In Situ with Jacquis Neal
00:00Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.And I'm Nicole Parker.On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.And that's all you need to know.To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen.Knock, knock.
00:26Who's there?Your neighbor.Good.In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.You've got the neighbor half app and us.Burn.And Jod.From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.
00:39We'll cover it all.And meet new neighbors as well.We'll chat about any posts you're missing.So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.And welcome to The Neighborhood Listen.Oh, he put his arms up like he was on a roller coaster.That was fun.Fun.
01:02It was fun, Joan.I had a great time doing it.This is the podcast that looks at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents, two of which are seated right across from each other.My name is Burtmea Payday.I am the pharmacist in Chief of the Dignity Falls.I'm with me as all like this.Joe Pedestrian, we!Oh, that was fun.
01:23That was fun.You know, I don't throw my hands up enough.No, you should.You should put them in the air.Like, you just don't care.I knew you were going to say that.that were given.Oh, boy.
01:32That was the embarrassing thing, you know,that parents would say back in the dayand it was like, oh, mom and dad,don't do that.Parents would say this.You know, it's like,it would be like me saying like no cap to youand it's like, no, don't do that, don't do that.
01:43You're too old for that.It's clear.It's not for you.It's not for you.Just say, just call something darling.That's what I'm supposed to do.That's what parents do.I'm at the age where I should say things,
01:53ready?Here's the things I should say.We had a ball.Yes.Right?And the second thing is,oh, he's darling.the third is oh she's a neat neat gal
02:01and then the last thing isI should say as an older white womanis if it got to like a coffee shopright and then and we went right to the frontbecause there was no line but as I'm leavingthere's now a long line I sayoh we got here right in timeas if that has anything to do with
02:21thatthat's exactlyI know myself.This is what I'm trying to know.I'm trying to be aware of what I'm,what my lane is.I cannot disagree.You'll get no argument for me.
02:47Pat myself on the back, walking out,let me ask you about she's a neat, neat gal.That's in the top five.I'm just finding that I'm calling girls gals now.Right.You know, people who are in their 30s kids, you know.And there's not that huge a difference between us,but that's just what's coming out now.
03:06Kids and gals, you know, folks.Oh, never used to say that.Oh, and here's another one.Here's another one that's terrifying me.I'm now driving past like a bank.I'm like, oh, I used to be a Chinese restaurant.Yeah.Or going, oh, they're adding on.
03:18They're adding a story onto that building.Who cares?When my mother used to say that,I'd be in the back of the car in my head just going,who fucking cares?I'm sorry, I'm sorry to swear so soon, so soon.my husband does not allow me to swear in the podcast.Everyone else is allowed to apparently.
03:33I would like to add that.Could I now start swearing?I mean, that's up to Doug, I guess.I mean, well, look, hold on.It's not up to Doug.It should be up to you.Thank you, Bert.You should be telling Doug.
03:44This is how much I'm going to swear.We should introduce my husband, Doug, who's in another room.Hey, babe, how you doing?Sorry for the F bomb.That's okay.You're allowed to.I've never banished you from saying anything.I have never felt like I'm allowed to.
03:56So is your choice.I wish you wouldn't.There are tough.There are times I've said it and you go, babe, like really seriously, like I injured a pet.Well, I just think it's beneath the podcast.I never have.You think it's beneath the podcast?On which we've had murderers, ghosts.
04:12It could be very fancy people listening to this.Fancy.Really?What is your own?You think we have fancy listeners?I don't think we have fancy listeners.What's your idea of a fancy person?That's a good clarification question.
04:22Yeah.Probably with an unusual hat.An unusual hat.Okay, now we have to clarify again.Clarify unusual hat to me, babe.Got to call such as.Asymmetrical.Yes.
04:36So like a tinfoil hat?No, that has associations with it.You can also make that symmetrical.That would be interesting, a fancy person.It depends on your degree of expertise with tinfoil millinery.Good word, Bert.You did.Good job.
04:54Good for you.That was a win.A rare burnt W.see yeah I can't do thatI'm using the whole word with my whole chestmaybe if you drag it out and enunciate it the way I didjust the word W or winno they'll phrase like any kind of phrase like that
05:16oh that's what you have to do if I want to say something youngI just slow it slow it down no capthen it's sort of acknowledging your agebut it's also very emphaticlow keyOkay, babe, where are you today?I am, hold on.Hold on.
05:41I'm in the ball pit.Okay.First of all, it sounds like you just have your hand over your mouth.Did you submerge yourself after you said that?Because it did kind of sound like you had a hand over your mouth, but then I realized, oh no.Oh, no, he's in the ball pit.That's legit.Does this sound like my hand over my mouth?
05:59Oh, he's mad.I'm mad that we accused him of putting his hand over.I'm backstroking.It does sound like rain on a tent.Yeah, you know what?It sounds like ping pongs on a tarp.Ping pongs on a tarp.That's beautiful.
06:12Ping pong balls is what I meant to say.Sorry.You really do you have more notes, Burns?This is incredible.That's the only way I can sing, though.Oh, you have to sing like an old tiny guy.It's prompted.Alert.
06:26A, B, C, D.It's the only way I can sing.It's kind of fun, though.It is fun.It's a good forward placement.It is.I bet the original ABC sounded like that.Probably.
06:37How old was that song?It's got to be old enoughwhere the singer sounded like that.Certainly since the alphabet's been around.You think it's as old as the alphabet?You think for the longest time they had no way to learn it.They were just like,there's no way to get these word letters in my brain.
06:52It must have been like a Gregorian before.And someone was just walking by going,who,again. I can't whistle very well. So that would have worked better if I could a whistle.This, so you were acting out like the sort of, uh, the biopic of the alphabet.Hold on a second. Whistle that again. What? Okay. All right. Right. Okay. So it's like the trailer.Okay. I'll be, I'll be the, there's an American flag flying because of course it started in America.American flag fly. Michael Bay's doing this movie. Okay. He loves America. Yeah. He jammed the American flag in
07:26the Transformers movies. That's right. Do you know the Transformers?I know we've gone down a bunch of tangents now.We really have.But the transformers,when I discovered that they come from a planet of robots.Yes.I forget about that all the time.And then they conveniently come to Earth.
07:44Yes.Where they're like, oh, we can imitate a bunch of vehicles here.I'm going to be honest.I have not seen this.I watched the original Transformers because, of course, I did.Right?Because I noticed when buildings are under construction.But.
07:58Because you notice.when buildings are under construction.I said one of the five things I say as an oldwhite woman.Oh,sure.Right.So.
08:03How does that get back to the Transformers?Because I watch the original one.Right.But I have not seen a single one of the movies.Isn't that crazy?Not a single one.Joan,you're going to have to hold my hand through this one.
08:14How do the buildings under construction?Okay.You're not.Do you remember my list?Or was like,me, me,me, gal.Right.
08:21And the fifth one was,oh, now I drive by and I say,oh, that hospital's being turned it to a bank.Or they're adding a,they're adding a,oh,I said they're adding a floor to that building.I think this should go on the list, this dynamic right here.
08:32Just, old people are arguing?When you don't understand the problem.Stay out of here.Stay out of here on this one.So you really don't get that.I said it differently than I said it in the list.And maybe that's what's throwing you.But I'm just referring to one of the things I do as an older lady,
08:46which is notice construction on buildings.Right.And I'm going to ask you for a final time.Okay.It makes me old that I saw the Transformers cartoonerism.Thank you.Okay.That's the part you're missing.
08:56Now, as we were arguing.No, we were arguing.You know what?There was miscommunication.It was calm.I never felt my heart elevated.I may you might have.All right.
09:05You know what?I think it was Doug's use of the term arguing.Okay.Yeah.I'm not sure.I wouldn't say we were arguing.Doug is sowing the seeds of dissent.I know you're all jealous.
09:16I don't want to start season 10 off this way at all.I don't either.Well, it's already started.But anyway, so now back to my point,I saw the cartoon, which means I'm older.And it seems that it would,if I was a huge fan of it,which I was,
09:26Optimus Prime.Where are you real?Hello.Hall pass.I'm going to admit, I had a crush on him.If you think that's weird, I know there's someone nodding as they're listening to this podcast.I know there's a lady out there nodding or a man.Yeah.
09:40There's people who want to fuck ours.This people want to do everything.Boy, Joan, that's the truth.So I've never seen one of the movies.Should I bother?No.I've never seen them either.Oh, you haven't?
09:51No, why would you see that?I don't know.Because it's a good popcorn movie.I don't know.I don't have a problem with them being from.another planet of robots.Cybertron.Is that the name of the planet?
10:02Yes, one of the planets.One of the planets.Oh, it's the whole neighborhood.Well, there's Unicron.Unicron?There's giganteal.I'll stay out of it.You were such an aficionado.
10:15You asked me to stay out of it.No, you can come back in.This is making me sick to my stomach.I don't like any of these things.You can come back in.It's okay.All right.The bull.
10:26I'll say in the ball pit.The twin.He went through old transformer time when the twins.This is the first time I think Doug is lying about where he is.Let's hear it one more time.Make some noise in the ball pit.Is this like, tell me this.Is it like a bouncy house that's filled with balls?
10:44Because that's what it would sound like.That makes sense because it sounded like they were rolling around on like you said,a tarp or a, so you know what a bounce house is, right, Byrne, do you know?Have you had the pleasure?Yes, I do know what a bounce house is.I'm just because what I said last time was so confusing.There's no reason to assume.Okay, Joan.
11:02Listen, I'm not trying to start anything.Babe, is it in a bounce house?Does this answer?And what were you doing just now?To make that sound.I was swimming in the ball pit, but I'm kind of on that bottom.So I was scraping my knees a bit.Oh, that was your knees?
11:22That sound was your knee?Do you think you could replicate that sound?Yeah, give it a try.Yeah, I mean, it hurt.I want you to identify which part is your knee.Yeah.You hear that scraping?That's all your knees.
11:33You mean the several scraping soon?Well, there's a couple balls flying around.Flying around.So I got balls on the top, like on my back.Okay.But then I'm just scraping raw skin.But why?Why?
11:46Because you asked me to do it again.I don't want to do it.Listen, we didn't mean for you to hurt yourself again.You demanded it.You could have said no.You could have said no.Demand it.Doug that's strong.
11:59I don't like to say no.I'm an agreeable guy.I'm surprised that he only just now put a ball pit in.That seems like sort of an obvious one, right?And we used to have a room that was dedicated to the boys.You know, they filled it all with BB pellets.And they had a great time jumping in there.And they got stuck everywhere in their body.
12:17And it was a disaster.Oh, no.Oh, up the nose in the ear everywhere.What was it full of?Bebis.Bebis.smaller than a ball.Indeed.
12:26That must have been so many bebees.I think that was the advertisement, right?Bebees.Small than a ball.They predate the gun.They predate you.And, I mean, you know, we look at kids' toys from a long time ago.Boy, they're just, it's like, you know, wooden horse that doesn't move.
12:46Wooden horse.Thing on string.Sting and hoop.Stick and hoop.That's the one I was trying to think of.sticking hoop. Yeah, so the boys had this, my twin boys. I'm talking, of course, about my,my twin boys, Matt and the gentleman ghost. The gentleman ghost. The G.G., as we call them.Sure. And they had a whole game room. But speaking of transformers, I didn't want to buy them
13:12transformers because I just thought they were too expensive. I wanted them to learn a lesson.But we had a bunch of, we had some cousins come over and stay with. They left us a lot of theirBarbies. And that's what they tried to turn into cars. So it was these Barbies and horrible.shapes made to look like just bent backwards with elbows behind them just to make them look likethey were a car.It was so disturbing.They make that cracking sound and you bend their limbs.Yes, exorcist style.
