The Neighborhood Listen - Mirrors, Marble and Me w/ Ally Beardsley

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Joan and Doug share their unique communication style while Burnt contemplates getting a pet and the best karaoke song for his voice. Plus, special guest Mel (Ally Beardsley) joins the show to find out what is making the mysterious sounds coming from the walls in their home.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the NeighborHap app and us. Burn. And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell.'ll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well we'll chat about any posts you're missing so just tune in to the neighborhood listen welcome once more to The Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast. Oh, so fast.

Oh, you were so close, Bert. I know. I don't know what happened there. I even loved how you gave an extra syllable. Oh, welcome. Oh, I wasn't aware I did that. Well, that's good. That means it just came out of you naturally. It's organic.

So did it sound like broadcaster-y? Yeah, it sounded broadcaster-y. All right. I don't know. Oh, welcome. It was good. So did it sound, it sounded what, like broadcastery? Yeah, it sounded broadcastery. All right. I don't know. Is that what I sounded like? No, sorry, that's not. Am I close? It's just fun to say. I was having fun doing it. I was not meaning to paint a picture.

We can cut all this out. We can have Doug do that. Why don't you introduce it and do that, do the thing that you thought that I was doing because I think it'll sound better when you do it. Oh, I get to do it now? Yes. Here we go. Hello.

Welcome to the Neighborhood of Listen. That is fun. That is fun. It's really fun. I don't know if it's fun to listen to. It's got to be. I was listening to it and I thought it was fun. Did you have fun?

I had fun. I had a great time. Well, then maybe we'll just do that every once in a while. But we have been having a little trick, a little tricky spots introducing our podcast where we don't know who's starting. So at least we didn't have that problem this time. No, but I am, you know, I am having more and more trouble with getting through the intro in a coherent- Yeah, where does your mind go?

You go somewhere, Burns. I see it happening in your eyes. I go somewhere. I think I go above my own body and I'm looking down on myself. And the thing is, is that I'm surprised. I'm surprised to be in that position and seeing myself. What do you surprised to see? Oh, you're surprised to go above myself.

Well, I'm sorry, I haven't seen my own body. I'm above myself, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that throws me off. Oh, well, that's understandable. That's all you take. That's all it seen my own body yeah yeah yeah and i think that throws me off oh well that's that's understandable that's all you take that's all yeah yeah but i don't know what triggers above yourself i think i get too in my head about doing the intro and then and then i get out of body uh well that way that makes sense it's just so interesting because it's the one thing we do all the time you think you know when I, when we have a guest talking,

sometimes that's when I can maybe start thinking, oh, what do I have to do after this? But you seem to be zeroed in on our guests. You're a really good listener. Man, there's nothing better than when somebody else is talking and you're thinking, what am I going to say next? But, but yes, sometimes it just fails me. And I think it's that I want to say all the things at once.

I want to get all this information out at the exact same time because it is, it does feel like a lot of information. And for people, for people who don't know or don't care, you know what? I'm not going to include them. If they don't care, I, this is not for them. Joan, you've cracked it. So the idea is that this is, this podcast is called the Neighborhood Listen. We live in the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. Something to add, Doug? Was that you, Doug? Was that you, babe? Did you make a little noise?

I didn't. I don't think I made a noise. Okay. Was that one of my noises? One of your noises. I'm sorry, Joe. Doug has a lot of noises. Sometimes she calls me out on inadvertent noises I make.

Sort of blurt, I blurt out odd things. I guess this is what I hear. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's just, you know, there's just little, it's like, you know, we're just talking about what happens when you're listening to someone. Our conversation at home is more like me talking paragraphs. Sorry, Joan. And see, did you hear that?

I did hear that little noise. So that sound, I think this comes from, and I'm going to just be honest here and turn the magnifying glass on myself. Sure. Much like Dr. Lecter was advised to do in Silence of the Lambs when Agent Clarice Starling is saying,

how would you like it if you turn that laser-like perception upon yourself, Dr. Lecter? And then he makes fun of her shoes. Right. Well, if I'm supposed to be Jodie Foster, then I will just say that I have to look at myself. I have to look at myself and I have to say that sometimes

I'm just not, I'm not, I talk too much. Joan, you are- I don't know. That wasn't, that was, I was just trying something. You were channeling Agent Clarice Starling as she's sitting there. She's just had semen thrown in her hair and she's talking to this murderous maniac

and they're having a lovely chat. A lovely Academy Award style chat. That's right, That's right. That's right. The kind that gets you Oscars. Exactly. What I was going to say is I tend to talk a lot. We know this.

And sometimes I think what's happened now is Doug has developed little sounds. That is him trying to jump in and say something. It's just become. It's almost like you're saying it's almost like an evolutionary imperative. I think so. I think I've worn him down to the nub of just some sounds, and he tries, and I need to work on giving him some more space. I do, so that he can maybe finish that thought.

I don't know if you're that far. You're always really good at interpreting the sounds. That is true. That's my evolution. You know exactly what I meant. Doug's hungry. Doug needs to go to the bathroom. Let's try this. Doug, why don't you make some noises

and then Joan will interpret them. Okay, I'm on the spot. Okay. That seemed like more than just a noise Most of them are not that long That seemed like it was sort of a language was happening Most of them are not that long So Joan That was maybe one second.

What was Doug trying to say there? Oh, my gosh. Well, I believe what will happen is that that one happens at the very end of a conversation when he's trying to put the other smaller sounds. I don't know if I follow that. And he's just saying, well, what I'm saying is I'll go on a very run on story,

right? About my day. And we'll hear the tiny little ones, right? Right. We'll hear Johnny sounds like that. Right. But then that sound will come at the end of when he's just kind of had it.

And he's trying to say, let's either eat or watch a show. And that's what that, that's what that is. All right, Doug, Doug, do you have a shorter one you could give us?

Oh, and that's what that that's what that is all right doug do you have a shorter one you could give us now that's the i see if i heard that i would i wouldn't imagine that that had i would i would think he maybe had a hiccup or something i wouldn't know that that meant to commute was meant to communicate something that's actually him disagreeing really yeah that's the disagreement sound like vehemently or just yeah like well if, well, if he, and if I, again, if I didn't run over him, he would have a counterpoint. But that's what it has become. I'm sad to say. I'm not proud. I'm not proud of this right now, everyone.

This is, you know. What if you were? You're as sick as your secrets. So this is one of my secrets. I'm sharing them. You'll know exactly my counter argument and then you'll say that's a good point. Right, that is true.

Well, because I kind of just know. I know he's, I know he's disagreeing and I kind of can guess why. Yeah. You've been married for years. Why do married couples talk to each other after a certain amount of time when it's like you, you already know what the person is thinking and you already know how the other person is going to respond. What, what is the point?

And this is from my outside perspective. Right. Because you, but you do, that's an, that's a very incisive insightful question about marriage being a single person well thank you uh but you know it is you you fall into a shorthand and and you do end up having longer conversations that are just about functionality especially if you have kids it's just like you know it's just like oh we're out of we're out of milk is maybe the longest sentence you say to your your wife the whole day oh that sounds blissful not in doug's case because if it's right of milk it's have you thought about putting some of those buttons so good putting some of those buttons on the floor for doug uh like they do with dogs yes just walk over and like yes no

on it sad and that's all we need. Outside. Outside. And Doug wants to go outside. Plus outside. Doug wants to go outside. Outside bath. Yes. No.

