The Netmums Podcast - S19 Ep7: LAUREN GOODGER: Love, loss and learning to stay strong through motherhood

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

*This episode contains discussions around baby loss, birth trauma and grief. Please listen in a way that feels right for you.This week on The Netmums Podcast, Louise Burke and JB Gill are joined by television personality and author Lauren Goodger for an honest and deeply moving conversation about motherhood, grief and finding the strength to keep going.In her new book, Mum of Two, Lauren shares the story behind the headlines – from the overwhelming joy of becoming a mum to daughter Larose, to the unimaginable heartbreak of losing her second daughter, Lorena. She opens up about navigating grief while parenting, learning to live alongside loss, and why she wants other bereaved parents to know they're not alone.Lauren also reflects on the realities of early motherhood, the pressure to appear as though you're coping, the importance of asking for help, and how she's found moments of hope and joy again.In this episode: Why becoming a mum changed Lauren's life forever The raw reality of early motherhood and feeling like you're in survival mode Parenting through grief and keeping Lorena's memory alive Why healing isn't about ‘moving on’ from loss Finding strength, purpose and hope after the hardest days If this episode raises difficult feelings for you, support is available through organisations including Sands, Tommy's and PANDAS.Read more trusted parenting advice at Netmums and join the conversation on social @Netmums.JB and Louise would love to hear your parenting stories, questions and dilemmas. Email [e-mail] and you could be featured in a future episode.The Netmums Podcast is brought to you by Netmums, trusted by parents, backed by experts.Fancy watching full episodes of The Netmums Podcast on YouTube? Visit the Netmums YouTube Channel now!Proudly produced by Decibelle Creative.

Welcome to the NetMoms podcast where real parenting conversations happen. I'm your host, J.B. Gill. And I'm Louise Burke from NetMums. How you doing, J.B.? Oh, it's been a little while, hasn't it, Louise? I know. I've logged on today and I was like, it's like we haven't done this for ages, but we were in a studio, weren't we the other week? So that was quite fun. You were. It was very nice, actually. Quite nice to have a different setting, a different surrounding.

But for me, I don't know about you, but I'm just in the middle of, end of term madness. Tell me about it. I feel like there's just an event and another event and another event and another event day after day after day. It's the July overwhelm for sure. There's just so much going on. But yeah, do you know what?

It's nice. For me, it's the end of an era because Ace is in year six. Yes, same. He's leaving primary school. He's going to secondary school. And honestly, I don't know where the time's gone. It has flown, hasn't it? So this week is going to be my last week, sort of dropping off picking up around primary.

And yeah, I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about it. Yeah, it's a lot. There's been lots of tears, but also a bit of happiness as well, I think. On to new things, new beginnings. Exactly. So let's go into our guest today. Our next guest is no stranger to you because for the last 15 years, she has lived much of her life very openly in the public eye.

Millions of people have watched her life unfold on TV, in magazines across social media. Yeah, you'd have to have lived under a rock to miss our next guest. But however, with a new book out now, she's sharing a very different story to the one that you might expect. This isn't a story of fame, glamour, but a very raw, deeply emotional story about motherhood. And she writes about the overwhelming joy of becoming a mum,

the realities of those early days that so many parents quietly struggle through. but also the unimaginable heartbreak of losing a child and the incredible strength is taken to keep her going. Yeah, I mean, for me, what really struck me reading it was that it does exactly what it says on the tin. We'll reveal the title a bit later, but it's simply a story of a mum. You know, a mum who's incredibly proud of both of her daughters. She's lived through unimaginable pain and loss herself, but she's also found the courage to speak, openly about grief and healing and what it's like managing the two alongside each other. And I think there are going to be countless parents listening and seeing parts of themselves

in this conversation we're about to have, whether that's navigating loss. I've got friends who've had similar sort of experiences or struggling with anxiety, which I'm sure every parent can relate to, or simply just trying to keep going for the sake of your children. Yeah, so it's worth mentioning now before we begin. It's just a gentle note that today's conversation includes discussions around baby loss, birth, trauma and grief. And we know these experience can be deeply personal. So if this is difficult for you, please listen when the time feels right.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's time to welcome our guest, which is television personality author. And most importantly, mum of two, Lauren Gidja. Lauren. Hey, guys. It's so good to have you with us. Welcome. Thank you.

Hey, how you doing? How are you doing? I'm good. Busy, busy and literally just listening then, what is with this school? There's an event every day. Trust me. It's silly season. Forget summer season.

It's silly season. I cannot keep up. Like, thank God for the mum group in WhatsApp. Yeah. Because I would not have a clip. There's no uniform today. And it's assembling. So after this,

I'm running around and I've got to go in the school which is amazing and she's only in reception but I'm the new I'm a newer primary school mum so this is my first year yes because she's five this month

she's fine isn't it so she's a young one of the yeah she's the youngest in the school oh excellent so she's a baby she looks the oldest she's so tall confident funny great personality

but I'm literally, I'm the new one. I'm learning it all this school. How is she found the year? When we first started, I'd be honest, she'd just turned four. We'd just been on lovely holidays. I didn't want to go to school. Oh, really? There's no toys.

