The Netmums Podcast - S1 Ep68: Fay Ripley on 'Cold Feet' and clowning around

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

Listen as Fay Ripley talks cookbooks, kids, contraception, 'Cold Feet' and career clown credentials with Annie and Wendy. 

You're listening to Sweat, Snot and Tears brought to you by Netmums. I'm Annie O'Leary and I'm Wendy College and together we talk about all of this week's sweaty, snotty and tearful parenting moments with guests who are far more interesting than we are. On this week's show I didn't do my kids birthday parties. I just think my god I would have to have a separate account for a therapy session for when they're older if your your mum is your kids' entertainer. But before all of that... Welcome to another episode of Sweat, Snot and Tears. I'm going to open today on a different note.

Who would like to know a secret about today's guest? Wendy, I'll start with you. Would you like to know a secret? Me, me, me. Yes, please. I'll tell you, and it is that she is my girl crush. So despite being married to a man, a mum of two, I love this actress, and now she knows. Mainly because I want her to be like the character she's most famous for playing,

and because she writes cookbooks and I like food. So with no further ado, welcome Faye Ripley. How are you today? Hello, I feel slightly awkward now. Don't worry, I thought we were safe because we're not in the same room. No, but you can probably find out where I live and you know, I don't know. It's gone quite intimate quite early she's ever so nice Faye don't worry she won't hurt you I'm also quite lazy I won't look at where you live and I won't okay fine um hey join the cute kid um nice to be here thanks no problem now Faye first question and having had a little bit of a chat with you before we started recording, there's definitely one of these three happening in your house this morning.

So any sweat, any snot or any tears in the Ripley household today? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, all three. This is a bold start. Details needed, please. I feel like that, you know, they all come together, don't they? So I have just I'm a week after I laser eye surgery to fix my eyesight. And so I'm very moist in the eye area, which at my age, moistness is to be celebrated really um but and unusual but it um yes I'm sort of and I've been sort of doing some work stuff and having to do a lot of apologizing um for sort of bulging eyes and drippy eyes and all the rest of it um and trying to get on with

things but so that's been a bit of a trauma and you know I've got teenage kids there's just there's always tears that's just the life isn't it so how old are they now well we're not there yet so yeah tell us yeah we want you to be our parenting guru because you're a step ahead of ours ours are 10 and 7 and 10 and 6 so we need you to tell us what to expect and how to handle it, please. Well, I mean, first of all, I'm definitely not going to be able to give you any tips. Do you know my bad parenting? But I will. I can certainly give you some red flag warnings.

But mine. So mine are 15 and 19 wow and um but it does feel like only yesterday that i was you it that you know that cliche is entirely true the days are long but the years are short all of that shenanigans yes yes the years are like my legs that's right and my legs that's fine short legs are fine okay the 15 year old must still be at school right but what's the 19 year old up to are they both still at home they're both still at home um yeah I mean my generation um I left when I was 17 that doesn't seem to sort of happen anymore. That's not really an option. I'm glad about that. I mean, I would like to, I would like to trap them until they are 50. That would be good for me on many levels. But it's a weird sort of self-harming thing that,

because also there is a load of you know awful stuff that is about them wanting to leave and me wanting them to leave it's you're constantly in this state of wanting two things at the same time yes that's the thing it's a thing of you know the empty nesting nesting thing is very real at my point um and um yeah I mean basically never have you ever known anyone to have children to sort of make the decision or you know to have your your babies is there any point at which you say I really want to have some adults I know I say this all the time whenever something goes wrong I'm like this was not what I was thinking the day that I said should we have a baby no but I think at your you still imagine the school years and school runs and packed lunches

and all that no one is is going I want to have children to so that I can talk about contraception with them you know no one is is no one's going there when they're having their contractions even when you're wishing away at three in the morning the baby is and saying i just want them to grow up and sleep you're still not thinking i really want to talk to them about whether they're going to have a coil and how to use a condom it's just not there is it 100 and it and by the way the sleeping thing is that's a myth so when the years like you're in now where you go if only they would just your children are coming back at five in the morning so you're being woken at five in the

morning any which way let me tell you okay great we've got all this to look forward to so what are you up to fay what do you do around all this worrying about them coming in at five in the morning and researching contraceptive methods? Well, I mean, I you sort of think that you'll be able to then go to work, for instance, and not be so worried about leaving the kids. That is also not true. I yeah, I feel I feel the same level of responsibility as I did when they were diddy and I went to work. So I don't feel like freer at work. But and I have because I, you know, because I cook a lot and stuff. I haven't I'm very controlling and I haven't taught them really to sort of fend for themselves. On purpose, so that they will always need you.