Hungry. That's it. That's all we need. Do you still, are you still thinking about getting, speaking of Doug, are you still thinking about getting a pet burnt? Because I really, really want you to. And I think it'd be a great idea for you to have more company than just a ventriloquist dummy named Connie. I have been thinking about this.

You know, I feel like a dog is a lot of work. Also, I'm definitely allergic. Oh, did I know that? I guess I forgot that. You know, you can get hypoallergenic dogs now. But don't they look disgusting? They don't. What are you talking about? Is it the cats that I'm thinking of? The one they don't have hair?

There are cats without hair, but I think I don't know about hypoallergenic cats because we don't really have cats, but we've always had dogs. And let's see the golden doodle. That's one that's hypoallergenic. Lots of poodles are hypoallergenic. So that just sounds like, come on, let's skip that excuse. Why else don't you want to get one? Feeding, walking. Well, as we know, you have a hard time feeding yourself. Well, it's true.

With all of your dietary restrictions and your shape restrictions. Do you know what? I've started, I've started being able to eat rectangular foods. Ooh. Yes. Well, that opens up a whole lot.

Yes. So I still cannot, if it's, you know, I can't eat a square, but if it's on the line, because as you know, every,

every rectangle is a square, but not every square is a rectangle. And so, um, uh, if it And so if it's a little bit- Hang on, you stumped Doug. He actually got a weight out. He has a question. Yes, Doug. I think you got that backwards.

Oh boy. Do you? You said every rectangle is a square. So it's every square is a rectangle, but not every rectangle is a square. So, so it's, it's every, every square is a rectangle, but not every rectangle is a square. Yes. Yes.

That's it. Are we sure? And why? Why? I've never asked that. Ever in your life? You just know he's wrong. No,

like in a, in a geometry or math, I never thought to ask why. Why? Why is that a square? I guess we need to look this up because I need to know. I guess I need to know. Yeah, Doug, can you look it up?

Yeah, Doug, why don't you look it up? Why is a rectangle? Okay. Why is a rectangle? Why is a rectangle a rectangle? Let's see what responses you get. Yeah. Well, okay. I just think, and you know what?

It doesn't even have to be a dog. What if you got something like a lizard or a hamster? How long do hamsters live? An afternoon? Oh my goodness. Wait, what? What do you think happens? Well, I mean, they're just tiny little creatures.

They're nervous their entire lives. They can't live long. I had a hamster that lived for two years. I did. But two years seems like, then you're sad when the little creature dies. Yes, that's true. So two years. But if you are, I guess the point is,

they're only going to live two years, whether they're with you or not with you, and you can give them a great home. Wow. And it is a good introduction to taking care of a living thing that is not nearly as involved as a dog. A hamster's in a little cage. All you have to do is give them water and food.

Sort of sounds like I'm a bad person if I don't get a hamster. No, I didn't say that. Well, it seemed the implication. That you're a bad person? You don't get a hamster? There's a bunch of hamsters out there that need homes. They're only going to live two years. Who are you to not give them a place to live? What I'm saying is, yes, what I'm saying is if they only live two years, you might as well enjoy them and give them a home. Sure. But you're not on the hook for it.

I don't know. I might as well flush them down the toilet. First of all, that would be really ill-advised and horrible for your building and also cruel to the animal. Well, you know, I was joking. But then when I started thinking about it more, I was thinking, what would it be like? And then I'm glad you said what you said because I won't do that now. But let me, do hamsters, are they even aware of who you are and why you're there? Like if you put stuff in the hamsters cage, is the hamster like, oh, you're the person who puts the stuff in here.

Or are you new to them every single time? They're like, oh, the giant. Oh, I'm trying. It's a while back because it was we were it was years ago that we had Misty. But I have to say that. What a beautiful name. Thank you. She's white.

She's just lovely. I have to say that there did seem to be. Listen, she didn't bite when you held her. And I feel like that's already a good enough connection. That's a victory for any creature that you hold. It really is. Uh, and I wonder if maybe from holding her,

I think that, I think she got to know our scent, you know, uh, you know, and, and, and,

but beyond that, no, I'm not, we, we, you know, you can't teach her any tricks. Uh,

she's not going to come when you call her name. I don't know that she knew her name. Um, but you, we put her in that little ball. I was just going to come when you call her name. I don't know that she knew her name. But we put her in that little ball. I was just going to say. That's half the fun. Come on, you got to put them in the hamster ball. It is delightful. And they're in the ball and they're trying to escape, but they can't because the ball just keeps slipping from under their feet. No, the one where you

put them in, in the ball. Yes, exactly. Right. And they're trapped in there. See, I like to think of it that way. And they're trying to run out of it, but they can't. I thought they were having a good time. They're getting exercise. Ah, sure. Maybe I'm wrong about this. Oh, poor Misty.

Rest in peace. Maybe she wasn't happy. I don't know. Well, like I said, there's a lot of options you have. And I just want to keep on bringing it up because I still think that you don't have enough connection with with with living things oh hmm you might be i mean you know there's the there's the gang down at work yeah do you hang out after work with the gang uh i i do a five minute hangout after my shift where does that happen uh it happens yeah behind the counter at the pharmacy so they're doing their work they're doing their work there

on the counter like well i'm not sitting on the counter that the pharmacy. So they're doing their work. They're doing their work. And you're just sitting there on the counter like. Well, I'm not sitting on the counter. That's, you can't do that. We get a B. Oh. So what I'm, I'm just sort of lurking in the, in the, the shelves of the medications and, and, you know, kibitzing from the side there. And, you know, the conversations are very halted because they are waiting on customers.

I would imagine. Yeah. And then I say after five minutes, well, that's me. And then I clock out. I mean, I've already clocked out, obviously. But then I leave. And, you know, it's nice.

It's, you know, there's Marcy and Rogers and Pete. Rogers? Rogers, yes. Rogers. Oh, is that like his last name? No, that's his first name. Oh. He's one of two twins.

His twin brother's name is Roger and then they just, they ran out of ideas and he's Rogers. Ran out of ideas. Yeah. Wow. There's a story there.

And so that's, I'm going to tell you right now, that is not enough. Five minutes when everyone else you're hanging out with is actively on duty. Right. That's not a social hang, you know, because they can't keep you their full attention. And, you know, I don't even know that you could get any sort of conversation of any worth going if it keeps getting interrupted. So, you know, what about if, do you know that they hang out like a local bar on weekends or when they're when what they do? They they love to karaoke, you know, the empty orchestra. And they've invited me out many times.

And that's so fun. Well, you know, I you know, I can't sing. I can't carry a tune. I disagree. But I know that you are very you're very self-conscious about your singing voice. Well, because it's terrible. And I think that people don't like it. I think that people really, people are disgusted by it. Oh, good Lord. Burt, that's just not true. And also karaoke isn't about sounding perfect.

It's about having fun and it's almost kind of a bummer when someone gets up and does karaoke that's you know really amazing trust me you know it's like sure i mean people must despise you when you go in there and you they do it's actually not fun you unleash the. Right. So that's not what it's about. I think that's because you book like three songs in a row. What should my song be? I think you should do Come on Eileen.

I think that's a great one for you. Because you know what? If you're self-conscious about your voice, you want to do one that has like a call and response, you know? Or like where everyone sings along, right? Right. Everyone can jump in. Or what's the other one?

Oral Johnny Ray. Is that, okay, you were singing? That's Come On Eileen. Yes, that's how it starts. Oral Johnny Ray. It was. Okay. Now I feel as if everyone heard that.

