The Neighborhood Listen - In Search Of Grandparents with Raphael Chestang

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

On this episode we learn of an unexpectedly thrilling feature in town, Joan's trip to the Dignity Falls DMV, Burnt's harrowing dream, and Doug's personal memorabilia. Later, guest Rebecca (Raphael Chestang) is looking for some new grandparents for her kids on the NeighborhApp.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to the entire ad-free archive as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. And now, please enjoy this in to The Neighborhood Listen. Hello and welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen Season 6. Rolling right along, this is the podcast that looks at Dignity Falls, our neighborhood. And when I say our, I mean me, burnt me a payday, and... Me, Joan Pedestrian. That was a very... Me! That was adorable, Joan.

You know, I did a warm-up today. I just decided to get... I got up early. You don't usually do that for these. Well, I don't, because, you know, I got up early. In fact, you do a cool-down. Always. Actually, cool-down is just as important

as warming up and voice. Let me tell you what. But two things. You said, roll and ride along. It made me think of that delightful song, Move and Ride Along, from the warming up the voice. Let me tell you what. But two things. You said roll and ride along. It made me think of that delightful song, Move and Ride Along from the Muppet movie. Do you remember that? I do remember that. I love that song.

Move and ride along. What a... No? Yes? No? I have a problem with that movie. You do? It sort of left a scar on me.

Oh, no! Wow. Well, I didn't mean to start off this way. It was too many... How was I to know? No, of course not. It's not your fault. I usually don't associate Muppets with trauma no it's a blood nor did i it's a beloved movie except for those space aliens on

sesame street yep yep yep you don't like them oh i loved them i didn't know how to feel about them as a child wait i really want to get they were scary but also very compelling oh wow they sort of looked maybe they were scary because they were unexplainable. They were on. That's heavy. They were, you know why I asked that? Because it just,

I'm trying to think of what that is like for me to, to, to, to give solidarity. Right. And what I, the first thing that came to mind is that weird part in the shining where she's looking down the hall and she looks at a door and there's a guy like a bear or a dog costume and he looks up. That is the scariest part of the movie to me because what the fuck is going on? I'm sorry I swore. I'm sorry I swore, babe. Which movie? The Shining. The Shining, right. That to me because it's unexplained. But you know what?

When I saw that, I remember thinking, sure. But the aliens? Nope no the other stuff that happened previous to that i was like yeah why not of course okay so they go back to the aliens so the aliens they because they they were very um i think because they could only express themselves in a limited way uh-huh they seemed very primitive and scary to me. And they were very, they were, the way their mouths open. Oh yeah, I guess that is a little scary. Like a shark mouth. I was very scared by, this is a, it burned on my memory,

the last Starfighter. Yes. Yes. Is it the moment where he turns around in the cab? No. Oh. It's the moment when the amorphous glob that's going to go down and turn into him because he's up in space and he's in bed.

And she like looks in and says something. And then what turns around is just this like, it looks like Pillsbury Play-Doh, like not Play-Doh, but, you know, it just looks like white dough with maybe two eyes. That's Doug, our producer. That's a fitting time for him to come in. And you know what? That's a perfect entrance for Doug that's a fair question but you could see

I think because it's Play-Doh you could actually eat and that's what Doug likes because the Pillsbury Doughboy he looks like he could be made out of dough could be made out of clay

but this is like the Pillsbury Doughboy was just a soulless like a satanic being and who's to say he isn't it was one of the scariest things ever, whatever that creature was.

But no, I don't think that they make Play-Doh games. I think because they're, of course they're at risk of people eating the wrong thing and baking the wrong thing. And baking the wrong thing. But okay, so the aliens, that's how I felt about them. But the moment,

the only moment I remember from The Last Starfighter is when Robert Preston turns around from the driver's seat of the spacecraft and you see his real alien face. That's right. See, I vaguely remember it. In the fedora and the suit. See, that's not even,

but yes, I mean, I remember, but that's not as scary to me. I don't know why. Maybe my brain stopped processing the rest of the movie after I saw it. It wasn't that scary to me. I think I was old enough that I was not scared by it.

Oh, you just remembered it. The Muppet movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's get back to this. What got me in that was the, it was too many Muppet legs. I didn't like seeing them. That was not what I expected. It was unsettling to me.

Kermit riding the bike. Is that when they're all riding the bike? No, I don't like that. You see Fozzie's legs? Oh, I didn't, I didn't. Maybe we really weren't meant to see the bottoms of muppets they were adorable because they were puppets you knew they were puppets and then when you when you see them in in full body we're trying to make them something they are i don't want them

i don't want them to be alive somehow we accept a hand up in their head making them alive but we don't accept the fake legs yes we because there's a human at work it's a human at work we know that this is for our entertainment yes and then when you see them as as full fully fleshed out creatures they're their own creatures now and and now i feel guilty having enjoyed them as puppets interesting take on it well i i didn't need to bring um we we didn't uh we said hi to doug but we didn't ask where he was today, babe. Where are you recording from? I'm in the sports room.

The sports room! Sort of a gimme, right? And I mean, it seems like it's a very simple question, but what happens in the sports room? It is simple, but it's necessary. Thank you. We celebrate... My blood! Oh, wait till we get to the blood room. Oh, boy.

I've been holding off on that one. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Maybe next episode. We'll see. You know what? I don't even want to ask any questions. Speaking of the shining.

Speaking of the shining. Don't open that door. So tell them about the sports room, babe. Yeah, I got all my retired jerseys. My retired. Like you collect retired jerseys? Yeah, but I also have my own. His own jerseys. My retired I do this. Like you collect retired jerseys? Yeah, but I also have my own. His own jerseys. Which is like old briefs.

Mostly old softball jerseys. They get new ones. How many? Also old. So they get new ones and then you consider the old ones retired. Correct. I see. I see. He's got so many and they're framed. I got a lot of my favorite briefs too. Like when I'm done with them.

I'm not so thrilled with sometimes i have a hard time partying with them and then joan suggested it did sound like you said partying with them i was gonna let that go i couldn't i because i just wanted to clarify because maybe that is something that's happening little briefs on the head you got a party briefs on the head. You got to party. Briefs on the head. You got to party. It's like his slumber parties that he has. Oh, yeah. So, okay, you weren't partying with them,

but when you part with them, to me, that would mean you throw them in the garbage, not frame them behind glass. I think one of the few items of clothing that you cannot donate. They must go directly into the trash. That's correct. Now, Doug, are these briefs that you wear specifically to play sports?

No, not necessarily. Okay. Well, I don't know if they should be in the sport room then. I mean, it's your room, your rules. I also have your more traditional sport paraphernalia. Cups. Accessories. The Dignity Puckers.

Pucks. Pucks and cups. Pucks and cups. Oh, have you been to pucks and cups and pants? I was just about to ask you that. They only sell pants. They're doing a switcheroo. That whole street of stores is just wacky.

Absolutely ridiculous. What are they doing? It kind of makes me mad. I know. I think it's I honestly think it's for tourists now because you know someone on Instagram got a hold of that street

and it was like come with me LOL look at this street it is so whimsical. You know it was one of those things on TikTok with like the robot voice.

I hate those. I really hate them too and I think they just you know what they've tried to introduce some new voices. Oh yeah.

There's one that's like, there's a grizzled man. There's a grizzled man. What does that one sound like? I haven't heard that one. This guy thinks he's going to be surprised. Oh, is it like a dude?

It's supposed to be like a dude, the dude voice or like a Tommy Lee Jones thing. Oh, Sam Elliott. Is it supposed to be Sam Elliott? Okay. There's also one that a lot of moms use for like a little kid, like narrating the day.

And it's like, oh, so my mom decided to make me food absolutely not but it really just sounds like a dude sounding like a smug you know sort of a you know they have a golem one now they do yes who wants that i'm going to the car wash what are we doing what are we even doing what are we doing people used to go to the car wash and nobody knew. Nobody knew except for the person at home that they left. And that was okay.

It was okay that 140,000 people didn't know you went to the car wash. I will say, ooh, a lot of followers. I will say that I do. You're focusing on the wrong thing, Bernt. I don't mind a video of the car wash. I find it very soothing. I wish the car wash lasted longer. Me too. Right? Yes. I wish you had the option to go through again.

Like a roller coaster if there's not that many people. I guess it's an ultimate, you're shut off from the world. You're just stuck in that car for a minute. But a lot of people find it claustrophobic. The day-to-day car wash might be one of the most thrilling things we have. Oh, well, that's definitely true.

Yeah, there are peaks and valleys. Sometimes there's creatures that jump out. Not even during Halloween. They just happen. There's a showgirl line. There's a kick line at one point. You're in wetsuits.

It makes me nervous because even though I'm in neutral and I'm on the track, I do feel like I'm going to hit them, but they always get out of the way just in time. And they peel off in like a very, it's wonderful. It's like an Esther Williams thing.

One of them acts like their foot gets stuck. And then they run away. It's a little too fried green tomatoes. If you turn to like a certain frequency AM radio, there is a whole song that plays. I didn't know that. Oh yeah, that's why they're dancing. They're dancing to the beat. I enjoyed it even without music.

