The Neighborhood Listen - Jennifer Lopez and the Blonde Ghost with Jeffery Hiller

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

Joan + Doug share their ritual for the linen room, while Burnt recounts his new love of hot dogs. Plus, Jennifer Lopez (Jeffery Hiller) tells tales of paranormal activity on the streets of Dignity Falls.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHap app and us, Bert, and Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.

Hello and welcome to The Neighborhood Listen. I am Joan Pedestrian. Oh, and I am Burnt Mia Payday. Joan, that was so smooth. Thank you. I really came out of the gate strong. And then almost immediately forgot my name. Absolutely.

I was just like sitting here and I was staring into space a little bit, as I like to do before we record. And then lo and behold, you started. And it was so, I felt like I was listening to an here and I was staring into space a little bit as I like to do before we record. And then lo and behold, you started and it was so, I felt like I was listening to an episode of another podcast. Bert, where do you go when you're staring off into space? Oh, Joan, I was afraid

you were going to ask me that question. I don't know if you're going to like the answer. I'm not going to let you get away with these things. Sometimes when I'm listening back, I'm like, wow, I should have investigated that sentence more. It somehow doesn't, it doesn't hit me in the moment. And then I'll listen sometimes to these episodes.

I know you don't like to listen to them, but I do, Bernd. I don't like the sound of my own voice. I know. Listen, sometimes we've talked about this. Sometimes I don't either. But I think to myself, you know what? Ask a follow-up question. And right now I'm asking a follow-up question,

but you're saying I'm not going to like the answer? All right. Well, this particular, you know, I go all sorts of places. Oh, sure. This particular time, I was in the, I was on the boat that ferries you

across the River Styx, and I was handing, I was handing the coins to Sharon, the boat master, and he was taking me to the underworld. So, as per usual, you were thinking about death.

Burnt is very preoccupied with death. To be fair, I was thinking about the afterlife. I guess that's optimistic in some way. I do think about death quite a bit, I guess, because of being a pharmacist. I do see a lot of people that are afraid they're going to die. Whether it's from a urinary tract infection or whether it's from... Listen, I've had a few I thought I was going to die from. Is that so?

Oh, they are the worst. I've never had one. No, I suppose it is more of something that a lady experiences, but God, they are awful. They're just so you do want to die. You do want to die a little bit. And the cranberry juice. The cranberry juice. You think that's a myth?

That doesn't help. Is that true? You don't think that helps at all? I mean, maybe it helps like in a placebo effect way, perhaps. Do you think that this was started by the cranberry juice people? Big cranberry. In the way that hot dog buns are always,

for some reason, a lot of people are talking about this lately. What? Hot dog buns, of course, always are fewer in a package than hot dogs. Oh, is this like a thing that was trending on Twitter? I just feel like it's been in the ether for some reason lately. And I mean, it's a thing that everyone's known forever. And I guess people are discovering it for the first time. And what is it again?

I mean, I think I think I know. The hot dogs always outnumber the hot dog buns in the packages. Got it. It's clearly that the hot dog bun manufacturers know this and that's why they do it. There's absolutely no other explanation for it. Oh gosh.

I haven't had a hot dog in forever. I just had one today for breakfast. Breakfast hot dog in forever. I just had one today for breakfast. You did? Breakfast hot dog. Burnt. That's, first of all, festive of you, I think. But also, it's very, because I associate a hot dog with a baseball game or a picnic. You're alone in your home. Tell me how you have this hot dog. How'd you prepare this hot dog? I didn't even know you ate hot dogs. I did not. Well, I mean, I'm a human being, Joan.

Yes, but one who doesn't eat square food. I'm sorry that when I know things about your very specific dietary needs, I don't think anything's off the table in terms of guessing you might not want it. Here's what's great about hot dogs, not square. We know. There is a hot dog stand that is set up around the corner from me on James Buchanan Lane. And right on the corner there, James Buchanan and rubber. And I saw this guy and I passed by him a bunch of times. And then one day I was on my way to work.

I was late for work because of the Murphy bed. It's a whole other situation. And then one day I was, I was on my way to work. I was late for work, um, because of the Murphy bed, it's a whole other situation. And, um, I was, uh, I was late for work and I, I was thinking I didn't have time for breakfast.

And, uh, I see this guy and I say, Hey, you don't make a breakfast hot dog, do you? And he said, uh,

well, I could, I could try. And, uh, and so I waited while he went and he, uh, he went to the market across the street,

bought a dozen eggs. Oh, wow. He went and bought groceries. This, of course, may be late for work. Was there a line behind you? Was there a line of commuters wanting other things? No, this was 6 a.m.

No one wanted a hot dog except me. I'm amazed he was open. I mean, it was kismet that we would find each other at this hour at the same time. And so he went and got the fixings uh and he uh and he whipped me up a breakfast hot dog which is a hot dog with a fried egg on top and a little bit of cheese and some hot sauce and let me tell you something it was delicious so fancy now look at that i love that you asked a question you put it you went up to a stranger you asked a question this is very positive burnt that you're sort of getting out there and i'm always trying to get you out there you went out there you you took stranger. You asked a question. This is very positive, Bernt, that you're sort of getting out there.

And I'm always trying to get you out there. You went out there. You took a chance. You asked a question. And you got a breakfast hot dog, a very gourmet one, if I say so myself. It sounded like it. I didn't make it. I don't know why I'm saying that.

But that's fantastic. I love these little. So you said it was a cart or it was a hot dog stand? It was a cart. It was a hot dog stand? It was a cart. It was a hot dog cart. What's the difference? Well, because we had the old hot dog stand

and Old Dig. Oh, that place. Old Dog. Old Dog. Old Diggity Dog. And Old Diggity Dog. Old Diggity Dog. And boy, they did taste old.

I'll tell you what. They did. I think... Here's what I think. Hi, Doug. Are you okay, Doug? We haven't said hi to Doug yet. What's going on, babe? Is this. Are you okay, Doug? We haven't said hi to Doug yet. What's going on, babe?

Is this his way of letting us know that we haven't said hi to him yet? Yeah, sometimes he just starts making sounds. He makes a sad sound about hot dogs. They're close to my heart. I loved old diggity dog. You loved old diggity dog? Yeah. Well, maybe you're the one who kept him in business for so long.

All the dogs in the biz. Yeah. Oh, that was a selling point for you. Yes, they aged. It was an aged hot dog. Well, they did.

Well, cause what they also found. So for our listeners who don't know, old diggity dog was this great, it had been around. It was a family. It was a generational business. It was kept in the family.

It supposedly goes all the way back to the original beginnings of this town. That's right. It was, it was two generations. It was run by, uh, uh, what was his name?

Pappy, uh, Pappy ran it. Pappy Hornshire. Pappy Hornshire ran it, uh, for literally 100 years. Yes.

He lived to be 111. He started that. He started that stand when he was 11 years old. He didn't start until he was 11. Yeah. That's right. And, and his, his daughter ran it for three years and then it closed.

Yes, it did. Well, because she went with a different vendor, Shiloh. That was her name, right? Shiloh Hornshire. And she went with a different vendor who sold, I guess the best way to put it is same day hot dogs. And of course they were at, were at at old diggity they were they were they were they were using these hot dogs that were just on the cusp of expiring and for a hot dog you know that's a long time um but uh but yeah it was uh it was it was it was it was it was for a specific type of person i guess doug is that person i guess although then they did remember when they took one uh there was a expose piece uh in the was an expose piece in the town crier flyer.

