The Neighborhood Listen - The Lost Blue Love Bird with Tony Rodriguez

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

This week, Joan shares her dream of performing at Carnegie Hall with Burnt, while Doug records the episode from a special room in the house. Plus, special guest Tootsie (Tony Rodriguez) explains how she escaped her former home and is now living her best life in Dignity Falls. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the NeighborHalf app and us. Bert. And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

I'll just, yeah, I'll go ahead. Go, Burn. Go, go. And welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen. This is the one and only podcast I'm proud to say about the comings and goings of the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. And we are, oh, this is getting away from me, Joan. What?

Bert, you would think that after so many years, we would decide before we push record, who's going to do the intro, which is pretty crazy. We don't do that. We never do. You know, I feel like we've hit our stride with so many other aspects of the podcast. And yet the very beginning I'd say is what needs most work. It's a mystery every time. And folks for the, for the, for the, for the listener, if you're not, a little peek behind the curtain.

Oh. If I'm using that term correctly. Well, BTS. The K-pop band. Behind the scenes, behind the scenes. That's what I meant. That's what BTS stands for? No.

So that band is called Behind the Scenes. I don't know. I don't know that band. I'm not familiar with them. Oh, you don't know? You don't know BTS? I mean, I know who they are. I'm just, I'm not, you know.

They're terrific. They're fun. They sing about dynamite. No, I have nothing against them. I think they're adorable. It's just not, you know. I mean, I will always pick Steve Woodward first. Of course.

The finer things. Now, if they want to do a higher love remix. Right. Always pick Steve Woodward first. Of course, the finer things. Now, if they want to do a higher love remix, I'll be right there listening. I'll be in the front row. I'll be in the front row doing the dance. How excited do you think all the Valeries of the world were when finally someone wrote a song about them? Finally, I know.

It was a really special day. It was like, you know, finally finding, uh, uh, your name on a license plate in, in an airport. If you had a weird spelled name, there's no Courtney without an E. What are the, what are the big songs about Joan? Are there any Joan songs? Uh, you know, I was just thinking about that as you were mentioning that. And I can't, I can't think of one. of it because I mentioned it that it caused you to think about it. Yes, that's right. That's how that happened. It's the synergy of it all.

I mean, it doesn't seem so much like a coincidence now when you when you put it that way. It seems like I said it that you started thinking about it. Well, I wasn't saying it like it was a coincidence, Burnt. I was just saying it. Well, you did say. You did say. You know, we still have an intro. I know. I know we have it. I know we have it. But I you did say it. You did say it. You know we still have an intro to the Goddamn Podcast. I know we haven't.

I know we haven't. But now I'm hung up on this joke. Everybody's left. Do you think, is it possible that when you hear a song by say like Joan Jett, I love rock and roll, that could be a song about Joan

because it's in the first person. Her name is Joan. Your name is Joan. Well, it is so interesting you were thinking of that because when I was trying to think of a song about Joan, all it could come up with was Joan Jett, Joan Osborne.

That's right. And then Joan of Arc popped in for whatever reason, which I do love. She's such a badass. I kind of love that I'm named Joan. I like to think, or Joan Van Arc, you know, who's also kind of a badass in her own right. Do you know, I never made the connection

between Joan of arc the the mentally ill saint and uh joan van arc the the knots landing was that what she was on i believe so yes it was one of those night soap operas she was an actress and and and her name clearly must mean joan of arc right what does van mean doesn't van mean right that's like a very dutch like belgian that's a that's a that's a that's not a germanic language sure and ludwig van beethoven that's right van beethoven camper van beethoven ludwig of beethoven right it's gotta be it's gotta be there's no other answer we're right okay so let's george banned the jungle now when you put it like that i'm not sure that sounds right of halen house van pancakes you didn't like my of halen i did i'm sorry jones nothing i didn't like it

i just was no response he just smiled at me everybody he just smiled at me in that way of like oh bless you. God bless your little heart. You might as well have patted me on the head, Burnt. You know what that reminds me of? And maybe this is how I made you feel, is that lyric in the band song, The Weight, where- The band, the band. The person, the band, the band, had a song called The Weight.

And the band, the band, not to be confused with Man, Man, The Band. And W-E-I-G-H-T, not to be confused with W-A-I-T. Yes, they were not. Although I do think people wait for things in the song. But so a fella comes to town and he's looking for a place to lay his head. He asks a man and the man just smiles and shakes his hand and says, no. Hey, do you know a place where...

No, that's crazy. It's Doug. Doug is here. It's crazy Chester, and he comes into the song much later. Hello. Hi, how you doing? I'm sorry, it says, wait a minute, Chester, right? Yeah, we've hit on... Oh, Chester is one who is being asked to wait. So he is waiting in the wait.

Well, he's not. We don't know if he is because, in fact, Chester. I thought that taking the load off, that's what they're referring to, the wait. Yes. Who's Annie? Miss Annie? I think, is it Miss Fanny? Take a load off Annie?

Take a load off Annie. But then somebody's trying to get... I don't know. Somebody who works at the hotel that the old man doesn't know about? It's very confusing. Has anyone done a deep dive on this particular song? I'm sure they have. Listen, Doug loves classic rock.

I mean, we've really hit on something that is his favorite. Haven't you covered that before with your dad band? Yes, we did. We got up to the Chester part. We could never make it past the Chester line. They just stopped. So we stopped rehearsing. What would happen in the performance

when you would do this? We'd usually break down into like an argument before. Or one time we tried the thing of, I was running sound and we tried to do that thing how all songs ended back in the 80s where it just faded out. So I just kind of started fading them out. Criminal that that was allowed. But you're fading them out well

before the end of the song. I had to anticipate it, yes. Everyone was a little confused, but then we came straight back in with Steve Winwood. Sure. The Chester line is hard to sing because whoever sings it in the band has sort of a weaker voice, like a squeakier voice. It's Rick Danko, I believe.

Oh, wow. He goes, hey, wait a minute, Chester. It's like kind of a... And you feel compelled to imitate the voice from the recording. Right. It was my job to sing. John is a great imitator. So when you do covers, what you do is you attempt to sound exactly like the recording.

Yeah. Is there any other way to cover a bit? I mean, you could just sing the song in your own voice. There's no law against it. He's just so good at it, is all. So he's kind of like a tribute. It's like hearing a tribute band every time he sings all the different songs. Except for this part, obviously

where he fails. We fade out fast. I think there's still another verse or two to go. Well, we break down into arguing because it's so hard to fade out together on the same pace. So it's like, stop.

Jiminy is like... They all try to actually do it for real. You're trying to do a live fade out. Okay. How does that... Just walk me through. So I would imagine you have one hand on your instrument

and the other on the knob on the amp. Yeah. There's two ways to fade out. Oh, this is – okay. Okay. Two ways I know of. There might be more. But you can either with one hand on the volume knob on your amp or on the guitar – okay, three ways.

There's two volume knobs. You can slowly fade that out as you're trying to play with your left hand. Or you can just try to touch the guitar a lot lighter and, you know, sing a lot softer. Right. That seems challenging. He knew he was going to explain this in detail. And then Joan at some point says,

what if there was a master volume that could be turned down? I did say that. And then did that eliminate the arguments? But hold on a second. I'm still not sure why that was the point where everything breaks down because it's well before the end of the song. Joan insisted on this fade out idea.

Well, don't put it on me. I was just throwing out. Listen, I was just throwing out. For me, I'm the producer. I just want the show to go smoothly, you know, and it was just a real hiccup when we would have our, you know, sort of band cookouts or whatever, invite everybody in the neighborhood, and I just want to get a

reputation for, you know, being the garage band that hasn't rehearsed and that doesn't have their shit together, you know. I'm, sure, I'm a professional. I like to rehearse, and it's hard to get all those guys on board sometimes. Right. And so have you performed this song live?

