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You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, boys and girls.
Good afternoon, good morning, whenever you're listening to this.
How are you?
Nick DiPaolo coming back at you.
What's happening?
Oh, since I last talked to you.
Not fucking much, got to be honest with you.
Been laying low.
It's been nice.
Have had a quiet month.
Couple gigs.
You know.
Couple, but well-paying.
That's how I like to do it during the holidays.
Leave myself time to lay on the couch like a fucking paralyzed sea elephant.
Watching bowl game after bowl.
And I'll watch the onion dip bowl i'll watch
the two-titted uh hamstring bowl i'll watch the frog bowl the uh doritos you know traffic cone
shithead bowl i'll watch them all it doesn't matter i'm just a lazy bastard i like college football what can i tell you and pro you know we'll talk about that too
um we'll get to that in a few minutes of course uh what duck dynasty just tired of it already but
i haven't talked to you since all this went down really and um i'm sure you know where I'm coming from on this one.
You know, it's don't have a problem with gay people.
Have a problem with people who speak for gay people like GLAAD and LGBT, whatever the fuck.
Don't have a problem with black people.
Have a problem with Al Sharpton, NAACP, and people who pretend to speak for black people.
Don't have a problem with women. Well, maybe.
Don't have a problem with women, Well, maybe. Don't have a problem with women,
but have a problem with the NOW organization.
These are the fascist left-wing fucks
who think that every time you disagree with them,
it should be considered hate.
And it's just so goddamn tiring.
I'm glad this whole thing came out.
It's good.
Shine light on this militancy from the left.
This, you know, I make my living because of free speech i take it very serious and um i don't agree with what mr robertson said
either you know about gay people i i don't believe in all that that bible horse shit oh they're going
to hell i just don't sorry i don't buy that but i mean give me a break will you if he if he
believes it and uh he has every right to say it without being punished he's so it's so hilarious
to me you know i don't see uh i don't see glad getting all upset with muslims you know
countries that still behead women and stuff and and gay people for being gay i mean it's literally
a death penalty and some cousin i don't i don't see uh you know glad going crazy over that i'm
sure this spoke out on it once in a while but boy when it's when it's rednecks huh when it's
somebody from a red state don't they get a fucking hard-on no pun intended but uh in a and e you hide
these guys because they were rednecks i love when it
explodes in their face because you're exploiting rednecks is all you're doing okay just like you
know jersey shore the dumb italians i love when it blows up in your face although that was mtv i
know but uh i love when this when the you know these these liberal tv producers do this and then
it sort of blows up in their face.
And they showed their true colors because they're like, oh, we have to suspend them.
That was horrible.
We're going to run a marathon the next day, though, 11 straight with Mr. Phil Robertson included in it.
Such hypocrites.
You're so full of shit.
I'm glad he spoke out.
And I love the fact that he's not apologizing, okay?
I don't care if you agree or disagree.
And I know it's not a first amendment issue we realize it doesn't say anywhere in the constitution where you get to have a tv show but
but we know that we know all that just like we know that when stuff like this happens i don't
we don't think oh a and e producers agree with this guy that's why they put them on we think
just the opposite we know why you put these guys on because you're making fun of them you know but
some people actually believe there's a lot of people life exists between new york city and
los angeles believe it or not okay and and look i know of what i speak because i i lived in la i
lived in hollywood went on the auditions i saw who was trying to cast me it's a very very gay
business okay so you just have to lighten up you got to get over yourselves
okay people can speak their minds and disagree with how you live without them being labeled as
haters grow up grow the fuck up were you glad please do us all a favor we've wasted so much
time i've wasted half my life talking about this shit we know it's tough we know it's not a choice
at least i believe it's not a choice some people
believe it is a choice to be gay i don't believe it but uh regardless of that it's about free speech
okay and yes the aen has a right to suspend them but you still look like hypocrite assholes though
how about the cracker barrel cracker barrel pulled uh some of the, you know, Dark Dynasty merchandise off their shelves.
After one day, they got like 30,000, you know, angry emails on their website. So they put the stuff back up and they're with them 100% and they apologize for offending anybody who agrees with Mr. Robertson, you know.
So what can you say, folks?
That's the beauty of the company.
What's the opposite? That's the beauty of the. What's the opposite?
What's the alternative?
You want to live in?
I don't know.
You want to live in some of these Middle Eastern countries where when the government, you know, disagrees with what you say, they, you know, chop off your hand.
So you pull out your tongue.
Is that what you want?
I really think the far, far left would like that, to be honest with you.
They would like to stone people who they consider homophobic.
Anyways, it's just so fucking tiring.
How much energy do we waste on this, you know?
Mother of God.
So they're all set either way, the Robertson family.
I mean, you know, if they leave A&E, decide to leave A&E, come on.
There's going to be a million other soulless people dying to put them on the air.
You know, it's controversy.
It's what sells.
But you hide them because they were rednecks.
And then when you find out they really are rednecks, you get offended.