We don't have that anymore, right? The town crier flyer. They took one hot dog and had it tested. And they found asbestos in it. That was a shock. What was that, Doug? That's a hit piece.

shock. Yeah. What was that dog? It was a hit piece. That hot dog was their first hot dog. They kept it out. The first hot dog they ever made. You mean like in the display case? Yeah. Is that right? I don't think that's right. Now, I understand a business sometimes keeps the first dollar that they make. Why would

any business, especially a food-based business, keep the first one? I mean, surely. I mean, you'd get it shellacked, first of all. Oh, maybe that was the problem. Maybe that's why it had all those chemicals in it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I'm starting to lean over to Doug's point of view now. I think it was nice. It kept the tradition alive. Well, listen, if it'll make you feel better, I'll make you a breakfast hot dog. How about that? You want a breakfast hot dog tomorrow, babe? I would love one.

Okay. Well, you know, Manny is down there on the corner of James Buchanan and Rubber every day, and breakfast is from 6 to 6.15. Where does it get? So you got- That lunch rush starts at 6.15 on the dot, baby. Yeah, 6.16, you can start getting your lunch hot dogs.

Lunch hot dogs. Now I know Doug's gonna ask for a dessert hot dog too. I'm not, I guarantee you. The sweet and savory a dessert hot dog, too. I'm not. I guarantee you. The sweet and savory. He used to do that. That's right. He treated his hot dogs like a crepe. Doug, what would you put on the dessert hot dog?

You put like a Charleston chew in a bun. Which is my one of my favorites. He only puts candy that fits, that is the same shape as the hot dog. So it's one Twizzler, one Charleston Chew. So it's as many long candies as you can find. Yeah, it's as many long cylindrical. What about a marathon bar? Do you remember that?

One of those gigantic rainbow unicorn style looking lollipops that's on the stick. You know, it looks like a unicorn horn. Maybe a churro. A churro. Well, now that, that would be probably pretty good. A hot. Maybe a churro. A churro? Well, now that, that would be probably pretty good. A hot dog and a churro. Hot dog and a... Yes, if the churro is sort of the bun.

Right, that's what I'm saying. Oh. Yes. Okay, I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. I'm just figuring it out. That's more like a pig in a blanket. More like a pig in a blanket. Doug, again, I hate to agree with you, but you're right. So Doug is in the oversight... He's in the linen room today, speaking of blankets. Oh, that's right. That's probably why he said that.

You know, where in the world is Doug the Engineer? And then it would be all acapella music. Remember them? Rockapella. Sure, sure, sure. Where in the world is... That's right. And they always had those oversized hats. They looked like characters from Dick Tracy, I thought.

Which I think was intentional, right? Oh, well. Because there was a sort of detective theme. I didn't realize that wasn't a hot take. You thought, now looking back on it. I thought, this is my moment to get that theory out into the world. But because I think there was a sort of detective theme. You were hunting for Carmen Sandiego.

Of course it was. Who was, what did she do? What did she do wrong? She was always up to something. Who hired us to find her? She was a woman in the 90s who had the gall to travel. That's who she was. Now, Joan, I haven't seen you.

I should not answer phone calls. What? Was that a big part? Oh, no. I'm just thinking about the things we weren't allowed to do. There were other things we got shit for in the 90s. So many things. It's fun to think of that being a part of the show

where we're going to try to call Carmen Sandigo right now. Ah, she didn't pick up. All right, the show continues. Taking away a acapella burnt how do you feel about acapella it's scary to me scary yeah it's it's because when when one person is doing it that's just singing but when two people are doing and they're doing a harmony and there's no other music it gives me that it chills. I think we've talked about the barbershop quartet. The worst example. Right, but I do find that better.

In some ways, I think maybe the syncopation, it's when people started adding in, you know, syncopation and beats and whatnot is what makes it sort of a little less, makes it more different from a barbershop quartet, which can be just sort of lovely and nice and you can appreciate the harmonies. But then it becomes just all about some guy going.

You're talking about a Bobby McFerrin or a Love Supreme. No, no, I love Bobby McFerrin. Well, he's a solo artist generally. Right. I mean, or he just like layered his voice on. I'm talking about what was the second one? Love Supreme. Freestyle Supreme.

What is it? Well, they're more like it's Freestyle Supreme. That's Lin-Manuel Miranda's. But more improv rap. I guess I'm talking about Pentatonix, right? Oh, they're terrifying, Pentatonix. They terrify you. Wow.

First of all, it's so close to Pentagram. And just the blending of their voices is there's something very witchy about it to me. Really? Maybe it's the name. I think it's just the name that you're really fixating on. Because they're one more than a quartet.

I feel, I feel like a quartet is the max amount of people you can have singing at the same time with no musical accompaniment. Uh-huh. Except for the pitch pipe, which we know I can do a very good impression of. Oh, you can't.

Why don't you give that to us again, Bert? Okay, sure. It's very, very good impression of. Oh, you can. Why don't you give that to us again, Bert? Okay, sure. It's very, very good. Thank you. What key was that? I don't know.

What do you think, babe? Oh, I think that's, I don't know. It's hard to tell. It's like a D. Is it a G? In between a D and a D sharp. Wow, that's really specific.

It's a microtone. In between. Oh, this is exciting. He took an online music theory class last month. Who teaches that one? Is this one of those master classes where you learn, you know, how to act from Kevin Spacey? I forgot about that until just this moment.

I forgot about that. Did you? Did you know? Did you know we used to be huge fans of him? And we watched that. Did you know half of it's all about his impressions? And I get the sense when he starts talking about them that everyone else in the room started looking at each other thinking, no, we didn't.

No one asked for this. This wasn't even on the call sheet. This wasn't on the shoot schedule for the day. Now, Joan, I'm not asking for myself because I believe you, of course, but I'm asking for people listening, maybe somebody who's like me but not me. Is this a true thing that you're telling me? I am 100% truthful in what I'm telling you. Oh, dear.

And it was shocking and embarrassing. Add those unsolicited impressions to his list of crimes. It was sort of like that thing when someone just says, well, the way I do my impressions, and just unprompted. Absolutely no one asked. And maybe the crew thought they were going home for the day. Nothing.

Nothing to do with acting. He just wanted to talk about it. He just wanted to talk about it. What was great about his impressions were they were all hopelessly out of date. Johnny Carson had been dead for decades. He's still doing a Johnny Carson impression. Walter Matthau. Jack Lemmon.

Not a living soul amongst them. It's like our chip collection. Remember we have a room that's all the chips that look like famous people. That's right. For whatever reason, the ones I named off, you had a point. They were all for the fact that my kids knew the Marlon Brando and the

Don Knotts. Well, we believe in educating them about all the people that came before us. You know, you got to know the classics. You got to know the classics. So, Joan, let me ask you, what is Jolliope up to? Well, I know she was trying to become an influencer online. Did you just talk through a burp? No, of course not.

I would never. My meter showed that that was something strange just happened. No, that's just my peculiar way of speaking. How is that possible? It's just my peculiar way of speaking, as we all know. What did she do? You know, that used to happen to me all the time in open houses.

Oh, it's the worst. We have to either talk through a yawn or a sneeze. Oh, God. Talk through a sneeze. Or if you have to sing. Could you give me one example? Joan is incredible at singing through a sneeze. Could you give me one example of how that would work? This is something that never even occurred to me

that you had to do. Here's what I would do. I would start pretending as if I found something hilarious, right? So if I'm sort of showing them... Oh, you want the sneeze coming on. Yes. So I'm saying I'm in the kitchen and I'm discussing the microwave drawer, right, which is a new thing now. So you can sort of, you have a microwave

and it's installed underneath the island and you push a button and so basically it doesn't take up any counter space right so uh so as i i feel it coming on right and i said and now right here you could this is a microwave uh drawer this is a new thing because because you know when your husband he wants to make popcorn and that was this niece it just was a laugh it It just was a laugh. It was just. Wait a minute. What? Which part was the sneeze? You didn't notice it, did you? I did not. Oh, that's how good I am, baby.

