The Netmums Podcast - S1 Ep48: Frankie Bridge on managing your mental health as a mum

Episode Date: August 31, 2021

Listen as Annie and Wendy talk to Frankie Bridge about more or less everything. From getting ready for Wayne's birthday party to dealing with the class smart-arse during home-schooling, PLUS what it's like living with depression when you're a mum.

You're listening to Sweat, Snot and Tears, brought to you by Netmums. I'm Annie O'Leary. And I'm Wendy Gollage. And together we talk about all of this week's sweaty, snotty and tearful parenting moments. With guests who are far more interesting than we are. Hey, welcome to another episode of Sweat, Snot and Tears. We're recording this on a Friday mid-summer holes. I know it's going to air just as the holes are coming to a close,

but I'm so exhausted and frazzled after yet another week of working my bottom off while wrangling my two children at home that I really want to say to all of you, I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I know how stretched we are. I know lots of us are lucky. I've got a husband who equally shares everything. My mum is currently taking my child to a playdate somewhere and I've forgotten to text her the address so I better do that in a minute. My son's at an amazing art camp but it's still hard. Can we all just give each other a virtual pat on the back please because we know it's what we signed up for. We knew having babies would one day involve school holidays. We knew choosing to work alongside raising kids would mean lots of juggling but jesus christ when life throws you all the curveballs it throws everyone and you're busy it's freaking knackering and well there you are i just wanted to say high fives uh now when i know

you've had a similar week because people we share a lot wendy and i keep whatsapp in business with our daily exchanges the last of which was which gin shall i buy wendy and i recommended a very nice gin indeed i think you'll find ladies and gents it comes with rose petals that you have to sprinkle in it before you drink anyway tell me about your week what's been going on you've been frazzled as well haven't you similar to yours kids are in various camps my lovely friend sarah has ridden to the rescue in a cash guy this morning and just scooped them up and taken them away to the forest for the day. Because recording a podcast with two children in the house is somewhat tricky. But I would like to know if our guest has had a shitty week as we've had so far.

Well, yes. The reason I'm talking about these things is our guest today is someone who takes parental mental health, Trey, seriously and thank heavens for that. We have asked, nagged, chased, bullied and quite frankly begged for her to come on here because we know she's beloved of all of you and that's because of her honesty and her willingness to tackle the tough stuff. Gang, please will you welcome Frankie Bridge. Hi. How are you, honey? Are you okay? I'm good, thank you. Yeah.

Now, we always start by asking a very, very important question, which hilariously Annie has mistyped on our crib sheet. So what we always ask... In fact, ask her what's written down because it's funnier. Yeah. Normally it says any sweat snot or tears in your house this morning but today it says any swear snot there's always lots of swear in my household that makes me feel reassured yeah um you know what so far there has been none from the kids but there has been from me which of the three well I mean maybe some sweaty tears um no not real tears just you know just when your kids just

frustrate you and you're like some only something really small so they've not they've not been up that long um but my eldest son I was downstairs Parker I heard someone around the house I heard doors slam or whatever and then I kind of forgot that it happened and then I walked past our front room and he's just sat in the front room watching his iPad and I was like you rude little like come and say good morning in the morning. What is wrong with you? So I went in and I was like, Parker. He took his headphones off. Yeah. What, mum?

Yeah, yeah, huh? What do you do in the morning? And he was like, huh? I was like, what do you do when you get up in the morning? Say good morning. Yeah, so why didn't you do that? Oh, yeah, morning. You know, and you're like, I feel like I have raised you better than this

what is wrong with you I'm glad you picked him up on it I'm glad you picked him up on it I think a lot of people wouldn't you know really I don't know I just you know small things like that I just think they're just like normal everyday manners and it annoys me when they forget them but I think in the holidays when you're all together for much more time those really little things just get on your wick much more than they would any other day yeah I suppose so yeah so not too bad no one's cried and Carter just keeps it's Carter's birthday um at the weekend that we're recording this I don't know um and he just comes at me every day with new things that he wants for his birthday I love that the best is when it's the night before and you're tucking them into bed

and he said yes I've changed what I want yeah I've changed what I want I've come up with something new and he has this thing where he hasn't seen this thing that he wants he's made it up in his head oh so it doesn't exist so he'll come to me and just yeah like list an object that he really likes the idea of so like mummy I would really like a skeleton that moves his head to side to side and his arms move like this and his legs walk like this and you just press a button and then it bends over and it says this and then you know like he'll list this whole big thing they'll go can you put that in google and I'm like not really mate no he sounds very creative he is but it's just insanely annoying like it's cute at first and then after

