The Nick DiPaolo Show - 044 - Emmys and Race Relations

Episode Date: August 27, 2014

Emmys and Race Relations

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. What's up kids? How you doing? What is going on? What is it? Today's Tuesday. Yeah. Got back from Atlanta on Sunday. The improv. Good gig. To my fellow comedians, I'd do it.

Just the fact they put you up in the Hyatt, which is my favorite hotel in the world. Two minutes from the club. And these people really trying to make you feel at home. You know what I mean? Great green room, too. The key to a good green room at a comedy club, you can't hear the show from the green room.

A lot of comedy clubs, the green room is right next to the stage, backstage, and you're, like, forced to listen to the whole thing, the whole show, and that'll drain you mentally. But, yeah, it's a pretty good joint. I'd do it again crowds are good little drunk uh late show friday but uh they drink hard down south and uh friday second shows suck any comic will tell you that the unnecessary it's been like that since the beginning of time they never get better people work hard all week, you know.

Then come Friday, you know, they hit the, I don't know, happy hour at Applebee's or whatever. But that's the big myth that you have to have a few in you to enjoy a comedy show and you don't. It's just the frigging opposite. But anyways, there were a few Yahoo's late Friday second second show i handle it much better than i used to i used to as a young comic not understand why there was no energy in a second show uh friday night crowd at a comedy club and why they're always kind of obnoxious nothing's worse to me than a a a kind of a drunk crowd that's politically correct at the same time how can you be an asshole and be politically correct and judgmental at the same time but uh there wasn't much of that and then the rest of the shows are great and uh they allow me to smoke a cigarette on stage this

is why i love the south they still eat pork rinds and smoke and hunt they still kind of get it down there it's like leave us the fuck alone with your rules so i got to smoke on stage for a couple shows it's so funny man i asked for a cigarette i never bring them up with me i don't buy them i'm not gonna pay to get cancer so i uh i asked for a cigarette it's funny i've always bummed when i do a bit with a cigarette i was bumming from the audience you know i've been doing this forever and each year it gets more more difficult to get a cigarette from the audience you see people actually fold their arms and their head goes back it's like you're asking for like a dirty syringe they get really fucking bent out of shape some of them are because they're non-smokers and they believe

the secondary smoke shit like it's really going to hurt them which is the biggest crock of shit to come down the pike in a thousand years and other people get pissed because they're smokers but they're not allowed to smoke it's like uh you know eating a cheeseburger in front of a fat guy and saying no you can't have any of this um but it's so funny i have to ask 10 15 tonight who's gonna cigarette nobody you'll fucking raise their hand finally somebody will give it up and uh some lady finally raised her hand god bless her and uh she was an older woman and i think she was really drunk and uh she kind of staggered towards the stage that she's yelling shit out and i said to her she had like a print dress on i go you look like carmella soprano if she had a meth addiction or a heroin problem of course that's get gets a huge laugh and she laughed

thank christ and her husband was belly laughing he actually tweeted me later on like the next day saying you nailed it on the head i call her carmella now um anyways i don't know i feel funnier with a cigarette in my hand i got into that habit christ in the early 90s at catch a rising star i don't do it all the time most places you can't smoke like i said most clubs it's unbelievable i told you the story about me getting fired at a place called roosterteeth feathers up in san leandro uh californ. They booted me on my birthday, nonetheless, after the second show on a Friday night, because they told me not to smoke in between shows, and I did anyways. So, yeah, big, you know, big difference in culture from Northern California

to down in Atlanta. Great city, by the way, if you stay out of downtown, you know, after 8 o'clock. But people are friendly and nice. And I see a lot of, you know, they're more integrated down there. I see blacks and whites hanging out together, coming into the show together, went to breakfast. I see, like, you know, an older black guy and an older white gentleman having breakfast together i don't i don't ever see that up here in new york city ever it just i don't know it looks a lot more don't get me wrong i'm sure there's tension everywhere but it looks more

integrated down there and uh i just like that culture uh The young comics. I was working with this funny guy, Mike Albanese. He's 6'5", 295, with a big giant beard, like a Mike Napoli beard. I told the audience, how about a hand for the general from the ISIS army? He got this scary beard. Funny cat. Another guy, Mike, I forget his last name, slips me the MC. Another young kid was pretty funny. And I know Albanese is moving up to Brooklyn in a couple weeks, and I think he'll fit right in.