Well, yes. In our neighborhood, we've had a few live performances. Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking Carnegie Hall. I assumed it would be local. I did tell them to practice practice practice though you never know I would love to play at Carnegie Hall wouldn't that be such a

what a dream I always wonder though when people say they performed at Carnegie Hall but like they performed in like a 500 person corral in the very back and I think I just got jealous people would say well I performed at Carnegie Hall it's like well did you would say, well, I performed at Carnegie Hall. It's like, well, did you? Oh, because do they have multiple stages

at Carnegie Hall? No, just the one. But they curtain it off or something? No. No, but what I'm saying is if you say you performed at Carnegie Hall, I think it means you're front and center and you're in a beautiful gown

and you're singing. Not, you know, way up in the corner as a second soprano. Oh, I see. I see. I see. It's a very mean thing I'm saying, Bert. Well, thank you for clarifying.

Because I don't know all the showbiz ins and outs. It's a very bitter grapes thing I'm saying, which is, you know, I don't want to do Carnegie Hall on a riser where you can't even tell who I am. Yes, exactly. You know, where I'm wearing those choir robes. You want it to be.

Lozenges in the pocket. I want to be. You want a tonight only Joan pedestrian. Five gown changes. Absolutely. You know. What about one you could do

if you do songs from different decades and then one you could be like kind of in a cool like, you know, almost like a leather outfit like a Sandy from Greece at the end.

Oh, I love this. Can we please do this? Is anyone listening? I mean, podcasts have sold out Carnegie Hall before, right? Oh my God, I love this. Can we please do this? Is anyone listening? I mean, podcasts have sold out Carnegie Hall before, right? Oh my God, I hope that's not true.

I think, well, some improvisers sell out Carnegie Hall. Oh, that shouldn't happen, right? That shouldn't. I mean. It did, though. Oh, did it really?

This is what I'm saying. It's not out of the, it's not out of the realm of possibility. It's not out of the realm of possibility that you and I could be doing our thing. You can come along too. Do you, the idea, oh, I can't even wrap my mind around the idea of enough people listening to the show that we're, that we're performing at Carnegie Hall and doing this. Where, where Julie Andrews once sang.

Exactly. Itzhak Perlman. Itzhak Perlman. Itzhak Perlman. Yo-Yo Ma. Yo-Yo Ma. And the neighborhood listens. We're just joining the ranks. The idea that there would be a full house for that. That there would be every full house for that. That there would be, that every scene of Matt in Carnegie Hall

is full of someone wanting to hear this show. That's right. In person. It has to be in person. Even though it's a podcast and you could listen from home. Yeah. Would we bring a neighbor?

We could perform at Carnegie Hall, but people wouldn't necessarily go there to hear it. They just wait for the recording. Right. Well, call it a pipe dream. I just think it's one of the most romantic venues in all of the world. Absolutely. And I would just love to stand on that stage someday.

What did you want to add? But not in one of those choir robes. What? You want to be front and center. You know, those ladies with their choir robes. Oh, God, I grew up singing in those. And they just keep receipts in there. There's all sorts of crap in those pockets.

Is that true? They're always edging you out. They're always edging you out for the donuts. Those people pray for you, but they will take the last jelly donut, let me tell you. Yes, they will. And also with you. Never heard that said sarcastically before how do you know they have receipts in there because i've had to use listen i grew up in a

presbyterian singing in a presbyterian choir okay all since i was in middle school and then everyone and then every once in a while in the high school choir you would get to sing with like the fancy oh there's a hierarchy oh forget it with a big choir. And every once in a while, there wasn't enough robes. So you would have to borrow one of the fancy blue robes. That was, you know, like a first soprano. It was like a woman who was, you know, in her 70s. There weren't enough robes to go around. So you'd have to borrow one of the nice ones from somebody who was already using it. No, because they'd be gone. Because maybe we were doing a performance of our own, but there weren't enough robes for us.

So then someone would get one of the older person's robes. And it was like their own personal office. Oh, I see. It was all sorts of crap. Do you think anyone ever said, oh, my robe is like my office? I think possibly. They get real comfy in those.

They get real comfy. Sure, sure. Yeah. It's like a lifetime appointment, you know, being in that choir. It's a big deal being in the Chancellor Choir. Oh, forget it. They move right on in. The Chancellor Choir?

Is that what you said? I think it was called the Chancellor Choir. I can't remember. Chancellor Choir. They were very, they were different. Oh, very fancy. Sure. Yeah.

It's no joke. They take their choirs pretty seriously in the Presbyterian church. What are the main tenets of the Presbyterian faith? I really think that it's just about when you stand and sit. Okay. That's the only difference from all the other ones. So Jesus is mentioned from time to time. Is that correct?

Oh, yeah. He's there. Okay. He's there. And there's a hell of a lot of singing. Lots of hymns. And that's what I loved. Is that correct? Oh yeah. He's there. He's there. And, uh, and there's a, there's a hell of a lot of singing, lots of hymns. And that's what I loved. Are there any, what are your, what were some of your favorites from back then? Oh, um, the, the old praise God from whom all blessings flow. I like that one. Oh, sure. Classic. It's good to harmonize. I love harmonizing

with the hymn. Uh, and, uh, and, and really, and, and, you know, to me there, there isn't all the talking back and forth, the peace be with you. And also with you is all there is all there is. Uh, and you know, you turn to your, you turn to your neighbor and you say hello and you say hello to everyone around you and shake your hands. And then it's a lot of sitting and standing and it's just different from the other religion. I feel like that's the only thing that separates it is that you're just up and down a lot more. You gotta be, you have a good, you gotta have good knees to be a Presbyterian.

I, of course, I am not a religious person, wasn't raised with any religion and refused to embrace it. But I, I, from what I understand of the Catholic faith, there's also a lot of sitting, standing and kneeling. And I don't know anything about that. I don't know anything about that. I've never been to a Catholic church. You know, the only time we went is when, when Doug and I decided to take a trip to Italy for Christmas and, and we picked Milan. We thought that it was going to be really, we thought it was good.

We didn't know where it was. We thought it was in the South. It was freezing cold. Everything was closed. And we went to a, we went to a Catholic mass in Italian on Christmas Eve. We decided to take a Italian vacation. We left the kids at home.

And we had no idea what they were saying. Excited to take an Italian vacation. We left the kids at home. Mm-hmm. And we had no idea what they were saying. The kids, of course, your oldest, July, I'll be. July, P, and the twins. And then the twins, Matt and Juhus. Matt and Juhus. That's right. And we're like, we're going.

We're going. We're going to Europe for Christmas, kids. And they didn't want to go. They weren't interested. What did they do? They were not interested. What did they do? They were not interested. What did they do? They home-alone-ed the house. No one.

But they just had a ball setting up every kind of booby trap. They recreated the ones from the movie. They baited burglars to come to the house. Oh, no. How did they do that? You know, they walked around the seedier parts of town and were like, boy, oh, boy, it's too bad that mom and dad went away without us. They had a couple takers. So they're like walking around Craps Alley near Old Dig.

Craps Alley, yeah. And just like just advertising that they have riches at home. Right. And did they get any takers? They're like, boy, oh boy, we got that big good thing we got that big screen TV. Did they, did anyone attempt to break into the house?

Yes, yeah, a couple did and they were. A couple did, at the same time or separately? Like I said, they had some takers. Just a couple. They made it impenetrable it was uh it was pretty great there was only one i think one guy who breached the back was the mudroom did they get in there doug i can't remember they slipped immediately i saw like the the slip marks so i think the mud got oh because they made that the dry ice room you think the mud got them is that what because they made that the dry ice room. You think the mud got them. Is that what he said? Yes. That is exactly what he said. I missed that part.

So this is not a mud room maybe in the traditional sense that a lot of people think. But this is a room with some sort of mud trap? Yeah. There's a thin layer of mud. I've always loved mud so much that I had to find a place to just compartmentalize it. And so yes, we had

a literal mud room. What do you want from me, Burnt? I don't know. Listen, as a parent, did I make some mistakes? Yes. Did I do some things right? I don't know. You know for sure you made mistakes.

Jury's still on whether or not you did anything right. Okay. And so I'm certainly not trying to put you on trial or your mothering skills on trial here. Well, I feel like it a little bit. I do apologize. That is not my intent. I'm just curious as to when you went off on your Christmas vacation in Italy, what the children did by themselves. Because this is obviously not this past Christmas.

