The Neighborhood Listen - Man In Bigfoot Suit? with Will Hines

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Burnt starts on a rant, and Joan and Doug speak of their recent trip to Sin City. Later, Philip Henries (Will Hines) comes on the show to clear up a recent NeighborhApp post about his appearance and scent.Want more TNL? Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to all seasons ad-free, as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen! Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good! And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen! Knock knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone You've got the Neighbor Half App and us!

Bert! And Joan! From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell We'll cover it all And meet new neighbors as well We'll chat about any posts you're missing So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome once more to The Neighborhood Listen.

We are the, I'm going to say, only podcast that looks at the town of Dignity Falls. I mean, it feels bold, but it also feels true. Nobody else is really, I mean, there's other podcasts that come out of Dignity Falls. I mean, it feels bold, but it also feels true. Nobody else is really, I mean, there's other podcasts that come out of Dignity Falls, but they're not really about. Unless there's any copycats out there that are trying to, I don't know, like kind of a copier style. I know that Mitch McNutt, you know, theater critic that I hate, Mitch McNutt, and Carole Dragon Slayer have their own podcast.

And now that you say it, it makes me worry that they're trying to get listeners from us. I don't think, well, I don't doubt that they're trying to do that. Yeah, me neither. But Mitch's head is so far up his own ass. You couldn't have said it better.

He's never going to bother looking around himself. Yes. You know what I mean? No, he doesn't look around himself. I can't stand him. Berndt, I almost called you Joan. I'm Joan, I'm Joan Pedestrian. You didn't even say who you are yet. And aren't Berndt and me a payday.

No, we got off on a tangent of hating someone. That's right. Especially if we talk about Mitch McNutt. Berndt will go on a tear because he just sees red. I despise him. And I appreciate that because he's my arch nemesis. Absolutely, if the purge were real, all I would want to do is kill Mitch McDonough.

How would you do it, Bernd? Oh, Joan, I've thought about this so many times. I figured you had. Yeah, I mean, I thought about tying him to four tractors. Wow, okay. And then having them pull off in opposite directions. Sounds a lot of work, but you need extra people. But it's worth it.

Sure, I bet. I mean, I'm not as bloodthirsty as you are about this, but you're picturing what I'm, uh, I thought for Mitch, something more sort of psychologically damaging and terrifying would be said as if you put him in a saw type situation and you know what he would do? He would just criticize it. He would, he'd be like, how does he sound? How does he sound burnt? Oh, what does he sound like? He's like, Oh, hello, hello, this is what you call the trap. Oh, I forgot. Bert, Bert doesn't do the,

that sounds a lot like your Santa actually. Did not that sound, that's a. I think he talks more like this. I think this is Mitch McNutt. Oh, that does sound like him. Right? And here's what Santa sounds like. Hey, hey, hey.

Nope, it's still not. Hey, hey, hey. You know, it's, Hey, hey, hey. And it's's still not. Hey, hey, hey. You know, it's, and it's interesting because we did have Gabby on at what we were talking. It's my girlfriend Gabby. Gabby, Gabby. And when you did your Santa. And when you did your Santa.

Go to your room. And when you did your Santa, she heard it perfectly. Like a dog whistle. Well, that's what, like a dog whistle. Well, you know, like only she could hear that it was Santa. Okay. I'm sorry. It wasn't, it wasn't in any way comparing her to a dog. It didn't. No, I didn't. I didn't even think that. Okay. I feel like the dog, the term dog whistle in a different way than I thought. I feel like the term dog whistle has come to mean one thing only and it usually has another word proceeding. Oh, I'm oh, okay.

Wow. You went there. All right. That's where I went. Oh, okay.ing it. Oh, okay, wow, you went there, all right. That's where I went. Oh, okay, got it. No, it was this sort of this sound that only certain people can hear. And it seems like your Santa voice is something only Gabby can hear as sounding like Santa. Well, this is again, it's very distressing to hear

because I do love playing Santa at Christmas time. I know you do. It just kind of confuses the kids sometimes. Hey, hey, hey! Yeah, see that? When a kid is put on the left. Hey, hey, hey! Yeah, that's really not it.

You're telling me that doesn't sound like Santa Claus. That's definitely what I'm telling you. That's terrifying. I mean, if Santa Claus was possessed by a Salem witch. Oh, I hope that doesn't happen. I do too. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy. I mean, we don't want that to happen to anybody,

but certainly not to Santa. What if Santa got possessed? How horrible. It's a great movie though. I knew you were gonna say that. I think that sounds like a great movie. It does sound probably like a really good movie. What would it be called?

Let's see. Okay, possession. Oh, holy fright. You know, like, oh, holy night. All right, you know what? I think if Jesus you know, what? Jesus got burned. That was finally a good Mitch McNutt impression. You just did the dead silence after my idea.

Joe, we joke around a lot, but that was to use that quiet part out loud. I was saying not saying it at all. That was, I look, Joe, we do. We kid around a lot, but that, that actually hurt my feelings. Oh, it did. I'm so sorry. That's a little too far. That's so weird because it hurt my feelings Okay, well because mitch mcnutt is such a reprehensible person. You don't want to be compared to him. No, okay All right. You were trying to do impression of him earlier, but That doesn't sound like it sounds like a public access children's performer, a character like in a bad dinosaur outfit.

Like button dog. What was his name? Dog Buttons. Dog Buttons. That name came up in our last episode and it sounded like a child's character. When you have the buttons of the dogs, you can press safe. Food outside, bitch.

Oh, right, right. Yes, that's how it came about. Bitch. We had a pretty surly, aggressive guest last time. So hoping, fingers crossed for something that's a little different this, aggressive guest last time. So hoping fingers crossed for something that's a little different this time. Fingers crossed. Babe, where are you today?

My husband, Doug, of course, he records in a different room every week. Do you think we've adequately explained who we are and what we're doing? Probably not, probably not. Go ahead, Bert. We really did get off on a tangent right off the bat. This is the podcast that looks at the neighborhood

of Dignity Falls and the people that live there. And we are two of the residents of Dignity Falls. My name is Bermia Paide. I'm a pharmacist. And I am Joan Pedestrian and I am a realtor. The top realtor. I appreciate you adding that. Okay. All right. And with us as always is, well, not with us with us, but Joan's husband, Doug, who is our engineer. And Doug, you're in some other part of the house.

Where are you today? I'm working on the canals. I beg your pardon. Yeah. So we went to Vegas over the summer and he had never been, you'd think I'd say, Oh, we went to Venice. No, no, we just went to Venice in Vegas, you know, and he was, he was bowled over by the whole canal system. I tried to explain to him, it's not even near as good as the real thing, which I also haven't been to Venice, but I mean, you know, I've seen the pictures and the video.

Doug says now we don't need to go there. Correct. Well, and guess what? We don't need to go to a lot of places. If he builds the canal. Have you been to this place? Yeah, well, that's what he said. Now that we build the canals,

we don't even need to go to Vegas again, because we'll have them here. But I tried to explain to him that that's, well anyways. They have New York over there. They have Paris. They have Caesar's palace. I know.

We don't even have to go into history. We don't have to go into history. Cancel the plans for that time machine. Oh my Lord. I knew this would happen when we went to Vegas, because it's a one-stop shop in Doug's mind. Do you know what I mean? Did you try to warn him in advance and say, look- Oh, I did. I said, look, I still have dreams. I want to go to Europe. I want to go to these

actual places. I want to see ancient Greece. We can still do it. But now, here's what I bet will happen. He will go, he'll go see the actual crop list and go, eh, it was better in Vegas. You know what I mean? Do you think that's likely to happen? I haven't seen it yet. So I can't even say. Do you, I know, but do you think, but do you think it's likely to happen? Maybe it depends on the snacks and the snacks. What kind of snacks do you think they have in the Acropolis?

You know what he's thinking of? You know how those, those Vegas shops have those gigantic, again, one-stop shop stores where you can get everything from a condom to Dom Perignon, right? And you could get a snow globe of a stripper or the Eiffel Tower. You could just get anything you want. You can get a tuxedo probably, I don't know. They have all sorts of things.

And he loved that. He loved going to those stores. He stocked up on everything. He thought it was the greatest. Can I tell you a story about Las Vegas? Yes. This was some friends of mine years ago did this. And it was my one friend's first time in Las Vegas.

And so he and his friends went there and they were at the Rio Casino, which was a new casino at the time. And in the gift shop at the Rio casino, they had these sort of American flag track suits. And so he and his four friends all bought them and wore them everywhere they went. And people were delighted. Of course, yes. Oh man. They got a special, they got a special shout out at a show. They went to see an act called Cook E Jar and the Crumbs and Cookie Jar himself. When he saw them in the audience, he started singing James Brown's Living in America. And the chorus would point at them.

And then my friends would all wave their arms and type to the music. This is fantastic. It was, I wish I could have been there. It sounds wonderful. Babe, I bet you anything you're wishing you'd done that, right? Oh yeah, Rhubarb Caravan.

Rhubarb Caravan, his dad man. Kill Living in America. Would have absolutely done that. Now, it was also very annoying cause he kept walking around. All he knows of Vegas is swingers. I mean, he just kept saying your money, baby. He just kept saying it to me.

What other details can we remember from the movie swingers? You're so money, swing dancing, answering machine. The bad putt putt course, game of golf. You got me there, bowling shirts. Swing dancing? I said swing dancing. Heather Graham, oh you did, sorry. Heather Graham, really?

Yeah, that's the girl at the very end. All right. That's the quirky, indie, perfect, unattainable indie girl. Sure, sure, sure. She might've been the first. And then, um, I remember also, uh, peekaboo in the diner, but it's actually, uh, he thinks he's playing it with, uh, with a woman, but it's, she's playing it with the baby. She's playing it with the baby. That's right. Because why would a woman ever play peekaboo with an adult?

It's Vegas. Anything can happen and it stays there. That's so true. Oh, and that's the other thing. I mean, honestly, every single thing that happened, Doug would say that right after. It stays here. It happens. Yeah, stays here. He's forgotten it since.

Would you say the entire thing? I eventually soared. Since that happened here, that stays here. Yeah, they would just be like, stays. That's what he was doing by the third day. How many days total? Oh, three. And I called it. He wanted to stay for a week.

