The Neighborhood Listen - Joan + Doug's Cellar, An Orange Cat and Chiminea Pizzas with Lily Sullivan

Episode Date: October 26, 2020

This week on The Neighborhood Listen, an orange striped cat is found(...), fruit trees are discussed and Doug is in a dark place. Plus, neighbor Emily (Lily Sullivan) comes by to discuss the movie Parasite, chiminea pizzas, and more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is. All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.

And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. This episode's guest is played by Lily Sullivan. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the NeighborHalf app and us. Bert. And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Hello and welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen.

This is the ongoing look at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, hosted by two of its residents. I'm one of them. My name is Burnt Mia Payday. And I'm another one. Joan Pedestrian here. And we are here in Joan's home. We're in her kitchen. We sure are.

We are in her kitchen. And my husband, Doug, is in the wine cellar today. And I hope you're behaving down there because we thought it'd be great because of the cool climate. But you're not getting into anything, are you? No, I'm staying away from our wine. It's very dark. Oh, you didn't turn on the light? Oh, I didn't know there was a light.

You didn't know there was a light? That explains why he always comes up from the cellar with the wrong bottle of wine. Always. Doug, it should be noted for new listeners, Doug also lives in the home. He is your husband. He does. Of course he lives in the home. It is very surprising that he doesn't realize that there's a light in the cellar.

I mean, it's surprising to me. It is surprising to me. Doug, Bert here. Can I ask you a question? Always. Did you look for a light at some point and then just give up? Yeah, I did. I did look for a light. some point and then just give up? Yeah, I did. I did look for a light.

I felt around for the light. Which is why I don't send him grocery shopping. Same thing. Same thing happened. Because it's dark at the grocery store? No, because he looks for one second. If he doesn't see it, he comes right home. I see.

I see. Says, well, I guess they don't sell bananas at this store. And Doug, you just immediately concluded, well, there's no light here. You didn't ask, say, your wife, who also immediately concluded, well, there's no light here. You didn't ask, say, me, your wife, who also lives in the home,

where's the light? Well, I feel like I have fairly good night vision. I can feel my way around pretty well. I feel self-sufficient. I don't like to be codependent.

Well, what would, what would, what would qualify someone as not being able to feel around in the dark very well? Well, if you slip and fall a lot. Sure. If you

reach out and nothing is touching your fingers. But that, of course, is, that's a reflection of skill. That just is your... Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on that one anyway so yeah so Doug's down there

in the wine cellar and congratulations on the wine you had a wine cellar that's a little bit of a secret you've been keeping oh really you didn't know about it I had no idea well I will say it was kind of a long realized dream of mine you know just to be able to to run down and grab a grab a nice 1992 you know, just to be able to, to run down and grab a, grab a nice

1992, you know, and, and, and just open it up for my guests. And to me, it's, it's small. It's not like we have a ton down there, you know, we've, we've, it's not full. So I'm working on, you know, how many bottles would you say? There's about five, you know, so we've got, we've got a lot of slots to fill. It's one of those hobbies that I didn't quite, you know, it's sort of, life gets so busy, right? Life gets so busy. So you think I want to procure all this wine and be that person. Yes. And then right now I'm just not that person yet.

And the other thing is I drink them too fast to even put them down in the cellar. You do go through wine very quickly. That's true. Well, okay. I do. Yes, I enjoy it. I mean, you. I don't feel like I'm. It's okay when I say it burnt. Well, you know, I mean, you, I do. Yes, I enjoy it. I mean, you. I don't feel like I'm.

It's okay when I say it, Berndt. Well, I mean, you know, look. I feel judged. I think, no, not at all. Look, you and I, I think, have been very upfront about our relative relationships to alcohol. You like your wine all the time. And I like to drink a bottle of vodka on Friday nights. Just straight out of the bottle. Just straight out of the bottle.

Don't even bother with the glass. I used to start with the glass, then I was like, I'm wasting time. What are we doing here? The shortest distance between two points. It's just me and my apartment, so why am I standing on ceremony? Are you watching something when you settle down

with this bottle of vodka? Nope. Oh, dear. Don't tell me that. You are just sitting in a chair, what, staring at the wall? Are you watching something when you settle down with this bottle of vodka? Nope. Oh, dear. Don't tell me that. You are just sitting in a chair, what, staring at the wall? Are you reading? Please say you're doing something. I have read in the past. Sometimes I've looked out the window. Sometimes I will have the TV on mute.

Now, why is that? The sound. If I get into my vodka, the sound sometimes makes me angry. And when you say get into my vodka, what does that mean? Let's explore that. Let's unpack that a little. When I'm a third of the way through. Oh.

Yeah, when I'm a third of the way through the bottle. That's when everything starts working. That's when you start buzzing. It all starts clicking and humming. I feel vodka in my thighs first. You feel it in your thighs first? That's where it hits me first. What kind of a feeling is it?

Oh, it's just a buzzy, tingly, warm. You get buzzy, tingly thighs. I get buzzy, tingly, warm thighs. I do. Yeah. And then does it spread out from there? Yeah. After that, it kind of then it's just all downhill from there.

You know what I mean? Then it seems to hit the rest of my body instantly. But it starts with the thighs. That's ground zero. It sure is. So for you, it's a third of the way in. Yes. And then I start really, I'm in my groove.

And that's when you're like, TV, I can't listen to you. Yes. The voices make me angry. Angry? Yeah. Are you an angry drunk, would you say? I think I might be a sort of passive aggressive drunk. I try not to be around people.

It's almost like being a werewolf. Is it? Yeah. I lock myself in the room and I say under no circumstances open this door. I put a little sign outside. No matter how much I bang and scream. You keep looking in the mirror and you look more drunk and then you look away

and you look in the mirror and then you're more drunk. And oh my God, before you know it, you're full drunk. That's exactly right. Yeah. That's exactly right. And you howl as well. That is a similarity. I do.

I do howl. And I howl more in the absence of the moon. Isn't that funny? Interesting. Because I. What was it? You sound your barbaric yop. Wasn't that the thing from Dead Poets Society?

I mean, I know it was actually a quote from an actual writer, but I just know it is from that movie. I believe it was Walt a quote from an actual writer, but I just know it is from that movie. I believe it was Walt Whitman. Oh, look at you. Who wanted to sound his barbaric yelp over the rooftops. Oh, I loved that movie. Did you really? Oh, I did.

Well, Doug knows. One of my early crushes in a movie. I mean, this was not the very first one, but man, for whatever reason, Robert Sean Leonard. Oh, that poor kid who wasn't allowed to be in Midsummer Night's Dream. That's right. Because his dad wanted him to go to military school or something. Yes. And you know what?

I never could watch that 70s show because that actor was on it. And I was like, you are the reason Neil killed himself. Kurtwood Smith. Kurtwood Smith, who I hear is a very nice man. But you know what? If I saw him, I'd be like, how dare you, sir? Where did you hear this about him? Hear what about him? That he was a very nice man, but you know what? If I saw him, I'd be like, how dare you, sir? Where did you hear this about him? Hear what about him?

