The Netmums Podcast - S1 Ep35: Ore Oduba on the tricky transition from two to three

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

Listen as Ore gets real about navigating the path from couple to family PLUS why stockings and high heels have been his lockdown outfit of choice ;)

You're listening to Sweat, Snot and Tears, brought to you by Netmums. I'm Annie O'Leary. And I'm Wendy Gollage. And together we talk about all of this week's sweaty, snotty and tearful parenting moments. With guests who are far more interesting than we are. Good morning, Sweat, Snot and Tears team. How are we all today? I would like you all to know this is a formal announcement that I have had my vaccine.

The side effects were a little ugly for a while, but I've come with a warning for parents. I think that you should all, if you're booking your vaccines, make sure that you have it on a separate day to your partner. Because should you both be taken down with the side effects like I was, it would leave your children running free and feral for the rest of the day, which is not to be advised. So please take it from me that you need to go separately. And I would say leave at least a week between the two. Wendy, you're with me.

Well, I'm going to do the game of one-upmanship because I have got my second vaccine on Thursday next week. How did you get it? How did you get it so fast? Well, because my brother is so vulnerable. Right. When he had his care team put in a little pitch for us to have ours as well. So should my parents not be able to look after him, I can. But I felt awful after my first one.

So I'm really hoping I don't feel awful this time. I've heard rumours that if you feel bad after one, you're all right the next time. Was that Twitter telling you that? No, my mother, who is a medical professional. Everyone will have a neck. I'm sorry, that's the dog. Shush. Oh.

No one prepared me for how much it hurts your arm. Yes, it is. Well, I think we need to ask our guest if he's had the vaccine, because I suspect he's too young and too sprightly to have had it yet. Yes, it is. Well, I think we need to ask our guest if he's had the vaccine, because I suspect he's too young and too sprightly to have had it yet. Yes, I reckon. So today we are joined with none other than TV and radio presenter, musical theatre star, but most importantly, strictly winner, Aure Good day. You said sprightly, Wendy. I'm looking around the room going, who are you talking about? Because there's no gazelles here. But in answer to your question, I haven't had the vaccine,

but I have had COVID. Does that give me a level of... Right, we want all the details. Was there sweat? Was there snot? Was there tears? It was... There has been so much of that we've needed

like 10 mops over the last year Annie um we actually it's funny that you said don't do your vaccine at the same time couples because we both got COVID at the same time and this was March last year you know when it all kicked off And I basically came home from a tour. I was doing the Curtains tour. I was doing a UK tour. I came home. Everything got cancelled. Came home just before lockdown.

And my entire company, we were on WhatsApp and the entire company, we were literally dropping like flies. Everybody was going, are you feeling terrible? This is before any of the information that we know now so even the idea of isolating what does quarantine mean can we do it within one house we didn't really know what to do and before we knew it um my wife Portia also got Covid and so for about 10 days we were both in a terrible way so were you both quite poorly with it really bad yeah yeah i mean it was it was management it was like a really bad it was like a really bad flu um and so we were

both we were both kind of completely debilitated and actually you know we've got we have a three year old roman was roman was essentially debilitating in itself, can we just say? He had to be the one that was leading the house, I tell you. No, we got through it. I actually got over it much quicker than my wife. Not that it's a competition. Not that it's a competition. Absolutely not a competition,

but I certainly had to up my game to be able to make sure that I was looking after everybody. But the legacy of it was the no smell and no taste. Oh, have you still got that? That was the thing that lasted the longest time. I would be in a long COVID situation and I think things would be in a really bad way. No, I haven't still got that. That lasted for about, I think about two weeks. I couldn't smell and my wife couldn't smell or taste.

Wow. And that for her was the hardest thing because even, you know, we couldn't look forward to food. She couldn't taste food and she found that really, really hard. And the first thing that I smelt when I knew that my lack of my sense sense of smell had gone the first thing I smelt was my son's poo well it was it was really lovely I can't tell you the jubilation because he had also been and he'd been constipated We'd been trying to potty train him. And finally, he was pooing. And I could smell it.

