The Neighborhood Listen - Where Have All The Birds Gone? with Michael Hitchcock

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Welcome back to Dignity Falls! This week, Burnt's recent behavior deeply concerns Joan, and Doug tries to make up for a room based on a misunderstanding. Later on the show, neighbor Sandy (Michael Hitchcock) wonders where all the birds have gone lately.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to all seasons ad-free, as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen! Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good! And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen! Knock knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone You've got the Neighbor Half App and us!

Bert! And Joan! From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell We'll cover it all And meet new neighbors as well We'll chat about any posts you're missing So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. All right, let's do it.

Let's do it. Three, two. Babe, what happened? Are you okay? Doug, what was that? What was that Doug? I thought we were all going to inhale at the same time. Why did you think that?

When have we ever done that, babe? What a strange thing to think. When have we ever done that? What was that Doug? I thought we were all gonna inhale at the same time. Why did you think that? When have we ever done that, babe? When have we ever done that? I thought we were all going to inhale at the same time. What normally happens is Bert says, welcome to the Neighborhood Listen, then there's nothing before then. Do you know for the listener, the only thing we did differently

is I did a little countdown, three, two, one. Yes. And then Doug took that as a cue to do a big inhale. Like he, I could have sworn you swallowed a fly. It's what it sounded like. It sounded like. It felt so right in that moment.

And count together. It did. Three, two, one. In your bones, you thought we're definitely all doing this. At least subtly. But that's okay. Because wouldn't you inhale before you start when you welcome our neighbors?

Yeah, I do. But we were always taking an air, right? Constantly, but it's normally not so loud. I breathe all the time. Can't talk without it. Yeah, also expelling it. Okay. But I think before you talk,

you probably wanna take in some air. Yeah. A big gasping. Perhaps maybe he's he's it's probably because he's really distracted because I know he's in the butterfly exhibit today. And he was very excited about this. You attempted a butterfly room a while ago. Well, I remember you never recorded from there. It was something that you were talking about

and you tried it and I think it turned out, and I hope this is okay to say on mic, you didn't actually know what butterflies were. You thought they were a completely different thing. I mean, to be fair, there was the episode where he was not sure what a hamster was. And when he showed me a picture of what he was thinking of, it was a guinea pig.

A guinea pig, yes. It was absolutely no questions asked a guinea pig. So yes, I think sometimes you have been confused. Was it a dragonfly you got it confused with? They were just houseflies. Yeah, just houseflies. He had a whole room dedicated to just flies. The noise was terrible. It was awful. It was like being in a Blumhouse. It was like the Amityville Horror. Yes it was, yeah. Now I know what they are though. What flies are? Oh, what butterflies are, yes.

Uh-huh, yeah. They're much more delightful. They truly are. They're quieter. They're way better. I prefer them a lot. Everything about them is better. And how many butterflies do you have in there?

There's three alive. Oh no, this is not. I don't like it when you start like this. I hesitate. Because I don't want our listeners to get worried or to think that we endorse any kind of animal cruelty. I'm really scared to hear the number of the dead ones. Can we just not do it?

Now I understand why I took such a deep breath. But you know, I mean, the people listening, they're gonna say, well, I gotta know how many dead ones there are. Are they? If he's, I guarantee. If they're still listening, I think they turned it off after hearing about dead butterflies. Remember, they're not fans, they're going to say, well, I got to know how many dead ones. If he's, I guarantee I think they turned it off after hearing about dead butterflies. They're not fans. They're listeners. That's why we established that at the last episode. It's too presumptive to say they're fans. That's right. That's right. All right, Doug. So give us the body count. What's your body count for butterflies? Unfortunately, it's, I can't really count because I've swept most of them.

No, don't sleep. Okay, we should start. Terrible. Could you go to a different room, please? Sorry, I shouldn't sleep though. Could you go to a different room? You're missing the problem. You know what? If that's your question back, then we have to end this conversation. I'm so sorry.

Could you just go to a different room, please? How do you know that? What does that mean? I don't think there's a murder involved. Okay, that's... Well, that's that's I guess good to point that out. Doug's brain, he's always going towards that. He's always go towards that. Obviously, you look for evidence.

Of course, a foul play. Not evidence. Tiny guns. Listen, I'm going to I'm going to just pivot from you for a minute, babe. I'm going to ask Bernd how he's doing. I feel like we talked. I feel like we talked a from you for a minute, babe. I'm going to ask Bernd how he's doing. I feel like we talked, I feel like we talked a lot about me last time. And I feel like I took a lot of the air

as it were, as we're talking about it. I think we talked equally about our lives. And I think that's fine. I mean, we did learn about your shocking lava landing that you had on your flight out of Mykonos. Yes, lucky to be alive, but just happier than ever to be alive. So I want to talk more about that

because you had a full on near death experience. I don't know what other questions you can have. Bert, you keep acting like it's the most normal thing to have happened. And I've never heard of it before. I've never heard of a plane doing an emergency lava landing. These pilots, they know how to do their jobs. I'm not doubting that.

You shouldn't be astonished. You shouldn't be astonished. I am. I understand that maybe there's just a smugness now that you've been through it. Oh, I don't think that's true. I think so. Oh, Joan, I don't think so.

I think you want to talk about it, but don't realize yet that you need to talk about it. It's boring. It could be traumatic. This is ridiculous. It's boring. It is anything but boring. OK, two flocks of pelicans flew into the engines of the plane.

We had to do an emergency landing on the lava flow from an active Mount Etna. You were saying it like there was traffic on the highway and there was a fender bender and you had to wait. In the air? That's kind of what it's like. That's not at all what it's like. So we had to climb, scramble up to the top of the plane as the plane slowly was being melted by the lava and we were picked up by a squadron of helicopters.

So what? Again, the squads, the copter swarm, all of it. None of it's normal. And then things got steamy after that. Oh yes, that's right. Everyone had incredible sex. Every single passenger on board. Because of the near death experience.

Because, yes, yes. And that's a common thing that nobody likes to talk about. So now do you feel like you might be, what is it like with you and Gabby now? Better in sex, yes. So that's a common thing that nobody likes to talk about. Now, do you feel like you might be? What is it like with you and Gabby now? Because, OK, well, good for you. It wasn't going to be my question, but I'm so good at it. I was so ready to share. I didn't think I was terrible before, but now I feel like I just see I see it.

Oh, Bert, as my your friend, I feel different. No, I kind of don't need any more. I feel strange that I know so much about this. Now we try to keep you don't think you're good at sex. Oh, that's not what I said different. No, I kind of don't need anymore. I feel strange that I know so much about this now. We try to keep things. You don't think you're good at sex? Oh, that's not what I said either. Bert, see, he's like a new man, babe. This is like a whole new, you're wearing a tank top today.

I mean, who are you? Show well it's warm out. But it's a tight one. Well, I mean, it fits. Why don't you describe it for me? Honestly, I've never seen your shoulders burnt. Well, I mean, it fits. Why don't I describe it for me? Honestly, I've never seen your shoulders, Burns. I have never seen them. Is that a tattoo?

It's not, it's a formation of freckles that looks very much like a tattoo. Of Pikachu. Constellations. Yes, the constellation of Pikachu. Which is where Pokemon comes from. So here's my question. I've been to Greece recently, so I know a lot about the ancient constellations.

How has it been for you and Gabby now? Are you finding that, you know, is there still that spark? Is everything sort of ho-hum now after that incredible experience? Well, you know what? The spark is still there, but things have seemed a little dull since that experience. So we've been looking for thrills. Okay. And where have you been seeking those? We built a ramp for our bikes.

