The Neighborhood Listen - Talking Trash, Bean Screen and An Orange Beret with John Gemberling

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

This week, Burnt and Joan read a post about trash, a plea to stop speeding and Burnt and Joan find Doug in a very specific room. Plus, Kevin (John Gemberling) comes onto the show to see if anyone found his lost orange beret!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is.

All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. This episode's guest is played by John Gemberling. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity

Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHap app and us. Bird. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

And welcome once more. Oh. To the Neighborhood Listen. Joan, was it something, a little sauce I threw on there? It was kind of funny, yeah. I liked it. It was loose. I'm getting. Like, I liked it. It was loose.

I'm getting into the broadcasting sort of style. It's fun. You are. It is fun, isn't it? You know, I don't get to do that standing behind the counter at a pharmacy. It's not often that I get to have fun with the way I do it. It's sort of just the same old thing all day, right? Yes. Well, it's also, you have to keep a sort of neutral tone because people are coming up

with their disgusting and embarrassing ailments and asking for medications. What's one of the craziest disgusting ailments you've ever had someone come to you with? I mean, some of the people, and I don't mean this in an unkind way, but they're revolting. And the problems, the things that people get themselves into that just poison oak, poison ivy everywhere, just places it shouldn't be. Oh, yeah. You know, there's, of course, there's a classic, someone's camping and they don't have toilet paper,

and so they use something that they think is just a harmless leaf, and it's not. But then some people, I had a guy come in, had poison oak everywhere but that place. Do you know what I mean? Oh, no. That is bizarre. What were you doing? Yes.

Everywhere but that place. Yes. In fact, very conspicuously not that place. In a way that made it seem like you were doing this on purpose. You were trying to get poison oak all over you except for your anus. Oh, wow. Okay, I was thinking in the front, but you're talking in the back. Wow.

It was a man. That was a switcheroo. Yeah, it was a man. It was probably a switcheroo for the. Oh, wow. Okay, I was thinking in the front, but you're talking in the back. Wow. It was a man. That was a switcheroo. Yeah, it was a man. It was probably a switcheroo for the other partner, too. Sorry? What scenario are you imagining? I don't know.

Let's check in with Doug. Doug, how are you? I'm great. I'm here in the bean room. All right, so just so people know, this is The Neighborhood Listen, where we discuss the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. My name is Bert Mia Payday.

I am a pharmacist here in Dignity Falls and one of your hosts. I am Joan Pedestrian, and I am the top realtor in Dignity Falls. And also a fantastic amateur thespian. Oh, that is very, very nice of you. Our engineer is Joan's husband, Doug. Correct. Who is in, I believe he said, the bean room. That's right.

The bean room. Yep. We have, you know how sometimes when you go to a candy store and there's all those different lined up sort of clear pipes of jelly bellies? Yes. And you can just pull a huge, well, we have the same thing, but we have them with beans.

Pull a huge... Handle, what did I say? You didn't say anything. No. A bounty. You just said pull a huge bounty? A bounty of beans just said pull a huge bounty? A bounty of beans, like a collection of beans. You meant something physical.

You pull like a lever or something. I guess that my brain filled it in and my listeners had to be left alone. Our listeners? In the dark. Although I am one of your listeners because I'm listening to you. That's right.

It's true. So, yes, we have every type of bean. And I keep them stocked. But you don't mean jelly beans. You mean. No, no. Like a pinto. Black eyed pea.

That's different. Not quite a bean, but still. Navy bean. A navy bean. A lima bean. Correct. Fava bean. Kidney bean.

Fava bean and an ice Chianti. Come on, go ahead. Do the sound. Oh. I tried to do it and I couldn't do it. I almost made myself pass out. I just took in a lot of air. But it's a sound going out, not a sound coming in.

Is that correct? Isn't that what I thought it was? I thought that's what it was. See, you did it. And I'm breathing in, so it's impossible to run out. I can't. I can't. That sounds very different.

I can't do it't I can't do it I can't do it That does sound like you're dying It makes me feel very uneasy. I wouldn't do it anymore if I were you I'm going to stop right now The point is, Anthony Hopkins is a great actor. He's terrific

Many coffee beans Oh, correct. So one whole wall is just coffee beans. And so you just walk one whole wall is just coffee beans. And so you just walk in and you pull the, again, it started with the twins because I was just like, oh God, what am I going to make? And I would just go fill a whole pot full of beans. This is Matt and Cream.

Yeah, that's right. And then, you know, we would have a meal and it just stuck, you know. We have a lot of extra rooms in the house. So we kind of ran out of things to do. So guess what? That's how you get the bean room. This house.

And people who haven't seen your home, if they're listening from outside of Dignity Falls, your home is deceptively large. Like it looks from the outside, it looks like a typical house. Which is what we like. But it's almost like Christ's words in scripture. My father's house has many mansions. So inside this house, there's all these rooms that I've never even seen. I didn't know you had a bean room.

This is news to me. And just, I hope during a break, you'll let me look at it because I'm trying to picture it. Just all the cylindrical tubes with all the beans in there. Hang out on beanbag chairs. Yes, and that was Doug's

addition, which I thought was so clever. So it's not just room for storing beans. It's also where you can hang out with the beans. You can sit on the beans. You can be literally surrounded by them. They're supporting you. Yes, and there's only bean-themed content streaming

on a screen in there. We call it the bean screen. What would be an example of some of this bean content that you'd see on the bean screen? Like, you know, Juan Valdez. Yeah, you know how those commercials of... His adventures? You mean the commercials

for that coffee? Right. Doug has always thought that that was a real person who goes on real adventures. Most of his adventures, if I'm wrong, seem to be the transportation of coffee beans. Is that correct? Well, he's in the jungles of Columbia. You don't know what he's going to run into.