No one stays a week. If you're insane, if you want to stay a week in Vegas, I can't do more than 72 hours. I mean, I will start to lose it. I can't do it. I can't do it. Gabby and I went to see Wayne Newton because I had never seen that show.

You know, it's a legendary show and everything. It makes it rain and so forth. Oh, he does. Yeah. Okay. He makes it rain on the, on the stage. Okay. Yes. And so-

Well that means throwing dollar bills everywhere? Oh, no. No, no, this is actual water coming down. This is literal water droplets. There are other places where that rains down as well in Vegas. That's true. But I didn't let you go to any of those places. Well that stays there.

Yeah, no, there you go. It does stay there. You got to stay in. All right, go on. That was all that was about. We were there the night that the, I guess somebody decided to add lightning. And the show was shut down pretty early because three quarters of the band were electric. That's absolutely terrible. I'm surprised they didn't hear about that.

That sounds like big news. They had, oh, they, it stays there. I guess they, a guy came out and said, he said, you mustn't tell anyone. So we'll cut this part out. They did the Vegas pledge. They made them all raise their hands. Vegas pledge. We had to do the Vegas pledge.

Whatever happens here. Yeah. Say your name. And so, yeah, we should cut that out. Oh sure, okay. I don't want to get in trouble. This whole thing has made me nervous. Even talking about our trip. You're allowed to say you're going to Vegas,

but after you go, you're not supposed to talk about it. So can you, I don't want to ask, but what are you doing to start, where are we at in terms of the construction of the canals? A lot of digging, a lot of, a lot of barrels of water. I'm bringing it in. Barrels of water. Yeah. Well, that's got to come from somewhere.

Are you worried about, are you worried about malaria? Hmm. I just associate that with the digging of canals. I think of a man with a man, a plan, a canal Panama. The palindrome. Oh, cool. Good job. That's cute. Good job. I just worry about him hitting,

running into our bat cave and our wine cave, which are also underneath the house. And I don't know if he has the plans from that. How close are the bat cave and the Wine Cave to each other? They are actually, well, I was told by Doug that they're, actually they back up to each other. Okay. So, but is that true, babe?

Yeah, their backs are touching. Yes. Is that an architectural term? It is. Their backs are touching. He talks about like they're people. It's a sort of strange anthropomorphizing of caves. Oh, Pixar. No, I think I know.

They'll take that and run with it and it'll have every parent crying their eyes out because it's reliving their trauma somehow. I promise the canal will not cause any damage, any, you know, are you sure you can make that promise? Absolutely not a guarantee of anything. You're building a canal in your home. Here's the thing. Oh, listen, he just, he wanted it. The gondola, it just knocked him out. He just thought it was the greatest thing ever.

He wants to be able to roll me around. My guess is it's going to end up just being really just sort of an underground puddle. And I don't think we're, I don't think we're gonna actually go anywhere. Underground puddle. Yeah, it's gonna be an underground puddle. I'm sorry, babe.

I'm not trying to be... You guys are the Mitch McNutt to my ideas at this point. Doug! No, what? Doug! Come on! I was just about to apologize because it does feel a little bit like that. I know.

Look, okay. I'm sorry, babe. It's just that you know that this one sounds pretty crazy. Pretty successful so far. Well, I don't know. The bees weren't so successful. When you had that beard of bees. You almost made the son of God.

Yes, you did. Right? Sunroom. It was successful for the sun. You got that weird sub-zero beer room. Yeah, where it was like- Kept it cold. Yeah, right.

But I mean, our air conditioning was there. Our electric bill was through the roof. I'm just saying what I've set out to do, I generally, it's generally not a puddle. Justin, is that it? That goes for everything you build. Okay. It's generally not a puddle. You don't deal in puddles.

No, no. No, this is going to be magnificent. Oh, wow. There is confidence there. I would say so. Can you imagine taking a canal through all the rooms of the house? That's what you're planning on doing? How is that going to work? Is it all the rooms of the house?

That's what you're planning on doing. How is that going to work? Is it going to be above ground? Instead of hallways, we have a canal system. I'm sorry. It's not possible. Is this above the first floor you're thinking or? No, that would be tough.

Yeah. So then what do you mean? Put a pin in it. If you do it, if you do it upstairs, you're making a log. Wait, the Vegas is above. Babe, this is not... What do you mean? Put a pin in it. If you do it, if you do it upstairs, now you're making a log. Wait, the Venice Vegas is above. Babe, this is not... You take an escalator up and then it's not that level.

I don't want to criticize it because you just called us midget. Is what true? That you take an escalator up to the canals and the Venetian? I think you took it down to the canals. I think you take it down to the canals. That's what I remember. Are you saying you have one when you were leaving? Are you saying that it's natural water in there?

It's actually sea level? It's not, no babe, oh my God. It's like a theme park. It's a theme park for adults, babe. It was all constructed. It's not like we found canals and built Venice around them in Vegas. It's a desert.

I believe it is above ground. Well then you hold to your convictions, babe. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Wow. It was a deep dive on Doug. I'm sorry I called you Mitch McNaught. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Now we both been called Mitch McNaught in this episode. Boy, I mean, if there's anyone that hates Mitch McNaught more than me, it's Doug.

It's true. He gets his back up about it. I'll kick his Alec next time I see him. His Alec? His Alec. What does that mean? I don't know. Can you explain? No. Smart Alec? Oh, I like to think that mean? I don't know. Can you explain? No, it's the other way.

Smart Alec? Oh, all I can think of is Baldwin. Yeah, me too. The most famous Alec. He's an eclipse swamp thing. Do you think that's where the smart Alec came from? Wow, that's a good deep cut. That's a good deep cut.

Who are the most famous Alecs? Baldwin, Guinness, swamp thing. Ha ha ha ha! His name is Alex Baldwin, Guinness, swamp thing. Now, you know, I'm really enjoying this because Bert, you seem a little lighter now. We've been talking about, you've been moving through the obvious trauma of landing on lava when you were leaving Mykonos with Gabby and having a near death experience. And there was probably some post-traumatic stress disorder. It was traumatic, let me tell you, it really was.

I suffered a trauma. It's trauma with a capital U is what it is. But I'm doing better now. Now I'm starting to realize what a wild experience that was and how lucky I am to be alive. Because two episodes ago you're like, Meg Dale, who cares? I mean, you really, I don't know if you go back and listen,

but you really were downplaying it. I have listened, I sounded ridiculous. I was downplaying it so much. Well, good, and it looks like your leg is healing up really good. It really is, and thank you for signing my cast. You're welcome. It gave me a chance to practice my signature.

Every once in a while, I still do. I hate to admit it, but as an amateur actor, I kind of enjoy it when people are asked for my autograph. I know it's so silly. No, you took up a good portion of the cast. I know I am sorry about that. Well, Pedestrian's a long name. So true. So true. Yeah. And, uh, I didn't know how tall a name it was until I saw it written out on my leg.

Well, I like the J to stand out. I kind of wanted it almost to look like a beautiful tall lady. The top and the bottom almost join around my calf. But here's what's fun is that you can see here, the barbershop quartet from Old Dig, they signed it. And they signed it within your signature. Oh, that's so fun. That's really fun.

Yeah, easy to do because there was lots of space. And then there's a signature on there. I don't know who that is. Yeah, what is that? It's in a different ink. And then there's a signature on there. I don't know who that is. What is that? It's it's in a different ink. Yes, it's in red. Yeah. And then there's skull and crossbones. Yes. I can't make out the name.

And I don't know where that came from. Are you sure? Positive. You've traced all your steps. I mean, did you have another crazy night with Gabby where maybe you went out drinking? I mean, Gabby and I have some crazy nights. Can you tell me about the most recent one? Are you still having them?

We we had a night where, well, it was several nights where we decided let's try to stay up as long as we can. Oh boy. And we stayed up for four days straight. Oh, and that's wild. Yeah. We started seeing things. I'm sure you, of course you did.

We started hearing things. Uh-huh. We started smelling things. Can I call it such as? Oh yeah. Okay. First I saw behind Gabby, she was sitting in a chair and she's looking at me very intently. And behind her, I saw what looked like a big mouse

eating a pumpkin pie. Oh, well. And he was, the mouse was putting a little finger to his lips. Like I shouldn't tell Gabby that he's there eating the pie. Now see, it wasn't creepy until you mentioned that part. Now I'm thinking. Like he's threatening you?

No, not a threat. It was sort of like we had a little secret, me and the mouse. Yeah, the secret is what's creepy about it for me. Up until that point, I was on board. I assumed the mouse was on some kind of diet and he shouldn't have been eating that pie. And Gabby would scold him.

And then what did you hear? I heard the voice of every president. Oh my God. So it's basically our whole neighborhood. Our whole neighborhood is named after presidents. All of our streets. Well, not the streets named after trees, but boy, that's a lot of presidents to have in your head. Here's what happened. First I heard a voice say, I am the president of the United States and my name is George Washington.

Oh, and it was just normal like that. Yeah, but it sounded like it was in my mind, unmistakably, George Washington. You just knew it was him. Then I heard somebody say, now me. And then I heard John Adams. Yeah, who was that? Do you think? It was the next president of the United States. They went in order. Oh, God. It was John Adams. And I interrupted him.. I thought Jefferson now me. Now. Who are you? Who are you? Oh, me. Interrupting John Adams. No, I have to say John Adams sounded a lot like Mitch McNutt.

No, a little bit. Now me. Here's John Adams. Now me. Here's Mitch McNutt. No, that's that's just not, do you know that you're hardly making words when you do that impression? It's really just sounds. What do you, really? No me. You don't? No?

Okay. I think I'm- He really doesn't hear it, babe. It's wild. Oh, Mitch Mcnutt. Pfft. Now I clearly said I'm Mitch Mcnutt. I mean, I know you, so I know you so well.

I can tell that's what you said, but I'm not sure. Just someone walked up to you on the street and said that. I'm not, I'm not sure. But speaking of presidents, well, anyways, I don't know if you, I didn't want to interrupt you on that story, but was the story leading to where you might've gotten that signature? No.

