The Neighborhood Listen - Less So Than Corn with Katie Marovitch

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Joan and Burnt record from the backyard while Doug prepares for a childhood dream come true. Learn Burnt's favorite new fashion accessory and Jalliope's activities since returning home. Later, our hosts talk with a Dignity Falls resident about a very cryptic NeighborhApp post.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to the entire ad-free archive as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. And now, please enjoy this in to The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome once more to The Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that looks at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, USA, United States of America. And we are two of the people who live here and we'd like to share our neighbors with you. That was a lovely intro, Berndt. I really appreciated that. Thank you. Now, why did you appreciate it?

Because I think it added some new things, but I appreciated it was sort of a new take because you said something about, and we were getting to know our neighbors more. It already went out of my head. But what you said was new, and it was lovely. You liked it so much, you had to immediately banish it. I did.

To the memory hole. I did. Away with you. Because if I hear it again, I want to hear it for the first time. This is the psychology behind it. Yes. And we're sharing our neighbors with you is what I said. That's what you said.

And with you, the listener. That was so good. See, I got to experience it a second time. Joan, I'm happy for you. Oh, gosh, thank you. Let's introduce ourselves. My name is Bernt Mia Payday. I am the pharmacist-in-chief at the Dignity Falls, Missy,

the largest pharmacy in Dignity Falls. In just Dignity Falls. I thought it was in America. And some other places. Okay. No, because there's other branches that are smaller. In the Quadra State area? In the Quadra State area, for sure.

For sure. Okay, good. So, and I am Joan Pedestrian, and I am the top realtor only in Dignity Falls, not in the Quadra State area. I haven't reached that yet. I haven't reached that goal yet. I think you'll get there.

Oh, I appreciate that, Bert. What can stop you, Joan? What can stop you? Well, all the realty shows, all the reality shows. You're obsessed with them still. Really am. But here's the thing. I think the other reason I'm in a

nice mood is we decided to record outside because it is so beautiful. You might hear some crows. You might hear some other wildlife. But we're just out here in my backyard. That's right. Under a pergola. We thought it would be a nice thing to do. Also, the twins did cause some fire damage in the house.

So it's very smoky in there at the moment. Yeah. And you know what? It's crazy because this is the first time they started a fire on accident. Yes. And they were mortified. They were trying to make some good old fashioned craft mac and cheese. Yeah.

And they thought that they, they would put it to a, well, what they did first, they, unfortunately they added the noodles before the water. Yes. And that was their first mistake.

That was their only, that was the only mistake needed to cause the fire. Yeah. And then they added the noodles before the water. Yes. And that was their first mistake. That was the only mistake needed to cause the fire. They're young bachelors. And then they left the house and they went to see a movie. They didn't have a concept of how long it took to cook macaroni and cheese. They just remember it constantly taking forever. Mom, when's it ready? They're like, oh, we remember just having to wait for hours.

It must be two and a half hours. Turn this on and then we just leave. Absolutely. Like a crock pot. I think. Absolutely. Like a crock pot. I think they thought it was a crock pot. Oh, burnt. Now here's what's fun. This is like live theater

because you're dealing with nature so you never know what's going to happen. Much like live theater, you have to deal with nature. I just meant they're both spontaneous, burnt. But a comically clumpy amount of leaves just landed squarely on burnt's head, like as if a prop person was holding them above

and dropped them. Yes, thank God I was still wearing my bike helmet. Yes. Which I've grown very attached to as a sort of fashion accessory. Oh, really? Like, yeah, I kind of wear it out on the town. It is interesting because I would think,

because it looks uncomfortable to wear the headphones over the bike helmet, but it's not? It's not at all. Okay. In fact, you know, here's what it feels like. I mean, Doug had to get you extenders. It feels like, thank you for the extenders, by the way.

And boy, the picture of that guy in the package, I felt bad for him. But it's like, if you ever saw that HBO film, Temple Grandin. It is like my head is in a squeeze machine. Oh, okay. It's like you're getting a hug. I feel very safe and secure. Yes, my head is getting a hug. Well, that makes sense, okay. It's like you're getting a hug. I feel very safe and secure. Yes, my head is getting a hug. Well, that makes sense.

Yeah. Sometimes I think our heads need a hug. Right? It reminds us of childbirth. It does indeed. That wonderful feeling when you're crowning. Well, and not once you're on the other end of it. Let me tell you.

Well, of course not, but we're all trying to get back to that feeling. We really are. Yeah. And so are my twins, which is why they probably will never leave the house. But yes, it is true. My kitchen is destroyed. Yes. And it'll be fine.

We'll rebuild. Now, Joan has three children. I do. I have three children. I have my daughter, July P, and my twins, Matt and- Chernobyl. Chernobyl. And you know what?

I should have known. Maybe disaster was coming when I named the second one that. I really should have known. Yeah. Did I name him named the second one that. I really should have known. Did I name him Jernoble or Chernobyl? Chernobyl. Yeah, okay. I wish I'd named him Jernoble because I think he might have had a chance. That's a night like Jermajesty Jackson.

Jernoble. It's good. It's good. If you spell it B-L-E, no one will ever link it to the disaster. Oh, correct. Well, maybe it's too late now. Wasn't there a guy in Game of Thrones whose name was Jer? J-E-R? Is that right?

Oh, probably. It sounds like it was probably the guy who played the mountain or something. That sounds right. No, you know who I'm thinking of is the, he was also in Downton Abbey and he was some sort of rich guy that wanted to have sex with Lady Mary.

Do you mean the actor was named Juror? No, I do not. Oh, okay. I mean the- The character was named Juror. The character was named Juror in both shows. What a crossover. Speaking of crossover, let's cross over to Doug. I'm still trying.

I'm still working on Segway. That was a good one. That was okay. That was a good one. All right. I don't know. Absolutely. And Doug is not out here with us. No. Where are you today, babe? Hey, hey. That was okay. That was a good one. Not right. I don't know. And Doug is not out here with us.

No. Where are you today, babe? Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey, Doug. Hey, hey, Doug's signature catchphrase. Hey, hey. I'm working on the soapbox car.

Are you really? I'm Doug. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. I remember you've been talking about this for such a long time, and you're finally doing it. We have a lot of these, a few of episodes that we've described, or discussed, rather, that Doug didn't really get to do certain things as a kid that he wanted to, which is why I sent him to adult space camp a little while back.

Turned out to be a bit of a problem. Which he did. And then, of course, there was the Tang problem. He discovered his Tang allergy. Yeah, his Tang allergy. Been in a big way. In a big way. And also sleepovers that he still likes to have with his adults.

That's right. And softball. Lots of things. T-ball. T-ball. And this is one of them, is that he never got to race a soapbox car as a kid. Do you feel like you were born at the wrong time? And that's why?

You mean like I should have been born earlier? Yes, when soapbox races were more prevalent like sometimes I say babe then I would be even older now and it might even be more inappropriate to race against 11 year olds what I meant

was you would have been doing it at the time when a lot of people were doing it no I don't want to be older right now the timeline would not remain the same where you got into it now. Oh, yeah. He might even be doing it as a boy at the appropriate time. I see. No, he sees.

With your knickers buckled at the knee. So cute. So where are you working on it? Sorry, you don't mind if I have a beer, do you? Oh, no. Man, that was a good pop on that. You know what? Because we're outdoors

and it's a beautiful day and the weather's turning and sometimes Bert likes to crack open a cold one. You know what's good, Bert? What's that, Doug? When one of those leaves falls in your beer. Why is that good? It gives it a good little spice. Oh, like a lime and a corona? A little spice.

Doug just waits for that to happen. He'll just bring a margarita out here and he'll just sit here hoping something's going to... His dream is that a lime will just fall right in. Right. And if it doesn't, it just becomes standing liquor out on the porch. Standing liquor. So, wait, where are you working? Oh, I made a custom little shop for it with a racetrack, like a demo racetrack.

Oh, is that what that pile of wood is outside? In front? Yes, that's the material I'm using. Okay. Are you in that pile of wood? No, I'm not. There's a lot of wood. It looks like a lean-to. It's not going to be a pile. I see a foot sticking out. Is that a concern? Babe, it's okay

if you're in the pile of wood, but I just thought you would have made it a bigger structure. It's a work in progress. It's okay if you're in the pile of wood. Honey, it's okay if you're in the pile of wood, but I just thought you would have made it a bigger structure. It's a work in progress. It's okay if you're in the pile of wood. Honey, it's okay if you're in the pile of wood. We're not going to judge you. Just make sure you clean it up before the boys come home because they might just try to set it on fire. They will look at it as a bonfire waiting to be lit for sure. What movie did they go see?