It was like a double whammy of joy. Win-win. Yeah, yeah. So, Roman's how old? Is he three now? Mm-hmm. Did he have COVID? No.

He must be an X-man or something. Because the level of exposure that he's... Well, yeah, with two parents with it. Yeah, and somehow he managed to completely like... I mean, at the time, we obviously didn't test him. We would just keep keeping ourselves to ourselves. But nothing changed about him. His engagement and his enthusiasm and his vibrancy never dipped actually

so in many ways he got us through covid um so no that was really really grateful because it was a worry it was a genuine worry two parents suffering from covid we've got to somehow keep our our boy so how did you do it how did you tag team it or how did you keep him alive well i've been asking ourselves that question for three and a half years um yeah it was hard it was really hard it was I think you just had to we just had to muddle through like I said I got over a little bit more quickly so it meant that one of us at least was able to cook and clean and look after Ro and um yeah Portia was pretty bedbound for about a week so it was it was tough but you know you know you just you'd find a way to manage

parenting full stop isn't it I remember when my daughter my second child was a newborn she was only a couple of weeks old we both got norovirus and we were literally yeah it was really fun we were literally having to pass her between us through the night while we took intense to vomit oh my gosh yeah and i still wonder now how we survived that little episode but you do and that is the joy of the family isn't it it's so funny you should say that because one of my great friends has become a dad this week and Congratulations to friends. He's been sending kind of texts from the coalface. He's in Zurich, so we can't go and see them or do anything to help.

And he was saying, oh, my God, I now realize you took Chloe to the pub when she was a month old. And I was like, yeah. He was like, I'm never leaving the house again. I don't know how you do it. And it's really funny because he's like, my never leaving the house again I don't know how you do it and it's really funny because he's also like my kids are nine and five now so we're kind of life starts to become a little bit more bearable about them and um he's just like there's shit everywhere and when it's not shit it's sick she's like laying in bed crying I don't know what to do I'm just like that first

few weeks welcome to the gang but you've been really candid about how hard it is going from being a couple to being parents yeah so did you find it like that how and how have you learned what have you learned from it gosh I've had a number of friends like yours, Wendy, who've had babies recently. And I try to remember what those first six months or so were like. And there is definitely something scientific. I don't know what the research says, but surely your brain and body just chooses to forget. It has to. Because otherwise you would never have more children right um so i've i've actually

struggled to try to to remember those gory details of of how we got through the the sleepless nights the sleep deprivation the which way does a nappy go around um if we have a bath is he going to drown all those kind of things i've struggled to get to remember those but what I always wanted to make sure that was kind of an anchor as soon as it became apparent I was like this I need to make sure is always at the forefront of my mind because yet that dynamic shift from two to three was something that we really struggled with we obviously obviously didn't identify it as a big thing. We'd been so looking forward to him being a part of our lives.

We were ready to dote, to give all of our attention, to make sure that, you know, we gave our kids, our baby, the best opportunity to be the best human possible and completely forgot about the other person in that equation. And I think it must have i don't know that there was one massive um apparitional moment but i think over a course of

a few weeks over the course of a number of arguments uh raised voices and uh and tantrums uh and not just from the the newborn um i think it was that that made me think, do you know what, what's happened? I think we've just forgotten the reason why he's here and that's because of the two of us and the fact that we love each other. As soon as we realised that and we identified that the two became the three,

like that was the start of the healing really. And it was like, okay, we're not going to be just the two of us anymore. I love that. But it was was I know it sounds dramatic but I guess something had kind of no I'm with you our textbook you know like we'd written up for the however long seven years that we've been together was like ripped to shreds how are we going to piece it all back together and I think the first thing was realizing okay we're not two we're three. How are we going to make sure that we have the foundation of us as a family?

