's the opposite of what's supposed to happen. But you know what? I just slept for a week. It was so great. Oh, that sounds peaceful. It was so, wow.

Nice. I haven't slept in 14 years. No one even noticed. You haven't slept in 14 years. I have a 14 year old. Okay, so wait. That's the point of the goat. You're saying since you had your first child,

you've never had a single, you can't have. No, no, of course. You have a single drop. You have wings here. in there. I've had winks. Winks. Okay. You have winks. Okay. Of course. So, okay. So let me, let me rewind a little bit. Let me rewind a little bit to the big plant. Is there anything to you? Rewind. Way to go, Berber with a Hamilton reference. Oh, I love it when you do that. Love it when you do that. Okay. So can you tell us anything about the big plant? I can tell you. Oh, you can allude to things. Yeah. What can you allude to. Yes.

Okay. I can allude to a cane. Cool. Okay. Cain. So many things. Sugar, candy. Is there gold?

She's like objects in a board game. Gold. And two grandparents who are in the same bag. Okay. Do you know what? I was already thinking this. When I heard cane,

my first thought, my first thought was candy factory. Really? Yes. Mine was monopoly for some reason. They sounded like objects for a boardwalk. We're right next to the board game. We're right next to the board game plant.

But they're not mysterious at all. So that's why I suppose it wouldn't have been said. They just scream during the day. Do you know when the... Can I say my cane? Your cane? Do you mean like, okay, say your cane. Say your cane.

You know what? Say your cane. Can I speak my cane? Speak your cane, Doug. Let's hold space for a Doug's cane. For CSI, Miami. Horatio. Kane. Whoa.

What? Joan, I'm not pointing. I'm asking you to hold my finger because Doug is, we're holding space for Doug. Well, I thought there was. Do you know what? DeNature's Glof story has me so freaked out. I thought there was, yeah. You pointed out my arm like there was

a bug on it and I was terrified. I was about to get up. I'm like, I'm going to have to take my skin off from the elbow now. Just see. Because I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt. Just so you know, if that were the case, I wouldn't just silently point. like that. Well, we were recording. I thought you were trying to be professional. Okay, put your finger out one more time and I will Ariana Grande still

grab it. There we go. All right. Okay, go for it. Oh, I actually did already say it. I'll just trust it the listener. I heard it. Wow! I'll just trust that the listener. Listen, we're not keeping things chill, babe. Michaela, could you tell us what happens? NCIS Miami. I'm sorry. That's his cane. Nick Kane. I'm sorry, I wasn't listening that

hard. I was listening. I was like peripheral. Well, anybody holds space for my cane. What, can you tell us again what it was, babe? Horatio Kane from CSI Miami. Who is that? Who is Horatio Kane? Oh, don't get so much. I didn't watch that show.

I know Doug loved it. The great Italian nice sunglasses. Didn't he have a bunch of ridiculous, like, catchphrases and stuff? And he used a cane? No, his name was. His name was Kane. My, what is happening? I'm still, I'm still, like my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

Heart's still returning to my chest because I was afraid there was an insect on me. Right. That was truly different. Okay, no, do you know what? When I saw the rainbow smoke the first time, I was like, oh, it's kind of, it's a little bit of chocolate factory-ish, you know. Yeah. But the screams are what made me think, well, that can't be the case. But, um, all right, I don't want to push you any further on it.

But you both are fair or just you. That's very true. And so some of the, you know, I mean, I can't say too much, but some of the taste testers are at night. Oh, are they testing candy on children? No. Oh. It was way too hot. And they disliked the candy so much

that they admit blood-curdling screams. This is so dark. But I don't work in night shift. But I definitely check them all in. I don't like peas, but I've never screamed about it. These people are test taste testing. Actually, I can't even.

You shouldn't. I know. We don't want to get you in trouble. But all I'm saying is if you were at my house and we had you in a chair and we blindfolded you. Oh. And we said, which one of these do you like?

Okay. on a scale, and you tasted something you didn't like, maybe you'd let out a little blood curdling? Maybe. Maybe if it was ice cream. You don't like ice cream. Because we all scream for ice cream? That's right.

Oh, wow. And that's why she's the most famous celebrity. I'm not sure that that should be the reason. She gets her name called out on the street. So, Michaela, let me ask you this. Selling, giving rid of goats. Yes. That's an interesting choice of free.

Because you don't want to pay for them. Is that why? Yes. Okay. Yes. Do you not get paid well? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, okay.

I'm going to read it again. Okay. I know what you're going to say. Does anyone know? I know what you're calling me out on. Does anyone know or is selling slash giving rid of goats? Have you selling slash? Selling slash giving rid of.

Giving rid of. Listen. Oh, giving rid of. I'm dealing with put in the word getting. You know how that happens sometimes. Now, okay. There's another part to it though. Does anyone know we're going to get rid of the or is selling giving rid of?

Uh-huh. Does anyone know? Goats. That's true. Okay. I have five children. Right. Have you ever tried to write on the door app?

What are we called? What's it? Oh, on the neighborhood app. Yes. The door app is a different app. It sure is. Yeah. Oh, right.

That's the doors. Yeah. It's just all the doors that are open at the moment and dignity falls at any time of day. First, I put this up. And Ray Manzarek. I don't know. Is he from the band, maybe?

He's in the band. board is for the doors sure i've heard so i put this um listing up on the doors app i got nothing sure because that's not what it's for it's not what it's for i put it up on this neighborhood app and it is i i get calls all day long oh but that's all we're asking we never get people who are receive any activity oh all day long so what are they saying can you give us an example of what these people are saying i'm given i'm ridding of i'm selling it's giving goat it's giving go it's giving it's giving goat. I wrote that when I was in charge of five children. You know, Corey, this is fair. I understand that it is so hard to like make a sentence when you're

watching children. I get it. And I had my six-year-old write that listing. Oh, okay. Yes. Okay. So before you're pretty good, actually. Pretty good. I was pretty impressed with Karen. Uh-huh. Good for Karen. Karen, six-year-old. So, well, any people that you're interested in? A lot of leads. I mean, how's it going if you got, okay.