Okay. We were going through all the senses. Oh, you want to keep going, babe. That's right. You want to know what he smelled. You want to keep going? You can. No, I was just reminding us where we were in the conversation.

Thanks, babe. Dare we ask him how much time we've been talking? Because that's what really throws him off. He's keeping us on track. However long it is, it's going to be five more minutes after we find out the time. Doug, I'm sorry. We really are Mitch McNutting you. I don't know why. I don't know why. It's fun. I mean, do you want to know the time or not?

Sorry. We're sorry, Doug. Last I checked, there's clocks everywhere in the house. And yes, they're not all accurate. You know why there are clocks all over the house? Because this is one of the times I put my foot down on a room. He really wanted to recreate the Doc Brown garage with all of the clocks from Back to the Future. And my God, when those things would go off, I mean, it's clever and funny in the movie. They were all noise making clocks.

Oh yeah. I don't remember this from the movie. Are you serious, Bert? I'm serious. Wow. I mean, remember that. I've never been more serious in my life. But not this moment from Back to the Future. So what kind of collection you have? Oh my god, yeah, he's got the cat with the eyes

One of the most famous clocks It's the way Newton of clocks So it's all these clocks it It's how the movie begins. The movie begins with him coming in and he's in there and he says hi to the dog and he's gonna play, you know, guitar and use like his huge speaker. If all these clocks go off at the same time, it reminds him that he's late for school.

Okay. And that's when he's talking. That's when he's like, duck, I'm late for school. And Doug loved this so much that he wanted to build that exact same room also for the guitar, you know, but it was so, it was so, it blew a hole out the side of our house. It, uh, it had the guitar speaker, but also,

Oh, you want to recreate that as well. Yes, because he loves the part where he just goes backwards through the, through the wall, you know, and then he says rock and roll and Doug wanted to start every day like this. Are you serious? I'm serious. It wasn't the noise of the guitar amp. It was actually, I built it to be like the ultimate cuckoo clock where...

That's right. It was the final cuckoo clock. I remember Doug had been talking about this for years, his plans for the ultimate cuckoo clock. The ultimate cuckoo clock. Yes. The ultimate cuckoo clock. And I thought it wasn't done yet. That was just, I was just testing, you know, the sound.

Absolutely. Played a big old A chord. And he takes the thing, I came in, he takes the glasses off, he goes rock and roll, just like the movie. And I was like, we're done here. And he had to find a place for all the clocks to live. And that's why there's clocks all over the house, because he didn't want to get rid of them.

But I told him he could not have that room. Okay so I'm realizing I think I've only seen this movie one time. Yeah I think so which is really funny burnt. I thought it was a safe one to reference. Do I hold the record for the least amount of time seeing Back to the Future? I think you might. We might have to do a listener survey because I'm not sure but I didn't realize just how uh sparse your memory was of Back to the Future. Is it just the first one or do you know Back to the Future 2, backwards and forwards? I can't remember the two and three. I can't remember if I've seen them. I have no memories

of them whatsoever. This is wild. And I remember, yeah, I think I saw Back to the Future in theaters. Okay. And I never looked back. Wow. You never looked back. I had no reason to see it again.

I had no occasion to see it again. It just didn't happen. Well, I'd make a couple other references in this situation. I think it'd be funny, but you wouldn't get them. So I think we should just move on. Let's see. Make them. Let's see what happens. Here's our I was going to say. Your memory's

disappearing like his hand was when he was playing guitar. I remember this. Remember that. I remember. Here's, let's see what I remember. You remember the Chuck Berry line. I remember the Chuck Berry line. I remember you guys aren't ready for that. I remember, uh, keep your damn hands off her. Um, your selective memory of Back to the Future is fascinating to me. I remember she thinks his name is Calvin Klein. That's correct. I remember Pepsi Free. No, you can't have anything for free. But it's, do you think it makes a movie? If you stitch it all together? I don't know. Just you saying these lines makes me want to see it all over again. I remember it was Twin Pines and then it became lone pine. It did.

But you're just doing the whole movie. You're doing the whole movie. How do I not remember in the very beginning of the film? This is my question to you. I don't understand. This is fascinating to me. You're saying the film opens with this young boy. You really can't get over this.

Blasting himself through a wall. Because the speaker is so loud. Yes, the young boy's Michael J. Fox. I want to make sure that it works. It didn't begin with like a red herring of a character we'll never see again. I'm saying that's the start of the movie. That is the start of the movie. So there's nothing, they're not trying to ground this in any way. So how is the fanciful stuff- What do you mean not grounded in any way? Well, it's like- Clocks are time.

Because if you- Did you say clocks are time? Nailed it. They're setting the stage, Bert. That's right. Why did you say that, Dice? You learn about- I think you meant to say clocks represent time. All that also seems a bit obvious. I don't think that's from You learn about. I think you meant to say clocks represent time.

All that also seems a bit, you know, obvious. I don't think that's from the movie though. No, it's not. Listen, black screen, right? Alan Silverstone music, you know, that thing. And then all of a sudden the the the the shot opens on, I believe the first thing is just like a food for a dog, a robotic thing that opens like food for a dog, robotic thing that opens up food for a dog, right?

And then something else turns on the TV and now I'm embarrassed about how much I remember of it. And there's a newscaster and this is foreshadowing and it's important, it's surprising you remember this. She says, some plutonium had been stolen today. What? I'm not kidding you. I'm not kidding. She does that whole thing. She's like, officials now say,

and then they're like, we don't have to write anything. This is a beloved movie. People love this movie. Why are you mad about this opening? I think it's great. Because I guess a little more artfully than that, but not really much. But people are gonna say, they're imagining the audience saying, well, where do you get the plutonium from? Sure, and who are we? Where are we?

Who is this? No, I buy the guitar cord. No, that hadn't happened yet, Bert. I was starting you from the very beginning of the movie. Remember I said, screen is black. Alan Silverstone music. Don't go back. No, not that back that far.

It's only a few seconds. Not that back, not that. Not that far back. Don't go back. No, not that back that far. It's only a few seconds. Not that back. Not that. Not that far back. Don't go that back. Back to the past. Go back to the future. See what I mean?

See? It's all connected Bert. Why are you so angry about this? I'm not. I'm not. I promise I'm not angry. After that, then you see the Michael J Fox. We don't know it's him yet,

but you see his, you see him come in. You see him say hi to Einie. Einstein's the name of the dog. Then you see him. How do we not know who it is? Because you don't, they don't show his head. They just show his body. Why?

I don't know. I'm not Robert Samakis. Why are you asking me like I am? What is this? What is this, a DVD specials extra where I'm supposed to do a watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watcha watch It's like they're teasing Michael J. Fox. They don't show us his face right away. But what they do show you is his skateboard rolling across the garage floor and hitting a box of plutonium. No, why are you kidding me?

I should have said a crate or a case. Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you. How do you not remember this? This sounds so stupid. Oh my God, Bert. You're saying Marty McFly has the plutonium? No, oh my God. You guys are gonna make me insane. I've McFly has the plutonium? No, oh my God.

You guys are gonna make me insane. I've already swiped this is Doc Brown's garage. No, you didn't. I didn't? You didn't. Let's go back. You just said we see Alan Silvestri score. We see a dog food opener.

To be fair, you don't know it's Doc Brown. But he does come in and he says, Doc, are you here? He does ask that question. Sure. I'm exhausted. When do we finally get to see his face? We need to take a break because I am- We should do a watch along of just the first five minutes.

That's what we should do, not the whole movie. Just the first five minutes? We actually should do a watch on it. I think that's terrific. And you can complain about it and go, what? All you want. We can do that today. No.

He's right, he wants to do it, let's go. We do have a guest and we need to get to them. Yes, we do. And we can always ask them about Back to the Future if you want, but I'd rather move on from this topic. Same. So will you throw us to commercial please? It's been 30 minutes.

Thank you, Doug. We'll be right back with The Neighborhood Listen when The Neighborhood Listen returns. ["The Neighborhood Listen Theme"] Nicole, hi. Oh, hi. Here's something, I know you didn't ask me this. I didn't, but I always want to hear what you have to say. Okay, well here's what I'm looking forward to as the weather turns cooler.

Okay. And these are in no particular order. All right. Football games. Is it, can I guess the next one? Sure. Pumpkin spice lattes? Oh my god, girlfriend, you've ruined my mind.

But, do you know the last one? No, I don't. It's slipping into a cozy sweater from Quince. Quince! Oh my God. You know Quince, you know what they're known for. Of course I do. They're known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50, and it's not just that.

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And Quinn's only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices. And of course, premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel in every piece. Now I've gotten Quinn's items, have you? Oh my God, I have. I got sunglasses that I honestly think I'm just not cool enough for, but they're so great. I got my son joggers.

They're like the nicest pants ever. What if you've gotten your son glasses? You got sunglasses and you got your son glasses. I got a couple pairs of chinos. I missed a real opportunity there. I got a couple pairs of chinos. I missed a real opportunity there. I got a couple pairs of chinos from Quince. Oh nice. I'm wearing this, one of them right now.

Look at you. So comfortable. You look very cozy and comfortable. Thank you. You're welcome. And I want people out there listening to get cozy in Quince's high quality wardrobe essentials. Go to quince.com slash TNL for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's right, 365 day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash TNL to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Say it with me. Quince.com.slash.tnl. Ha ha ha! Hi, I'm Annie. Tiki glass, free. It's a clear teaglass with an intricate design.

Now you can get into the tiki lifestyle. Get yourself started with this glass. Maybe there's another one that looks like it or is complimentary in pattern. I don't know. The tiki stuff wasn't for me. The drinks are too sugary and everybody's a swinger. I just couldn't get into the lifestyle. I don't like Hawaiian shirts because the patterns are too busy. Maybe the tiki thing is for you! Welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen! We've got a guest Joan.

Yes we do. Right here at your kitchen island. As we do every week, we scour the NeighborHap social networking application for neighborhoods and we look for interesting people in our neighborhood to talk to. Somebody's posted something interesting. Sometimes we talk to the person who's made the post. Sometimes we talk to the subject of the post itself. And that's what's happening right now today. And if you'd like to send us a post that you feel is interesting, we may have missed it, screenshot it and send it to us at bernandjohnatgmail.com. Like this person did. This was submitted by Ellie W.