Wait a minute. We started with that. Wait, you're doing like BMX bikes now? Burt, who are you? No, no, no. It's a regular, my regular cruiser, beach cruiser. Oh, okay. And we just built a ramp. Bert always does bike to work, so that's not an abnormal thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that was fine for a while. And then we started shoplifting. What? Yes, we started shoplifting. We would bring the things back. Wait a minute, do you, wait a second. I just wanna make sure, Bert, you are the pharmacist in chief at Dignities Phalsmacy.

You have a robe and everything. Do you really want this getting out to everybody? Well, no, this is the kind of thing that you deal with all the time. Shoplifters coming in at the pharmacy, you know, this is why. This is why I have to show my my license to buy some tampons. That's right. Well, that's not why it's because because of the grocery boys. That's right. Well, that gang, the grocery boys,

the young boys, the grocery boys discovered the feminine. They always got up to no good, but once they found, once they found the feminine products, forget it. It was a whole other level of grocery. Cars were covered and houses were covered and pets were covered. Yes. And you know what? We actually did cover a rented car with maxi pads and drove it into a wall. You and Gaby did this? You are, I don't know you. I don't know who you are, but this is not- We weren't going super fast.

We were calculating how much of the impact will the maxi pads absorb? My guess is 0%. It's more than you think, because we did a thick layer of pads on the front bumper. And what happened was we hit pretty hard, had our seat belts on. Sure. Good.

So that was quite a jolt. Shattered the windshield and the windows and the rear windshield. Otherwise the car was fine. Bern, I don't think that has anything to do with what was stuck to the car on the outside. I really don't. I has anything to do with what was stuck to the car on the outside. I really don't. I think they had no impact. And you know what? I hope you can listen back to this and hear yourself.

That like, I was right. That there's some place for, there needs to be an outlet for this trauma that you two went through. Clearly you are acting out. Clearly you need, I think, I'm worried, babe. I think you should sit down and talk with someone. I hear you.

I hear you. And yes, I do. We're way ahead of you think you should sit down and talk with someone. I hear you, I hear you and- Do you? Yes I do, we're way ahead of you. You are? Because we of course had the same thoughts. Did you? Yeah, yes. Was that before or after you stuck a bunch of feminine napkins to a car and drove it into a wall?

It was after, if you must know. And so we decided we can't keep doing this, we need to get this out of our system, we're going to rob a bank. What? We just met, what?. We're going to rob a bank. What? We just met, what? Not a bank, not a small bank. I asked about therapy and you're saying we had the same idea.

We were gonna rob a bank. That's not the same idea. Oh, that's what you meant. Yes, burnt. What is going on? When you said sit down with someone, I thought you meant. Yes.

We got a guy. Well, we hired a few people. No, no, no, no. I don't mean sit down with someone to help you pull off more crimes. Is this a heist. It's just one crime. It's this is don't get excited, babe. I know he's going to be into your stories. It's kind of a heist. I don't know what that means. Well, it's not like, you know, it's a heist. Burnt, I am very concerned about you. I know I should ask more details,

but you know what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid that you want to ask, you want me to ask about more details and you want to talk about this new life you've chosen. And I think you are on a very destructive path, literally and spiritually. No, Joan! Bert, you have a broken leg.

Joan! So what? And we have not addressed it and now I understand why. People break their legs all the time. No, they don't I understand why they don't know they don't burn. Are you kidding me? This is a rare occurrence. Not like one person breaking their leg all the time. Yes, it happens mostly when their children and usually because of a terrible accident, not because of something they deliberately did. And I've not deliberately tried to break my leg. I think that you did. I know it's almost like you're breaking things to feel. No, I'm immortal.

Okay. So, babe, you're hearing this, right? This is a real problem. If that volcano couldn't kill me, clearly I'm not meant to die. This is really, this is a crazy way to start off the season. Is it really? Yeah, we're going to have to try to get back to who you are. The second episode. It is. It's only the second episode.

I want to let you know, I have a collection of walking sticks. Really? You can take your pick. Thank you very much. Yeah. How long have you been collecting these, Doug? Anytime I see one, you know, on my walkabouts. Oh, so these are literally sticks? Yes, they're just sticks.

I knew you were going to think, no. I thought they were maybe like, call it out. No, no, no, no. They're just, I constant... I'll whittle it down. What will happen is Doug and I go on an evening walk and he runs off and I'm just walking the dog, escrow. Yes, and he comes back and're just, I constantly, what will happen is Doug and I go on an evening walk and he runs off and I'm just walking the dog, escrow.

Yes, and he comes back and he just hands them to me, much like my little boys did. So this is, it's nighttime. Yeah, it's at dusk, I would say. We love a dusk walk. So you can see him for a while when he runs. Yes, I can see him. I put a bell on him.

That's smart. Just because, you know, you never know. And that way I'm aware of when he's coming back. And then I end up, you know, I basically had to end up because, you know, you never know. And that way I'm aware of when he's coming back. And then I end up, you know, I basically had to end up getting, you know those little things you can carry a yoga mat in? Almost like a quiver of arrows. That's what I have to sling on my back to fit all his sticks.

Cause I was coming home with like a pile of wood. That many sticks. Oh, we love them. Listen, I thought that was a little boy thing, but Doug never outgrew it. Now my twins, my twin boys, of course- I thought it was dogs did that. Well, dogs and Doug. They're free for the community though.

That's surprising amount of people. I've never thought to put a monetary value and question it. You're saying the sticks on the ground are free to the community. He's saying they're free to the community. That's true. No, I'm sorry. I mean my collection. Oh, your collection.

That's true. Like some people do a little library. Yeah. It's like the community library. Did you say people come and watch them? No, I'm saying to you, is he expecting them to come? Are you trying to put an exhibit together of your, of your sticks? They're just out on the front porch and I just figure it's a nice neighborly thing to do. I forgot to mention that. Well, you can't even see our house anymore, practically for all the sticks. I don't know if people will understand if they're on the front porch that you could just walk up there and take one. Definitely not. We've had people call. We've had people call the HOA, but everyone's complaining about it. I'm blasting walk this way. Those mornings to try to spread the word.

Do you think that's supposed to draw people to the house? Anyways, babe, I think what Bert needs... I demonstrate with the walking stick. I think what Bert needs are crutches. And of course he had that fancy, you have that scooter where you sort of like roll yourself along. You have to bend one knee and you just roll yourself along. Is that why you chose it? Cause it's fun.

Yeah. I was jealous of people when I would see they had that. Do you ever go on your bike ramp on it? Oh, please don't do that, Burnt. I've thought about it. Babe, don't give him ideas. He's clearly unwell. He is in a state of shock.

That's a little rude. Bernd, I care about you. You remember, we just talked about this. I'm sorry to bring it up again, but last season when I wanted to get a total face change because I thought that that's what society wants of me, you and Doug jumped in and you were immediately like standing in my path. It know, it is my turn maybe

to say you are potentially doing yourself harm. It's time for me to say stop. Just because I break my leg. Go on. Running a car into a wall. Please, I'm gonna, are you recording Doug? I wanted to listen to this list back. Are you recording Doug?

Yes I am. Sometimes he forgets. Because you had that huge intake of air and I don't know if that distracted you from pushing the button. Pulled some wires loose? Yeah, maybe. Do you have slow motion footage of that car crash by the way?

Why would they have that? Why would they have filmed it? Because like, why wouldn't we film it? I've never seen a car, a controlled car crash like that. You mean because you love, you love, he loves the crash just to, oh my God, he loves watching that stuff. Oh no, they're singing. I can almost sing that. Famously, Bert can only sing on a repeated note.