I know exactly what that is. What was that, Doug? Was that one of your noises? That's the beginning of a karaoke company's intro to every single song that they have available online. Right?

Am I right, Doug? Yeah. Yep. Doug is turning into someone from Maine. He's... He actually got... He's shortening his yeses i don't know what you can say yes like hopefully you can get it there's one syllable

it's not hard to get in there i'm sorry i thought i thought you were calling for karaoke come on no it's okay it's because he's in he's recording from the karaoke room today which i actually think we've talked about before but uh we're just expanding it a little bit i don't think you have i don't recall i don't recall you talking discussing a karaoke room today, which I actually think we've talked about before, but we're just expanding it a little bit. I don't think you have. I don't recall. I don't recall you discussing a karaoke room. It's hard to keep track of all our rooms, but we definitely have a karaoke room.

Maybe that's the place to start, Bernd. You just start in the karaoke room at our house and it's just the three of us or you could even be in there by yourself and you can just kind of try things out and then we'll graduate to an actual one or we could invite your colleagues over to the house. Wouldn't that be fun?

Oh, wow. Have a little get together, a little cocktail. That's very generous. Karaoke party. That's very generous of you. Well, I just want you to, you know, I just want you to get out there in the world. By going to your house. Yes.

Well, maybe we should get to our guest, Bert. What do you think? I think that's a good idea. As you may or may not know, and again, the people who don't care, they're not listening. What we do is we scour the... Well, I could probably do this explanation.

Oh, no. Were you floating above yourself again? I saw the top of my head. Bert, were you... Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I saw it happen. I saw it happen. I saw it happen.

We'll be right back. Hi, this is John from Dignity Falls, and the subject line should be juicy boys in short shorts. Hey, just wanted all the guys running in the neighborhood in those extremely short shorts to know that I see you and I appreciate you juicy boys. Finally, we can feel comfortable with a two inch inseam on a male. It's 2022. Work it guys. That should be in all caps. You don't have to wait until Easter for a nice ham.

Okay. Okay, and welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Did we introduce ourselves in the opening segment, Joan, do you think? Oh, I'm not sure, because, right, we were talking about you floating above yourself, and then we kind of got lost. Well, yes, in case anyone is wondering, I'm Joan Pedestrian. You are the top realtor in Dignity Falls, several years running. And of course, you are a very gifted community theater thespian and singer.

Thank you so much for that introduction. And as they probably figured out from the first segment, Burnt, me a payday, is a pharmacist. That's correct. And that's where he hangs out with his friends. I work. For five minutes. Man, I'm actually hearing it now as you say it. It does sound very bleak.

You just floated over that scenario and you saw that. And I saw that. Well, so what we do here is uh joan and i we we scour the popular uh neighborhood networking application uh the neighbor hap uh for our neighborhood dignity falls and we look for interesting neighbors who've said something interesting uh on the neighbor hap and we and we invite them to tell their story here on the podcast uh it felt i was hanging on by a thread joan that wasn't couldn't tell and and this week is no different we have uh a guest and let me read their post because this is this is interesting um this comes to us from mel and the post reads oh and this was submitted by a listener named Eric who found Mel for us. So thank you, Eric.

So here is Mel's post. Am I invaded? Double question mark. For the past few nights, I have heard skittering or scratching in the area of my bedroom closet or bathroom walls. I can't completely isolate the area, but can hear it when I put my ear to the walls. Also, can't tell if it is high or low. It even woke me up one night. It is totally random and comes and goes. Once when I tapped on the closet wall, it stopped. This is a 21-year-old place with very high vaulted ceilings.

My mom had squirrels in her attic once, and she saw a paw come through the ceiling once while she watched TV at night. I don't want that, LOL. How do you figure out the mystery, and who does it? I am at a loss. I know you don't call Ghostbusters. My mom lived in a different state and is deceased now. Any ideas? Well, to get to the bottom of this mystery, let's bring Mel on.

Mel, welcome to The Neighborhood Listen. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for taking the time out. This is, I'm losing sleep over this, honestly. Oh, so the situation has not resolved itself. It's still happening. It's still happening. And just to have a platform to talk about this,

I really feel like I've talked my neighbor's ears off at this point about the specifics of the skittering and the scratching. And to be clear, you don't have a neighbor next door to you who also hears it possibly from their side of the wall? No, I live on top of a very high hill. And so sometimes I go down. Not a neighbor in sight.

I don't know why I thought maybe you were in an apartment. Maybe I was hoping you were so that, you know, it would help you get to the bottom of it. Are you in that little house that's all the way up on the top of Zachary Taylor Boulevard? Yes. way up on the top of Zachary Taylor Boulevard? Yes. I'm at the top of Zachary Taylor Boulevard. I always wondered who lived in that house.

It's so interesting. It's 21 years old. That's how old the house is. It's practically ancient. It was built in 1999. It really is. That's what's so creepy about that 90s architecture. 90s architecture up on the top of the hill.

It is very creepy. I know. It's beautiful. Don't get me wrong. It's a beautiful house. And I'm sure you got all marble floors, right? Yes. I'm sorry.

It's what? The entire house is marble. Thank you. Oh, it's made of marble? Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm just asking about floors. Except for glass, of course. But yes, it is.

I mean, you know, there's some wood in there as well. But it's a gorgeous 90s all white marble, kind of a Florida kind of aesthetic to my house. And the inside... Yeah, I was going to say, the inside just covered with mirrors everywhere. Yes. Is that correct? Yes. It's Miami.

It's Miami. You walk in, there's mirrors, there's marble, there's me, and a couple of uninvited guests living in the wall. Do you have any black or white leather couches? Yes. How did you know?

How did you know? I have one black leather couch, one white leather couch, kind of to show you that I'm all about duality. And then a big stack of CDs. Oh, wow. Big stack. Any CD that you could... I actually, I got them through a magazine. All of them.

Oh, wow. So if there's anything you want to listen to, I could pop it in. Wow, I didn't even know you could find them anymore. You know what I was... CDs? Yeah, are they still making CDs? You know, they are.

And I pay $29.99 a month to get one CD of my choice mailed right to my door. Come on, go to a CD club. I do. Oh, wow. I do. My best friend got me signed up for it. And at first I was angry because it was a ripoff. In 1998, paying $25 for one CD, not so good.

But now, worth it. It's a collectible. You can't find them anywhere. They've hardly raised their prices in 21 it. It's a collectible. You can't find them anywhere. They've hardly raised their prices in 21 years. That's not bad. I know. I know.

So then, okay, so there's no one that you can ask about. These don't have any neighbors. Are you surrounded by, I can't remember, what is the landscaping up there? Are you surrounded by lots of trees or no? Yes, there's giant weeping willows that are just filled with bats. Big wrought iron gate around the place that creaks at night. And then just a long staircase up to the house. Right. Breaking down, kind of rotting.

A little crumbling. A crumbling staircase up there. That's too bad. Only 21 years old. That's too bad. I know. It really is. Shoddy workmanship.

Sounds like shoddy workmanship. I think that's right. Maybe it was a flip. You know, I think it was. I think it was a flip. I think it was. I think I got ripped off. I paid way too much for this house.

I would love to see it before they did all the renovations. There was a couple of guys with bleach tips that came in and did a bunch of renovations on it, and I bought it from them. Now, Mel, when you say the Weeping Willow is full of bats, how many bats are we talking about? If you had to guess.

