The Nick DiPaolo Show - 004 - 2013 Champs

Episode Date: November 5, 2013

2013 Champs...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. What's up, everyone? This is Rob Sprance from the Riotcast Network here to tell you that Riotcast is taking over Manhattan and the New York Comedy Festival with two amazing shows on Wednesday, November 6th at the Village Underground in New York City. At 7 p.m., it's a very special live episode of Robert Kelly's You Know What, Dude? with an amazing lineup of Jim Norton, Bailey J, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez, Kelly Fustuca, and more.
Starting point is 00:00:35 Then at 9 p.m., it's Riotcast Stand-Up Live with an insane lineup of comedians you've heard on the Riotcast network such as Colin Quinn, Bobby Kelly, Jim Florentine, Rich Voss, Bonnie McFarlane, Mandy Stattmiller, and more. Get your tickets now for both shows right at the homepage of Riotcast.com. Tickets are going fast.
Starting point is 00:00:55 You do not want to miss out on an amazing night of comedy. Live YKW dude at 7 o'clock. Riotcast Live stand up at 9. Get your tickets now and I will see you at the Village Underground. Hey kids, it's Nick DiPaolo. What's going on? Good evening, good afternoon, good morning, whenever you're listening to this. It's been about, what, a week?
Starting point is 00:01:47 Right around then. A lot has gone on, obviously. And where do we start, you know? Where do we start? I don't know. Let's start here. You knew it was coming. That's right. You know it was coming.
Starting point is 00:02:12 I know you're sick of it. It's tough. Oh, yeah. Here comes a 2-1 pitch. High fly ball to left. Oh, sweet Jesus. Off the monster. One run scores. Here comes Ortiz.
Starting point is 00:02:42 Here comes Gomes. He is safe. And it's 3-0 Boston. Oh! Oh! Here's the 2-2 delivery. Boston strong in the lever. The Red Sox have a World Series champion. That's where the parade was, baby. Like a little kid.
Starting point is 00:04:09 All right. I know you've had enough. Had to get it out of the way. Come on, folks. Last time I left you, I was, you know, hoping to get tickets. My agent had mentioned he knew somebody who knew somebody. And I was praying, you know, and sure enough, he came through. Maybe the only time he's ever come through for me. Just kidding, Tom.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Although me sitting here doing a podcast might prove my point. But yeah, baby, we landed tickets to the greatest show on earth. And, again, I know there's some few years on Twitter, you know, I think mostly Yankee fans. So when is Burr and DePaulo going to stop with the celebratory blah, blah, blah? You know, come give us a break, will you? The fuck? It's been 95 years since this thing happened at Fenway Park.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Okay? It hasn't even been a week since the World Series ended. So, you know, we're hardly overdoing it, in my opinion. We dead and gone before it happens again. So, but yes, my agent, Tony Burton, Super Agent Tony Burton, who, you know, he works with the Don Buchwald Agency, which handles Howard Stern. And apparently Baba Booey, his best friend, is a friend of my agents, and he just happens to be the head guy for Major League Baseball ticket sales. I guess last year or two years ago, he was the ticket sales guy for the Red Sox. So now he's, yeah, the head of ticket sales for all of Major League Baseball.
Starting point is 00:05:44 Not a bad guy to know. And thank God my agent came through. And so we drove up there and it was tremendous. I yelled at him for the first hour going, why do you fuck up my career? No. We just, it was great, man. We left on Wednesday at like, I don't know, 11. And drove up. We were there in a little under three hours,
Starting point is 00:06:07 actually. Okay. I mean, I didn't realize we were flying, but, uh, yeah, got up there, went to the Heinz convention center, walked in, found this guy's office. He comes out with like a FedEx package and I'm just being all polite. Meanwhile, in my head, I'm going, these better be good seats. I don't want to be on the goddamn bleachers. But, you know, we had an idea. If he's the head of MLB tickets, it can't be too bad. And pull him out, and we're like, oh, being polite and doing small talk. Thank you very much, blah, blah, blah. Get outside, and I'm, you know, on my cell phone pulling up a diagram of the seating at Fenway.
Starting point is 00:06:41 And field box seats, third base side, nine rows behind the cardinals dugout the far end of their dugout i mean field box come on boing and we walked around all afternoon and checking out uh you know walk around i hadn't seen hadn't been there well i was here about a month and a half ago but i didn't walk around the outside of it during the daytime. And just soaking it all in. It was just tremendous. Went to the Kaskin Flagon. That's that bar that sits right, you know, literally with a stone's throw from Fenway. It's been there forever.
Starting point is 00:07:17 And I didn't want to go in because there's like 16, 17 people in line. And, you know, my agent is just the opposite of me. He has patients and stuff i don't do anything like that you know i could be at uh you know a blowjob booth if there's two people in front of me i'm not waiting sorry heidi clump and uh so he talks me into that the line whips right by we go in have a couple cocktails we're in there it It's packed. It's loud. It's crazy. And it's like four hours, five hours before game time. And what's funny about all of a sudden the chant starts going. Is the chant, you know, P.U. Cardinals?
Starting point is 00:07:54 No, it's Yankees suck. That's how obsessed the Red Sox fans are with New York. We're playing, you know, we're about to clinch the World Series, four or five hours, and they're chanting Yankee suck. We're playing St. Louis. That's how deep the heat runs, apparently. That made me laugh my balls off. But, yeah, there's like a table of Cardinals fans, and nobody's even paying attention to them.
