The Netmums Podcast - S18 Ep5: REBECCA ADLINGTON: Just keep swimming: on parenting through loss and teaching kids to swim

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

On this week’s Netmums podcast, Louise Burke and JB Gill are joined by olympic gold medallist and mum of three, Rebecca Adlington, for a very honest conversation about parenting, baby loss and learning to keep going.Rebecca talks openly about experiencing two miscarriages, the counselling that helped her and her husband through it, and the anxiety that can come with expecting a rainbow baby. She also shares the small things that helped her family cope – including giving her bump a nickname, ‘jellytot’, so the whole family could bond with the baby.Alongside the emotional side of parenting, Rebecca also explains why learning to swim is a life skill, not just a sport – and why she believes three to five years old is the ideal age for children to start proper swimming lessons.The episode also covers the real challenges parents face around swimming – from nervous children and reluctant swimmers, to the moment many girls start to feel self-conscious about their bodies in swimwear as they get older.In this episode we talk about:• pregnancy after loss and the reality of a rainbow baby• how partners can support mums through miscarriage and grief• why counselling helped Rebecca and her husband process loss• the importance of teaching children to swim• the best age to start swimming lessons for kids• helping children build confidence in the water• when body image can start to affect girls and swimmingThis episode of The Netmums Podcast is brought to you by Aldi Mamia.Read more expert help on Netmums.com and join the conversation on socials @Netmums.JB and Louise also want to hear your parenting stories, questions and dilemmas! So please share them with us at [e-mail] and we can bring you into the conversations that matter on The Netmums Podcast.This podcast is brought to you by Netmums: backed by experts, trusted by parents. Proudly produced by Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative

This episode of The NetMums podcast is brought to you by Aldi Mammaia. If you're a first time or a new parent, there's a lot you don't realize you'll suddenly have very strong opinions on. Car parking bays, the price of fresh fruit, screen time and also nappies. Because no one wants a nappy nightmare in the middle of the night or during a busy playgroup session. And let's not talk about the potential disasters that can happen on a long car journey. Oh no.

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flexible fit that moves with your baby practically leakproof. What's not to like? And they're dermatologically tested and suitable from newborn, which is reassuring when everything touching your baby's new delicate skin suddenly feels important. Thoughtfully designed, parent approved and made for real life. You can find Aldimamia Nappi's in store now. Welcome to the NetMums podcast where real parenting conversations happen. I'm Louise Burke, NetMum's editor-director. And I'm J.B. Gill. We're here to talk all things parenting and get advice from experts on the things that matter most.

And according to our community of parents recently, the vocal lot that you are, when it comes to the topic of children's swimming lessons, it appears you have a lot to say. What do you think, J.B.? have you got to say? To be honest, I mean, I've got to the point where both my children have, I suppose, done with the lessons, because they're both pretty proficient swimmers. However, that wasn't always the case. So certainly with my son, Ace, I remember we did start swimming with him quite early, but he didn't particularly enjoy it. He didn't mind being in the water,

but definitely didn't want to get his face or his head submerged. And I remember we took him along to a series of different lessons. And, you know, at that point, we sort of take them under. He really didn't react well to it. So we had to work quite a lot to help him overcome that. And you know, there was a little bit of fear there. There was a loss of confidence. And thankfully, you know, both at school and with private lessons, we've been able to try and get him over that hump. And now, you know, both the kids, Kiara, she's more of a fish. So she's always loved the water and had no problems going underneath and just took to it literally like a duck to water. But yeah, both of them now, when we go on a holiday, it's so nice to see them jumping in

and out of the pool. And of course you keep a watchful high, but actually they can thoroughly enjoy it. They don't quite love to see so much, but definitely in the pool, they're very safe. Oh, lucky you had, well, you had both, I guess both experience. Like my eldest, she was fine, then the twins. I spent a lot of money on an instructor sitting by the side of the pool with the guitar, singing songs whilst they were like splashing the pool. That was kind of weird, looking back. But I sort of come out in a bit of a mild sweat when I think about like the screams in the change rooms when you're trying to wash the hair without getting soaked. And just that sort of panic every, you know, you sort of invest quite a lot of money in this,

don't you? And that sort of panic when you used to turn up. And it was like, are they going to go in this week? Are they not going to go in? Are we going to spend half the lesson in the toilets because they've suddenly decided they need a wee? And I'd be like, this is a pound every second you're having your wee that I'm paying. This is such an expensive wee. Who better to talk swimming than a gold medal winning Olympic swimmer? We invited Rebecca Adlington onto the Netmum's podcast to talk to us about the reasons why every child should have the opportunity to learn how to swim and how we can make this happen, including tips on when we should be introducing our kids to the water. Big question mark over that one for some of you listening.

Alongside her professional career, Rebecca has been open and honest about her personal parenting journey, in particular her recent pregnancy, her rainbow baby after two miscarriages, which she talks to us about. Just to give you some context, this podcast was recorded before Rebecca gave birth to her beautiful daughter, Thea Joy, on the 28th February. Also worth giving a heads up, if you find any moments of this episode too triggering or sensitive, please feel free to skip to the next part of the chat. To Rebecca, welcome to the Netmum's podcast. Hey, Rebecca. Thank you for having me.

