The Neighborhood Listen - Glitter On The Avenue with Mark Rennie

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

Burnt reveals a secret he’s kept for the entirety of his and Joan’s friendship while Doug ambitiously prepares for his mom's visit. Later on the show, a "known scammer" comes on to defend against recent complaints.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker.

On this podcast, we improvise and character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad free archive as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. Knock knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone You've got the Neighbor Half app and us!

Burn! And Joan! From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell We'll cover it all! And meet new neighbors as well! We'll chat about any posts you're missing So just tune in to the neighborhood. Welcome once again to the neighborhood. Listen, this is the podcast that looks at the neighborhood of dignity falls via two of

its residents. I am one. I hate this. I love how these introductions progress. I spilled coffee on my shirt because that, that, that sound you made really, really made me jump. Yeah. Oh, it's fine. It's fine. I spilled coffee on my shirt because that sound you made really made me jump. Yeah, I wasn't ready for it. Oh, it's fine, it's fine. I apologize. This shirt, I didn't like it anyway. I am Joan Pedestrian.

Wait a minute, what does that mean? Oh, I thought the door was open. Wow, you thought it was just an open, it was open. Wow, it's not one of my favorite tops of yours. Ha, burnt. Wait, are you serious. It's not, it's not one of my favorite tops of yours. Ha ha. Burnt. Wait, are you serious? I'm sorry. I really thought-

You really thought it was- You just said Joan, I don't like this shirt anyway. Yeah, but you know, it's okay for me to insult my shirt, but sometimes I don't want someone else to insult my shirt. You know? Well, I guess I, I guess I would see clothing- You just saw an opening and you took it. I did.

Cause you're like, this is my shot to finally- Okay, what do you like- It was a relief, frankly. What? How long have you had feelings about this shirt? I mean, for as long as you've had it, I suppose. So for seven years. That's a seven year old top?

Yes, I've been wearing it throughout all of our seasons. Yeah, I think enough's enough. Really, what is it about it? Is it the cut? Is it the color? I can't find a thing too like about it. That's basically the problem. It is just a white blouse with one button. That's what's so confounding about it. How does it manage to enrage me so?

Wow. You know, I really love finding out about these pockets of your brain that can fixate on something like a white shirt that I own. Well, I guess I love finding out about your brain that you wear a shirt you don't like for seven years. I think I've just we're growing apart. Yes, that does happen doesn't it? Yeah, that does happen. I had a pair of I had a pair of Argyle socks that I really enjoyed for a long time and then one day I saw them in the drawer and I had blood in my mouth. I was filled with disgust. They just, I couldn't believe. Blood in my mouth. That is so graphic.

How wild. I just was disgusted. Oh my, just by the sight of them. Stupid pattern. Oh boy. Yes. Couldn't stand them. Well, I think you'd love an argyle.

It's whimsical like you. I did for the longest time. Just one day. Yeah. See, that's how it was with this blouse, I guess. Well, I mean, do you want me to go change right now, Bert? No, of course not. All right.

Well, I guess I won't. Well, anyways, everybody, now that we've gone past that. I do like that it's stained by coffee now. Now it's more interesting to you now? It deserves it. It deserves it. Wow. My shirt is getting a lot of flack for this.

This is for a podcast that's not about shirts. I'm very sorry. I do apologize. It's okay, apologize to the shirt, not to me, Burns. Anyway, my name is Burmia Pate. I am a pharmacist here at the Dignity Falls machine. That's right. And with me as always is.

Joan Pedestrian, I am Dignity Falls' top realtor. And top amateur thespian. You always make me say that, but it always makes me uncomfortable. Well, I always say it. I know you do. And then you always say, you always say that. I guess I'm predictable. You're reliable.

Oh, I love that. That's how I look at it. I love reframing that. Yes. Yes. So much better. Absolutely. And we have, well, I have not gone to sit and talk to you yet about how the pharmacist

parade went. As everyone knows, we have during the Halloween time, during the fall time, we have, it's become a very big deal here. Everyone turns out for the pharmacist parade. And it was just a little while ago. And, you know, I just feel so bad I couldn't go because escrow had an accident.

This is Joan's dog, Escro. This is my dog who is very old. 31 years old. That's right, that's yes, we do actually. At last count. That's an approximate guess. That's right, yes. He's a real marvel.

He is a real marvel. Yeah. And we were watching movies and Escro got so scared. No. Yes, and I just didn't feel like I could leave him. What do you think scared him because he's blind and deaf? Do you think it was vibrations? It was my reaction. It was your reaction.

I was watching a movie and I was so terrified by it. And every time I jumped, escrow jumped and it was just terrible. And I was all set to go out and support you. And I'm really sorry that I wasn't there. Oh no, that's quite a lot. But I really had to, I had to, I had to hold him all night long. Yeah. Yeah. That's how, you know, it's a sad thing when a dog gets that old. It is.

And won't die. It won't, well I don't mind. I want him to stay around as long as possible. I do too, I do too. I mean, you say that. I feel like I'm coming off terribly on this episode. Well, we've definitely gotten off on a strange foot. I mean, we're throwing my blouse away,

we're throwing my dog away. Do you know what it is is that, speaking of the pharmacist parade, you know, there was a little bit of a hiccup. You know, the pharmacist parade, as we've discussed, has become very p-op-ular. V-R-E-P-O-P-U-L-AR. V-R-E-P-O-P-U-L-AR.

Yeah, V-R-E-P-O-P-U-L-AR. Oh, you're sounding like the trans over in New Barn with that Maine vampire accent. Transylvania accent. The North Atlantic, the transatlantic vampire accent. There was a little hiccup in the parade this year because as we've discussed, the pharmacist parade has become so popular, it's sort of eclipsed Halloween. It has, Halloween, yeah, and I don't like that. Yeah, I don't, even as a pharmacist, I don't like that. I think there should be separate things. I agree. And so I convinced everyone, the pharmacists of all the pharmacies, to dress up as skeletons this year for the big float at the end. Oh, fun.

Where we all come out in the big bottle. Yeah. We've actually now discussed so many different types of bottles and pill bottles that are involved in the parade. There's one, I believe you can, that's motorized, that you can drive around. There's one that Doug imagined that was just a big bounce house shaped like a pill bottle.

Yes, Doug just imagined that. And there's loose pills. I did not imagine. What's that? I guess I- I did not imagine that. Oh, Doug just imagined that. And there's loose pills. I did not imagine. What's that? I guess I'm- I did not imagine that. Oh, you did not imagine it. You theorized, which you can't do. I think you were thinking, that's right,

because he doesn't have an imagination. That's Doug, our engineer. That wasn't real? That's my husband. That's Doug Jones' husband. And Doug, you're recording us from a different room in the house as always. What room are you in today?

I am on the set of Mama's Family. So Doug, I might understand that you have in one room in the house, you have rebuilt the set of Mama's Family. That's right. Okay. You know, it's one of his favorite shows and listen, I love it. Is there anyone that beats it? You've built the set. Well, my mom's coming to visit. Oh, I see. Yeah, next week. And he has very good memories of watching it with her.

Mother corn, mother corn. Mother corn, her name is Thelma. Thelma corn. Like Thelma in Mama's Family. Oh yes, that's right. Which one was, Thelma was her, that was her name. That was Mama? That was Mama.

That was Mama. I don't think I realized that. You know, I only ever seen mama and her family on the Carol Burnett show in sketch form. That's right. When she played, when, you know, Carol Burnett played the mama and then Vicki Lawrence played Eunice, I believe,

who was the daughter or something. No, Carol Burnett was Eunice. Oh, she was? Was Vicki Lawrence always mama? Vicki Lawrence was always mama. Oh, I guess she was. Wait, you think,? Was Vicki Lawrence always mama? Vicki Lawrence was always mama. Oh, I guess she was. I forgot that. Wait, did you think that they swapped mommas?

Vicki Lawrence? Played mama's daughter on the Carol Burnett show. I guess that never would have happened. And they'd got a promotion to play mama on her own show. What a coup. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. That would have been, wow. That would have been something. You are right. I guess because Carol Burnett was hilarious as Eunice. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! her name who ended up replacing Carol Burnett obviously because Carol Burnett went on to wonderful things. She's an icon. Right. And was Ken Berry on Mama's Family? That's right. His name was Ken Berry, played the son. And so was that Hubba or Bubba?

