The Netmums Podcast - S12 Ep6: Solo parenting, reality TV, and writing for kids with Lydia Bright

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

"I almost think that when you become a single mum, you become part of this club." This week on The Netmums Podcast, Wendy and Alison are joined by the effervescent (and very chatty!) Lydia Bright, who has journeyed from reality TV fame on 'The Only Way Is Essex' to the challenges and triumphs of solo motherhood. Lydia opens up about the unexpected support she found in the single mum community and how it empowered her through her challenging pregnancy with her daughter, Loretta. Lydia reflects on the preconceptions of motherhood versus the reality, sharing her experiences of juggling work and parenting, and the importance of showing the raw, unfiltered side of life as a single mum on social media. She also delves into her latest venture, authoring the children's book 'Mummy and Me,' discussing the significance of representation in children's literature and the value of inclusive storytelling. As Lydia contemplates the future, she talks candidly about the prospect of dating, the importance of laughter and chemistry in a relationship, and how she plans to navigate introducing someone new into her tight-knit duo with Loretta. Laughter and life lessons go hand in hand in this conversation, as Lydia, Wendy & Alison celebrate the strength, resilience, and joy of single parenting.

You're listening to the Netmums podcast with me, Wendy Gollich, and me, Alison Perry. Coming up on this week's show... I remember when I finally revealed that I was going to be having a baby and I was doing it by myself. Oh my gosh, the outpouring of support that I received from single mums was incredible. Like, I almost think that when you become a single mum, you become part of this club. Like we all just gravitate to each other. Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the Netmums podcast. Now, what I was going to talk to you all about this morning was that I'm a little bit fed up that it's not spring yet we're not proper spring but I'm now going to talk to you

about the fact that don't you just hate it when you get that call you're really busy you're at work you're doing something and the school calls and I've just had that call to say your little girl's got a cough could you go and collect her so I've rallied the troops and someone's going to get her but I don't know it just do you get that sinking feeling when you get that call i get the sinking feeling but also i then get the guilt i feel like oh no i'm being judged by like the teachers and the teachers should i have sent them in have i done the wrong thing yeah it's not nice the thing is everybody else sends their kids in because that's why our kids get ill because of everyone's like, you know, they've got a sniffle, send them in.

If we all kept them home constantly, they're never going to build up their immunity and we would never be able to work. So don't feel guilty about it. It's part of childhood, isn't it? Alison, tell us who we're talking to. We got a little sneak preview. Did I just butt in before I was even supposed to talk? Totally did. I'm so sorry. We got a little gem here.

I just love to chat. Right, I'm going to sh-tum go, Alison. Today, we're joined by a kick-ass female entrepreneur. She's also very chatty, as you can tell. She's won her own clothing label. She's appeared on the BAFTA award-winning The Only Way Is Essex. She's a solo mum to a nearly four-year-old, which frankly means she deserves a medal. And now she is the author of a gorgeous children's book, Mummy and Me.

Welcome to the Netmums podcast, Lydia Bright. Thank you, guys. Sorry, do you know what it is is I'm very hyperactive all the time and I always have got something to say so I'm sorry that I butted in before I was supposed to. We'll let you off. No apologies needed. So did you ever imagine way back when you were on TOWIE that you'd be here writing a children's book? No. Do you know what? When I first got asked to do TOWIE when I was 18, I think all of us were in the same headspace that we were like, let's do this.

What a fun opportunity. When we're older, we can say that we were on telly once. Like none of us really knew what was going to come from it. Like the show didn't know what was going to come from it. Like the team that made the show, nobody predicted where it was going to take us. And yeah, I'm 15 years on now. I'm still kind of in the industry

and I'm still doing things off the back of the success of TOWIE. So no, definitely not when I first did it. I thought it was just going to be, yeah, like a one-off. Just something to tell the grandkids. How did find you because weren't you at sixth form with Arj no so how did they find you this group of of you know 18 year olds who wanted to be on telly yes so I was um me and Arj were actually I was 18 I think Arj was Arj was five Arj is five years older than me so um I'd just finished my A levels James was kind of like working like dead in jobs I think at the time he was working in a jewellers in East London um and um I left sixth form um I deferred a place at university for a

year because I said that I wanted to go and work in a cocktail bar in Marbella. Bring it on. When you did that. Oh, it was so good. It was so fun. I was like, you know, I've studied so hard. I need like a year just to have like some fun. Went and did a season out there.