I want to play with dolls. There's no boxes of toys. I'm like, I know, but you know, you're getting bigger now. And she has come on so well. Like now she gets ready. There's no problem. She's got her little friends. I had a friend over on Saturday.

Yeah, play dates central. Play dates, that's all I do, is constant weekend play dates. Look after other people's kids. Bring everyone here. I don't know. I tell you what else is I like that everyone's come here. Yeah. But yeah, she's doing amazing.

She's settled and I feel like year one is going to be a shock because it is full on work. Yeah. But she's doing great and, you know, really proud of her. So it's actually her birthday party on Friday. Are you prepared? Yeah, I'm going to a venue. Can I tell you, I've got a DJ, face painter.

I was just about to say, tell me what a Towie kid's birthday party looks like. It's more like my party. It's like a wedding, isn't it? What are those big, Billie darling things? They're entertainment, there's singers,

there's DJs, there's FacePaperbats Castle. I've even got like an ice cream car, someone bringing in her ice can take a lot. She's only five. But I don't know why I'm setting myself up for this because what were going to do for our 16th? I know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

Can I have you then? Performed days. That's what I can do. That would be great. That is brilliant. Yeah. But I'm really excited. Lauren, I wanted to talk, obviously, we're speaking to today because you've got your book out most recently.

So your book, Mum of Two, talks about your journey. into motherhood. And you became a mum to daughter LaRose, whose birthday is on Friday. Happy birthday, LaRose. Thank you. Five years ago. And let's talk about that moment when you became a mom and LaRose came into your life. And that time, I think, you know, it's always a good question to ask because I think everyone remembers that moment when you first hold that baby in your arms. Amazing, yeah. How did that feel for you? I've always been very maternal. I've got, I'm godmother to three children.

I actually used to go and see my friends for their kids, really, because they just make me happy. I actually prefer kids to adults. So much more fun. I fell pregnant just, well, we was in and out of COVID lockdown, which was a little bit difficult because being a first time mum, I was with the dad at the time. join the scans and things like that.

So I had to do quite a lot of it on my own. Not all of them, but I think the hospital ones, I definitely had to go on my own. But the pregnancy was amazing. I had an amazing pregnancy. And I did a home birth naturally. Yes, I was reading that. Yeah.

How did you feel about all of them? Loved it. It was the best experience ever. At home, my living room with my midwife, we had another midwife that came in but it was really funny because it was a seven-hour labour for my first, drug-free.

We actually ran out of gas and air so I don't know how I did this. I don't know how I did it but I remember standing up and that was how the Rose came out and I held her and I was just, I bet I was just crying so much because I was just like,

this is amazing, and she was just perfect, beautiful. Exilarating, isn't it? No, I can't, you know, everyone says that it's the best thing in the world. It generally is the best friend in the world. It's like, isn't it, becoming a parent? Yeah. Unbeatable. And I stayed in my bubble.

I don't think I went out the door for two weeks, over two weeks. I love that moment. Yeah. Yeah. See, I know everyone has their own experiences. I know. For me, like, those, that early moment is like a parallel universe, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. I remember the same even for me as well. I stayed at home for about, yeah, at least 10 days to almost two weeks. You don't want to go. You don't want to be anywhere around. Yeah, at home, literally World War III could have been gone off outside. And I wouldn't care because my whole world was in my house. And it was just a really happy time.

Even with, you know, my partner, her dad, we just loved it. I just got it straight away. I enjoyed it. I really did enjoy it. I found newborn stage the easiest. Yeah. I loved it. I would agree.

I love the newborn stage. It's so easy. I don't know it's like different for a man as it is for a woman. Of course, but you're still there. And did you get up in the night? Yeah, of course. Well, my wife had an emergency caesarian. So it's very different to your birth.

But I think as a result of that, I ended, obviously, I didn't do the feeding because she did breastfeed, you know, as you did. as you did. But she, yeah, I did a lot of the nappy changing and a lot of the heavy lifting. Just purely because obviously physically she wasn't in the position to do that. So actually that really helps me as sort of man in the situation because sometimes you can feel a bit of a spare part. No, I know. Especially when. It's even you just being there by like that other person because it is quite scary when you have your first baby.

You've got to look after this little human, you know, and they're tiny and, you know, it is not. I remember me and her dad literally stayed together. He didn't work for two weeks. We had visitors, but you don't actually want any visitors. You just want to be in your own, but you have to because everyone wants to do baby. And after there's like sort of very sort of cocooney two week. Yeah. Some of the magic, not wears off, but like the reality of like monotony.

