The Netmums Podcast - S1 Ep50: Laura Hamilton on learning to manage panic attacks

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

Listen as the ‘A Place In The Sun’ presenter shares how she realised she was suffering from panic attacks during lockdown, and how she's learnt to manage them, PLUS how to juggle EVERYTHING as a working mum of two. Note: It ain't easy!

You're listening to Sweat, Snot and Tears, brought to you by Netmums. I'm Annie O'Leary. And I'm Wendy Gollage. And together we talk about all of this week's sweaty, snotty and tearful parenting moments. With guests who are far more interesting than we are. Welcome everyone to the latest episode of Sweat, Snot and Tears. I hope no one is crying. I hope no one has any snot running down their face.

And I hope no one's sweating. So I did something last night that I'm very proud of and I want to share with the group. I did something I haven't done since the kids were tiny and I used to do it once a week. I went to bed at 6.30pm and I slept all the way through and I feel like a brand new woman who could take on any challenge you throw at me today. Wend, what do you think? I'm'm jealous i wish i'd gone to bed i think you need to try it i went open water swimming last night which sounds a bit wanky but was actually really really nice it's become a bit of a thing though i don't like doing things when they're a

thing um so there's a quarry near me and you go and you swim around the quarry. And it was really rather lovely. There's little moorhens beetling around and there's a turtle. So it was lovely. I did that. But as a result, I'm bloody knackered today. Did it not mean that you, after I've been swimming, I swim, I swim, I sleep like a dead person. You know, like when you're a kid, you need like 18 packets of crisps in the vending machine afterwards. Now when I swim, I just need to sleep like in a very dark room did it not mean that

you slept really well well thanks to netmums no because i had the netmums fear because that we've got quite a lot of work on today lovely listeners so i was a bit like oh and didn't sleep very well so i'm hoping that our guest is going to have the effect of caffeine and get me out of my i think she will because she's a very okay there's a clue coming sunshiny person ladies and gents please will you welcome laura hamilton how are you missy oh thank you no pressure no pressure i've got your wendy's emotional crush today no pressure at all mrs place in the sun oh thanks for having me so let's go back a little bit and tell us how was your lockdown oh which one oh they merge they merge don't they actually i will say the first lockdown

um was well they were two totally different experiences because the weather was great. We could be outside. I've got a coffee shop and a bistro. I know. I found this out about you and I was researching. It sounds awesome. Well, it was it's another side of my life, another side of the mum juggle. But so we we own this place in the community. It was actually it was a local post office become the local postmistress do all the exams and open up a coffee shop and bistro in the community wait wait wait wait exams exams yeah I had to I had to do all these exams to become the local postmistress seriously I didn't

know I thought you could just be a post person if you wanted to be. No, it's not the case of just like selling stamps. We've not had this before. This is amazing. So, no, it's a bit like running a bank when you have a post office. You have like security corps come and deliver money every week, huge sums of cash in the safe out the back. Like, oh, it was a stress. But wait, lady, how is this ever going to work when half the time you're in Spain talking about villas? That's exactly what Alex said to me. My husband said exactly that to me.

Laura, how on earth are we going to run a coffee shop? Or how on earth are you going to run a coffee shop is actually what he said to me. How are you going to do that when you spend half your life abroad? We've got two young children and you know nothing about running a business of this kind or anything like it and I was and that's the worst thing someone can say to me nice little backup there from your husband you know nothing about this but that's the worst thing that you can say because if someone says to me uh you can't that won't happen you can't do that I'm like come on let's try let's try you are me I'm so glad I've met myself

finally but it's you know when when you say to someone I can't do you can't do you can't do you believe you can't but it's like well actually you know you're you're in control of it so no let's let's try and make it happen so so that was that five years ago and um in answer to your question how is it going to run run it and in answer my husband's question as well how are we going to run it and do it well you build a team and build a team of people that you employ local people in a'r cwestiwn i fy mab hefyd, sut y byddwch chi'n mynd i'w rhedeg? Wel, rydych chi'n adeiladu tîm, rydych chi'n adeiladu tîm o bobl, rydych chi'n gweithio gyda phobl lleol yn y cymuned, ac mae fy nghymorth yn y busnes, beth bynnag y gallaf ei wneud, gallaf ei wneud yn ffynol. Felly, yn amlwg, 5 mlynedd yn ôl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, beth ydych chi'n golygu, gwneud pethau yn ffynol? Yn ystod 5 mlynedd, ac mae hynny'n yr un peth mae pawb yn ei wneud. Ond, ond, fy mhwyl oedd, fast forward five years and that's what everyone does so um but my point was my the first lockdown