James came with me. He was singing in the bars there. And when we were away in the summer, all of this was kind of happening back home. Like these auditions were happening. There was this idea that this show was going to be created around West Essex and like Brentwood. And they started like pulling all characters in. And me and Arj broke up. This was like breakup 50 of 1,000.

He flew home. His best friend Mark was on the show. So he got on the show. And basically the whole of season one, all he did was speak about how he wanted to win me back. So behind the scenes, they were like, right, we need to find out who this Lydia girl is because Arj is becoming like a family favorite. And we can't set him up on any dates or anything because he just wants to be back with this girl, Lydia. So they flew out to Spain and met me. I was like 18 at the time and had no money.

And they were like, we'll fly you home. We'll put you on a plane and you only have to do one episode. If it's not for you, it's not for you. So I was like, brilliant, at least I get a flight out of it. And then I flew home and then I got on the show and that's how it happened you've been through your fair share of public highs public lows since then overall when you look back are you glad you made the decision to be part of it oh my gosh 100 so many doors and opportunities got open through doing the only way is Essex it's not like I ever grew up with like that mentality that I wanted to be famous it was never like a goal or a dream of mine

I thought you were going to stop there it's not like I ever grew up I'm still as immature as I was back then um but yeah it wasn't like I ever really had this like burning desire to be famous I mean I didn't have a talent like we were the first structured reality tv show so before us it wasn't like you could ever be famous unless you were like an actor or a singer it weren't like yeah there was nothing in me that had this burning desire to be famous but the opportunity just came along for us all um we all just grabbed it and yeah oh my gosh what a ride that we've had we've been so lucky I always say like you know I think that I live by the motto the harder you work the luckier you get you have to work hard at things but equally I've been so fortunate that

I've been given like the most incredible opportunities in life. And who knows what the hell I would be doing had it not been for TOWIE. I don't know. What do you think you would be doing? Well, actually I say this, and my friend wrote on my post the other day, one of my really good friends from school, and I was due to go to university to study English language.

In my head, I always wanted to be a journalist um that was always I think it was because I loved yeah I loved writing I was also absolutely obsessed with Sex and the City and all I wanted to do was be Carrie Bradshaw um didn't we all I always wanted to do writing so in a way, this new career that I'm kind of doing now is kind of what I always wanted to do. I mean, I'm obviously writing children's books and not sex articles, but I'm still writing. So you've said that you've had, like, years ago,

you had this kind of preconceived idea of what motherhood would be like. Yeah. And that it was pretty tough when you were pregnant and you split up with Loretta's dad. If you could go back and tell pregnant Lydia one thing, what do you think it would be? Stop worrying so much. I think when I was pregnant, where I was, yeah, like just really lost and maybe you just have the time to your priorities

are different I think with maturity age and children you just worry less um but my biggest thing in pregnancy yeah was just worrying about people's judgments on me constantly which is absolutely ridiculous now when I think about it I was so nervous for it to come out that I was pregnant and I was doing it by myself I was so like worried sick that like people would judge me I don't think it is ridiculous though and isn't that sad that you were worried more about what people would think of you than the concept of bringing up a baby on your own just and it upset me so it upsets me now because I think like I really didn't have a great pregnancy and I think you know those that that time in our life is such a small part of our life you know if I had three

children I'm only going to have three years of my life or just under that I'm going to be pregnant and that that that experience with Loretta it really wasn't a lovely experience and I just feel sad that I let myself worry about things that really are insignificant um do you know what I think it is as well I think with me as well where I've always lived my life like in the public eye as well you know my life has been open to scrutiny since I was 18 you know more so yeah in my TOWIE days because you know episode would air to like three million people and you know they'd be straight on Twitter and having an opinion on you I think that I grew up I think a lot trying to think that I had to like appease people and almost that I had to be this perfect sort of role model and do things the perfect way

um so yeah I think if I could just tell myself now I'd just say don't worry like live your life the way that you've got to live it and and you know like people's opinions are just mere background noise. You know, you just, you dig deep and feel what you feel and what the people are around you, but you don't need to feel what other people who've never met are thinking of you. So, yeah. So you've found quite a lot of support, haven't you,

