The Neighborhood Listen - Seeking Ghost Exterminator with Erin Whitehead

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

On this episode you will learn the history of the "DigNick", as well as meet the first ever guest from another realm entirely! DeeDee Darnsworth (Erin Whitehead) joins Joan, Burnt and Doug to set the record straight.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the MAXIMUS plan to unlock the entire ad-free archive as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHalf app and us. Burn.

And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. Do you want to? Oh, is this happening again?

Well, we're, because we're into the third episode of the season. You want me to do it? If you wanted to. Oh, I'd love to. I don't want to hog it. Look, you don't have to convince me twice. Okay. Not if I've convinced you once. Well, I was just about to do it. Oh, I'd love to. I didn't want to hog it. Look, you don't have to convince me twice. Okay. Not if I've convinced you once.

Well, I was just about to do it. Oh, I'm so sorry. That's okay. Now I have to start again. I have to get my breath. You know what I mean? Yes, I understand. Hang on.

I mean, I don't know what that means, actually. Oh, you don't? Is it a theatrical term? Absolutely it is. Get my breath. That's totally a theatrical term. What does that mean?

Just take a breath? It just means, yeah. Well, stars, they're just like us. Why don't you put it that mean? Just take a breath? Yeah. Wow. Stars, they're just like us. I don't know when you put it that way. I have to take breaths all the time. Right. But this is a little different, Bernd.

It's like, it's a breath of intention. Do you know what I mean? It's a breath. I don't. If I'm playing Blanche Dubois, then I'm taking a breath as Blanche. She's coming with the intention. Because she's always dependent upon the kindness of strangers. The kindness of strangers. And she's going to put the handkerchief coming with the intention. Because she has always depended upon the kindness of strangers. The kindness of strangers.

And she's going to put the handkerchiefs on the lambs. You see? And that is a certain breath. Blanche is a certain breath. But if you're going to do Annie and Annie gets your gun, well, that's a different breath. That's a rootin' tootin' breath. You know what I mean? Do you think they would ever meet?

Annie and Blanche? Well, they're both Southern gals. I'll tell you what. It's true. They're different time periods, though. You just gave me a great idea for a one-woman show. A two-woman show. Where you're both women?

Correct. Yes, of course. So do you think that Annie Oakley, I don't know when she died. I don't know if she died young or elderly. Do you think she would have been able to live long enough to meet Blanche Dubois? That's wild.

But wait, one was real and one was fictitious, right? Are they both fictitious? Well, they're both... I don't... Was Annie Oakley real? I was getting confused. Annie Oakley was real. I got confused because in Seekable Molly Brown,

well, she was real, and they made a musical about her. That's right, which is weird. But Annie Oakley... Are we talking normal now? Because we didn't even do... We started whispering, and then I was going to introduce us,

but now we're just talking normal. Now we're just talking full voice. Should I just do the intro and then get back into the conversation? We're just doing voce, not sotto voce. Oh, very good, Bernd. I didn't know you knew that. Well, I mean, I think that's a term that's not confined to the theater.

Oh, it isn't? Is that in the pharmaceutical world? No, it is not a term of art. I mean, I can understand it. If you're discussing some guy who comes up and he's wanting some extra, you know, you have to probably discuss him in a sotto voce. This guy. Although that's more like side voce.

Side voce. I just made it up. That's a good name. Whatever the Italian word for side is, I don't know. What is the Italian word for side? Oh, you know? You're combing your memory as if it might be in there. Honestly, I'm going to get out of my memory palace

because I do not know and I've never known. And I don't know why I thought that. I call mine a memory theater. Here's what I was thinking. Oh, of course. That's lovely. Thank you. Okay.

And so you go to your memory theater. I do. And then your memories put on a show for you so you can remember them. Well, in a way, or I'll just see them in the audience. I'm on stage. Oh, you're on stage in the memory theater. Of course I am. And then you see the things you remember are the audience watching me oh

they're watching me yeah let's be clear of course sometimes memory theater's all i have oh joan i'm fine uh so welcome to the neighborhood listen oh there we are here we are i am joan pedestrian did you hear a third person? Oh, babe. Well, that's Doug. Usually, he doesn't chime in so soon. No, I know. I didn't mean to chime in.

It's okay. Chime away. The meters just broke at that point. What does that mean? The sound meters. Oh, the sound meters. But we do have parking meters in front of our house, which is a bit weird.

That's right. And sometimes he does have to run out and fill them up because it's only 10 minutes a quarter. And yeah, and they don't, you know what drives me crazy? They have those parking meters that still take coins, but they only take coins.

Oh, yes. And it's like, and they charge more. And then you know what? They have the one that they made where you could put the card in, but it's all, you know, the digital screen is broken. So it's just all black.

So you have absolutely no idea. You're trying to shade the screen. You're trying to shade in the sun. You but it's all, you know, the digital screen is broken. So it's just all black. So you have absolutely no idea. You're trying to shade the screen. You're trying to shade in the sun. You're trying to shade, you know, and you're usually always late when that happens and you're just like,

ah, hell with it. Just going by the light on the outside, a little flashing light. That's right. Anyway, it's weird.

They don't take nickels. They do not take, they used to. Did they? Actually, they used to take nickels. This is such a funny. They still take pennies.

Dignity nickels? Dignity nickels. Oh yeah, dignity nickels. Well, that was. They used to take nickels. This is such a funny. They still take pennies. Dignity nickels? Dignity nickels. Oh, yeah. Dignity nickels. Well, that was. They take Dignics. Now, Dignics, if you don't, if you're not from Dignity Falls. Right, right.

This is a classic. Have we not talked about Dignics yet? We've never talked about Dignics, I don't think. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. But they were, Dignity Falls was making their own nickels. And this was, this was after the Civil War. Yes. And they were made out of bullets.

Way after. They were made out of. It was 1965. They were made from bullets. Am I correct? They were made from old copper bullets. Copper bullets. That's right.

Yeah. Because of course, in the Civil War, they went through lead bullets. Then they had silver bullets because there was some supernatural concerns. Then they said, you know what? The werewolves were all union, which was weird. The werewolves were all union, which, you know what? I take pride in that.

They were on the right side of history. But not the right side of this world. No. Oh, that makes me think of the underworld series of films oh speaking of now are you talking about the kate beckinsale ones yes oh so scared me i only got through one oh they're terrifying oh they're so scared they're so scary it's just scary how much thinner kate beckinsale gets each and every time. Give that woman some bread. She needs more blood. That's true. You know, I remember seeing that film.

There was a moment where, early on in the film, you know, it's a war between the vampires and the lycans. Right. Which I don't know why they never said werewolf. Right, because you had to have a different, although I always thought lycan was a moth. So I don't, I don't, oh, Doug knows. It's a lycanthrope.

Lycanthrope. It's a nickname. I thought he said lycanthorn, and I didn't know what that meant, and I didn't, I don't, oh, Doug knows. I beg your pardon? It's a lycanthrope. Lycanthrope. It's a nickname. I thought he said lycanthorn, and I didn't know what that meant, and I didn't want to know. Babe, let's not get into that. It's pronounced the same way, isn't it? L-I-C-H-E-N. Yes.

As L-Y-C-A-N. Yes. That's another thing that's very confusing, but it made me think, is the word werewolf copywritten somewhere? Does it belong to someone? No, I think, you know how people are always trying to sort of reboot the supernatural. So they were just trying to reboot werewolves. Why didn't they come up with a different name?

A different name for vampire then. I mean, vampire just works. It's really, I got no notes. If it ain't broke. Right? So we know that there's a war between the vampires and the Lycans. We know this. We know this.

It's established immediately. And so they are chasing each other and they're shooting at each other. Yes. And I remember thinking, why are they shooting? Okay, so a werewolf, a lycan, you could kill them with a silver bullet. Yes. But a vampire, you can't kill them with a bullet. And I thought-

And they were shooting the bullets at the vampires. They were shooting the bullets at vampires. Oh, that makes no sense. And then I thought, wait, they're warden. They must be warden bullets. Or garlic. Garlic bullets. Or garlic bullets.

I don't think garlic can kill. I think they just don't like it. Too much garlic can kill. Let me tell you. Boy, that's true. Remember that night of the Stinky Rose? Woo! Too bad it's gone.

It's too bad it's gone. And it burned down the next day. But honestly, how do you build a whole entire franchise on just garlic? I mean, is it really in every single item on the menu? I just, I mean, I only went one time. Well, tell that to the owners of the Oregano Palace. Right. Which is still going strong.

Still going strong. Unbelievable. Especially now that a lot of people assume that it's a weed shop. They think they're being clever. You can't smoke the oregano. What's that, Doug? You can't smoke the oregano. You can smoke weed. He has tried. You can smoke anything, really. You just shouldn't.

Wait, you're saying it's encouraged to smoke oregano at the oregano palace. Yes, it's the only thing you're allowed to smoke there. What is really good medicinal properties? We all know this. What'd you say, babe? Sorry, am I not audible? No, you are.

It feels like everything I say, it's that response. You know what it is? It's that you're not being confident in what you're saying. And I think you're sort of swallowing it a little bit. And so we have to ask you to repeat yourself. I think he just never wants to interrupt us, you know, because it's got to be hard because he's always in a different... That's not an impression I've gotten. He's always in a different.

That's not an impression I've gotten. He's always in a different room. And why I thought this was funny that we were talking about Dignics is that he's in the coin room today. Oh, you're in the coin room. Yes. He's got such an unbelievable collection. I feel like I've heard of this. What happens in the coin room? They're obviously a bunch of coins.

Yes. Bunch of coins all stood up on their sides. So you have to be super careful when you come in here that was his thing not me i mean he says he's taken hours to set these things up i mean i was like just put them in a jar i mean what do you mean i can't take them to the bank and use them eventually i mean that's what i do so these are not like exotic coins no it's just change all right and doug and doug why that seems like a precarious well okay

Doug I feel like it's a precarious place to be bringing equipment into all it is is just do do do do that's just you get anywhere near the room that's all you hear so I don't bother i just don't bother me i don't blame you it's that's his it's his coin that's his it's his coin palace to me it forces me to sit still and really focus it's a meditative

thing for him you know yeah maybe that's why he's a little bit tentative because i think he is a little bit calmer in there yeah because he can't move't move. And we're like screaming Mimi's over here. That's right. But anyway, there weren't wooden bullets and so it didn't make sense why they were shooting at each other at all. Maybe it was because when Baz Luhrmann did that, Romeo and Juliet,

and he made the guns on the side of it, they were called... They were called like... Swords? Yeah, swords. Is that true? No, I'm not kidding. I've never seen it.

Really? I knew they had guns. Oh, it's very cool. But the guns are called like blade or something. It's as if it's like the brand is a blade, right? So they're still using a blade, but it's a gun. So anytime if they mention a sword in there. Or a blade.

Or a blade. Out comes the gun. It's a gun, actually. That's right. Yeah. So maybe they were trying to do that. I don't know. Right.

Like I said, they're always trying to reboot everything. Do you know what I think is a wonderful thing in Shakespeare, and I don't think it gets enough credit, is when, of course, his friend Mercutio. Mercutio. Mercutio. He is slain by a blade. Yes.

