The Neighborhood Listen - Pine Nuts with Patty Guggenheim

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Burnt updates us on his dreams, Joan discusses Harlequin romance novels, and her Dougsband Doug takes inspiration from last episode's guest. Later on the show, their neighbor Beth (Patty Guggenheim) joins them to discuss some loud bubblewrap she heard in the neighborhood.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to every episode ad-free as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. And now, please enjoy this in to The Neighborhood Listen. And welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen, the podcast that looks at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, where I live. Who am I? I am, pardon me, a payday, one of your hosts. And sitting right across from me, who is it? Did you almost say next and across so it said sitting right and across from me?

No. Okay. Did it sound as if I was going to do that? Yes. And now I feel bad. Why do you feel bad, Joe? But you know what? I think the word across is fun. Across.

It's like a new way to describe someone who is not quite across from you, not quite next to you, which I guess you'd say kitty corner. Meow. But you know, necrosis makes me think of necrotic. Oh yeah, you're right. I can hear Doug quietly agreeing with you.

I'm Joan Pedestrian and my husband, my Doug, I almost said my Doug. My Doug's been. Well, he is my Doug. My Doug's been, yeah. That is what we call him. That's cute. Right? You said it almost angrily. Because it's so precious. You know, when you think something's really cute, you go, I just want to kill it. Yes. Exactly. So, so, babe. So he's,

of course, you know, he's in a different room every, every episode for those of you who don't know. Still never explains why. He just says something to do with the sound. Yes, he says the sound is better if he records in a different room. We remain in the same place. I'm sorry, I had a hair in my mouth. And you know what? Is there truly anything?

I mean, that is just... It's terrible. It's so horrible. It's terrible. It's horrible. But then when you were a young girl, when you were a young girl, did you used to chew on your hair? Were you one of those?

No. But you knew people who did, right? You knew girls who did that. Nope. No, you never saw anyone do that? Bert, you can't make me have that memory. Joan, that's fair. That's fair.

This is not 1984. I'm not going to implant false memories in your mind. There was a girl in my sixth grade. You've always known a girl who did that. No, no. What, babe? There was a girl in my middle school who would chew on her hair and she didn't realize she had

a full-on bald spot. But wait a minute. She was chewing from the back on the crown. I'm just so confused. How could she chew herself a bald spot, babe? She would pluck it. Like spaghetti? She was just reeling it in. Yeah, she would pluck it. Like spaghetti? She was just reeling it in? Yeah, she would pluck it from the top.

Oh, no. Oh, that's not what I was thinking of at all. Well, now that's definitely some trauma-related activity. She would pluck it from the top. No, here's the thing, is that I have been losing my hair ever since I had the babies, okay? And it just never stops.

Which is a common thing. It is one thing that happens, yes. Never stopped? It never stops. It's just, and it's not that I have a bald spot. My hair, my body produces so much hair that I can lose so much and I don't even realize it. But I'll tell you what I feel,

it makes me feel like a dirty person. I'm a clean, you're in my house. It's a clean place, right? This is a very clean place. Yes, if that were happening to me, I wouldn't think that I was dirty. I would think that I was dying. Don't do that to me, Bernd. Don't say that. I don't want to be worried about it. And I sure as hell don't want to Google it. No. Have you never heard of this as a pharmacist? I've not heard of it continuing. I mean, of course, you know, there are women that do have,

do suffer from hair loss. Of course. There's various reasons, but usually the pregnancy thing, from what I understand, is it can happen, but then it will stop happening. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, nature loves to give you all the hair and all the voluptuous curves

and the lips and the flushed cheeks, and then the second that baby's gone, you age 10 years. Oh, I see. Sorry. I get on a tangent sometimes, you know? That started to sound like a romance novel. It did? Oh, I see. I see. Sorry. I get on a tangent sometimes, you know. That started to sound like a romance novel. It did? Oh, I see.

Like she took his member. I always remember... Exactly. When I was little, I used to sneak it. You know, my grandmother was a very, very unassuming Presbyterian secretary. Meaning she was a secretary of the Presbyterian... No, yeah,

exclusively. And she was just, she seemed so very, you know, put to great. But then, you know, sometimes I go over to her house and there was a certain room, like the library, and she had all of those, what are they called? Harlequin romances. Yes. And my God, the number of times that a penis was referred to as a member was so funny. It was almost as if the writer was Presbyterian too. She was like, well, I can't say dick.

It's a member, you know, but that's, oof. Is, I mean, I don't, should we go down this road? Is dick the sexiest word for that? I guess you're right. I mean, penis is terrible. Penis is terrible. It's just terrible. The word we should have the words

that's the title of this episode the words we decided on for for genitals yeah general not great yeah I guess that makes sense that's what you get that's what you get member and sheath sheath staff

anyways I don't even know what we were talking about oh my hair oh my hair oh my hair oh my hair falling out uh but we were talking about oh oh uh we didn't find out what room oh yes doug what room what room are you in babe i'm in the alchemy room oh he was inspired last week last week our guest mentioned that they had an 11 year old son who was a professional wrestler somehow the character was one of the characters was the alchemist uh ptolemy the alchemist he named his character after his older brother yes which uh which to me ptolemy the alchemist brings to mind a very uh sort of like a medieval character.

Oh, yes. I could see that. But this character wore a lab coat stuffed to the brim with beakers. With pockets inside. Almost like a streaker. But instead, he's just revealing beakers and flasks without any liquid in them and just breaking them over. Which I have to say, as far as breaking something over someone's head, I don't think a beak,

you might not even notice it. You might not see it from an arena, which he's clearly playing because he's, he's, he's selling out seats. All right. So, but what is this involved?

What does the room look like? I don't, I don't know about this one. For people that don't know alchemy, of course, is the, is the, the science,

I guess, of turning base metal into gold. Right. This is coming from the pharmacist. So I did some reading on this. Oh. And the alchemists were after the Philosopher's Stone, which I did know about.

And that was supposed to turn... No. UK. From Harry Potter, UKTM. That's right. They really were. And the Philosopher's Stone... I don't think we were arguing.

...would turn base metals into gold. Nobody contradicts that. But the other thing I didn't know about was that they were after... Don't get Doug Fensive. Oh, that was another good one. We're having fun. Well, they go after the Universal Elixir, which I never heard of. They?

They were going after... The Alchemists. The Alchemists. Yes. And the Universal Elixir is supposed to cure all diseases and turn you younger. All the electronics in your home. You can cure them? Is that what you said?

Sure. So I thought that was, I mean, that sounds amazing. I want to pick up on their work. We had somebody who aspired to be an alchemist a long time ago. I guess. Yes. Who was collecting old cans. Oh, I think I remember this vaguely.

He said he had mastered the secret. He had discovered the secret. And it turns out he was just painting the cans gold. Yes, that's right. I remember. But it did involve baking them in the oven for some reason yes i also you know it is funny to hear alchemist because of course that's the um that's the uh that's the the name of the sports teams at the dignity junior college yes which is a bit strange and you know no one's afraid to go play the

alchemist yeah because it's a trade school and i i don't know and their teams are terrible their teams are terrible they're terrible because it's all the same kids on every team. Yeah. It's a very small school. Yes. And there are no, there are no Bo Jacksons. Let me tell you. That's true.

Who is, who can really do two sports like that? Who are the two people who's Bo Jackson and Michael Jordan? Michael Jordan. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Is anybody else? There must be there. I'm sure in the old black and white days, there was somebody who.

What do you mean? You know? Well, you know white days, there was somebody who. What do you mean? You know. Well, you know, you, you, sports history. Like when life was in black and white. Oh, my goodness. Excuse me. Bless you. You know, I've been having allergies lately.

Would you need a Kleenex? Yeah, I might. Thank you so much. I've been having allergies lately because there's so much, there's so much pesto in the air. Oh, that's right. because that restaurant burned down. Pesto allergy. That's one of the ingredients of the elixir.

Oh no. Babe, we can't have burnt that close to this. Do you understand? That's why. That's why he's having a hard time right now. Not only the factory that exploded. So allergic to pesto and it makes me sneeze and also my throat will eventually close up. But yeah, that was a terrible, terrible fire.

It really was. I mean, it was delicious smelling, but it was really sad. No one died. No, no one died. No one died, but fortunes were lost. Yes. And, you know, it was, no one knew how flammable oregano was. No one died, but fortunes were lost. Yes. And, you know, it was,

no one knew how flammable oregano was. No. And then, of course, when your twins found out about it. Wait, not oregano. Basil. Basil. Basil. It's basil.

That's an ingredient in pesto. It's not oregano. But oregano is very flammable. It is, but so is basil. Not arguing? I'm just saying that the ingredients of pesto. Yes. Pine nuts. Pine nuts. Basil.