I'm shifting through. I have so many applicants now to interview. That's what Abigail Raisin. Not Abigail. No, that would be ridiculous. Agatha Raisin. Same name. It's same as Agatha Chrisney.

Same name. Different person. A lot of leads is what she always says, right? Yeah. That sounds like something she'd say. I don't know. I haven't read the series. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I have so many interviews. Oh. Now, are you interviewing the goat? What would that look like? Are you interviewing the person getting rid of them? No, I'm interviewing the goat, but I'm not a crazy person. Okay. I'm not asking the goat questions.

Okay, good. It's good to hear it out loud. But I am having the goat sniff around. I am seeing how the goat interacts with the children, especially the four-month-old. And how has it been going? We've had some, it's been touch and go. Some people Some goats that almost Met the criteria

And then some that extremely do not Yeah Extremely do not You don't want an angry goat around your children No I guess not I don't want to think you go around me No You have to meet a goat to see their temperament

That's true Okay I understand You can't just take somebody's word for it No No but then I call their owner And I do get the reference You know you have to check references Oh so the owner's not present for this

No, no, no. Because I don't want the owner to influence our relationship. Sure, sure, sure, sure. So can I ask, do you have other family that's here in town? No, that's why I need to go. Sure, but I mean, I also feel like, I'm not just lucky. Some babysitters don't, like, don't classify themselves as nannies.

Some people are just babysitters and, and I think nanny sort of implies a little bit more than just, it's almost like a Mrs. Doubtfire situation. Sure, but you're expected to cook and clean, but have you tried local high school gals who, who would love to babysit and would not really charge a lot. I don't want another kid in my house. Wow. I know, but this, again, I think, you get that.

Sure, but I think you're not trusting, like, teenage girls, especially teenage girls' desire to, like, make money, you know, so they can buy fun stuff for themselves. They would be, they're very good at it. Joan, that doesn't enter her. She doesn't want another kid in the house. And that's kind of my heart and fast rule. I told Cody that when he was trying to have another kid.

I said, I don't want another kid in the house. Oh, whether it comes out of me or in the teenage school. through the front door. Cody. I thought, Corey? His first name is Corey and his second name is Corey Cody. Oh, Corey Cody.

Oh, nice. I'm sorry. I'm McKeelea Cody. Oh, okay. His name is Corey Cody. That's his second name. And sometimes you refer to him by his last name. You don't call your, you don't call your significant other, hey, Willis.

I've never called Doug Pedestrian. I mean, it's my own last name. So it doesn't be very weird. Every once in a while. But those for special occasions. Whoa. Oh, it sounds like it's for less of a screen and more of a corn. I only do it if I've made corn and he loves that. Oh.

I'm announcing two different things, you know? Like, I've made corn and I want him to come down. And that's fun. I do call Gabby St. Benedict sometimes. Is that her last night? Gabby St. Benedict. I don't think I knew that. What was he the patron saint of?

He is the patron saint of exorcists. Oh. This is true, by the way. I don't doubt it. Yeah. He is the saint you invoke against demonic possession. Wow. Okay.

Yeah. All right. And that's her last name. Yeah. Gabby St. Benedict. That's a heavy name to walk around with. Now I understand why there's lots of...

She's quite a woman. She sure is. I've seen her around town. So, okay. So I just... I guess what I'm hoping for is that there's a solution in between Nanny and Goat. Why? Joan, why?

There's got to be something more ideal. Joan, I have told you, I like the idea of the goat. They're not on my phone. I don't. I'm going to be honest with you. I think that this is. That this is chaos and a terrible accident waiting to happen. Are you, are you assuming goats can do this because of the, the phrase nanny goat?

Well, have you ever seen, I've never heard that phrase. And also, have you ever heard of Peter Pan? Yes. I sure have. There's a dog. Nana. Nana. So why not a dog?

You know what? Dog shed. Do we know for a fat goats don't shed? We don't know, but we do know that we can use goats. fur or hair to make sweaters for the babies. That's true. Okay. Okay.

So I know that you're... We're talking clothing the babies. We're talking feeding the babies. We're talking weeding the garden. They eat weeds. No, they do. I'm going to say this. I don't think there's...

Recycling, tin cans. I think it's a great idea. Thank you, Burns. To just have a goat around. You can get a lot of things from a goat. And that's a lot of people have goats. That's normal. Yes.

They don't watch the children, though. They've never been used to watch the children, as far as I know. Well, goats have babies. Of course. They can watch their own goat babies. Not human babies. They watch their goat babies. You don't think it's the transverse?

You don't think they put their goat baby into a saddlebag on the side of them. You've never seen one of those. Sorry what? You've never seen one of those Instagram reels where it's like, you know, some animal adopts another animal of a different species. Love those. Yes. But it's really a baby.

The lion adopts the kitten. The only time that people think it's cute when like a primate does that is through thick glass at a zoo and like an orangutan is looking at a baby like now if that glass wasn't there believe me the mom wouldn't be holding the baby close to that's true there's no way i am not a reckless mother i feel like that is what you're trying to stop you from becoming one i think i'm going to throw my baby over the glass wall at the zoo i mean i don't think she said anything in that case she's going to do i don't think i did well no i don't think she did

either what i'm saying is i think that she raised the question hiring a goat it would become reckless your household would become reckless well you know what i i am not just going to hire them. I'm going to bring them in as part of the family. You know, that's exactly what I don't want it in the house. You can't have it in the house. Well, I'm going to have them do their business outside of the house. I'm not going to have a goat. You're going to house train this goat. I'm going to house train the goat. And also, you know, maybe you said your husband is in some sort of globe. How is it going? Oh, yeah.

So maybe I get something like that. Would a goat work in that, Doug? No. I would love to have a goat anywhere. How about it in my life? I never knew this about you. What? Really? Yeah, I love those things. Even a miniature one? I don't like them. They have strange eyes. Especially a minister one. Can we get into the miniature goat?