13:41So, but I'm surprised we're just now getting around to the ball pit.Me too, frankly.Okay, well.Does there any plan for it beyond chest?I mean, we've had tons of balls everywhere.Sure.But I've just to collect them all and finally make just one pure ball pit.Right.
13:55So how high up if I open the door do they all come spilling out?How do you keep that from happening?70 feet.And you were down on the bottom scraping your knees.Yeah.And what's the floor of the ball pit?Oh, that's a good question.Just cement.
14:08Seamint.Okay, Granny.Ducks in a funny mood today.He truly is.He's letting me see things I can swear.You've always been able to swear.I've never felt free to swear on my own podcast.I always feel rough.
14:21What is a little bit of us?That's a real shame.Isn't it?Yeah.For someone to feel like theycan't swear on their own podcast.Well, again, the fancy people and you never let me describe their hat.Oh, yeah.
14:31Sorry.No, I do want you to describe an asymmetrical hat.Did you give us an answer?No.That's as far as you know.Asymmetrical.Yeah.And you went right to tinfoil.
14:41I did.I was a, that was a mistake.There should be.I regret that.There should be not tinfoil, but something glistening on it.That's, now you're adding.Glistening.Glistening, like what?
14:52Glistening to me always implies moisture of some kind.Yeah.Ew.Not glinting, but glistening.Glinting.So can you tell us the name of a hat that we said that?There should be like a sort of a point maybe with a little bell on the tip.This is a fancy person?
15:07Yeah.This is not a hat I recognize.If you saw this hat, though, you'd be like, this is a fancy person.This is not a court jester.No.This is a fancy person.No, see, a court jester's hat, I think would be symmetrical.And it doesn't glisten.
15:23It doesn't glisten.doesn't listen.Okay.Wow.All right.Well, I'm glad we went back for that.So am I.Oh, believe me.
15:32Do you have any news for us,Burt?Yes.Well, you know.Do you have a date for the wedding yet?We, this is my news,is that we have to postpone the wedding.What?
15:44Yes.Why?Gabby has been called to monitor a situation.This is a,This is the front lines of smoke jumping.Oh.So she is outside of Dignity Falls right now.Okay.
16:03Because there is word of another incident.Like our incident?The incident that happened years ago that nobody talks about.Yes.We never talked about it on this podcast.They feel it could happen again and worse this time.What?How come I wasn't?
16:21This is the first time hearing of it.I shouldn't be telling you.Oh, this is like classified?They don't want to tell people because.The smoke jumpers have a high classification.But I thought there was no way.I thought there was famously no way of seeing the incident coming.That's what we were told.
16:33They've been working on this since the previous incident.Who's they?I can't say.I've already said too much.Oh, boy.You know what?Is this going to be a conspiracy season?No.
16:44Oh, no.That's going to exhaust me.Do you think I'm spreading conspiracies?I'm telling you things, first of all, these are.I know, but when you start saying it's like, they and they don't want you to know that alwaysjust starts, it starts getting conspiracy for me.I get that.But in this instance.
16:58It's giving.It's giving conspiracy.It's a conspiracy.It's a conspiracy.In this, in this instance, there is a definite day, and I know who it refers to, but I am not at liberty to say.Well, I sure you'll let us know.Don't be petulant.Well, it's just like, don't.
17:17If it's dangerous, you should let your dear friends know.I mean, let us know if there's dangerous.Oh, my gosh.But we don't know any details.I'm letting you know if there's dangerous.I didn't get to finish my.Oh, I'm so sorry.If there's dangerous things ahead, we should know, like, give us a timeline.
17:33Is this imminent?Is it like a year from now?They've already been working on it for a year.It is somewhat imminent.Oh, boy.Yeah.I mean, listen.Good thing I built a ball pit.
17:45Why?It's pretty safe down here.You're under 70 feet of balls.Your knees are all scraped.Are they all the same type of ball?Oh, wow.That's a good question.Okay.
17:59Okay, good.There are surprises in here.Oh, like what?Just like you can find little treasures and stuff.Like in a box of cereal?A box.There are boxes of cereal.No, no, babe.
18:10I mean, back in the day when you used to, you know.One of the prizes is a box of cereal?Yeah.Is it just crumbs?Your favorite cereal?Just crumbs?Just crumbles?Just crumbles.
18:23Just crumbles.Sorry, I always get it wrong.Just crumbles.No, I wouldn't give up one of those boxes.Okay.You really love your just crumbes.if your chest crumbles.Absolutely not.
18:32Doug, there's hard candy.There's like chotchkes.There's a little...Okay, but are they wrapped?It's not just loose hard candy.Please don't say that.Yeah, they're still wrapped.I mean, wouldn't it all just go to the bottom anyway?
18:45I guess if you're doing the backstroke in there like Doug is.You can treat it like a wishing well too.Can you?So you can throw coins in there.Yeah.I guess you could do that with anything.This is going to be the filthiest room that we have.It's going to be so much stuff on the bottom.
18:59No, one of the reasons.belted it was because so it won't be filthy because I read that the typical ball pit is 3% urine.Oh, urine.3%?What?But this one we can control who comes in and out and there'll be no urine policy.That's for sure.No urine policy.
19:21Great.So now our kids, our kids, they're getting in the ball pit and then they're just sitting there and going, you know what?There I go.They're just spraying.They'll do that anywhere.Not spraying, babe.Oh.You don't know the second a kid's out of your sight.
19:34Listen, again, he's talking about Matt and Gentleman Ghost and Gigi because they, once they learn that like animals like spray their territory, that's what they were doing all the time.Yeah.All over the place, you know.And I was just like, guys, stop.It was a terrible phase.And I, you know, and then followed the pyro phase.So I was like, oh, I was yearning for the spraying phase.Do you know what I mean?
19:54Do they never cross over where they would set fires and then piss on them?Absolutely.Absolutely.at least that one they cancel each other out and I was a little happy for that.That was actually a great summer.Good memories.Okay.So I should hope that you're just going to keep us posted on this.
20:13Of course I am.Of course I am.You know if this gets out.I mean, wait a minute.This is a podcast.Everyone's going to hear about this now.Burton, what's the plan?They're going to freak out.
20:22By the time people hear this, I'm sure it'll all be fine.Oh, no.I don't feel confident about that at all.Why?Because it's not, first of all, you know how this town is when people panic.Oh, absolutely.It's crazy.It's not only just getting everything off.
20:39It's like the red hour from the start.They encourage it.People just go insane.Yes, they do.Yeah.People are, they're shoving each other.They're biting each other.They're destroying property.
20:49And they have sex all over the place.All over the place.All over the place.The last time this happened was a big hail storm.In fact, and there were so many injuries.So many injuries.Yeah.And then the hailstorm wasn't even that big.
21:01after it happened. It wasn't. It was real. Although, again, that's something that's been in the news, too. Did you see those gigantic, like, cannolopsized hail that happened in, like, Illinois? It was crazy. I did not. They were huge. That's pretty big for hail. It's very big. Yeah. So, listen, I just... How many fatalities? Oh, I don't know, because I'm not weird like that. I don't want to look up the fatalities. Like, some of our listeners who want violent scenarios. Okay, I'm not going to... I thought it might have come up in the story. I'm not going to... I don't look too far for that.I can't, I can't take it on because if I, I'll get too worried.I'll be up all night.You're just like, if it doesn't, I'll be on, I'll be up on night scrolling on hail talk.If it doesn't, if it doesn't fit under the thumbnail, I'm not interested.That's right.I don't dig deeper.I trust the headline.
21:48Add that to the list.Are those listeners still writing to you, by the way, who want the violence?Yeah.Have you heard back from them?You didn't get what they wanted, really.I'm still.entertaining the idea.He got a couple DMs from people requesting more
22:03violent scenarios on the show.They want to hear more violent scenarios.It was surprising.And I said it was more than you would think.Yes, you did.It was three people, I think.And yeah, they're still writing.They started talking to each other.
22:17Well, that's probably for the, I don't know, is it for the best?They're trading violent scenarios.Great.Well, good for them.And then complimenting each other.Like, oh, good one.That's pretty violent.All right.
22:27Well, I'm just worried things are going to turn violent.If people hear this episode and stuff hasn't happened.yet. I'm telling you, by the time this comes out,I bet everything's going to be fine. Okay, we're going todig deeper into this. I'm not done with this yet,but how long have we been talking, babe?I'm sure long enough. Let me hear. Let me see.Let me hear. Let me see. Let me hear. Let me hear. Let me hear you.
22:44How long have we been talking?24 minutes and 18 seconds. Oh, that's plenty.18 seconds? Should we take it up to 25? Let's not.Let's not push it. We're already there. We're mere seconds away.Oh, we just did it then, I guess. Are we done?Three, two, one. Close up.Good for us. We'll be right back with there. But listen,when the neighbor listen returns.
23:08Nicole.Paul.This time of year,it always makes me rethinkwhat's in my closet.I hear you.Paul,wake up,
23:15wake up.Stay awake.No,no,I was just sighing.Okay, all right.I'm trying to keep fewer things,but better ones.
23:21Pieces that are well madeand easy to wear all the time.Well, I mean, I can help you with that.You don't have to be sad about it.How! Quince.What?Quince.Oh, come on.
23:30You remember.For Quince, the fabrics that feel elevated, the fits that are thoughtful, and the pricing thatactually makes sense?Of course I do, because Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materialslike 100% European linen and they're insanely soft, flown at our activeware fabric.That's right.And their men's linen pants and their shirts are lightweight and breathable and comfortable.And their flown at active wear is moisture wicking.
23:51That's one of my favorite words.Wicking.Moister wicking, anti- odor and soft enough that you will actually want to wear it all day.Holy moor.In fact, I dare you to.You know what? Challenge accepted.You know what I think about Quince?And I'm so glad you reminded me of them.
24:07The best part is that their prices are 50 to 60% less than similar brands.How?I'm glad you asked.Thank you.Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman.So you're paying for quality, not brand markup, like you have been paying for, by the way.Everything is designed to last and make getting dressed easy.And I have to tell you, I have a six-year-old boy, and I bought him two of the
24:30of pairs of joggers that Quinn sells for children.And I bought them from two years ago.And he has run holes through every knee on every single pants.All the knees have holes in them except for those pairs of pants from Quince.And that, I don't know, if you want proof of well-made clothing, I don't know what is abetter testament than that.That is a four-year-old boy who runs around a lot, couldn't ruin them.And I bought them again for him in the bigger size.
24:54He loves them.They're so comfortable.I want them myself.Let me tell you something.I've seen this kid run around.his murder on pants.Refresh your wardrobe with Quince.Go to quince.com slash TNL for free shipping
25:06and 365 day returns.It's now available in Canada too.Did you know that?No.Go to QINCE.com slash TNLfor free shipping and 365 day returns.Quince.com slash TNL.This is Maria.
25:24Assorted clothing items for baby boy.I will give this to someone in needfor personal use onlynot for resale.You think I'm not going to knowif you show up and take this bag of clothes?You don't think I'm going to knowby your smell
25:43if you're going to use it for personalor resell it?I have a sense of these things.It's a gift that my people have.Don't worry about where I'm from.All you need to know isI can tell if you're going to use itfor your own little baby boy, or you're going to sell it.