Olive oil. All highly flammable. They should have seen it coming. They should have seen it coming. It was a recipe for disaster. Literally. Pine nuts sounds like a southern penis. Sounds like a southern penis. Now a southern penis now hang on a minute you know what doug you made your case you made your case you know what and that is actually as long as your harlequin romance is set in the south she grabbed his penis

she took his pine nuts and he to bosom in her alabaster palm. In her alabaster palm. Oh, I love the way your brain works, babe. Is there anything sexier than a harlequin? Where does that come from? Because I don't understand why it's called a harlequin romance. I don't know. Because there's got to be

two meanings to it. It's not that guy that's just in like a court jester outfit that's dancing. That's all I know of harlequins listen i wanted to revisit that dream you had i don't have dreams of dreams that's right you don't have dreams just like your imagination it's the blue line the blue line doug doesn't have an imagination he just closes his eyes and he just sees a blue line yeah okay so i want it's like that meme of the the two the predator arm wrestling arms and it's like on the one arm it says

the police on the other arm it says Doug's imagination and then in the middle it says thin blue line wow that's a good one I will take your word for it we should draw that up you've seen it now you're trying to make me have memories I don't have again.

No, I'm telling you. Why are you doing this to me? If I show this to you, you will absolutely know what I'm talking about. Maybe. Has it had any kind of recurrence? You had a dream that you were left in charge of a baby. Well, you know what? It continued from where it left off. No, where the baby was just on the couch and it was 5 a.m. and you thought, well, I can't call the mom.

She's asleep. Exactly. And I said, now I'm trying to soothe the baby and I'm saying, it's going to be okay. I'll get you back to your mommy very soon. And the baby is just looking at me and sadly shaking his head. You would give a baby these characteristics in your own dream. Well, I guess I'm doing it. I mean, it is my subconscious. It is your subconscious.

Showing a baby disappointed in you. Yeah, I'm saying, no, no, really. And the baby reached out and put its little hand on my forearm oh my word and said burnt wow i don't know how to tell you this i'm not related to that woman don't say you woke up right then i woke up right oh my god now i don't wow i don't know it's a cliffhanger it is a cliffhanger get back to sleep yeah wait till next week go exactly do you feel sleepy now do you want to go take a nap i mean i'm always a little sleepy

when the allergies happen oh i'm so sorry about that That's all right. Wow. I don't know what to say about that, but I'm just going to say, I think, I think what, what if when you get back into the dream, the baby says, I'm actually your baby. Well, that would be strange. Cause how would I, how would I not know that? Well, it's just like how in real life you would not know that you actually, that there's a baby out there for you somewhere. Boy, I guess that's true. I mean, I, I did in my younger days, I was a bit of a bit of a rover. Okay. Oh, wait a minute. You think

there actually might be a child out there that's yours? It's entirely possible. I did not see you as a, as someone, as a get about. No, but I, I, you know, I didn't intend to be, but it just sort of happened. You just fell into it, to speak i think i just i just encountered people who were in the same sort of frame of mind and which was why not which was why not i didn't know you made the round so much wow wow wow again it was not my i do you have what percentage what what percentage do you think it is possible that you have a child out there? 50%. Wow. Wow.

That's much higher than I thought. I think it's 50%. Wow. I think, I guess I was more right than I thought. Wow. Maybe you were, John.

I really have never thought about it, but now that you're asking me, now that you're asking me, yeah, I think it's, I think there's a 50% chance I have a child out there. Okay. Well,

this is something to keep in mind. You know, we, we cast a wide net here. I don't know. Is it worth thinking about? I mean, I think to someone out there,

it might be. Well, but they haven't gotten in touch with me yet. We've got this podcast. Maybe someone will hear something sometime. That's very true. That's very true. All right.

Remains to be seen. It remains to be seen. And also our guest, our next guest remains to be seen, but we should probably get to our next guest. What a great segue. Oh, thank you. I'm working on segues. Well, I would say you're doing good work.

Speaking of good work, I'm just kidding. I just thought I would do another one. But you're saying we should take a break. I think that the only way to do segues is speaking of, and I need to find new ways to just do it other than just speaking of. You know what I mean? Yes. And another thing that remains to be seen, our next guest. Oh, right.

Yeah. Yes. Is that the only two? Might be. Okay. During the break, we can think if there are any more. Oh, that's fun. All right.

It is fun. We're having fun. All right. We're going to take a break. We'll have a guest with us right here at the Kitchen Island when The Neighborhood Listen returns. Hi there. This is Yumi. For sale is a set of six Zach stainless steel coasters that can add a touch of modern elegance to your home.

Zach's Stainless Steel Coasters that can add a touch of modern elegance to your home. These coasters are crafted by the renowned German company, Zach, which is known for producing high-quality stainless steel home accessories. This coaster set is a testament to the company's commitment to style and functionality by God. These coasters are in good condition, but there are some scratches on the surface due to regular use. And that's why they're $5. You might think it's strange that I'm only selling them for $5 because, well, I just made a huge big deal about what a testament they are to style and functionality and how fancy Zach is. Oh, God, who am I kidding? Folks, these are old DVDs and CDs.

I'm sorry. I mean, just look at the picture. That's clearly what they are. And they're scratched because, you know, they were on the bottom of my teenager's car for a long time because he went through a period where he thought having something retro like a CD player in his car would be cool. But guess what? They're not cool. And so I decided to turn them into coasters.

And that's all I can do. There's no other use for them. So it's $5 hell. I would just give them to you if you want. Or I don't know, try to go skip them on a lake somewhere. I don't know what to do with these things. And Zach is made up. It doesn't even exist. I'm sorry. Just please come get these. I have so much shame. Welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen, I am. But why am I introducing myself? It's a podcast. And you already introduced yourself in the first section. I think that my model for hosting is probably the radio and they're always resetting who they are and everything. Oh, I guess so. I't need to do that on a podcast. I guess that's true. Yeah. We could say,

you know, a lot of people say on the news for those just joining us, you know, or for those of you about to rock. We salute you. I would love it if they said that on the news. God, I love that song.

If you're just joining us for those who are about to rock, we salute you. Well, the implication that you're not rocking yet. That's right. You're about to. Just about to. You're just getting ready to. Exactly. Or you're thinking about it. Exactly.

Okay. So we have a guest here. We have a guest here. Hopefully this guest is ready to rock. That's right. What we do is we scour the NeighborHap, the social networking application for neighborhoods where neighbors can connect. We look for interesting posts

as a way to get to meet our neighbors. We invite them on the show. And if you see a post that we have missed perhaps, something you find interesting, worth talking about, you can screenshot it and send it to us at burntandjoneat... Oh. I was going to say email.com.

That's not a thing. At gmail.com. BurntandJoan at gmail.com, which is our email address. Do you know what I was thinking while I was saying it? Tell me. It's an email address. We've gotten so used to, I didn't preface it by saying email us at BurntandJoan. I just said, send it to us.

And it's of course, when you hear the, it's not worth breaking down. It's a real necrosis is it's a real it's a real not worth breaking down it's a real necrosis is what it is it's a real necrosis man and you know what my brain is necrotic from these allergies exactly oh do you can i get you anything can i get you a claritin no i claritin does not work on me oh it doesn't i'm immune to it yeah i have that gene i didn't know that was a thing yeah it's the same thing that makes cilantro tastes like tar or soap i thought oh i wish there's five different cilantro genes i did not know that learn something every episode all right this post comes to us from beth and it says fyi i was just out breaking up some

styrofoam and large bubble wrap for trash pickup tomorrow. And the sound of the bubble wrap really reverberated. I don't want anyone to think that it's gunshot. Just the one. I think I burst four giant squares before deciding that it might be a scary sound this time of night and stopped in Old Dig near Franklin Pierce. Oh, that's escrow. Sorry. He's having a tough day today.

Update. He's barking at a sock. Right after this, I did hear gunshots, maybe 10 rounds close by. So both things are true. Wow. Holy moly. I mean, what an update.

Absolutely. And here to talk about it is Beth. Welcome, Beth. Well, hello there, I'm Beth. It's so nice to be here, you it is Beth. Welcome, Beth. Well, hello there. I'm Beth. It's so nice to be here. Great to have you, Beth. Oh, I'm so happy to be here. I love talking and I love being at table.

Oh, you love being at table. I do. Well, welcome. Well, thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Beth, I have a few questions for you. Of course. Sure.

Is it about style or film? It is about bubble wrap. It's my first question. Actually, you know, I'm going to bump up this question. Where are you from? There you go. Okay. Well, we...

You live here in Dignity Falls. Dignity Falls. Originally from Shreveport. Shreveport, Louisiana. And then I went to Maine. Oh, wow. What a jump. And then to Panama to Maine. Oh, wow. What a jump. And then to Panama Canal.

Oh. You lived on the Panama Canal. And a little on a boat. I stayed in the canal. I lived on the boat in the canal. Wow. What a life. Yeah.

So adventurous. I know. And then what? Then where? Miami. Okay. And then back in Dignity Falls. Back in Dignity Falls.

So you started here. Born and raised here? Born in Dignity Falls. Then sweep up Maine, in the canal. Then all the way up to Miami. Okay. All the way up to Miami.

All the way up. And then back to Dignity Falls. And then Dign to Miami. Okay. All the way up to Miami. All the way up. And then back to Diggity Falls. And then Diggity Falls. Okay. And why? What was the purpose of the travel? You know, was it work or was it, how did you go all these places? Well, my parents loved to travel.