Oh, they went to go see, what is it? Wish by Disney. By it? Wish by Disney. By Disney. Wish by Disney. Sounds like a fragrance. Wish by Disney. We've talked about cologne and perfume commercials before. I just can't stand them.

You really despise them. Would you ever do one as an actor? I mean, sure. Because, oh, as an actor, I'd rather do the voiceover. You know, just do like. Oh, sure. Or like do just that sort of like, you know, it's almost like they just don't care. They're throwing it away when they say it.

What do you think Chalamet sounds more like? Do you think it sounds more like a designer fragrance or a band that had two hits in the early 70s? Chalamet, that was, was that more of a fragrance or more of a cologne? It's a person. And I'm asking, what does it sound more like to you? I think it's an old-fashioned cologne as well, though.

No, really? No, I think it is. Well, there's Chalamar. Oh, maybe it's Chalamar that I'm thinking of. Chalamar, yes. Okay, sorry. Who are you talking about? Well, you know the actor Timothee Chalamet.

Yes. Or Timothee Chalamet. G. Or Timothee Chalamet. Jelaipe loves him. Oh, gosh. She loves him so much. We haven't spoken about Jelaipe in a long time. How is she doing?

Posters? Yeah, posters. Life-size cutouts. She's a real 90s-style kid. Any Timothee Chalamet fatheads? But she also has one of the mirrors, like the workout mirrors, but it's just Timothee Chalamet

that you see in there. And he's just encouraging her to work out. You know, the workout mirrors. Do you know what I'm talking about, Bernd? No, I don't. Oh, there's these mirrors you can get now. Seriously, full-length mirrors, and you just go boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, and then a person appears like a video of a person appears. You just say the magic words, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

I thought for the podcast, it was the best way to convey pushing a bunch of buttons. But I don't think they make that sound. And then someone appears, and if you're on your Peloton, they like take you to a Peloton workout or they just take you to convey pushing a bunch of buttons. But I don't think they make that sound. And then someone appears, and if you're on your Peloton, they like take you to a Peloton workout, or they just take you to a... It's terrifying. But I guess you can custom make it to look like Timothee Chalamet, and so that's what July

10th said. Is that a real thing? You can make it look like anybody? Well, she found out a way to do it. I do think it was one of the options. I think it was one of the options. I really your bases? I think it was one of the options. I really try to give her her space. Do you know what I mean? A teenage girl doesn't want her mom

anywhere near her room. Is that how it is now? Is that she's still sort of rolling her eyes? Yeah, like I said, she came back from Australia. She's just busy. She came back. She was born rolling her eyes. Let me tell you this one. She rolls her eyes the other direction now since Australia. Oh, just to mix it up?

No, Australia. That makes up? That makes sense. That makes sense, yeah. She calls me a bogan. No, I don't think that's good. Yeah, she is that person who comes back and is now just saying things like, oh, I just got heaps and heaps of things to do. And I'm like,

why do you have an accent? What are you doing with that accent? It's just ridiculous. You know what? I have to say, Australia really made heaps their own. Oh, they sure did. They really embraced it. I like it. Yeah, it's like Aretha Franklin covering a song. It's theirs now. Sure.

And so she's... Oh my God. That was legitimately startling. It could not be a more benign thing to hear, and yet that was terrifying. Boop, boop, boop, like if you're if you're in a haunted house and you heard that good lord what is happening we need to go back inside i mean really this just never happens can't i know what to tell you this is just it's just a funny day. Okay, are we ready now?

It's just a funny day. And, you know, so I told her, I know you just want to get back to Australia, but you really do need to, I want her to at least look into maybe taking a few classes during her college, because now she's thinking she wants to, you know, go into maybe being a...

Opera house docent. Yes, that or a, it's like I wanted to say veterinarian, but all that came to my brain was pet cemetery. Isn't that bizarre? It's so dark. Like the groundskeeper? Such an unfortunate brain freeze.

It's a very scary thing to say, to declare as your career goal, I want to become a pet cemetery. It's just what my brain wanted me to say. And I just don't know what's going on. What a weird day. Is it because you don't trust veterinarians? I don't know. I mean, listen, my veterinarian has kept my very old dog escrow alive for so long. So I love her.

And the vet keeps saying it's not time yet. Yes, that's right. And so, but anyways, I told her she has to get a job. And so she's working at Curzon Way, which is the, you know, obviously. Next door to Curzon Way and Pants. Yes, Curzon Way and Pants. And Curzon Way started as the nursery rhyme themed, you know, cheese place. Yes.

And dairy, dairy bar. Yes. It's called cheese place. It's called a cheese place and dairy bar. And everyone doesn't is they're not sure what that means. Actually, they just

know if they go there there and then they're lactose intolerant, they'll be in trouble. But so she has to like scoop curds and stuff like that. She she but she

likes it because it reminds her of the smell of the farm. So she really wanted to be sure she wanted to be near dairy. That's right. Yeah, I get that.

She either wants to be near dairy or Timothee Chalamet. I get, oh, imagine combining the two. Wonka. Wonka, yes. Plenty of milk in Wonka. There's plenty of milk. And flat rhymes. So,

how long has she been at the Curds and Whey? She just started working there a couple weeks ago. Is she enjoying the tuffet? She is. She absolutely is. If people don't know, which they probably don't if they haven't visited Dignity Falls, and the street of lots of places where they sell something and something and something, and they don't always provide everything that's in the title.

Like, Curds and Whey and Pants is actually only Pants. It's only Pants. It's only Pants. I think they were just kind of trying to, they were next door. So I think that they just, they wanted to sort of still draw the tourists who were coming to Curds and Way. Because the thing is- Oh, I always thought Curds and Way was second.

I thought Curds and Way and Pants was first. I think Curds, well, you know what? I might be speaking out of turn. I thought Curds and Way came first because the tuffet was such a draw. Yes, people loved it. Because, okay, if you're the person that is gathering up the Curds, you do it sitting on a tuffet was such a draw. Yes. People loved it. Because, okay, if you're the person that is gathering up the Kurds, you do it

sitting on a tuffet in the window. Correct. Yes. And that brings people by. Yes. And people just love it. It's a fascinating process. They love sitting on that tuffet. Absolutely. Yeah. You can get your picture taken. You can. When the Kurds girl is on a break. And of course it's become a whole Instagrammable thing. So the kids

just love it. Oh, absolutely. Yes. So there's a line out the door for the Tuffet and it sometimes becomes a mess. I think that's probably also why she really was into it. So we'll just see. Because it becomes a mess sometimes? No, no, no. Because of the social media aspect of it. Oh, the social media aspect of it.

She has so many followers. She has so many followers. What is she up to now? 12 million. What? Joel, that's quite a jump from the last time I asked. I'm hoping she's going to put us in retirement. 12 million. Is she monetizing this? You know that gal with the emu, you know, that emu will interrupt her talking?

There was a scandal about her. Oh, there was? Yes. What was it? People said she was not nice to the animals. Or she had some other problem. She had maybe some sort of religious thing. I can't remember.

That's so broad. It was either that or another thing. It was either she wasn't nice to the animals or some other problem. It was either this one specific thing or every other thing. Should I look it up really quickly? I think you should. All right. And in the meantime, I'll just say that because she went down there in Australia, she started her own,

she had a TikTok account with this rooster who was a real, who just was a real clown. And so that's kind of how she got so many followers that how she got it bumped up. Ah, here we are.

Oh, you found it. There are two TikTok emu girls, says the internet. There's two? The racist one is the one who kept kissing her emu after the rest of her far birds got bird flu. Oh, no. So there's two things.

Oh, dear. I do remember when they were saying she was announcing on the TikTok that the birds have bird flu and she's still kissing this emu. Oh, Lord. And then I guess it turns out, also racist. This is according to Rolling Stone magazine, uh has an article saying uh headlined there are two

emu ladies on tiktok and you need to know the difference and this is by a writer with the improbable name of miles clee he sounds like he's from dignity falls he could he could be it's a grand old dignity falls name it name. It is. The Cleese? Now was this a video where she outed herself? Was this someone that claimed she's racist or did she do something on a video? I don't know that she claimed to be

racist. No. Did someone else claim that she was? That's what I meant to say. That would be amazing. I'm racist. Prove it. Oh dear. Alright. Well I hope that she. Prove it. Oh, dear. All right. Well, I hope that she doesn't get it. My daughter doesn't get into the trouble that the emu ladies.

So the whole point is one emu lady's good, another emu lady's bad. Yes. Oh, boy. That's the way it always is, isn't it? It is. When emus are involved. Whatever specific thing there is, there's a good one and a bad one. Oh, that is true.