Come on.
Give me a fucking break.
No biggie.
It'll go away.
We always have these things, right?
They blow up for a few weeks and they go away.
This one really caught fire, though,
again, because it's a redneck.
You know, hitting the ultra-liberals in Hollywood
right in the balls.
Or New York.
Pick your city,
wherever the show's being produced.
So. But, again, right in the balls or new york pick your city wherever the show's being produced um so but um again uh some of the you know show business is really gay i didn't realize how gay it was till
i get into it a lot of people a lot of people that uh friends of mine that are straight that
i wonder sometimes it's a very gay business.
But so what?
Is what I'm saying.
You know?
So what?
One of my favorite, a few of my favorite comedians,
there's a guy, we'll call him Larry.
I won't say his last name.
But this guy was, he wasn't openly gay. When I first came to New York,
Carmichael, he used's to mc at a club
very famous club in new york city at the time was the hottest club and we all know he was gay i mean
if you looked at him once and the way he dressed and he sweat on stage i every night it was but he
was uh really fucking funny and he had one of the funniest lines ever for me this made me laugh so
hard i was working at the club that night.
He was emceeing and we were in between shows
and I went to use the men's room and it was out of order.
And I had, you know, I had like, I don't know,
one of those emergency dumps to take.
Just frightening when you get all sweaty and pale.
It's like you swallowed a pound of tobacco
and you're just looking.
And when I ran in and saw the do not uh you know
the out of order sign and the handle was off it wasn't just a sign on it the goddamn thing was
half taken apart i run outside and there's my gay buddy larry on the sidewalk i think he was
smoking a cigarette i go larry the bathroom's the the bedroom's out of order where can i take
a shit around here without missing the beat because how about on my chest without even missing a beat he didn't even smile he said
it with such a serious look on his face and just uh it made me laugh for fucking 10 years
i can to this day oh my god um what's some of my other uh i don't know why i'm bringing up gay comics but uh
but um who else mario canton my buddy mario you guys know him from uh you know
sarah jessica park is sex in the city and um he has one of my favorite bits of all time because
uh he does a bit about his family being connected i wish i guess they are i don't know uh from the boston area you know he's a tiny grew up in kind of a his uncles were bookies
or something and uh he goes it'll be a sunday it'd be like on a sunday afternoon uh his his
uncles would be in the other room he could hear his uncles yelling you know now you took the jets
minus three and a half it was three and a half no you didn't have them for plus five and a half and that's for three dimes not two dimes and then uh mario would be in the
room banging on the wall going quiet i'm trying to watch the wizard of oz
oh mamacita classic bit classic bit but let's get over it let's quit taking ourselves so seriously
okay gay people minorities women when somebody disagree and i'm talking far far left okay
when somebody disagrees with you that doesn't mean they hate you let's get over that shit
that's like two-year-old stuff yeah yes we know it's how tough it is to be uh gay and and whatever
well how do you know i i know because
i've heard it my whole life just keep in perspective all right the funniest gay person of all time in
my opinion one of the funniest people of all time i shouldn't throw him in the gay category um
for you people who are a lot younger than me but paul lind you
remember from the hollywood squares he was always the center square and uh he was also on bewitched
one of the funniest guys they say he was like a nasty drunk too but uh just a funny funny son of
a bitch all of a sudden i'm doing a tribute to gay people here. This is very, oh, this is very gay, actually.
Not as gay as that picture
that Obama sent out
about Obamacare,
the kid in the onesies
drinking his mug of cocoa.
How about that?
I just tweeted today,
that picture actually makes me
want to defend bullying.
I just tweeted that
about an hour ago.
Apparently,
a billion people agree with me.
Oh, my God.
That's the type of shit
that increases bullying,
in my opinion.
But back to Paul Lynn, Hollywood Squares, one of the funniest guys ever. Well, here's what he,
here's some of his classic hits on Hollywood Squares.
We race for the car, Miriam. Paul Lynn, please. Paul, true or false, there is a new bra
on the market that squeaks in various musical tones.
The hills are alive
when a man falls out of your boat and into the water you should yell man overboard now what should you yell if a woman falls overboard? Full speed ahead.
Could you even say that today?
Now, like, if he said that today, that would be a gay guy,
and he would be angering the women's groups today.
Can you imagine if he said that?
A woman falls overboard full speed ahead.
Now he'll be picketing in front of the Hollywood Square Studios.
Watch him on the old Bewitch. He's even on some
of the Munsters. He does cameos
in all those shows. And he's just
the funniest.
Delivery. Just hilarious, man.
Quick Mind
is another one from
Hollywood Square.
Pride, anger, covetousness, I can never say that,
lust, gluttony, envy, and sloth are collectively known as what?
The Bellarines.
Now, that would piss off conservatives today.
Because he's making fun of the Bill of Rights.
But that's the thing.
The conservatives wouldn't ask to have them fired.
Okay?
I don't think.
You always hear about the Christian right.
