The Neighborhood Listen - Water Robots with Michael McDonald

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

This week in Dignity Falls, Joan coins a new term for her hormonal state, Burnt shares his fear from under the kitchen island, and Doug deals with overstock. Later they welcome Diane (Michael McDonald), who has a complaint about his swim class being disrupted by pool closures.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock this episode and ALL seasons of The Neighborhood Listen ad-free, as well as full length exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half app and us. Burn. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell.

We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen if indeed you have listened to it before. And if you haven't, you better explain. who you are. Are you talking to the listener or to me?

I'm talking to the listener. Okay. I'm talking to the listeners in home. You want explanations from the listeners who they are. No, no. I'm saying if you're at home and you're listening for the first time, then you don't know who we are. So we should tell you.

That's what I'm saying. Okay. Now, do you understand my question? Are we already getting off to it? I don't think we are. I'm just trying to clarify. Okay. You said if you haven't listened, you better explain who you are.

Okay. I get that makes sense. I guess I was talking to both groups. Okay, so if you can imagine, I turn my head one way and I said, and if you haven't listened, and that's the people at home, and then I turned back to you and I said, you better explain who you are. Right, but people don't know that.

I know because it's a podcast. Sometimes I forget that. And people don't realize we look all over the place when we do this. All over the place. We're looking all around the room. We try to avoid contact as much as possible. I contact. Contact of any kind.

Well, we all know that Bert Hayes said if I accidentally brush his foot underneath the kitchen island. That's strong. It is, it isn't strong. The look of horror on your face. The color drains from your face more than it normally is. That doesn't mean I hate it. But that might mean I'm scared.

Okay. I know. But it's like, it's just me. I'm afraid that maybe a ghoul is under there. It's not a ghoul. I know you don't believe in ghosts. You only believe in ghoul. That's right.

Explain who you are, burnt. Okay. Sorry. I was about to do it. Okay. This is one of my favorite things. Somebody takes a breath and then you, you jump in there. It's the best.

I've been told I'd do that a lot Is that true? I don't know It's just my zest for life burnt I'm just excited to be alive And I'm excited to say things You are a lover of life And it's one of the things that I really appreciate about you

Thank you Because a lot of people are morose and down And they're saying why did God create us And you are you are somebody who's saying This is fun Who cares why God created us we're here Well who cares is strong I mean, does it matter, though, really?

No, I guess not. Okay. None of it makes any sense. None of it does. Yeah. Anyway, my name is Burtmea Payday. I am a pharmacist. I'm the pharmacist in chief of the Dignity Falls mesi here in Dignity Falls, which is the subject of

this podcast. Dignity Falls, the neighborhood. That's where we are. And this podcast is a look into the neighborhood of Dignity Falls via its many residents. I am one such. As are you, my co-host. Joan Pedestrian, I am the local, well, I'm the top realtor and I'm a local actress. That's right.

I'm going to say I'm the top local actress, though. Could I do that? Absolutely. I think absolutely. I'm trying to just, I'm trying to go into the new year eventually because we're not there yet. But I'm ramping it up. I'm going to go into it eventually. I really, I'm very excited about this one woman show.

Yes. As you know, because it's assessive O'Mary, that show that Cole Scola wrote on Broadway, that won all those awards. that I'm going to do it, our local, well, I think of her as a heroine. I think she's very misunderstood, but it was our old mayor's wife, Gretel, and I'm going to call it, oh, Gretel. Now, when you say our old mayor, this was quite a long time ago. Well, because remember, all they had was wax cylinders of just him speaking, and she walks in the door, all you hear is a door creak.

You don't even hear her saying. You hear him say, do you want to say something? Yes. And then she didn't. She declined. So I'm going to give her that voice. But here's why I'm trying to, here. why I'm in overdrive with my confidence, okay?

Oh, I know you were an overdrive. I am an overdrive. It's a little bit like paramedipause. How so? Well, because everything's over exaggerated. Are they synonymous? Well, I'm trying to make them be. I'm trying to make them be.

I'm trying to use everything that's happened in my crumbling body. And it's a better name. I tell myself mentally. Honestly, better than menopods overdrive. Well, she's an overdrive. Feminine overdrive? Yeah. Yeah, let's say that.

I'm a feminine. Directed by Stephen King. I'm going to scare the hell out of you. It's not a movie podcast. Just a reminder for everybody else. I'm in feminine overdrive because I've started writing on this project. And here's the thing. You're not going to like this.

I don't even want to bring this up because you get so angry. All right. You know who I'm going to talk about. Yes, I do. Our local critic who is just a POS. I'm not allowed to swear on the podcast because my husband. But he is a piece of shit. I know you get to say it.

His name is Mitch McNutt. Doug doesn't let me say it. His name is Mitch McNutt, and he gives me terrible reviews every time I do a show at the Digny Falls Playhouse. And he sent me, are you ready for this? He sent me dead flowers. And with a card that was like, hope,

the show doesn't arrive D-O-A like these roses. He is trolling me hard. I don't know how we heard about this. I've only talked about this on the podcast, which means he listens. He must listen to this podcast. Oh, in his lonely little home in his turtleneck. Yes, that's why he started his podcast.

I'm sure of it. I think so. And then he hijacks our feed sometimes. Just to get me. He does sometimes. Sometimes for whatever reason on this podcast, you'll hear other episodes of him and his partner kale Dragon Slayer. I think that is unethical for a theater critic. Thank you.

To send dead flowers. I agree. Before a person's even begun. I haven't even. I'm just in the beginning process. I mean, the early stages. Who is this guy, David Harbor? Wait, that might be specific.

That might be too specific a reference for me. Sorry, that was a feminine overdraft. I messed up my word sometimes. Sure. Because you're an overdrive. Lily Allen, the singer. Okay, you're talking about that whole situation. Yes.

She wrote an album and it's basically all about airing their dirty laundry. Yes. And he sent her, she did Broadway. Yes, she did. And he sent her flowers with a note that said, these are bad luck flowers. Oh, God, that's right. I want you to fail because then you won't be away from me. Ew.

Maybe that's their love language or like a joke, but the optics on that aren't good. It doesn't. I hate that. I hate it too. Anyways, you know who would never send me dead flowers is my husband, Doug? Oh, sure. How you doing, babe?

Let's check in with you. I'm good. Doug is, of course, in a different room. He built a different room in the house. This is for the people who've only listened, I mean, never listened once, who have only listened so far. These are the people who have never listened once on principle. Who said not even once. Let us hear from you.

Where are you today, babe? Today I am in the newspaper room. Oh, the newspaper room. That's fun. Were you kind of like... And I want to make it clear. I want to think clear. I don't build these rooms, you know, per episode.

It just happens to be that we record episodes. There's usually a new room to talk about. So every week. At least. I don't know that there was anything to clear up then, babe. So you're saying when we're off the clock, when we're not recording, still building these rooms. Yeah. Okay. Now, the newspaper room, is this a room for hoarding? No. I hope not. You don't also have like an old pill bottle room. No. Are you trying to do like a local

newspaper for our house since it's so big? Not that either. Why don't we let him answer to them? It's a cute idea. I think it's kind of cute. Can we have five more guesses? Take as many as you want. As long as you don't wish for more guests. No, I don't know. That's not a thing, babe. Wish for more guesses. Wish for more guesses. Guess for more guesses? Is it a room? Is it a room? made of newspaper? Nope. Is it a room that's modeled after all the president's men, which I know is one of your favorite movies?

And I know you love those sort of like early journalistic, you know, like 70s. Okay. Colder. We were allowed to guess, but he didn't tell us we could be interrupted. Is it modeled after the movie, the paper, directed by Ron Howard? That's quite a reference. Is that what John Houseman? The paper.

You know what? I don't know and I've seen it too I saw it I saw it in a second run Do you think they started with the title Of course Of course I know this title word I think no that's it

What Ron Howard does is he writes down Locations Put someone a big bulletin board throws a dart That's so we got Apollo 13 Well then how'd you get Cinderella man I knew He probably had Cinderella's castle

And then said No, what if Cinderella was Russell Crow? Why did I write that one? Babe, I get one more guess, right? We get one more guess. Was that all the guesses? Not going to wish for more guesses. This is Doug we're talking about.

I'm going to guess for more witnesses. You know what we've been thinking about what Burton and Joan would do with a newspaper room? What would Doug do? We've been seeing the world through normal eyes. No, WWD. We have to use. W.WD. What would Doug do?

