The Netmums Podcast - S1 Ep36: Alesha Dixon: her secret to NEVER feeling mum guilt

Episode Date: June 1, 2021

Listen up as the lovely Alesha talks juggling work with parenthood, life in lockdown AND as she puts in a call on air to her mate David Walliams. Ohn and check out her plans to become the British Gwyneth Paltrow - MINUS the vagina candles.

You're listening to Sweat, Snot and Tears brought to you by Netmums. I'm Annie O'Leary and I'm Wendy Gollage and together we talk about all of this week's sweaty, snotty and tearful parenting moments with guests who are far more interesting than we are. So welcome to another star-studded episode of Sweat, Snot and Tears. Wendy, I feel really bad again you're joining us from your holiday aren't you? I often am am it's fine this person is enough to drag anybody off of their holiday quite frankly I'm very excited to speak to her. Yes everyone should know Wendy doesn't just do this for any old person so today's guest is a

very very special one so without further ado I'll give you some clues she can sing she won Strictly and was a judge on it and she's a superstar when it comes to all things TV it is mum of two Alicia Dixon hi welcome how are you I'm really well thank you how are you good it's nice to see your smiling face nice to see you too now the first thing we ask everybody who comes on our pod is any sweat snot or tears in your house today yes all three all three literally all three yeah because my 21 month old has um caught a cold from my seven year old because they seven year olds love to bring home colds don't they from school yeah and share all their bodily fluids with everyone in the house yeah exactly so anaya has that cold and is just being very unreasonable i don't know what i probably really no she's so bless her little heart they're generally unreasonable beings at the best

of times add in do you know what she's such a good girl normally so when she's poorly it really stands out oh you know about it yeah so, you know about it. Yeah. So she's been just not herself, frustrated, crying, lots of snot across the face. Lovely. It's been a fun morning. Yeah, just a normal morning, really. So, in fact, you were in the news today when I opened up my computer. Why? Did you not know?

No. You're everywhere, love. Oh, I don't even. Talking about your boobs um no talking about missing breastfeeding oh that was in the news yeah it's daily man you've got a full page you're joking that is hilarious i literally put up a picture on my instagram a couple of days ago i was just going you know sometimes when you go through your thousands of images on your phone and I came across this image and I just because I really loved breastfeeding yeah I did as well I grieved it when it came to an end and so that photograph

just reminded me of that when I used to be working and I'd have a nayer on my boob and it was the same with Azura I can't believe it made the I mean come on must be a slow news day oh stop stop um no I think it was a really nice thing to say because I feel that sometimes do you think we're a bit weird or do you think it's quite normal to miss it I will say and you know everybody of course that everybody's experience is different but for me breastfeeding has been one of the greatest joys of my life. It's just been the most beautiful experience. I loved it so much. And I managed to do a year with Azura, but I only managed to get to four months with Anaya. And so I really, really miss it. And I think when you're at the age that I'm

at now, you know, 42, 43 this year, it's kind of like that age where you sort of think, oh, am I ever going to get to do that again is that is that it for me and there's like a little grieving period that you go through it's a weird feeling is there a little oh oh I would love another baby but I just don't think it's going to happen but I would love it like the I just love babies so of course I would want one but am I going to probably not i'm the same i would love another one but i've got a husband who is firmly in the know yeah same with the zuka i would like one and doing all the breastfeeding everything but i hate being pregnant so i can't do that

really well i was very sick like with with my youngest i had hyperemesis where you literally can't stop being sick and you have to be in hospital on drip. So, yeah, it's not that much fun. I'm sorry to hear that. It's fine. It's fine. Were you one of those people who just loved it from beginning to end? So my first pregnancy was amazing. I was glowing.

I mean, I kept it quite private for about six months. Yeah. So it was very personal, very intimate experience. And then once I got to my second trimester I loved it the worst part of my first pregnancy was probably literally the last two weeks of some heartburn and because I've been craving pizza and they say that that means your baby's going to have loads of hair did she have loads of hair she has got lots of hair yes I always ask that she does but's fascinating. She does.