Oh, okay. Ellie W. This was in the crime and safety section and this was posted by someone named Chris. Chris says, man in Bigfoot suit? Don't really know how to explain this, but last night I was walking my dog and someone dressed like Bigfoot was walking up the driveway

of that abandoned looking house on the 3500 block of crepe myrtle. The one with all the windows boarded up. It really scared my dog and honestly it scared me too. I don't know why someone would wear a Bigfoot costume like that at night in public. Seems like a good way to get shot. The person didn't seem to notice me but had to have heard my dog and without assuming anything about the situation, this person smelled really strongly like an acrid burnt smell."

Chris concludes, so I guess keep an eye out for this person? And what's weird is then we were contacted by someone. Yes we were contacted by someone. Yes, we were. Who said, you know, I want to, wanted to clear up, clear the air, I think, is something that they said. Clear up the air, yes. And this person's name, Philip Henrys, I believe. Yeah, that's right, I'm Philip Henrys.

Welcome, Philip. Thank you so much, I just want to clear a lot of this up. Okay, yeah. I'm so embarrassed, I didn't mean to scare anybody. So this was you. Oh, this was you. 100%, yeah. Oh, wow.

And I scour a neighbor app and it's one of those things where halfway through it is like, well, that's funny. I bet you this sounds a lot like me. And then by the end of it, it's like, oh, this is definitely me. Oh, wait, has this happened before? Yes. Oh, wow.

And I felt, and a lot of times a lot of the posts are about me. And it always. Imagine knowing that most of them are about you. And you find yourself saying, I bet this sounds a lot like me. Yeah, that's right. It dawns on me just like that. I'm like, I bet, I say, I bet if I read this out loud, it sounds a lot, it takes me a while to go,

oh, this sounds like me. Yeah, it's the thought process. The first phase of realization is, I bet this sounds a lot like me. Then a little bit later, I'm like, oh, this sounds like me. And then a little bit later, it is me. It is me, wonderful. Well, that was it. Thank you for taking us on that journey.

I think it's because I have a healthy, small ego. Like I'm not an ego maniac. So it takes a while for me to realize it's about me. I see. That's an interesting facet of you, but I think we should first talk about why are you dressing up in a big costume? Okay. You don't want to talk about my relationship to my ego? I do want to get there. You want to get there? Okay, not first. I understand that. You guys are the pros. However you think it makes the most sense to your listeners, I'm going to do it in that order.

Well, I do think it's actually just something so interesting you opened up with that. You know, something that's such a mystery. There's so much mythology around big foot. To have someone say right here, right now, unequivocally, it was you. Well, the first question I have, of course, is, well, then why were you dressed as Bigfoot walking up the street or was that your intention? It was God. It was not.

Wait, you were not intending to dress like, you know, I didn't realize I looked so much like Bigfoot. I didn't put it together. I didn't put it together. Wait. OK. But can you tell me in your mind, what were you wearing? Huge shaggy outfit, loping strides, waving arms. Okay. When you say shaggy outfit, were you wearing somehow a costume? Yes. Okay. What was the costume?

Well, I intended to dress up like the Disney character, Goofy, but I missed. I had a Chewbacca costume. I did. Okay. Because I was going to say, I don't think Goofy is shaggy. No, I don't have a Goofy costume. I have a Chewbacca costume. I don't think a goofy is shaggy. That's not the first word that comes to mind. I don't have a goofy costume. I have a Chewbacca costume that I modified to make it more goofy. And how did you... What were the mods? Chewbacca's got like a bandolier. What is in that by the way?

I don't know. In the costume that I had. Is it a bullet? No, I mean Chewbacca's. Just looks like a giant zipper. In the mythology? Well yeah, because they should. What is it supposed to be? He shoots laser weapons. Right. Are there little lasers in there? Little cartridges? I guess it follows that there must be. Does Chewbacca vape? And maybe those are his vape cartridges. A bunch of lighters strung together. I don't know. I had a kid costume version, so there was just gum and all of that. You had a kid costume version of it. Like, well, yeah.

I had, yeah. A six foot tall, a six foot tall. So for a big kid. Big kid. Some kid has gone through growth spurt and is having trouble fitting in maybe. Okay. It does happen.

I mean, especially if you're going into a Spirit Halloween, everything that says it's for a kid is six feet tall. I guess I don't know it's for kids. There was just gum and all that stuff. There was gum and all that stuff. So now why did you want, what was it about this particular night? Now I'm said Goofy. I thought, well, Goofy doesn't have one of these.

I took those off of my, this is almost there. That's the only mod or was there something else? Oh, I had other stuff. Oh, please go on. Do you know what's funny? I'm sorry. I'm just realizing, both Goofy and Han Solo wear the same black vest. Oh, they kind of do. That's cute, right? You're right. Yeah, yeah.

That's kind of cute. So there is a connection. In a way, yes. So what else did you do? Cause you know, he's got those floppy ears. He's got the floppy ears. I didn't do anything with that. Okay.

But I think Goofy also has kind of, his eyes are wide. You think he does. Yeah. I bet. I'm pretty sure. I bet it seems like his eyes are wide. You think he does? Yeah, I bet. I'm pretty sure. I bet it seems like his eyes are very wide. It looks like his eyes are wide. I think, I don't know.

So when I was in the costume, I kept my eyes as wide as possible. Can I also ask? But I mean, I think it depends on how wide the costumes eyes are. Oh, OK, those are tight. Did you say Chewbacca has floppy ears? Goofy. No, babe. He has goofy ears.

He's, pardon me. That's my husband. You can't see him. He's building a canal. I know. He's sloshing around. Yes. His connection is probably not good down there. I don't have time to get into it.

I'm sorry. I thought I got that confused. It's okay. That's okay, babe. Were you mad that we were misrepresenting Chewbacca? I was confused. He definitely was ready. Because I thought I heard that you did not need to modifying Chewbacca? I was confused because I thought I heard that you did not need to modify the Chewbacca costume because it already had floppy ears.

No, I don't think so, babe. I should have. Yeah, sure. So here's what I want to get to. I stretched him, but they snapped right back. Oh dear. So there are ears on the Chewbacca? Yeah, oh yeah.

They were seen as human ears. They look like, are there holes in the side of his head? No, human ears. I mean, I just thought it was just- Never noticed. On the costume. I don't think in the real Chewbacca. Okay, so they just added a strange humanoid feature.

Was Chewbacca spelled the typical way? No, it was one of those knockoffs. Okay, I had a feeling. Okay, this was it. All right. And then can I just ask- It was atchoo, bock.

Achoo bock. Like a chew, like you you. Bach. Achoo Bach. Achoo. Achoo Bach. Achoo Bach. Ah. And I was like, I get it. I know what this is. And it's just like a regular Chewbacca, but huge human ears.

Huge human ears. Not huge, but regular. So that might've also added to the appearance of Bigfoot, you know, for someone because it is supposed to be like a half man, half. Right. But what I do want to know, okay, but hang on. I do want to know why you were, why,

or what you were headed to, or what event you were dressing up as Goofy for that had you walking on the street. I'm preparing for a Goofy-thon, which is a marathon where everyone dresses as Goofy. Oh no. Outside of Orlando, they do it twice a year. Oh, twice. Twice a year, both equinoxes. Seems like once would be enough. Outside of Orlando, they do it twice a year. Oh, twice.

Twice a year, both Equinoxes. Seems like once would be enough. You think so, but the spring and the autumnal Equinox. Twice is a lot. No, they don't have a ton of side ups. The guy who runs it is ambitious. But I don't know, sometimes you gotta go big or go home. True.

He's going big. It is true, okay. So I wanted, in the spring Equinox Goofy-thon, I was trying to train for it. Okay. What? Okay. Why do you have to train for it? What does that mean? What does it look like? You have to run 26 miles. I thought maybe, okay, got it. I didn't know what it really meant. Maybe you had to act like Goofy for 24 hours.

You had to act like Goofy for 24 hours. Like a Goofy-thon. Yeah. Just like walk around the room. So everyone's running, doing that. Oh! It does sound like that. Yeah. I was hoping you were going to do that. Oh, well, I had to. I'm trying to do the run like the way I kind of imagined what Goofy must look like when he runs, which I sort of imagined him running like he's on a recumbent bike, but he's moving

like kind of- Okay. Yeah. He's sort of doing it right now when it looks- Did you? Now, I feel like you're doing a lot of stuff from memory or from assumption. Yes. But I feel like footage of Goofy is readily available.

Oh, where? I got to get it. I got to get it. Because as a kid, I loved him. from memory or from assumption. But I feel like footage of Goofy is readily available. Oh, where? I gotta get it. I gotta get it, because as a kid I loved him. I think you can just look them up online, I think. Oh, really?

You can. I've heard they're litigious. Well, I mean, if you try to use it in your own work, but I believe you can consume it as long as you're, I suppose. So it's okay to watch it? It's okay to watch it. They can't do anything to you for long.

No, they can't. Are you sure? You seem very, are you afraid of like the Disney corporation? Yeah, well I'm afraid of getting sued. Oh, okay. I've been sued many times. Oh no, why?

Yes, everybody in my family's a lawyer except for me. Does that mean they've sued you? Yes. Why? Defamation. Wait, is it always your family suing you? So let me think. Yes.

Is your family Disney lawyers? No, they're just regular lawyers. Okay, God, then what are they suing you for? Defamation. I know, but specifically of what? At game night, I say- You sort of gave a thumbs up when you said defamation. You got it right.

No, it was more like a politician, I thought. Like a real strong, like as if he was giving a courtroom speech. I thought he was gonna make a politician, I thought. Like a real strong, like as if he was giving a courtroom speech is how I took it. I thought he was going to make a list of things. Oh, there we go. Yeah, definitely. Oh no, I'm a pointer one.

Oh, I'm a pointer one as well. I'm not a thumb one. I'm not a thumb one. What is this, Europe? Yeah, someone is European or gym teacher. Yeah. Do you know there's a movie? Oh, in the movie JFK.

