The Neighborhood Listen - Special Wide Stoop with Hillary Anne Matthews

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

Burnt and Joan recount last night's local festivities, while Doug defies gravity. Their guest this time is Cathy, who is looking to off-load a prized possession but only to those who meet her specific criteria.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock this episode and ALL seasons of The Neighborhood Listen ad-free, as well as full length exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With new McValue and McDonald's, you get more than you expect. So after a long day, buy a double cheeseburger and add a McChicken for a dollar. Because saving with deals is always on the menu with new McValue. Prices and participation may vary. Valued for item of equal or lesser value. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise and character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes

of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen! Knock, knock! Who's there? Your neighbor. Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone

You've got the Neighbor Half app and us, Bert and Joan From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell We'll cover it all And meet new neighbors as well We'll chat about any posts you're missing So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. Welcome to the Neighborhood Listen.

This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its residents, including me and me. That's right. Who are we, you might ask? Who are me. Who are we? You might have army. Who are we? You might. Who are we? Me? My who are me? Who are me? Yeah. Who are you? I why am I? Are you okay? I did. I'm sorry. I had a little tickle in my throat.

That's okay. My name is I do. I do have COVID full disclosure. tickle my throat. That's okay. My name is I do. I do have COVID full disclosure. My name is burnt me a payday. So that's so 2020 anymore. Is it right? Well, I don't know, but I do wish that you would disclose that before we pass that. I know, but we, we, uh, we played that weird random pop-up kissing game and you didn't even tell me. and you didn't even tell me. We did play that random pop-up kissing game and we all won. We all won. That's the whole point of it is there's no losers, but they do make you do it. It's down at the promenade. That's right.

Which we were at last night. Yes, we were at the promenade last night. You know, we all went out. They make you play this random pop-up kissing game. Now, none of us, obviously you and Doug have kissed before. Yes, many, many times. We have not. We've never kissed.

No, let me be very clear. We never have, and we never will again. I mean, it's only because of this game. No, it was for the game. It's only because we were forced to. We were forced to do it. They locked the doors. They won't let you out until you play

the random pop-up kissing game. It's, they put were forced to. We were forced to do it. They lock the doors. They won't let you out until you play the random pop-up kissing game. It's they put you in a small cage. They lift you up 20 feet in the air. Trader style. You're up at a cage for no reason. And then they won't let you down until you kiss. That's right. And they say it has, they keep saying

it has to be a good kiss. To be honest, I don't know what part of it is a game. You know, I wouldn't even qualify it as that. I guess it's a game to them in some sort of, you know, squid game kind of way that there are these, and they were wearing those weird masks. They were, they were. And they talk like this. No, it's gotta be a good kiss.

Now that sounds like Mitch McNutt. Does it really? Yes, remember how earlier you were having a hard time doing Mitch McNutt? Because sometimes you struggle doing people's voices like Santa, for example. What do you mean? You'll be a good kid. Now that sounds like Mitch McNutt. Does it really? Yes, remember how earlier you were having a hard time doing Mitch McNutt, because sometimes you struggle doing people's voices like Santa for example. What do you mean?

I don't want to get into it. Okay, because that's not true. Yes. Nope, it's not. Oh, hi babe. Wait, we haven't even said who we are. Before we get to babe, my name is Burt Miapede.

We kissed before we even said who we were. My name is Burt Miapede. I kissed before we even said who we were. My name is Burt Miapede. I am a, well, the pharmacist in chief at the Dignity Fallsmasy Pharmacy. And I'm Joan Pedestrian. I'm the top realtor here and local actor of Dignity Falls. You said that kind of like with a hiccup because there was at some point in our last season,

your job was in jeopardy. Yes. And then that was all taken care of. And you don't want to go through that any further. There's no, why revisit it? Why revisit it? That was in last season, season, Steven. It's true with season, Steven.

We don't have a name yet. Someone suggested season Nate, which I really love. Season Nate is nice. It's pretty good. Cause it's almost like saying season eight. And I was just trying to also give it a female name, you know, because we did Steven, so I was suggesting season Susan, which I like as well. But maybe-

Season Kate? Sure, sure. Well, okay. I think that the double syllables for each word, there's something pleasing about it. That is pleasing. And Nate is good because it sounds like season eight. See, that's clever. That's what I said.

I love it. No, I'm just saying why I'm saying why. I thought you were gonna say. No, I know that you guys, but I was just saying, I was explaining why that one syllable name was acceptable to me versus Kate. Which is also one syllable. Yes. Okay, but you like, so you like the alliteration.

Yeah, or just the double meaning of it rather, of seasonate, right? What about season Susan? I like the fact that it's double, double. The alliteration, double, double. Oh, and the same number of syllables. Double, double of syllables. And then animal style.

And then I was just about to say that bird and you took it out of my mouth. I did. Just like last night. That's right. They said, we can see the tongues. We'll know if you're not doing it. Sounds like bitch Mick. Honestly, I don't know why we did that, but I probably have COVID now.

So I do wish you would. And first of all, and you probably felt symptoms last night. So you probably shouldn't have said, oh, I shouldn't have played this game., but I probably have COVID now. So I do wish you would, first of all, and you probably felt symptoms last night, so you probably should have said, oh, I shouldn't have played this game. You should not have played this game. What are we gonna tell our guests? Doug's the only one who's fine because he's in another room.

Where are you right now, babe? I'm in the anti-gravity room. But now Doug and I kissed as well. Oh, I didn't, I wasn't there for that. I went to get a funnel cake. As soon as they opened that door, ran out of there ran it was awful I don't even mind that you two kissed or the the random kissing game My force to do it. Yeah pop up. Yeah, I just don't like that. It's such a bottleneck into getting into the promenade

It's at the very mostly annoyed about you get like two feet onto the promenade and then you have to go in there. They make you do that. Two by two. That's right, two by two. Every combination. Yeah, the promenade, we need to do something about that. Yeah, because it used to be that it was on the water and it was beautiful, but now almost all the water

has been taken out of our city, as we've discussed many times. And so now it's just, it was beautiful, but now almost all the water has been taken out of our city, as we've discussed many times. And so now it's just, it's a lot of, we realized that at the bottom of it was all cement. So it's just cement and dead fish and lots of other, and some coins. Skeletons. And some coins.

There's a few skeletons, some coins. Skeletons and some coins. Now they have- A couple cars. Yeah, a couple cars for sure. People voluntarily bring buckets of water and just throw them in. They're really trying, but it's not working. I mean, at the very least, do a bucket brigade

if you're gonna do that. Don't just one at a time bring. Yes, but because of the bottleneck, it wouldn't work. Yeah, and now I don't know if people realize this, because there's so little water here now, we're a bath society in Dignity Falls. No showers anymore. And people, you gotta make that bath water count and so people if you're the first one in good for you we gotta get water back we gotta get

it back can you explain the anti-gravity room to me, babe? Oh, yeah. We kind of skipped over that because that was kind of a big... Oh, oh God. Does it just fire this up? Is that the sound of the gravity being turned off? Yeah. How does it work? Is this like you being in one of those skydive simulators like in Vegas? So there is gravity. It's a bit of a misnomer. Okay.

I can't just get rid of the gravity, but you can just cover it in fans. Cover the gravity in fans? No, cover the room in industrial strength fans so that I live off of it. Industrial strength fans. So you are basically in... Oh, that one ran out of batteries. Oh, jeez. Then what happens? Do you just fall to the ground? Do you just fall to the ground violently?

And they're all battery operated fans. This seems very dangerous. I got up a couple inches there. A couple inches. I think I need more fans. This seems very dangerous. I got up a couple of inches there. It takes a couple inches. I think I need more fans. Now wait, you cover the room or just the floor? That's so many minutes, not like the floor, like, but they're sorry, the whole entire room of it.

Right now I only have a few, but eventually it'll be- I think everywhere. How many fans do you have? A few is three. That's what I have in my book. A couple is two, a few is three, and several is seven. Oh, really?

Yes. I didn't know that. It sounds like you're in one of those skydives. And a dozen. We all know that. Well, I mean, the noise- Well, I don't know now, I want you to answer just to make sure, babe.

The noise certainly sounds like he's in one, but then the description sounds like he's in a room with three fans on the floor. Well, it sounds very shoddy, yes, exactly. But you say you got some air, you actually got up in the air a little bit. Oh yeah, there's a couple inches there. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Couple inches, three fans. But they're big, they're industrial strength, as you see. So how does it work? Do you just, do you turn the fans on, then do you kind of just leap over them? Yes.

Hold on. Hold on. Oh, there it goes. That was the leap. Are you hovering right now, Doug? Are you getting any air? No, hold on. You're just laying on the fence?

