The Neighborhood Listen - Santa Swap with Nnamdi Ngwe

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

This week in Dignity Falls, Burnt searches Sprune Mountain for Gabby, Joan is knee-deep in decoupage therapy, and Doug is back in the saddle. Later, they welcome Steph (Nnamdi Ngwe), whose NeighborhApp post describes a mysterious theft in his front yard.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Extra value meals are back. For just $5, get a savory and sweet sausage egg and cheese McGrittles. Plus, hash browns and a coffee. Only at McDonald's. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker.

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive, monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of

The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. Indignity falls. You're never alone. You've got the neighbor half app.

And us. Burn. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing.

So just tune in to the neighborhood listen Welcome once more to the neighborhood listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its residents. I am once a resident. My name is Burtmea Payday. I am the pharmacist in chief here at the Dignity Falls, Dignity Falls, Missy. Joan, please. And with me as all. always is, someone who thinks I'm a ridiculous nincompoop. Burnt, Berndt, I don't think you're nincompoop. I'm sorry.

Top realtor here in Dignity Falls, local actress, and superior to me and every one. Oh, dear, this is not a good way to kick things off. I am sorry, burnt, you know what? I have the giggles a little bit. What happened? I have the giggles a little bit. Well, you know what? If you remember last episode, we were talking about decapage a little bit.

We were. Doug had no idea what it was. He thought it was from Australia. He said that was his only answer Was that it was Australian. I still don't know He arrived at that conclusion. And how he stopped that conclusion.

That's right. It went no further. Arrived, got off, stayed there. I decided to sort of get involved in a little daycapaj, right? So I just thought, oh, this might be fun. I'm just going to sort of take some old, you know what?

I wanted to reclaim the Mitch McNut reviews that I've gotten that are so terrible. No, Joan, have you saved? those of course I did I can't let go of them well listen to me I'm trying to do something that you don't have to remind me for those of you who don't know of course I am Joan pedestrian after that incredibly sarcastic and angry introduction from my my co-host but I understand you thought you were your feelings were hurt I get it but yes I am a local actress and a good one at that even though Mitch McDow the local critic does not think so because he's got a lot of pent-up emotions under that turtleneck of his I remember

once he called you a mistake. Not my character. No. Joan Pedestrian as an actress is a mistake. It was brutal. That's terrible. It was terrible.

But yes, of course, you know what? You can get a thousand compliments and you'll remember you'll hang on to the one piece of a piece of criticism. You know, remember Lady Gaga when she kept saying over and over again about the 100 people in the room. She said it like 59 times.

She said it so many times. She said it so many times. I think she wanted to address all the other 99 people that were in that room. The Internet's a bummer because, you know what, we didn't have to. We didn't have to know that. But because montage is our thing and everyone can see. It just, it's, I really feel bad. But not as bad as how weird Bradley Cooper's eyes look now.

Oh, Lady Gaga. Oh, Lady Gaga. Here we are doing our, what is your name, Lady Grantham voice from down to now? Because it is so fun. It's just. You know, if there's just 100 persons in the room, all you need is just, it can be 99 persons and you just need one. person to believe in you. Oh, my little monsters.

My little monsters. Abercadabro. Oh, no, no. All right, that's enough to that. Shallow. Anyways, so I thought that I would do a little decapage. And you know what? I'm getting a little bit giggly because, you know,

does mix up the fiend. That's right. The fumes. Yes. That's right. Oh, my God. The diga-chapage fumes. So I am sorry that I started off in a giggly, with a giggling.

turn. I apologize. But yes, that is what I've been doing. I am Joan pedestrian. I adore you burnt. I did not mean to make you feel bad. That's all right. I'm a little sensitive. I know. Sometimes with the intro is it gets... Oh, because you still haven't found your girlfriend.

Yes, I mean, I have not been sleeping well. She has led him on a wild goose chase all over town. She doesn't even leave clues. He just has to guess them. Now, hold on a second. I must say, it's not a wild goose chase because a wild goose chase implies... Oh, no. Are you going to get literal here? No. No. Are you going to tell me about the orange.

origin of wild goose chases, because I don't know it. The term wild goose chase means you set somebody off on a mission that they cannot complete. Is that right? Yes. Okay. Sent me off on a wild goose chase. Okay. It sounds so specific, though. Wasn't it a chase of a goose? I think because it's impossible to catch a wild goose.

Is that right? I don't know that much about it. Yeah. I've never tried. Well, don't. You'll be on a wild goose chase. I guess I will be. Why is this not a wild goose chase? I believe that because there is something, Because there is, I'm going to find her.

Yes. There is something you're going to find her. This is Gabby, your girlfriend. Yes, Gabby, my girlfriend, smoke jumper, uh, uh, entertainment She does love anything, anything entertainment. Um, erst, uh, a hopeful, uh, uh, uh, a UVC host. Oh, that's right. I think I forgot about that one. Yes. Um, she is hiding somewhere in town and I have to find her and she's leaving me clues. I do think this has gone on a little long. I do think this has gone on. I mean, what lesson are you supposed to learn, burnt?

Well, that something good in your life is worth, you know, working for. I mean, I guess, and that's one thing, but you're not working for it. This is all day and night. You have dark circles under your eyes. I don't think you've slept. One of them is drawn on. One of them is drawn on. Why?

Because I woke up with just one dark circle and it looked weird. So I drew one on. to balance it out. And I think I did a pretty good job. I mean, you did fool me. I'm worried about you. I don't know why that is. I don't know what it is about my face.

No, I mean, I'm otherwise, I'm fit as a fiddle, but I just have the one dark circle out of my eyes. Okay. Okay. Well, anyways, what's the latest place you went to and sought her out? Oh, boy. I went to the latest Sproon Mountain. Okay.

Which is, of course, the lacquered mountain of tissues. Yes, we have a fifth season here in Dainty Falls. As anyone knows who is from Dainty Falls, and it's in between spring and June. And it's called sprune. It's in between spring and June. And it's called sprune. Because of the cannibalistic wildflowers that smell so good. but they will kill you.

They're not cannibalistic. They're carnivorous. Sorry, they are carnivorous. They ate each other. That would be great. And everyone gets such charitable allergies. They all throw their Kleenexes into a big pile in the middle of town. And then they lacquer it.

And several kids have died jumping into it. Yeah, that's why they started lacquering it. Sure. And then it gets torn around the country. Other people, it visits other towns. That's right. And people don't like it, by the way. I've heard that people don't like it.

No, they really did. No, they don't understand it. course. And they don't want to hear about it. No, they don't. So wait, you went to the Sproon Mountain. You thought she was going to be there? Went to the Sproon Mountain because of the last clue, which the clues are getting easier, by the way. Oh, they are? Yes. Oh, good. Can you give this example of the most recent ones? Well, the one that led me to the Sproon Mountain was, have you tried Sproon Mountain? And I will say, the Sproon is over. It's just that like no one, speaking of which, I just want to clarify, nobody wanted it. The mountain, they literally all

refused it this year. Yes. So, so we just have to sit with it for, I don't. know how long. No one's going to get rid of it. No, they're not. And it's... I think they're going to try to decorate it like a Christmas tree. I mean, I mean, what else can they do? Not much. Might as well string some lights on it. Okay, so you went to Sproon Mountain, so was she there? Climb up to the top. Oh, boy. There is a message up there.

Okay. It said, Are you even trying? Oh, my goodness. After scaling that disgusting mound? Yes. Wow. It's lacquered. It's sure, but it's gross. It's so gross. And slippery, dangerous.

All of these things are more. Did you have crampons? I beg your pardon? I love it when people don't know what those are. I know what a crampon is, of course. Then why did you pretend you did it? For fun. Okay.

That was fun. We have fun here. Honestly, no one's ever asked me that before, and it did catch me off guard, that question. Yeah, so I get up there, the note says, are you even trying? Turn the note over. it says, I'm at home. Oh. Now.

Oh. Okay. Is this a double bluff? I have not been back to our... You're still not doing the note, are you? No. Just got confused. No, the other side of the note said, I'm at home.

Okay. And you're wondering, is this a double bluff? Yes. And you have yet to visit home? You had to come straight here to record this? Yes. Okay, so that's where we're at. I slept on top of the Sproon Mountain.

That's deeply uncomfortable sounding. It was very uncomfortable. I thought it was like Snoopy up there. So maybe it's just. And so this is why the one, maybe just the one eye for the way that you slept. Maybe, yeah. Perhaps. You forgot to make that connection.

I was awakened by crows pecking at me. Oh, God. And I had to say, fellas, I'm still alive. They took all the buttons off my shirt. Oh, no. That's why I have these safety pins. Well, okay, I was wondering. I didn't want to say anything.

I didn't want to say anything. I don't know. I was going to accuse you of that. But I tried to head that off at the past. But okay, all right. So that sounds, well, I look forward to getting the report as to when you go home and when we find out. Yes. I hope I have something to report next to this.