I mean, I just it looks like a multi generational family of bats. I just see so many bats. You know, I'll be honest. A lot of my friends say, Mel, I'm not going to come visit you. Your house is haunted, honestly. The vibe that they get is that it's bad up there.

No neighborhood children, they come up to the gate and tell each other stories about me. None of them are true. Oh. And so, yeah, it's a bit lonely. It really is just me and a lot of these kind of haunting things on the horizon. Do you mind me asking one of the stories that gets told about you a lot? You know, yeah, they say that I smell like celery. Oh. It's kid stuff. You it's it's kid stuff you know it's kid stuff oh I'm sorry that's my husband I babe it was it's great to meet you Doug but thank you I don't know

if that's helping Mel Mel does not smell like celery okay thank you thank i you know yeah the kids they say smell like celery they say oh i'm dead i was raised again oh wow they say just kid stuff a lot of kids get a lot of kids stories about me so in terms of the bats why do you think why why or was one of your first thoughts that it's bats that you're hearing since there's so many? You know, that's really smart. That's really smart. I know you've seen my post, so I did reach out to my mother

before she passed away and she did tell me a story about a small... And I'm so sorry about that, by the way. Thank you. Sorry for your loss. It was peaceful, so that's nice. But before she went, she was watching TV at night. And she was watching tv at night and she was in

another state and she was in a different state that's extremely important okay um and a small squirrel's hand reached out and grabbed the remote from her i didn't have enough room to write all of that oh i was gonna say that's a very different story because i was just picturing poking through the ceiling it was. It poked through the ceiling all the way down. Her remote was kind of up high. She had one of those Victorian chairs. I do come from money. Oh, congratulations.

Oh, yeah. I like to put it out there. You know, times have changed. Sure. Millionaires are dressing terrible. They're trying to blend in. I think that's i think that's rubbish i just come right out and say it i say i'm rich i was born rich i'm pretty sure i'll always be rich i live in a victorian mansion built in 98 and your and your clothes are very uh

they're sort of fancy in an old-fashioned way and i wonder if that's why the kids think you're you're dead oh you know it could be the corset that I wear every day with the silk necktie. Yeah, maybe. I just. Yeah, those kids. I'm so sorry about the kids. I mean, do you think it's the kids? Oh, no.

One of the kids is in my wall. My very high ceiling. Wait, we're discounting the bats already? Okay, sorry. We should get back to the bats because okay, so if you're saying, well, one part of your post says the closet, but then another part of your post says the wall or it's both?

It's anywhere. It's kind of like a seashell. Anytime I put my ear up to it, I'm bound to hear the same sound and it's a little scratching. Could you maybe try to recreate the sound for us so we can... Oh, you know, it's skittering. You know what I mean?

It's a skittering sound. Like something running away? It's kind of like, you know, when you give your dog a bath and then it runs around on the tile? It's kind of like that. Like when a dog has the zoomies after getting wet. No one likes to get wet. I know that one, yeah. You want to sprint right afterwards.

We all hate it, exactly. We all hate it. Yeah. None of us shower. What I like to do is I like to sprint right afterwards. We all hate it. Exactly. We all hate it. Yeah. None of us shower. What I like to do is I like to lay down on a bed of vegetables until they rot beneath me. Do you think this is why the kids say you smell like celery? Hmm? Nothing.

It was an idle thought. Let me ask you this. I don't appreciate that. Is it a... I do apologize. I wish I hadn't said it out loud is is the skittering

is it a sound like this yes okay all right yes it's it's a so what was that it's like

no Doug that was us what was that no Doug no babe that's we're recreating a noise don't worry but it's unnerving

isn't it Doug yes imagine I'm I'm trying to go to sleep. Was that skittering or scuffling? That one right there was skittering. I think we were doing skittering.

We were going for skittering, yeah. Clear. That's what we were. Yeah. There is an occasional scuffle. There's a shuffle. I hear it all. Right?

That was more like a shuffle. Sometimes I hear that, and I'm not quite sure. I don't know what that one is. Scatting, honestly. I think there's scatting in my walls. Definitely. That one I wouldn't mind so much. So skittering, scuffling, and scatting.

I wonder, you might have multiple creatures in there because it could be a bat. Did we all hear that noise? What's that? What hear that noise? I hear What's that? What's that sound? Okay, now I'm hearing things, everybody Babe, what was that? That's the karaoke machine What song was it playing? Lou Reed's Metal Machine music?

Yeah, yes That's what I heard Lou Reed But it's extremely slow speed I can't get it It's like 20% speed Oh, Reed. But it's extremely slow speed. I can't get it. It's like 20% speed. Oh, I see. So it's very low.

It's just a low rumble at this point. It's very trippy of you. It's trippy. Trippy of you, Doug. It's not on purpose. But if you know how to speed this up, you know, let me know. Right. What if you focused on producing the podcast for now,

and then we'll get to the speeding up. Doing that with one hand. Alright. I need something to do with this other hand. I just want to say it is very very difficult for me. I work extremely early

mornings and I do feel like the skittering is at its all-time high around 1 a.m. What do you do for a living? Me? I'm a day trader. Oh, you're a day trader. I'm a day trader. Do you work from home currently? Yes, yes.

I work from home and if the skittering doesn't stop, I honestly might lose my job. I'm not quite sure what's going to happen there. You mean due to the fact that you're on the phone with people and they can hear it? Or you're just saying that you can't concentrate because of the sound? No, I'm on the phone. I'm on Zoom call after Zoom call for my job. And are they hearing it?

Yes. Oh, now that's a problem. Yes. And they are upset. And I look un on professional, honestly. What I do, I take small amounts of people's money and I move it around in the stock market. And honestly, I can make millions if either of you are interested. I mean, I'm okay for now.

Oh, yeah. I'm fine. And Doug, we're fine. We're fine. Don't, don't. I can see. I'm fine. And Doug, we're fine. We're fine. Don't, don't. I can see. We're fine. Doug is DMing me.

I can see his little fingers with one hand. Babe, we're good. Let's not get into that again. Okay? Good. So. But yeah, people, I go by, I go Mel, Mel can sell.com. And.

That's catchy. That's kind of funny. I like it. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, people call me up. They say, MelCanSell.com. That's catchy. That's kind of funny. I like it. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, people call me up. They say, Mel, they say, I want to make a bunch of money. And it's a booming market right now for stocks specifically.

So I'm really, I'm making a killing and I got to that going or I'm gonna lose the house because it was extremely expensive especially with all the marble right well could you just get maybe just lease an office space so that you have some place to go you know that is quiet or

that's a great way of thinking outside the box I really appreciate that I'm just thinking outside the house I wish I could leave the house. You see, the house has 16 rooms and I've been cursed to stay here forever. I understand that. With that much room,

it's hard to want to go and lease an extra office. Mel, can I ask you a question? When you say you were cursed to live there forever. Oh, yeah. That part. And forgive me, I hope this isn't going to be rude no or presumptuous but are you dead what well i i just am i dead i mean you know there's the stories that the kids tell and now you're telling us you're talking about a curse i didn't see that

i didn't know that's where you were headed but now that you've said it burnt now I have to admit I'm thinking the same thing okay yeah people say you've been here for a long time all of a sudden you appeared fully grown but you won't take the corset off are you dead

I'm gonna put the record for once and for all I'm not dead okay I'm 23 years old and I'm not dead. Okay. Okay. I'm 23 years old. And I'm not gonna die anytime soon. Okay. Honestly, I just graduated from Bard College. Oh, congrats. And I moved here up on this hill.