Oh, I can't. No, no, no, no. Yeah. What is it about miniature goats that you, what? Because she doesn't want the goat to be taller than a baby, right? No, I want the goat. Oh, that's why you don't want miniature goats. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I want them to have a little bit of authority. The kids are just going to jump on that goat and ride them around if it's a miniature. I think they're going to do that regardless. I have to tell you. They're going to do regardless. A tall goat versus a miniature goat? I also have to speak up for the goat here. I'm not even sure this is healthy for the goat.

You know what I mean? I think this might be a animal abuse. I forgot to care about the. You know, when I have a nanny over. Don't forget about the goat. Save the goat. If the babysitter's staying for dinner, I give the babysitter pizza. If the, if the goats around, the goat gets food too.

Do you say pizza? You're going to feed pizza to the goat? I think goats eat anything. Oh, okay. If the babysitter were there, we give the babysitter pizza. With the kids? Yes. I'm not going to give the baby pizza.

Jonas? No, I bet. I'm so, okay, I don't know why I'm getting all sorts of side eye about this because it's not my idea. And I'm trying to stop it from happening because I don't, I think there is a solution in between those two, like I said. Okay, but what other solution? I don't want another kid in my house. I understand that. Why don't you get a babysitter who's like 24?

There's plenty of them. There's college students. Their brains are barely finished about it. I think the human babysitter is a no-go. Let me ask you that. Yes, Michaela, how were you raised? Oh, what a great question, Byrne. Thank you, Trump.

You know what? I was a latchkey kid. Okay. I didn't have a goat. I didn't have a babysitter. I didn't have an orangutan rocking me to sleep at night. I didn't have those luxuries. Do you have siblings?

No. You were an only child. Only child. Okay. To a latchki. To a latchkey family. A latchkey parent. I'm wondering.

What does latchkey mean for you? For me, it means you unlatch the key. You unlatched the door. You unlatch it, and the kid can come and go as they please. I mean, that's right, yeah, you're independent. Independent. Uh-huh. And I don't want my kids to have to be independent.

I want them to be able to lean on that goat. Oh, I'm not, I'm not sure that that helps teach them, you know, survival skills. I think you should want your children to be independent. I'm not a parent. Sure. Okay. But isn't that good? To be independent?

Yeah. I think it's really in the end very good for them. You know, because if they just, you know, I'm really not sure. She's really not sure. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, great.

Listen, a little bit of independence is fun. A lot of independence. It's all about moderation, right? It's all about a balance. You want them to have a little bit of everything. Dangerous in what way. Is this from personal experience? Of course.

You had a dangerous level of independence. A dangerous level. How did that manifest itself? Yeah. I started riding a motorcycle at age of four. Now, how was that allowed? Where did your parents? With the keys.

So they gave me their keys. They gave it to you. Because I was latch key kid. Sure. They'd leave for the day and just hand you the keys. Yeah, so I could get back in after school. And their motorcycle key was on the key chair. How are you even able to balance?

It takes a lot of balance. And that motorcycle's very heavy. As a four-year-old child, how are you able to even do that? Do four-year-olds go to school? Sometimes if they're on the cusp. Yeah. You know what? I was on the cusp.

Greatness? No, four-year-olds can be in pre-k. You know, it's when you're born. T-K. They go from when you're born. Or TK. TK. Same thing?

It pretty much is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I homeschool. Oh. So then it doesn't matter. So why did you need to drive to school? You were homeschool?

No, no. I homeschool my kids. Oh, okay. While also working at the plant. Yeah, I'm busy. You're homeschooling the kids, but you need this goat to walk out. Are you homeschooling them on Zoom from work? Yes.

Oh, I don't know about that. COVID changed everything. Sure. In a positive way. We live in an extraordinary. In a positive way. Okay. Because it just opened up Zoom.

Free Zoom. Free Zoom. I don't even have to pay for it. So then who puts your... When do you get home from what? I get home at 7.30. Okay. So you're able to have dinner with them and you put them into bed.

Yes. So at least they have that. But you're telling me their... No. Oh. Well, then what's he doing? Cory Cody, he's got to sleep during the day. No, no, no, no.

Okay. Absolutely not. Here it is. I'm not to sleep during the day. I don't want those kids to even tap, tap, tap on that door. But you think a goat is the solution? No, Bert, I'm sorry, I'm going to stop you there. This is not the issue.

I had him out of bed for God's sake. But having an animal with hooves, I don't know if that's what you would. I hope you're going to put a little shoes on him. We need a husband who's going to step up. I'm sorry. I'm going to insert myself a little bit into this relationship. He does not get to sleep all day. He sleeps all day.

Is there something wrong with that? You haven't had any sleep. This is unfair. This is bullshit. We don't have all these. I'm sorry, but it is. Does Corey Cody work the night shift at the plan? Yes.

Okay. He works a short night shift. Just a real short. A short night shift. I knew it. I knew it. A short, what is a short night shift? He leaves the house at nine.

Okay. And he gets back around one. It's a short night shift. That's like as long as someone goes out to a bar. What is wrong with him? Oh, no, no. He couldn't possibly go out to a bar. He tells me he goes to work.

He tells you he goes to work. Wait, so you... You are looking at me Like I'm crazy right now. No, I think he's crazy. Why is he using the phrase? Why are using the phrase he tells me he goes to work? Have you not seen him?

No, I don't see him at work. Of course you don't. Right, but there's all got to be evidence of him. We both go to the Christmas party. Exactly. We both go to that. And no one brings it up that like... Are spouses allowed at the Christmas party?

Yes, plus ones. Well, you're both employees. So why wouldn't they both be allowed at the Christmas party anyways at the big plans? Could you excuse me one moment? Sure, sure, of course. I understood... I understood...

There. Don't point at my shoulder again. I'm not. Okay. Running your face. You have to understand this. I'm trying to determine if he really works there. I get it.

Is this coffee machine? You know what? We're good cop back. We're good cop bad coffee. Yeah. So when at the Christmas party... Yeah. How do people talk to him?

Do they talk to him in a familiar way? You know what? I'm not normally with him at the Christmas party. Why is that? Well, I'm, you know, I'm working the seat. I'm, like, I'm helping with some of the refreshments and something. And he always kind of runs right to the bar. That's terrible.