I want to talk about myself. But first, we have to introduce. Why don't more people just say that? Sometimes I'm just thinking I should just. be honest, you know what I mean? But I got to acknowledge, I want to talk about myself. Got to acknowledge our third person, you know. That's right. My husband, our engineer,

Doug, who's in another room every, every... Doug corn pedestrian. Doug corn pedestrian. That's a me. Okay. How you doing, babe? Hey, y'all. Oh. Wow. Doug, you got a lot going on.

Are you in the... That's a me. Then hey, y'all. Are you in the mechanical bowl room? Indeed. Oh, boy. He has wanted one of the... He said we've wanted one of these. Classic cowboy expression. And I told him it's so, they're so dangerous and like, who's even going to come to our house and want to do this, you know? I mean, Doug, did you want other people to come or is just just for you?

You just want to do it for you. He wants me to get on it, I think. I think for other people to enjoy it, you got to enjoy it first. Wow. You're to take care of yourself before others. Like that's so true, Doug. It's just like putting the oxygen mask on first. Get on the ride the mechanical bowl first.

Yeah. Make sure it's a spark's joy for you. That's why before the kids went out trick-or-treating for the first time, you did it yourself. Make sure it was still fun. Let me just check this candy or make sure it's fun enough. Yeah, but eventually if it's working right, you know, and consistently, other people can write on it. Have you, who'd you consult to build this, babe?

What I'm worried about is, you know, the actual mechanics of it. and like if it's up to code or if it's safe in any way and you know like I don't want anyone coming we're going to have to have people sign like that. Yeah, what are the settings? How high up does it go? That's a good question. Right now it's built on a

on a Oh boy. Why do I feel like he's just like doing like a grinding motion with this like turning a crank? He's turning a crank I can hear it in his head. It's crank. It's crank powered. It's cranked power. It's currently, yeah.

But those seats that stand up with the crank, it's like a dentist chair almost. Wait, what? like a barbershop ship. Stand up with the crank. Well, I couldn't. Nothing could be more clearly explained. But now those are usually operated by a foot pedal.

Yes, a barbershop chair. Nobody gets out like a bottle tea. Well, you can't reach your foot once you get too high on it. Right. So then I put a crank in that has a fake foot that hits the foot pedal. Okay. I'm so sorry. You have some Rube Goldberg contraption.

This is the beauty of it. It's so it's right. Ride at your own, at your own intensity. Ride at your own intensity. So you're, you're cranking your own bowl. You're cranking the mechanical boy yourself. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense.

That sounds like a drag, honestly. It sure does. Also, it sounds very dangerous. Sounds like making the people on a roller girls to get out and push themselves up the hill and then get in. Also, like to do that, like it seems like you'd be torquing your body in like a terrible way. Yeah, I'm pretty sore. Just twisting your spine. Oh my God.

I'm pretty sore. But I think if I use enough grease and stuff. There's the reason that's called mechanical. Do you know what I mean? Like there's a reason for- It's still mechanical. You're the mechanic. That's semantical.

Okay. Now we're... All right. I know he's really happy with what he did just then. All right. But yeah, I think if I grease it up enough, you can whip the wheel around and then you get a few seconds to ride. The wheel.

Get that foot going. Yeah. The mechanical foot. Yeah. But if you do it fast enough. and it's greased up, it'll keep going, you know, like a Price is Right wheel. I am so confused. A Price is Right wheel. One of the wheels they use on the Price is Right.

That's the type of wheel. Okay. It's got a certain friction. And so you've been doing this? You've been testing this out yourself? I've been testing it out myself so far. It's just so the friction is so tough. Sure.

Fiction is so tough. That when I try to crank myself, you know, It's just, well, okay, I think we're done here. Do you know what? I was just waiting for us to arrive at this inevitable point. I really have been waiting for the light. I sure did. I've been waiting for five minutes.

And I've been doing this for so long. Okay. But right now it's not that fun. I'm sad, to be honest, that we're past the point or your hands were swelling up less week for everybody wants to know they're better. But then that allows him to do this nonsense. So he's going to hurt your hand. You're going to hurt your hand in a different way.

Everything. You're going to destroy your body. That's right. This is not a good idea, though. Well, the fun part is getting whipped off of the bowl, right? No. It's not fun, but I don't know how you're going to get enough momentum by having to do it yourself. That's the thing you want to avoid happening.

Yes. Well, no one would do it if there wasn't the risk of getting flung off. Well, look at that. People just want to watch other people. It's just for drunk people who aren't thinking. It is fun to watch other people get thrown off. Exactly. But that's what I'm saying.

Who's going to come to our house for that other than our boys? And you knows our boys are going to wreak havoc on that. You know, you know they are. They're going to. Well, they're starting to date. They can, you know, have a pretty fun party. It's terrifying, by the way. I'm talking about my twin boys, of course, my twin boys, Matt and.

Windows 96. Yeah. That was a mistake in retrospect. It sure was. We really thought that update was going to come out. Yes, we did. Yes, we did. We thought we were going to, yeah.

Oh, boy. We pulled a clever one. I just. call him win for short most of the time because it's sweeter and it's yeah well that's much better oh boy well um okay i just think that's it's a i think it's a nightmare scenario in that room and it's awful and um and uh what i just wanted to share bad idea you shouldn't have done this what i just wanted to share because i got some real nice feedback about my my thought of it other than the next project i want to work on which is you know we talked about oh mary that really yes a wonderful play that everyone

loves that's about Mary Todd Lincoln that great performer Coloscola Road and it won the Tony and everyone's famous in it. They keep on putting famous people in it. And I kind of wanted to make my own. So I based it on one of our local sort of famous

wives of a politician Gretel. I was thinking instead of saying, oh, Gretel, what did you say? Gretel O? Like that? That I should switch it like that? That was one suggestion. Okay. Well, I like it. Grell, oh. Or, oh, Gretel. Oh, Gretel. Oh, Gretel. Oh, Gretel. Oh, Gretel. Oh, Gretel. Oh, Gretel. Go back to the nursery.

And you know, what's funny is that I, you know, we don't, there's no record of how she talks. No. So it's funny that you bring that up because I was thinking, oh, should she talk like Elizabeth McGovern? And that way I can just do that for an hour. Oh, I think that's terrific. I think it'd be fantastic. Because there was, it was an old wax cylinder of her husband. Yes.

And he's talking, he's giving a speech. And then you hear a. a door open, she apparently walked in, he says, it's a little off mic, he says, did you want to say something? And she famously, you know, as we said this before, the only sort of picture of her that they made a painting

out of was she accidentally walked through his swearing in ceremony, which was held inside because it was raining and I believe he did say, what are you doing here? Yes. She came down. She wasn't supposed to be there. She came down to get a sandwich. She was a real shunned woman. It was terrible. She was a real shunned woman. So she was always, she was always

taking him by surprise and always just like sneaking up on him. So But she did not speak on the wax cylinder. She didn't speak the wax cylinder. And as the story goes, she just shook her head and walked out. So it means I kind of get to, you know, interpret history a little bit, I think. Sure. I'm not trying to stop you.

But now, now, is yours going to be comedic in the way that O'Mary is? I would love that to be the case. I'd love to be a little naughty with it. Do you know what I mean? Sure. Why not? I haven't seen the play, but I read it. I was able to get it online.

I purchased it through the dramatist bookshop. drama's book, I don't forget what it's called. The drama's bookshop, Samuel French. Oh yeah, that's it. And it's so funny and it's naughty. It's funny on the page. It really does. It really does. So yeah, I think that that's where I'm at right now.

And, you know, when I was doing the decaraj and I was looking at Mitch McNutt's, you know, words. I was just thinking, you know what this is. And I don't want this to be the goal. But boy, I would just really like to show. him. You know what I mean? Oh, absolutely. I'd love to show him. And I think I'm going to include an evil... Yeah, I think I'm going to make a character based on him in the play.

Oh, okay. You know what, Brittany, you always get too graphic. I hate that guy. I know you do. You're very clear about it. Always. I hate it. Well, don't spit on my kitchen floor. I'm sorry. Get carried away. Unnecessary. I carried away. Oh, right. Babe, how long have we been talking? It's probably long enough. Let me get down here. Oh, God. Yes, you were on the bowl.

Just going to get off the bowl. Stop cranking. Remember crank yankers? Of course I do. It was real phone calls. Puppets making crank phone calls? In the two places you're allowed to do that? Was it piece of places?

I believe it was New York and Las Vegas. Oh. We're the only two places where you could record people without their knowledge or consent. Yes. I thought you went places of business. Why are there? Two is still too many. It sure is.

I like it. There shouldn't be one. It should always be. be able to prank call. How do you think, how did it ever get to wear? We can talk about this for a second. I mean, did it ever come up where they said, should we make it illegal to record people here without their knowledge or consent?

And the majority said, no. That's right. We like it. We think it's good. Oh, it did you give us an answer? He said 19, which probably now is about 20, which is about right. Yeah, I think that feels about right. Yeah, I think we've done it.

All right. Well, we talked about ourselves, which is great. We'll be back with the neighbor listen. When the neighbor listened returns. 10, 9, 8. The countdown is on. Holiday shopping season is officially here. Uncommon goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique high-quality fines.