Witches. I beg your pardon. Witches. I beg your pardon? Witches. I thought you went, witches. And then I thought, is she calling a such as? There is a witches. Witches is very rare.

Yeah. So, wait, babe. I want to, okay. So, I want to know, when is the race that you're doing? Because I don't think you've talked to me about it. Am I coming? Speaking of racism. You're invited. Okay. when is the race that you're doing? Because I don't think you've talked to me about it. Am I coming? Speaking of racism. You're invited.

Okay. When is it? Are you prepared? You can hand me water on the sidelines. Okay, wait. How long is this race that I need to hand you all water? Usually you just send them down one ramp. They've made it longer every year. It's on that one street, Gar Garfield that circles around almost like a Mobius strip.

Oh, yeah. Yes. So you basically never stop until they stop you. That's right. Yeah. It's one of our, I mean, there's so many accidents there because of the way that it's designed. And also because people just go crazy. Yes, they will.

And they'll have it shut down for the race though, right? Oh, yeah. Of course. Yeah. There's a lot of us in this race. Is this like a miniature one or is this a life-size one that you're going to though, right? Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, there's a lot of us in this race. Sorry, is this like a miniature one or is this a life-size one that you're going to be racing in? Now I'm getting confused.

I'm racing in this. Oh, that's right. I assumed he was racing in it, but I forgot that there is a race of little model cars. That's generally what the children did. Yeah, I forgot about those. And you have to weight them just correctly and the Pinewood Derby.

Who cares? Yes. How is that fun? I guess I was correctly and the pinewood derby. Who cares? The pinewood, yes. How is that fun? I guess I was thinking of the pinewood derby. No, I want to be in it. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm going to be in it. Well, you saw Ferrari and you just said, I have to do it.

All right, now that makes more sense because I had- Yeah, I'm making a hot dog soapbox. So that's why he ordered all that soap because he thought it really had to be a box of soap, like a soap box. Right. And then those are cardboard now. They're not- They are. They're not wooden crates thought it really had to be a box of soap, like a soap box. Right. And then those are cardboard now. They're not wooden crates anymore like they used to be. This makes so much more sense.

I really had my arts and crafts races mixed up. How much soap did people need back then? What? That they were ordering it by the crate. Soap has come such a long way. Everybody was squeaky clean back then. They sure, well, because that soap was so abrasive, it would just scrape them.

It was just live. Scrape them clean. All right, should we take a break? I think we probably should. Yeah, duck home. Any idea? Sometimes it takes him a long time to figure it out. He's got to flick all the switches.

Yeah, he's got to flick the switches. Put his miner's lamp on. Well, it's tough in this pile of wood, too. I'm sure. So you are are a pile of wood yeah we knew it we knew it was about 20 minutes oh that's perfect oh my god he admitted all right uh yeah let's take a break and when we come back we will have a guest right here outdoors with us when the neighborhood listen returns Vintage Gifts. Free. Hello, it's Angela.

Here's what you do. Go to the For Sale section. Go to the search bar slash magnifying glass. Type in hashtag Angela to see all my listings. New items added all the time. Hashtag Angela. they're not for free i tricked you i lured you in my vintage gifts cost money money that you have and that i want you know what to do just put your lips together and hashtag Angela.

Well, we have a guest here with us as we always do. Here's what we do on the show, folks, if you're not familiar. We scour the NeighborHap, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look for interesting people to talk about so we can share our neighbors and our neighbor with you. And this week is no different. And also, sometimes

we have posts submitted by listeners, which we appreciate. If you would like to submit a post, screenshot it and send it to us at burntandjoneatgmail.com. And this post comes to us from Megan Stapleton. Megan found a post from someone named Pam. This is in the general section. And the body of the post is two words.

Cornman, period. That's the entirety of the post. It just says cornman. And folks, how's that spelled? C-O-R-N. Oh, true. Because, you know, Doug's. You're a different kind of cornman.

Yes, that's backwards K-O-R-N. That's Doug's. Cornman. And Joan, I'm happy to say we have the cornman himself. Oh, amazing. But there's a twist. Okay. So let's bring on Cornman.

Cornman. Welcome. Hi. Hi. Now, Cornman is not your actual name. No, no. My name is Monique and I am a woman. Yes. Oh, welcome. Hi, hi. Now, Corn Man is not your actual name. No, no. My name is Monique, and I am a woman. Yes.

Oh, okay. Yeah, a lot of people get confused. I have a lot of older brothers, so I wear a lot of their hand-me-downs. Oh, so people think that you might be a guy. Yes. I see. So, Corn Man, I knew it was, I immediately knew it was me. So, wait.

So, Pam posted this. Do you know Pam? I don't know Pam. The thing is, it could be anyone. You know, I don't know if that's Pam's real name. That's very true. A lot of people are seeing me with my corn, and it could be anyone. I also am seeing you with your corn.

And tell us about that. Well, burnt. It's a little sad. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's okay. It's a little sad. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's okay. It's not your fault. Burnt. As a child, I had a severe corn allergy. Oh, that's too bad. Yes, I did.

I could not have any corn. Corn syrup. Oh, sure. That's the first one I guess that comes to mind is corn syrup. Corn syrup. That's the first thing you can remind me as well because it's in so many things. It is in so many things. Corn flakes? Corn flakes. Couldn't have them.

Popcorn. Couldn't have it. Candy corn. Could have. Good. Could have. Good. I'm glad you at least got to have that.

That must have been sort of like- Circus peanut that looks like corn. Could have. Could have. Okay. So, okay. So then- Okay, but you said you had an allergy. Had. Take us through the journey of this with corn. Had.. Could have. Okay. So, okay, so then, but you said you had an allergy. Take us through the journey

of this with corn. Yes, exactly. Sorry. Well, it's probably a big turning point in her life. Cornucopia. I think now Doug's just doing corn. Where's that corn in it? I don't think we need to do that anymore, babe. Next up is Cornwallis.

I know he's going to say it because it's the one historical name he knows wait general cornwallis that's the only yeah he just loves him well because of the corn he just loves him you do know some jones being sharp with me today well i'm a little bit i am a little bit frustrated about the pile of wood, but let's get back to you, Monique. Yes. So as a child, I did have severe corn allergy. Okay. As I said, and slowly, little by little, I reintroduced it into my diet. I see. And I was able to overcome the allergy.

Did you do this on your own or was your parents? This was sort of something that my brothers and I did together. Oh, fun. We all had I did together. Oh, fun. We all had the corn allergy. Oh, you all did? Did your parents have it as well? Not the parents, just the brothers and me. My goodness. So all of you, a cornless home.

Cornless home. Although my parents loved corn, so they would eat it. Oh, so then it wasn't the kind of allergy where it couldn't even be in the air. Is that right? It couldn't. You just couldn't ingest it. Well, my brothers and I had separate living quarters. Oh, my goodness. Why would your parents do this they loved a little bit okay but go and enjoy it on your own time not not on your own grounds where your children could be could could be

really damaged by i do agree i do agree and i'm so sorry that you probably didn't feel um like they were protecting you in fact i would say they're endangering you. You know, if you've got toddlers running around, they get into everything, and you're just telling me they had corn all over the house? Well, I mean, I'm exaggerating probably, but they had it in the kitchen. No, you're not. It was all over the house.

It was everywhere. Jo, you nailed it. I didn't want to. Yeah, it was everywhere. So it became almost vital for me to overcome the allergy. I mean, of course. Me and my brothers. Absolutely.

You had to survive. How else? You had to adjust to it. Exactly. So this was of course. Me and my brother. Absolutely. You had to survive. How else? You had to adjust to it. Exactly. So this was, were you the old, are you the oldest? I'm the youngest.

Oh, the youngest. The baby. Yes. You're the one who solved the problem. Yes, I'm fierce, I would say. Okay. You ain't no glamour boy.

No. So little by little, it started just little corn, shavings of corn. Okay. I put places. Oh, that makes sense. To start with sh little corn, shavings of corn. Okay. I put places. Oh, that makes sense. To start with shavings?

Shavings of corn. And I sort of just. Don't tell me that that was basically your carpet in your home. That was just like, you know, one of those places where you just put peanut shells on the ground. A corn pit? It was a bit of a corn pit. Yes, it was. Is a corn pit something I should know about?

No, I was just thinking, I was creating a portmanteau of corn and carpet. Oh, a corn pit. Okay, got it. You can also just say corpet. I would worry that people would think I had a regional accent of some kind. Corpet. Spilled all the corpet. You can also say

cornmanteau. You know what, Doug? I really wish I had. I really wish I'd said cornmanto. So how long did it take to overcome the cornality? Yes, you started with the flakes. Yes, small shavings. Oh, shavings, yeah. After a couple of years, it was one kernel.