So yeah, we're going straight to the top. We're going to this gold medal winning Olympic swimmer. We're going to ask you with swimming. You've spoken that it's not just a sport. It's a life skill. This is what you've spoken out about. And actually this flared up into a big debate on NetMum's socials the other month. What do you mean when you say it's more than sport?

It's a life skill. Yeah, I never want to spark any sort of... It was a good debate. It was a healthy debate. Yeah, that's not what I was going for. But I think you go to other countries and I have been very, very lucky to go to other countries. And they see learning to swim so differently to the way we do in the UK. A lot of other countries, certainly in Australia, places like that, it's just a non-negotiable that everybody learns how to swim.

Because obviously there is an abundance, yes, of sea, but rivers, lakes, etc. and just the dangers around it. And yet you come to the UK and we only really see it as a sport. It's a brilliant Olympic sport. Don't get me wrong. I love it. I'm all for it. But it's like no parents talk about that it's the only sport to save your life.

That it's absolutely a necessity. To me, learning to swim should be like reading or writing because we are surrounded by water. And I think it's even more important for us in the UK because we're such a little island and if you do, even if you live inland in the UK, I think you're pretty much only three hours away from the sea, but the amount of lakes, rivers, canals,

all this sort of stuff that we have in the UK and unfortunately flooding, it's one of those that to me, it's a no brainer because the drowning rate, sorry to get heavy straight away, but the drowning rate is going up every single year and it is a lot of the time that people are jumping into this water in the summer, thinking that it's going to be safe to swimming and it's not, or even in the winter, just that cold impact and then not being strong enough summers. I think a lot of parents do lessons, like you said, but they give it up straight away

and they think six months is fine. It's fine. They can float. They'll be fine if they got into danger. And I'm like, you're really not going to be okay. Like, you need to, it is an investment. It is a long. period of time. It is an investment.

It has to have that confidence. Yeah, the investment side of it, both time investment, I think, is involved, isn't it? But also, I think what came up in a lot of the comments on socials with our community was the cost. So one, like, I think it was, yeah, mum Georgina told us if swimming lessons didn't cost 80 quid a month, then more of us could put our kids in lessons. Some people said it was school's responsibility to provide the swimming lessons. One of the dads, Nick Edwards, he said schools don't have the resources to do this. Parents should really invest. And then there was another mum that said she actually agreed with what you were saying.

But then there's quite a lot of pressure for parents to do this too soon, along with lots of other things as well. What's a good time for kids to start? You knew I was going to say it's right. Is this what you get asked the whole time? When's a good time for kids that starts swimming lessons? No, I was laughing because it's just the people just want to pass the responsibility to anyone. It's like it's the school's responsibility. It's parents is this.

And it's like by us all doing that, nobody's taking ownership. And actually the issue is just getting worse and worse. And it's just one of those that it's like, I think, J.B., you did the perfect thing. Your kids had school cement as well as private. That is ultimately the goal and the dream that kind of both should complement and both, they should be both. But the perfect age is three. And that is, of course, baby lessons are brilliant. And baby lessons are more about bonding and just them gaining confidence in water.

But they're not going to learn how to do 25 metres at two years old. It's not going to happen. So from a life skill, real necessity. perspective between three and five is perfect because you will start to go on holidays where there's pools, whether that's in the UK or abroad, you start being around dangers a lot more. They start riding bikes near water if you go down the canal or lakes or rivers and riding a bike or school trips are surrounded by water. If they ever got into danger, they would be able to save themselves if they weren't

panicking. So that three to five age group is for me the sweet spot. Yeah. You know what? It's so right that you say that. And you touched on, you know, sort of parents and passing that responsibility. I think one of the things that I've found, and, you know, it's certainly for myself and for my wife. But, well, her mum didn't learn how to swim when she was younger.

I still isn't that confident as a swimmer. My mum wasn't that keen as a swimmer and still not very confident as a swimmer. What would you say for some of those parents who aren't comfortable themselves and obviously haven't had that expertise, haven't had that time invested into them, when they're, you know, understandably nervous about sort of passing their child onto someone who might be a great teacher,

but potentially also might not be that great. You know, it's like with anything, my little workplace football and some coaches are great and some coaches haven't really got much of a clue. Yeah, and my nan is terrified of water. And I'm like, I've begged her for literally all my life. Can I teach you how to swim? And it's been, no.

And I'm like, to my own namp can't swim. Wow. What I know. But no, she's never taking me up on it. But yeah, it is really difficult. And I think that's where lessons come in. Look, there's a solution for everyone, I think. I think if you are confident in the water,

you can save on that cost by taking your children swimming yourself. Let's not lie, it is much cheaper to go to the leisure center, to pay just for a family swim and for you to help teach your kids. I don't do that because my kids will not listen to me. I don't know about you. But when it's mom, they go, you don't know what you're talking about.

And I'm like, I do know what I'm talking about. But they won't listen to me. It's like they won't listen to mom at all. And I go to a lesson and I even think sometimes I'm like, I could actually give you a better lesson. Yeah. I was going to say.

Yeah. Becky. Do your kids, I know summer's, she's eight, is that right? She's 10. 10. Oh, sorry, 10. And you've got Albi as well. Do they know how successful you are at swimming?

Summer does. Summer gets it a lot more. So Alby's only four. So he doesn't really understand what the Olympics are and everything about it. He just goes, Mommy, used to be the fastest swimmer. And he always highlights the word used to be. but it's a bit too much better. He doesn't understand at all, whereas summer does and summer fully gets it.