Well, what we have to do is imagine, because of course, Doug has explained to us that he has no imagination. He closes his eyes. He just sees a thin, like a long blue line. That's right. A long blue line at worst. That's much different. So if you had no imagination, what would you, what? That's of your own admission, babe.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this. Okay, I didn't mean it's down there. If you had no imagination. I don't think my lack of imagination has to do with this. You don't. No. Okay.

So would it be really literal? Some of these rooms indicate that Doug might have an imagination that he is, I agree. He's unable to consciously tap into. Yeah, I agree. Well, then do we think that it's just maybe newspaper clippings? Wow, that fell with a thud. Okay, why don't you just tell us a thing?

I have one last guess. One last guess. Fine. Is it sorry, Joan. It's just the overdrive. Don't listen to me. No, you're really leaning heavily on the overdrive. Is it a room designed to make you feel like you've walked into a literal newspaper?

Oh. Oh, that's a good guess. That's a good guess. I love that idea. Because he did create an internet room that was just like being inside the internet. That's right. All right. What is it?

What do we got? Unfortunately, it's not great. I, uh, I got. Maybe he heard all those guesses and thought, oh, those would have all been better options. We've never heard that before. Okay. Do you know, um, Nikki Sweenis?

No. He. Is he a local Dignity Falls resident? Yeah, he's the paper bowl. and oh yeah well paper man i know i was going to say this is the sad thing about him maybe i just wasn't thinking yes he began as a paper boy he's like 47 now at least and he still throws he still wears paper at people's houses but no one wants it he still rides a kids BMX bike yes it's pretty cool he told me i mean that was that plays a part so so now what is he huffy um spokemaster three

yeah okay that's right He said I could borrow it. So, wait, what are you borrowing it for? The coolest part of the bike. The spokes, it's got extra spokes. Spokemaster. Yeah. So what are you doing again?

What's the room? It started with him offering me a free, like a ride on the Huffy Spokemaster 3. Okay. And then he said, why don't you try to throw a couple papers? This is something I always wanted to do. I know it is. You've always, he's had a very romantic idea. being a paper boy he never got to do it because he uh because he was he injured his shoulder

when he was nine and he never recovered i remember one year uh joan gave you a messenger bag for christmas and you said that's stolen valor it took a while for us to get through that it was a really oh the messenger bag year it was really it was tough it was tough uh okay so now so you got to throw a couple papers yeah and then how was it babe was it everything you ever wanted It was great, except he gave me, he was, he gave me, like, full papers, like full Sunday editions. Sure. I think he tricked me into that. Okay.

Oh, he did like a Tom Sawyer on you. Now I'm doing his routes. So within what, oh, so you mean the newspaper room is just where you, like, that's your stock room? This is my overstock, yeah. So you've inherited. Overstock. Do you remember those commercials? I don't think that's how it works.

Overstock.com? Overstock.com. Overstock.com. She's very crazy with an untraceable European accent. Overstock, that's like a late. No, it wasn't quite Carol Channing. I'm doing it wrong. It was more like Overstock.com, you know, it's like that.

That sounds vaguely familiar. Yes, she had a red dress. It was like everything was white. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, and it just vaguely felt like a, well, not vaguely. It was a scam. It had to have been. Do you know what I love to hear.

What? Overstock.com. Oh, that's right. Again, if you are just now listening, we've been on a real kick of doing a Elizabeth McGovern's accent from downtown.

Yeah, we haven't missed an episode. We have not missed a single one. It's the through line of this entire season.

It actually really is. Overstaff. Overstock. We have too many shays lounges, Robert. There's so much

weaker furniture, Robert. There's too much diaphragm. I can't have a stock. It's giving me a fever.

So many garden hooves. So now you've just inherited a paper route? Is that what you're telling me? Yeah. Yeah.

And there's way too much paper to deal with. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. Why don't you deliver it from your car? That's a great idea. Why don't you tell the people at the newspaper that this is happening? I don't think throwing, here's one of the problems.

Okay. The Dignity Falls Tribune is often one or two sheets of paper. Right. But then at the same time, the Dignity Falls plain dealer is like 500 pages sometimes. It is like a phone book. It's like having to toss a phone book every single morning. The font is too big. The font is way too big.

The font is too big. It's way too big. They really sunk all their hopes in that. They said, the newsprint is too small. We heard you, listeners, readers. And then they made the font so big that like a single article, a single page will be like the first sentence of an article. Yes. But you know what?

The older community really loves it. They love it. Oh, my God, they love it. It takes them all week to read. Yes. And they never have to complain about anything that's difficult. Like, they actually love it. So it's actually keeping a lot of the older folks in town active, you know.

It's good. It's good. I'm doing a 180 on it. It's good. I've never seen you change some weekly. Well, you make a good case. Well, thank you. Okay, babe.

Well, it's hard to throw one piece of paper. Sure. You know, one ply out of the, yeah, from the bike. But then, you know, the other edition. The plane dealer? Yeah. Yeah. Then it's like I got to drag it behind the bike.

Yeah, I can see that. I think you just can stop doing this. And I'm not sure that anyone would notice or care because a lot of people, I know, but a lot of people, you need to find a way to re-outource this. This is just, I can't find Nikki. Absolutely. I can't find Nikki. Yeah. That's my next question.

He's just disappeared. Yeah. I have a hard time believing that because this is the only thing he's ever done. Where would he go? He said once I deliver all of the, all of these newspapers that I would find him. Oh, boy. This sounds like the wild goose chase. You would find him.

This sounds like the, I won't say well, goose chase, because I know you didn't like that. Thank you. This was like what happened to your girlfriend, Gabby, who is now your fiancé. She led you on a journey to find her with clues all around town and ended up proposing to you. It was a fun. That's right. Mm-hmm. And have you guys made plans yet?

Do you have a date set? We're in the process of making plans. We don't have a date yet. We're thinking we want to avoid sproon. And of course, yes, we just want to avoid Sproon. And, uh, do we need to explain what Spruan is? I feel like we just talked about it. Sproon is like the fifth season that we have here in, in Digny Falls.

It's brought about by carnivorous plants. That's right. That put out pollen. That's right. That makes everyone sign this is going same. That's right. So, uh, obviously we want to avoid that. Do you think we'll ever have an episode.

That's just all explanations of what we're talking about. That's not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea. I think even we sometimes forget what we've talked about. about. Okay, so you know that it's going to not be in sproon. Yes. And we are trying to figure out if we can involve jumping out of an airplane. I know. You guys are real thrill seekers. Yes. Well, but she's also a smoke jumper. She's a smoke jumper. I can see you guys doing that kind of thing. And all her bridesmaids will be. They're all going to be joking. That's her circle, you know.

Does this mean all the attendance of the wedding? We're all going to be on the ground, just watching you come in? Well, that's what we're trying to figure out. Does everyone jump. Do all the attendance. Oh, God. You can't make everyone jump. Oh, no. It's bad enough if you ask people to go to like a destination wedding. Like here, come to Jamaica and pay for everything. What's worse? Spend a bunch of money going to another country or just learn how to jump out of an airplane. That's a big deal, Burns. Not everyone's going to want to do that. Not nearly as expensive. What about her grandparents? Well, never mind. That's in the family. I know they all do that.

They all do that. What'd you say, babe? You should throw the the flowers out also. And then whoever catches them on the ground. That he's saying get all the single ladies up in a plane and then all the single ladies. Good job. Wait, you're not suggesting all the single ladies go up in a plane. You're suggesting the flowers go up in a plane and they're dropped from a plane and then everyone has to peer up skyward to see this tiny dot. That would really ramp up the I really do hate that tradition by the way because, you know, because it's just, it's ugly. It's ugly because, you know, I've seen too many videos. People really, really hurt them or they're trying to hard and and the bouquet gets destroyed.

It's true. And then it's like a metaphor for marriage. What are you going to do with that bouquet? You know what I mean? Nothing. It's just bragging rights. And I think it just sets the wrong tone for a wedding. But I mean, if the bouquet gets destroyed, who cares?