from the single mum community and being involved in that community? Definitely. As soon as I announced I was pregnant and I was doing it by myself, oh my gosh, I started feeling so empowered. It was before my announcement shoot came out that I was, yeah, really worried and also as well I was dealing with like first trimester like I was constantly like sick and like anxious and um you know all the joys that comes with that first trimester from it's not a barrel of laughs even if you're not dealing with all those hormones and yeah I remember actually just before my um announcement shoot came out I was in hospital on a drip because my sickness was so bad so I mean it was like yeah it was it was um that first trimester yeah it weren't the greatest greatest moments of my life but I remember when I

finally revealed that I was going to be having a baby and I was doing it by myself oh my gosh the outpouring of support that I received from single mums was incredible like I almost think that when you become a single mum you become part of this club like we all just gravitate to each other like if ever I'm out and about now majority of the time that I'll ever someone will ever approach me and talk to me it will be a single mum and they'll come up to me and they'll say hey Lydia I follow you on Instagram I'm a single mum as well and it gets the conversation going you almost become like a little club like single mum club um and I got just so many like amazing messages. And, you know, people would come up to me and talk to me. And I really felt like in that time. Yeah. From like from first trimester onwards, I really felt like in that time. Yeah, I still wasn't like 100% happy mentally. And I still was, you know lost and like heartbroken but I feel like that support that I received really did empower me and it did make me it did make me find this kind of

like strength that's so good um now you've already mentioned that you kind of put pressure on yourself in the past to I guess live this perfect version of your own life yes but how important is it to you because we know that life isn't like that in real life you know motherhood isn't like that single mother who doesn't like that so how important is it to you to show the reality of single motherhood on social media because we see so much idealized motherhood content don't we definitely yeah that is like a big thing as well that I think as I said comes with age maturity having children pre-Loretta I think yeah my social media you know I used it like a lot of influencers use it and there's nothing wrong with this but I used it sort of like a like an editorial magazine of my life you know and that's

how lots of people use the platform every picture is like polished color edited um angles are like the perfect angles and that's absolutely fine I love following accounts like that but as a mum influencer now and I think as well just because of I've been on reality tv and I have had to share yeah like the heartache and all of the kind of like yeah ups and downs of my life I decided that when I had Loretta that I yeah I just wanted to be a lot more real on my platform and a lot more um honest so yeah I do share the ups and downs and you know I do share the ups and downs and, you know, I do share that my child can be feral and rude and wild sometimes. But she's also like, like, you know, very enthusiastic and confident. And she's got all these wonderful qualities as well.

But I show, you know, the reality of it that, you know, she she can be hard work sometimes. And I wouldn't change that for the world because I don't want a boring child I want my child to be outspoken and I want her to have all these bundles of energy because gosh I think I was like that as a child she's never going to be shy is she so so um so yeah I um I yeah I show, the reality. And sometimes I will set up a camera to film something that I think will be polished. For example, when I gave her my book for the first time and I hid the camera and I thought, oh, this would be a lovely piece of content, a magical moment of like sharing with my daughter that I've written a book for her and I've worked on it for all these years. And I gave it to her and it didn't go to plan. And I mean, I could have easily just reshot her and I've worked on it for all these years and I gave it to her

and it didn't go to plan and I mean I could have easily just reshot that and tried to do it again but I thought I'm gonna share the reality I'm gonna share that my kid just absolutely doesn't care she doesn't want me to read the book to her she's she's got no interest she's sitting there sulking um and people resonate with that more like you know that whenever I put like the polished things on Instagram the numbers like the views and the captions in comparison to the things that are yeah real and raw and honest it's like it's it's so different people don't want to I don't I don't think people follow me to see that stylized stuff yeah I love that video I love that video of her you know that that magical moment that ended up being very real it was it was good hilarious my dad ends up getting the ump with my mum because

she keeps laughing so my my dad's in the corner of the video like giving her like giving my mum a dirty look and it's just normal family everyday life yeah so how important is it to you then that Loretta when she does eventually let you read the book to her um how important is it to you that Loretta and other children have books that they can see themselves represented in yeah that was yeah this was like the whole inspiration behind writing the book um when I was pregnant and I was you know trying to trying to buy anything that I felt would represent our family setup um I found that there just was a real lack of like single parent books. And everything that I did find was a very obvious messaging, which I didn't think a young child would feel that engaged in. So that's, yeah, kind of where I came up with the idea of just creating like this magical story