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slash TNL. That's uncommon goods.com slash TNL for 15% off Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Hi, this is Mike, and got a free sleep apnea machine. You'll notice I posted a picture of some women dressed up in Handmaid's Tale costumes instead of the sleep apnea machine because I really want people to think about this. When you're trying to sleep and you can't, that's a form of oppression.

Look, I I I I don't know I don't know how to take pictures with my phone and I thought well I got to put something up there and I really

I don't want to take a picture of a have a picture, use a picture of a I can't take a picture. I don't want to use a picture of a sleep apnea machine I couldn't find my model online so I couldn't show the exact

sleep apnea and then I don't want people to say well this isn't the one that you promise and and and and uh I thought well if I just put something that's not a sleep apnea machine nobody can say this is not the sleeve apnea machine that you advertise because I'm not because because I'm not putting a picture of it it's a picture of these women because I'm you know because it's important to think about the things that are that are talked about in that show and I know it was a book first and um and I also was afraid of using a copyrighted image from the show I thought I would get in trouble so I just found this picture of these women doing it.

I didn't get releases signed by these women. But it was a picture that was a public picture. I don't know how they thought. Are you snoring? Come get this. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen, and Joan, it's that time. It sure is. We have a guest right here with us at the Kitchen Island.

Here's what we do, folks. Every week we comb the neighbor app, the social networking application for neighborhoods. And we look for interesting neighbors to talk to them. Maybe they want to amplify their message. Maybe they want to defend themselves. It takes all kinds. It does. And we invite them all kinds on the show. We do. Sometimes it's a mistake.

It sure is. Yeah. Hopefully not today. Hopefully not. But if you see a post that you think is interesting, you'd like us to contact the person in the post, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at G? Can I tell you what happened? Okay, please do. I think I know what happened. Doug, what do you think that happened? Oh, I heard G. So I think you're about to say,

Gmail. Oh, I was, no, but that's not what made me do that. Okay. What happened was, I usually say if you see a post that you think is interesting, screenshot it's sent it to us.

Okay. Then for some reason, I made it about a screenshot it sent it to us so we can contact the person? I didn't need to do that. I just want to remind you, you slept on a mountain last night

and crows pecked you awake. So I really think you need to give yourself some grace, okay? Because I think that's what's happening here. You know what you and I appreciate that. You have one dark circle drawn on your face. You're not doing well today. That's true.

I've had better days. So let's just move on. And let's just carry on. Absolutely. My point to the listener is if you see an interesting post, screenshot it, send it to us at burnt and Joan at gmail.com. That doesn't explain the G thing. Babe, let's just drop it.

Because I started to say Gmail before I gave out the pertinent part of the address. This is because you said the wrong thing. Guys, guys. And then I got in my head. So you started going back. Backwards from the end. Okay. I was distracted, Doug.

I don't, you're making me. Babe. I get back on your bowl. Get back to your crank. Go crank. Go crank about it, Doug. Maybe I will. It's on.

All right. What is the post, burnt? All right. This is a post. This is very interesting. Okay. Did anybody else get their Christmas decoration stolen in the morning? we live at 4293 Coolidge

and love decorating for the holidays a little background about them we have a pine tree in front of our house a dorm with lights and an inflatable Santa that was tied and staked down around 305 a m a pickup truck pulled up in front of our house a man got out took our Santa

and replaced it with a small tree in the video you could see he was struggling to take our Santa we don't appreciate someone switching on our decorations I'm sharing this video in case anyone recognizes the person involved. This kind of behavior is unacceptable. I've also posted a photo of the tree they left behind.

Now, the video... Yeah, let me take a look here. It does say it was... It says 201 a.m. I can't see very well. Okay, Joan, I'm trying to do it. God. Can you see any type of person?

Like, the identifiable? Well, we're waiting for the truck to pull up. Okay, I see three reindeer. Those are adorable. You see the light to the truck approaching. Oh, it's a very big tree. The trunk. is decorated.

Yes, the trunk is adorn the lights, as promised. Got his blinkers on. The person's really taking their time. It is taking a while. Okay. How could you possibly recognize someone from just that? They'd walk around shrewdly put their back to the camera. Yeah.

What does he got in it? Oh, he's got the other fake tree in a bag. Why did they bring a fake tree? I guess because they, well, it's not a fake tree. Oh. Tried to make a text go away. And that destroyed. Everything. Is it a clue?

It is not a text from Gabby. It's a text from the guys at the pharmacy saying tomorrow is a pill roulette day. Is that for the pharmacist? That's for the pharmacists. It's for the pharmacists. No, of course not for the patients. Thank God. I didn't know that was something you guys do. That sounds dangerous. Pill roulette day.

You know, we know what the pills are, whoever loaves the pill gun. Okay. Well, you answered my question. There's a pill gun. Knows which pills there are and they're all safe to take. Good Lord. All right. So, yes, the person takes the Santa, leaves the, it's a wrapped tree, like with the twine on it, you know.

Okay. We're going to get into it, I guess. Okay. You really need to get some good sleep. I really do. All right. So who do we have here? The person who's tree was sort of vandalized or the person who took the Santa?

That's what we're going to find out. This is posted by someone named Steph. And I don't want to sound like John Edwards in crossing over. But is Steph here with us right now? Or is it someone else? I sure am. It's me. It's Steph.

It's you, Steph. Okay, great. Yeah. So, Steph, you have this video of this person. And as you say, they take your Santa. Yeah. They do struggle a bit. Mm-hmm.

And they leave behind this tree, a fresh tree. Yeah. And the tree, as you could tell in the video, the tree is not very big. Yeah. No, it really isn't. Really small. It really is a really small tree. And so that's, and it was laid down.

Yeah, it's just on the ground. I had to go. I wasn't sure what it was. I thought it was could have been a caterpillar. Could have been just like some extra. It's not that small. I'm not sure that it could have been a caterpillar. Oh, I'm sorry.

What do you guys do professionally? Because clearly you don't work with. Oh, no, that's true. You know what? You got us there. We do not work with bugs. And you do? I, no.

You're saying for us to take the plank from our own eye. The way, yeah. The way, yeah, it's just very clear to me. Okay. Your hands are clean. I'm looking at your fingernails. Oh, it's true. Yeah, I've got reeled her hands, that's for sure.

It's true. All they do is bake cookies. You don't really get dirty. Yeah. And shake hands. Okay, so, all right, let's point taken. Let's go back to, let's go back to the tree left on the ground. You did not see this until you woke up in the morning I'm imagining, right?

What did you notice first? Did you walk out of your house and notice your Santa was missing, or did you first notice this weird tree? Great question, Joe. Oh, thank you. It was the Santa thing because I walked out to say good morning to Santa. Oh, is that something you do every morning? That's cute. That's sweet.

round. Oh, you're right. Oh, are you one of those families where you have your decorations up year round? I wish I could say I was a family. Oh. I'm sorry. It's tough out. Well, you do, because you do say our Santa. That is true. You did. Our tree and our yard and all that.

I do. I live alone. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm out there. I'm out there. I'm out. I put myself out. So why in the post do you say we? Because Because. Keep like going to that post, Bern. I don't know.

I don't know if he wants to talk about this. Well, I mean... Well, why is he on the show? Oh, bird! This is too soon to get confrontational. I just, I mean, you don't want to talk about the post. He's trying to answer my question, okay?

He said he noticed the Santa because he says hi to the Santa every morning. Oh, I heard that. Oh, God. So it's... I'm trying stuff. I'm really trying. I appreciate it.

Well, so it's we because it's me, me and my other decorations. So year-round, year-round, I think I mentioned. But you said that you couldn't. So now I feel bad because now I'm going to say. It's him and the other decorations. You wish you could have your decorations up year-round. Why can't you? But you don't.

I have decorations up year-round, but they differ. So Santa stays up year-round. Okay. But the other ones for different days. So I have flags, you know, that come out. I have a lot of years. I have like. For what now?

Something happened. It's like he put his hand over his mouth. Oh, so a flag's up for different points of the year. Oh, flag for different points of the year. Oh, now that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so different flags. Sure, different flags.

Like a flag with a heart in February. February, great. That point of the year. A flag with a flag, you know, celebrating. Sproon, Sproon flag. Sproon flag. I have a flag that just says, you know, memorial. Gate.

Just memorial. It just memorial. Not the American flag. Is there a design? No, it's just a memorial. No, absolutely. not of an American flag. Oh, wow, that was a big reaction.

But it is, it says Memorial. It was a custom made one. I would imagine. Yeah, I made that one myself. I made it. Yeah, you'd have to. I made it in a workshop, yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Let's go through the rest of the year. Yeah, sure. So I have a flag with a pumpkin on it. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, and then that's just to celebrate that fall is here. If I may, it seems like every, if I may, it's, if I may, it seems like every, if I may, it seems like Every holiday and season has a flag, except for Christmas, but it gets an actual 3D Santa.

Absolutely. Interesting. Who's up all year long? Who is up all year long? So I would assume you're saying the Christmas season is that your favorite? Yeah, Christmas season. That's the one you sort of place the most important sign. That's my favorite.