This is overdrive talking. That's going to be my nickname now. It just says, oh, overdrive's awake. Overdives awake. How long have we been talking, baby? Great question, Joan. what is that what's the what's the what does the bell signify dog oh nothing that's just that comes with a bike your bike bell sounds like it sounds like it sounds like a hotel desk bell

did you just tie one of those to your bike do bike bell sound different than that yeah they do they're like ringing ringing ringing they absolutely do i'm surprised you're having to ask that since you do have a bike bell this is a I suppose it's not correct. This is a Huffy Spokemaster 3, though. I know, but it's, I guarantee you. I feel like I can almost see. Take a look at it.

Is it shaped like a little dome with a little of, yeah, of course. Instead of a little plastic black base. That's not, that's not, that's not, Nick, what's his name, Nikki? Nikki Swiniswis. He sold you, he made you, he forced you to have a bike that is, that doesn't have a proper bell.

He said I could work it off and then get the free bike. I'm not happy. We need to track it down. He's really made a fool of you. How long have we been talking, babe? 19 minutes Wow it feels like so much more It went by fast to me

I don't know All right well why do we take a break Okay Let you take a break Yeah we're gonna take a break Yeah like we always do babe I thought you said let me take a break No I said let I think we should take a break

Yeah I'd like to take a break too Okay Let's all take a break Maybe that hotel bell is ringing in your ears You can't hear us so well We'll be right back With the neighborhood religion with the neighborhood returns Hi, this is Karen.

I have vintage 1960s Barbie bundles, dolls, cases, clothes, access. Don't ask me what access means. It means just you have access to all of it. Personal collection, 1962 to 1968, selling all of the following is a single lot as is. Here we go, strap in. Two Barbie, one twist and turn. turn mod blonde and one straight leg redhead slash titian bubble cut tn tn t blonde has broken left leg at hip knee does not bend bubble cut doll is in good condition two can both in good condition

i refuse to pluralize ken two barbie carrying cases one in good condition one in fair condition very good graphics and color all latches and hinges work this was back when all the dolls had hinges in them a few small tears in vinyl some missing accessory boxes a blue bar R.B. Case has a broken handle and a stained interior. Don't ask why. Clothes. Many in very good condition with the original accessories and tags and a few may belong to Tammy or Tressy dolls and don't get them fighting about it. Some discoloration due to age could use gentle cleaning, pressing or mending accessories, extra stands, hangers, shoes, some singles, purses, gloves, earrings, belts, brush, comb, golf bag. I said golf bag. Telephones, radio, record player,

etc. Plastic storage case included. Get them away from me. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. It was like a record starting back up. That was fun. Oh, I wasn't aware that I... What? It was good.

Is that what I did? That is what it sounded like. Babe, right? Yeah, I heard the same thing. Okay. Well, if we can get a third source cited, then I'd be inclined to believe you. We have a guest, Joan. As always, what we do every episode is we comb the neighbor app, the social networking application for neighborhoods to find interesting people in our neighborhood to talk to.

Maybe somebody has a concern they'd like to amplify. Maybe they have a question. Maybe they have a complaint. Whatever it is. We'd like to bring these people on and get to know them. And if you have a post that you think we have missed, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at burnt and Joan at gmail.com. This one comes to us from a listener named Christine M. Malcolm.

Christine M. Malcolm. Thank you, Christine for sending that. Thank you, Christine found this post and sent it to us. And this comes to us. It's in the general section. It comes from someone named Diane. Diane writes. Good morning.

I'm a member of Fernwood Park and the seniors club there. I'm concerned that our swimming pool is constantly, that is capitalized for some reason, just to see, being closed. We singers have a water robots class, and for the last couple of months, it's been closed. It recently opened for one week. And now it's closed again. No explanation on as why the reason.

is it more work that needs to be done? Is it that we don't have enough lifeguards? I feel we should be notified and told exactly why the pool is constantly closing, but it will reopening for the children's summer camp, which is good. For our singers who need that workout, water, workout, and swimming, it's not.

Whereas the Park District Committee are trying to improve our parks and get our residents to use it more. Okay. And that's the end of the post. And that's just the end. To tell us more, Please welcome. Diane, welcome to the neighborhood. Listen.

Hi, Diane. Thank you for having me. I'm thrilled. I'm anticipating your first question. Oh, okay. Okay. Go ahead. Which is why is a man named Diane. Okay. And the answer is very simple. My parents were hoping for a girl who was Christian. What? Okay. Are your parents Christian? They were not. Okay, but they were hoping.

They were Jewish. Okay. They wanted a Christian daughter. Did they, I mean. So you're saying, first of all, I'm kind of sorry that they told you this because that's got to be hard as a child. How old were you when they told you this? When they took me to get the tattoo of a crucifix on my shoulder. Wow.

Oh, my goodness. Could we see it? Sure. Oh, that looks rough. That's graphic, yes. It was the tattoo artist's first time tattooing. Oh, it looks like. it was performed in the back of a pickup truck it was what oh this is terrible and they and it was

driving oh right figured i kind of i kind of included that in my mind although the back of a pickup truck even even when it's not moving it's not ideal for a tattoo application um and how old were you when this happened i had just turned four oh my lord i don't think that's legal usually four-year-olds don't even have a memory of that kind of thing going that far back but i mean if you think about it's very traumatized It would be memorable. Don't you think? I do. I absolutely do.

It would explain the dimensions of the tattoo because it is. It's very long. It seems small at the time on my body. Yes, yes, it's stretched out. Yes, very long. You look like a very tall person. I am. You look like one.

Is that true? I look, do not deceive when it comes to physical reality. Well, I mean, he's sitting down. So I just. I don't know. Okay, so, so that is, do you have other siblings? And what were they named? I have no other siblings.

Okay, so there's going to be no extra names. My parents were. It's just you and your parents who wanted a, no, wait a minute. You know the phrase, uh, I broke the mold. I do. Yes. This was, I had parents who were very pro-choice. Okay.

Okay, great. So, wait a minute, but that should mean, that shouldn't mean that you broke the mold. Also, the expression is not I broke the mold. Oh, I see. They were pro-choice, so maybe you're saying you're the first one that made it through. Sure.

Your parents were pro-choice. Very pro-choice. They did want a Christian daughter. Listen, this is not logical that two people would just decide to hope for a Christian. They're not well. Those are not well people.

They're delusional. This, bear in mind, it was in the 1930s. Okay. Sorry, how old. You know, you have, you look really great for what I'm assuming is your age. So can you tell us how old you are? 79 and holding.

Okay. Good for you. I'm assuming that all the swimming keeps you fit. It does. Is that what you do? Because I think we're getting wrapped up in the weeds of the pro-choice bears. Right. You mention a, you don't really talk about swimming.

You talk about the swimming pool. And you talk about that you. You singers have a water robots class. So there's a lot there. Yes. A lot of people thought that was a typo. It is not. It's not.

So you are singing seniors, apparently. It was not water aerobics, which my handler, Murray, tried to keep questioning me about. He loves to sabotage me. Could you explain what you mean by handlers? Oh, I pay him money to pick things up that I dropped. That's it? Is that all his job description? I drop a lot of things.

Okay. Handler those teams to apply a lot more responsibilities. Bear in mind, I come from the 1930s. Well, we know, we understand. Was Handler a different, did that have a different meaning in the 30s? Yes. Well, what did it? Okay.

It just meant picking things up for people? It meant, uh-oh, watch out. You're about to drop something. Really? I never knew that. I never knew that. I thought a handler was meant for. Like someone who's in charge of like an animal.

I'll handle it for you. So the handler is also, it's a preventative position. That is what it sounds like. Borrowed perhaps from the Ringling Brothers Circus. I don't know. You know how idioms are. I sure do. They've joined with Barnum and Bailey.

What? No kidding. Has that been examined for whatever that process is where the government keeps track of companies? Emerging. Yes, you know. It seems to be above board. Monopoly.

Everything with a circus always is. So you did not mean to say seniors. You meant to say singers. Can you explain the singers part and what it has to do with the pool? Sure. You know, swimming is boring. So you need to do something to pass the tide. Sure.

Okay. So we developed a habit of singing to each other. It also helps for those of us with glaucoma to make sure that. everyone is close. Oh, like a Marco Polo situation. You can keep track of everybody. Okay. Marco Polo.

Oh, that's lovely. That's beautiful. I was wondering if it was actual songs, if it was like whale song since you're in the water. You just sort of make these. I didn't understand how singing in the water works. You're not singing underwater. You're just singing like above water to make sure you all know where each other is.