But my second pregnancy was a lot more challenging. Even though I was thrilled and over the moon and went through some periods of the pregnancy where I was happy, I also went into a period of time where I felt really depressed and really low and very, you know, when you just have that unexplainable sort of turbulence. And I don't know if it was where I was working more and I was maybe a little bit older or having to look after another child

so there were different different aspects to that pregnancy but I definitely had a period of time where I was struggling and what did you do about it sorry no no you go well I'd usually lock myself in the bathroom and have a cry and then but was it something that you actually sought help for was it something that went away when you gave birth it wasn't something that I sought help for because I think I've always been a very good communicator was somebody that talks a lot have a very supportive partner great family and so therefore it was just something that I in a weird way could still make sense of even though I was feeling like that I knew it was something that would pass I knew it was because I was hormonal I knew it was to do with the pregnancy but it was a strange feeling when you're pregnant

and feeling on top of the world and it's the most beautiful blessing in the world but yet you feel terrible and you can't stop crying every day it's the it's a very strange feeling so that didn't last throughout the whole pregnancy there were just moments throughout the pregnancy where that was happening and actually I had an A4 weeks early and I do think my water my waters broke very early and I think that was because I literally was working right up until the last minute of having her and just felt felt ready for her to come out. And was that scary? Your water's breaking early.

Were you like, oh, what the hell is going on here? Well, yes and no. Because it was a blessing. Because I had to fly out to America for work. So actually her coming four weeks early gave me a bit more recovery time. It was almost as if she knew. You owe her one. You her one I do I do it gave me more time to just relax and and um have our little bubble before having to go out to work the whole family

flew out to America five weeks after she was born and actually in a way it's a big deal it was a big deal but I was on top of the world I it was almost like the moment she was born it was like the sun was shining again and I felt great and I was excited about going to America and she was a very healthy happy baby so she didn't need special care and thing from having been born no no and she weighed exactly the same weight as my first baby who was on time oh she was cooked she was fully ready she was fully cooked oh yes yes but she must have been you know picking up on my energy and so therefore decided to show up early and make an early appearance so it worked out quite well

wow bless god even just a flight with a baby at five weeks I know like what I know how did you do that well I had my partner and I had my mum and you know and I will say she literally was on my breast for the whole flight that's when boobs come in yes really handy honestly really handy if I have to fly with her now at 21 months old that would be harder than when she was five weeks old exactly i remember flying with a baby who just learned to crawl and that was bad i bet because she was just like but i've learned this new thing and i really want to do it and i'm like well i'm gonna put you in a seat belt and you've got to sit here not cool not cool so tell us about your lockdown. Some of them, all of them, any of them, a standout?

Did you survive, Sain? The first lockdown was the most challenging for sure. I think for everyone, actually. Yeah, because we didn't know what we were doing, did we? We didn't know what was going on. I think we were all anxious, a little bit afraid of the unknown. And in a way, we had to just accept what was going on I think we were all anxious um a little bit afraid of the unknown and in a way we had to just accept what was going on and really find new ways of um being a bit more creative thinking outside the box being more present for the kids and actually for me even though

emotionally lockdown one was more challenging I think I we made a conscious effort in this house to keep it fun because we wanted Azura to have a good experience we didn't want her to pick up on mum and dad's anxiety we want her to look back at that time and think oh actually we we played games we cooked we went home school in fun but we were absolutely exhausted because we were you know running a full-time kitchen alternating the homeschooling we had a newborn that was obviously getting up in the middle of the night we were obviously still having odd jobs to deal with personally so it was mental I actually don't know how you did homeschooling and a newborn can you please tell us how the hell that worked well i say newborn

she how old would anaya have been by then she was uh five six months but she was still waking up sorry yeah she was still so for about three months maybe maybe three months my partner and i monday to friday didn't share a bed so what we did that's usual we did the same best for everybody it's best for everyone so basically this was the rota in our house whoever slept in the spare room had to get up with the baby in the middle of the night and whoever got the good night's sleep did the homeschooling and that's how we alternated it i like that yeah and it was like it was a little system and it worked because neither one of us lost our mind because we managed to every other night get a good sleep and Azura found it

quite fun having mummy then daddy alternating we just had to knuckle down and get on with it and I think in that moment just count blessings count the blessing of the fact that we had our health we had each other and we were we were happy in our little bubble in that respect and trying to keep a tab on what's going on in the world but blocked blocking it out as much as we possibly could it did make you very grateful for what you had I remember at one stage thinking we've got a garden imagine if we didn't have the garden like I know like it just it but it was good it made you open your eyes. A hundred percent. And did all of your work kind of just stop over that period? Yeah, what did you do?