He knows all the guys, Joe List and all those young comics. They took me out to breakfast to this place called Homegrown. Man, Southerners don't believe in a light breakfast, I'll tell you that friggin' much. I was laughing my balls off at what these friggin people were eating holy jesus uh there was a thing on the menu called comfy chicken it was fried literally fried chicken over a biscuit the size of a fucking frisbee, and I'm being generous with that, with sausage, white sausage gravy. On the menu, there's a picture of Dick Cheney

clutching his chest right next to the comfy chicken. I saw people being pushed out the back door as we were coming in on gurneys with oxygen masks over their mouth. They're like, the uh comfy chicken it's delicious people pounding on their chest trying to get their heartbeat it was uh holy shit i didn't get that i uh ordered the uh but i ordered you know like three eggs and creamy grits and uh pork bacon no pork uh sausage which came in a patty shape.

I don't like that. It looked like a nicotine patch that somebody found in a dumpster. But holy, I'm just looking around on these people, and they had big asses, and they're shoveling the shit home. I mean, Christ, comfy chicken it's called. So if you want to block a few arteries go to the south but i don't know i just like it i actually see people dressed up in the audience girls come to the comedy club in dresses and shit and you'll see like packs of eight of them and all of them

are above a seven or eight it's crazy i don't know what the south is people always say well people don't south fuck each other's relatives. Yeah, can you blame them? Jesus Christ, if my niece looked like a young Jessica Simpson, I'd be bearing a couple shots myself. But, yeah, it was a good gig. I'd do it again. Hooray for the Atlanta atlanta improv actually took pictures with people after the show you know i don't always do that i don't know when that became mandatory for a comic you know i still believe in the theory and an entertainer should appear and then disappear like a magician but uh these people are you know friendly and and they were waiting outside i was in the green room

and people came in that work clubs that this is like a lot of people don't want you now it's become a thing now the audience expects it i guess but since there's a lot of hot broads in the crowd and they press their tits against you um why not and i mean some smoking huddies. Yeah, good time. So what the hell else has gone on while I was down there? I don't know. Last night, Emmy Awards. Seth Meyers, who I got to tell you, I like a lot, and I know you'd go, it would surprise you because he's got like a soft image,

but I think he's so comfortable in his own skin and makes it look so easy, and I think he's going to be the guy in the end. Although all these late night guys are pretty much the same age. So maybe nothing will change. And I love Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel, too. I think they're all great. But Seth Meyers is like so comfortable in his own skin. He always his jokes are always good.

And I know he was the head writer at SNL. So obviously he has his hands in the jokes the writing of them i'm sure that's not i'm sure he's got writers handing him stuff but you know i'm sure he writes a lot of this i just think he's great i really do i think he's like uh it's about likability which i you know fail at completely uh but to me he's like a really likable guy he just comes out and he's comfortable in his own skin and just makes it look kind of effortless and i thought he was great last night and again that has to do a lot with good jokes too but um his opening monologue he kind of zinged

the industry itself and uh well here's some of that good evening ladies and gentlemen itself and well here's some of that. Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm Seth Meyers and welcome. Welcome to the Emmy Awards. This year we're doing the Emmys on a Monday night in August which if I understand television means the Emmys are about to get cancelled. understand television means the Emmys are about to get cancelled. We're doing the show on Monday in part because MTV aired the Video Music Awards last night. That's right, MTV still has an award show for music videos even though they no

longer show music videos. That's like Network TV holding an award show and giving all the trophies to cable and Netflix. That would be crazy. Which is exactly what the Emmys were last night. Why wouldn't they do that? NBC also decided to hold the Emmys a month earlier in August to avoid conflicting with Sunday Night Football, which is keeping with the actor's tradition of running away from jocks. Jokes are like nominees, they can't all be winners. That was fine, sounds like me. This is the first Mondays Emmy since 1976 and let me see TV is so much better now

than it was then. This year there there are six nominees for Best Drama. Ranging from Downton Abbey to Mad Men to Game of Thrones. So many different styles. In 1976, this is true, all four nominees were cop shows, including Police Story, Beretta, and Columbo. Basically, you voted for the policeman whose hat you liked the best. Of course, people don't remember the 1976 Emmys because they were held on a Monday. Yeah, because those crowds suck, by the way. Those industry crowds are usually hard to make people laugh.