It's like solving, you know, it's like Indiana Jones. What I remember is mostly him leaving a burrow. Am I thinking of the right guy? It's the adventures of Juan Valdez and his trusty burrow. I don't recall him having to escape any place or solve any puzzles.

I could be wrong. Maybe I haven't seen all the commercials. You just start reading between the lines of those commercials. Apparently not. But what was the motivation for a bean room in your home? I told you the twins were just eating at a house and home. They're eating like half a cow. Yes, right. And beans fill up a person real quick.

They sure do. They sure do. And so I just decided it started as a joke. You know, I said, I'm going to put a bunch of beans in a trough and you guys can just scoop them out. And then, you know, sure enough, before I knew it, Doug had set up the whole entire, I don't even know where you got, did you order those cylinders and the levers or levers, depending on your place of origin?

True, true. Yeah, you can find them at, like, dumps or secondhand. Those are two very different things. Well, I don't know if I'd be going to the dump for something Or secondhand. Those are two very different things. Well. Secondhand store and a dump. I don't know if I'd be going to the dump for something that was going to contain food. I sure hope you meant a secondhand store. And you just said dump. Because you were searching for the phrase secondhand store.

If you don't find it at the dump, you can check the secondhand store. Why would you go to the dump? Because it's free? To save money? This is why I do not let dumps do most of the shopping. It's free. And it's surprisingly more common at a dump than a secondhand store. What is surprisingly more common?

A bean... A bean cylinder? Bean cylinder. Well, I'll have to take your word for that one. Yes, you will. Anyway, I do want to see this bean room during the break. But as we always do on the show, we discuss posts from the popular NeighborHap application, which you have it in your neighborhood, we have it in our neighborhood, Dignity Falls.

And so what we do is we look at the posts and we discuss them aloud. Yes, we do. Of course. How else would we do it on a podcast? Telepathically? Okay, Jo. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just having a little fun. I have a post here to read. Fantastic. Yeah. This is right in keeping with our theme. Yes. And by the way, we will get to your emails. Thank you so much for sending them in.

Yes. But you know what happened is I thought Bernt was in charge and Bernt thought I was in charge. Yes. And by the way, we will get to your emails. Thank you so much for sending them in. Yes. But you know what happened is I thought Berndt was in charge and Berndt thought I was in charge. Yes. It was like, again,

relating to scripture when Mary and Joseph lost Jesus in the temple. You know, I forget you know so much about the Bible. I don't know why I do. I'm not religious,

but I am spiritual and I love trivia. It's the only book you own, correct? The Bible is the only book I own. And yet you have bookends around it. You have bookends for just the one Bible. Well, it's a nice Bible.

I don't want it to fall over. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, that's great. Okay. So this one is called Talking Trash. Now, you guys, this is about the real controversial Proposition F. Oh, Proposition F. Oh, Proposition F.

People are divided on this. This is from Laramie, and she or he says... Laramie is about as gender neutral a name as it gets. I would say so. It says, I've been asked by private message to stop posting about Proposition F because it's political and this is a community app that should be used to bring the community together. And we should be talking about trash pickup and gardening and coyotes. And nothing brings the community together more than talking about trash pickup, gardening, and coyotes. That's very true.

I personally believe that our community should be made aware of propositions and what they will cost us. Apparently calling me a boomer is an insult to me. Not just aware of what goes on in our community politically and otherwise okay is laramie saying that that that people are calling her or him a boomer but they're not upset by it but i guess that's what everyone is saying this whole okay boomer thing that now everyone was running around saying to everybody yes okay boomer from what i understand is uh just an abject dismissal of someone's opinion. Absolutely. And a reminder that they're old. Yes, that's right. But you can say it to people

who aren't even boomers. Did you know that? Oh, I did not know that. Yes. You can say it to people who are displaying what is considered, I guess, a boomer mindset. Like out of date or like a dated or a biased opinion. Exactly. You might as well be saying to them, 23 skidoo. I'm sorry, what? 23 skidoo. What's that? That's a thing that they used to say in the 1920s when they walked around in their raccoon coats. They were waving their pennants and they'd get in the rumble seat of the old jalopy.

Okay. They'd have goldfish swallowing contests and they had flagpole sitting contests. You were born in the wrong era, weren't you, Burnt? I do sometimes wish I was born. I was a college student in the 1920s. Burnt is very steampunk. Do you know what that is? I'm very much steampunk, but I don't really know what it is. I don't know. It's like, um, it's like, uh, you know, uh, a pilot, a pair of pilot goggles and a, and pilot goggles and a French horn. Yes, it's very... Joan, I couldn't have put it better myself.

It's like pilot goggles and a French horn. Well, what I'm going at is there's always some sort of brass or metal involved. Absolutely. It's very Jules Verne. Very Jules Verne, yes. You know, it's wood alongside metal technology made. Sorry, I'll stop my guesses. You do one.

You go. Octopi are a big part of it, though. It is true. Yeah. It is true. Yes, it's part of the reason I love that Nitro Burning Funny car so much. I know you do. Which had the wood.

Oh, in what little interior it had, it had wood paneling. I loved that car. Oh, I loved that car. I hated to give it up. I hated to give it up. And why was that again? They had to give it up? It was just too expensive.

I mean, to have as a, yeah, to have as just your sort of, you know, getting around town car. Right. Because it only ran on nitro. It burned nitro. It burned nitro. It literally did. Right. Because it only ran on nitro. It burned nitro. It burned nitro. It literally did. And, you know, for a race that's great because the races are not very

they don't last very long. They're just a straight line. Sure. And you know, whoever comes in first wins. But to run errands, it did get to be pricey. What was that sound, Doug? What was that sound, Doug? I think I chipped my tooth on this bean.

