The Netmums Podcast - S14 Ep10: Oti Mabuse on premature birth, parenthood, and her spicy new romance novel!

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Wendy and Alison sit down with the multi-talented Oti Mabuse. Known for her dazzling performances on Strictly Come Dancing and her role as a judge on Dancing on Ice, Oti opens up about her journey into motherhood, her experiences with a premature birth, and how she's balancing family life with her flourishing career. Oti shares the story of her daughter's early arrival and the unexpected challenges her family faced during those initial weeks in the neonatal unit. She talks about the support she received from the NHS, the importance of skin-to-skin bonding, and the delicate balance of caring for a premature baby. Oti reflects on her active pregnancy and the societal pressures on women to return to their pre-pregnancy bodies, and how she's embracing her new role as a mother. Oti also touches on her excitement about her upcoming romance novel, set to be released in 2025, and the importance of representation of black women in literature.  Stay connected with Netmums for more parenting tips, community support, and engaging content: Website: netmums.com / Netmums socials: @netmums / Facebook / TikTok / X Series 14 of the Netmums Podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative

You're listening to the Netmoms podcast with me, Wendy Gollich, and me, Alison Perry. Coming up on this week's show... They spent most all their time in this incubator, which is a glass box, attached to machines, hearing those sounds and always getting their bloods taken by the midwives to help them get better. It's something that I did not expect to happen. And then at that point, I didn't have a hospital bag at all. I didn't have a birthing plan. I didn't have pampers.

I didn't have any nappies. I didn't have any. I really did not have anything. And thank goodness for the NHS and the team that was there. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Netmums podcast. This is becoming predictable, but I'm starting with a rant. Alison, Christmas, relatives asking for presents ideas for your kids.

All of mine, grannies, uncles, aunts, grandparents are now asking me what my kids want. And I find it exhausting having to think of things from them and us. Thoughts? I have got so many thoughts on this, Wendy. Honestly, it's a really big bugbear of mine. And I guess it, that they obviously want to buy something

that, you know, our children really want. But whether it's around Christmas or whether it's when it's their birthdays, we already have a huge mental load we have got we're thinking of present ideas from ourselves we're probably organizing parties and events and different things and at christmas time we've got you know all the school christmas events happening and nativities we don't need to be thinking of ideas for other people so yeah it's i know's... I... No, it's not OK if you ask me. Well, let's see if our guest today has an opinion on the matter. Let's see.

So, yeah, our guest today is a judge on Dancing on Ice. She also raised the Glitter Ball Trophy on Strictly Come Dancing twice. And she has her own UK tour, Viva Carnival, kicking off in 2025. It is, of course, Oti Mabusi. Oti, welcome to the Netmums podcast. Thank you for having me. I literally have my one-year-old here and I'm trying to bribe her with snacks. So that she's quiet.

So if you hear a packet of like crisps just going... If you hear rustling, it's not you, you're getting peckish. Yeah, you can have whatever you want as long as you're helping, you're working with mommy here. Oh my goodness. I mean, that is juggling, juggling motherhood and work right there, folks. So tell us about family life at home, Oti, with you and your husband both being dancers.

I'm guessing there's music and movement and snacks and laughter. Yeah, all the time, especially with Auntie as well, dancing. And we get to go to the dance studio and she's literally around dancing all the time, all her lives. And then on Saturday, we watch Auntie on Saturdays, don't we? We watch Auntie on Saturdays, don't we? We watch Auntie on Saturday. No, I mean, I do my bit, I do my work, and the one thing I always want to do is just head back to her and spend time with her and play with her.

And we have fun. We play nursery rhymes, we read, we do bath time. And I try to, just maybe probably out of mum guilt, make up for the time that I'm gone with a lot of activity and snacks. We all do that. Yeah, that's just standard. But your little one, she's turning one soon, isn't she? How will you be celebrating?

We are going to... So first, her in-laws are coming in, so it might get loud as well. They're coming all the way from Romania, my in-laws. And my mum is here. So we're just going to do... And Mutzi's coming with her family as well. We're just going to do a little family thing and I don't know if I can bake the cake,

but I'm going to attempt to bake the cake. And then on Saturday, we're going to do a big thing with all my friends and all their kids and the dance school, just so that we can celebrate a year of her and her being in all our lives, because the dance school is like our extended family and we want to just share this moment with them as well. Her entry into the world didn't go quite to plan though,