We know this. Oh yeah, you're trying, are you trying? Yeah. It's not happening. It's not happening. Just that first one. Once there was this girl. Right?

What there was this girl. I don't know this song. It's not the musical theater canon. Singing is just sustained talking. Wow. Yes, that is correct. I thought that was the lyric. And I thought how insightful of them.

Those crash test dummies really made a discovery. It's a lyric of course from the music man. Oh yeah. Well, now I feel the fool for not recognizing it. When Professor Harold Hill is forming the barbershop quartet. Yes, of course, of course. Well, now I feel the fool for not recognizing it. When Professor Harold Hill is forming the Barbershop Quartet. Yes, of course, of course. So, alright, well, listen, I don't think we're gonna fix this right now, but I really encourage you...

Joan, what's going on with me? More often someone says there's nothing to fix, it means there is something to desperately fix. Oh, that's an easy rule to make. I know it sounds easy. The more time somebody says they're not hungry, they are hungry. I didn't catch a word of that. The more somebody says,

light outside, you say, talk outside. Bert, you hear yourself, you're stuck. You're stuck in a loop. You're stuck in a jipper's loop. I said words and I think the listener will be on my side. You think? Certainly not the fans. No, no, not the fans.

What's going on with me? Listen, I'm still dealing with the fact that the twins are shooting their prank your parents Chick-fil-A pilot. That's right. For the Chick-fil-A streaming service. For their non-fiction or what do they call it? Reality, whatever they call it, reality TV,

because that's what everyone wants these days. So, you remember I tried very hard to start my own reality show, you know? But no bites, and then all of a sudden my twins come in, and all they want to do is basically wreck the house again. I mean, you'd say lava, they would have loved your lava story, because they used to play the floor as lava,

but you know, as you know, they're pyromaniacs. They would just actually set the floor on fire. It was terrible. We only played it once. This is of course my twins, Matt and- Pinetop. Pinetop, that's right. And so Matt and Pinetop are just,

they're shooting in our house. You know, like they're actually gonna shoot the pilot in our house, which I do not approve of or don't agree of. You okay? You don't agree with that? I don't agree with it at all. You can't make me. You I don't agree with it at all. You can't make me. What's not to agree of? You cannot make me agree with it. Now are you going to appear in the show? Yes, but they want to blur out our faces. Oh, because it's prank your parents.

But I mean- I know, but I just want to be on camera. If it's the parent- because that makes it look like you didn't agree to be on camera. I know, well that's because I, well, because I didn't, but I also said, I don't, I said, I don't, I don't want to be pranked, but I want to be on camera. Does that make sense? It does make sense. But the pranks have already been recorded. And so do they bring you any kind of release to sign?

They're going to do new ones because they do new ones for the pilot. You know, they had the, they had banked sort of like some pranks from the previous years. And the people at Chick-fil-A said, we want all new pranks. When they turned the faucets to ketchup. Yeah. But they, you know, they got a writer's room, they're pitching all sorts of different things, you know, like what if you stage your own murder? I mean, it's crazy. You go in there and look at the, what is it called? A whiteboard. And they've

got so many different, uh, flashcards up and every, I don't understand. I don't understand. All I know is I'm constantly getting them take out. Yeah. Chick-fil-A surprisingly doesn't cater it. Yeah, that's wild. No, it doesn't. I would think they would. It doesn't.

So I have to do the lunch orders. Yeah. So, so, so many carbs. Where do they usually like to order from? They love to order from a great kebab place, a falafel place. There's a burger place. Oh, they love to order from Danudo's. Sure.

The Italian restaurant, the Middle Eastern Flair. And so it's just, it's nonstop. So honestly, I'm okay. I'm just, I'm bothered. I'm tired. I'm proud of the boys just because, you know, I'm just glad they're alive Sure, absolutely and that other people are alive and it feels like an accomplishment, you know, they leave in their wake the people they leave in their wake So there's you know, I'm alright. I I am worried about you and we're just gonna deal with it later But I'm just I got my eye on you and and and as said before, I don't agree of anything that you're doing right now. So as your friend, I just want,

I just want to flag that I'm worried and we're going to talk about this more. It does pain me that you disagree of my actions, but I, I, I hope we can get on the same page. I, I don't know. You'd have to put a shirt on first. This is a shirt, technically. I could go into a seven-Eleven wearing this.

They'd have to serve me. I don't know that that's a good argument in favor of anything. I feel like 7-Eleven with their rules are establishing the bare minimum for a society. They're saying you have to wear a shirt and shoes. Sure. Otherwise no service. Yes. That's the only two conditions. I want more for you in this life, Burns. OK, again, you wear a splendid robe to work every day. So and I can understand.

I don't again, I mean, a shame we never do that on this podcast. Maybe you are exploring another side, another fashion. I don't want to do any of that. It's just I can't call it a coincidence that it's following a wildly Unprecedented and weirdly not covered in the media traumatic. I don't know what yeah, it's a boring story. Of course. No one's picked it up yet Do you want to smoke in here? We should take a break. Yes, we should and we'll return we will have a guess More with the neighbor listen Listen when the Neighborhood Listen returns.

Nicole hi. Oh hi. Here's something I know you didn't ask me this. I didn't but I always want to hear what you have to say. Okay well here's what I'm looking forward to as the weather turns cooler. Okay. And these are in no particular order. All right.

Football games. Is it can I guess particular order. All right. Football games. Is it, can I guess the next one? Sure. Pumpkin spice lattes? Oh my god girlfriend, you've ruined my mind. But do you know the last one? No, I don't. It's slipping into a cozy sweater from Quince. Quince!

Oh my god. You know Quince. Of course I do. They're known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50. And it's not just that. All Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. And that includes beautiful leather jackets, cotton cardigans, soft denim, and so much more.

Now, how are they able to do that? And here's my theory. It's by partnering directly with top factories and cutting out the cost of the middle man, which passes the savings on to us. Oh, I want to be clear, that's not just a theory. That's exactly, you are exactly right. That's how they do it.

I nailed it. And Quince just a theory. That's exactly, you are exactly right. That's how they do it. I nailed it. And Quinn's only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices. And of course, premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel in every piece. Now I've gotten Quinn's items. Have you? Oh my God. I have. I got sunglasses that I honestly think

I'm just not cool enough for, but they're so great. I got my son joggers. They're like the nicest pants ever. What if you've gotten your son glasses? You got sunglasses and you got your son glasses. I got a couple pairs of chinos. I missed a real opportunity there. I got a couple pairs of chinos from Quince.

Oh nice. I'm wearing this, one of them right now. Look at you. So comfortable. You look very cozy and comfortable. You're welcome. And I want people out there listening to get cozy in Quince's high quality wardrobe essentials. Go to quince.com slash tnl for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.

That's right. 365 day returns. That's q u i n c e dot com slash t n l to get free shipping and 365 day returns stay with me quince.com slash t n l hey everybody this is john i got seth mcginnis can't cooker jr for sale twenty dollars clean hardly used um i bought this one one Christmas in a blackout and it arrived and I gotta tell you, I don't even know what this thing does. I don't even know how to open it. I mean look at it, it looks like something used for storage and then this

picture shows what looks like the bladder or stomach of an animal and that's where the food sits. I can't make heads nor tails of it. And you know, I'm single. Maybe a woman could figure this out. But I can't, I don't like it. I don't even know who the hell Seth McGinn is. But I'll tell you what, I don't like his can cooker. I don't even know what it means. It's neither a can nor a cooker. So come and get it for $20. I unfortunately bought it for $6.50. And welcome back. That's from smoking.