He's still trying to jump by this? That's a good idea. I'm going to lay over them. Well, but that could be dangerous, babe. You could get cut by the blades. Oh, that's a good point. No, but I am hovering. Okay. This is great, you guys.

Okay, if I can get it a little quieter in here. I really hate the ref. I ran out of batteries. I love that. The batteries don't last long. Okay. We're gonna shut down. The power is literally gonna get shut down in the whole city.

I think this is worse than anything you've done. Even the HVAC you installed for the ice cold mountain beer room. You love to bring that up. And I don't consider it a full failure. Let me be very clear. I don't love to bring it up. I just have to bring it up because it seems to come up a lot when you build something else like this. You're the one who brings it up.

I'm the one who had to live it. That's true. In an entire room dedicated to ice cold, freezing mountain top beer and carrots. Which he decided goes perfectly with it. That's right. dedicated to ice cold freezing mountaintop beer and carrots. That's right. And I set up a cam like a webcam on the Coors Light bottle. Like a live eagle cam. Anyone could check in and see when someone's getting a beer.

Remember they did the logo. Live eagle cam. You haven't heard about this? Live eagle cam. Oh, well there's something going on in California where these two bald eagles. I'll say. Oh, there's one. Burnt is not a fan of California.

Ever since he got off a plane, went to Disneyland, stepped right in the gates, it was too overwhelming. It turned right around in one home. Saw those flowers? Saw those flowers, it was too much. And so he doesn't like California, but in California they have a webcam trained on a nest up above the mountain top and they were hatching three eggs

and you could watch what was going on. So it's a camera watching eagles. Yes, it's similar to the roach watch that we have. No, it's not Chatroulette. We have a roach watch in Dignity Falls and it's just not as exciting. It's disgusting, frankly. And they're boning all the time.

That's mostly what's happening. It took me a while to figure out that's what was going on. Yes, because they're head to head, right? That's how it happens. Yeah. So they do a missionary. They're not very adventurous. That's why they're head to head.

They're not very adventurous. They're all middle-aged roaches. Yeah. They're very white. Their T-shirts are on still. The magic is gay. Very vanilla roaches. There's a dog watching for something.

The news is on. Anyway, I feel like we're making it sound more interesting than it is. We just keep giving more details up, but we should probably stop. My cameras were set up to see the Coors bottle turn blue. Remember the mountains turn blue when it's cold enough. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I forgot.

I forgot that detail. That was the beginning of this point. I forgot that detail, yeah. Okay, so can I ask what's going on with you, Bert, when we last spoke, Gabby, and you were gonna move in, and I don't think I got to ask the question, was it going to be into your place or hers? She's going to move into my place.

Okay. And once- How was, can I ask how that was decided? Flipped a coin. Really? We flipped a coin. You're kidding. Yeah, the Dignic.

You were comfortable enough with, oh yeah, an old Dignic. We flipped a Dignic. You flipped a Dignic. You flipped a Dignic. It's just Dignic. You flipped a Dignic. It's just you saying. I like the commercial. It's the same. Yes, you flipped a Dignic.

Ah. It's like, you're chocolate got in my peanut butter. And then the car raises its eyebrows somehow. I don't remember what that was a commercial for. I don't either. But everyone walks around saying it, you flipped a Dignic. Oh, we say it all the time. Because we are, both of our places

are of equal square footage. Okay. So it really seems. And you just didn't care. You're like, I'm absolutely fine with the results. Yeah, well, you know, I don't have a lot of possessions. True. Yeah.

I have my ham radio. You have Connie. I have Connie, my ventral liquid stomach. Yes. Whom I do not think is. You have Connie. I have Connie, my ventral liquid stomach. Yes. Whom I do not think is sentient. I understand we cleared this up. I don't think that you think he is living. I get it, I get it. I just need to reinforce that.

Okay, I know he's not sentient. I have a toothbrush, of course. I should hope so. Everyone should. Four pairs of pants. You're painting a very bleak picture. Why is it bleak? Well, you know what?

I guess I mean to say that I'm glad that you're about to be living with someone. Okay. Okay, so go on. So you flipped a Dignic. We flipped a Dignic and it came up heads. So she's moving into my place and she's been moving, as I told you, she's moving in very slowly.

She brings over one box of items at a time. Oh, that's gonna happen for a long time. Yeah. That's not gonna stop for a while. It's like. Oh, that's going to happen for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. That's not going to stop for a while. It's like a slow, it's like, like wading into the pool, you know, to get used to the- So how are you feeling?

Is a lot of pillows? I beg your pardon? Is it a lot of pillows? Does Gabby have a lot of pillows? Yeah. You know what, now that you mention it, she does have a lot of pillows. She loves them.

Oh, I love them too. I was just asking. Not like every woman loves pillows. That's just my question. At her place, she doesn't have a bed. No kidding. It's all pillows. Oh, I see.

She's a pillow sleeper. It's like living in a Sultan's tent. Oh, okay. So that's gonna be a lot of pillows. Oh, it's a lot of pillows. Okay, but how is that going? So she's moving stuff in. Yes, she's brought some framed photos. Okay, oh, there's the cuckoo clock. She brought a cuckoo clock. And you brought it here. And I is it? How is that going? So she's moving stuff in. Yes. She's brought some framed photos. Okay. Oh, there's brought a cuckoo clock.

And you brought it here. And I brought it here. I hope you don't mind. It's okay. It's charming because we have a lot of clocks already. That's true. That's why it's charming. As I know. Okay. So, so, so you're, you're doing okay. Yes, it's actually, it's been very pleasant. You know, I was very apprehensive at first and I was getting hives and such. Oh, okay. Yes, it's actually it's been very pleasant. You know, I was very apprehensive at first. Yes. And I was getting hives and such. Oh, okay. That sounds serious. And but now it's it's fine. I just get a sort of when she brings a new box, I just get a sort of flushing in my face. Oh,

yeah. But that's that's as far as it goes. Well, I think that's far enough. I think that it's worth investigating. No, it's a nice heat and Gabby likes it. She'll like the rubber. Okay, now you're adding that there's temperature. It's hot to the touch. Yeah, it's a nice heat and Gabby likes it. She'll rub it. Okay, now you're adding that there's temperature. It's hot to the touch. Yeah, it's hot to the touch. Oh, that is it. That's an indicator. And she'll sort of nuzzle her cheek against mine.

Okay, I think that instead she should take you to urgent care. She calls me her little furnace. Okay, well this is just, I don't know about this. I think that you might be experiencing- But it goes away. No, I think you're experiencing some anxiety. Well, no, of course I am. Oh, I know, but I mean, do you really wanna live like this?

But it's getting better, I'm saying it's getting better. Is it? Yes, well, I started with us. Okay. And remember I was passing out? Didn't remember that, please talk about that. I was passing out. When, how?

When we would talk about it, I would sort of. Oh dear. I would sort of, everything would go like staticky and then I would come to and Gabby would be shaking me. Oh. Sometimes slapping my face. I don't, I mean, listen, I love Gabby. She's a sweetheart when I met her,

but there are some things, there are some things that this sometimes I just want to make sure that you're okay because I'm not sure I want her to slapping you or maybe to see you're my little furnace when you've got some, you've got some clinical issues going on that you can see. Well, but yeah, you're being too overprotective. I'm just a mom. What do you want?

It's my mom brain kicking in. I'm sorry. I just want to take care of you. A mom brain kicking in. I know. All right. But if you say you're fine, I'm going to keep checking in. The problem is not Gabby.

The problem, of course, is it comes from me and I'm dealing with it. And I think it's getting better. Oh, well, in a relationship, I mean, there's always two people in it. You can't just say everything's always my fault. Of course there's two people in a relationship. But everything is my fault. No, I'm not sure. No, I don't think that that's right.

I don't think that's right, Burnt. I really don't. You think you're saying... Like a lot of things are Doug's fault and a lot of things are my fault. Right, babe? No, sir. No, with you two, I see it. Like it's my fault because I like do too much for the family or like I made too much food for you and that's my fault.

And I give too many kisses, right? My fault. It's like a job interview. I guess my major fault is I care too much. I've said that a lot. I bet you have. But no, Gabby has nothing to be concerned about. She's wonderful and I live for her.

Okay. You closed your eyes on that last part when you said that. So I just don't know what that's. I was picturing her. Okay. Well, fine. I'll just let that go. Surely you have prescriptions for yourself, you know, for your hives and everything. Oh yeah, good point. Do you ever prescribe things for yourself? You're just kind of- Can you do that?

No, I can't prescribe. Yeah, he shouldn't. I mean, that sounds very unethical. I only fill prescriptions. Yes. It is not my bailiwick- That's to be very clear, of course. To prescribe.