If you're singing underwater, you're in trouble. I agree. I agree. You need that breath. You shouldn't do that. Yeah. And speaking of whale sounds, My friend Abby, who has a stoma, a stoma, she sounds a lot like a whale when she's just even talking or exhaling.

Oh, I bet. Is she your age? Is she a younger friend? She is a child of 77. Oh, that's fun. I'm going to start saying that when I get to be that age. That'll be fun. The child of 77. Absolutely.

Let's get into the robots. Yes. Let's talk about the water robot. Because you said this was not a typo. Yes. Correct. Yeah. Well, I don't know if you've ever had a joint lockup.

Which would dovetail why I drop so many things. So I move sometimes quite in staccato. Oh, yeah. He almost looked like a robot just now. He was kind of moving his arms in a Barbie arm kind of way. Like someone doing like a B-boy doing the robot. Yes, absolutely. Yes.

I mean, now it was good. but I'm assuming that's painful. Everything is painful, dear. Everything. I open my eyes in the morning and I need a bedadryl and an aspirin. Just from opening your eyes. I hope you're allowed to take more than just that. I mean, those are sort of mild.

Well, I live in a democratic part of town so I can do heroin. Oh, there's, yes. There is that one cul-de-sac. Little poppy town, they call it. Loppytown. Yeah. Spelled P-A-P-I, which I love. Yes, yes, that's wonderful.

It is very diverse. But also it's riddled with, it's riddled with old-school drugs, right? Because that's fewer from the 1930s. Black beauties. And I assume that's why. Uh-huh. You refer to the pills as dolls in that area. Any form.

Are all of these real birds? Yeah. They are. What's a yellow jacket? It's some kind of upper, I'm sure. Okay. Oh, not to be confused with Christmas trees. Oh, give us some of the other terms of the old tiny drugs.

Oh, sure. There's the good morning. You have to say it like that. You don't, otherwise you're going to get the wrong dose. Yes, you'll get the wrong dose. Yeah, that's right. All right, so you've got the good morning. It's almost like a tonal language.

Depending on how you say good morning. The stronger you want it, the more you emphasize. Good morning. Oh, then you're really needing a fix. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm not sure that that's safer, a gentleman of your age, but I guess I could understand that the... To be living in that area.

Well, see, you mix the two. You do mix the two. I'll tell you what. It smooths out those popping joints. Yes. So is it both of your shoulders I'm seeing? Is it both your shoulders that pop out all the time? Are we seeing both of your shoulders?

Yes. It is both shoulders. Tell us about this garment that you're wearing. Oh, a lot of people think it's a poncho. Yes. But. A lot of people think that. But it's not.

It's just a blanket with a hole in it. It's simple. I should have patented it when I don't consider myself a seamstress. No. But it just makes getting up easier. I understand. Sure. So you're just sleeping it and then you just stand up.

And walk right to the pool. Yeah. Do you wear like an old-timey 1930s bathing suit? You know, those fun. I always love those. They look like a little, like a little stripe number. Yeah, like a one piece, like a wrestle, wrestling onesie. Now, why would I embrace the simplicity of my hole in a blanket?

You're right. And then underneath have an intricate. Okay. Joan, you fell into his trap. I really did. And I feel the fool. We are a nude swimming society. Okay.

That might explain why it's been. enclosed a lot. Okay. But we'll get to that in a minute. Have you ever received any complaints about this? Because that's, you know, we only have the one nude beach here in town and it doesn't have any water. Did we ever?

We have a nude park. That's what it is. Did we ever get into the robots at all? Sorry, no. Can you go back to the robots? Forgive me. We've got a lot of things. I'm very curious about these robots.

No, me too. Me too, Bernd. Thank you for bringing us back around. We'll get to the nudity in a minute. Can you walk us through the water? I think it speaks for itself again. Can we walk us through the water? robots? We are a support group of people with very stiff shoulders and knees and whatever

bends on a body. For men and women, sometimes it's different. Okay. Sure. That's the same. That's right. But what we do is we gather together when you're all together and you have the same condition and we move what in the meaner kids in town called us robots. So we're taking it back. You're racing it. Oh, like feminine overdrive. So then let me ask you, do you have an instructor that takes you through this? I am the lead robot. Oh, congratulations.

I just became it because our previous one, Meredith, died. Oh, no, from old age. She drafted. Oh, no. Oh, dear. Just locked up in robot style and sunk to the bottom. She older or younger. She was a child.

of 78. She didn't obey, you know, we have a yellow tape. It's a crime scene tape that we used to delineate between the shallow and the deep end. All right. You don't have the normal lane lines that the pool usually has. You don't have those. You know the budget cuts. It is true.

It has been really bad. The city just really doesn't care about the swimming pool. Okay, go on. Go on. I get it. Use caution tape. so for lack of anything else. And she is, she was not a cautious lady by nature.

So I inherited the crown, as it were, and there is one. Oh, there is. I thought, why not create a crown that has little inflated balls on it so that if the next king or queen wanders into the deep water. So it is a title. It's a king or queen. Bob and be rescued. So as lead robot, you were referred to as the king. Because I have male genitalia.

Well, okay. I think that's not really funny. Meredith was considered the empress. Right, understood. Oh, the empress. Wow. Not queen, but empress, wow. That's a great title.

What made her an empress rather than just a queen? Yeah. She was Russian. Oh, okay. Of Russian. She was born in Russia. Okay. The year, 1938.

And she preferred her mother tongue and loved the Romanoffs. Oh, boy, sure. Yeah. Someone like that would. Someone like that would. Can we go back to the nudity of it all for just a minute? Sure. Is there any correlation between like, when you, how long, how long were you at getting

to do the water robot class uninterrupted? until the building started being closed. Can you answer that question? Yes. I was making my way across the pool deck. Okay. To join my cohort. Fellow robots.

Correct. In quotes, please. Oh, of course. Okay. No, absolutely. Your fellow robots. Thank you. Oh, careful.

You're going to get the wrong dose. You might. You might. Be careful with your inflection. Okay, go on. So, and I don't know how much you know about what happens to an elderly male body in time. Well. But I was not aware of myself enough.

And my testicles were dragging on the tile. Oh, no. A real verbal response for both gentlemen here in the room. Both of you went, mm. Dragging on the floor. Correct. Yeah. And...

That's not an exaggeration? No, this is literal. Okay. It's called snailing. I've heard of this. You have? Well, we have, we have, there's, there's older gentlemen who come into the pharmacy from time to time. And, you know, they don't like to talk about it, but we, we do have, there's...

Prescribe salt. There's, I don't, I don't prescribe anything. I wouldn't. I wouldn't do it. I can't believe. Stuck! I know you wanted to make your little joke, Doug. I know, but I think it's serious.

I do not prescribe things. I fill prescriptions. Where is that voice coming from? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, babe. Why don't you introduce you? This is my husband. I'm so sorry, Diane.

Okay, don't do that. Order up. Is that Adam and Eve on a raft, wreck them? It's not my time. I'm not ready. No, no, no, Diane, don't worry. What did you think that? Follow the light.

Did you think the bell meant that you were dying? Yeah. Time was up. It's not. It's my husband. He's in a different room. I thought the angel of death had spoken and rung my bell. Nope.

I hope that's not what happens. That's not a deli bell. With a turnstile ticket. That's a good idea. With my name on it. No, that's not it at all. Babe, can you introduce yourself? This is my husband, Doug.

He's recording our podcast. He's just in a different room. Okay. Go ahead and say hi, babe. Hello. Doug and Corn Pedestrian. That's his full day. Corn.

Where did you put that? Why did you put an N in there? I thought it was just Doug corn pedestrian. Duggin? Oh, I thought it was Doug and corn. Why? Sorry, Diane. Give us one second.

Yeah, we're just learning your full name is Duggan. Well, he's from the 30s. He's from the 30s. He's from, oh, you were trying to do something cute because he's from, so you thought that adding an E. You thought adding an E.N to your name would sound more 30s like. I thought you was saying Doug and corn. Yes, of course you did.

Thinking, oh, it's like my. old friend, the first homosexual of the town, Doug, and he would, someone who liked him would say, I'll have some Doug and corn. I don't know to ask what the corn part is about. Oh, was that the fair? No. Well, that's on me, of course. What an innocent answer.

Would you like a newspaper? Would you die in? How big is the font? Oh, we have. You're a luck. We have luck for you and we have news for you. We've got the plane killer. We have lucky news for you.