Yeah. The breastfeeding and the napute changing. the fact that your body feel a bit different, the tiredness. And how did you find all that? That phase. Do you know when I look back, I just found it, I just loved it.

I know it probably sounds a bit like, but I just, I loved, I've really enjoyed it. That was, I sound what I enjoyed. And I literally was, do you know, I actually moved house when she was three weeks old. So I moved. Wow.

And when you're into this house. but I was just so excited. I really did enjoy it and I didn't really, I didn't really have many issues at all. Was there anything that surprised you once she actually arrived, arrived even? God, surprise me. I just remember not putting her down hardly ever

and people were saying, got to put her down. And I'm like, no, I don't want to. I breastfeed. They want to feed every 30 minutes. You know, right? It's like, I just, I forgot about me. There was a lot of pajama days. And I'm so used to getting up, getting ready,

which in the last year or two, well, a couple of years now, I've got me back a little bit. But you do lose yourself. I will say that. Yeah. You don't care about anything else. Yeah. Well, you become so selfless, don't you?

Literally. You come self, like. I did the few shoots and things like that. But I really. took a step back from work and I just enjoyed being mum. So I wanted her with me. I didn't really want to not be about her. So I spent a lot of time at home.

And also, but then let's go on a bit further down the line because 11 months later, you were pregnant again. No, like seven weeks later. Oh my God, sorry. Yeah, there's 11 months between them. That's where you've got that. Yeah, I still pregnant quite soon. Wow.

It must have been about eight weeks. Yeah, a couple months. Wow. Lauren. I know. So that was difficult because pregnancy isn't great. Some days are quite hard. You feel sick, really tired.

I was so exhausted, especially the early first few months. Yeah. And the roses, so I would have had two under one, basically. Wow. Wow. So, yeah, it was a lot on my body. I will say that it took a toll. Yeah.

And the hormones and I was breastfeeding and the boobs, everything, it was just really hard, really hard to do. I mean, yeah, I find that, and it's been a while since I've had little babies, but considering that, I'd find that really quite. So I didn't have any more sickness and got a newborns and part of time, things like that. So that was really tough. but I just kept thinking of the end goal and I really

what upsets me the most is I really wanted LaRose to have that sibling Yeah So maybe let's describe for listeners that aren't quite aware of your journey And this is what sort of spurred you to write your book Isn't it? Because with your second pregnancy

It didn't quite go to plan did it And it was you had a You suffered a tragic loss After the birth And that was with Lorena? It was, yeah. So I'd had an amazing pregnancy in Labour with LaRose. So again, we was doing a home bath.

We was all set up, a little bit more stressful in my life at the time. Wasn't as smooth. And I do say all this in the book. I'm very open in my book and quite rural. I was very stressed out. And baby was fine. Great pregnancy, great bloods. Midwife popped in.

but I stayed at home and I do believe my walk was broke how they is actually the same as the rose three days early and I wasn't going

into labour like I had done you know and I was I had a doula I had a midwife but I'm not

I'm not blaming anybody at all but I did was giving advice of you're more safer at home in case of infection.

So I'm not a hospital person anyway and I've just had a home birth. So I was like, I'm 100% at home. People will come. And yeah, and unfortunately, I end up being at home through three days. And when I finally did go into labour, my midwife was at mine

and we couldn't find a heartbeat. I'm so sorry. Sorry, sorry. And. I was rushed in an ambulance in the nearest hospital. They wasn't expecting me. And she had just lost oxygen, so she passed. I'm so sorry.

Oh yeah, terrible. The most traumatic ever. I can't explain how traumatic that was for me. Because everything was fine up to that point. So you never expect that to happen. and was it because all these things go through your head? Was it because I was at home and this and that and circumstances and support and everything else? But doctors reassured me that now this does happen even if you're in hospital.

So, yeah, she was exactly the same way as the virus and everything. There was like twins. Yeah. Oh, bless her. You touch on your book about having or needing a village. at that time when you obviously you had the Rose as well so managing all of that

pretty much a newborn will call it is a lot in itself looking back now what support did you have at the time and I suppose what support do you wish you had Do you know when I lost enough there was a lot of support straight away I remember her dad's family

one into the annex putting everything in the annex of Lorenaz. I didn't even know what the right thing was to do at the time. They just decided that. I had my sister pot around with lasagna. I had my mum and dad. I say it's in the book as well.

My mom and dad in the same room, they broke up when I was one. Yes. So it was all, there was so much love. But what I tell you, that drifts, people drift. And I don't know what it is. And I do think people that go through a loss. and grieve, people just drop off slowly and they're not actually there for you.