I place a lot of importance. Okay. And that one, for me, you know, because Christmas is November. Huh? What? Well, it's generally, it's generally, it's generally in December. Okay. For most people, for most people, it's an, I guess.

No, no, no. Steph. Christmas is December 25th every year. It's a federal holiday. Every year. First, you could argue, you can keep in your heart all the year. And also, people are putting out decorations faster and faster every year. Listen, I mean, the Falsmesee is also guilty of this.

November 1st, there were Santa decorations. There were all sorts of Christmas things. These people do not wait. So in some ways, you can say Christmas. This starts in November. What? Oh, God. He's leaning forward to me.

He's taking my hand. You are trying to make me... He's squeezing it hard. The bad guy. You're indicting me in the falls to see. I'm sorry. He did everything right and you're indicting him. I did everything right and you're indicting me.

I'm not indicting anybody. You just wanted to use that word. Honestly, it was a good word. It was a good word. I was spun by it. I was, yeah. The pendulum swang over here. All right.

You know what I was just trying to do? I was not trying to indict anybody, okay? I was just trying to say... We cannot make... We cannot normalize the idea that someone does not know that Christmas is on December 25th. I guess I was trying to give him

the benefit of the doubt that what he was talking... Because that is why I'm a nice person. He asked to... And I'm not. And that's what you're implying. No. Again, you're putting words in my mouth, okay? I'm putting words to your mouth.

mouth. I'm not in a jury. I did everything right. You're no jury here. I'm just saying maybe what he means is Christmas quote unquote starts for some people in November. Now, is that what you meant or did you not know that December 25th is always the calendar date of Christmas? Always. Christmas, I didn't, I wasn't sure as always. I don't really check. Okay, so I was wrong and you were right, Bernd. Are you happy? Yes. Okay. You let go my hand now? I'm ecstatic. Yes, I will.

Well, I do love, I love Christmas. Okay. Why is that? Do you have a reason? Do you have like a family memory or something like lovely about Christmas? What is it about it? Yeah, you know, just I love the snow. I love the, you know, I love red.

I love, I love, I love snow and red. I love snow, I love red. Okay. You know, I'm not a fan of boots, but like the fur part when you, because I, first trim, around Christmas. Fur trim. Apple bottom jeans? I love apple bottom jeans

I do I love apple bottom jeans So I love Like those are the things I love about I feel my favorite things Yes Those are my

Christmas Christmas things Yeah It'd been fun If we added a few For Julia Andrews Boots with the fur on And apple bottom jeans

I do love a crisp I do Yeah I have a crispy Come on Let's be real Brin Better than brown paper packages

Who wants that Tight up a string Try harder. That's true. Can I say, maybe I'd like you to wait on this stuff because you're such a Christmas fan. I don't like that my favorite things

has become a Christmas standard. It's the worst. It's so weird. Nothing to do with Christmas. Right. It's because there's because it's snowflakes? That's right. It's just snowflakes.

And because of brown paper packages tied up with the screen. That's right. Which again, that doesn't shout Christmas to me. That shouts you went to the butcher. It's not about a birthday. It's just a list of things. It's a list of things that someone likes.

That's it. If you want the truth, because, of course, I'm a musical theater. No. Snowflakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes, that's not a present you can give someone. Can I, can I wait in here? Doug, you know what? Actually, I can crank, Doug. I think I could formulate that.

Go crank your bull. You're still holding my hand to say that to him. I'm sorry. I'm not aware of what I'm doing. I'm just delirious at this point. Oh. Oh. Is that the mechanical book?

That's the sound of the crank. You know what I will? He's cranking. That sounds terrible. That sounds all. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Is everything okay?

I don't think so, Steph. Should I call about it? No, don't worry about it. Okay. I want to weigh in here with my musical theater knowledge, okay? Okay, please. If people don't know, because if you think of the movie, the sound of music, she sings the lonely goatherd, that little puppet song, right?

Right. Yeah. She sings that, you know, she makes the children perform it. And when there's a thunderstorm, she sings my favorite things to comfort them, right? Well, that's not how it is in the original production. She sings the lonely goatherd to make them not scared of the dunder. storm, and she sings my favorite things with the nun, with the mother abbess. Why?

Because she, the mother abbess is the one who says, this is the song I sing when I'm trying to cheer myself up. So that makes me even more mad because it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, and it wasn't even sung by Julie Andrew's character in that way in the first place. Interesting. But then when the children are scared, why wouldn't that also be the same song? I know. And since she sings a song about a goat herd.

So who cares? I don't like that. I don't like that as more than a few things. to distract them from the sound. Few means three. This is at least several things. You have established that few means three. Yeah.

These are several of my favorite things. That's how you want it. It wouldn't stand very well. I support that. So we're all in agreement that it shouldn't be used as a Christmas song. I agree with you agree. And that's also very specific to one person as well.

It sure is. It should be like. Christmas songs are universal. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, I don't agree with that. Yeah. We don't.

Okay, Doug. Well, I'm trying to join in. I thought we were a consensus building. We did it. All right. There's so much we haven't even tapped into in this incredibly interesting post. Here's what I want to talk about. Why do you suppose they left a very small tree under a very gigantic tree?

I mean, for comedy. That person, you're for comedy. Yeah. Did it work? Did it make you laugh? It didn't make me laugh. But, you know, somebody has been petitioning to try and open a. a new comedy club.

Oh, I have heard about this. On the corner, he'd been petitioning, and he came to my door, and I gave him a few choice words. Oh. I had a few choice words. Can you share some of them? Some of the words?

When this person approached, what did they say? Yeah, that's a good place. They're not in the door, you open the door. It's a very good place to start. Very good. Yeah, so, yeah, he came up to me with a little clipboard. Okay. Clipboard.

Jinks. Oh. Doug loves the jinks. Jinks, yeah. Okay, so for people don't know, indignity falls. If someone calls jinks, you have to then cause bad luck

to this person's person of choice. Yeah. So just let me know who it is and I'll do my best to cause bad luck. Maybe in a little pill roulette or something. I'm so, like, a little pill roulette would be really helpful. So this person, They show up with the, show up with the clipboard.

Okay. Hey, we're trying to get this, this comedy thing started because we need more laughter in town. Okay, well. And, yeah, that was my response to. I was like, well, I've laughed three, four times today. I don't need more. And also, you know, that was like. Three or four times and you're good for the day when it comes to laughter.

That's not bad. Yeah, I think that's fair. Honestly, yeah. I like more, sure. Exactly. I'd sell for three or four. Yeah, it's like that amount of laugh, that amount of coffee. Also, it's like a good, not a courtesy laugh, like a good hearty real one.

A good, yeah. Yeah, good, good, like. Yeah, that's what I get with Santa in the morning. Apparently so, yeah. We laugh and we laugh. When you say we chat, I would love to know what that actually means. It's usually in the morning, so like whatever I dreamed about, we chat about that. Is it a one-sided conversation?

Do you talk about it? It's a conversation, I think, is back and forth. No, this Santa is a Christmas decoration. Just to be clear. Yes. Okay. Are you hearing him talk to you? Yeah.

Okay. He admitted that much more easily than I thought he was. Yeah, I was expecting more of a holdout. So did he, does he, do you hear his voice out loud or is it in your head? I mean, it sounds like clear as day to me, just like how you're, I can hear you. Okay. Oh, but I, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but burn, again, don't, don't, it's not going to sound like what your voice sounds like when you do Santa, because we, as we all know. No, he doesn't.

Oh, I do. I, I, I was famous for playing Santa around the holidays. Famous because it scared the children. The kids would come up and I'd be, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, my christful. Not at all close. Nope, nope, it's like the leprechaun. Go up in a movie, yeah. So that's not the voice you hear, I'm a match.

No, no, no, the voice I hear is more like Regis. Oh, really? Regis Philbin. Are you aware? Not the other Regis? Not the other Regis. Not the other Regis. No, this is what I'm really.

Regis Philbin. Do you know, are you familiar? We're familiar, yeah, yeah. Okay. But, but how long has this been going on? 2000, 2001. Did you ask you if you want to be a millionaire? Yeah, yeah.

He has, yeah. Okay, so let me take a pause for a minute. For sure. We're laughing a little bit, but this might actually, I mean, first of all, there's a lot of things that are kind of serious about this, but second of all, this, if this is a, if this to you is a presence in your life that actually you hear speaking and is your. your company in the morning.

Guidance. You must be very devastated that this Santa's missing and it seems strange that you're not more worried or are you just under plain because you're very calm about it. Yeah, this is my 10. This is me at a 10 right now. Really? Of anything. Yeah.

Yeah. So I am, I'm usually not as like animated and stuff as I am right now. Okay. Can I ask what you do for a living? I have security. For what? Just in general. Oh.

Just like in general. Any kind of security you need to like security in your. your finances, your relationship, security, physical security, yeah. So like a private contractor of sorts? Yeah. So anything, anything security. Do you have a lot of clients right now? Like, how many clients do you have right now?

I had, I almost had one, but they heard about the me not being able to secure my, my, my, my, my decoration. Of course. And so the bad reputation. But how does that work? How do you advertise? Do you have, like, a website or something? I usually, I knock on doors with a clipboard. Oh, dear.