Yes, back in the day in the 50s when they had sway.
But they're not the ones who get TV hosts and radio show hosts kicked off the air.
Not recently, in recent years anyways.
God help us.
That's the beauty of it, folks.
You should be able to say anything.
People just don't appreciate that.
And if you don't, I suggest you move to some fucking Latin American country run by a despot paul and there's a guy fred travolina he's uh he's dead now too another impressionist from the
70s that used to do uh he did a great impression of uh of paul lind as fredo in The Godfather.
He did it on Merv Griffin, I remember.
And it was like, it went like this.
So Michael's in the business, the family business,
and Sonny, he's our best don. How come you have no interest in being in the family business?
Oh, I don't know.
I guess I'm just different.
That was me doing Paul Lynn.
Here's the real Paul Lynn.
Here's another clip from Hollywood Squares.
This is turning into a dedication show from Paul Lynn.
Yes, Paul Lynn.
Paul Lynn, yes.
For $750.
Paul, a friend of yours offers you to give,
a friend of yours offers you to give you something called a French 75.
What is that?
A French 75.
Just a minute.
That's 25 more than it was the last time.
What is a French 75?
It's a great drink.
It's a drink.
I disagree. It's a drink. I disagree.
It's a drink.
Okay, back to Alan.
Here comes another one.
A bonus.
Paul, according to the great religious book, the Talmud, there are 10 strong things.
What does it say is the strongest thing of all?
Brisket of beef jerky.
The great Paul Lynn.
Just friggin' hilarious.
One of my favorite fags of all time.
Whoa, what's going on?
Let's talk about...
What else?
It's the holidays.
NFL yesterday
afternoon as boring as ever
yeah I'm like this is a few good games
but come on folks don't you see the water down
cucka
my Patriots
go down to Baltimore and kick
the shit out of Baltimore but you can't
judge anything from that game cause
the Ravens they know what they were last year I know the defending champs in name, but you can't judge anything from that game because the Ravens,
they know what they were last year. I know the defending champs and name only, but you know,
I mean, they're hot and cold this year like anybody else. They look like they weren't ready to play.
Jets. It's all like phony controversy. Oh, if the Jets win this Sunday, will Rex Ryan keep his job for another season?
You got to be shitting me.
I mean, he went to the AFC Championship game on his first year, and he's stunk it up since.
And they beat a horseshit Cleveland Browns team.
Of course, I take the Browns in my little pool because they looked, I mean, like a pro football team against the Patriots
a couple weeks ago.
And they got screwed.
They actually should have won that game.
So I take them getting points, a couple points, two and a half against the shitty Jets.
And what do I see?
In the first quarter, the Browns dropped like three balls in the end zone.
They could have been up 21 to nothing.
And that's why they suck.
And they've sucked for a long time.
Who else?
What else happened yesterday in the NFL of any interest?
I don't know.
Last night, the Eagles, the Bears don't even show up.
This is what I'm talking about.
There's no consistency.
55 to 14.
The fucking Eagles are not that good.
And the Bears aren't that bad. Or the Bears are that bad. I don't know.
How do you get a grasp on any of this shit?
Meanwhile, my old man had 12 out of 15 right. Going into the game
tonight, he is in the lead. He could win the
pot. The old man should be gambling. I told him.
My father's the most clean-cut guinea that ever walked the face of the earth.
Doesn't do any of that stuff.
Yet he's like, uh, he's like, uh, De Niro's character at Casino.
Remember?
Sam Rothstein.
He can be, he can pick him.
He can really pick him.
He's about, uh, second or third out of a hundred people in this pool to win the whole pot at the end of the year.
Son of a bitch.
Um. Tony Romo.
I just read this on ESPN just a few minutes ago.
Tony Romo.
It's, again, confusing journalism.
It says out for the season.
That's the headline.
Then in it, you know, he said yesterday he doesn't think it would be a problem.
He was going for an MRI today, so I guess it must have showed a problem.
But he's the one who knows.
He wasn't in much pain yesterday, a little bit.
But that says out for the rest of the season.
I don't know.
That might be a blessing in disguise.
The way he, you know.
We talked about his problems in the clutch.
They're well known.
We talked about his problems in the clutch they're well known um we talked about his problems you know although he pulled one out against the mighty redskins who have won what three games
say bye to mike shanahan he's finished but uh you know maybe this is a blessing for the cowboys
although they have to play the eagles i think sunday night to see who wins that
division but uh without Tony Romo,
you won't hear much of this in the clutch.
Again, no disrespect.
He's a hell of an athlete.
He didn't even get drafted.
I forget who their backup is, but maybe this is it, cowboys.
Maybe this is like a blessing in disguise.
I don't know who comes in.
I can't even remember.
I don't even care.
Excuse me.
Yeah, so he might be gone.
I got to start gambling.