um it was like right we've got this business shit we've got 24 staff what we're going to do um I don't want to put them on furlough I want to um basically help the community and use our suppliers um to turn the place into a village shop and so that's what we did all the people in the community that couldn't get you know online deliveries from all the supermarkets or couldn't get out of supermarkets I was like right well let's let's um let's help them so that's what we did so I found myself in the first lockdown delivering boxes of fruit and veg to 95 year old Dorothy who's oh yeah she's coming to the shop tomorrow actually for afternoon tea which is quite amazing and she's she's alive and kicking and well and it's like yay so but

so my kids obviously I was having to do homeschooling from like 9 to 12 in the morning you're making me feel tired just talking about your life but I know I was gonna say bloody hell if you want to feel energized it's like no no but so I was having to do, bloody hell, if you want to feel energized, it's like, no. No, but so I was having to do that. And then, obviously, it was like, right, Rocco, Talia, we're not saving lives through the NHS. But actually, do you know what? Let's be little delivery superheroes. So that's the way that I kind of, like, wanted Rocco and Talia to think, look, you know, we can help.

We can deliver to people. And it was lovely for me because I would knock on people's front doors, obviously like masks and everything. And, you know, people would go, I saw you this afternoon selling a house to somebody in Spain. What on earth are you doing delivering my cucumbers? I'm like, you know, just, just, you know, so, but when it's your business, well, my attitude was like, well, you know so but that's your business yeah when it's your business um well my attitude was like well you know I'm hands-on I want to be there and I want to support the team and I want to support the community where we can so that was my experience of lockdown one and then I was so so unbelievably fortunate that when um things started to open up again between lockdowns and um there was that window of travel um a place in the sun kicked back up again into production and I I ended up in Greece

for the whole of last summer filming with the children of course that's nice and so we did that and my work pattern is I generally will do a big chunk of filming in the holidays and some holidays in Easter or whatever and I'll take the children with me and um that's when I'll do sort of a big chunk and then when I come back to the UK and we hit term time then I tend to do a week five days away from from them I'm not gonna lie it's quite nice now they're at school and I have a little bit of a week to myself sometimes um it wasn't a case of trying to dodge quarantine last year but it just happened I didn't have to quarantine once until December when I was in the Canary Islands with the children filming and it got announced that you would have to quarantine coming back from the Canary Islands and I was in Fort Ventura

and I was due back into the UK on the 19th of December and to be honest I really wasn't that fussed I mean you know it was like well everything's locking down anyway and it's Christmas and I'm going to be at home. And so I did, that was the first time that I did the quarantine. At least you got home. Could have been worse. Well, actually, you say that, but in hindsight, I think we'd have been better off bloody staying in Fuerteventura because then I wouldn't have had the winter lockdown with the kids,

which was, I mean, look, it was for everybody right and it was so so hard and I think it affected my well I know it affected my son way more than it affected my my daughter um because he he was so I mean they're both very sporty my children but Rocco's life was like football one night rugby another night swimming another night you know out with his friends there he was the he's the kind of child that okay you know he will watch tv but he's not into computer games he won't sit he doesn't want to sit and learn remotely it was like he needs to be out out out out out and it was like couldn't do any of that couldn't see any friends couldn't see any family couldn't do any of your sports so what so what and you know i think everybody like everybody's mental health is just it's just

and it worries me what worries me so much is that we don't know the long-term effects even now of of of this um and i'd like to think you know we're back up we're back you know he's he's back at all these clubs and my daughter's at her things again. It's a time really I just sort of don't want to think about. I know. But it was tough. It was tough. So you've been quite open about the effect that negative comments on social media can have and the effect they've had on you. And I know you've said in the past it's actually gone