Starting point is 00:08:17 And so, yeah, had a couple cocktails, ate a pizza outside. It was starting to get cold, Starting to get a little bit dark. It was a slow build. You could hear the bustling. Anyways, we went to our seats like an hour and a half before game time. It was just unbelievable. Just friggin' believable. Oh, like a little kid.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Now I feel like I'm almost satisfied. My itch has been scratched as far as the Boston Red Sox goes. I've been a follow-on since I was six. Now, you know, I'm not going to do what I did last year. I'm not going to watch them from spring training to, you know, I just feel like it's been satisfied, you know. I'll follow them closely. I'm saying that now.
Starting point is 00:09:03 I'll probably be, you know, just follow him closely i'm saying that no i'll probably be you know just the same way but i mean that's the pinnacle to see that trophy in fenway park what the fuck's left maybe i'll move to chicago stop pulling for the cubs that'll be another mountain to climb but um yeah thank you tony burton it was just tremendous. Had a guy behind me before the game. He's coming down. I hear he's got like a three-year-old kid. He goes, okay, pal, you're going to sit on my lap. And I'm going, please, Jesus Christ, not right behind me.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Sure enough, kid's kicking my seat. Couldn't even get mad at him. Come on. He's at a World Series. Imagine a kid's three years old. He sees the Sox do something that, you know, his great-great-grandparents didn't see. He's already a World Series. Imagine a kid's three years old. He sees the Sox do something that, you know, his great-great-grandparents didn't see. He's already a spoiled brat. And it's just so yuppified, man. People holding up their babies and shit and taking pictures and all these pretty people. It's just way different.
Starting point is 00:10:00 You don't smell any cigar smoke. I miss that. But Shane Victorino, the flying Hawaiian, came through big time. So so did lackey they were smacking him around in the first inning they were hitting him hard luckily right at people i was getting nervous didn't look like he had it but then he calmed down and victorino who's just been money only had about four hits the total and the whole total playoffs but uh he had 12 ribbies one short of uh ortiz so uh we got to walker the young phenomena smacked him around and uh it was just tremendous then we tried getting out of there it was kind of a we parked at the prudential center which 15 about 15 20 minute walk and uh we had it all planned out we're gonna head towards right field go out by the budweiser sign
Starting point is 00:10:44 go up boylston. Sure enough, there's like a line of cops with riot gear. They make us go the opposite way. We go to take another street. There's another line of cops. And so we ended up doing about an extra three miles around the city to get onto Boyl Street to head where we were going. I got my car. And, oh, it's so where we pulled into the parking
Starting point is 00:11:08 garage and uh we parked in 61d and i go i said to tony britain wouldn't that be nice if that was a score six to one tonight what was the score folks it's kind of creepy ain't it maybe not maybe just a coincidence but um yeah so uh got in the car got on the highway about 105 110 dropped my agent off he doesn't live that far from me by the time i get to bed it was 410 and then uh next day i got up and flew to buffalo that's right ladies and gentlemen the helium comedy club in buffalo it was uh look i know everybody shits on buffalo and the city is kind of miserable let's be honest you know i hadn't been there in a while i hadn't played a club up there in a while you know 10 years ago and uh and i see a lot of construction sites that were there 10 years ago and there has been no progress
Starting point is 00:12:03 this is the tractors in the same spot with the keys in it it really get hit with the financial shit i guess but um yeah it didn't it was uh i've yet to see the sun up there either i've been there 15 times in my life i've yet i don't even know if the sun makes it up to buffalo i think it gets as far as like it starts in miami goes up 95 gets to carolina goes fuck that not going all the way to buffalo so uh helium comedy club by bro uh joe list i flew joe drove joe thought it was a uh joe said i thought it was a four and a half five hour drive it's a solid seven so uh i was kind of laughing at him when i left got on my plane on sunday morning i landed and I text him. I go, Hey, I'm on the ground. And he's like, I'm just pulling into Syracuse. Oh, I love it when the rookies fuck up. But what, what the audiences in Buffalo, ladies and gentlemen, I'm telling you, it's always been a great city for me
Starting point is 00:12:57 in the nineties. I used to play a, the comedy trap was the a room up there. I do it a couple times a year. I would sell sell it out i would get bonus money and they would just kill her they have the same sense of humor as like boston people they're like real blue collar they like it like it a little mean um but they respect a well-written joke you get a round of applause on the good stuff and you know they don't hold it against you if you throw a dud out there like they do sometimes here in the city but the club was beautiful they have one in uh philly a healing in philly which is another nice a room but uh these crowds man it was just crazy i mean joe was killing all week
Starting point is 00:13:41 which is a pain in the ass when you're the headliner. You're like, God damn, I don't feel like working this hard. And you got to go out and step it up. So he made me better. But I'm getting this hour in shape because I'm shooting this a week from tonight in Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis. So I'm shooting it next Monday and Tuesday night. So, you know, this was like a dress rehearsal, and I had no idea. It worked out perfect because this club, this Helium, was very similar.
Starting point is 00:14:11 It reminded me of Acme in Minneapolis as far as the audiences go. They were so well-behaved. Five shows, I did not have to tell anybody to lower their voice, not once. And you think that, you don't think it's a big deal, but it is. It's fucking crazy.