It's more fun when you actually have dough on it or it's less fun i don't know did it in the 80s the worst part when you used to bet a lot of money and you didn't have
much money in the bank you had what they call like a gambler's hangover you know i mean on monday it
would ruin your sunday i used to i'd go to bed in a bad mood and wake up in a bad mood and and i'm
talking betting when you, you know,
shouldn't have been betting because, you know,
I think I was a door-to-door salesman at the time.
I can't remember if I told you these two stories,
and I apologize ahead of time if I did,
but when I was living in L.A. in a basement apartment,
I was just totally depressed on Venice Beach,
the most horrible year of my life. I, I think I told you that I might've told you
this on a previous podcast, but I bet on a Sunday night game,
the bills are playing the Colts and this is when the bills are really good.
And now that I'm saying this, I feel like I've told the story.
The bills are really good and the Colts stunk and the Colts will get in 21
points. I think that's how bad they
were yeah it was I took I took the bills minus 21 for I think I put five grand on it and I wasn't I
don't even think I had that in the bank I swear to god and uh at halftime it was like seven nothing
something like that you know the bills were losing and I was almost crying. And then they put up like 44 in the second half and just smoked them.
And I had to do A&E's evening at the improv that night.
Remember that show?
Walked in there like I owned the joint.
I was so cocky, I lit up a cigarette on stage during the taping,
which apparently was a no-no.
But probably already told you that story.
And I told you the other story on New Year's Eve in Notre Dame
versus Colorado for the National Championship. Not not new year's eve it was whatever for the
national championship and uh me my buddy al and his father had a ton of money on it and
rocket ismael returned a punt for notre dame you know well the late late in the game very late we're
jumping around because we all had notre dame and and we're-fiving each other, and all of a sudden we turn,
and they look at the TV, and there's a close-up of a yellow flag on the field.
They bring the punt back.
Notre Dame loses.
I lose everything I'm worth.
Al Barbro smashes a glass coffee table.
His father puts on his sweatsuit, goes in the bedroom, comes out,
and we're on the couch sitting there with a fucking face in our hands,
and he goes, what are you two?
He goes, what are you two?
Pussy's going to cry about it. Al Jr. goes, Dad, what are you two he goes what are you two pussies gonna cry about and we got his else l junior goes dad where you going he goes i'm
going to eat pussy what are you gonna sit there he actually said cunt i'm going to eat cunt what
are you gonna sit there and cry with his nice uh velvet sweatsuit uh again i apologize i think i
might have told those two stories but just just it's fresh in my mind.
I still say 49ers.
Arizona beat Seattle this week.
Not that that means that much, but they went up in Seattle and won.
That's a tough thing to do, but Seattle's pretty much got everything wrapped up. So they're probably not giving a thousand percent.
And I don't know.
They showed a little bit of a chink in their armor.
And please, no letters from the Asian community.
And yeah, so I think, I don't know.
I still have to stick with the 49ers.
Whoever wins that, I think that's going to be the NFC title game, I think.
Whoever wins that game is going to win the Super Bowl.
Patriots, I love you to death, and you did a great job yesterday.
I just think we're going to be in for some heartbreak
just because of those injuries.
But it's amazing how they're adjusting.
Belichick is something else, man.
Brady.
What else?
What else?
What am I doing Christmas Eve?
Going to...
You know what I was most happiest around the holidays
when I was single and living in Boston
right after I got out of college?
I was living in a place called the Granada Highlands
in Malden, Massachusetts.
It was this beautiful new complex.
It sat up on a hill.
I don't know what I was doing up there.
That's when I was selling steak and seafood.
I did save a lot of
money though doing that opened a strong box my boss showed me how and uh i was living up there
a little in over my head but with a with a roommate and um it was a stone's throw from
a place called the palace nightclub which you just open out in saugus mass one of those places had 10 bars under one roof and it was a place to be and oh the fucking fun
we had me and my roommate my roommate was a bartender he's now an eye doctor but to put
himself through med school and optometry school he bartended in faneuil Hall, and he was a handsome guy, and it was the balls.
What a setup we had.
In our 20s, I'd go knock doors on Saturday from like 9 in the morning to like 3, go home, take a shower.
I'd be down at Faneuil Hall by 5 o'clock.
He was on like his second shift at a place called Crickets, and he would literally reach into this like metal bucket he had next to his tip bucket
and pull out a handful of phone numbers just to show me and every time i got there he'd be he'd
be already have been working on like three of them at the bar and he'd introduce me and i was in suave
greasy guinea and we just had a fucking ball there were times this is true there were times
he would go out on a saturday night i'd stay in he'd come home with and wake me up and have a
bride for me i'd get up and you know and whatever 2 2 30 and he'd start making drinks
and i get laid without leaving the, he would deliver pussy to the house.
But every time he'd go down there,
there was phone numbers and waitresses,
and mother of God,
the chlamydia was flowing like champagne at a French wedding.
It was just the balls,
but we lived next to the Palace Nightclub,
which was right on the borderline of Saugus
and, I don't know, Everett on Route 1,
or Malden, I should say, Saugus.