so far as to trigger panic attacks yeah are you glad you've been open about it like I do you know what I I have because um one thing I would say is um sometimes people would just think oh my life's just rosy because I just do a place in the sun and I'm always abroad and I'm always on holiday and I'm always staying and I'm not on holiday you know but I'm always in these lovely places and but you know that might be what you see of my life through my social media because that's what I post on my social media I don't necessarily post about you know the other things that are going on in my life one because I think people really want to see it but two because actually I'm so busy that when I post on my social media and I'm away and I'm filming with the crew that generally is the time when I have sort of five minutes to do it um but I

it affected me the I've never suffered from panic panic attacks before in my life and I didn't know what was going on because over the years as well as Interfacing Sound I've done a number of different shows from like Dancing on Ice to The Jump and I think I have this reputation of being someone that's quite strong and tough and hard and I can you know deal with whatever's chucked at me and there is a part of me that I am a very strong and resilient person. And I got bullied at school when I was sort of like 14, 15. And I do think that part of the reason why I am the way I am now is because I went through that and I just vowed that,

do you know what, I'm never going to let that happen to me again. And actually I have to have this like tough barrier, but I am an extremely emotional person. I posted on my social media only last week that when house hunters buy properties on a place in the sun I bloody cry like I get goosebumps sat there in 35 degrees of heat because I know how much it means and I just think sometimes people not get the wrong impression of me but they do sort of think oh you're hard and you're ambitious and you're this and you're that and you're and you're like no do you know what I'm just living my life and I just want to make the most of every minute and that doesn't make me a bad person but with the panic attack situation that happened it I understand that when you're in

tv um or in the public eye you're never going to make you know appeal to everybody someone will prefer a certain presenter on a place in the sun over me like that's just the way of the world if we all like the same person we all like the same things life would be boring but you know i i do what i do on a place in the sun and i and i do what i do on any other tv show and i love it and it's my job and i'm kind of like probably wrongly I accept the fact that there will be negativity and there will be criticism and I just sort of think oh well I have to put up with that and deal with that because if you're going to do what we do and put ourselves in the public eye then you know that's there will be there will be criticism however when it came to what happened in lockdown and with the shop which is a business that I own

and I set up and is very close to where I live and you know I did it for my family and to support the community and and I opened up this um this app called next door and I couldn't believe the amount of stuff that was being said about me my family my children like and I was thinking what has running the shop and what we're doing with the shop got to do with like my tv like stuff and and it just felt like hang on these are people in my neighborhood that are talking about me saying these things because it's like an it's the next step and that's what it was and and I started you know I was working working working like doing the homeschooling trying to juggle everything as we all were trying to keep this business going and I started to lose my voice

and I thought god like why why am I losing my voice? Like, is it, am I then starting to think, am I getting a cough? And so I spoke to a friend of mine who was a GP. And I said, like, is a symptom of coronavirus, like, losing your voice? Because, like, I'm getting really husky. He was like, no, it's not, it's not, it's not. It's probably just a stress thing that's happening to you. And you'll be fine.

Don't worry but then one night after having read all this stuff and it was hard because I would say to Alex like have you read this stuff like it's awful it's awful and he'd go I'll just ignore it just ignore it just ignore it just ignore it and I'm like but I can't because it's so personal to it was more about me than than anyone else. But I'm not saying that when you're a TV presenter, you know, you're not putting your own personality, you out there. But it was almost like, I don't know, I can't describe it.

Well, they could have been people that you said hi to in the street. That's the point, isn't it? Yeah, customers. That's the difference between something like Nextdoor and something like Instagram. Yeah. So how do you deal with it? Who you like what did you do so i went upstairs and alex was saying to me like what's wrong with you what's wrong with you and i was like i just i don't know i can't i can't describe what's happening i just don't i just don't feel right

so i went upstairs to lay down on the bed and no matter what i just couldn't get in like i was like trying all these different positions to try and what I just couldn't get in like I was like trying all these different positions to try and breathe and I couldn't breathe and then I ended up just calling him and saying I think you need to call an ambulance because I don't know what's going on and so and he was like you serious you serious I was like yeah I think you need to call an ambulance so an ambulance turned up and I felt such an idiot because he walked the paramedic walked through the door and you know went through all these different things and and then after maybe like five minutes

maybe probably less than that said to me okay your oxygen levels are normal and this is happening and yeah I've got coronavirus don't worry you're not gonna like you know be and because I was sort of thinking oh god breathing machine I'm gonna be in hospital I'm gonna have to be intubated I don't just all these things started going through my head. And he just said to me, look, have you ever had a panic attack? And I sort of went, no. Like, what? What are you talking about?