Sometimes I'm listening to news radio and they're just dancing. And when it matches up with the cadence of the person speaking, it's wonderful. Apparently they have a really good insurance program. It's a good job. It's like a government job. People love it. It's been the same ladies for such a long time. Yes, yes. Which I appreciate.

I appreciate they let them keep that job. I do too. Yeah, we could- And they are all, as opposed to the Rockettes, they are, the heights could not be more different. Yes, oh, definitely. They are all kinds of heights. Equal opportunity for every kind of height, yes.

Yes. Which I guess is maybe why one of them pretends to get stuck. I think she's the shorter one, right? Is that, that's why she pretends to get stuck? It was her idea. It was her idea. And she she's miming go on without me and you know i like the part where it actually picks up your car and twirls it around that's fun but you uh you know make sure you're belted in because yeah they don't even tell you you have

to be belted in well they used to not now they have to because they got in a lot of trouble i don't like when the yeti comes out because uh you know, it's not because it's scary, but it's because that thing is like it's not waterproof. They did not act. They did not anticipate. Yeah, the hair is so matted at this point. And it's very sad looking. And and its jaw is kind of like just in a constant state of like a silent scream. And I think it used to talk kind of like Connie.

It's not, but it's just really, really, really open in a way that I don't care for. And that's why we couldn't take escrow anymore in the car because he would see that Yeti and lose his mind. I don't like how they gave it sort of a Reese's monkey butt. I like your pronunciation of Reese's. Reese's. It's very continental. That's how he says Reese's. Do you say Reese's? Reese's monkey butt. I like your pronunciation of Reese's. Reese's. It's very continental.

That's how he says Reese's. Do you say Reese's? Reese's. I believe it's Reese's monkey. Okay. Yeah. Regardless. You love how we just agreed.

He doesn't want to get into it. I can hear the shrug in his voice. Exactly. I hear that all the time. That's a shrug dog. That's a husband okay is what that is. I want to say a lot of things but you know what just gonna be a lot easier to go okay did you say it was a hush shrug i said it was a dog shrug

a dog shrug oh that's a good one you just coined something i'm pretty agreeable about such things you're speaking in such a fancified way am Am I in Wuthering Heights? What's going on? La la la. I kind of like it. Sorry, sorry. What did you just say, Doug? Say it again. About being agreeable about such things?

About such things. I'm calling a such-ass. Such-ass? I'm invoking a such-ass. I mean, it was lying right there. Yeah. I had to make sure. Yeah, you did.

I had to make sure. You needed to make sure. Yes. Thank you for making sure. Well, such-ass, the pronunciation of resus versus resus. Okay. Okay. Well, I mean, we know that one.

Oh, well, I don't know. I mean, it's not. I suppose that was pretty. I'm sorry, babe. It probably sounds like we're ganging up on you. Just give us another one. Yeah, go ahead. And we'll try not to judge it.

I mean, basically any disagreement. I'm not going to press too much. Any disagreement. That's how I like it. Well, sure.'m not going to press too much. Any disagreement. That's how I like it. Well, sure. For you, it's a win. Any disagreement. I kind of roll along.

If you challenge Doug, he will say, okay. Okay. Doug Shrug. Give the old Doug Shrug. Maybe a little part of him dies each time he does it, but you know, it's such a tiny, tiny amount. I sure hope not. Is that a sort of happy wife, happy life sort of maxim? It just comes naturally.

I think that's... It's not an effort. It's a gift. It is just, you have an idea, if someone challenges that idea, you don't care about your original idea. I just assume you're correct. Oh, yeah.

Wow. That is kind of happy wife, happy life. Sure. But there's no... I've been proven wrong. I think the thing is I've been proven wrong so many times in my life. Sure. At this point.

Haven't we all? I give it to you. So anyway... Anyway, that Yeti anus is very detailed and way too prominent. Oh, why did you have to turn around? I can't say the upward and you can say anus on our podcast? Come on. It's clinical. It's not a... I know, but it's very...

It's still graphic. Now I'm just picturing a monkey butt and I didn't want to do that this morning. What really makes it terrible is that he looks over his shoulder. And it's... I don't know. That shouldn't be in there. Because sometimes people take their kids. And at that point, I mean, in the song, it's like, oh, yeah.

I think they thought they were being funny. I didn't realize the song, the song is for the whole duration of the car wash. That's what I'm saying. It syncs up with the whole entire ride. Oh, I got it. I got to go. You have to. I have to rent a car and go through there again.

It goes through so many different genres. Yeah. And then there's like a Vincent Price moment. No, like a Vincent Price rap breakdown? Yes, like a vincent price moment no like a vincent price rap breakdown yes like control it is it batmab i'm sorry who batmab batmab it does dinner has a price what oh oh our guest yes our guest from season one yes season one gosh we should check in on him we should i wonder if he's still doing that i think he is okay i think he is and it's and it's sad because fewer and fewer people remember who vincent price is these days that is true yeah

oh boy what a voice what a voice speaking of which so yeah i was warming up a little this morning because sure isn't that a segue absolutely it's more of us bringing back us bringing us back around like the first sort of moment when we started speaking yes yes yes because i had to get up early and i just needed to i was kind of in a bad mood and singing puts me in a good mood i had to go to the dmv this morning and you know the dandie falls dmv is is pretty wacky if you think your dick your dmv wherever you live is terrible this one is like it's it's it's all the drudgery of uh a sort of uh government office yes but they've tried to put whimsy into it yes and no one wants that absolutely not helping no so i mean it's they have clowns and they have several clowns

yes like it's sort of sometimes i think it's more of like all the clowns are there to get something renewed because there's so many. That's what I assumed at first. The first time I went in there. Yes. Yeah. And like, you know.

Don't they have licenses? Oh, you mean do they have to have a license to clown? I think they just need to be down for it. Like that monkey in the car wash. The monkey in the car wash. The Yeti? The reesus monkey the yeti the yeti why do you think a yeti looks looks like a monkey no i just forgot i think whether or not we were

talking about we're not talking about the baboon wait the yeti's in the car wash where's the baboon the baboon is also in the car wash she's's very small. Oh, I get it confused. You blink and you'll miss him. But he is famously, he's hiding his anus. He's embarrassed. He has like an embarrassed look on his face. He has anus shame? He has anus shame.

He realizes he's nude. It's like he's achieved some level of consciousness. It's like Adam and Eve in the garden. Oh my goodness. Oh yeah okay sorry i got confused so you're doing your warm-up i'm doing my warm-up and and i got there and uh and you had i and i here's the thing wait were you doing your warm-up at the dmv no no no no i just did my warm-up in the shower getting ready because i was in a bad mood and i thought i'm gonna sing because i was supposed to be in a better mood and it really really did but it still kind of wasn't able to come over the top of how frustrating that place is I can say one thing the one time I wanted it to go uh the

one time I didn't want it to go fast my wait time uh was today because I had to do a eye check you know like the the and I and I I can't vision test yeah? Yeah. Eye check's okay, right? Eye check is fine. Just, you have eyes. I guess that's what it implies. You abruptly broke off, but I thought, I think it means vision test.

It means vision test. They don't check if you have eyes. And I hate that they have to cover one eye because one of my eyes is just much weaker than the other.

And I was really panicking. I was like, well, how do you know if you're going to pass or not? I mean, do you have to get every single letter? And then I thought,

well, maybe I can memorize the lines. Well, there's no way because they, what? But you, but that's not helping anything. That would mean your vision is severely compromised. You can't do that.

You know what? I'm really afraid of. I'm afraid he's going to tell me I have to get those readers glasses. And that is a new chapter. And I'm afraid of it. Right. I don't want to do that. I always pass those by in the pharmacy and I'm like, not me, not today.

Is it that? I've seen you say that. I don't say not today Satan. I say not today readers. I've seen you say that and I didn't know what you were doing because from my angle behind the counter, I can't see that you're looking at the readers. I think it's, I thought you were saying it to Pepto Bismol. And what is it about the readers? Just because

it seems like such an elderly thing. It does and I hate to be like that because I'm supposed to be age. Age is not a number. Hear me roar. Age is a number. I don't think those two are put together. Yes, I think age is nothing but a number. Oh, age is just a number. Yes. And one is the loneliest.

That's true. That's true. Two can be as bad as one. Two can be as bad as one. one is the loneliest. That's true. That's true. Two can be as bad as one. Two can be as bad as one. It's the loneliest number since the... And three's company. Four on the floor. Five left. Better pick up those sticks.

Seven, eight, nine. That was quick. Seven, eight, nine. Seven, eight, nine. That's a good one. One of my favorite games. This is probably fun for everyone.

This is... What a... This game has no rules. It's just anything that you can think of with a number in it. But it's not... It's not like

a genre of number. Is there an 11? Oh, yeah. Make a wish. What? Oh, well well that's only if it's 11 11 don't you ever do that when it's 11 11 you make a wish i heard it was when it's 1 2 3 4 you make a wish oh really yeah i think it's both i would start making a wish on 11 11 if i were you okay i give it i give that a duck truck yeah 11 i always think of as the quakers dozen what does that mean quakers dozen well they give you one less than a dozen okay if you've

misbehaved in the is that like is that the part of the quaker culture oh the one that's run by quakers yeah yes that quaker donut shop oh that's right oh that's true they like because you have to be completely silent in there yes you do they it like, they run their business like it's a meeting forever. And you are not, you're allowed to speak if the spirit moves you, but they can tell. So a lot of people go in there and they try to just go, they wait and they wait and they go, I think today I'll have a glaze. Yeah. Right. And then, and hopefully that will be, that will be enough.