This is the thing, isn't it? You completely, I mean, that's the dilemma. If I teach them to cook, what will happen to me? Yes. It's the thing. I mean, my son loves cooking, but he's, you know, busy being a 15-year-old boy, so it's not a lot of times. But anyway, what am I doing?

The honest truth is that my 19-year-old has come out of education and I'm sorry to say is attempting to be an actress. Oh, following in her mama's footsteps well you know if I was a doctor I'd be slightly prouder of saying that but yes there is a family thing going on and my husband do you not want her to be an actress is there a part of you that's like oh god don't do it it's hard work absolutely I've been I've been trying to persuade her not to from when she was very little but I'm also you know like all of us I'm I'm you know I'm a mum that wants her kid to do what she wants to do and so I will support her but I know what's ahead um so it's you know it's

sort of it's amazing but it's also really hard and, you know, she's a woman in a world that is not changing at a quick enough pace, et cetera. So she's, you know, it's hard, it's a hard place to go into, especially when you're young, you know. And the upshot is that the moment how you audition is on tape and you video yourself on your phone or whatever. But you need someone to do that with so guess what I'm doing every day I'm I'm on the other side of the camera suddenly doing really bad accents for my daughter's audition and also thinking well I think I should get there I mean I think we could at least do a part for an older lady darling so what sort of roles is she going for? Yeah.

Much better than my roles. I've been actually not even told her. I've got like, I've auditioned for some of the same projects, but for a way smaller part. No. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, good luck. How did that go?

Did you hear from your agent about that, darling? I'm thinking, well well I haven't heard um anyway that's this it's it's like there's a sort of acting factory going on um at the Ripley household so anyway but surely the reason she wants to do it is because you and her dad have made it look amazing. I mean, you essentially are famous for being Jenny, who the whole nation adores. Isn't that a great place to be in or not? I mean, I think that she's definitely seen that there is much joy to be had from being an actor. I mean, we have it both my husband and I have enjoyed many elements of it and you know she she she has to take the photos for the people that want to stop and have a picture taken with Jenny from Coalfield for sure yeah and they're always

lovely I have to say and everybody's always really nice to me so that's good I guess because I don't play a villain um yeah maybe different but um I think Jenny is also every one I know who's ever watched Cold Feet can relate to something about her whether they're a 20 year old woman which is probably how old I was when I first started watching it to watching you now there's elements of her character that everyone goes, oh Christ. Yeah. Whether it's the short legs or the relationship with your mum. Yeah. I was there, tutting in the kitchen and glugging wine. Yep. All of that. So I think she's just hugely relatable as a character.

How much of her is you though? That's what I'm interested in. Did you make her that or did the writers make her that? I mean, you know, you get a script, but I think that we all, I think that show in particular, and when you get those shows where you're in them for, in this case, 25 years or something yeah nuts you cut you inevitably sort of make it your own you sort of have to um but it's I'm not sure that they're deaf I mean basically you're you already when you sort of do do a character like that which is sort of

your age and you know a mom and all those things. You make it as relatable as possible. And, I mean, I was very argumentative about my role at times because I felt strongly about it. Do you know what? The cancer storyline was the thing that I dug my heels in the most about. Interesting. Why? Well, because it had to be right. It had to be um that had to be the right story because getting it wrong in that case was not okay whereas getting a story about a marriage