We have the plane dealer that, you know what, Doug? Maybe you could run down a copy for Diane. What date would you like? Well, you're getting them in advance. How long have you had them? Well, you thought he had future papers? I'd love to get tomorrow's edition so I could go to the horse track. Do you remember that TV show?

Yeah, early edition. That's right. Early edition. Yes. He could see future headlines. And then what did he do about it? Oh, he tried to stop them. Yeah.

Yeah. Were there any just let go? He was like, oh, good. I don't know. I can't wait for this to happen. Do you remember this show, Diane? What? Okay.

We lost it. We lost it. If it wasn't Mannix, forget about it. Oh, Mannix, of course. What is Mannix? It's a good murder mystery from the 1970s. Okay. What was the guy's name?

Mike Connors, what was the actor's name? Mike Connors was the name of the character, I believe. Was it Manix? Mike Connors was Maddox's alter ego. Okay, like the Hulk and Bruce Banner, okay. Bruce Banner and the Hulk. Now, can I ask you maybe a couple, like maybe a more personal question? Sure, my life's an open book.

Hopefully with big fault. Yeah, well, we have a paper coming to you with a really big point. Any date we'll do, babe. Just grab a date. By the way, it was Mike Connors. That was the actor's. Was, okay, all right. He played Joe Manix.

Oh, Joe Manix. Have I gone deaf? No, no, no, no, no. I saw your mouth is moving, but I did not hear it. That was rude. I think. I have some chewing tobacco. And so does Joan.

I don't know. I didn't know that you actually chew chewing tobacco. I thought you just. You just shove it in the side of your, some people, some real sickles like to chew on it, like us. Well, you also move it around your mouth. You know, you go from one side of the other. We're starting to smelling people who've never done it before. Between your cheek, pinch between your cheek and gum.

So, can, I ask you, do you have family in town? Have you ever had a romantic partner in your life? Those are two questions I have for you. Oh, we're going very general. Well, uh, no, I mean, family or a partner. I don't think it's too crazy, right? I want to know what community has. I think it was crazy, well, I just, I, that, the comment made. Are you all alone? Are you an, a lonely old man? That is not the way to phrase it. Burnt. Okay. You understand what we're asking, Diane. Of course. I, I do understand English. I know. I was just waiting for the questions to stop talking.

Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. I wanted to honor the questioner. As I had to honor the police who came to my house after the death of my wife, Zira. Oh, your wife Zira has passed on. She did. And under mysterious circumstances? Well, aren't they all?

Oh, no. I wouldn't say so. There's a lot of peaceful deaths that happened at home. What happened at home were people surrounding them, the family? And so what happened? Can you take us, do you mind talking about what happened to Zira? Well, first of all, mysterious circumstances was the question I was asked by the police and my joke did not go over well with them, which was it the only mystery to me was why I didn't kill her. Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy, oh, boy. That's a, that's a bold joke to make to the police who are investigating. You're telling me. Can I ask, let's back up a bit. How long were you married? 40 years. Wow. And did you have children?

Six. No. I wouldn't have guessed that. I just don't know what I was, six children. Including Diane Jr. Oh, were you hoping as well for, how did that come about? I was just hoping to leave a legacy. Oh, I understand that.

Can you give us the names of the other children, the other five? Sure. There's my daughter, David. Okay. Okay. My son, Debbie. All right. My twins.

Doris and Delilah. Oh, that's lovely. One of whom is a professional football player. Two more. Amazing. And just one, because, you know, we got the name of Diane Jr. Mm-hmm. Just one more.

And Darby, who is. Darby. Darby is, uh, is a, what's the word, that you use when you're not male or female, you're binary. Okay, that's right. Non-binary. That's it. Good for you, Diane.

Good for you. Sure. So are they all here in town? Are they all scattered to the wind? Do you see them? I don't know where any of them are. Oh, no. We have a family policy.

You turn 18? Good luck. Oh, dear. Have you ever heard of, you know, the bird that pushes its baby out of the nest? Yes. I didn't physically. It was emotional for their own good. Okay.

And like I said, one of them is a professional football player. Which one? Debbie. Debbie is fantastic. And for what team? The Washington Redskins. No, it's not Redskins anymore. It's not Redskins.

It's the Washington commanders, Diane. I know that you were born in the 30s. But it is definitely now the Washington commanders. Okay. And you should know that because Debbie's playing. Yes. Oh, well. Debbie's having a hard time of it.

Oh, really? How come? Well, what position does she play? She plays stats. And it's not a she, it's a he. I'm sorry, a he, yes. That's all right. Play stats? Oh, you mean, what does that mean?

They take care of the numbers. You know, hey, who did what? Professionally. So that's not a professional football player. I'm not sure. Well, they're on the, you know, payroll. Oh, really? Okay.

All right. I mean, so are the janitors, but I don't think they would call themselves football players. What team did the janitors play? What city are they from? Good team. Everybody's teams now are just occupations, commanders, janitors, what happened? I don't know. This is a good routine.

I'm not sure it's a routine, babe. I think it's just Diane talking and asking some questions about life now. Did you enjoy being a father? Well, I didn't have a choice, did I? Well, I mean, if I wanted to, I enjoyed getting laid, sure, you know. Sure. So now. All right.

So then do we, sorry. Your wife, zero. Yeah. Did you have a good relationship for 40 years? Well, you know, as long as I let her talk. Well. And I did. And she let me listen.

And we had an agreement in that regard. Okay. That she would talk and you would listen. Yes. And then she, did she also dictate the child having policy? The child having policy? Yeah. having children.

It was up to her. Well, isn't it always? I mean... Diane! Well, I have a separate question for you is, now that I know that you had six children, there's a lot of mouse to feed. What did you do for a living? I was a state senator.

You know, we've had a few surprise politicians on this podcast. We never put it together. With someone whose parent was a state senator. That's right. Not long ago. That's right. Was it one of my children? It was not.

I don't think so. Now, sorry, could you give us your last name? Huh? Your last name, Diane. I say, give us your last name, if you would. I say, give us your last name, Diane. Resnick. Reznik.

Diane Resnick. Okay. You know what? I guess I just never, maybe I've heard of a Senator Resnick, just never knew the first name. Are you still in office? I had to, I was, I was removed by court order. on the mysterious death of my life. Oh, no, it all comes back to this.

This is, I guess it's an unsavory topic, but how did your wife die according to you? I mean, we have to ask. Yeah. Exhaustion. This is not surprising. But I'm surprised. Usually, well, that's such a celebrity.

I know that will take some time off for exhaustion. But no one seems to always died from it yet. No. And, you know, I don't know how it's officially medically determined. But, I mean, she was, the exhaustion didn't kill her, but she was very tired and she wandered into the street and she was hit by a bicycle, which is why we, when I hear a bell, I think your time has come. Of course. Oh, Doug, why would you? Why would you?

At this point, my question is why would I not? I need to get my affairs in order. Can I, Diane, you're fine. Yeah, you're fine. I do apologize for that happening on behalf of the show. That was inappropriate. That was inappropriate. Thank you.

I'm really sorry about that. Doug, you're on thin ice. You're on thin ice, Doug. Apologies, Burke. Speaking of thin ice, I don't know if you remember that cold snap we had last winter, but the pool froze over with a very thin layer of ice. Yes, even though it's an indoor pool. I know, but again, they just don't care about the pool at all.

They really don't worry about it. They won't even spring for those plastic line devices. They sure won't. But here, here, here I do, I do want to get back to the pool of it all because aren't you thinking perhaps? Yeah, let's get off the. the mysterious circumstances of his wife. Anything, anything to get away from that. That's the reason why I rode in.

I don't know why we have all these intrusive questions. Well, we like to bring on a guest and we do sometimes like to get to know our neighbors and part of that involves asking questions. We don't mean to be intrusive. We don't. I don't know why you need to get to know me so, you know so little about me. I've been in town for 79 and holding years. It's true.

We didn't realize you were one of our senators. I feel pretty embarrassed about that. I guess I just want to, and the reason I'm bringing it back to the post is because this is how we initially get started. And don't you think possibly, Diane, that when you all started, when you all started swimming around naked,

that that is the reason why maybe people complained and they started closing the pool. Does that sound reasonable? I don't know. We're all born naked. And I assume, you know, with our group. Even the Terminator. What?