So you were a kid when you were doing all this? Yep. Okay. Yep. They just loved to travel. Loved to travel. What did they do for a living? Oh, doing all this? Yep. Okay. Yep. They just love to travel. Love to travel. What did they do for a living? Oh, well, my mom cooks.

She cooks. Well, okay, for a living? I don't think that is a traveling occupation. No, she cooks. She was a chef. For traveling chefs. She cooks for traveling chefs. Oh, because.

Well, they need to eat, too. They need to eat. It's true, but she was not a traveling chef herself. Well. I mean, in a's true, but she was not a traveling chef herself. Well. I mean, in a way, I guess she was. Technically, she was. Technically, she was. Because she's the chef for the chefs.

Right. The others. Who cooked for her? Good question. Okay. Me. Oh. Really?

Oh, well, that was very nice. I did a little bit of cooking. You must be an amazing cook then. I'm a pretty good cook. Because you were surrounded by these, I'm assuming, very elite chefs, right? Yes. Yeah. We were good chefs.

I learned a lot. Absorbed all that information. Okay. Mm-hmm. And then just love cooking. Sure. Traveling, cooking. And why'd you come back here?

To the good of folk? Correct. Because, well, there's just something about this place. Oh, well. We agree. It got very nice trees. It does. And people and a lot of activity.

I wanted to raise my daughter here. I have a daughter that I gave birth to her in the Panama Canal. Wow. Oh, you did? Uh-huh. On the boat? On the boat. Wow. Does that mean she can technically be president? But John McCain was born in Panama and he technically could have

been president. Yeah, I could be president. Well, that's amazing. Oh, you could be president? Well, you were born in America. Oh, yeah. How old is your daughter now, that's amazing. Oh, you could be president? Yeah. How old? Well, you were born in America. Oh, yeah. How old is your daughter now? She's 16. Wow. And are you with someone?

Do you have a partner? No. Okay. No, solo. Just you and your daughter? Did you ever have, was there a, you know, where's her father? Well, in the canal. Ooh.

Yeah, he stayed there. Okay. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. He is fish. He's a fish. He's a fish. He's a fish. Wait a minute. A fish man. A fisherman.

Okay, I mean, we've had some interesting situations on this show, but that one was a new one. Okay, so he's a fisherman. Your daughter is. Fisherman. Yes. Okay. Yeah. And is she close with him? I mean, did things not end well?

They write letters. Okay. Oh, that's very nice. It's cute. She likes to get stationery and little stickers and little pens and little notes. Oh, that's very nice. Oh, that's very sweet. Yeah.

And are you two close, you and your daughter? Very close. Mm-hmm. So let me get to this post a little bit because here's one thing that's interesting. A lot of times with posts, people will say, I need said that you decided you might just stop making this scary sound. But I guess my first question is the actual gunshots. Are you saying that you think that the fake sound that you created, you know, is what sent people to also start shooting?

Is that what you think happened? Like a war of the worlds? Yes. Well, yeah. I thought maybe that they heard what had happened and they, you know, when you hear somebody fighting over there, it makes you start a fight.

Right. You know? Which brings me to my second question. Why did you have to make so much noise anyways? Because if I was going to go throw away Rubblebble but rubble back rubble back are you talking about i'm sorry well i didn't do a warm-up today you know usually i do all of my tongue twisters and it's a very sco-Doo situation now.

Okay. My question is, the Flintstones short. If I was going to throw away bubble wrap, I don't think I would sort of need to make a lot of noise. I would just sort of roll it up and toss it. How is it popping so much? I pop it because it takes,

then it takes up less room. Oh really? Well, yeah, because now it's flattened. And it could choke a turtle. You could choke it. It could choke a turtle.

I thought for a second you said, I could choke a turtle. It could choke a turtle. Okay. Yeah. So, all right. And then why do you think that the sound's really reverberated? Do you live in a sort of echoey place?

Well, it was in Franklin Pierce. Old Dig. Which is sort of almost a canyon. It is a canyon. So it will be way out. Well, how could you not pop a bubble pop? That's my question. It's irresistible.

I guess I think if you're throwing out bubble wrap, then it's already popped. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Well, to a certain degree. It's not necessarily all popped, but it is, you know, some of those, you get a package and the bubble wrap is quite balloon-like. It's very... Okay, that's a good question. How big were these bubbles?

See, I'm picturing little teeny tiny ones. Yes. Well, there's those, the biggest ones I'm picturing are about half dollar size. That's it. You said silver dollar size. And I thought it's a specialty bubble wrap. You think about it as a bubble wrap is a circle, but if you look, it's on a

square. Oh, boy, that's true. That is true. That's true. There's no way around that. Can I ask, what was all the styrofoam and bubble wrap from? Did you get something delivered? Was it from a gift? I did. Yes, I love to get gifts for myself. Oh, that's nice. I like to order packages for myself. And I ordered some, you know those things called a precious moment?

Yes. Yes, the little figurines. But it wasn't that it was a precious creature. A precious creature. I'm not familiar with that line of figurine either. They're like precious moment, but they're creatures. Okay, but like a creature, like a mythical creature, or just like a little, like a rabbit or a squirrel?

They have two lines of regular reality creatures. Reality creatures, sure. And mythical creatures. Oh. I see. That's fun. What are some of the mythical creatures? Like the jackalope?

I got... That's a good example. My of the mythical creatures? Like the jackalope? That's a good example. That's the sound of my husband, Doug, who is our recording engineer. Oh, I didn't know who that was. I know, sorry. Sometimes it just pops up in there and surprises people. So yeah, like a mythical creature would be like a, I don't know, a lady with scales.

Oh, these are originals. A mermaid, you mean? A lady with scales. A mermaid or you mean something else? Yeah, a mermaid. Oh, okay. Oh, these are originals. A mermaid, you mean? A lady with scales. A mermaid or you mean something else? Yeah, a mermaid. Oh, okay. Oh, not just a lady. No, well, she has feet, but scales. Oh, that is different.

That's not a mermaid. Like a Black Lagoon type creature, but a lady? Sure. You don't have to agree with us. No, you don't have to. Don't feel like you have to agree with whatever we say. You can direct us and say no. I was trying to think back to when I was at the Black Lagoon, and I don't have to. Don't feel like you have to agree with whatever we say. You can direct us and say no. I was trying to think back

to when I was at the Black Lagoon and I don't remember seeing no creature. Oh, I'm at the movie, not our Black Lagoon here. Oh, okay. I was thinking I was thinking Diggity Fall Lagoon. The Diggity Fall Black Lagoon. Yeah. Which wasn't always black, by the way. That's right. Yeah, it used to be just regular

watercolor. And then over the years it just got darker and darker. After the incident. So, okay. What was this particular creature on this day? This was a four-headed buffalo. A four-fellow.

With scales. With scales! Is that sort of a scheme? Do all the things that you get have scales? I do like, I think it's probably because it's a Panama Cone. That's what I'm thinking. It reminds you of the fishermen.

It's a four-headed buffalo. I mean, the head is very big on a buffalo. That's why you need the big bubble wheel. It's got a big package. That's what I was getting at. It's a very big box. And why you need the big bubble wheel. It's got a big package. That's what I was getting at. It's a very big box. And how big are these figurines? Some come down

to one centimeter. One centimeter? Wow. Can barely see them. That's on the smaller side. The smaller end of the scale. That's the smaller. And then two feet. Two feet? That's a statue at that point. That's the smaller. And then two feet. Two feet?

That's a statue at that point. It kind of is. Or a statuette. So can you explain, other than just maybe the fact that it kind of reminds you of the Panama Canal, how long have you been collecting these collections? Since my 16th birthday.

My 16th birthday. So this one is actually for my daughter. I'm starting a tradition with her. Does she like these? Is she into it? Oh, she loves them. Yeah, she likes it. What's her name?

Did I miss what her name was? It's Kip. Kip. Oh, that's a cute name. That is sort of cute. That's very cute. Is that short for anything? It's long.

She got to there, Bert. It's long to her. It's long. She got to there, Bert. It's long to her. It's long for Kip. Oh, that's actually, yeah, that's her full name. Kip. Kip is her short, is her nickname.

That's right. Okay. Oh, okay. I see. So her nickname is Kip. Yes. Full name is Kip. I think maybe she doesn't see it

as a short name. Right. She sees it as a long name. That's right. Fair enough. Yeah, Kip. And maybe maybe she doesn't see it as a short name. Right. She sees it as a long name. That's right. Fair enough. Yeah, Kip. And maybe she'll come by and see us. Oh, she's just going to stop by?

Is that okay? Well, you know, we don't normally have that happen, but it's all right. We did have someone's son just appear out of the wall. Oh, that was scary. He just had been there. We didn't realize it. So, yeah, that's absolutely fine. Just let us know when you think, let us know when you see her.

Because last time it was a real surprise. It really was. Okay, so did we talk about what you do for a living here now? Did I miss that? I mean, you said that you like to cook, but are you doing that for a job or do you have a different job? No, I'm not a chef. I work at a parking lot.