And one of the last things he says is, you have made worms meet of me. And I think to have the presence of mind to say that to someone and he's blaming him I mean what a terrible way to just go into death and now you're just the ultimate guilt trip if a friend of mine

gets me stabbed with a sword I hope I have the presence of mind to say you've made worms meet of me in such a poetic in such a poetic way exactly if there's anything that shakespeare did he gave people the most poetic deaths he made them their most lucid and their most verbal uh when they were at death's door absolutely i have a little punch up oh okay great burn has some notes for shakes no no not for

shaking for myself oh here's what i hope i say. Oh, okay. If I'm in this specific situation. Which was just to review, a friend gets you stabbed. A friend gets me stabbed to death with a sword. If just a maniac comes up and stabs me, I'm not going to say it. You're not going to tell him because you have a history with him. Exactly. This is if my friend is responsible for this happening. Yes. I will say, I hope it's my dying breath.

I also hope I know which it's my dying breath. And I also hope I know which one is my dying breath. Now that would be, that would be a true breath if we're talking about what you have to take. Get your breath. Breath of intention.

Get your breath. Get your death breath. To say, got to get your death breath. If I, if I, if I had the presence of mind to say,

you have made worms meet of me. And then a little pause and say, William Shakespeare. And then die. You are going to give credit where credit is due. That's right.

Exactly. Because there's probably no way your friend will know what you're referencing. Who knows? Yes. Who's very well read in Shakespeare? Who knows? As you are. Who knows?

Of course I'm very well read in Shakespeare. I don't think we've talked about it here on the show. But of course I know chapter first. You do. You have all the tomes at home. And you really do. You are kind of a, you're a little bit of a Shakespeare freak. I guess chapter first. You do. You have all the tomes at home and you really do. You are kind of a, you're a little bit of a Shakespeare freak. I guess I'm a Shakespeare nut.

You're a Shakespeare nut. Yeah, that's just who I am. Anyway, the Dignics. So during the 60s, you know, there was a big nickel shortage. The element nickel, which nickels are made of. Right. And they're also named after Johnny Nichols, who was one of the founding fathers. Of Dignity Falls.

Of Dignity Falls. Yeah. Oh, not of America. No, no, no, no. No. Because he had a very flat, round, shiny head. And he didn't have, no, that's why, because the nickel doesn't have the edging.

It doesn't have the, whatever you call that. Just the rim? The ridges, the ridges. Oh, they don't have ridges. Yes. They're like- The nickel and the penny don't have ridges. They're like anti-ruffles.

Oh, I couldn't get it out fast enough. I'm sorry. I could see you struggling. I was like, I gotta swoop in there. You knew I just wanted to say ruffles. I'm going to do an eBay snipe on Joan. I really wanted to bid on that one. Damn it.

That's right. So we had a smooth, round, shiny head. Yes, a smooth, shiny, flat, round head. That's right. And that's why we sang the song in school. We grew up singing. That's right. Johnny Nich, and that's why we sang the song in school. We grew up. That's right. Johnny Nichols,

he's had a shiny dome. Johnny Nichols, he'll guide your way home. And so you did. Well, you went to a very Catholic school where they did not really allow the song. So I know that's why you're not as familiar. We would sing it in the schoolyard.

Of course. Yeah. It was, it was foreboding. Yes. And then if, if we were caught doing that, of course, the nuns would just punch us right in the face. Oh, that is

just, is that true? Yes. God, you hear the stories, but man, oh man. They would wind up Popeye style, like they would twirl their fists in the air, and you knew it was coming. Yeah, and there's nothing you can do, you're a child. You have no rights. Yeah, you certainly couldn't run away. Do they do the thing where they wind up

the right arm, and then they punch you with the left they would do that one that's a nasty trick they would do that one they would actually twist their fist and then they'd punch you and then of course you would go flying around in a circle now that is ridiculous yes oh gosh the nuns they're terrible people. Wow. And, you know, if we have any listeners who are nuns, you know. Johnny Nichols. So Johnny Nichols, he's dead. And so during the nickel shortage, the shortage of the nickel element, which now we have too much of.

Oh, too much nickel. It's, you know, nickel and helium are always on opposite ends of the seesaw. And right now we have hardly any helium left. But they're still selling helium balloons. nickel it's it's you know nickel and helium are always on opposite ends of the seesaw oh and right now we have hardly any helium left but they're still selling helium balloons they're still selling you can still get helium balloons but that's wild to me i mean it's all we use it for of course that's it what else i honestly don't know what else helium is used for i can't think of a thing i'm sure and please if there's anyone who knows it's used in some medical breakthrough, fine. To make someone's voice higher, if they have too deep of a voice.

I mean, I know some singers who hit helium right before they went on stage. Is that true? Oh, yeah. It was a real thing. And would it really help? It would. Or would it just make it sound ridiculous? It was just cheating.

You know, you had to make sure that you didn't run out before the end. I had a friend. At the time, it's just right. Who was doing Music Man. She was doing Marion. She's doing the, my white night. She would just take a hit of that stuff and she'd go out.

But then sometimes it would just go from. Cause she had a very, very low voice and it would just drop. It wasn't even subtle, you know? And, and she got exposed when she was run out of town. No,

like a Milli Vanilli scenario. It was just like that. Well, that's terrible, of course. What was her name? Milli Vanilli was also, I mean,

yeah, it's very well known. They also lip synced their cover of My White Night. That's right. They did all the Broadway favorites. They did. They did a whole,

people don't know about that because that was the last one they were just about to release their Broadway cover. Exactly. Exactly. Girl, girl, you know, it's true. It is riding high on the charts and they're like this

is now we could do our broadway album they were gonna do soliloquy from carousel just switch off every other word what's the buzz of course uh anyway so uh so we made our own nickels here while they were they were largely out of circulation in the U.S. And it's too bad because back then a nickel could buy you a lot. Well, yes. And everything, every price in Dignity Falls ended with a five. And that was why they were so valuable here. That's right.

That's right. And so then that's what we used for a good long time. Yeah. Copper nickels. Dignics. You know, I wonder if anyone has one. If you have one,

right? I thought they were, I've always thought they were too thick though. They were thick. They were very, very thick. They definitely couldn't fit through any, talk about parking meters.

So they had to make some new ones. And then also all the arcade games, boy, it was tough to get them in there. It really was. And, you know, Dignity falls in that nickel arcade where to get them in there it really was and uh you know dignity falls in that nickel arcade where you could go in there and there was one defender machine and then the rest

of the uh the the machines in the arcade were just like the old sort of atlantic city boardwalk yes just boring thing you would wait and wait and wait for somebody to get away from the defender machine so you could play and then you'd go and make a clown dance or whatever it was. Some rickety old tin harlequin. I didn't spend as much time in arcades as you did as a child. Oh, I spent a lot of time in that arcade. I was... I say we got

trouble. Oh, they also did trouble. Milli Vanilli also did trouble. That's right. It was great. It was really great. And you know, that's how I knew. I was like, there's no way they're doing that pattern that great there's just no way there's just no it's too hard no yeah i didn't believe that was billy or vanilli saying captain billy's whiz bang oh man it's a real shame it's a it's a real shame what happened to billy for the i don't know i thought where didn't they go on Dancing with the Stars and everything was forgiven?

I don't know. I feel like that's what happens with them now. I think one of them died before that show. Oh, dear. I'm sorry to hear that. You know, I watched Dancing with the Stars for the first time in my life. You did? Recently, yes.

And who was on it? Well, there was Barry Williams played Greg Brady. Oh, right, right, right. Yep. And I remember- A star. A star. A star. Of course, as a child, I grew up watching The Brady Bunch. Yes.

And there was probably a time in my life where I would have been kind of excited to see A very big deal, yes. Barry Williams on a dancing competition. And then seeing him now, I just, I felt nothing. And I felt nothing. Just like the dancer in Chorus Line who felt nothing. Oh yeah, which one was that?

And I felt nothing, nothing. Oh, actually sings I felt nothing? She literally sings I felt nothing. It's all about her. She goes to an acting class and they're like, pretend you're a tree, pretend you're a snowman. And she she just feels nothing which just exposes that acting is just a lot of bullshit it really is right i think so i mean you can say unless you're british then it's very serious and then training actually means something because you can do anything exactly uh speak to speak i

pray you speak to trippingly on the tongue that's right oh look who else has read it a horse a horse these are all the classics i think i think i think we all know these are the classics how now you black and secret midnight hags oh oh is that from oh well we can say it because we're not in the theater but that's right yeah that's right and then of course um well i just which one is your favorite which plays your favorite which shakespeare is your favorite probably king lear oh really yes so dark uh oh do you think that says something about me possibly i think there's something about i mean i'm not a father no but uh i think if i were a father i definitely would tell my children that they have to prove how much they love me in order to gain their inheritance. Really?

Yeah. Wow. That's what you took from that. You read that and you're like, that sounds pretty good. That's what I would do. It sounded fun, honestly. Because, well, here's the thing. I mean, I'm not a fool.

It's like, obviously, this is the way it's written in the play is to go poorly. But I feel like in real life, it could be fun for the family. Okay, but then he goes insane at the end. Who wants to do that? That's very sad. He was written to go insane. Well that's why everyone wants to play it. Because they get to go cuckoo. Yeah which is just like so fun to play cuckoo

which is just oh boy. Do you think it's because actors they also want to pick up a lady? With King Lear? Oh wait pretending to go crazy? Wait I think I'm misunderstanding your question. Which one are you thinking of? No no. Pick up a lady. What do you mean?

At one point, one of his daughters dies, and he carries her onto the stage, and it's a big deal. Oh, gosh, I don't remember that part. Is it gonorrheal? Have we ever heard a worse name for a person than gonorrheal? It's not even a good name for a medicine. Now, what in the world? to spoil it for you for a person than gonorrheal it's not even a good name for a medicine right gonorrheal is what you take the medicine for that's right

i mean and the other two i if i remember they're named pretty normally heather and mckinsley mckinsley how many mckinsleys are there in kindergarten this year in Dignity Falls? I swear there are so many McKinsleys or Kinsleys. What are we naming our kids these days? It's easier, I think, to count the ones that are not named Kinsley or McKinsley. Do you think anyone, like, maybe it's- Is listening to this? Maybe it's two Shakespeare PhDs that named their daughter Goneril.

Do you think that there is someone walking through this life named gonoril you can't even call him but what's a good nickname gone really gonoree nope that's bad gonor oh my god there's just nothing good narrow that's the most that's the most uh that's the least offensive one that's the most, that's the most, that's the least offensive one. That's the least depressing ones. It is. Oh man. What a play. Anyway.

Anyway. Um, I mean, how long have we been talking? Probably long enough. Probably long enough. I think it's time for a break. Okay.

Okay. Thank you, Doug. Are you on track? Is everything still still in there? Everything good? Anything falling over? All coins upright.

