The Netmums Podcast - S18 Ep2: The realities of single parenthood - honesty and wisdom from Ranvir Singh

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

In this episode of The Netmums Podcast, JB and Louise delve into the complexities of parenting and the often overwhelming mental load that comes with it. Joined by journalist and TV presenter Ranvir Singh, a familiar face from Good Morning Britain, they explore the challenges of juggling family life as a single parent while maintaining a successful career.In this episode:- The realities of balancing work and family commitments, especially during busy school terms.- Ranvir shares her personal experiences as a single mother and how she navigates her son's growing independence.- The importance of being present for your children and how to manage feelings of guilt.- Honest discussions about the pressures of parenting, including the challenges of sleepovers and social dynamics at school.- Tips for dealing with overwhelm and the significance of focusing on what truly matters each day.This episode is packed with relatable insights and practical advice for anyone struggling to find balance as parents navigating increasingly hectic lives. Connect with us on socials @Netmums and visit our website: netmums.comThis podcast is brought to you by Netmums: backed by experts, trusted by parents. Proudly produced by Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative

Well, welcome to the NetMoms podcast where real parenting conversations happen. I'm your host, J.B. Gill. And I'm Louise Burke. We're here to talk all things parenting and get advice from experts on the things that matter most. I mean, I don't know about you, but life always constantly feels like a balancing act, whether you've got work deadlines or school runs. Of course, there's a mental load. There's money worries.

There's everything in between. And I mean, it's nothing new, of course. Nobody's going through these struggles every single day, week on week. But it's definitely something that's reaching a peak. I think this start of the year is always a big time for every family. And certainly in our house, it's the same. I mean, I can't even believe we're into the second term at school already, to be honest. Oh, I hear you, J.B.

Family life is definitely a juggling act. And my balls always get dropped in my house. But you know what? That is fine with me. I can say that now, it's taken me quite a few years to get there. I've always, probably, from my honest, I've always been a bit of a victim to sort of perfect parenting. But over the years, I've got a little bit more comfortable with letting some balls dropped. And this week, we're taking a deep dive into how to navigate this parenting lock and not just find perfection, but a real balance.

Well, I'm very excited because today I brought along a friend, I love to call her a friend. It's Ramvir Singh. She's also very, very well known to everybody, I'm sure, who's listening. She's our favourite presenter on Good Morning Britain, if I may so so myself. And she's someone who's had matters of experience as a single parent, juggling family life and a wonderful full-time career. Ramvir, welcome. Thank you so much. It's so exciting to be with you, actually.

Welcome, Ranvir. Obviously, we're looking at you now to give us all the answers to all our problems and when it comes to parenting and finding that balance. You will never need another podcast. That's it. Done. Gone and done. You're the pro.

So we're all very familiar with you on GMB on Good Morning Britain and also on the sofa on Lorraine. And we love all the chats that you do. You're always like give it like really honest talk. Which is what we love. But let's have some honesty here. Let's kick it off with some real talk. How, what is Ramvirting like at her?

home. Off the Lorraine sofa, away from the TV cameras. How would we find you? Give us a glimpse into family life. Usually thinking about four or five different things that all need to be done simultaneously. And also sort of trying to sort of half pretend, half really listen to the latest meme or something that Tashana's found on YouTube, that he's. wants me to look at. It's usually something to do with MMA or boxing or it'll be look at what Mr. Beast has done now, like, whatever it is. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Oh yeah. That's so good. Yeah. Anyway, let me just unload the dishwasher whilst you do. Like, no, I'm listening. I'm listening. Do you know what I mean? Like the whole, that's me at home. And then at the moment, usually just going, oh, is it a bit hot? Oh, no, hang on. I'll be going to turn the temperature.

Oh, no, I'm a bit cold now. Like, that's the other thing that constantly goes on. I'm like, I'm now wearing a giant fleece and I now feel too hot. But Renvi, I mean, we've worked together relatively recently as well. We're touching that a bit later. But, you know, we've talked a little bit over that time, you know, about, you know, what your life was like and certainly what life is like today. Of course, we've got similar children of a relatively similar age, so just a little bit younger than Tishon. But what does life look like for you on sort of like a normal weekday in your house? Yeah.

So it's sort of, I suppose if there were to be a regular routine, and probably of the last 13 years, really, it has been... I was going to say, because Tushan's 13 now, isn't it? Exactly. So you're in a slightly different phase. Yes, exactly. So I think as he's got older, his routine has changed because he's become necessarily, he's had to become a bit more independent quite quickly, I guess. But really the routine has been that by and large, in the mornings, I'm. not here. I'm not at home. And that's, you know, that's a choice I've made, but it's also

has its own consequences. As anybody who does shift work with children knows that you are always going to be missing out on something. And they're always going to be wanting you and you're not there just when, do you know what to mean? So friends of mine who have always done evening shift to say on the evening news or whatever, go, never done a bath time. You know, it breaks my heart. Never, you know, I FaceTime them and read them a story in between my work shift. You know, things like that. And for me, it's been the opposite.

It's been never sort of worrying about breakfast, worrying about where his things are. Is he going to be okay? And that thing about him waking up and me not being there. But he's got to get used to it. So the routine is basically that I'm generally not around in the mornings. And then I try as much as possible to navigate the. rest of the day so that, but only since about year six, actually. So when he was at the final year of primary school was when it really hit me. Changed. Yeah. Oh my God, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

And I remember just standing in the bathroom. And Tashan was just sat on my bed. And I just said to him, in fact, he was a bit younger than this, actually. It was about a year before this. And I just said to him, if there was one thing that Mommy could do to make your life better, what would it be? and he said, oh, if only you could just, and I'm not asking for it all the time, Mumme, if only you could just take me to school once a week, it would make everything happier. And I just really felt it. And I thought, God, of all the things he could ask for, that's all he wants, because he's never happy. And of course, he goes to school and he'd go, when I'd pick him up and stuff and whatever from school,

he'd always be like, Mom, you know, like, I don't think the other children really like see how lucky they are. Like they get their moms every morning to drop them off and like and things. It's just really interesting. Like he was very aware of the difference. And of course I've been a single mom. So I think he's very, you know, he's obviously great up in a different environment. But yeah. So it's from year six.