26:02I'm offering this for free, and I'm offering it to someone that I can trust.Is that you?I can sense right now that someone listening to this thinks they're going to get one past me.They think that they can fool Maria, and they can resell the bag of clothes.Well, you can't.Maria always knows.Maria sees.Maria hears and Maria knows what you do in regards to bag of clothes.
26:39This is Maria.Dieting helps him spit.And welcome back to the neighborhood listen. Joan, it's that time.It sure is.Now, what we do every week here in the neighborhood listen is we comb the neighbor app,the social networking application for neighborhoods.We look for interesting people to talk to.People want to amplify their stories or people who need help of some kind or people who have something to atone for.
27:06And this week is no different.And guess what?You can help us out.If you see a post that you think we should talk about, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at burnt and Joan at gmail.com.Just like this listener, Jen Pettus.Thank you, Jen Pettus.She sent us this post.This is from someone named Megan.
27:23This is in the general category.Megan writes, well, I'm new here.Stay-at-home mom, parentheses, we'll be looking for work soon, end parentheses.35, three kids.Lived in Dignity Falls years ago and always wanted to come back.A house fire made that possible.I'm happy to see so many neighbors coming together like this.I love this so much.
27:44Happy New Year to all.And then the emoji of the hands making a heart, which is...Oh, yeah.You could just put a heart.You could, but I think there's something more human about that.The hands are because you can't do that in real life.Sure, but also I can talk to Megan about it.More personal.
28:02What do we ask? Oh, Megan's saying it's more personal.Hello, Megan.And Megan, welcome to the neighborhood.Listen.Thank you so much for having me.I did not mean to critique your use of the emoji.Sounds like a critique.I'm sorry.
28:12It's a critique of the emoji itself.Okay.Not of the user.Yes.Because I agree with you.I think it makes it more human.It's like you're actually making the heart for us as opposed to just letting a cartooncartoon heart.
28:23Have you seen a heart?But it's cartoon.Have we seen art?It looks nothing like that shape, right?It is funny.make that shape with your hands.I remember when I first saw that and I was shocked.The heart is it's a horrifying shape.
28:35There's all sorts of stuff coming off of it.Many hearts.How is that?How is that?How is that?How is that?Megan, how is that?Megan, how is that?
28:42You've seen many of them.Could you tell us how?Huh?Well, you just keep saying yes or confirming in different ways that you've seen a lot.Yes, I've seen hearts.I've seen hearts.But I'd love for you to tell me why you're seeing a bunch of hearts in your life.How do you come to see so many hearts?
28:54Oh, I've seen so many hearts because they've been right in front of my eyes.Megan did it again.Megan, we're going to need you to narrow this down.What is the situation where you are seeing these hearts,where they are placed right in front of your eyes?If I may be honest,please.They're usually dead.
29:09That's the only time you can see a heart.Well, if you're a surgeon.I'm not.Okay.I'm a stay-at-home mom.That's right.You did say you were stay-at-home mom.I am looking for work.
29:18Yes.I am looking for work.What are you, have you worked in the past?Yes.Okay, so what kind of a job have you done before?Walgreens.Walgreens.Yes.
29:27Did that involve?seeing hearts because I've seen a few.I used to organ a CVS. Really?Never saw a human heart there. Well, CVS is a lotyounger than Walgreens.CBS is younger than Walgreens.It is. I think that's maybetrue. Walgreens came first.
29:42But I'm not sure why that would make a differencein the heart sightings.Well, in the 1800s.Okay. A lot of people. I'm not sayingI was there. I was my secondquestion. That was my second question.I'm not there. Okay.We just, you know, you just, there are things,
29:57that are in a Walgreens manualthat you have to do?Really?Things in the Walgreens manualthat you have to do.Would you like me to saywhat I'm trying to say?Yes, we would.
30:08Because it doesn't seem likeyou're trying very hard.I've seen a few dead bodiesin my life.Okay.Okay.Now I'm not sayingwho killed them.
30:17Oh, killed.I was not even thinking that.I'm sorry.You've seen them like in situ.You have, you have...I don't know.It's not laying in a casket.You have seen people
30:26at the place where they died.In situ.Yes.I've never heard that in my...I'm a stay-at-home mom.I didn't realize that's what it meant.Is that what it means?I think it means like in the place.
30:36In the place.I've seen instant two bodies, yes.Okay.Why?Why?Yes, Walgreens.Okay.There were two dead bodies in Walgreens because someone was killed there.
30:47Someone was killed there.Oh, dear.And in such a terrible way that their heart was exposed?Yes, yes.It was the manager, the manager of the store.Oh my goodness.And then when she passed, I was very lucky to take that position.And I got to work closely with the general manager who also passed away.
31:06Heart in Sintu.Both, both having the same exact heart deaths, heart related deaths.Yes, heart related deaths.Now, are they heart related or you just, as a result of their death, you could see their hearts.Because that's what I meant to say.Their death was so horrifying that their heart was outside of their body or visible.Were they torn apart?It was terrifying. That's why I wanted to leave that town and come back home.
31:29Okay.And then can you talk about this took a turn?Oh, so this happened outside of Dignity Falls.Oh, yeah.That's what I was gathering.This happened over when Megan came back.Yes, yes, yes.So can you tell me, this already went a lot of different ways I didn't think it was going to go.
31:42I'm so sorry.Don't be sorry.I'd like to know how the manual fits into all this.I do too, but can I first ask about the house fire?Sure.Because it's just sort of left out there with no explanation.Is this your house fire?Was it your house that burned down?
31:54Can you tell me about the house fire?Oh, no, no, no.It was the house fire on Jackson Street here in Dignity Falls.Oh, and explain how that made you move back into Dignity Falls.Great question, Joe.A new piece of land opened up.Oh, okay.A new piece of land opened up I could build on top of.
32:09So a house on Jackson burnt down to the ground.Yes.And the people who owned that land had to leave.They had to leave.They had to leave.Okay.Because why didn't they want to rebuild?Because they still own that property.
32:22I'm a realtor, so I know these things.If your house.burned down.Yes, you're a realtor.Would you want to live in the same place?You're a house burned down mysteriously.Okay, now that's an extra addition.But yes, mysteriously, especially if it's not my fault.
32:37Yes, like Byrne was saying, insurance, you could rebuild.You might have to leave for a little while you don't have any place to live.But yes, you could rebuild.How mysterious can a housefire be?Not very mysterious.So what are the circumstances around?What do you know about this house fire?Oh, not, not.
32:54Not much.Boys got very high.Really high.No, no, no, not much.I don't know much about the fire.And also just looking up and away from us.No, no, no, no, no.One of them is memory and one of them is lying.
33:07I can't remember which.It's looking away is lying.No, looking up is memory.Is it to the right or to the left?Huh?Oh, sorry, that's my husband, Doug, that you're hearing.He's in another room.Doug, it sounds like you're in a ball pit.
33:19Wow.That's very intuitive.That's incredible.He didn't even say something like you had your head orhand over your mouth.Sheep.I just could, I can tell.I can tell these things.
33:28I sound relaxed.You sound so relaxed.Sound carefree.Yes, yes.Back to the point of hand.I remember that house fire.You do remember.It was a blue flame.
33:40It was.And that was maybe one of the things that was mysterious about it, I guess.I remember on the news, they just kept saying how beautiful it was.It was very beautiful.It was so beautiful.People gathered to not help at first.They just gathered to, they started singing.Yes, absolutely.
33:53They were singing surfing birdSurf and who?I'm not familiar with that song.Could you please give it to us a little bit?Everybody's heard.Bird is the word.Oh my goodness.You sound like the first singer to sing a song.
34:09It's so funny because old burntwould have been able to sing that really well too.Bird, bird bird bird.Bird, bird is a word.Oh, bird, bird bird is the word.Oh, now I know what you're talking about.People holding hands around.What a strange?
34:24A blue flame house fire.It was beautiful.Yeah.Yes.It was darling.Thank you so much.And you didn't know.How did you then get word of the...
34:38I'm not even the question.So you got to let me finish.Huh?Megan, you're sounding, I have to say this.You're sounding very suspicious.No.Oh.Oh.
34:53No. I'm not suspicious.Listen, listen. I know.I'm not suspicious.I know what this sounds like.And frankly, I am offended. I have three children.We know that.Yes.But I wanted to come back to Dignity Falls.
35:08And there were no, you were a realtor here.When was the last time you sold a house?Yesterday.Well, on my website, on Craigslist, it said no vacancies in Dignity Falls.No vacancies.No vacancies.We do have a sign like a motel for the whole town.And it'll say no vacancies or vacancy.
35:28And it does change a lot.And how did was that house?How, why was that house empty?It was.Oh, well, it wasn't.Wait, were you on Craig's list or Craig's demands?Oh, we do have a Craig's demand in Dignity Falls.And it was on Craigs.
35:42That's the problem.Yes.Craig's.Our local Craig's list is a list of demands by this guy Craig.Yes.And one of them is no new friends.No new friends.So when I looked for homes.
35:55Yeah.No new homes.Yeah.Wow.And I took that to heart.But Megan, look, I will allow that I've been in this business.I'm the top realtor.I don't want to brag.
36:05But I, I know, I've been in the game for a while.So I snatch those houses right up when they become available.I always, I know my, I know the signs of when people are going to start moving.Joan has a barricat scanner.Mm.So she can hear when there's emergencies happening.Wow.I can hear those conversations.
36:22the kitchen table. Do I take this job? But then we'd have to move, you know, and then I, and then Ipounce. I have one of those two. Wait, you have a tune so you could hear people'sinside their homes. Wait, I probably shouldn't talk about this. No, you can talk about it. No, it'sokay. Let's talk about it. I have one too. I had one too. What? I have one too. Yes.You have a rate. A home scanner? Yes. It comes in handy. It comes in handy.Mine just, mine just hears police radios and fire, fire departments. Everything that has amicrophone can pop up on these radios.Now, everything that is a microphone.
36:54It's pretty easy nowadays.Everyone's got an Alexa in their house.It's really, it's not that hard.It's so true.So then are you saying that you might have heard?Is this how you found out about the mysterious fire?I found out.May I ask you two a question?
37:07Oh, okay.Feels like a misdirect.You haven't answered any, so let's try to ask.That's correct.Why not mix it up at this point?Sure.I've answered a question or two.I've answered.
37:22I ask you tois who listens to this?Great question.We actually have people from all over that listen to it.Yeah, not just Dignity Falls.We have someone in Argentina that listens to this podcast.We have one listener in Argentina.We sure do.
37:35We sure do.Law enforcement?Possibly.Listen, we always have to warn people because people have disclosed all sorts of crazyincriminating information and we have to remind them it's a podcast and they go ahead and do itanyway.It's crazy.I'm going to do that.
37:49Okay.All right.I mean, it's your choice.To thine own self be true.That's right.I've come to Dignity Falls and I feel so much better.This place feels like home.It's a happy new year.
38:02The neighbors are just gathering and loving.And it makes me want to be a better person.It makes me want to admit the fire I started.Okay.I think we guessed.No.I think it was nobody.Can I also just ask, when did you make this post?
38:19Huh?When did you make this post?Oh, I made the post last year.You did.Yes.Okay.Which is, this is January 2nd.And I made the post last year.