Starting point is 00:14:26 I mean, to go a whole three nights, five shows without anybody, you know. One guy yelled out some stern shit, bubba booey or something. That was it. Nobody, I didn't see his cell phone anywhere. Maybe they're just good at hiding them. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:41 But it's a brand new club. And I mean, they were, it was rocking every night i was just pleasantly surprised so i got the work on my stuff put it in the order that i wanted to changed a few things and it was just killer i'm hoping you know next week when i shoot this thing it goes half as good as those sets because these people were eating it up and i'd tell you if it didn't go well, trust me. There's nothing funny about stories of comedians saying, well, you know,
Starting point is 00:15:09 had good sets. The funny stories are when you eat your own shit up there. So I'd be telling you. But they were just killer audiences. They're star for entertainment. I mean, what do they got up there? They got the fucking bills. I'm walking around the hotel, and I see people wearing Fitzpatrick shirts,
Starting point is 00:15:23 okay, on the back of their Buffalo Bills. He was a quarterback who got hot for about eight months in his career. I think he was out of Harvard. I don't even know where he is now, but they're wearing Fitzpatrick shirts and it just breaks my heart. Me being from New England, you know, and it was a little depressing. So, uh, yeah, crazy good time there. And what else do they have?
Starting point is 00:15:47 Like I said, they got the Buffalo Sabres, the 2 and 13 this year. And the Bills are doing what they've been doing for the last 15 years, stinking up the joint. And so, you know, they need some happiness in their lives. And me and Joe brought it to them. Kick some ass, you know what I'm saying to you? We kick some fucking ass out there, okay? There was a wedding going on at my hotel.
Starting point is 00:16:12 And, you know, a lot of young broads running around. Nothing I could do about it. You know, too old for that shit. I'm not going to put in the eight hours after that and I'm married. But, yeah, there's some young broads young joe got excited about and we ordered uh it's the worst i've ever eaten i was eating like uh john belushi on a bender it was like fucking uh pizza it had two in the morning we oh we got the worst pizza from some giant it tasted like fucking dog balls on a roll oh it was horrendous
Starting point is 00:16:46 but of course i had a couple drinks me young joe was sober and clean i don't know how he does it you go to places like buffalo you know you don't have to be an alcoholic to fall off the wagon that'd make anybody so i had a few and you know ate that shitty pizza got a tuna sub that weighed about six and a half pounds it was fucking gross when you order a sub a tuna sub i hate this and they go you want mayonnaise on this is one of my oldest bits by the way i'm not even doing the bit but it was one of my signature bits it's on one of my first cds i wrote it as an open mic but you order a tuna fish sub and they go do you want mayonnaise on that well don't you make tuna with fucking mayonnaise what are you mixing it with motor oil i'm like i guess i don't you know so then they
Starting point is 00:17:29 smear more mayonnaise on top of the mayonnaise they used to make the tuna and it's i take the sub out of the bag and it's dripping all over the fucking bedspread i told the you know i told the uh maid that it was you know i had a girl in there when she saw the dirty sheets. What the hell is the difference between male DNA and Hellman's? Not a lot. So, yeah, we ate like pigs. I smoked on stage, which you can never do anyway. I don't even think they let me smoke affiliate helium.
Starting point is 00:17:57 I bummed a cigarette, and I'm waiting for somebody to tell me to put it out, you know, two seconds in, somebody at the club. Nobody did. Nobody did, so I had another one, and then the lady put a pack on the table, and know, two seconds in, somebody at the club, nobody did, nobody did, so I had another one, and then the lady put a pack on the table, and then, so I was eating like that, and smoking, I just feel horrendous, I feel like I'm fucking 90, but the crowds are, the crowds are good, and it was, it was a lot of fun, the only problem was, and let me make a, if comedy club
Starting point is 00:18:22 owners are listening, when you build a green room, you can't put it right behind the stage. You know, you want it, if you do, you make it soundproof. The last thing comics want to hear is the whole show going on with the comics before them. You don't want to sit in that green room all night and have to listen to the whole show. It's the equivalent of somebody showing up for work two hours early, you know, you know, a secretary and watching another secretary type or something. It's, you know, you don't watching another secretary type or something. You don't listen to the whole show. A lot of people don't realize that.
Starting point is 00:18:51 Comics don't sit there and listen to the comics that are on before them. Most of us, I believe. But this green room is like right behind the stage, so you could hear every word. And I don't want to go out in the bar area before the shows because I don't like small talk. I get very distracted i just like to put i forgot my headphones i usually bring uh my headphones and i can plug in you know to my phone listen to music so uh yeah if you're building a comedy club make the
Starting point is 00:19:17 green room soundproof or put it somewhere away from the stage. But what a beautiful club this was, man. They do it right at Helium. And, yeah. If you're ever in Buffalo and you're a comic. Yeah. Let's take care of a little business here because before I forget, the episode of the DiPaolo podcast brought to you by Ting Mobile. Ting is mobile.
Starting point is 00:19:47 That makes sense, ladies and gentlemen. That's right. Why does it make sense? Listen to this. This is how Ting is different than other mobile companies. They don't have any contracts. Truly and completely contract-free. No early termination fees, okay?