Like, no. He's like, you've had a panic attack. That's what this is. And then I just felt awful because I was like, I've wasted your time. I've wasted your time when there's all these people that are, you know, needed to be rushed to hospital because of the coronavirus. I feel like I've wasted your time and I'm only having a panic attack. And he was like, no, you haven't. Don't feel like that.

You know, it's this, this is serious. And you shouldn't feel guilty. And then I started thinking, God, like, how have I let these people like get to me? How have I let this negativity get to me? And then, and so I also felt a little bit silly for that. But then as you say, I am, I am normal. I am a real person. You're human though. Like give yourself a bloody break woman. You're in the middle of a coronavirus and then you found out that people were saying things behind your back i mean to be honest i

think the panic attack was not bad at all yeah no i mean now and now it's happened and if it happens again i know i know what it is i know how to deal with it um so how do you manage it now laura what's your strategy the shop's being sold actually oh man that's a big that's a big decision oh yeah yeah i am i love a project i have i've been buying selling houses since i was 19 like buying run down wre, doing them up and then selling them. And in a way what happened with Lord Roberts, Lord Roberts on the Green as it's now known, five years ago that was a bit of a development project, well it was a development project, it was to build the business, it had a flat above the shop and it had the potential to develop a house. So the house and the flat were developed and they were sold. And then the business, I very much,

when I did it five years ago, thought, do you know what, I want this business to be for the children. I want to have something that's done for them. But managing 24 staff, as amazing as they are, and the place wouldn't be what it is without the team um and I see myself very much as part of that you know when I'm when I'm in there I'm happy to jump in the washing up jump on the washing up I mean they they have a laugh at me because I'm in the

bins quite a lot crushing the rubbish down because it's overflowing and then there'll be customers in the garden I'll be like don't you be taking photos of me in the bins and posting it on Instagram um but I I just I feel like I've I've achieved what I've wanted to achieve out of that project I've taken it to where I wanted to take it to and now it's time it could go to another another level it's got so much potential it's a beautiful place and I'm really proud of what we've created after a year by the way I did have to close down the post office element of it because the coffee shop side of the business became so successful and the and unfortunately post offices are a bit of a dying trade and it

just it didn't it didn't work so um it is now just a coffee shop and bistro. And I'm so proud of the brand we've built and the place that it is. I mean, estate agents talk about it in their marketing material as like one of the main attractions in in the area. And people relocate out of London to the area and they say how lovely it is to visit. And that's, you know, I'm so proud of that but now it's time to pass the reins on to somebody else and let them I think it needs to be run by somebody that that is their their main focus their business so what's next then if you're giving away not giving away selling your prized possession your business what's next for Laura there'll be there'll be

something else what that is just yet I don't know I mean I do say that I'm very entrepreneurial I'm always coming up with different business ideas and when you're like that some of them spark some of them don't and you know you have to try try try sometimes for a little while at things before you then go well that's not working so I'm on to the next and so I mean I don't know how long it will take for the business to sell it's in the pan in the pandemic it definitely became more um it's become more valuable because of staying open and you know the business has done very well so um I do think it it hopefully won't take too long but selling a business is very different to selling a house so um and with the 24 staff that

come with it so we'll see how long that takes but i don't know probably more property i definitely want to do more property um buying buying places and doing them up and as I said that the place was for Rocco and Talia I think what I'll do when the business is sold is I'm thinking maybe buying somewhere of my own abroad for the children that we can have as a little buy to let or I don't know I don't know we'll see you clearly have a lot of guts and a brave about taking on these challenges. And we know like, well, we know from listening in in the Netmums forum and watching what everybody posts that the kind of things that you do are the kind of things that a lot of parents and mums especially are desperate to do, but are a mum listening to this now who desperately wanted to have a go at setting up her own business or buying yours and taking it over or buying a buy-to-let-flats that she's got something to leave the kids in future but is scared, what if you never try you'll never know and I don't think it's it's good to live your life by with regret so I'm like I don't know I always think like what's what's the worst can happen somebody you know if the business doesn't work out or your idea doesn't