Like, basically, she's doing as best as she can, you're doing as best as you can. As long as we love each other and we consider each other, then we'll be fine. It doesn't need to be the source of an argument because, well, naturally, they just appear but it's interesting you say that because we are that moment where you're thrown into two becomes three I don't think that however close a friend you are with someone however much you love them

if they are about to become a parent for a first time nothing that you say can prepare someone for that shift from two to three I don't think you can sit them down and tell them all of the things about it but ultimately you've got to do it yourself and be at the cold face with poo on your trousers and I don't know do you think you can warn people yeah and everybody's dynamic is so different you know I remember I've got a really good friend one of my really good friends ian sterling who's the voice of love island obviously um him and laura have become parents so i always remember i never said it but it really paid me off that you and porsche never

had an argument you never did that so we were together before we had kids for seven years we never really had an argument might have had a couple of drinks and then and then had a bit of a tissy about nothing in particular but um but no we we didn't until we became parents and so our change from literally from zero to a hundred we had to wow what are we gonna how do we do that because i genuinely thought she wanted to divorce me we have never had this relationship where you're getting angry at me for something i kind of don't know i'm i think you don't like me so there's there's fractions there um and so we had to deal with that whereas some people might be arguing every other hour of the day and still love each other just as much the idea of arguing again because you've got a kid is like bread and butter so um i remember

one of the biggest pieces of advice i got was you will get given advice take it and leave it in the same breath how funny that's the the one piece of advice my husband gives anyone who's had a baby is don't listen to any of the advice that people give you because everyone has an opinion on what worked for you and what worked for annie wouldn't have worked for me and you do just have to find your own way don't you and hey that doesn't that's not to say that you might not smash it out of the park from day one and some people do and you know hallelujah to them but um but it's it's definitely difficult. And, you know, having said that, this last year has been the hardest. I thought becoming parents the first time was hard.

This has been the hardest time in our 10 years of being together. We're hearing this from everyone. Yeah, because it's just a completely, you know, and having got over that difficulty I'm like now we can do anything. But tell me what in particular was so hard for you? One of the big things was the fact that you know I my I love Portia with all my heart, guys. I don't want to be that mushy, sensitive guy, but I am. I really am. And actually, she hates me for it sometimes

because I'm way too honest about that. But what I'm trying to say in a nutshell is Portia was the first person that I liked her and she liked me back. It was very simple. There wasn't any game playing from day dot. We just got on. So when I felt like I was doing the same thing in parenthood and it was coming back in all sorts of different ways,

I was like, this is not part of our relationship that I've ever known or had to deal with. So I found that really hard. But like you said, we managed it and we got through it. On the practical side of parenting the most difficult thing was the bond um because again like being a husband and getting married being a dad and having my own family was the dream you know I'd grown up up dreaming of having my own family and having a kid, you know,

in your likeness, 50% of your mum, 50% of you. You're the best thing that we've ever created. I can't wait to guide you in life and, you know, just give you the opportunities that I hope you'll have going forward.

But you don't really like spending time with me because every time you come close you start crying and so and that goes on for weeks and weeks and months so that was really hard because you go obviously you know he's breastfeeding the connection to mum is literally is nature personified um so there's nothing you can do but you cannot not take it personally it's really hard for for whichever partner that is that finds that they are subordinate um it is really hard to not take a person because you because when you lay it out i'm doing i think

i'm being brilliant right kid son i'm here for you i want to give you all my love but you don't want to give it back that naturally you're going to take personally it's not personal it's just babies when did it change then how you because you sound like it has changed yeah oh gosh it changed it as soon as he started taking the bottle it changed but that wasn't for until maybe he was seven months old. And it was a big moment for me because he'd been breastfed for maybe five months and then we started, Portia started expressing and then we started to try to feed. So we could share the responsibility

so she could have a bit more time to herself. All of those things, those functional things. Me, in my role, I'm all all about functionality let's think of a strategy let's plan let's how are you going to find the time to be yourself you know all that kind of stuff that's such a bloke thing to do but you know in the running of our house it needs to happen guys uh yeah so um we started trying to express and and he just wasn't he just wasn't for it it just was not working for a really long time and then as soon as he did and one of the advice that we had been given that did actually come to play was persistence we just had to keep we had to push through that wall um and he did and it was like a hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah it was like

that I couldn't believe what I was seeing and um and from that point on we've been we've been great but you also said the last year has been your hardest year in terms of parenting obviously we know why there's been a pandemic it's been tough on all parents but what what have you found so tough about the last year as a parent and as a human um I think again it's it's the dynamic really because after having got over those first months of newborn and being parents for the first time and figuring that out, you know, you have a family map that works. As it was, I was spending a lot of time on tour. I spent the last year or so away, you know, back and forth between.

