The Netmums Podcast - S9 Ep10: Tess Daly on how it's NEVER about you when you're a mum

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

We shared a cup of builder's tea with TV legend Tess Daly, and talked about everything from her new book, Eat, Breathe, Move, Sleep, out 16th March, to her fear of anything that makes her sweaty! 

You're listening to The Netmums Podcast with me, Wendy Gollage. And me, Jennifer Howes. On this week's show... If we don't look after ourselves in small ways that become big ways, if we don't, you know, if we make small meaningful changes that do contribute to our overall well-being and can be quite transformative when done together, then that will bring more happiness and healthfulness into our lives. But before all of that...

Hello, hello and welcome to another episode. Now, I am feeling slightly wobbly today because tomorrow I find out what secondary school my little girl is going to. Partly because we don't know which one we're going to get and partly because it means she's growing up and I'm just not quite there yet. So I'm going to talk to today's guest about it. I'm going to weep to Jen about it. And I've also been in A&E with my friends since three o'clock this morning. So don't expect any tense, ladies and ladies.

Jen, introduce the lovely lady on the other end of the line. Yes. Today we have with us Tess Daly. As our guest, Tess is no stranger to, well, basically anyone who watches TV in the UK. She's been a host on BBC's Strictly Come Dancing since 2004. She's a model and presenter, has been married to DJ Vernon Kaye for 20 years, and they have two teenage daughters. And she's here today to talk about her new book coming out, which is all about being happier and healthier.

In fact, the clue is in the name, Four Steps to a Happier, Healthier You. So Tess, we are delighted to be talking with you about it today. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to talk to you about all things well-being and parenting and my favorite subjects, of course, as a parent. Yeah. for having me. I am so excited to talk to you about all things wellbeing and parenting and my favourite subjects, of course, as a parent. Yeah. As a fixture of UK TV, presenting live TV and all the stress that that can bring, a shooting schedule, Saturday nights working,

wellness has got to be a pretty big part of your downtime. How do you negotiate wellness, Tess? Do you know what? That's such a good way of putting it. How do you negotiate it? For me, it's about trying to find a little bit of time, just a few minutes in every day as a reset where I can sort of, you know, because as women, we rarely invest enough time and energy in ourselves, do we? We're just busy. We're responsible. We're caregivers. We're nurturers. We're looking after everybody we love in our lives. And we are last on the list most of the time.

Yeah, always. So, you know, I just wanted to, so for me, it's about, if I can find, it feels like a win if I can find five minutes. I try and get up a little bit before everyone else in the house gets up so that I can just have that little bit of quiet time before the madness begins, before the school run, before the breakfast, you know, before the doc, wake up. All of that begins and then your day is on the, you know, we're on the to-do list, aren't we? We're on the treadmill, we're going. So I try, for me, wellness starts with taking a few minutes, start of each day, just a little reset with a cup of tea to sit there, think about the day ahead, not pick up my phone, not start scrolling

through it, not looking at the news, but just sitting there with myself quietly, breathing, stretching and thinking of the day ahead. And it really, for me, if I don't give myself that tiny window before the day really fully starts kicking off, my day is less calm for it how long are we talking 10 minutes five minutes 10 minutes probably i set my alarm 20 minutes before everyone else gets up 20 minutes half an hour max but usually 20 because i hate it for snooze for 10 more minutes when it goes off always yeah yeah ditto ditto i'm myself the one on a working day on a weekday yeah and so 10 minutes 10 minutes little reset first thing i do is put the kettle on because i can't think without a cup of bilters tea because you know norton that's the way we roll and uh and then

i'll sit there and sort of just go through yeah the mental to-do list maybe just sit there calmly and just let the day begin and unfold. Because that for me is a little oasis of calm in the rest, you know, that sort of keeps me buoyant for the rest of the day. Before Vernon's shouting, where's my clean socks? And the kids are being dragged out of bed because they're knackered and teenagers, right? They are. And it's just not normal for them to get up that early. And I feel for them. But yeah, they're very good to get up. I was just listening to something the other day that was talking about how this morning time, exactly what you're describing to us is so important. And that when we get up to start our day right,

too often women especially will get up and we'll have this like long to-do list rather than getting up and having that kind of check-in, whether it's five, 10 minutes, or some people get up and having that kind of check-in, whether it's, you know, five, 10 minutes or, you know, some people get up and, I don't know, do yoga for an hour. I wish I were one of those people. I wish I had an hour. But having that, but actually carving it out for yourself is so vital and not to immediately jump into taking care of everybody else. Yeah, because, you know, that's what we do, isn't it, by default. So it is really important,