Unfortunately not. Oh, God. Well, because I'm always juggling something. And even if I'm not, you know, in front of a camera, I'm still working at home. And I, you know, and so no, work didn't stop. course yes things were different um but we actually managed to do all the Britain's Got Talent auditions prior to just going into lockdown and then there was obviously a delay and we managed to film when we had that little bit of freedom yeah in between there was a weird lull yeah we managed to finish the show then and my partner and I managed to start going out for dinner on Friday nights we were it was heaven because I was sick of cooking the same thing over and over again

it felt like running a canteen yeah honestly and and with our household you know we had you know our daughters eat different things to us and it was just I literally felt like I was running a full-time kitchen it felt like a conveyor belt yeah respect chicken nuggets versus what are we gonna have yeah no sooner had one meal been cleared away and you were like right they were hungry again and you were like I know how can you be hungry my bathroom was neglected because I remember coming out my bathroom in a sweat one day and I was like I've had enough I'm done I don't care if my bathroom's not clean it can stay dirty I've had enough yeah totally with you yes so with you so but you've also this is a bit of an exciting thing you've got a new range at Asta haven't you was that going on when you were

in lockdown were you having to get all that ready yes so I was working on that behind the scenes which was amazing and it's been a lovely lovely project to work on because I get to involve my daughter in it so it's been really creative it's nice isn't it absolutely and it's a we're a very creative household we love fashion so I try to get everyone involved and always try to make it as personalized as I possibly can and very just true to what I would genuinely put my children in and that was my my rule if I wouldn't put my own kids in it I'm not gonna co-sign it inflict it on anyone 100% I wanted to love every single piece and the attention to detail has been phenomenal

and the quality is incredible it's been so much fun yeah you can't go wrong with Asda kids clothes I always say oh it's been fabulous it's been an eye-opener going you can't go wrong with Asda kids clothes, I always say. Oh, it's been fabulous. It's been an eye opener. Well, going to Asda, it felt like a spa break in lockdown. Yeah. Anytime you went to the supermarket, it was just like, I'm out of the house. Well, anything to get out of the house. Yeah.

Yeah, I can look at stuff. Yeah. So had your range been there, I'd have been sorted. You wouldn't. I found myself saying yes to doing jobs and things that i wouldn't normally do just to get out of the house yeah anything just to get a bit of like a different environment look at you know a new set of walls yeah my friend really made me laugh the other day she said that she went for a run and ran for 19k because she said because she said she just couldn't bear the

thought of going home. And I was like, have you ever done that before? That's brilliant. She was like, no, I didn't know I had it in me. Oh, genius. I just knew I didn't want to turn around and go back. That might be one of the best stories I've heard. I have to say, exercise has been a saviour for me during lockdown as well. What were you doing?

Well, prior to working out it was wine and banana bread oh yeah remember that everyone did and the sourdough and i'm still on the sourdough yes my husband's still on that still on that it always looks like a cow pat oh no oh sourdough with chocolate spread and a coffee but let me tell you it got i thought you know what this is going to be a long lockdown if I carry on like this. And I literally went from one extreme to the other. Because I felt like I was on some sort of holidays. Like, right, wine o'clock, bread, let's go.

I was drinking every night. And then I was like, what a holiday. Like, this is where I carry on. Exactly. And I literally said to myself one morning, I was like, no, right, OK, fix up. And I went the opposite way and then went hardcore on the working out. And then that became my kind of the thing that got me through it. It was my survival.

