The Neighborhood Listen - I've Totaled My Car!!!! with Mandell Maughan

Episode Date: June 17, 2025

Burnt is confounded by the local weather reporting and Joan has hot takes about a new summer snack, while Doug prepares for battle. Today's guest from the NeighborhApp is Joanne (Mandell Maughan), who posted a puzzling plea to "Betty T."Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock this episode and ALL seasons of The Neighborhood Listen ad-free, as well as full length exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen! Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good! And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen! Knock knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone You've got the Neighbor Half App and us!

Bert! And Joan! From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell We'll cover it all And meet new neighbors as well We'll chat about any posts you're missing So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. Welcome once more to the Neighborhood Listen.

This is the podcast that takes a look at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its residents. I'm one of them. My name is Brent Miapede. I'm the pharmacist and chief here of the Dignity Fallsmasy at the pharmacy. And with me as always is... Joan Pedestrian, Burnt, that was perfect.

That was letter perfect. I wasn't even sat. I wasn't even sat yet. Where were you? You started, well, I was getting myself some, as you can see, you're welcome to try them. Would you believe it or not? This is my summer. It's good that, you know, everyone says getting myself some, as you can see, you're welcome to try them. Would you believe it or not? This is my summer.

It's good that, you know, everyone says brat summer, whatever. Yeah, they're still saying that. Yeah. Everyone. Have we dubbed the summer yet? Do we know the new summer terms? No, I don't think we do.

Well, mine's gonna be almond summer. Interesting. Interesting. Here's why. Okay. I know it's not really catchy. I don't feel I need an explanation, but go ahead. Well, they haven't workshopped it yet.

So did you know they're actually coming out with like an icy, like a cherry icy almond? I'm not making this up. Why? I don't, that's what I asked. It just tastes like almond? No, it's not the icy. It's an almond that is flavored like an icy.

Isn't that disgusting? That makes even less sense somehow. Did I hear it wrong? Are you talking about candy? Are you describing a cough drop? No, but it sounds like one. An almond that is flavored like a cherry icy. Well, you know what?

Regardless of whether it was wrong or not, it gave me my own idea. So screw them. If they have a, if they have an icy that's made with almond milk, fine. But no, these are all I heard was cherry icy flavored almonds. Gross. Where did you hear this joke? I heard it on, I heard it on KDF, which is of course our traffic. That's right. Traffic and classical music.

That's right. At the same time. So they do traffic over a bed of classical music. They just figured that if you're listening to something stressful, like a jackknife, at least Mozart's playing underneath and it, but sometimes with a really bad accident, they do play something like a Brahms or something underneath it. In the hall of the mountain King. They played night on what is it? Bald mountain.

I know I'm bald mountain. I know I'm bald mountain. Yes, or they played night on, what is it, Bald Mountain? Mine on Bald Mountain. Mine on Bald Mountain. Mine on Bald Mountain. Yes. So, we basically can drive around and we find out about it because we get terrible traffic jams even though we don't have a single highway going through the town. It's really true. It's all surface streets.

It's always in the same exact place, which I don't know how they haven't figured this out yet. But there are- Everyone knows that Franklin and Walnut is one of the worst intersections. Yes. And that's one of them. There is no, there is, it's a, there's a, it's a four way intersection with one stop sign.

Yes. It's in the middle. And kids- So you have to swerve around it. Kids keep moving it around. Yes. They also should have anchored it or hung it from above, but no, they didn't.

And there's a stoplight that has its own colors. There's like a purple. There's a blue. Yeah. There's one intersection where it's just disco balls. It's ridiculous. And of course, we also have the Animal Crossing. We have a crosswalk

here in Davy Falls that is only for animals. And that takes a very long time. You could be stuck for an hour. And people sometimes leave their cars. They just get out. It's like everybody hurts. We also have the street that has a speed minimum. That's right. That's Doug, our engineer, who's in a different room in the house. That's right. Hey babe. Yes, we have that and we have, and we have speed dips or as call them speed pimps. They're just divots as opposed to raised things. And they take out everyone's underneath everyone's car. It's terrible. It's a terrible idea.

Because you can't see them. And I mean, they just keep putting up more signs and it's like, well, that's not, that's not the problem. You can't drive if you drive, because if you, if you, the only way to do it really is to speed up as fast as you can. Yes. Yeah. Because if you slow down, you're just easing yourself into a hole in the ground.

That's exactly right. So anyways, I was, let's answer your question. I was listening to, I was listening to the station and Steve Chaffin came on, you know, and the way he says his name, he goes, Steve Chaffin. That's how he says he slows it down. Here's what bothers me about him is that he won't adjust his delivery to the music. Oh, never.

He delivers it like he's in a helicopter. He's not. And he's screaming. Yeah, and some people think he's doing that, that he's like hitting himself on the chest because that'll happen sometimes. Well, also because he says, I'm not hitting myself on the chest. Yes, I'm Steve Chafin. I'm like hitting himself on the chest. Cause that'll happen sometimes. Well, also because he says I'm not hitting myself on the chest.

I'm Steve Chafin. I'm not hitting myself on the chest. And you can tell he is. I've seen him at the gym. He is. Yes. His chest is black. From bruising.

Well, he should have a shirt on. I hate when guys walk around. I hate when guys walk around with no shirt on. So do I. At the gym. Yes, I do too. Although it's almost like one of those very low hanging tank tops, you know, where it's barely a tank top. I don't want to say that more.

Just a suggestion. I hate it more too. I just hate that I go to the same gym as Steve Chaffin. Anyways, he was announcing that there's some, I think it was 7-Eleven. Of course we don't have 7-11, we have 8-11. And it's hardly ever open. Yeah.

It's open from 8 to 11. It's open from 8 PM to 11 PM. And that they were coming out with a summer, but I swear they said almonds. They did not say that it was icey. I mean, I'll have to look it up. I will look it up for you. Doug, can you look it up for us?

Sure. Why don't I look it up, whether it's an almond or an icy? You're looking up a cherry icy flavored almond. Joe, this sounds like you've been pranked. The more you say it. By an entire radio station? Yes, the more you say it. Are you sure the twins were not doing a fake radio broadcast?

Oh no, I wouldn't put it past them because I went ahead and developed my own margarita almonds. Here they are, do you want one? No. They are. It's ADM. That's why I hadn't gotten seated yet because I was putting them in this bowl for you.

I don't want a margarita ADM. It's just a margarita flavored almond. That's all it is. So it's margarita with what? But it will get you drunk. You've made these almonds? Yes. What babe?

Am I right? You're spot on. Ha! I told you. And they're made by Blue Diamond no less. Yes. I am not crazy. I feel so vindicated.

Can you believe this crap? I don't know who asked for this. Who is that for? No. I don't know why they were accommodated. Cherry Slurpee. Ew. Cherry Slurpee. Ew, cherry Slurpee, it's worse than I remember.

No, it doesn't make sense. And I will say, when I was driving, I thought, I was imagining it, I thought, well, that can't be real. But then immediately I went to margarita almond. Now that's fun, you're out by the pool, it's summer, it's hot, you've got a margarita, but you also want a little something to eat with it,

but you don't want to stop drinking. Can I say? So you just put food in your mouth and you still get- You're not making any more sense than the cherry. Well, I've had a whole can of them already. I'm sorry, I started early. Oh no, Joe. They work really good.

And you know, almonds are a conflict nut. They sure are. Oh, I forgot about that. A conflict nut, yes. They are because they take so much water, first of all, and they're actually becoming even more controversial than ever because now some people say they're dangerous. Wait, now I'm talking myself out of my own product. Unlike anything you've ever heard of, unlike anything you've tasted.

Oh, he's giving the... Someone wrote this copy? Every bite of cherry slurpee flavored almonds brings a new experience. Every bite? Every bite? You can put five in your mouth at the same time. You're supposed to savor each bite. Every bite? Who eats an almond bite by bite? Get a little knife and fork. Think summer. Think sweet treats.

This is enraging. No, the fact that someone wrote this is so infuriating. Think summer. It's not over yet. Think pure goodness. Oh, go fuck yourself. Joan. I'm sorry, baby. I get to say that. You, go fuck yourself. Joan.

I'm sorry, baby, I get to say that. You were inspired by this. I know Doug doesn't like when I swear, but I get to have that one. All right, continue. You get all that and more in these tart-tastic snacks with seven grams of protein, period. Oh my God.

I can't even, we could spend a whole episode pulling this apart. Blue Diamond should be tried at the Hague. On bluediamond.com, there's three reviews, five stars. Already? Who are the reviewers? Vincent Canby, New York Times. Manders. Manders.

Manders says perfect snap. Who's Manders? Female, age 35 to 44, children in household two. Why is this? These statistics are on every- Why is there an age range? What does manders say? Who cares how many children manders has?

Best quick snack decision ever. Please make them available in a bigger container. This is- This is cherry. It's unbelievable. Wait. Okay. This person's name is Cherry.