that is a single parent family on an on adventure and having magic and the single parent strand being part of the book but also not taken away from the magic of the story um which I was finding a lot of books were they just seemed a little bit like factual um and I wanted this book to be something that she just really enjoyed reading and wanted to keep picking up from the bookshelf and just love love the adventure um and it just kind of have this strand of a single parent family within it um and yeah it's so important you know when I first wrote the book um it was that I was writing it for Loretta and then the dream got bigger and I ended up getting an amazing publishing team and um the the book kind of evolved and

um yeah grew into what it is now um but the first yeah initial draft I was writing was just for Loretta but you know then I discovered that there's so many single mums out there I think it's 15% of the UK families are single parent families a majority of them are mums so this book is for yeah like all children to feel represented if they are from single parent families but also as well it's that whole thing that children need to see other family setups to become more inclusive people. They need to be, they need to see different races and religions in books. And, you know, that's how we're going to create the next generation of this really inclusive, wonderful people is the more that we expose them to our wonderful differences and what makes everyone unique because what a boring world it would be if we all the same and we all had the same family set up do you know what I mean it's like we have to embrace everything everybody's different it's still true and I think that I have said this to you before but the fact that the mum in the in the story is like she just wants a quiet moment she just wants to sit down and have

a cup of tea and as much as it's important for children to see themselves represented all of the mums and the dads reading this will see themselves surely in this character definitely and that was the thing as well like when I say the book has evolved so much from that first draft when I first started writing the book of course Loretta wasn't born so um I was kind of like basing it on like a yeah like a mother and a daughter um and then naturally as she was born and her personality evolved and you were tired and I was tired the the characters ended up just kind of like mirroring us slightly, mirroring our personalities and mirroring our life, which will be so, so many parents can relate to. But that's what makes it good because it is so much more relatable than when you think back to, I think we possibly are all guilty of this when you think back to what you imagine you're going to be as a

parent when you're pregnant for the first time to the reality they're just like this far apart and if if you'd published the book that you wrote when you're pregnant it wouldn't have been real it would have just been this idealized oh well i'm always going to put her to bed at seven she's never going to have chocolate and all of those things that we all tell ourselves that none of us do so true it's so true yeah so it's the book yeah I just wanted it to be real and yeah for people to be able to to yeah relate to it and this is, yeah, I wanted it to be a book that not only the children enjoy, but also parents enjoy, mums enjoy reading it.

And, yeah, the way that I did that is kind of, yeah, making it just super relatable. Well, speaking of reality, most of us have fairly real memories of lockdown, but you had an altogether different experience, didn't you? I absolutely loved lockdown. And yeah, I sometimes feel guilty saying that because obviously so much hardship came from COVID. But I always say, if it was ever going to happen in my lifetime, it happened at the perfect time. Of course, I wish that it never happened.

But if it ever was going to happen, it happened at the perfect time because I've always had, you know, a very busy life because I started TOWIE from such a young age and I've always been you know filming and going to events and traveling with work and things which has been incredible and and like I thrive off the chaos but when you have children you all of a sudden I was like all I want to do is be at home and be in this little like bubble um and lockdown gave us that perfect opportunity to just be at home,

no kind of like pressures to see anyone or do anything. And it was, yeah, I just absolutely loved just for once in my life, life being simple. Like all I had to worry about was, you know, making sure that the house was I was still working but I was working from home um and yeah I just really enjoyed the simplicity that came from Covid so four years on not quite four years on but you're four years into being a mum now what do you think I'm going to ask the best bit and the worst bit so far?

Or maybe the proudest bit and the worst bit? I would say the proudest bit, I think I look at my daughter all the time and I'm just like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe. I feel like this will never, ever get old. I'll just look at her, especially when she goes to sleep, and I'll be like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe you're mine. It's crazy sometimes, isn't it? I'm still doing it now that I look at her especially when she goes to sleep and I'll be like oh my gosh I can't believe you're mine like it's crazy sometimes isn't it like I'm still doing it now that I look at her and I think I can't believe I created her um and yeah she's she's mine and yeah and like just she's such a

she's such a like amazing little character like everywhere she goes she lights up the room and she's so confident and um yeah like oh she can be hard work sometimes for sure but she does make me proud all the time um I'd say the worst part is I just think sometimes for all of us they the the juggles just overwhelming sometimes isn't it like juggling you know work and even if you're not a working parent like just life admin like keeping on top of like like the house and um you know social events and filling your kids doing enough with your kids and just like the endless list sometimes that's like that's the hardest thing I think that sometimes it just gets life can get overwhelming sometimes.