like the 50th idea he's had you're like you're gonna be majorly upset on your birthday because none of this stuff bloody exists so you're getting a box of lego son yeah enjoy the day before my youngest daughter's birthday she was six last week and the day before as annie lovingly said it's always the day before she came up to me and she said mummy i know what i want for my birthday so oh shit here we go and she said i want a sloth an actual live real yeah but she can't say sloth she says sloth so she wanted a sloth and i was like okay where am i like i can't even get a stuffed sloth by tomorrow morning i'd quite like a sloth as well to be fair well in fairness it's a nice request but what what are you supposed to

do with that request at 10 o'clock the day before no no no i got a puppy last year jesus wend top tip because weirdly attie's obsessed with sloths as well um aldi special buys they're selling them what sloths yeah stuff sloths it's a thing it's a thing it's an actual thing seriously get down i'll get you one i'll get you one and then you have it in reserve for christmas or whatever okay yeah, I'm glad it's not just my child then. I was just like, maybe he's just insanely spoiled and just keeps like changing his mind. But he just doesn't stop. And then even like I organised his birthday.

He had his party the other weekend and he wanted this animal man to come, but this animal man like tracked him down, literally like forced him to do our party. And then like a few days later, Carter was like, yeah, I don't want the animal man so I had to embarrassingly cancel him and say I'm really sorry yeah I'm really sorry our plans have changed um I've we're really busy she's made up loads of crap he cancelled him had all these like inflatables for outside like bouncy castles and stuff ordered.

Then it turned out it was on like the worst day of the year for like a storm and rain. Even the bouncy castle man turned up and went, yeah, you've chosen the worst day for this. And then just went in the house and cried because I was like, I've got nothing else. Then had to grovel and ring said animal man and say, and you can't show still free. It wasn't free and then ended up in the end it all worked out ended up getting a last minute kids entertainer and it was all fine but you know you were truly sent to yeah and the thing is you try and be organized you think right i'll book it months in advance he's asked for the animal man we'll get the animal

man's the animal man's not booked up and it doesn't matter how prepared you are, they will throw a curveball in. Yeah, I know. And if it was me when I was a kid, my mum and dad would have been like, tough. Yeah, you're getting the animal man. Put some on your face and get out there. Now, I wanted to ask you, it was Parker who had croup and was really poorly

and was in hospital, right, a few months ago? Yes, all the time. How is it gone? Is he all right? Yeah, he's fine now. It just happens every year. I know. We both have croupy kids he all right? Yeah, he's fine now. It just happens every year. I know. We both have creepy kids. Do you? Yeah.

The 2am drive to the hospital, usually with the kids wheezing in the background. It's terrible. Yeah, so Parker has asthma and this has been a thing since he was really young. In and out of hospital. Bronchiolitis, is it? He always used to get it. Yeah, bronchiolitis. And then, yeah, so we always used to, in and out of hospital. Bronchiolitis is it? He always used to get. Yeah, bronchiolitis. And then like, yes, we always used to be in and out. And now, yeah, croup is the new thing that he's had for the last few years.

And I find actually when it usually happens is when the weather changes. So if there's a slight shift in the weather, everyone else is like, yay, either way. And I just think, oh no, Parker's going to have an attack. And you know it's coming, don't you? Yeah. You go to bed that night, because it will always happen in the night as well. It'll never happen in the day. You go to bed that night looking at your partner saying,

okay, so we just have to be ready because tonight is probably the night. It's going to be the night. So I have the steroids ready nowadays. How did you get them? We couldn't get them. Where did you get your hands on them? Because it just happened so often we were in and out or like so many times they were sick in the end um the pediatrician that we use was

just like you may as well have them at home because then it could stop you from having to go into hospital so we do that now when do we need to ask for these i wept on a pediatrician last time it was three in the morning i I was in Cornwall, Royal Cornwall Hospital. It had happened in the middle of like, we were staying in the arse end of Cornwall and I had to drive all the way up to get it. And I was like, can you please just give me some in case it happens tomorrow?