Oh, these are shills. These are shills for sure. Best flavor I've had. Found some at a 7-Eleven and I'm hooked. They have three children in their household. Why is that pertinent information? You know why? Because I think that they're hoping that it's kids who want, I mean, who drinks Slurpees? Kids. Do you know what I mean? My boys still drink Slurpees.

Do they really? Oh God, yes. Well, especially because they've regressed to like being six years old, you know, because they're redoing kindergarten with a Mr. Skrimshake who comes to our house and is still alive. I'm talking of course about my twins, Matt and- Hardscape. And Hardscape. Yes, they love Slurpees. Wow.

They filled our whole pool with them once. No, the whole pool. We had drained it. Oh no. And I told them, do not do anything with this pool. Okay, do not do anything. Don't skateboard in it. And that's all they kept saying like,

well at least we didn't skateboard in it. And that's all they kept saying. Like, well, at least we didn't skateboard in it. And that's how they used to talk. But now they would say, I always went and skateboarded it. Right. Because they're regressing. They're in their twenties. And so to fill a pool with Slurpee must be very expensive. It's expensive to fill with water. Five different states to get it done.

All you need is the powder really, and water. Why the powder? Slurpee powder. Slurpee powder. I assumed it was ice based. You're saying it's powder based? No, it's a syrup, babe. It's not a powder.

Where does syrup come from, a powder? No. No. No. You know how maple syrup comes from a powder? What are you talking about? You can powderize a syrup. Powderize, he just said to us.

You don't think there's any powder involved with Slurpees? No. I'm calling this right now. All right, look it up. Wow. I'm calling this right now. What are you calling, that there is powder in Slurpees? I'm like Babe Ruth right now.

I'm calling my shot. Okay, we have really gotten off to a weird start here today. We don't even know what room he's in. It doesn't matter. I'm in the strategic. It doesn't matter. The strategic room. Like the game.

Yeah. Life size. Life size. Did you hear how he dismissed me right now? He's like, you're a different man right now. I don't even recognize you Doug. What does that mean? Life size because the pieces are just little like turrets of plastic.

Well, there's so there's biggest people. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. What do you have? You have like a Senator. What do you have? Senator. If you're building it, don't start by saying what do you have?

Sentinel or something. You do have the bomb. You do have the spy. Oh, see this is, I don't know this game, but you have generals, you have majors, privates, things like that. Yes. It's like, is this like a like Battleship meets chess? What is this? It's the game of military strategy. OK. And the song in the commercial when I was a boy went like this.

Stratigarh. Wow, you say that. No, I was playing it for my phone. Yeah, because Bert can only famously sing one note. There it is. Yeah. You pulled that up really quickly on your phone. It's one of my favorites.

I watch it a lot. Very impressive. Because I thought, oh, that sounds exactly like it, because it was exactly like it. It was exactly like it. Yeah, I was just holding my phone up to the mic. I'm glad we could catch Doug. Is that sung by the Ricola guy? Oh, boy.

No. I don't think so. There's many years apart. Many years, many decades, I would say. I feel like the Ricola guy, his voice would have, I don't think so. There's many years, many decades. I would say I feel like the Ricola guy, his voice would have darkened over time as happens with the opera singers. Oh, this is that human because his existence just in the Alps by himself, just calling people would make it.

That's a haunted person. It's all you do is go, does anyone ever come to him? I mean, what's he even doing? I need to do a part two to that commercial where somebody shows up. Very worried about it. Do you have those records? Existential crisis. I heard there was a throat lozenges around here.

I was in my village and shooing a horse. As you do. But I heard the clarion call. So wait, did you OK, sir, in this to trigger room. OK, fine. I'm not as familiar with that game. I heard the clarion call. So wait, did you? Okay, so you're in the strategic room. Okay, fine. I'm not as familiar with that game. I know the boys loved it. They choked on the pieces all the time.

They got them stuffed up their nose. It was very dangerous. So I'm glad you're making them life size, babe, because now it's not possible to put them in your nose. I think the game that probably had the most choking hazards was Othello because those pieces looked delicious. Oh, they did look like candy. You're right. I thought you were going to say operation. I don't know why.

The wacky doctors came? Yeah. They sort of look like little candy. By the way, my boys definitely thought that everyone had those real bones and actually had like a bread basket in their stomach and a rubber band. Oh no. To this day, I think they believe that. And they thought doctors had to put up with that noise

whenever they were operating on someone. Whenever they see a clown, they go up to them and be like, can you check my arm? It feels like it's hurting. Do you have a diagnosis? They think a clown is the doctor is what I mean. You know, cause his red light, his red light nose lights up.

He's the patient. My child, yeah, goes up to a clown. Right, right, right. But the clown is not the doctor. No, I know. The, the, the sun, my son says to the clown, Hey, can you take a look at this? Oh, he's the patient. He got me there. The doctor can't operate on himself because his mother was a woman. Oh boy. I had too many of these margarita almonds.

I'll tell you what. Margarita almonds. Margarita almonds. I want a more ridiculous copy for my margarita almonds than what that nonsense was. Because if they can do that, I mean, that was ridiculous. I'm going to have to see that in print later. Imbelbo says, these margarita almonds got me just drunk enough. I have six children and I'm 31 to 42.

Yeah, it's just saying I have three to four and a half children. What is the first word you said? Imbelbo? Imbelbo. What's imbelbo? Just a name made up like manders. Oh, I see.

Ah. Doug, what were you looking up from Mr. Tegel Room? I did find- Oh, the powder. A slushy mix. No, it's not, you knowushy powder eyes, you know, I found the watermelon slushy mix that seems to be a powder visually. Wow. Visually.

Yeah, I see it. I see a picture of it. I think you're just looking at watermelon, melancholy, babe. I think we're both right. Watermelon cooling. That's what he says all the time. It's an effect. I think we're both right. I think we're both right. I think you're just looking at watermelon cooling. That's what he says all the time to end a fight. I think we're both right. I think we're both right. Yeah. Sugar.

Sugar's a powder. Sometimes it works. Sugar's a powder. Okay, we're not done. He's just saying. Sand is a powder. Sand is a powder. Oh boy.

This is really, really getting out of control. Now listen. Tis. Let me, oh. Did you say tis? It says with a tis. Wow. I don't know what's going on.

I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on today. Sorry, know. I don't know what's going on today. Sorry, I feel like a fancy in the Stratego room. Fancy, really? Sure, sure. Are you dressed like one of the Stratego characters? What are they dressed like? Yes, absolutely.

Well, there's little pictures on the pieces of each character. Oh. And they're just like these outlines in guilt, or silver. And they're very like these outlines in guilt, you know, or silver. And they're very, they're nice little drawings. They're fancy. The spy was my favorite. A top hat, a monocle and a mustache. Wow. Okay. You're really, this room might be a hit, babe.

I have kind of a Kaiser helmet on. Sure. With the spike. Yeah. Great. So, Bert, what's going on with you? Because when we last spoke, I know that the parade happened to celebrate the pill of the 100th year invention of the pill. The 700th year. Sorry, 700th year. That's right. The pill as we know it.

The pill as we know it. Yeah, just a good old pill. And Gabby saved you from the mouth of the burning straw man, which you had to build for the parade, which almost put you into a dark hole mentally. And now you're fine. And I want to know what you are doing now. Do you have summer plans? Last summer, of course, famously,

we know that Berndt and Gabby, his girlfriend, went to Mykonos, had a wonderful time on the way home. The plane didn't even make it that far because the volcano exploded. They had to make an emergency lava landing. Everybody scrambled to the top of the plane. A bunch of helicopters came and took them away and then a swarm of helicopters and then everyone had great sex afterwards. So given that was your summer last year, what in the world? Also still not a single article,

not a single TikTok reel about that incident. Never covered. I mean, we all went to talk about the drones over New Jersey a whole bunch, no one wanna talk about a lava landing. The passengers, nobody took any footage. We instantly threw our phones in the lava. I did appreciate that because you know what? Most of the time, everyone whips out their phones, you know? But everybody realized-

But they threw them into the lava. Yeah, we gotta get rid of these phones. It's sad that that's what it takes to finally get us off our phones, a lava landing. What have we come to? First cherry slushy almonds. That's right. So yeah, that was wild.

Of course it is. So I hope you're planning something more calm for the summer. Yeah, we're going to Hawaii. Oh, great. What could go wrong? Yeah. I mean, they're all volcanoes. There are volcanoes there.

Did you know? Oh, I forgot about that. No, you didn't. No, yeah. I did forget about that, Joan. Why would I lie about that. No, you didn't. I did forget about that joke. Why would I lie about that? With that sweet short film that comes before Moana and the two volcanoes sing to each other.