But you're right. They can tell. They're very good. Oh, absolutely. This is you're right. They can tell they're very good. Oh, absolutely. This is their whole thing. They can tell. Yes.

And they do the sleight of hand thing where they make a showing of that. They're putting 12 items in your box. Yes. Why did he bother doing that? They pull that 12th one out when you can't see it. Quakers love closeup magic. And it's a, that seems really specific.

I want to make sure we're right about that, because that could be a rough rumor to start. Every Quaker I've ever met, they adore close-up magic. How many have you met? Oh, I guess they come into the pharmacy. I mean, they come to the... Quakers love coming to the pharmacy, and they're always doing tricks for me.

Are they good at it? They're all terrific. Oh, wow. They're all terrific. Who knew? And they all know each other and, you know, they're constantly researching new illusions. Oats and magic. Oats and magic.

Oats and magic. That's what they always say when they finish a trick. They have their own shrug and they say, oats and magic. finish your trick. They have their own shrug and they say, oh, it's a magic. Well, anyways, fine. Age is just a number. It is a number, but it's just a number and a number

I need to not be afraid of. And I guess I have to not be afraid of the readers. I mean, people can wear them at any age. You know what I mean? I mean. It's almost, I mean, a reader Would they really? Readers are really just it's a magnifying glass that you can wear on your face. That's all it is. That sounds terrible. Why?

Because I guess you just don't want to need, it's hard that you just need more things as you get older. You need more equipment to do the things that you never even thought about before. It's true. Just pop up and get out of bed. And I guess I should just be grateful that there's all these tools that we have to use as opposed to just, you know, wandering around, not being able to do anything. Here's a way to look at it. Okay. Is that you're becoming young again because your vision is getting worse. When babies are born, their vision is not great. This is true. Your teeth start to fall out. You become incontinent.

I'm not feeling better. I am not feeling better, Bernd. I'm giving you a framing device. You shrink. You shrink. You get smaller. It's true. I wonder how tall I am now.

I haven't checked in a while. I wonder if I've lost any height. It's possible. I guess I don't know when that starts to happen. And it might be different for different people. I think it probably is. But I don't know. I mean, you know, I'm getting up there. I'm not getting any younger. And it

could be that I... Like you just told me, that we're just getting worse and our teeth are going to fall out. Well, I didn't say we're getting worse. Oh, well, that's what I heard. Oh, I know. How is it at the Falzmassee lately? It's great. It's really great.

We're dispensing pills in a normal way now. Good. I have to say, you just seem so much happier since you've made the transfer. Yeah, I really love it. I really love it. And one of the things I love about it is people love coming in there. They do. And, you know, one of the things, I don't know if we've talked about this, of course,

as opposed to CVS, we have the shortest receipts. Oh, yes. People say, can I get a receipt? And I said, it's in there. It's in the bag. And they have to hunt. Does it look like a fortune? Like a fortune cookie?

Yes, exactly. Exactly. It's a little longer than a fortune. It's like the width of a regular receipt. But the, wait, hold on a second. You definitely need readers to read it. The length of a fortune. The length of a fortune. The length of a fortune.

Yes. And everything is crammed on there. Yeah, absolutely. It's all the same information that you get on a CVS receipt. That is one of the main draws. I realize that. We hired one of those people that writes the Lord's Prayer in our grain of rice.

Oh, so they're handwritten? They're handwritten. How does that work? The guy's just that good. He's just fast. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The information... Spare no expense this place. He has a screen that has the same information that I have. Okay. And then he's just... He's just furiously

writing. Yeah, get that quill. That's in the paper you're saving. Truly. So much paper. Uh-huh. So much paper. Wow.

And we got an award. You did? Yes. Which one? The Conservation Award. Oh, sure. Yes. Well, congratulations.

The governor came and gave it to us. Wow. The Conservation Award has a lot of paper, I will say. Yeah. I mean, that's the downside that's the downside it's it's yours you know they say you can frame it but it's essentially it's a booklet yeah that's and it's because the whole town signs it right the whole entire town has to sign like a yearbook but for like the town yes and they say congratulations or good job whatever but you don't have to leave a message that they have to sign it's like the size of a phone book yeah and uh just a huge dream of paper

pamphlet that everyone is the size of a phone book oh i guess what not you said pamphlet i just i pictured something big i don't know why because you're right a pamphlet is small a pamphlet is thin pamphlets a phone book is thick did i sayplet? You might have. That's kind of a nice name. A pamplet. Yeah. Maybe that's what... Pamplet. Come here, boy.

I had a dream last night. Somebody left a baby at my home. Oh, no. Yes. What did you do? In the dream, I was... I had let a beard grow. And it was snow white. First of all all that's a weird way to phrase it you'd let it grow a beard yeah a beard yes i'd let a beard grow on my face okay

and it was white front of in the front of my head and it was snow white and i realized oh i kind of look like santa claus probably to a to a small child and in the dream i had a neighbor and i was visiting the neighbor or it was like somebody who just moved in and so i walked over to say hello i was living in this like suburban neighborhood oh wow and uh i saw this person they had a little baby a little blonde boy and he was so cute and i went over and i went oh oh oh no oh no do you struggle with the the Santa voice in your dream too? I don't know what you mean. Oh, okay.

I'm going to do a Joan shrug. The baby was delighted. And then I was holding the baby for a little bit. And, you know, what's the term where you sort of, you know, bounce about. Rock them? Yeah, but you sort of bounce them. Sure, sure. You know what I mean? sort of uh you know bounce about rock them or yeah but you sort of bounce them you know what i mean and then you know the dream fast forwards and i'm in i'm at home i'm on my couch and i look

over and the baby is asleep on the couch oh wow and i thought oh no she left her baby here yeah and then i but it was 5 a.m and i thought well i can't go knock on her door i wake her up she probably isn't she probably isn't worrying about her baby. To be honest, a new mom, it's actually possible that she was asleep. I thought, I guess I have to wait until a reasonable hour to go over there and say, you left your baby. Wow. And was that it? You woke up? And then I woke up. Yes. I was trying to reassure the baby and the baby, thankfully I woke up just before the baby realized I am not at home and I don't like this situation. Oh boy. Yeah. Well, I have to say, I mean, you know, I kind of love to interpret dreams a little bit. Uh, and I kind of feel like this means, what was that?

Yeah. See, cause I, wow. That's a, that's a very, well, wait, did you have an interpretation of my dream? I did. I did. well wait did you have an interpretation of my dream i did i did um i what i really think this means is you know you're talking about it's it strikes a chord with me that you're saying that you were in a suburban area and and and also that you know it's almost like these people were new neighbors and it's like a vision of what i think to mean is that you finally i think might

need to leave your medieval apartment. I think it's time, Bert. You've got a new, because guess what? You made a move at work. I think it's time to make a move at home.

Joan, I have to stop you right there. I left that apartment a long time ago. Wait, what? Yes. Really? Don't tell me this.

I've been sending Christmas cards there for years. Oh, no, no. We have discussed it. And some checks. We have discussed it. You must be wondering, where's that money I owe you? I do not live at the medieval department. I owe Bernd a lot of money.

We don't have to get into that on the podcast. We don't. But also, you must have been thinking, I'm a monster. And where's my money? No, I don't know. I sent all those checks. Of course not. Who's getting them now?

I have no idea. Oh, my Lord. I don't know why I did checks. I could have just Venmo'd you. It's true. I haven't lived there I did checks. I could have just Venmo'd you. It's true. I haven't lived there in years. Wait, what? Yes. Where did you go and why did you leave? I mean,

we know why you left. I mean, there was a gale of wind that came through and many other things about it. Yes, absolutely. It was on a very busy street that I couldn't cross the street. Yes. And I moved to another apartment building and I've been living there ever since. A normal apartment building.

Well, okay. I mean, how come you never told us? What about the Murphy bed? I did. You did? Yes, I did. I don't remember. Was it during an episode?

Yes, it was. Oh, dear. We did talk about it. And yeah, we brought up the medieval-th themed apartment building is a place I used to live. Oh gosh. But I haven't lived there. But look, Jill. Well, I just feel the fool now.

I guess the dream means that you want a baby. Well, I haven't. That's the only other explanation for it. I don't know. I don't know if I'm a, I'm a baby type. Oh, I think, listen, you couldn't see listeners, but when he was miming rocking that baby, he was doing a very good job. Well, thank you very much.

Maybe you should do that thing. Did you ever have to do that thing in high school where you just had to take care of a bag of flour for a day? In my height? Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Because that really, really is almost exactly the same as a baby. In my high school, it was a python.

What? Yes. Alive? Well, yeah. Please say it was a baby python at least. It wasn't dead. It was a baby python. Okay.