Oh, that's a long time. Yes, it took many years. 12 years. Was this like your whole childhood? My entire childhood. Oh, your entire childhood was just overcoming corn. Yes. Wow.

And it worked. Well, yes, and you're here with us today, but I need to know, did you help your brothers do this or encourage them to do the same thing? Yes, it was, I would say I led the effort. Okay. And then it became sort of a team effort. You know, we all were bringing corn around, saying maybe we should try this next.

You know, Tommy would come in, and I've got this piece of corn. Mike with his piece of corn. Right. It was all over. Exactly. How many brothers again? Seven.

Okay. Did you name them for us? Of course I can. Why would I not be able to name them? We never said. I never. Are you accusing me of not for us? Of course I can. Why would I not be able to name them? I've never said. I've never. No one. Are you accusing me?

No, I did not at all. Not at all. I imagine that that would be weird to sort of be like, well, okay. But it sounds like a lot of brothers and sisters. It's a lot of brothers. It is. No sisters. Oh, sorry.

She's the only girl. That is a lot of siblings I meant to say. One of eight children. Okay. Yeah. What were their names? The baby of eight children. Stephen.

Daniel. Joseph. Carl. Tom. Daniel. Joseph. Carl. Tom. Michael. Joey. Who it is? Joseph.

Oh, Joseph. There's Joseph and Joey. There's Joseph and Joey. Different names. Were they close together or far apart? No, I think my parents might have forgotten about the first one when they did that. I can see that, yeah. So one was Joseph, one was Joey.

There were just so many. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they went, uh-oh. There's a lot of kids. Yeah, there is a lot of kids. No, no. Okay, no, you go. Well, are your brothers also, have they become corn men as well?

Yes. Big corn family. All of us. When Pam writes corn man, which I'm trying to divine, did she- Could we read the- You want me to read it again read I like to revisit the post oh sure sure sure let me get that for you there it is

I just wonder I really needed to see it for myself that it really just says corn man yeah okay and there was no picture attached and it's not in crime and safety no it's not for sale for sale yeah it is just general corn man period in crime and safety. No. It's not for sale. For sale, yeah. Or getting rid of.

It is just general corn man, period. Yes. Now, do you think this is because Pam saw you or one of your brothers around town? I believe it was me. And I guess describe your appearance to people that maybe would lead someone to go to an app and just post corn man. Corn man. Correct.

So, so for me, as I said, I wear a lot of my brother's hand-me-downs. There's seven of them. It would be foolish not to. I guess so. There's so much clothing. Why in the world would you need to go? Got it. Yeah.

Too much. Too much clothing. And so I want to say that there was a moment where I was wearing Joey's plaid oversized shirt. Was it oversized for him? You know what? It is slightly oversized on him. Like that's the style. That's the style.

So he's quite a bit larger. He's 6'8". Oh, wow. That's tall. He's a tall boy. The tallest. So if it's oversized on him. In the family. Yes. Yeah. I wasn't saying in. The tallest. So if it's oversized on him. In the family.

Yes. Yeah. I wasn't saying in the whole world. I just wanted to get that clear. No, no. I'm aware. We have a lot of tall listeners. And I don't want them to be writing in.

In the Quadra State area? Probably, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you were wearing that one day. I was wearing that. And I was chewing on my husks. Corn. At this point, I'm on husks.

Now you're corn crazy. I'm corn crazy. Is this now you're trying to get yourself off of it? Is this like a nicotine patch? Did you go too far? It is possible I have gone too far. But I was sort of shoving the husks and I didn't want to litter.

There's no littering here. Listen, Monique Lagrange, not a litterer. Okay, corn man, not a litterer. Yes. Corn woman. No, wait a minute. You say corn woman. No, I thought you were calling yourself corn man. I am a corn man. Got it.

Was there a follow-up to that? It sounded like there was a butt coming. And I'm here to say... That was a period. Okay, that was a period. That was a period, yes. There was nothing to follow that. Right, okay.

But I was sort of shoving the husks so as to not litter into the plaid shirt. I believe, here's what I believe happened. I think you know where I'm headed. I do, I do. They thought I was a scarecrow. A scarecrow, yes. They thought I was a scarecrow. She's got husks coming out of her plaid shirt. I believe, here's what I believe happened. I think you know where I'm headed. I do, I do. They thought it was a scarecrow. They thought it was a scarecrow. She's got husks coming out of her plaid shirt. Do you think

that Pam couldn't think of the word scarecrow and all she could come up with was a corn man. She has, if I may, and this could just be, excuse me, from all the husks, a very leathery sort of tone to her skin, almost texture. So that could have been another reason. But yes, maybe this person just saw-

A high-end scarecrow with a leather head? Well, I mean, more like a skin that's been weathered. Oh, I see, I see. I'm sorry. I didn't mean like the interior of a Lexus. Wasn't that kind of leather? Well, even still, I mean, a leather scarecrow head. Must be nice.

So, oh, and so you think, do you remember an encounter with maybe a woman seeing you or did you not notice anyone seeing you? There were quite a number of neighbors looking out of their living room. Oh, she's pulling back a fake curtain. Exactly. Yeah, as if they're peering, which is what a lot of ladies in this neighborhood do. We have a lot of peerers. Yeah. Why do we?

Yeah. And so can I just, okay, so if you, can I ask where the title comes from and why do you feel the need to title yourself? Is this like, is this sort of because out at night you're, you know, some might say, okay, corn man. Oh, is that a superhero? Do you fight crime at night?

What do you do? Or are you have a mission of some sort? Do you want to spread the word about what to do to make yourself not allergic to corn? Why the title? Why the need for a title? Well, I didn't give myself the title. This is just, this is me putting two and two together.

Sorry, when you said I am a corn man, I thought maybe that is how you identify. Well, now it is, I suppose. Oh, are you reclaiming it? I guess I'd like to reclaim it. To be clear, you'd never thought of or heard or come up with the term corn man until this post. No, I saw the post and I thought that was about me. For sure. Yes.

I can see that. Yeah, that's what happened. But now it does feel like sort of an important part of my identity. I overcame a lot. You did. Absolutely. To the point of needing to overcome the same thing again, but in the backwards. Yeah.

Although, I'm not sure we actually got confirmation from you. Are you struggling now with a corn addiction? I wouldn't necessarily. I don't think I'm ready for that label. Okay. You know, I think I. Addict. Corn addict.

I wouldn't. That's perhaps where I'm headed. But for now. Oh, dear. I do feel like I am in control. I have several bits of corn on me today. Several bits. What do you mean by bits?

Little handfuls. Of kernels? Kernels. She is sitting closer to me. You can't see. There's some. Because she's got a couple holes in her pants. And there are just little kernels spilling out.

Yes. So you can find your way back home? It does help, actually, yes. And where do you live? Where do I live? Do you still live with your family or do you live on your own? Yes.

Oh, no. I have five. Goodness. With those parents. I'm just not happy with these parents. I'm sorry. The parents weren't great. They were heavily involved.

Are they still with us? They're still with us, unfortunately. Okay. Not that I want them to die, but if they did die, I wouldn't maybe cry. Okay. But yes, I have five roommates. It's five brothers, not my brothers. No.

And what are their names? What are the five brothers that I live with? Yes. Totally unique names. Simon my brothers. What are the names? The five brothers that I live with? Totally unique names. Simon. Timothy. Timothée. Michel. Michel.

Franklin. And that's it. There's a real French period in the middle there. Interesting. I believe he was conceived in Paris. there. Exactly. I believe he was conceived in Paris. Paris. Oh, the city of life. How very, very romantic.

How romantic. Oui, oui. How did you find these brothers? And is this just because you are just so used to living with brothers that any brother will do? Yes, I would say any brother will do. I feel very comfortable around brothers, specifically. Not so much men,

but just brothers. They must be connected to each other. Exactly. And you know what? I'm wearing their hand-me-downs now. Oh, your roommates. My roommates. That's right. She's got an Ed Hardy t-shirt on. But I mean, they're not growing, are they?

You're all adults? Yes. Look at me. Of course I'm an adult. So these are just clothes they don't wear. They don't like anymore. I'll take them out of the laundry. Oh, okay. If they're in the laundry, they might still be wearing them. Yeah, that doesn't sound like hand-me-downs.

It just sounds like you're wearing their clothes. Yes, I think that might be it. Can I ask what you do for a living and how old you are? Me? You, you. Oh, sorry. When's your birthday? No, yes, I'm definitely asking you.

I'm 27. I'm 27. Okay. Yes, and what do I do for a living? Yes. I work at Warby Parker. Oh, wow. The glasses place.