Starting point is 00:20:02 No overage charges or penalties. If you use more than you thought you would, just pay for what you used. How about that? Unbelievable. Unlimited devices on one plan. You can have as many devices as you want on one plan, sharing pooled minutes, messages, and megabytes.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Each device on a plan only costs six bucks per month, a flat six bucks. That's more than fair in my opinion. Okay. No mysterious line items on your bills. You only get charged for what you use. No hidden charges. No recovery fees or other bullshit.
Starting point is 00:20:37 And here's what's really cool. They have something called a Ting Calculator. You can go to the website. Okay. Go to the Ting Calculator. You can put in what you're currently spending on texting, phone minutes, data, and find out just how bad you're getting ripped off and how much you can save using Ting. It's at nickdip.ting.com is where the calculator is, the Ting calculator. If you go to nickdip.ting.com,
Starting point is 00:21:09 calculator. If you go to nickdip.ting.com, you'll receive $25 off your first device purchase or $25 in service credit if you bring your own device. You can also go to the riotcast.com page, click on the Nick DiPaolo podcast page, and click on the Ting banner. That's right, Ting Mobile. It's the way to go. What else is going on? Might as well stick with the sports since I started with it and segued to Buffalo. What was I just watching? Oh, the story. This one's already got me going. The Richie Incognito, the guy for the Dolphins who was supposedly bullying his teammate, big lineman named Martin.
Starting point is 00:21:49 And, oh, they're all over the media is all over this. This Richie Incognito, he's kind of a bad apple as they say. He's a tough guy. But, I mean, the fact that we're using the term bullying, okay, in relation to a locker room in the NFL is just fucking hilarious term bullying, okay? In relation to a locker room in the NFL is just fucking hilarious to me, okay? How do you bully a guy who's like 6'5", 330? At that point, it's not bullying.
Starting point is 00:22:15 It's just guys fucking not liking each other or whatever. This guy, Jonathan Martin, he left the team a few days ago because he said he thought he was taking excessive abuse from the older players. When you're a rookie, there's a little hazing going on
Starting point is 00:22:36 and whatnot. But they found out late this morning, I guess, there's some texts that this Martin guy turned in, this Jonathan Martin, that this incognito guy sent him. And of course, some of it, he used some racial terms and called him half an N-word. He's biracial, by the way.
Starting point is 00:23:02 So, you know, he said he threatened to track down members of Martin's family and harming them. Again, I got to believe it's all in, you know, nasty fun. Yeah, guys take it too far, especially in the NFL. But it's just the fact that we're going to throw this into the bullying category kind of makes me laugh because this guy, Martin, you know, he's had some emotional problems apparently and uh this guy incognito uh he got kicked out of the university of nebraska i think so he's no you know he got in a brawl uh at a bar and um was charged with three accounts of
Starting point is 00:23:39 salt assault and uh you know he's uh he's not the nicest guy in the world but i'll tell you you won't find meaner guys than offensive linemen at any level i swear to god even up the university of maine uh these guys were just just mean they're big and they're mean you know they don't get all the pussy that the quarterbacks and the receivers do, and they'll let you know. That's why Keith Jackson used to call them the big uglies. But, you know, this incognito guy's had issues on and off the field. Since 2008, he's been fined $95,000 by the NFL for a late hit, verbal or other non-physical offenses against an official face mask chop blocks
Starting point is 00:24:25 striking and kicking kneeing but um yeah he's only been fined once only been fined once uh since joining the dolphins and that was last year for a late hit, 10 grand. But here's what makes me nuts. I put on SportsCenter, ESPN, and there's Susie Colbert, and just, oh, he used the N-word, and this is what the folks, they love stories like this
Starting point is 00:25:00 because the bad guy's white and the victim here is biracial, so they're gonna run with this for the next guy's white and the um victim here is biracial so they're gonna they're gonna run with this for the next month i guarantee and and and of all people they're talking to about it you know espn on their high horse uh meanwhile they have ray lewis sitting there um you know discussing this and just um you know going well this stuff, this stuff, you know, some hazing goes on, but not to this point, bringing skin color into it. This is a guy who, okay, was almost charged with murder a few years ago in Atlanta.
Starting point is 00:25:38 Two young kids get stabbed before a Super Bowl, and he didn't get charged, but, you know, I mean, he had blood on his clothes, and, you know, ESPN's on their high horse how bad this guy is. Let's go to Ray Lewis to talk about, you know, what's out of line and what's not in the locker room. Give me a fucking break. And how about all the players that, how many times have players been arrested for domestic violence or having guns in their cars? So I want to know where bullying, where it is on a priority.
Starting point is 00:26:05 I'm not trying to defend this guy, but I'm just saying, where does it fit in on the priority list of no-nos? You know what I mean? You got Aaron Hernandez allegedly doing what he did. So, you know, somebody using the N-word in a text, it's that shocking? You know, and I guess they have this ritual where they make rookies pay for stuff, and they were charging huge dinners to this guy. It reminded me of the Sopranos episode when Christopher first got made,
Starting point is 00:26:37 and, you know, they'd go to dinner, all the guys would go to dinner, and they would, you know, stick him with with a bill and he'd have to pay for it for like the first year or whatever you know it's what guys do it's hazing and shit yeah did they did they take it a little too far yeah if this was uh you know if this was in high school or something i could see people but i mean come on bullying can't yeah we're really going to use that term for this so you know I mean like this guy couldn't defend himself so we'll see
Starting point is 00:27:11 I just heard and I'm watching like I said SportsCenter and they're like yeah well he might be done with the Miami Dolphins you know we have to put on this whole politically correct face like the whole league isn't filled with guys like that I'm not saying every one of them is a psycho. But you know how fucking crazy you have to be.