Okay, but then, but it still stands. I'm starting to interrupt, but I don't want to get too far away from the curse part. I really am interested in the curse. Because then explain, if you could just explain that, please then if if if burge was wrong in his theory you know it's it's one of those things you ever get an email where it says you know it jumps out and scares you it's one of those it makes you really pay attention to the it makes you really pay attention to the video and then something loud happens at the end yes i do remember those

i haven't got one of those in quite a long time. Oh, those videos where it's like, sit and watch this babbling brook and then a crazy, oh, I hate those. And in the babbling brook is a viper. Yes, we've all gotten this exact video. I do. Okay, some people say,

Mel, you're living in the time of E-bombs world and you haven't left. It's the year 2022. What are you talking about but this is just the life that i live okay and i got it's actually kind of hard for me to talk about but i i got one of those emails and it said hey here's a babbling brook zero vipers present and i thought okay here we go i'm i am actually pretty i started you gave it another go yes exactly i've been trying to get my own mindfulness practice you know i meditate i sit atop some celery at in the sun and i breathe I take some deep breaths. And anyway, it was a viper.

Okay. It was a viper. And within its claws, it said, you're cursed to seven years of no friendship. Oh. And I took that to heart. And one by one, my friends dropped off. But no one's returning my calls. Well, I'm so sorry to hear that but also what part

of it said you were cursed to the house though to live in that house yes okay so it said that you're cursed there you know you'll have all the these uh poor friendships bad communication hard hard to kind of like say you're sorry and mean it and I found that to be very true. Okay. I, I, I, I, every time I leave the house, something disgusting happens. Okay. I, I go out.

My Postmates has been delivered across the street. There's a pigeons that shit on it. I, I go outside. Double whammy. I try, I try to get into my car. I drop my keys. By the time I try to pick them up, a pigeon shit on my keys.

It's a disgusting... Living in a city is a disgusting experience. Well, that's true. I think of Digby Falls as kind of rural in some places, but I guess we are a bigger place Where are you from originally?

Originally I'm actually from New York City Okay I was raised by artists in New York City and then my mom moved kind of to a condo and then that's when she got infested by squirrels Right

You know I really feel like I'm taking you on a life story here, but it really... I don't know. I feel like some parts were skipped, but... There are huge chunks, I think. Well, yeah, my marriage in 2007, I did skip, but I don't like it.

Oh, now, there we go. And this happened while you were living in the house. Yes, yes, it did. But anyway, no, I... Did it or was it just built in? When did you... Sorry, what year did you move into the house?

I moved into the house, gotta be 2001, Y2K. Right. I moved into the house for safety, just in case everything did go haywire. Right. Uh-huh. And so you were... Maybe a baby? moved into the house for safety just in case everything did go haywire. Right. And so you were maybe a baby if you were born at all? Because you did say you were 23 years old.

I am 23 years old. I'm 23 years old today, actually. Oh, happy birthday! But thank you. Thank you for choosing our podcast for your birthday. You know, I woke up. No, no, no, no You know, I woke up. No, no, no, no. Doug, it's Doug.

No, sorry. Were you about to sing me a birthday song? I was going to go on a happy birthday. That's okay. I don't know. I'm not even sure it's in public domain yet. Also, Doug, if you know the intro is coming, the sort of the title card for the production card,

you can just, you can keep the volume down for that part. It does get annoying. You need two hands for that. I like it. It tells you you're in karaoke, you know? It tells you you're in karaoke. It does tell you you're in karaoke. Doug, I really appreciate the impulse to sing Happy Birthday.

I really do. It would have made me feel very special. If it weren't for the fact that that kind of stuff does scare me, like the creeps at Chili's who come out and will just sing at you, you know, you know, they want something from you. If everyone in the whole Chili's has to come and sing just at you,

it feels imbalanced. I used to be, I used to dislike that too, until the manager assured me that, uh, I can't touch them and they can't touch me. And that made me feel a lot safer. That's good to know.

Yes. That is a great point of clarification. Yeah. So any Chili's you go into, they can't touch you and you can't touch them. Wow. Well, that's still allowed to do some pretty questionable harmonies.

Let me tell you. Yeah. It drives me crazy. Anyways, so, okay, so you moved in as a baby. Let's definitely zero in on that part. While your mother was still in New York City? Yes, my mother bottle weaned me and shipped me off to my brand new marble mansion. Where you were married at seven?

I was married. Married is a weird way to put it but you know I was I was kind of co I was kind of co-raised with someone who everyone knew we were going to get married it was it was in the cards it was in the stars

right this is all legit on the up and I don't have to worry about you it was fine you're okay no no no she yeah yeah she was also a baby we were two don't have to worry about you. It was fine. You're okay. No, no, no. She was also a baby. We were two babies. So nothing to worry about. No, absolutely nothing to worry about. Totally normal. Okay.

Did you eventually get married? Yes. No, we got married that day. If your parents sign a waiver, you can get married to another seven year old. Never heard of that before. It's a beautiful photo. There's a picture of me and her. It's in black and white,

except for the balloon that we're holding is red and it's in dorm rooms everywhere. That's me. If you look closely, it's me, Mel. Wow. Congrats,

Mel. That is, that's very special. Thank you. I think so too. And so then what, So then what went wrong? When did the, because I think you had said you're not married anymore. Oh, gosh.

What are we, I don't even know what to chalk that up to. The communication styles. I'm avoidant. I'm anxious. I'm, you know, whatever they say. You're young. It's okay to still not know. You're both very young to be married so young. It's okay to still not know. You're both very young to be married

so young. It's very true. And we were ethically non-monogamous, which was just too much to take on at such a young age and such a high hill because there was no one really around. Right. So I don't know why we decided to fight for that.

I guess it was a just-in-case kind of situation. Exactly. Exactly. And I think, you know, we both needed freedom at that age. Yes. Sure. It's important. Understandable.

Absolutely. Yeah. But anyway, I don't like to talk about that. She's very happy now. She's, you know, she's moved on. We text each other on our birthdays. I hate you. And that's about it.

And does she still live here in Dignity Falls or is she somewhere else? She still lives in the house. I'm sorry, what? In a way, in a way, she lives on in the house. She left all of her stuff is what I mean to say. That phrasing concerns me. That's what I mean to say. No, she has her own life now.

She doesn't physically stay in the house, but I did leave her room exactly how she left it. Because you had separate rooms? We did have separate rooms. That was important to us as well. I don't know if you're seeing a theme. We needed to be our own people. We were both kind of codependent.

Yeah. I'm not ready to comment on all of them yet. Oh. I've been noticing you've been scribbling notes this entire interview. Yeah. I'm not ready to comment on all of them yet, but, but, um, I've been noticing you've been right. You've been scribbling notes this entire interview or you can write a book about me. Well, it's, I will say it's a very fascinating life, but also kind of hard to, you know,

I should be drawing red strings to everything. Yeah, I am. I'm leaving clues and breadcrumbs and everything that I say. Yes. Um, so, so you just, you just going to come rightbs and everything that I say. Yes. So. So you're just going to come right out and say that, that you are leaving clues. I'm going to.

Is that not a normal thing? Is that not a normal thing to say? This whole time I've left you clues. It's somewhat unsettling. Let me ask you this, Mel. And I understand if you decline to answer this question. Is your ex-wife in the walls of your home oh thank you Bert I didn't know how to say it I just didn't

and again you don't have to answer but alright look oh you got me okay yes okay Mel her name is also Mel is living in the walls of my home her name is also Mel, is living in the walls of my home. Her name is Melania.