And so they were even younger when this story takes place. They were, but we asked them if they wanted to go. They said no, they wanted no part of it. I understand. So it's not like we didn't ask. No, that is not... We didn't forget,

you know, like the movie. That wasn't like the movie. And the neighbors, you know, they went over to the over to the neighbor's house for dinner. The neighbors knew. We have a very, very tight-knit street. Everyone checks on everyone. And they knew. Everyone was on board.

They really were on board. Who are your neighbors to the immediate right? Is that the Johannesburgs? Yes. Wait, on the which side? On the right. If I'm in the house, looking out at the street. House right. House right.

Thank you, House right places. That's why she's confused. House right is Johannesburg's and house left is the Twitchell's. Right. Okay. Yeah, Bev Twitchell's just like, listen, I'll make them food. I'll just bring it over or leave it outside the house. Because I told her, I was like, don't

touch the doorknobs because they're piping hot. Yes. And Bev Twitchell is all alone since her husband was, he drifted away in that hot air balloon. Oh, Bev's husband? Yeah. Yes. He never was found. Is that correct? He was never found. And yes, she still absolutely believes he's out there somewhere. Just floating around. Yeah. Unlimited supply. It's hard. It's hard when there's no proof. It's true.

It's true. It's, I mean, I don't blame, and she's, and who, I feel like we talked about somebody on a widow's walk before. This is. Probably. This is probably. Let's move on that topic. And let's, let's find out where Doug is today. Where's Doug?

Okay. Well, welcome to the neighborhood. Listen, I am, I'm Burt Mea neighborhood listen I am here's the intro 20 minutes in welcome everybody I'm a pharmacist here in Dignity Falls and with me is my co-host Joan Pedestrian yep and it's time for a break

just kidding we skipped where Doug is you're right you're right but it is you know we should probably move along. But that was a good intro. Good job. Let's just do, you know, let's have it. Let's have our goal next time to be even just bringing in this next segment.

This is great. We're going to decide who does it. Absolutely. And we're going to do it with confidence and without any hesitation. That's right. With poise, with grace, and with certainty. We're doing a Carnegie Hall. Oh, can you imagine, Joan? with grace and with certainty. Which did not happen. Carnegie Hall.

Can you imagine, Joan? Now you've got me dreaming this dream. Well, it is. It's the stuff of dreams. Alright, babe. Which room were you in today? I'm in the lost and found. That's right. I was looking for you. It's fairly existential, babe. What do you mean?

You were looking for me? I'm never in there. I don't like being around. We have so many parties. We had an agreement that if we get lost, you go into the lost and found. Lost and found, sure. Makes sense.

Yeah. Doug kind of likes to resort back to the days before there were phones and, you know, other ways to find people. And yes, that is our meeting place that we decided. I also left my phone in here. That really defeats the purpose, babe. I found it.

Okay, so yes, we have a big loss and found because, you know, we have all those parties and people. I'm so glad. And people, they leave so much crap. And also, you know, it's those parties and people i'm so glad and people uh they leave so much crap and also you know i don't want to decide who's you know i don't want to decide whose shoe this is i don't i don't want to know right who's drugs these are i'm just gonna put them in the room you know i'm not gonna try to like call all our friends and be like is this yours is this yours so it all just goes into the room. And, you know, we have a, we have a website and you can just go, I've cataloged everything

that's in there. And you just see, did I leave something? And so can the kids. And if I don't come to me, I'm done. After years and years of cleaning up after kids and about after husband, it all goes in there. So either it's, it's family members lost and found items or it's, it's guests lost and found items. Some of the guests from this podcast.

And so you, and then, and then if they leave it after a certain amount of time, you do an auction. Is that correct? Yes. Cause you came to what you got something from it. I did. I got, I couldn't believe my luck. I got a taxidermy squirrel that I don't know how you bring that to someone's home and then forget it. Exactly. I mean, A and then B.

Thank you. And then, yeah, so it's a squirrel. He looks very regal and very noble. And he's holding the- Is that the squirrel we had on the show? Oh, I hope not. Oh, God, I hope not. I hope not. Did that really happen?, I hope not. I hope not.

Did that really happen? I really hope not. I still wonder sometimes. It did happen. When that squirrel came on and talked, so crazy. Yeah, I don't know. We don't talk about that enough.

I think it's too, it's not, it's not comfortable to face it head on. I agree. But yes, you got, you got to have that. Yeah.

For only $250. I listen, it was fun. It was fun negotiating with you. And at the end, it was, of course I got to hold up that paddle and everything. Um,

and, uh, and the proceeds do not go to charity. Is that correct? That's right. It goes to, it goes to us. Yeah.

And Doug is a great auctioneer. He was really good at doing all the fast stuff. Yeah. Fast for Doug. Fast. Right. Fast for Doug. And that's, by the way, the band has played a couple of the auctions.

Yeah. Because you always need a good band at an auction. Yeah. Auction. Yeah. It gets people in an auctioning mood. It sure does. It's a rocktion.

People. Oh, that's fun, Doug. Well, I think that we should probably go to a break. We probably should. And decide who's going to bring us back from that break. During the break. During the break. We will figure out who brings us back from the break.

Yes, we will. Terrific. And we'll have a guest. Yes, this is very exciting. When we come back, we're going to take a break. And when we return, we will have a guest right here on The Neighborhood Listen. Hi, y'all. It's Lisa.

Horsebooks, magazine, horse posters. Like I said, horsebooks, horse magazines, horse posters all free. Meet the horsebook, nonfiction. Just want to be clear about that. That is not a novel. Two chapter book horse stories, ages 9 plus. Small posters and more, all in photo free. Your choice or take all.

Must pick up before 2 p.m. Friday. I'm serious about that. Also have horse t-shirt and other horsey items for sale. Real horses to see before 2 p.m. Morning preferred. Y'all can tell you, don't ask me what happens after 2 p.m. Just don't do it. Just get here before 2 p.m. And if you do, real horses to see. And I can't go into it any more than that. I cannot explain that last sentence. It is what it is. I said what I said. Please get here before 2pm or else.

And welcome back to the Neighborhood List and I'm Joan and I am bringing us back in from the break because we did a coin flip and I called heads. It was heads and that is how we did it everybody and we did it. And that's a little peek behind the curtain. That's how the sausage is made.

Oh. Ugh. I hate sausage. all of it all of it no any disturbing in any what about a casing a sausage patty disturbing i love a casing okay you know what the the the patty i actually yeah i don't mind so i guess i'm responding to the to the shape because it looks like a little hamburger that's fun yeah it looks like a little hamburger. That's fun. Yeah, it looks like it's a little more palatable for me. And Doug, you said you love a casing. Is that correct?

Yeah, it gives you that snap. Wow, that was genuinely sickening. I thought you were pro sausage. I don't mind sausage. But when you describe the snap of the casing, I did feel bile rise up in my throat. See, yes, we're the same burnt on that. Yes, absolutely. You know, I can't speak to all of Doug's preferences. Listen.

OK, so we have a guest here and I'm going to read this post. You know what? You know what, everybody? I think we're in for a wild and crazy ride. Because first of all, this post is wild and crazy, right? Yes, Bert, what were you going to say? So people know if they're listening for the first time, we collect posts from the NeighborHap social networking app where people post about the neighborhood here in Dignity Falls. Perhaps you have one of these in your own neighborhood.

And then we invite guests who've either made a post or they're the subject of a post to come on the show. And we chat with them, get to know them. And so that's what we're doing as we always do. And now we're going to do it.

I'm losing steam, Joan. We should have flipped a coin again. My goodness. Wow, wow, wow. We should determine. I mean, we're getting to a lot of stuff that should have been in the beginning. And I think that we need to make even like a whiteboard of just in this order, talk about these things. Make one.