The glasses place. I was so excited we finally got one. I know, but it is like like it's frustrating because you go in and you still have to order them online. It's just a big empty storefront. I didn't know that. It's like when Uber used to have a store. There was just nothing in it.

What a weird venture that was. The Uber store. You go in there and you call an Uber. And then the Uber can never find the store. No. It's like, where are you? You always get a call saying, where are you? I'm here. What do you mean where? I'm at your home. So, okay. That's cool. How long have you been doing that? About three weeks. Oh, I'm feeling good. It's a new job. New job. Loving it. it. I want to say it's my calling.

Maybe more so than corn? No, less so than corn. Less so than corn. I think that should be the telly episode. Less so than corn. It's something very literary about it. Oh, for sure. It's beautiful. Yeah.

Okay, do you have a significant other? Do you have a partner? Yes, I have several partners. Oh. Are they brothers? They are brothers. How many and what are their names? It's three brothers.

How do you keep track of all these brothers? Three brothers and they have totally unique names. Of course. There's Jean-Michel. I really am sensing a trend. Yes. Also, the names are getting longer. Frencher and Lugger.

Yes. Frencher. There's Jean-Michel. Jean-Michel. There's Tomas. And there's Alejandro. Oh. Yes, Alejandro.

A little twist for you. And are they? They're brothers. We know that. We established that. And they all, are you in a relationship with all three of them at the same time? Or is it sort of like they are your three boyfriends? I would say they are my three boyfriends.

Okay. But they're all aware of this. Oh, they know about each other. They're brothers. Sure. Well, of course. Yeah. But do they know about each other in regard to you?

Yes, certainly. I met them on a dating app for brothers. Would you say you were polyamorous? Is it this kind of a situation? A dating app for brothers. Wow. What is the name of that app again? What is the name of that app?

I think it's, I think it's just brother to brother. And the two is a two. Yeah. Brother to brother. Right. So it's brothers looking for other brothers? It's two. It's unclear.

Oh, I'm sorry. If you're seeking brothers for any reason, you can go to this app. Oh, yeah. It's not just a dating app. I'm sorry. I used it as a dating app. Oh, okay. I'm not sure. But it's not actually a dating app. I'm sorry. I used it as a dating app. Oh, okay. I'm not sure.

But it's not actually a dating app. I see. But you needed brothers. I just wanted to say, the E-R at the end of the second brother for brother to brother is just an R. There's no E,

if you're curious. Sure. But the first one spelled out- E-R, brother. Yes. Brother to brother. Yeah, it's a little R. What does that signify?

Why does it change the second time? What a good question. Thank you, Joan. So, I perhaps failed to mention that I started the app. You did fail to mention that. I think you'd say you buried the lead because that's kind of a cool thing

that you developed an app, first of all. It makes sense when you think about it because why would this be an existing app? Exactly. And now, okay, this is how you found so many brothers for so many different things. You did not conceive it as a dating app. No. At first, I was just trying to locate brothers.

And then I realized it sort of evolved into, I don't want to get into my personal business. Of course not. But it sort of evolved. I did meet one set of brothers, and then they did become, it was very obvious from the moment we saw each other. It was sort of a love at first sight. Wow. How many brothers? The three brothers.

Oh, those three brothers. My three brothers. It's fine. Everything's fine. Let's take a breath. Sorry, sorry. Everything's fine. I do get heated.

I have some anger management problems from my parents. Oh, I understand that. I'm sorry they were all so angry all the time. Not only were they endangering you, but they were angry all the time? Occasionally. What were they so angry about? Well, that we couldn't have the corn that they so wanted us to have. They needed to get over that.

Oh, come on. They absolutely needed to get. There's more to life. I think that's why you, if I may, probably why you and your brothers became so obsessed with overcoming the corn problem because your parents made it such a central issue in your lives. The only issue, it sounds like. The only issue!

What was Christmas like? Did you even have a holiday of any kind that you celebrated or traditions you enjoyed that didn't involve corn? Don't tell me your parents would decorate a big corn stalk. Of course they would. Oh. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to hear that.

That's just depressing. There's hardly any place to hang anything on that. We didn't have Santa Claus. We had Santa Corn. No. You know what I mean? That sort of thing.

No. Yeah. Would he say ho, ho, ho or what would he say? He would say corn, corn, corn. Corn, corn, corn. Merry Christmas. Yes.

Merry Cornmas probably. And I went to elementary school and realized this wasn't everyone's take on Christmas. Oh, good. Imagine how confused I was. Of course you were. Like a kid would talk about Santa Claus and you would correct them and say, I think you mean Santa Corn. Yes, of course. Oh, that's so embarrassing.

It was humiliating. This is terrible. No wonder you've got these issues. So you started this app to find brothers. It was humiliating. This is terrible. No wonder you've got these issues. So you started this app to find brothers. But were you- To what purpose did you get this issue? Because you did not conceive it as a dating app. Oh, right.

And so it just, but you said love at first sight. So it was just a surprise. Yes. Okay. A surprise dating app. I would say. But then if it's still, how long ago did you develop this app? That was about nine months

ago. So, obviously, this is doing well. So, then, were you in turn surprised that other people were using the app for all sorts of other things? It's doing actually amazingly well. We have five sets of brothers on there. And then me. Oh, okay. Just five. Are they from all over the place or

from here in Dignity Falls? Just mostly Dignity Falls and the town over. But I'm looking to expand. That's why I'm here today. Right. Oh. To kind of get the word out. Oh.

And it's called Brother to. Brother. But it's the R, second brother, just an R. No E. No E. Right. And the number two for the two. Correct.

So you saw the post corn man and you thought well i could go on there and first of all say that i am corn man but of course i'm corn man i know yeah yes but what really is what you'd like to do is to is to push this app which is fine yeah it's totally fine okay i realized i don't know absolutely fine it's just i think it's this is why we love bringing people on because you think someone's, you know, you think corn man, well, what's the story there? And it's actually, it's not quite what you think it is.

And in turn, there's something different completely that you're here to talk about. Yes. I did think for a moment that this was maybe a new vigilante hero in Dignity Falls. Oh, I mean, that would be kind of fun. Yeah, because we haven't had one in a long time. Not in a very long time.

And we need one. Yeah. We do. I think it was 1959. That sounds right. And he obviously didn't have any superpowers. What was he called again? No.

He was called, oh, you know what's so funny about this? And he was called How D Neighbor. Yeah. And that was so- How how first name d period yes neighbor last name right yeah and it's just so funny because he um it's because of our podcast you know i mean that it's all about neighbors that it's funny that we haven't talked about him before because it started out as someone was about to do something nefarious and he would show up and go howdy neighbor and he would just say because go, Howdy, neighbor! And he would just say

because it was like sort of making them feel terrible like, I'm just here to watch what you're doing. But it was a warning. Of course, the inspiration for my vigilante activities because I wanted to prevent crime by jumping up and saying, Hey! Right? Yes. But I was never able to.

You didn't want to. Well, because he had, that was trademarked, Howdy, D neighbor to actually say that. Exactly. So that's how he stopped crime is just by being friendly. And that's what I loved about him is he was not menacing. No, he was not a creature of the night or whatever. He wore overalls. Yeah.

With a with a bandana out the back pocket. Yeah. You know, big straw hat. Yeah. And he would just but he was quick, man. He could get anywhere. Yes. Did we ever figure out

how we got everywhere so fast? I honestly, I think there were two guys. There were two Howdy neighbors. I think there were two Howdy neighbors. Really? Yes.

Because I remember, you remember Howdy neighbor. He got a skull caved in with a bat during a liquor store robbery. And at his funeral, there was a guy that looked exactly like him

in his suit crying. And you know what? I think they were brothers. Oh my gosh. They must have been brothers. I think they would have been on the app. I think so. I think they would have been. I bet if you go back during the time when they were doing

all that is that you probably never saw them in the same place twice. Of course not. In the same place twice. Of course not. I mean, in the same place together. Not twice. Twice. I mean, that works too. But that was also true. But you, it was also true.

Somebody was keeping track of it. Unique locations every single time when you would see Howdy and Amy. Not together and never twice. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Well, yes. So we've established it's not that situation. It's not a visual anti-superhero situation.

So better luck next time. But what we have... Yeah, sorry about that. Yes. No. No, no, no. It's not your fault. I knew whatever I said

was going to make you feel like you'd failed us. You really haven't. I think this is fascinating. I do wonder though about, I guess I'm still confused as to how this works. Do you actually live with the five brothers and then in turn also do those three boyfriend brothers live there?

No, no, no. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. We're talking about it. They might move in. They might move in. I might move out.

What about you? I was going to say, what about you moving out? I might move out. How big of a place do you currently live in? It is tiny. Yeah. One bedroom. Good Lord. One bedroom for It is tiny. Yeah. One bedroom.