And, um, you know, I asked. What's on the clipboard? What's on the clipboard? It's like, it's just, you know, like a clipboard is for signatures. No, no, I know what clipboard is. Yes, I have, what do you have, let's see, have a piece of paper clipped in there? A piece of paper clipped in there.

To be fair, to be fair, when you mind a clipboard, you mind a piece of paper that you were pulling up. So we wondered what that piece of paper was. What, does it say anything on the piece of paper? It's blank. Oh, dear. Oh, no. I'm trying to get names on it.

So I'm hoping. Oh. Like just the name of a client. A person. I don't call them clients. I don't call them friends. Because a client is so corporate. I'm not a corporate guy.

Sure, but you can see how that might be misleading if someone shows up to your door with a clipboard and a blank piece of paper saying, I just want some friends. Can I have your name? Yeah. Without saying, well, actually, I have a business. I want to protect something in your life.

That's kind of my approach. I kind of go for the... But now, okay. So you're not having much luck with that. Sure. And yet, when the comedy club man showed up to your door. Yeah.

Clipboard. He wants to get more laughter in town. Yeah. You were very cold to him. I was. Even though you should understand what it's like to have to get out there and try to hustle. You've been walking that beat yourself.

Yeah. Yeah. And I hear exactly what you're saying. Okay. In security, though, empathy is just not something that helps you succeed. Wow. So I, any kind of, being empathetic to things in life, I shut that down for business. Oh, boy.

To be better. I guess that makes a certain kind of sense. Have you been able to secure any work as a security person? Not yet. Okay. Been close, but not yet. So right now it's just, it's what you say when, it's sort of aspirational, I would say. Yes.

Right? Inspirational, aspirational, yeah. Okay. I mean, they're too, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Yeah, they're close. That close. Okay, so then you, so, but if you say that this is a 10, can you at least with your words, tell me, like, are you very concerned about your Santa

being missing. Oh, absolutely. I'm concerned. I would like Santa to be back in my life as soon as as possible. And have you had any leads in terms of people spotting this video and saying, oh, this looks like someone that I know. Has anyone responded to you yet? I've suspected folks. So I've kind of sat at the... So you haven't had any comments on this post that tell you, wait, I think I recognize that person. Not yet. Not yet. But I have, again, I kind of like see people as I'm walking by. I have a couple suspicions. Who do you think? Who are your suspects? There's a guy called Ben Apage. Ben A page.

Ben A page. Have you aware? The name sounds kind of familiar. It does sound familiar. Ben A page, he works at the coffee shop. Oh, he works at a coffee shop? Oh, coffee and tires. Yes.

He's the mechanic at the coffee shop. Yeah, yeah. Yes. And he, I was sitting there. I was just kind of scoping out. to see who was feeling good on the day that it happened. It's one of those,

for just what people don't know. It's one of those places where someone's underneath the car working on it, but also that's where the espresso machines are. So they're basically handing it to you from underneath the car. Yes.

And you really don't want to get one of the mechanics. You want to get one of the actual baristas pretend to the mechanic because there is a difference. Then you will get one of the mechanics. You can also, you can't if the seats are full, they'll give you one of those little dollies that you can lay on and go under a car and drink your coffee.

And I have Wi-Fi there in case you want to work. The Wi-Fi is great. I was just going to talk about the Wi-Fi. Nathan is just going to talk about the Wi-Fi. It's so good. Yeah, because it's like it's so good. It's like a local Wi-Fi. It's not one of the national brands.

Exactly. It's local Wi-Fi. It's artistic. Their motor oil looks just like the coffee, though. That's unfortunate. Like they sell, you know, you can take it to go. Yeah. It's tough to pick.

The guest, which is. And you have to be very careful When taking a random sip You have to be very careful So hang on a second I need to go back Okay so Ben-A-Page And you think

Why do you suspect maybe Ben-A-Page Is the one Who stole your Santa Because, you know The way he asked how I was doing And how was that? Could you maybe Yeah it was like

Anything new? Oh Anything new bud? Oh, yeah, like, why would you say that if you know something just happened to you? He's mocking you. His eyebrow went up, like, I can't do the eyebrow thing. You want eyebrow? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kind of like the rock, you know. Oh, sure. I love it when he does that. That's fun. Oh, who doesn't? I know. I love when the rock does it, but not when Benapage does it. Of course not.

Yeah. So then how did you answer him? Did you let on that you suspected him or? Yeah, immediately. Okay. What did you say how that go? You. Oh.

And that's nice. Now, that's more emotion than you've shown before. I feel like that we've gone up to 11. I agree. That was 11. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I wasn't myself there. No, I like this. I like seeing this. I wanted you to stand up for yourself. So what did you say? You. You, you talk him. Give him back.

Give him us back. There's a little bit dribble one. I said, give him back. And he said, who? Uh-huh. I said, you know. He's toying with you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. This is some kind of mind games. Yeah. Yeah. So you, give him back. Who? I said, you know who.

I said, give him back. He's like, who? And he said, you know who. Oh, this went on for a while. You have the same exchange over him. Yeah, okay. You know who is. Oh, gosh.

Okay. You guys weren't giving in. You know, you know. Yeah. There's a lot of that. You know who. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah. And then? I got lightheaded. I had to take a seat. I got a little lightheaded. I had to take a seat. I'm one of the dollies.

Sure. Yeah. And you know what the crazy thing is? I took a seat at one of the donies. They wheeled me out. Oh, well, this wasn't very nice. By the feet or by the head? Head first, do you mean feet first?

Yeah. Yeah, they pushed the feet and I was out. Wow, that's very dangerous. It sure is. Because that's, Shab is a little bit of a slope. Yeah, right onto a highway. It's a slope that goes on to a highway. If you park in their lot, it is terrifying to get out of that place.

It does stay at your own risk. Yeah. It says, Mark. Literally. Parking is free. Add your own risk. And I mean, you got to be, you got to be gunning it. Yeah.

It's that Wi-Fi, though. It keeps people doing it. That's why they risk it. It's so good. It reaches. It's like a wide radius. Yeah. It does.

Okay. So it doesn't sound like that went too well, but I would say it makes it really makes Ben LaPage look very suspicious. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. What, uh, do you have any history? with him? Like, do you hang out there at that place

often? Or, like, why would he want to do something? Yeah. Like, why would he want to what's his beef with you? What did you do? Honestly, I am not sure. We did go to, you know, like, high school and college. Oh, okay. We worked together. Right. Previously.

Work together doing what? Security. So, wait, you have had some actual security jobs. My first job, I worked in a security office. So I did like answer the phones. I want. I want something more. than just the word security. I know.

Like I need a word before it or after. We got the word office. I feel like that might be helpful. It was close. Okay. Can I get an extra word? What happened to the security office? What happened to the security office?

Yeah. I answered the phones. Okay. Okay. And when you answer the phone, what do you say? Hello. Very casual. Pretty casual.

I really thought I was going to get somewhere. Hello. It's very pleasant. It's pretty standard. It's a great point. I wouldn't mind that. Yeah. I would think I'd call someone's home rather than a business.

I think so too It always makes me nervous It's something just says hello And I'm calling you a business That's not good It's a scam You know Do you ever have

You have somebody Answer the phone Where they do hello But they don't do it like a question Wait say that again You know what We've all sort of agreed That the hello

Yes Is you're supposed to sound A little bit afraid Do we all agree that? Yeah Like you're peeking out Like you're peeking out Hello?

Terrifying to be called Okay And they're peaking out Yeah But if you if you call someone on the answer like this, hello.

Off pudding. You don't know what to do. Yeah. Again, I agree with you. It makes you think, can you see me? Yes, yes. Zero surprise whatsoever.

That's true. Yeah. It really, they take the control and it really shifts the dynamic. The only other accepted way is,

hello. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good. Doug loves to answer the phone that way. Oh, sure, he's a dad. Of course he is. That's a classic dad.

That's a good answer. That's a good answer. That's another good one thing. That's a little Bob user. I love that. I must be in the front row. Oh, my God. I like that, though.

Hello. Yeah. That's a good answer. Uh-huh. Hello. I love that. Yeah. Yep.

So that's what I did at work. Okay. And when people called requesting security, what would they ask for? Well, I was just the first step. So I would, I would say, I would say, hello. And then. You really were just when you patched through to someone else? Yeah.

All you got to do was hello. There were buttons. So I'd just say, hello. Hold on. Would you listen to what they said? Did you ever hear words that they said? I didn't. I didn't, that wasn't my business.

Oh, wow. Again, security, I had to, like, protect security. Oh, that's true. Security is security. Yeah, so I was the first step. Boy, that's true. I'd say, hello, please hold. And then I'll push a button.

Hello, please hold. Hello, please hold. Hello, please hold. Hello, please hold. I will say. Push a button. There are times that that happens. You don't even get a word in, especially when I call, like, the salon that I go to.