And, you know, it was where the, it was the sort of the, you know, the Tony Manero place
where he hung out in Brooklyn in the 70s.
It was that type of joint.
Just a bunch of high-haired Italian chicks from Revere and Malden,
but really good-looking,
freaking loud music,
a little bit of cocaine,
a little bit of cocaine,
a little bit of Yale,
you know what I'm talking about?
And,
oh, did we just
just get STDs
every other fucking week
pulling broads out of there.
I remember one night
me and my buddy,
we were talking
to these two chicks
like our age
and they just fucking weren't really giving us the time of day.
They were being really kind of cunty, if I might be able to use that language.
And there were two women, older women.
Now, we're in our 20s.
When I say older, this woman ended up being 54 or 55,
and she was with a friend that was about the same age.
And these two broads
just sort of walked away from us the young ones while we were in the middle of a conversation
and these two old broads who were pretty hot you know even though i mean when you're in your 20s
look at somebody in their 50s obviously now i don't think it's that old but uh you know so we
thought oh to get back at these two broads we we're going to go hang out with these two older women who had been eyeing us
before we even started talking to these chicks.
So we went over and bought them.
Long story short, I ended up sleeping with a broad who was 54 or 55.
And I was what?
I was 85.
I was 23.
Ugh.
And she was in good shape.
She played tennis and shit but i was so used to that 20 21
year old that hard body that my dick was like three quarters hard he was he was kind of bending
i was drunk and really had to concentrate to finish the job just a lot of work a lot of stress it was
like a tonight show audition you know the prick was kind of it was like a pastry bag it was half three quarters and you know and she was pretty good looking for an old broad that was what 85 so what i'm gonna do
the math now this is what you do when you're in your 50s 85 uh 2005 what that was 28 years ago
am i doing the math right wait a minute that can't be that would make her 83 no no no please tell me no
yeah remember that she had a pretty tight stomach pretty good ass but that's ancient like i said
when you're in your 20s and that was idea the idea. Oh, we got back at those young girls. Yeah, sure we did.
Then there was another time, another palace story.
Me and my buddy, the bartender, and his boss, who was his boss at Crickets,
they had timeshare condos down in St. Martin.
And like three years in a row we went down there the bartenders and everybody and uh went to saint martin and for a week and hung out with
you know this guy buddy he was like the ultimate bachelor he was in his 40s back then he was like
the head bartender at crickets or the general manager whatever but he just he'd been living
this lifestyle i'm talking about a guy who was a bartender for a living probably still don't just the coolest just the
greatest guy he would pack up uh coolers with food he brought down a whole like 28 pound turkey
and booze and taped it all you know and duct tape and like coolers and shipped it down with dry ice
or something i don't know how he did it but uh man did we have a blast down there well we were down there uh me and my buddy tony the bartender we're
in uh we're in a bar in saint martin and some hot english chick is like uh we start talking to her
blah blah blah she worked for carnival cruise lines or whatever one of those i think it was
carnival and um we were getting her drunk and she was supposed to
leave that day that night her her ship was leaving like six or seven o'clock and she was going to
wherever that the next stop was and we got her shit faced and uh she was really cute and had
that english accent and um she uh she left the bar she said said, well, I got to go. I got to pack.
Me and Tony stay at the bar.
We're drinking. Two hours later, who shows up?
She goes, ah, fuck it.
She blew off her job
and didn't get back on the boat.
She worked for fucking Carnival Cruise.
So we hung out with her
for the next couple nights
at my buddy's condo.
I can't remember. I think my buddy's condo. I can't remember.
I think my buddy was tapping her.
I don't remember.
And yeah.
And anyway, she stuck around.
I don't know what happened.
But then we had to leave like a couple days later.
And she says, well, maybe I'll look you up, you know, in Boston, blah, blah, blah.
We go home.
It's like a few weeks later we're watching like a
bruins game on like a friday night my buddy's phone rings it's the broad calling us from logan
airport in boston she was in between trips or whatever and she said she was gonna look us up
she said she needed a place to stay for a week or so my buddy says yes she shows up she's still kind of cute but she ends up moving
in with my buddy i'm living across the hall and she proceeds to put on like 25 pounds it was
hilarious she didn't get a job she just hung out in the apartment all day i'd go over there two in
the afternoon she'd be
laying there like a box of fucking hostess yo-yos on her stomach watching tv it was unbelievable we
watched her blow up it was unbelievable still had a beautiful face but we watched her put on all
this weight she must had and she drank like a fish every night that was probably the where the weight was coming from but um she so she uh yeah so she she hangs out she stays with my buddy there for like uh
had to be three weeks or so maybe more anyways we take her to that palace nightclub
that we were living next to on new year's eve i was this girl. We'll call her Rochelle. Good looking broad bartender
also at Faneuil Hall.
Older than me.
Kind of a streetwise.
And she had a friend,
Peggy,
from a tough part of Boston.