Starting point is 00:27:29 To fucking be a starting player in the NFL. Especially a lineman. And he looks like. He looks like a handful this guy. And again I'm not condoning it. But come on. 335 pounds. And we're going to use bullying?
Starting point is 00:27:48 A lot of shit goes on. He had, this incognito guy had behavioral problems in college when he was kicked out of the University of Nebraska. So, you know, he's a bit of a psycho. But I got to believe worse shit has gone on in a locker room. But watch the media run with this now. You'll be hearing about it every day for the next fucking three months. Because it's their favorite subject.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Bullying. You know, it's an epidemic, you know. It's gone on forever. Okay? Bullying's gone on forever. I get bullied. I bullied people in high school. I get bullied by people. I think weying's gone on forever. I get bullied. I bullied people in high school. I get bullied by people.
Starting point is 00:28:26 I think we've all picked on somebody. Maybe not everybody. Or been picked on. But, you know, I don't believe it's it. Like, the proportions that people say. It's all you read about, you know. Or hear about now. But when it comes to two NFL players,
Starting point is 00:28:43 there's got to be another term for it. I don't know what it is. But, you know, hazing. I belonged to a fraternity. I went through that shit, too. And, yeah, I remember eating a bar of soap. Had about 30 beers in me. Thought I was fluffing on it.
Starting point is 00:29:03 Didn't even really bother me. Did some other heinous shit, though. I mentioned my last special raw nerve, actually, what one of them was. Anyways, okay. So how do you feel about that? See if we have a radio show. Eventually, we'll get the phone lines up.
Starting point is 00:29:17 You can call in. Yeah, the guy's a scumbag, but the league is filled with them, okay? Let's not just blow this out of proportion. Again, because the bad guy's a white guy the league is filled with them. Okay, let's not just blow this out of proportion. Again, because the bad guy's a white guy. Let's run with it. Bullying goes on in that league all the time, I'm sure.
Starting point is 00:29:32 They said this guy was going broke buying shit for, like, veterans. I can't wait to hear those details come out. Classic. I'm just saying. This story cracked me up. CNN, cable news network, suffered its lowest Monday through Friday primetime average in over a year,
Starting point is 00:29:55 averaging just 385,000 viewers and 95,000 adults, 25 to 54. And 95,000 adults, 25 to 54. CNN's worst showing since the 20-year record low that they set last August when the Olympics were in London. And Jeff Zucker, it's all happening on his watch. You know why nobody's watching it? Because they're sick of your left-wing fucking horse shit. That's why. At least MSNBC, you know where they're sick of your left-wing fucking horse shit. That's why. At least MSNBC, you know where they're coming from.
Starting point is 00:30:28 You know? CNN tries to pretend it's something else. Fucking Wolf Blitzer. And that reminds me. This brings me back. When I flew to Buffalo, I flew Delta. I had no other choice, really. And don't do that because at least that'll go out of you.
Starting point is 00:30:42 It sucks. Okay? They have a terminal. And you have two choices. You have to sit at a computer at a counter or sit in one of their cafes and have a $20 BLT. There's about three seats for passengers to sit in the terminal. It's just so fucking corporate. But, of course, they have TVs every 10 feet,
Starting point is 00:31:02 and what's blaring on it? CNN. It's so funny. When I got home and I saw this story today, it made my day. Because nobody's watching the TVs at the airport. I look around, okay, at the 80 people. And then maybe two are looking up at it. The rest of us are trying to read a paper or do something fucking adult.
Starting point is 00:31:18 While Wolf Blitzer is spewing his fucking left-wing horse shit. It's my worst nightmare. I'm going to die in a crass to Buffalo, and the last words I'm going to hear is fucking Wolf Blitzer or Candy Crowley. Her horse shit. So they're buying it big time. Christ's sake, MSNBC came in second.
Starting point is 00:31:39 I think they beat CNN. Of course, Fox smoked everybody. And that's fucking hilarious CNN narrowly topped sister network near they narrowly
Starting point is 00:31:51 topped sister network HLN in the demo passing it by a margin of 6,000 viewers oh my god that's cutting it close good
Starting point is 00:31:58 hope it goes away people have caught onto your horse shit you're a mouthpiece for the Obama administration. Okay? At least, like I said, MSNBC doesn't pretend to be anything other than that. No more TVs in public places. Fucking hate that shit. Read a book. Take out a newspaper. For Christ's sake. You get an iPad now. You can watch it on that Who decides
Starting point is 00:32:27 Who watches what where I remember When we were in Afghanistan I remember being in Afghanistan And going into one of these rooms You know where soldiers Get to hang out
Starting point is 00:32:39 And there's like a snack machine And stuff And there's a TV on And CNN was on And I did a gig On a base in New Jersey What is that Fort I forget and there's like a snack machine and stuff, and there's a TV on, and CNN was on. And I did a gig on a base in New Jersey. What is that, Fort, I forget, in New Jersey, but same thing.