What? I love you. I was kidding. I knew this was going to make you mad. I have not seen this joke. It doesn't it doesn't make me mad. I just haven't seen it actually makes me mad. It's the one picture sure. I don't love.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Have you seen the one, Bao, where he's a little dumpling? It's so disturbing. It's very sad. But my boys, they love it. I mean, it's- It's very sad. It's a very sad story.

When she eats it, gasp. I'm sorry for spoiling this short Pixar film. Pixar. Pixar. Pixar sheen. I love Pixar. Monster Jane, get it? Or picture, picture. Picture. Picture, she. Monster Jane, get it? It's a hit. It's from picture.

You have to say it with a cigar. It's a real toy story. Boy, are you sure you didn't have an almond? Well, you know, something that's happening at the at the falls, Massey is that, I think it's like they're making flimsier pill capsules. Pill capsules, okay. Because a lot of us, I feel like when we're handling

the pills, we started wearing gloves because. Started, well that's concerning, oh good Lord. Just now? Yikes. There was no rule that we had to wear gloves. Are you sure? Yes. I'm positive. There had to have been at CVS. This is because it's the Fall's Messy. At CVS, yes, there was.

Oh my God. At CVS, you had to double glove. Sure. And you had to wash your hands with the gloves on. What a waste of time! Truly. The fall is messy as long as you promise to wash your hands. Oh, I don't like that.

No, I don't like that. And so the various medications were seeping into our fingers. Oh God. And causing chaos. I'm sure. I'm sure. People were falling asleep. People were amped up to, like nobody's business.

People were breaking out on all kinds of hives. They were. People are going into comas. There were no good side effects whatsoever from one pill. The amped up people seemed happy. Sorry, there wasn't a match up for someone. Some people calmed way down. There you go.

And they seemed very much at peace. But wait, if you're saying that was rubbing off, why do you want flimsier pill cases then? No, we're saying they're making them flimsier. Oh, they're making them flimsier and that's the problem. We're not asking for that. Yes, that's the problem. It's seeping through. I see. But did the gloves solve it? For the most part. But I think that they're also making these medications stronger. Probably. Now we did address the fact that my daughter, July P, it's very embarrassing,

it was dropping up a prescription that Burns saw. You saw? Did she- I did not get to see it because it was snatched out on my hands by a very tall pharmacist named Billy. Yes, and she's actually just using them to empty out all the drugs into a single Ziploc bag. So we have no idea what's in there.

And I don't know what to do with it. I don't want to take to landfill. I don't want to dump it out. We don't have any water in the town anymore. So I can't put it in a lake. That's true. And I don't want to dump it out. We don't have any water in the town anymore, so I can't put it in a lake. That's true. And I don't want to leave it somewhere for animals to, you know, conversely get high,

fix their blood pressure, get depressed. You can always do what they do in a drug raid and flush it down the toilet. Yeah, good fellows. Thank you, Doug. Thanks for backing me up. Thank you, Doug. Like Karen.

Good fellows. Joan. Why did you do that? Why did you do that? You know, I will say Lorraine Bracco just, she was so, she was such a glamorous mess in that movie. She really was. And honestly, it is pretty, it's pretty iconic. It's the one time I was like, I could be a mob wife.

I think I could, I make it look good. This is not a movie podcast by the way. No, it's not. And this is not an endorsement. Mob wifery? Mob wifery. Mob wifery, which is it? Good Lord, it doesn't even matter what I was saying.

It really doesn't. I really soaked these almonds in tequila for a few days. They really, it seeped in. And it's really hitting me right now. And I apologize. I was just so excited about them. It's like I'm back at work. That's right.

It seems like we're both just somehow ingesting these, these toxins that we shouldn't be at this moment. I just want to say don't ingest toxins. Don't do that, please. And always wear gloves if you are in a pharmacy, my God. Yeah, on either side of the counter. I guess, just to be safe. They are doing formal Fridays at the Vols.

Where people have to dress up like they're in the Gilded Age. Really? Well, that's fun because you guys are already dressed in sort of very old fashioned type of robes. That's right. We have our robes of office. And then underneath that, of course we were Howie Coats,

which is the sort of Dr. Frankenstein lab coat. This is not to be confused with Dr. Frankenstone throw, which is a condition Bert sometimes gets. No, Frankenstone throw it I sometimes get. Like if he wants to call, if something hits him deeply, he'll, well, can you do it, Bert? Can you demonstrate it? I'll say something and let me deep.

Oh, sure. You know, it's just, it's hard because you realize that as time goes by, the more time that goes by, the older we get. Oh Joan, that's so true because we don't know how much time we have left on this earth. That's not what I was expecting. What were you expecting? I thought that's what it was. No, let me do an impression of it. You give me something to respond to.

Well, you know, Joan, eventually the kids are going to be grown up and they'll be the adults and you'll be the child. Now do you remember? Igor. Yes. And then I was Igor. And then you were Igor. Why were you Igor?

I don't remember you being Igor. I thought I was for a second. Oh boy. We all do. Isn't that true? I'm sure we've talked for too long. Now there it is. Doug, How long have you been going? Uh, 15 past a quarter till.

Wait, what? I love saying that. 15 past a quarter till. Think about it. Uh, I am thinking about it. Is it a half hour? It's 23. Oh, well that's a perfect time.

No, that's not what 15. Nevermind. What does it mean? It's a time joke. Oh, it's a time joke. You wouldn't get it, Bert. It's a time joke. 15 past quarter till means it's like, it means it's like 12. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean.

Because a quarter till is 15 minutes ago. No, it's not. What are you ingesting? Yeah, Doug. We've, we've done all of our substances. What do you got going on there into the Stratego room? Stratego has two lakes in the middle of the board. Lakes? It does.

Okay. Yeah. You know how a lot of military battles involve lakes? This is in our house. But you know, that's not like that. There's a lot of frigates and lake on... Are they actual lakes or are they just painted on the floor? No, I brought in some water. You brought in some water.

Pond water. Oh no. You better have filters in there or something moving them. That could be getting to me. Oh, some of the gases from the pond water. Fantastic. All right. Well, we definitely should take a break. We should take a break of the great the gases from the pond water. Fantastic. All right. Well, we definitely should take a break. We should take a break. I need to drink a lot of water. Yes. And I need to I don't know, either handle more pills or no, that's not it. I'll figure it out. Okay, great. We'll be back with the Neighborhood Listen when the Neighbor Listen returns. may vary. Mcdouble meal $6 in some markets for a limited time only. With new McValue and McDonald's you get more than you expect. So after a long day, buy a

double cheeseburger and add a McChicken for a dollar. Because saving with deals is always on the menu with new McValue. Prices and participation may vary. Valid for item of equal or lesser value. With new McValue and McDonald's you get more than you expect for breakfast. Like buy a sausage burrito and add a sausage McMuffin for a dollar. Get more than you expect with new. Like buy a sausage burrito and add a sausage McMuffin for a dollar. Get more than you expect with new McValue at McDonald's. Prices and participation may vary. Valid for item of equal or lesser value.

Hello, this is China. For sale, well, for free. High school graduation gown and cap. It's a high school red graduation gown and cap. Would like to pass it on to someone who really needs it. Used only once and I'm cleaning the closet. I hope you understand what that means. It's that I am cleaning the closet while wearing a graduation cap and gown. I myself never graduated from anything and so I bought this for fun, never got to use

it, couldn't think of an appropriate occasion, and so decided, well, I'm going to get rid of it, and all the other costumes that I bought myself for things that I never would do. I have judges robes, I have wizard robe, I have a doctor's coat, I have hardhat, some of these I'm keeping of course, lifeguard whistle, I also have So I have a cricket bat. I have a basketball hoop. So if you'd like to come over to my closet and walk around in it, it's very big. I don't know if you've seen the TV show with the four women friends, but they have a closet. Not all of them, but one of them has a that is so has so much size so many things, mostly shoe. Anyway, this is Shaina saying, why don't you look smart by wearing graduation cap and gown? Help me pass it on.

Welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen, and Joan, we have a guest Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. And Joan, we have a guest with us in the Kitchen Island Studio. Thank goodness. Maybe they can bring some calm and grounding to this episode. As we do every week, we scour the NeighborHap, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look for interesting people in Dignity Falls to talk to. If you see a post that you think we should talk about, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at burnt and Joan at gmail.com.

Now this one, this is very rare, but occasionally it happens. Okay, this is one post submitted by two different listeners. No way two different people sent this. That's kind of amazing. Alexander Ruck and john bolts. Wow Wow. Balz, weird name. And they both sent in this one. This is in the general section. And it's from someone named Joanne. And Joanne posts,

Betty T, please don't come today. I've totaled my car! Four exclamation marks, little car emoji. Not home. Can't find your number. I'm so, so sorry, Joanne. And the post is structured like a poem. Is it, can I see?

