The Netmums Podcast - S15 Ep2: Peter Andre talks fatherhood at 50, mental health and finding balance

Episode Date: January 28, 2025

Peter Andre is back at Netmums HQ! Join Wendy Golledge and Alison Perry for a catch-up with returning guest,Peter Andre, to talk all things family life, parenthood, and life in the spotlight. The much-loved singer, actor, and TV personality, opens up about his journey as a dad to five children – from parenting baby Arabella to his teenagers. Peter is as candid as ever – this is a brilliant listen! He talks: Fatherhood at 50: Peter shares how his perspective on parenting has evolved, the unexpected joys of nappy-changing for the fifth time round and how he stays present for his kids. The power of partnership: Peter talks about supporting his wife, Dr. Emily, especially around mental health, and how they work together as a team to raise their family. Navigating the teen years: From teenage hobbies to setting boundaries, Peter discusses his approach to being a dad who’s both supportive and relatable. Balancing career and family: Currently touring with The Best of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, Peter gives us a glimpse behind the scenes of his performances and how he keeps his family close even when he’s on the road. The importance of communication: Peter shares his thoughts on staying open and connected with his kids, building trust while allowing them the space to grow. You can catch Peter on stage in The Best of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons performing timeless hits and bringing the legendary music to life. Stay connected with Netmums for more parenting tips, community support and expert advice. Website: netmums.com / Netmums socials: @netmums / Facebook / TikTok / X  Proudly produced by Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative

Hello folks, welcome to another episode of the Netmums podcast. How are you this week, Alison? I've got a bit of a rant actually, Wendy. I know that rants are more your thing, but I'm going to go in with a rant. I mean, anyone listening, if you work from home, do you have this thing where your partner or other members of your family have an expectation that you will just casually do some housework while you're working like load the dishwasher you know do some laundry maybe get a loaf of bread in it is kind of annoying because I feel like I'm working why just because I'm working from my house do you have this expectation that I'm going to do extra chores what do you does that happen to you Wendy all the time oh there's no milk is the kind of refrain when someone gets home and then you say do I look like a cow like it's just what do you do I mean I've got I've got to do this

with my kids all the time right so I'm like guys you walk past the sink you see all these dishes in there just please put them in the dishwasher yeah but they but they're not mine. I said, so when my mum and dad, when we put things in the dishwasher, are they all ours? No, but you see, we're expected. And this is the thing I'm trying to teach him, but it's not going down too well. My teenagers say to me, my teenager says to me, yeah, but it's your job to do it. It's not my job. And I'm like, what? Yeah, that's a good's that's the standard one

i love that our guest is just chipping into our uh our pre-chat amble no no no it's all good peter i'm gonna i'm gonna let the audience know who it is who's this strange voice chipping into our conversation um because we have got our returning guest this week uh we're joined once again by the fantastic peter andre singer, TV personality and a dad of five. Peter is currently on tour across the UK with the best of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons. Peter, a warm welcome back to the Net Moms podcast. It's good to be back, guys.

I love it. I love the fact that you guys, it's so real and it's so relatable and it could be mums but actually dads can relate let me tell you I can definitely relate um and yeah doing the best of the four seasons and at the moment we're doing the best of winter that's for sure that's the season we're hoping this season won't be too long but hey it is what it is So last time we spoke to you was a momentous occasion. You were about to turn 50 and now you're about to turn 52. So tell us, since we were mere spring chickens in our 40s, what have you so far found your 50s to be like?

Well, OK, I have to say I was dreading it, but I was dreading getting into my 40s as well. I remember the day before I turned 40, I was dreading it but I was dreading getting into my 40s as well I remember the day before I turned 40 I was so I was so depressed I mean literally I just thought 40s that's it it's all over 40s came and I was like yeah this is good started caring a little less about things you don't need to care about but I thought okay it's good but still you know still quite you know figuring yourself out and and then 50s came. I thought, well, that's it. My life's over now.

I should just accept this. It's all over. No drama. It's over. That's it. But then the day, so I rang my sister and I said, Debs, when you turn 50, what's it like? She goes, oh, you feel terrible.

