The Netmums Podcast - S9 Ep3: Winning at parenting, with Harry Judd

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Wendy and Jen's special this week, is TV presenter and McFly drummer Harry Judd, who along with his wife Izzy, seems to have come up with a winning formula for balancing their respective careers with parenting their three young children.

You're listening to The Netmums Podcast with me, Wendy Gollage. And me, Jennifer Howes. On this week's show... The key to all good parenting is bribery and threats, as we know. Threats that you don't go through with and bribery. But before all of that... Hello, hello, welcome back to another episode. Now, today's guest, he might not remember it,

but he's actually been on the podcast before. He's actually been on the podcast before Topless because we were having a lovely chat with his wife and she was sat in their bedroom and he waltzed in and asked to know where the clean towels were. Yes, that's right. Today we are welcoming Harry Judd to the podcast. Not only has he been on the podcast Topless, but he's the second member of McFly for us to host since I began co-hosting. So it's very exciting. He's drummer for McFly, won Strictly Come Dancing season nine, and is the author of

a book called Get Fit, Get Happy, a new approach to exercise that's fun and helps you feel great. So we're going to talk a little bit more about that later. He is father to three, Lola, Kit, and Lockie, and as Wendy mentioned, is married to Izzy Judd, also a musician. And now he's promoting a new Mr. Men book, which we'll talk more about in a bit as well. It has a very positive message for children. So welcome, Harry. Thank you. Thank you very much, guys. You wanted a big intro. I did want a big intro. I really wanted it a bit longer, guys. I was

hoping for at least five minutes, but I'll accept. Who do you have? Tom? Do you have Tom on? We had Tom talking about his new book. Yes. And he was also in his wife's study, now you come to mention. Yes, this is my wife's study. I don't know if the listeners also have a visual reference, but I'm in Izzy's study.

It's very nice. She's got a very lovely room. I don't have a study, I'd like to point out. What's wrong with you McFly guys? Like, y'all can't get your own spaces? man caves well no this is the thing we just moved into a new house and in sort of walked around the house and easy was like yeah okay that's going to be my room so i've kind of got a hybrid room we've got a music room so that's kind of like like music room slash man cave it's i've got one wall basically and on that wall I put my

collection of cricket bats on so that's my space in the house this is the problem with having three children guys you uh you have to give up more room in the house that was really the balancing act between are we gonna have more children or do I want more space more cricket bats more kids exactly and you, just speaking of cricket bats, as you do, I love the little clip you have on your Instagram of your son basically rocking out to a cricket bat mic and a cricket bat guitar. Yes, yes, exactly. I know I wanted to teach him how to play cricket,

but he was more interested in pretending to be Tom from McFly, using the cricket bat as the guitar, yeah. Yeah, well, you could say he was playing cricket, but like this, really. Exactly. He hasn't quite got it yet. But look, he loves, he absolutely loves McFly. He only listens to McFly, and I'm just making the most of that because obviously one day he will think I'm incredibly embarrassing and will never want to hear our music. So I'm making the most of that because obviously one day he will think I'm incredibly embarrassing and will

never want to hear our music so I'm making the most of it well when you were last on our show but not on our show because it was Izzy's turn to be on our show she was as pregnant as it's possible to be with Lockie if I remember rightly which is why she was recording the podcast from your bed because she was so pregnant and And the conversation went something like, yes, Harry's going on tour and I'm about to have a baby. So did you make it back in time? That's the first question. I'm pleased to say that, yes, I did make it back on time.

And it wasn't until I was actually on tour that it dawned on me that, like, okay, I actually don't want to miss the birth of my child, even though he's the third. Let's be honest. You know, the first, the first, your firstborn is amazing. Second one's like great. Third one, you know, I'm joking. It's amazing. All obviously amazing. But I was a bit like, oh, God, I need to get home. But we have shows. I was like, what am I going to do if she goes into labour and we've got an arena full of people waiting to see our show? So I actually contacted someone who I know has been a fan of McFly for his whole life.