Make what? Make a whiteboard. Make a whiteboard? You know what he meant, babe. I mean. I take that seriously. You make your own dry erase products? I try to make everything

we have he's a real handyman that threw me for a loop because I just have no idea what a whiteboard is made of and he's going to be thinking about that for the entire rest of the episode just so you know I feel like it's plastic am I mistaken are we going to get hung up on this I hope not because we don't want to keep

our guests waiting we don't want to keep we don't have to we don't want to keep our guests waiting so so yes Joan I to keep, we don't have to, we don't want to keep our guests waiting. So, uh, so yes, Joan, I'm sorry. Please do. Please do read the post. Wow. I mean, it brought us to our knees asking questions about a whiteboard to our knees. Okay. So here we have our post. This is from Marianne. And she says, now, just so everybody knows, this is a podcast, there's a picture of a bird. A very beautiful bird, white, sort of a gray head and a beautiful blue wing. Cyan, maybe I would call it. Okay.

It says, lost our blue lovebird today. If you see him or catch him, please let us know. see him or catch him, please let us know. He was last seen in our front yard at 4191 Flower near Pine Street. He is very friendly because we spoon fed him as a baby. He loves to sit on top of heads and he loves to chew on pencil erasers. He is very good at not being grabbed. If he were to land on you, distract him with a pencil and walk inside. Okay. This is really specific. It's very specific.

And I have a lot of questions, but you know what, Bert? I mean, you're seeing what's sitting before us right now. Absolutely. Who we're going to talk to. And I have to tell you, everybody, it looks like this is the bird from the picture. Yes. So I guess it means we found him? I think he found us.

It's kind of true. We didn't want to give too much away, but why don't we just let him talk? But I don't know his name yet, so I'm going to let him introduce himself. Yes, I don't know why the name wasn't included in the post. Doesn't that seem like intuitive? Of course, of course. That seems like a de rigueur for any lost pet.

Especially if he is one of those talking birds, which he clearly is. Yes. And we'll just find out. So, bird, I don't know how else to address you. Oh, could you please tell us your name? Sure. My name's Tootsie.

Little Tootsie, if you're nasty. Thanks so much for having me. Thank you for calling me beautiful. First time caller, long time listener. Listen to our podcast. This is NPR, right? It's not.

It's not. It's, this is a- No, I don't know what, I've never heard before. Oh, okay. Well, this is- That's fine. That's fine.

This is a podcast based here in our shared neighborhood, Dignity Falls. Oh. And, you know, your owner is very uh is that okay to say owner i guess not i really stepped in it there my house we don't know the rules of the bird world your house my former hauser oh former house or hauser so you're you're done

with this person you have no intention of going back. I don't want to be found. That's why, yeah. I was lost, and then my houser found me. I call her Marianne. I think that is her name. I don't know which came first. I don't think it's just a coincidence. I think she said it, and thought what a coincidence we've established that

so she said my name is Marianne and made you think that her name might be Marianne that's a coincidence is it not sure

I don't know I don't usually speak human English we could just be a semantic you're doing really well you are the most verbose bird

I have ever heard usually it's just one or two phrases and you can do them all. No, I can. Yeah. Honey. Oh, could you and I talk?

Could we have a night? Could we talk? Oh, please. You and I could. Oh, we sure could. Oh, Tootsie. Wow. I'm falling in love.

Anyways, I think I have a new best friend. Just the idea of Joan and this bird having a tea. Oh, some martinis? Forget it. Oh, I've I have a new best bet. Just the idea of Joan and this bird having a tea. Oh, some martinis? Forget it. Oh, I've never had alcohol before. I didn't know a first drink. A whole new world.

Don't you dare touch her eyes. Okay, so hang on a second. So she found you again after she made this post. So walk us through how you got out in the first place. Okay. My houser, Marianne, who likes to in the first place. Okay. My houser, Marianne, who likes to listen to NPR. Okay. I think there was a troubling story.

I don't want to get into it. I don't follow politics. I'm a bird. She left my cage open. I don't like that word, but it's what it is. Fair enough. What would you call it if it wasn't a cage? What would you like to rename it? The bar thing I sleep and shit in.

Okay. And then she left the door open. She walked outside, all distraught. She was using that metal thing where she talks on it and people, I guess other humans respond.

I don't know. Oh, a cell phone, a cell phone. Coom-see, coom-saw. And then I just, I was like, oh, here's my chance. I got to make a break for it. I've been in here for, I don't know what time is. And I left and here I am. And, but then you said she found you.

No, I meant she found me. Got it. I was a bird in the wild, you know, in the woods. She found me, I think you say years? Sure. Months. What is time? So she found me in the woods prior to this occurrence.

I see. And now I am free of that house. Well, I'm so glad because you were not meant to be caged, were you? Well, yeah, you were a wild lovebird. You did not come from a pet store. And so for years you lived this way and then you decided you'd had enough. Yes. I believe years go by where the numbers, things have changed on a wall, paper thing.

Calendar. Calendar. I think, okay, yes, a calendar. I don't know if he's making fun of us. I don't know. I don't know. I would never. I'm a bird learning human English.

I think I'm doing pretty. You are, absolutely, tootsie and I... Oh, he just called you. That was a bit... That was a serious... Do you speak... That was a serious put down. Joan, you speak bird language.

Of course I do. No, not you, Tootsie. Of course you do. I'm saying, Joan, do you speak the language of birds? No, I can just tell by his intonation. Okay. That was a put down. I don't know about that one.

Oh, it's like when, I can't get a read on that one. Sometimes you know when R2-D2 is upset. Oh, fun fact, voiced by a bird. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My house was a big Star Wars fan. So I know all that stuff. Did she have other pets in the house or pets? again i don't want to use the if it's not pet uh did she have other animals in the house uh no no other animals uh they were animals i guess that don't have how you say life they were um how you say,

stuffed with cotton, I believe you call. Oh, okay. Oh, like the taxidermy you were talking about. I didn't talk about taxidermy. Well, it's hard because we're, you know, the bird obviously can only, has to turn his head back and forth to see it.

So not always aware of who's being addressed. What is this taxidermy? Well, taxidermy. Oh, you take this one. I'd love to learn new things. Well, before we get into that, let me ask, were these were these animals, were they colorful? Mm hmm. OK, so they might have been classic stuffed animals, the toys.

Oh, that's a good point, Bernt, because that is such a thing. It's just called a toy. You know, it's just meant to be comforting and children like them. It's just a soft, soft little comfort pillow, really. Were they like that? Yes, like a purple bear. Okay, good. A yellow alligator.

Oh, my Hauser was very childlike. My former Hauser. I'm still getting used to it. I understand. So I do have to say, if you don't want to be found, are you worried coming on a podcast, it'll get back to you that you're out here somewhere? Oh, I want her to know.

Marianne, if you're listening, we had a good run, but it's over. And I need to go follow my dreams and sing at Carnegie Hall. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Tootsie, this is amazing. Yes, we were just talking about this. And see, Tootsie gets it. yes we were just talking about this and see Tootsie gets it what I see everybody dreams about Carnegie Hall

what would you do do you sing do I sing oh yes I mean more than I know as a bird you sing of course you do but what is it you would do what would be your perfect night at Carnegie Hall and then we'll go around that room. Oh, I think I'd sing the classics.

I think you know what I mean. Like the American Songbook, the great American Songbook. Standards? Oh, yes. The American Songbook. Does that include, hey, the sun's up. Hey, the sun's going away. Hey, I'm horny. Hey, are you single? Those are the, that's the classic. Oh, these are like bird classics.

Classic bird book. The classic American bird book. Bird book, yeah. Hey, this nest isn't going to get food in it by itself. Hey, you kids don't know how to fly yet. Oh God, my babies. You know, that kind of thing. And all the songs start with hey. Yes. Mm-hmm. And they're real short. They're real short. I feel like I'd have a five

minute show at Carnegie Hall, but you know what? I need to go for it. It's been my dream. Sure. Oh, I love this. Yes. I think that just picturing people lined up outside Carnegie Hall, poster on the outside, sold out over a picture of a bird. Tonight only. Tootsie. And then you get out there. Okay.

So the audience is in their seats. They can't wait to see Tootsie. And the lights go down. Yes. And the curtain goes up, full orchestra there in Carnegie Hall wait to see Tootsie. And the lights go down. Yes. And the curtain goes up, full orchestra there on Carnegie Hall. And then I have, Tootsie, I have to ask you this question. There's not a curtain at Carnegie Hall.