They make you work the Christmas party. He runs right to the bar. You're working the Christmas party for the employees. Is that not, is that not a thing? I feel bad for you. No, I think it's just you used to being a mom and having to do everything. I don't think that anyone would actually complain if you didn't do it. Which is why I need a goat.

No, no, let's stick. Stay with this line of questioning, Byrne. Stay with this line of questioning. I, can I now play along? When you get to the party, has anyone says, Has anyone said, said, who's this? You know, and you're like, it's my, it's my husband. And they act confused.

Everybody knows, Corey. Everybody knows Corey. He's a man about town. Right, but at the party, has that ever happened? Has anybody asked me, who is this to my husband? Right. To you? No, because we're, to me, no, we're holding hands.

Sure. When we walk in. Okay. And I think people have. Do they say hi to him? Did they say hi, Corey? This is the friendliest plant you could ever work at. These aren't the answers to the questions, though.

She just answers, yeah, she answers her with another statement. Fine, I hear you. I hear you. Okay. Okay. Yes. One person has asked. Who is that?

That's not enough to prove our point. One person has us asked. Damn, I really had my hopes on that. We were so close. They asked it. What would Cain say here? Well, he wasn't murdered. It's not like we're finding him on the-

I know, but it's still an investigation. Your investigation was murdered a little bit. Yeah. What is Abby... Why do I want to call her Apical? I'm going to start a kid's book that's called Abigail. Now that sounds like a reason say when she thinks that she's close to solving a crime, but she doesn't. Oh, my God.

I honestly... Does she have like a catchphrase? She probably does, but I haven't... You know, she's kind of a cranky old broad. You know what I think she should say... Oh, she's an older lady. Oh, yeah, sorry. She's a senior citizen.

Oh, I should have guessed her raisins. Oh, I think she should say, great nuts. When she can get... Ah, grape nuts. Yeah, like instead of all nuts, but it's grape because raisin. You know, she has tea a lot. She could say, oh, Biscuits. Oh, Biscuits is cute.

Oh, remember, she's in the Cotswalt. Sorry. Oh, grape nuts. What if she has an idea like she's cheap? Something occurs her. She's like, two scoops. Of raisins? Two scoops.

A raisin brand, right? Like the commercial. Oh, two, twos. Yeah. See, I think raisins, I think oatmeal. Oh. Really? Oh, okay.

I don't care for raisins in my oatmeal. What do you put in your oatmeal? Joe. I put, well, I love raisins in my pasta and I put olives in my oatmeal. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. I just threw up a little bit.

I'm so sorry. Do you have a rag or something? I just threw up a little bit. Oh, people used on it only. Calamata only. I can see it leaking out of the mouth. Oh, dear, she did here. Oh, this is mortified.

Here's a tea towel. Here you go. This is mortified. Here you take this tea towel. Thank you. Are you okay? Can we continue on? Tea towel came from PBS because you donated

in support of the Veronica Oatmeal show. She's the only one that supports the olive recipe. And so... So you start with a savory breakfast. I understand. I love a savory breakfast. You understand. Yeah.

And you know what? I'm going to leave a long list. I was the only person who donated, by the way, in that entire... In that block? That was the only one. Yes, in that block. I ran the phone banks, the second block. Which was really fun.

I really enjoyed it. Sounds like fun. Just, you know, we're all actually talking to people up there. We're not just making it. Wow. I thought it was a little bit of a show. It's not. It's really not.

Wow. Okay. It's fun to see behind the curtain sometimes. Always. So I'm sorry. Let's get back to your deadbeat husband. Oh, boy. I don't know if I call that.

I don't like this. He's a little sleepy. He's maybe going to work. Fine. I take it back. I don't know this person. I apologize to Corey. What's his name?

Corey Candy. Corey Cody. I apologize to get me in trouble with the plan? I'm not. I'm not. I apologize to Corey Cody. but at the same time, I believe Corey Cody needs to wake up.

Okay, fine, it's not. I believe he needs to wake up and help. Well, he does help. You know what he does help. Okay, how? He does help. What does he do? She keeps saying it.

There's no evidence. He has set up all of the bills to be automatic payments on my credit card. Oh, absolutely not. Automatic payments on my credit card. Absolutely not. I don't get a goddamn bill in the mail. That is not helping.

Although he has a job. Why isn't he just pay them? We do it through my credit card. This is, I have. He doesn't have a credit card. He likes. This stinks. This stinks to high heaven, as my mom would say.

I have to say. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I, Burns, come on, back me up here. Michaela, it does sound like your husband is taking advantage of you. Correct. I don't think he works at the plant. What? I think there's a possibility he does. It's going out to a bar.

I do too. Probably. No, bars are... What? There's no reason for him to be... Bars closed earlier, I'm sure. No. Have you never been to a bar?

They actually closed later. Yeah, they closed later. That's their thing. That's the whole thing. You're saying he goes to a bar and he leaves early? Yes. And then the idea of him needing that much sleep, I would think at the very least there was a medical issue, if not just a lie.

Yes. Well, then I need the... goat to watch the kids so I can take him to the doctor. You don't need a goat. You need a husband. Okay. And that would be my final take on it. I'm sorry. I'm not going to I thought you were implying I marry the goat. No, why would I imply that?

Although he'd probably help you out a lot more than your husband is, but I'm not saying that's a reason to do it. I'm saying you need to have a frank conversation with your husband in the tiny window that apparently the two of you are at home and he's awake. So I'm being used. Yes. It does seem that way. Yes. Yes.

You've done it. Yes. But nobody's ever told me this before. How have I just walked around? Dignity Falls on eucalyptus ab and nobody's ever stopped me. Is it because you're too busy screaming people's names and people are trying to get away from you? I certainly am busy. We're all busy.

Always. And I understand you are the busiest right now. And you know why? Because you're doing all the work. And you don't need to be doing that. And you shouldn't be doing that. Well, no. Let me just ask.