I just was like this, this is the final year where I can actually be part of his memories of childhood really because secondary school is completely different. They go on the boss together. So it's different. I was going to say. Because you said there initially, like now he's 13, that he's become more independent. But then equally, because you've been working in a single parent, you've been out of the house before he gets out of bed in the week.

So in a way, has he almost become more independent earlier? Or I know you've had help at home with your mum, helping out with Tuchan. But then also, my other question following up from that would be, do you find it difficult? because I know some parents struggle with that transition, especially when they get to secondary and they become more independent and they still want to walk them to school or they want to know exactly, you know,

when they turn up at the school gate and all things like that. How has that transition of him becoming more independent been for you? I suppose in one way it makes it easier because, you know, all the kids are going on the school bus together. So in a way he now then becomes like everybody else all of a sudden as opposed to being the odd one out, you know, at prime school. He was kind of like the odd one out, I guess. In that way, you know, in terms of, you know,

that was either a sort of nanny or whatever or sometimes a taxi taking him, you know, when just the shit hits the fan, you know, you're just like, what? You know, and I'm at work and I'm like trying to sort stuff out. Yeah. And so now has he had to go, because I've only got one child. It's actually quite difficult to compare to how independent other children are.

I actually don't know how what other kids do at age 11. or 12 or 13. I don't know. And my sisters are much, much older than me and they're children adults. So it's not like I've got any peer group in my family, you know, who you would talk to about this kind of stuff. But in terms of him, I think he's brilliantly independent in that he makes himself his own, he's been making himself his own breakfast since he was like 11, so he'll come down. And like, I've had to trust him with stuff more. I suppose that's true. I've had to trust him with using the cooker quickly. I've had to trust him with using knives quickly. I've had to trust him with just stuff, like other parents might be cautious with.

I had to trust him with being on his own in the house. Yeah. With the dog. You know, make sure the dog. So I've put, you know, make sure you put, just kind of that weird feeling, I suppose, of like, I hope he switched the gas off. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's no one there to check. Do you know what? Things like that would worry me in like a weird way. Yeah. But if I think about it too much, I'd drive myself mad. Yeah. But I have come home to the fridge being wide open or the freezer being left open. Yeah, classic. He's still in the door, once I came home

and the door was still slightly open and when I was out. But you can't, I don't tell him off too much because I'm just like, and you can't control everything either. You mentioned then as well about like not having so much advice from peers. Does that mean like because you've, and I'm asking this question rather than paraphrasing,

but do you feel like you've not had a close group of mummates because you've not been at the school gate throughout juniors or? Say that I have managed to create because of because I'm Or parent mates shouldn't I say Yeah I've tried to be there in the afternoons and I think because when you have an only child It is much more important to have play dates. It's much more important to have sleepovers. Because really actually and I think perhaps being a mum with a boy as well

It's like as they get older certainly I'm not a tomboy in any way. I was brought up with two sisters and a mum and my dad died when I was really young. So like, I've been brought up in a very female environment. All of a sudden, you know, I'm with a boy. And I know people don't like to make gender differences, but I guess there are to me, I think. Yeah, they definitely are. Yeah. Yeah. And you've got each of them so you know more than me. But so as he's got older, especially, you know, they don't want to sit on the sofa under a duvet and watch a Disney film with you when they're 11 necessarily. You know, they want to be doing stuff. He wants to be doing active stuff. So for that

reason I've made a really good effort to try and be friends with parents. But I do struggle, and this is a moment of honesty, I do struggle to be, to like, maintain personal friendships with parents when you know that you're only friends because the kids are friends. And sometimes there have been, they've been the odd occasion where I have remained friends even when our children have slightly drifted apart. And that's been sometimes the beauty of the odd friendship here and there where you're just like, our kids might not be, but I really enjoy this woman's company. It's always women. Yeah. And that's the other thing about being a single parent. I was saying, I was talking to someone about this the other day and she wasn't a single parent. But I was like, I've always felt

incredibly self-conscious about chatting to the dads at the gate. At the gates. Really? Really. Yeah. I felt all like, like since he was a baby. Like I've always felt like incredibly self-conscious about, you know, chatting too long to the dad or whatever because I'm just like, I'm a, I don't know. I just have always felt like I don't want anyone to think that I'm like honing in or. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that would be horrible. You know what I mean?

It's just like it's in my head. I'm just like, oh, I don't want to do that. Yeah, I'll be honest. I mean, I've had moments as well. Do you get moms coming up to you? Well, not necessarily, but I'm a very open person around everyone will know this and I'll go up. someone. I'll have a chat and I'll stand waiting for the kids to come out and just, just, yeah, be like, oh, hi, I'm V. How are you? How's DeShan getting on? All that sort of stuff.

And I suppose that's probably part of, you know, how I've, you know, I guess my work and, you know, my career and how I've developed as an individual. But for me, you know, if I know that your child is in my child's class and they have a relationship with each other and I know who that is, you know, for me, I'm going to just inquire about it. You know, it's not me trying to, you know, be fooled or anything like that. But I have had instances. It's where, you know, parents have then either sent me DMs or whatever. And I don't read my DMs. And Chloe reads the DMs.

And she's just like, oh, blah, blah, blah. No, honestly. And I'm like, huh? And then she's just like, yeah. I promise you, someone. So we were doing a swimming lesson. This is years ago. We were doing similar lessons of ACE.