Do you know, I still love a lot of people, but I don't speak to them anymore. Purely because I felt like in the most vulnerable, worst time of my life, it was the months after that I needed people, not the first few days, weeks, hours. I needed support. I literally wanted friends or family to go,

should we move in with you? because I broke up with her dad's five days later. So I was in this house with no baby, no partner, and the rose was just one. Yeah. That was what it was, not even going through losing the Renaud, which has changed me,

completely changed me, and scarred me, and I've gone through so much trauma, and it was actually dealing with everything on my own. And everybody was great at the beginning, And I'm not saying there wasn't because even best friend I did to stay there. But I want people to come to me and I wanted family to go, do you want to move in? Should we move in?

I just wanted that love. And I still like, support. And because I was a mum that got up every day and showed up for La Rose, people thought, oh, she's all right. Yeah. I was only being strong, that strong, because I had a daughter that needed me. She was a baby. But who was I leaning on? Yeah.

I think, like, as you've just said, you went through that tragic loss of Lorena, but so much in your life was impacted as well with that, wasn't it? Yeah. So you were actually dealing with the grief of your relationship, with the grief of Lorena. Maybe, I don't know that I'm speaking out of time, but your identity, yourself. Oh, everything. Because you were still in that new mum phase, because La Rose was only 11 months old. Of course.

Yeah. So there's so much that's not the same, so that it's changed and not just changed, but, you know, quite dramatically and drastically and drastically and tragically. So I can't imagine how you must have. But when you say it changed you in so many ways, tell us a bit about how that's changed you. Oh, God. I definitely had PTSD, severe anxiety. I was right at the beginning because I was in this. LaRose gives me so much life and purpose.

But as time went on, it was actually 2024 that I'd really hit a dark place. Two years later nearly, a year and a half. You know, I just, I struggled with socialising. I can't get in a taxi on my own. I can't get in a lift. I don't drink alcohol. I sort of stopped anyway, COVID times. But you think there'd be a odd mum night out.

I don't do it. Still to this day. Even when I filmed Howie, I've got sparking water to cheers. to cheers with and the production obviously all know they support me with it I do really struggle and even like the event filmings I struggle with it like going to like

places with loads of people obviously my job as well like you do get packed all the time and it does give you a bit of I'm quite insecure and I do feel like recently and I do say that's in the book I have grown

and my confidence about, but I've done that on my own and I've done that in time and I'm still not 100% where I want to be but it just changed me a lot of the avenues that most people think their normal day, like I didn't go away at all until last year

and I was so, I had to have hypnosis to travel to take my daughter a ball so she was actually free. To get on a plane? It was the plane, it was the airport. Everyone looks at you. I struggled with it.

I just didn't. I hibernate quite a lot when I lost Serena. I would spend about 10 days indoors just, you know, with LaRose, getting out colourings and things that or having a friend round with the baby, things like that. But I really struggled even just

go to the holiday because not only the airplane, you're actually abroad. And if anything to happen to me, or La Rose, I was in fear. I was in fear before something even happened. And I think that's what we should. Yeah, of the worst happening because it did. Yeah.

So it gave me. So anything that normal people enjoy, I thought I couldn't fit anything worse than going away and going out. You know, it's mad. I'm trying to work on that. And, you know, I have been away with the show, which is my first trip. And then I took with Rose away.

And we had a beautiful time. and she's had free holidays now. It's not easy because I do inside struggle, but I hold it in. And I'm just healing. I'm still on a healing journey. When you mentioned before about those early days after losing Lorena and that you had lots of people around you, you had your parents in the same room, all that sort of stuff, which was great. But in terms of like professional support,

And you said you struggled with your mental health and PTSD. Have you had much support in terms of like mental health support or counselling? I'll be honest with you. I've run away from it. I'm a very forward person. So why I don't want to talk about yesterday, what we're doing tomorrow? What is the plan? What are we going to do?

How, you know, and I did try. I had, I just started EMDR. I don't show what it stands for, but it's some sort of, you know, you've probably heard a bit. Yeah, I've done it before, to be fair. Oh, you have? Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to rule it out. You know, the only thing I found that did help me get on that holiday was the hypnosis.

So that, because I'm not talking and because I'm not going over the past, I found that was the one that I went with. Right. And that's probably not the right way to deal with it. I don't know. But that is how I dealt with it. And I'll be real, the book was difficult because it brought me back. And it was so detailed.

And a lot of the days started, shut it, couldn't do it. I was like, no, I can't do today. So, but I did it. And I do think it's helped in a weird way because I block a lot out. and I've done that as a child. So the book helped you sort of face up to the reality. Go through it. You know, because the brain, I went through so much,

in such a short space of time that my brain, I think, just shut off to certain things to protect me. Yeah. So going over it and trying to remember things, maybe let it go of a little bit, you know, not let it go, but forgive and understood, accepted. It's never, ever, I'm never going to ever get over it because I'll do anything to have my daughter.

Especially now because LaRose is going into year one and Lorena would be starting the session. So I would have had this year with her. Sorry, I'm getting all that. No, not at all right. It's fine. It's understandable. No, I totally understand.