Starting point is 00:32:52 I go in there, I was shocked, CNN's on that TV too. Of course, I changed the channel. Nobody was in there. But who decides? Like, how does that work? Ted Turner and Delta have a deal? Is that what it is?
Starting point is 00:33:11 I'll pay so much to put my horseshit propaganda. Let's go on to some more. Speaking of left-wingers. How about this Bill de Blasio? He was supposed to speak, I guess it was Saturday here in New York, and he was an hour late. It's one thing if you're a bass player, you know, for a fucking band or one of the Rolling Stones or Keith Richards.
Starting point is 00:33:43 I mean, come on. This guy's running for mayor of New York City. It's an hour late. Somebody asked him, you know, because he's got people waiting. Somebody asked him, have you overslept? And he goes, did I what? No. He said he had a challenging night.
Starting point is 00:34:03 I got a call at five in the morning that threw off my sleep cycle. But other than that, it's all good there's another sign of a great politician using the phrase it's all good this guy's i don't know what new york's fucking thinking here i just don't fucking this guy he says i so listen to the bullshit he can't give an, he can't even like make light of this and be funny about it. So I wouldn't say I typically overslept. I'd say it was a divided sleep. What does that even fucking mean?
Starting point is 00:34:37 It's, there was a publication online talking to a political article saying how as a public advocate, Mr. de Blasio often had trouble waking up in the morning, keeping staffers who were supposed to pick him up, waiting for hours and showing up late to events. Well, I know who's not going to be offended by that behavior. The candidate said he's more like a night owl.
Starting point is 00:35:02 I'm not a morning person. I think we should reorient our society to staying up late late but i don't think that's happening right now what a fucking dick this guy is this is the guy who has you know has the black son with the uh his black kids with a black wife who uh he puts his kid in the commercials because he's got a huge afro and that's the way apparently to solidify the black boat i guess that's what you know that's the way, apparently, to solidify the black vote, I guess. That's what, you know, that's what he's doing. That's not too transparent. It's just horrible. He's, I mean, man, he makes Obama look like a fucking Tea Party member.
Starting point is 00:35:41 He went in 1983, I think it was. He was a student at NYU. He went over to the Soviet Union, made a trip over there while Reagan was president here, calling the Soviet Union the evil empire. This guy's a lefty like you wouldn't believe, man. He honeymooned in Cuba with his wife and in 1988
Starting point is 00:36:08 five years after he went to the Soviet Union he went to Nicaragua to bring support and food to the Sandinistas you Marxist fuck good luck New York and he's rolling back all the good Giuliani did wait till the fucking murders start soaring.
Starting point is 00:36:26 What don't, what do you look at history, you people on the left? You just fucking look at history and go, ah, that's not going to happen again. Even though that's what happened under our watch. What are you, in denial? What the fuck? This guy thinks every kid should go to preschool, pre-K school, you know. Oh, that's going to, yeah, who's going to pay pay for that again those those are all great ideas in a perfect world oh guy this is unbelievable he's just uh and of course who does he have uh speaking at one of his engagements, the one that he was late for. But our old friend...
Starting point is 00:37:07 That's right. The most hateful racist in the country. Harry Belafonte. And this song sucks, and it always did And a white man is a bum And a white man is a bum Hey, like, come and me one go Come, Mr. Tallyman, tally me bun Shut up.
Starting point is 00:37:54 The banana song. What an ass. He was quoted as saying, this is what he said at the speech with de Blasio. Already we have lost 14 states in this union to the most corrupt group of citizens I've ever known they make up the heart and the thinking and the mind of those who would belong to the Ku Klux Klan they are white supremacists they are men of evil
Starting point is 00:38:16 they have names they are flooding our country with money they've come into New York City the Koch brothers that's their name he said and then de Blasio gives him a nice sloppy kiss New York City, the Koch brothers. That's their name, he said. And then de Blasio gives him a nice sloppy kiss after saying that racist horse shit.
Starting point is 00:38:31 Fucking asshole. When you listen to Harry, this is de Blasio talking about Belafonte. When you listen to Harry, you're listening to the voice of a wisdom that's deeper than any wisdom we meet in our day-to-day life wow good luck new york and this guy's like went in by a landslide i i don't fucking get it
Starting point is 00:38:55 i don't get it maybe enjoy rape and crime and shootings shootings uh de Blasio said of Belafonte he's 87 years old he hasn't changed one bit he's a treasure to our nation wish he was treasure
Starting point is 00:39:13 sink him to the bottom of the fucking ocean um yeah so some finally some reporter had the
Starting point is 00:39:20 balls to ask him after the you know after the rally outside the church I guess he was speaking at a church um the reporter asked de blasio you know about what uh belafonte said about the coke brothers and then he goes here's where he backpedals like a typical lib i disagree with that characterization i uh but you know they thought some of his uh comments were fucking out of line
Starting point is 00:39:45 he says uh yeah he defends bella fonte saying well he used the wrong words to describe the coke brothers but uh i do think the coke brothers have hurt the american democratic process greatly like they're the only one what the fuck how about How about George Soros? What's he doing? The hypocrisy on both sides. I understand, but... So enjoy this guy, New York. Enjoy this dickhead Marxist. Can't wait to see
Starting point is 00:40:20 all that... all that effort by Bloomberg, Giuliani, Ray Kelly. It's all going to go right down the toilet. No doubt about it. What else? NFL. I know we talked about Incognito. We didn't really talk about what went on in the NFL this past weekend.