Hubba. Wow. For the fact that we love this show so much, we know very little about it. Vint, Vinton? Was that his name? That sounds familiar. That's the son. Listen, I did used to watch a ton of it. Now I will say that Doug was, yes,

he's building it for his mother, but he always wanted to have a sound stage in the house. He always thought that would be very fun. Really? He did. And because then he thinks he imagines we're gonna shoot our own shows or something. I don't know anything about television.

I know nothing. I'm a theater person through and through. So he's been doing a lot of research and he found the, the correct dimensions and then he looked at a set and he recreated it. I mean, is there like a pattern for the Mama's Family set that you can follow? Well, I just mean, he looked at a bunch of pictures.

I was just wondering like, you know, in the days of the old days, the old west, when you get a pattern for a dress, well, you could, you could, in the old West, you could like order a house and you would get a package that was, you know, it was a bunch of wood and things. It was all the, it was a kit for a house. For this, there's actually there. Um, have you ever been on instructables.com? No, what's that? There's a full Instructables article on how to build a mama's family set. You're kidding. And instructables.com, is it pretty much anything that you need instructions for?

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Like manuals and things like that. Manuals. Yeah. The world would have, that's amazing that you found that on there. How did you? I mean, it's so accurate that, I mean, even the power outlets and things like that. It's just. Which was a key element of the Mama's family set, if you remember. It's like Kramer's door, basically.

Kramer's door. Kramer's door. The door that Kramer came from. Jerry's door. I know, who was it called? Kramer came from. It would be as Jerry's tour. I know, who was it called? Kramer's tour. Great name for a restaurant. Michael Richards ever opens a restaurant.

Well that would never happen. Kramer's thing for a restaurant. But, and I have been down there, he has spent so many weeks looking through all the different sort of like antique shops and, you know, sort of secondhand stores. He got a couch that looks great, an Afghan that looks just like it.

And I suppose, what's your plan for the future? I mean, I think it's gonna be a great idea to have a restaurant. weeks looking through all the different sort of like antique shops and you know sort of secondhand stores you got a couch that looks great and Afghan that looks just like it and and I suppose what's your plan baby you're gonna just when she comes here I want her to feel comfortable you just want her to you you're it's gonna be like surprise and do you have any plans beyond that or just hang it out on the side hold on a second you want her to feel comfortable she loves that show she loves that show yeah She loves that show. Yeah. So I don't feel comfortable in our house without a mama's family set. But, but it's now, but now

babe, you do such a good impression of, um, Iola the Who's Iola? Who is that? What are you talking about? Who's Iola? Mama's friend. Mama's friend? I didn't know Mama's family. The show included Mama's friends. I mean it should be called friends and family. It really should be. It really should be. I'm sorry, I have to look this up.

You better look up Iola. Who the hell are you talking about? It's been a while since I've done it. I don't know who you're talking about, man. So now, let me just understand. You've built it not as a room that looks like the room from Mama's Family, but you've built it like it's a set. Yes.

Why was that such a slow response? Well, because I'm trying to figure out what he means. Oh, I think it was a very clear question. Have you? Well, the stairs don't really lead anywhere. Okay. So do we see, if you walk into that room, are you seeing it like we see it on television or are you seeing it like you would see it if you were in the studio audience of Mama's Family? Oh, I see. He wants to know. You're asking, is an actual room that just is four sided?

Or does it have space for studio audience? Yes, that's the question. Yeah, when you walk in, you are in the living room of Mama's Family. OK, without a studio audience. But if you go, I haven't gone there yet. If you go through a door, is there anything on the other side of that? Or is it just like flat?

I have motion sensing audience tracks. Motion sensing. What does that mean? I don't know what that means. Laughter, clapper. So if somebody walks into the room, laughter happens?

Yeah, if you like sit on the couch, if you open the fridge and you know, explain. So wait, mom, I do call her mom. She lets me call her mom. Mom is gonna walk into this room and she's gonna sit down and there's gonna be a burst of laughter. Oh yeah. Oh my gosh.

You're gonna have to- Well the way she sits down is pretty funny. Baby, you're gonna have to demonstrate this for us later. I wanna hear what it sounds like when you sit on the couch or open the fridge and I want to hear the laughter later. Okay. But wait, Doug, you're saying that your mother actually in life sits down in a comical way? It's pretty funny these days.

Wait, it is? Oh no! Don't say these days! What's happened? Oh my God! Or her hips and her knees don't work as well as they used to. That sounds cruel. That sounds cruel. That really does. She can laugh. God or hips and her knees don't work as well as they used to She can laugh at it babe, I didn't know that your mom was struggling so hard with her hips and her knees That's what I guess you're just praying for strong are not good, wow. That was the last stand. That was the final, no.

From the waist down. All right. Just a wreck. I do have to say that Doug was correct in that there is a character named Iola. And it was playing. Oh, I didn't doubt that for a second. Oh, I did.

It didn't sound right. But I really, again, my memory must not be very good. I honestly don't. After all, I thought that again, my memory must not be very good at this show. After all, I thought that Vigular and still Carol Burnett's this role. I remember there was an episode of Carol Burnett's show where they did the Mama's Family sketch and Eunice wanted to be on the Gong show.

Oh, okay. And she got on the Gong show and then it didn't go well. You're kidding. And the sketch ended in a very sad way. Oh, how? Well, she gets gonged. Okay. And then the freeze frame on Eunice

and the gong reverberates as the image gets smaller. Oh dear. And as a kid, it chilled me to the bone. Absolutely. That's harrowing. I was like, I came here to have fun. What's going on? And that's what I hope mom doesn't say when she sits down on a couch and like the explodes

and laughter and she would say, I came here to have fun. What's going on? Because I'm worried that she's going to be very confused. If you can't laugh at yourself. I mean, what else is there? What do you want? Why do you need your mom to laugh at herself? I just want her to come out to relax.

I just want her to relax. Just wait till she sits down. I think you'll chuckle. What does this say? Can you tell me what it shows me what it sounds like? What it sounds like? Yeah. So you sit down on the couch.

Do you get to pick the laugh track? I don't know. Do you? I'm asking him. I'm asking him too. Yeah. You can pick the last one. What are you saying?

I guess I was just repeating your question to Doug. That's all that was happening. What was that? What prompts that sound? Are you sitting on the couch right now? I just sat down. I don't know how that helps you. Recorded from the 50s in like a classroom

where no one knew they were being recorded. That sounded upsetting. The quality that is nothing short of terrible. Do you remember when you were a kid and you had laugh tracks memorized because when you kind of realized, oh, they use the same laughs over and over again. Oh, right.

Especially Mash, Mash had very predictable ones because it should have probably never had a laugh track. Can we agree that the sitcom about a Korean hospital during the war? But there was one laugh that I remember, I would look out for it, where somebody in the fake laughter would go, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo.

There was like a sort of rolling laugh this one person had and you could pick it out. I think that's fun. I'll clip that out and put that into the, please. Were you recording that just now? Yeah, just loop it. Well, I mean, don't you want to get the actual laugh track

from Mama's family? That would make so much sense. Back to Instructables with you. Just gotta be an article on that. Well, you could just record the audio of an episode. I'm sure you could find them somewhere. Oh yeah, good idea. Now, Bert, I do want to get back to you.

Wow, that was a wild... Oh! Pfft! That sounds like chicken. I was just going to say that. That sounded like barnyard sounds. Don't use that one. I was trying to give you a laugh because he had a good line.

Oh, well thank you. Wow, this podcast does not need a laugh track. We are the laugh track, I suppose. I guess. All right, so what happened with the pill, with what now? Okay, and just finally, the other pill bottle that's open to the public is the pill bottle

you can get in is like those booths with the money scrolling around, but it's pills. Yes, you grab all the pills you can. Yes, absolutely. And they're blown into the air. So at the end, there's a huge orange pill bottle on its side with the white cap in the front. And of course that is just, it's made to be broken through. Like we all rushed through it.