When I was looking at your notes, I was before the podcast, what struck me is that you've got La Rose's birthday, but you've got the anniversary of Lorena. Two weeks apart. Yeah, at the same time. And I was like, wow, that's got to be like a real bitters week month. I'll be real with you. What happened was I feel like my body,

and the way I dealt with it right at the beginning, and I thought it was one pregnancy. So I did have my baby because I have Le Rose. But I obviously knew that that was the denial stage to survive. Because I wouldn't have survived without La Rose. Yeah, yeah. Because grief moves in different phases, doesn't it? Mm-hmm.

And the way you manage the grief varies from phase to phase. Yeah. And it's amazing what you're. your brain can do sometimes. I went through a loss just before I had my second baby. And I just, it was like two weeks before I go there and it was my mum. Oh, really. And I think I just pushed it aside because I had newborn twins to look after it.

Exactly the same was me. And you just sort of deal with what's in front of you. And I'm sure like what you said you had to show up for LaRose every day. And you had to be her mum's mind. When she woke up. I never want her. It's a difficult one for me. She's getting older.

She's really fired. She's been reads. She doesn't go online, obviously. She's too young. Yeah, yeah. But I've never told her. So all the baby pictures I have of Rerna, LaRose thinks it's her.

She thinks I've obviously got the tatters. I don't know if you can see with her ashes in. And she says, oh, that says LaRose, even though she knows how to write her name. And this is the next thing I want to have to deal with because I will tell her I don't want her to grieve

but I feel sad. I've said let her be a kid. That's, I've never, so when we do her anniversary, she thinks it's a little pre-thing for a birthday. Of course. How do you feel about that? Does that?

It's going to change, isn't it? As she gets older because she's not like, it's the anniversary of me. giving birth and blues in Levena. And then, you know, two weeks later is La Rose's birthday.

So she's going to know soon but I've protected her from it. So we make it fun. We go to the park. We feed animals. We let off balloons. We have a picnic. We have birthday cake. She loves it. She gets two birthday cakes. You know, and she loves to have birthday

and, but she's never really, she's never been at an age to understand but obviously this year was the first year I thought next year is going to be difficult because what are we doing, what's happy anniversary and I did share it this year

but I don't always do that on social media and I don't know if I'm going to next year I think I'm just going to keep it private between us or myself or do something she's at school I haven't decided that yet but my main thing is

I don't want her feeling upset because she's too young she doesn't need to feel the pain or the grief or listen everybody deals with in a different way I have actually known somebody that they lost their daughter I think she would have been much older now and they've got a daughter the same age as the rose

and they go since she's been a baby they've gone to cemetery so she's grown up with it. Always doing that. But even though this, I think she would have been like 13 or something now and it's long before, but that's how they do it. And I would never judge anyone.

Everyone's got a different way. I was going to say you find your own way. And with your book, and you talk, I've heard you talk as well, and you are on TV this week, you call yourself a mum of two. You are a mom of two. But when life gets difficult, reality hits. How do you lift yourself up? How do you make it better? For a long time, I didn't. And I did a podcast at Sheep Paul Brunson. And he said to me, what do you enjoy? This was like, what, two years ago now? I think, or you're a guy, I can't remember. And I was like, LaRose. She makes me happy. It was like, no, no. What do you do for you?

And I was like, I have no idea what makes me happy, what I enjoy, what do I do, I just do it and I wing it and I pretend that I'm fine and I get through that day. But that hasn't always been easy. That has been really difficult to do because I've felt so low and definitely touched on depression and it's affect my body, everything. It's like La Rose would never know because we go and put. days we go to the farm. We do lovely things. But recently, I went away,

we're filming, and on the bus we have, there was a microphone. And I sung. And that I remembered because I had our next fact when I was 18, twice. Oh my God, I'm going to have to Google that when we get out of this podcast.

We need this, we need this footage. We do, because we tried for years to find it. I was only 18. What did you sing? I love, I sound, Whitney Who's someone to dance somebody? Of course you did. You must be able to speak to someone at ITV and get it. I would love to have this, honestly, please, because it's seven years later, do they get rid of their tapes? Yeah, maybe, maybe. I don't know.

I don't know. But I don't know, please. I work with ITV. I should find it. Yes, exactly. That's what I'm saying. I'll see if I can have a word. I know, please. But I found what I enjoy. And it might, listen, I'm never going to release a single or anything like that because it would be ridiculous.

But it's just a hobby. Never say never. Well, it's just a hobby. And I'm going to start out of singing lessons because I enjoy it. Good for you. Absolutely. And I second that. And you touched on it a little bit earlier as well because you said about sort of writing helped you.

It was a little bit therapeutic, I guess, that helps you process it. And I think for different people, you can, you express yourself in different ways. For some people it is speaking or, you know, sometimes it's silence. You know, it can be lots of different things. And I think from what you're saying, you know, expressing yourself, whether it's writing or singing or whatever, being creative. Yeah. Clearly is one of your outlets, which she definitely keep going.