But then the next day you feel great. Well, I woke up at 50 and I went, is that it? I was like, this is great. And then I started to notice that things that bothered me a lot just don't really bother me anymore. And it's a beautiful thing because you kind of know who you are. You kind of know what you're like. I feel a lot more chilled as a person. So actually I think fifties, I mean, I've got no choice. I've got to love it because I'm in it. I've got to love it. But I actually do think it's great. So you guys, I was your age a long, long time ago.

I wish that was true. But also last time we spoke to you since then, you have also gained another child. How has life been since little Arabella was born last April? Crazy. You know, I remember saying when I was in my 40s, I said, I'll never be 50 and changing nappies. I said, if we're going to have any more kids, it will be before 50. And then here I am at 51 changing nappies.

And actually, I've actually seen things a bit different. I've actually spent more time, those first six months, I really, really bonded, really bonded. Because I said to my manager I've been with the same manager for 30 years and I said look I really want some time out I want to really focus all the things that I missed out on with the other kids because work work work work work and I did those first six months were just magic I mean espresso became my best friend of course uh you know know, you need those coffees.

Yeah, they were a really big part. But I happen to have a super duper fantastic wife who's so good as a mom and she's so on it, you know. So you kind of feel redundant at some times, at some points. I wasn't complaining about being redundant sometimes. I'm not going to lie. It was quite like let me help you no no hon you go and do no no sweetheart let me help you no you go and do it okay because you want me to relax I will but I wouldn't normally I just just because you want me

to I mean selfish at times but no I I do I do really appreciate her I think she really is like a lot of there's many amazing mums but you obviously we're going to praise our own aren't we did you do that thing where you kind of forget what the newborn days are like and kind of forget yeah yeah and we both looked at each other about three months in and went never again sorry never ever again hello hello that's again hello sorry everyone 13 year old gate crushing the podcast but but how cool that your 13 year old bought you a drink like how lovely is that that's so nice wendy you've got her trained well though will she no she might not put it in the sink she might not wash it up but she did put it in. It gave it to you. So that's great.

Of course, we don't know what's in that drink. I remember when my kids used to say, let me make you a drink, Dad, or let me make you a coffee, and I'd be petrified because I didn't know how they were going to make it. You know, they'd press all sorts of buttons on those machines. And it's not gin and tonic. No, no. Well, maybe in a few years that can be her thing.

Yeah, maybe. So did you forget that whole newborn business and just go crashing back into it and think oh god this is really hard and it is and the thing is you you know as a guy and i can only speak on behalf of people i know and my own experience you feel guilty as a guy sometimes because, you know, when you're, so if Emily's breastfeeding and I'm waking up, I always wake up when she wakes up because she can't, you know, depending on how the operation went or whether it was a natural birth or whatever, there's a period of time where they can't really hold the baby or they can't lift the baby. So I remember always getting up when she was up, but then I couldn't do anything. All I could do was hand her the baby. So she would want me to sleep so that we wouldn't both be really tired. But then

you're feeling guilty because you're thinking I should be helping. And it just was this cycle of, you know, there was the odd time where she would say, I really need you to go in the other room so that you could be awake for the others in the morning. And I'd like secretly be going yes yes thank you but but but I wasn't showing that I was going no hon that's not right um but yeah no I I yeah I I forgot how tiring it was I did and you know what that time goes quick it doesn't feel quick at the time but we're nine months in now and and she's just amazing the baby she's amazing yeah and what are the older ones like with her like i bet they're having such a great time having a little baby around i love her so much something on instagram of princess yeah and i was just like see that to

me that was it's weird right because sometimes when you post things i always have this thing where people say you know like some things they have this thing where people say, you know, like some things, they didn't say that about this, but you know how sometimes they go, why do people post their kids or why do people post this? It's because you have moments as a parent where you're so proud and you almost want to just show everyone how proud you are as a parent. It's no different when you're meeting people out somewhere and you go, oh, look at this picture of my kids.