That's gonna start happening a lot. I just started smoking. I know. Well, look how quickly it does damage. I just- And welcome back. I just, you have a beautiful, gorgeous, low timbre. I don't want you to lose it. You know,

you don't think it'll just get deeper and deeper. I just, I think it's, I think we just really like Patrick Stewart. Is that your Patrick Stewart? A very good smoking voice. You can tell when he gets down low that he's been smoking a pack of Galassades ever since RADA. Ever since RADA. Ever since RADA? I just, you know, I think we've pretty much established smoking is really bad for you.

So to start it now is wild in 2024. I don't think that's settled science, but I understand where you're coming from. Okay, fair, agreed to disagree. It's better not to smoke, of course. Agreed to disagree of. All right, so. Here we go.

We have a guest. Yes, we do. This guest, this person is here right now. That's right. And this guest is, I don't know who sent us this post. Oh, you probably have that information. What? No, I probably have that information. You seem surprised. Do we always know who the post is from now? I sent the post. Oh, hold on a second. Hold on a second. We'll get to you. Sometimes listeners will send us a post and this is a good time to talk about that. This post was submitted. You posted it on the server. We'll talk to you in a moment.

All right. This was sent to us by Carlton Searcy. Yes. Yes. That's me. Our listener. No. That's now sir. Wait. I thought your name was Sandy because Sandy is the person who wrote about the birds. That's my nickname. Oh, it is. Okay. Would you be okay if we just read your Wait, I thought your name was Sandy because Sandy is the person who wrote about the birds. Oh, it is. Okay. Would you be okay if we just read your post first so all the listeners can get on the same page here?

Speaking of same page. Very quickly explain the concept of the show. I don't think Sandy will like that. He seems to want to get going really quickly. Just so people know what we do is we go to the neighbor app, the social networking application for neighborhoods and we look for interesting posts and then we talk to the NeighborHap, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look for interesting posts, and then we talk to the people either who have posted it, or sometimes people who are the subject of the post.

That's right. And this week is no different. We have a, we submitted this post, and it turns out that you submitted it yourself. I did, I did. By Carlton, and your nickname is Sandy, is that right? Okay, and Sandy says, birds, just says birds. I thought you said burnt.

Oh, no. Cause you looked directly at me. Sorry. It says birds. Where have all the birds gone? And the lightening bugs. I'm reading this just as it's written. It's got an extra E in it.

Or we'll get to that in a minute. This is real. I know. I'm sorry. I knew that was going to be, I knew I was going to get in trouble for that. I'm so sorry. I'm dyslexic.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, Joe, you've really stepped in it. I'm so sorry. I didn't know that that had specifically to do with that particular typo, but I'm so sorry. Okay. So you know that it's lightning bugs. Yes. Okay. I'm, I feel like we have made our guest already so angry. Let me just get through this. Okay. Where have all the birds gone and the lightning bugs for about the last three to four weeks? We have noticed there has not been one single bird in our yard.

Not one. Front and back or up and down. Would you like to read it? Cause I feel bad. Would you like to do that? Because I feel like now I'm not doing it right. I'm not. I just told you I was dyslexic.

We've been. So. So even reading something that you have written. I can read it, but I'm going to stumble through it. I don't want that. I don't want that. Then could I maybe just ask that you let me get through it? Just try not to be a bitch.

Yeah, come on, Joe. I know how to spell that. J-O-A-N. Oh, Joe. No. Wow. You have really. I have been read. Now you have. No, you've got your name, babe. I've been read to film.

You've been read to film. This has never happened on a podcast. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sweating. I'm actually perspiring. I'm so scared. Do you want to see? Oh, I don't. That won't help. OK. Front and back as as Sandy corroborated

or up and down our neighborhood streets, usually after a rain or a lawnmow, our yard. What's so funny about that? That's when the birds like to come out after a lawnmow. After a lawnmow, of course. I've never heard of referred to that way before. Don't say that, Burns. It sounds sort of-

It's very normal. It's normal. Everyone says it that way. Let's go on. It sounds a little English to me. A little bit of a lawn mower. You are just opening up a canner. Okay. Normally, okay, after a lawn mower, her yard has lots of birds. Oh, I'm losing my mind. Especially Robbins. Now this is capitalized.

We're going to get to it in a minute. The whole word? Robbins. It's capital R-O-B-I-N-'s as if it's a possessive of a person named Robbin. Right. And I will ask. Are you a professor from Harvard? What is wrong with you? I wanna talk about the birds that have disappeared. This is never happening. We're going through grammar and spelling.

This is never happening. It's so unfortunate. Do you want me to pick on you? I think you should have a facelift. Oh, wow. Wow. Well, guess what? I have considered that. Okay. You know, it's very unfortunate that this happens to be the longest post we've ever had in history.

Usually it's over by now. Well, that's a lot to talk about. These birds are gone. Apparently they're... Should I even bother? I mean, it's a really good post. I want people to hear your words. Okay. Having our morning coffee and not a single bird to be seen. None flying around or eating off the lawn. Not one. And the lightning bug were out in early June this year. No, don't you dare burn. They are, they too are gone. I know they are not around when it begins to cool off, but they have been gone for weeks

and it has not been cool. I'm not done. I am aware that some birds fly south for capitalized winter but not of all, not all of them. We usually have some birds all year, none flying by, none perched or playing anywhere. Where have they all gone? Just seems very strange to me. Has anyone heard of anything? It's almost like they have been raptured away. I miss watching them every morning and it's been weeks now. Okay, Sandy, we read the post. Yeah. Say what you want to say. Well, first of all, I apologize that it was such a long post.

I didn't know that it had to be short. You could have edited it before I got here. Sandy, there are no rules. Well, I think you would have... Well, apparently there are. No, I think if I... You corrected me several times. I think if you edited, you would have had an issue with that, Sandy.

I think you would have had... You would have known. Somehow I think that you know this post verbatim and you would have caught it. Hey listeners, if you're listening, the post isn't that long but you kept interrupting and correcting my spelling and grammars because apparently a few words were not exactly right. Well, now to be fair, you did interrupt a couple times too Sandy. I mean I don't want you to be confrontational. That is true. Sandy, we... Sandy, you asked us to come. You asked us to come on this podcast. You contacted me. That was before I learned that the pharmacist steals.

Now I told you, Burnt. I give it back. We're going to have to edit that out. I give it back. I give it back. I've done nothing wrong. Catch and release. Catch and release.

Thank you. Thank you. Now, Sandy, first of all, welcome to the neighborhood. Thank you. Finally, Burnt. Someone who's nice. I like you. Finally, someone who's nice. I like you. Wow. I've I'm just going to I'll take a moment. Why don't you talk to him?

So now said you you started noticing this and you are you thinking that there's something going on? That's something that you isn't at the same haven't you noticed there's no bird. I honestly I haven't noticed. Now to be fair, he's he was out of town for a while. He was in Greece. I was traveling abroad. And then he's been getting into a lot of different things. But I will say, I thought that I've been waking up

to my normal bird calls every morning. And I hope it's okay that I ask a clarifying question because when you talk about Robbins, are you saying there's none at Robbins? Is your neighbor named Robin? No, it's a bird. Okay, well then. Okay, well then. What's wrong with you? Are you saying there's none at Robbins? Is your neighbor named Robin? Or there are no Robbins? No, it's a bird. Okay, well then.

Okay, well then. What's wrong with you? Well, it was capital R-O-B-I and a positive S. That's a fair question. That's a fair question. Thank you, birds. It was a little unclear. It was a little unclear and I'm wanting you to-

So I capitalized Robin. Kill me. No, it's not a crow. There's no need to kill you. We're just looking for a clarification. It's not just Robbins, it's every bird. Every bird is gone. Every single bird, including the crows, which I feed. We're just looking for clarification. It's not just Robbins, it's every bird. Every bird is gone.