You're not supposed to eat them right out of the cylinder. You know that, right? What kind of bean was it? It actually sounded kind of squishy. It was a coffee bean, I think. I thought it was a jelly bean. It's my mistake. I understand.

I'll blame the victim. You thought it was just a brown jelly bean? Yes. That smelled like coffee. Oh, Doug. Well, there are coffee jelly beans, I guess, to be fair. Now, to get back to 23 Skidoo, why would they say that? What's the origin of that?

That I don't know. Oh, it was just a fanciful thing to say. Yes, exactly. Like a so's your old man or something like that. Right. Well. Ha, cha, cha. Bernt, how did you steer your funny car?

This is the first question you've ever asked me. Forgive me. I just. That can't be true. The steering, I think it might be. Wow. Okay. The steering of the nitro burning funny car, you had to really, you had to really plan out your steering in advance.

you had to really plan out your steering in advance. So if I was starting at one end of the street, I would have to hit the gas and start turning the wheel in order to be ready to turn. But of course it's very long. Right. And what did you do if you got to, it was a little bit like Mario cart. Yes.

And what'd you do if you got to Thomas Jefferson Boulevard? Cause it's just that long curve. That, that was, I tried to avoid it as much as possible. And, uh, uh,

I would, I would program into the GPS avoid streets, which was – that was a hack I had to do. I'm sure. Yeah, it's not – your standard GPS does not come with an avoid streets option. No, it wouldn't. Yeah. And so, yeah, it was tricky. It was tricky.

Better to drive a bike. To drive a bike? To ride a bike. Better to drive a bike than a nitro-burning funny car in a city. So, anyhow, back to Proposition F. And, you know, it's interesting because this is also talking about changing the dump location. And now it turns out that Doug would not want that to happen because I didn't know that he's heading over to the dump just to pick up this week's groceries. He's apparently, he's a regular down there.

Yeah, he's a regular down there. Yeah, he is. I'm not picking up groceries at the dump. I'm picking up the containers. That we put the groceries in. I think Joan was being sarcastic. What happens is the dump has gotten out of control. In a way, I don't blame Doug for going down there to look for odds and ends because people are putting,

I mean, the stuff that people are putting, I mean, the stuff that people are putting in that dump, there has to be some rule and some regulation. And that's why I'm voting, and Prop F is very cleverly worded, I'm voting yes on Prop F. Okay. Even though the wording of it makes it seem like we don't want to regulate the dump. They actually do want to regulate the dump. Right, because it says we don't want to not unregulate the dump at all in any way, shape, or form anymore again. Yes.

And it ends with yes. Yes. So what does that mean? You've got to really—it it ends with yes. Yes. So what is that? You got a really. It's so many twists and turns. You got to side wind through that. Yes. That is so.

That is absolutely right. And I've got to add this, Bert. And we'll put this on our website when we have one. Sure. But the poster at the bottom, Laramie, this is the picture that he puts up. Which is a dog. It seems to be. Looking straight down the barrel of the camera in front of a washing machine. And in the washing machine is a stuffed animal dog.

That's right. Oh, you know what? Here's the thing. I think this was taken at the dump. What? Yes. I think people have been, they've been sort of. Instagramming at the dump?

Yes. They've been Instagramming at the dump. And so they're making interesting things. They're putting together interesting things. Uh-huh. And so they get rid of their old washing machine. They're like, we're also going to put some stuffed animals in there. Oh, my gosh.

And then they bring the... This person's brought their dog. That dog looks very concerned. Very concerned. I've never seen a dog... Don't bring your dog to the dump. Don't... I shouldn't have to say that.

You shouldn't. It used to be, back in the old days, it was great. The dogs would chase the rats. It would be a great day out for the dog. It was a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Exactly. Maybe you could find an old jalopy there that you could tune up. I don't mean to get back to jalopies.

Oh, 23 Skidoo. Well, we have to take a break. Yes, we do. When we return, we will have our guest in studio more. Or kitchen is what we really mean. The kitchen is this. Yes. Our studio kitchen. Or kitchen is what we really mean. Well, the kitchen is this. Yes. Our studio kitchen.

Studio kitchen. We'll be right back. Hey, it's me, Hazel A. Free complete hospital bed. Free complete hospital bed only used for a year and only one person. Call John. Did you bleep that out? I mean, I do want people to get the hospital bed, but I also feel weird about putting the number out there, so bleep it out. Remember, only one person used it for one year. Otherwise, it's a great hospital bed.

Welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. And Joan, we have our guest here at the Kitchen Island. We do, and it's very exciting because, I'll tell you what, I found this to be sort of a sweet post, if not a quizzical one, you know? But I'm very interested in this person. This guy sounds kind of like a character. Oh, alright. What's

interesting is he sort of acts as if everyone knows him already. So I'm just going to say this is from Kevin. And he says, hi, everybody. I lost a new orange beret hat I bought myself as a Christmas gift. And actually then it says T dot dot dot. Like his title was too long for the neighbor hat to even fit at all. So that's interesting.

I've never seen that before. Me neither. Well, normally you don't write such a huge subject heading. I thought you just dove into the post. I didn't realize that was just a subject line. No, this was still the subject line, and I didn't even finish it. I'm seeing it now. I've never seen that before.

My first question for Kevin is going to be, what was the rest of the headline? Absolutely. Because then it starts again in the actual post. Hi, neighbors. Kevin here. You know, Kevin. I had just bought a handsome orange beret at Individual Medley, which we're going to ask about too. I don't know if that's a new restaurant or what,

but it's capitalized. On my walk with the dogs and didn't ask for a bag and just put it in my pocket and I dropped it on the way home. So Individual Medley must be a store because he asked for a bag. Not a restaurant. Not a restaurant. Could be, could be a doggy bag. True. Anyway. But he didn't buy a hat there. Oh, that's right. Oh, he bought it there. That's right. Okay, sorry. I didn't make that connection. When I read, I don't always think.