Yeah. It's still going. Okay. Okay. Just escrow really wants to get in. Oh, escrow is scratching at the door. I can't believe he's still with us. Now, escrow is

27 years old? 27 years old. That's right. God bless. It's quite a smell. It's going off in waves. Now, of course, you have to be very careful with the kids, of course course going in that room of course this is their college fund and they know the rules that's how you can you remind us of the rules is not going into their

college fund one penny less that goes into that fund what's What's strange too is that the Dignics are worth minus two cents. Yeah, really. I mean, honestly, when you think about it, what a silly endeavor. It just makes me silly endeavor, but that's dignity falls for you. That

says it on the side. All right. We should take a break when we return uh by the way this is the neighborhood listen and uh oh yeah did i say that maybe i did i think i did you just pointed at me like it was k-mutiny court martial strawberries um the uh uh how do you how do you see mutiny on the bounty and then say i'm gonna do a mutiny one too is that what happened did that one follow i mean was there a spate of mutiny shows mutiny on the bounty definitely was first yes it was and then the cane mutiny come on and they're making a movie of it currently oh yeah it's about to come out

big stars who's who can't remember a one We'll have that for you when we come back. But we'll also have a guest. That's true. We will have a guest that we have found from the neighbor app when the neighbor listen returns. Hello, this is Nicole. Does anybody know who owns the Grover Cleveland Pizza Hut? We ordered delivery at 8.30 p.m. on July 4th. Almost $50 worth.

Was told it'd be 45 minutes to an hour. Still nothing, and it's July 6th. I called yesterday, July 5th. Spoke with a lady who basically told me I was lying because they stopped doing deliveries at 7. I told her my bank account was charged. We were told it would be delivered. We waited and waited, missed all the firework shows, and ended up eating cereal for dinner.

She said, well, if I, in fact, ordered and they didn't deliver, then check my account for a refund. I said, this is terrible customer service. No apology, no nothing. She chuckled and said, call corporate. Am I going to do a welcome back? I don't care. Okay, okay. Oh, wow.

That's a little... I'm sorry, that was harsh. It really was. That was very harsh. I want you to care. I just want you to. I was thinking about that King Lear thing. I mean, yeah, I didn't get you stabbed, Bert.

And I pray you never do. And you came at me with real, I got you stabbed energy just now. I really did. And I apologize for that. Maybe I'm hangry. All right. Welcome back to the neighborhood listen and and we have a post here and burnt is going to read it yes okay now of course we look to the social

networking application the neighbor hap which is uh you know gives you the comings and goings of your neighborhood people are saying uh i want this i want that uh did you hear that uh what does that smell uh that sort of thing and we look for interesting people and then we talk to them. And this is a post from someone named Amanda. And Amanda writes, seeking ghost exterminator. I guess she was afraid to write Ghostbuster for fear of being sued.

Sure, sure. The spirits, what were we just talking? Werewolf, it's like that. Yes. Can't say werewolf, can't say Ghostbuster. The spirits in our house have been acting up again and bothering the kids at bedtime. I thought they took a hike

when we got our new dog a few years ago, but I think they've since realized he's harmless. If you have any references to help us with cleansing our home, please share. I think past efforts have not worked. I was told the ghost just blew out everyone's candle. And thank you for Patrick Watson for submitting that. That was one that we did not find ourselves.

And I should have said that at the top. But if you would like to send us one, of course, burntandjoneatgmail.com, screen cap and send. All right, so we don't, we do not have Amanda here. We do not. We're actually, there's a presence here with us. I sense a presence and I am not skilled in

this at all, but let me just give it a shot. Okay, go for it. Spirit, if you can hear us and if you are among us right now, please make yourself known to us in some way. Am I coming in clearly? Oh my gosh oh wow yeah absolutely that was really good can i tell you for is it burnt or burnt it's burnt yeah with an n yep i hope that's not foreshadowing your death i hope not too loved that introduction can i tell you how

many people just walk around going, I hope for a sign. I hope for, light a fucking candle, do a ritual, use some fancy words. My God. It's like inviting people for over and then not having hors d'oeuvres. What are you doing?

Oh, you know what? I am with you there. I'm absolutely with you there. Now, please tell us about yourself. Who are you? Oh my God, I didn't even say that. How rude of me. It's not rude at all.

I'm almost ruder than Amanda, that bitch who wants to exterminate me. My name is Dee Dee Darnsworth. Hi, Dee Dee. Hi. Deceased since 2017. Oh, wow. Recent, but doesn't feel recent to me. Oh, is that true?

I have so many questions for you. Honestly, 2017 feels like two weeks ago yeah it's well time is crazy right it really is from this side it is but please please tell us i mean i have god i have so many questions for you i have three just three yep okay why don't you start with your three no you start because maybe you'll cover some of mine well i mean i don't know if this is a bit is it oh you know you know how sometimes people who go through difficult things are like, here's what not to say. But I've never seen a list of what not to say to a ghost. There's no what not to say with me.

First of all, do you prefer ghost or spirit? Okay. Oh, either one. Oh, okay. I just didn't want to get the terms wrong. You could also just call me Deedee. And I could call you Deedee. Okay, great, great, great.

Is it indelicate to ask how you pass? Yes, it's all right to ask. Okay, so here's what happens. What do we ask? Okay, so my husband, Brad, he wanted to use those little candles in the windows at Christmas time. Maybe we should speak up because of the yard work.

Sure, sure. I was following your lead. I thought- No, I appreciate that. Every household is different. But then once we all got quiet- That's all you could hear was the yard work. I'll haunt him later. I'll so i was uh my husband brad wanted to do those little uh candles and the windows

he doesn't like christmas lights well maybe he does now i don't know but he didn't like christmas lights he was very traditional and so i had gone up to the attic i went up to the chest that he kept them and he inherited them from his grandma oh i took a little forward tumble in my bottom hit the top of the trunk it closed on me oh no what and i yelled a couple of times but there is so little air in this candle trunk just me and the candle trunk oh it was just me the candles and a couple of, I guess, that he had inherited from his grandmother as well. Oh my gosh.

They're all over the place. Long time locals. Yeah. And that's so uncomfortable because they are very, they weren't even smooth. That's uncomfortable to be stuck on a bunch of them. That was the least of my worries, I'll be honest. Okay, fair enough. I was really.

Fair enough, fair enough. That makes sense. It makes sense. I had so many other thoughts. I mean, I will will say i will say after six to seven hours that's when i started to think well this isn't comfortable that's when i figured out what they were yeah oh got it got it because i thought i thought they were candles and then i was so dark in there probably it was so scary it was dark it was i i'm i'm still embarrassed

first of all i haven't been found no what oh my goodness new family in the house amanda and co haven't explored the chest oh my word literally literally heard them go up and go oh my gosh an old chest and heard amanda go there's probably nothing in it because she's so fun and interesting because she's so fun and interesting i'm so glad she's alive and that i am dead it feels like a great choice right and it's crazy that forgive me but they didn't smell a great choice. Right? And it's crazy that, forgive me, but they didn't smell anything, you know, because to be honest, it's been a couple years. Okay. And I can't, that's one thing

you should know. Oh. I can't smell. Oh. It's one thing I don't have anymore. I miss it so much. I see them make coffee and it's the one thing I want to smell. I just want to smell the coffee. Sure. Okay. Okay. Oh, unless you were going to say something. I don't want to interrupt you. Well, I was going to say things are getting ugly for me in that chest. I peek in here and there and it's upsetting.

Okay. So, so that's the thing. Please tell us the first time you somehow, what like lifted out of your body? Like what, what happened? Well,

I mean, I didn't lift out very far because it is a process. It is. It's something that feels unnatural. And so when it started to happen, I thought, Oh, I'm dissociating.

Am I having sex? You know, I didn't oh, I'm dissociating. Am I having sex? You know, I didn't know what was happening. Right. And I had clearly passed out, as you do, before you die. Yes. Depending on the death. God willing. Burnt to death.

I don't know what would happen. Oh, she just said burnt to death. Oh, goodness. Boy, oh boy. I don't know. Look, I don't know if names suggest the way we'll die. But I will say that when I was going up to the attic to get the Christmas candles, I don't know if names suggest the way we'll die, but I will say that when I was going up to the attic to get the Christmas candles,

I was singing, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, because we had just been watching the Smurfs. Sure. So, look, it was a foreshadowing of a name. Oh, my goodness. That's just, I mean, I hope that's just a terrible coincidence.

So, right, what I'm saying is it could be related. I thought they said la, la, just, I mean, I hope that's just a terrible coincidence. So right. What I'm saying is it can be related. Because I thought they said la la la. I understand. I understood. You know what? And you're right. I got it wrong.

Karma. That was probably karma. Is that what you're saying? Maybe it was. Okay. No, I was saying. No, I was saying. I shouldn't have made her feel bad.

I know. I'm so sorry. I'm very happy that I went. That I went. I got it wrong. Right. And so I had to go. No, no, that's not it.

No, I'm just pulling your leg. I'll pull it. I'll blow out your candle later. Oh, okay. So you say it's a process. So you pass out and then what? I floated out a little bit and I thought, Oh, Oh, I thought I woke up in the chest and I thought, Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to hit my head again. I kept hitting my head when I... Oh, no. By the way, Brad immediately thought I had left him, went out looking for me. Oh. Had he simply looked around the house,

perhaps looked in the attic where I had said, I'm going to go up to the attic, Brad. I'm going to go get the candles. Never listen. Men don't listen. He never, what? He never went up to the attic? He peeked in, yelled, I don't think she's here as I was yelling, Brad, I'm in here.

So he yelled. We yelled over each other. He yelled to what he assumed was an empty attic. I don't think she's here. He talks to himself all the time. Oh, I see. This is what happens, whether it's, you know, looking for something in the refrigerator or literally I'm right here in the, it's literally right in front of you and they don't even see it they don't even care yeah it was upsetting and I tried yelling a couple more times but air was air was at a premium sorry yeah sure sure but anyway then I suddenly realized

banging I I did try banging and I kept hearing him I kept hearing Brad yell old fucking house fucking old house I never even wanted to move here. Should have gotten a condo. Should have gotten a condo. How were you and Brad doing before this happened? Did you have a good, how long have you been together before this happened? You know what? Okay.

We had been married in 2016. So it was our first Christmas together. We dated for eight years before that. Okay. Okay. Okay. Wow. So listen, he's very passive aggressive, you know, very was Wow. So, listen, he's very passive-aggressive,

you know, very waspy. Arguments are, he would, if he were angry at me, he would never yell at me, but he would be talking in the other room about me. Oh, boy.

Like, if you, if someone is a baby or with a dog, they'll do that, you know, of just like, oh, well, you must be tired

because mommy won't stop yelling at dada. That's why you're tired. Oh, well, you should see Amanda with this dog that they got. Which, by the way, I did think was a hellhound. And I did leave for a couple of years.

I wasn't sure what was going on. What breed? It, you know what? It's one of these tiny designer chihuahua dogs with the tongue hanging out the mouth. It's terrifying to look at. I don't think anything could be that small. I think their tongues are hanging out that way

because they have strokes because they're inbred. I don't think it's a good look. Oh dear. Just get a golden retriever. Sure what are you doing that's what we have oh is that what you're yes nice his tongue is right in place yes it should be well he's pretty old but um okay so okay so you but you and brad were were you were you sort of um i don't know on the rocks before this happened or gosh well i mean i guess there's no argument because we did break up once i died oh if you look at that way sure but i i

guess i'm responding to you saying that he thought you left him and so you know why would he think you would just up and leave like fit you know that's dramatic to leave the house and leave him no you're right but do you know what this happened every time we had a fight. Most of the time I had left. Oh, and by leaving, you mean like for a couple of days or like. Well, once I did it for a couple of days. But oh, my gosh. When that time I was like, never again. He was in a tizzy. What I would do is I would walk out in a huff, but then I would just stand by the garage because he would always come out. And, you know, in a panic, in a panic,. In a panic and we'd have a reunion by the garage.