They're too worried about, you know looking cool and focused on it's so funny they really want to freaking win they wouldn't admit to it but you see some people i love when they put the close-ups on all the nominees and they announce the winner i saw a few the eyebrows just went up but um it's a weird thing and and and what bugs me about these awards show how they they uh it's like self-congratulatory. They give out Emmys to, like, directors of other award shows. Like the guy that directed the Tonys. I guess we're on TV now.

He got an Emmy. And he's actually directing the show last night. And talk about jerking each other off. Oh, my God. That's ridiculous. You're behind the scenes, okay? Yeah, you're director. You know, you got a headset ridiculous. You're behind the scenes, okay? Yeah, you're director. You know, you got a headset on.

You're in the booth, okay? Everybody's got to get in front of the camera and be rewarded. And it's a low self-esteem society. Jesus, what a circle jerk. But our buddy CK wins another one. That's his sixth Emmy. my good friend louis so fun to watch some uh somebody that you're pretty close to blow up fucking crazy he's been nominated for over 30 emmys between you know chris rock and lucky uh louis or maybe not lucky louis but louis on fx and uh over 30 in his lifetime. He's got six.

It's crazy. We saw him at his at his apartment on Thanksgiving, like bowling trophies to him. But he wins for best written episode. He wrote an episode called Fat Girl. I think when this fat girl, it was great. I remember going to my wife when we watched the episode. I go, boy, this is the shit that Hollywood eats up. This is the stuff they love.

Because he's like, you know, he wrote it from a fat girl's point of view, which, by the way, is the center, the epicenter of political correctness, protecting heavyset girls' feelings. To me, that's the epicenter, that and race. But it was beautifully written. But I remember looking at my wife going, this guy, man, he knows how to play. But that's how Louie is. He's a sensitive guy. I'm going to bust his balls when I see him, if I ever see him again, and say, you know, if you can write a fat chick's feelings, I think you have a fruit cup.

But that's what he won it for. It was. It was a great, great episode, man. He actually gave a shout out to Bobbyby kelly who was in that as a same episode i think that's when they went and they tried to see how much they could eat they were going to go on a diet i think that was the one so him and bobby just like pigged out like they kept going to different restaurants and pigging out and uh so that was cool that kelly got a shout out on the uh emmys from lou but um yeah he was up for a few and that's that's his sixth holy shit i remember when

he was a baby baby face punk wearing a black blazer on stage in Boston. The guy is a fucking beast. Sarah Silverman wins one for her HBO special. Give me a fucking break is my response to that. Not that I dislike her, but I don't know. Give me a break, will you? I think she'd have trouble following me on my worst night. Yeah, let's recognize her talent some more, HBO. Ugh.

I know the broads at work there, and I can just... It's like giving your best friend an award. Anyways, a little overrated in my opinion. And too liberal in my opinion but perfect tits in my opinion um and she was funny when she accepted it i'm not saying she's not funny i'm just saying give somebody else a chance okay hbo jesus do they have their favorites Breaking Bad took home I don't know how many I stopped counting after 56 and uh I absolutely love that series and that Brian Cranston man he's just the most humble I don't know there's something really authentic about that guy most people go up there you see

that false humility oh I really don't deserve it meanwhile you know there's an erection ripping through their cummerbund of their fucking tuxedo um he this guy just seems so humble man and he's great he's great at everything he does you see him like on old reruns of a king of queens he plays like the wacky neighbor on a couple episodes and he's friggin hilarious i can do anything uh god how many have they won i don't know it's like his fifth in a row or something for walter white i'm sure most is most of you have seen breaking bad if you haven't do yourself a favor it's one of those shows you can't you watch like three or four at a time you're like jesus christ i got stuff to do i can't't stop. But then Aaron Paul played Jesse Pinkman. Also got another Emmy, who was a very likable guy.