Yeah. And is there a picture? Oh, it is, it's like a haiku. Yeah. Betty T, please don't come today. That's what I said. I know, I'm just reading it out loud for myself again. Sometimes I don't take it all in

and then listening to it. You process it, yes. Do you know what I mean? Also because of- Yeah, you hear my voice, you tune out. No, no, no, the state that I'm in right now. The almonds burned to the almonds. Oh, that's your, you're drunk. It's not home. Can't find your number. I'm so, yeah, I have a lot of questions. Okay, here we go.

All right. And here with us to hopefully explain, is Joanne, Joanne, welcome to the Neighborhood of the Welcome. Jesus Christ. What's up, Joanne? I can't read that. It was like PTSD. Oh, I'm so sorry. It was our day. Hell, I'm so sorry. I mean, I-

Hell of a day. Hell of a day. When did this happen? This just happened today? No, no, no, no. Two days ago. Why was today a hell of a day? Well, that was a hell of a day.

Oh, that was a hell of a day. Okay. Yeah. Can you imagine? Have you ever totaled your car before? Well, okay. Now, see, that's unclear. Who is Betty T to you?

Yes. And why was this the way to reach out to us? Right. I thought you'd leave a note on the car maybe. Guys, give me some grace here. You're in a state of panic, you know what I mean? You just totaled your car. I didn't even have my phone. This was a pedestrian's phone.

Oh. A passerby. Yeah. Oh my God, you just totaled your car. No shit, I'm the one that totaled it. I know I just totaled it. And to be clear, she doesn't mean one of my relatives. I am a pedestrian, Joan pedestrian,

but this is just an actual person walking in the street. I just want to make that clear. That's your last name. It is fantastic. Thank you. So they did, we had some words because the guys obviously telling me something that's very obvious, which is that my car is totaled. Yeah. The passerby is, should we say passerby to not get confused? I don't want you to think that this person was related to you.

But wait, I want to, can I even go back further? Sure. What is it that you, how did you total your car? What did you total it? Great question, Joan. Thank you. Okay. Well, this is not the first time I've totaled my car. Oh dear. I didn't even ask that.

Not once has it been my fault. I just want to make that clear. Never? Never. How many times are we talking about? Dear. 17 times. That's a lot. Seven was going to be a lot. And then she added a teen. You guys have never told, listen, maybe it's bad luck with me as a driver, but I mean, at this point I hadn't even gotten that far. I ran into my garage and that just,

I would drive a Honda Civic. You ran your car into your garage. By the way I would drive a Honda Civic. I just ran into a car in the garage. By the way, it's a Honda Civic every single time. So I don't even know that I ran into a Honda Civic. You just say Honda Civic or you just keep getting new cars. Well no, it's totaled. I get a replace. I get a replace.

I get a replace. Oh my Lord. I get a replace. That's also fair. Well, the DMV in Dignity Falls, you know Lisa that works there. She's quite forgiving. That is right. She always has the longest line.

Yeah, she does. And also as we've established, the DMV does have clowns. Yes. And there will be people behind other windows saying, I'm open here and people are like, no, I'm okay. No, you got to go to Lisa, especially if you've totaled your credit card. She's an epohire. You got to at least, I love her though. I mean, talk about second, third, fourth chances. Oh yeah. She's a very forgiving Christian woman. So on this particular day, this particular incident you're referring to, you drove into

your garage? Well, I thought I put it in reverse. I was parked in the driveway. This is why you shouldn't park in your driveway. You should park in your garage. But I was parked in the driveway. I had gotten home. I had to run in the house. I was going to meet Betty T. Okay. You were going to meet her. Yeah. Well, she was, I know the post says she was going to come over. That's where the mistake happened. I thought I was supposed to meet her at the cafe we meet every week. She was going to come over. When I ran my car into the garage, I was like, I shouldn't even be in the car.

Is this because you thought you were in reverse? Yeah, I thought I was in reverse. Okay. Wait, you thought you were in reverse, so, I thought I was in reverse. Okay. Well, you thought you were in reverse so you ran into the door of the garage. No, no, I thought I was in reverse. I was in drive.

And then, so I hit the gas. Yep. Hit the garage. I think that's what I said. What? I think I said you thought you were in reverse. I think it's what I said. I think it's what I said.

I don't know why you need to say it again. That's what I said. Doug, what did you say? I'm trying to get it all straight. We all said the same thing. It's just, for very few words, it gets a little hard to figure out what's going on in this post is all because I thought that in, I thought you- Why were you going to reverse?

Because I was leaving the driveway. She was going to meet me at the scene. So your car is facing the front of the garage. Yeah. Yeah. And you ran in to get something you said. Yes. Yeah.

Okay. I was running to get my phone, came back to the car, put the car and what I thought was reverse. It wasn't reverse. It was drive. Yep. Okay. And you were parked in the garage. No, no, she was in the driveway. Okay. I thought you said this is why you should always park in the driveway, not in the garage. This is why I learned my lesson. No, no, no. No, I said you should always park in the garage. She did say that. She did say that. But if you parked in the garage, then you would have- I guess you would be driven into your house.

Yeah. Because I mean- This is what I was trying to get at. Regardless, you're saying regardless of whether or not she was in the garage or the driveway, she probably would have still accidentally done this incorrectly. Yeah. It's still a possibility. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. And that's a good point.

Thank you. But I feel like when you're in the garage, you don't make these kinds of mistakes. You know what I mean? Like, do you have one of those, the old tennis ball that's hanging in front of you? That's how you know. And you're in your home environment. It's less chaos. You know what I mean?

Like, you know what's going on. I feel like because I was parked in the driveway, I was not part of my routine. That's why I messed up. That's a pretty good note. Do you know what I mean? Did you hear it, Bert? I always write on our tennis ball,

make sure it's in reverse. So it's smart. Yeah, you see it. Well, you can't see all of it. That's a long sentence. All you see is fake. You kind of see me. But if it spins, if you spin it. Yeah, I know. And sometimes it spins backwards.

Yeah, that could get confusing. It's a little problematic. So, so suddenly you go, you go right through the door, the garage door, I'm assuming, but it totaled your car more so than the door? Not right through. Yeah. It's a the door. It's a Honda Civic. How fast were you going or how strong is the door to total your car? What is the door made of?

Steel. Wow. Okay. I don't really see a lot of steel garage doors around here. I assume they're like aluminum. That's what sold me on buying that house. Oh, steel garage door? Yeah.

Why is that important? Because the rest of it is a fixer upper. You thought at least I wouldn't have to work on that that house. Oh, the steel garage door. Yeah. Cause the rest of it is a fixer upper. Well, at least I would have to work on that. I had a house previously. I'm not from here, you know, so the South, the South Palm Springs, the South of California. Yes. Oh, but see. But Southern Palm Springs, I imagine. That is the thing. Not Palm Desert. Palm Springs is in the south. It's not Palm Desert, by the way.

No. God, no. I know I don't look like someone from Palm Desert. I'm sure you didn't assume that. You definitely don't. Don't worry. Thank you. Thank you.

So yeah. When did you move here to Dignity Falls? A year ago. Oh, wow. But I used to come here in the summers as a kid. Oh, do you have family here? Well, my parents used to have a house here that would bring us here in the summer.

Cause you know, Palm Springs is too hot. It's too hot. It's a great place to summer. Yeah. Love it. So grew up here. Parents died when I was about 18. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Did not leave the house to me. Oh, that's rough. Did you have siblings? Did they leave it to someone else? Betty T is my sibling. Oh, Betty T. Why would you contact her on the neighbor happens that I didn't have my phone. I had the member was the passerby. But you said that you just ran into the house to get your phone. Did you, did you get it get it? It was damaged when I totaled the car. Okay, okay.

Couldn't use that phone anymore. Can I just say this is the hardest hitting interview you two have given me. I know. We really are demanding answers. I'm sorry. We show it with Lisa, you know? Anyways.

Joanna, you're right. I'm sorry. The reason I call her Betty T is because I have another sister, Betty M. Okay. Wow. You know, and they don't talk, but I talk to both of them. Why I have another sister, Betty M. Okay. Wow. You know, and they don't talk, but I talk to both of them. Why is it your name, Betty?

Yeah. Oh, because I was first born. Okay. Oh, and then they just had the Betty idea later or? The two twins. Oh, they're twins. Oh, okay. The twins both named Betty, but different middle names?

Yes. That is confusing. Okay. What are their middle names? Betty Tamera. And then Betty Mandolin. Oh, that's kind of pretty. Yeah, it is pretty. I like that. She's horrible, by the way. Oh, I'm supposed to be pretty. Betty Tamra and then Betty Mandolin. A full mandolin. Well, it's kind of pretty.

Yeah, it is pretty. I like that. She's horrible, by the way. Oh, I'm so sorry. Did you ever call her Manders? Not beautiful. I knew you were going to ask that, Doug. I just knew it. I almost asked it.

I have a great nickname, Manders. I will call her Manders. I think so. So too. Yeah. Especially for someone that she's just ugly inside. Oh, dear. Why? Has she always been like, even as a kid? Oh yeah.