Every single bird, including the crows which I feed. You feed the crows? Oh yeah. What do you feed them? I feed them usually little, what do you call them, Cheez-Its. Oh okay. They like that. They love Cheez-Its.

Like the regular standard Cheez-It? Yeah they are. Because you know they're expanding, there's so many flavors of Cheez-It now. Oh that is true. White cheddar, jalapeno., they all taste exactly sure do Well, I have to try maybe if I tried a different flavor they come back you could but you have to be nice to the crows Crows they they can feed your faces and they they will tell their baby crows if you're good or you're bad And that's the absolute we have talked about

fear of crows In her spank bank. Well that's because I assume that they know she's a horrible, horrible lady. Now Sandy, I cannot, Sandy, I can't let that go. Well what are you talking about? She probably corrects her spelling. Joan is a wonderful person, she is a good friend of mine. If she corrects spelling it could be because she's a mom. You know what? If she's a friend of yours, she's a friend of mine. Oh, that was such a quick turnaround.

I'm so grateful for them. Well, I'm a Christian. That's right. You did mention the rapture. The rapture, yes. But wouldn't that be kind of a very specific, almost God bird rapture? Because if there was a rapture, you know, then all of us, you know, all of the good Christians would be gone, right?

So in this... I don't think it's happened yet. I think the birds are the first to go. Oh, do you think this is interesting? So God will be rapturing the creatures of earth sort of one by one. Well, I'm trying to figure it out. Okay. It was just a theory. To be fair, it was just a theory. We did have a new family move into Grover Cleveland Avenue and it could be the birds left because of them. Why? What's wrong with them? I'm not being racist because they're not anything. They're not anything.

They're anything except for they have red hair. They're gingers. And I think maybe the birds are scared of people who have red hair. I'm not sure that we want to say that. I'm not sure we want to sort of put that out there, that animals are afraid of people with red hair. Well, I like female redheads. Who doesn't?

I think they're sexy. Oh! Oh! But men, they look like freaks. Now, now! They do. Sandy, you can't say that! Redhead men look like men. Boys look like freaks.

They look like little clowns. Especially freaks, they do. Oh, gee-wee. I'm not sure we can, you know, let this... We have to put a stop to this. Well, that's just true. I don't think you can... Well, it's not just true.

It's not a sign. It hasn't been proven. It's not a thing. You might have an opinion of that and that is fine. You can have your opinion. Name one good looking male redhead. That doesn't exist. Like think of females, there's lots.

There's Nicole Kidman, Lucille Ball. Now there's a sexy lady back in the day. And you know, of course, Nicole Kidman played Lucille Ball. Oh. I think Eddie Redmayne is a gorgeous actor and he is a redhead as well. Well, they just died it that way for a part. They did.

Sandy, how do you know that? I read his book. Oh, you read a book? Mm-hmm. What book was it? It was called me, Eddie. Oh, his memoir. I see, I did not realize that he read me.

He seems so young to have a memoir. Justin Bieber wrote one when he was 16. Well, yeah. But he's been famous for such a long time. Now, can I ask? I just want to pivot really quickly and ask another question. You use the word we in this post often.

Is this a partner? Is this a roommate? Who is this person? I have two wives. OK. Two wives on active duty. Yes. Active wife duty. This is not a wife and an ex-wife. This is. And honestly, I know that you? I have two wives. Okay. Two wives on active duty. Yes. Active wife duty.

This is not a wife and an ex-wife. This is- And honestly, I know that you're- Oh yeah, I definitely read that as two wives. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, well, you said you were Christian. It's in the Bible. If you go in the Bible, they all had more than one wives.

They all did. They all did. So they had plenty of them. Okay, so this is a religious reason for why you have these two wives. Yes, I'm honoring God by having many, many partners. Many, many. Wait, are there more than two? I've had some in the past. Some have run away.

Why is that? They didn't care for some of my rules. I don't want to ask about the rules right now. Why? Because I'm just... We have to ask about the rules. First of all, he gets angry every other time I talk. So I just, I don't, and I know that you said that now I'm a friend because I'm a friend of Byrne's,

but I want to keep it nice. And so I think you should ask her. Sandy, would you excuse us for just one moment? I think if he gets to talk about the rules, he's really going to enjoy that. I have a sense that this will be. I heard every word. I see, I thought that he would.

We're all in the same boat. Sandy, am I wrong? Do you want to know about my wife rules? Wait, yes, that's what. It's mostly what everyone else does. Are they? OK, what are they? A, honor the man is on the top of the list.

OK. You have to work, because you know, and then, but you also need to clean and you need to cook. I also like to have a happy face when I come home. I like to have everyone with their shoes off. Oh, all right. When they come in, that's not that odd. A lot of people have that rule.

Yeah, that's true. A lot of people have that rule. Yeah, a lot of it is, clothing is optional and that's not really a rule. That's more of a, yeah. That might be one of the ones. That's more of a- Oh, that might be one of the ones. That's more of a good to know. That's a good to know.

That's a good to know. Yeah. And also don't make fun of my spelling. It's gonna be a new- Well, I would never be one of your wives, I guess. I failed that test. I'm not gonna send that application in. You're really dangerous.

You're not on the list. Believe me, Joan. I wanna say I want to be a listening and learning person and I want to say to you that you have highlighted something for me that when we invite people into this place and we read their posts I should also be have a little bit of more sensitivity about the way that they have constructed that post so I apologize and I'd like to do better in the future. You're forgiven. Thank you. That's very nice and very Christian of you. It is actually. Now in addition to the wife rules, what are the other rules that you have?

Yeah, it sounded like there were more. You mean just rules for living? Yeah, probably. Or what the wives are just in general. Well, we were more interested in what made the wives run away. Yes, good question Joe. I think a lot of them didn't care for the dancing.

And could you elaborate on that? Like Ellen. What babe? elaborate on that? Like Ellen. What babe? Sorry, that's my husband, Doug. Who's in another room? I think Doug, no, yeah, how did you know about that? What, it is about Ellen? I've thought about that rule before.

Wait, what rule babe? When you enter the house, like if you're a guest on Ellen, you should dance. You have to dance. Right. Everyone knows, well at least everybody knows on my block that I was a huge fan of Ellen's. Oh really?

Yeah, and I- Oh you're kidding. And so yeah, and so we just, we like to dance. Or I like to see people dance. I see. And you know, Gabby, who is very into the entertainment industry- Yes, that's Burns' girlfriend.

She had heard that Ellen got very mad if people were not dancing. Oh, that's weird, Ellen got mad? If guests came out or if there was somebody in the audience who wasn't dancing, that would really bother her. It sounds like she had a lot of rules. Me too.

I don't blame if she had any rules going for her. Okay. I love her, I just love her. Well, that's great. So then you have the sort of idea that when people come over, they do have to enter dancing. They have to dance. And if I just say, please dance, they have to dance. Okay. Trickly come dancing.

Oh, at any time. Yeah. Did you know that's what they call it over there in the UK? Yes, I did. I think that's so hilarious and weird. I don't, it feels... It sounds, forgive me, but it sounds like bad grammar. Yeah. And then sometimes we do like, we have making babies hour and a lot of that.

Making babies hour. Can you talk about that some more? Well, it's biblical. Okay. But a lot of times I don't join. I just, they make, the girls make the babies with each other. How do they do that?