And, yeah. It's fun to go to those things, you know. I had the privilege to do the oscars with chris rock and um it's kind of fun to dress up how many times you put on a tuxedo um i never put on a tuxedo a couple times to go to the red socks and uh no uh but yeah i was nominated for an emmy with chris rock show back in like 2000 or whatever of course they won it i think the year before or the two two years before or the year before and of course i come aboard and jinx them but it was cool dressing up and and then to go to the oscars

when chris hosted and just to see that behind the scenes process is pretty friggin cool and not to mention to get that gift basket which had 40 35 to 40 grand worth of stuff in it it really is obscene but uh i have a a les paul guitar a solid body it's like a 5500 electric guitar that was uh part of the gift basket i think i've played it twice but um and all kinds of vacations and shit vacation to hawaii was in there that i didn't even get to go because i had i was already booked and i couldn't get out of my gig i've never been to hawaii and still have yet to be to Hawaii. Boy, that one almost made me cry, but it's kind of fun to get dressed up, get a few pops in you. I was actually carrying a flask with vodka in it. I remember they're on the Oscars,

but, uh, I thought it was pretty good. I thought the show was pretty good overall. And, uh, I'm a Seth Meyers fan. Just seems like a cool cat to me. Very mellow. What else as the world falls apart? Oh, how about the VMA Awards? MTV's still doing those. I think Seth Meyers talked about that. Let's listen to a little more.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Ah, shit. I re-cued it. He mentioned MTV doing the Video Music Awards, even though they haven't showed a video in I don't know how many hundreds of years. But at the after party, Suge Knight gets shot six times. Ah, black people, you're making it so easy. You know, I mean, what can you say?

I mean, you know, if I wanted to commit suicide, I wouldn't hang myself. I wouldn't take pills or go in the garage and shut the door and turn the car on. I'd go to an after party and stand next to Suge Knight for five minutes. I guess Chris Brown, another guy who i don't know what his purpose is here on earth uh was standing next to suge talking when suge got shot six times he's been shot before too i think at a different party maybe the source i know he got shot in the leg a few years do you believe this guy's a bullet magnet but here's the thing that freaks me the fuck out he gets hit like five times in the belly once in the upper torso or whatever

and it says at the end of the article he walks out of the club he was shot six times and he walks out of the club i've done six shots and had to be carried out of the club, never mind shot six times, what the fuck, you see baseball players foul a ball off their foot, they have to be carried to the dugout, this guy takes six slugs, walks out the door, you know, he's probably standing there at the valet squirting blood like a fucking fountain as he's waiting for his Maserati. He has to be one of the baddest, you know, what's on the face of the earth. By the way, the guy played pro football for the Rams, you know, for like a year or something. But Jesus Christ, would you dare stand anywhere. Would you dare stand anywhere near Suge Knight at an after party or in front of a restaurant, in front of a titty bar or at the post office?

Guy attracts trouble. I don't even I don't even know who friggin shot him. And I don't give a fuck. That's why, you know. I just it's incredible to me. Guy's got a lot of enemies. I know P. Diddy wasn't that originally his crew had problems with Shug. I might be wrong there.

I canceled my subscription to the Source magazine years ago. But Chris Rock was up on all that shit shit he used to be so funny in the office man he knew all that stuff he followed that stuff like most guys follow sports he could tell you who what and when and i'm sure he still could that was a lot of the the bits that we wrote um but he had all that stuff uh i can't keep the frickin' hip-hop scene straight. I haven't even heard about who won at the Video Music Awards. All I heard is about the gunplay and stuff. So.

What else did I want to cover? Just, isn't it depressing though, right right now what's going on in the world between you know israel and and hamas that's been going on forever they started this shit again um then you get isis i don't think i've talked to you since the beheading of james foley the american journalist by, uh, coincidentally, a rapper from Britain. Yeah, that's right. A rapper. They think they know who the guy is that actually did the beheading. First of all, they're saying they think it was doctored the tape that they, he was beheaded, but they, they, he, that he didn't actually happen on camera.