I can make a face if I feel like the doctor has misprescribed something. Oh. If somebody comes up and they say, you know, I'm here for this prescription and I can sort of assess what is wrong with them. And if I want, I can roll my eyes and hand it to them. I see. That's something you can do. I'm allowed to say this as far as it goes. I'm allowed to say, good luck. You'll need it. I can't say that. Oh, you can't. I think Doug was just

getting into it. He was just getting into it. He was just role playing a little bit. Yeah. And that's my fault. That is your fault babe. But now Joan, what's going on with you? Oh, okay. Well, as you know, the twins, you know,

after their Chick-fil-A pilot didn't work out, they decided to move back in. They've been very sad. And then they decided to write me a show and cast me in it. And this is the, of course, gender-bending Mr. Doubtfire. And- Well, it's a gender-bending Mrs. Doubtfire called Mrs. Doubtfire.

Sorry, you're right. It's a gender-bending Mrs. Doubtfire called Mr. Doubtfire. Yes. And I'm realizing now the only reason why they wanted to do that. It wasn't for like female empowerment or anything like that because the word fire's in the title.

And so they- They love fire so much. Correct, they've been pyromaniacs for as long as I've known them. And of course, I'm talking about my twin boys, Matt and- Mr. Fantastic. Mr. Fantastic. And, you know, I just, and I think also naming him, that was not good either,

because I think he thought he was a bit of a superhero. I think it's aspirational though. Sure. To name a child Mr. Fantastic. Well, as long as you know that they're not going to be co-fire addicts. Yeah. At least you didn't name them Human Torch.

Thank God. I just gave birth to two of them. That's all. So I think that they're just a little bit confused as to what the story should be. Okay. So we're in development. We're having development problems.

You're in development hell? Yeah, I'm in development hell. Oh, and always on a deadline. So here's what I understand the story. The story of Mrs. Doubtfire is, terrible dad. And then please remember to mention the few things that you will remember from it. What are the lines you remember, Bernie?

Run by fruiting. Run by, drive by, it's still drive by fruiting. Are we gonna fight about this? It's drive by fruiting. We're not gonna fight about it. Okay. I stopped talking after I said my part. Run by fruiting is not good.

He would have never improvised that. I know that, do we have to look it up? Yes, we do. We have to look it up? Yes, we do. We have to look it up. I think we should, because we left it, we left it hanging last episode. I feel like I've been corrected when I've said drive by fruit.

Doug's gonna look it up. Drive by fruit. It has to be drive by fruit. It was a drive by fruit, I can hear him saying it in my head. Of course. Because no one does a run by anything. I'm working on the accent too,

because I'm still going to do it. I have been corrected by more than one person about this. You're kidding. I'm not kidding. I can't believe this movie came up that many times. Wait a minute. No. What? Oh no. No. What does it say babe? Doug, are you okay? You sound like you've gone pale. You do sound pale. I'm so afraid to click on this. Doug, you sound sick to your stomach. What's the matter? What's the matter?

Oh, he's playing the scene. He's playing the scene. Miranda Hillard's. Miranda Hillard? That's the sound of Pierce Brosnan. That's the sound of Pierce Brosnan. The guy who's never having kids? Won't have anything to do with kids?

Who's that? Who's the data woman who's got kids? I don't know. Is that the bartender? Bystander. Bystander. Bystander. Who's that? I don't know. Is that the bartender? Bystander. Bystander. Ron?

Pushing 40. He's got an awful lot of baggage though. Three kids. Oh, who is this asshole? He's just a guy at the bar. Oh, I've seen that guy in things. Yeah, sure. Oh, how can you see it, Bert?

He's... Look at the TV. Oh good, he put it on the TV. Yes, thank you for piping that through. Thank you. They're really good. They're really good. They're really good.

They're really good. They're really good. They're really good. They're really good. They're really good. They're really good. Oh, I've seen that guy in things. Yeah, sure. Oh, how can you see it, Bert? He's look at the TV. Oh, good. He put it on the TV. Yes. Thank you for piping that through. Thank you. There's Mrs. Doubtfire. This is the most Mrs. Doubtfire I've ever seen. This has once again become a movie podcast. We're watching a movie on this podcast.

I'm so afraid. Here we go. Here we go. That's a great sound effect. Oh, sir. Here it comes. Some angry member of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists ran that way. It was a run by fruit. Oh my god! What? Now look. You know why. It's because he said they ran that way and that's why he said it. I cannot believe this and I'm questioning everything. It should be drive-by-fruiting. It should be drive-by-fruiting. Oh okay. I have to lay down. But you have to lay down on the loud fans. You just lay down on the ground. It's pretty comfortable. It's so loud. It can't be comfortable. There's no way it's comfortable, babe.

All right. Wait. Run by fruiting. I am shook. So here's what I know. Okay. Run by fruiting. I am, I am shook. So here's what I know. Run by fruiting. Okay, I'm never gonna contest it again. Thank you. Hello. Yes. That's very good by the way. Faced in the whipped cream.

Faced in the whipped cream. Tits on fire. Tits on fire. The whole time, the whole time, the whole time. You're right, that's Sally Field iconic. Having hot flashes. Oh, that's a good one, babe. Did you know that one?

Yeah. No. Okay. Is that with the tits on fire? It's right after the tits on fire. I'm having hot Having hot flashes. Oh, that's a good one, babe. Did you know that one? Yeah. No. Okay. Is that with the tits on fire? It's right after the tits on fire. I'm having hot flashes. Yeah.

Does his face go out in the street at some point? It does. And it gets run over and then Harvey Fires being like, be nice to this one. He gives him a new face? He does. Okay. And I also know- I love Harvey Fires. I also know- I haven't heard it in a while.

I don't get to bring it out often. And I also know that he, Robin Williams plays a, a, a voiceover artist. Yes, he does. And he is doing a voiceover for a cartoon, which has already been animated. Correct. And he's improvising.

Yes, it's a bird. Yes, he's improvising, but you can't do that because it's already been animated. It would never work you can't do that because it's already been in there. It would never work, it would never work, unless it's already been well established and they know that that's what this guy loves to do, is go off-book. But they're mad at him, right?

They're like, stop doing that. No one likes him, no one likes him, no one likes him. No one likes him, no one likes him, no one likes him. I see what you did, you did this Holly Field. Right, I was having fun. We have fun here. And that's what I know about Mrs. Doubtfire. Well, I now apparently don't know anything about Mrs. Doubtfire because I misquoted it.

You're questioning everything. And you know who else doesn't know anything about Mrs. Doubtfire, my boys. So they're really working through it because what they were like, I'm sorry, go on. You had a question. If it's a gender swapped. Yes.

That means you are a terrible mom. To connect with your children, you become the caretaker, Mr. Doubtfire. Let's just say like, I fuck up a lot. You know, I'm not a terrible mom. I love my kids., you become the caretaker, Mr. Doubtfire. Let's just say like I fuck up a lot. You know, I'm not a terrible mom. I love my kids. I think a mom who fucks up a lot is a terrible mom.

Well, I have a hard time knowing that that's what they thought of. They're like, mom, you're perfect for this. And then I read it and I was a terrible mom and I felt very bad about it. Yeah, I'm saying the character, not you personally. Well, I mean, just explain that to Matt and Mr. Fantastic. Well, I'd rather not talk to them.

So, so what is the what is the latest? Well, so that's the thing is that instead of her coming back as a as a like a Scottish manny, because that's what I thought it was going to be. Right. That was the biggest pause I have to say. I never heard a bigger pause. But more came up than I thought was going to. I had to deal with it.

Sorry everybody. But what they think in their mind is she comes back as a, as a superhero, right? Like literally just a, and again, just throws fireballs. Like I looked at pages and it's just throws fireball, doubt fire, throws fireball, doubt fire, throws fireball. I'm like, boys, you can't do this. This is not even the story. This is not even, and they're like, no, mom, it's going to be so cool.

And I'm like, what do you mean? How does that even going to work? And they go, oh, we's gonna be so cool. And I'm like, what do you mean? How is that even gonna work? And they go, oh. We literally just do that thing, you know. Everyone in the first half of the film goes, I doubt fire. Yes, they do. And I was so disappointed that that's actually what they did.

I was so disappointed that that's as far as their brains worked. So right now it's not going well. I'm gonna say right now, I'm not sure the project has got any legs, but I love again, first of all, as I always say, I'm just glad they're alive. And second of all, I'm glad to see them working again at something, because they were so depressed

for the last couple of weeks. So like I said, I said several things on fire to cheer them up, didn't do anything for them. So it is too bad. So that's what's happening right now. And how long have we been talking, babe? I feel like maybe that's long enough. Let's see here.