And I don't think they realize how fast those things grow. And they should have talked to the biology department. Wait, how fast do they grow? How long did you have to watch it over it? Oh, for a week. But they can get pretty big in a week. Good Lord. Yeah.

This is ridiculous. They're in a week. Good Lord. Yeah. This is ridiculous. They're in a rush to get to squeezing. I did not know that. Yeah. It was a bad idea. That was the first and only year they did it. I should hope so. Yeah.

Well, should we get to our guest? Sure. You're asking me? Yeah. How long have we been recording? Doug. I? Sure. You're asking me? How long have we been recording? Doug, you're the engineer. You're keeping track of how long we've been recording, right?

He was busy. He's busy when he's going through his... I know, but also he's busy probably folding some briefs or framing a cup. Framing a cup. Actually, he has one cup that he puts on. It's almost like it's the queen's jewels. It's literally under a square box on like a little stand.

Like a glass box. Like a glass box, yeah. I guess I didn't need to say square box. With like lasers around it? Yes. He's made it extremely secure. His dream was that we could play out a fantasy where he does all, he has like red lasers.

They all go, you know, he could turn on. And his, one of his, one of his sort of like things that he's always loved is he wants me to do that entrapment situation, you know,

where I put on like the Catherine Zeta-Jones thing and I go through the whole, I promised him I would do that for Valentine's Day this year and he's looking to make good on that. Do you think any, first of all,

I forgot that movie was named Entrapment. Secondly, do you think anyone remembers any other detail of that film? Nope. I certainly don't. I'm not sure I've ever seen it. It's the movie about Catherine Zeta-Jones going under lasers. That's all it is. Wouldn't it be funny if that wasn't even in the movie? It was just used

in the trailer. Don't you hate that when there's something that's used exclusively in that trailer and you never see it in the movie? Absolutely. Oh boy. Well, how long have we been going, Doug? About 30 minutes. Oh! We better go. Long intro. Alright, well, Well, how long have we been going, Doug? About 30 minutes. Oh, we better go. Long intro. All right. Well, we will take a break.

And when we return, we will have a guest right here on The Neighborhood Listen. Hi, this is Sangeetha. I have eight dining table chairs, DIY projects, slash save landfills. If you are interested in a creative DIY project or have ideas to reupholster these chairs, it's free. The structure is stable and nothing is wrong other than the fabric peeling off. I hate to see this go into a landfill. Now, as you can see pictured, these chairs are devastated. I mean, they have been ravaged. We have a pet bear, and I suspect him.

I really do. My husband is not convinced, but I suspect him. Because if you look, I don't think that any human on earth could really wreak such havoc on a chair. And so guess what? We just can't have them anymore. And so, you know, my kids are like, get rid of the bear, not the chair. And I just think they're crazy. So, um, if you would like to take on an inconvenient project that will take way too much time and

not be worth it, uh, let me know. It's free. And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen, well, Joan, it is that time again. We have a guest right here with us at your kitchen island. Folks, here's what we do. We scour the NeighborHap, the application for social media for neighborhoods. Now, you looked at me like you were confused. It started to sound wrong.

I love how several years into this, we still sometimes have an existential crisis about what it is we're doing here. Well, you're nice to say we, but it's me. And I know that all the ideas were there, but I don't know the order was exactly correct. Anyway, the NeighborHap, you know what it is. Yeah, you're right. You're doing great. It's a social networking for neighborhoods

and we scour it for interesting posts and a way to meet our neighbors. And this week is no different. We have found someone. We have them here. And this was submitted to us by a listener and we appreciate that. If you neighbors and this week is no different we have found someone uh we have them here and this um was submitted to us by a listener and we appreciate that uh if you would like to if you find a post that we maybe have missed and you think it's interesting screenshot it and send it to us at burnt and joan at gmail.com and this was submitted by a yellow beanie project okay and i can only

hope that project has been a success well maybe i feel like it's an etsy page that's probably what oh perhaps it is okay sounds like it keep that branding going anyway yellow beanie project sent us this post uh this comes to us from rebecca in the in search of section and rebecca says hello that's the subject line i know this may be a bit unorthodox but i'm looking for grandparents for my kids. We moved here from Alaska and know barely anyone. Their safety is my top concern,

so obviously we will look into anyone wanting to spend time with them. The family we do have aren't involved in their lives. I wish they had a grandpa who took them on fishing trips, a grandma who takes the girls on shopping trips. Grandparents who show up to their soccer and football games them on fishing trips, a grandma who takes the girls on shopping trips, grandparents who show up to their soccer and football games and cheer them on, or join me and our youngest

to her gymnastics class. Maybe that's just too much to ask nowadays. I just hate that my kids are missing out. Ooh, that's plaintive. And we have her here. Please welcome to the Neighborhood Listen, Rebecca. Rebecca, hello. Hi, Rebecca.

Hello. How are you? My goodness. Tell us about yourself. Oh, well, you know, I'm originally from Alaska. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I had great grandparents. They are no longer with me. I'm sorry. I mean, most people have great grandparents. Well, I think that maybe you were saying great as in they were wonderful. Oh, I see. Is that, but i know what you mean did you mean great grandparents or fantastic grandparents i meant that they were great quality okay yeah quality they're great good to clear that up i think at the beginning absolutely very good good these were up your parents or maybe your your spouse's parents uh my parents okay yes what about your spouse's parents Were they a good set of grandparents too? They moved away.

They were great, but now they're just grandparents. They're no longer with us. They're still alive. They're not with us anymore.

That's why you say they're not involved. Exactly. They're just, they're not with us anymore. And that's why they're not, you say they're not involved in your children's lives. Yeah, which is why I'm so glad to have found grandparents for my children. You found some? You did find some. After posting this, you had success. Wait, you guys are not,

hold on a second. Oh, no. I was under here under the pretense. Oh, no, wait a minute. This is a terrible misunderstanding. Oh, dear. Oh, no. First of all, we are not a couple. Right.

We are just friends. Yes. That's not a problem. My husband is in the other room recording. This is Doug. Say hi, babe. Greetings. Doug is being very formal today.

Yeah. He likes to say very formal things today. I don't know why. No, I like the formality. I love the formality. It reminds me of my grandfather. We have some room. Babe, we have some room

in the house. Can we actually just, can we get through some questions? Because this is, I mean, before you volunteer us, I think we need to take a few steps back. Yes.

We invited you on the show to amplify your message. That's right. And get the word out that hopefully someone listening could be the grandparents for your children. Yes, please. They need this. I need this.

Look, I understand. But here's the first question. A lot of, and I am a mom. I do, I have three children. I have my daughter, July P, and the twins, Matt and- Mateo. And Mateo. Matt and Mateo.

This is a fabulous resume. You are hired. No, no, no. Again, I'm not giving you, I'm not giving you, oh boy. Rebecca, I'm not giving you my resume. What I'm trying to say is I understand what it is to be a parent. I understand what it is to have wants for our children, right? But a lot of times the wants we want for our children aren't necessarily what they need. It has a lot to do with what we need. So when it sounds

in your sort of post sounds like you would like just extra help, you know, I understand you also want sort of that multi-generational, uh, you know, influence, but it sounds like, I mean, you even ask, is this too much to ask in your post? And I think it might be, cause I'll be honest with you. Both my parents and Doug's parents were, I mean, they were okay, but for the most part, they, they don't necessarily, they want to be able to hold the baby and I think it might be because I'll be honest with you both my parents and Doug's parents were I mean they were okay but for the most part they they don't necessarily they want to be able to hold the baby and then give it back you know what I mean right uh and so um first of all my question for you is have your kids mentioned wanting grandparents is there something lacking and what are your kids names and how many do you have so I have three children okay uh tolamy okay um rebecca oh okay all right junior little rebecca junior and uh mark dog uh mark dog i believe mark uh that he

that obviously not the name that i gave him um he, kind of a nickname. He legally changed to his nickname. Oh, he did? How old is Mark Todd? Yeah. 25. 25? Okay. And the others?

The others are 17 and 11. Okay. Wow. Since they're older kids, and have they mentioned a lack of grandparents? So I don't know if they haven't mentioned it because they just haven't had them or they just they don't know what they're missing. Okay. No, they have not mentioned it. Okay.

But I just know that that's something because we share the same DNA and that's something that I really cherished growing up. And I'm sure. Sharing the same DNA? Yes. Okay. Yeah. I love. It? Yes. Okay. Yeah. I love. It's a wonderful thing.

Yeah. DNA, RNA, all the. Oh my God. All of them. Yeah. All of them. RZA, all of them. We got, we share all of it in common.

And that, and that's something that I don't want them to miss out on. Okay. Although a case could be made that especially the 25-year-old has already missed out on it. I think that's true. I mean, your grandparents, when you're 25, you could be close to them. Sure. But I think that forms at such a young age.

I don't know that being 25 you're ever going to get that same attachment to a stranger. They need role models. They don't have... Couldn't you be... Can you talk to us about your partner

and let us know who they are? Thomas. Okay. We are embezzlers. Oh. We both embezzle. They know about this. The kids.