And I very rarely took Ace swimming. Chloe did the bulk of it. And she took Ace swimming. And the girlfriend, I think, or the wife of, the swimming teacher, DM'd me, basically saying, oh, it's amazing that, you know, A's doing swimming, you guys should come over for dinner and all this stuff. Can I have some jealous tickets? Huh?

No, not even. It was like the personal connection. So I was like, no, this is weird. And I obviously wasn't happy about it. But, I mean, for me, I would just have a conversation with somebody. So I find it really interesting that you, you know, you have that perception and that's been something really uncomfortable for you. Yeah.

And I think that there is, do I think, well, okay, I'm going to just say it because I think it's probably in my head. So I think that there is a sort of stigma around the sort of single mum sort of, I don't know, like the eye, what that represents. It represents a kind of vulnerability. It represents a kind of, you know, whether that's true or not, by the way. I'm not saying I am all these things. What I'm saying is I've been very aware over the years. And don't forget, I was a single parent from when Sean was born. So it'd be very unusual.

Right from the beginning. Very unusual to have a two-week-old baby and go to, you know, some sort of, you know, someone else's baby shout. Or, you know, another, you know, something where the mum's, like you say, it's swimming or whatever it might be back then. I didn't even join an NCT group or whatever because I couldn't. But, you know, that kind of thing. And being a single parent from that, from that early on is very unusual in my experience. And so, yeah, I always felt like there was like just a neon arrow just pointing down at my head, like going, she's the weirdo. But yeah, yeah, anyway, so I've always, and I think that, you know, so to me, I think that in my mind I thought, God, you know, does, do I represent something that looks a bit needy?

do I look a bit one-legged, like, you know, that I must be lonely, that I must be vulnerable. Like all of those things, I just wonder, is that what people see me as? So I've strived very hard, perhaps too hard, to not give off any vulnerability, not give off any need. And that then spills over into stupid things like friends would then go, what? You mean you couldn't, why don't you just ask us to pick him up? And I go, no, no, no, it's fine. I'm fine. I can do it all. Yeah. You know, panic. Like, I don't need anybody. You know, so it became a bit of a practice of me being too tight on everything. Yeah. And then you were losing out yourself because you were putting on this stronger display. Yeah. And exhausting myself, you know. Yes. Yeah. Well, you must, because I was, you've talked before about, you know, single parent, single parent from the get go since he was born. And you have been responsible for creating a home life, family life, for the two of you. And that comes with a lot of pressure. And like you say, the exhaustion as well.

You must have been so tired in those early days. Well, and it remains sort of, it's a sort of, you do feel shattered. But one of the things that, you know, at the time, it was, you know, how people say when you take on breakfast television or, you know, I know Vic Hope who did, you know, breakfast radio and she did it for a fuse and she was like, it's exhausting, you know, at the time I remember her saying it. And I remember just thinking, well, how tired can one person be?

I'll be, anybody who does breakfast television or breakfast radio will know it's, it can be soul-crushing at times because you're so tired. Anybody who's had a newborn baby knows it can be soul-crushingly tired. So I was like, let's just get it. Let's just do it all. But one of the things is, yes, it's the mental load, but it's also, you know, it's the whole of my privilege. Like, it's the whole of my joy. It's, it's, I get to do it my way. And I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but there is no competition for my parenting style. I've got a very, and I've grown, I've known this from before, but like, I know it now more that he's older. Because he can see a young man now. And so I feel like you hit a milestone and then there's a another one at 18 and then there's another one when they get married or whatever. But like you have these milestones where you just go, okay, how am I doing? Because you don't know in the moment.

You don't know whether you're fucking it up in the moment, do you? No, hindsight is a great thing. Yeah. Yeah. But go on, J.B. No, I was going to say, you know, obviously, we talked about it before and, you know, it'd be really helpful, obviously, if you could kind of explain your position on it again. But, you know, I think you've done and are doing a wonderful job.

You know, just from what I hear about to Sean, I'm not. met him myself. You know, I've seen him on FaceTime or whatever a couple of times. But, you know, I know what it's like because, you know, I am out of the house sometimes and I do miss sort of like pickups and drop-offs and games and, you know, all their sorts of things. But of course, you know, I've got Chloe and Chloe and Chloe's amazing. And, you know, certainly, you know, she takes on the bulk of the emotional load, the mental load and she's very much an organiser and sort of pieces things together. But it's kind of good to admit that she takes on the emotional load as well. I think people think mental load is just like.

like pickups and washing, but it's actually, as you say, the emotional load as well. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. You said before that she keeps the family together. Like she runs the fact, like she runs the show in a way. Like you're working. But you said before, you've admitted to me before that she actually makes it happen. Yeah, well, that's it. Because, you know, ultimately she, and she does have primary care, I would say, of the children. Of course, when I'm at home and when I'm, you know, a day like today, I did a drop off this morning. I'll go and pick up career today, you know, I'll go take ace to football or whatever, you know, I'm very much involved when I'm home, but of course, when I'm away, Chloe kind of takes it over and we've discussed,

you know, before sort of the change in when I go away and I'm doing a show like we did together, the box or whatever, and then I come back into the family unit and how that dynamic then changes again. But obviously for you, you've never really had that, but you have, of course, had your mom, your mom's been instrumental, you've talked about that before. What has that experience been like for you, as I say, you know, you being single by yourself, but then having to sort of, I guess, oversee everything mentally emotionally, even if you weren't physically there. Yeah, like, I think what I would say is that I think that I have, as I say about the milestones, like say, for example, you know, the first time they go to a sleepover and you go and pick them up,

you know, did they behave well? And when a parent goes, oh my God, best behaved, most polite kid, anytime. And you go, I won. Like, you just feel. an enormous sense of sense. And, you know, and every single time that happens. And you did that. Yeah. Yeah. You feel completely, you feel sort of a sense of, an unholy sense of, like,