That he was a very nice man. Have you met him? Do you know that that's not true? I have no idea. Well, I don't know. A friend of a friend said that they met him at a benefit. You're an actor. You do.

You do. You're on the stage. So maybe you hear things that actors hear that I wouldn't hear. Also, I judge someone's character by how they do on the late night talk show. If they're charming, then for whatever reason, that just works for me. Absolutely. Sometimes I do the same thing with presidential candidates. It's not.

Oh, like Julia Roberts. Would you go on to flirt with David Letterman? She was so charming. Oh, she was in love with her. Oh, the legendary chemistry. Yes, legendary chemistry. That we all loved and couldn't get enough of. That's exactly right.

Speaking of local theater. Yes. I do have a little update. What is it? I've set a date for the show. Now, remember, it's Funny Girl. But you know what I'm doing? Because I kept thinking, oh, we were going to do My Fair Lady. We were going to do it with a dramatic bend. So I do want to change what we think of when we think of funny.

So I came up with just a simple solution. just a matter of punctuation, a question mark. Funny girl. This is intriguing. This title intrigues me. Thank you. That is the whole point. It's just supposed to start to get people talking. Oh, so, so you don't yet have an answer to that question.

Well, not yet. It's just that I like to work from the way outside in. That's right. I like to just have the, and we're going to have, I just like to get the mystery out there. Right. Like a hashtag. It's just going to be hashtag question mark. Much like Agatha Christie, starting with the end of the mystery and then working way backwards.

Is that what you did? I don't know. I'm assuming. Oh, I think that makes more sense. It's just easier to figure it out that way. That's what I easier to figure that's what i would do that's what i would do so but i just thought isn't that interesting if we start with the question right so uh that's all i have but i also have a date so i have a date and here's the thing if i have a date then i have to figure it out exactly i have to figure it out by june you work well with the deadline yes yeah i

work really well with the deadline i do that's That's right. Yeah. So anyways, we're here. We've got posts to talk about. Exactly. What we do, of course, is we share a post from the social networking app, the NeighborHap. And everyone has this, and we certainly have it here in Dignity Falls. And what we do is we read the posts and we discuss them it's a way to get to know our neighbors and our neighborhood so i have one uh if you'd like me to start things off oh please do um this one where did it go i just had it uh and it has disappeared you're always doing stream

you do although you do all those screen caps during the day of catalogs. I love doing it. But you never order anything. It's just the funniest thing to me. You know, that's kind of like me and the wine seller. You know, like I think I'm going to be this person and I think you think, oh, I'm going to buy that. I'm going to buy that. And then you kind of never get around to it. It's a lot of these things I think is going to make my life

easier. Right, right, right. And then I forget about them and my life continues the way that it is. This comes to us from Kristen. Kristen says, this is the headline of the post, found, period, orange striped cat, period. Very hopeful. Found medium-sized orange cat, stripes all over. All over. Found at Edenhurst and Teddy Roosevelt Boulevard.

Right ear clipped. This is where it takes a turn. Kitty had passed away. I've taken measures for cremation since no one has claimed him. Well, so, okay. That's called burying the lead, I would say. Absolutely. In this case.

100% agree. Well, not even burying the, because she's. Cremating the lead, I would say. Absolutely. In this case. 100% agree. Well, not even burying the – because she's – Cremating the lead. No, she's taking measures. What does that exactly mean? You either just call and say you need to have it cremated. Is that the measures that she's talking about? I would assume.

It does sound very sinister. It makes it sound like a very long process and a very long sinister process. You're right. Yes. But if he's – it almost seems like there was no point for this post. Is that maybe accurate? On the one hand, if someone's missing their cat and they, and they don't know where it is. And then someone says, I, I found a cat that matches this description.

The cat is dead. I can see how that person needs closure. Sure. But I don't know that I would phrase it exactly like this. And then I would also take issue with if do we know is there a previous post because it would seem to me like the first post should be found a cat uh you know i'll wait a day maybe sure but instead instead of just deciding i'm going to i'm going to just take my own measures of how to get rid of this cat there

was no chance for the owner to say, oh, hey, that's my, oh, you already burned it to ashes. It's true. Well, what did they say? No one has claimed him. So I would assume there was a previous post. It would be amazing if there wasn't because if no one's claimed him,

of course they didn't because if you didn't post, then how could anyone have claimed him? I hope that there was a previous post and we just missed it. Yes, I would hope it's not. I found a cat. I never heard from anybody. And I also never posted about it.

Fire up the chiminea. Oh, the chiminea. I'm thinking of how would you home cremate a cat? Oh, Lord. Oh, I see. What did you think I meant, Jo? Nothing. It was just your pronunciation of the word chimney.

You just added chiminea. Are you not familiar with chimineas? Oh, have I been exposed? Doug, I feel like a fool. Did you hear that? Did you know about chiminea? I feel... Oh, come on. Doug, why don't you explain to her what a chiminea is?

Sure. It's like a chimney. Okay. But it has a curvature to it. Yes. Is that right? That's right. Are you Googling it, Doug?

Are you Googling it down there? That sounds very much like he looked away at a screen. Why is there? Exactly. It did, and also there's a lot of delay. You could hear me turn to the screen? Googling it down there. That sounds very much like he looked away at a screen. Why is there? Exactly. It did, and also there's a lot of delay. You could hear me turn to the screen? Yep.

It was the pause that made it seem like, hold on a second, hold on a second. Yeah. The acoustics are great down there. It was like a scroll. I heard a little whoosh of him turning to look at a screen. It's like a portable chimney. A portable chimney? A portable. Here's what it is. Okay.

It's, you know, the concept of a fire pit. I'm familiar. So this is a sort of clay freestanding little structure that has an opening at the base. You could put wood in there. I guess you can put coals in there as well. Okay.

But it's like a little outdoor heating device. Wow. But it's like a little outdoor heating device. Wow. I learned something every time we do this from you, Bernt. What else, Doug? What else does the internet say? You can find them on Pinterest.com.

It seems like there's many of them there. Okay. Sure. I would imagine. You can just find pictures of them on Pinterest. Yes. You can't purchase them on Pinterest. I think you can find pictures of them on Pinterest. Yes. You can't purchase them on Pinterest. I think you can find pictures of them various places, but Pinterest, sure.

So, okay. See, I thought it was just a fun way to pronounce to me like the way my mom says Tar-jay instead of Target. It drives me. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. No, it's a real thing. Okay. It's a real thing. Yeah.

Well, yes, I certainly hope that she didn't get rid of the cat cremation style at her own home. Yeah. But I think that let's maybe we could workshop. How could this post have been a little more sensitive and a little less jarring? Absolutely. I think that I mean, it's tough. It's tough. You can't just say found dead cat.

That's also rough. Exactly. Just say you might want to sit down. But I would. You might want to sit down. That's nice, Doug. You might Exactly. Just say, you might want to sit down. You might want to sit down. That's nice, Doug. You might want to sit down. You might want to sit down. If you're the owner of an orange striped cat, you might want to sit down.