38:29When I made it.Oh, I see what you're saying.Well, I, because I mean, it's, I, I'm, I wasn't.Could we, would you excuse us once again?Go ahead.Yeah.It's not January 2nd.No, it's not January 2nd.
38:39He's trying to, he's trying to put out a false narrative on the podcast.I think so.Also, she.Also, she.She doesn't mean.Yes.Use my correct pronoun.So, please.
38:51I can hear you.I know, I'm sorry.We always try to do these asides and they never work, but they never work.They never work.They always hear us.Maybe we shouldn't stay in the same room.Or put our microphone down.I was going to be polite and let you whisper about me.
39:03Okay, Megan, so please, this is, so you're, why are you telling everybody out there that youstarted this fire?Why is that okay?Why is this the day that this is happening?Is that the number one question?That's the number one question.I need a job.Three children.
39:18Right.But do you think that admitting that you're now a person who starts fires that you're going to, that'sgoing to help you get a job? Well, how else do you think I'm going to get the job? If not by admittingthe truth or murdering someone to get the job. Oh, boy. Wow. I'm trying to avoid. I'm trying to be abetter person. Can we reach back to your previous life outside of dignity falls of the Walgreens?Oh, here we go. Did you murder those people? Well, I hate to ask. I thought you're going to ask aboutthe manual. I gave up on the manual. Okay. I think we have more important things. The manual from the1800s? Yeah, I gave up on that.
39:53I ripped their chests open.Oh, what?With your bearing.In Santo.In Santo.Their chest's even worse than in situ.Yes, in Sant'I ripped their chest open in Santo.
40:08Give me your heart, make it real, or just forget about it.Yes.Yes.And yes, I did it.I did it.I did it.I needed more money.I needed a higher salary.
40:18Three children are a lot.I have three boys.Oh, boy.eat a lot.Listen, I do understand.Their ages and names,four,six,
40:27and eight.Okay.Their names are three.Five and seven.All right.Now wait a minute.Last year must have been cool.Last year was so cool.
40:49Why don't I get it?It's a six,seven.Oh.Oh, no.They were three, five, and seven last year.Oh, that's right.Sorry.
40:56Yes.Yes, they were.It's like their golden birthday.I didn't name them.My husband did.He's passed.No.How did he pass?
41:04Megan.How did he pass?Cancer.Okay.Okay.I don't want to ask him more questions about that.He was a cancer.Sorry for your loss.
41:14Oh.And you think that's what killed him?It doesn't kill everyone?The astrology?Have you ever met a cancer?I mean, I feel like I must have.And what do you think of them?They are pretty poor.
41:26Poor?In character.I don't know.They're usually type A personalities.Are they the crabs?Yes, they're the crabs, babe.They're the crabs.I could not tell you anyone I've ever met what their astrological sign is unless they're born at the same time as me.
41:45Interesting.It was yours, Bert.I prefer not to disclose that on the podcast because people will make judgments about me.Oh, interesting.I may have said previously when my birthday is on this podcast.I'm not sure you have.I feel like I may have.Okay, someone will let us know.
42:00And it's not that I don't remember my own birthday.Of course I do.It's that I'm not going to make that mistake again.I heard on the scanner would happen.I've been circling Dignity Falls.I used to live here.Oh, I know.You don't remember me?
42:15Tell me about that.Forgive us.Well, how many years ago was it?This seems like it was one time you had.Did you have the three children here?No, no, no.Right.So that was at least eight years ago.
42:27Your oldest, seven is eight, right?My seven is eight.Seven is eight. Seven is eight years old.Yes.And was your husband not well that he named them numbers?That's got to be very confusing.Oh, he was a mathematician.Oh, so he loves numbers.
42:42He loves numbers.Is what I was attracted to the most?Why those numbers in particular?Why those numbers in particular?That's what I asked.Oh.All the, all the minutes he lasted.all the minutes he lasted.
42:54Yes, the first child.Oh, during conception.Yes, eight minutes.Seven minutes, he lasted.And we time it.We time it.You don't time sex?I have.
43:06Yes.You have?Not on purpose.Okay.Sometimes I will notice that I looked at the clock right before commencing penetrative sex.And then...Oh, see, always has to say penetrative sex.Every time.
43:20You have to clarify.time, every time.After my partner, he's orgasm,when I will look at the clock again.What a wonderful man.You stop when she orgasm.That's right.No matter what happened.
43:32You don't need to finish.No.Beautiful.This is not a conversation.We need to keep going.You're probably right.You're right.Let's get back to, you know,
43:42our violent scenario listenersare going to be thrilled right now.What with all this chest ripping open and whatnot?I didn't want to do it.Megan, first of all,that's a pretty superhuman wild thing.to do. I know they say moms to do anythingfor their kids, we'll move a car. Sure. But
43:55ripping open a chest. And there'scameras in these Walgreens. How wereyou not caught? I know the blindThere had to have been witnesses. You know, the blinds spots. There were no witnesses.There were no other people in the Walgreens. It was afterhours and there were three people in there. But theywere all in a makeup aisle.Okay. That takes a long time.
44:13But why are they in the baseball after hours? They're waitingfor someone to come help. They're waiting for someone to comehelp them. And I was busy. Oh, I've beenthere. Oh, gosh. BecauseYou know.And you have questions.You have questions in the makeup aisle.I do.
44:26You know, I went to a CVS recently and I needed some toothpaste.And the toothpaste I wanted was under lock and key.Oh, boy.Insane.It is.And I just thought, really?I know.And Walgreens.
44:38We have talked about how our deodorant in town is, of course, always under lock and key because of the, because people can cook it and make something called delicious with it.It's very addictive.It's very addictive.And it looks like it's like a little jail.little prison.It was like bars and stuff.Was that here?Indignany Falls?
44:59There was a huge delicious problem.There was a delicious epidemic.You know what I like?I like how they put the little dog with holding the key in his mouth.Yeah.Pirates of the color of the end of now.They're taunting the deodorant.Here, doggie doggy.
45:14I guess they wanted to have some whimsy.I love that ride.It's a great ride.Love that right.It's a great ride.I planned to check.plans to go.He just only ever been to Disneyland.
45:24He walked through the gates and saw all the flowers and was overwhelmed and was overwhelmed and turned around and left immediately.Really?Some of the fires were in the shape of Mickey Mouse.Well, that's the magic of it.You can't be scared of it.You can't be too magic for me.I'm going to do that on my yard.Well, you're going to do Mickey Flowers?
45:37Before we get to that.We can't be getting into normal talk.No, we really can't.Oh, I wanted to.You committed violent acts of heinous murder.And I just want to know what happened to the three people in the makeup file.So when you're ripping open these people's chests, they make sound, obviously.It must be noise.
45:52To break the breastbone?Yes.To break the chest cavity.Yes.It was noisy.It was noisy.Yes.Yes.
45:58So then what happened with these three people waiting in the makeup aisle?Oh, I went to help them eventually.Covered in blood.Yeah.And they had no questions.They did.They had many.How did you answer your question?
46:12Well, the first thing I said was, huh?Of course.And then when they said, please repeat that.Why am I covered?Why are you?That's right.That's right.That's right.
46:20Is my cover any blood?Huh?Huh?Do you want makeup or not?I can help you.Look, it's effective.I can't argue with it.And then I put on them.
46:30And then they were like, I do.I need one.What do you recommend?And I pulled one out.I put it all over myself.It took the blood right off.So here's what happened.These people were in shock.
46:40No, they were in shock.They thought you were going to kill them next.And that is why they seemed like they had no problem.That's a teachable moment.Hey.Hey.What's the teachable mom?Sorry.
46:47Hold on.Doug, please.Go ahead.Yeah.I was saying to.to demonstrate how good the makeup isyou cover all that blood, I would thinkthat they'd be so impressed.
46:56Yeah.Doug gets it.Babe, but he's kind of terrifying.You used makeup to cover upall the human blood you had on you.You're asking this as if you're confused.You've got it right, maybe.I am confused.
47:09This sounds very normal to me.Well, I believe that.I absolutely believe that.That's not a defense, Megan.You can't.That will not hold it upcourt.If you say, it seemed normal to me to do this.
47:23I've not been in court once.I don't plan to go.I don't understand how that's possible.How far apart were these murders?Three years.Okay.So somehow, and you continue to work at the Walgreens?Or no?
47:34Well, yeah, I got the general manager job.It was a lot of money.Okay, so then you killed these people to get their job, right?You kill these people to get their job.This is the podcast where we admit things, right?Well, I don't know that we've ever had quite such a stunning admission as this.Was there a line of succession at the Walgreens that,that led you to get the job only after killing the second person?
47:56Yes, there was.Thank you for asking.That's the question no one's ever asked.Is this how we get into the manual from the 1800s?Oh, no.You're going to be so happy, bird.In chapter 2.1, it says,The Walgreens, when built from the ground up,
48:11shall stay in the family.Oh, it's like a prophecy.It's just like a Bible.The Walgreens, Thal shay, stout,Thou stay in the family.Thou stay in the family.So were you related to these two people?I was not.
48:27I was not.I'm married into the family.Oh, the numbers guy.The numbers guy.What was his name?John.John.And he was a mathematician?
48:37He was a mathematician.Somehow was related to the Walgreens dynasty.Yes.John Walgreens.Oh.And so by marriage, John Walgreens?Yeah.Okay, okay.
48:47So by marriage,yes.After his,presumably his relatives,were murdered by you.Yes.Then he became,you became,
48:59why wouldn't he be able.Oh,so he renounced the throne.And in chapter 3.1,right.Thou relative who doesn't want.A relative.Goes to the partner in marriage.
49:10Okay.Thou relative who do not want.Thou relative who do not want.It goes to the partner in marriage.Goes to the partner in marriage.I think we goist, but that's okay.It seems that there's a little bit of an inconsistency with the language.This isn't the Bible.
49:24It sure isn't.This is for the 18-Hen-Hen-Greins.It's less violent than the Bible.The 18-Centgers was a time when we were transitioning from saying the and thou to you.So there were still some in there.There's still some in there.Things were a little inconsistent.I know.
49:39I thought it too when I read it.Now you're trying to sound reasonable, then.No, I am reasonable.Also, you implied that the.the makeup people would be afraid of me that I would,I would never murderinnocent people.How were these two people that you killed not innocent?
49:56They had something I wanted.That doesn't make them not innocent.That's guilty as charge.I'd say you're the guilty one.Out of all the persons in this story,you are the guilty one.And I'm sorry, but I don't mean to keep harping on this,but then what happened to their bodies?
50:11Okay.So what happens after that?Like obviously, so the three women,well, not women,whoever they were,The three people leave the store?Yes, they did.I mean, I don't want to give you the answers because I feel like, you know, Megan will just say, oh, yeah, that sounds good.
50:23Exactly.What happened after they left the store?What did you do with the bodies?I bury them.Where?In the backyard of Walgreens.I love that backyard.Oh, Walgreens did use to have a backyard.
50:37I forgot about that.It was sort of weird.You could go out back.You could either like.You could barbecue back there.You could do like smorg.So this is not just a dignity.Falls thing, but also the Walgreens where you were.
50:51Oh, there's backyards here, too.Yeah. Yes, yes. We have Walgreensbackyard. I thought you were from here.It's been a few years.Oh, well. And now CVSis taken over the place.You worked at one. I did work at one,yes, before I left. I was head hunted
51:07for the Digny Falls Massey.Don't use that word. I think Megan's going to thinkit means something different. He didn't have to kill.No one killed anyone to get this job. And if that's what you're thinkingyou're doing at CVS, Megan. I was thinking of that. I wouldn't think ofdoing that at CVS because...Seems like we have something...They have a lot more security.