Which one? Cleaning. Yep. The one on Bird Street. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, on Hickory Bush Street. Oh, Hickory Bush Street. Yeah.

Oh, that parking lot is very clean. It never occurred to me until I saw that parking lot that anyone ever hired anyone to clean a parking lot. I never even, yeah, I didn't know it was a thing. But that one is spic and span. And sometimes I like to do, sit in the little hut and take a ticket, give a ticket, take a ticket, give a ticket. Could you just say that again? Sometimes I like to sit in the little hut. Little hut.

I love that hut. little hut I love that hut Yes I love that hut When somebody's coming into the park And I need to give them a ticket Give them a ticket Sometimes I take a ticket So you'd be taking a ticket if they're exiting

And then you'd give a ticket if they're entering And you say sometimes Does this mean this is your job? Good question Are you doing that with permission? I don't get paid. To do the ticket taking? Yeah.

Do you get paid to do the parking lot cleaning? No. Oh. Well, then that's not really a job. What is your source of income, if I may be so bold? That sounds more like a hobby. Yes. Or trespassing on property.

Or that. I do Bitcoin. Oh, you do Bitcoin. That's how you make money. I do Bitcoin. I that. I do Bitcoin. Oh, you do Bitcoin. That's how you make money. I do Bitcoin. I see, I see. I trade Bitcoin. It must be doing well if you're able to.

Sure. For all these creatures. To the moon. Yes, all these. Yeah. All these precious creatures. To the moon, did you say? To the moon.

Wait, I missed that. To the moon. What does that mean? That's what we say in Bitcoin when we are. To the moon. Is it like a celebratory phrase? Yeah. It just means you're doing well. It's like this one's going up.

Okay. To the moon. Well, it makes sense. The moon is up. So I want to go back to the parking lot cleaning and the ticket taking. Has anyone ever approached you that is involved with the parking lot to say what's going on? No. We're going to say I don't want to approach you to GoPro.

On parking lot cleaning? Sure. No. Okay. They leave me to it pretty much. What is it you like about doing it? I like it because there's nothing better than just a square land with nothing on it.

Huh. Nothing better. I wonder where that comes from. I know. That's a good tree to you as well. Because sometimes you just think, I just want to see nothing right now. You know? Oh, dear. I guess.

I guess? Yeah. Well, it does represent something that is pristine. That is... It's also in a state of about to. You know what I mean? It's like... Potential. Potential.

That's a nice way to look at it. That's the word I was looking for. Yes. Like being about to rock. Yes. Like being about to rock. Not in the process of rocking, but being about to rock. I like beginnings. Yes. I like beginnings.

Yeah. I see. I see. What's in that hut? Can I ask? Because that hut is so cool. The hut is very intriguing. You really love that hut.

I put a few of my precious creatures in there. Okay. Which ones made the cut? There's a little frog creature with a human head. Oh, okay. With scales. With scales. I have a family of little rabbits and robots.

Rabbits and robots. With scales. With scales. With scales. Yes. Now, the scales thing, is that something you can add on? Oh, that's a good, it's a special feature. It does sound like a mod. It's a special feature. Would you like scales? It is a special feature.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Can I ask, is anyone else working there? Are there other people working at the hut because since you don't work there I imagine that there is someone else that's supposed to be there when you're not there no it's not a working parking lot like it's not well then no one's giving money it's just tickets well but I guess it's a lot of tickets I just like just like to give the ticket and take the ticket when they come back. Do people know that, that they don't have to pay? Are they surprised when they come in and realize that this isn't even something they need to do,

that they could just park without a ticket? They are surprised. Okay. But they're relieved. They're like, oh, I don't have to pay. I guess I would love that. I like making people's days. And so when they leave and give me the ticket, I say, thank you, have a nice day.

days. And so when they leave and give me the tickets, they think you have a nice day. So you sort of Beth, if I'm right about this, you sort of took over this parking lot, which I guess would have just become overgrown. No one was minding it anymore. And so it's your parking lot

essentially. But you're not charging anyone. I mean, this could be a source of income for you. You're to the moon with Bitcoin. Doge. But you're not charging anyone. I mean, this could be a source of income for you. It definitely could be. You're to the moon with Bitcoin. Doge. Coin, yeah.

For a second, I thought you were... It was a word of agreement. Yeah, you thought it was your accent. Like a Shreveport agreement. Doge. That makes sense. Yeah. Well, so now, where, this is parking lot. I'm trying to think of the main source of cars for this parking lot.

I mean, because isn't it next to the stadium? If you go past the old dig. Yes. To the stadium. Uh-huh. And then there's a coffee shop. And then the dog groomer. Okay.

And then it's right there. But I suppose you're getting a lot of overflow from the stadium. And that's why people are so excited that they don't have to pay. When it's in season. Okay. And then it's right there. But I suppose you're getting a lot of overflow from the stadium and that's why people are so excited that they don't have to pay. When it's in season. Right. But when it's not. Yes. Because actually we only use that stadium for lacrosse. That's our show time. So if it's not lacrosse season I guess. And that's only a month long. It's only a month

long. So. We get knocked out of. Very early. Tournament play very early. We don't have a good team. Wow. So, okay. You're in charge of a parking lot where you don't make any money because

this is just a hobby. How did you end up doing this? Yeah, that's a good question. Well, yeah. So, I like to take little walks during the day as you like to do. and I like to pick up trash as I go. A trash walker. Yeah.

I have a little pokey thing. Oh, nice. And then I put it in a empty parking lot with just trash. Dump on. Somebody dump it. And I just fell in love with it. And I said, this is mine. This is my space.

So for you, the parking lot was the paradise. This was my paradise. Look at that. Yeah. That's amazing. How does your daughter... Turn Joni, meet your honor here. So how does...

You were going to ask a question. I saw you go. I don't think that I was. Oh, okay. Just taking in some breath. I really was just taking in some breath. Sometimes it looks like a question. Oh, no.

Bird, what can we do for you? It's okay. What's the opposite of pesto? Clearly oregano. Wait. I guess red sauce? I can make some. Wait, wait, wait.

Marinara? My universal elixir. My universal elixir. Marinara? No, it's this universal elixir that he claims solves everything. It's kind of like the Windex in my Big Fat Creek wedding. Didn't he say there was pesto in the Universal Elixir earlier? Did he?

I've got different batches. Beth, so sorry to bother you. I know. We're really sorry. I love you. My throat will hold out until the end of the interview. I don't know that that's correct. I'm very worried about you.

It happened, Joan. It's happened so many times. So many times? Yes. Okay. I can go for a while with a closed throat. Okay. Before it really starts to become a problem. Like a camel with water. Yeah, I can make it a while with a closed throat. Okay. Before it really starts to become a problem.

Like a camel with water. Yeah, I can make it laugh. Okay. I can feel it when it's about to just like really shut tight. I begin the process of taking a long, slow breath. Oh, wow. And then it's trapped in there. This is good.

Are you going to be able to do the interview? Because I feel like this is going to take a lot of your concentration. If past is prologue, then right at the end of the episode is when we really. Okay. Well, luckily, luckily we take a break in between then. So if we have to rush to urgent care, we will do so. It'll be fine. All right, Beth, we're back with you.

And I guess, I guess I feel like maybe I'm just missing, missing a piece here because mostly because this post, again, what were you hoping to get from people from this post? Because a lot of times when someone posts, they need an answer like, oh, I have something like that for free or oh, I have a recommendation of a handyman for you or what have you.

Here's how it reads to me is that hey everybody, sorry to alarm anyone if you heard these loud noises that were reverberating through the canyon of Franklin Pierce. It was me just popping some bubble wrap. Popped four big squares. Yes. And so that's fine.

That's to put people at ease in case they heard it. But then the update, there were gunshots. Yes. And you're sort of proudly saying, so in a way. Yep. So yes. Were you scared by the gunshots? And what ended up happening with that?

Well, I went to investigate. It was about 10 rounds, maybe 50 rounds. Oh, somewhere between 10 to 50. It sounded like some kind of big M56 gun. Oh, do you know guns very well? I do know guns pretty good. So I went out. You went out?

No, that's what she's saying. She went to investigate, which is pretty brave. I should put a little bit of an update on this. What would the second update say? Well, I found there were more people just doing bubble wrap. Oh, just bubble wrap? No, there were two things. One house, they were also popping bubble wrap. And it was a bubble wrap. Oh, it was just bubble wrap. No, there were two things. One house, they were also

poppy bubble wrap. Okay. And it was reverberating. And it was a what now? Reverberating. Oh, it was reverberating. And that scared me. Sure. A duck. But then I kept walking and that's when I saw that someone was shooting 10

rounds at least. Or 50. Or no. Or no. Or 50. It was at least 10. It was a big gun, and they were trying to shoot down some mistletoe out of the tree. Really? Yeah.