If anyone finds it, it's a very orange beret hat, which I feel like is redundant to say beret hat. You know, the flat little French hats in the shape of a circle. Anyway, if you find it, I would love it back. It was my Christmas present to moi. That's French. Thank you.

Thanks, everyone. He thanks everyone twice. Wow. Kevin is having a lot of fun. He's having a lot of fun with this beret. With a lost and found post. I know he doesn't sound too upset, but I bet you that he'd like it back. Let's bring him in and see if he's had any success. Kevin, welcome. Welcome to the Neighborhood Listen. Hi. Thank you for it back. Well, let's bring him in and see if he's had any success. Kevin, welcome. Kevin, welcome to the Neighborhood Lesson.

Hi, hi, hi. Thank you for having me. Kevin, first question. Has your orange beret been returned to you? No. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, it's gone.

I've been up and down the streets with my dogs, and I just, oh, I wish you could have seen it. It is the cutest orange beret. It was so cute. It was so orange. I don't know if you know berets. They are, I mean, like I said, they're these circular hats. They're not tall.

No, no, they're flat. They're short, shortish hats. They have a little nub, a little cloth nub right at the top in the center. And you can wear them straight on your head. You can wear them cocked to one side. Sure, yes. You seem to think that everyone's very, very unfamiliar with a beret. Well, I'm a huge Francophile, so to me it's natural to talk about berets. And you speak a little French.

N'est-ce pas? Oui. Oh, God. That's fun. I feel like I'm at the United Nations. Now, because you also put some French in. You said it was your Christmas present to moi, which is to yourself. Why do you love France so much?

Or French things, I should say. Is it France that you love or just French things? Or both. Or both. Well, I've never been to France. Okay. I was in Canada as a small boy. Okay.

You mean you lived there or you visited once? No, my mother took me to Montreal to a trip. Lovely. And maybe that was the start of it. I don't even remember the trip. I was so small. I don't even remember the trip. I was so small. I was just, I was a small, small child. Okay, well, what's the first French thing you remember loving?

Oh, I remember my mother making me a French toast for breakfast. Okay. I see. And she got this really thick challah bread and she just soaked it. I don't know if you know what French toast is, but it's thick, absorbent bread, and you soak it in a sort of an egg batter. She put half and half, and she put cinnamon in the batter.

Yes, that's pretty common. You soak it on one side, and then she would flip it to the other. Oh, well, right. You have to do that. And then she would butter a pan. Okay, now you're going backwards. And she would flip it to the other side. Right, you have to do that. And then she would butter a pan. Okay, now you're going backwards. And she would put it right in. Well, she would do the bread.

Oh, she would do the bread. That's the order she would do it in. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. And then she would heat the pan. Right. And pans heat up fairly quickly. Yes, I mean, we're filling with pans. And she would put the egg-soaked bread in the pan.

Yes, that's cooking. And it would brown on one side. How did I know you were going to say that? And when it reached that golden brown before it burnt, she would flip it over with this spatula that we had. We know what a spatula is. We've got it. Just before you describe it.

Yep, we got it. And then you ate it and it we all over it before you describe it yep we got it and then you ate it and it was done right sorry it's a flat it's a flat implement oh you're describing the spatula

flip I know I'm sorry it's okay and then she would put maple syrup which is what people do sure

on it this is what people do you know the French actually refer to French toast as pain perdu, which means lost bread. Yes, I thought you might like this because it means that it's kind of days old bread and there's nothing else to do with it. So you might as well throw it in some egg batter, soak it. And then it's almost like using rotten bananas for banana bread.

What do they call banana bread? Pain de banana. I don't know, Bert. I'm not the Francophile here. Do you know what they call banana bread in French, Kevin? No. Oh, well, okay. I didn't mean to upset you.

I had not heard that, but the French used old bread. My mom used fresh challah bread. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. I didn't know that. Are you upset that she didn't do it the classic French way? I mean, she did. It was just a different name. It was so good and fresh.

I don't like hearing that they use old bread. Well, I'm sure they don't every time. I would think it would be a dish that they would hold in high esteem. Oh, I really didn't mean to. Not some throwaway garbage breakfast. I didn't mean to turn you against anything French. I thought I was sharing a fun trivia a bit with something in the category of something you loved.

Kevin, is this making you less of a Francophile hearing this information? Kevin? I guess I have my... He's very... He's really... It seems... He's going very... I don't know.

I guess I have my idea of what France is and then there's these realities that I never even considered. No, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen. It's wonderful that you love things that are French.

Tell us about something else other than the French toast that you love. What's something else? Something not food related. Sure. Like a French movie or something. Oh. It doesn't have to be that.

Do you like the Tour de France? No. The bicycle race? No. It's French. I saw Triplets of Belleville, but I fell asleep doing that. It was so hot in that theater. Oh.

French kissing is... Hey, how about that? No, it's disgusting. Okay. Oh, all right. French doors? French fries! French fries!

Yeah. Yes. I like French fries. I always wondered if the curly fries were French also. I don't know. Because they are French fries, right? They call them frites in French. True. What? Frites. F-R-I-T-E-S?

Never mind. Never mind. Forget it. Forget what I said. You know, they call the, in France, they call the... Stop. Stop. Pomme de terre? No. Did you know that? Unless you knew that. No, he didn't know it. The potato, they call the pomme de terre, the apple of the earth. The apple of the earth, yeah.