Love it. Donald Sutherland talking to Kevin Costner on a park bench. And he starts to list off potential possible Kennedy enemies. And he puts the thumb up and he goes, the mafia. Anything more Canadian, can you imagine? I think if you use a thumb to say number one, that's such a sign of disrespect. It's like I'm using my smallest finger.

It is a real. The least amount of effort that I need to say one. Yes, it is a tell. It is a tell. Yeah. So I'm a one pointer. Okay. You're a one pointer. If it's a thumb, that means good. Okay. That means, okay. It means exactly what it is. Thumbs up.

Yeah. So we don't need to get into the defamation cases and the specificities because you don't seem to want to. It's just all stupid family stuff. It's like I said, they were bad at charades. We have a game night, I'm like, you're bad at charades. And I got sued for defamation by my grandmother and my uncle Dave. A class action?

Yeah. They teamed up and they're so good at it that it made it to trial. But now they couldn't have won this. They didn't win, but the court fees are killing me. Oh my word, this sounds very harsh. Thank you for saying that, I have a toxic family. Okay. But then what? That's why I'm scared of getting sued. Right. But why would they sue you for watching Goofy? I guess, you know, that's not defamation. But they conditioned

me to not be scared of being sued. You need to just be afraid of everything. Okay. I understand. You never know when you're going to get sued. Did any of your family defend you? No. Nobody stood up for me. You had to hire your own lawyer? I had to hire a lawyer outside of the family. Cost me a fortune. And then it got thrown out in the first five seconds. The judge was like, Oh, wait a minute. And threw it out. Wait, what was that sound? That's exactly what he lifted up. All right. It does sound like, does it sound like goofy? Is that what he does? Well, I bet it is. It seems like, you know, I bet it seems like a thing that he would do. Yeah. Let me write that down. Is that what he does? Well, I bet it is. It seems like, you know, I bet it seems like a thing that he would do.

Yeah. Let me write that down. I think so. That sounds like the Dignity Court system, for sure. Oh, for sure. Which normally I respect. Yeah. But on that day, and I guess I was happy with the outcome, it got thrown out. The sort of unofficial motto of the Dignity Falls justice system is,

it's probably frivolous, but let's take a look at it. Yes. That's the statue of the courthouse. She's got a shrug. Yeah. She's just blindfolded with the scales, but also the vibe, the vibe of our statue of liberty is just blindfold either not statue of liberty, but our statue of the entity liberty justice.

Sorry. Our statue of justice is like, I could eat. That's absolutely right. That's absolutely right. That's well put anyway. So I do want to know you. I'm defamation sensitive. I understand.

Leticia sensitive. But if you're sure the Disney Corporation won't sue me, then I'll watch. That'll be great. That's going to help. I mean, I never want to say a blanket statement like that. I mean, you could always pull it apart. But I think that watching a clip'll watch. That'll be great. That's going to help. I mean, I never want to say a blanket statement like that. I mean, you could also always pull it apart. But I think that watching a clip of goofy would be fine. Even if I watch, duplicate, distribute

and broadcast these clips. I wouldn't do that. I was saying you couldn't do that. That's exactly what I think. I think that's where you start. It's hard for me to stop. OK, so I'll just watch it. Yeah. OK.

Once I consume media, I enjoy it. I got to tell everybody. And a lot of times I do that through my own movie. You're not the guy. Hold on a second. Oh my gosh. Are you the guy that created that local

major league baseball stream? Which one? It's just, it's online and it's called something like Patty's MLB. Yeah. And. Patty's my nickname. It's clearly someone has, with their phone phone recorded a baseball game off the television.

And just redistributed it? Yeah, put it on the wall. I do do that. Are people watching that? Oh, you shouldn't do that. Oh, you definitely should do that. How have you not been sued for that? We definitely shouldn't do that.

Maybe we shouldn't talk about this on the podcast. People will hear this. Well, I do it through two VPNs. I VPN a VPN, which is a VVPPNN. I didn't know you could do that. It's great. It takes forever. My bandwidth is crap.

I get like 56.6 KBS, which is like, that's old school. Wow. The games actually look pretty good. I have to say though. Oh, thank you. You watched it quite a bit, Burns. I watched it because what this guy does, if it is you, turns the sound down.

I don't know if people are watching it. And does his own occasional play by play. Oh. Like it'll be long stretches of silence. Okay. And then all of a sudden it'll be like, occasional play by play. Oh, yeah. Like it would be long stretches of silence. OK. And then all of a sudden it would be like, oh, foul ball. Well, I don't like to overwhelm. Baseball, I think, is a sport best left observed.

That's lovely, actually. I believe Oscar Wilde said that. Did he? Kind of. I'd love to meet him. I bet it sounds like something he would have said. I bet it sounds like something that he would have said. I really do.

But I will. Anyway, that's probably me. OK, I love to distribute. So but I'll be clear. So you're telling me don't do that, but I can just watch it. You can watch it. Okay, great. I'll just watch it. But I really want to not get off track because this is so fascinating to me. Is it? It is. From one to 10, how fascinating. Well, you don't know which part I'm talking about.

Okay. I'm talking about, I'm talking about where you were unaware that walking, at night, I imagine. Uh-huh. And the Chewbacca suit. That's right. Looking six feet tall. Right.

And you're like, oh, I'm going to be like, Oh, I'm going to be like, Oh, I'm going about, I'm talking about where you were unaware that walking, um, at night, I imagine, uh, Chewbacca suit, looking six feet tall, thinking you're representing goofy. Yeah. Pretty sure that I'm goofy-esque. Yeah. And you were, did you say that he was, I'm sorry, did it say that he was walking or running? I think it said walk. I don't think it said running. Bigfoot running. That sounds terrible. I was trying to run. I wasn't trying to out you,

but it does sound like you were just walking. It says you were walking up the driveway of that abandoned looking house on the 3500 block of Great Brittle. Right, now that's what I want to get to. If you were training, what were you doing going up the driveway to an abandoned house? And also, if I could go back just a little bit.

Sure, we all have a lot to say. I don't know if we got to all of the modifications to the Chewbacca costume, but you took off the bandolier, you pulled on the ears, but that didn't work. That did nothing. The end? He made his eyes wide. He made his eyes wide. Kept his eyes wide.

Don't forget that. And I'm doing a goofy stride. Right. OK. A walking recumbent bicycle. Yes, yes, yes. That was it. OK.

That's all I got so far. So question answered? Yes. Great. OK. Moving on. So now why were you training? Oh, and I put on a little jug head hat on the answered. Yes. Great. Okay. Moving on. So now why were you training? Oh, and I put on a little jug head hat on the top of it.

Oh, okay. All right. Jug head hat, little green crown, jug head hat. Yep. Is that what Goofy wears? It's like that, yeah. It's similar, yeah. It's a little squishy sort of, yeah. It's almost like a beanie.

I think it's a little taller than that, right? It's like a little tall. It looks like a little cylindrical. Well, like if you pulled it up. Sure. You know what I mean? If you just rested a beanie on the top of your head. Remember, he's just going off of memory. Childhood memory, yeah.

So why were you walking up that driveway to that scary house? First off, I was trying to run. I understand. We understand. So he was also, not only did he think he looked like Goofy, but he thought he was running. Right, you were trying to run. I'm pretty sure I looked like I was running, but I guess not.

I know, I happen to know that that particular house is one 32nd of a mile around. And so if I run around at 32 times, that's a mile and I got to do 26 of those. So that's just an easy way for me to know that I've done a marathon. How do you happen to know that? I've measured a lot of houses. Why? I used to want to be a cat burglar. OK, which I never did.

And that's why I'm happy to admit it, because I never did anything illegal. But I used to case the joint, the joint being wherever I wanted to rob. Right. Like a James Elroy. You got it. Going around peeping. Yeah. Who's James Elroy? He's that creep writer from L.A. Confidential.

He's a creep? Well, he loves talking about how he used to be a creep. And he loves talking about it. He would break into homes and he would. It's okay if you just write about it, right? He would like rifle through a woman's underwear drawer. Oh really? Yeah, I'm sorry I got so excited

about being associated with that guy. Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho maybe I'll cat-burgle at that house and I get a tape measure and I'd go around and measure and I'd be like how much you know what's the square footage how long is it gonna take me to like go through this house and I'd you know and then I that particular abandoned house which I was just measuring to practice measuring one thirty second of a mile exactly have ever thought about a notometer I love it well he's open he's so open to suggestions I love that but don't you mean I have to get my car and drive around the house? No, no, no, no, no. He means like something you wear. It shows you how long you've been running for.

They have odometers that are not in cars? Yeah. They do. You can just put them in your pocket. Absolutely. What? There's, we're blowing your mind today. How does that work? Well, what do we even say? Because the odometer is tied to the wheel spinning.

No, but it's- Do I have to wire it to my feet? No, you don't. Do I have to wire it to my feet? No, you don't. You don't. Really? It is a thing that senses how long a distance you are going. It's incredible.

It really is. It really is. Is it accurate? There's a, pretty much so, yeah. That's one of the most incredible things I've ever heard of. Think about that. It just sits in my pocket.

No, no, no, it's not new to us. It's not new to you? No. Well, isn't it crazy? I can't wait to have one. No, no, no. It's not new to us. It's not new to you? No. Well, isn't it crazy? I can't wait to have one. I want, I want us two things. I mean, I know you said- Hang on, let me get my iPhone.

I'm writing this on my iPhone. You have an iPhone? Yeah, you have an iPhone that has that on it. So you have that on it? Yes! Just go to the health section. Let me check. Oh my God!

This is tracking my steps. This is incredible. It's incredible. It really is. Oh my God! He's walking around. He is incredible. It's incredible. It really is. Oh my God. He's walking around. He's walking around the kitchen island. The numbers going up.

The numbers going up. See it works. Oh, he's going up the stairs. There he goes. Oh, hey. Did he make it? That's what you look like. Did he make it to?

That's a canal. He made, you are building a canal upstairs. You want to ride? I knew you were lying about that. Oh boy. Can I have a look make it? Did he make it to? That's a canal. He made, you are building a canal upstairs. You wanna ride? I knew you were lying about that. Kat, what are you gonna? Hang on, yeah. I'll go for a ride. All right.