Yes. And we just, we need to have better role models for them to look up. Then yourselves, you're saying. Yes. So you realize that being an embezzler is not a good thing. No, it's not. No.

Oh, oh. No, absolutely not. Right. Just a reminder, this is being recorded and we are going to put it out. I mean, it is a podcast. Yeah. And we do not have the ability to edit, unfortunately. That is something that is beyond Doug's skill set.

So we have to just put it out as is. Okay. Well, the statute of limitations is up, I'm sure. How long ago did you stop embezzling? Yeah, I wasn't aware. It made it sound like it was current. Yeah. Oh, how long ago did I stop?

Yes. This is recorded. Yes, it is. 25 years ago. Oh, okay. All right. I feel like there was some math going on in her head. I do want to ask what they do for a living now,

but I feel like there's not going to be an answer. Yes. You just moved to Alaska? I mean, moved from Alaska? Is that what you said? Yes. Yes. I'm loving all this sunlight.

Okay. And how long? Well, it was just a follow-up question is is it was the move um motive i know you said you stopped a while ago but why did you move was it perhaps motivated by your lifestyle um it was motivated by uh a need to um so i i have a uh repute i need i So I needed a place where my reputation wouldn't precede me. Okay. Yeah. So, you know, after a while, when you're embezzling place to place, people don't trust you anymore.

Sure. Actually, I could use parents. I could use someone to adopt me and look after and be grandparents to my children. Okay. What do you do now for a living? That feels like an even taller order. It does, yeah. And also not something that Bernt and I or Doug and I are here to do or ready to volunteer for.

Okay. Especially since we seem to be roughly the same age. Yes. What do you two do now? We work at Target. Okay. Especially since we seem to be roughly the same age. Yes. What do you two do now? We work at Target. Okay. Well, that sounds great. That's great.

Yes. That sounds like a good place to start. Yes. There are also sort of different, you know, help groups, you know, for certain people who are trying to reform their lives. There's life coaches, you know, that is someone that you can pay to truly help you turn your life around without employing people who are already parents of other children. Yes. Have you thought about that?

I have thought about it. I've gone into it. I have a cousin who's a life coach. Oh, okay. into it. I have a cousin who's a life coach. Oh, okay. Yeah. Those, you know, he could use a life coach. Oh dear. He's the one who got me into the embezzling. What business does he have being a life coach? Unless I guess he's really trying to just turn it around. He's very persuasive. Oh, dear. And so listening to what he has to say, he's tried to push me into sports. As a career? Yes. Okay. He says I was always athletic.

May I ask how old you are, Rebecca? I am, my oldest is 25. I am 20 years older than my oldest is 25 i am i am uh 20 years older than my oldest so 45 yes we're about the same age yes you wouldn't be 25 years older than you um no i'm i'm not my life would have been totally different from your relationship you know i want to ask more about the embezzling but i don't want to sort of meet her i do too i think it's okay let's just jump in okay you go you take it burn yes so as far as the embezzling goes yes you say that both you and Thomas are both embezzlers.

Now, are you embezzling as a team? Are you embezzling from separate places? I have so many questions. I also want to know, embezzling seems like an occupation. You have to put quite a bit of time into. Thank you for saying that. Oh, okay. I think that was misinterpreted as a compliment.

In order to gain access to the funds you are embezzling, you have to sort of establish yourself in this place. Yes. You know, whatever it is. So I just have, okay, so let's- I feel like the only thing I know about it is things I've seen in TV and movies. Yes.

Well, that's all. Yeah, of course. Big misconception. Oh, okay. So Thomas and I, we were, we are, no, we were. Oh boy. We were. Remember, we can't edit this.

We're going to hear you say we are and then we were. Yes. And you stopped this, but you stopped this a long time ago. Yes. We stopped it a long time ago. Whatever the statute of limitations is. 25 years. Or 20.

Yes. We embezzled uh separately it was kind of like a mr and mrs smith situation we did not know that we were both oh wow right doug loves that movie so much really oh yes it's his dream that like we're both secretly spies. I don't mean to interrupt you, Rebecca. It's just that sometimes, you know, these things come up that have to do with Doug. And I have to tell you, that's a real favorite of his. I love hearing other couples things. And wow. What else can you say but wow? Well, I'm glad I interrupted for that.

Okay, so go on. So, yes, we did not know that we were both embezzlers and um we worked for rivaling companies so you could almost say we were embezzling from each other uh i worked at the gap and he worked at Banana Republic. And so to be fair, they're the same company. Oh my goodness. They're owned by the same company.

That is true. I forgot about that bird. That is true. Do you have any exes that worked at Old Navy by any chance? No, never. Are you kidding me? Oh my God, gross. Please. no never are you kidding me oh my god gross please um but yes so we uh thank you we we were embezzling apparently double embezzling um that sounds like an old henry so so we so um eventually uh we we realized it we discovered each other because you know

uh it takes one to know one and uh we were both wearing a lot of um i mean myself, Gap Clothing. Absolutely. And himself, Banana Republic. And these companies famously don't actually give their employees close or even that much of a discount. Oh, really? Yes. What is the discount? It is 5%, which is half of the taxes That's nothing

Nothing at all So we deduced That we were both embezzlers This was on our Fifth anniversary Oh so was it like Mr. and Mrs. Smith was it like the movies? Yes

Okay I want to hear about it Me too Oh now Doug's in like Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Was it like the movies? Yes. Oh, okay. I want to hear about it. Okay. So... Me too. Oh, now Doug's in. I'm sure it was a lot like what you're envisioning. Like you made peas all of a sudden one night

instead of a different kind of vegetable and he noticed and then also noticed maybe you were wearing a new Banana Republic sweater or something like that. Or maybe something from The Gap. I don't know. I'm just filling it in. I like the movie, too.

No, that would have been great. That was awesome. Did peas figure into Mr. and Mrs. Peas? They do. Okay. Yeah, she makes the peas and she gets really mad. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Okay. Okay. I'll stick that away in my back pocket. Okay. No, you tell me what happened. I got excited. I ran away with it. I pretend less about that film than in Trap.

Well, now I'm embarrassed to tell you. Oh, no, no, no, please. That was really good. Oh, no, no, no. So is your fifth anniversary? Yes. Wait, okay. That is Wood.

I believe so. Yeah. Is it really? I believe so. I think it is the Wood anniversary. I think you're right. Of course I am. It says that on paper. No, I think Wood, yeah. Yes. Paper's number one one i think you're right of course i am so is that a paper no i think wood yeah yes same diff oh you're right paper's number one and the long list number we were doing a lot of number play before you got here rebecca

please ignore us i know it does number plays that sounds unsavory the second i heard it i wanted to edit it but i can't. Doug can't edit it. So that's going to happen. That's going to go out into the world. You just got to talk your way out of it. That is a euphemism for embezzlement. Oh, no kidding. You played with the numbers.

It's fun to know the terms. It is fun. Yeah. Get inside. Insider baseball. Okay. So what happened was I went to the restaurant before my husband. And I told the waiter, okay, I want to get champagne, but stick this note in the champagne.

Oh, that's a hard task. Stick this note in the champagne. And then put the cork back in. Re-cork it. Wow. and then put the cork back in re-cork it wow because everybody

obviously you can't give somebody uncorked champagne that would be insane it's insane so and then when we got to the bottom of the champagne bottle I said oh there's a note in there oh so it sunk to the bottom

interesting gosh I wouldn't have guessed that it would do that. You can't guarantee it. So it was in there for the length of a bottle of champagne to be drunk. And no one noticed? Bert's really trying to figure this out. It was a black bottle. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Yes. Yes. Very chic. Like a Dom Perignon. Oh, that would have been a good idea too oh no i feel bad i keep coming up with things that she thinks is better than what happened how did i not do that it's don't beat yourself up what kind of champagne was it oh it was uh it was rob uh rob schneider, that's right.

He does have that winery. Rob Schneider has a vineyard here. He makes champagne. So we got our finest Rob Schneider. Brute. Brute. Yes. Cold duck. What, babe? Cold duck. Isn't that a type sorry a type of champagne

yeah cold duck or is it a spark just never heard of that before you've never heard of cold duck i haven't this sounds crazy to me i've heard of it i have no idea what it is oh my gosh rebecca do you know no i have no idea well i'm sure rob schreider knows. Okay, so please go on. So you get to the bottom of the bottle. Yes. We're at the bottom of the bottle. Okay. And we are a little bit drunk. Okay. Wow. Just a little. Yes.

We like to have fun. Okay. And so I'm not judging. I'm shaking the bottle and we hear the rattling. And I say, oh, there's something in there. And then he'm not judging. I'm shaking the bottle and we hear the rattling. Oh. And I say, oh, there's something in there. And then he says, oh, yeah. And then and then we ask the waiter, oh, can we take this bottle out?

And so we take the bottle out, smash it against the sidewalk. Oh, my. In the restaurant? Oh, you were eating outside? Right outside. Right outside. Okay. Right outside.