It's not a movie podcast. Well, the Terminator is a movie with Arnold. Yes, where a robot was sent back in time to kill someone. Does any of this ring a bell? Don't, Doug, don't. That's Terminator 2. That I'll be back. That accent.

Terminator 2 is I'll be back. No, it's Terminator 1. Thank you. It's Terminator 1. He definitely says it in Terminator 2. Well, he probably goes in his bow. Well, sure he did because everybody loved it so much in the first time. Diane, is any of this, do you remember, does this make sense?

I don't want to see Rinketal again. Liquid metal. Does that bring any memories? Please don't do that accent. I'm from the 30s and it's concerning. Understood. Everything old is new again.

Let me ask you, Diane, when the pool was shut down, when were you first discovered nude, all of you and your fellow robots? Yeah, I mean, someone had to have complained initially. Someone had to have said something to you.

They had to have. Of course. They, the gatekeeper there was very concerned because some of us, I was in my tasteful poncho. But some of the more bold members of the elderly robots club who sing. Right. They decided to take ownership of their situation and they arrived naked. They arrived naked. They did.

That is bold. Like the Satan is. Hereditary. What? We're not a movie podcast. They show up to the house. They're already nude. I think the movies are confusing, Diane.

Really? I do. Payman. Okay. Do you like King Payman? That's right. Do you like movies? I love them, but not home movies.

Oh. Okay. It's so indiscreet. Really? You think it was an invasion of the privacy of the home? Who needs to see? blowing out a birthday candles in

1975. I think that's a sweet memory. What's wrong with watching a little one blowing out their birthday candles? Oh, Diane. What's wrong with that? Why not take a photo of yourself taking the shit? How are those the same thing, Diane?

How are those the same thing? I'll tell you why they're the same thing. I don't think these comments are having anything to do with the 1930s. I will tell you why. I think you've got, I think you're a pistol. You have a birthday once a year, and I take one shit a year. Like, what? Same frequency, same level of importance. Okay, well, I think that's unique to you, perhaps.

I don't even know what to say to that. I need to talk to you. I need a good dolcalax. Diane, if you only have one movement a year, that is very, very dangerous. It's really a miracle you're still alive. It really is. It's another side effect of having robotic, the robotic

joint condition that I have. So you have a robotic colon as well. It's all twisted and moving weird. That's right. Unless is the one bowel movement you're having, is it happening over the course of a year just very slowly?

It's one continuous, 365 a day. No, well, you should be in a pool then, Diane. Well, that's true. That brings me to the pool. That means you do go every day. Oh, God. In a sense.

You're in the process. We've never really gotten into this kind of area before. Well, and you know, it's funny you should bring that up. You do it every day. It's like dusk. You can't tell if it's day or not. If the sun's coming or going. That's true about dusk.

I mean, which one is it? You can, though, because based on the time of day it is. It's neither day nor night. We're not talking about the sun, clearly. And I would like to not talk about it anymore. We're talking about the moon. Oh, Diane, you are a real rascal. I will tell you what.

That was from my days in vaudeville. Were you in vaudeville? Now you tell us, this seems like a really, it's almost eclipsing the fact that you possibly murdered your wife. You were born in the 30s. When did you get into vaudeville? The age of four. Right after my crucifix tattoo.

Right after the tattoo. You got it on the tail end of vaudeville as a four-year-old. They took one looking at your tattoo and said, we got to get that kid on stage. That's how we paid for the tattoo. Oh, well, can I ask what you're. act was? Oh, boy.

Well, I, uh, showed them my shoulder. I did a singing. Oh, I did a singing. Could we hear a little bit of the singing that you did? That was great. The singing that I like to do is when you, uh, just, it's like you're speaking. Oh, okay. I don't, I don't prefer songs that have been written.

You guys are the singers in the pool. You're the elderly singers. I mean, but I say I'm in the deep end. Oh, that's. That's right. It's just more like whale sounds and stuff. I'm sorry for my snail trail. I mean, if you think about it, singing is just sustained talking.

It really is. Yes. Byrne can only sing one note. It's true. You'd actually fit pretty good in. Yeah, you've gotten two tones now. That's pretty good. I think I'm close to three.

Sorry, I really don't want to interrupt your singing. I was enjoying these songs. Well, what was the act you sang? You said you did a singing. What was the singing you did for the act? Oh, there was a, um, an MC. who would say, now it does the singing. It!

The reason is, there was... That's upsetting. Or else he gets the singing. I don't know that reference. But the reason why I was referred to as it was, bear in mind, it was the 30s. We have done nothing to but bear that in my. I've been bearing in mind this entire time. A boy named Diane.

Confused the more conventional people. It's fine. And then what did you sing? I sang what was on my mind. At four years old, it was things like I'm hungry. Where are my parents? No. How much will I be paid for this indignity?

And people like that. This was vaudeville, mind you. Were they laughing at this? I was labeled the funniest tattooed child in Dignity Falls. I wouldn't be surprised. Oh, this is the local Dignity Falls, Vaudeville. I don't know why I had it outside of our town. I thought it was national, yeah.

I thought it was traveling, stickers on the trunk, the whole thing. And I hope that's a record you still hold to this day. Yes, is it? The funniest tattoo child. I, yes, because it was outlawed as soon as the authorities. They had to see it first in order to outlawed. Oh, we missed this. They waited a whole weekend of performances.

And I had seven shows a day. Oh, seven. That was vaudeville. That's vaudeville. That was vaudeville circuit. In the 30s. In the 30s. Just to really turn it over.

Yeah. Oh, wow. What an interesting life you've had, Diane. I am still hung up on the thing about Zero, your wife. Man, I feel like we're not getting the full story on that. I'm not sure. Yes. Yeah.

Because she just wandered out into the street. What was she doing in the street? She was exhausted. Okay. I know you say that, but was she sleep walking? No, she just wanted to get a breath of fresh air. Well, where were you when this happened? I was watching her with binoculars.

From my tree house. Oh, from your tree house. Why? We were in a trial separation. Oh, I see. Is that why the tree house existed or was this something you built for your kids years ago? I don't do manual labor. Oh, okay.

So no. How often do the trial separations end in, let's stay married? What are the stats on that? I don't know. Diane, can you weigh in? Ours would have had she not wandered into that bicycle. But why were you watching her with binoculars? And why wouldn't you have yelled out to her?

Diane, look out. I mean, sorry. Zero, look out. Great question, John. Thank you. I sung it. Oh, I see. But I don't project well.

So I said, darling, I had my binoculars. I said, darling, you're in trouble. And did not make it. That is very sad. We live by a freeway. Oh. So you're competing with a lot of noise. Oh, that's right.

Because of the area and because of it's sort of on. It's a sort of rather salacious area, not really a... Rather salacious. So they drove a highway right past it. Right down, poppy lane. Just a way to... I think it's to drown out the noise of the fights. Yes, and also just to sort of separate it from the rest of the town, make it a little harder to get to.

Yeah. It's a very short freeway. You got a really short freeway. It's one block. Yeah. But it's very convenient. You can go 80 miles per hour. Just for that one block.

Our block. And it's also a bike. It's got a bike line. They call it the climb. to Audubon. And, okay, so... Wait, wait, can I? Oh, we were going to ask the one question.

No, go ahead. Do you think we were? I think we might. Okay. I want to know if he's in the tree house and the police come and they see this woman has been hit by a bike. What is it that made them so suspicious of you?

This is related to my question. Okay, great. I was going to say, did the police investigate you? Were you charged? Was there a trial? Yeah, why were they, why were they suspicious? Was it because of the way that you answered, like you said earlier, like, oh, well, I can't remember. It was sort of a sarcastic thing about your wife dying.

And were they calling up to you in the treehouse or were you down on the ground talking with them? I was in the tree house. So you hadn't won over to her. The second she was hit, you didn't get out of the treehouse and run over to her? What wings should I sprout to fly out of the town? So insensitive. She was just in her. So insensitive, Joe.

What do you mean I'm insensitive? He's up in a treehouse but binoculars, you can't fly. You climb back down the tree house. How do you get up the tree house? I used a rope ladder. Okay. All right. Well, now I'm on your side.

You can climb down the rope ladder. Well, this is, bear in mind, this is the only palm tree in Dignity Falls. So it's never heard of a tree house on a palm tree. It's hard. It's got to be hard to do. It's like a crow's nest on the mast of a clipper ship. Oh, boy, that would make me so sick is just swaying back and forth. That is the only palm tree in dignity falls.