51:23No.Well, especially...I mean, blood has been shed at that CVS.It is true.It was a...A cataping.Really now?Now, this is maybe at...
51:32That's the job by me.But that was an accident.It was an accident.Who committed the accident?See, exactly.We don't actually mean a murderthat someone's trying to call an accident.No.
51:42Some dumb walber.It was a...Some dumb larper.It was a lesser walber.Some dumb walber.It was a lesser walber.Some dumb walber.It was a lesser walber.
51:48It was a lesser Wahlberg.It was young Joe Walberg.Oh.Young Joe Walberg.I went to school with him.Did you really?No kidding.High.
51:58Yeah.That's right.You know, Digny High close down.This is terrible news from that.No.I wanted my children to go there.No, I'm so sorry.It's now a big, gigantic, tall, almost skyscraper building.
52:11It's like 30 stories high.And the theater's on the top and it rotates.Yeah.Is that what that is?That's the new dignity high.management. Wow. Just on the top. Yeah, that's right. So, okay, I want to, I don't even know where to go. We work.And some old are. It's an 80 story. Some Russians.Some Russians. Honestly, yeah, guys, we can go to a place where if somebody has a job that they would love to give me, I would love to turn over a new leaf.
52:38I mean, I, once you, now that everyone's going to hear this locally, I don't know who would want to hire you since you've openly admitted to violent murder.And arson.Oh, and arson, yeah.True.I know that makes me seem like a bad person, but I have three children.I don't want to talk about bad person.It doesn't necessarily make you seem like it.It makes you a person who killed.
53:04And in this town?What?You think Megan is a bad person?Megan murdered two people.That doesn't make me a bad person.I guess I'm trying to help their perspective.They're trying to do that thing where, you know, you say I'm about.bad person says, oh no, we're not talking about Megan's character. We're talking about Megan's
53:20crimes right now. Do you understand? Okay. My character is high. No, I wouldn't say that either. I have high character.High character. What does that mean? I have high character. I don't know that term. I have high character.I do things the right way and I, I am there for people. Could you name one thing you've done the right way?Yes, I stopped at the stop sign. Okay. I mean, Megan. That's a right thing. Thank you, Doug.Checking you, Doug. I do feel that's, that's the wrong question to ask.Yes. What's the right question?Yeah, what's the right question, Doc?Oh, boy.
53:52He didn't.Well, I'm just saying if you say name one right thing you've done,most people could say that could name one thing.I can name two.Okay.I can name two.All right.Here we go.
54:03Number two.I pay my tithes and offerings.So you're a churchgoer you're saying.I've been.You.So you don't necessarily go to church that much,but you do keep up.up on your tithes and offerings.
54:18Every check.Every check.There are taxes and tithes and offerings taken out of my check every week.Maybe it said that like they didn't know the day that ties and offerings are supposed to be given.So it just went to every check.Every check.Okay, every check.How many checks a year?
54:35Uh-uh.No.Two syllable, huh?That's a real stall.I can't wait to listen back to that.That's going to be studied.I have a few a couple a month.You give.
54:51Well, not anymore.I'm out of work.That's a lot.Not anymore.I'm out of work.Right.So these were the checks from Walgreens, your former employer.Yes.
54:58Okay.And so you've been living on savings, I guess?Yes.All right.From your husband?Yes, my husband.Okay.What was his job that when you were outside of Digny Falls?
55:10I know he was a mathematician, but was he a professor or was a teacher?He was a professor.Yes.I need to stop.giving Megan the answers, I think.No, I was going to say that.I don't know why.I was going to say that.
55:19How do I know?I was say to school.All right.Columbia.Oh, so you were in New York City?That's where you were living?No, no, no.Columbia Community College.
55:29Oh, which is where?What city were you in?Oh, oh, I was in Sioux Falls.Oh, South Dakota?South Dakota.That's where that is.Wow.I just literally was there a little while ago.
55:40Were you really?Yes.Did you see the billboard?Which one?In memory of my husband, John Walgreen.Oh.Oh, it is on the way in from the airport.I guess I just didn't think about it.
55:53I thought it was a Walgreens ad.Did you have this billboard?Did you pay for this billboard?Yes, $42.All right.That's pretty cheap.It was pretty cheap.Standard size billboard.
56:03Standard, but there's no lights on it.So at night you can't see it.It's like a Hollywood sign.Yes, I only saw the word war.It was dusk when I, when I drove into the book.Why is it the Hollywood sign lit up?I've always.It's not that too.
56:16It's not. It's not. No, it's not. It's dark.Maybe a fire hazard? I don't know. Maintenance that you have to deal with.Cheap. That's right. I wish we still Hollywood land. So cheap. Cheap.So, okay, you were living in Sioux Falls. He was at Columbia City College.Yes, community. Community. Sorry. And then he died because he was a cancer.Yes. Yeah. Which is mysterious. Once again, Megan, you have.Can you understand how I would find that mysterious?I can understand.
56:49Okay.I can understand.So what was the actual cause of death?What did the doctor say?Yeah.What was the autopsy?A substance that was unnatural to the body.That could be so many things.
57:02That's what I said.So he didn't die because that was his astrological son.He died because he was poisoned.That's what some people have said.And it was so.Like the coroners.The coroners.There are some people, not everyone.
57:14I don't say that.That is true.They're not everyone.I mean, we can't argue with that.And Megan knows that.So we're wasting time here.Okay.So your husband was poisoned.
57:29Yes.Shame.How are you?Huh?By you?Now, I know what you're thinking.That you poisoned your husband?That I poisoned my husband to get the life insurance policy.
57:40I mean, it falls a pattern.And this one I did not do.No way.I did not do that.I actually almost want to believe, Megan, because.Exactly.Because she said this one.This is true.
57:50Because it does imply she's owning up to the other murders.Other murders, yes.Oh my gosh.This one I did not do.But someone, are you upset about this?Now, you seem like the kind of person who would avenge a death like this.With another death.Did you do that happen?
58:07Did you try to seek out who poisoned him?I found them.You did.I did.Who were they?And why?But who were they?And why?
58:16Do you know why?was so upset at you for working as CVS.Oh.First of all,I didn't realize you were so upset with me.It has to do with Burnt,and I didn't know that either.And Megan is looking right at burnt.
58:28Very upset.Okay,I did not realize that.And why does that upset you so much?It was someone from the family of CVS.The CVS family.Poisoned John.The Crook Vanzanzons.
58:40The crook Vonsons.I have not even thought about the Vonsonsonsons for a very long time.No, people don't.People never think of them.They were a family.They were a family of villains and grifters.Yes.And they dressed in crazy clothing.
58:58In fact, you want to talk about, what was the word you use, babe, for your hat?Asymmetrical.Yes, you want to talk about an asymmetrical hat.That's what they all wore.They were very distracting.And you thought, well, this person's so weird looking.They can't be trying to fool me.Yes.
59:10And they fooled you every time.And they walked down the street shoulder to shoulder.You couldn't get past them.They insisted traffic would stop.They walked all the way up and down the street like that.And my husband tried.And completely in symmetry, like completely in step.It was terrifying.
59:27It was like sort of like the monkeys, something like cross over their feet.Yes.Now, the Vanzanzans.So why would the Vonsons want to go on, go on, sorry.Well, you know, in the earliest beginnings of their crime wave, their crime activities,they would do something called the Long Scroll Con.where they'd have a very, very, very long scroll.Uh-huh.
59:50And the idea was,I will,if you allow me to hold on to your money,I'll give it back after I read this from this scroll.Yes.And then the scroll will be so long,but the people would lose interest in the leaves.And that was the Von Scon, Kahn.
01:00:08The Vonson's gone?The Vonson's gone. The Vonson's gone.The Vonson's gone.Yes.This is very similar to how my husband was targetedby theokay so tell us the storyplease they gave him a scroll
01:00:20right and it was longand they knewin modern timesthey're still giving out scrollsthey still give out scrollsyes they call them receiptsnowand it was long
01:00:32it was long and they saidwe want to give you a testwrite amath solutionor math problem with the solutionthat can fill from topto bottomand they went to the premier
01:00:45mathematicianis Sue Falls. Sure.But they left Digny Falls.They left Digny Falls. They left Digny Falls to do this because they hardly ever leavethe town. But they left and went to Sue Falls to pursue him.Because they're popping up everywhere. They're popping up everywhere.I know I've heard you two never leave Dignity Falls.But there are CVS is everywhere.
01:01:06Oh, I thought you were talking about the crooked vons.They are also, they are, they take planes.They do. Oh yeah, because they never used to because they couldn't fit.They couldn't sit like 12 across.Now they can.That's right.Now they can.With a dream liner.
01:01:21Yes.Now they can.Now they can.And he couldn't, he couldn't do it.He couldn't do it.He couldn't fill the,he couldn't fill the,even the premier math petition type situation.
01:01:30Couldn't do it.The scroll was too long.Oh dear.I mean, there's so few math equations that go down instead of a cross.That is true.That is true.Yeah.Yeah.
01:01:41Yes.So few.And he knew the two.Subtraction.And he knew the two.do the two and he still couldn't do it.Division eventually starts going across.I know.
01:01:48I was going to say division two,but it really doesn't eventually start going across.Sometimes you have to.Now, what if you, what if you,what if you turn the receipt to the side and then vote the problem across?That's what he should have done.He still would have had to come down to the bottom of the page.But a receipt is still.
01:02:05I'm just trying to think of how I could have saved your husband's life.Where are you and I needed it?So is this why you hate CBS so much because of those long receipts?Yes.But why would they poison?Why would they want to kill him?They could just humiliate him, right?That would have been enough.
01:02:19Also, yeah, what was the, why did they make him do the thing?Because the crooked funds on, they usually weren't about murder.You know, they were about humiliation and money.Humiliation and money.Fine.Oh, fine.Megan.I was embarrassed.
01:02:36Megan.You were embarrassed.No.I was embarrassed to have a husband.Wait.Oh.That couldn't write a math equation from the top of a reason.seat to a bottom.
01:02:45So you murdered him.You poisoned him.I didn't mean to.I thought he would stay alive.I just thought he would knock out for a few years.You were trying to do a phantom thread.I was trying to do a phantom thread.And I put too much.
01:02:59I'm not the mathematician.I couldn't do that.That's not math.I couldn't do it is.I couldn't do the measurements.I don't know metric to the American.Well, metric is American.I don't know the other.
01:03:12Yes.American is just.See, you don't know it either.No one knows it.Well, you turned me all around there, Megan.I have nothing to say for that.But this is wild.That doesn't seem like a great reason to kill your husband.
01:03:26It really does it, Megan.I didn't try to kill my love to.Let me just be clear.There's not a good reason to kill your husband unless you're having to kill him in self-defense because he's going to kill you.Good reason.Or your child.But this is this kind of reason.Self-defense.
01:03:40How is it self-defense?He's a mathematician.You just says it.It was humiliating for you.And I needed to defend myself from humiliation.You're very slippery, Megan.Wow.I mean, it's true.
01:03:53It's really true.It's like it is like those series when you see someone sit down and try to get into the mind of a serial killer.And all of a sudden, they're very charming or they're turned around too.You know what I'm saying?You have to be sitting down.You have to be.They always are in the shows.They always are.