I've never heard of putting mistletoe on a tree before. Well, because it naturally grows. Did you know that? I knew that it naturally grew, but I guess I didn't know that it grew on trees. I was picturing mistletoe on a Christmas tree okay okay it does wow wow

you really made her angry oh so it was like a mistletoe tree no a mistletoe is a parasite is it? it is she knows a lot about mistletoe

it's a big parasite on trees and it grows up way up high okay and then you kind of she's looking out the window almost as if I have something outside. I just like to check to make sure.

Okay. You almost look like you're afraid. Are you worried about it? Well, it's a parasite. Okay. What does it do to the tree? It destroys the tree? It kills it. That's terrible. That seems dark. How did it become such a festive symbol?

I don't know. People had to offload their mistletoe, and then they sewed it. What a lie. Just hang a parasite up in your house. My goodness. That's just terrible. Well, I mean, you're a mother of three. Speaking of parasites in the house.

I'm joking. I'm joking. Oh, come on. I'm joking. Come on. We only joking. I'm joking. Oh, come on. I'm joking. Come on. The only, we only joke because of my twins. I have, I have a daughter named July P and twins named Matt and. Tuang.

And Tuang. That's his name. That's right. That's what we named him. And yes, sometimes they can be, they can be. They're pyromaniacs. Yes, they are. Parasitic pyromaniacs.

Parasitic pyromaniacs. They perform terrifying pranks on people so okay so you got there and you discovered that there was gun shooting

what happened did you someone's using a gigantic rifle to shoot mistletoe off the tree yeah round yeah

and so did you tell them to stop did they see you you gave me a crazy start a scare I've been walking around this town diggity fall to see stop? Did they see you? You gave me a crazy start. A scare. I've been walking around this

town, diggity fall, to see what is it? And they said, well, just do you want some mistletoe? Okay. Well, that was a nice switch. They weren't scary or dangerous. No, they weren't scary. And was this someone you knew or a stranger? It was a stranger. Okay. But I like

meeting strangers in diggity fall. Strangers, it's a friend you haven't a stranger. Okay. But I like meeting strangers. Sure. Diggity fall. Sure. Strangers, it's a friend you haven't met yet. That's right. That's a nice one. You should put that somewhere. Well, I mean, I didn't make it up.

Oh. Yeah. I feel weird. Yeah, that's true. Taking credit for that. Okay. You can put that in the false messy. Put it in there?

Where? Just put it in there. Okay, babe. Okay, so go on. Go on, please, Beth. So they offer you some mistletoe. Did you say, did you take some? No, I said no. No, you don't like it.

You don't like it at all. I don't like that stuff. I understand. So then it was nice. We had a cup of tea. Oh, yeah. Well, that's good. Yeah, it was good.

And is that the update you wanted to do? You said you wanted to do a second update. Well, that there was more bubble wrap being done and that the gun... I don't think that's necessary. I think that because there was actual gunfire and you did update about that, I think you're covered.

Yeah. Well, I'd still like to keep everybody up to date. I don't... You sure can, but here's my question, Beth. Did anyone respond to you? I did get some responses. And what were they? To shut up.

Oh, no. That seems harsh. That does seem harsh. Do they mean in reference to the bubble wrap, or do they mean just to shut up about, you know, not posting? Yeah, just stop posting about it. That's not nice. That seems, that's really rude.

Was this the first time you posted on the neighbor app? No, I've been posting quite a bit. Oh, and okay. So what does quite a bit mean? Well, like every four months. Okay, well, I don't think that's too bad. What was your last post? Last post was something like, hey, I got this great above ground pool.

If anybody wants to pop in and just have a nice little swim. Did you get responses for that? I did. My daughter said to stop inviting people to the house. She said it on the neighbor app. Yes, she did. Oh, not in private.

I know. We weren't having a good conversation that day. It's a hard time. So, I'm sorry. Does this make you sad that people are saying these things on the We weren't having a good conversation that day. Well, 16 is a hard time. It's a hard time. Yeah. So I'm sorry. Does this make you sad that people are saying these things on the app? You know, it doesn't make me that sad because, you know, life is what it is. I'm on this timeline for this.

Put that somewhere. You know, I'm just in it right now where I am. And I'm not going to change or try to be something different. So either they're going to like it or they're not. Well, I think that's a pretty good attitude. That's a very healthy attitude, absolutely.

And have you and your daughter since achieved any sort of rapprochement? Are you trying to speak Shreveport? A little bit, yeah. Say it again. Have you and your daughter achieved a rapprochement? Oh, boy.

Yes, we have. I'm glad to hear that. Yes, we have. Yes. She said, I'm sorry about that she wrote me on her little notepad I'm so sorry do you two actually speak in real life I mean do you

sounds like you mostly nonverbal written communication yeah and I'm just concerned about that well we do yeah we do have conversation though now it's gotten better okay yeah not less just notes more that. Well, we do. Yeah, we do have conversation, though. Now, it's gotten better. Okay. Yeah. Not less, just notes more. Hi,

good morning. That's like an example of a conversation. Pleasantries. Okay, that is quick. It's pretty quick. Yeah. Is that just you talking, too, or were you doing her lines as well? She hasn't responded yet. Oh, wait. You mean to when you said that to her? Hi, good morning. And then what does she do? Just walk

by you? Yeah, she's she does TikTok a lot. Okay. Yeah, she does. Yeah, she's busy. Oh, she's busy. School. Oh, no. I kind of feel I don't know, Brynn. I feel like maybe

these posts have to do with her daughter a little bit, you know, that maybe you're a little are you alone? I mean, I don't know, Brynn, I feel like maybe these posts have to do with her daughter a little bit. You know, that maybe you're a little, are you alone? I mean, I don't, are you feeling lonely? If your daughter isn't really talking to you, why are you inviting people to the house to swim in the pool? She doesn't seem to want that. What's the dynamic right now? Because it seems a little, a little strained. Well, my mom lives with us too.

Oh, really? That's new information. It is new information. Yeah. No doubt about it. And she lives there, too, so I'm not alone. Oh, good. Well, what is it like with you and your mother?

And you and your mother are close. Oh, very close. Oh, we talk all day, all the time. Oh, okay. Well, this is a much different... All right. See, I guess I just have to ask. It's a multi-generational home.

Wonderful. Multi-lots. Yes, I guess I just have to ask. It's a multi-generational home. Wonderful. Multi lots. Yes. Multi-naming lots. And do you, do you feel that your daughter, does she maybe feel left out because your, your mother and,

and you. We've seen the world. You've seen the world. You talk so much together. Yeah. It could be. Yeah. We were very,

we talk so much. I'm sure she feel left out and she may not. Yeah. But you try to include her. Yeah, we were very, we talked so much. I'm sure she feel left out and she may not. Yeah. But you try to include her. Yeah, I try. Good morning. Good morning. Yeah.

And how does your daughter feel about your parking lot activities? She thinks that's fine. Okay. She doesn't talk much about it. Sometimes kids can be embarrassed by the weirdest things. And I didn't know if there was some, since you are sort of maintaining this part of the love by yourself for free,

if that makes her feel sort of strange. Yeah. Well, she doesn't acknowledge it. She doesn't acknowledge it. She doesn't acknowledge it. Yeah, makes sense. And so, but it's not like, she's not burning the parking lot down. Right, she's not coming out against it.

She's just pretending it's not happening. Yes, yes. I see, I see. I mean, it's typical teen behavior, I think. I suppose I was reading too much into it. Yes. I guess there's just a quality. Yeah, we should fix her up with a Julyapie.

A friend fixer? Fix her up. A friend play date? Is that what you say? That's right. She's 18. Oh. Mm-hmm.

So, I mean, is your daughter looking for a friend? Yeah. She is. Well, okay. Does she have a sense of a school?

that I feel like I just do. There's something she's hiding or, and I know you're here. I don't mean to talk about you like you're not here, but I just feel like there's something more to the story that we're not getting, you know?

I feel like there was a central thing that if we could get to that, it would bust the whole case wide open. I don't know if it's talking to her daughter and I don't know if she's coming by. Oh, okay. Oh. Oh dear. If you need to know something, I don't know if it's talking to her daughter and I don't know if she's coming by. Oh, okay. Oh.

Oh, dear. If you need to know something, I do work for the FBI. Whoa. Are you? What? But only light. Only light? FBI light? You do FBI light?

It means that I work for them. I keep an eye on Diggity Falls. Really? And I haven't been able to open up to my daughter about it. And so I do think it gets in the way. I'm sorry. What about the tickets? She's keeping an eye on us through all the tickets.

How so? She gives the tickets. She takes the tickets. She gives the tickets. She takes the tickets. How so? She gives the tickets, she takes the tickets, she gives the tickets, takes the tickets. Okay, that's been established, but I don't understand how that is keeping tabs on people.

Let's let her explain how she keeps tabs on us. What does it mean you keep an eye on us? Well, I make sure on my walks there's no real spits, spits, spits. I'm sorry, you've got to say that again. There's no spish, spish, spish. I'm sorry, you've got to say that again.

There's no spish, spish, spish activity. Suspicious. Suspicious. There's no suspicious activity. Okay. So, I keep an eye, just a small little eye.