Like football. And I convinced everyone to dress up like skeletons to try to bring from the Halloween spirit back. Well, the doctors got upset because they said, you saw these guys come out of the crowds at once when they saw it and they were screaming. They were saying, stay on your side of the street because we're not supposed to have anything to do with skeletons. Oh my gosh.

That's supposed to be doctors only. They really got that angry? You should have seen these people, red faced, screaming, frothing at the mouth. What about the morticians? They don't care. What about the morticians? They don't care. I mean, if we come out in hideous makeup, I think they might've had something to say. I don't know.

I think it's just doctors. If we come out there with our mouths closed shut. Doctors in general. And I'm sorry, but most of the doctors at Dignity Falls are assholes. 100% true. Oh yeah. They really are.

100, it is no secret. It is no secret. Dignity doctors are just, I mean, what, I mean, we've got dignity docs, first of all, which we've discussed before, which is the urgent care. That's right. Where you have to sign it. They ask you to tip. Yeah.

Turn the iPad around. Turn the iPad around. It's terrible. But yeah, I- But you know, we have like the older Dr. Rowe, you know, down in, down on Roosevelt. And it's really known as the older, you know, the older doctors that, you know, have been practicing forever.

And I just think they're all, they still smoke during your exams. They offer you cigarettes. During your exam. During your exam. But they, I mean, most of the time- And they're just mean. Honestly, they're so mean.

And most of the time that I spend waiting or helping someone at the pharmacy, the first thing we do is we have to talk about what an asshole their doctor is. And I mean, I'm there for them to vent. You know what I mean? It's like you're the bartender. But they're, exactly.

I will just be polishing the counter. They sidle up to the- Yeah, I have a rag, I'm cleaning out a pill bottle. Yeah, that's right. And I- Yeah. I have a rag, I'm cleaning out a pill bottle. To the pickup counter. Yeah, that's right. And I say, what do you have, Charlie? Viagra? Viagra.

And yeah, so the doctors were very upset and they started- And they came out of the crowd. They came out of the crowd. And they started yelling at you. They started screaming at us and very, like the language was pretty salty. Oh no, you're kidding.

And there were a lot of kids there, of course. That's terrible. And children were crying. Oh no. very, like the language was pretty salty and there were a lot of kids there of course. That's terrible. And children were crying. Oh no. But I do think that probably bodes well for Halloween next year. I think people will probably want more of that.

You think perhaps, yeah. Bismurch the parade just a little bit. A little bit. Okay. You know what, because at the very end and it kind of took the good taste out of everyone's mouth. Yeah, I would say so. Yeah.

Also, why are these so worked up about skeletons? I mean, there's a lot of doctors that don't specialize in that at all. They specialize in internal organs or GI tract or the brain. Exactly. Feet. They, I think they- I mean, there's some bones in feet, but- There are some. I think they just feel like we as pharmacists, we're nowhere near the

skeleton. We have no, that is not our purview at all. Right, not at all. Yeah. Yeah. And they, I don't know, they're just the worst. I don't even understand why there has to be a skeleton. And in fact, I only feel like it happens on shows when there's a television show and there's like a doctor's office, there's a skeleton in there. Have you actually seen a skeleton, a full skeleton in an actual doctor's office?

Not in Dignity Falls, I have seen a few that it's just the muscular system. Oh, that's upsetting. It's very upsetting. And they use a spray bottle to keep it glistening. Oh, that's just awful. I took the family to that bodies exhibit years ago. Do you remember that thing where you could just see?

Oh yeah. I remember you took the family there. I did. Well, there was a group on. And we needed something to do. I needed to get the boys out of the house. And I knew they would love this because it was their best, their wildest dreams ever.

Getting to see like just gory, you know. I'm talking of course about my twins, Matt and- Pinochet. Pinochet. Yeah. Did Jalaiya, your daughter care for that? Oh, she did not. She absolutely did not.

How did you like it, Joan? She hid, we couldn't find her for so long. And then it turns out she was in between slices of a whale. Yes. She's still, she's in therapy for that. Yeah, sure. Doug, did you like the body's exhibit? I loved it, personally.

Oh gosh, of course he loved it. He just kept on staring. He was convinced that one of them was like alive still somehow. And he would like mad dog them, just stare them in the eye to see if he could see them blink. Because to him, they were like real people. I set off the alarms a couple of times because I touched the, you know,

He couldn't stop touching them. Oh, I thought you set off the alarms on purpose to see if they would run. No, no. Pinochet did that. Joke. Classic Pinochet. I, you know, I have a friend who went to London and saw the Damien Hirst shark.

You know, it's just a tiger shark. Oh yeah. Embalmed, you know, in formaldehyde. And he told me that even knowing that this thing was long dead and in a glass case filled with death liquid, it was still terrifying to look at. Yeah. Oh, I believe that.

Yeah. Well, I found half of it terrifying to look at, but also just, I found it very, very fascinating. The inside half? Oh. Oh. Outside's fine. But it did maybe get really into Pilates.

They have good beef jerky there. I will say. I don't think that was beef jerky. I think way before we dug and criminalize some selfish trouble, we move on. You should take a break. We're right on time. We do have to take a break.

When we return, we will have a guest. More when the neighbor listen comes back to you. Well, hello. Oh, and hi Paul. Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. Oh, you didn't? Everyone's right here. I'm doing a one man show. Can I just interrupt really quickly? Yeah, absolutely. No problem. It's not going well. Thanks everyone. Not a lot of people here. No. It's also at your home, which is strange. Yeah, well I'm one man and this is my one home. Great premise. Thank you.

Here is something that I'm really looking forward to as the weather turns cooler. This is what I had to come over to tell you. Yes, thank you. I'm looking forward to football games, pumpkin spice lattes. Wait a minute. What?

I see where this is headed. Oh, you do? You say it though, but I know what it is. It's, cause it's going to be sweater weather. Yeah. Yeah. So it's time for a cozy sweater from Quinn's. That's right.

Because Quinn's, as I know, is known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50. So nice. Nicole, it's not just that. All Quinn's items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. And that includes beautiful leather jackets. I bet even the ugly ones are a good price. I don't think they have anything that's ugly.

That's right, other places do. Cotton, cardigan, soft denim and so much more. How are they able to do that you might ask? You and other people. You, Paul and everyone else. I was going to ask it and you actually took the words right out of my mouth. Well, ask and answer my friend because because it's by partnering directly with top factories and cutting out the cost of the middleman, which passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible

manufacturing practices. And of course, premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel in every piece. I despise the middleman. I knew you were gonna say that somehow. Let me tell you something. I have a Quince sweater and it is cozy as a hail. It's comfortable and I like the way that it looks.

You know it's cozy when it affects your accent that you have to say as hail. Yeah. I have a pair of glasses that I love and definitely wanna get some more because they're very, very beautiful. And I need some more. And also I got my child some incredible pants

that were so comfortable that I'm going to have to get some for me as well. Wait, you're also wearing them? No, that would be, I'd never fit into them. He has communicated to you that they're comfortable. He has, well, he certainly hasn't complained. From a kid, that's a rave. 100%.

Yes, if they're not complaining, they like it. So why don't you get Cozy and Quinn's high quality wardrobe essentials? Go to quince.com slash TNL for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash TNL to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash TNL.

Well done. Thank you. This is Andrea. Assorted personal care products free. Bag full of partially used personal care products. Free to the first person who picks it up on the curb in front of 3761 Clinton Avenue in Dignity Falls. Now if you look at the picture it looks like it's just a bunch of stuff that I'm throwing away

and you know what it is. Do you want it or don't you? I don't need to hear how you feel about it. You either want it or you don't. Now if you don't want it, somebody else will take it. And if nobody else takes it, it just sits there. There you go. Your choice is your choice. I've made my choice by leaving it on the side of the road. I've done what I can. Can you not do the same?