Like, you know, apples come off a tree, but then this one comes out of the ground. You know what? That's wordy. Why not just have a name for it? It's nothing like an apple. Well, but that's the joke, is that it's like an apple, but one that comes from the ground. The French term for potato is a joke? In fact, it's kind of lovely if you think about it.

It's poetic. No, it's not a joke. It's not a joke. I think of it as more poetic, you know? What a poetic, lovely way to talk about a potato. It's a a joke. It's not a joke. Think of it as more poetic, you know? What a poetic, lovely way to talk about a place. It's a beautiful language. It is a beautiful language. It's a beautiful language.

Well, this beret. Yes, let's get to the beret. Because it's out there. You love the beret so much. Yes. It was so orange. It was a beautiful orange beret. You mentioned that. And I bought it for myself. It was so orange. It was a beautiful orange beret. You mentioned that.

And I bought it for myself. At Individual Medley. Is that a new boutique store? I had not heard of it. That is a it's a it's a dog store. A dog store. It is. They have dog food.

They have stuff for your pets. Okay. They have leashes. Exactly. Do you have a pet? I have dogs. Oh, okay, great. He did mention the dogs. Oh, I'm sorry. You're right, you're right, you're right. My bad. But there is a beret in this dog store. It's all dog stuff.

And then they have this one rack of colored berets at the checkout line. Do they have the logo of the store on them or no? They're completely unadorned berets. Uh-huh. They have a sort of a felt feel to them. Yeah, most do.

Yes. And I was getting some cones for my dogs. Oh, did they have surgery? More than one. First of all, how many dogs are we talking? Good question. We're talking three dogs. Three dogs, okay.

Three beautiful dogs. What breed? Are they mixes? Are they? They're all French bulldogs. Of course, of course. Which I love. Yes, yes.

Maybe. Marcel. Cardinal Richelieu. Oh, wow. And the third one? Eve. Oh. Is Marcel from Marcel Marceau, the French mime?

Who? Oh, my God. As you were starting, I was thinking she shouldn't. I know. You're right. You're right. Just continue on. No, no, forget it.

Did they have surgery? Is that why they needed this stuff? I'm sorry. I do have to pursue this. Is mime a new word for you, or Marcel Marceau is new to you, or both? Mime, I know it as a computer programming language. Oh. It's also...

It's a... Oh, wow. It's also like a clown of sorts that dresses in black and has a white face and pretends that things are there that aren't there, like pretends they're trapped in a box by just sort of using their hands or pulling a tug of war with a fake rope. They just pretend things are... They just do the one thing? It's for entertainment. I think of war with a fake rope. They just pretend things. They just do the one thing.

It's for entertainment. I think of juggling, tumbling. They do all sorts of things. They just do the one thing. Well, not just the one. There's several things. No, it's a performance thing, but it's all silent, and it's done through movements.

They communicate the story through movement. Right. It seems sort of limited in its range. Well, fair. It is, but I think that's the idea. That's where the artistry comes in. If you're going to perform, you should do a little of everything, I think. And so each their own.

True that a mime is a single threat. And possibly also an acquired taste. Also true. So Eve, Cardinal Richelieu, and Marcel, if you were buying coats, they all had surgery at the same time? None of them had surgery. They all have infected hind legs. Oh, dear.

There's some sawgrass in the yard, and they run through, and then we have sort of a gnat problem. So the gnats get into, they get cuts and infections and the gnats get in there. And I've just been putting Bassetracin in there and, but they like to gnaw on them because the gnats really give them hell. So I had to get some tape. I put Bassetracin and duct tape around their hind legs and then I had to get the cones because they kept trying to pull the duct tape off. Now, this is interesting.

I knew what a spatula was, so I didn't need that description, but I don't know what Bassetracin is. And you didn't describe that, surprisingly. So could you describe that for me? Some sort of dog medicine, I presume? Oh, I thought you would know it, Bert. No. Well, I just deal in human medicines. All right.

And Bassetracin sounds like a brand name as opposed to a scientific term that I can break down. It's like a Neosporin. It's like a... Now we're talking my language. Yeah. Okay. I don't know that it's specifically for dogs. Neosporin, new skin.

Oh, that's what that means. Is that Latin? It is. Mm-hmm. Sporin? Would it be Neoderma? Would it be neoderma? Is sporin Latin for skin?

Yes. Derma is Greek. Oh, it is? That's right. Anyways, we're all trying to be way too fancy on this episode. Okay, so continue. You're buying the cones. You spot the beret. The orange catch on this episode. Okay, so continue. You're buying the cones, you spot the beret. The orange catches on right away. The one rack of

brightly colored berets. Oh, but the rack is just festooned with berets of every color. Oh, we got that, yes. I mean... It's funny that it's called individual medley, but that's really the medley that stands out the most. It is a curious name for a pet food for a pet supply store.

That's the name for a swim stroke, the IM, you know, where you do butterfly breaststroke, freestyle, and backstroke. The twins used to swim, so that's how I know this. But you're looking at me with that look again, Kevin, and I really hope I'm not in trouble. Individual, what is that? Wait, what does it have to do with swim stroke? It means individual medley. It means it's a medley of strokes that the individual on their own, instead of like a relay where everyone's going to sort of take one stroke,

you start off with butterfly, which is so exhausting. And then you go to breaststroke, then you go to backstroke, and then you finish with freestyle. Pull up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't stop explaining. He asked.

I know. It's not French. It has nothing to do with France. It just sounds like thrashing around in the water. Well, if you're not good at it, it kind of is. He's got a point. We've all got points. All right.

So you see this beret. Now, why? Let me ask you this, and this is not to victim blame. Why did you put it in your pocket rather than wearing it out? I was, I'll tell you why. I already had a beret. I was already wearing a beret. So this was a new, so you, because being a Francophile, you have more than one beret.