Wow. That is. That's incredible. You were so confused as to what was happening that you didn't imagine that was the sneeze. Yes, I thought you were hyperventilating, but it turns out you were talking through a sneeze. Right, right. Well, I was trying to laugh through a sneeze

is what I was trying to do. Right. Yeah. Right, I see. She practices in her pepper room. Yeah, in the pepper. In terms of July, she just broke up with a kid.

Okay. And so we actually haven't seen her for two weeks. She's just been holed up in her room. And I hope that she's going to be okay. I keep telling her, you know, there's going to be more. There's going to be more opportunities. I just think this guy was sort of a, speaking of blankets, he was a pig in a wet blanket, I'd say. Okay.

I was trying to travel back to when we were talking about blankets and so i'm glad you brought you made it clear for um let me let me ask you what did she break up with this with this young man or was it the other way around now he's he's it's hard because all these breakups happen now online right because she sees he posts the wrong thing or she posts the wrong thing, right? It just comes down to that. Yes. And it was, you know, I can't explain young people, right? No, who can? They were

talking just the other day about how much they love cats, right? How much they love cats and cat people are a very specific type of people and they talked about the kind of cat they would have and what they'd name the cat. And then the next day, he shared a funny viral video of a dog and that was it wow that seems i know that seems extreme uh in terms of because she felt betrayed she felt betrayed because she thought well why would you why wouldn't you post cat content that

what that's what we had decided and i guess there was no explaining that oh she didn't she did not let him she would not allow an explanation yeah but she didn't even scroll further. There was a cat video right underneath it. She just didn't scroll enough. And I'm telling you, this is why people are breaking up now. They don't scroll far enough or they scroll too much. You have to keep scrolling or don't scroll too far.

Let me ask you, how did you see all this? Listen, it's not a secret that many moms have fake Instagram accounts so that they can follow what their children do. This is what I like to hear. You can judge me or not, but you know what? The only way to try to keep your ear to the virtual ground. Exactly. Children must be spied on

because they are not to be trusted. All right. Should we take a break? Wow. Did we run out of things to say? I mean, I just have no idea how long. Doug didn't even do anything. There was no sound effect, no nothing.

I just have no idea how long we've been talking. Usually there's something by now. Does anyone know how long we've been talking? Doug, what do you think? I think it's about 24 minutes. No, about 22 minutes. Oh, 20 minutes. About 20 minutes in. Let's go for four more minutes. Okay. It's about 24 minutes. No, about 22 minutes. Oh, 20 minutes. About 20 minutes in.

Let's go for four more minutes. Okay. It's been 20 minutes, 36 seconds. Okay, Doug, thank you. You sound really good in there, though. There's such a great quality in the linen. Oh, yeah. Tell me about the linen room.

It's really just, I was always obsessed as a kid with, you know, anytime you went to someone's house and they had a linen closet, right? You know, it was just fresh. And it's not even really linen, right? Just call the linen closet. But it came about when we were very into Downton Abbey. You know, it just came out on, they just put all the episodes out on Netflix.

And so Doug and I have been watching them a little bit. And he just started thinking, gosh, it'd be so fun. So the linen room is new. It's brand new. It's one we just added. And there's just always references to old timey things like that. And just fresh linens, just how about that sounds like something that I'd like. I mean, I don't even have- Yes. I just wanted to walk into a place that smelled fresh where everything was neatly folded.

I'm not very good at folding. You know how hard folding sheets is. It's just so hard. So what it is basically- You know, I'm very good at it. You know, I am not surprised at that. I'm very good at it. And I don't know why. What's the trick? What's the trick? I think the trick is you have to empty your mind, cross the river sticks. And all of a sudden, I'm a little embarrassed now that you know that, that I, in my mind, I was crossing the river Styx. Please don't use that against me. I won't.

I just, it's interesting. You always say you're spiritual, not religious. But then does this make you also, but that's sort of a myth. You're mythical as well. I guess I am a little, I guess I am a little mythical. Am I wrong? Isn't that Greek mythology? It is Greek mythology.

Do I have that backwards? Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, boy. I'm having to reach way back into like junior high knowledge. Oh, yeah. Well, it's never far from my mind. Junior high?

Junior high and the story of Orpheus. I do like that story. What a dum-dum. What an idiot. You have one job. If it was the other way around, the woman would have been able to do it. I'm sorry, I don't want to be that person, but honestly, I mean, just don't turn around. All you have to do is not turn around. That's right.

Why wasn't it? What if it was Where in the World is Orpheus? The show wouldn't even last for two seconds. For several reasons. Well, I think that four minutes was worth it. We do. I do need to hear a little bit more about the linen room. So you've gone from, you said linen closet, not enough.

It needs to be a room. Yes, yes. With just very fresh smelling and everything's just sort of like just beige, just different shades of beige. But what I did do is it's mostly just pillowcases folded over a little cardboard piece and it just looks like a bunch of well-folded laundry. It's really just a holodeck of clean linen is really what I like to think of it as.

But it's got that smell, that clean linen smell. It has that smell. And I can finally say, oh, I'll just go to, I'll pop up to the linen closet and get you something. And there are a few practical sheets and a few practical towels, of course. But it's one of the best.

But only you know the difference. Only I know the difference. Not just anyone can wander in there. They'll see that it's a ruse. You need to pass the smell test to get in. Explain that, babe.

Jones sprays you down and in order to enter the linen room, you have to smell good. Like linen? Yeah, you're not going to contaminate the linen room. I have one of those things, one of those sprays that says, fresh linen

is the spray. And I just, I wanted the whole room to smell like this can. It's like a TSA. So you shake up this can, you douse people in the fresh linen spray, and then they're allowed in there. I didn't know Doug knew I did that. I wasn't going to share that, but thanks, Doug, for sharing that detail.

Now I sound weird. But once they get in there, they realize it's fake. Are you okay, babe? I'm okay. Are you allergic to the linen closet? Is it the spray? I might be allergic to something in here. It smells great, though.

We'll have to check on you. We'll just keep checking in with you because I don't want you to get any histamine. I don't know what's going on. I get worried a little bit. You are allergic to some very strange things. Oh, we will get into that later. We will. But for now, we do have to-

Was that enough, Burns? Did you hear that? I think so. What time. But for now, we do have to- Was that enough, Burns? Did you hear that? I think so. What time are we at now, Doug? It's definitely been 24 minutes. There's no way it hasn't been. 25. Oh.

Wait, are you okay? Hang on a second. Wait, why didn't you step outside? So, why didn't you step outside for just a moment, okay? We're going to take a break. We'll talk to the guests. Just take a break. Hello? Oh. I thought going to take a break. We'll talk to the guests. Just take a break. Hello?

Oh, I thought we were in the break. But she wanted you to acknowledge the break. It doesn't mean you can't talk. Because it sounded like maybe you were ill. And so it was proof of life. You need a hot dog. I need a hot dog. We'll get Doug a hot dog

and we'll be right back with more of The Neighborhood Listen. of The Neighborhood Listen. Chicken walking around. I saw a chicken walking on the street and his family acting like that was normal. I'm new to this area. Is that normal around here? Just curious. And welcome back to the neighborhood listen and as always we

have a guest here at the kitchen island uh in case you're listening for the first time what we do is we go on the neighbor hap which is a social networking application and uh where neighbors can discuss things about the neighborhood of dignity falls and we pick a post and we see if we can invite that person onto the show. And this week is no exception. We do have a guest, Joan. Tell us more.