That's like, I remember when my mom had her, she was the second one out, you know, Betty T came out first and then Betty M and it was just like the devil's here. You know, you could see it on her face. Have you ever seen that on a baby? Like when you're just like that baby's gonna ruin lives. My second twin took a full 24 hours to come out. I didn't even realize he was in there.

Yes, I have three and I have twins. That's who I saw when I came in here. It was a surprise to everyone. Oh, that's, oh, you saw them outside. I remember when you got that ultrasound and the doctor said to you, it looks like he's alone in there. Yeah. They were, because you know, they've hidden themselves in the walls before in my house. They were learning how to prank me even in utero.

That's the thing. And so I fully understand that idea of like, oh no, this one's gonna be trouble. And so, and that's why, you know, that's why they both got very differing names, which makes me surprised that you, that she wouldn't have named the second one something very specific so that you would never

get them confused. No, I'm not surprised. I mean, it seems, you know. Yeah. Oh, moving on. Nothing we can do with that. You could tell them apart by their face, you know, and the attitude. Oh, sure.

Oh, so they're not, they're fraternal. They're not identical. Oh, right. Yeah, they're fraternal, but I'm saying the devil face. Oh, the devil face. The anger in her face. You could tell. So they both still live here then?

Yes. And what do they do? So they also moved here. Yes, yes. From Southern Pumps. Well, they got the house. Not Pumptown. They got the house. They got And what do they do? So they also moved here. Yeah. Yes. Well, they got the house. They got the house.

They got the house. Yeah. They are mystery shoppers. Mystery shoppers. Like when, when there's like a commercial for like a, like, is it like a taste test thing or they don't want to deal? No, no, no, no, no. What's a mystery shopper?

Like a company hires you to go to a... Like you go to... A retail establishment. I used to do mystery shopping. That's how I... Oh, you did. Okay. Yeah. Just talk about it from your perspective. I'm surprised you don't recognize me from doing it at the pharmacy. But what happens is the company hires you, you go into the location and you pretend to be a customer. Wait, do you have like a wild Dolly Parton wig? It's the eyes, right?

You could recognize my eyes. I mean, this is, it's an impressive wig. Yeah. It really does stand out though. Yes. Okay. Two feet high. It's so interesting because-

Yeah. Okay. You have to look like a local. So, you know, you gotta- So you wear a wig and then what do you do? What do you do? Well, you act like a customer. Sure. So you wear a wig and then what do you do? What do you do? Well, you act like a customer. So you walk through, you're looking for problems. What's the customer service like? And everybody loves the...

And you're reporting back to some consultant firm or whatever of like, this is what you need to change or... Yes, exactly. It's like undercover boss, but a middleman. Okay. Yeah. And then you get paid. It's a narc.

And sometimes you get free stuff. Well, that's fun. You know? So like if you do it at a restaurant, you get like a free, well, the pharmacy, you guys, I gave you great reviews. Well, thank you very much. I appreciate it.

We pride ourselves on giving good service. And everybody- Was this after they finally decided to wear gloves? I didn't even realize that, to be honest. We were legally allowed to not wear gloves. All right. That only potentially harms them, not the customer. Thank you, Doug.

I would disagree because I feel like, you know, they're handling all sorts of different things. What if residue, if residue is able to get into your bloodstream, then the residue is able to get into another pill that you have. Oh, that's happened for sure. Is that affecting the potency of the pill? What are you saying?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Blame these pill container manufacturers. Containers. I let a few of yours go. I know. There's an N-ye in there. I never. Containers.

I always have more than you. Let me have some fun. OK, so I'm really sorry, Joanne. We got a little bit off there. So let's get back to the incident at hand. You drove into your very strong steel car, which totaled your Honda Civic. Then what happened? The passerby. Yeah. I said, can I, it was like my phone was in there. I can't get to my phone. I use your phone.

I'm supposed to meet my sister. I couldn't understand that the phone was rendered completely. The phone was, the car, just accordioned? Yeah, it was just like it went from, how long is a car? A basic Honda Civic. Like one car length? Yeah, so it went from one car length to like a fourth of a car length. I don't understand, you couldn't have been going more than three miles an hour.

Oh, DS, how did you pick up so much momentum? I was late, I hit the gas. I just hit it. I hit the gas. There's no distance. How far away were you from the garage? Less than the car's length for sure. Is there any way we can call Honda Civic

and get answers to someone who's built? I don't know, babe. Honda Civic to get answers. That's my husband's voice you can hear and I guess he's on it. He's on it. I guess he's doing it. He'll get back to us. Honda Civic on the line. Okay, let I'm Honda Civic to get answers. That's my husband's voice you can hear, and I guess he's on it. He's on it. I guess he's doing it. He'll get back to us.

Honda Civic on the line. Okay, let's get Honda Civic on the line. I would love to ask, I have the same questions you guys do, you know? Okay. So does my insurance. Just let us know when you have them, Doug. Honda Civic, this is your helpful Honda man, Hondo.

That was quick. Oh, his name is Hondo, have fun. Hondo? Yeah, who am I talking to? Doug. Excuse me. To whom do I have the pleasure of addressing? It's whom Doug.

Whom Doug? Ask him how long a Honda Civic is. Ask him how long it is. How long it is. How long is it? You should just pack two in it so she can ask. No, how long is it? How long is it? How long is one, sir? Is it one Civic? How long is one Honda Civic? One Civic. How long is one Honda Civic?

Yeah. One Carling. That's why I was right. I hope I was helpful. Goodbye. No. Oh, we didn't even. Wow. Forgot there's a time limit.

We didn't even get to. There's a time limit. There's a clock that ticks down. You got to get your questions in fast. Doug, you have so much time. Say how long is it? That's my fault. Yeah, and you corrected him and you said whom Doug, you have so much time. Say how long is this? Yeah, and you corrected him and you said whom Doug. We didn't need that. I panicked when he asked me again what my name was.

Also Doug, were you doing a little bit of a voice? I thought so. You didn't have to do a voice. You're you. What voice was I doing? I don't know. It's not like you were trying to do the voice of the guy on the phone.

I agree. Oh no, that's because I'm Kaiser Doug right now. Oh, sorry. You forget. You forget. Okay. All right. I thought you sounded very professional. Thank you. Yeah. All right. So, so this passerby, so for whatever reason, the phone was destroyed, which we still can't quite figure out the physics of that, but it's destroyed. If a car goes from one car length to one fourth, everything in it is done. How did you survive? I was going to say.

Did your airbag deploy? No. As soon as I saw it going, I jumped out. What? As soon as you saw it going. How? Which way did you jump out? Wow.

So, all right. Just a little bit of a surprise. All right. Just to recap what we know so far, you were in your car. Then the music was going. Okay. Okay. Well, don't have new details. We don't need it. I wanted to give you my state of mind. Okay. So you're in your Honda Civic. It was Janet Jackson. Yeah. Okay. You got lead. We got to get through it.

You are one car length away from your steel garage door. You think you're in reverse, but you're actually in drive. You floor it. You floor it. Wait. She wants to go get her phone. So it had to have been in park. All right.

So it was in park while she ran into the house to grab her phone. She comes back. Okay. I guess I forgot the running into the house to get the phone because it was not part of the accident. Oh, fair enough. It's just, you would think that maybe that was enough time

to sort of get yourself reset and be able to get into reverse properly. One might think. Okay, but here's why I bring it up. Did you leave the door open when you got back in? I'm trying to figure out how you ejected yourself. Yeah, the door, I hadn't quite closed it all the way because you know when you're in a rush.

I feel like I didn't get to give my full summation before we added new details. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Continue on your path. It was the Janet Jackson thing. You think you're in reverse. So you were planning on flooring it in reverse onto the street.

I was late. I was running late. But instead you're in drive, you go, the car goes, one car length into the door. In that time, when you realize, oh no, I've made a mistake, you abandon ship, jump out of the car. Driver's side door. Out the driver's side door, and your car is just cubed.

You have destroyed it. And so the phone, there's no way it's surviving. Apparently no way. No way. You can't get to it at the very least. No, not an iPhone. Okay. And you sustained any injuries? Or you know, I mean, a couple, I had a couple scratches on my arm from the role. Sure. Out the and you were listening to

Janet Jackson. Yeah. And what song specifically? Together again. Okay. Okay. And you know the song? I thought that sounded like everywhere. No, no, no, that's a TV theme song. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I've heard it. Wow. I've had to prove myself again and again here by the way. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. You have to do what? I've had to prove myself again and again. Well, it's just because your story is weird.

Can I call Hondo again? I don't know that you'll get him. You need to. I mean. It's impossible to get the same person back. You'll get someone else. Now I'm curious. You can try.

Now I'm curious. You can try. Yeah, call Hondo. Try and see. Ask him about the janitor. Hello, hello. Welcome to your Honda dealership. I'm Hondo.