How are you feeling burnt? I mean, I'm going to go get a mask. I hope you don't get upset about that. Oh, for COVID. You've forgotten so soon. I thought it was a Mr. Doubtfire thing. Will you have extensive prosthetics? Yes, but it's what that first they had me again,

because he's a he's a he's a fire. He's a Scottish manny slash superhero, right? Who was burned horribly. So it's like a Freddy Krueger look they have for me right now. I don't want to be in that outfit. I don't want to be in that get up. Is it the same kind of sweater? Yes. He wore a Christmas sweater year-round. I do? Freddy Krueger. Oh, I guess I never thought about it as a

holiday sweater. It's an interesting ensemble. He wears a pullover. I know, and then a fedora. I mean, who? It's basically just every hipster in Los Angeles. What kind of pants does he wear? Just like some black slacks? Oh, I bet slacks, absolutely slacks. Yeah, for sure. He got them at thrift store.

Flat front. Yep. I never even thought about it. We have to think about Freddy Krueger slacks. Sometimes we do. Because if you want to dress up, then you gotta get it right. You do have to get it right.

Yeah. How about it, babe? 26. get it right. You do have to get it right. Yeah. How about it, babe? 26. Oh, perfect. Feels great. Definitely. Well, we're going to take a break and when we come back, we will have a guest here on

The Neighborhood Listen. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this episode. Thank you, Aura Frames. Yes this episode. Thank you Aura Frames. Yes, Mother's Day is coming up and you can give the perfect gift that keeps on giving and that's an Aura Frame. Aura Frame folks, A-U-R-A. Aura Frames come with a Vivid HD display, unlimited storage, and the ability to preload the frame with photos and videos of your family.

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F-R-E-S-H-P-U-P to get 60% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer a clean bowl guarantee on the first box, so if you're not completely satisfied, you'll get your money back. That's OLLIE.COM slash FRESHPUP and enter code FRESHPUP to get 60% off your first box. Hi everybody, this is Donna. box. This is a really great cookie jar as you can see you just take his head clean off You just you just rip off that head and you dig into his body and you grab the cookies If you look at this too long, it doesn't make sense. So just don't I'm only asking for five dollars for crapsake and You know, it's around that time of the year. We're on the opposite end of Christmas I figure it's a good time to unload some some of the knickknacks some of the bric-a-brac you know what I mean some of the chachkies

okay come down get it five dollars pick up only cash only welcome back to the neighborhood listen well Joe we have a guest I'm still reeling by run by from run by fruiting I'm sorry I'm really it's gonna take me a minute to get over it do you need a cold compress no I don't need anything from you. You've given me enough in the last 24 hours. Don't blame me. I kind of think I can. Blame those weirdos on the promenade.

Oh, geez. You had it for three days. All right, go ahead. So we do have a post to read here. This is from somebody in the neighborhood posted this to the NeighborHap, the social networking application for neighborhoods. And we go through the NeighborHap.

We look for some interesting neighbors to talk to. If you would like to send us a post that perhaps you think we've missed, feel free to screenshot it and send it to us at bernandjohn at gmail.com. This one comes to us from a listener. Brent Jensen sent this in. And thank you, Brent. This one is posted by someone named Kathy. Kathy says in the for sale and free section, ping pong table tennis and no beer pong. This is for young families, $100. That is the headline. There's a picture of a blue ping pong table and the description reads almost new, would like to give it young family, special wide stoop for standing for small ones. Is there a picture, Byrne?

There is a picture, I'm having trouble identifying the special wide stoop. Where's the special wide stoop? I do not see the special wide stoop. Never heard those words together. And then it goes on to say, forget beer pong people. Send pic of young family. Many are interest.

Do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers. And here to tell us more is Cathy. Cathy welcome to the Neighborhood Listen. Hi, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Of course. Our pleasure. I am here to talk about this beer pong. I mean, excuse me. Sorry.

Oh, yeah. What a slip. No, sorry. Yeah, that was Freudian. Do you guys know about Freud? We're aware. I'm aware. I'm familiar. Yeah. So my brain just did that because that's the exact opposite thing that I want. It's exactly what you don't want. Yes. Yeah. I'm selling I'm selling my, my, my ping pong table. And I'm having some trouble attracting the right clientele, I would say, which is why I'm here to try to get the word out to the kind of right buyers

that I'm interested in selling to. Oh, so then would I be correct in saying that you've had this up for a while, but the only people that have come over are like frat boys who want to play beer pong. Yes. Got it, thank you. Yes, absolutely. That was on my mind as well. You would be shocked at how many frat boys

exist in Dignity Falls. Oh, well, as we have discussed before, this is kind of weird, we have Fraternity Row, which is actually just a long street and it's all brothers and they're married and they all live in houses. But they do all the normal fraternity things. That's right. street and it's all brothers and they're married and they all live in houses. But they do all the normal fraternity things. That's right.

People are very upset about it because they're not in college. They're not in college. Yeah, but they are acting like it and everyone's tired of it. And so I bet you that, I bet Cathy, I bet you, you shouldn't be going to them. So I bet you that's what's happening. Even though you're all the same age, you should not be going to those frat parties. For sure. And that is a really big problem because, you know,

if any of these married fraternity brothers had children. And if they're- That's seriously, none of them will have children. They refuse. No, yeah, if they were all young and had a family that constituted a young family, there wouldn't be this problem. But can I ask you why,

and this might be personal right off the bat, I know you just got here, but why is it so personal to you? Why is it personally upsetting to you how they use it? Because don't you just need to get rid of it? It's out of your house, so who cares? Yes, what do you care? Yeah.

You know, so Sumi, I think that ethics in this world are a dying breed. And I think that we, as an individual person, we need to be responsible about our possessions, how we dispose of them. And you recycle, don't you? Oh, she's looking right at me. And I feel-

She really is. I can't look at her because I- Pinned to the wall. Joan, Joan, real estate agent and local actor. Do you recycle or don't you? There's no doubt it's you. Take your time. You really got to clear your throat, babe.

Big gulp. I'm having a really big trouble with this. I'm having a big trouble. I'm having big trouble. I just muppet gulped. So I do recycle. Now here's my question. I don't recycle, but then run out to see what they're doing with that milk carton.

I don't care what they do with it. Now maybe that means I have bad ethics. But you presume that they will be recycling it, no? Well sure, but isn't beer pong still recycling it and if these are responsible men in their late 30s, let's face it They're you know, they're not they're just doing this in their own home There's just something you find very very You find it okay Your problem with beer pong is you find it vulgar. Yes, you would rather not

Contribute to this vulgarity for $100. And let me ask you, are these guys, these frat bros, when they inquire about the table, are they saying, we want it for beer pong or are you just sort of guessing that? Oh, it's assuming. That's a good question. Well, at first they were pretty upfront about it. Meaning they were saying they wanted it for beer pong? Yes.

Okay. And then I said, no it for beer pong? Yes. Okay. And then I, I said, no, I said not its intended purpose. Then they came back wearing fake mustaches. Oh dear. One of them was in a dress and one of them was on his knees with his knees in his shoes and had a little wrong. He had a little hat on with the pinwheel. Yeah.

This is after I said, I'm only selling to young families. They were trying to be a young family. Yes, Sutterfuge. Sutterfuge, yes. It's like two guys, one of them's on his shoulders, but the trench coat's on the floor. That's what it feels like. Or draped over the shoulder.

Or draped over the shoulder. Hold on, let me try to imagine that. Two guys on their shoulders. Well, one's on the other shoulders. And the trench coat's on the floor. You got it wrong or draped over the shoulder, which I really liked. I liked that addition, but that was a good,

that was a nice image. So one is kind of a detective movie, tall detective. And the other is a seduction film, seductive detective. Sure, seductive detective. Yeah, cause kind of they came over with no clothes on underneath the trench coat and then dropped it. So then can I ask- That could be in Evidently.

Oh boy, yes it sure is. Tucking that away. That is Doug's pilot that he used to send to our guests. And it was contingent on appearing on the podcast that you had to read his pilot. It was about a man named Lee who saw the evidence in a corrupt town. It was called Evidently. Could I suggest a punch up on the title and call it the Seductive? I was just thinking that, Burt. We have the same brain. That's great. We have the same brain and we now have

the same germs. I would watch that. I would too. But let me ask you this. So that's okay with you. A seductive detective, a new detective wearing a trench coat. As a cautionary tale? Yes. Oh. What? Can I ask why are you getting rid of the ping pong table? Let's start there. Great question, Joan. Thank you. Yes, I got it. And I am a woman in my late 50s.

Okay, well you look great. Oh, thank you so much. I would have guessed 51. Wow. That's my, let's just let her talk. Thank you. It's the Ponds cold cream. Ah, it's always the Ponds.

You put it everywhere. You put it everywhere. You put it everywhere, and I mean everywhere. It works hard. It works hard. It works hard, harder than some men. I heard that Joan. Yes you did girlfriend, yes you did.