01:04:05They're always sitting at the same table.They never stand in that conversation.Isn't that weird?Yes.Maybe they should try standing.They should.Maybe they'd get somewhere.You know, who stood was Hannibal Lecter.
01:04:16Oh, that's right.He was a psychopath.He was standing right there.He was a cycle pad.She turned the corner.What did that man say to you?Multiple Migs?He said,
01:04:24That's right.That's what he said.He did say that.I remember what he said.How is disturbing.One of the most famous quotes.So this is a wild journey to follow.I know.
01:04:38I'm so happy to be here.So it's interesting.What's interesting?Well, that's always nice to hear.I'm glad because it's probably the last time you won't be in a jail cell.No.Has anyone ever been arrested from this show?That we don't know, but they should have been.
01:04:54There's a few that we should have had.People have admitted to crimes here before.I feel like we've had one or two things where it's unclear if someone had murdered someone else,but we didn't really have a confession.We did not.We certainly didn't have a confession out of a passion of humiliation.We didn't have that.And here's the thing.
01:05:09It is interesting that it's not because of the insurance money.that you killed him.It's just because you were humiliated, obviously.This would kept me float.Yeah, the motives don't even really make any sense.No.You seem like a very strange person and scary.No, I'm a really lovely person.
01:05:29If I can say, if I can dare to use a younger term, I think the aura is really bad.I'm a lovely person.I have three children.You said we want to meet them?Can we meet them?Did you bring them?They're here.Okay, let's meet them.
01:05:44All right.Who's first three?Three, five, seven, come in.Okay.Oh, they come.All right.Help us.Oh, oh, no.
01:05:58Please.Okay, and there they go.Wait, wait, wait, no, don't.Where are you going to send them?This is my house, by the way.I mean, they're rating my refrigerator as if they've never eaten before.No.They eat.
01:06:11Also, why are they wearing clothes?that are way too small for them.They're tearing off of their bodies.They look like Invisible.They look like Incredible Hulk.Thank you so much.Could you imagine if he was invisible?Oh my God.
01:06:22I almost did say invisible.That would be terrifying.It just got worse.Now he's invisible.The invisible incredible Hulk.Oh, dear.I'm sorry.We shouldn't be laughing.
01:06:37Those children are not being taken care of.And they told us,help us, Megan.You can't gasp like that.You can't be happy.with that with the kids saying,help us on Mike?It's the first words he ever spoke.
01:06:49And I think...That's even worse.Okay, but that's not how you greet people.That's not how you greet people.And then he told them to leave.Because I didn't...We didn't even get to meet the other two.Was it rude or wasn't the truth?
01:07:02And you didn't want us knowing that those children,they need help.I don't think it's rude for a child to ask for help.I don't think so either.It doesn't make you crazy.Maybe I'm a weirdo.You're not.a weird.
01:07:13You have worked as CVS.Oh, this thing with the CVS.Honestly, Megan, I don't think you're going to do well to try to tar me with that brush.Can we do something?When you're an admitted murderer.Don't tar him with that brush.Can you go back and please read this post?Let's just go back to see where we even started.
01:07:30Yes.Because we've gone so far afield of what this post was relatively a non-ish.I mean, made wish everyone went a happy new year.I don't even know what else happened.Well, I'm new here.Stay-at-home mom.We'll be looking for work soon.35, three kids.
01:07:43lived in Dignity Falls years ago and always wanted to come back.A house fire made that possible.I'm happy to see so many neighbors coming together like this.I love this so much.Happy New Year to all.Can I ask you what you meant by?It's so great to see so many neighbors coming together.Oh, yes.
01:08:00I can talk about that.You see, in Sioux Falls, we were not very friendly.Okay.Everybody was in your business.Oh.Everybody always has something to say.Okay.And did you kill this person?
01:08:12Yes.Yes.Rude questions.Not to mention now I get the hearts as the hand when you talk about how he killed these people.Sure.With his bare hands.That's like a calling card.That is chilling.
01:08:23I'm scared.I'm scared.I'm glad you.It is my calling.Oh, I was right, Burns.It is a calling.Doug, what do you think of this?Isn't this crazy?
01:08:30It's like the sticky bandits or the wet bandies.They turned the water on after every crime.Well, they got caught that way.But they got out.No, they did eventually get caught.And then don't you remember the police and says,ha ha nice nice calling card now we know every single house that you hit in the town oh i left themovie before the end that's the very end you had to get out five minutes before i had to i my meter
01:08:54was up my meter was up this before we had parking lots and dcney falls that's poor planning it's onlyit's only two hour meters yeah yeah the old dignity falls cinema only had parking meters soeveryone would have to run out in the middle of the movie and they had a parking lot but it wasfor golf carts which were not streetThat's what I thought when I was here.I'm glad to see things have changed.Everyone parked at the cinema and walked to the golf course and then everybody else was running out.Babe, what do you think about all this?
01:09:23You haven't really said anything.What do you think?Because I feel like you'd have a lot to say.Oh, no.Oh, those ballpits.I'm just doing laps.If the kids want to join me, it's fine.Kids, do you want to go join him?
01:09:35Oh, they probably do.In the ballpits.Okay.Okay, kiddos, you can go join.You can go in the ballpick.Can you take care of them, babe?Can you tell them they have to promise not to spray?Spray what?
01:09:45Oh, my gosh.You're right.They're not going to spray.Oh, they don't do that.All right.No, of course not.They're terrified.I feel like we should call child services.
01:09:54I mean,the phone is going to have to do.There's so many people we should call.There's so many people we should call.Guys, I was promised that I could come on here and unburden myself.No one promised you a single thing.I was promised you that.I was promised by who?
01:10:06Huh?The email.I might have said it's the podcast where we admit things.Doug.But did you promise anything, babe?Did you use the word promise?It's the podcast where we admit things.First of all, that's not correct.
01:10:17That's what she said earlier.That's what she said.That's not a joke.Even though that's my favorite joke.And he's mad, it's not.I guarantee you.He's so mad he couldn't make it work.Babe, did you use the word promise at all in the email?
01:10:32This is important.I may have.Oh my God.What would you may have made?What would you have made?What did you may have made?I say I promise it's going to be.a fantastic time. Oh, okay. Well, listen, that doesn't mean that we don't promise nothing bad will happen.
01:10:47Oh, you know, it would be, it is. What are you promised to guess these things for me?Who would come on the show of you said? I promise nothing bad will happen. Thank you. Only someone likethat's what I thought. Who's running from something. I'm not. I want to stop running. I'm here at DignityFalls to put down roots. You really do. At the local Dignity Falls police station, Megan, that's the only wayto make this right. Yeah. And if you ever want to make money, you're going to have to do that too. You can'tyou make money in jail and that's probably what you're going to have to do.Doing what?Commentary.
01:11:16Commentary.Now that's interesting.That's interesting.That's interesting.I like that.What kind of commentary do you think you would do to make money?You think you're going to have a podcast from jail?I would.
01:11:28Honestly,it's probably going to happen.I would have a podcast in jail and I could make a lot of ad money, but I don't want to dothat because you two are the professionals.Oh, well, that's kind of you to say.You too have taking a compliment from you.to have welcomed people in to unburden themselves.Right, but now you've burdened us.
01:11:47I am so burdened.I've never been so burdened because of all the stuff that I know.I'm sorry.I am most burdened.I'm so sorry.If you turn yourself in, they probably won't even arrest you.Really?Babe, that is not true.
01:12:00What do you mean?What the, I mean.You won't arrest Megan.That's a crazy thing to say.I'm going to take it to heart.Dignity falls.Three murders.That were just confessed to.
01:12:10right here on the podcast.There's proof.So, of course, they would arrest because there's evidence.I mean, needed to get a lawyer, Megan.It was a confession.I know, but they're not very competent here.Podcasts.It's admissible.
01:12:22I did not agree to this recording.They're praying for something like this.They probably say it's too easy.No, of course you agreed to this recording.I did not agree to this recording.I thought it was a talk.It's in an email.Was it an email?
01:12:33Yes, it was.Doug did not put that in an email.You didn't put the waiver in, babe?Wait, what?You didn't say anything about a recording.Well, then what do you think?think a podcast is. Of course it means it's recorded.A podcast is something you listen to on an iPod.
01:12:45Yes, exactly.Because it's recorded.Megan, I'm worried about you.Yeah, you still have an iPod?Yes.I have an iPod touch.You have an iPod touch.Yes.
01:12:56Why was it called the iPod touch?Yes, you could touch it.But you can touch a regular iPod.You can touch anything almost.You can touch anything almost.That is true.I mean, after the sun, you can pretty much touch almost anything.Almost anything.
01:13:10That's what I think.Didn't say for how long, but you could.Yes.You can't touch a feeling.Okay.Oh, wow.Doug.You can.
01:13:18If we were dealing with multiple murders here, I think that'd be a nicer sentiment.But I don't think we have time for that.Megan, this, I cannot believe how quickly we got to just a horrible thing.Horrible things.I was joking.Oh, Megan.Megan.I don't.
01:13:40I don't know.I don't know.What?I was joking.No, you can't.That's tough looking.That's fun.Is that Megan's laugh?
01:13:51Because that's a weird laugh.I think it's a forced laugh.It's a weird laugh.I think it's a forced laugh.Trying to sound casual.Yeah, I don't think it's working, Megan.I'm as funny as Kevin Hart.Oh.
01:14:03I'm as funny as Kevin Hart.What a wild metric.Just say, not only have my funny, I'm funny, is this person.Not anymore so.Not anymore so.Megan, I don't think that's true.I don't think that's fair to just all that.That's not fair.
01:14:23You're an unreliable narrator.It was just a joke us.Yeah, it was all true.Okay.Just don't want to go to jail.Yeah, I get that.But do you understand how what you did was wrong?This is important.
01:14:34Do you understand?Great question, Joan.Yeah, because I'm not sure.There's usually disconnect there that it was wrong to do that.No matter what you needed.I think.If a mom needs anything, a mom should take what she needs.Listen, I...
01:14:47Because this planet does not care for moms like they should.Megan, that's the first thing you said all day.You blame the planet.The whole planet.That's the first thing I said all day.And we should take care of moms.We should take care of moms.We should take care of moms.
01:15:00Because I agree with all of this because I am a mom.And I do think that moms...Speaking of my language, I do think we don't take care of moms.I think moms should have what they need.But we can't resort to...to murder to get what we need.Can I ask?Because then we're no better
01:15:15than the people thatwe're feeling oppressed by.I agree with that,but I have a peanut butter question.Do you consider yourselfto be choosy moms?Because there used to be a commercialfor GIF.
01:15:27They would say choosy moms chooseJif.I always wondered,is my mom choosy?Did you have Jiff?We sometimes did.That's a good question.You know, it's crazy because Choozy
01:15:39could have been seen asyou know,Positive?Not necessarily.Not after when Harry Metzally.I didn't think it was positive when I saw it.High maintenance.This is when high maintenance became a whole thing.
01:15:50And high maintenance does also, choosy means high maintenance.Did that come from when Harry Metzellie?It absolutely did.Yes.Wow.The book is high maintenance?Yes.I read a book about it.