or you know it doesn't really matter it's drama it's fun it's you know it's like just those two they're a couple it's their argument it's their affair whatever it is but you know, it's just those two, their couple, it's their argument, it's their affair, whatever it is. But, you know, a breast cancer storyline, as I found out from the responses of people who were going through similar things, it meant a lot to people that that story was told properly. So that I got quite shouty about, you know, that had to be right. And then my man was writing the script so it needed um you know to and in fact it wasn't just me it was me and particularly me and janet horsfield who did all the makeup and the the um the wig with the losing of her hair

of jenny's hair and stuff and all of that sort of debate and and sort of toing and froing about scripts and stuff became very very important to us and i'm glad that we did you know yeah it's massively important massively important but i also think it's a sign that you are like jenny that you didn't just shut your mouth and get on with it you stood up for yourself yeah i mean that definitely i think we can say there are parallels there I like to think that the main thing that would be true of both Jenny and I is that you definitely want her on side in a fight it's like I like I mean I like you know I don't want to show off girls but you know I was headed to student union what I mean? Well, I actually think I'd want her on my side in a fight and I'd like to go to the pub with her.

I think having a drink with Jenny would be a momentous evening. I did sort of slightly object to how much she drank in the show. I kept saying, I don't know what you're saying about, like, women in the north well women in the south aren't much different I've got to say I don't know but anyway they kept giving me the pretend wine it was only pretend oh that's a bit rubbish now Jenny I'm going back back in time to your former career and I'm interested in whether you ever resurrected yourself as a kids party entertainer for your own kids parties oh god um that's right I wasn't I was a clown for

um I used to do my my little brother's kids parties and there I still see them they're now you know hairy middle, middle aged men. But I was a tainer because my brother is quite a bit younger than me. It's like a 14 year age difference. And funnily enough, my brother said, do you want to do your nephew, you know, his kids? And I was like, oh, I don't know. I don't know if I have those red shiny shoes I don't know I've still got them did you keep them did you keep them um I don't I don't think probably somewhere um I I didn't do my kids birthday parties I think if your mum I just think my god I would have to have a separate account for a therapy session for when they're older. If your mum is your kids entertainer.

Clowns are pretty freaky anyway. I think I need a bit of counselling just about clowns generally. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't a full on clown. I did a sort of I was I was kind of sexy clown, if I'm honest. I was always going for young, free and single, maybe one of the young dads. Did that ever happen? Did that ever happen?

It didn't, funnily enough. But I was, you know, I would wear sort of, you know, like a little cross over my eyes, but no white, no white. And a little bit of red lipstick um but yes Miss Chief was my clown name and it was people that I you know did their kids parties I'm sure you think that you you you lot probably all think that your children's entertainers are having a great time no no no I think it's the hardest job in the world. I couldn't be paid enough ever to do that, I don't think.

That's why I pay them to come, because I'm not doing it. I mean, you have tricks. The tricks are, I mean, the toilet run is the best. That used to, I was, my specialist kind of parties, I was always said to, I was very motherly. So all the kind of lads with the magic tricks would get the older kids, but I always got the little ones. So I'd get the threes and fours because we'd all have a cuddle and da, da, da.

And mums would love to see that. And it was all very cute. But the main thing about a two and a half hour party with three and four year olds, I would do two toilet runs. I mean, that's an hour and a half. Because one kid. you go mom's lines they think then they won't wet themselves on the carpet so you go anyone need the toilet and if no one's putting their hand up you just look at someone and go anyone need the toilet and they

go yes one hand goes up 25 kids want to go to the loo perfect so off you go to the toilet um and imagine that in the times of COVID, when you have to wash your hands and sing happy birthday twice. It would have added another 20 minutes on top of that. Brilliant, though. Brilliant. Because, by the way, the children's entertainer don't actually want to spend time entertaining your children.

Of course they bloody don't. Just want the tip at the end. Come on. Give us more tricks. Give us more tricks. I used to have a magic line to crowd control, which you could use. Basically means don't come near me. Don't touch my kids.

So if you draw in the kitchen, but you just do a magic line and you say, if you step over the magic line, when the parents are there, you say, if you step over the magic line you will break the magic and then in my thing it was then Harry the Hedgehog won't be able to come out and say hello but when the parents weren't there I said if you step over the magic line you will die okay because I needed to make it clear that I needed them to sit down don't move um and you know this is before people really videoed much so there wasn't much evidence of my I'm going to say bullying um and um but anyway the magic line is really handy okay so the magic line the tip. I'm liking these so far. Yeah, I'm having a magic line tonight, which is that's mummy's magic line.