Why does cold cream always sound delicious to me? Cold cream. Mm. It sounds yummy. Boy Bert. So I was playing against myself one day. Got a look at myself. How did you do that? It was running extremely fast. You're going back and forth on both sides of the table.

That's amazing. I do know Doug used to do a thing where he would fold half of the table up and you could actually do it like that. In fact, Forrest Gump is doing that in the movie. Forrest Gump where he's playing with it half folded up. Forrest Gump's doing it in the movie. What is the movie? Was he doing that in?

Try to tell. Forget it. We'll never figure it out. Yeah, with each paddle hit. You were doing this thing. My mother, my sister, my mother, my sister, my mother, my sister. Are you, are you, now let me ask you this, Kathy, do you have to hit the ball a little more slowly in order to give yourself time to run? Yes.

Thank you. Absolutely. That sounds exhausting. Is that how you normally did it? Yes. And it was the workout of all workouts, let me tell you. Okay, so what changed? Well, I caught, I caught a glimpse myself one day, huffing and puffing

in my rec room mirror. And I said, oh, this isn't the intended use for this table. Oh, me as just a woman by myself in my late 50s. Well, did you ever have people over and play with them? No, because again, that is not the intended use for the table. I'm going to need you to spell out for me what the intended use is. Absolutely. The table is for young families. Okay. You keep saying that.

As evidenced by the special wide stoop for small ones. Again, please describe it. Yes, because in the picture, there's no special wide stoop to be seen. No, there is. Okay. It is underneath the table. Okay. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. All right, let me zoom in.

Go ahead and take another look. Can you describe it? Yeah. SWS. The table is on... It looks like it's just on stools. Right, like an A-frame, like a little A-frame. Yeah.

Yeah, and then nestled betwixt each A-frame. Right. Are you talking about that step or the shelf? Yes. How is a child supposed to watch ping pong from there? and then nestled betwixt each A frame. Are you talking about that step or the shelf? Yes. How is a child supposed to watch ping pong from there? They're underneath the table. It's under the table, yes. That doesn't seem safe, I have to say.

It's well under the lip of the table. Well under it. Pardon me for saying, it does not say that the child can see the ping pong game. Oh. It just says that it's for standing. It does. And they would have to be very small. How in the world can it be for families when-

I would say, Joan, from looking at this, it would have to be a child standing who is not yet able to stand. No, it would be a newborn, placed, like the baby Jesus in a manger. They would not be standing. And not be standing. But that's perfect, because that is an extremely young family. Right, but Cathy, that means it's not for a young family. I guess it just means if mom and dad want to play ping pong, there's a place for the baby. But that's that means it's not for a young family. I guess it just means

if mom and dad want to play ping pong, there's a place for the baby, but that's never been a problem. You know? And if you mean it for young families, little kids, I got to tell you, if you ever played ping pong with little kids, they're terrible. They're just terrible. It's a real hand-eye coordination moment. It's hard for some adults to do it. So I, you know, I'm trying to figure out why you keep saying young families and you want the babies underneath the table. I just am gonna need to explain that better. I don't want the babies underneath the table.

I'm just saying it comes with a place to put them. But now you're, okay, Kathy, I do feel like you're perhaps being a little disingenuous. You're counting that as a feature. Them fighting words. Burnt. Them fighting words. Well, I'm willing to take that fight. You're counting this as a feature when it's words. Them spurt. Them fighting words. Well, I'm willing to take that fight.

You're counting this as a feature when it's just part of the construction of the table. Yeah, this is true. You're inventing a useless. Although I'm not even sure that it is because we had a ping pong table for a long time. I'm telling you, that is two other pieces of furniture that some dad jimmied to put it on the... He got a table on the side of the road, I guarantee you. Is that what happened, Kathy? Did a dad find a table on the side of the road. I guarantee you. Did a dad find a table on the side of the road

and Jimmy it onto the table? No, I purchased this. You did just like this. Yes. With the stoop, with the special white stoop. Yeah, special white stoop. Attached. Yes, for small ones.

For small ones. Okay. Well, I don't know what to say because I kind of feel like, uh, well, here's, here's a question for you. What kind of upbringing did you have? What kind of a family life do you have? Do you live alone? Yes, I live alone. I have never had a young family of myself or my own. Okay. I was family of yourself.

I was raised in a scientific laboratory. Okay. This is definitely information we need. Yes. I was raised in a scientific laboratory. Okay. This is definitely information we need. Yes. When you say you were raised in a laboratory. Yes. Does that include a bed? Good question. Extremely offensive question actually.

What? I'm a human being. Okay. I get it. The curiosity is natural, but yes, I had a bed. Okay. In the lab? Yes.

Okay. My consciousness was turned on at age 12. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What does that mean? Just like most people. Oh, honey, I hate to tell you, that's not like most people. No?

No. Were there other children in this facility? Of course. Okay. I never saw them. So then how do you know? Morse code through the vents. How did you learn Morse code? Oh, they taught it to us in schools and they said, don't use this. Just talk past your bedtimes.

So what do you remember exactly? Uh, since your conscious wasn't turned on until 12. Right. Yeah. So at age 12, I came to in a bed. Yes, burnt. Oh, wow. She's really not happy.

She's not gonna let it go. It's not gonna let it go. It doesn't seem like she should be the one with the smug upper hand, but she is. She's not gonna let it go. She's not gonna let it go. It's not gonna let it go. It doesn't seem like she should be the one with the smug up her hand, but she is. I did ask a presumptuous question. You sure did. I then experienced one-on-one tutoring. Okay. For two hours a day.

But were you made to do anything out of the ordinary? So it wouldn't be to you, but did you have to do tests or did you have to do exercises? Were you in like a glass room? He's picturing stranger things. Oh, no, no, no. It's again, very offensive. It's not like that.

I was gonna say, he gets away with that, but thank God she called him on it. I think it helps he's in another room. It's okay. I thought his question was worse actually. Let's not get into all that. Let's figure out what, you were tutored, but then what else did you have to do?

Because what is it you said you were scientifically, you were, what did she say? What is the word? I can't even remember the phrase that you said. This is an open floor plan laboratory. No, no, no, because the- Doug needs to get his head around the architecture of it all.

Actually it's kind of the opposite. Yeah, it was very, it was very- Open concept. Room heavy. It was room heavy. Oh, many rooms. It was okay. was room heavy. Oh, many rooms. Yeah, the children are in different rooms. We'd knock on the vents, communicate to each other

through the vents. And you never saw them. So then did you ever leave your room? Yes. And then what'd you leave your room to do? To do my two hour tutoring. And that's it? And then also they'd put us into kind of an open,

grassy area. Oh. And we would sprint around. We'd play ping pong against ourselves. But alone. So, why do you think I've developed that skill? Oh, this makes so much sense now. So it was a bunch of kids,

but they're all playing ping pong against themselves. Yes. In an open field. Yes. And that's it? Well, I'm confused as to what this was even for. Well we also had crafts period. Okay.

Okay. So that could involve yarn, it could involve popsicle sticks, you know. And then we had reading period. And that's when I actually was introduced to the idea of young families. Oh dear, this is just a sad story. What was your intro to young families? Actually I don't think it's that sad. It sounds... Burnt. Oh dear, this is just a sad story. What was your intro to Young Families? Actually, I don't think it's that sad.

Sounds... Burnt! Well, they got to do crafts and play. Oh my goodness. I think that the Gabby moving in of it all is really hitting you harder because you want to be in this facility where your consciousness is not turned on until you're 12.

Come on, Mount Joan. Come on, Mount Joan. Oh no. You're doing Harvey. You're warmed, you're warmed to the touch. You really are. You're breaking out into those heights again. All right, well now you're so afraid of germs, but you're touching me.

Well, yes, because I'm concerned again. It's the mom instinct. I can't help it. All right, well, I'm going to keep an eye on you. Okay, go on, Kathy, sorry. So it really wasn't that bad. What was it that you were reading that introduced you to? Nancy Drew, the Harvey boys.

Yeah, when I think of young families, I think of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. It's really about the family. Yes, yes, yes. The Drew family was a real model. And the Hardy Boys, I always remember their portly friend Chet. Poor guy always described as portly. They were always having family adventures, right? Well, they tell their family later. Yes, of course. I think there's always like a dinner at the end. They'll be like, we had an adventure. Okay.

Exactly. The Swiss family, the Swiss young family Robinson. That's right. The Swiss young family Robinson. Now that's a family. Yes, yes. So I just developed an interest and then was released from the facility at age 18.

And were you given any kind of reintroduction or reintegration to the world? Did they send you out? I would say integration. Sorry, well, I just couldn't find the word at first because you know what? I'm starting to feel the effects of what you've given me, Bert, so I have a brain fog.