And she lives in the walls. Lives. Because it is such a big house that in a way, and I don't know who the designer was. It's actually kind of genius. I don't know why more houses aren't like this. But it is built in a way where the wall space is so large it's kind of its own room there are separate entrances so it's like bruno and incanto exactly that's right and they swirl kind of a yin yang kind of a situation they fit perfectly it looks like one house from the outside

but it is yeah it's two houses and so i can hear her in what is her kitchen on the other side of my bathroom. And she's skittering about, which is, yeah, that's a sound that she makes. She likes to kind of walk in broom shoes. I'm sorry? Two questions. Well, I mean, now we're going to tack on the third of what a broom shoe is. But I really do want to get to these other two questions, which is one. Is she there of her own free will? Yes. She has keys. She has her own.

She has her own daily agenda. She also meditates. I think she leaves. I hear her come and go sometimes. And it's and yeah, it hurts my feelings that she's moved on and she's clearly flourishing while I am floundering. Okay. So then the second part of the question is,

why the post about asking what the skittering is? Is this a cry for help? What were you hoping to get out of that? I just, I thought that maybe she would see it. Alright, it's as simple as that. I thought maybe she would see it. She would reach out. Maybe she would stop running around in the

brush, the broom shoes so much. This is a Mark and Beth situation. Excuse me? I'm sorry, it's two people from... Yes, nothing to do with you. Wow. But they also lived in an Encanto house and wore broom shoes and were married at seven. No, just the posting part. Very different.

Just the posting part. Where they were posting about each other, pretending to post about other people. Oh. When we think it was an internal issue. So that's the only pattern. That's the only repeatable moment. Yeah. I feel so stupid.

Don't. I'm sorry if I wasted your time. We really do only text each other on our birthdays to say I hate you and I couldn't reach out separately from that and say, can you remove your broom shoes when you're sprinting through your house? Okay, now I think is

the time we can ask about the broom shoes. What are we talking about? Are we talking about like two whisk brooms that are strapped to the foot? your house okay now i think is the time we can ask about the broom go ahead what what what are we talking are we talking about like two whisk brooms uh that are that are strapped to the foot or the shin right are they parallel to the floor or perpendicular that's what i really pictured it that way but now i can see wow wow no it's it's very common actually in in a lot of other cultures you just you have these kind of things that slip over your your feet and they clean the floor while you walk you know that's a and for her she likes to sweep and and she has these thick bristles uh beneath the pair of stilettos that she wears

around the house and she kind of kicks as she runs i I feel like a stiletto. It's pre-Roomba, you know? That's what it is. It's kind of an analog Roomba kind of situation. But then you're the one who has to kind of run back and forth in your own home to make it clean. Can I have some, Joan? Can I have some, please? Doug, do you want a pair of stilettos with bristles on them? You know, I could give you her number if you want to text her yourself

and maybe ask for her specific pair of stiletto broom shoes. Oh, I don't need to take them from someone. I think you should. Well, that's actually not a bad idea. Two birds. Do you think that she would sell them for a price? Then they're gone and they don't have to worry about it. I think she would part with them if the price was right.

Maybe we could offline about this. I just made a really astounding amount of money off of Bitcoin. So I could foot the bill. Well, I think that would maybe be the answer because it sounds like what you're mostly hearing is this, you know, we've got a case of this telltale broom shoe, you know, and we've got to get rid of it. And if that was gone,

then the memory would not be knocking at your door, so to speak, every single day. Yes. It's hard to consciously uncouple, but I think that's what... Well, I just need her to get rid of the shoes, really. And then and then it would be fine. That's really the only issue that you have. Yes. Okay. That's not bad for now.

That's the thing. I think she's going to do something else. That's my only worry is that she's going to find another way to get to you. Yeah, you know, what if she has some other sort of, you know, rustling sound that she can start making in the dead of night? It just sounds spiteful, you know? Yeah. I agree. I think that she's, we have no idea what her perspective is. She might be trying to get your attention because she's not over you either. I think you need to talk, honestly. That's true. Gosh.

Well, we did talk today. Oh, right. Right, but you just. I think you need to talk, honestly. That's true. Gosh. That's true. Well, we did talk today. Oh, right. Right, but you just said I hate you to each other. She said I hate you to me. Yeah, it's true. I guess I could write back with a little bit more info. Yeah, because you never agreed that this is the only thing you would text each other, right? It just sort of happened that way?

No, no, you're right. It's just hard to break the pattern. Sure. Of course. But boy, I think you need to for your health and your welfare and also hers probably yeah it's true it's true yeah and you know gosh i kind of wish for your sake it was bats because you could just call an exterminator but you can't do that this is uh someone that you

really care about yeah they're just out there, no, she's not a bat. Just for the record. Well, okay. You've got it on the record. And Mel, refresh my memory. How long is your curse? Hmm? How long is your curse?

Oh, yeah. I'm probably... What did you say? Yeah, seven years of bad friendship. And we're about a half of the way through there. So another three and a half years. So sometime 2025, I'll have

some amazing friendships. That's great. Something to look forward to. It is something to look forward to. Well, I think that you should maybe just try you know what, do you even want to just try it right now? Sending her a text saying I don't know, what do you think? Hey, can we talk?

Would it be easier to do if we're here? Yeah, and then if she responds, we can help you, maybe, with what to say next. Okay, I've opened up the screen. First, double tap heart to I hate you as I always do. Okay, ready to type. Oh,

hey, I just typed I hate you too. Ah, I'm sorry. No, no, no. No, that wasn't the plan Hey can we talk Oh wow That's crazy okay It's just getting right to the point She said yes

Oh I didn't even know you'd sent it She said yes Can we talk Okay I guess I could go meet her beneath the Bat tree Or you could just continue her beneath the bat tree. Or you could just continue to have the conversation here and get a little bit more information. What do you think, Bert?

I think it's a good idea. Yeah. It's been so long since they've spoken, other than I hate you on their birthdays, that it might be good to sort of take it a little slow. So let's see. Some options are you could ask her if she saw the post. That would be a way in. Sure. That's a great idea. That's a great idea.

Definitely bring it up. Sure. I've sent a screenshot of it. And she double tap hearted it. That's incredible. Okay. Wow. This is exciting.

It is. Okay. She said it's the broom shoes she knows she knows okay um I'm just gonna let her know yeah you're gonna wait what's your instinct that I have someone who's interested in the broom stilettos the broom red

bottom wow she said that she would part with them for $800. Doug? Doug, no. I'm sorry. You offered more money. Doug, this is the worst haggling

I've ever seen. Alright, $900. You got him. I wrote back $900. Alright, Doug, you got yourself a pair of shoes. Oh my God. He made a little yelp of delight. Oh, my God. Incredible.

Oh, thank you so much, guys. Thank you, Doug. Okay, but now, okay, but last but not least, now I want you to say to her, hey, want to have, you know, want to have dinner tonight? Want to hang out tonight? Okay, I'm writing. Want to count the bats? You want to have a, you want to count the bats?

That's something you used to do. You want to have a, you want to count the bats? That's something you used to do. And want to have a bread bowl at Panera. Oh, gosh. I don't know. That might have been a lot, a big swing. That's a big swing. That's, I know. Panera is a big swing.