I've taken her to a few events where like I've spoken or showed off my medals and things like that. And she really gets it. And she just turns around to me and goes, Mommy, I don't want to be like you. And I'm like, that's absolutely fine because she's part of the swimming club. But she just loves the social element. She just wants to chat to her friends. She is a good little swimmer, but she doesn't want to be.

I'm like, some of that's absolutely fine. There is no pressure at all to take this further. So, yeah, summer does. And Albie just goes, if somebody comes up and asks for a photo with me or something like that, I'll be so confused. He's like, why do they want your photo, Mama? I'm like, I don't know either. I'm not what I say.

I'm like, I don't know. Blessing. But you grew up with two sisters and you all swam, didn't you? You swam as a family down at the local legislature. a lot. And that's what you were just saying then. You should encourage, you know, if you can have those family swim sessions as well with your family. Exactly. And if you can't afford it, I do appreciate lessons or expensive. Look, I live up north. So lessons are not anywhere near £80 a month up north because it is much, much cheaper at north. But I do appreciate some of my friends that live down south and live in

London. Tell me that their lessons are over £100 a month. And I think, whoa, I can't believe. that because even I even own my own loan to swim company and our highest price stops at 60, 65 pound and that's even in four our southern venues that I'm like, I find it outrageous when anything is over

70 pound a month. I'm like, wow, I hear some of these prices. But I think that's why there is a solution for everyone. If you are a scared parent and you have got the means to spend it, for me, that direct debit I wouldn't sacrifice compared to all the other sports and activities

that my children do would be the swimming one and I've told my children that because even with Albi I'm like until you can swim at least what I say to him at least 100 meters but even 25 meters I'm like you're not stopping your lessons I will sacrifice all your all the other things football and absolutely everything even though I know he loves it but just because it's a life skill so I think there is that solution there there is the leisure center where you can go by yourself there is lessons and of course then if you do have have the bonus of school swimming. But I do appreciate there is huge challenges with school swimming because so many swimming pools

have shut. And if you don't have a swimming pool for 20 miles, how is it possible for that school to take the kids swimming? It's not. So there is challenges within the school swimming system. Yeah, of course. I mean, I was quite lucky because, you know, I went to sort of a local church of England school and I do remember very clearly, not that I enjoyed it that line, but I do remember

very clearly going for school swimming lessons. And actually, when I think back at it, it was a real highlight. It was something that I look forward to. You got to go off school premises, get in the minibus and all of that sort of stuff. So I think there is a real pro to some of the social elements of swimming. I love the blending machine afterwards. I always straight at the blending machine. You're always so hungry after a swim, aren't you?

I'm always so hungry. It's so true. But what I was going to say, one of the things I think, if you've got parents who are committed to swim in and helping their children learn how to swim, there's still things that can be stressful. There's still, you know, hurdles so overcome like the early mornings or a cold

pool or a nervous child. Do you have any advice for helping parents overcome some of those hurdles? Yeah, and there is always those. I mean, my daughter, now that she's got, even though she's fully confident, body image is starting to become a thing for her, which is really

something to be very aware of. I can't I can't really remember it when I was that age, but I think it's much much younger from when we grew up. They're so exposed to stuff now. I can't really remember body image creeping in as much until I was about 12, 13 in kind of more secondary school, whereas now it's much much younger. And actually, you've kind of got to be aware of that because a lot of schools do do schools swim in in year five. And I think people are aware of more. So you've got to be aware of those things because let's not like you are in.

exposing clothes. You're in the change, you're exposing yourself in the change rooms, but then you're also, I guess, amongst your peers in a swimming costume as well, which is quite exposing for some. Exactly. And I say to a lot of people,

just check the swimwear policy. Most swimming pools let you swim in, as long as it is like a water base top or things that you can actually, there is solutions out there. You can almost wear like a kind of wet suits and things like that. Most pools have that nowadays. But it's just, it's hard and I do appreciate that is there.

But other challenges, my little boy didn't get into lessons for four months. For four months, he refused to get in the pool. He had done baby lessons. We had done baby lessons since he was five weeks old. He was so confident in the pool. If we took him, he jumped straight in. But as soon as they get, once they get to three, they get to swim. without mum or dad, which if you're scared of water, it's perfect because you don't have to get in.

But obviously, that was a really big thing for him. He's a lockdown baby. So he was quite a clingy child and it was just really, really difficult. And for four months, I sat there, pull side and me and my husband alternated and we were like, we don't understand why are you crying. Like, you love this. You love this. You're such good swimmer. But it's just, it's baby steps to them, these things are a huge, huge deal. And actually, in the end, after a couple of weeks of trying, we just let him sit on the side and play with a toy. We just let him get comfortable at his own pace. It was a big deal for him if he put his feet in that week and splashed his legs. That was huge. We were well done. We praised him. Like, keep the praise there because that is huge. And even though

you think, well, they've not fully got in or he might not have put his face in or, He might not have jumped in. It doesn't matter. Like to them, that's a huge deal. And I think always keep the praise there. Always keep it that that kind of pressure is off. And when they're ready, like one week out of nowhere, he just jumped in and swam. We were like, what?

Out of absolutely nowhere. And even the teacher was like, oh, he's really good at some of him. We were like, we know. We know he is. But it's just, you've just got to allow them at their own time and at their own pace and at their own pace and get comfortable. And I think just keep the praise, keep encouraging, because that's the best thing you can do.