Portia, you know, she was queen of the castle and Ro was doing his thing. Pandemic strikes. We've got to change it up. We've got to figure out a new role and responsibility. We're all in the house. OK, what am I going to bring to it? Am I going to step on Portia's toes? Partly because I do think that way. I do think kind of in a functionality. I do want to be able to bring something. I'm always trying to think,

how can I be the most considerate person? Do I need to do? And naturally, there's going to be those clashes. So meanwhile, Ro was doing his, you know, Ro was being Ro. And actually, in many ways, he was kind of the shining light. He kind of, he got us up in the morning.

You know, he forced us to feed him and to feed ourselves many times because all you wanted to do is sit yourself under a pillow and never come out. And that's not even having COVID. That's just Tuesday. Yeah, he was great. I think it was just that figuring out how are we going to make this work.

And I think by the time I actually came to the third lockdown, actually the idea of hunkering down and hibernating and just being a three because we'd figured it out you know we were getting up at six o'clock in the morning because roe was getting up at six o'clock in the morning we would do a workout together somebody would take him to school we just had a system and i think without we didn't have a system in the first half of the pandemic but by the new year we kind of figured it out your lockdown going this is how we found the groove that's exactly it and one question for you was it harder for you to be locked down because you're so used to being touring and being away for Strictly, I guess. I mean, on Strictly, you know, it was, Portia and I were just the two of us.

And I think had we had a kid at the same time as doing it, it would have been a completely different outcome. The experience would have been different. You know, Portia and I had just got married by the time I started in, gosh, 2016 those heady days what was that all about um and so the idea of doing a special like strictly you could look we could we did it together it was a it was a it was a way of throwing both of us into it you know paul was so she was like the cheerleader the psychologist the assistant choreographer my manager chief critic i'll tell you that and

straight away you send my wife a clip of my friday rehearsal she will come back with an a5 jotter full of notes um she knew exactly exactly she knew exactly what how to play that one and so we were able to just go headfirst into it we didn't have to think about anybody else um and so my my i docked my cat to to everybody who whether it was work being full on and those early breakfast shifts that some people have had to do or you know coming home after having had a full day rehearsal and then having to feed the kids or get them up for school and all that stuff. We we were lucky. The timing was perfect for us that I could throw myself fully into the street experience. And yeah, it changed our lives.

So I think we're getting a good sense of you that you're a very honest man. I want to know all about the Peppa Pig Raisin Scr scratch attack that you wrote about on instagram that got you so much praise from parents because everyone knew what that felt like so set the scene set the scene let me let me set the subtitle is always cut your child's nails once a week minimum because they grow like oh my god you know the idea of your kid not being happy because you don't give them something that's not new they want a snack and they want it now but i guess up to this point this is in the summer and uh i i've become and i'm so it's a very proud part of my role being the bag dad my husband is bag dad as well i'm the bag dad backpack dad rucksack dad whatever whichever kind of dad you want to call it

you know i've got the bag the bag of stuff and the answer to any question is it's in dad's bag it's in the bag he knows he knows you know he'll be running around in the park it was in the summer we'd gone out all it was was we'd gone out for a little walk and we'd gone for a little sit on the grass it was as simple as he wanted a pack of uh pepper pig raisins and um good luck going down that aisle in Tesco without coming home with them. So it was as simple as him wanting a packet of raisins. I wasn't going to give it to him immediately. You know, you've got to know that sometimes things don't come to you straight away, son.