01:15:59When applied to a person.There's a book about that.An oral history of when Harry Metzall?Wow.Is it here in the library?It's about, it's about rom-coms in the 90s.and because Billy decided to make a whole thingabout how she needed everything on the side
01:16:16on the side is what started itright right but then also became high maintenanceshame that woman who says I'll have what she's havingshe's being choosyoh she's choosing somethingbut I don't know if that's the good questionburnt choosy mom's choosing itit's such you know what that's just immediately
01:16:34what started pitting other moms against each othereven before me Instagrambecause it was like are you choosymeaning you make the best choice for your kid.And if you don't care and you pick whichever brand you want,and you don't care about your kids.Yes.Or is it about, is it about, oh, Megan standing on her.
01:16:50Yes.Megan is so happy that we're talking about this instead of the multiple crimes.I know. I think she's got me on a tear.I'm still going to come back to the murders.But just to finish my point, it could have also been negative like,oh, you're too choosy.You're a choosy mom, which makes you, it's a negative thing.So that's a really good point, Brent, because now I'm looking back.
01:17:07Are you a real princess in the pee, bitch?I'm thinking of it.Why don't you try Jiff?See?Your majesty.Or if you don't go give a shit about your kids nutrition,go get some sort of store brand.Get Kroger's.
01:17:18And now you want to stand me.And your kid won't get into college.That's right.And that can't happen.You guys get it now.Megan, I get that.I do not get you murdering three people.And, and.
01:17:30Not even to get what I want.No.I mean, I understand my people do.But it doesn't justify it.I understand why people do it.You know, John.That's different.You mentioned Kroger, and it's too bad because in Atlanta there was a Kroger that was referred to as the murder Kroger.
01:17:45Oh, dear.And that would have been a great place for you to work, but it's not there anymore.Thank goodness.Yeah.It was murdered.Is there anywhere in this town I can get a loan?There's a real.There's maybe a short-term memory issue happening.
01:18:01I don't know.There's the bond.You're going to jail.So why are we now talking about alone?Do you remember how you admitted to three murders and an arson?I do remember that, but it doesn't mean I'm going to jail.There's the bunk.It should.
01:18:13That's an assumption.Many murderers get all for free.I mean, unfortunately, that's true.Doug, did you say there's the bunk?Yeah, elaborate.Please do.The bong.That's not elaborating.
01:18:24That's just saying the same thing over there.But that's our city bank.Doug, Doug, you have to say, huh first.Oh, you're talking about.Don't you coach him, Megan.Don't get in his head.That's a good idea.No, babe.
01:18:37Do not listen.Yeah.Or you answer.You ask the same question.It buys me more time too.That's what's been happening this whole time if you paid attention.But you're too busy doing laps in the ballpool.Wait, people are referring to the same.
01:18:47The city bank is the bomb.Sue me for, uh, you're talking about the bonk that basically is like outside.It says no questions asked.There's, I guess a lot of people pronounce it wrong, but it's actually LeBonk.Le Bonk.It's B-A-N-K, but there's a little, if you look closely, there's a little squigglyabove the A.Right, but in French.
01:19:08Just the word C at the end would already make it LeBonk.You don't have to add, you mean there's a little C above the K?What, what simple are you talking about?There's a little squiggly above the A.Squiggly.Oh, above the A that's supposed to.Like an accent or something more curved?You could call it that.
01:19:27Okay.This is the bank I want to help me know what it is, though.You want to go into the bong?All I know is that it says no questions asked in Latin.outside.I will be opening a Krogerhere in Dignity Falls.That's what you want to do?
01:19:46Yes, that sounds great.I thought you wanted a job at CVS.No.Oh, okay.All right.Croger's are not,they're not all known for murder.No, it's just,
01:19:56it wasn't,that's not the chain.It's just this one particular Kroger.That's right.Owned by Freddie Kroger.That's not the franchise.The grocery store guy,got burned up?
01:20:09Yes.They thought he was.Blaze for hands.Blaze for him.He used to give him.Well, right, because he worked in the butcher area.That's right.Yeah.
01:20:21And you do those beautiful topiaries.Yes.Is that not his store?Oh.It's not.It's just a coincidence.Oh.He filets a lovely salmon.
01:20:32Yeah.He always slices one, like, sample bit of cheese for you.That's right.Very gentle.So gentle.He says, here you go, bitch.Eat up.My type of place.
01:21:00I want one.I want one.Well, Megan, I mean...I don't think we can do any more here.At this point, we would usually wish our guests the best of luck.I don't know if we can do that in good conscience.I wish your children the best of luck.And we have multiple phone calls to make after this.
01:21:15Yeah.Doug, how are the kids doing up there?Yeah, how are they doing?Oh, I forgot there in here.Oh, babe.That's okay.I don't know how to swim.What do you mean if you forgot they're in there?
01:21:23It's a large ball pit.It's okay, Doug.I forgive you.I have a little bit of a problem here where I don't know how to swim up the ball pit.Oh my gosh.So I might need a ladder situation.Yeah, you would.It's not water.
01:21:39You just go down to the bottom of the end.There's no buoyancy.There's nothing.Nothing's working out that way.It's just a hole with a bunch of balls in it.And you're at the bottom.Yeah.Okay.
01:21:49We have enough balls.I think you could split.We also now have to go rescue the children and Doug.So, Megan, I really hope you do the right thing.I'm so happy you two are my neighbors.We haven't done this in a while, but we're going to give you a 20 minute head start.That's right.Before we call the police.
01:22:04That's right.A 20 minute head start.Yeah, it's pretty generous.Okay.We'll take care of your children because they should not be with you.And that works out to 50 minutes because the cops really, they're not.They are very lazy.They are very lazy.
01:22:15I'm disappointed in how this went.I'm sure you are.I bet you are.I was.expecting to be unburdened and be accepted here in Dignity Falls.After all, dignity is in the name.It is.And I don't think that murdering people in cold blood just to get something you want has dignity.
01:22:32They were warm.No, it's your blood that is cold.Yes.It means that you...Your blood.Your blood.It is disappointing, isn't it?To find out you're the one with the cold blood.
01:22:58It sure is.It's the only way you can.commit those heinous acts.It reflects poorly on you.It does.It does.Yeah.Or of a finger of speech, really.
01:23:08Well,Megan, we of coursewill take as good careas we can at the kidsand have them placesomewhere safe.And I'm also just going to keeplooking by my shoulder
01:23:18for a little while.Don't change their names.You better look by your shoulders.I wouldn't.That would be very cruel.Don't change their names, please.We won't.Okay.
01:23:25Thank you.But your time starts now.Yep. Now.Bye.All right.And there she goes.We'll be back.with the neighbor listen when the neighbor listen comes back.
01:23:33Hi, everyone, it's Twey.I have a wooden chef nutcracker holding a whisk and a tray of bread.Dated, 2012.Chef Nutcracker figurine for $10.I know that when you all think of nutcrackers,you think immediately of a whisk, a chef's hat, and a plate of bread.And so if you want to really bring the Christmas or holiday spirit to your house,come get this guy.
01:24:07He is adorable.Everyone in my house wants it gone because they don't understand why there's not a single bit of red or green or anything festive on him.I said his gums are red.They're blood red.He should see a dentist.But I think you should come and get it.It's $10.Again, he's holding a whisk, a tray of bread, and what looks like a joint.
01:24:31So if you're into that, come get it.$10.Bye.And welcome back to the neighborhood listen.Well, that was maybe the most chilling guest we've ever had.Yeah, it really was.I mean, I guess you do this long enough and that's what's going to come through your kitchen island.It's just a stone cold murderer.
01:24:53You do it long enough and then you talk to someone who's murdered at least three people.That's a neat, neat gal.You're saying it's neat, neat gal.You do not think that she's a neat.the right contexton that.You got me as a little.You're just trying to light the mood I understood.
01:25:11Hey,how are the kids?If you could drop a rope ladder down hereor something, that'd be great.Okay.Did you find any of the children?No, a regular ladder.Did you locate three, five, and seven?
01:25:20I keep forgetting that they're in here.Oh my gosh.How, what?Are they not?They're probably having,having a great time.No.Okay.
01:25:29Not even spraying?Not even spraying.Just so everybody knows,we did make a call to the police.And I was put on hold five separate times.Yeah.I didn't like when the one guy finally picked up and you told him what was going on.And he said, oh, sounds serious.
01:25:45Yes.And then he hung up.He made the noise.He made the noise.And I was like, I can hear you doing it.And you went and he started laughing.So annoying.You get your laughter in the background.
01:25:57So I don't know how that's going to go.But I did call Child Protective Services and someone is apparently going to come out here.Yeah.They're too eager.Yes, they are.Oh, boy.Like, if you see kids in the park playing around, and they'll be like, what's going on here?It's like, well, they're climbing on the jungle gym.
01:26:12You know what I mean?Oh, it's a slippery slope.It's tricky.It's a balance.It's a balance.And when kids are on the slippery slope, they start charging over.It's hard to balance on a slippery slope.Yeah, we have this crazy apparatus called the slippery slope on playgrounds, and it's just, oh, God, our boys loved it.
01:26:25Yeah, remember that thing from when you were a kid.It was just like a big oblong triangle.It's purpose was to get hot.Yeah.The only way to get to the top of it was to burn yourself?We have one and it's double-sided.So it goes down the other way.And it's covered in dish soap.
01:26:48They determined that was the most slippery.Yep.And yeah, kids, they try to, it's like when they grease the poles in Philadelphia.I'm sorry, don't know that.Is this after a game when someone wins, no one can climb the poles?Someone wins or loses.That's right.It happens either way.
01:27:03What happens is the residence Philadelphia turn out to destroy their own city.Yes.And why is that?And I don't know.Okay. Something's different about their DNA, perhaps.I think so.They should be studied.But they put grease on the light poles.
01:27:20Uh-huh.Actual grease, just straight up like.Yes.Yes, yes, yes.And then the challenge is to climb to the top.That's the challenge?Yes.Okay.
01:27:29How does that work out for people?They make it every time.Okay.Yeah.Someone makes it every time.Yes.Wow.That's crazy.
01:27:37Yeah.It's got a very World War Z type of vibe where they're climbing over each other to get to the top.It does give off that vibe.You're right.Could you imagine watching that entire movie?No, I could barely ever make it through the trailer when it's just like, because it's the one where they're fast, right?They're super fast.They're so fast.
01:27:56And I see that thing where they all just swarm it like a bunch of hands.Yes.And I'm done.I can't.Absolutely not.That's all you need to see.That's all you need to see.I get it.
01:28:0590 minutes to two hours of that?Nope.Come on.Apparently the movie was not at all like the book, though.Written by Mel Brooks's son.That's right.Max Brooks.It was a great book.
01:28:14I didn't read that either because, you know, I can't read everything.Great book on tape, too.Oh, okay.Great audio book.All right, I bet.A lot of really.Read by Mel Brooks?As the 2000-year-old man?
01:28:24The zombies.We're running.Again with the zombies.Now that I'd listen to.Sure.All right.But here right now, we have to listen to Victoria, who we've got one more post.Joan, what a segue.
01:28:39That was wonderful.That was very professional.Thank you.And these, you know, I get so mad about posts like this when I say this is not what this app is for.Right.Victoria says, I started a painting job and I don't want to finish it.I roll.A new painting job?
01:28:56I roll emoji.Yep.I started a new painting job.Painting job, she says.A new painting job.And I don't want to finish it.Eyes up.Emogy.
01:29:05Eyes off.Eyes up.Anyone know of anyone that will do a small job that letter you have used before and are happy with?Okay, Prince.Victoria.Come on.This is not what this app.I will say it till I'm blue in the face.