Can I help you? Yeah, I'm Doug. They all use the same name. Oh, I see. But that's definitely about the janitor. Hello, hello, welcome to your Honda dealership. I'm Hondo. Can I help you? Yeah, I'm Doug. They all use the same name. Oh, I see, but that's definitely not the same guy. No. It's a lady, it sounds like. It sounds like a lady.

Do you think- Hello? Do you think there's powder and slurpees? Why are you asking? To whom am I speaking? Doug, I said. Doug. They always want to know twice.

I- They always want to know twice. That's our helpful Honda policy, sir. All right. Hello, Doug. What are you asking? Do you think there's powder in Slurpees? And then what was your question? Why did you put your question in there? There's nothing to do with Honda.

Babe, that's not what we're calling for. You're going to confuse her. I'm sorry. What is this about? Is this regarding a Honda or not? Can you patch Joanne through to the other side? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. There's nothing to do with Honda. Babe, that's not what we're calling for. You're going to confuse her. I'm sorry. What is this about? Is this regarding a Honda or not? Can you patch Joanne through to the Honda-verse? All right, go ahead. Hi. Hello, who am I speaking with? I recently, this is Joanne.

And who am I speaking with? Joanne, Joanne. Thank you. How may I be of help? This is Honda. I recently totaled my Honda Civic. I ran it into my garage steel drawer. Wait, what'd she say?

Let's listen. Well, that's not helpful. Doesn't that make sense? No, it's not. Yeah, no, it's not. It's not helpful. I was just wondering, what is the, how many people total their Honda Civics a day?

The car's like, hope I've been helpful, bye. Wow. That's the same answer. This is all they do. Joanne, I'm sorry. Are you sure you called the right number, babe? They say the word helpful so many times. Did she even answer your question?

No, they do. Did she even answer Doug's question? She skipped right past it. I think she forgot. Which by the way, it's definitely a powder. Oh boy, I don't want to get into this. This is definitely a powder. Okay, so.

So why don't we skip ahead a little bit? Did you hear back from Betty? Did she see the post on the neighbor app? I haven't heard. Betty T or Betty M in days. Really? Yeah. So Betty M. I don't have a phone anymore.

Wait, but why don't you just go to the house? You haven't seen him at the house? I don't go to that house. That house wasn't left to me. Do they both live in the house together? Yeah, they live in the house and my parents... I'm sorry, why again were you in town? I live here. She's moved here.

Oh, that's right. You moved. As of a year ago. Okay. I'm sorry. Joan got so mad. I'm so sorry. That's why I bought this house. It's a little confusing. From the South. The garage steel door. She's from the South.

No, that's right. I'm sorry, but I did get confused. But so, but you, even when you were trying to, well, then why in the world did you, if you're, if you don't really get along with your sisters, was this the evil sister you were about to meet or the good one? No, the good one. Can I also ask about Betty T? You say, can't find your number, but you don't know your sister's phone number? Well, nobody knows any of these numbers anymore. Everyone knows a few numbers by heart. Yeah, I know a few. Yes.

What are the few you know? I know, well, my late parents. Well, that's not helpful. It's not helpful. They're not going to answer. They're not going to answer. I would make some room for something else. Of course, my girlfriends.

All your girlfriends? You have multiple? No, my girlfriend apostrophe S. Okay. You guys invited me here. I know. You know what? Sometimes when Bern gets very confused with like a post. Very confused. You sound like a doddering old fool. I am with you on the fact that this is confusing. I'm just saying we respond to confusion differently. You go towards rage and I... Yeah, I can see it. Well, it is true.

So your girlfriends and your late parents, but you don't know your siblings. I don't have any siblings. I'm an only child of only children. So I don't even have any cousins. Do your kids know each other's phone numbers? Oh, they hardly ever remember their names. They don't even, they call me dude. I mean, like, I don't think they know my name. So no, we just have, we just have whistles. We have whistles like the family von Trapp. I of course know Joe's number.

You do. Good. Well, I don't know both my sister's numbers. Well, the one I can understand not wanting to know. I know my number. I know my old number. Really? Well, that's helpful.

How do you like it, Joanne? He got you there, Joanne. Sorry. I know my old school's number. That's strange. Now that seems very unnecessary. Why would you be calling me? Clear out those files in your brain.

Make some room for your sister. Why would you be calling your own school? I know. When I used to get sick and I'd have to call call and be like, hey, I'm not coming in. Must have happened a lot. You wouldn't pretend to be your own parent. You would just say, I, the student, am not coming in. But was this also because maybe, was your relationship with your parents good?

I don't know about this. Well, no, they didn't leave me the house. They didn't leave me the house. So tell me about that. That must have been hard then. What was the dynamic at home? Well, I mean, to be honest, a lot of attention had to go to Betty M. She was like, starting fires and you know, fires.

Oh yeah, exactly. I'm telling you, maybe it's a twin thing. And so your twins set fires? Yes, they do. Oh boy, do they love it. Do they burn down a house? I don't think you should say that. I've been told not to.

Probably put it on a recording. I love it. Have they burned down a house? I don't think you should say that. I've been told not to. Probably put it on a recording. If arson were a legitimate occupation, these boys, I'm telling you, would be like them. If it were an Olympic sport. Wow. But we're safe right now. Mom can dream.

Because I saw them outside. We're fine. You're absolutely fine. No, they did no big deal. That's no big deal. Okay. And so a lot of attention went to her. And so I took care of myself and I think they sort of resented me because I became successful without their help.

You know what I mean? As a mystery shopper. And then, I mean, that's of course, I got my sister's their jobs. I don't have to work anymore. I made so much money from that. Wow, that's impressive. My goodness.

I never had to pay for food because you get free meals when you do it at restaurants and stuff. So I save money too. That's how you make money. You make money, you. Wow. My goodness. I never had to pay for food because you get free meals when you do it at restaurants. So I saved money to that. That's how you make money. You make money. You save money. How many establishments would you hit in a day as a mystery shop? Six. So three meals, full time job. I made sure three of them were food places. And then you get to be in charge of it. You get to sort of, did they give you options and you choose honestly when you get good enough, you can make certain demands. Wow. Wow. Okay.

Yeah. And so, I mean, I never had expenses and then I was just rolling in the money. How is it that you get free food as the mystery shopper if they, if you're a mystery to them, who's giving, who's paying for the food? Is it a company? So the head of the company, like it, let's say you go to an Arby's. I had to go to Arby's so many times. Really? I was always getting called to Arby's. As a mystery shopper.

People are not as happy with the roast beef as they used to be. Okay. And so they're always wanting to test that. So you get called by the CEO. To test it by having someone eat it and say if it's good or bad. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go.

I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go.

I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go.

I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going that sandwich is not as delicious to me. Okay, okay. So you wouldn't understand because you're in a mystery shop or you don't have like the, it's like a very. That's why if you go to a fancy restaurant and they're snooty, you're like, this food tastes like snails to me now. Yeah. Exactly. Snails. Yeah.

It usually is snails. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So the CEO of Arby's calls you. What's his name? Uh, Andy. Andy. Andy Olive.

That sounds right. Andy what? Andy Olive. Olive? Wow. Andy Olive. That sounds right. Andy what? Andy Olive. Olive, wow. Andy Olive. Charming name. Yeah. We're still friends actually.

Oh, that's nice. Do you know his number? We used to do vacations together. Not the last four digits. Oh, that's too bad. No, I was just in my head. Those are crucial. I knew the first six.

Those are crucial? Yeah. So Andy calls me and he's like, hey, we got issues with the roast beef again. Oh no. Okay. Oh. Not issues.

Can you go, yeah, like, and I know exactly what he means. He doesn't have to spell it out for me. Oh, I see. We've done this. Mystery shopping. Let's spell it out for us. Okay, sure. So he's like, we've been getting complaints.

The roast, some people say it's not hot enough. Some people say it doesn't have enough flavor. Some people say it's too much flavor. And Andy and I go, whoa, whoa, whoa. Too much flavor. When you're getting- People actually approach the cashier to tell them this. This tastes too much.

Well, and they give reviews online. You know? Oh, sure. I guess so. People give reviews for food online. Sure, sure, sure. Do they list how many children they have? Of course. Yeah, that's important information. You always want to know that when you, when you, when you get a review. But so, so then Andrew be like, and you know what that means, you know,

we get conflicting reviews like that. It means the customer service is off because see people can't, they can't decipher like whether how they really feel about the meal because you know they're being served by a bunch of assholes. So the fact that where so I would think that if like the same complaint kept coming in over and over and over again that would be like oh then they're probably it's a problem but in this case if it's constantly inconsistent all over the place it's the customer's fault. Yes. Okay got it. Anybody who's ever run a business knows that.