One bedroom for six of you. Yes. It's a very Charlie and the Chocolate Factory situation. It is. It is. We do have one giant bed that we all sleep in. It can be awkward. Does that take up most of the room? Oh, yeah.

Oh, for sure. It is a giant bed. Like, we all have space. Oh, you have probably a Dignity Falls queen. Yeah. Yes. So it's massive. Yes. Huge. Huge. They don't have space. Oh, you have a, probably a Dignity Falls queen. Yeah. Yes. So it's massive. Yes.

Huge. Huge. They don't have those. We have these special beds where, you know, like for you can get extra leafs and extenders for dining room tables, but that's what a Dignity Falls mattress has. You can just keep extending and extending and extending.

But if you, if you're stuck in the middle, that's too bad. Yes. Because it's not that comfortable. It really doesn't support you very well at all. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like those buses, you know, in like Northern California that have almost accordion style, you know, sections.

This would make me very nervous. Just to make them longer. They're very nerve wracking. I just imagine the back part breaking off. The center is just a circle that's turning. And if you're on that, boy. I forgot about the turning circle. What a ride that is.

Oh, boy. But I'm so sorry to take us so far away from you. So you've gone from seven brothers to five brothers. Now you're going to go to three brothers. I mean, at least we are sort of declining in number of brothers. Not like I'm trying to get you down to one. But do you ever see yourself dating maybe just one brother? Yeah, that's my question.

I don't know if it's for me. Okay. I don't know if it's for me. You just safety in numbers or... Safety in numbers. I love, I love to spice it up.

You know what I mean? Each brother brings... Each brother brings something so unique. Sure, like a leaf falling in your beer. Exactly. Like a leaf

falling in your beer. like a leaf falling in your bear uh but but i will say it's interesting to me that this so far you haven't mentioned uh any sense of discontent but brothers are so competitive with each other and you're telling me that these people date you solely and there's no issues whatsoever? They might fight. I actually did get it. They might fight. I'm taking from that that they might fight. They might fight. I don't like talking about my personal things, you know, but I did.

I did. Actually, we were at a we were at a date last Friday night and and I did. I had to use the ladies room and when I all three of you are on a date all four of you yes all four of us

all four of us and so I was gone for quite a while and when I came back yeah is that important to the story no it seemed like it

it's not I was just you don't like to talk about your personal stuff but you did make sure I mean you added to tell us you were in the bathroom

for quite a while you did which of course is going to it's going to bring about a follow-up question i'm so sorry yeah no no no i have zero follow-ups no it was bad shrimp um so i was say no more so i was in the in the washroom for quite a while okay um when i got back after you know 40 50 minutes i did i did sense a bit of tension in the air um and i was thinking these boys they want me they can't all have me at the same time you know it's we have to share we have to share that gosh i really don't want to get into it but i have so many questions ask them ask them but you said you don't want to talk about your personal life. Ask them. I might not want to talk about it.

I might want to talk about it. Well, that's fair. We can ask anything. You will decide. You may not answer. I might not answer. So you're never with them. Like I said, it's not like a polyamory.

You're never sort of enjoying the activities that couples enjoy all together. It's only just two of you at a time. We try to do Friday nights. We like to go on a date together. So all four of us. Oh, I don't mean date, actually. Oh, did I? Are you talking about sex?

I was, but I was trying not to. No, you can ask me about sex. I love talking about sex. This is, I think, the most personal question we've ever asked. I love talking about sex. Oh, okay. All right. So do you have sex with all of them at the same time?

Are you on the big bed? Oh, thank you, but I'm exhausted. Do they also have a big bed at their place? Yeah, they have a dignity falls queen. They all live together. Of course they do. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, brothers.

But yes, so we have occasionally had Friday nights after our dates. We do tend to have sex, all of us. Okay. And then Saturday nights, I'll choose one. And then we sort of... You'll choose. I'll choose one. And then sort of go around there.

So every night, besides Friday, I am... Yes, we're having intercourse. I don't want to... I always hate to sort of posit certain things and then have it be slightly offensive. But I will say... You love positing. I do love positing.

I will say, maybe it's just. I do love positing. I will say, maybe it's just because I watch too many of these documentaries, but it does start to have the whiff of maybe a cult about it. Oh, wow. I see what you mean. Huh. You know, gigantic bed. Whenever you have a gigantic bed with several

people, with one person making all the decisions, you know, sometimes... How much colloidal silver are you taking? Quite a lot. Quite a lot. It's very good for you. I'm fairly certain that's not, there's now documented proof that it's not. Yes.

I think maybe the tiniest dose and very occasionally. I don't think you're supposed to, it's not a daily thing. You know, it's like our friend Cookie Monster says that he was forced to say that cookies are sometimes food and not an every time food. That's when he lost me. Bert does like to reference what you say, babe. That's when he lost me. Sold out.

It was disappointing, I have to say. He's a cookie monster. He's a monster for these things. And then all of a sudden he's like, sometimes I like cookies. Somebody's got to do it. You're right, babe. Somebody's a monster for these things. And then all of a sudden he's like, oh, sometimes I like these. Somebody's got to do it, you know? You're right, babe.

Somebody's got to do it. Okay. Well, listen, I don't, like I said, I'm just, I was hearing things and I'm hearing patterns and all I want to know for sure is that these brothers have the ability to leave whenever they want,

could get out of the relationships if they want to. They have free will, that kind of thing. That's, they do have that, right? Next question. Oh, wow. I mean, I thought the pause was bad. Wow.

She absolutely didn't answer the question. Well, at Warby Parker, are they okay with your corn fetish? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as it stays in the break room. How do you get to a fetish? Wait. I guess I upgraded it in my mind.

And perhaps that's unfair. No, I'm comfortable with that. Okay. She really didn't actually. I mean, to be honest, my reaction happened right at the same time that she didn't seem to have one about it. So I guess it's fine. I guess it's fine. There you go. Hey, look, as Quentin Tarantino showed us, it's okay to be upfront about your fetishes.

No matter who doesn't want to hear about it. Absolutely. We don't keep shame on this show. We sure don't. We don't corn shame. Thank you. Is corn involved? What's the situation with corn at the house now? Oh, at your current home. Joan house Jones asking do you have sex with the five brothers wow Bert I did I mean I really hadn't made it that far oh I'm I'm letting this read

your intention well I was just trying to see if well yeah I just I just want to know if it's if it's present at all I mean I always say that corn is nature's dildo oh okay you were right and you always say this I say that a lot I came inildo. Oh, okay. You were right, Bernice. And you always say this. I say that a lot. I came in here saying that. That's what you were saying. It was a little bit unclear. No, corn is nature's dildo.

Okay. And so, yes, that has always been and will always be. Oh. And actually, that's part of the reason. Cookie Monster's talking right now. Yes, that is part of the reason why it was so essential For me to Overcome my corn allergy

Because I did Plan on inserting it into myself Yes and you don't want to spend a bunch of money On science dildos I hate talking about personal things But yes Can I just ask How would you define the word personal

Personal things but yes can i just ask how would you define the word personal personal personal um would you like us to use it in a sentence yeah i guess call a friend doug issues alliteration he cannot stand it yes i I guess it's just things that I don't want to talk about are personal. And then things I do want to talk about are not personal. Does that make sense? So you just. Well, yes, I think it's a lesson that certain things that I think the average person finds too personal to talk about is not what the other person finds too personal to talk about.

Wow. Okay. This is why I always love having people. I learn things every time. So, okay. So we're saying that. Oh, but you didn't really. Wow. Exactly. Okay. This is why I always love having people. I learn things every time. Um, so, okay. So we're saying that,

Oh, but you didn't really, okay. You didn't really answer the question. So yes, I do insert corn into myself. Right. And sorry if that wasn't clear.

Yeah, no, I am. I really didn't need you to say it again. But, um, uh, but so,

so this is something that everyone is involved in, or this is just something that you do. And then is everybody or all the brothers and is everybody not allergic anymore? Oh, my three brothers. Yes. Absolutely do not have a corn allergy. Okay, great. What about the other four?

Oh, my. I thought there were more. No, the three brothers. No, the three brothers that I'm dating do not have. They're brother boyfriends. She has five brothers. Brother boyfriends, no corn allergy. Because that's actually when they signed up for the app, they had to check that.

Very important. Sure. Yes. And then the five. It's the one required, right? It's got the red asterisk. The one requirement. I don't give a shit about anything else.