They're the worst. No, you don't even get to say anything. You just, they're just, and they're rude about it. Oh, gosh. I remember I worked once in a retail establishment when I was, I worked my way through a pharmacy college and we were told if it was busy you had to say

you know, hello, the name of the business can I put you on hold? May I put you on hold? Okay. Wow. And I always thought that was a mistake because sometimes they would say no. Right. Yeah, you don't want to give them the option. The doors open the door. Yes. Yeah, yes, yes, yes. And you got a lot of nose, I bet.

Yeah, of course. Sure. People say no. No, no. And with an attitude immediately. Of course. You can put me on hold. Wow. Wow. No, you may not. No. Wow. So you did let them get to that point, but it made you not understand what or who you were working for. I had no idea. What else would you see going on at this office?

That's a good question. Well, I, so the office, the office, again, the office is kind of designed like the phones. So I would enter. The office is designed kind of like the phone. Yeah. Meaning it was shaped like one? Exactly that. It was shaped like one.

But also, also. The office was shaped like a phone. I guess so. Yeah. Like a little, you know. Yeah, we know. Rotary thing. Rotary part.

Like just the head, like the master control program. Yeah. Yes, that's right. That's right. So I would, you know how in the phone? Someone would call, I say, hello, please hold. And I press the button. The office, I would just enter the first part of it.

I never went through the second part. I never got into one of the other. So there was just like an ante room that you would walk into? Yeah. And would there be other doors there? No, other doors. Would you see people come in and out? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. This is like a severance situation. Something is going on. Now I've got many questions. He said he would cover his eyes. Were you asked to do that or you just did that? Out of courtesy. Out of courtesy.

Out of courtesy. I would cover my eyes. Why would that be your instinct? I would immediately be looking. Oh, I'd look at people. Yes. If they walked out of a door? Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. I didn't want to know. None of my business. You never spoke to anyone there? How did you get the job? Was it Ben that gave you the job? It was.

Oh. So then what's your, what would you, how would you describe? Up until this moment where you were suspecting him, how would you describe your friendship and what had happened that would make you think he would try to do something that's mean to you? Well, like I said, Ben and I, we did high school. You did high school college.

You worked at the phone office. Worked at the security office. Yeah. The security office together. Oh, yeah. What did he do? He also manned the phones or did he do something else? He did security out front.

So he would make sure the right people get in. Like a bouncer? Must have been a high traffic place. There was a lot of footsteps I would hear. a lot of footsteps. Oh, he wasn't. A lot of footsteps out here. So it wasn't carpeted.

No, no. No carpet. No carpet. Okay. And so he was... You're the carpet. No carpet. No carpet.

No carpet. No carpet. He'll be up front. And we... I don't know what's happening. It's a little 2016 throwback. We talked. We talked.

Ben and I talked. But we had a disagreement over, over lunch one day. Oh, what was it? This kind of a... Was the disagreement about lunch or you had the disagreement over lunch? Okay, okay, okay. I'm curious. I know, I know.

It was about lunch. I had where to go. Oh, okay. So he wanted to go to Penair bread. And I was scared. Why? Well, because Panair bread here is an absolute terrifying experience. That's a recent development.

Panera bread has become very scary. It really has. It really has. It is... It's like lawless in there. Absolutely. Yeah. They, I mean, truly, there's snipers on the outside.

Yeah. So you don't even know if you're going to get in safely. It's just rubber bullets, but still. Right. Exactly. But there's a, there's not a greeter at the door. There's a puncher. Yeah.

And also, they make you go and get the food yourself, but like they make you make it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, it's... And...

I will say this, though. because of their yelling, you do end up with a great sandwich. Well, at least you have satisfaction that, you know, you would participate in it. Yes, there's something about the way they do it. They really, you can't mess it up.

You can't mess it up. Yeah. But that's not, okay, so that's not why you were, but that's not why you were mad. You're saying this was before it had changed. That's what led to it because I, he wanted to go to Panera bread. I wanted to eat what I brought from home.

I brought stuff for everybody. Well, yeah. stuff for everybody how many people me Ben and Janet who's Janet worked at the office Janet Janet worked next to me she she manned the phone oh god I'd love to talk to Janet okay so when she went out to the phone what would she say

she was like hello and then she would pass them through she wouldn't even say please hold they just got right through she'd work the longer than I had she had a bit of more seniority she got to use more of a short hand she had she was because seniority, so she didn't have to say as much.

Because you had to, you know, calls were coming in. We had to, like, get them. What are these calls that are coming in? We had to get them through it to the next step. Why the high volume of calls? They were coming in. We don't know. We know they were coming in.

We don't know. We don't know what for. This is so mysterious. Step, do you understand, like, are you able to understand that this is very mysterious to us? Like, are you bothered by the fact that you didn't know any of this stuff or what was going on? I slept good.

I still sleep good, knowing that I did a good job. I did my best. Okay. But you could have been aiding, for all you know, some sort of murder syndicate. True. And I guess we'll never know. Oh, well, that's one way to sleep at night.

So I sleep, I sleep good at night. So wait, this argument about wanting to eat your own food instead of go to Panera bread, you think that is what led to Ben stealing your Santa? Yeah, yeah, because it got personal quickly. That sounds petty to me. It got personal quickly. Yeah, he, and so, like I said, I brought food for everybody in the office. Would you bring them?

sandwiches so just like different like lettuce sandwich I love a lettuce sandwich I do love a lettuce sandwich oh Robert could you have the maids downstairs make up a lettuce sandwich oh it's such a nice day let's go outside and eat lettuce sandwiches so yeah so you're familiar like three slices of lettuce

of your choice little bit of mayonnaise just a little bit too much mayonnaise it's like yeah it'll ruin it yeah for sure for sure your arteries so it's a little bit A little bit of mayonnaise, like, and three slices of lettuce. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, and it was like tomato sandwich.

And then, and then for Janet, because I know Janet's a big fan of, like, fruit juice and stuff, so I broke Janet. Like, fruit juice sandwich? For a fruit juice sandwich, yeah. You stick a straw through the bread and you just sort of suck it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great this summer. Yeah. And so I didn't like putting all that work in and having my, my food, my ideas, my thoughts rejected.

Okay. I mean, was there something that led up to this? Because that does seem, if you've gone to all this trouble to make sandwiches of various kinds for everyone in the office. And then Ben says, let's go to Panera bread. Yeah. I mean, that's very rude, I think. Yeah, yeah. And I said, it's dangerous.

And he said, I'd rather go through hell than eat. You were cooking. So this is more than a cooking. This is more than a disagreement. I'd rather go through hell Yeah That is strong words It was strong words

And I was like This isn't like you This isn't like you This sounds like it was a real friendship You know if you have to really know someone To say this isn't like you to them To recognize the difference I think you also have to know someone pretty well

To say I'd rather go through hell I'd say that would you say this is your only friend Oh. At the time. Well, because I don't know. I know, but I know it's tough, but do you have family here in 10th? He has conversations with the Christmas decorations. I know he does, burn. I'm trying to get to the family matter of it. Oh, gosh. I didn't see this coming. I'm sorry, Steph. I just sometimes, maybe it's my maternal instinct that sometimes I reach out with that question. Yeah. And, oh, I'm shaking. Oh, dear. He is. Gosh. Oh, gosh. It's cold in here. Oh, no. Can I get you a blanket? Oh, gosh. I'm really cold. Here, I have this, take this weighted blanket. It should make you feel better. Okay. Where was I?

Your family. My family. I don't talk to them much. How come? We had a disagreement. Oh, no. Oh, another disagreement. Was it about sandwiches?

Well, because it was Thanksgiving. Okay. You know, like Thanksgiving, everybody brings food. Yeah. And I said, well, what sandwiches do you want me to bring? And my brother My brother You were right through those past sandwiches

My brother had already Yeah he said I'd I'd wrap Go through how Your brother also said this The same thing? Why does everyone want to go through hell Instead of be with you

Your own brother Would rather go through hell Than he wanted to your lettuce sandwiches? These people are going Too over the top They're dramatic They're so reaction They're so reactionary.

That's what I said. This is not like you. Where are you getting your lettuce? Ralph's. Just the grocery store. Ralph's. Why do you ask him that, babe? Well, sandwiches obviously leave something to be desired.

Oh. Doug. Oh, Doug. You're saying he doesn't have enough in his sandwiches? Doug. I say maybe the lettuce is poorly sour. You're victim blaming. I'm not sure.

You're victim blaming. Oh, it's so cold in you. Go crank your bowl. Here's another way to blanket. I'm sorry. I don't mean to install you. I'm just saying the freshly sliced lettuce I don't think it's going to be dangerous

to put a third one on you so we're going to have to see if that really works because I didn't want to do that and you might not be able to breathe. Okay. All right. So I was right. It was an argument about sandwiches.

Yeah. And how many years ago was that argument? With my family? Yeah. My family was seven years ago. Wow. It was seven years and you haven't spoken. Absolutely not.

But they live here. We've texted quite a bit. Oh. Oh, that's something. We don't speak. What do you talk about? What do you talk about? Oh, we just take like football and.

You keep it light. Yeah, just very surface, surface of stuff. Okay. Just kind of avoidance of the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just like current events, like pop culture. Oh. Did you guys see when Katie Perry went to the moon?