01:29:23This is not what this app is used for.Okay.I'm sorry that you started a painting job.It's called paint job, by the way.I've never heard anyone say painting job.That was a good catch, Doug, because I've never heard of call that either.Well, wait.I'm still not sure what she means by that.
01:29:35Is it fair enough?Painting job makes me think it's,she's been hired as a professional.Oh, really?Paint job to me would be a thing you're doing at home.But painting job.So she's just going to quit the job.She doesn't want to finish it.
01:29:50She's painting someone else's like, I'm done.I roll.Who else wants to do this?Anyone?That's even worse.I agree.I agree.I agree if it's at home, it should be paint job.
01:30:02Oh, that's what we're arguing about.Yes.I think the semantics of painting job.No, you're right.How about that?How do you like it?Wow.Whoa.
01:30:11Wait a minute.Listen, after hearing you do that Freddie Kruger voice, there's something inside of you that now I'm just a little bit afraid.No, you think there's a Freddy Kruger inside me?I don't know.You're quick to rage sometimes.You got that argument going.That voice was upsetting to me.I am quick to rage sometimes.
01:30:26It's true.I promise what we'll get on purpose.I think paint job sounds like a car to me.Yes, that's what I think too.Yeah.Nice paint job.Yeah.Nice paint job.
01:30:38Or if it's a, if it.if you're, you have great makeup, you know.It's like we say we're in full beat or a paint job.I've heard full beat.I'm just saying paint job could be added is that.Full beat I had to, I witnessed it being said.Oh.And I had to do some deductive reason.
01:30:54Yeah, right.Because at first you were concerned.Where does it come from?I don't know.I want to say it's from the drag world because.It must be.But it's also said in theater the whole all the time.So maybe it is just the theater world.
01:31:04Although it's, you know, what's the diff?Yeah.What about war paint?You ever say that?Yes.It was the name of a musical about Coco Chanelversus the lady who started Max Factor.And Patty Lepone and Christine never saw her in it.
01:31:19Oh my God, of course they were.Because who doesn't want to know about that rivalry?Come on now.And it was called Warpaint.I didn't realize that that happened.In fact, I'm not really sure.It might have been Estée Lauder, the person who started Estée Lauder.I don't know.
01:31:29I know it was Chanel.Definitely Chanel.Definitely.Was at war with someone else?Was it war with someone else?But anyways, then she didn't have a paint job.It's not a car.This is a painting job.
01:31:41Either way, she's either just given up on herself in her own home,wants someone else to come and fix it,or given up on herself on someone else's home.Also bad.There's also, there's a better way to phrase it.Absolutely.May I see?By the way, can you imagine being the client
01:31:56and being on the neighbor hap?And then you see your painter, Victoria, say,Hey, guys, I'm done with this.Anyone want to come and take over?And so that's another reason why it's not smart.Burnti's going through it.A small job.A small job.
01:32:11Yeah, exactly.You have used before and are happy with it.It would be funny if she was professionally employed.It would be funny.You have anybody you're happy with?You like to finish this?Yeah.Because I don't want to do it.
01:32:21Could it be a portrait?And it's a small job.This is how I'm quitting.I feel like she's saying small job to get someone to come to do it.It's probably huge.Could she be painting a portrait?Oh my God.So.
01:32:33Wow.Painting a portrait of someone.She's just left that person sitting.there.Some wealthy dowager.I did half her face.Come to the rest of it.It's a nude, so hurry up.
01:32:44She's complaining.Oh, dear.So anyways, I don't know, Victoria.Figure out your own problems.Yeah, Victoria.Just do.It always makes me angry.These make me angry.
01:32:57Also, just get on there and say,somebody have a painter they can recommend.You already mean?We don't need your whole...Let us know that you just...Backstory of laziness.No character.Yes.
01:33:05No character.No follow through.People like Victoria disgust me.Okay, see, this is what I'm talking about.And now it starts to go up.You take it a little far.Painting yourself, bitch.Oh, no! You just did it again!
01:33:18I did say I wouldn't do it and I apologize.Did. You say you wouldn't do it on purpose.So was that by accident?No, that was on purpose.It was just there.I couldn't pass up that opportunity.All right.Babe, please say you have one child in your view.
01:33:32Do I actually have to come in with a ladder?Yeah, I think we all need a lot.I can't believe this.I think they might be way up there at the top.They're still better off.They're still better off.They're still better off.Sunk at the bottom of a ball pit.
01:33:43They're still better off.In a stranger's house.70 foot ball pit.Maybe they're just napping.They're probably so tired.I bet they're exhausted.So tired.So hungry.
01:33:50I just know I'm going to have to be feeding them tonight.All right.Well, I guess that's happening.What are we having tonight?Great question, Doug.And you mind if I stay over?Beef surprise.I was going to do this fun tortellini where I, because I,
01:34:05I had someValentine's stuff left over.I want some fun tortellini.Fun tortellini.It is a fun tortellini.Leftover from valentines and with a red sauce.And I don't want to do thatbecause now it's going to be bloody hearts for dinner.
01:34:25And that's not what I want to eat tonightafter talking to Megan.Leftover from Valentine?Yeah, this is...It's pasta.It's dry.Dry pasta.It's dry tortellini.
01:34:34Oh, it's...It's...It's not, okay, it's, you haven't made this pasta yet.Yes.It is the dry, okay.It's in the fridge.I guess the word leftover confused me.I'm sorry.
01:34:43Yes.I bought these cute heart-shaped tortellinis and I thought they'd be fun.Aw.But we didn't end up having a Valentine's Day because we had to go to the hospital with the boys that night.Remember that, babe?Of course.Doug, tell us all about it.You remember it?
01:34:59I do.They got, they were shoving the heart-shaped tortellinis in their,nose. They were.They're in their 20s.Yes. Again, you say that like it should matter.It doesn't. But this is not, I look, but they were working on, to be fair, they were workingon a Valentine's gift for their mom. They wanted heart-shaped nostrils.That's all so weird. They wanted to make an entire dress out of the tournolini for me.
01:35:26And it was very terrifying. How did the nose factor in?Heart-shaped nostrils.Yes, they also built a mask for me.out of Tortolini and they were trying it on.So they were trying on the dressand they were trying on the mask.So they did make the dress?I mean, if you can call it a dress.
01:35:44And it looked like something like at a TexasChainsaw Massacre.A mask like a COVID mask on a Tortolini?No, like a...Like an eyes wide shut mask?No.No, more like a...Well, I guess maybe like...
01:36:00See, I would think a Phantom of the Opera Massacre.You know, like Or Amadeus mask.The one you just hold up.Yeah.Oh, on the Lorne yet.On the Lorne yet, that's right.I think Lorne yet is glasses.Lorne yet is what you use.
01:36:10That's more like the opera glasses.Yes.Right?When Julie Roberts says,these are broken,mine are broken.Which is always funny to me.It's a very sweet little moment in that movie.
01:36:18I love it.I don't think it gets enough attention.She just flicks them around.She goes,these are broken.Mine are broken.It's a very funny moment.Everybody go look it up.
01:36:25This is not a movie podcast.Everybody.Do you know more than three things about pretty woman, bird?I know more than three things for sure.Okay, good.All right.This is maybe one of the first ones we talked about.Oh, what's going on, babe?
01:36:41I was trying to sing Pretty Woman.Oh, you're trying to get the right.Orbit than worse.Yeah.Wow.That just sounded like something.You're having an episode or something.Yes.
01:36:52Sounded like a possession.Sounded like your eyes rolling back in your head.That's exactly what I pictured to.And I thought, oh, he's drowning.He's dry drowning in the ball.That sounds like gargly.It did sound like gargling and I admit it.Here's what I know about pretty women.
01:37:06Okay.Self-employed sex worker.Yes.Well done.Well spoken.Snapping necklace box shut.Yes.Classic.
01:37:16Creepy George Costanza.Yeah.That's unfortunate.He's in it.Race horse.He plays.He's terrible guy.He plays just a no good guy and he tries to come on to her and then he slapsed her.
01:37:27No good guy.His name is like Sully or smitty or something.I can't remember.Does he know Richard Gear somehow?Yes.He's like an associate.Yes.I know racetrack, polka dot dress.
01:37:37Very good.Arsenio Hall noise.That's right.I know laughing in the bathtub.Okay.That's it.The end.Okay.
01:37:51Not send the fucking Rella.Sorry, but we're bookending.It's a quote.The two.Thank you.Don't know that.Who says that?Laura Sanjia Como.
01:37:57She's a vet?Her fellow sex worker.Yes.Who can't believe how lucky she's gotten.I imagine.And then lay like broccoli, which always annoyed me.Lay like broccoli.Yep.
01:38:08Papa squat is what she says.And he acts like, I've never heard that before.What is this common or human term?I'm a rich person.And they lay down on the ground.Instead of going to work, he lays down on the ground and they have a picnic.And then she says lay like broccoli, which just doesn't make sense.Lay like broccoli.
01:38:24Yeah.It's one of those quirky fun things they gave her to say.Sure.That would make her memorable.I mean, sorry, memorable.Unforgetable.That's what I wanted to say.Sorry, it happens sometimes, everybody.
01:38:34Sometimes it takes me a minute to get to the word.Sure.It's just going to happen to now.There's too many words out there.There's way too many words.I bet burnt.I bet you have a hard time seeing Richard Gereand anything other than arbitrage.
01:38:44Yeah, maybe that's it.Yeah, you're just looking at him and thinking he's the same character in a different situation.Well, I'm not.This is just lesser arbitrage.I do stack up.If they were in the same universe.Everything he's in, I stack up against arbitrage for sure.Absolutely.
01:38:59Officer and a gentleman?Yeah.Close to an arbitrage.It is.Not quite arbitrage.Not quite arbitrage.That's our movies are determined.Most of arbitrage.
01:39:10Not bad.It's no arbitrage.All right.We should probably stop talking.We should.We should.Thank you, everyone, for listening.If you would like to hear ad-free versions of the neighbor
01:39:22or listen and also access our bonus content,you can go to CBBWorld.com.Sign up on the Maximus here, and you'll get that fun stuff.Yeah.Oh, Instagram.You can follow us on Instagram.Sure.At the neighborhood listen, we post the posts that we post.
01:39:37That's right.You said it.We post the post that we talk about.Post with the most.We post with the most.Good one, babe.I like it.Good one, Doug.
01:39:45And we will be talking about the incident more next time, Burnd.I'm not going to forget about it.Okay.No, I will keep you abreast of the situation.I will keep you apprised.Thank you.And Doug, take us out.Oh, good night.
01:40:00No.What do you say?Bye? I've never, you just throwing, just springing this on me and I'm, uh, I've thought about this so much.He's down in the bottom of a pit and he can't see anything. I've thought about this so much.What does that mean to take us out?Jeez.Take it.He got this, babe.
01:40:17Just do it live.Oh, what?What is that?Try again.Stupid thing sucks.Oh.End by.All of the posts used in this episode were real.
01:40:30Only some geographical specifics have been changed.The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F.Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. Today's guest was played by Jack Kees Neal.The Neighborhood Listen is the production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock thehistory of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers.Your support keeps the show going.Hi, I am Mandy Moore.Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast. That was us now on HeadGum.
01:41:08Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us.That's right.We're going to go episode by episode.We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.Are we going to cry?Yes.A little bit.Are we going to laugh?
01:41:24A lot.A whole lot.That's what I'm hoping, man.Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.
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