How did you feel, though, during that time when you knew he was a decent swimmer? He was your child and he was not getting in the pool. And all that advice is great. But didn't it like sort of, didn't you get a bit frustrated? The first month was the hardest because we were just pulling our hair out. And we tried every parenting trick under the,

son, bribery, like absolutely everything that you can imagine. We tried, I tried shouting. I tried forcing him in. I tried bribery. I tried the soft approach. I tried the top of it. Like, I tried absolutely everything.

Nothing was working. So the first bit was literally I wanted to pull my hair out. And then in the end, once I learned, nothing was going to work. And actually, this was on his terms, not mine. and most people would have just given up. Most people would have cancelled that direct debit and never gone again. That is the worst thing you can do. That is like when you fall off your bike and you never get back on a bike,

like the best thing to do is try and get back on the bike and learn that it's okay. So we just kind of said, you know what? We're just going to do it until he gets in and until he understands and until that little switch goes in his brain, we'll just every week we'll go and we'll sit there and we'll just say, well done, whatever he's done that week, if he's put his feet in, if he's thrown a toy to the teacher, whatever it is. And that's just the approach that we did in the end. So you kind of just let it go, but it was very difficult the first couple of weeks. I was like, oh, my God,

I'm so frustrated. So you can feel other people's pain then? Absolutely. And it was just more embarrassing because it was my own learn to swim program. And so when you're going to your own place and it's me and everyone was looking at me, everyone was staring at me and everyone was like, oh my gosh, the owner can't even get her child in and I'm like, I know. It is what it is. Yeah. Well, it sounds like Albi alone keeps you very busy and on your toes, but obviously summer too. And congratulations on your upcoming arrival of your latest edition, your rainbow baby on its way.

So you haven't got long left of the pregnancy, have you? No, I'm 34 weeks pregnant, so yeah, not long left at all. So yeah, very exciting. You've been very open about this pregnancy and also, sorry, the two miscarriages that you experienced in the last couple of years as well. I'm sorry to hear of that. But you also said that this pregnancy has, when you've spoken about this pregnancy,

you've used the words fearful or more private or you've been quieter in your approach to the pregnancy. And I think that will resonate with a lot of parents in the NetMum's community. Do you want to talk us through, if you're happy to, how differently, emotionally this has been this time round? Yeah, I mean massively. I mean, even my second, I say my second pregnancy,

the second time we got pregnant after our first miss. was slightly different, but this time, third time round after two miscarriages and one of those mean later at 20 weeks. This time has just felt so different, so, so different. Just the anxiety. It was just absolutely everything. And even my husband said today, he was like, we should at some point, like, have a chat. And I was like, about what? And he was like, well, we're going to have a baby in a few weeks and we've not spoken about it. I'm like, I know. It's like, it. It's. And, It's mad. Like, everyone keeps asking us, have we got a name at all of this?

And I'm like, no. But just because I think for us, even though I'm 34 weeks, which is much, much later, there is still that anxiety and fear there. There is still that bit of us that go, something could still go wrong. Like, we almost don't believe it's happening, even though I am huge and you can obviously see I'm pregnant. And looking gorgeous. It's still 20%.

and hot all the time. I can't see the hot bit. I can't see the lovely hair and the glowing cheeks. And the uncomfortableness and everything else. We're just so apprehensive about that something still could get, like it's almost like we don't want any to jinx anything. We don't want anything to kind of, if we believe and if we fully think that this child is coming, will it get taken away from us? And I think that's, we're just in that place.

And so many people said to me, once we got pregnant, whether it's the midwives, the professionals, petals, counseling, no matter where we went to, everybody said the same thing, that until that baby is in your arms, you are just going to be very anxious. That belief isn't going to be there. And I think that's just been the case. So I think we're still very kind of, kind of, on eggshells and not believe in it even though I did say to him over Christmas we probably need to sort of hospital by this by something so we are prepared

if the best case scenario happens we can't just plan for the worst we've got a plan that this could be okay so we've got to do a little bit of both yeah it's really interesting you know of course your experiences which are you know heartbreaking and you know you would never wish on any family and

you know of course it happens to lots of people more than perhaps I think you would think. And, you know, we never experienced that specifically. But even from our first pregnancy with Ace, you know, Chloe was very adamant. She didn't want to have baby showers. She didn't want to sort of do any of that sort of stuff. We didn't have pre-names. We'd thought of names, but we didn't actually assign a name, if that makes sense.

We didn't find out what we were having and things like that. And I know that's something that, you know, you've certainly taken with this pregnancy as well. But you talked a little bit about as well how that whole experience has changed your relationship with your body. And one of the things that I find fascinating, which I'm sure some of the other dads that are listening in, find fascinating as well, is that you have this experience, this birth, or even a miscarriage, you know, of course, in your case. And as a male, you go through that experience and as the female, you go through that experience. And it's the same experience, but actually, you almost experience it in different ways, you know? And do you have, yeah, do you have

any, I guess, advice, and you'll be able to explain maybe a little bit for any of our listeners, kind of how, you know, what that experience is like, what it's like, what it's been like for you both, and how, I suppose, a partner, the male partner, if that's what it is, can help to support a female partner,

especially because we have no real concept of being able to physically understand it. Yeah, and it is different, is it? And I think with the miscarriages, it was kind of an eye-opener that everybody at first, because it is happening to the female body. The first natural reaction for everyone to say is, how's Becky or how's the woman in this?