We do have a guest. Now, I feel like this is probably a pseudonym because it says it's from Jennifer Lopez. And I'm not saying that other people can't be named Jennifer Lopez, but I think that I just have a feeling. I just have a feeling. But I want to-

Here's what I would say. If you are named Jennifer Lopez and there is a famous Jennifer Lopez, you need to call yourself something else. Well, and it can't be J-Lo either. Can't be that. She's really taken two names and made them extremely famous.

It's hard to think of- Exactly. You could be Jen Lopez. You could be Niffy Lopez. Niffy? Well, wow. Isn't that cute? I think that's cute. It is cute. I mean, yes, it's cute. It's, wow.

It's strange. There's a lot of strange. Niffy. You'd find a name like that on Downton Abbey. That's exactly right. And it would just be like, oh, well, you know, Cousin Niffy. She's always up for tea. Okay, so here we go. Here is the post.

And then we will talk to our guests. Okay. She's always up for tea. It says, apparition scene. Anyone else have seen this apparition of someone, male, running from the street to the sidewalk near Carter Street across from Rubber? How crazy. Just maybe the hot dog guy saw it. It was seen around 9.50 p.m. I was driving and seen someone run from the middle island to the sidewalk, then disappeared. My fiance in the passenger seat confirmed he also seen it,

walk then disappeared. My fiancee in the passenger seat confirmed he also seen it too. We wonder if anyone else has seen it too. Please welcome. What is what is your real name? I mean, unless that unless you're actually a J-Lo. No, you're right. Jennifer Lopez was an alias. I figured. That's What is your name? Matt Damon. Well, Matt, welcome to the neighborhood. Listen, this is a chilling story. Did you see it? No. I personally have not seen the apparition. I thought maybe you were calling me here because you had some information. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it.

Well, we want to help you do that by having you on the show because maybe there are other people listening who have seen this apparition. Absolutely. It's like PR. Okay.

Well, we like to highlight posts that we see that are maybe interesting or unusual in the hopes that maybe one of our other neighbors listening might also have seen it. So that's why it's good for you to describe it. And we might get some people writing to us telling us that we saw they saw the same thing and then you wouldn't be alone in what you saw. Now, you said your fiance saw it as well. Congratulations.

You're engaged. That's exciting. What's your fiance's name? Benjamin Affleck. Well, congratulations to Matt and Ben. He does go by Benjamin. Oh, okay. He's kind of like a stickler about it.

Oh, sure. Benjamin. Because he doesn't want to get confused with that insurance duck. So he goes by Benjamin. Do you have a cute... I mean, since, of course, you do happen to both have celebrity's names,

do you have a cute little combo for yourselves, like Matt Fleck? That wasn't a good one. I'm sorry. sorry i just didn't i couldn't think of anything math jimmin math wait my name's not math it's matt no i know we know you know how i don't go by math i go by matt no i No, I understand. We're sorry. You know what? We'll just skip it. Let's just skip it. It honestly never occurred to me,

and here I am, the inventor of Niffy, it never occurred to me that someone named Matthew could go by math. But I guess they could if they wanted to. Well, I guess you could, but people used to be so mean to me in junior high, calling me math and numbers and algebra that's hard algebra oh would they would i'm sorry would they call you the word numbers or would they call you various numbers uh yes you know what i'm saying all all of that above so so you're so you're engaged okay well i want

to know about this apparition because it's a it's. So if I read the post correctly, basically you saw someone walk and then you couldn't see them anymore. And you wanted to know if anyone else had seen this. But you're sure it's a male. And now why is that? Tell us, go into detail describing this apparition. Please describe this apparition. Oh, right, right, right, right. Okay, so I'm going to set the scene.

We're in the car. Right. And I'm behind the driving wheel. Right. Do you know what I mean by that? Oh, sure. I'm going to set the scene. We're in the car. Right. And I'm behind the driving wheel. Right. Do you know what I mean? Oh, sure. I'm familiar. Yes.

And then Benjamin is over here, you know, in the other seat. And I was like, I look up and I saw a guy crossing the street. Okay. But right. That was in the post. And I saw a guy crossing the street. Okay, that was in the post. And I wonder if you could just give a little more detail of what the apparition itself looked like. The guy made you think this isn't a corporal being.

This is actually a past life person. Someone who's no longer living and is a ghost. Well, he had blonde hair and he was wearing this shirt that was kind of like, do you remember those shirts a long time ago? It had a little

dog and it was about beer and the dog was kind of white, Spuds McKenzie. Spuds McKenzie. Okay, sure. It was a Spuds McKenzie shirt and that's not normal, right? And he was carrying a kind of white Spuds McKenzie. Spuds McKenzie, yeah. Okay, sure. It was a Spuds McKenzie shirt. And that's not normal, right? And he was carrying a foot-long Subway sandwich. But not in a bag, just bare.

Just bare. Okay. There was no bag or anything. Right. And I could, you know what I mean? And he was like, I gotta go. Oh, did he speak? Oh, no, that's my inflection. Sorry. Oh, it's just like the

attitude that he had. Yeah. Yeah. And he was like holding this Subway sandwich, but he wasn't eating it. He's just holding it. Bare. Just completely bare. Nude. Oh, he was Nate. He was Nate. Except for the Spuds McKenzie shirt.

No, I think the sandwich was nude. He was completely clothed, but the sandwich was nude. What an interesting way to describe it. I've never thought of that before, but any sandwich not in a bag, I guess, is nude. So, let it all hang out there. And Spuds McKenzie, that is an out-of-date sort of thing, but maybe

he's wearing it ironically. But he could be wearing it ironically. I have to ask, is the Spuds McKenzie, that is an out-of-date sort of thing, but maybe he's wearing it ironically. But he could be wearing it ironically. I have to ask, is the Spuds McKenzie t-shirt the only indicator for you that this was an apparition? I mean, it's the main one, but also, oh, oh. Oh, I forgot to say. okay. When he got to the other side of the street, he completely disappeared. Okay. That was in the post. I think you don't remember your post, but you did say that you did say he completely disappeared. Now, when you say

that, do you mean like behind a bush, behind a tree, or you actually watched him vanish into thin air? Is this a. Is this a hit piece? No, it is not. Because I used to work for a diggity dog and I know from a hit piece. This is not the crier flyer. We are just your neighbors. We're your neighbors and we're asking questions

because we want to know. Okay. So he got to the other side of the street. It was dark. I'll admit that. It was dark. Yeah, you say it's 9.50 p.m of the street. It was dark. I'll admit that. It was dark. Yeah, you say it's 9.50 p.m., so sure. That's right.

And thank you for your candor. Right. Right. You're welcome. And so then he was wearing this Buds McKenzie shirt. And then he went behind a bush, kind of. But then, like, you would normally have seen his head, right? Oh, but here's the thing.

You would have seen his head. Well, depending on how high the bush was, sure. True, true. Well, I'm telling you, this bush, you would have seen his head. Okay. But here's the thing. I didn't see his head. There was no head.

There was just, you know, poof.of I mean there wasn't smoke but you're saying here's the other thing I'm not giving you is like the mood I was feeling Benjamin was like Benjamin was like it's cold and you know it's not

it's summer and I was like oh no and we did have the air on I'll give you that but I was like, oh, no. And we did have the air on. I'll give you that. But I was like, it is cold. And then I was like, also, I'm craving something. I'm craving like something salty. Then I see him. And he has a foot-long naked Subway sandwich.