Maybe. That would be the more sensitive way to start this post. Absolutely. So in the future, anybody, if you find a deceased animal, it's very sad. Okay, so let's continue. So subject line. Oh, yeah, we're still workshopping. If you're the owner of an orange striped cat.

Yes. You might want to sit down. You might want to sit down. Okay, that's the title. That's the headline. Yeah, that's the title. And then the body of it is something like, start with, you know, I'm so sorry to report. Mm-hmm.

A cat has passed away. I found an orange cat. I don't think you need to say, I'm so sorry to report a cat has passed away. I found an orange cat. I don't think you need to say, I'd lose stripes all over. Because if it's a striped cat, I assume that they're all over. Because if it's one stripe, then he's not striped. I've never seen a cat with just a couple stripes. Exactly. Now, when the person

says the cat passed away, does that mean that she found the cat already deceased? Right. Passed away. To me, it always sounds like, you know, surrounded by his family and friends and it took a while. Yes, exactly. And he had time to say goodbye and expire, you know, in sort of like a languid candlelit scene.

Exactly. That's what I picture. Exactly. Priest comes in for last rites. That's right. And so I'm sure that didn't happen. But you also don't want to say. And also, it's not indicated

what he passed away of, which again, I don't know if we want to know, because I hate when a cat has been hit by a, oh gosh, when it's hit by a car or when it, you know, it's a dog. Oh, terrible. I'm neutral about that. Now that's, what an interesting thing to be neutral about. Death comes to us all, and

it really, in the end. You always have been very, very, just sort of very frank and matter of fact about death. Well, being a pharmacist, I mean, I see. A lot of death. I see a lot of people come close to death. Or just, yeah, they come in and they are close to death. Sure. Right, right. And you're like,

are all these medications really going to... Well, because if you have an infection, that could lead to death and you're coming in to see me as a stopgap. Right, right. But here's the thing, though. Eventually, you will die. You're the step before death for a lot of people.

For a lot of people. And I was asked to stop saying that to people. But it got to be where I didn't realize I was saying. I was just thinking out loud. Oh, that happens sometimes. Yeah, and then my manager, Pete, said, please don't say that to people. Oh, okay. And so I, and so I did stop, but it is true.

Does manager Pete still have that mustache? Yes, he does. Yes, he does. I just think it's, I think it's wrong for a pharmacist to have such a, such a sort of, I guess he's just kind of going for old timey, but it's, but it's quite, it's the handlebar. I don't know. Just so much hair, so much facial hair around all those drugs. I don't know.

Is that good? Well, it's, it's, I mean, he does wax it up. And so that, that acts as a sort of hair net in a way it's all kept in there, but he doesn't, the, the, the thing is, and I hope I don't get in trouble for saying this on the podcast. He never trims it. So it's just getting longer and longer and longer. It's like, is he going for a record or something? And he's got to go for more and more spirals to keep it contained.

Oh. And I think it's distracting, especially if, you know, if he's going to give you some bad news. Right. If somebody's telling you you can't get your prescription that you need for your heart. Right. You don't want that guy to look like that. No. You know what I mean?

No, that's what you're going to focus on. So, so, so, so, so somebody came out of a carnival. And said,

you're going to die. Well, now we're not allowed to tell people that. Oh, good. Yeah, we are not. It's probably also not accurate.

We're not. Yes. And, and, and that's one of the things Pete said, you know, we're not allowed to tell people that. And it's probably best if we don't suggest it. And I said, Pete, fair enough. Then there you go. Well, that's, that's, that's one of the things Pete said, you know, we're not allowed to tell people that, and it's probably best if we don't suggest it.

And I said, Pete, fair enough. Then there you go. Well, that's a good bit of advice, I think. So if you're the owner of an orange-striped cat, you might want to sit down. I regret to inform you, an orange-striped cat has passed away in my custody. An iron striped cat has passed away in my custody. And I was, maybe I was thinking about taking measures for cremation. One way to dispose of such an animal is cremation.

If you, if this is, if this description matches your cat, please contact me if you have a different plan for its last rites. If there's some sort of living will that you're in possession of. Yes, there could be. There could be a living will. It could want to do a wake or a celebration of life, which are so popular these days. A celebration of life. You could do a celebration of the cat's life, which I think is nicer, you know. Although a good old-fashioned Irish wake with the cat's body there. Or keening.

Isn't that where they keen? Everyone's keening and drinking. Everyone's keening. Bitter recriminations. Old jokes are being told. Songs are sung. And everyone gets drunk. And simply everyone gets drunk.

Everyone. Well, Joan, we have to take a break. Yes. When we return, we will have a guest right here in studio. So stay tuned for more of The Neighborport Listen. Tiki Mugs for sale or trade. $30. Hey, it's Eric here.

Complete your bar cart. Sweet Tiki Mugs sale or preferably trade. Tiki Mug swap or whatever you want to offer. Like, i'll give you the tiki mugs and maybe you'll give me a different tiki mug or i'll give you the tiki mug and maybe you'll give me a large cardboard tube or i'll give you the tiki mug and maybe you'll give me a commemorative plate. Or I'll give you the tiki mug and you'll give me some old fireplace implements. Or I'll give you the tiki mug and you'll give me a coupon for one free back rub.

Or I'll give you the tiki mug and you will give me some sage advice, or I'll give you the tiki mug and you will give me the same tiki mug weeks later, but in a different wrapping so that I have a fun surprise when I open it up. Like, oh, that's my tiki mug I gave him. And welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Excellent. How are you doing down there, Doug? Good. I found the Neighborhood Listen. Excellent. How are you doing down there, Doug? Good.

I found the light. Oh, good. This is good. I feel a little bit like you could have reminded me that it's a torch. What? This is a torch lit cellar. Oh, you know what? You said there was a light.

Now, John, is this true? It's lit entirely by torches. It's look, it's it's it's more like, yes, I mean, it's gas. It's like turning on your your fireplace. If it's if it's a gas fireplace. I think torches have a dramatic way to explain. But yes, it actually is. It looks like you dipped a stick in kerosene.

I wanted to kind of have a medieval feel to it. Sure. Absolutely. Right. You know, I was going I was going for that because you're down in the depths, you know, in the dungeon. So I've got absolutely you're going through the catacombs. Yeah. The stonework works.

I've got a couple skulls there. Just look. We found five bottles of wine. Yes, exactly. Right. What treasure must be down here? Uh huh. Yeah.

And and and so I did go for that theme. So, yes, it does look... Doug's right. It looks like a torch, but it's not as uncontrolled as... Well, I guess a torch is kind of controlled, but it's not like a kerosene situation. It's just a gas... It's a gas line. You turn the gas. I figured out. You turn the gas knob. And that, I guess, would be a bit

tricky because it just looks like an old-fashioned key. Turn the gas knob. It has a timer. Yes. And then you walk around and you light each torch. To me, it feels like a torch. Where has a timer. Yes. And then you walk around and you light each torch. To me, it feels like a torch. Where does the timer come into play? Well, the gas shuts off after the timer. Right, because I didn't want it on all night down there.