And he picks up the paper and it says are you an embezzler yes or no and you gotta check you gotta check right and um you know he never actually checked one of the boxes or not that really bothered me well sure that was the whole point of the whole thing it was the whole point he just turned me and he was like yes and i was like no you have to do the thing like you know what i mean well oh you were trying to keep it secret so no one around heard him say i'm an embezzler but he said that on the side for some reason the whole sentence i am an embezzler did not have to do that no um but that's how we found that is how we met wait but then did you then admit that you were or had he

suspected that you were too that you were one or had he suspected that you were too? That you were one too? Because the question was for him, right? Yes, but he's very dumb. Oh, really? Yes, he did not suspect me at all. Oh, that probably explains why he didn't check one box. Yes, I think so.

Just a quick update. Oh, thank you. Cold Duck is the name of a sparkling wine made in the United States. Wow, never heard of it. Other people also ask you. Cold Duck is the name of a sparkling wine made in the United States. Wow. I've never heard of it. Other people also ask, does Cold Duck wine still exist? And is there an answer? Check yes or no.

Let's see. The answer is, pop open a chilled bottle of Andre Cold Duck wine at your bachelorette party, bridal shower, or girls' night. Oh, we just did a free ad for them. That's what it was. Oh, we just did a free ad for them. That's what it was. Andre has been living the dream since 1966, crafting sparkling wine at an affordable price. Good for him. Drapane.

So, cold duck is not a brand. It's a type. It's a type. Interesting. So, then, Rebecca, did you at that moment then tell him that you were also an embezzler? Yes. Yes, I did. Then what was his reaction?

He must have been shocked. Yes, he was very shocked. Okay. And he thought that we should have earned more money. Yeah. He was almost immediately disappointed. Oh. We, at that time, we had a child.

a child? You seem very unsure of when your children were born, when you stopped embezzling. Again, it's interesting. We were talking about numbers before, but numbers seem to be a hang up for you. It's almost like you're covering something like you're very upfront about the embezzling, but then you seem to be

very sketchy about your children. They need grandparents. I understand. Well, listen, I'm starting to agree that they do need some sort of outside. Absolutely. At least some people who remember when they were born, you know. Honestly, I could also ask, would you, I know you already said you wouldn't be grandparents.

Oh, boy. That's right. Would you be parents? No. Too much. No? No. That's right. Would you be parents? No. No? No. Jonah's already a parent to three children. I'm already a parent to three and boy, my hands are full. You know what they say?

If you need something done, ask a busy person. Is that what they say? Who says that? That's what I say. Oh, ask and answer. Well, they also say it takes a village and you know, it sounds like maybe you don't have that sort of uh uh support system do you now you just moved down here yes what made you choose dignity falls the name okay um i i wanted a place with dignity i dignified people okay and you know, I really like,

I can't stress it enough, the sunlight. It really helps a lot. It's Alaska, sure. Yes, yes, a lot. And I haven't thought about embezzling once since I've been down there. Wow. I do think there's something about the sun going away

that makes you want to steal. It's dark. Yeah. I really, that kind of makes sense. I mean, I have really a hard time if it's dark in the winter. Yeah. You know, when it's that much dark, you could just go out of your mind. Yes.

Exactly. You could. So then, now wait a minute. So then if you're starting to feel better and if the light is better and you've got your job's a target, haven't you seen some sort of improvement with you and your kids? I mean, what are they doing? How are they finding the town? Are they making friends?

Oh, they're making so many friends. Ptolemy is very into science. Okay. He's your oldest. Yes. Yes. Ptolemy is very into science and globes. Yes. Yes. Ptolemy is 25. Very into science and globes. What does Ptolemy do for a living?

Ptolemy is a topographer. Wow. Yes. Which, of course, is... She's looking at me as if I'm going to give her the answer. You know, it has to do with maps and... Cartography? No, no, topography.

Oh, you mean like the mountains and ranges? Yeah, exactly. A topographical map will show you... Yes, yes, got it. Sort of almost like a 3D... So what were you looking for? Well, for Ptolemy um he could use a uh a tutor oh you're looking at me because you think i could be his tutor well is that she's just looking right into my eyes

and to be honest it's pretty powerful what does ptolemy need a tutor for right he already had his job. Sounds like he's doing pretty well for himself. But he wants to expand into cartography, into oceanography, into. Wow. I think you might need a little extra education for some of those. Yeah. Rather than a tutor.

More than a tutor. I think he has an actual degree. Like a degree from an institution rather than one person. I wonder if his work could set him up with someone. I feel like they could. Okay. Is he, well, he just got here. I think it's impressive he just got here and he already has a job.

Absolutely. You know, I was really hoping that just a tutor could suffice. Okay, this is going to be expensive. Okay. I got to make some money. I get it, but it really sounds like he's doing okay for himself. Becca, can I ask you this? How much time do you spend with the kids?

What a good question. Thank you, Jordan. Because the things that you're asking for, it raises a question for me of what quality time you spend with the kids. Well, you know, I don't do grandparent things like the fishing. Well, you could. I do think you're also getting that idea. You know, not every grandparent takes their kids fishing.

No, it's not a requirement. I think we see, you know, commercials or a movie, you know, and that sort of is the thing that you're supposed to do. Some grandparents, like I said, and also a lot of people don't even have them because grandparents pass away by the time that they're old supposed to do. Some grandparents, like I said, and also a lot of people don't even have them because grandparents pass away by the time that they're old enough to remember. So I don't think you need to worry so much.

But first of all, you don't have to take them fishing. You would just play a board game with them at night. You could just be around. You could just talk to them. You could just take a hike. Let me ask you this. You were fond of your grandparents. What did they do with you?

They did all all those things. And my thing is, I don't want to take away a grandparent's job. But they took me fishing. They took me shopping. They cooked for me. Yeah, it's fishing and shopping seem to be the real hang-ups there. And attending gymnastics. Attending gymnastics.

They attended my gymnastics. They went to my brother's ball games. They talked to me. Now, let me ask you this. Is this not something you do with your kids? Or was this something that your parents didn't do for you? Oh, now we're getting somewhere. What a breakthrough.

Oh, boy. Wow. I never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. I think maybe you weren't parented. And so you saw other people, older people do what your parents were supposed to do and expect an extra set of people to do that. Now you have to realize that you are the people that your children need that you didn't have.

Now you have to realize that you are the people that your children need that you didn't have. It's kind of a wonderful opportunity for you to heal that inner child, but also be there for your own kids. Wow. You guys are great parents. I'm not a parent at all. I'm not a parent at all. That's my choice. Oh, no? I did have a dream that I was taking care of a baby recently.

He did? Oh, that could mean something. That's what I said. I think it's a premonition. That's what I said I think it's a premonition That's what I said I don't know about that I have three So

Ptolemy Yes Mark Dog Uh huh We're both 25 I was gonna say I thought Mark Dog Well I thought Mark Dog

Was the oldest one No Mark Dog Is the youngest 11 Yes Okay He's 11 years old. And Rebecca Jr. is 17, I guess?

Yes, Rebecca Jr. is 17. How's she doing? What's her story? Oh, she's just... She'll be heading off to college soon. Yes. No time for fishing. No, no, no time for fishing.

She will have to shop, though. She will have to shop. But again, you can take her shopping. That's something that mothers and daughters love to do together. Me and my daughter love to go shopping together. Yeah, I don't wait for my mom to take her shopping. I mean, obviously, there's two stories you don't want to show your face in. This is true.

Yes, those are out of the question. Yeah. Maybe a Forever 21. Oh, is that still around? Yes, it is. We do. We have a Forever 21. Oh, I knew I could. We also have a Forever 21. Oh, I knew I can't tell you.

We also have a Forever 46. We're the only city in the country. Yeah. It's wonderful. It's very quiet. You have to be those exact ages to go in the store. You do, yeah. There's candles.

No one asks you for anything. You just go in there and sit down. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. So, okay. So, Rebecca's going to do what? Is she going to go off to college? Yes, with any luck. so Rebecca is going to do what? Is she going to go off to college?

Yes. With any luck, she will be going to college. She's going right now. She's 17. Right. But she's, she's very advanced. Oh. And she's been pursuing Purdue of Arizona online. And she's been taking.

Purdue of Arizona online. Yes. been taking You have Arizona Online? Yes. But that's only for the gen ed. Just for the general. Just to get them out of the way. While she is finishing up high school. Okay.

And she has aspirations of being a I want to say plumber. Oh, okay. You can make a lot of money doing this. You sure can. When you say, I want to say plumber, is it because it's something related to plumbing

that you can't quite figure? You can't remember what it is? You wish you could say plumber, but she has nothing to do with plumbing. Yeah, it's something that maybe you dimly remember her saying. Well, I don't talk to her so much. Now that I know that I can. Oh, was that the issue?

You just weren't even sure. You just were so unparented. You didn't know. I thought that it was a grandparent's child. Wow. We really established that. Yeah. But yes, I'm pretty

sure just she has the look of in her eye of plumbing. Plumbing? Yes. Wow. I'm not sure that I would recognize that look. The look of plumbing. Plumber's glint. Plumber's glint? Is that what it's called? Yeah. There you have it. I've never heard of this. I guess

you know it when you see it. Do you? Wow. I've never heard of this. I guess you know it when you see it. Do you? Wow. Wow. Okay. I mean, I learn something every time we do this podcast. Yes. And Mark Dogg, what is he leaning towards, do you think?