did it? Can you tell us what happened? It's quite a dramatic story. It is, although I'm smiling now because she's literally winking at me and I don't know why. No, so she was born prematurely and she was, it was a spontaneous natural birth that I had. And it was 10 weeks premature and she spent six weeks in the neonatal. And when it was happening, I think because it's something that maybe people talk about, but I didn't personally hear a lot of conversations happening about premature children and what happens when your child is born that small and they need the tubes to help them breathe and they need tubes to help them eat and they have to have tests they they're testing their organs if everything is working all right and they spent most all their time in this incubator which is a

glass box attached to machines hearing those those sounds and always getting their bloods taken by by the midwives to help them get better it's something that I did not expect to happen and then at that point I didn't have a hospital bag at all I didn't have a birthing plan I didn't have pampers I didn't have any nappies I didn't have any I really did. I really did not have anything. And thank goodness for the NHS and the team that was there to actually help with the right size nappies because their skin is so thin and it's so fragile. So you need nappies that fit their bodies but also that is gentle on their skin.

Because the whole thing of your child getting better is kind of based around feel and touch and skin to skin. And the team, the midwife team, constantly tell you, do a lot of skin to skin, skin to skin. And you want a nappy that fits and that works well for your baby, for them to feel comfortable, and for you to have that first bonding nappy change. And I've seen those nappies. They're, like, really dinky, aren't they? They're so small. They're, like, the size of my paw, really. They're the size of my paw, and they're really, really thin.

But I think you don't imagine that even those little, like, paw-sized pampers sometimes can be too big and that's how small the babies come out and I think the NHS and the team do such an incredible job just working with little babies with little organs and exactly so you're working with pampers aren't you Oti because I was reading up earlier, their research says that eight in ten parents feel nervous to touch their pram baby because it's so scary. But as you've just said, it's really essential for bonding.

Did you feel that? Were you scared? Absolutely. You're apprehensive because, I don't know, I've had so many children in my my life you know my sisters have children we were there for the birth they were not that size it's really the size and how brittle the babies are um and and also when you're holding them they've still got wires attached to them they still have pipes they still have breathing fumes if they have jaundice they still very much have their eyes covered um so yes you're very very nervous you're looking forward to the first time to hold them because obviously every single woman tells you that is the most special moment ever but you're

also scared because it's not what you expected i love that she's just snuffling she's not snuffling she's going she's eating her snacks she's eating she's eating of course obviously it wasn't just the premature birth that you had to deal with because you

were then suffering from sepsis weren't you after the birth which I didn't know about and we only Because you were then suffering from sepsis, weren't you? After the birth. Which I didn't know about. And we only found out later because I had one hospital, but then I changed hospitals and the second hospital. And I had an incredible doctor. Her name was Nikki, who was so brilliant with me and so communicative and so amazing.

I didn't know. I didn't know I didn't know nobody knew nobody knew um I'm okay she's okay now we're okay um but it it might no one knows why you have like a premature birth but it might have been one of the things that led to it and while we're talking about you know your birth maternity experience there have been there's been a lot of conversation brilliantly so in the last few years about black maternal health what was your experience in terms of do you think that you were perhaps not listened to as much you know by the team that were looking after you or um no it wasn't like that I think because of who I am I have to say that that is a certain it has its privileges so so I don't think that's what I

happened with me everything was really great um everyone in the hospital as well they they looked like me most most of the nurses looked like me they were mostly african or caribbean women um they did listen to me but i also don't want me saying that to be the experience that a lot of other black women have because it is true i've spoken to so many other women that that are told that their pain is not serious that is life, that they have to deal with it. But I was... I think they know that I'm in that public eye and if they did something, I would talk about it. I'd be like, I'm going to tell on y'all. But that was never something that happened to me.

And, again, like I've said, I don't want that to take away from the experience that many many many many if not all most black women do experience which which I can 100% relate to but I have to acknowledge my privilege of having a recognizable face and saying that did not happen to me so a year on I'm guessing that you've done a lot of reflecting and a lot of coming to terms with what happened how does how do you think it's affected you as a person and how you've been as a mum I think I question what happened I question I question myself a lot because I still think about what I was doing and it's not even what I was doing it was like why why why was I

working out so many times why was I working so actively why was I what was I trying to prove what is what is the the point and there's a little bit of self-blame there where you think maybe if I had just stayed at home and relaxed you know know, and just nested, that this would have not happened. Maybe if I had just not done that workout or that dance class or maybe if I had just done things a little bit different. And then when I think about, of course, I do want more children because she's so amazing. I mean, she's shouting at me now over Chris.