Small little eye. Because there have been complaints to the FBI about things going on here. Really? I mean, we have nothing to hide here in this town, I don't think. I don't think so, but can you tell us what one of the complaints was? Oh, she's looking at me like, I could tell you, but then I have to kill you. Oh, is that true? Oh, she nodded.

She wanted to say it on the mic well now i sort of i told you i knew it i knew there was something i sort of understand this because dignity falls is is uh we have not for as long as i can remember we have not allowed government agencies yes we've been off the grid, I always thought they didn't know we existed. Right, well, that's what we kind of, that's what the early founders wanted. Yeah, we're kind of an American town that is off the grid. And I mean, we, of course, we were part of the United States.

Yes. And we recognize the United States government, but we will not allow certain federal agencies to have posts here. So I, well, oh. And that's to have posts here. So I, well, and that's why you're here. Or maybe she's trying to tell us that they are here. So it's not just

you. Oh, wow. She pursed her lips. She pursed her lips as if to say that is a secret. And then when you said you don't know how to tell your daughter about it, first of all, I mean, she probably doesn't listen to this podcast. She's 16, but this is going to go out to

everybody. So I hope you're okay with knowing that. And as we've made clear before, Doug cannot edit. He doesn't have that ability. So it will go away. That's fine. You have to talk your way out of every edit. Boy, is that true. We call that the neighborhood listen challenge. So you said you don't know how to tell your daughter.

So you really want to tell your daughter about this. I do. It's hard to keep a secret from her. Well, maybe she kind of senses this. Yeah. In the same way I sense it. That there's a secret. She'd be empathic.

What is preventing you, do you feel, from telling your daughter? Because I think she might think it's super cool. Well, I'm being busy. Oh, okay. Well, with the parking lot, but also mostly the light eye work. That takes up a lot of my time, keeping a light eye. And probably just scared. I think it's a little bit scared.

You think she'll have a negative reaction? Does your mom know? My mom knows. I think it's a little bit scared. Oh, you're scared. You think she'll have a negative reaction? Does your mom know? My mom knows. Oh, okay. All right. But my mom doesn't. Yeah, she doesn't talk to nobody.

Beth, can I ask you a question? Yes, sure. Is your mom also in the FBI? Oh, right. Because otherwise, why would they travel to the Panama Canal? The traveling chef. The traveling chef. The traveling chef. Two traveling chefs? Yes. Oh, right. Because otherwise, why would they travel to the Panama Canal? Traveling chefs. The traveling chef to traveling chefs?

Yes. Oh, my goodness. I don't want to get her story to deal. Fair enough. Okay. It's her story to deal. But the answer is yes. It's her story to deal.

Okay. Wow. This is so interesting. It really is. to deal. Okay. Wow. This is so interesting. It really is. What an interesting family. Is the Bitcoin thing true? Yeah. Okay.

I think she's done. That could just still exist. It's fine. Well, I feel like between the Bitcoin success and being employed by the federal government, you probably could dial back on your parking lot duties a little bit. It's like, you're going to tell a painter not to paint. It's her outlet.

It's a creative outlet. No, I understand. I'm not saying don't do it. That and the mythical scaled creatures. That doesn't have to do with anything in the FBI, does it? Oh my gosh. Oh, there are things inside of them. I knew it. Drugs.

Oh, I thought maybe they were real. Oh, real. There were little figurines of actual things that exist. Oh no. Oh no, like a Roswell situation. Sorry, an area. Scales everywhere. You really got to cover them up with bubble wrap.

I'm just going to say that. Oh my gosh. That's all I'm going to say. This is a real X-Files episode. Beth, just to be clear, one of the standalone ones? Yeah, it's a bottle episode. Not canon one. So Beth, I don't mean to suggest that you should stop

your parking lot activities. I just want you to make some more time for your daughter because it does seem like you're at a crossroads here. Is it that kind of thing where a lot of people who are,

I'll just say it, I'm kind of a performer but I didn't want my kids to become performers. Is it that thing where you don't want your daughter to get caught up in the FBI? No, that's right. Is it a hard life being in the FBI? It's a hard life. It's a lot of email. Is it a hard knock life?

A lot of emails. Is that the hardest thing? Yeah, you have to be on the email all day. So it's not being in some sort of deep cover here in Dignity Falls. Or having to hold secrets in or being in danger. Although, you know what?

I do. Emails are hard. I mean, they are. They're the hardest part of it. Email never stops. All the time. And then they pile. They pile. Oh, they pile. Oh, they pile. And then you're like, give me to my pocket

lot. Oh, exactly. That's what it is. Take me away. There's no E-mail in that pocket lot allowed. That's her Harlequin romance. Mm-hmm. I kind of want to ask her to say penis. Me too. Joan,

this is why it didn't even occur this is why we're together I've been trying to think this entire you've been trying to think of a way to I heard that I heard that

I knew it would be inappropriate well just to ask I guess at this point how do you say penis babe penis oh

okay never mind a little different but still very charming. Well, now I feel so inappropriate. I feel dirty about that. Could you say member? I know. We are going to stop doing this.

We're not going to make our guests say dirty things. Dick. Oh. How about pine nuts? Pine nuts. I think there's more of a language barrier than we thought. I'm allergic to pine nuts. Oh, so we weren't. In a way, in a sense. I'm allergic to pine nuts. Oh, so is I.

In a way, in a sense. Wait, but there are pine nuts in pesto. True, but I can eat pine nuts all day long. Oh, you can. Now, that's weird. It's just a strange combination. I see. Now, wild.

I've never heard of other ingredients knocking out the other ingredient. Usually, it's like if this place was even prepared in a factory that might have pine nuts. I know, I know, but it's just a combination of things. It's a combination of things. It's a burden. I could eat them all day long. It is a burden. Thank you. You understand. I get it. Yeah. My goodness, Beth. Listen, I want

to say thank you for feeling vulnerable enough to share this secret with us. I find you fascinating. I found you fascinating before I knew you were working for the FBI. Why? Because. Oh, because I.

You know what? I'm so sorry. Because she's a fascinating person. That sounded rude. That sounded rude. I think in my mind, I went back too far. And I thought you sounded fascinating just from the post itself. Well, that would be okay, too.

Anyways, don't worry about him. He's his throat's closing. My throat's closing. Remember, I. Anyways, don't worry about him. He's his throat's closing. My throat's closing. Remember, I don't care what people think about me, but I do want you to live. I do want you to live. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Then maybe we should sort of take a break so that we can attend to you.

But I just want to say, I think, you know, especially we're talking about the emails. Your daughter's of the new generation. I don't think emails are going to be a problem for her if that's what you're worried about. I think you should just feel free to share your story with her and it doesn't necessarily mean she's going to follow in your footsteps, but she probably just wants to know her mom.

She wants to know that there are no secrets and I would just like to encourage you to, oh, she's here. Oh, oh, she's here. Remember how she was going to stop by maybe? That's right, yeah. I'm sorry, what's her name again? Kip.

Kip, that's right, Kip. Can can we call her key or should we just say kip kip all right um can we talk to her can we talk to key right now did she come in she's right here she's right here sorry she just came through hi key hi i'm i'm burnt this is joan hey do you know what this podcast is do you know what your mom's doing um is it like a monoparking lot it's not about the parking lot did come up it was about her post about the bubble wrap that she worried was sounding like gunshots oh yeah um cool okay what made you want to come by um i just needed some money i'm going to the movies with my friends oh what are you gonna see yeah i'm gonna see um i don't know um saltburn okay

it's been running it's doing so well i mean it's been going for months and months absolutely it's really doing great in this town one movie one movie in town. In theaters. But I have to go. Oh, what? That was quick. Well, before you go. Wait, Beth, are you going to give her money? Yeah, I'm going to give her some money. And maybe, is there something you want to tell her?

Maybe. You could do it. It's a safe place to do it. What, Mom? I just wanted to tell you something. Well, it turns out that I, me, myself, Biff, am part of a big federal bureau of investigation. Light.

Light. Very light. And I was scared to tell you because I didn't want you to follow your mom's footsteps. Okay. How do you feel about that, Ki? I feel... Did you suspect that? I guess so.

I mean, we have like six laptops in the living room. Okay. But you know what? I'm happy that she's opened up. I'm happy that you opened up, Mom. Oh, this is so nice to hear.

I'm just happy to like have I don't know any dialogue. Wow. So goodness. Do the laptops all have the FBI logo as the desktop? Yeah, they did give away.

Yes, it is. Yeah. They say property. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Well,

Beth, this should take a real load off your shoulders. I mean, this is, this is great sounds like to me what pie notes i don't know it's a word he keeps saying

it's one of the symptoms he can only speak Cajun sounds. Well, ladies, I'm really happy to see this. This is like maybe one of the bigger breakthroughs we've had on our episodes. I guarantee. I guarantee. I love that. I love that.

Little piece of home? Yeah. That was nice. Well, Kip, enjoy salt burn thank you and uh beth thank you guys this is like really opened up like i don't know a weird portal for us oh my god cool that's super feel like a mother-daughter portal. I want one. So just thanks. I'm going to go. Oh, okay.