Oh, Mark Dogg. Is there anything that he says he wants to be when he grows up? He's very creative. Okay. And so he's looking at wrestling. That is creative. Okay. And so he's looking at wrestling. That is a creative pursuit. He's come up with several characters. Oh, professional wrestling.

Okay, that's fun. That is creative. I was thinking it was just like your traditional Greco-Roman. I guess you could be creative thinking of ways to get out of holes. Sure, sure. Okay. Oh, great. Can you tell us some of his characters he's come up with?

So one of them is Ptolemy the Alchemist. Oh, he decided to name himself after his brother. Yes. Interesting. But this wrestler character is an alchemist. Uh-huh. And he comes into the ring with a white lab coat. Sure.

Oh. And different beakers. Yes, beakers. Yes. And he comes into the ring with beakers. That could turn into a weapon real quick. Exactly. Instead of a steel chair, he uses beakers.

And his big, the crowd goes crazy whenever he, because in his coat, he has different pockets, hidden pockets for more beakers. Yeah. And when he pulls out those extra beakers, oh my goodness, people go crazy. So he's already got gigs. He's already been performing. Oh, yeah. So 11 years old,

he's doing matches. He's already on the circuit. Now I imagine with a lab coat full of beakers, he has to walk very carefully into the ring. Yes. Yes. Yes. He's a very little boy.

Right. With a big lab coat. Uh-huh. Full of beakers. Right. But, man. Do these beakers have liquid in them and dry ice and stuff like that?

I wondered the same thing, too. Um, no. It's just empty beakers. Just empty beakers. It'd probably just be too messy. Okay, and that's one of his characters. That's one of them. You know what? I think he is creative. He sounds very creative.

He really is wildly creative. It's incredible. I'm telling you. Absolutely. I'm trying to tell you. The other character is the Tennessee Tiger. Oh, that's fun. I like that. Yeah.

And he's a tiger from Tennessee. Makes sense. And so he walks into the ring. He's got, you know, his face. Sure. He's tiger painted. Yep, yep. And he comes in with a pipe.

What is it called? A corncob pipe. A corncob pipe. Sure. Okay. And instead of steel chairs, he's got a rocking chair. And, you know, it's a whole thing. Okay.

So he's a tiger. The Tennessee part is represented by the corncob pipe and the rocking chair. An old man on a porch. Yes. But he's a porch. Yes. But he's a tiger. Yes. So he comes out. He doesn't even have like an entrance. He's just already there like in his rocking chair.

I've never heard of this. I've never heard of that one. No entrance. He's sitting in the ring on a rocking chair just gently rocking, puffing on his corn cup. And he's 11 years old. I'd say that's innovative. I'd say that's innovative. I really think that's innovative. Absolutely. He's really changing the game.

Yes. He waits until somebody does something to make him ornery. Oh, okay. Like he's just minding his own business at first. Okay, just rocking back and forth. And then an opponent enters the ring and I guess taunts him. And then he's like, I'm ornery. And then he goes.

She's also a little bit of a pirate. I mean, yeah. It's like a. Yeah. Yes, that's what. Yes. That's a match. This is.

I got to see this kid. This is incredible. We haven't heard about me either. Yeah, you should have heard about it it's wild it is wild very proud of him well yeah this is the thing rebecca i have to say remarkably parented or not i think that these kids have done pretty good for themselves absolutely yes you know imagine what they could do with just a little bit of interaction from their mother oh that's right that's yeah and you know interaction from their mother. Oh, that's right.

That's, you know, now that I know that now, and that's you, just so that we're being very clear, you are their mother. Oh yeah. Okay.

Did you think, Oh, you thought I was going to be there. I thought you were saying, I thought you were referring to yourself. Oh boy. I feel like it's hard to, to sort of drive this home that we're,

we are not volunteering. Yeah. And your husband, I imagine, uh, similarly disinterested. We really haven't heard a lot about him. We just know that he's really not that smart.

He's apparently not picking up the slack in any way. He's left, but he's loving, uh, target. Okay. Um, we, we both work at Target. Yeah, we know. Yes, we know. Yeah. So is there anything else you want to say about him?

I mean, are things okay between him and you? Oh, as good as they've always been. I don't really know what that means, actually. It seems evasive. Oh, no, no, no. Because we haven't really discussed how things are with you. So to say they're the same, I don't know what the standard is. how things are with you.

So to say they're the same, I'm not, I don't know what the, what the standard is. I mean, like as well as we were doing when we were not knowing. Right. That's the same answer.

Oh really? Oh. You know, I do, I can tell that like, even really Rebecca is a woman of my age. There's still this uncertainty

of like, oh, is this how the of like oh is this how the world works and is this how things are and that's what happens when you don't have someone telling you these things you know when you're a child and and you know I will say uh you know it feels like the person I I I want to mother is is you Rebecca really now I'm not okay so I'm not I'm not thank you so so much I really. I'm just saying. Oh, no. I really appreciate that. I really, really do.

Okay. Mission accomplished. Oh, no, no. There's no mission. There's no accomplished. That was not binding, I don't think. I think that Joan had more to say. All I wanted to say is that I think your kids are doing great.

I think you need just more friends, just an outlet, join a charity group, join a volunteer group. You just need, you need, what you need is peers. What do you need are peers. Yeah, you need friends. Yes, yes. Okay. I could think about that. Okay.

Yeah. I guess we all have something to think about. We all have something to think about. I'm going to think about Mark. No, what's his name? Mark Dogg. Mark Dogg. Yeah, I'm going to think about Mark Dog No, what's his name? Mark Dogg. Mark Dogg. Yeah, I'm going to think about Mark Dogg.

The 11-year-old professional wrestler? Yes. I mean, I can't stop thinking about him. I want to see this Tennessee Tiger. I know you do, Dave. I've got to see the Tennessee Tiger. I mean, Doug's already such a wrestling fan. This is just, we're just going to have to go see him.

Does he have any shows? Would you like to plug any of his shows? Yes, he has a match coming up at the L.A. Convention Center. Wow, so he's traveling. Wow, he's doing very well. At the L.A. Convention Center. And I mean, Rebecca, this is probably a silly question, but I feel I need to ask it.

Is he wrestling other 11-year-olds? Yes, we didn't ask that question. Yeah, is this sort of like a junior group that I didn't even know? I had no idea this existed. He's more of what you, I guess you'd call him a prodigy. He's like a Picasso or a Philip Roth of. Wrestling. Yeah. So he's wrestling. So Roth of... Wrestling. Yeah.

So he's wrestling adults. So he's wrestling adults. Okay. Yeah. In short, he's wrestling adult wrestlers. Yes. There's your answer. That is really...

I'm surprised it's loud, to be honest. Yeah. It seems like there's some law somewhere. Absolutely. Something. I was thinking about putting a ring in the sports room. Oh, boy. Oh.

Maybe we could have some matches over here. I don't think that we're fancy enough for Mark Dog, honestly. I don't think we could afford him. I don't know if Mark Dog, who is going to the LA Convention Center. I don't know if he's going to want to do a match in someone's home. Yeah, do he shows in someone's home? That's kind of creepy. Well, Rebecca, we're running short on time and and um you know i i i feel like we have gotten to uh a better understanding here i think it is that your kids seem to be thriving truly and i think

really it's you and i guess uh tomas or th, I think that's giving him too much edge, too much dimension. You know, my mind went to that little creepy child in El Orfanato. I do not know this movie. Oh boy. There's a little boy named Tomas who wears a burlap sack on his head

with a face drawn on. That's terrifying. Although it sounds like it could be a Mark Dog character. Absolutely. You can take, you get that one for free. Just tell him about it. Thank you. I will. You're doing good, Rebecca. You're okay, all right that one for free. Just tell them about it. Thank you. I will.

You're doing good, Rebecca. You're okay. All right. It's not your fault that your parents were just not involved. Okay. That's important. It's not your fault. I needed to do that.

Somehow, despite your disinterest, your children are doing quite well. So I think you just need to focus on you and Thomas at this point and, you know, expand your horizons a little bit. Get to know some other people. Maybe, you know, if you volunteer at a senior center, that could scratch the itch of wanting a parent because, you know, those people love to talk. Oh, yes, they do. And you know what? I'm going to leave you with this, Rebecca. You actually can go fishing.

You can take yourself fishing. Absolutely. You can take yourself fishing. I'm not a very good singer. He only sings one note, but he was trying to do that. You know, the Miley Cyrus.

I can't really do Miley. She has a gravelly voice. You know, you can do that. You say you don't know how. Well, guess what? You know,

you can go out, give it a try. Take a lesson. Absolutely. So we wish you the best that. You say you don't know how. Well, guess what? You know, you can go out, give it a try. Take a lesson. Absolutely. So we wish you the best of luck. Thank you. And also, can't wait to see what Mark Dogg does next. Absolutely.

I'm going to be following this kid's career very closely. Same. Yes. All the best to you. And thanks for being here. Yes. Best of luck. I very much appreciate it.