And he's started playing drums because of, you know, following McFly and he knows all our songs. And I just messaged him on Instagram. I was like, you know, hey mate, do you know the set list we're him on Instagram I was like you know hey mate do you know the setlist we're doing and he was like yeah totally but he he's smart I was like okay can you come up to Scotland with me so this this guy imagine being that guy he's called Ollie he's a young drummer he's like I think he's like 19 and he he got on a train okay meet me at Euston station he got on a train with me we went up to because we have a day off I think we's like 19 and he, he got on a train, okay, meet me at Euston station.

He got on a train with me. We went up to, cause we had a day off. I think we may have had a London show and then we had a day off. We went up to Scotland and we have three more shows. And I thought, right, this is when he could go into labor.

So I got the train with this guy, Ollie. We went through the set list and he, I did a recording of the show and he listened. He was like, yeah, I know. And he basically sat and watched all the shows. And just in case I had to suddenly rush off. But annoyingly, Tom got COVID.

So then Tom, like, had to leave the show. And so then it was just me, Danny and Dougie. And amazingly, there was another kid who again was 19 that knew all Tom's parts. So we got him to come on stage and play Tom. I was like, I'm sorry, Izzy, if you're going to Labour, I can't just leave Danny and Dougie to be representing McFly. So thankfully she held on. Do you not feel a bit nervous that you're orchestrating your own demise here by basically bringing in all these 19-year-olds that can do your job for you?

Yeah, not only do our jobs, but do them better. They are younger looking better looking fitter bouncier musicians yeah I know although I have to say basically one of your kind of musical idols ringing you up and saying would you like to stand in for me I mean I'm surprised there wasn't some kind of intrigue where he's kind of trying to trip you backstage so you break your leg and, you know, all of a sudden he has to go on instead. Yeah, no, it was really cool. I mean, it's a real, obviously, if I'm honest, a real ego trip

to think that these two guys at 19, like, started playing their instruments because of our band and, you know one of them actually came on stage with us he's 19 years old and we were playing Glasgow Arena 12,000 people you know we called him the day before and said hey mate do you want to come and play with us because Tom's got Covid so it was a really special moment. Well I'm going to take you back to the book Harry so it's new in the Mr Men series and there isn't a parent out there who doesn't know the Mr. Men series and the Little Miss series. So before we talk about the new character, who is the favourite Mr. Greedy, just because he's funny. Izzy thinks that I most resemble Mr. Grumpy.

And we like Mr. Clumsy and we also like Little Miss Somersault. Little Miss Somersault? God, I must be old. I don't know about her. Well, maybe she's a new one. So tell us a little bit more about this new character. And there's also an opportunity for families to get a copy of this new book for free so it's all very exciting interesting messaging tell us a little bit more about it yes it is you're right no it is very exciting it's um so basically ecova have teamed up with the mr men series to create this new character little miss wasteless it's as you

say if you um you can get a copy for free also if you want to read it, you can read it as an e-book. You just go to ecover.com forward slash Little Miss Wasteless. But also, if you want a copy sent to school or your library or children's group, then you just have to email hello at ecover.com. I think that's right. But it's, you know, Ecover is so kind of, they're so, you know, motivated to spread this message. So I just think it's right but it's it's you know eco they're so kind of they're so you know motivated to spread this message so i just think it's amazing that they're they're saying hey just reach out we'll send you a copy send it to your schools send uh you can read it for free online

and my daughter i'm very proud to say is the eco monitor in her class and they've agreed to send some copies to me so that she can hand them out during her eco meetings and it's very exciting I read her the book last night and as you said I mean I I have the Mr Men books growing up and I've been reading them to her since she was you know about two so to see this new character being created and to be able to read it to her last night was very exciting and I'm pleased to say it's something she's already conscious of you know um the climate and and recycling and what have you but this is a slightly different message in that it's not about recycling