What if it's like, oh, I don't want to fall asleep and say, did I extinguish the torches in the wine cellar? You know how you have that thought before you go to bed. No, no, no. I understand. Of course. You know how you have that thought before you go to bed. No, no, no, I understand. So you're only able to light one torch at a time, and then you have to take that torch and light the other torches. Again, I thought that would add to the fun theme of it.

How many pilot lights total are we talking here? It really is just one. It's the first one, and then you— The other ones are real torches. Yeah. And how are those extinguished? Well, I've experimented with a couple different things. I did try to blow them out.

What an idiot. You know, that didn't work. You need a lot of breath to blow out a torch. There's a gigantic snuffer. Sure. And you just have to go around and do that. But you have to hold it on there. Now, you're miming. That's a two-handed snuffer. No. And you just have to go around and do that. Now you're miming. That's a two-handed snuffer. No, it's very heavy.

Again, I'm trying to fit with it. It's all very rustic down there. Absolutely. But you have to hold it on there for about 20 minutes each. 20 minutes? That's why I don't illuminate all of them every time. Oh, I see. But also, there is a light bulb above, and you didn't see it. There is an overhead fixture.

Okay, that's good to know. To be honest, that's what I always use. I'd use that most of the time. I'm surprised you went for the torch wrap, because it's a hassle. Yeah. I tried something, it didn't work. You know, that's what you can do with a house. But yeah, Doug has said he's very good at feeling around in the dark.

Missed that switch for that overhead. Where is... Chode. I'm sorry. That was very racist. Told you it was a skill. Okay. Okay.

All right, Doug. That's fine. I'm so sorry. We are babbling on and we have a guest here in my kitchen. That's true. Yes, we do. Right here on the kitchen island. Yes. And yes, we do have a guest in in my kitchen. Yes, we do. Right here on the kitchen island. Yes.

And yes, we do have a guest in the studio. This is one of our neighbors from right here in Dignity Falls. We'll read her post. This is Emily. Emily posted this headline. This is a request under general. Internal medicine doctor, shortened to DR. Hi. doctor, shortened to DR. Hi! Any great regs for a general physician looking

to get annual and blood work from someone who is not trying to rush me out the door, LOL. Wow! Lol. Oh, please welcome Emily! Here she is! Sorry, it was lol. Lol? Oh, that's how you pronounce it. Oh, I see.

Okay. You mean it wasn't laugh out loud? Is lol actually, or what did you mean laugh out loud? I meant laugh out loud. But you say lol. Well, most people say lol. Oh, we're old birds. We're old. It used to be lol.

Yikes. Yeah, I know. Now it's lol. It's become a word. It's become a word, like chiminea. It has, yeah. Funny enough, I have used a chiminea. You have? How am I the only one snoo have used a chiminea. You have?

How am I the only one snoozing on the chiminea? Did I do a good job describing it? I thought so. You know, my old physician used to have one, and he would cook little pizzas in there for us. Really? It's weird that it can be used for cremating or pizzas. He would, so it's a wood fire pizza. Yeah. Essentially.

Yeah, it is. But he would have some. How would he? I'm trying to picture this. Like the pizzas must have been very small. Yeah, they were small pizzas. Because even they were just little bites. Oh, like a bagel bite.

Yeah. But a pizza bite. Oh, great. Yeah. Now, here's what's interesting about this post to me is is mentioning. I mean, this is obvious what the idea that some a doctor's trying to rush you out the door i'm just gonna say from my experience i feel like i go there and i wait forever and by the time the doctor gets into the room i'm like get me the hell out of here so has that not been your experience or what do you exactly mean by that do you mean the annual not being rushed or the blood work not being rushed

because boy oh boy i don't like getting my blood taken. Every time I've gone to a physician here in L.A., they're trying to rush me out. Get me out of it. Now, we're not in Los Angeles. Well, this is where I used to live. Oh, got it. Did you just move here to Dignity Falls? No, I moved here years ago.

Oh. Every time I was in L.A. And you have not seen a doctor since. No, well, I finally found one physician in LA that worked for me. This man that actually took his time. He's the one with the chimenea.

So he actually worked for me. Then I come out here. It's been years since I've been to the doctor. Been trying to find someone. Can't find one physician that doesn't, again, want to rush me out the door. What do, want to rush me out the door. And again, what do you mean by rush me out the door? Oh, can we get you anything?

Ma'am, you can't sit here too much longer because we have another patient. Ma'am, your parking, you need to move your car. Is that your Hyundai Sonata? It sounds like maybe are you staying for a while after the doctor's finished with you? Absolutely. Oh, and why?

I have my things. I need to collect my things. Your things? Sure. Obviously, my purses, my bags, my hats. You bring multiple hats to the doctor. Well, of course. I wear many hats. Oh, but literally you wear many hats. You bring hats? Multiple hats. You bring multiple hats to the doctor? Well, of course. I wear many hats.

Oh, but literally you wear many hats. So purses, bags, hats. I need to collect my things. Also, you know, if I've started an article, do you expect me to just up and leave? But now are you in? If I'm reading a magazine, I'm supposed to not finish? Is this in the examination room?

Yeah, this is all over the office. Oh, so what I'm gathering is you kind of just make yourself at home in this doctor's office and can you maybe not see how they've got to get other patients in, much like at a restaurant that is busy, perhaps. And actually, that's an interesting question. What kind of restaurants do you like, by the way? How do you handle when you're at a restaurant and there's a lot of people waiting? I can't tell you how many times they're trying to get me out of there. Oh, ma'am, can you settle up? My shift is ending.

We're all wrapped up here. The staff is leaving. You know, that kind of thing. I like a cafe. I like to come early, stay late. What do you mean by come early? Like get there as soon as it opens? That's a good question.

You know, if there's outdoor seating, I like to sit, you know, come. I might get there 4 or 5 a.m., set my laptop up. So before they are actually open. I can see how that might cause a problem with management. You know, you show up and there's a woman. It would be alarming. I mean, you're getting there in the dark. And you're out there on your laptop.

I've got stuff to do. I've got articles to read. Now, why do you prefer to do that? You're reading a lot of articles. Why do you prefer to do that in a place, in a public place as opposed to in the privacy of your own home? Do you have a chaotic home life? What in the privacy of your own home? Do you have a chaotic home life? What's going on in my home? Well, my kids. Oh, so you have

kids. I'm just, I, there are so much that they want from me. Well, I don't have time to give that. I, I need to go. I need to get out. What, what are the ages of your kids, if I may? Oh, 7, 13. Just nonstop. I need, I need, I need. Oh, I mean, listen, I hear you, honey. I hear you. Yeah, I'm sure you do. Joan has three kids, of course.

I do. Twins and a daughter who is still here. And actually, she doesn't need me anymore. She doesn't really need anything from me. Oh, I envy you. Well, you know, you're going to get to a point where you're actually sad that they don't need you. No. No. Okay.

No. No. Okay. Can I ask, do you also have, I mean, you're, if I understand correctly, you're describing a scenario where you'll get to a place before it opens, and then you will want to stay there long after it's closed. Is that correct? Is that fair to say? Yeah. Okay.