Because it is your body and it's happening to you. And there is this medical side of it. So there is always that. The medical side almost comes first that you've kind of, especially in a miscarriage, it's okay, you've got to have surgery, you've got to give birth, or X, Y, and Z, or even if you are having a pregnancy, you've got to give birth to the baby, not the, not the dad. But it kind of really shocked us how nobody asked Andy, especially the first miscarriage.

Like nobody was asking Andy, my husband, how he was. And we were like, that was his child too. And he had to watch the person he loves the most go through. through something horrific. And I think if any, if you ask it most people that you have to suffer pain or your partner has to suffer pain, everybody would take it themselves. Like nobody wants to see their partner in pain, whether you're male or female. And it's heartbreaking to watch somebody that you love go through that sort of pain and to have to deal with that. Like, if Andy could have taken away that surgery or that give him, but he would have in a heartbeat.

Like he wouldn't have even hesitated he would have done it. But, it's just, that's not how we're made and that's not how we're built and it has to fall onto the world. So it's incredibly difficult what you go through. And I think that's why counselling really, really helped us because we both deal with it in different ways as well. I'm a talker. I retreat.

Like, I just wanted to be at home and I would open up about how I feel a bit more. Whereas Andy, my husband wanted to go for a run or get on his bike to clear his head. And I was like, what? I couldn't imagine doing this. that. I was like, what are you crazy? And it's hard because we sometimes just don't understand each other. And I was like, why does he want to leave the house? And actually, that was his way of processing. And we kind of really learned how each other deals with it. And I think that's so important. So if anybody is sat at home going through anything, just to ask the other, just ask somebody else, what is it you need?

How can I help you this week? How can I give you something? And it might be, I need 30 minutes by myself to just go do something. or I need to just talk or I need to just do something different. And if you're a friend, I think the biggest thing that we went through is so many people didn't know what to say to us. And then it just became really awkward. And it was almost like this elephant in the room that people weren't addressing. And my advice to people in that scenario is just saying, hope you're okay. Just saying thinking of you. Just saying, I'm here for you.

Like three simple little words like that. Just break up that awkwardness. We're not going to make you feel uncomfortable by talking about it loads, but they mean so much. So if you know somebody going through something, just send them a message because just saying thinking off you. You don't have to overthink it. You don't have to put a whole essay out there.

Just those words are more than enough. That's really good advice. Yeah, I was going to say something that I've always held on to, just in life, is communication is key. Do you know what I mean? Acknowledgement, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, and like you say, it could be three words, you know, whether you communicate in three words, or it could be a hand on the back.

It could be anything, you know, but actually having those channels of communication as a partnership, but then also as friends or family or whatever is really, really helpful. Just a reminder, this episode of the Netmums podcast is brought to you by Aldi Mammaia. As well as their award-winning nappies, we give their Mammae wipes hard recommended netmoms. They are a parenting essential. They're plastic-free, gentle enough to use from birth and kind on sensitive newborn skin. Perfect for nappy changers and all the other unexpected messes no one warns you about. Head to your nearest Aldi Store to explore the full Mummia Range. I wanted to mention the Petals Charity actually because you did turn to Petal Charity,

didn't you for some support with some counselling help. Do they offer it to the partners as well? Did Andy take any support from petals? Did you get together or separately, if you don't mind me asking? No, that's exactly why we won't with petals because they give you, they obviously give you the option. They don't force you to do it together, but they do offer it to both of you. And that's why for us, it was an absolute no-brainer because it was the hospital that mentioned to us, oh, we work, we're kind of work alongside Petals.

We work alongside, there's other charities. There's like Dad Matters. There's obviously science, Tom. There's all these incredible charities that they connect you with when you go through a miscarriage. They give you lots of leaflets and information and places to go to. And Petals stood out to us because of that counselling together. Now, I had had counselling previous to the miscarriages.

So I knew how beneficial it was. Andy hadn't had any. And Andrew was really apprehensive at first. And I was like, please, can we do this together? Because I think it will help us navigate it. Like, I don't know how to help you because I've never experienced miscarriages either. And I want to be able to support him. And he agreed.

He was like, no, you are right. Let's do this together. And it was the best thing we ever did because it just gave us a way to kind of see above those dark clouds. it just gave us a way to navigate through. And as tough as it was, an emotion it was, we got to the point where we could speak without bursting into tears. And we could communicate to the kids better and all these different things that it allowed us to do. It allowed us to try again.

I was so adamant, like adamant in my head the second, once we lost Harper. I was like, I think I said, like when we were in hospital about to give birth, I was like, I can't do this again. Like I can't try again. I can't physically do that. And actually the petals can't say. Gave us the ability to try again. And actually that in itself is huge.