I sure did. All the thread was the thread of Daisy. Yeah, yeah. Just because my dad was an astronaut. Oh, really? Motion to be like I should absolutely know that. I thought, I thought that's why I was here. Wait, what?

I thought everyone knew. No. Oh, I did not know. Who's your father? My father is Richard. Richard King. Richard King, the astronaut? Yeah.

Captain Richard King. Captain Richard King, the astronaut. Yeah. The only astronaut from Dignity Falls. Yes. I famously played the trumpet in space. I thought you all, oh, I'm sorry. I thought you guys knew.

No, we did not know that. I love him. We all love him. And he seems like such a warm guy. I'm surprised that this is the household you're coming from. Yeah. Sorry, I do sign everything, Steph, but. Oh, but what do you...

But Captain... How would we have known that then? How would we... You sign everything, Steph, what, because you don't want people to know you're his son? I'm confused. Yeah, yeah, it's just because everyone will think... Because he's very active on the apps and stuff like that, too,

because he doesn't have anything else to do. He's just, you know, he's just here. Okay. Because he's back in the... But are you saying you didn't include your last name because you didn't want us to make the connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You thought if we heard the name Steph King,

we would say he must be the astronaut side. It must be, yeah, of, yeah. And why didn't you want us to know? And then bring it up. It seems like he thought that we assumed. He seems like we should have known. I didn't want the attention, you know, because if I get too much attention, then people... And you were counting on us to not bring it up.

Yeah. And we never did, but then you brought it up. I did. Well, to be fair, Steph, I did ask him about his family, you know, like, I made him like... Yeah, but I mean, you know. If people can dodge the Harvard question, I think they could dodge, my father's a famous astronaut. Is your dad... What does he think of your sandwiches?

Great question, Doug. That would be hard to disappoint him. He doesn't miss them. He's not excited about my sandwich. He's not excited about them. He doesn't miss them. Did he say that about his trip? His trip?

Well, like, to space. Yeah. I didn't miss your sandwiches. He had a great time in space. He had a great time in space. Yeah, he really is known for like basically having, he's like the good time guy up in space and the absolute blast. More than anyone.

More than anyone. He's inspired a generation of young. Yes, of course, of course. Trump of players and astronauts. Yes. Trump and players of astronaut. Yes. There's more crossover now.

Yes. It sure is. It is. That's why there's a number of like Captain King centers. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That tutor you in trumpeting. Yeah. And zero gravity. They take you up in that plane. Yeah. You play while at zero gravity. Everyone throws up through the trumpet. It's kind of inevitable, really.

It is. It is cute now. Oh, good. It is cute now. So then do you feel like maybe you are living in your father's shadow or, you know, it seems like you kind of wanted us to know but didn't want us to know or assume that we knew? Yeah, I feel like I'm in his shadow. Yeah.

You know, that's why we have similar hair style. right now. I'm just kind of leaning into it. Should we describe his hair for the listeners? Because, I mean, no one's there. Oh, sorry, they can't see. Yeah. So, yeah, I went with blue, just like the moon.

Sure. Just like the moon. He's got, he's kind of got thing one and thing too. Yeah, yeah. And if you're coming close, you can see the craters. Oh, wow. It's very, it's moon-themed. Yeah, your hair is moon-themed.

Yeah, so you can see the different craters. Absolutely. If you look, there's a little tiny American flag sticking out of one of the one of the, One tiny. Oh, there's no golf club? Ha ha ha ha. That's one.

It's one. And very real. It's very real. The American flag that's there. Absolutely. It's real. Of course it is. We don't need to debate that.

We don't need to debate that. Okay. I just want to be clear. Okay. Oh, boy. He went. He, there's dust, is actual moon dust in him. Oh, wow.

Yeah, moon dust. He got to bring some back. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. That is nice. Yeah. At least I can give you. Well, boy.

I don't know We kind of went down A lot of different avenues And I feel like I I learned a lot about you I love to actually leave Helping someone with like this problem But I don't know

Part of me does think that you're right That it's Ben Mostly because there's not anyone else That you interact with It doesn't sound like You know, that could be Unless it's Janet You don't think they're working together

Oh gosh What's your brother's name? Ben Wait a minute Wait a minute Wait Ben King Ben King?

Does you have a middle name? Okay. He does. He's his middle name. Page. Oh, wait, come on. So Ben Peking. Ben Peking.

Yeah. Like, yeah, that's what we eat. We're calling a peekaboo. Yeah. Why did you say? Oh, Peking? Piccaboo. Why did you say peekaboo?

Peekaboo. That was his name. Yes, why? I thought I got it. Was his middle name peekaboo? His nickname It's from nickname Okay

Because it's P King Just because what he was Yeah he was P King Peaking It's all peaking at stuff Middle name is P And the last name is king Okay thank you Doug

Well hey I mean I think I was I think I came out on top On that one No you did I think sometimes Doug You have to trust

It the listener heard it And even if we didn't hear it Or acknowledge it We don't have to say it Five times I saw you were drowning Drowning We're okay babe

Get back to your crank Go crank your bull. You know what? Fine. I don't like the way you say that to me, but I do want to do it. Well, Doug, I appreciate you being honest. I'm doing it because I like that. Gosh, Steph, it sounds like maybe it's time for like a Christmas.

Miracle? Yeah. I think that this is the time of year when maybe sometimes we have to put things to rest and it sounds like you've got to get into this with your family a little bit. I do. Because I, you know, I want you to get that Santa back. That's your, that's your companion in life. It sounds like. Maybe you can talk to your dad about this.

Yeah. You know, he seems like a decent man. You know, the next time he texts about football, why don't you just text him a little question back? Like, hey, a little curveball. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. But you could say something like.

More figurative one. That's right. You get to tell me like, Dad, I think that my brother, your son, Ben, and my old high school friend, Picaboo. Peekaboo. I think Peekaboo and high school Ben have sold on my Santa decoration

that I have conversations with. Yeah. What do you suggest I do? Yeah. Sometimes you ask your dad. And I'm going to warn you, he might say, wait, you're having conversations with the Santa. That might be the first thing he latches on.

He might get hung up on that. He might get hung up on that. Yes. So maybe not that information in the first text, I think. Actually, I would say throw that in pretty soon. And if you end up talking about that for a while, that might not be bad. Actually, maybe that's true. Huh. Okay. Okay. That's good. That's good advice.

I mean, Christmas is a time when people can reconsider their actions. This is true. This is true. And I want that for you because you're sweet, you're such a sweet man, you know, and I want you to be able to enjoy this season. And it's, you know, your favorite decoration, seems to be your favorite time. And you deserve to get that back. So, first of all, if either of the Benz are listening, grow up and just get this man back his decoration. My life's too short. Take your crummy little tree. Get out of here.

Yeah, what was that all about? Go crank your bulls. That's right. And you know what? I wish you the best of luck in that. I really hope you go ahead and reach out to your family. Yeah, I think I'll get it back. I'll get it back just in time.

Okay, just in time. Just in time for Christmas. It was coming. It's getting real close. It sure is. Yeah. But then you also just have it. It'll be up year round.

Yeah. Fair enough. That's true. That's true. Okay. What do you have up right now at the house? In place, because I needed something in place of, I mean, obviously, you're not going to use that dumb little tree. No, not that dumb tree.

No, not a tree. So I've just, I have a flag. Oh, a flag. A custom flag. All right. Oh, custom Christmas flag? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually this, this one is from around March.

Oh. Okay. Yeah. All right. So it's, it's like spring. Oh. It's just a spring. It's just a spring.

It's custom made. So, it's custom made. So I got a little cute with it. So I put a little, like an actual metal spring? A metal spring. Okay. Oh, got it.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's the thing I'm motion was. Lights? Lighting up? Water. We're playing a little bit of charades here. Oh, that's water.

There's water too. Oh, like a watering can. Like, this is when you water things in spring. Is that why? He's looking at me like I'm kind of an idiot. No, no, no. I thought, I thought it was like, isn't there a water spring? A water spring.

Oh, like a natural spring. It's a natural spring. Coming from the ground. Sure. Okay. Cigger on there. Yeah, yeah. Tigger, Tigger's on there. It's a bunch of different things.

All right. Well, it's custom for, as he said. It's custom. You're not going to find that in any home goods. No, no, no, no, no. This ain't no lake life poster, okay? I've been asked. People ask if I, if I would sell them.

But I'm trying to stick to my, I'm trying to work on my security. Well, I would say if you would sell those flags. I would sell those flags if you're getting interested. Too many people keep asking. Do you sell? Will you sell these? And I'm like, guys, please. This seems like an easy. No, you should do that. A lot of people, a lot of people say that. Yeah. Hundreds. No, they're right. Hundreds of people say that. But I want to do the security. Text your dad and sell those flags.

Text your dad and sell those flags. And thank you for being here. And best of luck to you. Thank you. We'll be right back with more of the Neighborhood Listen. Hi everyone, this is Maya, and I have a Star Wars baby Yoda plush for $5. Um, here's the thing. I don't, someone, someone gave this to my child and I, I don't, I don't even know if I'm photographing this the right way. It looks like it's upside down. It looks nothing like baby Yoda. I think this is a hell doll. And I want it out of my house. It, as you can see from the pictures, I don't know how to make sense of it. One of these pictures, one of these pictures. It just looks like, almost like a loaf of bread with green feet that's been wrapped in a towel. I put down my Gallico Corner's ruler to show you how many inches it is.