Does your husband like cook? meals and stuff? He does. He absolutely does. Now I had to get him to get on the bandwagon of starting to help because for a while he was just always playing with the kids. He was always doing bath time but I mean like he was taking a bath in the other room so I would have to go get bubbles in his bath. He was in bath. He would announce it it was just bath time. Yes so he would have his bath and kids would have their bath and I was like no we're not doing this anymore and you use more toys than our kids do you know. Think about that wouldn't it be cute if you're you know Doug's taking a bath and your kids

kids are taking bath and a goat comes in and uses the teeth. Oh, yeah. I really, I really, I think he needs to forget about the coat. No, what I did is I went in and I. How? Goat soap. Wait, there's goat soap.

By the hair? You're saying it would be cute if the goat used its teeth to pull the child out by the hair. I'm so sorry, but can we address this? There's goat soap. There is indeed. What does that mean? I've never been sure, but there is goat soap. I'm never sure.

Yeah, because from the milk. Here's what happened, Michaela. I see. So not soap for the goat. And I'll save money on soap. No, listen to me. What I did was I went into the bathroom where Doug was taking his bath. I lifted up the drain.

All the water started sucking down. He put his hands on it because he loves that sensation. Oh, yeah. And I said, no, you are getting out right now. Here's a towel. You're finishing bath for the kids. And when we made a list of other things that we were going to do, you know, that he was going to do. You're going to drive them to school finally.

Three kids sitting in just an empty tub. No, no. He didn't. No, they had, they were not all in this. the same bath, all right? Doug was in his own bath. The kids were in their own bath. No, I understand.

And I didn't take the water out of the kids' tub. Only out of Doug's tub. I, okay, I was imagining a different scenario where Doug feel the bath for himself and then said, I'll... No, I filled the bath for Doug because he said he could never get it just right. That's on you. So I'm a Lachkeke kid. I didn't grow up with a family like this.

I didn't have examples. I didn't have parents. All I knew. Let me be an example for you. I'm another mom. Okay. I get it. I don't have as many kids as you do, but I do have three.

No. Corey owns the house. What? How? Well, we put it in his name. Oh. Oh, boy. No. I don't know how that worked.

He set up every single bill as an automatic payment. You think I could have the time to do that? I want to ask you a question, McKill. And I think you have to really think about this answer because I have a feeling I know what it is. Okay. When Corey Cody is sleeping and he's not to be disturbed. Mm-hmm. Does anybody go in that room?

Do you ever go in that room? Nobody is allowed in that room. Okay. I don't think he's in there. Oh, God, yes. Of course he's in there. We're not even a lot. And it looks like there's kind of like a lump in the bed.

Well, there's, he is a lock on the door. Yeah. So that we don't, so that the kids don't get in there. This is just makes me mad. Yeah. Now I'm just mad. Should I be mad? You should be.

Yes, you should be furious. Yes, you should be furious. You should be furious. forget the goat right now. You need to, you need to bust down that door and have a real conversation with your husband. I'm sorry. Would you guys come with me to my house?

I don't think I could do this alone. No, we're not going to. No, because you've got to go, you're rock climbing. You can do it. You can do it. I have my own life. Look at me. Because your girlfriend likes rock climbing, so you're rock climbing?

You can do this. Okay, and then what I was, what I... I'm just trying to say we all, we all give allowances for our spouses, you know. It's not crazy. Girlfriend is more than a rock, my fiancé, excuse me. I'm sorry. Is more than a rock climber. She is a smoke jumper.

She saves lives and dreams. Yeah. Okay. Well, I didn't know the full story. That's fair. And your husband's in a snow globe? So I'm just trying to get the... My husband's intending wealthy.

It's fine. Okay. Okay. So I'm trying to know what's okay and what's not okay. I don't know if you want to get involved in this. Michaela, here's what's not okay. Having a husband who saddles you with five children. and then does nothing to help

he has no job the house is in his name you guys are just saying that he has no job you're saying that he's lying have you ever met my husband Cory Cody I don't think anybody has I remember yeah

he is about as charismatic as that Willie Wonka man wait a minute what do you mean why are you bringing up Willie Wonka just because I like that book The planet I didn't know

I didn't know Are you eavesdropping us? I thought we were all whispering in each other's ears. Does Corey wear the shiny coat, the shiny sport coat? Of course. Of course. He always dresses. Wait, you know how Cody Corey is?

Well, I think he's asking if he wears what, like a top hat and a shiny coat. Well, he dresses for success. I thought that at first. But now I think you're just, you're, well, there's a guy who comes into DTF. some nights. The Digny Falls Tavern. Yeah. We call it DT.S.

Yeah. They were drunk when they put the sign up. I mean, this is why. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah, no. But yeah, he's fun. He's a fun guy.

He walks in. Oh, you know, Corey. Yeah, it's like a disco ball almost. Oh, now I know that guy. Yeah. He hogs a golden tea. Oh, boy. Michaela, I need you to promise me

that you're going to try to go home and have a real conversation with your husband, whenever you do see him. And I just want you to remember that you should be mad, you should be furious. This is well within your power to do.

You are fully deserving of help at home. These are his children, too. And I don't really know what else to say except for we wish you the best of luck because you need to turn things around here. I appreciate it. No goats. No goats.

I've already set a couple of appointments for today and I'm not going to cancel last minute, but I will just go through and then I'll put it to rest. Courteous, yeah, put it to rest. Here's my advice. Yes. I'm going to say at 901 p.m. Change the locks on your home.

Good one, Byrne. Change the locks. Good one. And you don't say a word to this man. Don't let him back in the house. Wow. He is taking advantage of you. He's a creep.

Wow. Okay. You know what? I'm going to just sidebar with a couple other people who also have families and just assess. I'm pretty sure they're going to agree with you. Okay. And then, you know what?

Now that we've all really hung out, are you going to say hi to me out in the city? I, if I hear my name, I promise I will do my best to keep my ears out for it, and I will say hi to you. And here's what I want to have happened. When I say hi to you, I want you to come over to me and say,

hey, Joan, guess what? I kicked that bum out. Well, I thought you said it. Well, okay, no promises. You're right, no promises. I want you to either say kick the bum out because he's not helping or I want you to say, Corey did a complete

180. Well, you know that's not going to happen. Hey, are you whispering? Let's try to have a... No, that's okay for you to hear it. That's not going to happen. Oh, okay, okay. I want one of the two things to happen.