Absolutely. And just to make everyone aware that Harper, you realize you were miscarrying at 20 weeks, wasn't it? Yeah. With Harper, sadly. And that was, which year was Harper, 2023 so not so long ago yeah yeah so you did so you mentioned then trying again um and um and obviously you have and it's and it's been a healthy pregnancy for you both did as a whole experience you've

talked you talked very openly then about the two of you in those counselling sessions and sharing that very you know raw emotional experience has that change your relationship do you think as parents or a couple. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It's just, yeah, and we still get moments now. People think that it's, oh, you have three months of counselling and then you're fine. But like, we now know how to read each other so good. Like, I know straight away when Andy is like just having a day and he'll come home and he's like, I just had a moment today. And I know exactly what he means. I know exactly what he's talking about and we're just able like we don't have big massive chats about it but I'm able to just give him a hug and sometimes that's all we need and to just help each other through

and I think it's helped us navigate this pregnancy as well because it's really hard because as the woman it completely consumes you like you think about it 24-7 it's your body you're constantly going through it whereas it's it's different and Andy is able to leave the house and and he kind of not forgets I'm pregnant at all, but he's able to kind of switch off from it. And whereas a woman doesn't, and I found it sometimes incredibly lonely and isolated and everything, even though I'm so grateful to be pregnant, but it is hard. And I think that has totally changed our relationship because he was able, even in those times where I was lonely and isolated, he totally understood what I was saying and he didn't get offended.

by it, he didn't get defensive, he understood exactly what I meant. And I think, gosh, if we haven't have experienced all of that, I'm not sure me saying the words, I'm lonely to my husband, he would have accepted it in the way that he did at the time because he just understood what I meant. And I didn't mean, I'm not physically lonely. I'm surrounded by my children. Of course, as parents are never lonely, right? Especially you women. I'll be honest to do you. It's not the same for the dads.

Tethered. To go to the toilet and he literally can't get a minute of peace. Tethered forever. J.B. and I were talking as well about you've affectionately named your baby Jelly Tot. J.B., did you have any nicknames? Do you know what? It's really funny because a friend of mine, a very close friend of mine, he had or they have had a relatively similar experience to you.

You know, they had, they were a blended family, and they hadn't had their own child together, but my friend, the female, she had had a son, and he's almost grown. I think he's 18 now. And so they've been trying to have, you know, a family between the two of them and having another baby. And for one reason, another, nothing happened. And relatively recently they were pregnant. And I think a similar sort of time, maybe 20, 22 weeks, something like that, they lost their daughter who they'd named Faith. And, you know, For a long time afterwards, they were very, very hesitant to talk about, you know, the fact that they were still trying and that they wanted to have another baby. And they have, thankfully, recently just given birth to a little girl. And they've called it harmony. And, you know, it's one of those things. For me, of course, as I say, we haven't ever experienced loss through pregnancy. But, you know, through those early sort of pregnancy months, you know, we definitely had sort of nicknames for the baby. We called Ace, I think, was destiny because he might not hear him.

this. Well, he might not like hearing this, but he called him destiny because he wasn't planned. She was very much as surprised. He was planned. Obviously, he was planned because we don't believe in coincidences. But, you know, it wasn't that we were trying to have a baby. So we called him destiny because it was destined to happen kind of thing. And that was obviously way before we had his actual name. And then similarly with Kiara, Kiara did not stop kicking Chloe. And when I say kicking, it wasn't just sort of like a foot that you could see this. Oh, that's really cute. Have a look at this. It was like a boot and she just kept complaining and complaining. So we called her strength, which sounds very obvious. But,

you know, was there a reasoning behind Jelly Tot? And I know that you've spoken about it a little bit. But how did that help you guys as a family, of course, including the children as well? Definitely. And well, we actually had a counselling session with petals when I was just about turning 20 weeks. And we hadn't named her or anything like that. We were just going about our baby, referring to it as baby or bump. And when we did the counselling session, they said, you're seeing this too transactionally because you're referring to it as baby or it or bump or like you're referring to it as such an external thing. And they said, look, I really recommend you giving them a nickname and actually something that you can relate to that gives you that bond

that the kids can call it and everything else and me and Andy love sweets so it was just on the fact that it was sweet and jelly top was cute and it was just I guess in our head it is like at the time it was it was a little jelly tot it was something that was little and especially at that time obviously I had a bit of a bump but they're not very big of it 20 weeks and everything else and it just gave us a way to bond with it

and we know it's a girl and for the kids right so it yeah so it was nice that jelly tot even though it's gender neutral it was a little bit like girly and whatever and it gave the kids

something to bond with the baby and like even now the kids go can I kiss jelly tot good night can I say hello to jelly tot can I talk to jelly tot And I'm like, I love that. When did you find out you're having a girl?

To be fair, because we're part of the Rainbow team. We have been staying every two to three weeks. Yeah. So yeah, lots and lots of care. And they said to us, do you want to know? And at first, we were a bit, it makes it harder when you have a loss and you know the gender. And you've kind of talked about names. We found that really challenging with Harper because we kind of,

of liked the name harbour. We had talked about names by that point and we knew it was a girl. So we were a bit apprehensive, but at the same time, practicality-wise, I'm like, okay, if we're going to have a baby, it's like, it's not our first rodeo and what stuff do we need to get? And so there's a practicality side of it. And we started obviously to see stuff on the scans because the scans are so in depth, because they are checking for app. Absolutely everything. Every couple of weeks, you kind of couldn't avoid it. We were like, okay.

Like, we can't see any bits. So we think it's a girl. And then they were like, it's a girl. They're pretty confident. It's a girl. And it's been that way all the way through. So we weren't bothered what we were having. Because we've obviously got one of each at all.