Well, it was lovely to meet you. No, that's fine. I get it. Thank you for your time. Yeah, I know. It's all about him. You know, he's going to play Frankenstein, which I... I saw that. That makes so much sense.

Bye. Bye. Well, Beth, thank you so much for allowing us. How do you feel? How do you feel? I feel like a big old load off my shoulder. Okay. I feel as calm as a button on a shirt.

Wow. I love that. That's wonderful. It is. Really relaxed. Wonderful. The most relaxed I've felt since the panty belt came out. Oh, so glad.

I'm so glad to hear that, Beth. Of course. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you. Thank you. And thank you, Doug. Thank you, Doug.

Did Kip just come and go through the dog door? It was very weird. I mean, we have a gigantic dog door, so it's okay. It sort of looks like the regular door. It's most of the frame of the door. It's not like she knew she was going through a dog door. No, I don't think so. Like she was going

through a regular door. Thank you so much for being with us, Beth. And we wish you the best of luck. Oh, thank you. You take care. I love you.

Oh, okay. And we're going to take a break to make sure that Burnt doesn't die. The one of us. More when we return. This is Perry. Free wall clock with chimes.

Not working. So I guess it's not with chimes anymore, but if you talk about the components of the clock, I suppose that the chime is a physical thing that's in there. But it's not working. And I have included in the little clock mail slot some documentation. There's a certificate and a manual. And, uh, the manual is not going to help you. And the certificate, uh, just sort of proves that it's a clock.

But, uh, there you have it. Uh, it's a little broken clock. Maybe you can take the certificate and the manual out and put your mail in there. Or a note for a secret lover. Oh, that's getting me excited. Maybe you could have set up a rendezvous or cheat on your husband. Maybe I'll do that. You know what? I'm keeping it. And welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Wow. I'm glad that we were able to make that happen for yes i mean you know me i love a mother-daughter moment and that was like the ultimate do you miss

having them i do i really wish i could just get one moment with my daughter i know and they are very few and far between i know what is she up to these days i know she was very into well she took the she took the you know she did the farm in Australia. Yes. And then she came back. I told her she had to get her GED. Right. She really wants to go back and do that.

Right. I feel like she fell in love when she was down there. Really? Yeah. She just keeps on just talking about this guy named Jade. And she's just like, no, I mean, whatever. He was just like there. He was like, every time I tried to get like a direct answer, you know,

did he work on the farm? Yeah, I mean, he was around. It's like, okay, but like, does he, you know, is what, like, did you guys hang out? Yeah, whatever.

It's nothing. It's not a big deal. Like she always says it's not a big deal. And if I know anything, if a kid says it's not a big deal, it's a big deal. They're lying.

Of course. Of course. It means the opposite. That's, that's exactly right. It's opposite day with children all the time. It's opposite day with children all the time.

Babe, how's it going in the alchemy room? First of all, let's update everybody, okay? We actually did have to rush to urgent care. We had to, Berndt was nearly passed out. He got blue in the face and we did have to- I was talking in Creole. He ran down, he tried the antidote. He shoved more pesto down his throat.

It did not work. It made things way worse. It did make things worse. He shoved more pesto down his throat. It did not work. It made things way worse. It did make things worse. It is the thing that I'm allergic to. It is. And I just didn't think it would work. And I was right. He thought it was like the principle of if you have amnesia from getting hit on the head,

then if you get hit on the head again, your memory returns. That's right. Didn't happen. Maybe you're allergic to not enough pesto. That's what I... I can't even break down that. That's an interesting theory. You're allergic to not enough pesto. That's what I... I can't even break down that. That's an interesting theory. You're allergic to not enough pesto.

But of course, I couldn't say no because I was speaking in Creole and no one can understand me. So what happened is that didn't work. The universal elixir didn't work. And guess what? Epipen did. And so that opened up his airways

because he was in anaphylactic shock. And so now we have got him back for the third segment. Yes. And Doug, we're not going to do any more pesto in that lab, right? Right. Sure. It sounds so disappointing. I mean, there's so many other liquids in town I can experiment with.

Oh, so many liquids in town. Okay, there's so many other liquids. I mean, Dignity Falls is a town full of liquids. Let it be said. If anything. I mean, Dignity Falls is a town full of liquids. Let it be said. If anything.

I'm trying to figure out why these alchemists for hundreds of years were just so certain that something was possible like this. Just there must be an elixir that cures everything and makes you young again. He's really into this right now. But also the idea of turning. He's trying to find like the Holy Grail. He's just trying to find something. They must have known something. Does he have one of those little grail journals notebook yes and he has set he has the

same setup in there of all the grails that indiana jones has to choose from oh sure and i have the chairs back to back so we can get a different movie that's a different scene that's a different scene oh okay i didn't know we're talking about one scene sorry well i mean we were i mean are you are you trying to say that okay well let's just narrow it down how many elements of indiana jones the last crusade do you have going on in that room oh so many burnt he's trying to actually just create the whole movie quite honestly it's a weird goal uh oh but the whole idea of turning a metal into another metal was, well, did you try turning one thing into another thing to start? And then seeing if that was even possible?

By the way, he's doing this just by going on YouTube. I mean, like, there's really no, I get very worried. Alchemy tutorials? Yes. Hey, guys. Alchemy unboxing. Hit that subscribe button. Hey, what's up, guys?

Gonna try it again. Or no, it's like, so I got an alchemy lab and i was trying to work with different bakers this is that's one of those voices right tick tock we were talking a little while about about a while back youtube is hey guys and tick tock is robot voice right is that fair to say yes i think so is it still is that still the classic the robot voice is has something surpassed it no i think i'm not i think that's still the number one because I think that's sort of the people's robot voice. You know what? I'm realizing that maybe because we have a new season,

there's a lot of people that are following me on my Joan Cheney TikTok account. There's only three things on there. Oh, Joan Cheney. Do you remember? Because I only did a couple of musical numbers from Mare of Easttown. That's right.

That's right. I want to say, if you come to my TikTok, I tried to change it to another thing. Like, I don't know, just some name like Nicole Parker. And and it wouldn't let me do it because I might be another person. It could be. Oh, it's an actress. It's a very common name like that. From and just like that.

Yep. Not the first person to make the mistake. So so just sorry about that. I guess I'll try to look into getting some more content on. And I mean, that's the thing. I'm thinking this year, do I forge through and do more TikTok? But you know what I'm going to do? Because there's just not enough of these around. A musical written by a woman.

And I'm going to take all of my experiences from Realty. And I am going to do, I'm writing a musical. There, I said it. About realty? Wow. It's never been done. I think that's correct. Is there any real estate musical?

If there is a real estate musical out there, first of all, I will be devastated. Of course. Second of all, let me know. Rent? Because I don't want to be, oh, that hardly counts. But very clever, babe. You know what? Very clever. It's a different, it's the other side of the, it's that hardly counts. But very clever, babe. You know what? Very clever.

It's the other side of the, it's the other perspective. It's not about real estate. It's about customers not paying their rent. And it's hardly about it. It's just the name, honey. Okay. That was the mildest okay I've ever heard in my life. That was a Doug shrug.

That was a Doug shrug. Isn't there a song in Rent that's like, Rent, you gotta pay it. Rent, rent. I'm not sure. Pay the rent. Rent. You must pay the rent. First of all, I know there's no, there is, there a song in Rent that's like, Rent, you gotta pay it. Rent, Rent. I'm not sure. Pay the rent. Rent. You must pay the rent. First of all, I know there's more notes than that.

I know there are. And then there's a woman with a bow and a hair. I think they say, we're not gonna pay. I think it's something like that. Rent strike. This year's Rent. We're not gonna pay this month's rent. I think that's the lyric.

I will say, it's very hard to see it as like an adult. Because that is the whole thing. They've got a landlord and they're to see it as like an adult because that is the whole thing. They're, they got a landlord and they're just, it's about young people just mad at the man and how they don't really, they don't want to pay it and they can't afford it. But here's the thing. When you watch it as,

as a grown adult, there is an element. And I so ashamed to say it of me that just went, I mean, everybody's got to pay rent. Well, of course, of course,

that is so much, so much. to pay rent. Well, of course. You just got to pay it. Of course. That is what you come back to. There's just so much whining about the rent. And I felt like an old person just watching them kind of going, I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of other things I empathize with. Well, because you want to say, well, then what are you going to do? They're going through a lot of things. They're going through a lot of things. It tackles a lot of situations.

I have to say at the heart of it. They're going through La Boheme. They're going through La Boheme. They're going through La Boheme. That's hard to go through. That's really hard to go through. If you go through a La Boheme, you have been through the ringer, ladies and gentlemen.