So how up were you? Would you work out every day then? Not every day, not every day. But obviously, before lockdown, I would work with a trainer. And then obviously everything was on FaceTime. That worked out really well. And we had that lovely spell of weather. Do you remember? We had a really hot period during lockdown. So we were just outside as much as possible. I probably work out three times a week, but that kept me sane, to be honest. It is a sanity saver, especially for parents,

I think. It's not really about the exercise, is is it it's about what it does for your mind yeah now one of my favorite uh 2020 moments go on was you where you appearing wearing your BLM necklace and then the world going mad did you know that that was going to happen did what that the world had already gone mad or that they would get madder that they would go even more flipping bonkers. Over a necklace. I think there's always a little part of me that's sort of fully conscious and aware of the possibilities of how people can overreact to something. But no, I didn't expect it to be that big of a deal.

Shocking, isn't it? Shocking. Yeah, it was the whole period of time was just very turbulent and strange and overwhelming, to be honest. Yeah, I think there must have been something very strange in the stars that meant that it was just such a nuts year. Yeah. And I think like that whole period of time was a really sad time. And sometimes you don't always know what to say, but you know what you stand for. And I felt like that the necklace said everything it needed to say for me. Well, and I thought that's what was so great about it is you didn't have to say anything, did you? Exactly, exactly.

But sometimes you have to do things that are slightly unpopular in order to, you know, make change or have an effect. Well, it's just a tragedy. It's a tragedy that it was unpopular. Well, that's it. Yeah, exactly. But then on the opposite side of that, I had an overwhelming amount of support, which is also really lovely. And how much of that stuff do you read?

You know, do you look at the papers or do you just think, oh, I just don't. Well, I didn't know I was in there about my breastfeeding. Good point. It depends. Like today, you know, I haven't had a minute to literally sit and look up Instagram or Daily Mail or whatever but you know sometimes of course my I have a manager who I work closely with who if something like that happens he'll always inform

me and I think over the years I've really developed a thick skin it actually takes a lot to break me and I what I've managed to do over the years actually takes a lot to break me. And what I've managed to do over the years is find a way of having a sense of humour about it. I don't take it on board. It's almost like I have this protective bubble around myself. Well, it's not your stuff, is it? Well, that's it. Whoever it is is stuff. Exactly.

And I think that comes with wisdom and experience. And that's it. You've nailed it. It's not my problem if you have an issue with something I'm choosing to do. Do you think part of that thick skin is also becoming a parent? I think there's something about becoming a parent that makes you realise what matters and what doesn't. Absolutely, and just not sweating the small stuff.

I've been through enough stuff in my life that, you know, a few negative comments, all right, maybe a few thousand. I don't know how anyone can say anything mean about you it just bounces off me I'm like okay because I try to I just focus on good intentions and good people and good energy and you know that's the kind of energy I want to put out into the world and the example I want to set for my kids and you're right I think when it comes to having children you just grow a new set of armour and you do become stronger. It's a good way of putting it. And obviously you're raising children of colour.

Is it something that you are very aware of? Do you find that you get comments that you don't like? Is there a racism element that comes out in day-to-day stuff with you guys? Or is it something that just doesn't, it's just life just get on you don't think about it um well it's our normality so it's not something that I think about I'm aware of racism and how it is still playing a huge part in life today which is really sad so all I can do is the work on the inside and inside our household in this family it's all about self-esteem and value and love and we just lead our lives by example you know I don't I'm not a perfect parent I don't have all the answers but I try my best every day to be the best example to

my girls as does my partner and it's our job as I said to make sure that they value who they are and that they know that they matter and that they know that they can do anything they want in this world and that they don't to not limit themselves by anything else that's happening around the world or things that have happened in the past but of course it's our job to also educate them and that that's quite a sad thing as a parent when you get to a place where you have to explain those things to your children because that innocence is taken away they're so innocent and naive to it and then suddenly they become aware of it and which so what we have to do is celebrate it and show them the beauty of it and and hopefully again no matter what negativity they get they know what really counts and they know who they are and they know that they are beautiful as they are.