Oh, the neighbors loved it. It was sort of a show. But, but, but. I can see that. After the first time this happened, it didn't register with him. Oh, she's just going stand by the garage. He, every time he thought.

I think he knew. Oh, I think he knew. I think this was just how we made up. This was how, this was your makeup sex. Yes. Garage reunion. Yes. But you know, I do blame myself because the one time I disappeared for two days, I think he may have thought that I truly might've been doing that again.

I see. He could have maybe looked for longer than though, 20 minutes before. Right. Packing a suitcase and leaving. So he left the house that day? Oh yeah. Why would he leave? To look for me.

Oh, so he you want like an extended journey he said i have to get rid of the house and he's just out and you have no idea where he is now or do you i'm sorry say it all i'm sorry that was i just i don't think he was trying to get rid of the house when he went looking for me okay okay he was just looking for me thinking i had taken off on a dramatic exit oh Although we weren't in a fight. I had just literally gone up to get, we were decorating the tree. We were decorating the house. And he thought you'd got enough of a jump on him that he needed to pack a bag in order to go looking for you.

I think he didn't know what to expect. And Brad was very prepared. Do you know he was a Boy Scout? Oh, sure. He was first a brownie. Because he was mistakenly put in the girls troop. Oh, wow. And then he became a Boy Scout when he finally said, it's just my mom has me grow my hair out long.

Right. He was one of those little boys. Beautiful golden curls. Oh, his mother. Don't get me started on Brad's mother. She would not cut his hair until he was 14 years old. Oh, boy. That's a long time.

That's a long time. Oh, wow. Yeah. Rapunzel. Rapunzel. Was that what they called him in school? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Although I will say, when we were in college, he grew it out again because it's cooler then, and I would climb that hair to get to it. Oh, sure. Why? Sure, sure. So you've known each other for quite a while. Yeah.

Although I don't know, how old were you when you passed, if I may ask that? Is that rude to ask? Not at all. Okay. I mean, but I'm of the thinking you can ask anybody their age. I don't have this don't ask women their age. I was 34. Okay.

We had dated for eight years, but we had hooked up in college. I see. We had't have this. Don't ask women their age. I was 34. We had dated for eight years, but we had hooked up in college. I see. We had not been dating. Okay. Do you know what? When I was younger, when I was in high school myself, I thought the term hooked up meant something much milder. And then when I started hearing people use it as an adult, I realized, oh, that always meant one thing. Do you know what? Always, though? I think the hookup changed. It did change? Okay, that makes sense. It really was a catch-all, I think. I think it was everything from holding hands to doing it.

Well, and also, I mean, sometimes my mom would say to her friends, we should hook up sometimes. Exactly. That's confusing. That's confusing. Get together for coffee. And complain about her husband. My mother, when I was a boy, used to call my male friends my boyfriends. Oh, boy. She would say, oh, burn his boyfriend over.

That is very cute. I mean, and why not? Because people are always referring to girls and their girlfriends. That's true. That's true. But if it's boys and it's gay. I'm going out with my boyfriends tonight. You know what?

I wish you would bring that back. I will. Why not? I can't do it because I don't have to say anymore. Oh, no. You have to bring it back. It's true. I will do that for you.

Thank you. Oh, I like that. I can't start trends. I can't smell coffee. So actually, you know what? That kind of, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. This brings me to sort of a question of you say you'll do something for her or that idea.

Dispel this myth or say that it's true that in the afterlife, maybe the reason that you are still in a house. And I don't want to say haunting is haunting derogatory. Do you want to? How do you describe it? Well, I'm haunting Amanda. And you are doing it. OK. Oh, yeah.

But you know how sometimes. And again, this is probably just the entertainment industry saying this, but that a spirit will need something done for them or something, you know. Unfinished business. Correct. Thank you. This was my second question. Oh, it was. You've covered two of mine so far.

This is great. I think this is more for the living, this concept. Okay, see, I wondered about this. Let me explain why. Okay, I don't think dead people need closure. We didn't want to die. For closure to happen I would need 40 more years. Oh, that's so, nobody has

40 years of things to do for me. And actually more than that, honestly, that would just put me in my 70s. 50 to 60 more years. Oh, yeah. Look at you. You look great. Closure is for the living. That's so well put. It really is well put. Sometimes it takes a ghost. Do you know, if you die, that's so well put. It really is well put.

Sometimes it takes a ghost. Is it, do you know when you die of unusual circumstances? Like your friend gets you stabbed. Let's say that.

Yeah, okay. Your friend gets you stabbed with a sword. Sure. Do you, are you then gifted the, this is a crazy question.

We have a ghost sitting in our house. Come on. All bets are off. Yeah. I mean, I can't speak for all ghosts, obviously. Of course, those are not a monolith. Not a monolith.

But I know some other ghosts. Sure. And I definitely have a follow up about that. But are you gifted the knowledge of how old you would have lived to be and then die of natural causes when your life is cut short by an unnatural. Okay. There's nothing psychic in the afterlife. Nothing.

So here. Oh, wow. Here, let me tell you one of my biggest pet peeves. Sure. About being dead. And then we'll go around the room. Oh, about being dead. Okay.

I think you spoke too soon. Yeah, I did. I did. I jumped the gun on that one. I would love to hear your pet peeves about death. He jumped the blade. Just about death in general. I mean, I'm sure we all have them. My pet peeve is when you hear these mediums talk about, you know, contacting people's

loved ones from the other side, the loved ones always know things. Okay. So they'll, they'll, they'll be able to tell the psychic certain things about the future. Like, like, oh, don't worry. My daughter shouldn't worry so much. She's going to be just fine. She's not going to die of cancer like I did. Right, right, right.

Oh, we don't know. That's another thing that's for the living, right? The psychics are full of shit. Right, of course. First of all, we don't go to psychics. We're very capable. You saw what happened right now. All you did was a couple of fancy words and I appeared.

That's right. If your loved one is not appearing to you after they die, it's because they're not that into you. Oh, wow. You know, this is something very interesting. It's like even in the afterlife, if they're not calling, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Take a hint. Take a hint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. Ghost or living. Ghost or goblin. I'm listening. There could be many reasons for it, too.

Wait, do you know goblin? I don't know any personally. What, babe? Pardon me. Oh, that was really good. Sorry. God, he just appeared like out of nowhere. Sorry, Dean.

I know. That was terrible. You're hearing my husband, but he does have a corporal. More confident than ever. He're hearing my husband, but he does have a more confident than ever. He's a corporal being. He does have a body, but he's, he's disembodied right now because he's in our coin room.

Doug, you're going to have no problem when you transition to the other side. I mean, that was terrifying. Doug, you scared a ghost. Wow. That's so sorry.

I almost scared him in a life. Trying to take the note. Oh, is that what you say? Oh, that's so funny I almost scared me to life trying to take the note oh is that what you say oh that's so funny I love knowing of course you can alright so you say you know wait Doug was gonna say something

you want to move on you came in with a very commanding pardon me yeah let's let him follow that through. Follow through. I was going to say this is a big deal for Bernt because here we have a ghost. Why is he so stilted in the way he does my work?

You know what? I can't believe. Doug. This is. You know what? He brings up such a repeated notion on this podcast because it is true. Birch, why don't you explain to DeeDee? Yes.

DeeDee, this is embarrassing. I hope you won't find this insulting. Okay. But I've said for years. Yep. Literally years. Literally years that I do not believe in ghosts. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. But that I do believe in ghouls. Now, we need to unpack this with you because can you tell us about ghouls? Was a ghoul just a judgment? No, I wish it were. Maybe it is.

It sort of feels like when someone has an opinion and then someone else says you're being judgmental and it's like, well, no, I'm just having an opinion. Do you see a ghost and you're just angry at it and you're calling it a ghoul? Well, I think he never had seen one before today and so he's googling i know he is i do think googling you're on fire he's on google you're on fire yeah tell us about google you are what'd you find on google all right according to...

And I'm sure that Google knows more than this dead person, but by all means. I don't know. I'd say it's a 50-50 shot. I'm going to go to the dictionary. I don't think we need to go to Wikipedia. We don't need to bother Wikipedia with this. We're just looking for a simple... Are we writing a speech?

The dictionary definition of Google is... According to Webster's. What a weird commencement speech. Okay, babe. Google. Babe. What? While he's Googling,

both of my legs are asleep. Oh, no. I can't move. What do you want me to do? You want me to come up and move them for you? Wait, are you sitting cross-legged? Are you sitting cross-legged on the floor? Oh, you want me to ask DeeDee to

sort of like teleport over to the room and come through the wall and fix your legs? This is a big ask. We just met her. It's true. I mean, I can blow out your candle. Are we still talking about this? Yes,

Joan, don't worry. Even in the afterlife, I don't go after a married worry. Listen, even in the afterlife, I don't go after a Mary Jane. I know, put your lips in the way. I'm no Amanda. To answer Bert's question. We really need to get into Amanda, by the way. So let's quick, well, a lot of people are, so you wouldn't be the first.

The Oxford Dictionary defines ghoul as an evil spirit or phantom, especially one supposed to rob graves and feed on dead bodies. Oh, isn't it strange? That's what Bert believes in? Okay. Now, Joan, I don't mock your beliefs.

First of all, they're already dead and we don't have other things to eat. Wait, you're a ghoul? I'm a ghost. It's the same thing. Oh, she's saying they're the same thing. That's how we eat. You do eat. Ghost circles. You rob graves and you eat same thing. That's how we eat. Go circles. You rob graves? I don't

rob them. Nobody's using them. If they throw out produce at the supermarket, am I dumpster robbing or am I simply hungry? Wow. This is quite a revelation. If you bury something, you can't expect to babysit it

for the rest of your life. And now I understand the word ghoulish. Right? Because what she is describing. Well, see, that's, the second meaning is a person morbidly interested in death or disaster. Well, I guess it would be any dead person

because of course they're going to be interested in it because now the death is their life. Really, in a weird way. Mind blowing. First of all, let's handle Doug's legs. What do you want me to do, babe? No, what do you say? I wanted to answer Bernd's question of how

I'm sitting. My legs are straight forward. I'm not cross-legged, but I am on the floor. I'm on the floor. And I have my and I have my old I have all my equipment as you know on my, you know, what they sell ice cream from in the ballpark.

One of those trays. One of those trays hanging down. So you're in a big open space with your legs. Sort of cigarette girl, sort of. They must have a name, those trays. Yeah, you would think that they do. They must have a name. Well, check Google.

Yeah, you know what? While I'm'm on google let's look it up so doug you're in a large open room with your legs straight out in front of you surrounded by coins and i don't considering my body is stuffed in the trunk and all mangled up it seems like a brag to me i i'm so with you oh dd and you know what that's fair because that's fair That's what she's experiencing right now Are you having troubles with how easily you're breathing as well? Uh oh I don't think you're going to find much sympathy How many years you have left to complete the things you wanted?