Keep up. No, I, and I thought, oh, my God, it makes me feel good. And I've sung on the show. I don't think they're going to show it. But they were like, oh, my God. Like, what, like, everyone, all the producers with us. And I've got this mic and you can imagine how bad the sound was because it's on a coach. It's not a proper, it's a tour bus.

So everyone's like, you know normally. High side, this is like, on my left, loud. But I sound, we had the tunes on and I just enjoyed it. I'm seeing a last minute edition to La Rosa's birthday party this Friday. And I'm seeing a karaoke machine. Yeah. This is what I want. It's my birthday in September.

Absolutely. A carriotian machine. That's what you're doing. And I'll probably look crazy on my own indoors. Go for it. Get it in the kitchen. Like a karaoke machine in the kitchen. And this gives me something that I think, you know,

there is, La Rose is my purpose, but that's it. But if this gives me something that I actually enjoy and makes me feel good, it does. Yeah. I used to love, I don't dance or sing anymore. And that's what I used to do.

Do it. A hundred percent. Do it. Yeah. I think there's definitely a lot of things that people won't know about you still, even though they're seeing you on Tawi. And certainly the lower it writing this book for me, they feel like two completely different women. Of course, you know, when you look back now, what do you think your younger self, I guess, needed to hear the most? Do you know what?

I was actually, I'm really proud who I've thrown into. Yeah. When I was younger, I didn't really, I went out a lot, I partied a lot, you know, I had a great time. But I think I've grown into who I was meant to be very quickly, strong, independent, not worry, there's such a lot to life. Hurry back in the day, especially filming, we'd have a drink, would scream, a shout, I'd never do that now. I just wouldn't. I'm so mature. And I've done it quite quickly, like even becoming a mum,

and I just feel like my youngest self, why just don't enjoy life? Because you never know what's going to happen. And life is too short, and I feel like it's so precious and just be kind. And, yeah, I just feel like, just enjoy it. Life too short. Are you glad looking back that you look back at those sort of your towy days in your 20s and just think, I'm so glad I did all that. I was driving the other day and I was thinking because my sisters had, my mom had my father at 18

and my sisters had, she was 20, 21 and she bought her house and she had a baby and she was going out later on. I couldn't think of anything worse because I've done it and I've had a great time and I'm so glad. I remember just flying to Miami and I would, you know, I'm so glad I'm so glad I've done that. because now I'm so content of being a mom. I cannot wait. We go to bed at eight together. And I'm just really pleased that I've lived life before because it doesn't interest me now. I don't know if it's awesome because of what I went through, but I'm just not that girl.

I'm a mom and that is what I enjoy it. And we have a routine. We've had a routine since she was born and we're still doing it. Yeah. And would you say, like on the sort of similar theme then, because you say that you're very happy and contempt being a mum. Yeah. But do you see yourself differently now? So we've talked about how you see yourself in 20s, which was party girl, having a great time.

I can't believe I worried about my body. Like that, I know every woman does. They're always like, oh my God, I want to be skinny. Like, you know, I look back and I think, I look bloody great. diet. I was so like, you know, worried and doing this diet, that diet and training. And now I feel like, God, just enjoy it. You lose so much time, stressing over things. And now I'm a mom and I've put on weight and I'm still trying to, that's a lot of trauma and everything, but it doesn't bother me as what it would have, you know, because so much more has happened and that I'm doing,

I've got his beautiful daughter. And that's the last thing. So now I'm, I'm into makeup again and I say it in the book like I completely forgot how to do makeup how to dress I didn't know what I was doing I don't know where my it was bad

I think that happens to all of us I think that I know you've been through a lot but how are that I would do not what I did it all right but now I'm getting back into my fashion again and she's really five it took me a long time but obviously I would have had a four year old it's more

Luzza-Marna that changed me because I totally forgot what I was doing. The makeup, everything, I just didn't have a clue. Yeah, sure. But you are building yourself back up again, like you say. You're back in Tawi. You've had a trip away. It's a hundred percent.

It's singing mojo. Yeah. And one of the big bosses said to me, I can just see it. You don't understand. Watching you on the monitor from two years ago, You're back, you're coming back, your confidence, you're, I was like literally a shell. I was so nervous.

My first thing back, but my mind, I've done this for you since I was 22. I'm really 40. I didn't know how to film. I was, it was all, I still do get that little bit of nerves. Like he was coming on this at the beginning and now I've relaxed. But I used to be like second night, I just did it. Now it's out there. Yeah.