I think, to just give yourself a few minutes because then you're giving to everybody because you're filling up your tank, you know, and that's what it is for me. It's kind of just like, oh, yes, okay, these few moments now, just before I hit the ground running are really important. And also at the end of the day, and now that's, I mean, I And also at the end of the day, and I mean right at the end of the day is usually when I get another little window of time to myself just before bed, just before lights go out. And I will, you know, again, I'll try and take a few moments, even if that is not, if there isn't enough time

to do a few stretches, for example, because that's what works for me. I get my resistance band out and I stretch out with my legs and I stretch out my calves, my shoulders. See, you're just better than me. No, but honestly, just try it. It's really relaxing. Get a resistance band, stretch it behind your shoulders

and it's like a little massage for your shoulders and the back of your neck. You feel where all the tension's gone all day and it really helps relax you. No, it's just the battle with the snooze button because you have to have that extra 10 minutes is either an extra snooze or you get up and you do some stretching and you do some breathing and the snooze just always wins and that's my problem well i get it i always have to have a snooze as well but then i just set that snooze eight minutes before i've got to actually get up. Do it. If I do that, I just do a double snooze. That's the problem.

Yes. Because you know you can. Yes. Exactly. Well, it feels like a little win if you do, you know, if you just do it before and then you're downstairs, you think, uh-huh, yeah, me, I'm here. But I'd have to hide from the dog because if I come downstairs

and the dog sees me, he's then like, oh, walk. Morning. Morning. Hello. Love me. And I'm like, oh, piss off. I just let me do my breathing. come downstairs and the dog sees me he's then like oh walk morning morning hello love me and i'm like oh piss off i just let me do my breathing mine are climbing on me if i get on the floor do a yoga move you know i'm doing like chanel's pose and he's on my back mickey's on my back my retriever's 30 kilos if he got on my back it'd not be very relaxing i used to have a retriever we loved our retriever

i've got a three-legged retriever he's even cuter i was gonna say i was gonna say wendy your three-legged retriever is not as heavy as he could be because of the removal of one leg the vets told me that he's grossly obese i was like oh i know the feeling mate he said and i said he's not fat he's puffy but apparently according to said, he's not fat, he's pig feet. But apparently, according to the vet, he is actually fat. Well, as long as he's still mobile. He is. He's very mobile. He's got a prosthetic leg test. That's amazing. So we've got one of the UK's best TV stars on and I'm talking about my bloody dog. I'm really sorry. Jen, ask a question. Talk dogs and kids all day long. Fantastic. Well, and kids all day long.

Fantastic. Well, first of all, we're going to talk a little bit more about the book. So there are a lot of wellness books out there from high profile people like yourself. What makes this one so special? Well, I think basically it's a manual. It's concise, meaningful changes. You can make the four pillars of wellness that work for me in my lifestyle. And I haven't got time to be spending hours doing lots of things that I will not, you know, habits I will not sustain, healthy habits that I subscribe to, but I don't practice because

they're not actionable, they're not easy. This in a nutshell is a manual of my life hacks that work for me, if you like. They don't, you know, aren't expensive. You can sustain them. And when practiced collectively, they will make a positive difference to how you feel. You will feel better if you eat healthier food. Your gut will thank you for it. You'll produce more of the happy hormone serotonin, for example, that makes you feel good. It lifts your mood. If your gut's not happy, you can't produce that hormone. You won't feel good. So it's all about how we feel is linked to what we eat, how, you know, the amount we move, because if we stay fit and flexible, then our bodies will thank us for it. We'll, you know, we'll fly up the stairs, we'll jump out the chair,