So, okay, that's a long rope ladder. Still, I would have liked, I bet you the police were upset that you did not make an effort to get down and climb over and climb down and run over to your wife. Were they upset? Were they disappointed?

At first, they gave me the courtesy of being a veteran. And they... A veteran of what? The courtesy. I, that's what the tree house originally was for. I would climb up there and look out to make sure

the town wasn't overrun by the Russians because it was 1975. And this was, was this a self-appointed position? I did volunteer to an empty room. To who? Oh, to an empty room. Okay.

I wrote it down. Okay. And then they wanted me to come down. I told them I would take my sweet time. This is now jumping forward to the day your wife was it. I'm trying to answer this question.

You know, I understood. Are you sure neither of you have any police experiences? Because this is far more grueling an interview than I had with the police. You have an interesting way of interacting with the police. Yes, you do. You'll say, I'll take my sweet time getting down there. It's a miracle. I didn't kill her.

That's what it was. Whatever was you said. I mean, you understand you're drawing suspicion onto yourself. Do you not hear that? Does that not? it doesn't, now that you're hearing it said by someone else, does that not strike you as some sort of like a suspicious thing to say to police? Well, first of all, when you're hearing things yourself, no matter who you are, that's generally what we would call a realization from an outside point of view. And I think we all get those from time to time.

It's called a mirror. Well, are you getting that right now? I'm understanding your position. Believe me, I served four hours in the clink. So I know what it's like to think. You served four hours in there. Immediately after they took you to jail? The clink is jail.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, Diane, I know. I know that you're for the 1930s. I get it. 1930s or no, can I say this? Yes. You're being obstreperous. Oh.

I've never said that to a guest before. Wow. That seems to resonate. That's fighting words. So you are arrested on suspicion of murder. I was questioned about the death of my wife. And I made a joke and they put me in jail. Right.

So that's, you're arrested. And suspicion of murder. But only four hours. So who bailed you out? Your handler? Yes. Okay. We haven't really talked much about that answer.

I know. What was the handler's name again? I can't remember. Murray. Murray. Sure, I think believe that is correct. Yes. And so Murray bailed you out of the clink?

Yes. Now, bear my, this was 1975. Right. So he was... Oh, your wife died in 1975. Mm-hmm. I think I missed that part. I thought that she had more recently...

I thought so, too. Because he said they were married for 40 years. Yeah. I think all of this happened a long time ago. These are all... By the way, I shouldn't be held... It could be in 1975. Would you part?

Just one second. Great chime in Doug. Well, I see some newspaper articles here. Oh, you do? Why would you do? Why would you have newspapers from that long ago? They can be very valuable. Nikki said the policies, you hang on to these until they're delivered.

And so a lot of these are backed up from decades. That makes no sense. A lot of people haven't gotten their papers. You're still giving him papers to deliver. If there's papers that are decades old that haven't been delivered. Exactly. Hang on, Bert. Let's stick on this.

Because if she died in 1975 and Diane was. I mean, Doug, you're being emotionally. Between the two of you, I'm at my witness. Let's just calm down. Let's just calm down. She died emotionally in 1975. Okay, thank you for clearing it up. She died emotionally in 1975, which must have been probably around the time you had

your third, fourth kid or something. I mean, at that point, I'm assuming she was your age. She's probably in her 40s or so at that point. The twins. I think all women in their 40s die emotionally. But I hope I'm not accused of murdering all of them. I hope not, too. I mean, just the one is terrible enough.

Tell us about your time in the jail, in the clink. In the clink. Well, for starters, my cellmate, Marcel, did not enjoy. I tried to sing us through the trouble. The trouble. Okay. What did that sound like? These bars are not just physical.

they are all so real. Wait. They're not just physical. They're also real. I mean, there's no lie there. Where's a lie? The bar's like a rapper. I'm not sure that's what Diane meant.

This is not the kind of bar I want a belly up to. Now that's fun. That's fun. It is fun. But he didn't enjoy it. He was an alcoholic and he thought I was making fun of him. And he had to have his hands pried from my neck. Oh, dear.

Wow. It's a good thing that Murray busted you out of there. So now, are you awaiting trial? Can I just ask, did Marcel the cellmate have shoes on? No, they're not allowed in jail. That's what I figured. That's what I figured. Okay.

Are you awaiting trial? My question stands. I mean, I feel like is that we're all awaiting judgment. No, this is actually, because I'm sure. I'm sure that Zira has some family members. You can't blame this on the 30s. I'm sure that they have a wrongful death suit against you. There's just no way because I'm sure they caught wind of this.

I'm assuming, please say. Are you familiar with the concept in Dignity Falls law? It's called one freebie. Well, you know what? We do have a strange judicial system here. We've explained in the courthouse. There's the liberty statue. And it's basically just she's kind of holding her arms out evenly like,

eh, eh, eh, you know, like a shruggy emoji. One freebie is you can do anything once. You know, I forgot about that weird loophole. Don't do it again. You can do anything once, just don't do it again. It's very rarely invoked. It says it in gold letters in the lobby. Gold letters three feet high.

That's what happened to Marcel. That's why he's still. Because he did it again. Yep. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. I don't want to know what it is he did. It's called the Britney Spears clause.

Oops, I did it again. Okay, all right. Now I understand it. I don't understand it either. I don't even know who Britney Spears is. I just was read that in course. You know, Mae West is. Of course.

Yeah, she's kind of like that. A beautiful, a beautiful woman. I was just trying to think of a reference. It's a great description. Well, anyway. Okay. Diane, you know, I actually can talk to you all day because you're quite fascinating. but probably a criminal

I think definitely a criminal I'm it sounds like I stole your heart Diane do you feel that we got the word out about the pool I'm just happy that we're talking about it I don't want to happen so maybe someone will reach out to you I just don't want to have to kill again

I really okay well that sounds like an admission and we should probably get going at this point I don't think you should say anything else Diane yeah what we always say to our is we wish you well, but also, I also wish you justice.

I hope justice for you. I want justice for Zira, to be honest. Yeah, okay. I wish you all the best and goodbye to you. Zero's in the ground and I'll see her soon. Oh, I don't know what that means. Well, that's a great send-off into a break. And thank you for being here, Diane.

And I think it's time for you to go. Yes. Murray. All right. Well, wait on Murray. Oh, Murray's outside. We'll return with more of the neighbor listen when the neighbor listen returns. Hi, it's Sasha.

Give your rotary phone a second life. Free. Hey, neighbors and friends. Do you have an old rotary dial phone tucked away in a box or gathering dust a shelf, I with a lookout for one or more of the beautiful vintage phones. Any shape, size, or color is welcome. If you're not sure whether it still works, no worries. I'll gladly pick it up and test it out myself. There's something truly special about the click, click, click of a rotary dial, a little reminder of a slower, more intentional time. By giving your phone a new home,

you're helping preserve a piece of design and tech history that deserves to be seen, heard, and appreciate it again. Whether it's a bold red classic, a beige beauty, or a well-love relic with a few scuffs and stories, I'd love to rehome it. If you've got one you're ready to part with or know someone who does,

please send me a message. Let's keep a bit of that vintage charm alive. And just a quick note, I know these can be found online, but this isn't about ordering one from eBay. It's about connecting locally and giving a forgotten piece of history a second chance right here

in our community. So if you've got one tucked away, I'd love to hear from you. And just so you know, when I come to pick it up, I will talk to you for 90 minutes. And welcome back to the neighborhood listen. Well, oh, Burt, you sound like that,

this last guest really took it out of you. Well, it's just, it made me a little sad because, you know, it's the way we treat our elderly and also he's a murderer. So wait, you think we didn't treat him well, but also he's a criminal. Two things can be true at the same time. I mean, it's really a shame

the way we treat our elderly here, but also he is a murderer. Do you think we treated him badly? No. Okay. I don't think so. It just made you thinking more in general. If anything, I think we were too easy on him.

I do too. But I think of... I shouldn't have given him such a platform. I think about these poor nude singing seniors who are just trying to move the robotic joints in the pool. And they're not allowed to, and that's a real shame. Well, I mean, they were doing it nude, to be fair. Oh, who cares?

Do you know what I mean? Who cares? Let them be nude. What are you? Just don't get upset about you perverts. They're not being perverts. Don't be perverts. Let the seniors be nude.