I'm sorry, I just have to say. Really? Yes. They ought to invest in one of those because I think that's very dramatic and effective. So, okay, so the lights, so no curtain. Lights come up on the orchestra. And then, Tootsie, I have to ask,

do you walk out or do you fly out? Oh. Oh. Here's what, here's what, I have to ask, do you walk out or do you fly out? Oh. Here's what I'm going to do. So there's no curtain at Carnegie Hall, but I will be in what I would form. I was just thinking about how there's no curtain at Carnegie Hall. What a coincidence. No, it's not. It's not going to go for it. I will be in a caged house which will have a curtain on that

brilliant I love it that curtain will raise and I will fly out from behind it and go I'm free to sing to you and then the concert will start in proper

so the band stripes out the first number and what is your opening song? That's me. I don't care if you're trying to get sleep. I'm awake. Wake up. I think that's a great, that's a great starting number. Sure, let's wake up the audience.

Get them going. It's a good icebreaker. Will you let's wake up the audience. Get them going. It's a good icebreaker. Will you sing the songs in both bird and human language? I need to honor my heritage. Yeah, that ties into my next question, Bert. Who do you envision the audience being? Mostly bird? What percentage of bird, human?

I didn't think this through. Okay, I'm going to posit this. I'm going to say it's going to be half human sold up front, and then they leave seats for the birds that will surely come in when they hear Tootsie singing. Absolutely. Oh, and the birds will probably get the balcony. And then right underneath will just be a bunch of newspaper. I have to say, I'm probably the bird audience.

Free newspaper. Speaking of which, do you mind if I shove a little underneath you right now, Tissy? Because it is already a mess in my kitchen. So I just didn't prepare for that. Do you mind? I'm just going to shove this right underneath.

Okay. It is a stupid view. I don't pay it any mind. It's a strong smell. It's astonishing to me always how much birds can excrete. Yeah, well, just he's talking. It's a strong smell. It's astonishing to me always how much birds can excrete. Yeah, well, just he's talking. It's just coming out.

They're so small and yet, boy, oh boy, it's just an endless supply. Seemingly at will. Yeah. Well, it keeps me sweet, you know, out with the bad. Sure. There's so much bad. Absolutely.

Get it out. You are very sweet. I have to say, Tootsie, that I understand why Marianne would take to you and would probably be very sad to have you gone because you have a wonderful energy. Doesn't he, Bert? How do you? We don't want to misgender you, Tootsie. Exactly. How do I refer to you?

What are your pronouns, Tootsie? How do you? What is gender? Oh. I was going to say, she just went around us and showed us ourselves. Yeah. Hey, my gender is a tweet. Tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet. Okay. Tweet, tweet is my gender. Tweet, tweet is your gender. Okay. Let's get into this. What's the fascination with pencils? Oh, yes.

Yes. Pencils and erasers tell us about that can we talk yes absolutely it's a podcast absolutely you can say whatever you want to hear about pencils well the the little nub of the pencil the eraser how do you say pink end yes well you said eraser wow but pink end is really more evocative. Wow, now I feel flushed. Is this a family show? Can we go there? Not anymore.

I think when Marianne found me, I was at a young age and she bottle fed me like a little baby. Right. And then as I grew older, you know, and I think the pencil was a, it was an erotic thing. I'll say it. It was a phallic.

Okay. Sexual thing. Okay. For this little Tweety. So that was a very formative shape for you. And it was just one of those things that you respond to for the rest of your life. Yeah. On the end of every.

Go ahead. Please proceed. For some of us, it's it forms at an early age, you know. And so I just like to chew on it. So is it just sort of a comforting thing? Oh, what don't I like to do? Do they have those at Carnegie Hall? That's what I want on my rider backstage. I'm sure you get a pencil backstage.

Do you like the eraser on its own, or must it be the specific little pink eraser on the end of a pencil? Wait. There are erasers unattached to the wood sharp thing it's oh it's true oh yes i mean a very uh wow how do i explain parallelogram uh it's this weirdly shaped old-fashioned uh you can get this sort of like a like a brick you know if you've seen a chimney, the thing the smoke comes out of, a brick-sized... He's getting very excited.

He's flying around the room. He's flying around the room right now. Oh, he's on my head. Tootsie is on my head. Oh, that's right. It's the thing he likes to do. He likes to sit on people's heads. He's very good at it.

Oh, it's so comfortable. Burnt, are you okay? Are you a little nervous? I'm okay. I mean, it is like, you know, it feels very Jurassic Park. That there's like a little dinosaur on me. Just a, I think he's going through something. I will.

Just try not to make any sudden movements. I try no sudden movements. Okay, I'm better now. All right. Okay, he's off. He's off. It's so relaxing being on people's heads. So Tootsie, yeah, you could get your own eraser

that's substantially bigger than the little pink nub on the end of a pencil. And they really aren't all pink. You can get them in any kind of shape. They're shaped like different animals. They're shaped, they're all different colors. So many different kinds of erasers. Wow, I should have made a break for it earlier.

Wow, what an amazing thing. I can't think of anything more amazing than that. Well, I mean, you have the power of flight. Do you realize that all humans want to do that? If they could have one superpower, they all choose flight. Oh, yeah. It's just no big deal, huh?

I don't want to be patronizing or condescending, but y'all are a bunch of losers. Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, wow. Oof. Just got read by a bird. Is what something,

was what a mean bird would say, but not me, because I want to go to Carnegie Hall and I don't want to, you know, burn any bridges. And this, you all, are my first step toward that goal. Nobody mean or creepy

has ever made it to Carnegie Hall. So, it's good to stay on the straight and narrow. Yeah. Judy Garland was a wonderful person by all accounts. I've heard. Again, I've only heard NPR and Star Wars. What an interesting diet to be fed over several years.

Just NPR and Star Wars. Yeah. Has Terry Gross ever interviewed anyone from Star Wars? That would be awesome. I was just trying to think of that. I was trying to think of what Terry might have. Do you think she ever talked to Peter Mayhew, the man inside Chewbacca? Oh, I could see that.

I could see that. She probably talked to Carrie Fisher. Oh, you know what? She probably did. Of course she did. She must have. Oh, what a great, perfect pairing. Well, now I want to go,

now I just want to go find it and listen to it. Me too. And I mean, Louis C.K. was never in the Star Wars universe, was he? I don't think so. I know she talked to him a few times.

Oh, do you know who he is? Yes. Oh, okay. I listen to NPR. I think she talked to him a few times. Oh, do you know who he is? Yes. Oh, okay. I listen to NPR. I think he has been on Fresh Air. Yes, a few times. A few times. To talk about plants, and then I just tune out.

Like, oh boy, this guy's boring. I never want to hear from him again. Some gardener? Yeah, who wants to listen to this guy? So I have to ask, you know, you had been in this cage, I know you don't like that word, for so long when you escaped. I keep saying it. Okay, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to keep saying it. The bar, the house of bars that you shit in. Thank you, house of bars. You're welcome. What is the first thing that you did when you realized you were free? I mean, did you go see the sights of the town? Did you meet another bird? I mean, you've probably been so lonely.

Yeah, I took a dump on the grass. That was the first thing with your newfound freedom. Mm-hmm. But you know, that's all just pooping on newspaper, peeing on this and that, you know. I suppose. Mm-hmm. I feel like like i do in the same place

every time and i guess it never occurred to me that it's boring no i mean not especially i mean he's in there for an hour how could it be boring an hour what are you doing for an hour oh you you oh honey tootsie like, we're going to have our night. I will tell you things. I will tell you things. Oh, boy, I can't wait. You humans hold it in, right? You go like once or twice a day.

It's easier just to like, oh, there I go. That's only the women, honey, that pretend they don't do it. Oh. Yeah. What are your genders? Oh, well, I am, I identify as a female. Like, she, her, and burnt.

I identify as a male. I don't always feel that I'm of, like, an earthling, but I do, I do. Girl, same. Girl, so same. Like sometimes, Tosha, you feel that you are not of this earth. Girl.