we won't feel beleaguered by our physicality, if you like, we'll just feel fit and flexible. And that, you know, all these, all these hacks work for me to make me feel better. And they are easy to action because if they weren't, I wouldn't maintain them. You know, it's not sustainable. So, isn't this too difficult? We lose interest in very quickly, don't we? So, it needs to be an easy habit we can adopt. So, I like to think it's sort of a collection of well-being tips

that work for me. Well, there's something that's got to be working because if you can manage to get into all of those sequin dresses every saturday then you know there's nothing stressful about sequin dress honestly so what i wanted to ask about the book is i love a self-help book right up until the point where i open them and then they make me stressed and what i liked about this one is the fact that you've broken it down into four sections means that you don't feel like you have to kind of do everything all at once. It's kind of bite size and manageable.

So why were those four sections that you've chosen, eat, breathe, move and sleep, why were those four things the things that you had to have in there? Because they are my basic sort of game changers that help with my well-being and wellness. Like I can't, like if I eat, you know, eating healthy food, let's start with, let's start with eat. So the four pillars for me are all interconnected as well, because, you know, if you eat well, you sleep well. If you move more, you sleep more. Do you know what I mean? If you breathe efficiently, you can calm your entire body down and you'll sleep better. Well, I do because I do breathing exercise at night when I lie in bed and mine won't stop with the to-do list. I found

breathing, you know, conscious breathing, mindful breathing where you concentrate on the in-breath, just counting them, as simple as counting on the in-breath, counting on the out-breath, puts you in the moment. It calms your mind. It stops those thoughts that keep us awake at night. It calms all that down, the noise. So for me, they're all interlinked. And these are, I realized that, you know, these are the pillars of wellbeing that I need in order to sort of keep my life on track because we've all, all of us have got busy lives. All of us are busier, I think, than we've ever been before. Our responsibilities are pointed in all kinds of directions. And I

think we need to allow ourselves these... If we don't look after ourselves in small ways that become big ways, if we make small, meaningful changes that do contribute to our overall well-being and can be quite transformative when done together, then that will bring more happiness and healthfulness into our lives. And we deserve to look after ourselves because we're looking after everyone else. And, you know, we need to be able to cope with demands of our lives. So I do feel passionately about it because for me, it feels, for example, like I really love cooking for the family and I love cooking meals that have got lots of hidden veggies and lots of hidden superfoods in them, like garlic and ginger and where that may be cinnamon or whatever, you know, sort of healthy

meals that they enjoy. You know, it's like you're nurturing them. It's an act of love, isn't it? Cooking a nutritional meal for someone you care about. And I really enjoy that because I love food. I'm a foodie. And I love the challenge of keeping those fickle teenage appetites on point. I love fajitas. Last week, oh, you love my fajitas. Guess what? It's fajitas tonight.

I hate fajitas what are you talking about um yeah so i just for me that's a challenge it's like a red rag to a bull if i hear nah i don't like that yes you do you loved it last week so i like kind of keep it on trying and trying to you know give them nourishing nutritional meals but you know, give them nourishing, nutritional meals. But, you know, also keeping on top of those little appetites that like to flip and change. So what kinds of things do you love to make for your teens? And, you know, and getting around that, that fickleness? Yeah, well, you've got to keep their interest. It's got a bit of plate appeal, hasn't it?

It's got to be colorful. It's got to be interesting. And also I try and do whole foods plant-based pretty much but i do i love chicken and fish so we get a lot of that i don't really cook red meat just because i personally don't like it haven't can't bear handling it um or looking at it so for my teens just as a personal thing i've never really eaten it but you know that's not to say that they won't have their dad will put some lamb chops in or something for them they they're i don't mind them having it but i just don't prep it so i do sort of mostly plant-based meals but with protein as well the side so whether i don't know whether that's uh turkey shepherd's pie or veggie burgers and just

some roast sweet potato fries with roast potato wedges with sweet potato wedges with some tomato salsa on the side I just try and smuggle as many colorful lovely veggies in there as much as I can for them as well because that makes me happy when I see they're eating their greens and their reds and the yellows and the reds and they're all the colors the rainbow you've talked about that for you getting to sleep is all about breathing and using good breathing techniques I'm just coming into the phase where I've got an 11 year old who's for the first time in her life starting to have trouble getting to sleep and starting to find and she was a crap sleeper as a baby so I had like a window of good sleep from her and now it's all gone to pot again. How do you get kind of like teenagers?