And some of your mum armour. A little bit of your mum armour might pass on to them. Hopefully. Everyone needs a set of armour at some point, don't you? Absolutely. And a good pair of boxing gloves. I'm not joking. No, I'm joking. I wouldn't want a mess, i've got to tell you i've got a friend in america and um she got called to school yesterday because her teen lamped someone in the corridor so she drove up school she grabbed the daughter and she was like what were you doing and it actually

turned out that the girl had seen two boys having a fight and had just tried to separate them and it all kind of got a bit out of control. She said it was really bad because she had to give her a hard time. So, you know, you can't go around punching people. But at the same time, she was like, but I'm also a bit proud of you that you weighed in to try and stop something going on.

Oh, wow. Being a parent is so hard because there's no black or white, is there? It's all grey grey fuzziness. Grey fuzziness is true. That's so true. Yeah. I love that.

Great story. So of all of the many hats that you wear, of all of the different things you do, what feels the most Alicia to you? Music still where I originally started because that was the original plan the original passion that was my life that was what changed my life that's what I always return to and everything else that I'm doing now is because of music. Yeah would you ever have thought that it would lead to all these extra things? Not in the present moment of actually doing it. When I first started out, I didn't know where it would take me.

But that was what was so exciting about the industry and about doing music is the unknown, which I used to be really afraid of. I was afraid of everything. Really? I can't imagine you being scared of anything. Oh, I was. Deeply. What were you scared of about it? Yeah, this is fascinating. I think it just stemmed from insecurities, the way I grew up. And I just went out into the world, it was a scary place to me. And I never felt good enough.

And then it took me many, many years to get to a place of genuinely being not afraid of the unknown. I really embrace it now. What do you think made the change? Healing, growing up, wising up, experience, motherhood, everything. All of it. All of that. And actually getting to this place in my life where I'm genuinely comfortable now in my own skin and I'm not afraid of anything but there was a time I would have been afraid to pick up the phone

and make an inquiry I was such a yeah even though I was outwardly very confident and I did thrive in certain areas as a kid a lot of things a lot of things frightened me so yeah music was um a massive part of my journey and so I've never really left it it's always there it's always something I continue to do are you very aware of your old fears when you're raising your girls are you constantly trying to make sure they don't have any fears about anything yeah because I think the fact that they were already growing up in the complete opposite way that I did with two parents together that love each other in a healthy what I'd like to think is a healthy relationship secure family environment that already they're off to a

better start than me so just from that point of view I can already see the the fearless innocence and joy that is in Azura that I didn't have at seven years old I can see it already that security that she has is it's lovely but maybe you wouldn't be as driven and as good at your job and always fearsomely protective if you hadn't had that start very true but I think I'd much rather grow up how she's growing up with two parents that like each other and love each other and my home to feel like a safe place. I'd rather have that. I know what you mean, though, because there is something to be said about what drives me and what motivates me, I think, because I always operate from a place of feeling like you don't want to ever go back to not having anything and it takes a huge amount to succeed in the industries

you've succeeded in to be a singer to then cross over to tv to do those things it's not just an easy thing to do so you've got to have some sort of gusto behind all of this well yeah there's been many many ups and downs but I think that I just try not to sweat the small stuff and I know that um it's a fortunate fortunate position that I'm in so I don't take it for granted and I also believe in the power of my mind and what how I apply myself and and actually when I apply myself positively to things good things tend to happen but again I had to learn that the hard way. I think we're all still learning that one. Well, yeah, I don't think

that's the thing. You don't ever wake up and suddenly say, oh, I've got all the answers. You just say, right, here we go. I'm on a continual journey. But actually, do I like myself better now at 42 than I did at 22? Absolutely. Being a mum made me a better person as well. I had to really rein it in and fix up in many different ways when I became a mum. Yeah, I think it's a turning point for a lot of people. Yeah. So what's next for Alicia then? Well, no, there's something also called Noble Blue that's going on. I don't even know what it is.