Which is what I always think of when I want something salty. It's true. I don't think of subway sandwiches as sweet. I guess salty is not the first word that comes to mind. You could get chips with it. That's very true. I'll give you the fact that he did not have any chips

with it, but also how are you going to carry chips when they're bare? And I think that's something about the other life, the outer, you know, the afterlife. But Bert knows a lot about it. Well, I mean, but you're saying if this gentleman were to have chips, they would also

be bare. He would just have like a handful of unbagged chips. I mean, one assumes. I think the rules have been established that you can't have a carrying device. So if he wanted free toes, it would just be crumbs in his bare ghost hands. I hate to suggest this, but is it possible

he put the chips on the sandwich? Doug likes to do that. Yes, oh my god, it's real. It was real. Well, I don't know if that's true. Look at this, Look at this goosebumps. Oh, my God. Oh, God.

I saw a ghost. You saw it too. Oh, God. Oh, no, no, no. We have not seen it. We didn't see it. What I thought you were actually getting at is when you so candidly told us that you were talking about whether it was cold and also that you were hungry, why did you include

those details? Because I thought you were going to say, perhaps you imagined certain things because when we get really hungry, maybe we sort of hallucinate if we have low blood sugar and maybe you just saw a gigantic floating Subway sandwich and attached a man to it.

What, you mean like in a cartoon? Exactly. Like when somebody's on a desert island and they look over and their friend's a hot dog. Correct. Which was, remember, that was the poster for Old Diggity Dog. That little island of the guy in tattered clothes looking over and he sees a hot dog waving to him.

Yeah. And the hot dog is saying, no, I'm your friend. Right. But this... No. No. Okay. To answer your question.

Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair fair okay uh let me ask you this have you and benjamin do you think that you have seen a ghost prior to this have you ever seen a ghost before oh yeah oh my god all the time okay can we go into that where have you seen other ghosts yeah what was the first what was the first time you remember seeing an apparition? And please describe them. First time. In detail. The first time I was in my crib. You have memories from your crib. So this wasn't Benjamin and you seeing it together.

This was just you personally. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this was pre-Benjamin. And this woman came in with my mom and she first of all was blonde and second of all seems to be a running theme

she she was carrying a little it was like a bear but it was tiny do you know what I mean? Like a stuffed teddy bear? It's a little different, but yes, kind of.

Anyway, they put it in my crib. And then the next morning, it wasn't there. And I don't know who that woman was. Did you ever ask your mother about it? No, we are estranged. Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that. We're going to get into that for sure. But let me ask you, are you saying that because you didn't know who this other woman was and you never saw her again, that she was a ghost?

I mean, yeah. I mean, I don't understand what math you're not getting well i i just want to i just want to know is there a differentiation for you between strangers and spirits and i don't understand what math you're referring uh but uh please don't call me math my name is. You got me there. I'm sorry. That was unintentional. Okay.

It's not. Okay. I also, oh, my dry cleaner is a ghost. Okay. What leads you to believe that? Is he blonde?

Oh my God. Yes. I swear to God. He is. I swear to God. I believe you. I swear to God he is. I swear to God. I believe you. I believe that he's blonde. Now, what else makes you think he's a ghost?

Because if you say it. Look at these goosebumps. Oh my God. But here's the thing. Maybe we'll punch a hole in this. It would make R.L. Stine jealous. So if you say your dry cleaner's a ghost, that means your dry. I'm having such a crazy like, oh my God, I see the world now. Just because you knew that person was blonde, it's like we had a psychic

connection or something like that. Do you see what I'm saying? Going based on patterns. But yes, I can see that. Yes, there was a connection that I made from what you gave me and therefore a connection happened. So he's blonde. That's ghost marker number one. Right, but if you see a ghost, normally he says if you don't see them again it means they're a ghost, but if it's your dry cleaner then you probably see him several times. So how's that different? Right, so point proven.

I'm sorry, what? Were you trying to poke a hole in my argument and then you accidentally made my argument? No. You said I only think ghosts are people I've never seen before. And I see my dry cleaner all the time and I think he's a ghost. No, no, no. I'm sorry.

I'm just a misspoke. Your argument is dissolved. Okay, Matt, calm down. What I meant was if you see them one time and then never again you think they're a ghost, your dry cleaner you have seen several times. Yes. So what makes you think he's a ghost? Yes.

With him, you can just tell you know it's like um porno i know what you're talking about in terms of that but in terms of you just know when you see a ghost that i'm still not clear on but uh because for let's say for for uh joan and myself and i guess doug uh that we are not uh we're not people that have seen a ton of ghosts and so maybe we don't know what the the markers are and so burnt only believes in ghouls doug i yeah i don't believe in ghosts but i do believe in ghouls uh doug you you've seen a ghost oh yeah math matt is saying that you've seen a ghost doug is true he is he's saying no i think you're hearing an accident that was an accident oh you did accidentally say math i

did accidentally say that word oh no, no. That's really sensitive. I know. I did not mean to. And I do apologize. I think because I'm so afraid to say it, I think it actually is too much in my mind. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Doug has seen all sorts of ghosts, right, babe? All sorts.

All sorts, all sizes. What's the biggest ghost and the littlest ghost you've seen? what's the biggest ghost and the littlest ghost you've seen? Biggest ghost? Biggest Empire State Building, at least. Oh, God. I've never seen it, but I've heard. Have you ever seen one? Wait, I'm sorry.

You've heard of the ghost of the Empire State Building? Yeah. Well, I've never been to New York, but I want to go sometime. Never heard about the ghosts of buildings, baby. You never told me about this one. What do you mean? Especially buildings that are still standing. No, I'm not saying it was a ghost of a building.

It was as big as the building. Oh, okay. But to be clear, that building is a ghost. Oh, okay. These are two separate issues that we have to take one at a time. That's just a two separate thing. Okay.

So first, Doug, what was this building-sized ghost that you saw? What was it? Yeah, a ghost of what? It wasn't a ghost of what? It was a ghost. Or who? It was a ghost of, I mean, I didn't ask.

I was too scared. I just saw it running. Babe, what did it look like? I don't know what the ghost. Why are you getting so defensive? Everyone's very defensive. I know. Wait, what color was the building's hair?

No, it wasn't a building. Blonde. Oh my God. Look at my arms right now. It is just a colony of goosebumps. Because I've seen a building that was blonde that was a ghost. Oh God. This is so crazy.

These are the moments where Duck kind of steps in and gets us more carried away, I have to tell you. I don't know where we are right now. To be fair, I was brought in. I was brought into the conversation. I'm too scared to talk about the ghosts. You are? I'm sorry, honey. You want me to face it

again? You very proudly said I've seen all sorts of ghosts, all shapes and sizes. Yeah, you used to love to tell me about them. I didn't know you actually had some issues with it. I'm terrified. Oh, oh my. Even of the littlest ghost you've seen.

What was the littlest ghost you saw? Very cute. Sure. All little things are cute. Size of an ant. Yeah. Oh, an ant? No, never mind.

No, it wasn't an ant. It was the size of an ant. Oh, you saw ghosts the size of an ant. I love that he can't tell us what they are, but he just tells us what the size is. Is it like a sheet with eye holes? Is that what you're picturing? Matt, so you've heard of this ghost of a building.