relief and pride that they, you know, when they're at someone else's house, other people think that they're good kids, right? That's kind of what you want. And like I've hit, you know, you hit other ones, as I say, as he's now a teenager, and I see the kind of decisions he's making, the way he frames an argument, you know. The way he couches, say, a difficult conversation with me about something he knows I'm going to say no to instinctively, but he's going to ask me anyway, right? Because he's at that age. And I think that, and I increasingly feel that my maternal compass is always within 10 degrees of pointing in the exact right position for him as a child. And that is such a brave thing to say because I think it can be very,

automatic in this day and age to feel like, oh, we're just fucking up, oh, you know, I don't feel that. Like, maybe I hope that that remains the case. You know, you'll see as he grows whatever decisions he makes and he'll have his own decisions to make. But I certainly feel that my

maternal instincts, and I have needed help, by the way, because in year seven, I was catastrophizing everything of his first detention. I literally, was just like, who is this child? Like, what is going on? Well, I didn't realize, well, at secondary school, it is different.

Like, at primary school, they could be ideal kids. Secondary, they're getting to tensions for chewing gum and having their shirts untucked, right? Which at primary school, it would never be, like, not to chewing gum, but, you know, just things that I wouldn't class as behavior issues. They're just disciplined or disciplined. Yeah, yeah, right. But I was just like seeing it all as a complete failure of mine. And so I really in year seven needed some help. So I sought out some help.

I saw a parenting, like, therapist about it. And actually, Tashan and I went together because I was like, there is no point me going on my own, mate, because like, you have to tell. What's going on here? You have to tell how horrific I am because I'm just going to say I'm fine. Like, or whatever. I'm just going to say what. But I said, you need to be honest.

Like, we had a chat. I was like, this is not about you. Like, you're great. Like, I know I am the one who needs to manage this situation way better than I am doing. And I just said to him, go and say everything. It really went once or twice. And I was just like, just say everything you need to say. Like, tell her like your worst thoughts about me because it is completely, that is literally,

she needs to know like what I'm doing so that I can be better for you. And it was amazing because what I realized was that, and going back to what I just said before, is that I had this idea of success as a kind of armor. against all of my inner failings, all of my mess. You will not get in. Nothing will get through that. You will only see the nice big car on the driveway, my nice holidays, my nice career on the television, my nice child.

Like, that is all you get to see. And it was very much like that. And I realised I was doing kind of what my parents, my mum had done to me, which is creating, seeing to Shan, not as a person in himself, as an extension. of my framework of success. Like, don't you let the, like, my thinking was, don't you, you're letting the side down. You're making me ban pairing.

Yeah. What is that? Like, whoa. And it was so destructive. But I nipped it in the bottom. Now we're so free. It's so beautiful. It's so wonderful.

I honestly feel free, freer because of that sort of facing up to my own inner monologue, actually. Well, when you. said to him, like say something bad about me or the worst thing, are you able to share? Are you open to sharing like something that he might have said then? Well, I think it was more just he was like. Just so we get an idea of. Well, I think it was more just. I can't imagine what he would have said about you. Because, you know, from the outside. Yeah. So it was more like, you know, she thinks that getting attention is the end of the world. And she acts like it's the end of the world. But really what she doesn't see is that the other 29 kids in the class are all like, I'm not the odd one out. The only one.

Everybody's getting picked up. Everybody's getting a little behaviour point here. But she just thinks it's me. He was just like, I can't explain to her enough that I am not. And I think that that is like my guilt of being a single parent. And again, it goes back to all of the stigma that I felt. I was carrying around with me.

The statistics are that, you know, sons of single mothers are more likely to end up in prison. Sons of single parents, single mothers are more likely to get into trouble with the police. I'm more likely to get detentions, more likely to be excluded. And I do the news. I'm a news person. So, like, I have discussed these topics. I have, do you know what I mean? I've spoken to policy makers and MPs and, like, Christ, it's all in my head.

I'm like, I'm going to be a statistic. Like, oh my God. Do you know what I mean? So I think I realized that I was, it was all wrapped up in a great ball of stress and tension, which I was pretending wasn't happening. But it was all there. It was all there for sure. But you're over, you feel like you're over that hour and through that bit.

Like 100% over it. That must feel like a relief. I'm going to go back to the topic of sleepovers, which you mentioned just a moment ago, because they are a huge topic on the NetMum. platforms. Hey, tell me. Especially, especially when they get to secondary, right? So sleepers are like, sleepovers.

I don't know with you, J.B, with your kids, but like my kids are always like, can I have a sleep over a sunset? Oh, so and so on somebody's invited me a sleepover. It's just like the whole weekend every time there's like some sort of sleepover happening. But, I mean, not that we do that many, but there's a lot of chat. But the one thing that gets brought up, the one side of the story gets brought up on our socials is when they get to secondary and they get more independent and I'm sure Tuchan's a bit like this. He'll stop making his own arrangements with meeting his friends at the weekend or

like hanging out each other's house. And then your kid will say, oh, I've got a sleepover at Chris's house on Saturday night. And you don't know Chris and you don't know Chris's parents. How do you feel about Tishan going to sleepovers at other people's houses that you're you don't know. It's not happening. I knew you were going to say that around here. Where is the debate in this? I don't get the debate. Like, why is it even a conversation? Some people are freer. Some people don't know how to navigate that conversation because obviously they don't want to upset other parents and other families within their kids. Can't even have kids over at my house for unless I have got the WhatsApp number and I've physically spoken to the

parent. I can't even have them in my house. Never mind him going to. to someone else's house. Yeah. Out of your choice. Yeah. Out of your choice. I can't take responsibility for someone else's child in my house. How, I mean, they don't even know my house.

I could be terrible parent. I could be drinking. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know what I'm doing. No. Like, it's crazy to me. Yeah, I hear that.