The monotony, the endless having to do those tasks, the kind of monotonous tasks that just keep going. It is. It's the endless juggle, isn't it? Like that's the thing because of I think pre-children, pre-children it's manageable, but then you chuck children in and it's it's double the work really isn't it so it just it it's sometimes hard to manage everything that's what I would say is the hardest thing and you know I get to points sometimes where I'm like call my mum up and cry on the phone I'm like I can't do everything please um but then I'm very lucky that they always come in my mum and dad and you know my dad will come and

pick up Loretta and they'll say right you know we'll take her away for a couple of days you can get your head down you can crack on oh I'm so lucky like my mum and dad are the best support those first few years though I think when you know between like one and four one and five are definitely the most intense um so you're you're coming out the other end yeah um but you've said that now that you are kind of coming through the the harder years that you're perhaps more open to dating and meeting someone new so I want to know have you got your eye on anybody in particular I mean... Chris Hemsworth and... Oh, we're going to write out a list. I mean, I don't...

Oh, we'll be here till tomorrow. We can't... I don't even feel like I've got a celebrity crush, though. Do you know what it is? I just think the most important thing in all of this is just, especially now that I've got Loretta, is just being with someone that makes me laugh because I just think, like, life... Obviously, I want to fancy

them they I don't want them to be a manta but I you've got to find them physically attractive obviously like I've got yeah you've got to find them like attractive like obviously like as shallow as it is no you have to that's not shallow yeah and and the first time that you talk to someone you talk to them not because their personality you don't you don't if you approach someone or they approach you you're you're approaching them purely based on physical appearance aren't you you don't know what their personality is going to be like I have to have that chemistry and that physical attraction but I think the most important thing um in everything is just having someone to make you laugh because like going back to like like that that life is so busy when you become a parent and especially yeah juggling

work as well so you know the time that I get off from work and get off from raising my daughter I just want to be having a really good time and I just want to be laughing so I think yeah that's that's like the number one like important thing and just yeah just having that kind of like chemistry what do you think Loretta would make of a fella coming on the scene because you're quite a good little team yeah that's something that like oh I don't I don't even know like I've never got to the point where it's been it's been at that like yeah like I've dated and stuff but it's never really got to that point um I don't really know like I've it's hard isn't it because it's always been us two and it's been so intense so um because obviously we had lockdown for all those years and it's like

we've lived in the house together and it's like she lives exclusively with me she sleeps with me apart from the odd sleepover that she has at my mum and dad's she'll she sleeps with me every night and has slept with me every night since she was a baby so I don't know it's like it I think that maybe that's why I'm saying more that I'm more ready now, though, because she'll be starting school in September. So that will free up a lot more time because I think that I would want to keep things separate initially. Until you're sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or sure, as sure as you can be about these things. Yeah, exactly. Look, I try and not like, I try and not put too much like time frames on myself because I just think like my mum always said, God makes plans and the devil laughs at them.

And it's like I try and not ever say to myself, right, this is going to happen this year and this is my five year goal. And this is because I just think like you don't know where life's going to take you. And I'll assess that situation when we come to it um but I think that it would have to be I'd have to approach it delicately because of yeah it has been so intense for me and Loretta and yeah I wouldn't want her to feel pushed out so final question for you Lydia do you have any more books in the pipeline oh my gosh I would absolutely love to continue this journey because it's been so enjoyable and I mean I've dabbled my hands in many things over my career it's like sometimes I feel like I'm like Del Boy like I've

done so so many so many things you've got a multi-hyphen career Lydia that's what they call it multi-hyphen it's all the rage oh well yeah I've just I've done so many so many things but this I've really really loved and yeah I've loved this because I am a mum now and it's like I love doing things that involve Loretta and involve my journey in motherhood um And look, it's been such a long process, but I feel like if we were to, you know, carry on the adventures with the characters, now I've got like the most amazing team and I've got the most incredible illustrator.

So I feel like... Yeah, you've got the setup in place. You've got the foundations there. It's a well-oiled machine now. So I would absolutely love to continue. Watch this space. Oh, thank you, lydia for joining us it's been so lovely to have you come and chat with us this morning oh thank you so much guys thank you no it was really fun as always i love talking on these podcasts i could

talk forever