Wow. But my five brothers, the roommate brothers. Yes. So they also don't have corn allergies. It was just my seven brothers. Sorry. My brother brothers. Yes. So they also don't have corn allergies. It was just my seven brothers. Sorry. My brother brothers who had the corn allergy with me that we overcame. Right. All of you. Okay. Yes. Okay. So I think, you know, it's interesting. It does seem like your life is corn and brothers. Corn and brothers. And that makes me happy. Okay. I mean, look, if you found,

you know, that the thing that makes you happy in life, I mean, look, if you found, you know, that the thing that makes you happy in life, I mean, what more could you ask for? You've narrowed it down to corner brothers. Yes. You have an abundance of both. You have an abundance of both. A lot of both. Do you also have friends who are brothers?

Yes, actually I do. I have several, several pairings. There's one set that's two brothers, and I'm good friends with. We play pickleball. And then there's one. Do you wish it was called cornball? I do.

Actually, I call it that quite a lot. It makes just as much sense as pickleball. Exactly, it really does. And then I have one friend group that is all brothers, obviously. And that is actually, that's actually six brothers. Wow. How do you keep track?

Do you have any lady friends? Not a single lady friend. Wow. And why do you think that is? I find women petty. Oh. I want to avoid the drama. You know, brothers.

You have a point there. No drama. There does tend to be more drama with women, especially emotionally, psychologically. That is true. I don't want them getting their hands on my brothers, any of my brothers, my brother friends, my brother roommates, my brother lovers, my brother brothers. Okay. Yeah. Did you just say my brother brothers? Yes.

Okay. Just checking. Yeah, my brother brothers. This is a real Lord help the sister that comes between me and my man. Yes. Oh yes. From a white Christmas. Absolutely.

Problem free. Holiday classic. Definitely is. Um, and, uh, uh, did you ever,

when you were younger, did you ever wish for a sister? Whoa. No, I don't think so. I think I have always been a brother girl. A real brother girl. Is it because you were the only sister that made you feel special? I was very special growing up.

And I feel like my brothers and I sort of raised each other, even though our parents were heavily involved. And I mean, I think there is something to, oh, well, you know, I don't have any competition. If you keep all the girls away, then there's no competition. No competition. I really, really like that comment. It makes a lot of sense. Yeah. And so I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing, but you are keeping yourself safe from conflict

and in some ways the real world because that's just normally what you're up against. But like I said, I just want to repeat one more time, or I just want to clarify. Yes. These men can leave at any time. These men don't have to stay. There's no dress code to be your girlfriend.

Do these men have lady friends? Do these men have other friends outside of the home? Great question. Are they in touch with their families? No. That's a good place to start. No, no, no. Certainly not.

Certainly not. No, certainly not. No, when you sign the contract and are in sort of the relationship with me, then that, you say goodbye to your family. You say goodbye to your family. And we do have, we do have a wardrobe. I think you were getting at that, but it's for comfort. Okay.

Can I ask what it is? Yeah, it's a beige and white. Sorry, it's striped. And it's sort of a nightgown that we wear. Beige and white stripes. Beige and white striped nightgown. Okay. Sort of a nightgown, but you can safely wear it white stripes. Beige and white striped nightgown. Okay. Sort of a nightgown. But it is.

You can safely wear it outside. No red flags. You can safely wear it outside. Yeah. No one would say, is that pajamas? They would say, that's an outfit. Okay. Okay.

But I still wear my hand-me-downs a lot when I go out to Warby Parker specifically to my job. Do they have jobs? What do they do for you? No, no, no, no. Mother provides for them. Sorry. Sorry. She just called herself mother What do they do? No, no, no, no. Mother provides for them. Sorry. Sorry. She just called herself mother.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. To clarify, you are mother in this. Yes, I am mother. I am mother. Yes. And that is what they're encouraged to call you?

Oh, yeah. They call me that. Do your roommates also do this? So it's mother and brother. Mother and brother. Yes, it's mother and brother. There's nothing wrong with that. But your roommates, that's a separate thing. That't have to they can wear whatever they want they're encouraged

to wear you know the beige and white and design the contract the contract they do sign a contract yes um and yeah that's but it's normal these are they they chose this life they were encouraged to choose this life, I would say. Yeah. How long did it take until they sort of fully embraced it? Oh, well, after. Was it longer than that truck is taking you back up? No, it was, it was very, it was over, over several months.

I'd say. Several months. i'd say okay yes yes yes well you know um i don't know burnt i think i think i've i think we've done it i think we've done it too joan and we've solved the mystery of corn pan because at this point i'm going to start asking questions and i'm going to start asking like where this place is and i'm going to start worrying about these men uh and no offense to you, Monique, just because it does. There are from the out. I understand from where you are at. This is a situation that's working perfectly for you.

It's great. I love it. Why would you have any complaints? Why would you? No complaints. Now we are on the outside. Right. Looking in at this situation.

Can I ask? Yes. Are you a brother? You know what? I'm sorry to say that I'm an only child of only children. Don't ask Doug. Do not ask Doug. Doug, do not answer the question.

Hey, Doug. Don't even listen. I'm telling you, Doug. Hey, Doug. Don't tell them about my brother. Don't even. Hey, Doug. Babe, you just said that into the microphone.

You just said it into a microphone. Do you have a lot of brothers, Doug? Don't answer her. Do not answer that question. Lie. Doug. I can't. Oh, no.

You know I can't. Babe. George Washington syndrome. You are the prime victim for a cold. Boy, that's true. That is true. Doug is ripe for the picking. He is 100%.

I do, but they're not here. Oh, that's okay. Babe, we can work with that. Okay. You know what, Monique? They're not named corn. I have to say that- They're what, Doug?

What did you say, Doug? you say that not named corn I lied well I didn't think you immediately announced it was a lie Monique it was so nice to meet you thank you for coming on but I do think we've reached a natural point to say goodbye and I'm glad that you are happy

correct correct but thank you for being here and thank you for opening up you, about personal things and things that are not personal and all things corn. Is there anything you'd like to say to our listeners before we let you go? Yes. Find me on brother to brother. Oh, the app. Now I think I know what this app is actually about.

Specifically, if you're a brother. Do you sell candles on the app too? Yes. Oh, no app. Now I think I know what this app is actually about. Specifically, if you're a brother. Do you sell candles on the app too? Yes. Oh, no. We do. We certainly do. Essential oil? Corndog?

Oh, yeah. We have a lot of essential oil. Good catch, Doug. Oh, my God. Good catch, Doug. Corn would make a good candle. It's a good candle shape. I think it probably would.

Yeah. The cob, at least. Oh, dear. The cob, at least. The cob, at least. One kernel? not so much. Creamed, definitely not. Okay.

Well, I think that we've made all the corn jokes we need to. But thank you so much for being here, Monique. Thank you for having me. And best of luck to you. Best of luck to you, Monique. And as always, corn man. We'll be back right after this break. Hi, y'all.

This is Ellen. And I have a brand new in-package funny bathroom art. It's 8 by 10. It's in a blackwood frame. It's real glass. I want to make that very clear. This is real glass, y'all. And do you know what?

All of the proceeds, 100% of the sales are donated to abused and neglected animals. So isn't that wonderful? But guys, check it out. So what's happening in the poster is it's a roll of toilet paper and a toothbrush, okay? And the toothbrush says, the toothbrush, it says like a little bubble, like a cartoon bubble, like the toothbrush is talking, okay? In this universe, the toothbrush and the toilet paper can talk. Okay, so the toothbrush says to the toilet paper, I hate my job. And the toilet paper, I'm sorry, I can't. No, the toilet paper says to the toothbrush, seriously?

Like, seriously? Like, you think you have the worst job. You know what I mean? Do you get it? Oh, my goodness. I can't. Oh, boy. This puts me in a panic. Anyways, if you want to wake up and laugh every goddamn day of your life, get this.

It's real glass. Welcome back to the Deep Road Listen. That one gave me the willies a little bit. That gave me the chills. I don't know. I don't know about... That's a cult, right? For sure. I mean, she basically didn't even deny it at this point. It almost sounds like she grew up in a cult. Brother, just so you guys know, yeah.

She's come by a lot. And here's the thing. Is that like, did she really... What else was going to happen? She was born into already a situation with a lot of boys. They defend for themselves. They were at peril in peril every second of the day around corn that's right so um gosh but just so everyone knows if you go on the brother to brother app that's a cult so don't don't yeah yeah i would say don't if you're really looking if you're brothers and you're really looking to date one single person, try something else. And you can get candles elsewhere.

It's so true. Get them at Candles and Whey. Get them at Candles and Whey. That place is so crazy. Why do they put whey protein in the candles? Well, there was a claim for a while that even just breathing in the whey was like protein for your lungs. But I think they debunked that. I thought it was that they bought the sign and there was a misprint on the sign.