Yeah. I wouldn't let my child go to someone else's house if I didn't know the set up at home and make contact with the parents. You don't know whether they're going to let them keep their phones. You don't know what they're doing in their... You don't know anything. You don't know who the other siblings are, like how many are there? Are the other siblings going to have kids around?

Yeah. I'm like an information junkie. I'm like, give it to me. And it does piss. To be fair, I make it sound easy, but it is annoying to the child. Yeah, it's hard. It is very irritating to the child. Yeah.

Yeah, then arguments happen at home. And it's embarrassing me. Yeah. Nobody other parents are like. Oh, it's only a sleepover. I'm just going to go over, do some gaming or watch a film and then go to bed. Yeah, I know. So then the arguments happen at home.

It is a bit of a minefield, I think, for parents. I think there is definitely a difference when a child is a teenager and at secondary school versus being in primary school. I think you've got a lot more contact at primary school with parents and obviously children. Over the years as well. Yeah. Yeah. Because quite often you've got to know those families from reception all three.

to year six, like you're saying. Yeah. It's like basic stuff. Like what if, like what about allergies? What about just like what happens in an emergency? Who are you going to ring? I'm just like, I don't understand. Because like you're taking responsibility for someone else's child.

They need to know everything that is important. And I don't know. Yeah. So to me, I'm like, I think the reason I'm acting like it's a complete no brainer to me is because I think I've done it so often now that Sean doesn't even, he's like, almost comes to me with like, here's Katie's number. You can ring her? What a bore, you know.

He's like, yeah, yeah. But can you do it quickly, please? Because you want to go out in four hours. I'm like, okay, is Katie around? Let me check, you know. So it's basically like that. And also like, you know, I'm always like, I can pick you up. I can pick them.

I'll do. What do you want me to do? I'm happy to take you. I'll wait. I'll wait in the car box. Do you go into the cinema? I'm like, I give my time to making things happen for him. because, you know, that's my job and I've only got one child.

So, like, it's kind of easier for me. I would say definitely it's interesting. Like, people say, it must be so hard being a single parent. But on some occasions, I've said to my friends, I think it's easier. It is easier because you're not. And you're not having to negotiate with another partner. Yeah. You're not relying on somebody who lets you down.

You're not, there's no more schedules to deal with. It's you, your schedule, your timings, your decision, crack on. In many ways, I find life is quite streamlined. And friends who have ended up divorced, I'm like, they always come to me and they're all widowed, you know, or whatever. You know, they turn to me because they know I've been doing it for so long. And I'm like, listen, it ain't all bad news. Yeah, there is some bonuses. Yeah.

I was going to ask, like, although we sort of retreating back to people's conversation, like we talked about the sort of exhaustion, tiredness, mental load, blah, blah, et cetera. The list goes on. in those times of overwhelm, I'm going to be that person now that turns to you for some advice. Where what are your go-toes when you are overwhelmed? Because I know the last time I spoke to you, which was a while ago now, but you weren't drinking. You'd stopped with the alcohol. Are you still in that place now? And I think you were meditating in the morning.

So there was some little life-hap. that you'd introduce to help you deal with burnout or overwhelm. What's the story now? So I was never, I just, I had the odd glass of wine here and there, perhaps or whatever. But I just don't, I don't drink hardly ever. It's not that I don't even have a strict rule about it. I just, um, although my own, okay, so I'm going to be really bougie. So my only strict rule is it, right, is that I'll either have a really nice espresso

martini freezing cold, like a really cold espresso. Martini. So bougie. So boosy. Or a glass of whispering angel or champagne. No Prosecco, no house whites, no house red. Yeah. It's got to be quality. Maybe a little if you're going to do it. It's quality. Exactly. So that's that. As far as the drinking tea. So I just don't drink. But in general. But what was the other question? Oh yeah, Lifehacks. So one thing that has worked out really well for me is something that I spoke to Dr. Orongan Chattery, who'd brought out a book maybe a year ago. And one of the things he said was to try it out for seven days.

He said, when you wake up in the morning, this is how to deal with overwhelm and a long list of things to do, you know, in lots of different areas of your life. He said, before you even get out of bed for that split second when you wake up, he said, just lie there and just say to yourself, okay, imagine yourself at the end of the day, what is the single most important thing you need to do to make it feel like the day wasn't wasted? Like, what's the most important thing? And I tell you what, that has completely changed my whole framework of the day. Every day it changes it.

Because you have, you might have on paper in your conscious moment, you know, sort out the MOT, pay the dog walker, go to the gym. sort out the laundry. Oh, and down there it might be, for example, it will be pick up to Sean from school, right, or whatever. And when I really, in those days where the list seems really like, I'm telling you, giving you a brief thing. And I'd be like, oh, you know, something to do with my mom,

usually go and do the shopping for my mum or whatever. And I will go, what's the most important thing? What if at the end of the day I only do that one thing will I feel okay? and it more often than not will be pick up to Sean and be present for that half hour. And it's amazing to me because when you think about it logically, you think, well, got to sort the MOT. Yeah, that's really important. Actually, that can wait until tomorrow. There's always a long list, right?

The list is endless. But to shrink it and to do it just in bed when you just wake up when your instincts are still very natural, the world hasn't pulled in on you yet. to do it in the dark, to do it with your eyes closed for that split second. By the time I get back into this bed in 12 hours time or 18 hours time, whatever it might be, if I just do this one thing, that's okay. And it works every time. Every time. One thing's manageable.

This is the problem with to do lists, right? The to do list is never going to get shorter, ever. And you're always going to feel like a bit of a failure because you're never going to get through it every day. It also, I found it really helps over time to establish what your values are. Because that instinct is values based. What's important to you? Yeah. If I die tomorrow, what's the most important thing essentially?