And, you know, everyone shows pictures of their kids now that that moment when she was lying there with her I just I just went this is this is just magic and she was oblivious and I just started filming her and of course I showed her and and she said to me oh you should post that and I went yeah I should actually because that is beautiful it was it really was I mean I've got a 14 year old and I've also got six year old twins and I think having older kids is ideal because you can get them to babysit do junior or princess ever babysit for the younger ones so the difference between the girl and the boy in my household is that princess will be like yeah of course no worries and you know we'll always say look we'll give you something you know because it's nice they get a

little bit of pocket money and stuff junior will say uh what day do you need me and i'll be like well two in two weeks time we're going to go just for dinner is that all right i don't know i'm going to be busy i'll have to have a look well well why don't you just look at why don't you just look in the calendar now and if there's nothing in there just block that out he's going yeah but something might come up well something won't come up if you've i might get a better offer dad yeah so so yeah it's a bit of a yeah but they're good i mean they're great kids they absolutely love their siblings and it's a beautiful thing to see. It really is. So you've said, this is it, no more babies.

But would you be swayed if Emily came up to you in two years and was like, I want another baby? Would you be swayed at 54? Or are you done with nappies? I'm done. And the thing is, what's more important is that she said she's done. The thing is, again, as a guy, and I can only speak about myself here, when she says, shall we try for a baby? Sometimes us guys are not thinking with the right brain. We're thinking, oh, trying for a baby. Okay, this could be fun.

And you're not really kind of thinking, hang on, this could actually turn into a baby, which is stupid because someone's going to go how could you not realize that but i don't you're not always thinking correctly at the at certain times anyway if she said she's not done i know that it would be a sort of a thing of like i would try so hard to avoid this happening again because we've got enough children i mean how many do we want but um i said to her why don't I make it permanent? Why don't I do something about it? And she said, would you do that?

And I said, yeah. I said, you know, and then we don't have to worry about it anymore. Then I started to get this horrible feeling that you're going to laugh at this. But I literally thought that if you get that done, you start talking like this, right? I literally did. And so I started freaking out. And I said, I can't do that because he said, what's wrong with you? And I said, well, I don't.

I said, what if I start speaking really high-pitched? And she's as if I don't speak high-pitched already. And for anyone who doesn't know, listeners, his wife's a doctor. A doctor. So she is a doctor. She knows what doctor. A doctor. So she is pretty lucky. She knows what she's talking about. So she convinced me that that's not going to happen. And I thought, well, okay, she knows. So then it was back on the cards, right?

I thought, okay, as if, like I said, as if I haven't got a high-pitched voice already, I don't need a higher one. Anyway, I then went and started asking people who've had it done and they were like it's it's horrific it's this it's that well hang on is it horrific now no now it now it's been a few years what do you mean a few years what was it like for the first year well there were moments right it just put me off by set Emily if you really, if you really want me to. Listen to horror stories. Yeah, it's like when you Google something, when you feel a bit unwell and you Google it

and it says you will die by Thursday. You know what I mean? It's like you just take everything that someone says. So do you reckon you will do it then, Peter? Probably not now. But I think if Emily. He bottled it look i'm not gonna lie i've completely bottled it it's freaked me out um but then again if

something you know if if it means that she doesn't have to do anything to prevent it i will do it but it's going to take some guts to do and i need to man up i need to actually just go you know what get over it and do it but i'm just struggling a bit at the moment with that thought look he's got a little calming drink of water i just need to yeah i just need a moment guys okay yeah i'm having hot flushes no i'm not i'm not let's pray for peter um do you like do you have those moments now that you guys have made that decision between you do you have those moments where arabella might be doing something and you think oh that's the last time that we'll ever get to do that that is such a good point and that is the that is why i wanted to be much more present now because i knew i knew that was going to happen

she does certain things and i'm like, but is it? That's it. I know that doesn't make sense, but you know what I mean? It does. Is it really? That's it. Because maybe one of my children will bring us children and we can do this all again without all the, without all the sort of the tiredness and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

So maybe that will happen. You know, I think at some point, you know, if it wasn't here, where do you stop? I mean, my dad, believe it or not, his mom and dad together for, what, 50, 60 years or however long until they both passed away. He was pregnant 18 times. Wow. And dad's the oldest. So they had 13 children. So five, I think five, yeah, five didn't survive.