The girls make the babies with each other. Yeah, they do. Is this what they tell you? No, I tell them just pretend like you're making babies together and then I watch and sometimes I film them. Well, listen, if this is, okay, listen, if they're aware of it, but now is this one of the rules you're saying made them run away or they're okay with it and they consent? Well, some of my two right now are fine with it. They enjoy it very much. Okay. They're aware you're filming all that. It's all above board?

Yeah. Oh, that came really, he looked away when he said that. It's biblical. Right, that does seem to be a catchall for certain answers. Absolutely. Anyway, let's talk more about the birds. Well, that is true. You did come here to talk about the birds, but a lot of times, what always happens on

this podcast, we end up discovering something even more interesting about our guest. Well, I know, earlier you were talking about butterflies and that a lot of them were disappearing. I guess maybe you killed them, but like with the birds, I don't, do you think those redheads are shooting them? I don't. I do think that's a pretty big assumption. For there to be no birds,

I think you would have heard some of those gunshots. You're probably right. Yes, definitely, yes. Well, I'm telling you, you go to Grover Cleveland Lane, you're not gonna see a bird to be seen. Is there anything else that you can think of that's happening on your street lately? Is there construction going on? Was there any kind of... Scarecrows. What babe? Are you suggesting that there are more scarecrows that have popped up? We did have that DDT truck go by a few weeks.

Okay. DDT, Is that still a thing? We voted on it in our neighborhood. Oh that, you know what? That's true. We did vote. I forgot about that vote. We voted. We voted yes. Who likes mosquitoes? Not me. I don't like mosquitoes, but I did vote no on the DDT truck because it did seem like it was going to be making a lot of patrols. Really? Yes. The children in my neighborhood played right behind it. Oh, that seems like a terrible idea. Well, it plays the ice cream song. It does.

I think that's a huge mistake. It plays the ice cream song, which is just awful. It plays Turkey in the Straw, and then the kids are running up trying to get ice cream. They're just getting faces full of DDT. No. And no ice cream. The promise of it is not delivered on.

I think that goes without saying. I say we're getting ice cream. But you think once they realize that, they leave. Yeah, you think. I did ask why. I asked why do they play that? And they said they can only play public domain songs. Do they have to play anything?

I don't know. But it does explain she'll be coming around the mountain. Yes. And turkey in the straw. And happy birthday. Happy birthday which didn't used to be. It didn't used to be. It sure didn't. They added it to the DDD playlist. You'd have to start sketches with he's a jolly good fellow which nobody can deny. Which no one ever sings on a birthday. On television exactly. Well you know now I put it together. Do you think it's the poison? Well, this is why I asked if there was any other

potential change in circumstances that could point to why you're not seeing birds on your street, because I have been hearing birds. Birds, have you been seeing birds? I see birds all over the place. Okay. I see some right now. Where?

Where? Oh yeah, look it, can you see it? Cause we're in our kitchen. You can see it in my yard. It does look like- I don't know its name. Oh, I don't see it. see it? Cause we're in our kitchen. You can see in my yard. It does look like- I don't know his name. I don't see anything. No, I think we're talking about the type of bird.

I think it is a Robin. Do you see that Sandy? I don't. I see raccoons going through your trash. Well, that's a perennial occurrence. Happens a lot. You really don't see a bird? Not right now.

I don't. Okay. Do you? I do. Misjudgmental. Back on his bad side. I just wanted to make sure yougmental. Oh, he's back on his bad side. I just wanted to make sure you saw one. Oh, and there goes a crow.

Did you see it? No. No. Where? You missed it. It was behind you. It was behind you. So that was a dirty trick.

I shouldn't have mentioned it if you couldn't see. Well, it's probably a good thing. I don't have any Cheez-Its. That's right. You wouldn't want to be without your Cheez-Its. The DDT truck would maybe explain the disappearance of the lightning bugs. Oh, right.

But the birds, I feel like you would see a bunch of dead birds if the birds were being killed. Yeah, you would think so too. Unless they, you know, sniffed it up and then flew to another block and they died there. But I think then we would have found them at that block. You know, there would have been- I think we would have heard, hey, there's a pile of dead birds here. Right.

Usually there would be a post about it on the neighbor hat. Oh yeah that's a classic neighbor hat post. Well then I don't feel so bad about the DDT truck. What do you mean? Well that the poison could have you know affected them so that's probably not what it was. Okay, okay so then that's not it. So we've ruled that out. Well thank goodness. Okay so now what else could it be? Well, I think it's the rapture, clearly. Well, you would just want from ginger shooting them down to the rapture. Neither one of which I think is either the answer. Really? I don't think so.

What's your theory? You don't know. Hang on a minute. Why do you have to ask that so angrily? Well, because you're so judgmental about the redheads not doing it when you know that they're evil and awful people. See I am not being judgmental, I think someone else. I think someone else is being pretty judgmental and may I say I don't believe that Jesus ever said to spurn the gingers. The only redhead I ever liked was Ron Howard and that's because that show was in black and white back in the day. Well what happened when you watched Happy Days and discovered that it was red?

I wouldn't watch it. I refuse. I don't. If I may say, you're going to get mad because here comes a correction. I don't think Happy Days was ever. Are you thinking about Mayberry? Mayberry of course. That's what I heard in my brain. I forgot he was a little boy on the Andy Griffiths show. That's right. It was. Yeah, he was.

And that show never would have made it past season one if people knew that he was a redhead. You think that that many people have a disdain for redheaded boys. I think most people do. You know what I'm here to tell you, Sandy? They don't. What?

And maybe this is why you came on here to learn well. It's not something we've heard a lot. It's definitely not. People don't like to talk about it. It's like the elephant in the room. Well, you know, I, I, I, I'm not sure I can change your perspective on this. And I realized that we don't need to belabor it.

All right. Well, again, I, I have to ask this next question. You said that the wives have to work. What did they do? And do you work? Yes, of course I work. Well, again, again, did I have a toad when I asked that question? Sandy, that was a perfectly reasonable question. I don't know what to do. Apparently you're not a gambler. No. I am a car dealer at Dignity Falls Casino, a riverboat. Are you really? The riverboat. Yes. We do have the riverboat and it has been hard since most of the water has been taken out of our town because it's just it got sucked dry and so it's just really sitting in the riverbed right now.

Yeah, it's not good for business. No, I understand they've they've they've they proposed dragging it along the riverbed. Yeah, they want to just tow it around. So yeah, you kind of have to legally because that's the only way we're allowed to gamble. Yeah, you do. It does need to be in water. It has to be in motion, yes. So yeah, they're gonna maybe hook up some semis and just drag it. So that sounds incredibly bumpy. I feel like, well, the sound will be terrible. Just a terrible scraping.

I know, we've been talking about that. Maybe getting some of those, what do you call them? Those sound soothers. Oh, like sound machine? Oh yeah. Doug has a ton of them. Ironically, he has his favorite one to pick is the bird sound for getting to sleep at night.

Oh, I love that. Which makes me crazy. Which makes me think that'd be something lovely you could do is get one of those machines and then it would be like the birds are there. But this is very interesting. I don't want to get us off on the, what card game do you deal? What game are you?

Well, it depends what they need me for, but I do a lot of blackjack usually. Oh wow. Yeah, fun and poker. Oh, we both said hit me. The catchphrase of blackjack. Tell us the secret of, is it really the dealer's always going to win or can you tell us any inside tricks about it or how do you see people ever win at Blackjack? I can tell you one thing over there. The slots are loose. Dignity Falls, Riverboat Casino.