Yours are 13 and 18, aren't they? How do you get that sleep working? Because it's so flipping crucial for them. And they're terrible at it. Well, I've had one of each. I've had one who just couldn't be bothered sleeping for the first three and a half years of her life, which meant I didn't sleep either. That was tough.

That was tough. That was tough. But then my second child slept from three months on and has been sleeping ever since. She's 13 now and she's a brilliant sleeper. And she has slept through the night, honestly. So I've had one of each, really. So what I advise mine is I read before bed because that totally relaxes the mind.

So I say read. You're not on your device. You're not on your phone for an hour before bedtime it's not being in your bedroom either that's a that's a fun battle with an 18 year old i'm like the blue light is not good for you it's stimulating your brain you need to rest whatever man yeah yeah yeah i've got that you know they do those little they've got those lights you know those like salt lamps those orange light that they radiate that gorgeous light that orangeyy sort of, it's so relaxing. You just walk in there and it's like a zen den of calmness. So I bought them on a Bose each because they're quite cheap online and they just change the ambience. They make it calm. And my youngest, who's quite hippie and

ethereal and sleeps beautifully anyway, she has one of those little things that you plug in and it plays music like river music and streams and oceans and it has a little ambient light on it as well. It's not a smart device. It's quite basic and plug-in, but it does a 15-minute time where it plays your music just before they go to sleep, like a 15-minute lovely chant or a lovely chant or it's a trickling brook. And she loves that. She finds that quite relaxing. Those all sound really lovely. So, Tess, you've made us both hungry, and now you've made us quite relaxed and perhaps a bit sleepy, in a good way. Not good.

So, as a parent to a 19-year-old, so I've gone through, when I found out the ages of your daughters, I thought, oh my, 13 and 18. Those are the difficult years. So in terms of raising teen girls, also that mother and teen girl thing, encouraging them to adopt good, healthy practices, you talked a little bit about that. I mean, in general, give us your tips, Tess. My tips? Teach them good morals and good values so they know what's important in life and so that they are great. Yeah, I sort of try and lead by example as much as possible. They're their own people. I would try and teach them self-esteem and to have good relationships in their lives with their friends you try and teach them as best you can as a parent

and you guide as much as you can ultimately they're their own people at the end of the day but I am proud of the young ladies that they are becoming I don't really find it like being children to two pretty high profile mum and dad like i know at home you're just mum and dad and you're the one telling them to take their phone out of their bedroom and blah blah blah but does that change that teenage dynamic at all is bad enough sometimes negotiating with them anyway. Do you find it changes it? I suppose because it's what they've both always known. It's not really that big a

deal in our house, but there's a way you have, you know, obviously you have a responsibility to conduct yourself in a certain way when you're in the public eye because everybody's watching you. So you can't, you know, you can't really sort of drop the ball where that's concerned um and so yeah there's probably a responsibility that comes with with that where whereby they are more aware of themselves and what they do and you know they're not because teenagers now everything they do is online isn't it you know it's on social media they'll go to a party and one of them gets drunk no yeah and someone's filming it and the next day it's on some private stories and that you know so my my daughter's quite conscientious i mean she is quite a sort of responsible type person anyway she likes having a laugh in the maze but she's not the one who's sort of thrown

up in a camera beam field because that's not who she is but kids now have got to think about all that so you know she's got my eldest is very responsible she's probably there probably is an element of having to you know she's what she's she's she's she is aware that people are more interested in your life if you are yeah on the telly if you like i suppose but it hasn't changed their their i would like to think it hasn't changed their lives because at home it's not about us it's you know it's about them quite frankly as a parent it's not been about me since i gave birth in my house in my life in my mind you know it's it's never about me if i can get a bit of cream blush on in the morning and curl my lashes