It's a normal time at an establishment. Some might disagree. Some might say, like, the most time I've ever spent at a cafe is maybe two hours. Huh. Well, are you from New York City? No. Oh, really living that fast-paced life, I see. No, I just run out of things to do there.

Oh, must be nice. For me, the news stream never ends. So, yeah, when you talk about you reading articles, what are these articles generally about? Is this for work that you have to keep abreast of all these news articles? No, no, no. It's a 24-hour news cycle. Wake up. It sounds like maybe you're just addicted to the internet and the news.

Well, some would say I'm just following up with politics, making sure that I'm aware of what's going on in this country. Do you have a job? Well, they no longer consider me part of the crew. Who's they? I worked as a, well, I worked for a non-for-profit organization. We make meetings for scientists. You make meetings for scientists? For scientists. You make meetings for scientists? You make meetings for scientists.

International scientists, sometimes they need to have meetings where they all talk about things like physics. Oh, like a phone conference? Like arranging a phone conference? No, no. Real life meetings. You know, they come.

In person. They come to the hotel. They stay at a hotel. I facilitate. I would facilitate that. It got too much for me. It got too much for you? Yeah. Too much work?

The kids, the work. I said, what is, this is just, this is insanity. The expectation on me. So just life in general just was too much for you. So you go to a place of business and hang out there. Who's watching the kids at home? Just one. So you, you go to a place of business and hang out there. Who was watching the kids at home? Are you, are you married? Oh, sorry. Sure. Sure. You go first.

Did you quit or were you fired? Because you, you did start out saying they no longer consider you part of the crew. That's true. And then you're saying now it got too, it got to be too much for you. So is it, is, are you admitting that maybe you were not doing a good job and they had to let you go? Or are you saying you left of your own volition? Well, I think my patience was shot. You know, scientists, yeah, okay, they could solve a big equation or make us, you know, put a vial and put a lot of potions in it or whatever. That's what they do.

But they don't know how to do basic stuff. They don't know where the bathroom is. They don't know how to do basic stuff. They don't know where the bathroom is. They don't know how to leave the building when they enter the building. They're confused how to live everyday life. Is that right? They're, oh, I cut my finger. Can you put a bandage on it? That was one of the jobs that you had?

I'm not your mom. Right. You certainly don't like being a mom to your own children. Why would you be a mother to these strangers? That's exactly how I felt. So you would facilitate in-person meetings for various scientists. And band-aid applications. Yeah. And so sometimes they'd be

confused as to how they get out of the building. They wouldn't know where the bathroom was and they'd cut themselves and you'd have to apply a band-aid. This is my theory. And it hasn't been proven, but I think everybody only has so much of their brain that they can use. Okay. I agree with that.

So yes, it, you know, some people, they, they might be so good. This Renaissance man in a certain way. And then you watch that person run. He doesn't know how to run, right? His body, his brain never taught his body how to run. Not that he has a, like a comical run, but that he literally does not know how to run. No, no, comical run. Oh, okay.

A bad run. I will say sometimes you see people running, and sometimes they don't look right running. Well, it's very undignified running. Yeah, I don't know. If you were a caveman and you were running, you were in trouble. Yeah, I went on a running kick in the 90s. Remember that, Doug? Okay, you know what?

He's looking at a screen. Did he fall? Do you have? We have a well in the corner. I'm not sure where I am. The cellar went way deeper than I thought. Is there a sub cellar in the cellar? Yes, I thought it'd be fun again to go further with this and put a well in the, you know.

But again, the twins, of course, made that no fun because they would. Oh, typical. Oh, did you have twins as well? No, just kids. Oh, well, yeah, mine are definitely typical kids and they would put Oh, typical. Oh, did you have twins as well? No, just kids. Oh. Well, yeah. Mine are definitely typical kids. And they would put things down there.

These are twins, Matt and Chant. They'd put the cat down there. And then the cat would... It was terrible. Borderline animal cruelty. And so I put a cover over it. No, I'd say it's not borderline. It's firmly crossed over the border. Fair enough.

You're right. Become a citizen. It's. Fair enough. You're right. Become a citizen. It's got global entry. You're right. Okay. Is there a rope ladder or something? Can you just hang on? Because we are in the middle of an interview.

No problem. There's a system of pegs. And much like in American Ninja, you have to climb up them. Oh, I love that show. Right. That's why I did it because I thought that you'd enjoy that. So let us know. I foresaw this whole thing happening. I know my family very well.

I don't know how you took the pothole off or the, you know, it's sort of like a pothole that I had on there. Why did you take that off, Doug? It covers up the well. Like a lid? Yeah, there's a beautiful rug underneath. And then underneath it is, yeah, a lid. The lid's underneath the beautiful rug. Yeah. So we had to have pulled up the rug. Did you open a bottle of wine, Doug? Are you drunk? No, I was just, I was exploring the cellar. I haven't seen it in years. All

right. Well, we'll get back to you in a second, honey. So, all right. Where were we? I honestly, I can't stop picturing the basement of Parasite. That's what I think of. Oh, no spoilers. I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen it yet.

Is that why your porch light is always blinking? Because I haven't seen Parasite? Yep. You know, if you see Parasite, that'll stop that blinking. It will? All right. I got to watch it. We got to watch that.

Okay. Two best porch light blinking things that I can think of. Parasite and Haunting of Hill House. Oh, boy. Listeners don't know this yet, but we could do a whole episode on Haunting of Hill House. If you can think of a great porch light blinking drama, please send it in to us. I mean, Stranger Things kind of has a lot of blinking

and I'm sure there's a porch light blinking in it somewhere. I suppose. Oh, wow. Not a Stranger Things fan. Okay, got it. It doesn't figure it as part of the plot. Okay, I understand.

All right, so I was going to say Chernobyl, but I don't think there's any porches, but there is a lot. And, hey, if you can screen cap a porch in Chernobyl, please send that to us. Oh, boy. At burntandjone.com. But please be careful. At gmail.com.

That's right. That's our email. So I just want to ask really quickly, who's watching the kids when you're gone all day? Is your husband at home? Yes, good question. Yeah, my husband, Daviel. What's his name? Daviel.

Daviel. Daviel? Daviel. Am I saying that correctly? What provenance is that? Where's he, what's his heritage? You know, Albanian, Irish, Welsh. Couple things.

Three things. So he's a... You're right. My stand corrected. So what... Lulz. Lulz. Is it okay to add a Z at the end there? Isn't that kind of what you do?

Lulz? Sure. I spell it with an S, but Z works. Okay. Lulz. Lulz. Lulz. Lulz.

So does he not work? He just stays at home with the kids? Yeah. He's doing the whole stay at home dad thing. Well, it sounds like he doesn't have a choice. No, he doesn't. He tries. He's mad.

But I can't. I have. I told him if I was there, I would lose everything that I have. What does that mean? Mentally. Oh, mentally. Oh, I see. Maybe even physically my body would give out.