Now it's the healing journey that I've lost, I lost me. And now you see that I've come back, if that makes sense. Yeah. So what would your advice be to? Because I know that one of the purposes behind the book was to help other parents who might have gone through similar things. What would be your advice to other moms that have been through something similar? Because I guess like nothing is ever going to happen overnight or it's not going

happen in a few weeks. Like you said, it's taken you for four years to sort of build it back. But having been through that journey, what would be your advice to other mum's that might have experienced? Everyone's different. Everyone's experience is different and grief comes in different ways. I would obviously say that even though you never ever got over it, as lightning into the tunnel where you learn.

to live with it. You do get, you know, time as a healer. And you will eventually be able to deal with it in your own way. And there is, the way, how can I explain this, what I put in the book, basically saying, I get a lot of messages on social media saying, I've lost my baby, you've inspired me because of you. I want to be that person to show that you're going to be alright. You're going to be okay.

You're going to get through this. If you're on your own, I was very on my own. And if you have that support, then that is amazing. That is going to make it even quicker for you and easier because you've got people. I was on my own with a baby and I got through it and you will too. Doesn't mean it's going to be easy. It is literally healing is like it's up down, up down. It isn't a straitian path and it doesn't happen overnight.

You can have terrible days, but you've got to remember it's a phase. Each bit is a phase and you do go through different phases and I've learned this and I've done a lot of this about therapy. But my advice is to never give up on yourself or life because there's always whatever if you've got to have another baby or you don't or you're going to. find that in the long run, it will always change you, but you'll always be okay. Yeah, well, you describe yourself as a soldier and other mum's as warriors as well. Yes. Where would you say that strength or your inner strength has come from?

Do you know, I do, I've grown to realise that I am quite a strong person, but with anxiety, you know, because you think when you've got anxiety, you're weak, but you're not. And my strength has come from, I'll be real with you, is being a mum to LaBose. And I'm so grateful for her because it would have been a lot more harder if I didn't have her. I'm very honest in the book. And I do say there are times when I probably didn't want to be in, you know, and I push through that. And she's given me so much more purpose in life and see how far I've come. And I've started to enjoy things.

It took me a long time. and I still don't enjoy things. I dread certain things. I've invited to a wedding and I'm like, oh, God, what can I say? I don't want to go. You know, and that's crazy. Back in the day, I would have been like, oh, my God, can't wait. What we're going to wear?

Yeah, what we're going to wear now. It's like, no, I just want to be in my daughter. I do feel like strength, you find that. As a mum, you get that strength within your, believe me, especially if you have other kids. It says you, you are, I am, I'm a little rosy. his world. Yeah.

She's so dependent on you. Yeah. Completely. And I never want her to ever go for it. I'm that strong mum. I'm behinds and like that lioness. You know, because I didn't have that. So I've lived life and I've been through a lot.

And I'd never let her down. Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. When you said before about the phases of grief, which is so true. Yeah. What's your, based on your, experience, because I've said that everyone's experience, it's different. But on those days when

it feels, you say it goes up and down, up and down, when it's on a bit of a downer, do you go, come on, like look you in the mirror and go, come on, Lauren, put some, hey, come on, just get out. Or do you ride with that low, down the wave? I ride with it. And what I've learned, I think sometimes feel the feelings, go with it, feel sad, for have anxiety, cry, go with it. Don't try and block it. Feel it because it will pass and that is part of healing. Any in any aspects of life, you know, breakups, grief, go through that. See it. Be so down because tomorrow's a new day and you know what? You always lift up. It does. It just happens naturally. It's how we're built. We're meant to feel these feelings. You can't constantly be happy or

you can't constantly be winning and feeling good. You have to lose and feel so love. and down and I truly believe that is what's got me through it because there's always a better day and that is my personal advice I'm not a professional but I speak just for experience I love that perspective yeah I'm sure LaRose loves how strong her mommy is as well yeah I tell her now like you know I've got a back completely and we speak about and I really want to know how was your day what happened today you know and I've got her and she knows any issues. I'm there. I'm up the school. I support her. You know, we've been in a group chat. I'll speak to the other moms. I want everyone to your kind and get on. And we're,

we're a good little group actually of moms. I live in a village. So we all know each of our. Yeah. I did it before the school. But there's any issues, we all speak as adults and she knows that things are going to get dealt with. And I want to be open and honest. And that's the best way. If you're having a bad day, a lot of people's industry, you know, social media is so fake. And it doesn't show the reality. And I feel like sometimes that's why I do post, because I don't really promote, like, want to speak about or put it out there. But I think, do you know what?

I'd archive that video of Lorena so many times. And I thought, no, because it's good for other moms and dads to see this. Because it's real, you know, and it might help someone. And that's one day when I'm older, I would like to be a speaker for things, just for experience, just to help, you know. I've always said I want to do a charity. There's a lot more with it. It's not as easy as just setting up a charity.

There's a lot that you need to do, but that's still on my cards to do. And then even just do talks with groups of people for it. Because I feel like that also helps me. Yeah. You can do that now. Yeah, I know. If you wanted to.