Of course. Why not? I had a black, well, this was the one beret I had. It was a traditional black beret because the French beret traditionally, if you don't know, is black. I didn't know that. I guess I never, is black. I didn't know that. I guess I never thought about it. I didn't know that. Isn't that great that that was something new that I learned?

There we go. And I'd never seen a beret of any other color. In fact, maybe a brown or a chestnut beret. But these berets were so lively. They had a blue, a bright sort of sky blue. They had a red, a bright sort of sky blue. They had a red, a cherry red. Okay, so there were many colors. I mean, it was this lurid array of berets.

Lurid? Did they have, by any chance, a raspberry beret? Oh. Uh-oh. Another blank look. Oh, boy. You know what? I mean, they had a red...

No, no. Like the Prince song? Song by the artist Prince called... Oh, the artist formerly known as Prince, yeah. And then again... We've just gone further down the rabbit hole. That's true. We've just gone further down.

We really, really, really should have... Because we can't explain that symbol. No, we have an inception situation now. Yes. They had a red beret. They had a red beret. Okay a red beret okay so that's that answers my question all right so so you but the orange one stuck out to you it was so i mean as as you saw in my post it was so thoroughly orange um you know you sometimes you see something

that's orange and you're like could be more orange yeah give me a break yeah it's a little brownish yeah you know It's not orange. Right, right. Do you do this with other colors or just orange? Like if you see something that's red, do you say like this is absolutely red? Well, I've never discussed. I guess I would. You've never thought about it.

I've never thought about it. It's not something I do regularly. But if I were to see another color that was just fully that color, sure. Right. Okay. I didn't think that was such a strange question because the way you described how orange this was and you said, you know how you do this. It struck me as something. Right.

I mean, you see a color sometimes and you go, that's this color. There's no shades of, you know, any other color in there. Unmistakably orange. I mean, obviously orange is red and yellow. Sure. So it's got that in there. Of course. But it's its own thing, which is why we have it.

So moving forward, so you purchased the orange beret. You put it in your pocket. You headed out. It was a great price, too. This was a $2.99 beret. That's a bargain. That's very reasonable. Absolutely.

So we're assuming that the beret just fell out of your pocket. Is that right? You say something about having asked for a bag. Let's go back. No, I refused a bag. They asked if I wanted a bag. So are you regretting refusing the bag because you could have put the beret in the bag? Well, the reason I refused the bag is because I don't want to make the waste because they have plastic bags there.

Oh, in regards to Proposition F. Yeah. But now, of course, it makes the litter. But now, of course, the beret has been littered on the ground somewhere. Do you think that, and you didn't realize it was missing until you got home? the litter, but now, of course, the beret has been littered on the ground somewhere. Do you think that, and you didn't realize it was missing until you got home? Then did you reach for it in your pocket and it was just gone? That's exactly right. I got home and I reached

into my pocket and it was gone. I really stuffed it, I really balled it up and I stuffed it in. It felt secure in my pocket because I have these little tiny pockets on my jacket. Is this a pants pocket? No, this is a jacket pocket little tiny pockets on my jacket. Is this a pants pocket? No, this is a jacket pocket. Teeny, tiny pockets on this jacket.

It's strange. Yeah, that is strange. But I really balled up. I balled it up good, my new beret, and I stuffed it. I thumbed it in there really, really tight. Is it an inside pocket or an outside pocket? This is an outside pocket. How tiny are we talking?

So it's a jacket with teeny outside pockets. Yeah, which is strange for me because I like a big pocket to stuff my hands in. I think everybody does. I mean, that's what pockets are for, is practicality. Yeah. This seems, I'm curious about this. Where'd you get this jacket? I found this jacket, actually, at the dump.

Nope. Doug, fellow dump diver. It looked great. Oh, really? jacket. I found this jacket actually at the dump. Doug? Fellow dump diver. It looked great. Oh, really? I am. Do you recognize my voice? I recognize your voice. We've called across

the dump to each other. You always bid me adieu from it. Oh, adieu. It's interesting you didn't say au revoir. I say what? It means goodbye in French. Come on, Kevin. Adieu.

Well, he bids adieu. Till we meet again is au revoir. It's just a classic. No? No. I bid you. Then that's also fine. Absolutely.

You know what? Bonjour. There you go. That's hello. That's right. Good day is what it means. That's how we begin. Je m'appelle Kevin.

My name is Kevin. That's great. And I just point to myself and say Doug. Yes, he does. I don't know that. Yes name is Kevin. That's great. And I just point to myself and say Doug. Yes, he does. I don't know that. Yes, he does. Well, you know, here's the other thing about this is that you bought it as a Christmas

gift. We are so many months away from Christmas. Why are you just deciding to post about it now? Well, I just bought it. Oh, so it was a late Christmas present. It was a late Christmas. I was really mad at myself because I missed.

I didn't give myself a Christmas present. Oh. And I thought, you got to do it. You got to do it. This is so, you know, so rude. I didn't even say anything to myself. I didn't wish myself a Merry Christmas even.

I don't know that I did either. I've never done that. I like the idea of it though. I do too. I kind of do. That's nice. I didn't get a tree until January 10th. Where did you find one? Oh, don't say the dump. No, they don't have them at the dump.

I had to go up and down. You know, they're on the street. Sure, so you just took a neighbors. Wasn't it quite dead at that point? It was dry. Right, sure, very dry. It was dry. And sticky.

Ew. Because the sap sort of bleeds out. It does. Sure, sure. That's true. Okay, so I guess that makes sense. So this was just a recent loss. So I was a little late.

Yeah, I was a little late. But I was happy to get it. Even though it was late, I was happy. Sure. Are you a single man, Kevin? I am. Well, the dogs. Oh, of course.