They had 13 children, and one of those children, I think, died at four or five months old. And my dad was the oldest, and he used to get on a donkey because in Cyprus it was all, you had to travel by donkey back then. And he used to go on the donkey to the other village to get the doctor to bring him back for when his mom was about to give birth. And the common joke was that she'd already given birth and she was pregnant with the next one by the time the doctor to bring him back for when his mom was about to give birth and the common joke was that she'd already given birth and she was pregnant with the next one by the time the

doctor came um because that's how often she was pregnant we come from big families we love it but at what point do you say is enough and i think i think we've done i think we've done enough i really do i always wanted i always wanted i always wanted a boy and a girl I always wanted to have both and I've been very blessed to have you know a lot of age so we had your lovely Emily on a while ago and she spoke about the struggles she had with her mental health after she'd given birth to Theo yeah what kind of support have you given her and has she been having since Belle was born? Well, she's a very logical person. She, you know, a lot of times doctors can help other people, but when it comes to helping themselves, again, from my experience,

I know that they might, you know, it's not always just because they're a doctor, they know what to do for themselves. And I remember we had lots of talks and we sat and you know, I've been very open about mental health from way back in the 90s. And I know, I know when you when you're going through something, mentally, if that's the right way to say it, you feel very alone. It doesn't matter if you know that thousands or millions or however many millions of people are going through it. You feel alone at the time. So instead of just saying, I don't understand, or instead of going, we'll go and see someone about it. Sometimes someone just wants to be able to talk to you. And I found that because that's what I needed, I found it easier to be there for her.

And I hope it helped her. But she's a very resilient and strong person. But I'm that close to her to know when she's not feeling right. And this time was tough for her. The operation was not easy. I don't know if she ever told anyone, but it definitely did not go to plan. And there were some real problems after. And I don't know if she's spoken about it so I probably shouldn't say but what I would say is that I saw her go through

a very hard time but I also saw her you know parents of both doctors they were able to also talk to her and explain to her how things were and I don't know she just sort of came through the other side. That's good that's good um and obviously you know you talked about your own mental health struggles and male mental health is talked about so much more now than it used to be yeah um you know what do you do to look after your own mental health on a day-to-day basis and what conversations do you have with Junior and Theo to get them to talk about their feelings well one of the things was that when I was growing up, you know, we were in a very strict religious family. So mum and dad, there were a lot of

things that were a bit taboo to talk about one of them being this subject. I mean, I can't, I remember having a complete breakdown. I was, it was 1998. I was touring. I was at the peak of success. I was in Americaica i was working with the greatest songwriters doing arenas in the uk and in and around asia australia it was it was amazing and then out of nowhere this horrific breakdown came down and it happened to be when i had gone back to see mom and dad well of course i had to i was trying to hide what was going on and dad kept saying what's wrong and? And I kept saying, oh, no, nothing, nothing. I just, I must have, you know, I made up all sorts of excuses.

When I went to the doctor, when my dad and mom took me to the doctor, and I was a grown man, literally like a baby, because I was suffering from these severe panic attacks. It was horrible. And I remember the doctor asking questions and saying, you know, this could be mental health. And my parents are like, what? They were like, what does that mean? saying you know this could be mental health and my parents are like what they was like what does that mean and it's like well so then they would be like literally like a scene out of my big fat Greek wedding mum would say not 20 I make you some

lamb and and and I was supposed to eat a a big chunk of lamb and that was going to make me feel better right because they didn't understand and I get that so I then made up this plan that I was going to go to New York to record my fourth album I think it was and I said I'm going to New York to record but I wasn't I went I was going there to find help because I didn't I thought everyone in Australia knew who at the time knew who we were in England it was like you'd go somewhere and you were always worried it would because it was taboo you didn't want to talk about it and now I see guys talking about it people in the music industry entertainment industry speaking on tv and it makes me so happy because on one side you've got the negativity of

people going oh everyone's got a mental health problem well do you know what a lot of people do whether whether people want to accept that or not and if you haven't and you're one of those people that's going oh look at them thinking they've got me and you haven't got mental health i'm actually very happy for you because it's horrible um so being able to now hear other people talk about it, you now definitely know you're not alone. And you also know there's help that we couldn't get in the 90s. Even doctors were a bit like, oh, I don't know, that sounds like a psychotic breakdown. They'd use words like that and you'd be like, what?