This is awkward The lovely rosy tint of your skin You're getting ghoul schooled Seriously I mean I don't think you would want to feel what I'm feeling right now Babe do not. Oh, you're making it worse. You're making it worse.

You're right. I wouldn't want to feel what it's like to be alive and be able to just move my legs. I can't move my legs. That's the point. All right, Robert Klein. Stand up and get. They are asleep. And if I stand up, I'll knock over all my coins because I backed myself into a corner

and I need help. Why would you do that? I do think Doug makes a good point. Why would you start the furthest point from the door? I mean, knocking over a bunch of coins is the worst thing that could happen to anybody. Babe, do you hear this? I mean, she's being as clear as she can be

that you don't have it as bad as her and I will come up there. Let me just come up there for a second. A simple no would have done. While Burnt is looking up, what is it? The cigarette tray? By the way, I found out what it's called. What's it called?

A tray. That must be where it came from. It's a tray held by a neck strap. Okay. Oh, at ball games. Yes. Okay. I thought you meant like an ice cream truck and i truly thought i

can't believe you think that's called a tray i was so excited for you to google it all right you and didi talk i'm gonna go up to the coin room and i'm going to just sort of shake doug's legs awake okay i'm not gonna ask didi she's my guest i'm not gonna ask her to come through my husband's walls whoops that came out weird and I just don't want her to have to feel like she has to do anything

she's my guest I think you're going to need the lasso I would if I could there's not a whole lot I can do but you can't go through walls well I can go through walls

but what am I I can also go through his legs I don't think it's going to help oh yeah you're right good point how do you feed on the dead bodies okay I'm going to go and I'm going to fix his legs

so so dead bodies then? Okay, I'm going to go and I'm going to fix his legs. So dead bodies have a different matter makeup. Sure. You've heard of the whole concept of 13 grams. Absolutely, I have. Okay. When those 13 grams drain out. I thought it was 24, but. No, they were wrong.

Well, who would know better than you? Not anybody. Of course. This is breaking news. it's only 13 they should retitle that movie they really bear it they really should i mean since nobody watched it anyway why not go back and change the name okay all right so here i don't step in no i'm i know not to touch any of the coins okay my god sorry sorry about that uh dee. So when I sink my little teeth into those dead corpses, I'm actually able

to get sustenance because the 13 grams that were holding the molecules together, making them swirl around. I'm not a scientist. She said swirl around. I'm filling Joan in on the conversation. Oh, I see. Can you hear that? Can you hear that?

Yeah, because I can't hear you guys right now. Anyway, the atomic makeup is just completely different, and it's fine for a dead person to eat a dead body. I just can't eat the living, nor would I try, Amanda. Of course. Let me try to get on my stomach. So you feel like Amanda is afraid that you are going to try to feast on her? I don't know what Amanda's problem is. Bothering

her kids at bedtime? Are they talking about Amanda? Read to your kids, Amanda. Maybe don't give them so much screen time. Oh, so you are visiting the kids at bedtime, but you're doing something. Pardon me. Good job, baby. Oh, no. Escrow got in here.

Escrow. The coins are everywhere the coins are i can hear the scattering of coins uh dd i'm very sorry about this this is we've never had a chaotic a recording i like the liveliness and i'm not afraid of escrow he's not a terrifying oh i'm sorry i'm back the coins are everywhere it's a mess i heard that you were talking about amanda he's doug's gonna be fine let's talk about amanda so so talk walk me through also i mean i don't know that i missed much in terms of how she eats human human flesh right is that do we need to recap it's just a different atomic makeup one okay fine you know

what i'll just catch it up later it has to do with the 13 grams previously 24 that i assumed was the weight of the human soul but it turns out do with the 13 grams, previously 24, that I assumed was the weight of the human soul, but it turns out it's the 13 grams that hold your molecules together. Okay, got it. So who would know better than you? Scientists haven't gotten there yet, but they will.

Oh, it makes so much sense. So your husband moves out when? At what point? Oh, the house completely sells it. Oh, he sold it probably, you know, I don't have a great concept of time and death, but I would say it was around six months after i passed okay it's after but according to him after i went missing oh right to him you are

still meant to him you are still missing because you haven't been found right so that's what i would have liked to hope but he did remarry within two months so he gave up what he gave up quickly while you were still living in the house because he didn't sell for six months. So he married and brought another woman into that house while you were still in the trunk. He did. And she said she felt like she felt really creepy, bad vibes in the house. Well, I was being so nice. I was being I could I bent over backwards, literally just to be to this woman. woman like what can you give us an example i would try to inhale her coffee right before she took a sip and so every time she took a sip

she said there was a cold force that would go in between her and her mug oh my goodness i mean i was a huge coffee fan if you couldn't tell of course in my life i could never go without it yeah uh when she got pregnant, I... What? I'm sorry. Pregnant? Yeah. I also want to go back. Almost immediately.

What? When you did the coffee thing, you were doing this for her? Yeah, she was bending over backwards for her. Do you mean that just literally or did you mean that figuratively? I thought we were trying to help her out. We were trying to help her out together.

I thought she would enjoy having a girlfriend when she was so newly married. But because she couldn't see you, she just thought it was a cold force. A cold force. She was getting bad vibes. So I'm sorry. He marries a woman two months in. Gets her pregnant almost immediately.

What? Excuse me. She shouldn't have been drinking coffee. All the time. She said she felt a cold force inside her womb. Probably eating some soft cheeses. Were you, had you planned, did you have any children of your own? No, we were trying. I was wearing my

period under when I died. Oh, I don't like this. No, you were wearing things? Oh, you know what? Those, I hadn't gotten into things. Oh. No, not yet. I was wearing my just. Oh, yeah, just the ravioli underwear. I had just gotten my period, so it was another

month down the drain. No kidding, right? So part of me doesn't want to be burnt. Right. How do you know so much about ladies period underwear? Well, I've known ladies in my time. Well, okay. Intimately enough to know their period underwear.

All right. Because I'll tell you what, that's a step. I mean, I really is. I have had relationships with them that lasted longer than a month. Yes. Well, you could have been dating an irregular woman. Oh, that's true. And you know, believe me, I have.

I'm kidding. Of course, they've all been wonderful. All right. So, so I'm so sorry. So, so you, this is heartbreaking. I am so sorry for you. What, what, what made you want to try to be nice to this woman? I would have haunted her.

I would have haunted the hell out of her. It wasn't her fault. You know, she didn't push me into the trunk. Nobody pushed me in. I was just a little klutzy. That's very generous. It had a loose, a loose hinge. Well, what about haunting him?

Why didn't you haunt him? He's the dick. Brad? Yes. I think he just didn't know what to do with himself. He was a weak, weak man in himself. He was a weak, weak man in life. He was a weak, well, he's still alive. You know, I honestly

think he didn't know what to do without with me. Right. I mean, Joan, if you died, do you honestly think Doug would last more than a week? He would die in that coin room. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I think you just illustrated that. He almost died while you're still alive. His legs had already gone.

This girl wouldn't eat him. You're corpse eaten by a dog like Marie Provost. So, okay. So when, so, okay. So she says she feels a bad vibe. They sell the house. They move out. Now you're so into the realty of it all.

Well, sorry. I do come at it from a realtor. Oh, that's right. Realtor's perspective, yes. Are you sad you didn't get the listing? Well, what I'm interested about, because Brad did not use female realtors. Is that true?

He had a thing about that? He thought they were bad luck. Oh my gosh. Well, that does hit close to home a little bit. But what I'm more interested in is, of course, in realty, you must disclose if there's been a death or not. But of course, in this case, he didn't know. Right. And there is a haunting clause in realty that most people don't know about.

They don't read the fine print. I didn't realize that. Which, you know, there are, it's no takes back. Oh, okay. Does that, does that also cover ghouls it does it does it's it's specifically vague you know what i mean it says no take backsies on any kind of phantasmagorical activity in perpetuity throughout the known universe correct correct amen wow and and and so i'm just wondering if this um especially, especially male realtors, they never read the fine print, you know? And so I just wonder.

They never asked for directions. They never read the fine print. They can't find their, we can't find where their wife is stuck in a trunk in the, in the, in the, in the attic. I almost said refrigerator, but it's the same difference. So, um, so, okay. So they move out and Amandaanda moves in now is amanda married i don't know if you mentioned yes amanda amanda is married to fox oh boy to fox uh they have four kids oh boy delightful kids oh okay as of now okay she's ruining them day by day i see it happening you can tell i used to be a babysitter and I would, I had these kids I would babysit. I know I'd see the way the parents parented and I would think 10 years from now, everyone's going to hate you and you won't know

why. Oh dear. But I am seeing why. Do you have kids? I do. Are you ruining them? Joan has three kids. I mean, I think that's ship of sales. She has a daughter and two boys. I bet you're not ruining them. Yes, I have Jaliope and the twins, Matt and- Melchizedek.

Melchizedek. Now, what happened with Matt? It feels like he really kind of got, he either got off with a great name or an insultingly easy name. Well, Matt and Melchizedek, who we call Mac for short, so it's Matt and Mac and it's a lot easier, which we did because you're right,

Matt did feel left out. He was like, why did I get the short name and why did he well because i didn't know there was a second one oh oh i see they're twins this is uh i love this story i love this story we've never discussed on the podcast it is it's kind of a sweet story in a way. Is it? I guess so. I mean, after the fact, he just... Because it was a day later. He kept standing behind him.

He just really... He was just... He just... In the womb. He kept standing behind him in the womb. Yeah, as they do. They stand behind each other. He still does that.

It drives me crazy. He's been amazing at hide and seek his whole entire life because that's how he started. We just never saw him on. We never saw Mac on the sonogram, right?

Well, sonogram, ultrasound, sure. I wasn't correcting. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. You can say either one. It just popped in my brain and I said it. It's fine.

It's fine, Bert. And look, you know, you don't have to know everything about, you know, everything, you know, in terms of. Boy, that's true. So, I mean, really up until the day, there I am just, you know, sitting in the hospital bed. And we, I did have a natural birth and I'm thinking this is so amazing. And, you know, Doug is there and we did know that have a natural birth and I'm thinking this is so amazing. And, and, you know, Doug is there and we, we, we did know that it was a boy. And so, you know, we come out

and we'd already been talking about it. And I was like, well, this is, this is our first kid. And at the time I was a little religious, I'll be honest. And I was kind of thinking like, oh, biblical names are so, you're welcome. And biblical names were kind of like, there was a time in Dignity Falls where everyone was being named like ezekiel and you know jeremiah and jebediah right and um genesis yes i like that name

yeah i mean revelations who used to work at the soda shop but i thought well i don't want to do that the great beast but i thought well i don't want to do that what if we kind of made up our own biblical sounding name you know which is how we got um he's a dick now he's a dick and um you know and then doug was like oh he'll be made so much fun of in school. He'll be made so much fun of. Yeah. That's exactly how he said it. He's giving you a dramatic reenactment in real time. Like they say in some regions of the South, they'll make shit of him.