You don't know what quite that. It's very difficult to think like that. But it's like, it's the fact that I sat there and laughed my socks off at some stupid jokes. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? That is actually the most important thing today, even though it doesn't see it on the surface. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. It's the only thing. It's the only legacy, isn't it? It's your only legacy. Because it's real and it's and it involves emotion. And you've talked, right, you had me in tears the other day, can I just say. When I was listening to spinning plates with Sophia Edis Baxter and you were talking about how lucky there was a sort of conversational moment when you were on those times. Oh my God, I'm going to start going again in a minute. It was a real raw emotional moment where I think every person. would resonate with because there are times when it just feels so bloody hard and there are too many balls to juggle. And like we said, perfection isn't always the answer. In fact,

it's like the enemy in a way. We have a phrase at Netmons where we say you don't, life doesn't have to be perfect for you to feel proud. And I think that, yeah, it's really, I know like some people I might say it's cheesy, but like I really like that phrase because like you said, you don't, with that list going back to that one thing, you don't have to tick off everything on that list for you to feel proud of yourself at the end of the day. But you do feel proud of yourself when you've connected with Tishan or you've been present. Hands down. Yeah. But yeah, I feel like I've got, I went down some emotional paths there now and I've got to bring myself back somewhere. J.B. help me.

No, but it's, no, you're totally right, Louise. I think it's, you know, there's always so much that you're juggling that you've got sort of in the back of your mind. And, you know, I think certainly for you, you know, as a single working parent, you know, all the times, of course, that you made sure that you were present for to Sean. Was anything that you said to yourself, you know what, this is non-negotiable? this is something that I have to do regardless of whatever else is going on and I'm going to make sure that I do it.

Yeah, there was one year when I was doing Good Morning Britain and I was doing ITN. So not just for one year. I did it for a few years where I was just working every hour, God send. And luckily, you know, whatever shifts came up, I would just have to say yes to absolutely everything. And I wanted to, you know, for goodness sake, you know, I'm a journalist and who doesn't want to do the national evening news,

who doesn't want to do news at 10? I mean, these are milestone important things in your life that, you know, that were in your mind when you were 22 before you even had kids. Like this, you know, I'm not, it's no, there's no violins out here. But I also definitely needed the work, right? And so there was one where I had said, this was in primary school, it's one where I had said yes to a network news shift at ITV News. and I asked my mom and my sister and the child minder who we had at the time if they could go to watch him in his nativity thing. And I don't know if I'd manage to actually tell him,

I feel like I was so busy and so stretched thin that I probably didn't tell him. And I think how old was he? He was probably about, I'm going to say like seven, quite little. Yeah. And oh my God, it makes my arms tingle even now. But like, so I was like, I felt anxious at work anyway. Not anxious, but I wasn't present at work either.

That's the point. I wasn't even able to write my headlines very well because I was just like, it's like one o'clock. Oh, he's going to be there. I did they make it? Have you? Oh, I don't know. Have you made it? Have you made it? Oh yeah, okay, bye, I've got to go. I've got to go.

Meeting now, meeting now. And then just checking my phone. Will he send me, you know, that whole thing of being at work and then just being on your phone and trying not to look like you're on your phone the whole time? Oh, it was really awful. So, like, they went and he was so upset and angry and so difficult. Like the three of them couldn't get him into the car, couldn't get him out of the hall, couldn't get him to put his blazer on. Couldn't get him to put his shoes on. And it was just, it sounded horrible. Like, it was just like, he was out of the box. Like, he was uncontainable.

And of course, like, these are three women who cared for him, but none of them's his mom. Yeah. And they also, maybe he's hungry. Maybe he's just tired. You know, everyone's trying their best. This is the story, you know. And they eventually get him. But he is just like, but he's not saying, he's just like red-faced out of his skin.

Fuming. Unhappy. Fuming. He gets home. And basically, I think he exhausted all of them. Because it's quite exhausting being around an angry child, isn't it? An angry upset child can be quite exhausting. Yeah, because you just want them to be happy and it's exhausted watching them.

Yeah, and they're doing whatever they can. Falling apart. And of course, I'm still at work at this point. It's now, I've been out of the house since 3am. It's now 6pm and I'm still at work, right? This is my second job of the day. I've done GMB. I've done lunchtime news.

I'm now on evening news. I won't get home till God, what time. And they were just like, he was really, really, really, like, hard to handle. He was really hard to handle. No food help. Nothing helped. And I just was like, holy shit. Like, honestly, we can be poorer, but I cannot ever, ever do this again. I cannot. It's just like, it makes me want to cry now. It's just horrible. And that was a non-negotiable for you. And actually after that, after I did strictly, and then about maybe a little bit after that, then I was asked, you know, as they always would, here's a load of shifts for the summer, you know, all these shifts need cover. I was always cover.

And I just made a decision. I was like, I'm saying goodbye to money, obviously. It's financial security. having those free as a freelancer you know I'm self-employed it's like happy day shift is you always want to say yes don't you yeah yeah I just have to say no and it was difficult and I think you know I don't know what effect it had on my career but it certainly meant I had to I made a big decision to go no yeah yeah yeah yeah um talking about I mean I've said no to other things by the way like I was asked to go and um interview Jennifer Aniston in New York for the new season of um the morning show right right up my street. Yeah.

But I was going a way to do the box. And I said no to it. And you know when you just can't believe like the 22 year old you would be going, what the fun? You're going to go to New York and meet Jennifer Aniston. Are you crazy? Dream. Get on the plane, get on the plane, right?

So like there's a little bit of me. They're just going, don't be so stupid. And then I didn't tell Sean anything. And then I said to him a bit later, I said, I was talking about it. And I said, I turned it. It was you didn't turn it down. I was going to say it. I bet he was gutted that you took.