What does that mean? It was much more dramatic, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. Like it was all or nothing. Yeah. And you're currently also going through something that I know I'm doing and lots of our listeners will be going through, which is dealing with your own parents having health issues while you've got young kids and a career. How's that going? I'll tell you, I went and saw mum and dad just last week

and it was the hardest thing seeing the way mum had declined from just a few months before that I'd seen her because now it's at the stage where the Parkinson's taking complete control of her so she can't really speak. This is a woman that four or five years ago, I've got videos of her practically dancing with dad at my, you know, we have a party or something. I can't remember what we did. And now, you know, she can't even talk. And I thought, and I'm seeing her in that state, found it very hard. But do you know,

the one thing, the one thing that was really getting me through it was focusing on how one day I'm going to be like that my pet my children I don't want them to be feeling like I'm feeling about mum so it would it would sort of give me a way of you need to deal with it this way because this is how you want your kids to deal with it when it's my turn because I know you know like I'm 50 I only 52. I know it's young in some ways, but you know, my mom's only 38 years further down the line than me. That's not that long. Um, so I have to understand that, you know, I found that I found solace in knowing that my kids were almost a distraction and almost a way of me thinking, right, how do I deal with this better so that I can teach them how to deal with it?

You know, so in a way it was it's in a strange sort of way. It's a blessing that I had them to distract me. Listening to you talk, it's clear that you come from a really close knit family. What aspects of the way that you were raised have you tried to replicate with your own children? So for those that don't know we were brought up very strict jehovah's witnesses um so in a very religious household that was like you know you weren't allowed to do a lot of things no disrespect to it because it it kept us you know loved and accepted and all sorts of things but i realized

as i got older that i didn't that a lot of things that we were restricted from doing i didn't want my kids to be restricted and the reason for that was because i felt that and i learned this lesson with my daughter with princess when when love island was on and she was 14 and i was like you're not watching it you're not watching it and she's like but why dad all my friends have said i don't't care. You know, that's their parents' choice. I don't want you to watch it. This was when it first started, when it first came out. And then one day I was in the other room and I heard her talking to Junior going, yeah, I saw Love Island today at school.

And I heard and I was like, what? And she was like, yeah, yeah, we watched it on my friend's phone at lunchtime. And at that moment, the penny dropped. And I thought, why am I trying to stop them doing everything? They're going to do it anyway. When my parents stopped me from doing pretty much everything. When I got let loose on that, you know, I just went a bit crazy. I mean, my 20s are a blur. Because, because I just went, you know, as a witness, you're not allowed to have sex before you're married and all these sorts of things that, you know, I'm now a late teenager. I can't, my brain's going crazy. So I'm like, I don't know. I just, I just felt that all of the things I was told I was not allowed to do, I did anyway. And with a vengeance. So that moment when she, when I overheard that convo, I thought, right, instead of stopping them doing stuff, why don't we just sort of understand where they're coming from and maybe find a way that makes a bit of sense for everybody.

And I'll tell you, that moment was a game changer for me because now the relationship I've got with those kids is I'm a parent first, but I'm also friend to them and they can talk to me about anything because now I understand. I want them to open up to me. Theo, I say, if there's anything on your mind, come and talk to me. I'll never judge you unless you put salt in my coffee. That's the only time I'll judge you, son. Peter, I cannot tell you how useful this conversation is

because just this week, my 14-year-old has been asking if she can watch Love Island. And I haven't told her yes or no yet, but I've been agonizing over it and I don't know what to say. So do you think I should say yes? Well, I'm going to say to you that I, from experience, know that they're going to do it anyway. And what I don't what I didn't want. So I can't tell you what to do because i would that would be terrible but what i what i noticed was that the more i stopped

her doing it the more she went out of her way to find a way to watch it so it ended up that i sort of watched it with her and i didn't want to watch the show because i didn't now i like i like it now but back then it was new and i was like what is this i don't want you know i I didn't now I like I like it now but back then it was new and I was like what is this I don't want you know I just didn't feel right but I watched it and then as an entertainment show does you get addicted to it I didn't feel comfortable watching it with her and I delayed that 14 to late 15 before I started sitting and watching it with her but I mean it was a long drawn-out process where I tried to find every excuse.