She said yes. She said yes. We're going to Panera. Home run. Home run with that big swing. Mel, congrats. It works at Panera, so I'm not sure if that's part of it. But I'm going to goera. Home run. This is amazing. Home run with that big swing. Mel, congrats. She works at Panera, so I'm not sure if that's part of it, but I'm going to

go visit her tonight. While she's working. Okay. So that's a valid hangout. Yes, there you go, Bert. There you go. Well, wow. I mean, I'm so happy for you. I think this turned out really great. Congrats, Mel. And we're $900

in the hole for, thanks so much again. Shoes that I don't even know that you're going to fit you, babe. They're going to fit you. You probably should have asked what size. 5.5. Uh,

Australian. Somehow he'll make it work. I don't know. Okay, great. Well, Mel, thank you so much for joining us and sharing your your i don't even say

your story your your stories i mean you took we went on a journey today we truly did we truly did great thank you so much for helping me and and melania to reach out i keep forgetting absolutely and reconnect i'm so glad and you know know, every great journey, of course, ends at Panera Bread. So Mel, thank you. That's their slogan. And a pleasure having you. And we'll let you go now and reunite with Melania and wish you and the bats all the best. Yes.

Best of luck to you. Thank you. All right. Peace to you. And also with you. And also with you. Thank you. All right. Peace to you. And also with you. And also with you. We'll be right back. Hi, this is Tati.

And I am selling a Columbia Pictures Spider-Man 27 by 40. Like new condition. From Smoke-free home, $12. It's double-sided, in original tube packaging, made in USA, gloss paper. It's in, like, new condition, from a smoke-free home. I mean, do you know how amazing that is? smoke-free home. I mean, do you know how amazing that is? I'll tell you, there's nothing I hate more than when my movie posters smell like smoke. I mean, why would you want that? Like, it just takes away all the mystique, you know? I just, I can't focus on Spider-Man and his awesomeness when I'm just like, oh, ew, what is that smell?

And, you know, as we know, there's been an epidemic of movie theater posters that smell like smoke. And it's just, it's ridiculous. And I don't think people are talking about it enough. And I'd like to get the conversation started with my like-new-condition, smoke-free-home, 27x40 Columbia Pictures Spider-Man poster. Come get it. Let's talk. And we're back. I don't know, Joan, I don't know what happened there. I guess I did. I guess I did. And it took me a couple of runs at it, but I eventually got there and we're back.

There we go. Said like a normal person. It happens all the time. If you're singing, you know, you just get some, it's because the mucus on the cords and you just got to go. And that's how you dispel the mucus. Which is also the way that Doug says he would like a kiss. That's kind of sweet in a way.

It is a little bit. How about that Mel? I think Mel is a very curious person. That's one of the most fascinating interviews we've ever done, I think. I mean, I really hope it goes well at Panera. I hope so, too. I hope so, too. panera i hope so too i hope so you still think mill's dead don't you i think they're dead yeah i think that uh i i i mean first of all i don't remember any of those scary emails having a viper and then uh also no that was a weird part yeah

that's a part that's a weird part when weird part when they talked about the viper. Because I always remember being like a stupid person in a mask screaming or something. Yeah, it's like an old hag or something. Yeah, not a viper though. And also Mel at one point said the viper had something in its claws. And I believe that a viper is a snake. Is that not correct? I believe you're right.

Okay. So yeah, Mel. I always heard the story I was told that Mel died in a farmer's market. In a farmer's market? That's why they smelled like celery. This is a story that you heard 21 years ago? Well, the celery story. The celery-

Yeah, okay. That the kids say- Why are you hearing these stories from kids? Well, where are you going that you're hearing kids tell ghost stories to each other? When I take my evening walks, they're all telling ghost stories. Doug's famous constitutionals, yes. I sit down by them and it's some great tales.

What are these kids doing out? You should do that. Why are you sitting down by them? I mean, I would think they would just leave. What are they doing out at night? Move away. They all have the flashlights, you know, and it looks fun. And they're roasting marshmallows.

Oh, those kids. Yeah. The creepy club. We do have some pretty innocent children still in Dixie Falls. Yes, the creepy club. But they're really just kind of nerds. Oh, they're dorks. 100%.

Flashlights? I mean, come on. It's ridiculous. Who do you use your phone exactly i think it's nice i it's fine it's fine just make sure that you're never creeping them out by like listening to their stories babe okay click all right that's an that's actually an agreement agreement okay click yeah he said the word click. Okay. Sometimes he does a click and sometimes he says.

He said the word click as quickly as he could. As quickly as he could. That's right. That's right. Okay. All right, John. Well, I think we have time for one more post if you have one. I, you know, I don't know what to make of this, Bernd.

Oh, this is exciting. So let's just see if we can decipher this. I think this was written in a real panic. Okay. You know, I think it was, I think those thumbs just went flying and I don't think this individual did a reread or a spell check, but she sounds distraught.

This is from Debbie. Hi, Debbie. Oh, she's not here. She might be listening. Hi, Debbie. All of a sudden. Ready? It starts with all of a sudden?

Yes. All of a sudden, a huge sort of hatching? Of some sort with flies, period. So already, I think she meant that to be a full thought. Right. And then another thought. Sparse. Inside the kitchen a full thought. Right. And then another thought. Sparse. Inside the kitchen window.

Period. Nothing. And then like 10 to 15. Period. Kill those and their friends are all coming to the funeral. WTH. A million question marks. And that's it.

Wow. This is. This is like a code. I think so. I feel like someone's passing secret messages through the neighbor app. I think this is one of those cases. You see this happen on the neighbor app a lot, which is someone posts, and I think they think they're in a conversation with someone who can hear them and immediately respond.

Right, right, right, right. And that's not the case. We need more information. We need specifics. And you can't ask too many questions because no one you're not gonna get answers in real time it's so true and can you read it again and we'll we'll uh we'll parse it as it goes okay great all of a sudden a huge sort of hatching i mean obviously they didn't see this hatching coming

i know and and it's just because a huge sort of sort of hatching a huge sort of hatching coming i know and and it's just because a huge sort of hatching sort of hatching a huge sort of hatching so all of a sudden something appeared many appeared in this case she says of some sort with flies so i don't know if listen i'm gonna tell you right now i don't know if flies hatch or not i didn't think they did but i I guess they do. I guess they do. Eggs? Sure. Eggs? I don't know. I don't know. But wait, okay, so it was a huge hatching. Thought they were live births? All of a sudden.

Joan, I know if I said this, you would jump on me. And birth. It's very true, Joan. If Doug had said that, I would have taken him to the trash. Okay. So all of a sudden, a huge sort of hatching of some sort with flies inside the kitchen window. Of some sort with flies. With flies. Not of flies.

I know. Not of flies. I know. It's a hatching of some sort. Or she's saying there's some event with flies. I don't know. I think what she means is a bunch of flies showed up all of a sudden. Right. Okay. And then it says nothing.

And then like 10 to 15. The word nothing. Yeah, nothing. And then 10 to 15. So she's just saying she was just sitting here and nothing was happening. No flies, no hatching, no light bursts. Then all of a sudden, there's a huge hatching of some sort. I mean, again, 10 to 15, I wouldn't say that's huge, but like I was picturing a swarm.

I mean, sure. Exactly. 10 to 15 flies is more than the norm. It's definitely more than the norm. Yes. We're talking about Amityville horror level of flies on the window. Correct. But yeah,

when you hear a huge hatching of some sort, your mind awfully goes, automatically goes to a sci-fi scenario where it's a bunch of sacks covered in goo and you know,

you've stumbled into their cave accidentally and you realize they're all around you. Yes. I mean, we're talking about aliens, right? What's that?