His response to that moral lesson was to lash out. And he scratched me in the face. And when that happens for the first time, like all of your animal instincts of, you know, it's fight or flight. But at the same time, hold on, I haven't been attacked by a tiger in the jungle. You know, I kind of, I felt like I'd been tangoed. I was like, what just happened? And yeah, I put a picture up documenting this because, you know, you put lots of, as it was, it was a really loving kissing. He was giving me a kiss while I was sort of throwing them up in the air. And it was a lovely picture because we had had a lovely day but during that afternoon he had scratched me in the face for the first time lashing out completely irrationally um and so it

was just a it was just a real talk moment i guess of just um you know sometimes you've got to look beyond the pictures on social media because um there are difficult moments amongst them but yeah he got his races eventually were you surprised by the reaction like it got written up by quite a lot of newspapers who were like parents everywhere and just saying god he understands us did you know you'd hit a nerve um no i didn't i really didn't and um sometimes you spend quite a lot of time wondering what's the captain going to be with this picture and often the truth really is the one that that hits the nerve i guess it's the fact that everybody has had that there are there are

scratched noses all over the country for people who haven given. I think Peppa Pig has a lot to answer for. Some of the tantrums in my house that have been, yeah, Peppa, man. Let's blame Peppa. Let's blame Peppa. Can we blame Paw Patrol and Cocomelon at the same time? Yeah, Paw Patrol. Oh, now I hate myself. Whenever I say the words Paw Patrol, the bloody song comes in my head.

And then I can't get it out for the rest of the day. Not everyone listening is doing it, though. I know, on the double, right. Wendy, what is next for you? I've heard it might involve stockings. Oh, Wendy, how you tease me. How you tease me how you tease yeah this this is happening very soon i am going to be playing the role of brad majors in the uk tour of the rocky horror show which is amazing how the dickens did that come about good question annie i asked myself the

same question when they asked me to be in the show i was like are you talking to the right guy um though at the time i thought the rocky hopper show you know it's been going 40 45 years well it's probably iconic isn't it and it's more than the Time Warp. The Time Warp is the iconic tune that everybody knows. Everybody knows the dance. But the idea of the show, you know, we're going to this transsexual Transylvania. It's a completely different world. These two timid characters, Brad and Janet,

they turn up at this castle looking to get married. You know, they're so naive to the world. And then they enter riffraff and and then it all changes and before they know it they're in their knickers wearing high heels and stockings and i'm talking about brad so um yeah very quickly i was like actually do you know what that makes so much sense for me what a way to come back after the year we've had uh and uh and show a different side so that's that's next yeah we're going to the uk from july how long have you been rehearsing for not yet annie at the time of recording yeah

so we won't be rehearsing until june so wait you had to learn your bits in your bedroom i i am yeah yeah and then you'll all show up one day no no the only question that really matters is are you going to shave your legs oh are we going smooth or going hairy can i just let you in on on a little bit of the process of that and maybe you will be the ones offering me some advice as to how to tackle this because at one point in the show a number of points in the show i'll be wearing the heels i'll be wearing stockings i'll be wearing suspenders and a corset okay corsets may be less of a deal for this we're talking about shaving and what parts i was having a photo shoot involving me wearing that bottom half nobody told me what to do so I went I don't what's going to be out what will they see I ended up shaving what's going to be most like

patches of my like below the waist area there were parts of my bum like inside thighs I was like crotch I don't I don't know what to i should have just shaved at all but i didn't have much time and you know it was evening so i was like the last thing i want to do now is for roman to wake up come out the door and see his dad what is that dad what's that this is a scarred for for life moment so um do you know what i don't know which bits to shave wendy maybe you need to speak to former blabs. But listen up. Seriously, I don't want to be too woke about it all. I quite like being woke. But

aren't the kids nowadays not doing any of that shenanigans? Aren't we all just letting it hang loose and going with the body hairs? Oh, you could totally let it hang loose. But if some of those hairs catch in the g-string and girdle, I mean, that's not pain on anybody else. This is a personal problem.