before i leave the house that is truly a win so yeah it's about them because i don't want it not to be about them they're their own people find themselves on their own journey and so i could never you know i'm not one of those people who go me me me darling and not to be about them. They're their own people, find themselves on their own journey. And so I could never, you know, I'm not one of those people who go, me, me, me, darling, and it must be about me. That is the opposite. Because that will be awful for them. You know, you want them to develop into their own personality. So, and not be sort of encumbered by anything else. What I liked about the book is it features a lot of really the latest advice in terms of eating and exercise. Like you mentioned, you know, 150 minutes of moderately intense exercise a week that's recommended. That's fairly new information, you know, in an area that information seems to be changing all the time. You also say in the book that you're not into sport. So you're not getting

your exercise from croquet or quidditch or something like that are there any unusual ways you like to keep fit and healthy or is it just about you know doing doing regular exercise well for me it's about anything you know anything that makes me sweat i'm a bit allergic to um so i prefer a more languorous form of exercise such as stretching which is why yoga works for me and you know because it's it's relaxing and you don't sweat and you feel better for it you feel flexible you feel calmer you feel fit it elongates your muscles so actually it is a win even though you're not sort of sweating to get there, I do sometimes almost sweat twice a week.

As in I get the heart rate up, you know, with a couple, with almost, but not quite sweaty, sweaty, if you get me. But just where the heart rate is raised adequately. Well, women don't sweat, they glow. We glow. Exactly. Exactly. There's a little extra glow going on. And so a little bit of cardio,

a couple of times a week, I'll do that. If I can't get into the gym, see my trainer, then, because obviously we're always too busy and then that's the first thing that gets sacrificed, then I'll either get down on the carpet or I'll get my yoga mat out and I'll do a few little lunges, maybe a few mountain climbers, a few planks. And I'll just set my alarm on my phone for a minute and just hold a pose for a minute, hold a plank or something. And it's not easy holding it for a minute. Your arms start shaking. Sometimes I put my iPad there and watch a little bit of Netflix

whilst I'm doing a one-minute plank because it helps it pass much quicker. Yeah. And I'll time it and have a little break in between because then, you know, it's not as difficult. Do you ever exercise with Vernon? Well, no, not really because he gets all knowledge of biotics. He's like a fair weather exerciser. He'll be fit six months of the year.

They'll do nothing for the six, apart from swinging a golf club occasionally. Whereas I do, you know, I do a little and often. And for me, that works better because he'll do it. He'll get really intense about it and he'll be really preachy. And I'm like, la, la, la, la, okay. You're eating that last week. So don't tell me this week you're against it because next week you'll be eating it again. So I tend to just, yeah, I let him get on with his like real beefy, like

manly one hour, really uber sweaty workouts. Well, I'll do my more languorous form, which works for me. Well, I want to say there's also something else about the book. You know, the title, four steps in the title, the book is really straightforward, which as somebody who's always looking for quick wins when it comes to health, that's great for me. And I know a lot of our listeners, they think the same thing. But also these sections like three days to change your gut bacteria or 30 plant points a week, I think there are some really nice little, you said the word earlier, hacks, you know, that it's not about necessarily having to remake your entire life, even though ultimately it will, it'll give you a lot more energy, you'll be a lot

healthier, et cetera, et cetera. But it's these little changes. And the book really kind of sketches out those little things you can do. Yeah, it's about those small things you can do to bring more happiness into your day, to make you feel a bit more healthy. You know, about those healthy habits we can all adopt that just make us feel a little bit better. You know, for example, even just the smallest, for example, like our stomachs, gut health, I'm into it because it affects how we feel. It affects not just how we look, but how we feel. If we feel sluggish and bloated and not quite right, then we're not going to feel our best. We're not going to feel mentally at our peak. We're not going to feel physically. We're just going to feel slowed down by that, aren't we? So I'm into like what we eat as sort of helping us, helping, you know,

it's in our interest to look after ourselves through what we eat. And I genuinely believe that. And so, for example, if you've got, say you've got a cold coming, this is a super, super quick hack. If you make yourself a ginger tea, go and buy a little lump of, if you can find some, ginger at the supermarket or the market, and you make yourself a ginger tea, go and buy a little lump of, if you can find some, ginger at the supermarket or the market, and you make yourself a ginger tea. That ginger tea is going to be, first of all, it's antiviral. It's going to help with the cold. It's anti-inflammatory.