He also at the same time, I was just like, no, I'm going away. No. No way. So I do have, but I have a very clear compass about it. I don't have a debate. My instincts are so strong that I just go, no, like, it's like water off the duck's back. Just like that. Is that a learned thing though now?

Yeah. Because of course he's older as well. And I wonder if that's sort of, I guess, swayed things a little because when we did the box together, we got on brilliantly. We had a laugh, not just myself and yourself, but everybody who was involved. It was such a great time. An intense period, but actually a really fun period. Do you think that because Deshaun's now slightly older and you've both been through what you've been through, that his outlooks slightly changed? And of course, your outlooks changed as well. Yeah, definitely, I think that, I think you have to ultimately at

some point. And I think this is a career thing, actually. Perhaps it's nothing to do with being a parent. I don't know. But you certainly at some point, you know, have to think, well, I'm a hard worker. I've hopefully earned enough stripes that if I say no, I will still be employed this time next year. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think the fear of saying no that you'll be blackball, that you know, you'll never get your contract renewed, that people will think you're not committed, that you're not, you know, that you don't want to progress, like all of that out there in the corporate world, in the working world. I think that there comes a point, I think, in your career where you do have to go like, okay, well, maybe I'll have to take the hit, if that

is true, if they think that I'm not committed or I don't. But I hope that people know me well enough in my industry to know that she wants to work. She's a hard worker. But, you you know, she's also a mum. And so therefore, I just, I think, yeah, I think my attitude towards my own career has slightly changed. It can't fully change because, you know, the industry's changing and people are losing their jobs left, right and centre at the moment in all of TV. And flexible work is hard to find, right?

Even though there's campaigns for flexible work all the time, flexible work for single parents is hard to find. It's very hard to find. So, yeah, I think my, approach and my attitude towards balance has changed. And of course, you know, as he gets more independent, things will change again. I'm sure that, you know, because I find that lots of my friends who are older than me get like a second wind in their career. So, you know, I'm an ambassador for refuge, for example, but you know, I know the CEO there. But it's just like, so people go through

maybe Eberflow. They call it the second act, don't they? Yeah. And did you see the other day? It said something that like women's brains peak after 50. I was like, hello, I'm totally here for that. Bring it on. Right. Partly because I've been like, I don't know, in those early days when you have their little ones, my brain sort of went a little bit mushy, I think. I've got to admit that. But yeah, yeah, no, I'm all on for that sharpness and brain activity coming on. I'm just going to go talking about TV because obviously you got ridiculous as well back on. and that's a great, fun, fun show. Always looks like, yeah, for a really good laugh.

And obviously he did Strictly back in 2020 was it, it was a while ago, yeah. And I don't know, I'm going to ask, I know you live a very private life, but obviously you met your partner on Strictly. You're in a relationship and have been for the last five years. how what sort of you've talked about your partner being a positive force on your family life and in particular to Sharm. Obviously you've got your own personal and private reasons and your boundaries that you set within your family home. But for parents out there who might be single with children, would you have any advice for them embarking on like a new relationship or introducing someone to the family? I'd say it's like a very delicate and quite fragile process and I think it needs to be that.

I think that one of the, I suppose one of the things I would say as a bit of advice, it depends what kind of mindset you have. And this is a new, an improved attitude, if you like, that I have developed more recently. is that I am enough. I am enough as a parent and that you don't become a wholesome, whole family, just when all the boxes are ticked on the outside. Like, you don't, like, sometimes I think, I don't know, I can only speak for myself, I suppose,

but sometimes a parent might think, oh, it's important that I recreate a family scenario to make everything feel normal again. But that kind of is the wrong reason to try and be in a relationship or whatever. Obviously, that person is going to be in your child's life. And it's up to you how much you want that person to be in your child's life. You don't even have to live together. You can just be, you know, that relationship can be just for you. and your children can be completely separated from it

or it can be completely blended and integrated and all of those things. But I would say that my advice would be check in and make sure that your reasons for being in a relationship with somebody are not to try and plug the gap that has been left by someone else's absence. Because that I think is a very natural thing to feel

to protect your children, you feel like you need, you know, you need that, you know, traditional family set up. Yeah. But I would say that I have now grown into having more confidence and realisation, I think, that we are great. Like me and Shana's a unit are totally solid. And he finds his, and actually I tell you what it was. it was a therapist who said to me that, and I know you know this, but I think I didn't know this in my heart until she actually told me. She was like, for a child to grow up feeling safe and secure and to have secure attachment,

they only ever need one person. That blew my mind. Like it blew my mind that that was true. One constant. Yeah, one constant attachment. And it blew my mind. because if you believe in attachment theory which I definitely lean into quite a lot

it's something I think about a lot that is so reassuring to me because I'm like oh yeah that is me it doesn't matter who else comes in it will always be me anyway yeah I think for you obviously that's you know been a very well not necessarily through your own choice

but very deliberate thing because of the circumstance and I totally agree because I think it's similar even if you look at sort of the traditional or, you know, historically we'll look at sort of, you know, dad's outworking, mum, at home, you had that attachment with that person, you know, and I know that families, of course, are very different now. Very different, yeah, set up. Yeah, absolutely very different setups.

Often both parents work, you know, not necessarily a mum and the dad, whatever. But actually, you still, to an extent, you know, certainly for me, you know, I suppose my set-ups relatively traditional, not by, just because of the way it is. but I definitely see that, you know, and understand that. And I think that's really important for parents listening to this and, you know, for myself just to actually accept that. It's okay. You saying that reminds me of that quote from Faraz in Traders who said, did you hear him when he said, did you watch Traders? Yeah, yeah.

And he said, you know how they had like boyfriend and girlfriend in this series and they've had son and mom in the other series? And there was lots of conspiracy theories about two sims that were in this year. And he said, oh, God, if I'd have had my mum in the show, I'd have been hugging her every 20 minutes or something. Yeah. I hear that. Yeah. And that is lovely. Yes.