You've seen ghosts since you were very young. You've heard about a building. You said you've seen a building with blonde hair that was a ghost? Oh, God, yeah. How come your mother and you are estranged? That's what I wanted to know, yes. Oh, my gosh. That came out of nowhere.

Well, not really. You brought it up. Is it okay? You're right. Proudly, the way that my gosh, that came out of nowhere. Well, not really, you brought it up. Is it okay? You're right. Proudly, the way that Doug brought up seeing ghosts all the time. You do not have to answer that question, Matt, if that's too personal. No, it's okay. But Bird wants an answer.

Okay, well, I'll tell you. When I came out as gay to my mother, she was really happy about it. But then when I told her that Benjamin was Catholic, she's never spoken to me since. Oh, no. Oh, boy. Are you happy, Bernt?

Well done. That was... No. To be fair, Joan, you did introduce, you did follow up on this question. You were really the one pressing it, actually. And you brought me

into talking. Now we're all defensive. This is such an emotional episode. Okay, I'm sorry. But the thing is that my mom isn't Catholic. It's not that she hates him because he's Catholic. Well, then what is it? I gathered that.

I gathered that she was definitely not Catholic. My mom is a psychic and she predicted I would be marrying a Lutheran. And I'm marrying a Catholic. So she believes I'm marrying the wrong person. Oh, just from the one detail? Yeah. Do you think she's mad because you disproved

her prediction? Yeah, I do. So it's really, it's pride on her part. Oh my God, look at these goosebumps. Is she blonde?

Doug, why would you ask such a thing? Oh my God. My mother's a ghost. My mother's a ghost my mother's a ghost I'm half ghost well if she was psychic I'm one half ghost you think she was a ghost

when you were conceived not that she became a ghost after you had been born well we don't know about ghosts and if they can reproduce we don't know no one knows the they can reproduce. We don't know. No one knows the science. It's a mystery. Oh, my God.

Wow. This is crazy. You're having this revelation on our podcast. My word. You're half ghost. That's it. I'm doing 23andMe. I am because I want to know.

It can't hurt. It can't hurt. What percentage of me is dead? Right. You never see that on the commercials. It's not like I was told I was Italian all my life, but it turns out I'm a ghost. That's ghost.

Yeah. Well, that would certainly explain things, wouldn't it? You know, I figured there might be something with the mother there. I am sorry to dig and I am sorry to sort of pass my own guilt for making you get that personal on other people. Burnt, I apologize. I just, for me, I'm always interested in people's mothers because I'm a mother and I want to know how I'm going to screw up my kids.

Sure, absolutely. So that's why I always want to ask. Right. And I knew that there would be something and look at what we've uncovered. I know. How do you think you're screwing up your kids? Just out of curiosity. Oh, wow. Well, look at what we've uncovered. I know. How do you think you're screwing up your kids? Just out of curiosity. Oh, wow.

Well, you haven't met my twins, I guess. Her twins, Matt and Schorch, they're very rambunctious young men. And they do have an obsession with fire that I think a lot of people believe is unhealthy. It's problematic. It is problematic. And I have to look at myself and sort of look at some markers as to how that happened along the way.

So it's just a matter of being... Maybe the gifts you've given them over the years. Could be. Could be. Yeah. Flame colors. Flame colors. Doug, even those... Doesn't Doug have some sort of agency in the poor parenting? Well, I don't want to get into it, Matthew, but...

I mean, I always thought of it as like a 90-10 situation, Doug to Joan, but I could be wrong. Oh, Doug's 90? Yeah. That feels right. I know because I'm half ghost. I don't know if I've told you this. I'm just getting used to saying it.

I'm half ghost. Do you feel different? Can you think in your life now of things that have happened where you thought, that's strange. And now you realize that's because I'm half ghost. Did you ever see a red doorknob? For example, what's that from?

Red doorknob. What? I don't think I have seen a red doorknob. I think you're right. Don't worry if you haven't. You know, they say, buy a red car, see a red car. So maybe I'll start seeing some red doorknobs now because I know I should be.

You know what I'm saying? Who says that? It's like a marketing thing. Did anyone hear that car horn at the moment we were discussing red cars? Now I have goosebumps. Look at this.'s it's catching and and what do you think i mean this this revelation that you that you believe yourself to be a half ghost how do you think benjamin is going to take that news how does he feel about ghosts and apparitions oh Oh, good question. We really kind of left Benjamin in the lurch here lately, so let's talk about him. Right.

Well... We dumped him on the front stoop like so much Dunkin' Donuts. Right. Wait, you put Dunkin' Donuts on the front stoop? No, it's delivered and you pick it up and you drop it and then it's a meme. Oh, right, right, right.

No, I know, I know. I'm very... I'm on the internet a lot because my job sure um uh benjamin what did you ask about him what does he feel like ghosts well anything about him what does he do for a living how does what does he think of ghosts what is he going to think of you being half ghost um benjamin is a senator Wow That's crazy because you think I would have heard of him Well, state senate There's so many senators Sure, but not every day is there one

named after a super famous person That's very true Although he could be older than the famous one How old is Benjamin? 22 Wow, he's a young man He's a young man Although he could be older than the famous one. How old is Benjamin? 22. Wow. Oh, he's a young man.

He's a young man. Yeah. All right. And how does he, and he's a senator. How did you two meet? State senator. How did you two meet? State senator. Oh, it's a cute story, actually.

You know that playground just down rubber off of la croix boulevard yes he was just there and um i was like uh this is adorable i don't think he's done i think there's more to the story oh i hope there is no no there's a lot more and then i said hey and he's done. I think there's more to the story. Oh, I hope there is. No, no, there's a lot more. And then I said, Hey, and he's like, Hey, and we've been together since.

So, so not a lot more, but nevermind. I was wrong. Maybe you were right. It was pretty much it. But I mean, you met at a play.

Were you both very young when you met at this playground? Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, it was three years ago. So I would have been, what, 57? And he would have been 19.

No. Okay. So that's, I mean, look, that's that age difference. That's your business. And we're not here to pass judgment on that. But it is remarkable. Yes. No, I know.

It's legal. But it is remarkable that he is i'll be a state senator a senator at the age of 22 yes no kidding yeah uh yeah well you know he there's a documentary on him is that there is yeah well it's YouTube. We can watch it on YouTube? What's it called? Youth in Charge. Youth in Charge. It's about youth leadership. He's not the subject of the whole documentary. It's just a small part of it.

Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. So they touch on other young people who are in charge of things. Yeah, but he was one of the few that would actually be interviewed because they couldn't get like Greta Thunberg or whatever. Oh, my little Benjamin. Oh, that's so sweet.

Yeah. I'm sorry. He's not the sole subject of the documentary, but they couldn't get a lot of other people. So what would we see in this documentary? Oh, it's a lot of B-roll of other young people who are very good malala right at a teenberg but no interviews with them uh-huh but then like for 15 seconds at the very end i know exactly what he says he says and that's our calling as young people today.

Are those the only words spoken by someone in an interview in the whole documentary? I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I mean, they have- Is there narration? No, no, no, no narration. It's only three and a half minutes long or something. Oh, okay. It's a short doc.

Yeah. Yeah. That's on the short side for documentaries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's short. It's only three and a half minutes long or something. Oh, okay. It's a short doc. Yeah. That's on the short side for documentaries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's short. It's short. But he does say at the end, what was it again? Oh, he says, and that's our job as the youth of today.

He's calling. Staring words. Staring words. Yeah. All right. So how do you think he's going to react to the news that you are half ghost? Oh, my God. It's so wild. Well, I think I might be losing him from this.