Don't cross it or you don't know what's going to happen to you when you're asleep in bed tonight, guys. Yeah. Now, is it true that you put down clown on your mortgage application form at the time and it was accepted? Thank you very much, Halifax. Yes, it is. Nobody questioned it.

Nobody asked for any accounts. They just went, do you want nice big house don't mind if I do um I was literally I was just a student and I and I was living with my boyfriend and I had to pay the mortgage bit and I was like oh how am I going to do that I'm a student oh I know I'll go to the Halifax and then they did it and then we all couldn't work out why we went into recession after that they were giving mortgages to clowns literally so is there more cold feet coming are you is that on the horizon or more clowning. Okay. And I think probably not more cold feet. Only in that I haven't heard anything to say that we would. But having said that, I probably would have said that before and we did. So maybe they'll do that.

I mean, we'd all love to do it. I know that all the cast would like to do it We want you to do it I think it would be fun to sort of you know it's something that we all love doing and it seems to be that people still, I mean I do still get stopped a lot and

asked on social media and all that stuff a lot about it but anyway I think it could run and run we could have like when you're in your 80s like cold feet in an old people's home could be bloody brilliant Adam and still be shagging definitely yes I mean that's the problem isn't it it's like the point I don't need to see this like no I don't need to see that um but anyway who knows who knows um but yeah no there's loads of other stuff that I'm busy doing so it's sort of you know it's one of those things where you go

well listen if it happens it happens so it's a nice position to be in now seeing as you write cookbooks I'm guessing the answer to the next two questions is going to be a you and some b something hugely impressive now we asked us if all of our guests faye who's cooking tonight and what's for tea oh definitely me well she won't teach them to cook so it's got to be true can your husband cook or is it just literally your kitchen everyone else get out don't touch my stuff my husband can cook will I let my husband cook no I won't because uh the cliche of he's really messy um but also it's the thing of I've actually sucked the life out of him that's the thing oh no that sounds wrong there's two ways one could take that. There we go. I'm getting into it again.

No, I mean, I've taken his confidence. And now when he cooks, I just can't help but sort of there's a passive aggressive. Like I'm like, oh, quite oily, isn't it? Do you stand like over his shoulder looking in the pan and kind of going, hmm, I wouldn't have used that. He says I do. Do you think that heat's a bit high? Yes. There's a bit high? Yes. There's a lot of that apparently.

I don't think I'm doing that, but he says I'm doing that, so I probably am. But I like it a certain way. Well, sorry, I like it to be amazing. So I'm going to have to do that. But so I am much more than I used to. And I think this is actually about having older kids. I am able now in a way that I didn't used to.

I used to need to have my routine and prep and do a lot of prepping because the kids are small and we're all working and on school runs and all that stuff. And I can do more like I'm going to throw something together tonight. I've got some simple vegetables. And I'm going to roast them. So I might do a bit more of that sort of thing. I'm very much enjoying the sort of Middle Eastern vibes. I do a lot of roasting stuff in the oven, as in more vegetables than I used to, trying to pull away from too much meat. And so my son, unfortunately, the two kids have very different requirements.

My son, 15-year-old son. Always the bloody way. This is the thing. This is it. And I'm bringing them up with the same food. How does that happen? It happens in every household. I swear, they decide what they like based on what the other one

hates and vice versa like it's not actually what they like i swear to god no i mean the one thing i would say about food things with kids um because a lot of people have come to me and said oh i've got a fussy eater what do i do and da da da the only thing i would say is don't give up on them sometimes they're just doing it to obviously piss you off but it's um that if you just put a little bit don't have to waste because it's just just put a little bit keep putting a little bit on the plate and so many times with my foodie son he said oh I don't like avocado. Don't give me avocado, for instance. And I'll just put a little bit there when we're having it. Year later, he'll be eating the avocado. It's not, you don't have to stop for the rest of their