You were so happy to have a baby. Yeah. It's similar to we. Oh, God, that's all we bothered. Yes, exactly. We had our first and we nicknamed her bean, but we didn't know the gender, so we just called her bean. And then I fell pregnant with twins, but there was a high risk twin pregnancy. And we were being scanned every two weeks as well.

And, you know, they're all quite thorough because there's a risk of TTS syndrome. So that was all quite intense. But when they asked about us knowing the gender, we just said, yeah, go fine. Like, yes, because like you say, it's not our first, not your first baby. And it's like, there's so much else happening. And so, you know, you feel quite insecure about so many things. We were a bit like, yes, from a practical perspective so we could get sorted because obviously there was two of them.

But also just, like you said, there's so much else going on that you feel quite anxious about. You sort of eliminate any other things and just get the information that you sort of need. So everything becomes easier to make. manage, I guess. You've, you've a so practical way of talking about it, isn't it, during a really emotional, beautiful time. But it's true, because even for us, you know, I think we had a similar sort of thing, especially with Kiara, less so with Ace. For Ace, we didn't want to know at all. And we didn't know. We literally were surprised once he was born. With Kiara, I don't know what

it was. I just felt, I feel like, and especially for me, because I didn't want to know, if you'd asked me before we were pregnant with Kiara, I'd have said, nope, don't want to know, not interested, want to find that on the day. sort of thing and and I remember sort of going to the along to the first canon thing to myself, do you know what? Actually be really helpful to know because from a practical perspective. Yeah. And I don't think that's a bad thing

because of course, pregnancy and having children become an apparent massively changes you doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. You've you've talked Rebecca about physically like obviously throughout your career you've trusted your body. It's been your you know, it's been a strong, you've been like a strong sort of vessel to carry you and your career and your, yeah, all through all the competitions and be a winner and represent the country in the Olympic Games. Amazing things that you've achieved.

How you, I'm going to ask how your relationship changed with your body after your pregnancy losses. because I know you have spoken on morning TV about it before, but I just want to, how do you feel now with your relationship with your body? Because then you spoke about your body after the loss and you're sort of feeling angry at your body and not doing its job properly and just physically the shape of your body changing. How do you feel now you're nearing towards the end of your pregnancy? Yeah, and I think I've always,

always had this, I think most people do. You kind of have this love-hate relationship with your body, don't you? Because I find the human body fascinating. I do not take for granted that my body has given me four Olympic medals to beautiful, healthy children at home. So I absolutely am in awe of it. I mean, you're a quick, Rebecca. Well, no, but it's true. And you're in awe of it. And you're in of it and then your body goes through these things and I had two so unexplained miscarriage and I think that's why I became so angry because there wasn't an answer like I think you kind of understand if there was a reason if I'd have been told a reason for the miscarriage was this you can kind of go okay and when it's yeah when it's so unknown and there is no reason for it no rhyme or reason

apart from that your body just couldn't keep that child alive. You feel so let down by your body and you can't understand and you become, you do hate, I hated my body. And especially after Harper, because you give birth, which I think was, it took me a while to get my head around the feather. You have to give birth and when you have a miscarriage. And then you come home and you still look pregnant. It almost feels cruel because you have to look in the mirror the week after, the two weeks after. And when you're grieving, your body looks like it's pregnant. And you think, wow, you just can't get your head around those emotions and everything that you're trying to digest at the same time.

And it took me a good six months. I just didn't want to look in the mirror. I had no motivation. I just didn't look after myself properly as in like eating. It was just like I just had I lost loads of motivation I was like let's just get a takeaway I just couldn't be bothered

like I kind of just was thought what's the point in looking after myself it's not going to do anything anyway and then when that counts and once you kind of come out of that cloud I had the motivation to go back to the gym because I also thought to myself hold on I've got two children at home that do need me

and actually I do want to be healthy for my kids and I do want to be active with them and I do want to look after myself For them, I want to be around as long as possible for my children. So it started to change. And then we were struggling to get pregnant. And it took us around 16, 17 months. And nobody could tell me why we weren't getting pregnant.

Every single test came back that it was fine. And I was like, so why aren't we getting pregnant? We're doing everything we need to. You know what I mean? I'm like, I just don't understand. And then you become angry that your body can't get pregnant. and it became such an emotional drain every month taking a pregnancy test and it was negative. Every month checking my ovulation, every month doing this as well as two kids, working full time,

everything else. And then you become pregnant and you're like, oh my God, your body's the best thing ever. And it just totally changes because now you sit here and me and Andy sit here in an evening and we'll hold this. I mean, we're like, my body's created her little heart. my body's created her little fingers and her toes and her hair and her eyes. It's extraordinary, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So now you're feeling, you're feeling strong.