Don't be dramatic. I am not being dramatic. They designed an online course for us to take about living in the world that we would have. Boy, I'm so fascinated with what that said. What did it say? Oh, it said things. It's so fun, Bert.

Are you running a fever? This is not okay. None of your reactions to this are normal. It was fun. Thank you. It was fun. Just because she thinks it was fun doesn't mean it was burned. It doesn't sound so bad.

Oh my word. So what did it say, was it a video? It was a video and kind of interactive tests. You had to complete at the end of each section. Like the DMV. I don't know if you've ever, that was a big section with the DMV. We're familiar with the DMV. And that was a big section. Yes. Huge navigating that. Costco was a section.

Of course it was. It has to be. I wish I had an integration for Costco. Right? They'd have one of those videos at Costco like they have at the beginning of Jurassic Park. That's a good idea. Kirkland DNA. Okay. So did they provide you with housing? I mean, they can't just spit you out into the world. We don't know how anything works.

They provided us with housing. And we had to make our own beds. Okay. And that was the real and that was the culture shock. Yes, yes, never had to do that before. Someone else, I wouldn't have thought that they would have made your beds for you. Yeah, that is kind of surprising. Right? You had to do everything by yourself,

you're kept alone. Yes. Someone made your bed for you. Yes, yes, I was a child for most of it. But I mean, that is something you teach children to do. Yeah. See, and I don't know this because I've never been a part of a young family. Oh dear. I mean, you know, you've just never been a part of a family. Families don't stay young forever, you know.

Right. And those need not apply. Now, why? So then, OK, so I understand that you're very unorthodox. I'm so sorry, Joan. What is the cutoff for you for how old a family can be? What a great question. It's a really good question. I have been waking up in the middle of the night to kind of try to hash through this myself.

Oh no. Because if you- Oh no. Because I've been everything keeping her up. Because I realize it's ambiguous. Kevi, how long have you been in this life? How old are you? 50 something?

I am in my late 50s. And you are still just, it's been years, decades, and she's still grappling with this life. Yes. Don't you find that haunting? Yes, indeed. But I've only- To me, it seems she's at peace with the life.

I don't get the sense of peace at all. The thing she's grappling with is how young is a young family. All right, how young is a young family for you? What's the cutoff? I've only, to be fair, I've only been trying to sell the table for 18 months. So that isn't as long. But she's still not answering your question.

That's true. You're not answering my question, Kathy. Which was? What's the young family? What's the cutoff age? So I think we can all agree that if you are a family that has children, zero to 10. It's a young family. So parents can be any age.

It's the kids that make them the young family. Well, I'm just starting off with something that we can all agree on, a reality we can all get down with. Then you bring into it, what if the parents are in their 60s? Oh, wow. And they've adopted,

say a four year old. They've adopted, fair enough. Now I don't like to discriminate, but is that a young family? Seems like not so much. What, the parents four year old. Now I don't like to discriminate, but is that a young family? Seems like not so much. With the parents can be old. I think she's saying they can't. That's what we're saying the opposite. That's what we're modeling through

because again, the ethics of it, which is a huge concern to me, they're big on ethics in the facility. Can you unpack that for me about the ethics, what that really means? Yeah, what are the ethics? Beer is not ethical. Oh, you're back on beer pong.

Okay. Yes. Young families are ethical. Okay. Right, but here's the thing. Where did you learn that? Because if all you were doing was reading books about young families,

but you're not describing any books that said anything bad about beer pong. But there was two hours of tutoring. Okay, then fine. What happened in the tutoring? Yeah, yeah. Okay. The tutoring was math, science, geography.

We did also have DARE to keep kids off. You mean about drugs, alcohol, and drugs? I thought you meant that you just did truth or dare, but just did the dare part. Do we know what DARE stands for? Against recreational... Entertainment? Creational entertainment. Drugs alcohol Drugs alcohol is terrible that none of us boy that system really worked in schools. What a great program. We really really learned

I realize I've never known And they've seen those bumper stickers. I've never even thought about it, Bert. And they say, dare to keep kids off drugs and alcohol. That's right. But what does the dare stand for? Don't. Daughters against. And alcohol really education. Ah.

What is it? Drug abuse resistance education. Wow. Oh, there's no way. Drug abuse resistance education to keep kids off drugs and alcohol. Exactly. Makes perfect sense. Yes.

I'm glad we cleared that up. I am too. So then in there, it must have been in that part of the program where you became scared of just anything other than... Yes. Drugs and alcohol are not ethical. Where's the alcohol part? They are bad.

That's why the beer part. Yes. And what was my understanding of frat boys had to come also a self-education post-facility. I watched a lot of film and TV shows. Animal House. Animal House. Van Wilder. Yes.

Chill through my bones. Van Wilder, The Rise of Taj. Never looked at golf carts the same again. Listen, now I'm gonna just say something right here. I am with you in that. I hate beer pong. I said that one. I did, I was quiet about it.

I was quiet about it. I was meek. Really flew into the radar. Back to school. Back to school. Oh, another good one. Yeah. But I will say I cannot, I really can't stand beer pong. This is again, not a movie podcast for everybody is listening at home, but you would be so

very, you'd be very fooled many, many times, but it is not a movie podcast. We're not a movie podcast. I can't stand beer pong. I was never good at it. I can't chug beer like that. I'm very bad at the game. Speaks to your character. Oh, thank you.

But it does, but also like, it's just not for me, but it doesn't bother me if anyone else plays it. Where do you stand on beer tennis? Because that is something that me and my friends used to play. Mm-mm. I don't like it.

I won't judge you as a person. Could you explain how it works, Burt? That I don't like it. It's pretty much like beer pong. you as a person. How it works. I don't like it. It's pretty much like beer pong, but out on a court, but out on a court, a clay court, got to be on clay. It's extremely hard. And, and you're using the rackets. You have to hit the ball into the cup.

Well, it's, it's like a bucket. Okay. Cause it's a little bigger. Sure. Everything's a little bigger. It's still like a red solo bucket. Yes. Yeah. And you have to buy them special. It's the same material as solo cups.

Those would be very popular by the way, I think. For sure. In beer pong, my understanding is that there exists a single solo cup that's filled with water and you take the ball. Oh God, yes. To clean it. I'm gonna throw up. And you kind of baptize it the ball. Oh God. Yes. I'm going to throw up and you

kind of baptize it. The fact that all of these young people think, Oh, that's good enough. It's responsible. Looked at that cup halfway through a game. Jesus Christ. Have you looked at the floors of a college room, a college appointment? They're disgusting, but I thought that the water cup made it okay. No, no, it definitely doesn't. What about when you go to an ice cream place and they have the water that they rinse the ... It looks like the most disgusting thing imaginable. Oh God, it really is terrible. But then why would they be doing it if it didn't make it okay?

I mean, you're asking this to frat boys. That's a great question. That's a question to ask them of everything they do. Why would they be doing it? It's not okay. Well, so in beer tennis, did you guys have a big, a big bucket of water to kind of make the ball of you? We had a claw foot bath tub.

Fancy. That's good. And it wasn't great because- Was it also solo cup material? Yes, it was. And it wasn't great because of course the tennis ball, when it gets wet, it's much heavier now. It sprays like a wet dog.

Yeah, it's terrible. It's really terrible. But what a fun game. Is it? Yeah, it's not for me. Kathy's really, really tisking at it. Tutting me. Kathy's really, really tisking at it. Tudding me. Yeah.

So wait. A little swirl now? I, I really kind of want, I'm just concerned for your like, your heart and your life. I want to know at some point, did they tell you,

oh, you can, you have a biological family. You must, you have to understand that. No, sweetheart, I don't. But honey, you do. No, no, Angel. No, Angel, I'm a test tube baby. No, no, Angel, I'm a test tube baby. Would you excuse me one second, Kathy?

Did you hear where she said her consciousness was turned on at age 12? Why are you assuming that she had a biological family? Maybe I'm just hopeful. I'd abandoned all hope. Ye who have entered here. Yes, but even she was a test tube baby. There is a biological donation from a human.

Test tube baby is a baby. She said she had her consciousness turned on at age 12. We don't know what we're dealing with, Joan. We're out of our depth. I'm just worried about her. I'm worried about me. Oh, I'm worried about you too. Kathy, let me ask you this,

and we'll get into your mysterious upbringing. Do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers. Now is that something that's been happening? Because the tone of this ad reads as if you have been trying to sell this thing. You're fed up with the beer bongers. And I guess there's also these unsolicited offers and services. What's that about? What kind of things are you talking about? What is this? Oh, any old thing. I hear bongers. And I guess there's also these unsolicited offers and services that people are- What's that about?