Look at me. I'm a little dinosaur. No. I'm like a miniature dinosaur. It is true. I mean, I can see that you feel like you're from a different place, you know, sort of otherworldly. In fact, you could say I'm first worldly and no offense, but you two are, you know, intruders.

I mean, it's true. Fair, fair, fair. It's true. I'm not being rude. It's just the way things go, you know. Oh, intruders. I mean, it's true. Fair, fair, fair. It's true. I'm not being rude. It's just the way things go, you know? Oh, no,

no offense taken. You're from the world of nature. Nature is, you know, it's, it's, you say it like it is. You call it like it is.

And, and if you preface it with, I'm not being rude, then you aren't being rude. Or, hey, I heard Terry Gross say that all the time. I'm not being rude. Or, hey. I heard Terry Gross say that all the time. I'm not being rude.

She would say that. I think Terry Gross should have you on. That would be a fantastic interview. I can't believe we scooped Terry Gross by having a sentient bird on our little podcast. Yeah, you're welcome. Maybe we should all try to get to Carnegie Hall together. our little podcast. Yeah, you're welcome. Maybe the two, maybe we should all try to get to Carnegie hall together. You know,

this is what I'm thinking because I'm not sure that sounds like your concert might be a little quick. And I don't know if we, or you might have to, you might want to pair. It might be a double, a double head, a double header.

Maybe we could open for you. We do an hour of our show and then you come out and do your, I guess, 90 seconds of songs. Well, that's fine because if we do an hour, that's just the intro. So then he'll come on and he'll do his songs and then we'll do the rest of the show after. I'm in. That sounds delightful. Now, if we're going to do this, we have to decide before we get to Carnegie Hall, who opens the show and who introduces the guest. Absolutely.

Absolutely. We will have that so, so, so put in writing. We'll have it so worked out. We have little cards. Oh, we definitely have little cards. Oh, we should definitely have little cards. To see hearts to poop on?

Well, no. No, we would read, these would be notes for us to know what we're doing. But would you like- No, it's like- Almost. Look at him. Would you like to see if we made you little tiny note cards that you could read from? Can you read?

Oh, no. Wow. All those years of standing over paper and you never picked up the memory of any shapes. Oh, I just thought there were like fun shapes and pictures and there's meaning. There is. Well, not always, but yes. The lamestream media, right, Joan? Well, so same.

Now, listen, I do want to get to this because I'm worried about your little bird heart. And I just want to know if you think there's someone special out there for you now that you're free, because that's something you never there's someone special out there for you. Now that you're free, because that's something you never even got to do is find a mate. Or are you not into that? Which is also fine.

I'm into it. Believe me. My ideal mate would be a beautiful bird who can sing, of course. And who would have a beak like how you say eraser. Eraser beak. It's got to be out there. They've got to be out there. I know it.

I just know it. Could you just describe what would that look like? This is a family show. You can say whatever. You have carte blanche to say whatever you like. Be it pink. Okay.

Or any color eraser, because you've already established it can be any color, any size. Right. Oh, it would be a brick. A brick. Like the one I described. It's like just coming out of the bird's face. Just something that looks like. Hold on.

Oh, bird, I think he's, is he pleasuring? It sounds like it. It sounds like it. Okay. All right. Okay, I'm done. Quick. Yeah.

Especially considering in front of an audience. Yeah, he's not shy. He could be in front of a group live. We know that now. No problem performing. Absolutely not. No problem performing. Wink, wink. If you know what I mean. Yeah, I agree.

Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. So Toots. That makes sense. When you see wink wink. Yeah, yeah. So Tootsie, where are you headed next? If you're no longer going to live in Marianne's home,

where do you plan to live? Oh, you know, trees. Are you going to get back to nature? Like where you lived before perhaps? Do you have family

back in there? Do you know Do you have family back in there? Do you know if you have any family out there? I don't know, because I was taken from them at such a young age. But I'm not pressing charges. I've, you know, I've learned to forget. On Marianne? On Marianne, yes. My former houser and kidnapper.

Oh, dear. You have any memories at all of your home and of your life in the woods? Yes. I was but a wee tweet in a little nest. Any brothers or sisters? Probably. Like four or five other little tweets. Okay.

And one day we all like, hey, we can fly. Mom's away. And we did. And then I never seen them since since so also that's another reason like if they listen to your show if they're in a house that you know listens to podcasts on speakers oh right uh maybe they'll hear my voice because i've you know super recognizable on tweet from tree number four on the corner of a horn and sycamore. So many treat names, tree names.

I didn't know there were, there were intersections in the woods. And that's fascinating. A peek into the bird world that they have. They've numbered the tree number four. And maybe that's why we have only tree names in this town. And presidents. And president names.

That's right. We do have president names. Do you have president names in the woods? Or is it just tree names? What are presidents? Okay. So I think that answers it. It's a great question.

Especially these days. I mean. Oh, there is... Oh, yeah. There's some... I hate to talk about these kinds of birds, but they'll be like, not my president, you know, and that's the name of their tree, you know,

or thanks, president. And they're always in a bad mood. They don't like other people or birds, you know. So it's kind of permeated the... Oh, boy, it's gotten everywhere. They're like, not in my president. Not in my president.

Well, it's not their first language. They're learning. They have sort of the idea of what they want to say. I might be getting something lost in translation. That's fair. Sure, sure. Prepositions are tricky. And Tootsie, any messages for anyone else? You've reached out to Marianne, to your former siblings from tree number four.

Do you have any advice for the rest of us humans here in Dignity Falls? Sure. You may stretch out your arms and you may not fly because anatomically you're not capable of it. Correct. But you reach for the top of the tree and you may not get there, but you'll be further along than had you not even glimpsed above your head. Well, I want that to be the name of my show, Carnegie Hall, the show that we do. A little. I mean, are you worried that it's a little long to fit on a monkey?

You know, I don't know. OK, I don't. Well, I'm not worried at all. Well, ask and answer. Yeah, I'm worried at all. Oh, I think it's beautiful and poetic. And I really, I really hope that we see you at Carnegie Hall. I hope we both make it. I hope so too. Look, between the three of us, if we all practice once, that's three practices.

So we're bound to get there. That's right. Then we did it. It's all it takes. That's all it takes. Well, thank you so much for coming to talk to us, Tootsie. You are delightful. And I really hope you come visit me on my windowsill one of these days. We could have a chat. I would love

that. I'll give you, this is when I land, you'll know it's me because I'm going. Oh, that's adorable. Keep an ear out for that. And Tootsie, my fondest wish for you is I hope you get to fuck a pink pearl. Oh, thanks, bro.

I fucking can't wait. All right. Well, we will be right back with more when The Neighborhood Listen returns. Hi, this is Kerry. Free metal canes with plastic lids. Free one large and five small empty metal cans with snap-on plastic lids. A soda can shown for scale. Oh, no. People with a fear of heights or a car that can't handle a steep hill will have trouble coming to my house. A contactless pickup in Dignity Falls, parking available in my driveway. Please provide a number for texting.

All right, Joan. So why don't we say that I'll... Do you know... What? Okay. Well, I was thinking, since it's just been so nutty with this, should we try doing it one word at a time? That's intriguing.

Why not? Let's just see what happens. Okay. We should start. Oh, boy. Flip a coin? I thought this would get us past our problems. Oh, Tootsie flew off that quarter.

Little thief. Little thief. I've got a box in here. past our problems. Oh, Tootsie flew off that quarter. Little thief. Little thief. I've got a box in here. Oh, we're fine. We're fine. I don't think we have time to go running all over creation to find a coin. It's fine. I'll start. I'll start. Okay. Okay, one run at a time. Ready? Right. And

Neighborhood. I think I feel like my improv training tells me I can make this work I can make this work now go okay okay never

you just said one word right I guess I should have explained it we're trying to say the same thing like the same word no okay okay i didn't realize i've heard of that we oh it's on me it's on me this is on me i did just say one word at a time uh what i meant was we try to do the welcome back but we each have to trade words back and forth that what we're trying to get the message we're trying to get across is welcome back, but we each have to trade words back and forth. What we're trying to get, the message we're trying to get across is welcome back.