But just absolutely gorgeous,
both of them.
Anyways, we go to,
we rent the limo
for New Year's Eve.
We go to the palace.
And all I remember about that night is my girlfriend standing up in the parking lot with her dress on and me pulling down her dress top and baring her tits.
And her not even flinching.
The type of gal she was.
Anyways, we go into the club, into the palace.
We're wandering around.
We're dancing, having a good time.
All of a sudden, me and my buddy, we get separated.
We're at the bar hanging out with a few other guys.
All of a sudden, we hear like a fight behind us.
A commotion breaks out.
We turn around to see my girlfriend, Rochelle,
and her best friend.
They have the girl from England England who my buddy Tony is
living with by the hair in a fist fight like just like a almost like a hockey fight falling down
getting back up to their feet uh my girlfriend and and my ex-girlfriend and and obviously I'm 51
and and her friend have her by the hair. She's throwing haymakers, the girl from England.
They're in dresses and shit.
People, glasses are getting knocked over and shit.
And we're laughing, trying to break it up.
You know, guys are laughing their balls in.
Oh, guys love a cat fight like that.
But I remember seeing like a pound of hair on the ground
at the end of it.
And the English bro was crying, you know.
I don't even
remember what escalated it she said something about tony my buddy and um i don't know what uh
what escalated the whole thing between the girls but it was a fucking doozy it was as they say a humdinger um yeah the palace
nightclub some of the best memories of all time another time we brought two women back
um to the granada highlands this is when me and tony were living together we were living together
and then then he then i left and he had a place with two girls but this is when we were still
living together at the Granada Highlands.
We, you know how when you're single and you meet a couple broads in a bar,
you end up talking all night and spending like $200 on drinks?
That's what we'd do.
It was taken all night.
I remember being very restless, these two very hot chicks.
You know, we'd get there like 9 o'clock.
It's, you know, closing time, 12.30, 1 o'clock.
Okay, let's go back to our apartment like we said it
was you know like a mile walking distance and uh we go back to the apartment and then again with
a small talk my my buddy was the more patient obviously i'm that uh type a personnel he just
had all the pay he would he would just charm the shit out of him if it took a week to get some ass and i just was like
i had a time limit you know so we go back and now we're sitting there talking it's like 3 30 in the
morning he's he's a bartender so he's making frozen mudslides that night i remember and he
goes to get up now it's like 3 30 quarter four and um he's gonna make another bet i go let me
get him tone and i'm i'm actually just furious that he's having a good time
and I'm just bored stiff.
So I go in the kitchen and I take all my clothes off
and I make the mudslides.
They're talking away.
I get the blender.
They can't hear anything.
And then I come out of the kitchen completely bare ass,
frontal notary, holding a pitcher of mudslide.
I go, we're going gonna fucking keep talking i'll get
busy or what fucking girls one girl laughed the other girl put a coat on and said fuck this i'm
out and her friend goes i have to go with her so they leave and there's uh there's my buddy
tony just laughing his balls off i'm standing there naked with a picture of uh mudslides neither one of us gets laid
spent a couple hundred dollars i'm like for christ's sakes tom let's close you know let's
close the deal here jesus christ he's just belly laughing i'm holding a picture of fucking frozen
mudslides oh boy the palace night. I wonder what's there now.
I still think it's one of those 20 dance clubs on the one roof deals.
But that was the balls.
Yeah, my old girlfriend, Rochelle, what a handful.
She was a really good-looking bartender.
She was in her 30s.
She's like 10 years older than me, I think.
And again, you think now when you're in your 40s and 50s, that's not a big difference.
But, you know, when I'm 25 and 35, you're like, that's an older woman, which, you know, I'd kill right now, 35.
So, yeah, she was kind of a, a wild child and, um, you know, guys had treated her shitty,
I think her whole life. And, uh, so she, you know, she had a kind of a chip on her shoulder
and, uh, I was just, you know, blown away that I was dating this bartender that everybody wanted
to bang down a Faneuil hall. And then she she took she took me through the ringer folks for a couple years i might have mentioned her on a previous podcast um but uh
rochelle was quite a handful you know flirting best friends and just really playing with my
fucking head and teaching me a lesson and um i had to move to rh Island. Remember the steak and seafood deal? I had to move to Rhode Island.
And I was still dating her.
I had just moved to Rhode Island.
And I'll never forget this.
I was like head over heels.
I didn't know that it was, you know,
just, you know,
should have been just sexual.
And that's all there was to it.
But when you're young and dumb.
Anyways, i decided to
drive up on a uh from rhode island she must have been there must have been hints there were hints
that i thought something was going around you know she wasn't returning my calls and shit that's what
it was she wasn't returning my calls and i'm, something's going on. She probably banging one of the bosses at the palace or at the place she worked in Faneuil.
And I remember driving back.
This is how crazy from Rhode Island and getting to her apartment at like seven in the morning.
And I ring the doorbell and her best friend comes down the scene.