And we are back and Joan, we have a guest here at the kitchen island, don't we? Now, what we do here on the show is we scour the neighbor hat, the social networking application for neighborhoods. And we look for people that live in Dignity Falls that have an interesting story to tell, or sometimes are the subject of that interesting story And if you see a post that maybe we've missed you'd like to like us to do it on the show Screenshot it and send it to us at burnt and Joan at gmail.com. We this one came from a listener This was submitted by Devon Roman. Thank you Devon. Thank you. I think of you five times a day This is in the crime and safety section.

It was submitted by an anonymous person, just a neighbor. And the sort of headline of the post is, Beware of Scammer on the Avenue. Hello. Just putting out an FYI. There is a known, they are well known in Dignity Falls, scammer seen on the avenue. I mean, there's many avenues. I guess so.

Who essentially comes up to you and sprays glitter on you and is intimidating people into buying their magnets slash art and then overcharges their cards. My friends got scammed out of $40 two weeks ago and the scammer is still on the Avenue this weekend. This individual stands on a hoverboard slash scooter. Big difference between those two. I've never seen a hybrid. And wears a colorful wig and a bikini top. Be safe and if they approach you, I suggest you keep moving and ignore them.

Stay safe, y'all. Person one. Hair pink slash wig. Top bikini. And well, we don't have that anonymous neighbor, but we do have this known and I'm sorry to say scammer. Please welcome to the show. Hello. What's your name? Yes. what should we call you? Carmine iPad. Carmine iPad. Okay. Nice to meet you, Zoom Zoom. Nice to meet you.

Oh, Zoom Zoom, catchphrase. Oh yeah, now can you explain, he's brought this, I have to say, it does kind of look like a hybrid. Always on it. Did you make this? I'm like an amateur Dyson. Okay. Kind of, cobbling together, a little bit of a Gadgeteer. Okay. I forgot that Dyson, kind of cobbling together,

little gadget here. Okay. I forgot that Dyson was a person. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's that British man that just talks in an insufferable tone about that. No, I know.

There was a dryers at some point who made ice cream. Oh yeah. That's true. There's a face behind the cream. That's true. There are no blue bunnies. What? That doesn't occur in nature.

Oh wow. I'm sure somebody's gonna say I'm wrong about that. Now Carmine, first of all, let's just get this out of the way. Are you scamming people? No. Oh well. And I resent it.

I'm providing a service. Which is the service? Because it sounds like- Goods for services. I take your cash, I give you arts slash magnets. Right. Okay. But can I ask why you're doing- now listen, I'm kind of, I am that gal that doesn't like going through that bottom floor of the department store and they're going to spray that, you

know, they want to spray that. Oh, sure. I did not know what you meant for a second. Perfume. Yeah, I don't really think they do it anymore, but they still, every once in a while, it still happens. It is. And the salt's on the senses.

Okay, so then it's interesting you say that because I would think that glitter being sprayed directly in my face would also be an assault on the senses. Who doesn't love glitter? That's a different question. I understand not liking perfume. That's a different question. I like glitter. That's a smell.

I like glitter. I don't want it aerosol directly on my face without my consent. Well, it does, but I'm just trying to bring this town a little razzle dazzle. You got to stand out in this crowded marketplace of art slash magnet. Understood. It's very crowded. Is it crowded? Yeah, there's someone one town over, I think doing something. I haven't done any research, but it feels true.

What do you say? Usually when I think of glitter, I think of it being thrown. Yes. As opposed to propelled. I have an air pressure. Right. That might hurt.

That could get in people's eyes and their sinuses. How fast is the glitter traveling? Oh, I think I've clocked it at like 95 miles an hour. That's fast. That is way too fast. Sometimes they're across the street. I got to get their attention. Oh my word.

I see someone going into the urgent care like, wait, wait. Oh, when they're going into the urgent care. Well, it's a high traffic area. I got to like. How do you think I afford the rent on my houseboat? Can we clear up the. What do you need to clear up? Can we clear up the avenue of it all?

Oh, yes. Which avenue is this? Which avenue am I not on? Oh, you know how fast I'm zip zapping everywhere on my hoverboard slash scooter. Yeah. What did you make this out of? Because I can't quite tell. It does look like it's it doesn't actually hover. It's a Roomba garden hose and a broom handle. And then I souped it up a little. I spilled some soup on it.

That's why it's shiny. That's why it gets some color. So why, when people accuse you of overcharging the card, what do you think they were for? Are you overcharging people? And can I just ask really quickly, since you're out on the street, are you just using one of those little devices, I don't know what it's called, where you can have that small- A phone?

No, well you can't, I guess. Well there's like a little square. Yeah, the little square. I think it's called a square. It is a square, is that what you're saying? I'm purely QR based, you gotta be QR based these days. If you want QR in, you're doing it wrong. If you aren't QR in, you're doing it wrong.

Okay. Yeah. So I don't think I'm over, there are service fees. Oh, I see. For what are those services? Yeah. Well, I have to travel. Right.

And the creation of the art. You mean just traveling back to your home to make it? Yeah, I have to go get it. So wait, you don't carry the merchandise on you? No, I gotta carry my glitter air pressure backpack and then balance. I also have vertigo, so it's very hard to stay on that. That sounds like a lot. If you don't have the merchandise with you, how do you convince people to buy it and wait for you to go back home?

I'm very good at descriptors. Like I tell them, hey, how would you feel about a lenticular postcard with Frida Kahlo wiggling her eyebrows? Okay, I don't know what lenticular means. Oh, lenticular is wonderful. It's wonderful. Oh, I never had news.

I love lenticular. It had that name. Yeah, it's like- I love lenticular. It's like art coming alive. Yes, yes, okay. I'm big into lenticular. I started out, I was into magic eye.

That's what got me into art. It never worked for me. I could never do it. No matter how many people are like, just relax your eyes. It's like, yeah, I just see a bunch of colors. I would see the same thing every single time. Oh, what'd you see?

No matter what it was. It was the devil on a boat. Sure. That's dark. Yeah. But I thought that was fascinating. He was smiling. He was smiling, but okay. Yeah, he's having a, who does love being on a boat? It's fun to be on But I thought that was fascinating. He was smiling.

He was smiling. But okay. Yeah, he's having a, who doesn't love being on a boat? It's fun to be on a boat. Boat life. Boat life hashtag. Relax, you're at the lake. Yeah.

Then I got into fractals in the nineties. I was heavily into fractal art. Okay. Because it just like, what does it mean a fractal? What's that about? Sure. I've never known. I don't know, but isn't that fascinating?

Don't you want to look at art and go, I don't know. I mean, I maybe want to look at art. I don't know if I want to pay for it art and go, I don't know. I mean, I maybe want to look at art. I don't know if I want to pay for it and then say, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if that's the experience I'm going for, I don't know. Okay. More of a feeling, I guess, is what I want from art.

My question is, if you have a QR code, then why is that, that doesn't deliver them to a website where they can see at least pictures of your items? No, no, no, that's straight to my checking account. Okay. And then, don't worry, I have a bot, a program when you download it, it installs an algorithm into your computer that transfers whatever funds I need. Wait, so that-

That does sound like a scam. That definitely sounds like a scam. I tell them something's going to happen. Are those the words you use? Yes. Something's going to happen. Well, there has to be, there's an air of mystery. Like I'm providing razzle Dazzle.

I think we should maybe break down, let's unpack Razzle Dazzle a little bit. I feel like it's not the same, mystery and Razzle Dazzle are not the same thing. Right. What does Razzle Dazzle mean to you? Is this a movement? Is this symbolic or is this like a literal, is it just glitter? Is it connected to Chicago? Is it connected to the musical Chicago? The musical, which I was disappointed in, nothing about pizza. Wow. Not even a mention?

I've never seen the show. Where's the bean? That's kind of, boy, that's a missed opportunity. The bean came years after that show was written. Well, we write updated for the modern age. But wouldn't it be a fun Easter egg if they put the word bean in there somewhere? An Easter bean.

And then look at the audience, you know? You get it. Yeah. I need to go back. Just wait for the latest Housewife playing Roxy to look out to the crowd. Teresa Goudice is the bean in Chicago. People will come. People will come.

People will come. Can't keep them out of the theater. Isn't that, that musical set some kind of record for having the most absurd guest cast stunt casting? Yes. Good for them. Good for them. But I feel like. Pretty soon Iola's gonna be on it.