So you're talking health and safety more than... I'm talking total health and safety. I'd suggest a wax, I think. Shaving ingrown hairs, bad times. I've got a set of clippers I could use exclusively for my downstairs area maybe you could ask porsche to help she doesn't need to do that and tell me how is the how is the heels how are the heels coming along are you having to walk around the house in the heels to practice or what's going on they have had to bespoke make my heels because of my clown feet um there are no heels in circulation that will fit my feet so um

yeah i haven't had them yet i've i've i'm waiting for them to arrive and then in rehearsal there'll be like a there will be like a whistle stop uh like military kind of here's how you sing dance and move about in heels training i'm sure advice. Advice, you're going to have to wear them around the house. It's the only way. I will, I will. But that feeling between carpet and hard floor, maybe I'll go out in the grass. If I can handle it on the grass,

then surely I can handle it on a raked stage in Llandudno. I think I should be okay. But I'm not worried. Do you know what? I've worn a heel before, not only on a strictly dance floor. The funny thing is there's – I've been cross-dressing for a lot of my life, more than I can actually remember. So this won't be a problem.

I'm not worried. That's why they picked you. Yeah, they saw the pictures of me dressed as Victoria Beckham in 1999 and thought, that's our Brad right there. There we go. the secret's out um now I want to talk to you about the fact that you are annoyingly multi-talented right so you can obviously you've got this whole musical thing you can sing and dance we know this about you right you've got that going on okay you went but you did at university at Loughborough, right?

Which also means that A, you're sporty, but B, you're clever. Because that's not an easy university to get into. Continue, please. And so you're a presenter. You can do TV. You can do radio. Like, how would you describe yourself? Which of the things do you like or enjoy

the most and how are we not supposed to hate someone who is so good at stuff I guess what I'm trying to get at is have you ever had to try anything because it kind of feels like you give it a go and it all turns to gold that is the loveliest backhanded compliment I've received today. So thank you for that. She's good at them. It's her special skill. Oh, my gosh. Again, you know, it's very easy to see one side and not see the struggle. That's not to say that I haven't been incredibly lucky.

One of the things that I actually count as being lucky is that knowing at 16 that I wanted to work in television. And that meant that at 16, I was able to try and join the dots a little bit and go, OK, well, I'm not going to waste the next last two years of my life. I'm not going to go to university I don't want to be at to then get to sort of working adult stage and go, oh, what am I going to do now? You know, I'd had five years working towards it um yes i got lucky with the timing of things you know i remember i i graduated from loughborough university and i started presenting at cbvc two weeks later and that kind of timing see what i mean all the good things happen to you you're just stealing all the good luck that's me and wendy were going to have some of that well it's there it's there i will share there is a cut somewhere at the end of it you just have

to sell a bit of your soul and if you're happy to do that it will come back in droves um no i i have been i have been incredibly lucky but i i've you know the work that happens behind the scenes and don't get me wrong i've had a hell of a lot of no's, but it's funny that even the way I'm talking, you know, you asked me at the start of us chatting about, you know, what, the negatives and the no's, because though they shape you, and I use them all as motivation to dwell on them, I don't dwell on them to the point I actually forget that they happen. So, yeah, there have been some pretty dark times, some pretty sad moments and some pretty difficult no decisions that I've had to take on.

But, yeah, trying to to the fact that i'm now doing musical theater in many ways is is a nod to what something that i did when i was 13 you know i was when i was a kid and a teenager at school i did a lot of theater and and actually the idea of doing it as a job between my school and my family just never really was an option. And so 20 years later, 20, 25 years later, I'm now doing something that I loved doing as a kid. And that's come with 20 years of hard work, I guess. So, yeah, I'm trying to take away the background slap, but it still stings. I'm going to ask you a nice question.