And they were like, no, can't give you them. Can't take them home. Private paediatrician. Yeah. Our GP is quite good. What she does is if i email her late at night she faxes through to our nearest pharmacy and they do a thing where as long as it's administered on site like they give he has this on the spot yeah then they can have it in the pharmacy

it's just it you just never get used to it though. It's always terrifying. No, it's terrifying. Anyone not being able to breathe, let alone your child, is the most terrifying thing. But for Parker, it doesn't always work because he has asthma. Sometimes the wheeze goes into his chest

and then we have to stay in and whatever. So sometimes I'll give it to him. I have to give it 20 minutes. And then if he's still unable to breathe, then we still have to go in. That's a long time to be worrying. 20 minutes. I'm just staring at the, waiting for them to be unable to breathe then we still have to go in that's a long time to be worrying just staring at the waiting for them to be able to breathe properly yeah and it's so weird because like no one in my family has asthma it's not like something that any of us are used to

um and it's just and he gets terrified now like like he normally obviously used to be scared but last time it happened he was like am i gonna die and I was just like oh I cry every time like it's just yeah a whole thing every time yeah I blame my husband's genes because it's not mine the weaknesses come from that side of the boundary poor Simon no no no we're not having any of that right right talk to us about lockdown Frankie your um Instagram outfits kept me going quite frankly Frankie um yeah that you didn't do them very often so when you did I was just like yes something to look forward to another one another a fave do you mean my faves yeah yeah yeah you know what the first lockdown was a novelty it was hot I had bought out my last book which

was touring with that um I then went and did um a ridiculous trek in Namibia so I was away from home a lot so I was really ready to be at home so I think that first one I was just like so relieved to just be home be with the kids be with Wayne um I bought half of Hobbycraft got that in they did that in half a day yeah um so that did not work no I um we planted um our own fruit and veg which never grew like everyone else in the country um because obviously we were going to have to you know only be able to have our own fruit and veg um yeah I love the way we all thought we'd become self-sufficient overnight I know yeah we're going to be grinding our own flour by yeah washing out by the rocks you know

whatever yeah um and um it was kind of nice and then second and third just was so rubbish and I think I'd managed to get my kids like off of their iPads off of YouTube before lockdown and in the first one I was like yeah do what you want I can't entertain you all day every day like go for gold it's only going to be two weeks and then like now they're like addicted again yeah um so yeah it was it was rubbish but also I mean we didn't have it as bad as a lot of others. But homeschooling was just so crap. Do you know what? That's the thing I can cope. You know what? If if the world wants to lock down again, lock me down, lock me down.

But do not tell me I have to homeschool my kids again because I can't. I can't. And it's rubbish for them. Like he was on he was on zoom in the end from like half eight till half three and I was just like he is bored off his face like he's having to sit there he gets a little bit of a break and I'd be that mum that he'd have reading in his lunch break and I just would miss it oh we forgot sorry or oh the internet was down and if I felt like a lesson was I'll just pretend the internet went off and whatever because I was just like this is ridiculous as long as he can read write and count by the time he goes back to school that was all I really cared about other than that

I was just like it's just too much pressure it's too much structure for kids that yeah and I couldn't deal with all the other kids that were like I've done it five minutes later or I got 100% or like I remember there was this day where Wayne so like Wayne would have Parker and I'd have Carter and then there was one thing where they had to like name as many dinosaurs as they could and um all these kids were coming on you know the overachievers congrats to them but really annoying on zoom in lockdown. And they'd be like, oh, I know like 50 dinosaurs. I know whatever. So Wayne Googled how many different dinosaurs there were. And I think it was something like 320 or whatever.

And Wayne said, tell them you've got 320. So Carter comes and goes up. Parker comes up, I've got 320 dinosaur names. And teacher was like, oh, wow, that's a lot. Well done, Parker. And it's like, yeah. And Wayne, it was nothing to do with parker wayne she stands in there like but it brings out the worst in you as a parent

doesn't it brings out that competitive yeah because we're not like that at all but you know just like but also when they're grown up how many people are going to march up to them say excuse me how many dinosaur names yeah but most of it most of it i'm one of those people that i education is so important and you know i left school at a really early age still had an education but you know not like the typical one but i just find it so hard because i just think a lot of it is so dated there's so much that they teach them so much that they stress them out about and us that they never use. And they don't teach them like basic life skills. Like when I bought my first flat, I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to sort a mortgage.