it's more about refilling and the best way to kind of that I sort of wrap my head around it is of course recycling is is a good thing. But why are we recycling a plastic bottle to then make another plastic bottle when we could just refill that plastic bottle we already have? So, yeah, it's a sort of a concept that we're trying to sort of bring into our family and something that our children will see so that it's just something they do when they grow up and it will make a huge difference to uh to waste so i'm very happy to be spreading this message and not only to my children but to everyone else you're right about the mr men we've our copies we've got the books you know they're like the little you can get them in like um sets and they were my husband's when he was a kid.

That's like the Mr. Men are just this part of childhood. So it's a really great way to get kids to tap into what they're thinking and get them interested in something. Absolutely. I mean, like you said, it's storytelling, isn't it? It's a creative, fun way of getting across positive messages to our children. And, you know, the climate situation can be massively overwhelming for all of us. And we don't want to put that anxiety onto our children.

I think it's trying to, you know, relay that message in a positive way and in a way that, you know, they can grow up with habits that are just ingrained in their culture, in their way of life. Y'all may not remember this, but when I was young, we would even, the idea that you would buy a bottle, glass bottle of a soda, you drink it and then you'd take it back and they'd give you, this was in America, so 10 cents back, and then they would sterilize, wash, refill those, and then you'd buy them again. And also this idea of refilling, we used to have it, we've gotten away from it. It's so good that we're getting back to it because I think especially as parents, often it can seem overwhelming, the news about climate change and what's going on in the environment and our world, that we need to give children some kind of

positive message of things they can actually do instead of it just being like oh sorry we ruined the world for you but you know good luck exactly it is it's it's it is you know can be quite a terrifying thing that we're kind of constantly faced with but as you say the reef i mean the refilling thing as well started off for me is it's like when we all started to get the reusable water bottles and just started reusing water instead of just constantly like buying a plastic bottle of water drinking it and then chucking it away it just seems crazy and sometimes unfortunately it's unavoidable but hopefully the more people do it the less that is even an option. So the same goes for refilling, you know, like you run out of your spray, like cleaning spray instead of just chucking that bottle, you just refill it again with concentrate and then a bit of water.

So it's a great message to be to be putting out there. And as we say, through through the new little Miss character. So it makes perfect sense. So things are probably pretty chaos in your house. A family of three, a busy mum, a busy dad. Izzy's been super open and honest about the anxiety and things that she's had as a mum. You've both talked about kind of the social pressure of being parents and the pressure of being parents in the spotlight. How do you guys keep all those plates in the air and kind of balance your own mental health and keep the kids sane?

It's like, how are you not just mad? How do you do that? Oh, God, good question. Well, I think we're all a little bit mad. If you have children, you've got to be a bit mad. Like, to have more than one have children you've got to be a bit mad like to have more than one you've definitely got to be a bit mad it's just chaos I was really busy this last month and came back and was like so looking forward to seeing my children obviously and like you you just remember all the good bits and I got home within a couple of hours I was like

oh my god this is chaos like it's just pure carnage. I mean, Izzy and I, what I don't understand is how parents have a social life or how they actually want to have a social life or have the energy for one. All Izzy and I do is spend our life avoiding social events. I take such great joy in going to bed at about 8 30 9 o'clock like last night at the football finish and I was like oh yes I can go to bed yeah we I mean what we do we Izzy's always been really good and I can't take any responsibility for this she's been really good with routine and we're quite let's be honest we're quite neurotic and we kind of

like went for the whole routine thing and it I did the same no shame in a routine no and most importantly for us it was about getting them in their rooms at the same time every night and getting them in the habit of going to sleep and sleeping through the night and that took intervention I mean we see like we we got advice from like sleep specialists and stuff because that is the thing I think that can be most challenging about parenthood. But something that we've been really strict on is bedtime and staying in their own rooms as much as I desperately want to have my children in bed with me to cuddle. I mean, in fact, if they come round to my side of the bed, then I can't be arsed to get out of bed so I'll just get them into bed with me have a quick cuddle Izzy wakes up picks them up takes them out the