If you were at home with your family. I mean, look, fair enough. I've had moments like that where you're just like, I'm going to leave all of you and go to Italy and I'm going to eat, pray, love my way through the next year. Yeah. So I hear you. But very few people actually can do that and leave the house every single day. To commit to it. And yet, have you not thought of getting,

I mean, are you happy in your marriage? I mean, you guys, are you thinking of getting a divorce? No, we still have sex. Oh, well, that's not, I mean, I never meant to ask that. That's none of my business. It gets pretty kinky. Oh, still none of my business. You know, it's, I think the main thing is

I didn't expect the responsibility that came with kids. Oh, sure. Even after the first one. Yeah. You know, this didn't hit. You went ahead and had a second one. Six years later. Yeah.

Yeah. Honestly, it's been 13 years since the first one, and this has been a really late, what do you call it? Revelation? When you first have a kid and you freak out. Postpartum? Yes. I had a delayed postpartum. A 13-year postpartum.

13 years. Because initially I was fine, you know, juggling the workplace life with the kids. Because apparently that's so hard and all that. And then it got real bad for me. So it wasn't until 13 years after your first child did you experience a postpartum depression? Is that what you're and all that. And then it got real bad for me. So it wasn't until 13 years after your first child. Yeah. Did you experience a postpartum depression? Is that what you're saying?

Yes. Interesting. I see. Delayed. And what does, uh, what does anyone do for money now? Are the kids working?

One of, um, mocktail does audition. I'm sorry. Mocktail. Mocktail does audition. What's his name? I'm sorry. Mocktail? Mocktail does audition for stuff. What does he audition for? Maybe I've seen him around.

He auditions for small parts on industrials for corporations. Would he like to be in Funny Girl? And that's a question, and also the way the title's pronounced. Is there money involved? That's a question I have not answered yet, but we are hoping that there will be a stipend of some sort. I never thought to ask you that if the actors got paid. Well, for me, I would do it for free,

but I guess some people need a reward. I don't know. If Mocktail needs it, then I guess I'll give him a gift certificate or something. And is Mocktail your 13-year-old? Yes. And your seven-year-old's name is? Nards.

I need to know where that came from. I'm sorry. So, Devanual, your husband. Daviel. Daviel. Daviel, I'm sorry. Daviel Mocktail Nards. How did you come up with the two names of your children?

Well, oddly enough, I was at my physician's when he said, you're pregnant. Okay. That's usually where you are. And I said, hang on, let me finish this pizza. It's just a pizza bite. He made the pizza in the chimney. That's right. That's right.

And I said, oh, nards. And that was the name of your second child. So how strange that that came out. But you held on to that for six years. Right. So where'd you get Mocktail? I said, boy, do I need a mocktail right now? Obviously, because you're pregnant, you couldn't have a real cocktail. Exactly. Got it.

Oh, man. And it just stuck. It did. Yeah. Well, it's unique. I appreciate that. Yeah. And on a whole, I just am looking for a physician. Again, that's why I'm here. If you know of a doctor who is not going to ask me to get the F out, like someone recently said. Oh, wow. I'm a nice patient. I connect with the physician. I love to have long talks. I have a lot that's wrong with me, which is good for them, too, because they're going to want to fix it. I'm not sure that that's what they actually love.

They're going to have a lot they're going to want to work on with me. You have various physical ailments? Is that what you're saying? Yes. Oh, what do you have? Chronic yeast infection. Oh, dear. Non-stop, to be honest.

Wow. That is not good. That's not good. That's not good. It's bad, is what it is. Are you taking anything for that currently? Yeah, Burnt probably knows the medications you're supposed to be taking, right? I've done the monostat thing. I've done the oral pill.

Have you tried essential oils? Is that supposed to work? Oh, yeah. My sister's very, very into them. Essential oils are always supposed to work. Burnt does not believe in it. I understand most pharmacists are sort of wary of all that sort of Eastern stuff and the hokey woo-woo, you know. Yeah.

But I don't know. This isn't Thousand Long Arabian Nights. But I throw a little essential ginger down there. Never had a problem. Ginger. I just take a little essential ginger down there. Never had a problem. Ginger. I just take a piece of ginger. Yeah. No.

You need the oil. Oh, it's the oil. I wouldn't put a piece of ginger. I mean, ginger is spicy. Don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah. I'll tell you something.

Thank you for that. Oh, well, you're welcome. I could definitely use something. It is out of control. So it sounds like the yeast infection. Is that the bulk of it? That's the main. Or was there something else you have? You know, weird places that are itchy.

Like what? Like my vagina. Oh, okay. It sounds like the yeast infection again. I don't think those are two separate conditions. It sounds like you need an OBGYN, not a general practitioner. Well, every time I go to a doctor, he says, well, we'll deal with the yeast infection. I said, well, what about the itch?

But that is. That is dealing. What does the doctor usually respond when you ask that question? He says, ma'am, it's been seven, eight hours. Time for you to get your car out of the way. So you're blocking the doctor. Well, I park pretty close to the entrance. I'm imagining you're not even allowed to park there.

If you're blocking the doctor, I imagine you're not allowed to park where you're parking. I mean, if it gets to the point where the doctor is saying you need to move your car, that's bad. That's bad. I usually park in a spot. Oh, man. All right. Well, I'm not sure if this is going to help you going on this podcast because I don't know if there's a doctor. That's who I'm there to see.

I park in his spot. Well, that's an interesting logic. I will say that I don't know if this is going to help you being on this podcast because any doctor that hears this might think that you are a customer who tends to overstay her welcome, if I may. Oh, that's dark. Well, it's not dark. It's just a reality, it sounds like. And there might need to be a compromise between, yes, finding maybe a bit sort of more laid-back practice for you to go to, but also for you to maybe exercise just a little bit more awareness of when perhaps you need to leave.

Okay. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here, right? I'm not telling you to go home to your kids. There we go. Exactly. I'm not telling you to go home. I bet you've heard that phrase a couple times. I have definitely heard that phrase. And to me, you know, I am also, if we're going to go for it here, I'm looking for a restaurant.

I'm looking for a new place to do my exercise. There's a lot of venues that I'm looking for. And if anyone can help me, then I can make more of transitions easier for everyone. You know, a little time here, a little time there. All right. Oh, so maybe if you expanded your personal universe to more locations, you wouldn't be spending so much time in all of them. Exactly. So I don't know what the pharmacy is like or what. I mean, have you ever been to a pharmacy?

So she's trying to, you know, she wants to come and hang out of your pharmacy for a couple hours. Is there a space where you sit or where you can put your half? There's a seat where you can take your blood pressure, but people are going to be coming in and using that. You can't stay there. It's very true. That is sort of the one seating area. That self-blood pressure machine. It's funny because I love to get—

Oh, we do set out some folding chairs when it's flu season. Oh, fantastic. For people waiting to get the shots. This is a good time for me because of coronavirus. Well, we don't have that vaccine yet. I'm so glad they're going to make it affordable. This is a good time for me because of coronavirus. Well, we don't have that vaccine yet. I'm so glad they're going to make it affordable. Hopefully, by the time people hear this, we'll all still be alive.

I sure hope so. Yeah. If not, we can all hunker down in the well. Yeah. Because actually, we'd be really safe there. It's basically like a bunker. There's been one reported, reported case. Oh, no.