Oh, no. Oh, that's rough. It's terrible. Really rough. South is rough. Yeah. So anyways, he comes out. I'm, you know,

I overjoyed beautiful McKeesel deck. I always have to be careful. I made the mistake. That sounded like an insult. If you say that in front of the kids at school, he will definitely get so much made fun of. I know. And that's why we thought,

well, we'll just nickname him Mac. And then all of a sudden I start. A day later. Yes. All of a sudden a day later, I'm in the hospital. I'm asleep. Baby is, you know, in little um bassinet next to me

asleep and all of a sudden i just start getting uh contractions again like pushing uh contractions and and and short and i mean he came out on rails i mean i'm telling you he literally he literally and you know what came straight out i I don't know. He almost had a record. Yeah, he did. And landed in the bassinet next to Mac. Oh my God. Great. It was kind of adorable.

He did a little thing with his hands like on his head. He did a Burt Reynolds. That's really cute. Burt Reynolds slid right into the... Wow. And I mean, so he almost had a for uh a baby coming out of the womb fastest with the most velocity and staying in the longest and then joan almost set a record for longest umbilical cord yes i'm surprised which i guess you would have you were shared with him well

i did but you know what's strange? Is that somehow this can happen. The placenta can create two different umbilical cords, but you also sometimes can't see that. So he actually had his own. What is weird is usually he had his own umbilical cord. What was it connected to then? The placenta. Let me explain what happens inside a woman's body.

Please. I thought there was just the one cord and that was it. There usually is. Okay. Are you saying they're daisy chained? They can be. Wait, so- They actually literally,

this is a true medical fact. So some twins only get one cord? No, some, yes. Two twins, one cord. And it can be daisy chained and it's actually true. Daisy chained. You're gonna, wait.

Well, you know, like- Is that the scientific explanation? Yes. Like the- It's a medical term. Like the umbilical cord goes to one baby and then actually goes to another. Oh, OK. So they're like getting ready for preschool. There's actually.

So the cord goes to one baby and then actually it goes to another baby. It's a medical term. So now you understand. I do. They actually did help. Sometimes I just need a I just need a verbal pause. It helped me feel like I knew what I was talking about. I'm not going to lie.

It really did help me. I needed the verbal pause. It helped me pretend to be an expert of what I was talking about. Comma. Actually. You know, Joan, when I was surprised at the end of the umbilical cord, I forgot that they were twins. And then I never even thought about you just what happens with twins you just thought i happened to get pregnant with two separate babies but they weren't twins somehow

they weren't they weren't classified as twins i won't lie i got lost in the sauce but but so did he the uterine sauce do you know that because i died on my period i have my period for the rest of time oh no gosh I'm so sorry. Well, I mean, I don't know. In a way, is it, you say you're never going to get it again for the rest of your life. That's what you just said, right? I don't want to make sure I didn't miss here. No, I believe she said she has it for the rest of her life.

No, are you serious? Oh, I wanted it to be the opposite. No, she's in her perpetual state of period. Well, that sounds like hell. It a little bit is. And I will say, here's where i'll give amanda some credit she doesn't like the blood droppings and that part i understand yeah okay right so you actually are still dropping blood around the house okay that tampon ran out a long

time ago oh dear i don't have extras there's no tampons for the dead i mean here here free tampons for the day may i ask a question there should be honestly even in death women are getting screwed that's right doug what was your question are you still upstairs yes doug start with your signature cash raise he really scares me come on do your pardon me pardon me god it's terrifying That was very great Poupon of you. Poupon of me. Ooh, remix. That was scarier than any ghost

who's ever rolled down that window at me. That commercial scares the Jesus out of me. Have ghosts... It does? Why did it scare you? Why does it scare you?

If an old man parks right next to you and slowly rolls down his window. Yeah, you don't know what's happening. I mean, your last guess is that they need mustard. We started off on a bad foot and I think we can get along on this one. Wow. That's wonderful to see. Did you say we started on a bad foot? I just was

scared of you. I just thought you were a spirit. Yeah, you just surprised her with your voice. Now, what was it you were going to say? I was going to ask you two, what exactly you're seeing down there. Is this like a corpse? Is it a... I'm seeing a sort of shimmering shape. Oh my God, thank you.

With a bleeding tampon. But, you know, beautiful. I am so sorry about the chair, by the way. She has... Oh, I'm really sorry. Don't worry about it. It wouldn't be the first time. It's natural. It wouldn't be the first time there's blood on that chair. It's naturally supernatural, but whatever.

This house has been covered in blood. Really? I have twin boys. Okay. So, so I was going to say, that's not my fault. I don't visit here.

No, no, no, no, no. So I really want to get into the Amanda of it all. So, so you,

what is your biggest, what would make you stop haunting her? What is it that most annoys you about her i know you said she's ruining that she wants to exterminate me that's that's a big one really the biggest number one stop making your kids carry candles everywhere it's not quaint oh gosh don't take pictures of them in fields don't make them wear old-fashioned nightgowns don't make them sleep with coins on their eyes wait what she is into weird shit she's doing that with her kids she's one of these women who buys these pioneer dresses for like 750 off instagram and then poses

in fields with them and she makes the kids do it too oh no like fox says prairie prairie core what what's it called that stupid thing yeah it's likeirie core, but with a religious tinge to it, I would say, with the coins. Amish core? Yeah. You know how back in the day they would photograph dead bodies? Cottage core.

Yes. That's what it's called. Sorry, go on. She makes the kids... I apologize. No, it's fine. She makes the... I'm only here for a brief amount of time

before I disappear. I need to not interrupt you. I need to not interrupt you. You realize we're working against the clock. No, honestly, I miss being interrupted. It's been fun. This was fun. Oh, no. Yeah, you miss your you. I need to not interrupt you. I didn't realize we were working against the clock. No, honestly, I miss being interrupted. It's been fun. This was fun. Oh, no.

Yeah, you miss your husband. I do. I do. I miss Brad. He would always interrupt me to talk about me. She makes the kids pose as dead bodies and takes photos and then uses a filter on Instagram and does these funny captions like, can you imagine if like, you know, what? Yeah.

Dying to share these photos of my kids. Okay. Then I have one question. If she's into that stuff, then why would she actually be freaked out by you and trying to get rid of you? It almost seems like she would be into you. And that was somehow my third question.

But you know what it is? I think because hers is fake and I'm the real thing, I think she's threatened. Oh, I see. It's like the way somebody mediocre is threatened by real talent. Yeah. Oh, gosh.

I understand that. Yeah, yeah. Wait, so what are we going to do here? So do you really think that anyone has taken her up on this ad? I don't know when it was posted, but have people come to try to get rid of you? Oh, yeah, but I'm not actually worried about that.

Oh, again, they're like mediums. They come in, they're ringing bells, they're lighting candles. I blow them out. It's all. And you're just sitting there like, give me a break to do. I don't mind it. I don't mind the attention. That's all nonsense, right?

It's all nonsense. The only thing that's living. Yes. The only thing that's real is tarot. Oh, well, I don't know. That's not really. That's 100 true oh i did not learn something new about him every day i'm not psychic i don't know things like this maybe

astrology is real i don't know astrology is bullshit yeah but tarot tarot that's real maybe yeah really you can set your watch i mean not just i'm just saying that not related to anything I would know about. Wow. Did she say you can set your watch to it? Watch. Watch. I hope these whites are done in time. That we get through the cards. You could time your laundry by the tarot. You can get through your tarot card reading

and have a fluffy, a fluff and fold. And then if it's not ready, you say, well, aren't I the fool? Oh, Deedee is on it. She is hilarious. Oh my gosh. Oh, I wish you were alive. You and I can have drinks together. Well, we still could. I just can't actually partake in the drinking of it. But I'll get right between you and that shot. And also put a tarp down. So, oh, that's right. I'll feel my cold breeze. So, so what do we do? What do we do for you? So you say that there's no other place to go. you seen other ghosts do you hang out with other ghosts can you

leave the house so yeah i can't i can't that's another myth you can go wherever you want you mean you're here oh yeah that's right sorry yeah there's no it's not like beetlejuice you don't have to stay in the house it's not any yeah you can say it as many times as you want there is i i've tried it so many times oh you have you have? Well, he's not coming. There is no Beetlejuice. There's no Beetlejuice. Only Michael Keaton. Doug, you say you've tried it as well?

Probably hundreds of times. Oh, if you say Michael Keaton three times. If you say Michael Keaton three times. He does show up. He does show up. Only if you're dead. Only if you're dead. All the time.

Oh, my God. That's so awesome. He hates me. Oh, that's too bad. I did it once right in the middle of a speech that he was doing to accept an award right everybody thought he was just rude and left the stage no but i also he just physically travels he doesn't have any control he actually he's compelled maybe that's why he always seems kind of grumpy you know maybe people are just constantly summoning him yeah yeah yeah um so okay so so you could okay so you've run into other

ghosts tell me about that yeah you know i've run into them um when i first died i went everywhere because i thought oh my gosh here's the here's the perfect i can go into this house i can i can meet these other ghosts can you go overseas sure You can do whatever you want. Wow. And it's not even that hard. You just think about where you want to be and you go. Oh, that sounds. Can you go? I hate to say it, but under the sea.

Oh, yeah. I went under the sea. I saw all these deep sea things that I wanted to see. Oh, wow. I think my Bob's watching one of my gobs. Did you see any of those fish that have the lantern on their heads? Oh, yeah. I saw them and they saw me.

Oh, boy. What a weird moment. It was scary. We both were scared. It was like me and Doug. We scared each other. Exactly. But I'll tell you what, when you're not, other than the lantern fish, and I don't know why they could see me. I was excited about it. Okay. When you can go, you know what, maybe it's a magic. Can they point the lantern at you and I don't know why they could see me. I was excited about it. Okay. Well, the lantern.

When you can go. You know what? Maybe it's a magic. Can they point the lantern at you? It's a magic lantern. A lantern. That might be it. That's your question, Doug.

But when you can do anything you want, and when you can go wherever you want to go, but you have no effect, and nobody can see you. Right. I'll be honest. After like four months, I just kind of went back to the house. Yeah. It's just kind of lonely and sad. But wait. What about running into other ghosts? That's how I felt every time I went be honest. After like four months, I just kind of went back to the house. Yeah. It's just kind of lonely and sad. But wait,

what about running into other ghosts? I mean, is there a, is there a Montreal? I thought I have no effect on anything here. No one can see me. Yeah. It's kind of like going to Montreal.

Honestly. Yeah. That is quarter. A lot of girls say that being dead is like going to Montreal. Oh, interesting. I've never been. I haven't even been.

I haven't even been invited to not feel like anybody. Do you know what meeting other ghosts is like, though? What? Do you ever, like, I don't know if you've ever had a hobby and you thought, it would be so cool to meet other people like this. Right. But then they've had that same thought, too. So when you do meet them, they're just parroting every thought they've ever had on repeat.

Every ghost just wants to talk about how they die, the annoyances, what they would have done with the rest of their life. And I'm the same, but it's just, it's a bad book club. You know, it's not a club you want to be in. I thought it would be a nice community. No, we are like dogs with a bone.