And then in another photo, you'll see that I have placed it on my deodorant. I placed it on my deodorant just to show you, I guess, how you can balance its head. So this baby Yoda head can be wrapped up in a swaddling like the baby Jesus, but if you take a look at this thing, it just looks nothing like the baby Yoda. So please come get it for $5. If you also want the nutrigenia deodorant, I'll toss that into for free.

Just come get it, please. And we're back. Well, Steph. What a character. The people we have on this show sometimes. I'm rooting for him. Sure. But he's troubled.

Yes, absolutely. Yeah, he's having conversations. He's a sweet man. It's the first what I was. would use to describe him. He's sweet. But, yeah, I just so worried about him because it's like, I mean, first of all, he's talking to him.

He actually hears the Santa Declaration, talk back to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something's wrong with his brain. The problem, maybe, a little man, okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait, we're stuck in a loop. Hey, babe, I just want to check in with you really quick because things got a little

heated just then, just then before the break. Yeah. And sorry about that. I don't know. Burnt, do you want to say anything? because the two of you, you guys haven't fought in a while. No, I know.

And Doug, I apologize. I'm a little, you know, on edge and I haven't gotten much sleep. And you were being annoying. This is, no, we don't need, this is not how it works, Byrd. I purposely didn't respond. I knew it was going to turn around again.

Yeah, see, Doug might have said something back to you, but he just stepped, you stepped in it. Is this the Peking thing? Is that where this started? I think it started before that. I was really struggling with all of that. I was hearing Peking, like, you know, as in, like, a location. Yes, correct.

I was not hearing P-E-E-E-K-I-N-G. Yeah, it was confusing for me. I didn't like that moment. It wasn't fun for me. I don't like being lost in my own podcast. And it happens a lot. It does happen a lot. Okay.

Should we keep doing this? Burnt, this is not the time to make those decisions. You are extremely sleep deprived. You're going through an incredibly rough time in your relationship. I mean, I feel like we'd sort of talk about it casually, but this is a problem. My back hurts so much. Oh, friend. I'm so sorry.

Mine, too. You slept on that story for very different reasons. You guys are both hurting. I get it. I was going to say, Doug, that's your own fault. And then I realized, well, mine's my own fault, too. Now, there you go. Well said, burnt, well said.

Take a ride with me after the show. That might be kind of fun. On the bowl. You don't mean the bull. No, Doug. Tandum. I don't want to make my back worse by getting on a mechanical bowl with it. What if you did the cranking? I don't.

None of these options sound good. What if I do the cranking? I appreciate what you guys are trying to do. I'm not getting on a mechanical bowl today. What about what if you guys went down to, what's the bar you guys went to that first time when you became friends? Why don't you just go down to have a drink? Down at the TTF?

I think you just need to let off some steam. Golden tea. That's right. Always time. Wasn't that in the pinball machine, right? It's been a while, yeah. That's what you guys both. Oh, I thought it was a pinball machine. No, you play golf.

That's right. Okay. Listen, if you're mad at me instead of at each other, I'll take it. I'll take it. That's what I say to the boys all the time. The pinball machine at DTF has started paying out like a slot machine. Really? Yeah, it's wild.

That is wild. But it shoots out of the coin slot. There's not like a, it's not like a slot machine where there's a sort of opening. So you have to really be, if somebody's having a good game, you have to really clear that area because you could get, it could just shoot straightly your skull. Well, but you do,

those coins come out right in the danger zone. Yeah. That's true. You got to be careful down there. You got to be careful down there. I started wearing a, strapping just a bucket to my waist so it catches the coins

since they shoot out. I was wondering why you were doing that. You do get to be the coins, though. Yes, you have to say that last part again because I was looking for a post cited here. I've been, the reason I've been strapping a bucket to my waist, It's to collect the coins shooting out of the DCS.

This is not something you've discussed already. Do you know what you need? This is what I, Doug always used to love these. Do you remember, like, well, back when we had the water. See, she just accepts it at this point. Of course I do. I know who I'm married to. But back when we had the water in the lake, you know, you can take the ferry across it.

And, you know, the kids who worked on the ferry had the little coin belts. Boy, I love those things. That's what you need because then you can collect them and put them. But those things were so fun, right? See, the point of the... That just doesn't exist anymore. They don't exist anymore. It's not even a thing.

And I loved them. I thought they were so fun. I missed the penny. Oh, Burton, you know what? You just miss Gabby. That's what's going on. Okay? That's all that's going on, all right.

Really? Oh, no. Oh, my gosh, you're sounding like the boys when they reverted back to being young. Oh, dear. I really think that you need to, what's happening? I'm just trying to get myself together. Okay, okay.

Why don't we just share a post? One last post, okay? Okay. Okay. And then after the podcast, we're going to talk about how to help you burnt, okay? Okay. And you and Doug are going to go grab a drink. It's going to be great.

We'll be fine. We'll be fine. Okay. We always get over it. Let's get blackout drunk. Oh, yeah. Of course, I forgot we did that last time. Sure.

We forgot it. Yeah, that's how you guys became great friends. All right. This is, we have time for one final post. This is submitted by a listener. Barry Kreider. Thank you, Barry, for the submission. This is the crime and safety section.

and this someone named Marie Noelle with a hyphen and everything I like that name that's fun Marie Noel Marie Noel Marie Noel Marie Noel writes

she's attached a picture as well Second time I see this pig in the street on Maple Lane Oh Who is the owner? Is he dangerous? And then you look at this pig It's just a big fat pig

Is it? Who does not look dangerous Like he's not a wild boar Let me see But yeah, look, look at that fatso. Oh, he is a fat pig. He's a big boy. He's a big boy. He is big.

Oh, yeah. But what's interesting is he's outside this fence. And inside the fence is a gigantic Halloween decoration of a chicken skeleton. What? Let me see that. Oh, good Lord. It's really quite large. So is that the yard of the person who's posting about this?

Or is that the neighbor? I think that must be the neighbor. This looks like it's taken from across the street or something. You know what? I halfway wonder if that's the Wadowski's, that house. Really? Because they are known for having the craziest Halloween decorations. And I've never known where they lived.

They also always prank their neighbors. And well, because I have people constantly moving out of those two houses on either side of them. Really? It's impossible to keep people in those houses. Wow. They don't like the lights. like the noises. Well, they don't like the pranks. I'm of a mind. And, you know, I've had... What are the pranks? What do they do? Well, this is what I'm saying.

They will, it's not just simply like a ding-dong ditch. Do you know what I mean? Classic. It's like, um, they will, they will dress up as a SWAT team, kick down your door. But also, they would dress up like animals sometimes. And I think that that's the boys in a pig suit. Really? Yes, I think it's a pig costume. You think it's two children in a pig suit. I think it's two children in a pig suit. I think it's two children in a pig suit. If it's the Wadowski's, then that's what it is. Because that is exactly just their kind of calling card. Do you know what I mean?

It's either animal suits or somebody. Yeah. They're two big things. Two big things. Now, let me, I have to get into this with Marie Noelle, though. She's seen this pig twice now. And she's full of these questions. Yes.

Who cares? Who is the owner? Is he dangerous? I think that's the bottom line. I think most of the people who are posting. half of the time, people who are just afraid. We're afraid of things that don't make sense. We're afraid of things that don't, you know, that we don't recognize.

And I bet you anything, that pig in person is probably really big looking. Now, it's probably a sweetheart. But here's the thing. If I looked out my window and I saw that big fat pig just hanging out on the street corner, I'd be delighted. You would, wouldn't you? Yes, I would love it, burnt. I would post and I would say, anybody else see this big fat pig? He's great.

See, that's the difference between us and some of our friends. citizens truly is that they choose to be afraid of things they didn't know we shouldn't be unless of course it's the Wadowski brothers in which case move out of that house they are trying to frighten people and they're bad people um well that's it for this episode of the neighborhood listen uh we thank you for listening and uh if you'd like to hear more if you like your ad free episodes or uh episodes of the bonus room this are bonus content um you can go to cbbbworld dot com sign up on the maximus here and you'll get that exclusive content that is right All right, boys, I think it's time for you to head to the bar.

Yeah, I think so. What are you going to do? I'm just going to enjoy the quiet. Sorry not to take that personally. And I'm going to work on Augretel, okay? Of course I'm going to work on that. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to finish my daycapage of Mitch McNuck's evil words and start on.

Okay, I don't want you to get on a tear because you're in a good mood. No, don't get in a fight with him. I hope we see him. Guys, do not do that. He reserves for himself every night. At a neighborhood bar. Yeah. It doesn't even come after the time.

He's a lonely man. Of course he is. I hate him. Okay. But we love you, listeners. We do love you, listeners. We hope one day you'll become fans. And we'll be back next week with another episode.

Until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Namdi Ungwe.

The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.