I didn't know that the water bills just naturally came and how to sort everything out and this, that, the other. And I remember at that time thinking, why didn't I learn about this stuff at school instead of like well I was really mean in lockdown and every lunchtime after they'd had their lunch I would do what was called life skills and this meant they had to go get the laundry come down sort it put it on hang out whatever was wet fold up and put away whatever was dry and load the dishwasher and they cried every single day and fought and fought over who would do which they preferred the dishwasher over the washing machine you see but i made them do it so i was just like i'm not having you leave home at 18 and

trot off to university without knowing how to turn a washing machine or a dishwasher on i'm not having it but do you remember when we we interviewed Nadia Hussain one of the first podcasts we did and she makes her kids every Sunday yeah yeah yeah they have three hours where everyone in the family has to clean I used to do that as a kid every Sunday yeah and I loved it I was going to say did you hate them for making you do it or did you know I loved it I got the job of the bathroom and my mum and dad had this like foamy stuff that you cleaned the bathroom with that is quite fun and I really enjoyed the foam and like cleaning the bathroom and I was the duster and my dad would play like really loud like Motown music and like sing and he'd dance and be silly and like I loved it but if I tried to get my kids to do that now there's no chance

i reckon it's the future man tell them tell them it's coming on sunday they've got to do it now what i wanted to ask you about lockdown is was about mental health stuff because yeah you famously shared that you've suffered from depression on and off for your whole life, more or less. Did how did Corona and how did lockdowns impact on that for you? You know what? Like I said at first, it was nice. And then as time went on, I found it really difficult to wait to be told how we were allowed to live our lives on a weekly basis. I found that really, really affected my anxiety because it was just, you didn't know from one week to the next

what was going to be happening. And I got obsessed with watching the numbers of deaths and infections and stuff. And in the end, I had to just not watch the news and be a bit ignorant to it and just kind of wait for the announcements for what we were and weren't allowed to do and did you make that decision yourself or did someone say come on I think this isn't good for you you need to switch off no I did that myself because I just knew I was obsessing over it and I just thought in the least obnoxious way it doesn't make a difference if I know the numbers like even now they do them on a daily basis and I think obviously people want to know but it's just

it's not nice is it I don't want to hear that every day it's not helpful it's not helpful well you need to know yourself don't you and some of us can't cope with that we just know because it sends our brains into that yeah it's just that it's like still here and I think it's funny actually when things started to lift that was actually where my anxiety was at its worst um which is probably the opposite to everyone else like I remember ringing my therapist and her being like you are my only patient that I've not heard from for this whole time oh see I don't think that's unusual at all. No, I think that's normal because then we were being tasked with,

oh my God, but they said this thing is really scary and now they're saying we have to do normal things. Yeah, and I have really bad social anxiety. So for me, not having to say yes to things that I wanted to say no to was like a breath of fresh air. Like I have a really bad, I wanted to say no to was like a breath of fresh air like I have a really bad I can't say no and then I'll like have bad anxiety about this thing that I don't want to do and I said yes and so that was really nice and then yeah then being told this big scary thing but now you

can go out in it and I found that really difficult of kind of figuring out how I felt about it and like like everyone I reassessed a lot about my life and I was like I don't want to go back to that like treadmill of of life like every day again like I like parts of this and how am I going to put that into my new life and um and then I found with the kids it was difficult to explain to them like oh we can go and see nanny and granddad now oh so have the germs gone uh no but we're allowed now like it's it's a really weird thing to explain to a kid that nothing's changed but it has yeah it's weird it's very weird but they just kind of accept it but so how do you live with the anxiety around it now specifically COVID I mean not just um yeah

no I you know what I'm a I'm a lot better now um I think because things have lifted so much but also it's just that thing in the back of your mind like I'm always terrified that I'm doing the wrong thing is this allowed is are these the new rules now okay you don't have to wear a mask but should I wear a mask are everyone still wearing masks am I standing too close like it's now really hard to navigate what people are comfortable with and I feel like it's just a daily thing now of wherever you go are you hugging are you not hugging and and it's different for like at work everything's still really strict so when I come out into like normal life for me I still think everything's still really strict but

it's not and like I went for dinner last night took a mask no one had masks on but I ITV everyone still wears masks everyone's still social distancing you still get your temperature check it's a very confusing place to be isn't it none of us really know as you say the etiquette of you don't have to wear a mask but are you going to be offended if i don't wear a mask and if you're anxious that's actually really anxious making i agree because you're not giving your brain a rest we're not giving our brains a chance that and that is what it is my brain just can't switch off I just don't know like where we stand at any point. And then we went away and we were really lucky to go away to see my sister in Bermuda.