Yeah, I could, couldn't I? I don't know why I feel like I have to. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but it's like, because I'm not, I know, I'm not at the end. You know, it feels like, no. No, I hear that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

It's got to be the right time. You've also been pretty busy as well. I'm very busy. And you're untowy. And you're doing. I've just done three months of filmy and we've got the last week this week. Thank God. It's been great.

I'm juggling a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot. There's a family day. You know, it's all great. And I would never. I don't miss anything to do school. And Lerrault comes first.

If I miss film I'm miss forming, it's fine. But I'm very grateful that they've given me a lot of filming time because it's helped me. Yeah. You know, at the beginning, I filmed once a week if that. But now I do full time. So I've grown. Yeah. Yeah.

Brilliant. Yeah. Excellent. Well, it sounds like you're in the full sort of throttles of motherhood now with LaRose, like you said, with her school life and you're very close. we usually do a round of quickfire mother. Let's go. Parenting questions at the end.

I'd be up for doing that. Yeah, focusing just on your sort of juggling your motherhood life with a rose and work and everything. I'm going to hand over to J.B. for this. Oh, we're all winging it, Lauren. Yeah, literally. Winging it. Don't worry, Lauren.

There's no trick questions. It's just whatever first comes to mind, all right? Yep. Okay, cool. One word to describe motherhood. Winging it. The parenting moment that makes you laugh the most. Oh God.

The makeup. Literally, all the new makeup in the dressing room is everywhere. I have to have put a lock on top of the door now. On the outside so she can't get in. So definitely. She's in my heel. Like mother-like daughter then. Oh, 100%.

And there's a million one videos on my phone. phone of her singing in the mirror. You got it all to come. I can't delete them. What's one thing that nobody warned you about becoming a mum? How much your life is irrelevant. You completely lose. Your nails, your hair, everything that you want to do.

They never say that I felt like your life ends. Yeah, yeah. But it's a new life. It's a new life that we enjoy. So it's a different. It's soft plays rather than hair salons. Yeah, it's fair play. Name one thing, if you can, that your mum taught you that you've passed down to your daughter.

Oh, God. What did my mum teach me? Do you know what? As much as me and my mum had a very, because my mum gave Mr. I was out at four. So it was more later in life. My mum is very funny. And I feel like we, I give, the Rose is the same.

We laugh at the stupidest things. We're very like scatty and silly. And I do, even though it's not as biased, I do feel like I'm the same with the rose. We lay there. She's passing down. That's what I'm like. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. And I'm the same with the voice. Kissing and cuddling, laying on the floor laughing. Yeah. Brilliant. Okay. All right. Last one.

Your guiltiest pleasure as a mum. Oh. Well, I've always love. Disney films. Disney. I get into bed. I cannot wait. It gives you a license now to watch any Disney film.

Do you know, on holiday, we did a, they did a kids quiz. The Rose Run Outside to the Playground. I stay doing the kids quiz and I won because I got every single question right about Disney. Okay. I'm going to finish it off. What's your favourite Disney film? Oh. Do you know what?

We had on Ariel last night. I've loved that little bit. Because I used to think I was having. her. There's so many. Ariel, I even love the newer ones. Sorry, I went to see the cinema recently.

Didn't like the fact it was based around an iPad, though. Damn it. I'm like, no, it's so true. Like, we used to play out. Yeah, yeah. There's loads. No, true. Beauty in the Beast.

She hasn't seen that one yet. But I like the new ones where they do the films. Yeah. They've got the film version. Yeah, of course. I've gone and see them in the cinema. It's really sad. And King and all of that.

Yeah, I love that. Oh, braille. Maybe I could do that in a suit to that, a pantis. I can feel a trip to Disneyland coming on as well. I thought this. I'm going to wait until she's like seven because it's a lot. Yeah, wait a little bit. I went when Ace was five.

Yeah, I took it. It was fine because like similar to you, like he was into cars and all that sort of stuff. So he did get it. But I think, yeah, so it's a little bit too young. I'm still. You need a little. I need her that bit older if she can enjoy it and walk around all day and not get, you know.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, thanks, Lauren. Thanks for coming on today. Thanks for having me.

Just lovely to see you smiling like this as well. Yeah. Because your book is incredibly honest and I think it will help so many parents who are probably navigating grief or motherhood or just simply getting through each day. one day at a time. No, literally. Thanks for coming on and trusting us with your story. Yes, thank you so much.

That's a great time. Thanks, guys. Well, if today's conversation has brought up difficult feelings for you, then please do know that you're not alone. We'll include links in the episode notes to organisations, including Sands, Tommies and Pandas, who offer specialist support for anyone affected by pregnancy, baby loss and postnatal depression.

Absolutely. don't hesitate to get in touch if you're looking for support. Thank you for listening to the NetMams podcast, and we will see you again next week. Thanks. Bye. Bye.