My point is, I want to be told that you did something about this situation. Okay, and if I hire a goat, will you be mad? I told you, yes. I told, I'm mad right now. Why not do all of that and hire? I'm mad in the future. I'm mad right now.

I don't know if this is the time. Yeah, but we got a letter go. Why not all the above? Which, which, which, He's saying to do everything, but also hire a goat. No, no. You know what? I like the sound of that, Doug.

Oh, God. Okay. Doug, give me the address to your snow globe. I'm definitely the address. We have to go, Michaela. I really hope everything works out for you. I hope so too. I think it's already all working out.

I think you guys are just getting a little hysterical over that thing. It's not. Your life is miserable. All right, well, we'll check back in in one year from today. Sounds good. Okay. You heard it here, everybody. It's a date.

It's a date. All right. Well, Michaela, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Best of luck to you. We'll see you in a year. One year. We'll be right back with the New Verlisten returns.

Hello, everybody. This is Goldie. I am selling a double burial plot in Dignity Falls Memorial Park. As you can see, it's got. from 13,000 to 8,500. It's a steal. Buy one, get one practically free. That's right.

It's a burial bogo. It is in the park. It's located in the back of the property in a serene and peaceful location. I am selling this because my husband of 50 years has now decided to leave me. He is 85 years. years old and he is leaving me for it. Are you ready for it? An older woman. So I don't need this

anymore. I'm just going to be cremated and just set right out to sea to just be with the dolphins who I love when I go. I also included this picture of a bench that says Garden of Innocence and Our Little Angels with zero context for you to wonder about. If you have managed to to stay together so far. Congratulations. You did it better than I did. Now you can stay together forever. So contact me, Goldie.

Thank you. Welcome back to the neighborhood lesson. That was Bleak. It really was. And I'm sorry that that happened on our Christmas. Well, it would essentially be our holiday episode. I guess this is a Christmas episode. Yes, December 23rd.

This is released. Merry Christmas. Of course. If you celebrate. it if you celebrate it. You know what? Merry Christmas if you don't celebrate. It's a federal holiday. Oh, boy. Right? Sure. I mean, if you have everyone, not everyone is into it. No, but it's still the reason you get the day off. So Merry Christmas to everyone. Do you ever say Merry Flag Day to people? No, because I don't think anyone says that. Well, maybe we should

start. Guess what? I would bet more people don't do shit on Flag Day. Don't celebrate Christmas in some way. Anyway, of course, tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Yeah, so you're going to leave. Now, here's what I looked up and I found a little bit of information. Now, I don't know if this is stuff that you already know.

But I guess it is a popular traditional climb. It's called crack climbing, which I'm imagining is it's got a lot of cracks in the side of it, so that's where you can stick your hands and your feet. Do we think that's what that means? I hope that's what it means.

I hope that you guys registered because everyone's got to register and get a permit to line. I'm sure they've registered. I'm sure they've gotten a permit. And there are some difficult routes. The one that is popular is the Durand's route. That sounds familiar. Okay, great, good.

Oh, wait, that sounds familiar because I remember people, I think they refer to it in her family as the baby path. The baby path. Yeah. Oh, I see. They like to take the harder one. I guess so. Okay.

So, all right. Durance, well, do you want to hear the different routes? Sure I do. Okay, the Durrance route, it's the most popular and easiest way to the top. D-U-R-A-N-C. D-U-R-R-A-N-C. Okay. Yeah.

The Walt Bailey Memorial, it's known for its excellent, sustained hard, and finger, hand, and finger cracks. And someone named it after a person. Yeah, if it's called Memorial, that doesn't sound good. Assembly line, two pitches of flawless hand and finger cracks leading to the peak. flawless hand and finger cracks. Douda, doodoo da, do you know, I don't see, I just think of flawless hand and finger cracks

as not as a bad thing because I don't want those on my hand glove, my nature glove, my nature's glove. I got there eventually. You sure did. And the last one, I think you're going to like, El Crocko Diablo. El Craco Diablo.

That's also the name of a popular dish you can eat at the base of the mountain. I was kidding. It's incredibly hot bean dip. Got excited. Sounds good. A classic hand fist crack route. Oh, they'll be cracking hand over fist.

It does say here that because a lot of people love to do this at Christmas, there are Christmas crack carols that they sing for you at the base of the mountain and at the top of the mountain. and at the top of the mountain. Wow. Okay. Okay, this I know about. So that's bringing a little holiday magic into this. This I know about because Gabby was trying to help me with a harmony.

Okay. For one of these Christmas crack carols. Yes. And I was just going to sing like the baseline kind of. Yes, yes. Because I can only sing the one note. Yes, that's right. Let me see if I'm off book.

Okay. Okay. comes Father Christmas of the mountain Put your hand in his crack And crack And crack

On to the top Merry Christmas To all Put your hand in his crack That's all I got so far I'm trying to figure out what the note is that would match with it I'm trying to figure out

like what melody line would have that under it because I'd love to play it so what are the lyrics again Put your head in his crack Here he comes Here we come Put your hand is crack

For the Christmas of the mountain Let's just try Let's just try Put your hand in his crack Here he comes Is that the way the song starts Yes Here he comes

Well how does Here comes Santa Claus start You know what I mean Okay here we go ready One two three Put your hands in his crack That was gorgeous Oh that's great

And then what's the second part? Father Christmas of the mountain Put your hand in his crack Crack on to the top Right but sing Father Christmas of the Mountain for me I mean I know it's the same But I just need to hear the Here he comes

Father Christmas of the mountain Okay so let's start from the beginning One two three No, no, put your hands. Let's start from the beginning. That's not the beginning. I thought put your hands in his crack is. No, it's not, John.

I'm sorry. Okay, I'm just learning this. I don't have any sheet music, nothing. Okay, search with here he comes. Father Christmas of the Mountain. Put your hand in his crack. Oh, okay. So do Here he comes again for me.

Here he comes. Okay, and then. Father Christmas of the mountain. Okay, okay, let's go then. I got it. One, two, three. Here he comes. For the Christmas of the mountain,

Put your hand in his crack. And to all a good night. That's love. I can't wait. And of course, you know, Gabby's entire family. Everyone's singing parts. It's going to be wonderful.