Oh why did you post on Neighborh app instead of emailing Betty T? Another great question. Don't know her email by heart. Come on. Oh, now that's I mean, that I think you can almost look up sometimes. I can't I can look at I mean, I have a new phone I can look at. I mean, you could Instagram you could DM her. What about that? DM her on the app. Yeah. Well, but see, listen, when you're in that sort of situation. You can still go onto like a computer and you can get onto your Instagram or your, you know.

Oh, I don't have Instagram. Really? No, I don't. It's kind of refreshing in a way. As a mystery shopper, you have to be mysterious. Oh, I see, makes sense. Keep a low profile. But you are a neighbor.

Is Joanne your real name? You don't have to tell us what your real name is. If it's not. Good question. Is it Betty? It's. Is it Betty J It's... Is it Betty J? No. Betty K?

Is it Jetty? Just keep going? Is it Question Mark? Keep going? Is it Question Mark? It's a mystery. Question Mark of Mysterians. Is it Betty L?

One more? Is it Betty N? Why would you skip M and go right to N? Because there was already Betty S. Why are we whispering? That was smart. One more? Is it Betty N? Why would you skip M and go right to N? Because there was already Betty N. Why are we whispering?

That was smart. It could be, it could be, is all I can say. It could be. It could be Betty N. Oh, that's all you said. But we don't have to confirm that. No. Okay. So you don't know her email? No.

Okay. Is it in your phone now? I don't have, I'm sure if I pull up my- Let's take a look and see what it is. So now this phone, this is a new phone. You got a new phone in the last two days. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you just go to the store.

You just get a new phone, everything should be in the cloud. Everything should get- But it was not her phone. I'm just looking at the email right now. But what was not her phone? It's Betty- The one she used to get on the neighborhood. It's BettyT at gmail.com. Fair enough. But wait, I knew it. But once you got the phone,

you should have been able to call your sister right away. She doesn't know the number. No, no, no. Guys, you have it in your iPhone. You would have it as sister, right? You're asking why I haven't called her since. You're asking why I haven't called her since. I'm saying why Tess should call her since. So you're telling me I get into an accident. Burn looked at me like I was straight up bat shit crazy telling me I get into an accident. Byrne looked at me like I was stink, straight up bat shit crazy. So I get into an accident, I almost die. Well, because I assumed the reason she wasn't calling

was not because she couldn't remember the number. I get it, I get it. All right, please go on, Joanne. I mean, I can answer this for you. Okay, yeah, I mean, she's trying to, and I feel so bad, I'm sorry. No, no, no, I'm just saying, I got into an accident, I almost died.

I obviously sent her a message. I'm sure she's seen it. Why hasn't she called me? Now you're definitely sure she's seen it. She's on there all the time. Okay. All right. She loves it. So there's no way she would miss this,

especially with her own name in the post. Someone would have sent it to her. Does she know that your nom de mystery shop is Joanne? Yeah, she knows. Okay. So she should have seen this. Yeah. She would know. Plus she was only meeting me that day. So it's not like she would think. And you have a good relationship. There's not something where like she would think that you were actually like on purpose ditching her or not showing up.

No, that would be Betty M. But then on the flip side, wouldn't she just, you wouldn't be worried as to like where you are? If you don't show up? I thought so. That's why I'm not calling that's why I'm not Joanne is saying she should call me. Sure. But yeah, I mean, I wonder if she's like gone to hospitals and checked, you know, to see if you're there. Oh, that'd be so sweet. Well, you could go to hospitals and ask. Yeah, I guess this is not a family that calls each other. There's only the one hospital here, right? Well, we do have, we do have, we have two hospitals.

There's one that is in the back of a restaurant named Justin's. Yeah, that's the one I go to. That's the one you go to. Yeah. Wow. Is there another hospital? Yeah, there's a hospital, it's just a hospital. Yeah.

Wow. And what streets is that on? That one is on Garfield and I think it's almond. Oh no. I've driven by there. I've never noticed it. You've never noticed that big building? Didn't know it was a hospital. Really? It does. The sign is in tiny letters. I guess that is true. They don't like people to know. Yeah. You know, they do say we don't want to have people coming in and out of here all hours. Sure. Sure. It does have a sign. It's weird because it's an outdoor restroom and it says, girls, girls, girls.

Yeah, I thought that was a nightclub. That's what you see. That's the most prominent thing you see. It's the most neon you'll ever see on any household. So yeah, no. I mean, and also when I drive by, I mean, I try to stay, you know, focused on the road. Oh, sure. Definitely. Well, my goodness. So what you really, what you, what, what made you want to come on here and talk about this post? Are you hoping that Betty is listening to this podcast? Is it to get the word out to her?

First of all, I want to get the word out about Honda Civics. Okay. I think this is my last chance. Like I don't think I can get another Honda Civic. No, it's 17. We've got to like- We're all 17 totalings in the space of the year that you've been here in Dignity Falls? No, no, no, no. Oh, thank goodness.

This is a lifetime. Yeah, this is lifetime. I've only ever driven a Honda Civic. Okay. Wow. And just all of a sudden now, today's the day, cause now it's like, that's just too many. No, it gets to be too much, you know? Like you get, yeah.

My first car was a Honda Civic. Isn't that fun? But you drive something different now? Oh, I sure do. Yeah. Oh, you didn't stick with it. I didn't because you know, I, I, I wanted to, I had nothing against Honda Civics.

Well, you do now. It was just, it was a, well now I'm going to think twice. You know? I think you're a wuncher. Wow. Are the Honda Civics, is that the, what's the Honda that had? That one year everybody's roof got their car hood got stained like the red like rained and then

Permanent stain. I actually remember what you're talking about Hi is this Hondo? Hondo. Okay. We seem to be regressing. Hondo, my name is Berndt and I had a question about the Honda, specifically the model. Thank you. Specifically, I have high hopes for this.

Yeah. You can't say car linked to this. I don't think so. Specifically the one model that had that white stained roof, white stained hood. And you still see them around sometimes. I mean, they're obviously well-made car apart from that because they're still out on the road. Was that bird shit?

What's that? Was that bird shit? It was not bird shit. I wanted to ask you what made that happen. Yeah. We're hoping you could tell us. Well, I don't know if he can hear me. Can you hear that?

Can't hear squat. Nevermind. One car length. Oh, no way. He won car length. That is so, that's on us. Honestly, car length me once, car length me twice, car length me a third time. I can't believe I ever tried something like this.

Think of car length. Get a car length me a lady. Wow. Doug, I had two choices. That was my second choice. Oh dear. So Joanne, you- So you just want to make sure that people know Honda Civics maybe are not the

best car to be driving. And the customer service as we've seen now is just not great. We have proven it's a little strange. So no, not a durable car, not a good car. Stay away from Honda Civics. A lot of people buy that car for their kids, like a starter car. So that's even scarier. So we really want to just like, Is there a part of you though, that wants to take a look back and say, huh, I wonder if I need to do some inside looking on my own self about why I keep on traveling cars. Okay. I didn't finish the question. No. Ask and answer it as they say. I mean, I admire that sort of self confidence, as they say. I mean, I admire that sort of self confidence, even self delusion, you could call it. But I, I, I do want to ask apart from telling people about the Honda Civic,

a warning, is there anything you would like to say to your sisters, Betty T and Betty M? Yeah, nothing to say to Betty M. Okay. Absolutely. That's not surprising. Right. But Betty T, if you did go to the Justin's hospital and look for me, then obviously, I misread the situation. Please text me. You know I hate texting you first. I love you. You're my sister.

I'm not going to come to the house, obviously, because mom and dad didn't leave that to me. And it's just, it's a sore subject. I get very upset when I go there. If you're going to the store today, there's a couple of things I need, but if you could, cause I don't have a car right now. If you could pick me up. I mean, this might not come out for a week. I need almond milk.

I need- I mean, she doesn't have an, how else she won't have it in a week? True, it's true. I need olive oil. I need foil. I'm completely out of foil. You may have some extra in your house that you could just grab. I don't care. Save us the money. Just bring over at least two or three sheets of that.

I think she really thinks that Beth is going to hear this. She listens to everything, you guys. She reads everything. Oh, that's a safe bet then. Okay, fair enough. She listens to everything, you guys. She reads everything. She's like, it's like, okay, fair enough. She listens to everything. Every single thing. And then, oh, coffee. I mean, coffee. Okay.

All right, Betty, you heard it here first. I don't know about first. And only. And only. I don't know where else you would hear this. Well, Joanne, thank you for sharing your story with us. A harrowing tale. Indeed.

I would say, and also take care of yourself, okay? Be careful out there. Oh, thank you. Okay. Maybe try Uber. Yeah. Or not in a Honda Civic though. Waymo.

Ah ha. What's Waymo? It's a self-driving car. Oh, yeah. No, I don't trust that. Oh, sure. I need a person behind the wheel. Sure.

Yeah. But not necessarily you. It could be me. I mean, when I get a new car, I don't understand what you're implying But not necessarily you. Mm-hmm. It could be me. I mean, when I get a new car, I don't understand what you're implying. I think you're a bad driver. Yeah, I think that's fair. Okay, well we'll let Lisa decide that.