And that was just so stressful. And I just thought, is this how it's going to be now? What was stressful about it? You mean the traveling? Yeah, just all the tests, making sure we had everything we needed, all the paperwork, things taking too long things being delayed is anyone going to be positive we're going to be stuck there we're going to have to self-isolate there are we going to be able to get back you know all all these things now that you have to think about kind of takes the edge off of the niceness of going away spontaneity has completely gone out oh it's just gone and i'm not an organized person you

know i'm not someone that books a dinner in three weeks time i'm someone that goes do you want to go for dinner tonight yeah like that's how i am and you just can't live like that anymore we went on holiday and you have to have booked every night that you want to do something on holiday because it's all booked up months in advance and it's really hard for parents to kind of navigate kids who are hungry and not be able to go somewhere it's just as an anxious person on holiday what you really need to do is switch off instead of having to plan what you're doing the next night and the next night and the next night and the kids know what kids are like they might not be in the mood that night or they might not want pizza that night or they might you know you might not be do you know what I mean yeah I know so it is you know I mean first world problems and that holidays but I just think in general

everyone still just feels like yes there was this whole freedom day but let's face it it wasn't it's not at all and there's still just so much um anxiety and what freaks me out is like the the divide now um with everything you know with the vaccinations and things like that like I hate all that I hate the thought that the country is in this a bit like when Brexit happened you know like I had I got in my car the other day to work and I had an hour and a half of this guy talking to me about the politics of the vaccine and not having the vaccine and corona and the money they're making and this for an hour and a half and I was going to have like my vocal cords looked at and I

was like I'm gonna have a camera shoved up my nose into my throat in like an hour and a half I just want to chill and not stress so I wanted to take you back to talking about your pregnancies you talked quite openly about how you struggled with pregnancy depression more than pnd yeah um and annie and i have both had our own run-ins with various postnatal issues and stuff what makes it so important to you to talk about these things because they've obviously affected you but you don't have to talk about them publicly so why do you choose to? I think because I feel like I am in a position within the public eye to be able to use my position in a positive way and now that I am not in a pop group and you know to have that image of everything's perfect and aren't we fun and you know I now can use my position to use my voice and I never had the

confidence to do that back in the day and I think because I was still figuring out my mental health myself and obviously it's still an ongoing thing for me. But I understand it. And I can talk about it now without being emotional. And I just felt it was important to be able to say, yes, I know from the outside, I look like I have it all. And in some ways, I do. I have the career that I wanted. I have my husband. I have my kids.

They were all the things that I wanted in my life. Yet, I have this illness that makes me unhappy and I think it's really hard for people to comprehend that so I felt like I was in the position where I kind of had to talk about on us to love every second of it all. And if you say that you don't, there's this big fear in people thinking that you don't love your kids or that you can't do it. And I think that mental health in general, the chat has come a really long way. But I think for mothers or parents that conversation still very much needs to happen I completely agree with you I think the thing that

I mean one of the backbones of net mums is that we're a site that encourages everyone to talk about their mental health as parents and particularly to speak out about pregnancy anxiety or depression or postnatal anxiety or depression because there is, like you say, this massive stigma that if you speak out, someone's going to come and swipe your children away. Take your children away. Or judge you for being a bad parent or not loving them enough. Or accuse you of being ungrateful, that's the other thing.

And there is a big thing around that. And I think from having a sister that suffered um you know had I had um fertility issues and really struggled to get pregnant and went through IVF and actually I had conversations with her where I was like does it annoy you that I didn't enjoy my pregnancies and and things like that and she's just like no and I'm sure that there's people out there that it does but everyone has their journey and everyone has their ups and downs with it. And we are different and our children are all different. And this judgment and this fear that comes from it really bothers me because none of

us are going to be the same. You know, like if you have more than one child, I have two children. I technically bring them up the same but they are so different so there is no better example of that than than that so then why do we expect other parents to parent their children in the same way or to have had the same pregnancy or whatever yeah i mean i i hear you i hear you i so i i never experienced any pregnancy or post natal mental health issues, but I had really terrible hyperemesis, you know,

when you can't stop puking. I had that. With, oh, Jesus, with my daughter. It's horrendous. It was horrendous. But because it was a physical illness, I had all the sympathy in the world. I could tell everyone that I had it. I could tell work that I had it.

Like, it was, but I know that others who experienced a mental health issue in pregnancy wouldn't have been able to do that and get support and get the help and get just some sympathy and get a hug and it's terrible that we judge mental health issues as being something that we have to hide isn't it but I think with with pregnancy it's so life-changing you know your your body changes your the way you think changes the minute you find out you're pregnant you're thinking about the future you know there's a lot happening there and hormones like hormones are insane yeah whoever invented them was nuts so unfair my body hates hormones almost everywhere I'm like I think I should have been a man like they hate me and I just think that I I think it's really unfair I'd have loads of conversations