But yes, I'm single. Okay. So I didn't get many Christmas presents. Oh, I'm sorry. I got the beret eventually. And even that was late. Right. Well, Kevin, what would you like

to say to people? I mean, we'd like to help get the word out. So in your words, what would you like people to know about this braid? Be on the lookout, I suppose. And I would just like to cut in before you mention it. We definitely know it's orange. We know how orange and we know what it's shaped like. So we've got that covered.

Yes. Is there anything else that you would like everyone to know? Oh, well, it means a lot to me. If you see it, I don't, you know, come find me. I don't care what condition it's in. You know, if you find a sodden beret with, you know, soaked in urine, I'll still, you know, I do have a washer dryer in the home, so that's okay. Yeah, don't, if you find, you know, whatever condition you find it in, don't think that I wouldn't take it. Okay.

I'll take it anyway. And no questions asked. Just return the beret, please. Right. If someone has been enjoying it. Because maybe they did, because it sounds like it's very bright and festive. Sounds like a delightful beret. I really, really hope you get it back, Kevin.

I really do. Bedbugs or head lice or anything that I'll just remediate. Any issue, if it's musty or mildewy, I'll take it. You're just assuming the worst. I mean, this is my beret. I know I had it for a brief time. I know it was only $2.99, but it was mine. And it was, you know, that.

Are you okay? Are you crying? My mother's French toast wasn't orange like the beret, but it had a sort of brownish-orange quality to it. You made an emotional connection. There's an emotional connection there. Okay. And I could go back to that store and get another one just like it, but somehow—

I forgot that that was an option. I did, too. I got so wrapped up in this one beret. Just whatever. He only had for literally one minute. But boy, was there a connection. Any hour of the day or night, just come by with it, put it in the mail slot or knock on the door. I'll get up.

Okay. Okay. Well, I would like to wish you bon chance as they'd say in French good luck which means good luck good luck what?

in finding it oh boy bon chance? no like bon like bonjour oh bonjour right

there we go yeah thank you so much for coming on thank you for having me gosh I hope somebody finds it if you guys see it.

I hope so, too. Absolutely. I will keep my eyes peeled. You will be the first person that I contact if I see this beret. Thank you. No problem. Merci. Oh.

Still here. Okay. Well, we have to. Kevin, thank you so much for being here. We will take another break and more when they were listening to— For sale, stationary exercise bike, $35. ProForm XP70, very good condition. In fact, excellent condition.

In fact, brand new because my New Year's resolution didn't work again. Okay? I failed. Okay? Come get the bike. And welcome back to the Dayboard. Listen, we just have time for one more segment. Gosh, I hope Kevin finds that beret.

He seemed pretty sad when he left, and I'm a little bit concerned about him, to be honest. We should do a check-in with him next week. Yeah. left and I was a little I'm a little bit concerned about him to be honest we should do a check-in with him next week yeah I don't I don't know if he was sad about the beret more that the that he was learning so much about France that he did not like well I just thought I I thought I was playing right into what he enjoyed I thought that he knew I don't think he knows a lot about French things to be honest it was surprising how continually he was yeah upset combative. A little combative, yeah. Anyway, we have time for one more post.

This comes to us from Natasha. Headline, please stop speeding in our neighborhood. This is, no matter where you are in Dignity Falls, people have a real, and I used to be guilty of this as well. People have a real lead foot around here. They have the need for speed. And it is out of hand sometimes. And I mean, I like those signs. We sometimes put them out saying, drive like your children live on the street.

But the thing is, that's hard if you don't have any children. Why do you care? Or you don't like your children. I guess that's true, too. Maybe that's why everyone's speeding. I mean, I'm not a parent myself, but I would imagine it's possible to have children where you despise them to the degree that if you ran over them, you wouldn't care. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Bert.

Look, I said I'm not a parent. Well, I know, but I'm not sure that that's necessary in order to have sympathy and care around children. Oh, well, I mean, no, I'm not saying I'm going to do that. I'm saying that I would imagine that it might not be effective against parents who despise their children. Okay. That's all I'm saying. All right. Okay.

Is that fair to say? I mean, anything's fair to say. Thank you. Please stop speeding in our neighborhood, Natasha writes. And the post is, just a friendly reminder, please stop speeding. My brother's soccer ball got smashed. Oh, that's too bad. Yeah.

My cat's been hit and had a got smashed. Oh, that's too bad. Yeah. My cat's been hit and had a broken pelvis. Oh, dear. You'll get to where you need to. Just do it slowly. It does seem strange to me that she led with the soccer ball being smashed. And then followed it up with

and a living creature had its pelvis broken. To me, they're very different categories. Agreed. Agreed. Uh-huh. Agreed. And to even use the word smashed for the soccer ball is pretty dramatic. Yes. When she makes it seem like the cat's pelvis, you know, first the hit and then the cat got a broken pelvis. And let me tell you, I have also had a broken pelvis.

Is that so? Oh, yeah. Jaliapy, on her way out. You would have thought she was a smaller baby than the twins. I had twins. And they didn had a broken pelvis. Is that so? Oh yeah. Jaliopi on her way out. You would have thought she was a smaller baby than the twins. I had twins. Oh, you're saying. And they didn't break my pelvis. You're saying that, that Jaliopi broke your pelvis in the process of being born.

Oh, 100%. I mean. Broke the pelvis. Oh yeah. And you know, when I met her, when I met her and I started to get to know her, I was like, of course you did. Of course you did. Now this is, this is immediate.

You say when you met her, this is immediately after birth, they put the child in your arms. Yeah, and she was looking at me already. She was judging already. She has already had an attitude. I love, I love my child. I love my girl. But boy, she came out fighting, and my pelvis had to bear the brunt for it.