other side of the bed and puts them back to their room so you don't have to get your ass out of bed is what you're saying you've got the perfect tactic so the key for us has been to try and retain some level of sanity is getting them to bed on time and hopefully as much as possible getting them to sleep through because then we get sleep it's all about the sleep even when they're 11 as mine is it's all about the sleep but it's sleep at the other end where I love to go to bed at nine o'clock too but now I'm going to bed before my 11 year old how does that work what do you do then waiting of a teenager I I had sometimes I was doing that thing waiting up for my teen to get home and I talked to other parents and they said oh no we just go to bed we don't

really know when they get in but okay maybe yeah I'm not sure i'll be so up for that but who knows another great piece of parenting advice is which i'm sure lots of people do anyway is just get through the morning on weekends get through the morning get through lunchtime and then stick on a film nice long film and then go back to bed yourself me Me and Izzy do this most weekends. We try and have really kind of nice active mornings with the kids. We get up, we do things. I'll go for a run. They might come with me on their bikes.

We do some crafts. We do food. And then we're like feeling like really kind of worthy, fulfilling parents. And then we earn the right to stick a film on for two hours. And then we go and then we put the baby to bed and then we go upstairs and get back into bed ourselves for about two hours. And whether that's on a laptop doing work or just watching TV. And then, but before you know it, it's only, it's 3.30, four o'clock and you've only got two, three hours till you can actually put them back to bed again.

Harry, you mentioned running. Obviously, that's a big part of your life. You've written this whole book about getting moving in new ways and also using physical fitness as a way to help with things like anxiety and depression, something a lot of folks are coping with right now. There's also a lot on your Instagram of you out with the kids in the park running. It's so adorable. How do you get your kids kind of motivated to do that? Or does that just kind of happen naturally? Do they go on runs with you? Or is that more of a family activity? Do you know what it is? I think it's just because I love it and I do it. And like when the kids are

young, I'm sure you know maybe not now they're teenagers but well thankfully for me mine just kind of think everything I do is really cool so like my son wants to play the drums and my daughter wanted to play the drums and I go out running so they want to come out running and I did the marathon you know last month and so my son was like talking about how he wants to do the marathon so I took them to a junior park run and and sort of you know that was his marathon and so thankfully that they're at that age now where I think you can have a really positive influence on them and so what I did with my daughter as soon as she could ride a bike we'd I'd go out for a jog and she'd just come with me on her bike and it was just a really nice thing that we'd share together and what I'd do as well

to make it more fun for her is when we'd finish the run I'd say right when we finish the run we'll finish at this cafe and we'll have a hot chocolate and or maybe a cookie or something so then it becomes this kind of you know fun activity we're doing together I mean it's getting a little bit harder to persuade her now she's a bit older so what I've had to do is introduce this kind of suite every two kilometers that I keep in my back pocket so when we're two kilometers in I pull out a suite and I hold it out and she rides past with her mouth open that's how I taught my daughter to ride her bike jelly babies I was stood at the end of the drive with a jelly baby, but she wasn't allowed to have it unless she had both feet on the pedal. You guys are geniuses.

Or really bad parents. I'm not sure. Well, I mean, training your child like you'd train a dog, you know? It's like, oh, good boy. Well, look, the key to all good parenting is bribery and threats, as we know. Threats that you don't go through with um and bribery no i mean it's it's like i just think like i said it's it's thankfully they're of an age where they just really they do look up up to you i think and you know my son he likes to be active and he's out on his bike

and it's just something i just i i hope i said this actually when we finished a run the other day and he got off his bike, I then let him finish the run with him doing the run with me. So, yeah, I mean, I'm absolutely loving it. And hopefully can continue these kind of positive things that we do. So tell us, how has Lockie's arrival changed the family dynamics? And how have you adapted to life as a dad of three? Well, after we had two, and I don't get me wrong, I love my son just as my second, just as much as the other two, but he's a little bit more testing. And after we had him,