It's going to help your stomach feel better. I know when I get sick, it goes to my stomach. My stomach feels bloated if it doesn't feel right. And it's such, you know, it's a little thing you can do for yourself. Boil it up on the pan. Make yourself some ginger tea. Keep it handy. Add a little honey to sweeten it.

I do. It's really quite hard for me to write. And it's so good for you. In the East, they drink ginger every day. And they have ginger in every single meal. Ginger and garlic. Little things like that you can add to your food that make you feel better that soothe your stomach calm inflammation because obviously inflammation is the enemy and it's how most of our autoimmune diseases begin

and we've all got inflammation at certain times because our food is just full of chemicals and it's full of stuff that we shouldn't really be eating. And, you know, inflammation, as soon as you feel yourself feel a bit achy or your skin's a bit itchy or a bit dry or it looks dehydrated or, I don't know, your mouth feels a little bit sore, they're all signs of inflammation and they're all little warning lights of calm, calm. In your stomach, calm your food, calm your gut. And it comes from the gut and i'm you know i'm obsessed by the fact that our happy hormone serotonin yeah that's bonkers that always

sounds so weird isn't it something like nine yeah tons of it is made in our stomach our happy hormones if our tummy is not functioning properly and if it's bloated unhappy or you know we're making it well we're upsetting the bacteria through the food that we eat whatever it may be the microbiome is out i'm into this because it affects the way we feel but that 30 plants a week thing that you talk about in the book that you should try and eat 30 different plants a week and then that what it sounds ridiculous and then once you try it it's actually not that hard. It's not. I mean, think about a stir fry.

You can probably get about 12 into one meal. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I could list them, but I won't. It'll bore you. I want to talk to you about the secret to looking, quite frankly, positively brilliant in your 50s. I mean, you know, we never really consider ourselves looking that good.

We're always a bit hard on ourselves. Honestly, the older I get, the less I obsess about it because I think, quite frankly, I am grateful to be healthy and alive. I can look after my children and my family and I feel good when I wake up in the morning and that is my goal. That is my goal, basically, is, you know, to be present and healthy to show up in my life and be there for those who need me. And so I tend not, I don't stress about it too much because if I'm looking after myself with the basics, you know, I'm sort of, you know, I'm eating healthily, not exclusively healthily. I am having a bar of chocolate in the afternoon on the school run because I need that.

And quite frankly, at that point, I deserve it. So I'm not depriving myself. And enjoy it. And enjoy it. You know, know chocolate is love so is cake but um and I you know I couldn't I couldn't it's about so it's about moderation for me I have very healthy meals but I have really naughty snacks in the afternoon occasionally because that's what my body wants and that's what I want and I'm not going to deny myself because then I'm going to think about it. Sounds like a good balance to me. You know, it's about balance. Exactly. It's about that. And so, yeah, that's what, that's exactly what it's about. It's about balance and moderation

because if you deny yourself what you want, it becomes a mind game. It leads to unhappiness. It's not sustainable. So yeah, I allow myself those little treats and try and, you know, whilst maintaining, whilst most of the time keeping a healthy lifestyle. I feel like I'm getting a sense of what Tess Daly's dressing room might be like. Some chocolate, lots of ginger tea, and a bunch of superfoods. Sounds amazing. It is exactly, honestly, it's exactly that. Well, thank you, Tessess it's lovely to chat to you and we hope your new book goes well we're done oh I could chat to you guys all day this is my favorite honestly just like chatting parenting and everything I love it thank you for joining us