Aliens. Oh. we're talking about aliens right what's that aliens oh well burton it's a film that uh that would line right up with what you were picturing i gotta see this very surprised i gotta be very surprised it's almost shot for shot i mean i've seen you just described alien is there anything like that oh well yeah it's just that what you it's interesting that you didn't see the the subsequent one this is exciting i love that movie i'm glad they're up to their old tricks so okay so we got 10 to 15 now here's to me and it's such a strange post every sentence weird this is the weirdest Kill those and their friends are all coming to the funeral.

What the hell? Now, is she saying if I kill these ones, then will their friends come to the funeral? But she says kill those and their friends. Or is she saying who's doing the killing in this situation i take it to be her i take it to mean that she is doing the killing and then she thinks she's done and then a bunch more show up these are the mourners in question uh who obviously love these flies very much fly black veils that's That's right. And umbrellas. That's right. Little fly priest shows up. They go to a reception at one fly's house. Just a piece of poop.

Exactly. Exactly. So we've got a fly funeral now but here's the thing is that she says there's 10 to 15 and so again she's just missing words she's missing tenses because i think she meant to say i killed those i killed the 10 to 15 yes and now their friends are coming to again just imagining that word travels real fast in the fly community. Yes. And they showed up. You would think, see, in my mind, I would think, oh, they're not coming to the funeral. They're coming into battle.

They're coming for vengeance. They're coming to avenge the deaths of their friends. This isn't the funeral yet. Right. I would just think she skipped some steps. I think so, too. funeral yet right i would just think she skipped some steps and i i think so too i also think it's giving the flies a lot of credit um that they're either you know in they're they're either stricken by grief or that they're crazed for revenge i think it's just there were just some more flies

i think so too and again there's nothing anyone can say about this post at all because it already happened. It's done. There's nothing more. She's not asking for anything. She's not asking. She's not. She's not asking.

She's not saying, has this happened to anyone else? Now that would help. Exactly. Someone could answer to that. Yes. Usually that is the case with such posts, but she is essentially saying, hey, I killed some flies. Go ahead.

Some flies showed up out of nowhere oh sure go ahead go ahead Doug sorry I didn't mean to I didn't mean to Joan you it's okay I think maybe she's saying kill those and their friends are all coming to the funeral maybe

she's inviting the town to the funeral I think it's a long shot we should go to the fly funeral I think that's a long shot. We should go to the fly funeral. I think that's a long shot. I didn't know these flies. There's not a fly funeral. I know we described it and it kind of sounded like

sort of interesting and adorable to you, but there's no fly funeral. No, but I'm saying she's, do you understand my point? I think she's missing a comma. She's saying, I killed these. She's missing a lot of things. I'm inviting everyone now to my funeral.

I think we understand what you think, Doug. You think that there's an actual fly funeral and she's inviting humans to it. No, but the flies aren't running the funeral. No, we got that. We got that. We got that, Doug. No, we get it all. Yeah.

I'm just saying I don't think that that's right. Here's what I think. But you're right. Okay. This is my theory. No, no, babe. I'm not saying I'm right either. I'm not saying any of us are right yet. Okay? Don't think that that's right. Here's what I think. But you're right. Okay. This is my theory. No, no, babe. I'm not saying I'm right either. I'm not saying any of us are right yet.

Okay. Don't get like that. I'm not saying any of us are right. Can I give you? I just said, but yeah. What does that mean? No, he's fine. He's fine.

That one he knows is never going to get listened to. All right. I have a theory. This is just an absolute brag she is saying all these flies showed up out of nowhere i killed them some more showed up i killed them too the end yes it's a warning to flies i it's a warning to flies but also it's that thing that again wow warning we've we experienced this with social media right we have to share sorry doug were you writing that down were you writing, we experience this with social media, right? We have to share. Sorry, Doug, were you writing that down?

Were you writing that you were warning to flies? No, sorry. I thought you were WTH. I thought you were saying warning to flies. Okay, no, no, no. She ends it with WTH. Yeah, like what the hell, right? So she should have said WTF, warning to flies. But it's not WTH W it's WTH.

No. Okay. Doug is saying that she should, if it's my theory, she should have written WTF. Okay. Sorry. I think it's also just this thing that,

you know, we can't have a, a single action, a single experience in our lives if our lives by yourself without telling everybody. Oh, it's just like Birdman or the unexpected virtue of ignorance where everybody's concerned with going viral. Right. Birdman nailed it. Has he seen those?

I saw the trailer. those. I saw the trailer. So, yeah, I think that we've got kind of a humble brag, a fly brag. It's a humble brag about killing flies for sure. Yeah. And she doesn't want help. I think she's, I think you're right. I think that she's proud. And you know what, Debbie? I guess good on you killing those hatchlings. Good for you, Debbie. You're not going to be ruled by flies. No. And you know what?

And now the funeral is probably happening and it probably devastated the fly community. But you're right. I think that they won't traffic with her again. Maybe she's holding this funeral around a piece of dog shit. As a warning to the other flies. It could be. And I think a good nickname for Debbie would be Lady of the Flies

because isn't it about time we had one? Absolutely. I think ladies should just join in the anarchy. It took us how long to get a She-Hulk and now we can finally have a Lady of the Flies. I like that. Or Madam of the flies i like that or madam of the flies right but then it's no longer i know that it's lord and lady i know i know okay all right i was just having i was having a little fun that could be the spinoff oh that would be a good spin for the older character like a dowager countess of the flies exactly yes exactly exactly well in my day i don't know what's happening but i like it sort of

what would the dowager countess of the flies say about fly activities like what what would her she would see some flies doing something and then she'd say, well, you know, my day was different. Back in my day, we didn't buzz all around. And I was a lady,

you know, as a lady, not to step in shit. That's all I've got. It's uncanny. I don't, I didn't read Lord of the flies you didn't miss anything it's just just kids being kids boys will be boys all right well uh if you would like to send us we

thank our our uh our listeners for uh sending in some uh some posts for us that we missed on neighbor app and if you have a post you'd like us to read um uh please uh send it to us via email at burnt and joan at gmail.com just screenshot uh a post that you find interesting if there's someone interesting in there again no comment sections people have been very good about that lately i have to say we've gotten some good we've got some good ones we haven't had a comment section in a while so i'm just gonna probably issue that warning just one or two more times and then we can let it drop. But we thank you so much for listening and we will be

back next week with a new guest. Yes, we sure will. And we'll have a new guest. And you know what? I'm still going to ask you about getting a pet burnt. I'm just going to let you know. All right. I will consider it. Here's your here's your homework. I'd like you to visit a pet store one I'm just going to let you know. All right. I will consider it. Here's your homework.

I'd like you to visit a pet store one of these times instead of hanging out for the five minutes after you're done with work. Right. I want you to go hang out at the pet store. Okay. And I want you to go check out what's there. See if anything fits your fancy. Now, what do I do about that overpowering smell that hits you as soon as you open the

door? The smell of all of god's creatures shitting on paper well boy when you put it that way burn it makes me feel bad for making you go but how about just try to breathe through your mouth okay okay fair enough i'll put my mask on i'll put my mask on there you go that'll help well thank you very much. I will do that homework. Okay. Sounds good. All right. Well, until then.

We'll be back next week. And until then, goodbye. Bye. And Doug, do you want to say bye? Bye. All of the posts used in this episode are real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins.

And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Mel was played by Allie Beardsley. Juicy Boys in Short Shorts was submitted by listener Ryan Cooper. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.