Are there bats? Are those rats or bats? They're bats. Sounds like rats. There are bats down there? That's not possible. Those sound like rats. Either way, not good.

It honestly sounds to me like a hamster on a wheel. Am I the only one who hears that? Wherever I am now, it's dark again. Wherever you are now, there's no... There's only so many places. There's only the well. Where did you go? Are you in Narnia, Doug? What's happening? Some...

The bat's abruptly left. The bat's right gone. Oh, thank God. I mean, they got out of there. They sure did. Boy, oh boy. I found a stone. I took it out and there was a hole and I crawled in the hole. I couldn't

find the steps you were talking about. The pegs? You couldn't find the pegs? I did not know about this. I don't know where you are. And Doug, I hate to say this. I don't think you are good at feeling around in the dark. He needs to eat more carrots. That helps you see in the dark. Is that true?

All right. Is that true? It's not completely false, but it's not. Completely true. Yeah. Okay. It's not like you eat a bunch of carrots and then your vision, you know, all of a sudden you're not Mr. Magoo anymore. If you are, in fact, Mr. Magoo.

Shoot. your vision, you know, all of a sudden you're not Mr. Magoo anymore. If you are, in fact, Mr. Magoo. Well, listen, best of luck to you. And I really do hope that you find a nice balance. And I do hope that you eventually come home and spend a little bit of time with your kids. I really promise you that when they get older, you're going to miss when they were little. Yeah. You don't want to look back at pictures of Mocktail and Nards and turn to your husband. Daviel? Daviel.

Daviel. And say, oh, Cats in the Cradle, you know? Cats in the Cradle and Silver Spoon. Look at a little boy in the mood. I'd love to do, I'll definitely be by the pharmacy. I will also be by the play. Oh, looking good. I'd love to just take it all in.

Bring Mocktail by, and when I have auditions, I'm going to post it on the neighbor app and bring them in. I might even audition myself. And the theater is a great place to go if you just want to feel like you're there forever. Sure, but just know that rehearsals are going to be 10 to 6, no earlier, no later. And no one can be in the theater before or after. So just want to

get that out there right now. Alright, we'll see. Thank you. Well, right now, we're going to close the house, as it were. So, also have to leave here. I'll be in the bathroom. Where is the bathroom?

We don't have one. I'll figure out somewhere to go to the bathroom. Okay, I'll be in the bathroom. Where is the bathroom? We don't have one. I'll figure out somewhere to go to the bathroom. Oh, God. Sounds like we got a scientist on our hands. All right. Emily, thank you so much for being here. Stay away from my things, please. I'm sorry. Okay, Doug. Honey? What'd he say?

I'm just saying to stay away from your things. Oh, definitely stay away from his things. Use you're going to use the bathroom on your own. That's right. Absolutely. Thank you. Okay, Doug. Well, we're going to take a break.

Emily, thank you very much for being here, and good luck to you. Thank you again. Thank you for having me. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Hi everybody, Sarah here. Ball Python, $50.

Okay, I inquired this Ball Python because a friend of mine went to jail. He ended up getting five years and I refused to foster the snake for five years. He doesn't like me. Or it's because I feed him in his tank and it thinks I have food when I go over to him. I don't know, but I'm not willing to risk it. Plenty of other people have held him. I'm not going to hold him and it's not fair.

I need to give him up. My daughter wants a bearded dragon, and right now they're on sale for 30 bucks, and that's what I'm asking for, a $30 rehoming fee, unless somebody has a baby bearded dragon. They would like to trade? I'm willing to do that also. You know what I mean? It's not just the snake only. Not his cage or anything else. Well, I will give you a lot of his supplies because I know I don't need them.

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Also, just for informational purposes, he eats every Friday one live mouse. And that's just also just for informational purposes. He eats every Friday one live mouse.

Oh, God, I'm repeating myself. And, oh, Lord, is that something to watch? I can't wait to stop doing that. Everybody always tells me how pretty he is, and he's got these great markings, and all this is very unique, and all that stuff. But I don't want it anymore. He wants to eat me, and I don't like it.

Feel free to call me, or text text me or send me an email. My name is Sarah. Welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. And Emily, huh? Yeah, I saw her leave the room, but I didn't see her leave the house. I truly hope she's gone. She might be in the living room of the den or something. Oh, God.

The get-trapping suite. We'll check. Babe, how are you doing? Did you— I'm back. Oh, thank God. What did you find down there? There was—at one point, I was treading water or some kind of—

I mean, that was harrowing. Oh my God, you've really been on a journey. I did not know that we had an underground lake underneath our house. At least I hope that's what it is. It's weird, I saw like murals painted down there. What? Doug, you're pulling our leg. I think he got into one of the Sovibees is what I think.

Are you saying like cave paintings? Or are you just saying... I think so. But they helped me get back. What? They're like pictograms? Yeah, I think they were clues or some kind of riddles.

Wow. Clues or some kind of riddles. Okay, well I'm glad you're back and that you're safe, honey. It's worth going down. It may be worth Wow. Clues or some kind of riddles. Okay. Well, I'm glad you're back and that you're safe, honey. It's worth going down. It's maybe worth turning on the overhead light and going down there. Probably worth it. To explore.

I'm first going to ask the twins, because if anyone's behind it, it's probably them, to be honest. They're tricksters. They're such tricksters. So, we have one last post that I just want to, and this has been happening a little bit. I feel like there's been just a little bit too many posts that are very self-righteous. I think. It does happen. It's true.

You know, I think that we're creating problems and finding problems with our own problems, people. You know. People get in their feels. In their feels. Yep. Or on their high horse. On their high horse.

They're in their ivory tower. On their soapbox. They're hunkered in the chiminea. And then they have something to say. Yeah. And they want to say it on a neighbor app. And this is what Molly said. And it's titled Fruit Trees.

Please pick the fruit from your trees. Okay. Lemons, orange. Oh, oranges, limes, tangerines, kumquats are so good this time of year. If you can't use all the fruit, please ask your friends to help pick it. Donate it to your neighbors. Call the food bank. Post a message on the neighbor app for others who might want it.

Removing the fruit will promote a healthy tree and help to have a good crop next year. Also, it will keep the fruit rats from hanging around your yard. We are so lucky to live in this beautiful climate where bountiful fruit grows so easily. I mean, listen, Molly, I don't go to your house and tell you to pick your fruit. Why does she care? I mean, she's got, first of all, she's hitting several things. She's worried about the fact that the fruit tastes so good. So you're missing out on how good it tastes.

Then she's worried about people going hungry. So you got to go to food bank. And then now she's talking about the climate in general and the crops. And then also the fruit rats. It's sort of like, I don't know, is this virtue signaling? Is that what this is? I hear about this all the time. I don't know.

Is it just someone trying to force people to be a good person and sort of humble bragging about how she cares about food banks. I mean, what is she doing? What does Molly pick her own? Is she going to food bank and,

and is she doing anything to remove the fruit rats? I mean, it's really pointing the finger. Here's the thing. It, it, it, it makes me think that Molly doesn't have a fruit tree and there's a

little bit of a jealous. But also it, the tone of it shifts back and forth. It's like, Oh, you know, this is a lovely fruit tree. It's a great time of year. Why don't you it shifts back and forth. It's like, oh, you know, this lovely fruit tree. It's a great time of year. Why don't you have the fruit? And then I was like, yeah, why don't you pick the fruit?