Thank you. More when The Neighborhood Listen returns. This is Steve. Free sprinkler sensors. Sprinklers which are triggered by movement. Used to scare off animals from your lawn property. Use 12 volt batteries. They kind of look like weird birds, like a weird crow kind of guy.

And I'll be honest, they give me the creeps. I don't like the one eye always staring at me. And I'll be honest, I put them in the ground, and I didn't like the eye facing me, so I turned it, you know, counterclockwise, not all the way, what do you call it, a 180, not a 180, 90 degrees, 90 degrees, turned it 90 degrees so the eye wouldn't be looking at me, and I woke up the next day,

and the eye was looking at me again, and I don't know if they're haunted or if the animals are upset with me and they're turning it around because they know it'll scare me. These animals know me pretty well. Okay, so... Goodbye.

And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen, wow, man, Rebecca. I know. So kind of just sad, really. It's very sad. But then again, they're still embezzlers, right? Oh, 100%. They're embezzling from Target.

She was way too evasive about every number. Absolute. Every number. But yeah, I didn't. Yeah, sometimes it's these are the sounds we make after an interview because there's just nothing else to say. Yeah, I mean, that was there was something that's very sad. But those kids do seem to be doing remarkably well. They really do.

Although, babe, I did want to say I did want to say that we can't put a wrestling ring and I just don't want that. Because if people come over and they get hurt I just don't want that. Oh, but they can wear bubble wrap. Okay. See, that was a Joan shrug. The Joan groan.

It's the Joan groan. Joan shrug, Joan groan. You know what is true? I do mostly just go I don't think I have one for my name. What rhymes with burnt? Joan Grone, Doug Shrug, Joan Grone. You know what is true? I do mostly just go, ugh. I wish, I don't have, I don't think I have one for my name. What rhymes with burnt? A burnt turnt.

That's all I got. Burnt is turnt. I mean, that's a tricky one. That's a tricky one. It is a tricky one. We could just make up a word, like a burnt shirt.

It's like a shirt. That's not as fun. That's not as fun. I wish there was an existing word well we'll think you were you were one of the kids that had that hard thing where when you went places with your family there were no keychains or license plates absolutely not such a shame i'm sorry about that most of my kids have that too the only place was the uh the rob schneider winery you're kidding yes it had a burnt it had burnt. Come on. Why in the world?

Tons. And all the other names would be gone. Why do they even have those little license plates there? I don't know. He's just trying to get any kind of money. He also sells like, you know, like the tube of like jungle animals, you know, that you normally get for kids. Oh, you're not a parent.

You know, like there's always just a plastic tube and it's got a lot of, yeah, for some reason, at a winery he's selling that. He's just trying to make money. Do you know what I thought of for one second? Okay, what? Tube of jungle animals. It made me think of that cylinder you turn over

and it makes the cow noise. Oh. That's very funny. But he does also sell that. And he also sells a pen that you turn upside down. It's a naked lady. You know, all that stuff. He's trying to make it a sort of family place, but also kind of dirty.

It's also kind of just like a liquor store at this point. Yes. He's selling a lot of wines that are not his. And every kind of hard liquor imaginable. Every kind. Got absinthe in there. All right. Well, we do have to wrap it up.

We have time for one more post. And this is a listener submitted post. This comes to us from Andrew Thompson. Thank you, Andrew, for sending this in. And a person named Odette in the in search of category writes, if there was a handyman out there who would not rip off customers, who would be dependable and do a great job, he would have a multitude

of grateful clients willing to owe Bake Him Cookies, I'm assuming that's a typo, and kiss his feet repeatedly. Now, show great would that be? Now, I love that as a phrase. Show great would that be. So Odette, I guess, has had some bad experiences with the handymen.

I, of course, cannot speak to this because I'm still blackballed by the handymen. Yes, you are. That's right. They still will not. They will not. I've tried using a different name just for its initial. Different voices. You call up in different voices.

Hello. I need some need some help they see right through it and they say oh who's this santa claus uh now here do you remember the the one we had a little while back uh that was someone asking for a christian uh chiropractor yes and in the end i kind of decided maybe it was actually asking for a Christian chiropractor. Yes. And in the end, I kind of decided maybe it was actually sort of a seeking, you know, type act. Yes, yes, yes. This has the same ring to it of someone who really sounds like she wants a man who can,

you know, women a lot of times love a man who can fix stuff around the house, right? Absolutely, the honey-do list. And the fact that she's talking about baking him cookies, that's right, baking cookies and and kissing his feet i mean come on i think that i i think she wants a man man not just a handyman but a man and she's and if he's handy well then that's even better right oh well i i think the handyman part is is very important to her no it is it is sorry i guess i said that no no because i you did but and

right well you didn't need to say it quite like that. But I think that she wants she wants to live in handyman. I think you're right. And she's appealing to someone who prides themselves on being ethically superior. Yes. And honestly, I don't know if there's anybody like that out there. Well, you know, handyman are thieves. I know that you think that because you have an issue with

handyman but i'm gonna tell you i got a chip on my side but listen it's a different story for me because i can't call handyman because of course doug wants to fix everything and we got into a lot of problems with that really yeah that's how i consider myself somewhat of a handyman you are handy but then you know you remember how you got stuck in the gym with that t-ball equipment and i still don't understand how we've gone to the urgent care many times when he's trying to understand that. Even if I drew it one time and it's the kind of algorithm that you could write it out on a window like like a person in a movie, you know, you could write that equation on a frosty window and no one would ever be able to solve. That's right. And then the physics of it make no sense. Yes. And then, and then you, you, you know, your, your rival for her romantic affections is there. And he's one of the,

the rich kids and you're a townie and you know, you get her number and then you say to him, do you like apples? And then he's forced to reply. Yes. But then it turns out it's all in his mind. And the FBI was after him and it's not true. I was just trying to combine both of them.

I only know two movies where you write on the window. Then he becomes a gif. Oh, that's right. He does. He has become a gif. Did anyone ever do a gif of the, the original,

uh, beautiful mind or is it all just versions of that? What do you mean the original beautiful mind? Well, you'll see, you'll see like, uh, the gif I see is the guy from the hangover is doing a beautiful with beautiful

mind numbers floating around him but i never see russell crowe hangover really yes which person the one guy the one guy the one who's left on the roof one with the beard sure that's his name burnt doesn't really know comedies, I don't get it. You've said this before. So I haven't really seen that one. But I, yes, I think I've seen

something of Russell Crowe just writing on a window. I think I've seen a GIF of that. I'll have to search. The one I see all the time is that guy from Sunny in Philadelphia,

you know, with like all the red lines. Yes, the conspiracy GIF. Me trying to figure out why Beyonce didn't win perfect example i'm still not that good at improv that was good though you got there in the end no no no it's fine it's fine the only thing with improv is i wish they would just give the people

a little more time to figure out what they want to say. That's how it is in real life. I'm allowed to sit and think about what I want to say in real life. Why are we expecting right away you're supposed to have the funniest thing right at the top of your head? Come on. Maybe you have some breathing room. That's all it even was. Alright, well, we had a wonderful time, as always,

doing this podcast. We thank you all for listening. If you would like to hear ad-free versions of the show, you can go to cbbworld.com and you can sign up for the Maximus tier and get ad-free versions as well as access to the bonus room, which are extra episodes that we do

every month. We recently had the pleasure of recording a watch-along for Fried Green Tomatoes and then getting to do a guest on Scott Hasn't Seen. Scott Aukerman, who's in charge of CBB World. We forgot to ask him what CBB stands for.

Gosh darn it. We were in his house. He flew us all the way out to LA for it. I wish I'd put like a post-it on my hand to remember to ask. Yeah, or just a post-it on your hand. Why couldn't you just write it on your hand? A post-it on your hand. I feel- I'm not going to write it on my hand. Although I suppose a post-it on your hand. Why couldn't you just write it on your hand? A Post-it on your hand, I feel... I'm not going to write on my hand.

Although I suppose a Post-it on your hand would be much more annoying. I would absolutely remember. Yes, I'd keep looking at it like, why did I do this? Oh, yeah. Do you remember when people used to tie string around their finger? I do. I do. Does anyone do that anymore?

I don't think so. I think their phone just alerts them to something. Well, How did that big hit to the string industry? It's something probably called the string app, you know, as a nod to the days of yesteryear. I like that. How is that supposed to work? The string and the finger? If you had one

thing that you were supposed to remember to do, you'd tie the string on your finger and every time you looked at the string, you'd remember that one thing. But if you forgot that one thing, it's a mad thing. Why do I have a string? Go out of your mind. Yes.

Well, not why do I have a string, but you could say, what was I supposed to remember? I can tell he's asking because he's going to want to try this. If you're saying, why do I have a string? That's memento territory. My guess is he's going to start this and then like in two days, he's going to have several strings around several fingers. Yeah, that's right. I think that's what you're getting into.

Uncle Billy from It's a Wonderful Life areas of eccentricity and forgetfulness. All right, we do have to go. Thank you so much for listening and we'll be back next week with another episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Until then, goodbye. And bye.

All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Raphael Chastang. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free,

as well as brand-new full-length bonus room episodes, exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.