Oh, no. Yeah. Why? Why would you say that? Well, because, you know, he needs a real, you know, politician's spouse has to be, you know, Chase Buttigieg isn't out there talking about his mom's, you know, estrangement and his half-ghostness. You know what I mean? Right. True.

His half-ghostness? His half-ghostness. Ohness oh yeah Chase Buttigieg is the half ghost oh I missed that well he doesn't talk about it because that's the thing you know what I mean but I'm not going to be quiet I'm not going to be quiet oh I see that's what you're saying I thought you were afraid that no no I think he's saying Chase Buttigieg you're saying you're the liability here yeah not that not that uh that Benjamin is going to have an issue with this, but that you will not be silent about it and that might cause problems for him.

Right. He's going to say, I can't be with you because he's got to, you know, he's already a state senator. He's only 22. He's got a huge career ahead of himself. You know what I mean? Is it possible that you could be quiet about this

and not tell everyone you know? I mean, because I certainly can't tell from looking at you, you know? Really? Of course. Because I'm wearing a hat right now. Other than the fact that you're blonde. That's the only...

Oh my God. No, but you already knew this. You knew this all day. Of course I know it, but I didn't make the connection until just right now. I did not make the connection until just right now.

You've got to be kidding me with this. Look at these. Look at this. No, I. You're kidding me. I don't accept those goosebumps. I think maybe that's just your skin. Yeah, perhaps you have. God, it has been there a long time actually. They've been just constant for like months now that I think about it.

Do you think if you plucked out all your arm hairs, your skin would look like chicken skin? I barely... I just... I think I'm realizing that I've... I think maybe I'm a fool, aren't I? Am I a fool? No, I didn't mean to make you self-conscious about your skin.

I'm so sorry. No, no, no mean to make you self-conscious about your skin. I'm so sorry. No, no, no. I'm not self-conscious about my skin. I'm self-conscious about the fact that I've just said that I was half ghost and you all think I'm not really half ghost. Do you? Is that it? Is that it? Well, I mean, it's a new concept for me, Bert.

I have my doubts, but I'm a doubting person. I'm a skeptic. Yes. Right. And I'm a believer, so I'm going to believe it. Right. You do that. You do you. If you said you were half ghoul, I would be running away from here in terror. You'd be on board.

Absolutely. Well, not on board, but... How do you know if you're a ghoul? Oh, you know. That's definitely your department, Bernie. You need to explain the difference between a ghoul and a ghost, and we haven't done it. We talk about this all the time, but you never make the differentiation. I think it's time. I think that ghouls

are ghouls are sort of these, they're not quite zombies. They're these lifeless animated creatures who just they're just a mess. They're just a mess. I can't

stand them. Right. So you seem to be more I get that. Annoyed with just that. Yeah, lifeless animated. That's what I said, Doug.

So wait, you're terrified of them or you pity them? Terrified of them. I wish I could pity them. I'm terrified of them. It does sound like he's more annoyed than terrified. I'm with you there, Matt.

Well, I can act all tough because they're not around. Sure, sure. It would be a different story if there was a ghoul sitting here right now. Yep, yep. Well, what do you think you're going to do? Are you going to tell him tonight? When's the wedding? I really hope that this doesn't disturb your plans for your nuptials.

I know. Me too. That's why I had to post as Jennifer Lopez because he doesn't want me talking online about how I believe in apparitions. You know what he said when I saw the guy with the Subway sandwich? What? He was like, I think that's just a guy with a Subway sandwich, which was like, put a knife in my heart. Do you know what I mean?

I mean, did you point out that the sandwich was nude? I cannot. That's so crazy. That's all I kept saying. And he was like, so what? He was just eating it. And then he had to run across the street. And he kept being like, that bush is high.

Did Benjamin see him disappear? Oh, wait, he said the bush was high? Yeah. And he also said that wasn't Spuds McKenzie. That was just like a shirt with some animation on it. It's not Spuds McKenzie. But I felt like it was. Okay, wait a minute.

It's been hard. It's been hard ever since my mother said she doesn't believe in him as the right man for me. I'm sorry. It does sound. And also, you know, when we go to parties and stuff with all of his big Politico friends, he always makes me like take a different car. And then I have to kind of like stand across the room and stuff and like start whisper campaigns about how great he is

dear but i bet you're pretty good at that since you have ghosts and didn't even realize it you could just get in and out of it i am really good at it and that's probably why i don't know if this is helping joe i know know, I'm sorry. I just got excited like I was watching a movie. I would watch this movie. I would watch this movie for sure. Yes. Okay, so- A half ghost politician's husband

who was able to start whisper campaigns and walk through walls and figure out what the intrigue was. I'm in. Oh, we didn't discuss walking through walls. Is that something you're- Oh, I would just add that. I would just add that.

Oh, for the movie purposes. Sure, sure, sure. For the pitch. Absolutely, yes. But I can walk through walls. Is that something you're I would just add that. I would just add that. Oh, for the movie purposes. Sure, sure, sure. For the pitch. Absolutely, yes. Oh, but I can walk through walls. Oh, what? Matt. Yeah.

Matt, can I ask you? No, for real. What? This is something you do regularly, but you're just now realizing that you're half ghost. Well, oh my God.

It's just something my family has always done, but I thought it was because we're Swedish you know what I mean but we do walk through walls yes you literally can pass through

a solid wall unobstructed yeah this is the thing that you're so interested in this is the thing I shut you up on that I can walk through walls yeah I can walk through walls my Shut us up on. Yeah, I can walk through walls. My God. A man had a bear Subway sandwich on Rubber Road.

On Rubber Road. Okay. But yes, I can pass through walls. All right. I apologize. And I've had goosebumps since 2017. Okay. Well, okay. apologize and i've had goosebumps since 2017 okay well okay i i guess my my final uh question would be what would you like to tell this apparition uh if you could if you could speak to this apparition what do you want to say to him

it's okay you You're free. Let go. Oh, wow. We're friendly. Eat the sandwich. Eat the sandwich. Crunch the chips. That's what I would say.

I have goosebumps. That was a gorgeous tone, Matt. It was beautiful. And it was very loving and comforting. All right. tone, Matt. It was beautiful. And it was very loving and comforting. All right. Well, Matt, thank you so much for sharing your very interesting story with us. Yes, yes, indeed. Listen, best of luck to you. I really hope that, I hope to see you and Benjamin just rise in the political world and we can say we knew him when, when he didn't know he was half a ghost. Well, now that I know I'm half ghost, I don't think it's going to happen, but thank you. And maybe my mom is right and I'm going to find a nice Lutheran.

Do you know what I mean? I do know what you mean. Yes. And good luck no matter what. Exactly. Oh, thank you. Thank you. And good luck with, you know, the breakfast hot dogs and stuff.

Thank you. Good. Thank you. It's good for you. Yeah. And I'll see you at the paranormal group, Doug. Just come in. See you there?

Just open the door for me. I can't pass through walls. God, am I really the only one that can do this? This is crazy. I think so. I think so. Babe, I didn't know you were seeing a paranormal group, so we're going to have to talk about that after. We'll talk about it in the break.

We have a lot to discuss. We have a lot. All right. Well, thank you very much, Matt. We will take a break and we will finish the Neighborhood Listen when the Neighborhood Listen returns. Hi, this is Soul. I have a Ray Dunn XOXO mug. It's brand new.

There's only one available. I don't know what I was thinking when I purchased this. I think I thought it said ho-ho because it's red and white. I thought, oh, cute, I'm going to stock up on my holiday decorations in August. I just grabbed it at Target. I wasn't thinking. And now I realize it says XOXO. And I don't know what that means.