What kind of things are you talking about? Yeah, what is this? Oh, any old thing. You know, if somebody hits me up and says, hey, I found your resume on LinkedIn.com and we're hiring, all you need to do is send your social security number to this. Oh dear.

You know, that's, I've learned, not real. Yes, I'm glad you've learned that. Yes, an unsolicited offer. Right, right, right. You probably don't even have a social security number. This is so concerning. One time a guy emailed me and said, "'Hey, I saw your ad for the ping pong table.

"'Can I come over and rub your feet?' That's an unsolicited offer. 100%. That is definitely. Yeah. Maybe the very definition. The actual definition of it. Yeah. So then I had to come up with the wording and then I still kept on getting, you know,

an offer to join a religious cult. So that's when I put the capital letters in not. Did they say, would you like to join our religious cult? In so many words, in so many words. Now I got an unsolicited offer recently. This is a text to my phone. Oh, okay.

The sender is not my contact list. Okay. And there's no name, just the number. And it says, I have an older pizza for you, semi-colon, did you get it? Now, they have it and they're asking me if I got it? It's an older pizza? An older pizza?

What a terrible phrase. You got a pizza and you asked for one that's older? Can you look if you have anything older than this? Oh, I see. And then he's gone. Oh. I found an older pizza for you. But then asking if I got it. Yeah.

That is definitely, that's not real. I'll screenshot this. We'll show this with the listeners as well. Maybe it means, did you get it? Like as a joke. Can I have a question? Another question for Cathy. Did you get it?

They sent you out into the world. Were you given a job? How do you pay for things? What is your income? Who is they? Yeah, did you ever find that out? The government, of course. Who was the government?

Okay. Yeah, and they were just kind of doing a long-term study of start to finish test to people. Okay. Start to finish. Start to finish, yeah. What is it? So they're still monitoring you?

Yeah, I go in once a year, kind of like an annual checkup. I assume the finish is death. Is that correct? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. As with us all. True. Well, true. True.

And yes, job, of course. Yeah, I work at a travel agency and things have been kind of slow. Yeah, well, we're one of the last towns to still have a travel agency. We're one of the only neighborhoods still in America where you cannot buy tickets online. You can't, you can't. It just doesn't, it doesn't allow you, it's blocked. It's blocked here.

There's no Expedia, there's no nothing. That's why I love Dignity Falls. I love the small town, old fashioned travel agency bathed its only feel of this place. They still do your gas for you. Yeah. They pump your gas. Whether you need it or not.

Yeah. Like they'll just stick that thing in there. A lot of times if you already have a full tank, the gas will come spilling out. Right. Right. Sometimes you have to kind of try to wave them away and maneuver your car quickly. Yes, that's right.

Just slalom around them. Just go in and get your gum. They're just trying to get you. Just trying to get some gum. So yeah, I've had a very full life. Do you have friends? Yes, of course I have friends. How did you make friends?

Pottery. I have made a ton of pots over the years. Oh, right. But I mean, sorry, what does that have to do with the human people that are your friends? They are at the wheel with me. They are at the kiln with me. We're firing things up together. I volunteer at the library. Lots of friends there. I take cooking classes. We're going to learn how to make paella next week. Oh, she made a very cute face when she said that. She's very excited about making paella.

So I have a very rich life. You don't need to worry about me. It sounds like you do. Right now it sounds good. Thank you. And all I'm asking, all I am asking is for a young family to send me pic of them.

That part is very strange. Because they could send any picture. Well, but also that talk about unsolicited requests. Like that's not, you cannot solicit a picture of a young family. You can't send a picture of a young child. That is very, that's just not done. It's looked badly upon if that's not something

you've learned yet. So why were you asking for that? As proof. Right, I know. No, we get that, but how do people respond to this? Yeah, they can't be happy about it. What I'm saying is, if you were just to take out that one sentence, I bet you you might find

some more people to put you. But Joan, how would I know then? How would I know that it's not one of those frat brothers who's made up an email address, youngfamilyathotmail.com. Oh, the hotmail might give it away. Definitely hobby. Now you do say many are interest. So is that true or is that just to beef up the sales?

Well, many are interest, but just not the right kind. Now it's a phrase I don't normally hear, many are interest. Now is that something to do with how you were tutored or did you guys all speak a different way? Have you noticed that? Yes, it is kind of a poetic, I don't know if you noticed that the way that I wrote it.

Oh, it is beautiful. Yes, lyrical. Can I see the post again? You know, Bert, you did a great job reading it, but I could, if you would allow me. Oh, she's saying it was a reading. In the author's voice, yes. Ping pong table, tennis, a no beer pong.

This is for young families by Cathy. Thank you, Joan. Almost new. Would like to give it young family. Special wide for standing for small ones. Forget beer pong people. Send pic of young family. Many are interested.

Do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers to charge $100. Wow. Good job, everyone. Thank you. It's powerful. Thank you. So this is interesting. You do drop a lot of things.

Would like to give it young family. Lots of prepositions lost here. Is that, what's that about? That's just how I hear it in my brain. You know, I would like to give it many things to young family. I think young family deserves so many things. Okay. Ping pong table and otherwise.

What babe? What about us? What about us? Oh, would you count, well, your kids I think are a little too old for a young family Would you give it to us? Oh, you're you're you're strapping young twins. I've seen oh Sure, yeah, they're strapping young. Yeah, they're young Bert. They're young Oh, yeah, I mean they certainly established the cutoff. Well, I mean they're they're Neurologically, they're I mean

Emotionally, you're not in your 60s. Theyotionally they're six. No, so that's good. That's good. Well, that's great. That really might count. Now, let me ask you this. Have they written or pitched any major pilots or projects to any, along with any major fan? How would you answer this question?

This could go either way. It really could go either way. Do you want us to say yes or no? I think- Doug. Well, to me, that is kind of a general marker of maturity. Oh, it is. Oh, well then in that case, yes, yes, they worked on a few. They're in development. Oh, I did it wrong. No, but for maturity, she's looking for youth.

No, it's for Chick-fil-A though. It's for Chick-fil-A. Oh, it's for Chick-fil-A. It was about pranking your parents. It was about pranking your parents. Does that make a difference? Oh, that's quite youthful. Yes, it is. It's fighting was for Chick-fil-A. It was about pranking your parents. It was about pranking your parents. Does that make a difference? Oh, that's quite youthful. Yes, it's about pranking one's parents. Yes. Yeah, it was about pranking your parents.

So could we have it? Well, we can be, I can consider, send me a photo, send me a pic of young family. Preferably yours. You know, I have a question, Cathy, and I don't quite know what makes me think this, but it's just a feeling that I get. Once you are able to sell this ping pong table,

not for beer pong purposes, but for the intended purpose of young family, do you plan to still be somehow involved in the everyday use of this ping pong table to monitor it in some way? Yes, wonderful. Great question. Do you know what I mean? Yes, absolutely. Because it's like, how would you know?

This is what I'm saying. If you let it go from your house, just it's gone. It's gone from your memory. Don't think about it anymore. It doesn't it shouldn't bother you. What's done with it. Mm hmm. Have you ever heard of the concept of an open adoption? Oh, well, are you talking about how you might adopt a child,

but then the biological parents are allowed to regularly be a part of the child's life? Is that what you're talking about? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm envisioning something. I didn't know dare, but I knew that. I'm envisioning something similar. To be fair, that gives you,

the term open adoption gives you a little more information, but just dare. So in a way, you're having joint custody of this big pong table. You're allowed to visit it from time to time. And I don't want to interfere. I just want to kind of... You'll show up for special occasions, holidays.

Yes, just for holidays and just to kind of see how it's going, you know? And if it's with you... Why do you think you're so emotionally invested in this ping pong table's future? I don't know, and if it's with you. Why do you think you're so emotionally invested in this ping pong table's future? I don't know, you know, is it because I felt ultimately kind of cast aside by the government and kind of nurse abandonment issues because of that, and then transfer that idea to my possessions? Maybe?

I'm gonna say yes. Steve, this is why I'm worried about her. You said she's fine. So, listen to everything she just said. That's heartbreaking. Joan, I'm learning to make paella next week. Paella is a blast. Sounds like she's figured it out.

I can't deny it. You know what I mean? Like she's, look, none of us have a perfect childhood. And I think if we're able to recognize what happened and move on, understand our attachments to these issues that shaped us, that's the best you can hope for. I guess, you know, I guess that's true. Cathy, I think you're doing great.

Thank you so much. And I would love to take the ping pong table. So I'll send you a pic of Young Family. Please. And can I say Joan, it's perfect that you have these two twins because they would be so cozy on each of those stoops. Oh baby, did you already send her a picture? Oh yeah, which one do you think?

Joan schedules professional family photos about every week. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. That is perfect. But sweaters all year long. All year long.