She's got kind of a surprised look on her face.
She's like, uh, okay,
and I hear Michelle's like, hey, where's it?
And she's like, it's Nick,
and I know something's up,
because why are they up?
Why are they still up at seven in the morning
on a fucking Saturday?
I go upstairs.
They're looking at each other.
Their eyes keep darting at each other,
and I'm sitting there going,
what the fuck is going on here?
And they were trying to hide it.
And then all of a sudden, this is when I fucking, I'm getting angry just thinking about it.
She goes, my girlfriend Rochelle goes, do you think he's cute?
And she holds up a Playgirl magazine, the Playgirl Man of the Year centerfold.
And I go, why the fuck are you asking me that?
How would I know if he's fucking cute?
I was just wondering.
I go, why are you wondering?
She goes, because he just left like 20 minutes ago.
Can you fucking imagine?
And here's a broad that I actually was emotionally attached to, I thought we were
having a relationship, and I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about, and her friend, her friend
goes, I gotta get out of here, her friend takes off, and then she explains the whole thing, and I
storm out of there, just totally broken fucking hearted, that was colder than anything i've ever done to a chick
i think but yeah this guy i don't know if i should mention his name or not he's a playgirl
playgirl son of a let's put it this way there's a uh i think his name is phil baroni or something
which is a i know there's an ultimate fighter named ph Barone from, like, Long Island. It was... Here's the sad part.
The Ultimate Fighter was probably his dad.
Like, you know, obviously, Playgirl, centerfold of the year.
So he's a really good-looking guy.
You know, just ripped the fucking shreds.
And my fucking girlfriend.
And that...
So, you know, I'm an eye for an eye guy.
So as much as I was hurt and crushed and being consoled by her best friends and her best friend's sister.
And there was a girl, a new bartender that worked with Michelle.
Michelle had, that's right.
She was working in Faneuil Hall and then got a job at the Palace.
That's right, Rochelle.
Got a job at the Palace and there was a hot broad, blonde, I mean, with massive tits that everybody wanted to bang, working there.
And I remember Rochelle, my old girlfriend, was working with her and always used to bad mouth her and say how much she hated her.
She's just totally, totally jealous of this chick because this chick was younger and all the, you know, her bosses and all the waiters wanted a piece of this.
Anyways, I find out through my friend Tony that this blonde, hot, young, had met me a couple times and wanted to, wanted to bang me.
And so I retaliated.
I slept with her and made sure my old girlfriend, who hated this broad, found out about it.
It was my first, you know, my first, you know, it was warfare, gender warfare.
And, you know, and mother of Jesus, did the shit hit the fan then?
I remember her calling me and going, listen.
She puts the phone down and I hear things crashing.
And I go, what was that?
She was taking a hammer to the VCR I had just bought her.
And just smashing the shit out of her with a hammer.
And then she throws it out the fucking window of her apartment.
Her second floor, her third floor, wherever she lived.
I can't remember.
And I'm like, oh, boy.
I mean, it was a VCR.
It was a lot of money back then.
I wasn't a rich kid.
I was a door-to-door salesman.
But she smashed the shit out of it and just went ape shit. And her friend Peggy would
call me and tell me how mad she was. And then after a few weeks, I literally called her
friend and go, is it safe to go over? You know, I want to talk to Michelle. Yeah, no,
it's fine. She says she's not even that mad anymore. It was right after the, it must have
been 86. It was when, wait, uh, it must've been 86.
It was when 80, wait a minute, right after the Celtics had won another championship.
Cause why do I remember that? Because her friend goes, no, she's not even that mad anymore. Go see her. I go over there. I ring that. I knock on the door. She comes down. She opens the door.
I had a Celtics championship t-shirt on. And, uh, I remember her tearing it off me.
I was standing there with the elastic ring around the neck part the collar that's all that was left of my celtics t-shirt and then she went
upstairs it was like a scene out of uh it reminded me of sopranos when carmella was throwing tony's
golf clubs up she went up so she's throwing all the shit uh this clothes that i had bought her
over the years throwing it out the window under the front lawn.
And she scratched my neck and tore up my T-shirt.
And then her friend and her had a great laugh about it,
how they set me up like a dummy.
That was Rochelle.
Oh, the Palace Nightclub, the memories.
Yeah, that made me kind of crazy.
Maybe permanently damaged my attitude towards woman.
Because then she, I think she slept with my best friend,
although he won't admit it to this day.
But there was plenty of signs of that, too.
So, yeah, during that, that was a really volatile relationship.
I remember her, she worked, at one point she was working at the Boston, a hotel in downtown Boston.
And I was accusing her of seeing some guy there, whatever.
Then she called me because she thought I was doing something with somebody.
Just really immature, crazy shit.