spark at least you tried and it's more of a I think it's it's more of a failure if you don't try and then you look back and go oh why didn't why didn't I why didn't I do that um I think having a great support network around you can help massively like massively um and and finding it you know finding that team so I don't know taking the plunge I just I think it has to be within you like it has to be within you and some people want to go for it some people don't and I've always I've always been quite gung-ho, I suppose, that I'm like, oh, do you know what? I throw a challenge my way, I'm going to do it. And having that mindset of I've got a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset, and I will always try and turn a negative into a positive.

And I think if you can do that that that can help when it comes to taking the plunge and I know that's hard that is hard um to turn negatives into positives but I think that with the shop in the pandemic I could have so easily just said you know what let's shut it let's shut it let's put everyone on furlough let's take the money from the government let's just give up let's and I was like no no no no no no I don't I I want to look back on this and go we did it we got through it it was tough but look what we achieved and so I think that I think it's that I think you know when you come to taking the plunge think about the achievement perhaps that that you're gonna get out of the other side well it leads on really nicely because one of the questions we always ask our guests

is how do you want to be remembered by your kids? And some of what you were saying just then kind of echoed through that. So how do you want to be remembered by your kids? I want to be remembered by my children as definitely someone that will always put, see a positive in things and embracing challenges. I'd love them to say, you know,

mum would always embrace challenges. My children say to me, mummy, you love an adventure already. They're like, mummy, you love an adventure. You love to go to different places to do different things. And I would like them to um constantly constantly instill in Rocco entirely I'm telling them material things don't matter you know I want you to just be happy be kind and do a job you love like I just think find find things in life that you you love don't

just do something because you think, oh, that's going to earn me this money and it will give me this lifestyle. I'm like, just be happy. Be happy and kind. I love it. Now, from the serious to the not quite so serious, but it's an important business.

What's for tea and who's cooking? Oh, well, tonight, three members of our team are leaving tonight. So dinner is, and I've got, I've taken this upon myself to do it because nobody, catering companies are around. I'm doing all the canapes. Nice. Oh, I could go a canapé now.

I love canapés. Bit of champers. What canapés are you making? Oh, we've got like mini beef wellington. That's it. That's the one I want. Yeah. Wendy's packing her bag and she's off to see you now.

Smoked salmon blinis. I'm going to do some halloumi. Love a bit of halloumi. Just like nachos and guacamole. So it's not really dinner as such, is it? It's going to be sort of more canapés and nibbles at Lord Roberts tonight. So, yeah, little leaving at 7 o'clock. So the children are...

Well, we'll see you there. Yeah, sure. We'd better let you go and make some canapés. Right, before you go, last question. You have to imagine you're tucking Annie and I into bed as if we're your kids and you have to sing us your lullaby. Because we know every family has one. Oh, God.

You serious? I'm not listening to you. To be honest, you're probably too knackered at the end of every day after everything you've done to sing any audio song what about what about it's a little bit funny oh my god you actually can sing as well flip a neck i don't know the words can easily hide i don't have much money money but boy if I did I'd buy a big house where we both could live she says she can't sing well on that note I you've got to go because you're just quite frankly too good yeah you're too talented you put me on the spot yeah go on bugger off and make your canapes have a lovely day

oh thank you for being such a marvellous guest and for helping thanks for having me it felt like a meeting of the mums who take on too much support group yeah

a meeting of mentalists if anyone else would like to join just drop us an email yeah have a lovely day Laura thank you bye thank you

bye oh god you didn't tell me you were going to put me on the bloody spot but you didn't tell us Have a lovely day, Laura. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Oh, God. You didn't tell me you were going to put me on the bloody spot. But you didn't tell us you could bloody sing better than Elton John himself.