with people where they'd be like well you're not ill though are you you're pregnant and I'm like when you've had morning sickness yeah I have that you're not ill but even my own husband was like the the turning point was when I came out of the bathroom and I had burst all of the blood vessels around my eyes by puking so much and he was like oh it's really quite bad isn't it and I was just yes it's been bad for five months it's like a hangover that won't go like it's that thing of just did you have it with both of them did you have it with Carter and Parker no so with Parker I just had like normal morning sickness i was never sick with parker but i would like like dry heave all the time i couldn't go we had sound yeah we had new dining chairs in our kitchen

i couldn't go in our kitchen for two weeks because i could smell the dining chairs the smell wayne was like i just don't get it i can't smell them and I was like oh god I can't and I had this thing where I kept ordering lamb shank in restaurants never even liked lamb shank kept ordering it and it would come and I'd be like oh I can't eat it oh I was eating it about four times and Wayne was like what is wrong with you just don't order the lamb shank I once I remember my husband had the temerity to cook himself a chicken Kiev. I went bananas. I nearly got the house fumigated because I was just like, the smell won't leave.

Garlic, I still can't eat garlic now. I made him eat it in the dark, in the rain, in the garden. Because I was like, get it out of my house. Why did you do that in here? My friend made her husband take up the floorboards because there was a smell in the kitchen. And she was like, I out my house why did you do that in here my friend made her husband take up the floorboards because there was a smell in the kitchen and she was like i can't go in the kitchen so they literally took up all the floorboards to find i don't know if they ever found anything although you don't know um oh it's terrible but then with carter like luckily i say

luckily like luckily hyperemesis came with the second, but then that came with a whole, it's something that's so, there's not really much known about it. And the only way that I could describe to people what I had was to say, oh, you know, that thing that Kate Middleton had. And then they'd kind of understand because no one really knew what it was. And the mental health part of that, I found really hard, You know, with Parker, I struggled mentally because my body was changing. And, you know, I'd always had some form of control over my body. And then I lost all of that during pregnancy. And I found that really difficult. But with Carter, there was this whole new thing of, you know, I was throwing my guts up.

I felt horrendous. I couldn't leave my bed. I had a toddler who I couldn't even let come close to me because the smell he didn't smell but the smell of him I couldn't let my son I could barely hug or kiss him because the smell of him was so revolting and the guilt that comes with that because you're already worried that you're bringing in another sibling and are they going to feel abandoned and then that's already started when you're pregnant and then I pulled out of the Strictly tour at the time so I felt like I was letting people down and and then I've always had a phobia of being sick so there was that whole thing um and and then having moments of where

is this worth it uh can I do this can I do this for the next nine months like is this going to be worth it and then the guilt of even thinking that so there's so much that comes with it um but I remember two moments one where I don't know why I'd ended up on the floor that was my happy place for a couple of a good old week I think just with a duvet and a bowl and my obstetrician saying to wayne she needs to come into hospital and me looking up like the exorcist and saying if you think i'm getting into a moving vehicle you've got a thing coming and then just yeah i remember the day i was admitted to hospital with it um having to get in the car and it feeling like the biggest challenge in the world it felt like getting in a space rocket or something and no sooner had the door shut in fact i think the sound of the door shutting made me puke all over the car well you're a better woman

than me because i didn't even get in there i think i'd prefer to have died at that moment than get in that car it's terrible it's terrible and people get ptsd from it people you know don't recover from it well it kills i mean pre-drip being invented, it killed one of the brontes. I think Charlotte Bronte died of hypnosis. Oh, really? Is that what it was? Because there was just, there's no way of getting rehydrated. It's terrible. But I just think, you know, like morning sickness in general,

I think we need to stop calling it morning sickness for starters. Well, it's not in the morning, is it? It's all bloody day sickness. And I think just like, you know, stop saying to people you're not ill, you're pregnant, because until you've felt it, you don't bloody know no you don't so another question i wanted to ask about your mental health candidness is how does it affect your relationship and at what stage did you tell wayne it was a thing because it's not like i think you said your first date is it so hi my name is Frankie and

sometimes I get a bit depressed yeah I'm a bag of crazy marbles um yeah no I don't know really when I told him to be honest with you I didn't really tell him he just experienced it um yeah I think you know what I'd been sometimes it's the best way yeah you know just gotta give it to him all from the get-go I I'd been really bad. Sometimes it's the best way. Yeah, you know, just got to give it to him all from the get-go. I'd been really bad previously to meeting him. And then it was like I met him and everything got better. And then I remember the moment of being in our house and kind of knowing he was going to be the person I was going to marry.