Exactly. And you know what? Why doesn't she go just pick it? Just go pick the fruit. Go not. We've had this come up before. We have had that. Knock on the door and say, hey, can I grab some of your fruit?

Yeah. We have posts of people saying, please take my fruit. Yes. So why isn't she going there and just taking their fruit? And also, don't ask your friends to come help pick it. What an annoyance. Can you help come pick fruit for me? Yes.

You know what else? What about the fruit rats? Exactly. What are they supposed to do? Exactly. You're going to take it to a food bank, but these guys are out there in the wild. to do. Exactly. You're going to take it to a food bank, but these guys are out there in the wild. And they're helping

keep... They're helping the natural order of things. Circle of life! That's right. If the fruit rats die out, what happens? What happens? What happens then? Oh, I see. Very open and... Exactly. Well, who do the... I don't know who the fruit rats prey on besides fruit.

But somebody must prey on them. Given their name, it doesn't seem like anything else. Fruit cats. What are the fruit cats going to do? Are there fruit cats? I'm assuming. If there's fruit rats, doesn't it stand to reason there's fruit cats? And they eat the fruit rats.

I just think that... Because they love the taste of rat with a little bit of fruit. That's right. That's right. Look, if you have enough time to sit and complain about this, what's going on with you, Molly? Maybe it is just that idea of being jealous and also maybe not, I don't know, having enough to do. When your hobby is just complaining. Oh, boy.

That is just such a, I don't know, maybe this is a cry for help, this post. I don't know. I feel like this is, not to get too dark. Let's go there. Let's get in the darkness. I think't know. I feel like this is, not to get too dark, but I mean. Well, let's go there. Let's get in the darkness. I think that Molly's probably a little lonely. I think that she's,

you're right, I think she's a little bit jealous. I think that she's wishing that she had fruit. I think she's wishing she had friends. I think she's wishing she had fruit rats.

I think everything that's listed in here is something she does not have. Absolutely. She is a bitter, dried up old crone. Oh, okay. Well, that might be inferring too much. I thought we were on the same page.

You turned the page and now we're not. Oh, Pop Seeger. So, I would say, Molly is her name? Correct. Molly, find a new game. Molly's game and stop point stop lecturing people about their fruit trees you know what a terrible accent in that movie idris elba boy oh boy can he not do

an american accent go watch it i'm right he gorgeous man the accent was not so gorgeous is it worse than ray fine's american accent in made in manhattan now it's been a while since i've watched that one and you know i love a rom-com i know you do my favorite part of the rom-com when they finally get together and then they have an a time where they just have to be apart they They finally get together and then like, now we're mad. It's the third act where you're like, we know how this is ending. We don't need this. We don't need a montage of you hanging out with someone else who doesn't do the joke about the pastry shop. There's a movie called Made of Honor Honor M-A-D-E

Sure With Patrick Dempsey That's right Where they McSteamy McDreamy Excuse me McSteamy was the other guy

Eric Dane Where they have A montage where they're Kind of not with each other Yes And they always wait in line For a pastry And they do bits

And jokes about it And then it shows him Taking a tall blonde Beautiful girl And he's like She's hot But she's hot, but she doesn't do the pastry bits. And that's how he knows that it's not right.

So they're apart long enough to start dating other people. Well, then that's ridiculous. No, no, no. The man dates another person. It's probably the day after. Oh, I see. Not the woman. I see, I see.

Yeah, McDreamy was like, well, I got to find someone immediately. Oh, and she doesn't do the same joke. It turns out see. Not the woman. I see, I see. Yeah, McDreamy was like, well, I gotta find someone immediately. Oh, and she doesn't do the same job. It turns out I want the woman who's funny with not as good of boobs or blonde hair, but I realize that a personality might matter.

So now is he the one? Oh, I'm sorry, I get all hot about it. Is she the one that has done the wrong thing? Because in that act, it's always somebody who's like, I lied to you,

but it was for a good reason because I love you. Right, right. And then the other person's like, I'm mad at you for lying for a while. No, or sometimes it's just like, I just got scared because I can't trust anybody. Right, right, right. Because something happened when I was a kid. Someone stole my ice cream, so now I can't be in a marriage. But that's when they get back together.

They reveal that, right? Or is it? Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes. Anyways. So in Maid of Honor. Idris Elba's accent was worse than Ray F sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes. Anyways. So, well, I made up on her. Eat Yourself's accent was worse than Ray Fons.

Not great. Not great. But Molly needs to find a new game. Yes, Molly. Leave people's fruit trees alone. Mind your own business. Mind your own fruit. Not in my front yard.

I know that's something, but I don't know what it is. Well, it's the idea of the nimby. Somebody says, I don't like this in my backyard. It's fine if that happens. I'm just the one near where I live. Oh, not in my backyard. But usually fruit trees are kind of in the front yard, aren't they? Yeah. I'm assuming that Molly's not... Hopefully Molly's not going to people's

backyards and looking at their trees and then judging how much fruit is in there. It sounds like she's just walking around the neighborhood looking at the fruit and judging. Now, again, I believe I mentioned this before. A friend of mine has a fruit tree, a lemon tree, and those things are just horrible. They will tear you apart. Oh, Bert is showing me. It looks like he got in a fight with a cat.

No, I was helping my friend pick lemons off of this lemon tree. And they have thorns. For some reason, lemon trees have thorns. And you don't know it until you have one. Until you go to pick a lemon. In order to pull a lemon off, like the lemons, they want to stay on the tree. And so in order to pull them off, you have to use a little bit of force. And of course, that throws you right into the arms of a thorn.

You know, they've got a defense mechanism, right? Lemon trees are the males of rom-coms because they just don't trust you and they don't want to give their fruit up so they scratch you. That's right. Right? And they're lonely for no...

They don't have to be so lonely. They don't have to be. So a good thing to do is just wait for the lemons to rot off the tree the circle of life continues well that's i'm sorry i just i knew it i knew she was still here i um i was just having trouble getting the tv working uh okay i did i i did ask you to leave the house i know i did did. I asked you nicely. I'm pretty sure New Amsterdam starts soon. We did do a late podcast. We did do a late record. We're into prime time television hours.

You know what? I'll figure it out. Oh, well, you won't though because you'll leave hopefully, right? Doug, hey babe, can you come up here for, can you just come up here? I can say you can use just input one. No, no, Doug, because you'll leave, hopefully, right? Doug, hey, babe, can you come up here for, can we, can you just come up here? I can say you can use just input one.

No, no, Doug, what? No, no. I had it on input two. All right. You know what? Fine, you deal with it. Doug, once again, dealing around in the dark. You just deal with it.

We're going to go. We do have to wrap it up. Thank you so much for listening to The Neighborhood Listen. We'll be back with a new episode next week. And until then goodbye and bye