I was just like, well, that's me done. Like, no, thank you. I don't want any more. You know, and I was was like how do people have three what is wrong with those people and then I think what was it yeah no it was about January time or and Izzy had been talking about having three having another one for about six months and I kept looking at her thinking what is wrong with you? No way, that's just not happening. Changing the subject. Yeah, exactly. And then basically it was the promise of regular sex that got me, no, I'm joking. You wouldn't be the first.

Yeah, exactly. No, it was actually the fact that we were having a conversation about my son starting school and he's born on August the 26th and so he was going to school like a year earlier than what really he should have been uh which we thought was like oh poor boy but then actually we're like thank god it means we can get we can get him into school um and and then I just like I can't believe he's going to school. And I found it just like crazy. And I thought, that's it.

Like that's that preschool stage over. And, you know, obviously there's difficult times, but it's such an amazing phase. And I just sort of had this moment where I was like, oh, my God, you know, you only live once. And, like, why wouldn't we have another one? And we would have this chance to create another child and see what that baby's going to be like and and you know I was sort of caught up in the moment.

God was down that was it next thing you know. Yeah exactly she lit a candle let's you know she's like she's nine months pregnant talking to us and you don't know where the clean towels are. No, but genuinely, I kind of switched from like, there's no way I'm having another baby to like, of course we're having another baby. Like, why would we not? who's thinking a lot of people think oh just just if you're lucky enough to have children or have lucky enough to have more than one then just do it one after the other get it done get all the pain out of the way but actually we have a four-year gap between kit and lucky and it's for us been the only way that we would have been able to have three because you know they're that bit older that they're at school most of the time and we're able to have the energy to kind of make that work and also for kit and lola like they're just so sweet with him they understand the concept of a baby and it's just you may not believe me when i say

this but i genuinely think it's been easier having this third one than just having two it's just just diluted the whole situation and just like made it more joyous and it's just lovely having this little baby who's now toddling about and um you know and it sounds so cheesy but we feel like our family's complete so yeah we're very happy now you have just got back when this airs you'll have been back a while but you've just got back from some secret mission and I know you're not going to be allowed to tell us what it is but we didn't see you popping up eating kangaroo testicles in the jungle so it wasn't I'm a celebrity which every red top paper in the UK thought is where you were how was it being away from the kids and Izzy for that long

because I put you you were away for about a month is that right I was away for exact yeah like exactly a month yeah and it was really really difficult and I you know Izzy was um she's been very honest about her kind of struggles with anxiety. And for her, it's a separation anxiety and a very sort of complicated process to her childhood and her brother's accident. And so me going away to do this work, we'll call it, you know, and it was work. It was very, it was very, it was actually really hard what we did. Will we find out at some point? Yes, you will definitely find out. And it was an amazing experience.

But, you know, she was amazing to kind of not let me go, but she was very supportive because it went against her natural instincts and her anxiety. She was sort of didn't want me to go because it was very terrifying for her for me to be away for that long with well I hope this doesn't give any clues but without any contacts really only minimal contact and um I was kind of obviously trying to support her and I was like yeah it's gonna be fine you know don't worry it's only a month and you'll be fine and I was kind of pretty chilled about it and And then when I went,

and obviously I've been away on tour a lot, but when I'm on tour, I can contact them whenever in the space time. And we will then come back and do a London show. So I'll see them and then I'll be off again for another five days. And then we'll have a show in Birmingham and then I might go home, you know, but this was a solid four weeks away with very minimal contact.