And, you know, we'd spoken about marriage and kids and stuff. And being in the shower and thinking, I am so happy, but I am fundamentally unhappy. And it's a really weird feeling and really hard for people to understand if they've never experienced that. So I think me being happy made me realize that something wasn't right. And it got to the point where I was coming home from work it's like I could hold it together at work and then I'd come home and I'd just collapse into a ball of crying and and once I'd start I couldn't stop and I would just say things like I don't want to be here anymore everyone would be better off without me and do you think that's because you'd kind of held it together all day yeah like you'd had and then you were just like I need to let it go yeah it would

just come out it was like uncontrollable and then it got there was a night where Wade and I went out for dinner and I can laugh about it now because it was ridiculous but at the time it was like breaking point and I remember he didn't get the right yogurts and I remember looking in the fridge and being like you don't know me you don't know me at all you've got the wrong yogurts had this big meltdown and he was just like this isn't right like something's not right here and he's the person that called the doctor and essentially got me admitted into hospital at some point and he could have ran a million miles we hadn't been together that long I think it'd been a year or less and he could have easily have walked away but he didn't he tried his best to

learn he tried his best to help and actually I think weirdly it made our relationship stronger in a way that's very inspiring you spoke earlier about being in a band and everything having to seem perfect do you think that exacerbated the problem being on show and having to appear perfect did it make it worse um I think so I always say I came out of the womb anxious like I was always that way and and weirdly through S Club Juniors it kind of was fine I think where I was a kid I wasn't really aware I was just doing what I enjoyed and you know you get to a teenager and you're in the public eye and there's social media and there's online articles written about you and whatever and

and I'm a perfectionist so I'm always thinking thinking, oh, does that person, you know, I could have a million conversations with myself whilst having a conversation, do they like what I'm saying, do they like me, do they think I'm a bad person, am I a bad person, should I say this, you know, all these things, and it got to the point in the Saturdays, and I remember the day where we were backstage at one of our shows on tour and we were doing a meet and greet and I had to stop and take a beat and become Frankie from the Saturdays to walk into the room and that was kind of when I realized that things weren't right anymore that I was having to kind of pretend whereas before I had been one whole person so definitely it definitely made it worse i think because you have so many outside voices

saying things that you probably already think yourself yeah if a parent somewhere we hope we've got a listener somewhere a parent somewhere just the one just the one is listening to this who also struggles with their mental health and is feeling at a loss and is feeling all those kind of failure things oh i'm not a good enough parent because i've got this and I'm not enough good good enough thanks I feel that what would you say to them like you're you're wrong first of all like our brains are amazing and they can tell us the most ridiculous things and I think that's why we believe them yeah that's what I've learned along the way it's it's insane what they tell us and we listen to them and take it for you know for fact um but also it's the age-old thing and I know it's really

annoying and everyone says it but to talk to someone it is like the strongest and the biggest thing you can do and it doesn't show you as weak it shows you how strong you are and I always used to see myself as being a weak person and now I can honestly say that I look back and I say I have experienced all these things and still achieved all these other things at the same time and that is strength hiding and pretending that you're okay isn't being strong and you're and you're not doing that for other people you're not say helping other people by not speaking if you speak it gives other people the chance to talk to well and I think you're a really good example of this so I can tell you that whenever we write anything about you

it always gets amazing numbers like everyone reads it but we know it's because people admire the fact that you speak out on this stuff so look if you can do it other people can do it too because look it makes people love you and like you and respect you and think that you're amazing it never makes anyone think oh she's not great doesn't and also you'll find that actually so many of your friends that you've known for a really long time have suffered at some point with certain things it might not be the same as you but at some point and that was my biggest realization of going god i didn't think you were like that or i never realized you suffered from that and you're giving those people the you know like the chance to do

that but you talk about putting on frankie from the saturdays and i think we all do that in some way with certain people everyone you know puts on Wendy for doing this or Annie doing that and if you get past that it's really helpful to see other people are doing the same thing as you yeah 100% and I think that's why I remember the first time you know obviously back in 2012 I did my first ever article for Glamour magazine when I came out of hospital after my breakdown. And people still talk to me about that article. But I kind of did that and then parked it. Didn't really talk about it for a really long time. But that was very ahead of the curve, frankly.