So you've got, it's all very mystical well basically before we went into the first lockdown that was the last thing that I was doing I was in the studio I was writing and my intention for 2020 prior to the pandemic was to release music I was going to go back out to America and once Boris said lockdown no one's going anywhere I thought right I'm gonna have to start thinking outside the box here. And actually, I have got to that point in my life where I feel like I need to have something a little bit more. What's the word, the best word to describe it? I think for many years, collaborating with other brands is wonderful, but it's time for ownership. It's time to- You want your own thing. I want my own thing. I want my own independence outside of everything else that I do

so I'd been expressing to my manager for a long time that I wanted to do something in the wellness space so I started meeting and talking to different companies and then literally at the beginning of 2020 started working with Healthkind because I loved them I loved what they stood for and I came up with the idea of Noble Blue because wellness has been an amazing tool for me. It's helped me through a lot of things, whether it's not just about exercise or diet. It's so much deeper than that. As you said earlier, it's about what's going on up here in your mind. And so I thought, wouldn't it be cool to have a business that I'm passionate about, but that can also help people?

And that's basically how Noble Blue started. And even though we're starting with supplements, it's actually hopefully going to be a one-stop shop for all things wellness. I just want it to feel like a space where people can go and read amazing articles or get useful tips or amazing book recommendations or if they want to buy a yoga mat. It doesn't matter what it is. Just don't do a Gwyneth and start selling vagina candles, for God's sake. I was just going to say, please, I don't want any of that nonsense, Alicia.

Come on. No vagina candles, please. If it happens, we'll phone you up and say, Alicia, Alicia, love, get a bit of the grip. Yeah, you can do that. Back down to earth, please. But essentially, we're keeping it very, very simple, starting with things that I do in my daily life whether it's taking supplements working out eating well doing normal things still having a balanced life and having your wine on the weekends and your banana bread it's all of it it's about positive way of thinking and actually it's not

about seven day plans and fads and diets it's about a lifestyle which means taking care of yourself putting you first so you can be the best mum, be the best business partner, best wife, whatever it is. I think when you take care of yourself, the other aspects in your life thrive. I think it's really true, but I think it's a really hard thing for mums to grasp. Wendy and I talk about this all the time, don't we? How am I going to make time to go for a run? How am I going to make time to eat properly? How am I going to make time? How am I going to make time to go for a run how am i going to make time to eat properly how am i going to make time how am i going to make time how like it's it's such a hard thing absolutely and that's why it's so i said it's not about a seven day plan and try this

new diet because you'll never stick to it will you never stick to it it's about trying to introduce little things into your life and making it just a part of your normality. And if your normality is doing five minutes a day or going for a little walk, that's your normality. Not everybody has to do an hour in the gym. Not everybody has to do these things. We're all different and the demands on our life are all different. And it's about being kind to ourselves and actually taking time for yourself is the most important thing which we don't get and I remember hearing Oprah say that in an interview once she said if you can't find five minutes in your day for yourself you're doing yourself a disservice

yeah go and sit in your bathroom for five minutes and block out the noise so you can hear your own thoughts it's so important I think it took my kids getting to like five before i really knew that because i would just feel so guilty if i did i remember flo was a year old yeah before i left her for a day to go and do anything really yeah like i just always had her attached to me it's just how do you cope with that guilt thing how do you balance do you hate me for saying I never had the guilt no I respect you oh okay we need to absorb you should I tell you why I never had the guilt because the way I saw it okay I'll give you an example so there's this place that I like to go to in Portugal right once a year for five days it's this retreat it's amazing yeah it's called

Juicy Oasis and I'd book myself in for seven days I would never be able to make it to seven days because I'd missed the girls well Azura at the time I haven't been since I've had Anea so I'd probably come home on day five but I started questioning whether it was okay for me to do that and my conclusion was yes it is and I tell you why because I go there and I take care of myself and then I actually have a nicer mum I'm actually a better mum I'm more patient I'm more mindful I'm more present and actually I realized that's the point about taking care of yourself you you're less irritable you're less frustrated you learn how to manage stress better it's all those things that contribute to how you're completely right it just you're just smarter than us no i'm not i'm not i just know myself i just

know how irritated i can get and how frustrated and how stressed and how i need to do certain things to actually manage it and become calmer but sometimes it's a spiral isn't it you get into that mindset where you're you have one of those days where something goes wrong and then something else goes wrong and you spiral and it's so tempting to kind of like embrace that and just keep going and another thing and another thing and that shit and that's rubbish and actually what you're saying is really clever because it's stopping yourself in your tracks you're buying yourself a time out aren't you you're gifting yourself a time out to yeah recalibrate for example I wouldn't if I'm angry or upset about something and I'll walk away from the situation I'll go in the bathroom and calm down rather than like allowing