Oh, I love a good crack carol. I'm glad I can contribute. All right. Well, before we go, we have time for one last post. This is a great one for Christmas. This is in the Crime and Safety section. It comes to, this is a, submitted by listener Turner Walston.

Thank you, Turner Walston. This is a post by Lula. Lula's headline, Sexual Circus. Lula goes on to write. Warning, I am astounded by what me and my son experienced at Garden Bros. Human Gone Wild Circus. Free children's tickets were sent to my mailbox, and I thought it would be a fun family outing.

Not only was it $60 per adult and $20 parking, but the tent was about $100. degrees. I'm assuming temperature. When the show started, eight women in high-wasted thongs, front and back, came out and sexually to take me down to the Paradise City, where the grass

is green and the girls are pretty. They listed that whole thing. The full title of the song. Full title of the song. Then some dirt bikes came out, and they got on the backs of them with their butts in our faces. It was so wrong to do this

to children. Needless to say, I was infuriated and left immediately expressing my anger to many of the staff on the way out and spoke with management. They do not offer refunds for their over-sexualized show. After some research, we found that this business has eight

failed circus business, and this is their last attempt. Oh, my goodness. Wait, I need to look at the beginning of this. This is the Hail Mary. It really is. Garden Bros. Humans gone wild. Humans gone wild. I'm sorry. I just I just want to know what she thought it was going to be.

Now, I'm not saying that it's obvious that it was going to be sexual, but to me, that does not sound like it's for children from the very beginning. I get that the word circus is all the parent hears and they go, I need something to do with my kid. Yes. Humans gone wild.

Does she say how old the child is? No, but it doesn't matter. That's definitely inappropriate. It's inappropriate. It's inappropriate. But if I heard humans gone wild, I would assume it was some kind of stunt to show. You know what I mean?

Okay, I'm just thinking, which the presence of the dirt bikes, I think confirms. Fine. But what I'm thinking is they didn't want to say girls gone wild because they couldn't. So they said humans gone wild. And let's face it, it is just girls. Well, I guess, and the dirt bikes. But the go wild. If there are any men wearing high-wasted thongs, I don't think it was... The go wild part to me is the red flag, okay? Because I've only associated with girls gone wild. That's right. But then you hear humans gone wild and you think, well, this can't be the same thing.

But also the word bros, that's not for children. Well, it's brothers probably. Of course, that is a problem because now all children call adults bruh, it's the grossest. it's so annoying. Is that true? Oh, yeah, little kids, even six years old. They're like, bruh. Mm-hmm. Really?

Mm-hmm. It's a thing now. It's what children call adults. What does it sound like when a six-year-old does that? Brah. What would be the context? Anything. Well, but, I mean, like, give me a scenario where this would happen.

Wow. Well, that's really cool, bra. It's kind of adorable. So, yeah. Yeah, I think, what's her name? Who posted? Sorry. Lula.

Lula, listen, I think that there's, here's the problem. There's just so, before the internet, I can see her making this mistake. But like, these days, if you want, if you want to be a parent who's not surprised, all you got to do is your research. Put that title in, go to Yelp, go to Reddit, and someone will tell you this. You're looking at up right now. Oh, yeah, do it. Okay, great. Garden Bros.

Garden bros. I mean, that's just, I will say that throws you off a little bit. It does, it does. Also, get the title of the song right. It's take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty,

oh, won't you please take me home? Yes, yes, ho-woom. I have an update on the Garden Bros. No kidding. Their latest outing, Garden Bros. Nuclear Circus. Oh, no. Oh, God, I don't even want to know.

Nuclear circus? The largest circus on earth just got bigger. Oh, God. This year, Garden Bros. brings your family. Your family. Two unique circus adventures. Oh. One bold and action packed, the other inspiring and magical.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. They still have humans gone wild there. How is this possible? Garden Bros. Nuclear Circus. Humans gone wild. This is just terrible. And look at the little cartoon ringmaster.

They're not preparing people for what this is at all. Nuclear circus. the bottom it says makes a great Christmas gift. Garden Bros. Nuclear Circus delivers a fast-paced modern circus experience that pulls families in from the start. Kids kick things off in the kids' fun zone packed with clean, supervised

inflatable, slides, and bounce houses. When the show begins, the energy explodes. More than 60 performers from around the world rotate through a five-ring layout that gives every seat a great view. I'll say. The pacing is tight. The talent is real, and every act keeps the excitement high.

There are zero pictures of the performers. Of course there aren't. Of course there aren't. But look at these happy kids. That is AI. They got their faces painted. They got their phones out to capture the magic. That's AI. Check. Does one of them have like a goat hoof? Oh yeah. One has 18 fingers on one hand. Oh, do you think it's like that, uh, that story from a few years ago with the, um, the chocolate factory tour and it was just a couple, remember that? It was just the worst experience ever for people. Oh, yes. They did that. Yeah, the sad...

Yes, the sad, uh, Oopalupa. That's right. Yeah. I thought you meant the chocolate factory tour that happened here in Digny Falls. It was like, that was 17 years ago. Which is not connected to the big plant or is it? I don't know. Well, it makes me wonder because I feel like the plant sprung up overnight after that.

There were several deaths. Mm-hmm. Several. And, um, they were all chocolate related. Yes, they were. It gave death by chocolate. Some were allergies, of course. Some were's a hot chocolate.

Yeah. One was an execution. With a chocolate guillotine. Nobody imagined it could actually be that sharp because it was chocolate, but it worked. It's a dark chapter. We don't want to talk about it. This is the Christmas episode for God's sakes. Hey, how's your speaking of how's the globe going, babe?

How's the globe going, babe? It's going pretty good. It got kind of stuck around 30 degree angle. So I'm just sort of 30 degree angle. Yeah. So it was, I assumed it was going round in a circle.

It's what it sounded like because he had the music box going. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's twisting all around upside down. Because you got to get the penis. Like a gyroscope? Is that what you have? Like a chirooscope.

A gyroscope. I didn't say chirooscope. I don't think she said chirooscope. That's not what it is. I don't know what you think that is. What is a chirooscope? That's what I heard you say. Okay.