Everybody's like, I should, if I had just done this thing differently. I guess that makes so much sense. They're not happy. They're frustrated. Very few people wanted to be dead. I know. The suicides are the happiest.

Oh, gosh. Okay. Well. Good to know. Dee Dee, let me ask you this. What would you have done? What would you have done differently? How would you, if you could do it over again and you're going up

to get those i would have insisted i would have just insisted on colored lights i love those big colored lights why were we doing candles in the window they were the fake kind anyway they weren't even real flames if i go to a restaurant and there's a fake candle i go we have to leave this is not good ambiance oh wow i kind of agree with you i've never been into those weird orange they're too orange they're too orange. They're too orange. Those fake candles. You go to warm your hands. There's no heat.

Nothing. Right. You like those big ceramic bulbs that make the clanking noise. Yeah, the old fashioned ones. Trying to untangle them. Yes, yes. The ones that chip very easily. Yes.

They break when you try to unscrew them. Yes. And then you have to dig. You have to take pliers and dig out the bottom parts that would get stuck in there. Exactly, to sweep up all the tiny little shards of glass. I love them. What's not to love? What's not to love?

Once you put them on the tree, you have like 20% working. But that's kind of the fun of it. That's true. Oh my gosh. Well, I just want to do something for you, Dee Dee. You're so delightful. You're so nice. You're so nice.

You are Dee Dee Lightful. Oh my God. finally a nickname and after my after my death wouldn't you know it who's gonna who how's that gonna catch on well i mean i don't know uh if i ever meet another ghost which i might know at this point because you know my eye out for them i'll tell them to look you up we show up all the time do you know what you could do for me okay you could You could kill Amanda. Okay. Oh, this is very much to do about nothing now, Berndt. Giving our Shakespeare.

When Beatrice Benedict finally realized they're in love and he says, ask me to do anything. And she says, kill Claudio. Yeah. Here's the thing. It's better for everybody all around. He did an AMA. One of his comedies. It was.

It was one of his comedies. Oh, so much death. It's so hard to tell which ones are the comedies. It's so true, one of his comedies. Oh, so much death. It's so hard to tell which ones are the comedies. It's so true, Deedee. It's so true. Yeah. I can't. I just don't think either one of us can kill Amanda, but maybe I could kill her with kindness.

How about that? Does that count? Oh, she would hate that. Yeah. Right? If you have any kind of club that you could invite her to, she hates being invited to be part of things. Oh.

Okay. If you could tag her, tag her in photos she's not in, that makes her lose her fucking mind. Really? Tag her in photos she's not in. Is that a thing that people do to people? People will tag you if it's like an event they thought you would like or if it's like a funny memory. And she untags.

She doesn't want it to pop up on her other page. You know how there's the other page on Instagram where you can see what people have been tagged in? Yes. It really bothers her. What if sometimes you have to tag people because you want to win a valuable Funko Pop? Now, is this something that has been invented since my past? It is, yes.

A Funko Pop. Explain to her what it is. Is it a lollipop? No, it's not. A Funko Pop is a sort of doll that you don't play with. Yes. It's only for adults. Doug loves them. Of course.

Natch. Which ones do you have, babe? I have Goober from the Andy Griffith show. Yes. They will make a Funko Pop of anything. Mr. Roper. Mr. Roper. Mr. Roper Funko Pop.

I know you have a Mike Wallace. Yes, that's right. And I have a bunch of copies of those three. Right. Oh, boy. And didn't you just get a Pete Buttigieg? It's like a bobblehead, but not. Right?

It's like a modernized, you know, caricature. Just black dead eyes. Yeah. Tag her in all of those. Okay. Oh, good. She will hate it. Oh, we will do that for you, Dee Dee. We will do that for all of those. Okay. Oh, good. She will hate it. Oh, we will do that for you, Didi.

We will do that for you. It's the least we could do. It is. And also the most. And also, when I drink my coffee in the morning, I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to savor it. Oh, that's great. I think I'm just going to try to.

That seems cruel to her. She loves coffee. No, no, no. I appreciate it. It's stuff we take for granted. I'm going to think of you. And I will not haunt you. Unless you're bored.

The kids have moved out. It's pretty lonely here. Oh, empty nesting. That's right. You look so young. I would never have... Yes, all the kids have moved out. Well, essentially, you know, they keep moving out and then moving back in. Like this month, they're out. That's just them going outside.

This month, July. I bet July is not even 18 yet. I know, but you know what she did? I guess we haven't talked about this because it was the summer. She went down to Australia to work on a farm. Oh, wow. It's this big thing now that a lot of like teenage girls are doing. What a drag.

It's like, no, she loves it. Really? Oh, she chose it. I don't know if she's ever coming back. I mean, she's absolutely. She always says, I'm running away before she does these trips that we've planned for her. Right. So then it just puts it into our heads.

So you've planned the trip. Well, tell her not to go looking for candles in a chest then. I will. Because the people will go looking for her elsewhere. Exactly. And that could go badly. But the boys are in college. And so they were home for the summer.

There are times when they're all three here again even though they're older but right now currently they are gone but yes july p's supposed to come back and listen the twins they end up coming back quite a lot so sure you know a lot of times they still do a lot of times you're ordered by the court oh oh i see they love they get in a lot of trouble. They are very big fire fans. So, yes. I mean, please come keep me company. I will if you don't mind. And just know that Doug is, well, eventually you'll see what he looks like.

Just know that he might just pop up at some point. Okay, well. Don't be afraid. Something about him makes me jumpy. But listen. Like never. Do you know, I used to be the same way, Didi. And as of late, Doug and I have become quite good chums. Well, he seems great.

Please don't think, Doug. Doug, can you hear me? Doug, say talk. I can hear you. I don't take it personally. I don't think you have at all. Am I a ghoul? You have a microphone.

You don't have to put on a far away voice. You're not a ghoul. Babe. All right. He don't have to put on a far away voice. You're not a ghoul. Babe. All right. He's getting, I think he's been in there for too long. He did do a little ghost voice. He does kind of seem like a spirit to me. He feels more spirit than living.

He's a sweet spirit. I'll tell you that. He really is. He's a real gentle spirit. Oh, who was the psychic that used to call people sweet spirit? Oh gosh. I don't know. I just don't care for psychics.

He was a little tiny Leslie Jordan type guy. Oh. And he's a sweet spirit. Have you seen Leslie Jordan? Oh, I see Leslie. Do you really? Oh, he's, and you know what? He's nice, just as you would imagine.

I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, he's not full of himself. He's so great. I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, he still does little videos. We have our own. We have dead TikTok. Oh, you do?

Dead talk? The funniest videos. Oh, my own. We have dead TikTok. Oh, you do? Dead talk? The funniest videos. Oh, my gosh. I love knowing that. He'll say, do you know what Satan said to me today? Oh, he's down there. He's in hell. He'll say, do you know what Satan said to me today?

Well, I said to him, Satan, you don't scare me. You do not scare me. Don't you take that tone with me. We're going to have a party. We are going to make mint juleps. We are going to party like it is 2001. 2001. Oh, my goodness.

That sounds like him. That is so funny. That is so Leslie. That was a really good impression. It really was. It wasn't that great, but Leslie is so fun. That's fantastic. Yes. Well, DeeDee so, but he, but Leslie's so fun. It was fantastic. Yes.

Well, Dee, I really appreciate you coming and talking to us. Listen, anybody, if you know Amanda, tell her to lay off of Dee Dee and, and also don't answer the calls to get rid of her because we love her.

And, you know, or do it's fun. Something for me to do. Okay. Frauds anyway. You can't exterminate a ghost, by the way.

Yeah. That's not a language to use. I died. Or do. I have no frauds anyway. You can't exterminate a ghost, by the way. Yeah, that's not a thing. All the language to use. I die, Dee Dee. I mean, oh, oh, wow.

Does that happen? Because you talk to yourself a lot. I guess that must have been my habit. I'm so embarrassed. It's okay. I say that to myself all the time. Damn it, Joan.

Damn it, Joan. I, I, oh, so many times I'm like, hi, Bert,

how are you doing today? Oh, yes. But he says it angrily. I do that too. I, I do, I do like, hi, Bert. How are you doing today? Oh, yes. But he says it angrily. I do that too. I do the small talk. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, sometimes I don't like to get too personal with myself, you know. Right. Yeah. Well, DeeDee, I'm so thankful. We're so grateful that you chose to share your story with us. Yes. Well, thank you for letting me.

There's so many residents of Dignity Falls, I didn't realize were here because they are largely invisible and dead. And you have expanded our neighborhood, our sense of neighborhood because we now are realizing that our neighbors are also in another realm and we can now reach across.

That's what I was trying to say. Oh. I think I just wanted to say realm. Well, I'm a little jealous. I wish I'd said realm. And don't worry about your loved ones who are buried underground. They're not there. That's just... Because you ate them.

Because I ate them. Well, Deedee, thank you so much for joining us. We will have more when the Neighborhood Listen returns. you so much for joining us uh we will have more when the neighbor listen returns this is diana pizza hut three exclamation marks don't order for pizza i ordered on my pepperoni hamburger and pineapple and they gave us hamburger, pineapple, and tomatoes. We don't eat tomatoes on our pizza.

They said I clicked on tomatoes and I know what I ordered. They won't fix it. Never again. Pizza Hut sucks. So now I have a five and one year old that is going hungry tonight. Because can't fix dinner because I've fractured my wrist and sub! And we are back at the neighborhood.

Listen, Joan, that was my whole worldview has changed. Same! Now I believe in ghosts and ghouls. Which, and now we know they are one and the same. Although, you know what? I've only seen the one ghost, so maybe she's the only one. Oh, burnt. It's possible.

She told us about Leslie Jordan's death talk post. Maybe she was lying. I don't think she was lying. You think Leslie... Why would a ghost need to not tell the truth ever again for the rest of their lives? For attention. Oh, no.

We are not going to besmirch Dee Dee's name here after she's gone. I certainly shouldn't do that, and I apologize to Dee Dee, of course. oh no that's that's not we are not going to besmirch dd's name here well i i certainly i certainly i shouldn't do that and i apologize of course um all right well we have we have time for one more uh post um and this is uh this is uh what do you hear this one this comes from uh shaquana and shaquana here in dignity fallsity Falls says, someone rang my doorbell last night, but I didn't see anyone on my camera. When I opened my door this morning, these carrots were on my doorstep.

I called the police. They said, don't touch them. They came and discarded them. This is crazy. Has this happened to anyone before? And there's a picture, as you see, on the doormat, there are three carrots, good sized carrots, just neatly placed there on the doormat there are three carrots good sized carrots

just neatly placed there on the doormat i will say the picture like if i just picture okay i just use the word twice meaning different things if i picture in my head imagine someone if i thank you if i if i just imagine someone in my in my head if i just imagine that someone tell you imagine there's someone in your head. Okay. Now, burnt. I am trying to get this thought out. I'm sorry. I'm trying to follow along. I know. So am I.

Lost me at imagine. I forgot. Thanks, Doug. I guess I'll imagine just a blue. What is it? Just a flat line. Just a blue line if I'm lucky. Just a blue line.