If they can get her. Oh, you know Iola, you know mama's family? She's, yes, she's very important to my life. I have a mama's tattoo. Oh, you do? Babe, did you hear that? Just the couch. You can hear my husband, Doug, but you can't see him.

He's in a different room, but did you hear that? Hey, hey. Yeah, I can't see him. He's in a different room. But did you hear that? Hey, hey. Yeah, I can't see his ass here. Doug has never said that as a greeting in his entire life. That's brand new. Hey, hey. I have never heard hey, hey come out of his mouth. Oh, he's trying something new.

He was one hey away from a Dwayne. Not much has worked so far. Might as well keep mixing it up. Oh, Doug. Babe, what are you talking about? Oh, he's doing the sitcom. Oh, this feels like an attempt at Chewbacca. Can we just get a clean take of all of us doing that? Do you honestly want us to do that right now? The audience kind of sympathizes. We're in the middle of an interview day.

The audience kind of sympathizes. We're in the middle of an interview day. We're the guest, babe. Would you mind? This is the easiest. I could do it. I'll try a Chewbacca yawn. Thank you, Carmine.

Should we all do that? Okay. Three, two, one. Perfect. Moving on. Now, Carmine, you're very- Like nap time on Kishek. What?

What? The Planet of the Wookiees. Oh, Kishek. Oh, what? Now Carmine, you're very- Like nap time on Kishek. What? What? The Planet of the Wookiees. Oh, what? Maybe Kashyyyk actually. Don't come at me.

Don't add Carmine iPad everybody. Please. The Planet of the Wookiees. Wow. Carmine, I have to say this. You're a very fast talker. Definitely. And I feel like there's so many things we need to address that you're slipping past

us. He is. That's exactly right. He's zigzagging. I feel like I'm like a Thomas Kinkade meets Chris Angel. So like an air of mystery. You know, you're not, it's like, it's an experience. Wait, I need to picture that.

Okay. So Thomas Kinkade, the pictures, of course, of the painting. That's my art slash magnets. Cottage, a warm fire. Mickey and Minnie on their honeymoon. Just a Christmas card with no Christmas tree. Hard mostly for white women of a certain age. And how does the how does the other part fit in?

Magic. Right. But. A sense of mystery, of wonder. You don't really know what's going to happen. The house turns into something else. Yeah, you know how everybody likes immersive things now? Well, when you meet me, it's an immersive experience. I can attest to that. You and my house right now is an immersive experience.

You are immersed in the house. He's been scooting, slash hovering around the kitchen island over and over and over again. He hasn't sat still yet. I have to say that thing is whisper silent. It sure is. Kudos to you. Thank you. So do you have a kudos?

I would love a kudos. Oh my, do you remember kudos? I love kudos. I loved kudos. It was the best chocolate bar ever. And it was healthy. It was healthy. So healthy.

It was unhealthy not to eat it. Yeah, you're a fool not to. He gave himself kudos for eating it. Yeah, look at me go, eating. I thought the Surgeon General said it was like smoking a pack of cigarettes. You gave yourself kudos for eating it. Yeah, look at me go eating. I thought the Surgeon General said it was like smoking a pack of cigarettes. Eventually. What does he know?

Or she. Thank you. Thank you, Carmine. What does she know? Well, enough about skeletons. What do they know? Thank you. We don't know about skeletons.

We don't know the Surgeon General's pronouns. That's on me. See, you are right, Bird, because you know what, we're having a good time now, and I think this is a criminal. I think so too. Yeah. I hope that's fair to say.

What's the crime? Well, you're structuring your business so that you have unlimited access to people's money. Well, and also downloading something on their phone without their consent, right? I mean, that's what he said, right? That's what I think that's what I was saying. Oh, okay.

Well, I just said it a different way. It's a small print on my clavicle. There's a what? It's a small print on my clavicle. You might get scammed. Well, now how do people... Oh, wait a minute. Can you show us that?

Sure. Look at that. Oh, wow. It actually says that. Was that... did you scrawl that into your skin? I did. It was a rough night. Right.

I just not won a Tony. How'd you do? Wait, what? I was at speed dating, not a night of a thousand Tonys. OK. And so you weren't nominated for a Tony award. That's where only Tonys date. Only. Yeah. If you want to meet a Tony, you go to. They round up all the Tonys. They round up all the Tonys.

If you get a date with them, it's called winning a Tony. Yeah. That's cute. Yeah. And I didn't. Snob with them, it's called winning a Tony. Yeah. That's cute. Yeah. And I didn't. Snubbed again. Snubbed again?

Well, it's not political, you know. It's political. Most people pay for the Tony. It's who you know. It helps to know a Tony. I don't know a single one. Right. That is such an odd event.

Do you guys like art that features, like, in a diner? He needs to distract us. Listen to this. Okay. Humphrey Bogart know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that.

I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that.

I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, we all know that. I mean, yes. But that doesn't mean we can't remember. They're not all gone. Yeah, we can remember Kaiser Soze.

Soze? Soze? Soze? Kaiser Soze? Kaiser Soze is the Dignity Falls immersive experience where you go and you have to create your own character out of a bunch of stuff that's on the walls, props that are in there,

and if you can't, you don't get to leave. Yes, it's great. But also not to be confused with Dignity Falls is one of their greatest, our greatest drag queens, Kaiser So Slay. Yeah, I love her. Shout out to her. So I'm sorry, see he's got me all turned around.

Now I'm thinking about the Knight of the Tonys still. I'm thinking about, I never even answered my question about Razzle Dazzle. Like what does it mean to you? Magic and a bit of mystery. It's about it. Yes, you did answer that question. I guess. And I want to pitch to you guys, have you ever done the dignity follies? Oh, you mean for me to do that? Let's do a show.

That is a very good show. What's happening? I'm angry because that's very clever. I'm mad. I haven't thought of that. I'm willing to open it. Okay. What does that mean? Like in the circle of life, lying can come down the aisle, spraying glitter at the audience. Oh no. While circle of life is playing. I can't sing though. First of all, we can't use circle of life because you normally have to pay rights for that. Circle of wife then. I don't know. We got to do it all myself.

You pay right? Circle of wife then. I don't know. We got to do it all myself. Oh my gosh. I really want you to stop spraying glitter in people's faces. I see. Oh my God. Is that a nine?

Oh my God. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Right in your eye. It's like a grit. Like, you know, like you exfoliate your skin with grit. No, I, this feels like. That's what the America's Family newspaper? It works great. with grit? No, this feels like... America's family newspaper?

It works great. I feel like someone just threw sand in my eyes. This is terrible. And glitter, here's the thing, Carmen. I have to go rinse it out. As I'm sure you well know, glitter is impossible to get rid of. Correct. I could not think of a thing... Like love. Well, I would say love is easier to get rid of than glitter. I agree. Oh, I'm sorry. Perfume you can wash off, but glitter, you'll find it in your home years later.

Glitter is too aggressive. But then you'll remember the interaction you had with me, Carmen iPad. But what if you don't want to remember it? Can you tell me? Well, that's rude. Well, he's got an answer for everything. I honestly want to live one day as Carmine sometimes.

I think about this. People like this, it must be amazing. But please tell me, how many people do you spray on average? You're just out there for the day on an avenue. How many people? Okay. Brrr. Wow.

Did you get that, Doug? You probably used that for some sort of effect. Is that, yeah, has an audience ever done that? I don't know. Just all of them at once. Maybe that, that, that Our Town episode of Family Ties, I think. Oh my God. Who wants this? Who wants this?

Nobody wanted that one. By the way, baby. Was that just Courtney Cox died? No, that was because Tracy Paul and died. Yeah. No, was it? I thought it was a cousin. The person, you know, his real life wife, she played his girlfriend. She died, I think. Oh, no. It was someone else who died. Is that what you're saying? I think it was like a cousin. Oh, a character we had never seen before died.

And now we've got to watch our town. What am I done to deserve this? Pet shop boys. Okay. Please, please answer my question. Oh, 242. Wait, what? I have a little clicker.

That's the average. Okay. Can we give away? That's the average. Follow up question. Out of 242 people, for example, how many people actually continue to talk to you? And then how many people actually bought anything from you? Most of them continue to talk.