Is it the pagan thing? I mean, they look like runes to me. And I don't want this thing in my house. I have never seen this combination of letters together before, so that's why I'm getting rid of it, even though it's brand new. I mean, I know there's no other explanation. What a strange thing, right? It's also important to note that the pickup is only at the 87 Freeway and Lincoln Street. You must meet me on the corner of the off-ramp of the highway. That is, I'm sorry,

that is the only place I want to get rid of this mug. I want it as far away from my house as possible. Thank you. And welcome back to The Neighborhood. Listen, Joan, that bad guy. Whoa.

Whoa. Do you think he and his family can truly pass through walls And welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Joan, that bad guy. Boy. Whoa. Whoa. Do you think he and his family can truly pass through walls at will? I don't know, Bert. I got to tell you, it just keeps getting, it's through the looking glass, right? Just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Every time I think that our episodes can't get kookier, they do. We have an interesting neighborhood. They go ahead and do.

They sure do. And without so much as a buy your leave Downton Abbey talk. Oh, I love that. Oh, it's so much fun. To watch the problems of these rich people who were born into money. I know. It's so, oh my goodness, so much intrigue. I'm rooting for them. Exactly.

I love anything where extinct manners are the crux of a plot line. Or a missing paper opener. Exactly. Letter opener, sorry. It's time to have the chauffeur hanged. Oh, you know, you did a pitch pipe. I can do a pretty good impression of Lady Mary.

Want to hear it, Bernd? Oh, yes, of course. Well, I suppose not. That was excellent. When I'm in a bad mood lately and I just don't want to deal with Doug, I just go, well, I suppose.

And I just love it. You know what? You take control when you do that because you just cut someone off. It ends the conversation. And it's such a downer. It truly is. Sometimes I thought it should be called Downer Abby because sometimes's just, you just cut someone off. It ends the conversation and it's such a downer, you know, downer Abby. Cause sometimes she, boy, oh boy, she was a downer. No. Can I get traction on that? Absolutely. Traction gotten. All right. Uh, it is time for one more post before we wrap up. And, um, this one is an interesting one. I'm not sure

what the problem is. Oh, okay. This is from Damien. And the post is, cars on Benjamin Harrison. Have any of you seen this? I've seen cars all up and down Benjamin Harrison between the 34 and Acacia.

I've seen them turning left and right onto side streets, waiting at turn lights, going on to Gerald Ford, waiting at lights to go straight. I've seen them going faster and slower. This is insane. Is there anything we can do about this? Get this.

I've also actually seen cars turning onto Benjamin Harrison from gas station parking lots and fast food drive-thrus. It's getting out of hand. I'm just a concerned citizen. Wow. First of all, there are a lot of street names in that post. Absolutely. More than I've ever seen or prepared for. Indeed. Did you say Acacia?

Acacia, yeah. Like the tree? Yeah, Acacia tree. I always thought it was Acacia. Isnacia, yeah. Like the tree? Yeah, acacia tree. I always thought it was acacia. Isn't that crazy? I didn't know it's pronounced like pacacia. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of, but maybe it is acacia.

No, I think it's more fun to say it like acacia. Acacia. Is that like acai? Is that acai? Is this one of those things where no one can determine what... You'll never get me. Let me just say that when you were reading this...

When that started becoming popular, I told everyone, you'll never get me. You were out front in that debate. Never said it out loud, never will. In terms of you just left it behind you. That's right. Waiting for it to completely go away. Now, I will say when you read this out loud to me, all I can say is this sounds like either a dog or a toddler talking and just realizing for the first time what cars do. Because I can't understand this person's confusion.

It is like if a toddler was delivering the Roy Batty speech from Blade Runner. Wow. And all the things I've seen, I've seen cars going faster and slower. Yes. Or also just even like, have you seen this? This is the thing that people do. And this is what,

and they go fast and they go slow. The fast and slow part is wild to me. What would he have the cars do? I mean, I understand. Here's the top two actual problems. Waiting at turn lights and waiting at lights to go straight.

Now I understand that, that those, those two things are things you're not supposed to do. Sure. Sure. Sure. You know, you,

you turn right on red and, and, and you, when it's green, you go. But other than that, you know, all these,

I've seen them turning from gas stations onto the street. Well, yes, you can't stay in the gas station forever. Even just saying that there's cars on the street as if they're not meant to be on the street is just a confusion to me. Exactly. He's a concerned citizen.

Yes. As if he's describing, you know, an infestation of rats are on the street or something that doesn't belong. But these are cars. They're just cars. That's what else. What else would he have on the street? Exactly.

I don't know. Why is he so bewildered? Yeah, bikes are also allowed. Sure, bikes. Pedestrians also allowed, yes. Well, of course, I don't think that's in debate. I mean, he doesn't seem to have a problem with those. Doug likes to take questions literally as always.

Guys, come on. Now we're almost to the end. Let's keep it light. I'm just explaining. I'm just explaining. Benjamin Harrison Street has a minimum speed limit. A minimum? As well as a speed limit.

What does that mean? Like a minimum speed and a speed limit. So you're supposed to maintain- A minimum and a maximum. 37 miles an hour. Yes. You're supposed to maintain 37 miles an hour. Yes.

That's how fast you're supposed to go on that street. That's why they're upset they're speeding up and slowing down. Right, but that also happens with the regular flow of traffic. Yes, if there's traffic lights, which there are, you can't control that. You're supposed

to ignore those on Benjamin Harrison. What? That's not a thing. Just because you decided that in high school, that those lights don't apply to you. Oh, you're one of those? Yes. Okay. Now I understand. That was a very popular thing in some schools where they would ignore the lights on Benjamin Harrison.

That's right. Shoot the yellow, they used to call it. Shoot the yellow. And, you know, you have to pay attention to the lights. No matter what school you went to, those lights are for everyone. And maybe Damien went to the same high school as Doug did. The possible. Did you go to school with the Damien?

Self-dignity. You went to South Dig? Yes. I thought he said self-dignity. Even though I was raised in South Dig. I thought he said self-dignity as well. So did I. Which, you know what, is important.

And that's the greatest love of all. It's a good thing to yell, I guess. It is a great thing to yell. Self-dignity as well. So did I. I thought, oh. Which, you know what, is important, and that's the greatest love of all. It's a good thing to yell, I guess. It is a great thing to yell, self-dignity! Self-dig! Well, thank you very much for listening to The Neighborhood Listen once again. If you'd like to see the posts that we read here on the show, you can find them on Instagram,

The Neighborhood listen on Instagram. And, uh, we are, uh, you can, you can write to us at burntandjoneatgmail.com. If you have a neighbor hat post that we've missed that you'd like us to read, um, and, and maybe talk to a guest. Um, so, uh, uh, burntandjoneatgmail.com. Well done. That was a real nail bititer. I think my blood sugar is low. I think you need another hot dog. Maybe I need a brunch hot dog. Go see if he'll make one. It's a breakfast hot dog.

It's going to be hard to squeeze it between 6 and 6.16 for the lunch rush. I know. I think brunch hot dogs are available until 620. Oh, there you go. All right. Well, I am burnt me a payday.

Thank you for listening. I am Joan Pedestrian. Thank you so much for listening. And thank you to my husband, Doug, for engineering as always. You're welcome. Until next week, goodbye. And bye. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins.

And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cardbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Our guest today was Jeff Hiller. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production. Want more of The Neighborhood Listen? Sign up and get a free month of Stitcher Premium. Go to stitcherpremium.com slash neighborhood,

select the monthly plan, and use the promo code neighborhood.