I hope you're talking about the machines. Yes. And they literally are loose. Some of them have fallen over and they're very heavy machines. They are. We have a bit of a problem with that. I am very interested to hear, I don't know, just if it's interesting that he's this Christian man and he sort of like has these strict rules and then he's, he's working on a casino where you're, I would say that you're generally around the clientele that is probably not a God fearing group of people.

That's why I don't mind ripping them off. Okay. That's how you square being a Christian man and engaging in gambling on one end of it, because I believe scripture prescribes gambling, does it not? Oh, does it? It prescribes it as a good thing. Oh, prescribes it.

Oh, I see. Now you're talking my language. Mm-hmm. I'm a pharmacist. I'm a pharmacist. And then what do the wives do? Well, they do all sorts of things. A lot of them sell Amway.

Wow, still. They still do. Still around. They still do. One of them works at Honey Babes Ham. You know, it used to be Honey Bakes, but until they went under. Yes, Honey Babes Ham. Honey Babes Ham.

And they try to, which is also interesting because that's another sort of, I don't want to say, lascivious business, but you know, they do have two honey babes out front. They're always spinning the signs, you know, and they're just in bikinis, even in the winter. That is news to me. Yeah. The logo, the logo is tough to look at. Cause it'll be, it's like babe the pig,

but then his, his back is being sliced like, That's right. And he's smiling. He's in an oven. It is just gross. He's saying, oh, that'll do. Yeah, you just don't you can't think about it. Yeah, you just have to get in there and get your hand. So you said get in there and get your hand.

So, OK, you keep saying one of them, one of them, one of them. Are there just two wives or are there more? Right now there's two wives. I've told you that before, Dave. You're not listening to me, Sandy. I am sorry. I am sorry, Sandy. I'm just doing my best.

Just trying to... It's okay. We'll do a little better because I already told you there are two. I have two wives. Okay. I guess it's just people use the phrase one of them if they sound like... You said it a bunch of times. It makes it sound like there's more than two and so I'm sorry that's there used to be I know I should just let it go okay so one

works at Honey Babes Ham and one does Amway. He said a couple of them do Amway. I mean I've had so many wives several of them sold Amway back in the day. Okay. How many wives have you had? Over the years? Oh, 13. Wow. Okay. That's quite a lot. It is. Maybe 14. What did you say, babe? 13 is a biblical number, I think. Is it? I don't know. Sandy's the expert.

What does that mean? A biblical number? Is it a number that appears a lot in the Bible? 13? Does the number 13 appear in the Bible? I don't know. Yes. Almost every chapter there's a Corinthians 13. Are there any numbers that don't appear in the Bible?

That's so interesting. From one to ten, I should say. I know there's one number we don't want to see in the Bible. Six, six, six. That's right. Don't say it. My goodness, Sandy, that's pretty bold of bowl. Six, six, six. Oh, don't say it. My goodness, Sandy, that's pretty bold of you. Six, six, six.

Okay, can you stop saying it? Why are you more comfortable saying it than I am? Six, six. Oh, can't. I think if you're Christian, you have to be on guard. He said it three times like Beetlejuice. What happens now? Well, nothing.

Maybe the birds will come back. Oh, God. I don't think they're coming back to those redheads. Move. Let me ask you this question. See, I've always been afraid of crows and ravens because I also feel like especially now, maybe this is just because of Poe or because of all cinema

that makes them evil or sort of satanic. Oh, they're fun. OK. What's fun about them? They're smart as all get out. I told you that. If you smile at a crow and go have a good day, they're very nice to you and they remember. Yes, they do remember. Yes, they do remember.

Some of them can count to 10. That like with their voices? Yeah. Wait a second. Although do you speak? Are you saying you speak crow to them? I know a lot of them. So yeah, you know a lot of them. Yeah, I name them. You name them you know. Oh oh wow. Have you thought about calling these crows? Yes that's a good idea. And see if they show up? That's a very good idea. Let me open the window. Go ahead here we go we're just gonna open the window for them. Peaches, Taffy, Lady Liberty, Lady Liberty, Lightning, Carrot, where are you? Well, just give it a minute. Just give it a minute. I mean, they might be coming from a great distance.

Yeah, they might be. I also don't know how good their hearing is. I don't know either. Jimmy John. Well, now all be. I also don't know how good their hearing is. I don't know either. Jimmy John! Well now all the raccoons are outside. Hooligan! Now just so we know, 20 Hooligan,

that is a good name for a crow. Feather, that's what it's called, it's on the nose. I don't see any of them. I don't see birds, I don't see a darn bird anywhere. You see any lightning bugs? No, I wish I did. I do love lightning bugs. They are so fun. They are fun, but you know they leave during the cold weather, but it's been not that cold.

No, it really hasn't been that cold. I know. Well, I don't know. I don't know what to say. I don't either. I just think that, well, again, I think that perhaps there is still something that we haven't identified that's going on in your home life maybe or in your on your street. You sure are judgmental. Your children set fires. Okay, we should let the guest listen to the first segment. It's true.

My goodness. And then you just keep bringing up things right and left after you've already said them like a reader repeater. And I really get tired of it. Oh, he knows Mae Mernie. He knows Mae Mernie. Yeah, reader repeater. Reader repeaters are out there.

That's true. We certainly don't. I definitely don't want to be a reader repeater. Well, Sandy, I feel as if we've failed you because we haven't been able to come up for a logical explanation as to why you're not seeing birds and lightning bugs, even though other people are seeing them. Well, hopefully people will call in.

This is a radio show, isn't it? It is not a radio show. Oh, no. We don't have the capacity to take calls. I'm sorry, is this the only reason you came on here? Yes. Oh no. Oh, this is horrible news.

But you, it sounds like you have listened to a few of our episodes. You didn't- Disaster. Oh dear. Oh, I'm so sorry. I feel like we've led you astray. What a strong thing to say. We don't have a landline anymore.

I can't call it. I mean, sometimes, sometimes we do episodes where people can, you know, con, you know, like comment on a live feed of some sort, but we didn't, we weren't prepared for that. We were not prepared. Can they write a letter? Well, it might take, it would take so long. Well would you like them to write to you and, and well, write to the show and then you can read them and then you can tell me call me up or something.

But I think this is probably the last time we're going to talk to you. What? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Isn't that a crow? Where? A little bit of orange on it. Is that Peaches? Where? Right there, right there underneath our oak tree. Ah, Peaches! Oh, did you see? She's flying towards him. Ah, how are you's... I can't tell. Wow. Peaches is talking to him. I don't have any cheeses, Peaches. It's hard to say. Oh, Peaches took Umbridge. Now who's this?

Who's this one? I am terrified right now. Who's that? Is that Hooligan? It's Vivian. We didn't even learn about Vivian. I know, he didn It's Vivian. We didn't even learn about Vivian. I know, you didn't mention Vivian.

Vivian, as you see her tufts go up in the back, I think she got in a fight. They're all gathering outside the window and it's very scary. It's ominous. But Sandy, does this make you happy? Yes! Isn't that great? I think I'm going to move to this block. Oh no! There goes The DDT truck. All right. Well, Sandy, thank you for being here. I'm glad you got to see the birds

again. True. We will be back with more Neighbor Listen when the Neighbor Listen returns. Bye. Mrs. Kelso, free religious literature materials, book, Bibles, et cetera. Message for address. It simply didn't take. Are we going? Again, with the breath. I thought that, at that point I thought you wanted me to do it. Oh babe. Okay.

It was a cute callback. I enjoyed it. It was fun. I was saying, it sounds like you choke on something both times. That's scary. Yes. This time I was, I forgot about the breath. It sounded even less like a breath to me.