So, you know, she's the one that works at the DMV. This thing literally came out. Oh, Lisa the DMV. We both forgot who Lisa was. I'm sorry, it's been, we are, we are in a little bit of an altered state. It is true. And I apologize that you had to-

Have you ever seen the movie, Altered States? Oh, not again. Not another movie. We were so close. I have. Of course, I have. I've never seen that movie. I wouldn't worry about it. What I would worry about is

Fast and the Furious. I love those. Oh boy, that's not surprising. I would worry about, well, I would focus more on the family aspect of Fast and the Furious. Found family. You know, I think you need some new found family.

In your life. I'm envious of that family. So super envious. Same. Oh, cat food, I need cat food. Sorry. She's gonna go. No!

All right, Betty, if you heard that, she tacked on cat food at the end. And as always Joanne, we wish you the best of luck. The best of luck. Thank you so much. Such a pleasure meeting you guys. Yeah. It's been fun. Same. pleasure meeting you guys. Yeah, same. It's been fun.

Same. Didn't seem like a good time. Oh. We will return with the Neighborhood Listen after this. Ha ha. Ha ha. Hi, it's Paul and I want to tell you about Huel. What's Huel?

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It took me exactly that amount of hours to find all those pieces. It's suitable for ages eight and up, but if you ask me, it's not suitable for anybody because I don't get it. I just don't get it. I don't get the Minecraft. My son is starting to resemble the orange guy in the picture.

I mean, he's, I'm just gonna say it. He's got a square head. I don't get it with this Minecraft, people. I don't, I need it out of my house. Help, what is the appeal? Everything looks like it's from the eighties. If you were looking at the eighties without contacts, that's what Minecraft looks like to me.

And it's a terrible, horrible nightmare scape. So please come get it. And welcome back to the neighborhood listen. Well, Joanne, Benny in. I don't know. I feel bad that I had those almonds because I feel a bit dizzy and I feel like maybe, I feel like we were too hard on her maybe. I don't know though, but it seems like she's...

She's total 17 cars. And she didn't mention what other destruction may have occurred. Yeah, she was confusing. I mean, but there's something about me that wanted to help her and felt bad for her because I just feel so... Not me. I mean, but there's something about me that wanted to help her and felt bad for her because I just feel so You always do this. I Try to extend human sympathy for our guests and you undercut it But I think we have a lot of bad people on this show Do you ever feel that way that sometimes we talk to people that are not good people? Well, I think more than that. They're just people that can't be helped don't want to be helped and are

Potentially just people who don't make our society necessarily better. Yeah, that sounds like a bad person to me. I suppose, I suppose. I want Arby's. I've always wanted to try Arby's so much. You've never been. We don't have any around here. Oh.

No, they can't come in because of the one, there's like a roast beef mafia in Dignity Falls that will not allow any other roast beef based restaurants. And they keep roast beef out of the supermarket, which I think is wild. Yeah, I don't really like that. That's really, it's not fair and Doug loves roast beef and I know my boys would love it.

That was called roast beast. I know you did because the gr. Yeah, I like it. Yeah, it is super fun. By the way, the place is called a whiter shade of pale. I don't know why that's the name of it, but it's a whole roast beef restaurant. Including roast beef desserts. It's so- Which is a magic shell on a roast slice of roast beef.

Magic shell, there's a panna cotta. I'm changing the Stratego to Guess Who. Okay. Oh, I like that. Now that I can get into. An epiphany. Because we're both like red pieces and blue pieces. Yes.

They both have faces on the other side. Yeah. And there's life size. So what if we have, you know, all the characters of our lives? And a guess who game. That's kind of fun. I like that. That's sweet. Are you going to just take pictures of everybody and put them up there? Yes. What? That makes me think you had a different idea, babe.

And what was your idea? Were you imagining everyone had to be present to play and they would actually go physically stick their head in so that people could play? Or they just hide behind the squares? Oh no. I mean, the easiest would be to just keep these as they are. That sounds like the inevitable, I think it's best. That sounds like the-

And just name them after your friends? And just name them after us. That sounds like the inevitable next step to celebrity game shows, that they'll do a guess who. You know, and it'll be some huge like set like Hollywood squares. That's right. We'll be standing there hosted hosted by Sam Rockwell or something He's gonna ride that monologue for white lotus for a long time he's not gonna need to do that All right, we have time for one final post This is in the in search of section.

This is sent to us by a listener named Dana Wiccans. Who's that? Wiccan. Do we know that person? No, no, no. Sounds like a witch. Wiccan. This is in the in search of section

and it's posted by Kama or Kama K-A-M-A. Chameleon. Good one, babe. I can sing the first part of that song. Kama, Kama, Kama. As far as I can go, I guess I could do Kameel. I think that was not worth it. I could get to Kameel.

Kama, Kama, Kama, Kama, Kama. No, but you did switch. Sometimes this happens when he's not thinking about it. He switches. I lost it. I can't do it again. There's got to be some way to unlock you. It probably would be more convenient if I could sing.

I think so. Yeah, I feel closer to you if you could. Oh, that's kind of sad that there's something you could feel closer to me, but there's something in the way. No, no, no, don't worry about it. Kamma says looking for a pet sitter for two cats and 32 chickens. Now I'm going to say, I'm going to say that's not that's farming. It's farming. 100%.

You don't have 32 pet chickens. That is someone really not being, they're being disingenuous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The 32 chickens are jumping on the couch to watch TV with you. Maybe just that if I tack it on at the end, quickly. I'll focus on the two cats part. Two cats and 32 chickens. How do the two cats look after the chickens?

Did I mention the cats are both pregnant with nine babies? And you have to protect the 32 chickens from the cats probably. Oh yeah, probably. Probably. 32 chickens, pet seating. Give me a break. Yeah.

I know it sounded like I said seating. I meant to say pet sitting. Bed seating. I'm trying to own my own malaprops, malapropisms. Isn't that the word for it? If you just mess up a word. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Yep. Not a spoonerism. It's from Importance of Innerness, isn't that right miss malaprop you know wild always had those fun character names and the name was what exactly they did the name was the name of the joke that they had through the play i didn't realize you know i'm not very well versed in in the the dramas of oscar wilde i don't know much about his plays well i don't know that he had a drama importance of being earnest is a is a laugh riot. I didn't mean to say I meant dramatic, you know, the Jean.

I get it, I get it. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Have you ever seen that super cut of Alex Trebek saying Jean? No.

Oh, yeah. It's chilling. Is it as good as the Benedict Cumberbatch Peng Wing? Peng Wing. It's different. Okay. It's different. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Peng Wing, that's fun. But something about the genre is, uh, cause he just can't say the part. He'd literally just make that one syllable. Really? Because that I suppose is the correct French pronunciation. But that doesn't, I don't think so. See there would still be the RE still gets pronounced like think of double entendre, right? Right. But so you still made a little noise.

He makes a little noise. He does? He doesn't say it loud. I want to hear it. All right, we're gonna. Genres for four. A genre category. This genre of art.

This genre of novel. Okay, that one did. This genre of game. This alliterative genre. This fantasy genre. This spooky genre. This popular genre. This six letter genre. This genre genre. This popular genre. This six-letter genre.

This genre about a low-born scamp. The genre of American local color ballet. The sword and sandal genre. A Japanese cartoon genre. The TV genre. 1970s genre of film. The 60s musical genre. This very American genre of music.

King of this musical genre. king of this musical genre master of this 2014 billboard listed sunshine and whiskey and day drinking as hot songs in this genre. Alex, what's country? Country is... Oh my God. That's an expertly edited supercut. Yes, and we should give credit where credit's due. I don't know who put that together, Doug.

I've never simply listened to it before. Well, over and over again. There's something that's even weirder. It becomes hypnotic and it started becoming Jarn. Spooky Jarn is really that's the best one. Oh, my God. That's a good name for a movie. It sure is.

Oh, you never heard the legend of spooky Jarn. It's a Cajun tale. I was thinking like I thought I was going to get English. Cajun makes more sense, thinking like, I thought I was thinking like in English. I'm sorry. Cajun makes more sense though because of the French influence. That's right, that's right. Wow, well this episode was a ride. Kama, go fuck yourself.

Nobody's gonna, nobody's gonna pet-sit your 32 chickens. Wow, this is the first time our episode has had two separate fuck yourselves. One from me and one from you. Don't you remember until Blue Diamond to go fuck themselves. All right. Well, an unexpected episode, to be sure. I think both absolutely deserved. If you would like to add free versions of our episodes and also access our bonus content, go to CBBworld.com,

sign up for the Maximus tier and you can get that content and follow us on social media at the neighborhood. I almost want to say Burton Joan, which is our email address. I get it. The Neighborhood Listen on Instagram. And you can find the actual posts that we use in the show there. Yep.

And until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Mandelman.

The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.