And within the first kind of day I was totally sort of like overwhelmed and it really hit me and then by day four or five I think I finally was able to make contact with them and I just completely like broke down I was so tearful and I missed my children but I really missed Izzy. And like, you know, I think that's like, was actually in hindsight, a really good thing for a marriage, you know, to be away from one another and have a chance to really miss each other. Yeah, she might have a slightly different view of,

it's really good for a marriage to be at home with the three kids without your partner, you know, just getting it out there. Well, I was hoping I'd come back and she'd be like oh my god I don't know how you I don't know how I did it without you but it wasn't so much that it was more just like oh I just really missed your company did the kids know who you were oh bless lucky before I left he was really he was just on my hip the whole time when he was passed over to Izzy he just reached out for me he was was just totally, you know, daddy's boy.

And basically when I left, it really, Izzy said he had some separation anxiety going on. He was really, really upset. And the whole month she said he just clinged to her and just cried a lot. And whenever anyone knew came to the room, he just cried. And so when I got home a couple of days ago and he saw me in the room he was really frowning and looking at me and trying to figure it out and then within a couple of hours he was just like a little koala bear again and we've you know it's been lovely

and also he's he's I left him crawling he'd done a few steps so I didn't miss that but he's now walking and it's just gorgeous it's it's such a cute age for 14 months he's walking he's more responsive he's smiling the you know the six year old and five year old learner kit find him hilarious and then we all just have these like huge family giggle moment like laughter moments and then lockheed's laughing and it's all just we're really having moments where i'm thinking, God, I just, I've got to just take this in and absorb it all because it's really special. And how did the digital detox go? Was that weird or was it great? You know what? I'm pleased to say it really wasn't that hard.

And I was just like, I'm as bad as the next person. Like I'm awful on my phone. And I left thinking I would genuinely have withdrawal symptoms. I thought my brain would be zapping, like, where's your phone? But I didn't at all. And I can honestly say I didn't miss it. The only thing I missed was being able to contact my loved ones. And I thought I'd really missed the social media stuff and but I didn't and I actually did things like I read more and just kind of talk to more people and I mean don't get me wrong I've got my phone back and I'm

back to scrolling like hell of course but like I don't want to come across too worthy but I'm trying to find a slightly better balance so and that's literally just by like leaving my phone in the bedroom and then going downstairs in the morning and just try to leave the phone in the room and then yeah when the kids are gone it's just straight back to scrolling so what's next for Harry well what's next well as as you guys obviously we've spoken about spreading the message of uh little miss wasteless and then it's recording new music so that's been very exciting and who knows hopefully some more tv stuff i've been lucky enough to do a bit of work on the one show bit of presenting the one show and some other tv bits so yeah, who knows? Who knows?

But, yeah, definitely more McFly stuff. Excellent. Well, thank you so much for coming and talking to us, both about your very amusing and lovely family life and also the new Little Miss Wasteless book, which people can get free with every five liter refill of Ecover or download on the site. We can't wait to see kind of what's coming up and also more really cute videos on Instagram of you and the kids.

Thank you. I just wanted to add quickly to anyone listening that, you know, life is not that straightforward with children. And we daily, you know, me not that straightforward with children and and we daily you know me and Izzy have conversations every night when we put them to bed about the children about how best to deal with things about how best to deal with their tempers and and I find it also for me like how do I keep my patience and not shout at the children and you know children are constantly challenging you and hopefully you know can bring out new

positive behaviors in yourself because I found I actually learned a lot through having my son who is very determined and and um it's been a benefit for me because as he said she feels like she understands me more now she sees my son's behavior and so it's um just a reassurance to any parent out there that's you know may think that everything's great and i hope that we can hope that we put across some real stuff on instagram because it can be a very positive space but also a space where probably leaves people feeling lonely. But we also experience that too. And parenting is, I describe it as the finest line

between being the most incredible thing you'll ever experience and also the most stressful thing you'll ever experience. So true. So true. Thank you so much, Harry, for joining us. It's been a pleasure to meet you. We will let you go and enjoy your day thank you guys yeah have a great day too