I inhaled a butterfly. Oh no. Not another one. I tolded a butterfly. Oh no, not another one. I told you to get out of there. Get out of there because honestly, some of the crows stayed here after Sandy left and I need you to get rid of them because they scare me. Just throw some cheeses out there.

Yes, they all came. Well, if you throw cheeses out there, that's not going to disperse those crows. I know, I just meant really far to get them go the opposite direction. How far do you think the cheeses coming from? Well, now I guess I know how Sandy feels. You're being so judgmental.

I'm so sorry. I don't know where that came from. You've really got under your skin. You've really, really did. Oh, well, I'm glad that Santa got to see some birds again. And I wish him the best of luck with his home life. I know I really I guess I didn't want to pry. But boy, do I have a lot of follow up questions about it. But hopefully everybody's okay over there.

I hope so. I really hope so. We have time for one more post. Yes. And listen, if you would like to send us a post, if you feel like we've missed something interesting on the neighbor app, screenshot it and send it to us at bernandjohn at gmail.com. Like this, but we got this, this is somebody from somebody named Dana submitted this. This is in the for sale and free section.

And this is posted by Desiree. Desiree says flash give. Oh, help me save 40 packets of crushed red pepper from a work event, please. And then there was a picture of what appears to be 40 packets of crushed red pepper. Sorry, from a blank. What's the work event? I couldn't make out that word. From a work event, please. From a work event, got it, got it.

Help me save them. Help me save 40 packets of crushed red pepper. As if they're dogs being put up for euthanasia. Yeah, I don't know if it's that. I can't tell if Desiree is posting from the work event. Is there a threat to these packets? Is there a threat to these packets? I don't.

Could there be anything easier to slip anywhere or simply hold in your hand? I don't know that their lives are in danger. No, this is barely a bulk item. You scoop this up, you put this in, yes, two pockets. Well, that's what I would think. You put it in a purse. This is a one person job.

Yes. But apparently for Desiree, it requires assistance. And she really implies imminent danger, imminent threat. You can see them. They just look like sugar packets. It's the shadow of the phone taking the picture. This is urgent. They're very small.

Flash give. Now that's a term I don't know. One phone makes up five packets. Wait, what? What does flash give mean? Okay, so I know that sometimes- Suddenly I'm giving these packets of crushed red pepper? I think that people will say flash sale, you know,

when it's like online or like a pop-up. That I've heard of, I've heard of that. So I think they just are being clever. Who wrote the post? Desiree. So I think Desiree is just having a little fun. You think Desiree's saying, I've heard of flash sale. Yeah.

I've heard of pop-up. Right, why not flash gift? Why not flash gift? Which doesn't, it doesn't seem to sort of roll off the tongue as well as the other ones. It doesn't sound as fun. It sounds clunky, but maybe she just thought it would get more attention because people like the word like sale or flash. But of course they're not on sale. People do like the word flash. I think they also

like the word give. But they do. Maybe just not together. Flash give. Well, we don't know. Honestly, we don't know how successful or unsuccessful this post was. That's true because we refuse to read the comments. We're living it. We will never read the comments. That's where things get real, real sticky. I do feel like just one order of pizza at Kim's gets you like 40 chili packets. Oh my God. Kim's gets to read those chili packets. And also what was this work event? What was this work event where there were just a bunch of these packets around?

Because generally you have a catered event and there's not just packets lying around. You know, it's just... That's what I think it is. OK. And you'll be surprised, we've mentioned it already. Oh! I think you came from the ordering of pizza. Oh, oh, you do think it was that?

Yes. Oh, OK. It's the only... Pizza. I will say this. See, I assumed the work event was like a gala. Immediately I'm thinking it's a catered event. Wow.

Well, I like to- A gala? Sometimes I dream my dreams and I project them onto the posters. I would like it to be a gala. I'd like to go to a gala. I think that would be nice, but I don't think that Desiree is at a gala.

You think they were just, you think they did, the work people stayed late, they ordered pizza. That's what you think? Well, you're adding in a story that I did not intend. I think there could have been a work event that was like a sort of relaxed party type thing. Okay, see I heard the word event, I thought fancy. And it was, that I understand.

Okay, I know. Yes, that's been established. Sorry. Here's, I'm going to say this, and if I'm wrong, please correct me. Okay. I believe you only ever encounter packets of crushed red pepper when pizza is present.

I've never seen them anywhere else, have you? I see, no I have not. I've never seen them ever actually. You've never seen a packet of crushed red pepper? You've never seen a packet of crushed red pepper. Joan, you have to see them. No, I have seen it when it's in a shaker next to the Parmesan, like at a pizza place. I've seen the flakes. Oh sure.

Never seen it in a packet. At a pizza parlor. At a pizza parlor. Now, parlor sounds fancy. Parlor does sound fancy and you know we're running out of parlors. We have pizza parlor, we have ice cream parlor, funeral parlor, beauty parlor. Wow, yeah. Is that it?

Well, the four horsemen of parlors. We need Sandy back. It sounds biblical. It does sound. So, no, I really have never I've never seen a packet of chili flakes, is it? Joe, now you sound like you're lying. Now you sound like you're losing experience. You know what it sounds like, Joan?

It sounds like you have an addiction to these and you're trying to protect. You don what it sounds like Joan? It sounds like you have an addiction to these and you're trying to pretend you don't know what they are. What? No! It's crushed red pepper. Oh, crushed red pepper. Yes, but that is still the thing that's in the shaker. You've never seen a packet of crushed red pepper. Red? No.

I've seen black pepper. I feel crazy. But you've never ordered a pizza pie to your home. And it came with a pack of crushed red pepper. I always pick it up. Doug handles came with a pack of crushed red pepper. I always pick it up. Doug handles the pizza. Doug handles all the pizza.

And he knows that I hate crushed red pepper. How do you know? One time, one time, a long time ago, but I didn't see it. I just simply bit in and I said, what is this? And my mouth was on fire. You bit into a packet of crushed red pepper? No, I bit into pizza that he had sprinkled some on. You understand.

I did one time bite into one and it was an alcohol pad. Oh no. Yeah. It was like a wipe. Yeah, it was a wipe. A wet wipe. It had a lemon flavor though. Why?

It wasn't too bad. Oh, I see. So it's like a Lysol situation. Okay. Okay. So now does that make sense? I just have never seen it because I didn't like the taste it one time.

I said, what is this? He said, oh, I put some, I put some crushed red pepper on it. And I was like, what is that? Even then I thought it sounded crazy. So I guess we- Black pepper, I understand. Crushed red pepper?

Listen, this has been a rough episode for me. Wait, where was the looking glass now? Actually, wait a minute. What? Where was this post located? Oh, does it say? Dignity Falls? I think he means a little more specific, babe.

This episode has a- Did you call me babe? Sorry. Ha ha ha. Hey Doug, don't blame me for that. I don't. I could tell that the tone of that babe was different. No, that actually was for him. You meant something more specific.

I said he meant something more specific, babe. Oh, I'm sorry. The location of this crushed red pepper might be the location that I get rid of all the crushed red pepper when I bring pizza. Look at this photo. Does that countertop ring any bells to you? Do you recognize that? No, that foam marble.

This has been a rough episode for me. Don't you really been through the ringer on this one? It really has. So I think it's just best to, I think I need to go lay down. I think so too. And I need to smoke. Okay, well Desiree, I hope you did get help

in saving those 40 packets of crushed red pepper. And that will do it for this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. If you'd like to hear ad-free versions of our show or get access to our bonus content, you can go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus tier and that will give you access to those wonderful things. Otherwise, we'll be back next week with another episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real.

Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Michael Hitchcock. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full

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