I can't watch it tonight. Don't watch it. Wait for me. I mean, I did all of that. I don't know where I went with it. I think you're very liberal to watch it. Like, if I said to my husband, right, we're going to sit down and watch Love Island,

I can't say on the podcast what he'd say back to me. I know, I know. Yes. So I think she's lucky that you've actually got a little bit hooked. I didn't enjoy the moment when we first started, and I thought I feel really uncomfortable watching this in front of the kids. But actually, it only took one or two episodes, and then Princess was like, oh, no, I'm not watching it tonight.

I just want to go up and watch I don't know something YouTube or whatever she was watching so she lost interest and I think it was because she made such a big thing of it and then you made a big thing of it and so it became something to fight against

well Idia over here ends up getting hooked on it my daughter's off it I'm there going no John no I mean it was absolutely my wife came down and she goes are you serious I said what she goes you're not coming to bed because you want to watch I said well that moment when it was very emotional when she said I love you oh my god she said you you've lost the plot so last time we spoke to you you admitted that sometimes people come up to you and tell

you that their nan loves you true point but you've kind of done a bit of a 180 because you're now coveting that because you're touring with Funky Valley and the Four Seasons and probably lots of nams how is that going it's amazing right so what is amazing about it is you've got a an older generation coming to all these shows so we've only done two shows so far both of them were packed but the first night I remember going why are there young young people in here they're not going to know the songs I met some people that wanted to meet us through the interval and they said I said oh you guys are quite you know they were with their parents and I said oh your parents made you come along and they said well they said we'd know the songs and they said when we heard the first one we're like

we don't know what this is it was oh what a night and i was surprised they didn't know that song because everyone knows that song but they said by about halfway through we had no idea like begging you know songs like begging they didn't no one knows that was frankie valley all these songs that were just hit after hit and they were like we've we love it so what i noticed actually and even last night is that it isn't just, you know, 50 plus. We're talking right down to 18. It's quite amazing, the different audiences. And I don't know whether they're coming out of curiosity. Whatever they're coming for, they leave.

They're all by the end. They're all singing and dancing and lights are on. And it's just brilliant. By the time I Can't Take My Eyes Off lights are on and it's it's just brilliant by the time I can't take my eyes off you comes on you everyone's just gone nuts how is it being away from your family on tour because clearly with you know especially with having a little one it must be quite tricky to be away from them so much the one that's really struggled when I went to Australia and then I came back and had to do the tour pretty much immediately

as Theo he's really like dad how old is he now he's eight and honestly this is the most beautiful age and I really find it hard and Emily goes just be honest with him just say I'm gonna be home on Sunday I keep going oh I might be back tomorrow and I probably shouldn't do that but i i don't i don't want to upset him and i'm and he's always like but dad like can you please you know can you please lie with me tonight can you take me to school in the morning and i'm thinking i you know i'm not back till sunday today's what thursday and it's like and i don't want to tell him that and she's saying you should tell him that and i'm like you're right but i don't want to and I don't want to tell him that. And she's saying, you should tell him that. And I'm like, you're right, but I don't want to. And I don't know how.

And, oh, he's finding it really hard at the moment. But Emily's so on it with Arabella. And I speak to them two times a day, you know, on FaceTime and stuff. So, you know, I always say, yeah, but we can, when this is all over, we can go on a holiday together as a family. And, you know, always say yeah but we can when this is all over we can go on a holiday together as a family and you know emily's incredibly supportive but just to make the kids understand i say yeah yeah but we'll all go on a holiday it's going to be worth it you know dad has to work so that we can all go away and yeah so we will let you go and deal with the hair situation that is required. Mate, look at this.

What a shocker. I mean, I look like a porcupine. That's a shocker. Thank you for bringing your bad hair to the Netmums podcast. It's been so fabulous to talk to you, Peter. You too. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, guys.

Thanks for having me again. Don't forget, you can get in touch with us on all social channels, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. Just type in Netmums and you you'll find us and if you liked what you've heard today we'd love for you to give us a five-star rating press the follow button and share the podcast on all your socials