I do want more children. And how is this experience going to change the next experience and will i be active i'll be a lot older i'll be a geriatric it will be a geriatric birth by probably that point um how will i how will i approach that and and then it forms because of the experience experience, it just, I think it changes, it forms an opinion on how I intend on approaching the next pregnancy. Because I know it's going to be completely different as well then. Yeah. It sounds like you had a pretty active pregnancy, but are you someone who loves being pregnant or did you just sort of tolerate it i loved it so much and it's honestly honestly honest i see other women now and i'm like oh my god i want to go back to that i was in pain when i was

pregnant right i was in pain but but there were so many other things like my skin was amazing my nails i i did have one sickness for but just for about maybe two three weeks damn you i had it for like 40 weeks sorry i know but then i had a premature baby you see yeah i had long hair i think people were doing things for me uh opening doors like cooking for me cleaning for me my mom was here uh she's still here by the way she's here um yeah i and i really love the experience the the one of the the hardest thing for me though and i think it was one of the signs was i had uh gestational diabetes so that then once I found out that I had that I think everything started to slightly go downhill then I was really

tired I was really thirsty all the time and I guess that was the sepsis because I thought I'm really feeling like I ran a marathon when I wake up and I was just exhausted and I see some of my friends who are pregnant now and they're just they're just going about their day and I can see the big difference hey hey no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no what is she trying to do she's literally trying to go to a plank right now obviously i had um gestational diabetes too and i found by the end i had to inject insulin and kind of like pretty scary stuff and i found it made me so much more worried about my baby did it the same happen to you yeah because they tell you that they're quite big at that side i was on a metformin

to try and get my sugar low so i was really it wasn't that high but it was high to a point where they were worried um and and yeah like you're you're constantly worried does the medicine affect my blood which then affects the baby uh does it make the baby drowsy? You also question, like, as a dancer, my body has been my tool of work. Oh, here we go, sorry, they're dressing her. My tool to work. And now my body is kind of not reacting the way I thought it would. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

But also, as a pro dancer, what was it like when you were pregnant, seeing your body change so much? I loved it. No, I did love it, honestly. I didn't have... I think when you dance, and I'm being really honest, when you're dancing and there's a certain amount of pressure to look a certain way, of pressure to look a certain way

you have to look a certain way and when you're pregnant and and and it changes i i wasn't going back to dancing i had no intentions of going back to dancing so for the first time that pressure to look a certain way was gone and it felt amazing it felt like people were like oh why she gained weight why is she like this and and I was just like I'm just enjoying my life I'm really just enjoying my life obviously I was pregnant but I was just enjoying my life and and I love the way I I felt I love the way I looked when I looked in the mirror I had a little cute bum, you know, you get that pregnancy bum. I absolutely, I loved it. And I think the pressure only started to get to me after I gave birth, when people were expecting me sort of to go back to my dancer's body. And I was like, I'm not ready.

I'm just not ready. And I really take my hat off to women who can like say okay I'm gonna get back to that because it's so incredibly hard but it took me about eight nine months to start to get back into shape and I'm still every day it's still a journey still that fight is still that the fight with myself to look at myself in the mirror and be like, you're okay. It's still a fight to get there. Like, you're beautiful, you're good. It's a big fight. Yeah. You've been honest in the past about, you know, before you got pregnant, you guys were struggling to conceive.

You know, when you're in that position, it can just feel like everyone else around you is getting pregnant at the drop of a hat. Was it like that for you? I feel like social media kind of hears your algorithms and your conversations and what you talk about it just enhances it um and honestly most of my friends we all have one year olds if you think jeanette jemma lydia west fleur all of us have one year old.

So all of us were trying to have children around the same time. And it's almost like you have this thing in your head and you really, really want it to happen. You really, really want it to happen. And it doesn't. And it's like, well, what's wrong with me? Well, what did i do wrong you know and yeah like i think social media kind of repeats what is happening it's like

everybody's announcing their baby you know what's happening to me now now because i'm talking about oh yeah i would love to extend my my family my instagram is second bones now my instagram is like everyone that's it's like on their second baby and i'm like when did we agree think yourself lucky because mine is all electric lawnmowers because somebody in my house talked about an electric lawnmower and now all i get is electric lawnmowers so you take your second baby and be grateful that it's not electric bloody lawnmowers no but it's like it's like I'm like at night and she's waking up and she's teething and I'm I've got the carpool there and and I just say oh we're on our second I'm like but when did you sleep when like how oh you don't so you've said you want to have as many as you can but obviously not quite yet because you need

to get some sleep first the certain things that need to happen to make a baby aren't conducive to no sleep i think i think also when i see her playing on, oh, oh, my God, she's walking. She's standing on her own. All these things are happening right now. Is that the first time? No, no, no, no, no, no. She just went. Oh, I was going to say, are we witnessing her precepts?