Like they say like, hey, stop that. Right, but that's not an interaction. We're talking about like a conversation. Yeah, that's right. Oh, a conversation. Oh, I don't know. Probably lifetime four. Oh no.

But hey, those are good. You gotta work the system. You know what I mean? Mark Cuban was a success overnight. hey, those are good. You gotta work the system. You know what I mean? Mark Cuban was a success overnight. Oh, well. Right. How long have you been doing this? Oh, 27 years.

Oh my. And four people. You've had a meaningful conversation with them. I have to tell you Carmine, that's not a business. That's not sustainable. That's not any kind of, okay. That, fair enough. Fair enough.

He always turns it around. You gonna tell a parakeet not to tweet. Not everyone hears your tweet and parakeet. Well, that's thanks for the support. That's what I'm designed to do. I don't know if that's a one-to-one analogy. Carmine, let's, I gotta ask about the magnets, I guess. Yes. Are they the same as the art or are they different?

Yes. What art magnets are? Are they glittery magnets? I can make anything magnetized. I can spray you with glitter magnets. That's not the question. I have another tank. No, don't.

Another tank. Yeah, it does knock people over when I spray it with them. He does have two tanks on his back like a Ghostbusters. Yes, Ghostbusters 2 naturally. Oh, the bigger tanks. They were spraying ooze where they reacted to emotion. That's true. He's really full of a lot of... Chilling, chilling.

Scariest movie I've ever seen, Ghostbusters 2. That one? Yeah. Really? The painting? The painting. Got a guy coming out? Uh-huh. Get out of here. Why am I doing a painting? What was his name again? Zog? Zug? No. Zool?

No, no, no. Who was the first one? The Carpathian. Michael York. Vigo. Vigo. Vigo. Vigo.

Michael York. So, okay. Oh my, it was played by Michael York? No. No? Who was it played by? Some guy. European dude.

Yeah. He books? Michael York would have been a great casting for that. I guess he would have. I guess he looked a lot like him. All right. No, I can see that resemblance for sure. Yeah. Okay. So again, while we have really look at how, look at how he does this. Um, so I just want to know you make the magnets and what is on the bag. If I bought one magnet and I put it on my

refrigerator, what am I looking at? Oh, you might see like big birds surfing or maybe a blue boy, but like it's, I have a lenticular blue boy, but he's throwing up because I'm doing the B L E W. And then I also got what if that go like reacting to is like, Oh, where'd my ear go? These are the magnets. Is there like a speech bubble or just sold in the face? Both. It's like whenever you, so then when you have your, uh, your freezer door to get your, uh, popsicles, you get a little touch of a whimsical take on some classic arts.

As long as you keep one eye on the magnet as you open the door. It's easier when you're on a scooter slash hoverboard. Oh, I see. I'm sure most things are. All my art is designed for people who spend most of their time predominantly on very specific subsets. So the magnets I would imagine are fridge magnet sized. How big is the art? Yeah, I could do whatever you want. I have a 3D printer in my house.

Oh, yeah. Do you have have you ever had any other means of income or employment? I shoplift. Okay. But from nice stores. But, but what is that? What am I? How am I going to admit that?

You said that as if it were a mitigating factor, but it actually makes it sound worse. It's worse, because whether- Why? What do you mean nice stories? Because you're taking advantage of people or? Yeah. Oh, okay. He means expensive.

I see, okay. You think Bloomingdale's gonna be mad I take some Armani couture top? Of course they will. They will, yeah. But no one personally. Is there a Mr. Bloomingdale crying himself to sleep? Not anymore, probably.

God, I mean, it's gotta answer for everything. Maybe his relatives. I'm concerned- Still missing sleep? Not anymore, probably. I mean, it's got to answer for everything. Maybe his relatives. I'm concerned. Still missing? You're arguing against yourself. Oh boy. I'm concerned that, do you truly believe shoplifting to mean an answer to my question

that was about employment or income? Do you really mean that, do you think that's a job? Do you really mean that? I do, it's like, lay Mr. Rob, he stole bread, it was fine, and that's a huge show. Well, he stole- And that's a huge show. He stole bread to feed his family. Did he not? Am I not a family? No. Are you shoplifting food? What are you shoplifting from Bloomingdale's? You said an Armani top. Yeah. And who's that for? That's not quite the same.

But then I sell them. That's not. To fashion victims in need. Now look, I will. In need, I will admit that your style of discourse is it almost gets me every time because you say it as if, well, of course, that's your. You have an intonation of well, of course, but some of these things you're saying are wrong. Yes. What's your opinion?

It's so it's the fastest gaslighting I've ever experienced. It really is. It really is. And it got me all turned upside down. I want to know if you have lived in Dignity Falls your whole life. I have. Okay. I thought we were not going to get any.

I'm just a silent nod. There was a week I went to Arizona. Okay. I don't think we have to count that. I don't need to know about that. That was my aunt, she wasn't feeling well. There was a week I went to Arizona. That was my aunt. She wasn't feeling well. I'm so sorry. I don't like her. Boy, boy, boy.

Just at every turn at every turn. No matter what we respond, we're wrong. We are wrong. He turns it around. That's right. Oh boy. Now let's get into this houseboat because Dignity Falls is landlocked. So where is this houseboat?

Why are you living on a houseboat? It's in a parking lot if you must know. So it's not a boat at this point. It's just a trailer. Yeah. It's on a trailer. Yeah. But it's like, you know, I have, you know, I put up LED screens that look like a lake.

Okay. Lake Shasta. Yes, I put up LED screens that look like a lake. Okay. Lake Shasta. Yes, I'm familiar. I have heard of Lake Shasta. Wow, how do you know Lake Shasta so well? That's a lake in upper, like Northern California and almost near Oregon. That's where we buried my aunt in the lake.

Well, I guess it wasn't a buried so much. You went to Arizona and then you took her from Arizona to Lake Shasta. She loves Shasta Cola. Oh, okay. So she died as she lived in Shasta. They still make Shasta Cola. I don't think they do. They should bring it back.

Hashtag bring it back. I also feel like Carmine's really stuck in the eighties. Early nineties. Like is his, he's from the past. Is that, do you feel like that's where you thrived? You know, like Reagan tear down that wall. Yeah, you know, that's right. Break these chains of love.

That's what he should have added. That's right. What have I done to deserve this? Featuring Dusty Springfield. I love the 80s. No one minded glitter in the 80s. Well, an art was huge. You could go to a store and buy art. I mean, remember Prince Plus in the mall? No Prince Plus.

Oh, I had the same thing. Like he thought Prince. Was he a rapper? The purple one. I was Prince's subscription plan. What was that Prince's subscription plan? Prince? Is that Prince's subscription plan? Prince Plus? Yeah. That was just when Prince had a streaming platform.

When he put out a feature. He was ahead of his time. Truly. Yeah. He had that weird sitcom where he played all the parts. He was ahead of the clumps. Pre-clump. He was pre-clump.

A proto-clump. A proto-clump, as you will. A clot. My head is spinning. Sure. Sure. Okay. So you're, you're, you're, that was when you thrived and, and did you have other family here?

Like you were, you, what was your family life like? Oh, I was raised in an orphanage, you know, typical story. Just a typical story. Yeah. I was, lived with a billionaire. He adopted me when I was seven. Really? Come on now.

Come on now. Through ten? Through ten. I mean, am I meant to believe this? This is the storyline of Annie. Come on now. What? Someone who knows Chicago as well as you do and mama's family and all the other things

you know about. Le Miserable. Love Le Miserable. Le Miserable. What do you call it? I either call it Le Miserable. Oh, that's like a regional thing. I guess so.

I think it's a me thing. Jordan also loves to say Macaw. Oh, how about Grand Guignol? That's a me thing. John also loves to say macaw. Oh, how about groundy gnoll? Groundy gnoll. That's a real mouthful. Yeah. She also says bleh cheese.

Well now I didn't want that getting out. And that was not something you're ever supposed to share with people. And I'm now- I thought you were for new barge. Now I'm embarrassed, exactly. Bleh, bleh cheese. He was a billionaire if you were for new bar. Now I'm embarrassed. Exactly. Look, look, she's she was a billionaire.