If you're lucky. If you're lucky. That's right. And if you're not lucky. Oh, there's nothing. Just a void. Oh, my word. Just a void. That's just're lucky. If you're lucky. That's right. And if you're not lucky. Oh, there's nothing. Just a void. Oh my word. That's just terrible.

Like the old Mac commercials. Minus John Hodgman and Justin Long. That feels like 50 years ago. It sure does, Joe. Okay. So if I imagine in my head, someone says a bunch of carrots was left on my doorstep. I'm picturing a bound bunch of carrots or like they're all together. That picture, they are three laid with space between them.

And that is what makes it creepy to me because it's almost like it's ritualistically laid out like that. Well, right. But now Shaquana does not say a bunch. Oh, okay. She just says someone left these carrots on my doorstep. Okay, but you know what?

My brain made it a bunch, right? Because I think that's what you picture. You picture a bunch of carrots. Not three carrots laid out. No. Like, it's creepy. The picture's creepy. I would be creeped out too by that.

It's kind of like, you know, when you see, I mean, we talked about this many episodes ago, how, you know, there were stone structures outside of our house. Yes, that's right. That the boys were doing, but we... I forgot. They got progressively closer and closer of our house. Yes, that's right. That the boys were doing, but we... I forgot. They got progressively closer and closer to the house.

That's right. I don't know if anyone will remember, but I sure do. And so I would be sensitive to something like that on the doorstep. I mean, first of all, I would think it was the boys now doing it with vegetables, and I'd be mad at them for being wasteful. But why would someone leave just three individual singular carrots on the doorstep? Do you know who I think it is? Who?

The grocery gang. Oh, I do not know much about the grocery gang. Why don't you tell everybody? The grocery gang, and they've been dormant for quite a long time. Have they? Okay. They must have a new leader.

Well, they've been dorm it since the 90s. That was their heyday. Oh, wow. And they were, it was a group of about 10 or 12 kids. Nobody was ever sure if it was 10 or 12. And they ranged in age from 11 to 13. Yeah. And they were going around and they were leaving,

sometimes it would be two cabbages. Sometimes it would be, you know, a bulk bin candy just laid out there. Wow. Sometimes it would be almost expired milk. Yes. But if you got in the house quick enough, you could probably use it. Oh, gosh. And were they trying to be creepy or were they actually trying to be kind they said they were trying to be creepy but when they would say it they sounded kind and so it was very confusing oh they would make these audio recordings oh that's right i remember this now and you could hear them on ham radio yes which you followed all the time which back in the 90s yes there was a bit indignity faults there was a huge ham radio craze there was

um and it started it started as cb radio and then within a week it turned to ham radio because people didn't want to get in trucks um and and so these kids would get on the ham and uh they would say we left some more groceries we left get on the ham and they would say, we love some more groceries. We left them on the front step. So if you open your door and there's groceries there, the grocery gang did it. And I think this had a lot to do with the fact that all of these kids, and maybe this is what made them sort of identify with each other, is they all just hadn't gone through puberty yet. And their voices had not dropped. That's right.

So in their minds are saying, we love groceries out there. Yes. And they're like, we love groceries out there. Yes. And they're like, we love groceries out there. And they just, they, no matter what they try, they couldn't sound menacing.

Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And so, but yeah, babe, I was going to ask what the, what the,

like the prank was like, what's the bad part of the groceries? Cause they let you know that they're there. Right. So you get, they warn you not to step on them. Well, they would tell you. Yeah, it's true. I would think you would trip on the groceries because they let you know that they're there. Right. They warn you not to step on them. Well, they would tell you, yeah, it's true. I would think you would trip on the groceries at least.

They probably thought, oh, you know, sort of you see in movies there's a calling card, you know, but like they didn't realize that it's actually just, you know, that's not, it's even less scary if you make someone aware. Also, they did pick a new leader because the white smoke was coming out of the candy shack. Which is their hideout, their secret hideout, which is not so white smoke was coming out of the candy shack.

Which is their hideout, their secret hideout, which is not so secret. Oh, no. The candy shack burned down. Oh, no. That's what that white smoke was. Oh, dear. Yes. Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, the candy shack burned down. Oh. Yes. So maybe they're dying. No survivors. So then it's not them oh geez because we were all like hooping and hollering that they picked a new leader no really who's we doug yes were you in were you in the gang no no of course not you and your friends still that still follow up on the grocery game more yeah some of the

towns like the way that people used to be fans of Jesse James. Well, it is true. There were some girls, of course, of their same age that kind of found them a bit sort of, you know, probably those same girls that thought they were into bad boys. They were into this grocery gang. And there has been, I will say, there has been some chatter and sort of like a revival uh all these many years later now all these fans of the grocery gang are older ladies moms that you know are like yelling for them to have a reunion you know like go on a cruise and have them put groceries outside of your state rooms and stuff like that that's what a lot of these gangs you know these boys have gotten back together to sort of um you know get make a lot of ladies in their middle age

in their mid-40s happy again oh it's like the boy bands getting back together sure um was that supposed to be more subtle than that i mean it was just supposed to be was it more fun if i didn't get to than that yeah oh i see i'd see on my on my end um you know but i don't think it's the original gang because uh the rumor has it they grew up to be the genoscians um the grocery gang yes yes yes and so uh and they became heartthrobs yes um but now i think it could be a copycat oh it could be a copycat oh it could be a copycat gang because you know it's these things are cyclical so now there's young kids that are that are coming up and they hear stories about the grocery gang and they say we're gonna do that you know i mean i have to say that's what you gotta love about dignity falls is that you know if this is the

kind of i don't even want to say it's crime soft crime i'm not even sure if it is it's the kind of mischief that's that people are getting down to it's mischief it's just going off yeah and so it's not so bad and it's like you know it missed being a mischief of course the the night before halloween uh here in dignity falls you know some places have they call it devil's night some people call it mischief night um and here at dignity falls it's called the night of terror and um it used to be quite literal and it was a very you did not want to go out it's not quite the purge but it was no it's not quite it was you know yeah kind of close i mean like you know major crimes were not legal but you could assault people

i was surprised that dignity falls did that because you know like i said it's been a relatively safe place to live. And for so long. For so long. 50 years. You mean there was one that lasted 50 years? There was one that lasted 50 years because it was a weird daylight savings time loophole. Anyway, I think we're doing daylight savings time this year, by the way, in Dandy Falls. Oh, good. It changes. People don't know it changes from year to year.

Yes, we're like those small towns in Indiana that don't change. You know, we just never ever change the clocks. And I love it, but I'm too upset right now about the fact that we're going to change them. I like changing the clocks. You do? Yeah, I do. Why is that? I do like that.

Is that because you get up so early to go to visit your potential crime scenes and then it won't be dark? Well, no, I've stopped doing that. Oh, yeah. I've stopped doing that. Sorry. But I do. I like changing them clocks because it makes me feel like I...

What's that? You said changing them clocks? I did not mean to. That's good. I like changing them clocks. You know why? Because it makes me feel like I have power over time itself. That's a lovely way to look at it.

It's not 11, it's 10. that's right and i i deem it so and then six months later you go i'm sorry i did that and you turn it back i do apologize to the clock not the microwave though so wait i apologize to any actual any clock with a face i'll apologize to but i will not apologize to a microwave, any clock with a face, I'll apologize to. But I will not apologize to a microwave or a digital clock. They have no soul. No.

So why, and why do you like it? Sorry, did we get to that part? It makes me feel like I have a power over time. Oh, just that part. That's it. There was nothing.

It was just that. Okay, great. Yeah. All right. Well, I don't like it because it makes me feel like I have no control. Isn't that interesting?

Oh, wow. Yeah. It is interesting, Joan. Anything about it. Well, women are from, which, where are they interesting? Oh, wow. Yeah. It is interesting, Joan. Anything about it. Well, women are from, which planet? Women are from Venus. And men are from Mars.

I couldn't remember which planet. Good for you for switching the order. I just know they're different. That's right. Men are from Jupiter. Women are from the planet formerly known as Jupiter. Doesn't matter. Just any other planet. That's right.

Whatever the worst one is. That's right. Are they still making those kinds of books? They probably still are, right? Oh gosh, I can't imagine. I just don't think so. I think now the books are more like, I raised the kids. I left the husband. I'm on Earth. Those are the books now.

Now my life is good. Why did I have those kids and that husband? But not the kids. Maybe just the husband. There's a lot of books out there like that. You're allowed to hate your kids. Oh, well, I don't. You're allowed to. I can't say that as a mom. I mean, I guess.

I'm not saying, I'm not encouraging you to. To each their own kids. But I do. No, I love my kids. No matter what they put me through. Some people have kids who are duds. Oh, dear. Oh, we can't get into that.

It's true. But it's true. And you know it's true. Oh, beer. Girl, you know it's true. Oh, dear. That was a combination of dear Bert. Beer. Oh, beer. I don't hate it's true. Oh, dear. That was a combination of dear burnt. Beer.

Oh, beer. I don't hate it. I think it's kind of nice. Oh, goodness. All right. Well, I'll tell you what. This episode has made worms meat of me burnt.

I'll tell you what. I am done. I'm done. Absolutely. Stick a blade in me. I'm done. Absolutely. Tis enough.

Twill serve. So, yes, if you would like to send us a neighbor happy post, screenshot it and send it to us at Burton and Joan at gmail.com. We don't need the comments. We just need if the post is interesting, send the post. We thank everyone who has sent us posts. And if you want to hear ad free versions of this show of course you go to comedy bang bang no it's not well you don't say the whole thing you just can't cbb world.com

either if you go to comedy bang bang world.com it will take you that works to the right place yes oh i love wow i love when they do that when they're like people are going to get it wrong but we'll still get them these fools oh burnt easy i mean that's not we're calling we're not calling our listeners fools no i'm not i didn't come up with the domains oh gosh i like that they're called domains oh it sure makes you feel powerful it does except when i'm in someone else's domain which is all the internet you're in your own domain right now up there. Do you get all the coins put up back up again? Yes, but then I realized that I need to feed the meter. Oh no.

Oh, that's right. And you're in front of your own home? I don't allow him to- It's my own meter. He's not allowed to park in the drive? Why? Because he took up all that space inside with renovating the Ford Explorer.

Oh, right. And then once he did and he got rid of it, I was like, that's it. I don't want anything else in the garage. Never again. You've lost your drive privileges. Yeah. Well, you just lost your parking privileges,

your garage privileges. Yes. All right. All right. Well, you know, I feel like that's, you don't want to overstay your welcome with the listeners. And at a certain point, I feel like me and Doug get into it too much sometimes.

And people don't need to hear that. I think people think people like it's a little window into the world okay maybe so all right okay i mean if your neighbors are fighting you're definitely listening that's true i don't think we fight much uh no our fights are are they're more like um they're more uh silent you know they're more in actions rather than words silent but deadly they're a little bit passive-aggressive sometimes aggressive sometimes. That's on me. I need to work on that. We shouldn't get into it right now. No, we shouldn't.

Well, listen, thank you so much for listening. And we will be back with more Neighborhood Listen next week. And until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real only some geographical specifics have been changed the neighborhood listen is hosted and produced by me paul f tompkins and me nicole parker and me brett morris this episode's guest was played by erin whitehead the neighborhood listen is a production of comedy bang bang world go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the

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