Starting point is 00:40:46 Jets over the Saints. everybody's all excited about that i don't know why in this league anybody can beat anybody on any given sunday you know saints on a powerhouse i know they're all right they got a good record but what does that mean mean, this Patriots team is one of the worst that we've failed in a few years, and they're 7-2. I mean, the league is just so watered down. Don't you see it? I know you do. Look at the Steelers. The Pats put up 55 points again. The Steelers have never given that many points up in the history of their team. What does that tell you you know just uh and then seattle does just enough to get by tampa bay i would hate to be a guy with a gambling problem especially who loves football because it is brutal i mean brutal so um yeah i mean, Brady looked great.
Starting point is 00:41:48 And then what was the other big one? The other, well, last night, the Texans, they were up by a couple touchdowns heading into halftime. Their coach collapses Kubiak going into the locker room. Yeah, it's a day later and they still, you know, it wasn't a stroke. It wasn't a heart attack. So what was it?
Starting point is 00:42:18 What, did he get really tired? Did he just, let's be honest, maybe he just fainted out of dehydration and they're embarrassed to say so. He's still in the hospital, but they haven't updated anything. It's kind of weird. Then you get John Fox, the Broncos head coach, who, again, once again, ESPN puts on the crawl at the bottom of the TV.
Starting point is 00:42:39 Symptoms of a heart attack, was rushed to the hospital. Then it comes a few minutes later, the story comes back as he was lightheaded while he's playing golf. You know, there's no mention of a heart attack, was rushed to the hospital. Then it comes a few minutes later, the story comes back as he was lightheaded while he was playing golf. You know, there's no mention of a heart attack. And it's unbelievable what they do to suck you in. So they rush him to the hospital, and he's going to have valve surgery on his heart. Didn't have a heart attack,
Starting point is 00:42:59 but maybe he was going to have one. So it's kind of odd, huh? Two head coaches in the same week. But the thing about the Texans is they're up by a couple touchdowns, and Wade Phillips, the defensive coordinator, takes over as head coach. I was never a huge Wade Phillips fan. Never thought he was that good a coach. He takes over.
Starting point is 00:43:23 And what happens? Andrew Luck and the Colts come storming back, of course, and win the game. How bad does Phillips feel? They're having a horrible year, the Texans, man. They were supposed to be, again, a powerhouse and a favorite to go to the Super Bowl. And once again, they're kind of stinking it up. a favor to go to the Super Bowl. And once again,
Starting point is 00:43:44 they're kind of stinking it up. What other, what other, I'm trying to think of all the other games that I got wrong. Cleveland beat the Ravens. That doesn't surprise me. Cleveland's not that bad
Starting point is 00:43:55 this year. But, let's see here. Pull up the scores. Yeah. Oh, Nick Foles, the pull up the scores. Uh, yeah. Oh, Nick Foles,
Starting point is 00:44:10 the quarterback for the Eagles, replaces, uh, you know, Vic, and throws seven touchdowns. Okay? Seven in one game.
Starting point is 00:44:20 Peyton Manning did it a couple months ago. But before then, you know the last guy to do that? Joe Cap. You guys don't even remember him. That's how old I am. I do. Minnesota Vikings.
Starting point is 00:44:32 If you Google him, he's like in his late 70s now. He was always a tough guy and like a hard drinker. If you Google Joe Cap and he's at some function and he gets into it with like some old pro wrestler.
Starting point is 00:44:45 And the pro wrestler, like, swings at him with a crutch. I don't know if it was a pro wrestler or another football player, but it swings at Joe Cap. Joe Cap pops him in the face. It's the funniest clip you'll ever see. He threw seven touchdowns back. That was 40 years ago. I know Sid Luckman did it, too. A few other guys.
Starting point is 00:45:04 But Nick Foles, that's what I'm saying. The league's so fucked up. It's just so watered down. Make a guy like Nick Foles, you know, look like Sid Luckman. Kansas City stays undefeated. Like once again, Buffalo, they do what they always do. They play for the first half, keep it competitive, and then they shit the bed in the second half. Tony Romo rallied the Cowboy. Explain that one to me. You guys saw the Vikings play the Giants on Monday night a few weeks ago. Did they look like they could beat a high school team, either one of those teams that night? I mean, Minnesota, I'm like, they're not going to win another game this year. So they go to Dallas and they're winning. I mean, Tony Romo has to pull it out in the last second. Can you imagine gambling on this shit?
Starting point is 00:45:50 It's just fucking crazy. I mean, to prove it's crazy, once again, my niece Jenna won the pool. There's 100 people in this football pool. You know, you pick all 15 games against the spread and she wins. It's the second time she's won this year. So you don't have to be a former coach to be able to. It's just insane. People to bet on the NFL.