A very, very close relationship. Yeah, very, very attached relationship. That's adorable. Yeah. So that's some really good advice as well for other parents out there. I think we've come to a close and we might be ready for our small person parenting question of the week.

Great. You're going to love this right of here. It's a very serious question. I'm ready. Why do Glenna always take pictures of the food instead of just eating it? Always take pictures of your food instead of just eating it? Yeah.

Why do grown-ups do that? Well, I think, do you know what it is? Actually, I'm talking to you from my kitchen, which has got a very bare wall behind me there. And I always have this thing that I'm just going to have this lovely composite photograph sort of thing of all the beautiful meals I've ever eaten. And they're going to be just like displayed on this beautiful thing. It hasn't happened yet.

Look. Yeah. Add it to the list. I've got an album in my photos, right? which is literally titled food. And I'm like, one day I will print them all out and it will be like, that was the meal we had in Rome. That was the meal we...

Not happened. So are you guilty of taking pictures before you eat? Only if it's really... Do you know what it is if it's beautiful crockery? I'm a suck of a beautiful crockery. Oh, a little crockery fetish going on. I have got a crockery fetish. I am.

Fascinating fact about Ranvir Singh. When was the last gorgeous meal you had? Where was it? actually had a lovely sunday. I know it sounds bizarre. Not on gorgeous crock, but I had a beautiful Sunday roast yesterday at this place called, oh no, can I say what it is?

Anyway, never mind. It's a place called Tabur. It's like a Turkish, sort of Lebanese place, I think. But you wouldn't think to go there for a Sunday roast, but oh, it's absolutely delicious. And does Tuchan cook for you? Tishan will cook like pasta from scratch, like the dough, he does all that.

He looks very, although he loves to cook. like lamb and chicken and things. And obviously I'm a vegetarian. So he's a very good, he's a very good host if people come around. He loves cooking. He's a brilliant boy. Thanks, J.B. And also, by the way, J.B, I will be slipping into your DMs after this podcast if that's okay.

Ah, yeah, that's all right. I'm okay with that, you know, like. She's well aware of who you are. I'm like, J.B. J.B. J.B., you were so charming on the podcast. We must meet up for a coffee. I heard you on the NetMama's podcast.

And I was just thinking, when you were saying that as well, I was just thinking if you were at my school gate, what would the reaction be like? And you get people like doing whispers as well. Oh, that's, there's Jaffe Gaventana. No, well, I don't know. Maybe there'll be elements of that. But, you know, now I go to as much as I can.

I go to Sports Day. I go to the school matches. So I'm always like, you know, standing on a sideline somewhere or as much as I can, you know, so I think, you know, the more visibility you have, the less people have, I guess, a reason to kind of whisper or question something. I mean, and I'll just come over and say, and say, hi, how you doing? How's Ali getting on today or, you know, is Louis doing well? You know, whatever.

And I'll just be open and, you know, have good conversation. And for me, I think that's important. Ultimately, I want to know the people who my child is going to say. school with, you know, that's what it boils down to really. So are you on a dad's WhatsApp group or you're on the class WhatsApp group? I'm not, no, I'm not. The, Clow does all the WhatsApp groups. I do all the emails.

It's really weird. Like, we've got really divided roles. Always. I even add my husband to the WhatsApp groups and he mutes them. So he never, not only does he not read them, he doesn't contribute to them either. That's absolutely brilliant. What's the point? What's the point?

And then, you know, you sat watching telly at night and my phone's going, and he's like, what is going on on your phone? And I'm like, that's the three different class groups that I've got bothering away on my phone. There's food tech tomorrow. Have you done anything for that? No. Yeah. Has anyone put the order in for the hoodies?

Has anyone got the form for blah, blah, blah. Has anyone done this? Have you ordered the Sats books? Have you done this? And it's like, it's also the most like panic-inducing messages at like 10 o'clock at night as well. Yeah. Although, do you know what? I am in, obviously, in all of the WhatsApp groups, right?

But it totally let me down recently. I put him in his school uniform and made him go to school on an inset day. And he literally told me it was an inset day, right? And I was like, you're pulling my leg because he's always trying to get out. You know, he's always like, oh, ma, can you organise like this for like Wednesday afternoon? You know, whatever it is. And I'm like, okay. Anyway, so yeah, he totally let me down there on my WhatsApp group.

I tell you. Oh, awesome. Oh, gosh. Well, Ramvir, it was been brilliant. Thank you so much for sharing all your pearls of wisdom as well. Thank you. Oh, it was such a delight having Ramvir on. She shared some incredible pearls of wisdom that I would definitely be taken away.

And I think one of the things that resonated with me the most was three words, actually. She said, I am enough. So true. And I think sometimes as a parent you can get overwhelmed and you think, what am I doing? What am I not doing? Oh, those parents are doing whatever, especially with social media these days. you've seen everybody doing amazing things. And comparison syndrome constantly.

Yeah, no, I'm totally with you on there. And you do forget, you so forget that actually what you're doing is enough. And often, you're doing the best job that you possibly can. Yeah, totally true. I think I'm going to shed my to-do list and just do the one thing like she was suggesting. And I'm making that one thing like something that's a quality thing. So like she said, like showing up and being present and having some. like quality time with the kids or something for sure

because we can all just get absolutely drowned in our to-do lists and I don't know whether a to-do list really makes me that happy to be quite honest. So true. If this parenting conversation resonated with you, join me and J.B for another episode next week where we'll be talking to more real parents with real experiences like Ranvier. Don't forget to keep up to date with parenting news as well,

hot topics and expert advice. netmumps.com and on the netmonds socials. And why not hit follow, leave her a view and come join the net moms community where the real parenting conversations are happening. Yes, right. I'm off to go and get Kiara from school. So we'll see you next time. Catch you later. Bye.