You did? I did understand that. Yes, but if you're only allowed to have one word, I felt like I should get at least the word neighborhood in there. Right, but that's, I think we need to trust the exercise more that we will get to neighborhood.

Okay, so explain it to me again. What are we need to trust the exercise more that we will get to neighborhood. Okay, so explain it to me again. What are we trying to do? So we're trying to welcome everyone back to the next segment. Yes. And it's as if we use the same language that you would as if you were doing it by yourself. It's just that I'm doing every other word.

Well, I know, I was speaking English. It's not about what kind of language we're speaking. It's we're trying. We're trying. We're trying. I do this exercise with children, Bert. I mean, I really do when I teach improv at the YMCA. There's no way I can't take that as an insult. That was very funny.

I'm sorry. I rescind that. I'm getting a little. You know what that was about? That was about me and less about you. That was me feeling I'm not doing a good job teaching. And I know I can do this because I've taught it before. And that was on me. So I didn't mean it to make it sound like it was on you. How can I teach you better? Apology accepted. So, so the concept is we are welcoming everyone back, but we can only each say one word at a time. Correct. Correct. And what did I do wrong?

Because I distinctly said a word. Well, I don't like to say the word wrong when I do improv exercises. There's no wrong choice. There's only, the only wrong choice is no choice. Right? So it's not like it was necessarily wrong,

but you are trying to create a cohesive message. Does that make sense? Like welcome neighborhood. I said, what did I say? That's what we did. No, that's not what I did. Welcome neighborhood makes sense. Okay, guys, that's sense? Like, welcome neighborhood. I said, what did I say? That's what we did. No, that's not what I did. Welcome neighborhood makes sense.

Okay, guys, I said am. And he said neighborhood. Now, I was trying to make it work. I could have said, and neighborhood listen. And then it might have been like, is now back. Are you saying that we are trying to form one sentence between the two of us? Yes, yes, yes. That's what I'm saying.

I wish you'd said that earlier. I do, too. I do, too. Because now I get it. Okay. Okay. To be fair, before you said we could each only say one word. And I thought, well, of all the words to pick, I should probably put neighborhood in there.

That was a good instinct. You said you you you said what did you say now I can't remember what the word you said was I was like I don't know I don't know you said and okay and so you say and welcome back oh shit well now it makes sense but but I didn't realize we were working together to make one sentence yes that was the idea all right well you certainly didn't realize we were working together to make one sentence. Yes, that was the idea. All right. Well, you certainly didn't say that. So I feel like there's plenty of blame to go around here.

I will take all the blame. All right. But now that I understand the concept, let's try this again because this sounds fun. This sounds more fun than the other way. Yes. It is supposed to be fun. It is only supposed to be fun. And you know what?

Why don't you start? Okay. So you start with the first word. So the idea is I say a word and then you will build on that as if it is the next word following in a coherent English sentence. Correct. Okay. Gotcha.

All right. Here we go. Neighborhood. Listen. Is. Back. Now. We did it.

That was it. Neighborhood listen is back now. What Doug wants to do. What? I have to step in. We did it. It's actually three words. Well, Doug, that's what I said. No, no, no, no. I was just thinking that. You were just thinking that. It's no coincidence. Alright, the important thing is All right.

The important thing is we're back. When I said we did it, I meant it was done. It was over. Me saying we did it was now me in real life saying we did it. I think, again, I don't want to put all the blame on you, but I think there needed to be some sort of parameters put on it, like you know it's over when, uh, if the, if the final word is period, uh,

why don't we have Doug decide when it's over? Okay. Are you sure about that? Well, what would you suggest? You know, I'm tired of being in charge cause I'm not doing well today at that. So you,

you be in charge. Tell, tell me what you think should signal the ending. All right. Uh, uh, Oh, okay. Oh boy. All right. Uh, charge tell tell me what you think should signal the ending all right uh uh oh okay oh boy all right uh first first thought best thought ta-da great love it love it okay perfect yes let's try it again. Do you want to start? No, you start because I get it now. Okay. Welcome. Back.

To. The. Neighborhood. Listen. Everybody. We. Are. Happy.

You. Stayed. To. Listen. happy you stayed to listen. Ta-da! Oh, you can... Well, Doug, I... I thought there were several endings, and I didn't know if you were doing the ta-da

or if I was. We didn't establish that. Honestly, I'd forgotten what the prompt was, what the ending was. I forgot about the ta-da thing. You did? Yeah. But it was just a few seconds ago. It just went out of my mind. Well, Doug had it ready to go, and that

was great. Thank you, babe, for yes-anding that. Okay. Okay. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do, Doug. All right.

Okay. So I think we should probably move on. Absolutely. We have time for another. But just, you know, in any case, it's a fun game to play at home everybody now that you know how to do it i encourage you all it's a really fun thing to do with your partner it gets you on the same wavelength but we've shown it the way to start as an example of what not to do there are pitfalls so be careful be careful and i'm sorry bur Bert. I'm sorry that I made it confusing.

No harm done. No harm done. I eventually figured it out when you finally provided the missing information. And now we are officially back after all that, believe it or not. We sure are. And we have to. And we're not going to do that again. Probably best not to.

But we do have one final post from the neighbor we'd like to share. Because sometimes we just want to signal boost some messages, even if we can't have the person here in Joan's home. And this is from Erica here in Dignity Falls. And Erica writes, to the guy that scared my kids over sparklers tonight. And then looks like a triple ellipses. Yep. Big problem, period. Really?

Three exclamation marks. Let's talk tomorrow, period. Yeah. Now this sounds like a threat. Am I wrong? Oh, 100%. I mean, this Erica, once she knows this guy knows who he is, right? If he's reading this.

And how, right. And she's saying, you messed with my kids. That's it. She's like the old man, Jeff Bridges saying, if you yell at my kids about sparklers, I'm going to send you back in pieces. Is that what the old man's about? Not about sparklers specifically. I haven't watched it pieces. Is that what the old man's about? Not about sparklers specifically.

I haven't watched it yet. Is it good? I've watched the first episode. I enjoyed it very much to see, to see an elderly Jeff Bridges doing a, a quite a lot of physical activity. Oh really? Yes. It's,

it's he's really going for it. And you do, you do worry a little bit and then you, and then you, then you find out that he had COVID and almost died because he had COVID and cancer at the same time. Oh, good Lord. But now he's fine. Well, good for him doing all that work then.

Rolling around in the dirt with other guys, punching and kicking. Whoa. Anyway, so. But here's the thing. So she's expecting, does she think this person with the sparklers is going to read this? I think she must. She must have some indication that this fellow is a frequent the neighbor hap and will know that this means him. And let's talk tomorrow implies that to me implies that Erica is waiting for him to make an appointment with her, which why would he do that? As opposed to we'll talk tomorrow, meaning Erica is going to find him.

She's using this board as the equivalent of, you know, the high school hallway bully yelling down the hall and saying, hey, you know, after school in the playground. But in that case, you know that the kid heard you. The playground is a good place to stage a fight. Isn't that how it would always happen? Where would your bullies have fights? We would fight in the library. In the library? Yes, the public library.

Why? Not even the library at school. I think it was just to cause max carnage. Well, we had, you know, the bully that we had was this kid named Grapes, and he was a terror, and he liked to smash stuff.

He liked to get into fights in public places. He liked, I think he liked getting yelled at was the thing. Grapes. Yeah, his name was Grapes. Wow. Here comes Grapes, beat it. One time we saw him eating grapes and uh the name and that was it yeah uh it's tough when you know something so enjoyable uh becomes the name of a bully it has a negative connotation oh when people say nature's candy i i i want to say you have

no idea what you're talking about. Okay. So here's the thing. I feel like this is sort of performative. I feel like she just, it's kind of that thing with, with, and there's, I know there's not anonymity because she's put her name out there, but it's easy to be tough guy. You know, when you're on the, on this app, just saying, you know, with all, with all of her punctuation, real tough, but what's her actual plan? You know, and why do we all need to be party to it? Is it really because she, she just is sure that he knows who she is? Because here's the thing. We just recently had a bunch of summer holidays. It was around 4th of July. It's I saw sparklers everywhere over the last few weeks. I mean, this is a very general sweeping statement about sparklers. We had, we had founders day, uh, where we, we honor the one

founder, uh, the one unproblematic founder left. Uh, um, he so, so far, I mean, fingers crossed, right? I hope they don't find anything out about him. Uh, Jancy McQuad, Jancy McQuad, uh, who, uh, who, who was one of the founders of, uh, Dignity Falls in 1881. And he, although he was run out of the town he founded on a rail, he is one of the founders and we don't know what he did. And because there are no records of it, we have to assume that maybe it was a case of mistaken identity and that he's fine. Like Bev Twitchell's husband.