If you move the decimal point, it was like a transfer money. What do they call it? Money exchange. Yeah. OK. In that case, sounds like another scam. I think we're all right. You were raised by a scammer. Well, that's what the government said. But I just called him daddy.

Oh, dear. And then he went to prison and then I just went on my own. At 10. Yeah, I'm plucky. Well you said- Remember Journey of Natty Gann? Based on me. Kind of, I guess.

Journey of Natty Gann. She wore a hat. Then she's gonna talk about Witch Mountain. Witch Mountain, what are you talking about? Escape from it. The Escape. Oh, that one. Oh my god.

That young actress with the prominent eyebrows. Yes. I can't remember her name, but I thought she, I had a little crush on her when I was a kid. This is the most pop culture heavy episode you've ever done. It truly is. Didn't she marry Patton Oswald?

Isn't that his wife? That's Natty Gann you're thinking. Oh, who are you talking about? I was talking about the girl from Escape from Witch Mountain. Never seen it. Wow. Oh my gosh. They escaped and they were searched.

Once you're out, who's going back into the escape room the second time? It's like when there's a sequel to the Shawshank Redemption where he crawls back in. Jaws 2, why? St. Mayor, who let that happen? Go to Montana, you idiot. Do you think when they came up with Jaws 2,

there was a guy saying, hey, there's more than one shark in the ocean. Why can't we do this again? They can all be exploded. This one we can electrocute. Well now I feel as if the three of us have a podcast together. The way that you have just insinuated yourself

into this group and we're talking about pop culture. What a scam, another scam. He scammed his way into this podcast. Now let me ask you that, because we do, I just, I'm exhausted from trying to keep up. We could have been talking for 20 minutes or two hours. I don't know. We're just about out of time, but I do have to ask,

has anyone ever taken any legal action against you? Good question, Bert. Thank you, Joan. They have, I have a lot of restraining orders. Oh, restraining orders. But these people are assholes. Are they doctors? Yes, some of them.

I would imagine that most people have restraining order against them would identify the person taking out the restraining order as an asshole. Thank you. I don't think anyone with a straining order says, no, it's fair. I don't think so at all. Can your glitter shoot past the restraining order? And fend for it. Yes.

Oh, babe. I am working on a legal question. You know what? I don't think I've ever said this before. Great question, Doug. Thank you. I'm working on a glitter catapult. No! That's a lot of glitter.

A glitterpult? A glitterpult. A trebuchet? That's a lot of glitter. A glitterpult. What? A trebuchet. Yeah.

Pinochet would love a trebuchet. Oh, boy. Pinochet would love a trebuchet. Kids love seeing glitterhead families in the park. I don't think that's a thing. That would be such a large scale aggressive assault. Is it like a big ball of glitter that gets pretty hard and clumpy?

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I have wrecked a Tesla or two. But it's for all the service of glitter. We know, but you know what? Now we're getting into a sort of scary area. That could actually hurt somebody, Carmine. That could hurt somebody.

It could. Welcome to being alive. Okay. That's not the answer. I don't think you, no. We can't let you explain that one away. There's no such thing as safe sex. What?

Okay, we're now- We're not even talking about going down that. That's very 80s. No, we're not. Thank you. Thank you. Wrap it up fellas. Well, Carmine.

I think we should wrap it up. We should. Carmine, in an effort to perhaps curb your IRL activities, do you have a website where if people want to go check out your art and magnets? Yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. Well, I mean, maybe if the online business takes off,

maybe he'll stay at home. Then he will stop spraying people with glitter. I get it, I understand your thinking, Bernd. Fair enough. I don't think it's gonna work, but I understand your thinking. I would love passive income. Sure.

Who wouldn't? Right now I have aggressive income. Sure, we all do as Sally Struthers said. And I would also say that income's doing a lot of heavy lifting there, because it doesn't sound like you have any income whatsoever. Well, it comes and goes.

Four people over, what does that mean? What does that mean? People put up firewalls. But yeah, I do have a website. Just go to HTTPS colon slash last geocities.com slash angelfire.com slash one seven three eight six two four seven eight QRS s t s slash carmen ipad. Okay. I didn't hear a w w w in there. Oh shit. Everyone knows where that goes. Everyone. No hits. Okay. Okay. You

don't have to go back. I'm waiting for a hit. Be my first hit. Oh, so your what your website is not actually on the world wide web. That's for a hit. Be my first hit. Oh, so your website is not actually on the worldwide web. That's on a web. I don't need to go much further than dignity falls. You know, it's all I do personal service. That's true. Artisanal handcrafted. All right. So local website.

So local. I don't need anybody in Canada reading this. Mind your business. Worry about your life. So just the one W. Yeah. Absolutely. OK. Carmine, I W. Yeah. Absolutely okay. Carmine, I don't know what to say.

I mean, it's actually been fun, but I'm also like deeply concerned about you and the general public really. I mean, you are a true character of Dignity Falls. You really are. Thank you. And I guess that it's, see, I knew he would take that as a compliment.

I don't think we met anyone like him before. No one, not a single person. There I am doing that sound again. Absolutely. Well, Carmine, thank you very much. Is there anything you'd like to say to the people that are upset that you've like this poster who said you sprayed them with glitter

and they weren't happy about it. Is there anything you'd like to say? Yeah, I know what I'd like to say to this poster. Thanks for calling out that it's a wig. There goes my dignity. Wow. That's pretty rude, I think. I am sorry about that.

You shouldn't be commenting on people's bodies. I don't think. I agree. I agree. Thank you. That is true. Point well taken, Carbine. That's my beef of the week.

If I can balance it out, you're a dynamite in that bikini top. Thank you. You're welcome. What better way to show off my QR, my tattoos? By the way, babe, you should scan that QR code. No, you shouldn't. Why would you say that?

We're not doing that. You did get a glitter. You got his glitter. What? No. You got the glitter experience. The service. But Doug, I don't think it's fairy tale rules.

It's only fair. If you get sprayed with the glitter, then you have to do what he says. Yes, I don't want, I don't need that. Carmine, then you have to do what he says. I don't want, I don't need that. Carmine, thank you, but I don't need that. No disrespect. I just, I want to just, I hope my eye works tomorrow.

I understand that. And as we always say, we wish you well. Best of luck to you. Carmine, you know, just please be careful of people's safety. Okay, please be careful. Don't do the trebuchet. Catapult? Don't do the catapult. Crossbow?

Don't. Oh, crossbow. Battery rail? That's worse. Why is there a violent underpinning to everything, he says. I just went to medieval times and learned a lot. Okay.

All right, well, we will be back when the Neighbor Listen returns. ["The Neighbor Listen"] Hi everybody, It's Lisa. Vintage Avon aftershave van, 1980s. Vintage Avon aftershave glass van decanter from 1980s. Quote unquote fantastic. Full of Avon Everest aftershave from 1980s. Did I mention it was from the 1980s?

Black glass with decals seven dollars, but guess what? It's not seven dollars anymore. It's free Take this off my hands daytime pick up an orange by appointment between 9 a.m. To 3 p.m. Weekdays I also have other Avon decanters for sale, and I don't think you're gonna find anyone else who has this unbelievable opportunity of one of those creepy vans with a strange palm tree sunset scenario on the side and if you think vans like that were creepy well imagine one that's only four inches and is full of poisonous aftershave from the 1980s. Please come and take this off my hands. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Well, Joan, I feel as if I've swum laps.

Well, I feel as if I'd had glitter thrown in my eye. And guess what? That's cause I did and I don't appreciate it. And yet I still kind of enjoyed myself. Yeah, what a weird push and pull that was. Such a weird push and pull. He charmed me, I guess. There's no other way to say it.

One of the worst people I've ever met. Truly, and yet you're just, they're kind of like, if I was bored, I'd probably invite him over just to kind of cheer me up. Absolutely, who did you rob today? Make my party more interesting. Exactly. He just doesn't stop talking. That's what he should do. I know. today? Make my party more interesting. He just doesn't stop talking. That's what he should do. I know. He should be a party entertainer. 100%.