Everyone's in sweaters, matching sweaters all year long. And just one final question, I guess, before we let you go, Kathy. How much did you pay for the ping pong table? Oh, good question. $69.97. Wow. So, it's $100, right?

So when you say it's $100, so when you say it's almost new, that means you have not had it for that long and barely used it? Mm-mm. Mm-mm. I can't follow that. I can't follow that. Those were very fast. Haven't had it for long and barely used it. Yes, affirmative.

How many times total would you say you've played ping pong? Three. No. And the third time you saw yourself in the mirror and you said, I can't do this. Yes. Yes. Hat trick realization.

Wow. Okay. All right. Well, Kathy, one final time, if you want to get your message out there, you can put it in new words or whatever you want to really let people know that you have this ping pong table, you're selling it and you don't want it used for beer pong.

Yes. Ping pong table tennis, $100. Just going to say the same100. Forget beer pong people. Okay. Forget beer pong people. Her style. Yeah. Forget beer pong people?

Forget beer pong people? Is it forget beer pong people or is it forget beer pong people? So that's the beauty of poetry. This is a message to beer pong people saying, forget it. Scoot. It's a message to the rest of us saying to all of us, a plea, forget beer pong people saying, forget it, scoot. It's a message to the rest of us saying, to all of us, a plea, forget beer pong people. Just forget beer pong people.

Yeah. Well, thank you for that. Deeply moved by this. I sure am. I sure am too. Well, thanks for coming. We say this a lot, and this time we really mean it. Best of luck to you.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you letting me come by. Our pleasure. More with The Neighborhood Listen when The Neighborhood Listen returns. This is Tony. Free. Vintage antique, heavy safe. It's empty inside. So don't even bother opening it. There's no point. It's empty. Nothing's in there. Nothing suspicious. It's just a safe. I don't want it anymore. Gotta get rid of it. It's empty. Make it into an end table if you want. Don't go in

there. Don't open it up. It's empty. There's nothing in there you need to worry about. You get me? Anything that's in there. You need to worry about You get me? Anything that's in there, which is nothing is none of your concern. I just don't want it in my house anymore for my own reasons So you take it it's free and then you have a big heavy object that you can do whatever you want with except open All right, it's empty inside. So don't look in there. Don't go in there.

Don't tell anybody you got it from me. And everybody can go on with their business. They don't gotta worry about nothing. Okay? Don't look in it. It's empty. What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?

It's empty. And welcome tell you, what I tell you, it's empty. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Well, Kathy, she really- What a bazaar. You just never know who was in our neighborhood. I'll tell you what. I want to know more about this building, this facility had to be here somewhere. Yeah, I'm curious about that. I've never heard anything about this because there's going to be other people in town like this. I wish we'd had the time to talk about this mysterious facility, but

yeah, it's weird that we didn't actually talk about it. Yeah. And I mean, we have to honor the guest. We have to honor the guest. All right. By the way, you are covered in big red bumps. Are you aware of this? Oh, I guess I am. How do you feel right now? I feel fine. Okay. Wait, is that because you were thinking about moving in with Gabby or because of the COVID? Good question, Doug.

At this point, I don't know where the COVID and the anxiety begins. Hey, you know what? Here's the silver lining. Maybe it's not COVID, maybe it's something else. Yeah, why did you say it wasn't anyways? You didn't take a test? Silver lining.

Uh. I took a test and I saw- That's one of the few things you can unequivocally know you have. I took a test and I saw three lines. Oh, that's not good. You're pregnant with COVID. What's his name? Lou Gossett Jr.

If you listen to our bonus episodes, you'll know that. We have time for one final post. This is from a listener named David Fox. And this is in the crime and safety section. It's posted by someone named Desi. Desi says, suspicious van slash packages, four question marks? Or is it five? It might be five.

I think it's five. Okay. I like to get a lot of peasant. Ooh, you can start over. This is because I'm telling you, you have them on your tongue too. And it's starting to affect your speech. Okay, I like to get a lot of packages like from Amazon, maybe 100 many lol. But there's a house down the street that keeps

getting things or something delivered by plain white vans. No logos I see. Like the kind you see on TV where they have bad things going on and trying to blend in. It always seems a little fishy. And I don't want to do anything to extreme all caps. Like call the police or something. But I just don't understand

what's happening here and why no one else seems to notice for all caps obvious reasons. I don't want to ask the person there a lot has happening and I don't need more drama. He sounds like one of Kathy's. That's it. A lab yet. No, cultivators. He sounds like one of Cathy's, uh, lab. Yeah. No. The same kind of weird, no, uh, childhood habitators. Yes. Because he used that weird language that she did. Yeah. Yeah.

Also he's seen way too many movies. My God. Now I will say this every once in a while, I will see a package dropped off in like an unmarked van that I'm just wondering sometimes is that an outsourcing of like other people to drop off packages and they use their own van or I don't know. I think there's that I think in this gig economy in which we live, I think a lot of people are doing that.

I think also that, you know, those are rented often. I mean, not here, but other places. But also the ones you have to watch out for in Dignity Falls are those, they're like a pale blue, it's a sort of like a crossover van. Robin Blue Egg. Robin Blue Egg. Robin Egg Blue.

That's what I meant to say. And they drive around and if you're on the street, they'll slow down. And of course the windows are tinted, you can't see inside. They just slow down, they match your pace. It's so upsetting. If you speed up, they speed up, if you slow down, they slow down.

They don't do anything. Nope. But there's tons of them. And they're self-driving, right? We don't know. Oh, that's right, you can't see inside. We don't know, you can't see inside. I thought that they were.

You never see anybody get in or get out? Really? Yeah. They don't have any of those like, you know, things on the roof that are sort of a camera. Oh, you're right. Because that's so creepy. That's so creepy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they don't drop anything off. Have you ever seen them drop anything off? All I've seen them do is drive around, slow down or speed up based on your pace if you happen to be on the street. All these light blue cars. And one time I saw them in a parking lot, there was like six of them, they were all parked like in a circle.

Oh no, like they were having a meeting. Yes, like they were having a meeting. And their lights were flashing on and off. Oh no. Like the one, there would be one whose lights would flash for a while and then that would stop. And then the other ones would start flashing on and off really fast.

And then like one would be honking. It was like as if they were applauding. Or maybe they were fighting. Sounds like what they were fighting. They could have been fighting, could have been a dispute. I think that David is jealous of- Desi. Desi, Desi?

Yeah, I don't know who David is. Oh, David was thei, Desi, Desi. I don't know who David is. Oh, David was the person who sent David Fox. Yes. Oh, I see. Desi was the name, the person who posted. Well, who knows maybe David's jealous too, but you're jealous. Don't be a hater. The person in the post is jealous of other people getting packages. I mean, like,

it's just that thing of like who's getting a package and why are they getting it from a different, why would he care? It's because he doesn't know what it is. And so he wants to assume. He doesn't need any more drama. He definitely doesn't need any more drama. But he's creating the drama. Actually, yeah, you're right, baby.

You actually like hit the nail on the head. That is exactly a person who loves the drama. Desi, you're addicted. Because they say they don't want a drama. You're addicted to the drama, Desi. Drama, yep, you are. You sure are. You might as well face it.

Did you sing a song? I see, you're doing a weird out. I, you are. You sure are. You might as well face it. Did you sing a song? I see. You're doing a weird Al. I guess. I was doing a Robert Palmer. But you're changing the words. That's the weird Al part. I know.

I didn't think that was an original song about a weird Al yet. I didn't think that that was nearly good enough to warn being called a weird Al. It's just an umbrella term. I understand. Yeah. Well, I don't feel well,

so I don't know what's going on. Neither do I. Well, I'm't feel well, so I don't know what's going on. Neither do I. Well, I'm sure you don't, babe. To be honest, I feel terrific. You don't look it. I hate to tell you that. That's almost rude. It's very upsetting. We do thank you for listening. We'll be back next week, of course. In the meantime, if you'd like to hear our bonus content and ad-free episodes, you can go to the comedybangbangworld.com website, sign up on The Maximist here, if you'd like to hear our bonus content and ad free episodes, you can go to

the comedy bang bang world.com website, sign up on the Maximus tier and you will get access to ad free episodes of the show as well as our fun bonus content, which includes movie watch alongs, Q and A's. We have a podcast by other people in dignity falls. It's all kinds of fun. Date night at Sizzler. Date night at Sizzler, which we did not realize was being recorded. Doug set up a bunch of microphones.

But yeah, please do check that out. And if you'd like to follow us on social media, it's The Neighborhood Listen on any of the social. If you don't find it on a social, that means we're not on it. Try another social. Try another social. Try another social. Well, goodbye. And bye! and me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Hillary and Matthews. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World.

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