lives. I didn't used to like mushrooms. I really like mushrooms now. It's okay. You can change your mind. We're not defined by, oh, I don't fancy that at the moment, or I've had too much of it and I've gone off it. You can come back round. What I'm saying is you can come back round on these things. So you have a foodie son, but a non-foodie daughter? Daughter, I don't know. Hey, you could, I'm no therapist um but i'm gonna say oh is this a little rebellion against her cookery skills and and her mother's control over the food in the in the household uh but she's very much like just wants plain food white food nursery food sort of, you know, and I'm trying to say, you know, let's keep it healthy. Let's, you know, have lots of vegetables. Let's be inventive and

play around with flavours. And she's like, don't play around with anything. Just stop playing around with stuff and just give me basics. She'll have a fresh finger you know i have one of those i have a if it's beige and it came out of a freeze and frozen packet i love it and if it's colorful not a chance no she wants to be a vegetarian but she doesn't actually eat any vegetables so there's a small problem yeah that is difficult um the answer is i'm not sure how yours is but then you have to say okay give me the menu for the week you give me the menu yeah that's a good idea but also the other thing is to give her a cookbook and say a one that you want to cook from that's a family friendly and all that and say pick out the recipes let's try it um because

another family i know well that worked really well for them and the the kid would i mean you can't maybe achieve it every week but you could just do it for one week for a fun week and um and they'll pick it out and you do it and some will be more successful than others but they'll be in control of it even though you've cooked it annie i think we have a solution i like this idea i'm gonna try it and i'm gonna uh phone you up and shout at you if it goes wrong okay oh don't do that also that's more of you trying to contact me outside of this i know you've brought out my stalkerish tendencies right i think we should go to the last question before faye runs away faye i need you to wipe your weepy eyes and i need you to prepare for the final question

oh gosh okay and actually given the stalkerish tendencies this is going to be imagine that annie and i you're tucking us into bed, we can't sleep, and sing us the lullaby that you used to sing your kids. Yes. Hang on, I've got to remember it. Menopause is causing me trouble. Okay. I will go and fetch the water.

I could never remember the second bit. It was from some cartoon. Is that it? That's it. I don't know where it's from. Did it often work? It was anything. I can see this crush evaporating.

Well, what do you want? You want some kind of Tom Jones, like, I don't know. What do you want? Well, on that epic singing note, we'll love you and leave you, Faye. Thank you for entertaining us. Pleasure. And you can tune into my podcast.

Oh, yes. Absolutely. Well, we were asking you, tell us about your podcast. What's it called? It's called Badil and Ripley's Buy, Leave It or Not. It's David Badil and me unboxing stuff that we've bought, some off the internet, some at the shops, one thing from a man who sold it on our doorstep, and we unbox it. So all the stuff that you get sort of adverts for

and everything else and think, oh, should I try that? Oh, that looks good. We basically review it. I love the sound of this because I fall for everything. If I see a picture of something, I have to buy it. If I a picture of something I have to buy it if I read about something I have to buy it there's like I think it's an illness it is and we are tapping into your sickness because we also have it we have that we are both shoppers and gullible so we're sick of seeing stuff getting at home going, it's rubbish. I wish I hadn't bought it. So we're buying it for you and we'll tell you if it's any good. So what sort of stuff? Everything from the Goop, which is the Gwyneth Paltrow.

Oh, don't say the vagina candle. You didn't. You did. To an electric bike, a meatball. I have to listen now to hear about the vagina candle. A blackhead sucker. I mean, there's literally, I mean, we went through it all. Some water bottle that smells like lime, so it tastes like lime.

I mean, there's all sorts of weird and wonderful stuff that sort of comes to you, you know, on your Twitter feed that we've bought and gone, mainly gone, don't buy it, I have to say. But sometimes we do buy it. Sometimes we love it. I am in. We will definitely be tuning in. Yes.

Well, thank you so much. What a lovely way to while away a morning it was lovely thank you girls that was fun um go and sort your eyes out and uh yeah and matt will be listening to the unboxing all right thank you see you later i've no idea how to leave