I just think it's incredible that you can do you can be good at so many things. I just think it's it's a marvel. I know those kids at school. I hated them. I hated them, too. Those kids that were every single sport and they were also top of their class. I wasn't that kid. I'll tell you that for free. I was not that kid. I was not that clever. I did love sport and I loved being on stage. And that was where I really expressed myself, really. My parents were crazy on the curriculum and they were always asking how I was going to do my exams. And I remember actually going on

holiday with my friends after my A-levels and um and I I'd always used to hide my report card because I didn't want my dad to read it like it would come through I could see exactly where it was on the envelope that it had come from my school and um I tried to I hid it from him until the very last one the most important one and my dad read it and he said if you don't get the grades that you need to get in university, you are not going on your trip away after your A-levels. And my whole world sunk. Thankfully, I got them. But, you know, the reality really, really set in. So, yeah, I wasn't clever. I wasn't clever, but I've kind of I've tried to try the things I love, the things I express myself most in. That's what I've really focused in on and tried to make them work.

And I've been lucky that they have. Do you think that's the secret that you end up doing really well at something that you love because you naturally pour more of yourself into it? I mean, the old adage is obviously, obviously you know you do a job that you love you never work a day in your life and i didn't know that necessarily at the time but i one of the few things you remember having those careers advisors talks at school like you know they were dire i remember there being a book about television somewhere dusty old 1970s book somewhere on the shelf because this really i don't even think they use those cameras anymore. So they didn't really know.

But the idea of it was you can do whatever you want. And I think quite early on in my life, you know, what's great now, and maybe after lockdown we're finding so many different ways of being creative, people are finding different paths and going, do you know what, I've been doing this for so long. There was a natural break, a stop in my life. I could do something else. And they're figuring out what is it

that's going to make them happy. I was fortunate that at 16, I wanted to do something that was going to make me happy. The thing that I really was going to love. So yeah, I did pour all of my effort into that. Some seriously crazy late nights doing student television up until six o'clock in the morning university going this is what I did I won an award actually my mum was like what's that for I said I was a student tv actually I've been doing

it for about three years because I don't know what any of that means so thanks mum she's pretty happy about it now oh she loves it I bet she is yeah she was like oh tell all my friends yeah okay but which of all of these things how would you like to be remembered by roman what's the thing that you want to be remembered for well i mean my favorite job is being a dad it is um it's nice when he's seen me on telly and my my wife sent me videos of when i've been on the one show for example and he sort of pointed at the telly and just shouted daddy and um in fact actually i remember one of the one of the most amazing moments was i was doing panto in croydon at christmas 2019 and and the family came and Roman came and he would have been

two at the time and um I remember I make my entrance as Dandini and I come down on stage I do a couple of spins and I stand there and before I started talking the only voice after the light ripple of applause ladies um the only voice that I could hear was this high-pitched shout from a two-year-old going, Daddy, it's Daddy, look! Oh, that's so gorgeous. And I could barely get my next words out. It's amazing.

So I'm lucky to do something that I really hope that he admires. But actually, I kind of want something that I don't think is possible. I want to do something in my work life that he aspires to, that he loves and is really proud to tell his friends. But also, I want to be there and present. And naturally, in my line of work, you've got to be away. You've got to spend time away from home. So I know I'll be absent as well quite a lot. And if anything, if the big positive I've taken out of this year

is that I've spent pretty much an entire year watching my son grow up and he will get to 18, flee the house, never want to be a part of lives ever again, as they do. And I will never have that time again. So it's been really, really special. But how do I want to remember him? I want him to be our look up to me. And that will probably take a few different shapes.

The suspenders will help, I'm sure. You know, those pictures will be brought out at many a Christmas. And they are shocking, but hopefully in a way that people buy tickets. But we'll leave that to the pub now. Now to a much more serious question. It's always the penultimate question on this pod. What's for tea and who's cooking? Well, today is the day the delivery arrives.

Oh, it's the best day. It's the best day to have the best tea that day. We've got seven days of choice. It could be any of them. Well, do you know what? It was Portia's turn to do the list this week. You don't know? I don't know. It's a surprise but i can't think in a restaurant i can tell you tomorrow i'm having

steak pie that that it's not tonight but very soon i'm already looking forward to it because when we discussed it on the list i said please steak pie on friday with good one red cabbage from M&S that's yeah that's not that's not an ad that's just me saying it but I think between us all we all know the best red cabbage comes from M&S it does it's amazing so um but wait wait are you just having the pie and the cabbage might there be a bit of mash or a chip oh there's sweet potato mash in there and actually we talked about an onion gravy but i i love i love the juice of a steak pie that i actually just want to keep that dry i might just have a condiment maybe a little bit of mustard or mayo on the side but i'm going to keep and the steak is going to give is going to give it all, and anything else is a bonus. Lovely.