And the glitter should dissolve. The glitter should all be thrown away. There should be. What? They should make a dissolving glitter. Do they have that? But that makes me worry. Dissolving, like on your, like if it gets in your body, it's just going to dissolve. But how does that work? I could get it dissolving in water. You mean it just wears off eventually. Almost like a temporary tattoo. Yeah, I guess I just wanted to go away. Oh yeah, I mean, me too, trust me. Do you think glitter, that was where science went too far?

Yeah, I think- Inventing glitter. I just think inventions went too far. I think everyone went too far. Do you know what, instead of Oppenheimer, they should make a movie about the person who invented glitter. They should. And how conflicted they are.

We were able to do this, but should we have? What if the Russians invented it first? What's the famous quote he says? You know, that he reads in a book. I am now become death. Destroyer of worlds. And honestly, I have called glitter destroyer of my world before absolutely July if he was into it for so long. Oh my god. She loved glitter. All right, we have one other post This post just this just caught my eye. Okay It's it's from Susan Telfer rad that Susan who Susan Telfer hyphen rad that

Say one more time Susan It's from Susan Telfer Radzat. Susan who? Susan Telfer-Radzat. Say one more time. Susan. Telfer. Telfer. And hyphen Radzat. Radzat. Yeah Radzat. R-A-D-Z-A-T.

Yes isn't that incredible? Wow. I know it's quite a name. Speaking of the plan of the Wookiees. And she says. You got you too Telfer Radzat. Ooh. Brrr.

She says very good babe. All right. Thank you. What a contented cat. Ha ha ha. Sitting by the fire. She says, very good, babe. What a contented cat. By the fire. She says, Hi all the squirrels and slash or, which I've never seen that move. Or she spells out slash.

No, no, no. But I know. No, she doesn't spell out slash. Okay. And, and I guess I've never just, I guess I've never said and slash or out loud. That's what I guess sounded funny to me. I guess you just say and or. And I'm just realizing that I didn't need to do that. So that's on me.

You made yourself laugh. That's on me. I made myself laugh. You are the source of this. I'm the source of this. Oh, sorry. I just opened the fridge and it was empty. All right. Radzat says, I don't think he's sorry.

The squirrels and or rats ate 70% of our pomegranates. 70%? 70%. Okay. I am looking for more. Squirrels or rats? No, I think pomegranates, because she says we'll trade a big bag

for a couple of jars of pomegranate jelly. Thanks. Now, first of all, I've had pomegranate jelly. It's not good. I've never had, I didn't know it was a thing. Pomegranates are very sour. I mean, like pomegranate seeds, like they can be. If you try to make them into a jelly,

you feel like you have to add, I mean, you always have to add a lot of sucrose and whatnot. I don't know how to make jelly. I never did it. Who would? What is this, Little House on the Prairie? But to me, I don't, it's interesting that she, it seems like, here's what I think.

I think she, the step, the process of making pomegranates into pomegranate jelly, there's a lot of steps. I feel like she's just trying to get some jelly, so she doesn't have to skip ahead and do all the work. I mean, so she can skip ahead and doesn't have to do all the work This is you know saying no she wants she's giving the jelly in exchange for the pomegranates. I Thought she offered a bag. Oh, that's what it is. Oh, she's offering a bag. She's lost 70% of her pomegranates She wants a big bag of them for a couple jars of yeah, I just think it's okay then either way

I think it's not a fair trade. I don't think it's a, okay, then either way, I think it's not a fair trade. I don't think it's a fair trade because you might love pomegranates. You might not like pomegranate jelly. No. It's so specific. It is. It's my point. I guess in the pomegranate community, perhaps,

if you are someone who has, I guess if you're also someone who has a pomegranate tree that has not been afflicted by rats and or squirrels, that you're probably making that jelly too. Cause what else are you going to do? And I'm just, I'm surprised because I feel like I see pomegranate trees everywhere and they just make so many and then they just fall.

And then so who's so obsessed with it that they know 70% is 70% of them are missing. I just, I guess I mean, I think there's too many pomegranate trees everywhere. That's what I'm getting for what you're saying. Thank you. Thank you. Now here's what I'm going to tell you. And I don't know if there's too many pomegranate trees everywhere. That's what I'm getting for what you're saying. Thank you. Thank you. Now, here's what I'm going to tell you, and I don't know if it's going to blow your mind. Uh-oh. I wouldn't know a pomegranate tree if I was sitting in it. Are you serious?

Well, I will tell you, they're nothing really pretty to look at. They aren't. I'm so sorry. And I'm surprised because we do have a- I think it's OK to say that about a tree. And I will say, it's the only tree that we don't have a street named for. That's true. We don't have a pomegranate street. That's true.

Maybe it's because they figured there were too many damn trees. Maybe they figured, well, we got them all. And they forgot about pomegranate. You know what's funny is that we do have a president street and we have a tree street. Yes. And I feel like they could have-

It makes it very confusing sometimes. Those were the first streets, our older streets. It's a real who's on first. It's like, we just take tree street. Which tree very confusing sometimes. Those are the first streaks. Because it's a real- Our oldest streaks. It's a real who's on first. It's like, you just take tree streaks. Which tree? Tree streaks. Exactly.

Which tree? Tree. Yes. And they intersect, which is not helping. I'm on instructables.com, how to make pomegranate jelly. Okay. What does it say? Fall.

In all caps. Fall. Oh, fall. Then all lowercase. That's one of the first instructions? Fall, Halloween, cool weather in the second week of November. I thought it was like a stop, drop, and roll. To me, this signals, among other things,

it's pomegranate jelly time. I've never even had pomegranate jelly. Do you want to know the supplies you need? You've never had it, but you're very against it. I don't, I assume you had it and didn't care for it. You've been slandering it up and down. You're right. Supplies needed one canning jars for jelly with new lids.

Sugar. Can't reuse my old lids. Great. No. Pectin. Pectin. That's the word. Large pan to cook jelly in.

That's so much work. I didn't realize cooking was part of jelly making. Yes, it is. You basically have to simmer it on a stove. Like it basically, you boil it practically. Who would ever do this? It is so much work. It's so much work.

This is what I'm saying. One lemon for a little juice. Sure. Pomegranate juice. Wait. Wait, one lemon for a little juice, and then also pomegranate juice. You add pomegranate juice. Wait, wait, one lemon for a little juice and then also pomegranate juice to the pomegranate jelly. Oh yeah. I think that's probably the main ingredient. Why do you add lemon? That's probably why it tastes so bad. Again, I've never had it.

Joe, this is honestly, I can't remember if I've had it or I haven't had it. This is honestly, I can't remember if I've had it or I haven't had it. Then it couldn't have been that member. You know what's happening? Carmine is he scrambled my brain. He said maybe some of that glitter got in there too. He abs 100%. Yeah, some glitter got to your brain. He scrambled my brain with glitter and and I don't know what happened. Thomas Dolby song. He scrambled my brain. The 80s. The 80s. Well anyways, I'm sorry, Ranzack. Was that when the audience sees a ghost? I think I just found Bubba's joint. This must be a serious episode. Oh no.

Did they do one of those on Mama's Family? Boy, oh boy, that happened. You said you think you must have found Bubba's joint, meaning that was Instructables had you build a fake joint to be discovered by someone? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. It sounds like you're inside the Mama's Family episode.

Very confusing, babe. I hope that your mom likes it. She's gonna get here in a week. I hope she likes it. We'll find out. We'll let you know. Longer if she's walking, obviously. We'll let you know.

Well, listen, thank you so much for listening, everyone. If you would like to hear ad-free versions of the episodes and gain access to our bonus content, our bonus room episodes, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the maximum. I almost said slash and then I realized, I don't know what would follow the slash. Listen, it's Carmine. I'm blaming this on Carmine. He really scrambled my brains with glitter. So go to the cbbworld.com and sign up. I almost

did it again. Oh my God. And you said the cbbworld.com. I was hoping that would be lost over. But yes, I did say that. Go to cbbworld.com and sign up on the Maximus tier and you'll get all that good stuff. And follow us on Instagram,

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Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Mark Renney. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show,

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