I'd rather go through two La Traviatas than one La Boheme. What's worse, one La Boheme or one Madame Butterfly? I mean, they're pretty bad. They're both pretty bad. Boy, oh boy uh operas are so dark um so anyways i am writing a real estate musical so just stay tuned that's

very exciting joe well thank you any titles any any sort of working titles i mean i you know what i thought of instead of titles and this is just where my marketing mind goes about all the puns that i can do about all the fun like open opening night is going to be open house you know what I thought of instead of titles? And this is just where my marketing mind goes about all the puns that I can do about all the fun, like opening night is going to be open house. You know, the theme is going to be an open house. I'm going to bake chocolate chip cookies in the theater. Do you know what I mean? I'd like that. Right?

Every show should do that. Every show should do that. I think more people would stay and come at the same time. But I haven't thought of an actual title yet, but I do, I just have a lot of fun of marketing ideas. That's where I might, that's where I start. And then the songs will come. Of course.

Of course. Think about, you put yourself in the mindset of the people experiencing these marketing ideas and then what kind of show would they like to see? That's right. That's right. It's almost like the think method from the music man. Oh, explain that one again uh the the harold hill the the con man sure um he says to the kids uh you know because they're waiting for their instruments that they've paid for

and they're coming any day now uh because he's lying and uh he says uh it's something called the think method where i will conduct you and you will pretend you are playing the instruments and it will come to you. And at the end of the movie, it worked. So I would like to see a sequel to the music man where they explain how that happened. And does he have some sort of powers, mind powers? Did they literally just appear in their hands? No, no, no. They finally get the instruments.

Oh, okay. This is another thing. Oh, wow. We're doing a deep dive on Music Man all of a sudden this late hour. We really have to go. But it is, he's clearly not going to give them instruments and he's clearly not teaching them how to play music. And then at the end, both things happen.

They get instruments and they know how to play them. So I feel like there's a lot of questions that are raised in the movie and then it ends. It's been a long time since I visited the Music Man and now I'm going to have to take another look. It's my favorite musical because it starts on a train. since i visited uh the music man and uh and now i'm gonna have to take another look it's my favorite musical because it starts on a train yes it is fun that's a real fun thing uh and speaking of fun things no see i'm trying to work on my segways but that would okay babe all right no i'm sorry that was a supportive oh it sounded like a real diss from the peanut

gallery that sounds supportive that noise oh. Oh, you're right. The segue thing. Okay, babe. All right. I guess I'm a little sensitive. Because we can't see you, it's hard to tell. That's right.

How about, that reminds me of this. That's a good one, babe. I'll do that one next time. Anyway, so we have this. Well, since I'm in a different room. That's a pretty, I don't even know if that's a segue.

That reminds me. Yeah. How about the next thing? That's probably not connected to the last thing. Okay. I just had this interesting post came across, and it's just too vague for me. I understand that we're always, you know, first of all,

there's a lot of times these posts that are about beware, but it's the nonspecificity that gets me. So this is from uh i don't know it says chase mon chase mon could you spell it chase mon chase like the word c-h-a-s-e and then m-o-n chase mon chase mon jasmine maybe but it's two separate words chase monday it's two separate words yes look chase mon okay so there you go i don't mean to laugh at your name chase mon or your handle uh this says beware this guy is going around picking throughout cars and patios and here i know so first of all i have a problem with that because i don't quite know what that means yeah uh second of all here's the picture now look there's no face no face it's just we don't even know that it's a man we don't quite know what that means. Second of all, here's the picture. Now look, there's no face. We don't even know that it's a man.

We don't even know it's a man. It is literally just a human being facing away from the camera. In a blue hoodie with a silver backpack. Or gray. And here's the thing. That person's not always wearing that. First of all, this person could change clothes at any moment. If I don't see the backpack, how do I know it's that person?

Second of all, we don't see the face. Right. And there's no specificity to what picking through cars means. Picking throughout. Picking throughout cars. Cars and trash. And patios.

No, patios. I don't know where you got trash. I don't know where I got trash either. Well, now we know what you think of patios now. I'm still recovering, I guess. Patios are trash. Wait, still recovering from your almost near-death experience yes um i just through patios and cars first of all i do

want to say and i don't know if i've spoken about i've uh um if i've opened up about this you know everyone's always saying oh so-and-so opens up about you know so i'm opening up about the fact that sometimes i think there's a little too much whistleblowing in this community. When anyone sees something they think is a little bit suspicious. Oh yes. Sometimes I think we need to calm down in this case. Okay. Maybe it is a problem in this case. Be more specific. You can't just, because also I don't like the fact that anyone who's got a random backpack and a random, you know, someone might stop and say, Hey, you're the one who's, who's picking throughout cars. And that person's, first of all, going to be very confused. Are you the throughout picker of Dignity Falls?

No one knows what picking throughout cars means. You're a pretty bad thief if you're just picking. It implies that you've got all the time in the world. You're just moseying. You just somehow open up the car. Here's why I thought trash. Because I was picturing when you hear somebody picking, you imagine it's some receptacle that's full of stuff. Like a dumpster or yes, it's a garbage can.

So then are these cars crammed full of garbage? The patio? The language is terrible. It's very imprecise. Yeah, how do you pick through a patio? Throughout it. Throughout is probably a mistake, right? I think throughout is a mistake.

It's probably just through. but it doesn't really help. It doesn't really help. So I guess what I'm trying to say is let's all be a little careful to not jump to conclusions. Talk about being, talk about beware. Beware of this. Talk about beware.

I could have sworn you said beware. Because doesn't it start with beware? I might have said beware. could have sworn you said bow where because doesn't this start with b lovey bow where i might have said bow where that's a good name unisex i like it spell it b-o-e-r-b-e-a-u a-i-r oh just watch next year there's gonna be 10 bow where is born we're just gonna start a trend i don't. She just looked like a Boer to me. Everyone's looking for new names. Everyone's looking for new names. For kids, I meant.

For babies. No, I understood. So my first one is, let's not jump to conclusions. Right. Secondly, if you really do think that there's some danger,

you need to get more specificity. I don't want to encourage people to hide and take pictures of people, but this is not good. This is endangering anyone with a backpack, you know, to sort of like be singled out for, um, for doing maybe nothing. Find that specific person with a backpack, narc them out to the fullest extent you can. Yeah. I'm just saying, you know, maybe, maybe just give it a beat, give it a beat. And, and maybe that person, maybe it was a misunderstanding. It's the kind of person we would have on our show to explain why

they were picking throughout cars. But also you have to see them actually do something wrong. Correct. Do you know what I mean? Yes. If you just said stealing from. If you said breaking into cars. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. You know what I mean?

But you know what? Maybe I'm getting, maybe I had too much bestie. Oh dear. What do you picture is picking throughout? You think he's picking like with a finger? Oh, like a nose, babe? Yeah, like scraping something off or. No, I wasn't

thinking like when you pick your face. Scraping with a fingernail? Yeah. Scraping patio, scraping cars? No. That's not what I was thinking. I feel like we need to define our terms. It is true that nobody locks their doors here. Yes. And also, the thing is, is that most people here have multiple cars. Yeah. Because they're just all handed down.

Everyone has big families. So this person could have owned all of the cars that he or she was going through. That's true. Right? Looking for a specific thing. And maybe they own many patios. That's another thing. People have multiple patios in scripture it says in my father's house there are many mansions that kind of goes for our house that's true boy that's true but yeah i i mean people don't lock

their cars so it's possible this person was picking through a car yeah and and the thing is it's not like a rule or anything it's just it's just the way we do things here and if people do lock their cars it is kind of frowned upon it is yeah yeah you get judged yeah it's like come on what do i want what do i want out of that to herself that's when you get you get the dignity falls huh yeah it's a classic you see someone locking their car you go huh huh real. Huh. Real judgmental. Real judgmental. Kind of like when I went to, one of the first times I went to New York, it was so exciting. Yes. And I was so cold, even though it was like the

fall and only the tiniest chill had just happened, you know. But it seemed to be lovely. Thank you. It seemed, you know what I just wanted to do. The leaves and their Auburn glory. They were, and I just wanted to like, I wanted to be in New York City and wrap a scarf around my neck, you know what i just wanted to do and they're all burned glory they weren't i just wanted to like i wanted to be in new york city and wrap a scarf around my neck you know and just be that person yes but someone walking right past me a man a gruff looking man walked

past me and actually said these words really a scarf and it sort of deflated my wonderful new york fall dream that is the textbook definition of what do you care imagine living in a city the size of new york the famous new york city and you see the big old apple as they call it you see someone wearing a scarf and you feel compelled to say out loud yep really a scarf and it might have been a scarf really which actually think it's harder and i think that might have that might have been how it went but those were the words mix them around any way you want they're still bad and it was woody allen

right he's on his way to michael's's Pub? That was the worst part about it. Well, history has vindicated you. Yes! He stopped playing clarinet for a minute. Scarf. Well, that's it for this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Thank you so much for listening. We really do appreciate it.

You can follow us on Instagram if you want to see the posts for yourselves at The Neighborhood Listen on Instagram. Yeah. And, of course, write to us at burtonjone at gmail.com. And if you would like to hear ad-free versions of the episodes and access our bonus room extra episodes, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus tier and you'll get all of that. Well, thank you so much. We'll be back next week.

And until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris.

This episode's guest was played by Patty Guggenheim. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.