Starting point is 00:46:13 Tennessee over the Rams. Who gives a rat's ass? And the Redskins over the Chargers. Again, the Chargers are schizophrenic. They feel like playing one week. They don't the next carolina wipes the most disappointing team off the face of the earth the atlanta falcons we heard nothing but great things about them and maddie ice and boy do they suck a bag of shit
Starting point is 00:46:36 oh i don't understand what's going on there and the Dolphins, who look like little girls against the Patriots last week, they beat Cincinnati. 22-20. Ended on a safety, I believe. How the hell does Cincinnati Bengals, who have quite a squad this year, lose to the goddamn Dolphins? Maybe the Dolphins were bullying them. Maybe they were pushing and shoving them. Ugh. God damn. So the league is just watered down. I know people love it,
Starting point is 00:47:12 but I've been following it my whole life. I got bored with it 15 years ago. I'm more of a college fan. I used to talk about this on Nick and Artie. It's just better football. By better, I mean just, you know these these kids want to go to the nfl so they play their balls off they're more disciplined they have to be and just you know it's just fun to watch i've had this discussion with my friends really like a better
Starting point is 00:47:38 than are you kidding me wouldn't think about wouldn't you love to see lawrence taylor when he was 19 or 20 in his physical prime playing i mean it's just and and and the thing is with these big schools like oklahoma ohio state you can't afford to lose a game early in this season oh you're out every game's like a playoff game so they just play harder and it's just uh it's just as vicious you know. And like I said, these guys are going to be the stars of tomorrow in the NFL. So if you're an NFL fan, I never understood why you wouldn't love college football. Plus the cheerleaders alone. The cheerleaders alone are worth it.
Starting point is 00:48:16 Mother of Christ. But, yeah, what went on this week in college as far as Alabama is still number one. Florida State, Miami played them tough. They were both undefeated. That was a big game Saturday night while I was on stage in Buffalo. TV wasn't working in the green room, goddammit. And people were going, well, how come Florida State is almost a three-touchdown favorite against Miami? They're both undefeated.
Starting point is 00:48:42 You know, they're both ranked in the top ten. And, you know, I'll tell you why. That quarterback, Winston, for Florida State, he's going to be the Heisman Trophy winner. And sure enough, they wore Miami down, ended up winning by almost three touchdowns, if not more. Oregon is third. They're frightening.
Starting point is 00:49:04 And Ohio State is fourth right now. And they beat Purdue, another weakling. Ohio State Buckeyes, I love you, but you're the bullies of college football. You play the softest schedule. You have a couple tough games. But then, you know, you kick
Starting point is 00:49:19 the shit out of these weak sisters. And then, what do you do when you come up against an SEC team when it counts? You get your fucking ass handed to you. I mean, they're killing people this year. Urban Meyer don't play, man, too. He'll run it up. So, yeah, those are the top four.
Starting point is 00:49:39 Texas A&M, Johnny Football went nuts. Put up a ton of offense as usual. They won in a row. Notre Dame over Navy. What a fucking game that was. Notre Dame snuck by. They ranked 25th. And Navy, I don't know how they do it, man.
Starting point is 00:49:57 They just, they don't get all these scholarship athletes, you know. They're just guys that have to go into the service. They do it on heart, though. They're so competitive, but they just don't have the guns, you know. But that just guys that have to go into the service. They do it on heart, though. They're so competitive, but they just don't have the guns, you know. But that was a great game, actually. And Michigan State beat Michigan.
Starting point is 00:50:14 That's a big rivalry. That game was kind of boring, to be honest with you. It's usually pretty good. So that's about it, kids. running low on gas tonight again the insomnia is killing me somebody's gonna help me and i think i'm gonna go for a hernia operation i was diagnosed with like two hernias uh 13 or 14 years in 1999 2000 one doctor goes yeah you
Starting point is 00:50:43 should have those done i I got a second opinion. And that doctor said, well, you don't have to have them done right away. You can go a while. And that was 14, I don't think he meant 14 years ago. But I can't even lift my leg to get out of the car now. My right nut is aching like somebody, like I got hit with a softball. And yeah, and when I push you know when I'm doing a deuce there's
Starting point is 00:51:08 severe pain down there I got to believe got to believe it's a hernia you know and I got to talk to this friend of mine Jason who just had his done I think he had it done at Bellevue I always thought that was a fucking cuckoo hospital. But, so that's about it.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Getting old. 51. I'll be dead soon. Anyways, that's it. I know, you're sick of the socks. There'll be no more
Starting point is 00:51:40 socks talk. Unless, you know, it's going to be an interesting off season. They already made, today know, it's going to be an interesting offseason. They already made today, I guess they made offers to Napoli and Ellsbury and South Lamarkey or somebody else. True, maybe. So and well, you know, we have to follow this.
Starting point is 00:51:56 We have to follow the Yankees because, I mean, they embarrass themselves this year. And we'll get on to other stuff, political stuff. And like I said, once this thing's up and running, we will do these shows live. and we'll get on to other stuff, political stuff. And like I said, once this thing's up and running, we'll do these shows live. There'll be a phone line where you can call in, which is always fun, and cameras eventually if the thing's a real hit.
Starting point is 00:52:20 So keep your fingers crossed. Thanks for listening. It's Nick DiPaolo. Until I talk to you next time, kids. I don't know. go wash your face bye All right now, I'm gonna tell you a little story right now All about my town I'm gonna tell you a big bad story, baby All about my town Down by the river
Starting point is 00:52:58 Down by the bank of the river Jump around Outro Music Well, I love that dirty water All washed in your mouth

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