myself to create I'm not just talking about parenting I'm just talking about life life yeah I think just taking a moment to just breathe and just calm your energy down helps you because you don't want to say things and communicate in ways that you regret and I don't want to be a regretful pet that that would be that would eat me up more if I snapped at my kids and I got angry with them rather than they might not see me for the odd day here and there if I'm working or if I'm working out. But actually, that makes me when I'm present as a parent, I'm just nicer. I'm just more patient. And that just feels better in my spirit, you know, in my soul.

No, I'm with you. I'm with you. So we always ask our guests this towards the end of the interview. How do you want to be remembered by your kids? By my kids? Yeah. Because ultimately ultimately they're the only judges that matter that's all you're gonna make me cry you're gonna make me cry okay um by my kids oh that's deep right man that is a deep question look she's welling up we've made her cry. I'm such a sop. That is deep. Okay. I just want to be remembered as fun, kind, and loving. Fun, kind, and loving.

And present. Present. That's good. That's good. I could keep going, but I think that will do. Well, I'm going to ask you something that I hope won't make you cry. Okay. Depends on whether she's planned it or not yeah what's

for tea and who's cooking me obviously is it always Alicia do you know what my my other half is a very very good cook I just tend to automatically do it more than him if I say to him honey do you mind cooking tonight he'll do it but he might not just volunteer it right do you mind cooking tonight? He'll do it, but he might not just volunteer it. Right. Do you know what I mean? If he listens to this back, he'll be annoyed with me. He'll be so annoyed. We won't tell him.

But I think the girls are having cottage pie, but with soya mints, and we're going to have a veggie stir fry tonight and maybe some salmon. Are you all vegetarians? No, so my partner eats meat. Well, I'm pescatarian. Yeah hate the boxes but yeah i'm a pescatarian and the kids predominantly vegetarian but i do offer them fish they just don't particularly like it i remember once reading something about annabelle carmel saying the holy grail is if you can get your kids to eat fish pie you've succeeded

and nine years in i've still not bloody done it well do you can get your kids to eat fish pie, you've succeeded. And nine years in, I've still not bloody done it. Well, do you know what? I've never made fish pie. I've never made it. There you go. That can be your life goal for 2022. Well, shall I tell you something weird? My kids would eat fish pie until it came out of their ears

until my nine-year-old decided he didn't like potatoes. It's not the bloody food. He's got a problem with flipping potatoes. No one in this house eats the humble spud. None of them. Well, Azura loves a potato and she loves fish fingers, so I might be able to get her on the fish pie. I reckon you're halfway there.

I'm going to try that, actually. Report back. We need to know. I will. I like that. Now, before we get on to our final question, I have to ask you a question which you've probably been asked a thousand times and you probably don't have an answer for. OK. But who has stayed with you most from Britain's Got Talent?

Who's the person who you can't forget? Well, always a young girl called Jasmine comes to my mind. She wasn't one of, she didn't't win the show but she was Anton Deck's golden buzzer act and I just remember and I don't know if I was hormonal or pregnant at the time but basically when she performed I could not stop sobbing really like sobbing like I was it was hurting it was ridiculous and and I remember watching it back and I remember just being so embarrassed but in the moment I don't know what it was about this little girl, if it was something about her.

Where is she now? I want to know where she is now. I don't know what she's doing, but. Right, Jasmine, we want to know where you are now. She just, I don't know if she reminded me of myself when I was a little girl and the song she sang was so beautiful. I just loved her. See, Annie and I, if we were, Annie would cry at everybody.