What the hell? Hey, this is pretty good. This is different for our podcast. This is new. All right. Whoa, hey, this is nice. Are you just walking around in the water? Well, I don't have the gondola built yet, I don't have the gondola built yet.

You don't have the gondola built yet. Thank you for carrying me. All he can do is walk. You basically can decide to step right. This is what I thought it was gonna be. That's pretty great. And you know what? You did that for four steps.

Oh, really? Good job, babe. Look at that. Hang on, I gotta go back down there. All right, you better get down. That looks great. Thank you. Only now, 9,996 more to go today, babe.

Are you back? Nope. Nope, he's not back yet. Not enough guests come all the way to me. Hey, hello. I guess not. This is incredible. I cannot believe this is on my phone.

Well, this is, I mean, can I ask what you do for a living? I run a charm school. I mean, it's not, it's not going great. It's not going great, but I do run a charm school. Wait, do you run that place called first do some charm? Yeah. Why? Do you know it? I've passed by it so many times. I had no idea what goes on. I know it's a very whimsical building. Yeah. I thought it was related to the medical profession somehow. First do some charm. That it was like maybe a bedside manner sort of school.

I thought it was maybe just all about, I don't know. I thought it was like sort of more like a something of the, what do you call it? The occult or something. Oh wow. Well charms, you know what I mean? First do some charm sounds like casting a spell. It does sound like that. Why is it not going well? Well, I don't know, because I've hired a number of PR guys to help me get the word out. And they were like, start in the middle.

So that's why the sign is first do some charm. Oh, so when you say it's not going well, you just mean the PR. How's the actual school going? I mean, everything's bad. I got two students and they're both assholes. Complete dicks and I don't know what to do with them. They come over to my house every day. How old are they? One's 32 and one's 101. complete dicks and I don't know what to do with them. They come over to my house every day. How old are they?

132 and 101. And all the 101 guys want to do is talk about pronouns and how he's sick of them. I'm like, Hey, leave it at the door. He's like, he's like this, you know, don't cancel me. They're paying for this. Yes. This is not normally the age. Normally charm school is for like young ladies. This is a very strange. I honestly didn't think it existed anymore.

No, I do think that the name might be a little misleading. Although I'm not sure I can explain why it drew a 101 year old man to your door. What does he care? What's the 32 year old's deal? He wants to be a dancer and he wants to, he's trying to improve his banter at the top. All he does is how to charm the audience. like how to get out there and get them on your side. So all we do is not a lot of that required. Did you know there's not a lot of that required? All I know is what he told me.

So I'm assuming it's a huge part. I can't dance trying to think of that when I've ever seen a dance performance where there was generally not like a, well, I think he's thinking of himself as a kind of a one man sort of like he's coming to hey everybody You know like he wants to do singing too, I guess I should he's not just dancing But he wants to really go to the the Academy of Arts that we have here. It's very well I'm sorry. I'm here. Okay, you know listen to this. All right half my business

We just want to tell me that Roosevelt's a lib. Also, I think your family will probably sue you again. What? You call them a toxic family on this podcast. Oh no! That's not true. Oh, you're right, Bert. Oh shoot, can we take that out?

We can cut that out. Sure we can. We've cut out any reference to my family, because they're right. Because we're cutting out the Vegas thing already. Yeah, we're cutting out. They're crazy. We're gonna cut most of this.

Yeah. It's probably gonna be our shortest episode. It's just going to be the sound of them shuffling through the canal. God, that's so good for me to know. Hey, does this thing have a charm school on it? The iPhone? Yeah.

Does the iPhone have a charm school on it? I don't know how to answer that question. I didn't know that it had like a magic walking measure. It might have a game called charm school, but I don't think it has like a. Charm school. Nope, there's nothing on here called charm school.

OK. Yeah. Well, that's what I do. Well, you're talking about the apple suing you then I guess. Uh, but, uh, I think maybe your issue might be that start with the title. Okay. Okay. Great. What would I be? May I just call it charm school? That would certainly be clearer to me. Yeah. Instead of first do a charm first do some first do some charms. Okay. Yeah. Charms school. Okay. Okay. Charm school. Okay. Okay. So again, wanting to circle back to this. That's not how I make most of my money.

Most of my money I make is I was hit by two trucks when I was 10 years old. Oh dear. Not hurt, but my family's success. In two different incidents? No, at once, simultaneous. Oh my Lord. No, you were in the middle.

His fingers went together as if he was in the middle. Exactly. Two trucks were playing chicken. Oh. And I ran out there and got involved. It used to be legal here. That is true. Yeah. I want to say 97. It was legal to play chicken in the streets with any size vehicle. That's right. But you had to stop if there's a pedestrian in the way. That was one of the rules.

Kids would do it on tricycles and it got violent. A lot of issues were settled that way. Yeah, I kind of miss it. I kind of miss it. Well, why did you get involved in the shit? I got involved. Yeah, what does that mean? I was 10 and I was like, I'm going to help because one truck was red, one was blue.

I was in favor of the red truck. But how is getting in the middle of them helping? You could have just waved a flag. Pull them closer. Not pull. What are you talking about? I'm talking about I'm going to do... I was a kid, right? First of all, so that just makes sense.

I was going to run in front of them. And when the red one approached, pull it sooner so that it got there and scared the blue truck more. I don't... I want to say this is a terrible plan. Yeah. Oh, I agree. Even for a 10-year-old.

No, I agree. Well, I was a dumb 10-year-old. Sounds. I agree. Even for a 10 year old. No, I agree. Well, I was a dumb 10 year old. Sounds it. I gained a lot when I was 11. After this, I stepped up my game. So this is one issue. This is one case that was in your favor, apparently. This is the one time you won a case in court.

Well, my family liked me when I was a kid, right? So they were on my favor and they like sued on my behalf. They sued the bejesus out of both these guys. That's great. Oh, I'm sure. And did you say that you got hit by two trucks and didn't get hurt? They were on my favor and they like sued on my behalf. They sued the bejesus out of both these guys. Oh, I'm sure. And did you, sorry, did you say that you, you got hit by two trucks and didn't get hurt? Yeah. Well, they came to a stop.

I mean, they were great guys and I'm actually still friends with them. Oh, that's nice. Did he actually say he got hurt by two trucks and didn't get hurt? He got hit by two trucks. Hit by two trucks and didn't get hurt. Yeah.

And hit is a pretty liberal definition. And that was the, that was the ketchup versus toothpaste chicken, right? Yeah, that's right. One guy was like- The blue versus red? Yeah, one guy had a big truck full of ketchup and one guy had a big truck full of toothpaste. The toothpaste people were pissed at ketchup

because they, yeah, that's right. And people were- They were like, we're the stuff you squeeze. We were supposed to take sides. I'm not surprised you took ketchup. People do remember it as the ketchup versus toothpaste chicken. Ketchup versus toothpaste chicken.

Ask anybody on the street. I didn't know that was you. You know, if people tell you where they were the day that happened. Oh, absolutely. Do you believe we're here with the kids? Unbelievable. These are toothpaste people were saying,

you gotta brush your teeth with all that ketchup. It was tearing the town apart for what I understood. Oh, it really was. And so they're like, we'll settle it with a chicken. There was a lot of people watching. There was almost a civil war in Dignity Falls over ketchup and toothpaste. Yes.

Well, just like people got real personal about it. And they weren't being fair when they were talking about the other side. And it's like, hey, this is one of those things where there's no right side. There were very fine people on both sides. Yes. Yes.

So that's going to be problematic, Bernd, I think, that you said that. I don't know why. I just have a weird feeling that's going to be problematic, Berndt, I think that you said that. I don't know why. You don't think it's true? I just have a weird feeling that's going to be problematic. You don't think it's true? Maybe we'll cut that out along with the other 76% of that podcast. Just to be safe. So then you got a lot of money.

Yeah. And so then- You said that in such an excited way. You got a lot of money. I got a fair amount. I got a fair amount. Yeah. I've been living off it. So I don't really have to have a job. So most of my jobs are labor. I guess it was exciting because I thought he was going to say he did something with it.

I did something like I've just fucked off my whole life and just done whatever I like. Just like you. What drew you to open the Charm School? Yes. Because I think we live in a society lacking in charm. I think I missed the refined days of my youth, the late 1970s.

Can you talk about that a little bit? What was refined about it? Jimmy Carter, you know, just listing the show, Barney Miller, just everything had a little verve. Oh, okay. You're talking, you're making references. Isn't it okay, Mike? It's true. It's true. I did make some Back to the Future references. Are you familiar? Not as I saw them. I saw about a month ago.

Okay. Yeah. And then I watched Two and Three, which I didn't remember anything about Two and Three. Which one is the Wild West? You sure? Three. That's Three. Three is the Wild West. Yeah. And then when I watched them, you know what I thought? Not too bad.

Oh, well, yeah. Not too bad. But One is tremendous. One's great. In the second one, they go to the future. They do. So they go to the 50s? The second one is famously sort of depressing and dark and not as funny. They go to the future and then back to the future. They do. So they go to the 50s. And the second one is famously sort of depressing and dark

and not as fun. They go to the future and then back to the past. They do. All right. Great. Two's got an incredible, Act Three of Two is great. I love Two.

I'll talk about this forever. Act Three of Back to the Future Two is incredible. I love it. Is incredible. Now that one, I can't recall the specific third act. They invented the Reebok pumps. They invented the hoverboard. It starts with black. Oh boy, it starts with black.

They all start with black. Alan's the best your music comes in. They kept Alan. That's great. Then there's the DeLorean just picking right up where one left off, zooming in the street. Oh, that's true, yes. Wow.

And then change the actress. They just thought, well, it doesn't matter. Oh, that's right. Don't even notice. Yeah, no one did. No one changed the girl. And truly nobody raised a fuss. Wait, it picks up exactly where it left off. Right where it left off. Exactly. It's just like a Halloween ghost. In fact No one did. No one did. And truly nobody raised a fuss. Wait, it picks up exactly where it left off.

Right where it left off. It's just like Halloween 2. In fact, I believe that actually we play the scene that it ended with. Play it again. With the new girl. Because it had been a couple of hours. Where we're going, we don't need girls. It's been a couple of hours.