You're feeling excited? Well, now I'm feeling, well, at the minute, uncomfortable because it's so big. I hear you. Yeah, it's very difficult once you get to kind of that eight months, nine months pregnancy, bit and you're just like oh my gosh I'm just hot all the time and I'm uncomfortable and everything else but at the same time we're just yeah we're we want to be excited we're still apprehensive like I said but I think there is more hope there and it's nice to be in a hopeful place where you do talk about it we've started to get a few bits in the nursery ready and buy a few clothes and things like that and it just

feels a little bit more real which is lovely yeah I mean when you talk about changes given your background and all the things that you've achieved, you've had massive success. And, you know, whether you think so or not, your body has been incredibly strong through many of those moments. Do you think becoming apparent has changed how you define strength compared to when you were competing at the highest levels? Absolutely. Absolutely. 1000%. It's just being a parent is just a different thing in general. And I think until you become a parent, so many people tell you, don't they if you're pregnant with your first they tell you all this stuff that your life's going to change and you take it on board of course but until you become a parent it just so different

and you just kind of don't really truly understand until you become one and it's it's the best hardest most challenging beautiful thing that you you ever have and it is just yeah it's it throws you all sorts of different things that you'd never even imagine that you'd have to deal with your way but in such a beautiful incredible way but yeah it's definitely it's definitely tough isn't it it it's not easy out there and it absolutely takes a village of people it's just yeah it's I know it's mom and dad but it absolutely takes so many other people support and help to to raise a family it's incredible yeah it really is but the fact honestly I said you were a queen earlier you are a total queen. I mean, you know, aside from all the gold medals, just in your parenting life,

I think it's an extraordinary journey that you've been on. And I wish you all the best with your new addition to your clan and Andy too, wishing them all the best. And so I think we're going to finish this week's chat on a little question from a very cute small person. We have a Our parenting question of the week from six-year-old Theo. Why do you tell me to go to bed early and then stay up late watching TV and when you're always tired? Is this you, Becky? Are you guilty of this? This is, I am so guilty.

To be fair, I go to bed, they're probably half nine, ten. so it's not too late. But my little boy, yeah, no, I can't, I can't stay awake. But my kids say exactly that, Mommy, you say that you're tired all day. So why don't you go to bed when we go to bed? That is absolutely the question that I get as well. And my answer and my response is always,

I'd like one little hour just with Andy or with Dadda. Just to digest and just to kind of. talk about all the amazing things that has happened in that day. We just want time to talk about it ourselves and just to talk about how incredible you guys are. That's what I always say to them. Yeah. Because it is always lovely. But yeah, you just need that hour, don't you, to just decompress and digest everything and to just go. Take a breath.

Yes. Well, the irony is when I put my kids to bed, although they're about old and else they're going a bit later. but when they were younger, when I was putting them to bed, I could have so just gone to bed then. I'm so naked. I could actually just go to bed then, but I don't because it's like, I want to chat, I want to do this, I want to get back to a few messages or organise my week.

And then before I know it, Netflix is on and it's plumbing like 11 o'clock or something. I'm like, what am I doing to myself? See, I'm not as naughty as you two. I don't do the TV. But I do, like you say, I'm disciplined. It's not so much that. It's just that, you know, like you say, Louise, you know, it's the first opportunity really you've got to sort of prep the next day. And, you know, we all have very busy families and very busy lives.

And especially when you've got kids and you've got this club next week and that thing this week and whatever else is going on. It's just that time that you actually get to focus on it. Even if it's just like tidying the house, like sometimes when you're teaching the kids to tidy, you know, and teaching the kids to do whatever, you've almost got to do double the work because you've got to go back and circle. around and make sure they've done it properly. But that's a concentrated time where you can actually do it without, you know, the distraction. Yeah. So I'm not as bad as sitting and watching Netflix, but, uh, but yeah, I definitely don't

go to bed when they go to bed and Netflix is the slippery slope, I think. It really is. Theo was right to us to be fair. He is. We're all guilty. I'm going to say, I'm probably being a little bit coy because there are moments when I'll watch a series with Chloe and we'll be binging and it will be like, six deep and we're it's two o'clock in the morning so yeah yeah yeah the binges are like the death of

well the yeah the eyebags just keep growing i should i should just one night a week just at least go when they go to bed i think that would help but i'm up for it i'm definitely up for it but i think that's the end of our time isn't it louise yeah becky thank you for trusting us with your um personal story and I'm sure it will resonate with so many people in our community and will find your story are very comforting and supportive for whatever they're going through as well. So thanks for that. Appreciate it. Thank you so much, guys. You're very welcome.

And obviously, wishing you all the very best as well. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. I think the takeaway from this chat for me is I might do some. more, I always like to take takeaways from these chats, by the way, because they have to be useful. And my takeaway would be to incorporate some more family swims at the local baths,

make it more of a regular fixture. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a perfect winter activity. It's cold. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Brilliant. No, I think my one is going to be what you said about the early days of teaching, I'll be to swim, and, you know, just persevering. Because I think, whether it's swimming or anything else, it's one of those things where you just think to yourself, oh, they really don't like this, but we know it's so valuable. You know, they need to have a bit of time outside. They need to be, you know, exercising and doing whatever. And actually, you know, sometimes it's good to just take it at their pace.

And they will eventually do it, but it has to be on their terms. Yeah, absolutely. We wouldn't like to be taught what to do. as adults, so wide as a kid. Exactly. Yeah. Especially when they get to that age, when they won't be told anything, really.

Well, the age of independence, which is what, like normally about four or something. Yeah. Brilliant. Thank you, Becky. That was great.

Really appreciate it. Thank you, Becky. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Wow. If the parenting conversation resonated with you, then please know that you are not alone. And if you need any support or reassurance,

you can find it at netmums.com and on the Netmum's socials. If you enjoy this episode, then please hit follow, leave a review, and come join the NetMums community where the real parenting conversations are happening. Absolutely. That was a brilliant chat with Rebecca, and we hope to see you next time. Cheers. Bye. Bye!