I know. I'm like, don't do this now. I need to get my camera out. No, I think also when she plays by herself, I feel really guilty. And I don't know if this is a normal thing, where she's playing and she's on her own and she's playing with the toys. And I just think...

No, that's good. She needs a friend. She needs a friend. So that's where I am. I'm like, I just want to give her a friend. That's it. Oh, that's so lovely. I just want to give her a friend. That's it. Oh, that's so lovely. But then you'll give her a friend

and you'll come back on the podcast and say all they do is fight. They don't play with each other. They try and scratch each other's eyes out. That's so true. That's so true. Now listen, Oti, as well as all of the TV work that you're doing,

you've written a romance novel, haven't you, which comes out in summer 2025. I'm impressed because when I had a small baby, the last thing that was on my mind was romance, but it's clearly not the case for you. Well, she's got to be fed somehow. I've got to work. I've got to work.

No, I really, because I've written children's books before. I've written four children's books before i've written four children's books before it kind of makes sense to start writing for a different audience now and i love i'm a huge um colleen hoover fan and simon and schuster and they're publishing that what the books that they publish are absolutely amazing. And it's about representation as well of female black authors and seeing themselves on shelves being the one that's wanted in the book, the one that's being romanced over, the one that's being their feet are swept away.

And I'm so glad that as a publisher, that's something that they really wanted to represent as well they felt really strongly about that so i'm am i excited it's spicy it's exciting it's tantalizing when did you write this well middle of the night no so we started because it takes a long time to write so we started before it was before i was even i even gave birth um i think like three months when i was three months pregnant it's when the whole process starts so so it's a really really really really long process and then you have deadlines that you have to meet. And then you can go to printers, which again takes long. So it's been in the pipeline for a long time.

It didn't just happen, oh, she gave birth and she wrote a book last week. It's been years. It's been a while, months, actually. It's been months of us kind of creating this book. So tell us a bit about what it was like growing up in South Africa. You've said that you want to give your little girl a sibling. And obviously, we all know your

sibling from dancing. But what was it like? Were you competitive and always trying to outdo each other? No. Well, there's 10 years between me and Mutzi. And there's seven years between me and my other sister, Pimelo. So we were not competitive. But I think Mama, we're Mutzi and seven years between me and my other sister Pimelo so I we were not competitive but I think mama were Mozi and Pimelo competitive with each other no my mom's like no we don't we don't do that in this family no we never because generally I don't think we were brought up that way my mom never raised us to or put us in an environment where we had to compete against each other. And because we danced, dancing was always categorized by age. So Mutti was in a different section, my middle sister, and I was like in the kids section.

So we never had to compete against each other. And when we did have to compete against each other, my mom absolutely hated it. She hated it. She doesn't like us going against each other my mom absolutely hated it she hated it she doesn't like us going against each other my my dad is is constantly reminding us that you are sisters you have to support each other and in the african culture we don't really have competition um in the south african culture we don't have that oh this is it's more like a hierarchy the oldest sister talks to the parent the middle sister deals with the little ones and the little one is a queen but yeah we're never competitive and and we still are not and we're so supportive like i love watching my sister on saturday nights

and she still she lives with me after the so so i know she's gonna come back and then we're gonna debrief and then we're probably gonna watch the show again and then I'm gonna be like you could have done this you could have done this and oh she helps me on dancing online so we still very much each other support system that's so lovely and speaking of support as a mum who's just completed her first year of motherhood tick um if someone's listening who's right in the thick of those newborn days what words of advice do you have for them oh man you will get through it you will get through it they grow up and then you you start to learn that pattern and you definitely will get through it i think every mom starts to fight their routine and find their way and get to know their their child a little bit

better but yeah you you gotta go go in it get through it and then you'll get over it sound advice now before we let you go and deal with snack time we have to ask if there's any truth in the rumors that you're heading into the i'm a celebrity jungle i cannot confirm or deny anything but i'm a big big fan of the show and i've loved it that's not good enough no that's not a good enough answer That's the best I can do at this time. At this time, right. I think we all know what that means. Well, you enjoy those kangaroo testicles. I have no idea what that means.

No idea. If people want me to eat things, they will will make me if they don't then they won't let me just say i think i think that khaki it will really suit you i think i think i think it's your color okay we will see will we will we see okay okay we're so mean ot thank you so much for joining us today it has been so fab to chat to you oh thank you for having me i really appreciate it don't forget you can get in touch with us on all social channels instagram facebook tiktok just type in netmoms and you'll find us and if you liked what you've heard today we'd love for you to give us a five star rating

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