Some people, you know, not everybody might want to see that. Well, no one wants to see it. Okay, well, why are you acting like it shouldn't be such a big deal with? I'll tell you why, Joan. Okay. Because they're so old, it's like they're not even human bodies anymore. Oh, no, that is terrible. What a terrible thing to say.

They might as well be things from labyrinth of the dark crystal. Labyrinth, or that you're comparing elderly people to skexies? Sure I am. And it's a shame we do that. This is not okay. It's a shame that I did that just now. Shame on you, Burns. Shame on me.

Shame on you. Do better. How's it going there, babe, in the newspaper room? It's going pretty good. I could have told you. Like, what are you still? doing in there what is there even to do in there how are we classifying pretty good you're in a room full of outdated newspapers very old newspaper we're finding out which probably

isn't hell of saying honestly from all all times yeah from all times yeah there's some interesting timeline you're saying but i could have told you guys i mean there's a headline right here says uh diane resnick disgraced state senator and former former tattooed vaudeville child star such a long headline arrested for murder but invokes freebie law why would there be newspapers that are older than nick suenis was because he inherited the backlog that he was okay all right nobody has looked into this in all these decades it's very strange I think it's very strange preservation no wonder no wonder print is dead can I clear the air a little bit oh wow it's a new segment.

I don't think you've never done this before. Clearing the air with Doug. With Duggan. I feel like, oh boy. This has never happened before. I don't think I brought the heat with anything I said.

Strong disagree. I need more context. Honestly. I don't. Strong disagree. I'm feeling like, are you guys mad at me? What? Babe, no, I'm not mad at you.

I was a little upset that you seem to not know what my job entails after all this time. When did that happen? Doug suggested that I prescribe something. Oh, yes, that moment did happen. I was really involved with Diane at that moment. It did happen.

Let the record show. That's a huge violation. I understand. I read the plaque every time I walk into the Falls Missy. Oh, that's nice to hear. And I say my vows and I'm sorry. All right. Can we talk about the plaque a little bit?

Have we not talked about the plaque? I don't think we have. Okay. There's a huge plaque at the entrance of the pharmacist's false. It's not huge. It's prominent. Okay. It's prominent.

Can't miss it. You can't miss it. I'll say that. It's a beautiful blast prack. Blastprack. Which is a form of metallurgy. Blastprack. We have a blast prack mine here in Dignity Falls.

It's the only one of its kind. It's the only one of its kind. It really. honestly, is what kept the city with the town going for a very long time. Which is weird because it's only valuable here. It is. No one wants it. No one wants it. But it's

a beautiful blast pack plaque that if you if you do come to the false messy, I wish the people I just want to tell people, they should take the time to read it because it's really lovely. Yeah.

And here's what it says. It says as ye enter these hallowed halls know that you are part of a great tradition of people with complaints seeking a salve for their wounds both physical and psychic

know ye when he should approach the counter that whomesoever ye shall deal with in these white coats shall hear ye with an open mind and an open heart and an open bottle to put pills in. That's all they do. Put the pills in. They don't decide which pills.

You've taken care of that already with your doctor. The language kind of falls on. This is why it's such a huge prack. It's such a gigantic brass-prack plaque. Yeah. Because that's a long message. And if you read it all, there is a gong that you get to hit. Right.

But the thing is, and one of the things that it's so big is because then they acted out in pictogram. So you have the text. And then underneath the text is these little drawings that sort of display everything that you've just seen. Not display. What is the term? Depict. depict. There it is. I said, picked a gram earlier. You did. You were more than halfway there. Both have picked. So it's almost hieroglyphics, not quite, although some of the pharmacists do have

dogheads. And that's just for fun. That's just for fun. Sometimes things are just for fun. You know, you can't apply meaning to everything. Sometimes a dog head is just a dog head. Are you okay? Are you okay? No, I'm backing you up with noise. You're backing me up with noise. I don't know why the, um, the, um, the God of fertility is on there at the end, the engorged, you know what? Well, because we sell, because we offer, there's also pills that if you're trying to get pregnant, you can get those. Yes, and also if you need to, yes, and I think you're talking about sort of like, you know,

the more of the like ED pills. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what he was talking about. Well, that he, that figure predates the ED pills. Oh, interesting. Because it's got of fertility. Yes.

That's true. Not just the god of, you know, that would be Priapis, would be. Oh, look at you. Yeah. Look at me. We have to know all the gods. You do? Pharmacists have to know all the gods?

Yes, we do. Well, it is called Mount Olympils, your schools. So that makes sense. Of course, testicles. Oh, boy. Of course, testicles. Oh, boy. Well, we have time for just one more post.

Joan, you have one? Yeah, this comes from a shell. This says, I am looking from. It comes from a shell. It comes from Michelle. Shell. My goodness. All right. I don't know where she wrote it from. Perhaps it was a shell, but this is from Michelle. I am looking for magazines and books. I work at the airport and we have a brand new library and are in need of books magazines. We would like to encourage parents and children to read if they have a delayed flight. I can pick them up today. Now, we haven't talked about the Digny Falls Airport because it is sort of outside of the town lines because you can only fly up. across dignity falls. That is it.

That's it. And recently, this is very strange. We haven't talked about this, but I have heard about it, and then I saw this post. We are the only airport to have a library in it. And it's taking up like a third of the airport. It's so much space. They built into the Hudson News. They did.

They absolutely did. Oh, that's going to be escrow. Hi, escrow. Hi, baby. There's the dog. I know. It's really not good. It's mostly just cheese now.

Esker just smells a lot like cheese. Really? It's that eye gunk. It's the eye gunk, babe. So, I mean, I just think this is insane. I mean, I guess I understand. They have a lot of good book magazines there, though. They do have, well, she wants a lot of them.

It's a huge collection of book magazines, yes. But I feel like it's, you're not there that long. You're not there that long. And so then what? You read half the story and then you can't take it. with you because you're never going to turn that book back in probably, especially if you're just passing through town. Also, it's just

a bunch of half read books. Did somebody think that, did you think that the books being for sale at the airport was discouraging people to read? I mean, I like the idea of, people know what books are. Exactly. Listen, I like the idea of like, oh, I'm in this airport. I can

get something. I can sit down and read something. But the whole idea is something needs to be you know, transportable. and that only if you buy the book, can you do that? You're going to want to help get the whole book. I do think they're overpriced, but I think a library is not the answer. Also, can you think of a louder place than an airport?

Steel mill? All right, you got me there. But you know what I'm saying. All right, apparently there are places louder than an airport. I mean, if you're outside, If you're outside, it's very loud. You understand my meaning. Of course we do, Joan.

Of course we do, Joe. And it's kind of like people hold up in that library. And it kind of reminds me, have you ever go to the Vegas airport and they have smoking lounges and you look inside? Weird fishbowl. And it's just this terrible purgatory of people. Yes. In a smoke-filled room. It's so, it's really that, I mean, that's how they should get people to quit smoking.

100%. Have a live. Is there anything worse? They should have a live feed of that. I can't believe they still do that, honestly. So if you catch your kid smoking, you say, oh, you want to smoke? Here. This shows you what an addiction it is.

You are willing to go into that room and sit there in your own choices. Oh, and the smoke of other people. Yes. But, yeah, the library at the airport makes no sense to me. No, Michelle, you're on your mind. And I look at those people and they're trying. You're out of your mind. There's no such, I mean, apparently there's such thing to her as book magazines.

But I don't think anyone's going to be answering that call because we don't want it. We don't want the library in the airport. No, but I do love it. I love in libraries when the magazines and those huge plastic things. Yes. Doug love that. You have to open the giant plastic. Yes, you do love that.

It reminds me of when you go to like a Spencer's Gifts and they have the big poster thing. You make the clickety clack of the frame hitting each other. Very satisfying. Well, that does it for this episode of The Neighborwood. Listen, if you would like to hear ad-free versions of the episodes and get access to our bonus room content, special episodes that are not part of the main feed, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for the Maximus tier, and you'll get the access to that content. And I guess that's it. Oh, follow us on Instagram. The Neighbor of Listen. You'll see we post the actual post that we read on the air. This is true. And so you can have a visual component there, and that's for free. And I think that's it. We'll be back next week with a new episode. Until then. Goodbye.

And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Michael McDonald. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World.

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