I'm amazed at how much more open we are as a society now about mental health issues. But you were a massive part of that. That article was really big deal yeah it was at the time and but I think that's why then I went back inwards because I was like oh that's a bit scary did I just say that whereas now it is so well spoken about um but I remember coming back and speaking about it again and it was one Christmas and I always find between Christmas and New Year really difficult for me because I feel like I'm in limbo am I still celebrating uh should I still be in my pajamas or should I be dressed today am I still stuffing my face with biscuits or should I be back on my health kick for January do you know what I mean like all these things I'm like what am I supposed to be doing and I find it

really difficult and I like right I'm gonna post about it and then I was like am am I supposed to be doing and I find it really difficult and I like right I'm going to post about it and then I was like am I being a downer it's Christmas are people really happy is everyone going to be like oh I don't want to hear this right now and I posted it and the amount of replies I got saying I feel the same and people say that I help them but they help me just by everyone in the same way that it stops them from feeling alone. It stops me from feeling alone. And I think that's the biggest thing with all of it. And that's why I talk about it. Well, we salute you, lady.

It's really important stuff that you're doing. Right. From the serious to the kind of, well, the first of our last questions is quite so. So go on, when do you hit her up with this one? How do you want to be remembered by your boys oh god i you know what i was told you were gonna ask me this and i was like oh my god i don't know it makes everyone cry yeah i have this real thing of like can't deal with death can't talk about death it's never gonna happen um but i was thinking about it and I'm not the best at playing games you know after 10 minutes of playing trains I'm bored and I'm not saying what they want me to say you know because they

always have a narrative like they always have a narrative don't they of what they oh god yeah no no the train doesn't say that as well yeah and you're like well I don't know I was I just was going off of you and I've gone wrong you know this is really bad um so I was really thinking about and I was like you know what I just want my kids to remember me how I remember my nan was one of like the most integral people in my life, I feel. She was like a real inspiration to me. I felt like she really got me. And she just was so full of love. And all of my friends still love her. Everyone still talks about my nan. And my biggest thing with my kids is I just want them to remember me as loving. You know, I can't tell them or show them enough how much I love them for me that is the

most important thing but also to feel that I was understanding that they could talk to me I know every parent wants that but for me it's so important that my kids feel like they can come and talk to me about anything and if they're the two things that they remember me by then that would just I'll be happy with that yeah i think they're good things now i get to ask the easy one which is what's for tea tonight frankie and who's cooking i haven't got a fucking clue i don't know another club another club that the three of us can start i mean they're lucky if i get dinner tonight do Do you know what I mean? You know what? For the kids, it will be whatever's in the freezer, which will probably be fish fingers and chips

and some sort of vegetable that they won't eat. Yeah. It just makes me feel better if it's on the plate. And for the adults, because it's actually Wayne's fake 40th tomorrow, we had to delay his 40th birthday last year, like loads of people. Right, right. So it's actually 41, but we're pretending it's his birthday. You're having a massive bash.

We're having a party. And so I've got quite a few people here tonight. So it'll be some sort of takeaway. Now, don't go too early. Don't go hard tonight. Yeah, careful tonight. Well, no, I've told Wayne there's no drinking. I'm a rubbish drinker, so I won't be drinking anyway.

But I don't want him to be chasing his hangover. What, do you mean you're a rubbish drinker, like one, and you're away? Oh, yeah, I can't drink. I'm so bad. So bad. Like, Wayne made me, like, two strawberry daiquiris in lockdown, and I was dancing on my own in the garden, and his mum had to put me to bed. Oh, please tell us there's a film of that. I think there is a film of me dancing on my own.

Gratefully, not of my mother-in-law putting me to bed. It's always a life high point, isn't it? The mother-in-law putting you to bed. Yeah, especially when you're 32. Yeah, so it'll just be some sort of takeaway that none of us can agree on because no one likes to make the decision um and i have two vegans so it will be down to that yeah yeah fair enough right last question and wendy i left it for you because i know you love

asking it frankie bridge imagine that you are tucking annie and i into bed that we are your children and sing us your lullaby. Even though we're older than you. We never really did lullabies, but our family song is Don't Worry, Be Happy. So, you know, Don't worry, be happy. That's it.

Wayne and his dad sing it all the time um and if if if we're all asleep and wayne's awake he plays it really loud in the bedroom to wake us up and it just puts everyone in a good mood do you know i don't think i've ever played that to my kids but you've inspired me i'm gonna introduce you to that they love it and three little birds yeah my kids yeah because they learned that at school and i just think it's such a feel-good song like if you're feeling a bit it just makes you happy and that is basically frankie makes me cry everything makes you cry but i just that is you know at the end of the day that's all we want like all i want is for them to be happy so it's yeah so that's it oh thank you so much frankie it's been a pleasure

to talk to you and good luck with the party thank you yes we want lots of photos on insta if you dance to the point where your mother-in-law has to put you to bed again can you please share the video to your insta stories that's all we ask take care