Yeah. If she was on British Got Talent. It's tough. She everybody yeah she'd be like just snot yeah it's tough and I do really try and hold it together you can't but you've been pregnant for half of the season so it's just like you can't not cry when you're pregnant I cried at the car phone warehouse I love that actually there was a period of time on the show when they didn't nobody knew I was pregnant but I was quite emotional and irritated and after they found out I was like you know that time when I was like really miserable and irritable and like getting upset it's because I was pregnant and they're like oh okay we thought so I can't imagine you being like that not no not never mean just probably very outwardly emotional more that you know when I told my daughter what I was doing today she couldn't believe that I was talking to someone

who actually just got to speak to David Walliams on a basis she's like I don't know if she really thought he was real she's read every single book like five times and she was like so is she his friend mummy and i was like well i hope so she might not like him oh that's so nice you should give me her name i'll get him to do her a little message oh okay i will that would be nice yeah he always does things like that he's so nice he's tell her he's very lovely not just on camera but that's very reassuring to know yeah he's lovely he's a good man right hit her up with it annie right it's the fight it's the final question i swear we're not just doing it to you we do it to

every single guest okay um look how nervous she looks yeah she's looking every no one can see but she's suddenly sat really upright like a little meerkat like what um right okay we would like you to imagine that you're tucking wendy and i into bed oh okay in a nice way okay right yeah and that we can't sleep and you're going to sing us your family lullaby just like you would sing to the girls if they couldn't sleep. I don't think we have a family lullaby. We freestyle in this house. I knew you'd do something cool. We are freestylers and that's actually Azura's favourite thing to do at the moment, like making up raps and little poems.

She's really cool at it. I tend to do remixes of classic nursery rhymes like give us a remix so you know like horsey horsey yeah mine would be mine would be more like um Azura Azura I love you so wherever mummy is then you're sure to go you're my number one girl in the whole wide world and I'd say love your hair and love your toes and then like each time I just remix in and I just say a different thing just silly stuff just silly things that might be the new one Bernie Gordon's was the one that stayed in my head but I think you might have just picked the post no one's sung sung Horsey, Horsey yet, and it's one of my favourite songs of all time. That's what used to get her to sleep.

That was her favourite. But I used to get so bored of singing the same lyrics that I would change it every time. In our house, there's an entirely made-up version of... Because one of my kids really wanted oranges and lemons singing. Oh, yeah, yeah. But here comes the candle to chop off... Here comes the chopper to

chop off your head is not really bedtime material so my husband made up all these songs about chopping up sneaky cheeky bot bots and stuff and it's just exactly the same he doesn't take this stuff up yeah that's the fun of it like every night my my amazing partner he's so good every night azura daddy give me another story and he has to make up a story from scratch out of thin air really but luckily he's got a good imagination and she loves that so much and i'm sitting there like rolling around in laughter because the things he comes out with all the lullabies in our house used to end up with us just singing the words but to the tune saying he won't go to effing sleep.

Go get me some wine. Annie, I never asked you, how old are your kids now? Nine and seven. Oh, nine and seven. Yeah, those are a bit bigger. Actually, it wouldn't have been him who wouldn't go to sleep. He was all right, it was her. It was her.

I love it. She's still, if you said you can stay up all night she'd be like cool she would yeah love that so and she'd be fine as well that's the thing every time we go on holiday we're the ones getting in bed saying come on azura it's time to go sleep now it's like their energy just doesn't run out i know how do they do it it's amazing isn't it i love it i think if you could bottle that that would do really well and absolutely you are so right you are so right children's joy i think we're done i love you two you guys are great so much it was really really nice to chat to you i love how chill you both are it's great well i just want you to take away the professionalism of this no i love it i love it i love it so relaxed and annie sat in her duvet coat

like some sort of tramp my house is waiting to have heating put in sorry actually i'll have you know that another person at work saw me looking like this in a meeting the other day and said you look like a really posh pimp i I was like, they did not. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're like, is that a compliment? I don't know where to go with this. I love it.

It's just every time we record, she's got another layer. Oh, I love it. Well, if we got some nice sunshine, then that would help, wouldn't it?

Tell me about it. Apparently next week's going to be the heat wave. Thank goodness. Yeah. Well, thank you for your time. Lovely to meet you. And enjoy your evening.

So nice to meet you both. I really appreciate it. Bye, Leisha. Bye, ladies. Bye. Bye-bye. Thanks. Bye.