Now, I like knowing these details. Do you eat with Roman? Does he eat first? Do you eat when he's in bed? How does all this work for you guys? Yeah, we mix it up. We mix it up. Because he goes to bed at 7.

We kind of, he eats first usually. But we actually recently bought a dining table which helps that's very grown up isn't it oh my gosh i mean it took about four months to arrive damn you shipping containers in china but it eventually eventually came so it's that's totally encouraged i sort of sit down and and at the weekend if we're having a roast and we're having something to to share amongst us yeah and he loves that when we're all sitting down, but don't get me wrong. Often it is you eat,

you bath, you bed. Then mum and dad can regain the evening. Then it's mum and dad at time. And also I need to know who largely does the cooking. Is it you or is it Portia? That totally mix actually. Yeah.

We share that yeah we shared that we share that which is which is great I'm very lucky because she is an amazing cook I kind of just cook one pot stuff I mean don't get me the flavoring is to die for but um only one pot one thing yes another thing that you're good at all right I see. I haven't been graded, Annie. I'm talking very subjectively here. Well, we're going to test how good he is now because the last question that we always ask our guests, invented by Annie,

which is the caveat I say at the beginning of every time, imagine you're tucking Annie and I into bed. In a nice way. In a nice way. And sing us your family lullaby. Wow. What do you sing when Roman can't go to sleep or when he's sad?

Well, the last song that I sing is Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Right now we have a Bing story. Love Bing. Hate Bing. I love Bing. That's it. That's the polar opposites right there makes me angry and

bing is moany i love him but he is moany is a moany little shit but that's what's funny about it no it's not he just needs some discipline team bing team bing it's got terrible grammar too but i mean we can't hold it against it it's four or five back to the singing back to that so we have a bing story i i recite him because i couldn't be bothered flipping the pages there was a an in the night garden really short book that he always loved about a year ago and ever since i always read him this in the night garden story or he calls it pip pip because that's his name igor pigle so i recite him i've learned it i mean it was really hard it's about six pages long guys uh so i recite him that and then that's followed up with twinkle twinkle little little star, how I wonder. I'm adding a little vibrato for you.

What you are up above the world. So high. It's really high today. Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle,inkle little star how i wonder what you wendy annie are you went all cbb's on us then you were such a cbb's pro there such a cbb's pro i'm no reggage page, but if that helps get you to sleep, then, you know, whatever we can do.

Thank you so very much. What a fun way to spend a morning. Oh, my pleasure. Lovely to speak with you too. Right, thank you so much. Please, can you send us a picture of you in the heels when they arrive? Do you want me to show you now? Yes. you send us a picture of you in the heels when they arrive do you want me to show you now sadly for the listeners this is not one that they can enjoy yet but when it's on my say this is just

for you guys but wait for our reactions listen to our reactions for the listener i'm afraid that you will not get this until it has been posted on social media but for wendy and annie here is something that you know as a 13 year old always dreaming of becoming a stage performer getting into musical theater did i ever think that i would be doing this no but it is a reality wow you've got, yeah. Wow. I can see the shaving issue now. They're pointy. I'm worried they're going to hurt your toes. So those were not the bespoke ones, sadly. You can see that there's a little hangout at the back there.

But I've been told they're going to do something about that. So yeah, I am definitely tensing, by the way. Unless you're in for a treat. Yeah, it's going to be. It's a strong look. I don't know how to carry on my Thursday now, if I'm honest. I will send you a poster. You can put that in your bedroom.

Please do. Right, have a great day. All right, enjoy your steak pie tomorrow night. Will do. Take care, guys. Lots of love. Thank you. Lots of love too.

Bye.