Oh, I mean, what if, you know what? What if he is out there? What if he is out there floating around? I think I, you know, I don't, I don't know that we can say nothing's possible anymore. It certainly is possible. We just talked to a bird. Maybe, exactly. And the bird doesn't want to be found.

Maybe Bev's husband doesn't want to be found. Yeah. Yeah. Boom. Sometimes that night when you look at the stars, you see, you think maybe that's him. Doug sometimes watches for him at night. Oh, really? He keeps an eye out for him? He's just a little dot like moving and you know it's not a planet. Oh, babe, I think that's a satellite though that you're seeing.

But I'd like to think, you know, it could be. You think it might be Gabe Twitchell out there in his hot air balloon? It could be. Having the time of his life Twitchell out there in his hot air balloon. It could be. Having the time of his life. And he's still hovering in the area. It's far away. Keep an eye on her. And here's the thing.

That scared my kid over sparklers. What's crazy is in my memory, kids love sparklers. It's like the one thing that they do. I wonder how he scared her kids. Oh, I think he

what I took it to mean was he disapproved of the sparklers and was being mean to the kids for holding them. Oh no, isn't this interesting? There's a couple interpretations to this post. I didn't read it that way. So you thought he had put a fear of sparklers

into these children. No, no, no, that he was doing sparklers and it scared her children. Oh, I see. What? Okay, yeah. I'm trying to think of what that would be. I guess this felt like something had been done

to her kids more aggressively than just like he yelled at them over sparklers. Right. I assumed it was. That's true. That is really nasty. Yes. And then, you know what?

Frankly, I would give three question marks to really as well. Absolutely. But I, yeah, which that also, I think, makes more sense, if you ever touch a sparkler, you will go to hell or whatever. No, but that's not what I thought that she meant. I thought that she meant that he was doing the sparklers, but it was like too close to her kids and it scared them that the sparkler

scared them. The actual physical spark. But I think your instinct is right is that kids would not be upset by that. They would love that. Yes. So, okay. I interpreted it wrong.

I'm just all kind of upside down today. Like, I like it. Stranger Things. Oh, yes. Oh, we just finishing watching that. We are working on, um, that is our next room. A Stranger Things room. You're going to do an upside down? It's going to look like the whole house is upside down.

We want to do an upside down house. Under that. But it's just kind of like a, yeah, underground. I've only ever seen posters of that show, but is the upside down, is it truly upside down where everything's on the, the furniture's on the ceiling? No, but in essence, but the visual is that the camera will pan from,

the idea is that there's an entire separate, exact universe, just like ours and yes when the camera pans down to it all of a sudden it looks like it's upside down but we don't no one wants to watch when they look through the portals yes it is so it is correct it is a mirror image technically this takes place on a boat no not portal portholes not Portholes, not portholes. A gate, if you will. It's easier to say gate. Sure.

There's gates that open up to the upside down world. But because no one wants to watch people upside down the whole time, the camera writes itself. And we're just watching them like normal. Okay. But we know it's upside down. Oh, we know it's upside down. And everything is like creepy and gray. Do they at least gel everybody's hair up so it looks like it's upside down. Oh, we know it's upside down. And everything is like creepy and gray. Do they at least gel everybody's hair up so it looks like it's hanging down?

You know, it's a little late for that suggestion, but boy, they missed the boat on that. They really did. They hold a balloon. They should have held a balloon over the static. They should have. Bert, I'm not sure if you would like Well, couldn't you hear my sarcasm?

I'm sorry. I'm a little sarcastic with Doug. I know you're very supportive of Doug, and I thought you were being genuine. Hold on. Balloon is cheaper than special effects. It's cheaper than a bunch of gel. Do you consider gel in the hair special effects?

But you're saying it's cheaper than a bunch of gel. Yes. I don't know. I don't know if that's cheaper than a bunch of gel. Yes. I don't know. I don't know if that's exactly, I don't know. I mean, one tube of gel versus how many balloons would it take to make their hair? I can't believe this is what we're talking about. We have all the things to talk about,

about stranger things that we're talking about, hair gel and balloons and their relative costs and now i don't even remember why we brought up stranger things in the first place but it was relevant that you said you were upside down oh oh oh but we are we're recreating that underneath our house just a whole fun we're hoping to get it done in time for halloween because we just think that'd be so fun for a haunted house. I think that'd be wonderful. How are we very close? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I hope you've already started

on this project because that sounds very ambitious. Next year Halloween. Next year Halloween. Next year Halloween. Or maybe just for when the final Stranger Things comes out. Maybe we should do that, babe. That's kind of cool. Sure, have a finale party. Kind of like a premiere party. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, finale party, sure. But in the Upside Down, it would be the premiere party. Oh, yeah. Finale party. Sure. But in the upside down, it would be the premiere party.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's not like the opposite. It's not necessarily opposite world. It's just everything's darker. Everything's sadder. Everything's more dead. And there's bats. And there's bats?

Yeah. Scary ones. How are they? But I mean, if they're bats, you're supposed to get into them, right? Are they just pools of stuff? What? Wait, pools? Baths?

Baths. Actual, physical, scary animal baths. Oh, I thought you said baths. B-A-T-H-S. And I thought, well, that actually sounds nice. Although, Bert, a bath, a salt bath does feature heavily in the plot line of Stranger Things. Really? Yes. In what way? Spoil it for me

right now. Well, I mean, they do it early on in the first season. It's not really spoiling anything, but there's a girl with very, very amazing telekinetic abilities, and in order to find people in the universe, she gets herself in a salt bath so she can float like a sense deprivation

tank. Like a bacta tank. Like in Altered States where William Hurt becomes a gorilla man and rampages around the city. Yes, that reference works too. A fun chuckle from Doug. Alright, well, Erica,

I do hope you find this man and I hope you beat the living piss out of him. Yes, and I do hope you find this man and I hope you beat the living piss out of him. Yes. And, and I don't know who we're going to have next time, but I don't know if it's going to be as interesting as a talking bird. I mean, that was really something else.

Tough act to follow. Tough act to follow. It is a tough act to follow, which is why we should, we should, this is why we should open for him. No, without question, without question. Without question.

I think that's a good call. Once people see this bird fly out of its own cage, sit on top and say, I'm free now. I think, I think they'll all but have forgotten us. That we were even there. Yeah. I think so. But we won't, I won't forget it. Do you think we get to sign the wall?

Oh, I sure hope so. Do you think that there's dicks drawn on the wall? I don't think there are. Like any other music venue? I won't forget it. Do you think we get to sign the wall? Oh, I sure hope so. Do you think that there's dicks drawn on the wall? I don't think there are. Like any other music venue? I don't think that there are. I don't think that it sucked. Perlman drew a dick. You know, Oscar Levant or Van.

What was his name? Julie Andrews drew some boobs. What was the guy's name? The pianist. Van something. Van Cliburn. Van Cliburn. Oh, look at you.

Of Cliburn. Of Cliburn. Of Cliburn. Oh, we bring it back full circle. This is, I love when this happens. Well, listen, everybody, thank you for listening to The Neighborhood Listen. We are at burntandjone, no, burntandjone at gmail.com. If you'd like to write to us and send us a screencap from your neighbor, Hap.

Again, comment sections don't count. But if you have a post that seems interesting, divorced from its subsequent comments, then we would love to see that and read it on the air and give you credit for that. I can't think of anything else to say. Until? Until when? Until

I think of something to say? Oh, we're doing the thing. Until? Neighborhood. Listen. All of the posts used in this episode are real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker.

Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Tootsie the Bird was played by Tony Rodriguez. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.