No, I said gyroscope. Does it is like a gyroscope. Chirooscope involves chai? Chie latte? Yeah. No. Now you're talking. Oh, God.

Doug loves this. Are you hoping that this is going to be one of those things where, you know, Doug has always wanted to create a holiday decoration that people crowd the neighborhood for, right? People do drive by and everyone gathers to watch it. Is that way you built it on the side of the house and you want people to come and see it? Okay. I think it's a beautiful holiday neighborhood-y thing to do. I think you're at that appropriate age for a dad where you just really want that kind of attention.

and, you know, some sort of viral thing with it. But there's the problem. You get on the great Christmas light fight. Here's the, okay. So are you going to fill it with water? I never did. You know, it's interesting because so many of the contestants are battling cancer. Oh, my God.

It's a weird thing that comes up a lot or somebody has just died. And it's just a competition of Christmas lights. Yeah. And what is it on? Just fast forward through. Okay. I think it's on the testimonials. Okay.

Yeah, you don't need to see these people's lives. But is there, are they happy? Did they get happiness from it? This seems to be their soul. Okay. Well, you know what? Then good. Good.

And this globe right now seems to be Doug's sole source of happiness. So I really think it's great. You are going to fill it with water? I don't think I need to. I think if it just whips around fast enough. But how fast is it going to get the peanuts to go in the air, babe, I don't understand. And can you tell me specifically, can you tell me specifically what the, what the, what the sets or the scenery is in the, is it? Empire State Building?

It's dignity falls. I think I missed that part and I apologize. You did. You did. Well, because again, what I'm usually thinking of is what's happening to my house right now and then I sometimes miss out on the description.

So it's Dignity Falls. Right. And it's supposed to be covered in snow. Your King Kong size. Meaning you're going to be in there. What are you going to be dressed as? Oh, great question, Joe. Thank you.

We know it's not King Kong. Oh, that is a good question. Like an elf, like Santa. Yeah, I think I could put it a fissive. Like Adila Santa. Just a festive. A festive, a festive outfit, you know? A festive outfit.

What does that, what does that mean to you? Ornaments hanging off. Of you. Yeah. Okay. So like a tree. Yeah, maybe like pine needles. So you can dress like a Christmas tree.

Sure, maybe pine needles. But more like a pine man. Pine man. It's like Groot, but with Christmas ornaments on it. Yeah. By the way, have you ever seen the goat that says goat? Did you ever see that? No, I've seen the one that screams in the Taylor Swift song.

Yes, I've seen that one. Have you been thinking this, this whole time? Yeah. Are you going to play it first right now? I'm going to play it for you because I just love it. Great. He sounds like he has a Scottish accent. Okay.

And he says the word goat. Okay. like a baby. Okay. Maybe it helps to have a visual because we don't have a visual. That's really not what I was expecting. But that sounds like a baby. I really wanted like, goot.

That's what I wanted, right? I was picturing something more like that. Goot, goat. Goet. Okay. I guess, sure, sure. It sounds like something being run backwards. Person recording this is having a great time.

It's just have a great time. That'll do that. That was a good one. It's like when people listen to our podcast. hear us laughing. Well, they're having a great time. Well, I mean, you know, you got to laugh. You have to admit.

You sure do. You sure is. And so, why not build snow globe? Why not? I still think, why not build snow globe? I think that you should put water in it because I don't, I think that will, if you want what are you saying? Because listen to me, he does have scuba equipment.

He's never used and he's always wanted a reason to. I don't think that's a good enough justification for this. I think you're asking for trouble. people to come and see it, that's what you got to do, because that's going to really get people here. I'm trying to support his dream right now. I know, Joan, I know. It was on my vision board for this

season, and it was to, we didn't talk about this one, it was to support one of Doug's vision, so this is the one. Aren't you worry that his dream is your nightmare? Sometimes. I don't feel very supported. Why? I just told you. You don't think a spinning globe, gyroscopic globe with me as Pine Man,

over a perfectly recreated, dignity false set. Is enough? Fine, babe. Here's my question. Are you harnessing? Are you not entertained? Oh, boy. What happens? What happens when you go upside down? Are you just getting knocked around the globe? No, I'm strapped in currently. To what? To the floor, to the town. Much like King Kong. And how fast are you spinning? Very fast to the point of, you know, throw up sometimes.

Okay. So it's not really, doesn't sound like a snow globe anymore. To the point of throw up. So people are going to come. come for the holidays and he's going to see a man in there. You're going to see a tree man. A tree man throwing. It's coated with vomit. Nothing says the holidays like that.

Boy, oh boy. Well, so maybe we should revisit this. I might have to support another dream of us. I'm fine with water. Okay, good. Let's do that. It sounds better than the alternative. Well, happy holidays to everybody.

If you're into it, Merry Christmas. If you're not into it, Merry Christmas. You want to give us a nice little ho-ho. Santa burnt a little Christmas message. I'm not getting to do it for the kids this year. That's right. That's right. So here we go. What do you want to say to him?

Hey, hey, hey. Me and creep me, little boy. You want me bake if I'm in me mean? Ra, ha, ha, ha. My Christmas, la la, you're a darling that need food. Okay, I think that's good. And what is it again?

What's the crack line again from the song, from the carol? What is it again? Here he comes. Father Christmas of the Mountain. Just the last part. Put your hand in his crack. Okay. And how does it sound again at the end?

Put your hand in his crack. Put your hand in his crack. Okay. Let's take him out with that. Yeah. Okay. Here from the beginning. Oh, okay.

I can't remember what I did for the beginning. I'll try. Here he comes. Father Christmas of the mountain. Put your hand in his crack. He cut us off like a choir director. I'd like it. Nice and crisp at the end.

Well, happy holidays, everyone, from your friends here in Dignity Falls. We'll see you. Is this where they see next year? No, we'll see them on the, right before New Year's Z. Right before New Year's Z. Well, you will be back and we will get to hear about how it went with Gabby. You'll get to tell us the tale. All the tale.

Can't wait. Goodbye. Bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris.

This episode's guest was played by Talia Taven. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going. Thank you.