I mean, as Doug. Powdered. I mean, it was like powder. the brunt for it. I mean, ask Doug. Powdered. I mean, it was like powder. You're saying that this child's skeleton, the head

and shoulders, crushed Joan's pelvis unto dust. Is that what you're saying? Basically, you couldn't recognize a pelvis from this. Well, I mean, to be... I don't know that you knew what it looked like beforehand and you're referring to the x-rays. I know what a pelvis looks like. Well, I mean, to me, I don't know that you knew what it looked like beforehand, and you're referring to the x-rays and it looks a bit... I know what a pelvis looks like. Well, alright, but not...

Well, we all have an idea of what a pelvis looks like because we've seen... An ideal. Pictures of... That's not what I meant, but I don't know if we all have a pelvic ideal. But you're saying you're saying that you were

familiar enough with the general shape of your wife's pelvic region that you knew something was wrong. I would imagine also there might have been some indicators from you, Joan. Is that also correct? As your pelvis was in the process of being powdered? Oh, sure. Well, I was having a lot of pain for a few months prior to that. I mean, I couldn't put my pants on. I couldn't for a year afterwards.

Not the way that everyone does. You know how the phrase, well, I put my pants on. I couldn't for a year afterwards. Not the way that everyone does. You know how the phrase, well, I put my pants on just like every other person. That was actually not the case for me. I put my pants on like nobody else. How did you have to do it? I had to pull them on. This is a fun fact. You know, this is what they do in the theater.

When you have a quick change and you have to step into pants, they pull them on the floor. Meaning they'll put it on the floor and it's almost like the leftovers. Like someone just up and disappeared. Someone's been raptured, sure. Absolutely. Yes, in fact, that's how Doug steps out of his clothing. That's how I get out of pants. He just leaves his sweats just sitting there as if he

was raptured. I have not seen the leftovers. I'm sure that if I get through the first 11 hours, it starts to get really good. So, I'm looking forward to... You know the one you should watch is Kirk Cameron's mini series of Left Behind. Yes, of course. Oh, crazy.

It's very, it's very Christian theme because of course he's very Christian. I was curious to see it because it's based on that one book I have. And well, you know, and you know, I will say the description on like the first chapter of that book is horrifying, you know, planes crashing and people disappearing everywhere. It's quite terrifying. Anyhow, that's how I had to pull my pants. And what I should have done is just walked around in the morning and just found a pair of Doug's pants. Could have stepped right into them.

You know what I mean? Because they're already preset. But that's what you do in a costume change so that it's very quick. You just step right in and yank them up. You can't lift up one leg. Of course not. Because the pelvis goes. It just, it just, it does, it moors codes.

It moors codes like crazy. That put me in mind of Halloween skeletons, Joan. Oh, and. Seeing them prance around, making that clicking sound. That scares you? But now you're saying that Doug, when he removes his trousers, he lets them fall completely into a puddle. Trousers, sweat. And then steps out of them.

When is he ever in trousers, please? Okay, I feel like I've, I've obviously. I feel like I've obviously wandered into an area. Anyway, I would say if you want people to slow down, put an emphasis on living creatures. What are we talking about again? Put an emphasis on living creatures getting their pelvises crushed and not so much about sporting goods. Correct. And also. No one's going to cry over the soccer ball.

No one's going to cry. I mean ball. No one's going to cry. I mean, perhaps, but look, I mean, the poor kitty. But look, you can make a recovery. I'm sure that the cat is fine. I'm assuming.

And the cat doesn't have to wear pants, so lucky, you know? That is one of the things that cats are lucky for. Exactly. Well, I guess, and also don't speed, right?

That was the other thing we want to say. Because that is because... Yes, I'd like to reinforce that message. That has become a problem around our neighborhood. And don't speed, right? That was the other thing we want to say. Because that is because you said- Yes, I'd like to reinforce that message. That has become a problem around our neighborhood. Yeah, and don't speed because you could hurt someone and, I guess, deflate a ball. And if you're not speeding, you're going slow enough to look for Kevin's beret. Joan, you've done it.

You've tied it all together- I have. In a nice little package. That's not really French. I'm pretending that it is. Oh, boy. Good thing That's not really French. I'm pretending that it is. Oh, boy. Good thing Kevin's not here. Do you know the French word for gift or package?

Cadeau. Un cadeau. That's for what? Although that's a very fancy word. You know how I said, I'm a minor in French. It actually doesn't sound that fancy. No, but what I mean is, you know how there's also colloquialisms in any country. You learn the proper, proper word for something, but when you get to that country, they don't call it that. They call it something else. Yes. You know how there's also colloquialisms in any country. You learn the proper, proper word for something, but when you get to that country, they don't call it that.

They call it something else. Yes. You know? I learned un cadeau, but you could go to France and they're like, we call it, like, just like a sound. You know, just like a quick sound. Everything's shortened. But a cadeau is what? That means present.

It's a fancy word for present. Like how, right, but let me explain to you. Isn't present more fun? Like, I learned that an alarm clock is called a réveil matin, which means, like, it wakes you up in the morning. But that's not what French people call it. You know what I mean? Right. This sounds like a caveman, like a French caveman.

Right. But anyways, cadeau does work. Like, apple of the earth is poetic. Like, if I said cadeau to a French person, they would know I'm not French, but they would know what I was talking about. But they would still be stuck up about it because that's how they are. Do we have words like that in English? Like, we say present, we say gift. Yeah, sure.

I guess, you know, you'd equate it to sort of whatever the millennial term for gift is, which I don't, I don't know what it is. A John. A John. That's right. He gave me a John. I know what you guys are saying. Okay, Boomer.

Okay, Boomer. Well, and I'd like to wish a hearty okay, Boomer to all of our listeners. That does it for this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. We will be back next week with more of what this is. Goodbye. And bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.