I'm going to say it's been a couple of years. But you know, we don't need to get on this topic again. So you... But I miss that era. I missed the refined era. I feel like people were more polite. I mean, I hate to say it, pre-internet, pre-social media. Well now listen, there are some arguments

to be made for that. I just feel like seeing. Although I will say you just became very excited about the magic that your phone can do in terms of counting your steps. True, I know, it's such a blessing and a curse. It is, it's a push pull, it really is. It's a push pull. It's a push pull. You got no's a push pull, it really is. It's a push pull.

It's a push pull. You got an odometer, but then you also have- It's a push me pull you. Yeah, which is Dr. Dolittle's duck. That's correct. No, not a duck. No. What?

That's the crazy part, that I got, what's the animal? The animal is essentially, it's a llama. Oh, that makes sense, why'd I say a duck? A two-headed llama, But they're joined in the- I thought Dr. Doolittle talked to ducks. I mean, he talks to all the animals, I believe. I think he had a duck. He talks to the, yeah, he talks to all of them. I don't think he makes exceptions. I don't think he discerns. I don't think he discriminates.

No ducks. I will never talk to a duck. Be worried if you can understand all the animals in one of them, you're just giving the, giving the Heisman too. The push we pull you when I think it, is very nightmarish because it's essentially two front halves of a llama that are joined at the stomach. Really? What? What?

Push Me Pull You. What a cute name for a monstrosity. It's horrible. They were named for the prison that they were born into. That's terrible. Everyone treats it like it's magical. It's a kid's book. It's a kid book. Like, oh, we're actually seeing it. It's a kid movie to have like this like,

should be killed creature. Starring everyone, every kid's favorite actor, Rex Harrison. With a warm. And moreover, everyone's favorite singer. Yes. Now. He really committed. Two questions I'm gonna ask you.

We're circling back, circling back to. Thank you for telling me how many, so I'm ready. Okay, good. I like to try to do that. It's nice. And sometimes I ask more, so I'm just warning you. Two or more. But how many times have you been to the Goofython? And then second part is, did you notice these people

that posted about you noticing you? And what was that interaction like? So first, how many times to the Goofython? Did you hear the dog barking? That's right. Yes, you hear the dog barking? That's right. Yes, I heard the dog barking. I've been to the goofy thong twice scouting it to see if I wanted to do it. You just stood on the sidelines and watch the goofies run by. Right. Well, it's like, you know, it's like, if you want to do it, if you want to do an open mic, you got to go watch it a couple of times. It's true. It is polite. Okay. Uh, commit, you know, help to help.

This is your first time running in it. This would be my first time running. Wow. And how or any marathon or any race really train a lot for a marathon. I'm just worried that on top of it, you're going to be in this, um, you're actually not going to be in a goofy costume, which I think would be even more easy to run in. But with the Chewbacca costume in Florida and the humidity, even if it's, I worry about you and your health and that. Okay. There's a lot of goofy that you can fake with clothing.

There sure is. That's what I should do. You don't have to do much. But I've already got this costume. I already sunk, I mean sunk cost. You did in the, in the, in the knockoff one, the one that was at Chewbacca. It's like 20 bucks. I gotta use it.

If I use it for something else, maybe I'll just go overalls for the, for the goofy thon. Oh yeah, it's up for overalls. Hang on. So now you were walking up on, up the street. This person saw you. Yes. In your mind you were running, but this person saw you walking. And do you, do you remember this interaction? Was there any, did you notice them looking at you? I heard a dog barking. Okay. You did hear the dog barking.

Yes. And I also smelled the acrid, the burnt rubber acrid smell. So it wasn't you? It was me. It was you. Yes, I also smelled it though. I smelled it and it was me. To be fair.

I smelled it and I was like, that's me. Okay. Yeah. I bet that's me. Yeah. You dealt it. I dealt it and therefore I smelled it. Is that the order it goes in?

Yeah, you deal it and then you smell it. Smell it. I'm glad we did. You distribute it. If? Yeah, you deal it and then you smell it. Smell it. You deal it and you distribute it. If you smelt it, dealt it, and if you deal it, you smear it. Right? That makes sense. That follows.

If you smelt it, dealt it, but in chronological order, you deal it and smear it. Yeah, that's true. You distribute it. Yep. There you go. I just wanted to play. You detected it, ejected it.

How did it feel? Not great, because of the way you looked at me. Okay. So we're getting away from the topic here. Which one? What was the burnt acrid smell? Oh, I was, I was popping wheelies in my Huffy. I don't, do you understand most of that? I do, I do. Aies in my Huffy. I don't, do you understand? I do. Most of that.

A Huffy has a bicycle. Thank you. Yeah. And I was like, skid mark. I was practicing skid marks in my Huffy. Which is fun. So wait a minute. But you were doing this enough that the smell clung to you. So the burnt rubber.

And through the costume. Because I didn't wear the costume when I did it. I was like peeling out and like really getting good skid marks on my huffy and then called the sack and then I put on the goofy costume. Chewbacca costume. Chewbacca costume. Went for a run and then you know, I smelled the other. Oh yeah.

So wait, the costume was on your bike and it fell off? Unrelated. Wait, what? I was biked without the costume. He biked without the costume. Then I was like time for my training. Doing some sick skids. Hold on. So the smell was on your body and then because you put it. I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I're saying, they were born, but if you're saying congratulations, they're still alive. Thank you. Cause you know what? I could appreciate that every single day. I'm talking about my twins, Matt and, and Cardusian and they, they never were into

BMX ever at all. So they hated it. They hated it. They, you know why? Because they didn't, bikes couldn't catch fire as fast as other things. Yeah, that's probably true. They despised BMX. They really despised it. And they said that, I didn't even know they knew the word. I really don't. They walked around saying, I despise this. They were four. So-

You know who else has a bigger vocabulary than anybody thinks is Frankenstein's monster? Really? What are the words he knows? What are some surprising words? He said, I expected such a reception. That's the first thing he says in the book. Oh, really? Oh, you're talking about the book.

See, the book obviously gives a lot more insight to this whole story than the movies do. In the book, he has a name. What is it? Adam. You're kidding. I'm not kidding. That's right. Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley.

Oh, I remember that name. Yes. Who could forget it? Why does everyone say Frankenstein's monster if it's Adam? You're right. It should be Adam. No one ever says that. That's a very good thing.

Every time we talk, it scares the crap out of me. That is such a good point. Frankenstein was named the doctor, the doctor's name is Adam. Very few people even know about the book, sadly. He's got a big vocabulary and so do twin boys. Well, sometimes. I mean, that was really the- Out of nowhere.

Yeah, it was just despise and then pretty much- I think we're getting off topic. Yeah, we really don't. He's good at getting us off topic. Something doesn't add up to me. Oh, okay, what? Oh, what is it, Doug? I'm sorry to say this.

All right, come on in. He's really sorry. Well, I don't know if you have time to come in. I'm not gonna come in. No, I'll stay here. You can come in if you want to, babe. Come on down here. I'll stay here, I'm all wet.

Then please, please stay there. You're all wet? Don't track it through the house. You fall down? I fell in. Oh, sorry. It's okay. This is not a surprise to me.

Take a swim, you know? No, it's not. Oh, you took a swim? You're never supposed to swim in the canals. How deep is the water? Swim in the water. It sounded like it was two feet. Oh, we've got a bit of a singer on our hands.

How deep is your water? Okay, guys, you know what? We really are getting off topic. No, I was gonna say. What did it add up? I know you wanna sing now. How deep is your water? How deep is your water?

Okay, we can't get into this now. We're gonna start singing and I'm gonna swim. Oh yeah, Byr, we can't get into this. Now we're going to start singing and I'm going to... Oh yeah, Bert famously can only sing one note. He really, yeah, he can only sing one note. For a harmony that could work great. I was going to say, I'm sorry to call you out. You said you had a very small ego. That's right.

But you're bragging that you're doing sick wheelies on your hum. Hey, you're right. That's a good call. Good catch. No, it's a good call, yeah. Wow. Evidently strikes again. There we go. I saw evidence. I's a good call. Good catch. No, it's a good call, yeah. Evidently strikes again. There we go.

I saw evidence, I snatched it up. I like to peacock when I'm doing sick wheelies. It's a bit out of character for me. So you're saying that the acrid smell was literally just from your body being trapped in the Chewbacca suit? It's from the tires. The burnt rubber from my bike tires got into my regular human clothes.

And then when I put on the Chewbacca costume, the smell was potent enough to emit through the costume to this poster. Did you put the Chewbacca costume over your clothes, like coveralls? How do you mean? Well, like, you know, like, like a fisherman would put a sort of a suit on that he's, he's going to go into the water. Right. I did not take my clothes. I put it on over my full clothes. Right. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Like a fisherman would put sort of a suit on that he's, he's going to go into the water. You know, survival.

I put it on over my full clothes. Right. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. For speed. Like some Dickies. Correct. Okay. Well, because I, because I do the sick wheelies as a, as a, as a warmup, as an aerobic warmup, as aerobic warmup. It sounds like just biking would be more of an aerobic warmup. Well, you do have to, you do have to get up a lot of speed

in order to do those six wheelies. Again, remember, my kids despised it, so I never got to learn it. All right, well, when is the Goofython? Tomorrow. Oh, my. I gotta go, actually. I got an early flight to around there.

Okay, I mean, we don't wanna keep you, but I'm very worried about your way to two. I'm worried too, I'm not in flight to it. Okay. I mean, we don't want to keep you, but I know it's okay. Worried about. I'm worried too. I'm not in shape at all. The longest I've gone is a mile because I get dizzy. I do 32 times around that house. I'm like, I got to take a generally, you know, you're not just going in a circle over and over again. So that's the, I don't think you've trained correctly. I don't think so either. Or for anything. Yeah. No, it's bad. I feel so bad this person posted.

I just want to say, if you're out there, next time you see me, come say hi. I just want to apologize for scaring you. Okay, so it just, everybody knows it's not Bigfoot. No. And this, because this, because this person, Chris, did say, seems like a good way to get shot. Are you worried about that?

Oh, good point. I wasn't worried about it, but now I am. Yeah, I would stop wearing it. Definitely in this area. Especially, I would cancel that flight too. You think so? Yeah, I'd get your money back. I think I don't think I can. You don't know I was one of those?