And she called me like on a uh it was
on a saturday night for some reason i was i went out got drunk was in bed by like one o'clock she
calls me at like i don't know 1 32 o'clock saying she's at her hotel and she's not coming home she
was supposed to come over something we get in a fight in the farm i get so crazy and it's winter
time i get so crazy i throw on gym
shorts sneakers and a t-shirt and and and run out and get my car okay in the middle of winter
and and drive into the city which is about you know 15 minutes and i'm at the hotel that she
she works at she said she was staying there nobody tell me what. I'm going up and down the halls, banging on the doors until obviously security came up and escorted me out of the hotel.
I was waking people up, looking for her.
Oh, my God.
Made me crazy.
Crazy.
Just a fucking. I thought I was having fun back then looking back on it
um yeah that that uh that um place that i stayed at that complex the granada highlands was this was the best i after i moved
out my buddy tony he got two girls excuse me two girls i that again i think we met him at
faneuil hall or one of them worked down there um two smoking looking girls oh the blonde it was
one of them the blonde that my girlfriend hated, moved in with my buddy Tony and another girl.
It was like freeze company with two smoking hot broads.
I remember his dad would come to visit from Maine and wouldn't want to leave the apartment.
He couldn't believe what we had going on over there.
Just incredible.
They were like nines on a scale of ten.
And they were wild.
Let's put it that way.
I'm in the shower one day.
In Tony's shower.
Again, Granada Highlands.
And he leads one of them in.
Not the blonde one.
The other one.
Into the bathroom.
And I hear him go, get in there.
And she goes, okay.
I pull the curtain back.
And it's, I won't call her Lisa.
Lisa, who's this smoking hot?
She just drops a towel and gets in the shower with me.
This is his roommate, by the way.
Aye, aye, aye.
And we showered for about an hour and a half.
And then went to her bedroom.
But he was living with these two.
It was the most convenient thing ever.
It was fucking awesome.
I'm just saying, if you're in your 20s,
enjoy every
second of it.
Don't worry about STDs.
They have medicine for that.
But,
yeah, holy moly.
Two wild chicks.
One of them actually showed up at a show I did in Rhode Island recently.
And this is how you can tell I've been married for so long.
I have no instincts left.
She's like, can you go out for a drink?
I'm like, no, the car, the hotel already sent the car for me.
I got to go back to the hotel.
Like I had a time limit or something.
Just, I'm just, excuse me, I'm wheezing here.
I was just, when you're married,
because I'm on your condition to say no.
I wasn't going to do anything.
I was just going to have a drink,
but I didn't even do that.
I'm like, no, I'm going to, I know I have history.
And I'm like, no, I got to go back to the hotel.
Good seeing you again.
Cut my throat.
And then one other story with me and Tony.
We were dangerous together. not even italian by the
way i know you're thinking you know depaulo his buddies probably no yeah he was wild we we had
unbelievable time um we picked up a couple of girls at the palace it was a halloween
halloween everybody was dressed up they were pandas
they were dressed up
like pandas
and boy
were they cute
as
pandas
and yes
we took them back
to the
Granada Highlands
and you know
I got your income blah, blah, blah.
And remember having sex with a panda.
And then the next morning,
the panda went in and took a shower and came out
and she wasn't a panda anymore.
She was a rough-looking fucking hairdresser
from, like, Somerville, I think it was.
Not cute at all
and I'm just trying to be
polite but I wanted to get her out of the apartment
I wanted to go where the fuck where the panda go
bring her back
my god
the fun we had
can't remember if Tony banged the other panda
or not I remember him being mad one time that
one of them didn't.
And then we also lived in Brighton, which is on the outskirts of Boston,
right up near St. Elizabeth's Hospital, not really a good neighborhood.
And hooked up with two girls.
Of course, he was bartending from Long Island.
They were visiting Boston for the weekend.
They were with their parents.
Okay?
Do you have any idea how young they were?
It was legal, but...
Uh...
Uh...
What happened?
I'm just saying, have fun, kids.
These are nice holiday stories, huh?
Filled with angry women, drunks from England,
and girls pulling each other's hair out and getting chlamydia
and getting escorted out of a hotel by security
and just fights and girlfriends fucking playmates
and nice holiday stories.
I thought that you'd enjoy.
That's about it, kids.
I'm pretty much tapped.
But gigs, Plymouth, New Hampshire,
this Friday, December 27th
at the Flying Monkey Theater.
And then the Mount Airy Casino
with Robert Kelly on the 30th of December
in the Poconos, I believe.
That's going to be a blast, too.
Hope you all have a great Christmas,
whatever you're celebrating, a great New Year.
I don't know if I'll talk to you before.
I'll probably do another one of these before New Year, maybe.
Not sure.
The DVD is coming along beautifully.
They're colorizing it.
Going in a week or so for the audio portion.
Look for that.
I would say early 2014, hopefully.
It's called Another Senseless Killing.
And I can't wait for that to come out.
Don't have my book with all my gigs in front of me.
But that's not important so uh yeah have
a great christmas and uh i'll talk to you real soon um go wash that filthy ass you us
good night until we meet again adios Adios. guitar solo I'm out.