And it was supposed to be candles and more. And they got it at the same place that Curds and Way got their sign. And then they were like, they just felt painted into a corner and they felt we have to include Way somehow. And they literally painted it into a corner. Yes, they did. They painted it into a corner. Yes, they did. They painted it into a corner. So, yeah, it's not, don't go on that app.

Don't do it. Babe, don't do it. I won't. He already put it on his phone. I bet you anything. I'm sure he's been browsing his whole time. I know you get curious. And I just, it's not good for you.

You gotta keep tabs on this. You don't. You honestly don't. You gotta keep tabs on this. You don't, you honestly don't. You really don't. I feel my family is at risk. I mean, she's so into corn and brothers. Who's the she in this? Oh, okay. You said, I feel like your family is a risk. Did you just say that? My family. Yeah. Your family. Okay. The corns. I thought, I thought you meant us, like us as a family. I thought that at first. So when you said she, I was like, are you talking about me? I see. You're worried about like just your side of the family, the corns.

Yes. But you thought he was saying your family, your collective family is at risk because of you. Yes. Well, because he looked at me. Well, he didn't really look at me. He looked at me with his sound, tip of his voice. She can tell when I'm looking at him. I can tell when he would be looking at it's funny that we've been we were talking to and now about someone who is clearly a cult leader but you took that burden on yourself

that doug was talking about it was only because i thought it was only because i thought we'd established the framework of his story which was i'm worried about our family right you know and then because he looked at me with his voice, I thought he was talking to me. But then all the more reason, Joan, if you thought he was talking about your family with him, I understood clearly about this outside force that we have been talking about. Not that all of a sudden he's shifting gears and saying, Joan, you're a threat to our family. I made it about me. You did in a very strange way.

In a very weird way. In a way that most people don't make it about them. Well, anyways, I can't explain my actions. I don't know how that happened, but here's a post that we always do in the third segment, and we might as well get to it before I make it about myself again. Joan, you're really taking this hard. Joan, this comes... You're doing great. You're doing great, sweetie. in the third segment and we might as well get to it before I make it about myself again. This comes-

She'll be really taking this hard. This comes- You're doing great. Okay, thanks, babe. You're doing great, sweetie. Thank you. Oh, God. All right, this comes from Anita

and it says, Cupcakes! Need cupcakes. Delish Divine. Now, I want to be clear. This is capital D-E-L-I-S-H, capital D-E-V-I-N-E. I don't know what she's referencing.

It just says delish divine and not a bank breaker. So I think that's a requirement. She's requiring that the cupcakes be delish divine. I think that's the adjective she's looking for. The sort of subject line is cupcakes. Is it all caps? This is not in the subject. It says it's not all caps, but there is an exclamation point.

It says cupcakes need cupcakes. Then she calms down. It's just a period. Need cupcakes. Cupcakes, need cupcakes. Delish, divine, and not a bank breaker. Now we're back to an exclamation point. Who makes the best cupcakes in Dignity Falls?

And she says DF. She says DF, but obviously it's Dignity Falls. But what I'm really confused about is Delish Divine sounds like a cupcake store, but it's not a cupcake store here. Right. And I don't know. That's very specific.

And also, you know, I. May I take a look at the post? Yes, you absolutely may. Okay. There it is. Anita, right in the middle. All right. Cupcakes.

Need cupcakes. Okay. Because if you just change the punctuation. Yeah. It is an ad for Delish Divine. Yes. If it's cupcakes, exclamation mark, need cupcakes, question mark, Delish Divine, exclamation mark, and not a bank breaker. Who makes the best cupcakes in DF?

And then what I would do is follow it again with Delish Divine, exclamation mark. Bert, this is actually the worst ad I've ever heard in my life they did everything wrong well that i mean if it is an ad terrible if it's an ad it's terrible but i think you might be right but that's a tip but how do you get it that wrong it's so unclear it definitely does not the thing that's really that's really hanging us up is the capitalization of both delish and divine. Yes. But I do think that that person probably is happening. They are in search of cupcakes that are both delish and divine.

But also not a bank breaker. A bank breaker. Because you know. I hate those expensive ones. Oh, my gosh. When you have to go to the bank. Yeah. I'm thinking of buying a cupcake.

You have to wire them. A second mortgage to get those red velvets. I'm thinking of buying a cupcake. We have to take out a second mortgage to get those red velvets. I'm thinking of buying a cupcake. My wife and I have discussed it, and we think it's time. Well, and you know what? I think it's so we sit down around the kitchen table and make the hard decisions. Now, what's funny is, you know, a lot of people would just go to Yelp for something like this. Of course they would.

And see who's the highest rated. And so if they, which, and as they know, cause see what we did, of course, in Dignity Falls is someone started cake cups. Yes. And that is what became all the rage. Right.

And so they just inverted it and everyone absolutely loves them. Yeah. And. Get your hands so dirty. I hate that. You do get your hands dirty because they don't give you, they don't give you anything to eat it in. No,

not at all. They just put it right here. It's an edible cup. You have to cup your palms and then you just drop it right in there. They say that's why it's called cake cups. And a lot of times it's just hot batter. Cake cups, you're the cup. They make it in your hand.

Yeah, it's a hot batter. Their motto is cake cups, you're the cup. Yeah. You don't find that out until you get inside though. And then you smell it. The smell drives you crazy. Of course, you have to do it. They've got it just hot enough where it doesn't burn you

the batter, but it is uncomfortable. Right. It is just batter. Yes. It's not a baked cupcake. Yeah. And they say it's going to burn for a bit. What? Don't flinch. Don't flinch. Everyone just eating like... Because you will get two for flinching. Everyone just rummaging like pigs in their hands. There's like an agreement behind the counter that's too

small to read and then it's like you know, the first line of it is by being in here you've already agreed. And what's especially unsettling about it is they don't have any sinks, any place to wash your hands. So everyone has just left a smear along the wall. Yes. And it looks like a crime scene in there.

It's terrible. It smells delicious. It's delicious. That's something getting away with it. Dare I say, it's delish divine. It's delish and divine. So I mean, you know what? I bet this person is looking for someplace

other than that place. Probably. Did we give it a name? She wants actual cupcakes. It was called K-Cups. It was just called K-Cups. Yeah, that's what the store is called. And then you get inside

where you're the cup. Yes, that's right. That's right. Do you remember that place that was just selling frosted pancakes? Oh, yes. And saying,

flattest cakes in town. I don't really care about the flat cakes. Why was that a selling point? I don't. I think they really thought that was going to be a thing. Yeah, they put a level on it when they serve it to you. Yeah.

It takes so long. That's the other thing. It takes forever to get food there. It takes forever. They're just crazy about it back there, just measuring every single one. Oh, God. Anyways, well, listen, Anita, I don't know what to tell

you. I would just get a box of Betty Crocker and just make some at home, really, because that won't break the bank. That's not a bank breaker. It's not a bank breaker. And they're delicious. You can make some delicious ones at home. You don't need to go to some boutique, you know, tailor-made cupcake place. You don't need to go to some place with a snooty, tailor-made cupcake place. You don't need to go someplace

that has a snooty maitre d' when you walk in. Then if you know, I remember Joan, you went in there that one time to K-Cups and the first time you went in and they acted like

you couldn't afford to be there. It was. It was really. Then you went back and you bought so many K-Cups and you said, or no, you went to another.

That's right. Cupcake place. I did. You walked back arms laden with cupcakes. Yeah. But this time actual cupcakes, right? Yes. Actual cupcakes. I could use my hands for all of those cupcakes.

Yes. And you walked in and you said, big mistake. Huge. Well, first I asked them if they work on commission and they said, yes. And that's why I said, big mistake. Huge. Forgot about that part. Well, first I asked them if they work on commission. And they said yes. And that's why I said, big mistake, huge. Forgot about that part. Well, it's okay.

It happened to me. So I remember it all. But you know, eventually I'll see myself in that story. I'll be standing in line with my palms outstretched. Yes, you will. Like Oliver Twist to get some hot matter poured in there. Oh my goodness. Well, folks. Yep.

That does it for another episode. Again, we are burtonjohn at gmail.com if you'd like to send us a letter or a post, whatever. And we're the neighborhood listen on the socials. If you'd like to follow us and see the posts for yourselves, we post them there. We read them verbatim. And there they are.

We have nothing to hide. I realize that sounds suspicious. I don't know why you added that, Bert. Yeah, I don't know. What made you say that? I don't know. Because we do have something to hide. Oh, my goodness.

Well, I mean, this is not something to say right before we sign off. Yeah, it probably isn't. Everyone's going to be left hanging. I bet you're right, Joan. Okay. Anyway, we'll be back next week. And until then, goodbye. And bye.

All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Katie Maravich. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free,

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