Or you know what? Or you know what? Just go to Disney World and then go hang out with their actual Goofy, which is just someone dressed as Goofy. But you know, there's a lot of Goofy you can observe him. That's a good idea. That's the best person to observe right there.

I mean, I've seen two Goofy thons, but I don't know which of those people is canon. You've seen two goofy what? Songs. Two goofy marathons. Oh, goofy songs. Goofy songs. I thought you said goofy songs and I thought maybe that was like the official title that

you give to someone that plays a character almost like a samurai. Goofy song. Goofy song. Goofy song. Go forward. Like a title of respect. Arigato. Arigato goofy song.

Oh no. I thought it was a font, Goofy songs. Oh, I love Goofy Serif. You should see Goofy Serif. If you like Goofy songs, you think that's crazy? I like Goofy Dings are fun too. Times New Goofy Dings. Well, we don't want to keep you.

Meether. But thank you. We want you to leave. You know, that's a fun way to combine me and either. Meether. Meether. I like that. Thank you. It's so efficient. I'm you to leave. You know what, that's a fun way to combine me and either. Meether. Meether. I like that.

Thank you. It's so efficient. I'm all about productivity. Okay. At my charm school, it's a lot about speed. Well, boy, I'm sure you're one, I'm sure you 101 year old does not work well with that. No, God, he's at my house right now.

Why is he there? He won't leave. How do you get a 101 year old to leave? He's like, I'm in pain. And I'm like, all right, have a seat. Okay. You watching movies? Listen, I'm going to say, we always say we wish you best of luck, but I really hope you don't run that goofy on tomorrow. I wouldn't do it.

I would just observe again. Maybe it's just one more year to observe. I'll go there and I'll, it'll be an audible. I'll see how I feel. All right. All the audible. That sounds, are you going to break it back? The Chewbacca costume? I got it. Cause what if I want to do it? I got to have my goofy. Are you worried that it won't look enough like a goofy costume? They won't let you enter. That does happen. It seems like one of the criteria. Yeah. They check you out. They vet you.

I think it's safe to say right now, it's not going to pass muster and you really shouldn't go to the trouble. I'd love Orlando though. I'd love it. Go to Orlando. Yeah. Then get to Orlando. But don't show up with a Chewbacca and Oh, and a Chewbacca costume. A Chewbacca. A Chewbacca. A Chewbacca. Have you ever seen a real Bigfoot?

Great question. Many times. Wait, what? Many times. I wish we had time. Well, we do have to take a break. We do have to take a break. Thank you so much. My pleasure. Hey, thanks for having me on for clearing this up. No, it was our pleasure.

It was our pleasure. Not Patrick. Patty is my nickname, but Philip Henry's is my name. You can call me either one. Oh, sorry. Thank you so much. We wish you well. Yes, we do.

And goodbye for now until we come back after the break. Hi everybody, it's Shilpe. I am selling a Halloween skeleton dress, romper black with fluorescent strips for $2. Now I know what you're going to say, you're going to say Shilpe, but that doesn't look in any way at all like a dress it is clearly a child's black unitard and it is not at all a dress it looks like a full body suit and there's no skeleton part whatsoever in fact the fluorescent lighting just looks like a very, very indistinct outline of a smaller body on top of the body. And I know you're also going to say, Shelby, why is there a child's foot in the picture?

That is just makes it creepy and strange. And I also know you're thinking, why did I use the word romper as a way to sell this in addition to the word dress? Because neither one of those things is true. Listen, I'm just trying to make two dollars, okay? I really need this two dollars. So if any part of this is appealing to you, I just wanted to try and throw in words that would make people interested.

I know people like Whompers, I know people like dresses, I know people like skeletons, and they liked Halloween. So if you Just please come and give me two dollars. It will really really help out my family. Thanks And welcome back to the neighborhood listen well, whoo that was a lot what an odd fellow That was a lot. What an odd fellow. Pleasant. I think that's safe to say. He was very pleasant, but he was an odd fellow.

Yeah, he sure was. And I really wish we had time to talk to him about all his multiple Bigfoot sightings. That's too bad. That came at the very end. That was really bad timing. It was too bad. Anyway.

Anyway, so we do have another post. Yes, we have time for one more post. And I always love these ones because I just love the way that people deal with, you know, wildlife in their house, especially insects. You do love that. I love it. Yeah.

This is from James and James says, "'I found this big cockroach running in my house house.'" House house. It's just what it says. Has anyone else got one or two cockroaches sneaking in? Here's a picture of him. And it really looks like a men in black style. You know, there's something about the way this cockroach is displayed. It's not for me. I will say I've yet to see a good picture of one of these guys.

It's on its back. It's on its back. And it just, it looks like it's trying to entice you. It actually looks like a lewd photo of a cockroach. It does look like a lewd photo of a cockroach. Ha ha ha. Oh, and you know, if you'd like to see, of course we post the post that we use. We do, yes.

On our Instagram account. We do, you can see it. Which we haven't plugged for a very long time. I know, you really should go and see it. But yeah, the Neighborhood Listen on Instagram, I think we're burnt and Joan is our handle. Yeah, but we should make sure. Why don't you make sure of that? That would make more sense because that's our email, but our,

but our Instagram is just the neighborhood. Listen, I believe it is just the neighborhood. Listen on Instagram. That's what I said. Okay, duck. You won. Congratulations to you. Very annoyed. He's very annoyed. He had the Joan tone. Doug, are you, oh, the Joan, you did have the Joan tone. I could never have the Joan tone. Oh, okay. Wow, even that guy had the Joan tone.

I would take it as a compliment, but I don't think that's what I did. Are you still smarting from our earlier jibes at your canals? I'm not smarting, I just, you know, for some of these things, I've learned to stick up for myself a little bit. Oh, that's kind of lovely, babe.

You know what? Fair enough. Good for you. So back to this pornographic cockroach. Literally, first of all, I don't know what he means by just one or two sneaking in. Maybe he wants reassurance that there's not gonna be, that it's gonna be too matte.

I just feel like he's just shocked that this is even a thing. I mean, cockroaches, unfortunately, are just, they are just a fact of life. They're our neighbors. And he's talking, they're our neighbors. They're gonna be around long after we're gone. That's correct.

You've seen Wally. And Wally. And you know, yeah, if there's two things that are going to endure that Wally teaches us, It's cockroaches and musical theater. That's right One musical one musical. It was a Gigi. I can't really hello Dolly. Hello Dolly. Right? I forget it I know what if you have to pick one I I approve I approve It's a classic is there a difference between hello Dolly and maim. Oh, there sure is you better believe it. What happened? What is the difference? Well, you know

Hello Dolly is actually on a, based on a play called the matchmaker. Okay. Okay. Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match. Okay. But that was different. That's feeling on the roof. But it is. Well, you can't blame me for being confused.

Did you actually think that song was from Hello Dolly? I guess just now I did. Okay. Doug, what is that noise? Well, it's the air show today. We used to take our kids all the time. That's right. Oh, I thought for a second Doug had his own air show. Oh, wait, is that not the air show, babe?

No, that is the air show. That's the air show. It's just going over the house. No, the Dignity Falls Air Show is, I forgot it was today. It's all blimps and zeppelins. It is. And it's the slowest air show. Oh my God. It's so slow. It's, but it's so crazy how many crashes there have been.

Yeah. Because they can't steer in time. They're going at each other and you could just hear them. They're all mic'd and you just hear them go, oh no. Yep. It's the last place in Dignity falls because it's not on land and air where they're still allowed to play chicken. Yes. A lot of emergency ejections. That's right. Blimp ejections. And if you're lucky,

they just kind of bounce against each other. Is out the bottom. Yeah. They open up a trap door down down they go. Like a Japanese game show. And then they always say, maybe next year. Maybe next year. They wave a little flap. Every, every... Here's my favorite part of the air show,

the Dignity Falls air show is it ends with getting the crowd to say in unison, maybe next year. It's a wonderful tradition. Well, listen, we didn't really help you, James. We got off on a tangent, but you just have to live with cockroaches. I don't know what to tell you. And more than one or two are going to sneak in. Absolutely. If you see one, I think it's that there's 2 billion living in your walls.

That you can't see. Well, that was... All right. What a time we've had. What a time we've really had. Burt, I really want you to go watch the first five minutes of Back to the Future. Or unless we're gonna do it together, we can do it together.

Doug? What? Oh, sorry, I was just spilling the canal a little bit. Oh, no, you're filling it with more water? Well, it's gotta, it needs a lot more water. Oh my God. I'm sorry to say. It seemed like there was enough to swim in earlier.

Is that correct? That's true. Yep. Interesting. I have an interesting canal story. I know we're way over time. A canal story? Yes.

You wanna join me? No, I don't. You know what, I will. Yeah. Are you leaving now too? Yeah, come on. You are all just leaving. We're all coming up?

Babe, come on. All right. I don't wanna be left alone at the Kitchen Island. What's going on? Hey. It's been a while. Oh, I still, come on. All right. I don't want to be left alone at the Kitchen Island. What's going on? Hey! It's been a while. Oh, I still have my microphone. Oh, yeah.

What are you doing? Yeah, jump in. I didn't bring my microphone. Bert brought his. I brought mine. I invested in a cordless a while ago. So, okay. So there was some movie that Katharine Hepburn is starring in and it's shot in Venice and there's a part

where she has to fall into the canal and after that ever since for the rest of her life she had leaky eyeballs. Her eyeballs were always wet and leaking. That's horrifying. Yes. Put on some music. Okay. I think that's a little premature, I think. I believe so. Yeah.

Is it premature or is it too late? Good question. But Doug, that is a marvelous striped shirt you're wearing. Well, thank you so much for listening to The Neighborhood Listener. If you liked your ad-free episodes or you'd like access to our bonus content. I rushed back out to the kitchen so I could say my last line. Then you go to CBBworld.com, sign up for the Maximus tier and you can get ad free episodes and so much more. OK, I'm going to go back down. It sounds like he's a fish.

It sounded good from up here, right? All right. Well, we'll be back next week and until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris.

This episode's guest was played by Will Hines. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.