They did it like after the camera was shut off. But just fucking gruesome, huh? Unbelievable. This is the terror group that president labeled the JV a couple months ago. JV, my ass. They're playing like the Dallas Cowboys in 1974. You know, well funded we should have we should have friggin armed the uh rebels in syria against the side when we had a chance but we didn't it created a vacuum and uh here comes isis

and i guess the white house has known about these scumbags for almost a year. You know, still diddling what to do with them. And just instead of just blowing the shit out of them, which is the only course of action we can take. Okay. Because apparently they're really well funded. A lot of their money comes from they kidnap people. A lot of Europeans and then get ransom money. a lot of Europeans and and and then get ransom money a lot of countries in the EU have paid like a hundred you know a couple hundred million dollars and it funds their terrorists which I don't agree with I agree with that policy sorry if you get caught over there

as horrible it is I mean if you pay ransom and what do you think they're gonna fucking come after all of us they're gonna kidnap every American they see anywhere. I don't know what you're doing over there anyways. I know you're a journalist and shit, but man, I would be under my desk going, fuck that. Send somebody else. We have drones. Put cameras on them. We can get our news that way.

Why don't these, why are you going to be on never mind uh boots on the ground as far as the military we have uh boots on the ground as far as journalists go you really have to be right in the action god you're asking for trouble they hate us just uh you know new york times or whatever hook a camera up to a drone but then see they couldn't then they couldn't lie in their articles because we'd have the proof on tape of what's going on um speaking of drones i did i tell you i got when we went to uh afghanistan they took us i think we were in kandahar they took us where the mechanics were working on the drones. This is before anybody really knew what drones were.

I mean the big ones, the unmanned ones. They're like a small plane. They took us right into the garage where the guys were working on the engines and stuff. Which is crazy because I took a picture. They let me take a picture of like, I think it was a Florentine, a Tel, Artie, whatever. And behind the, I don't know, this is why, but they were standing in front of the drone. But the thing was open. Like the technology was exposed when I took the picture, which I was surprised.

But it's crazy. Then they take us in this little office, a guy sitting there like a makeshift office. And just like a video game, they're showing us how they can they could blow something up in in in las vegas from afghanistan with like a joystick just like you play a video it's fucking fascinating good to see them working on it one of them had a these are drones that carry missiles too one of them had something written on the missile um something obscene about saddam hussein something about it going up his ass or whatever. I can't remember.

We were all laughing about it, but, um, what was cool was we did a show the next night, uh, like in the afternoon, late afternoon, or,

you know, it's still quite, it wasn't quite dark. And the drone, they had a drone, take a picture of us from the, from the sky of us on stage perform i still have it it's kind of creepy i was thinking if i said something wrong you know about the uh u.s military they could have

picked me up right in the middle of a joke but um yeah it's just so depressing what the fuck's going on over there. And, you know, ISIS saying they're coming here. I just, what's the response, man? The first time they go into a shopping mall and stop machine gunning people. Then what do you do? Huh? Then what do you do? What's the response there? I'd love it.

In this politically correct world, what is it? Would that be enough to go, okay, we've had it. We have nukes. You know, you don't want to melt down the world because of this, but there's got to be some nukes between conventional weapons

and our most powerful nuclear mushroom cloud nuke. There's got to be something in between that just is big enough to take out a small country in the middle. Isn't there, what are we going to do if they really come over here and start this shit? They said they had, they were wanting that they're heading to Chicago. That's a bit,

they're picking the wrong place or the right place, depending on how you look at it. They might get caught in the crossfire in Chicago. It's so violent there. Which leads me to, you know, it's just depressing. The whole world right now between Ebola and fucking, you know, the Middle East and racial tensions here at home because of the Michael Brown thing.

It's very depressing. And as a comedian, when I get down on the world, I always hear this song in my head. I think this was written either by the devil or Hitler. I started a joke Which started the whole world crying But I didn't see That the joke was on me Oh no

I started to cry Which started the whole world laughing Oh if I don't leave today And the joke was on me I looked up at the sky Crying in the hands of a man Perfect song. You hear this when you're depressed, you'll cry like a bitch.

And I fell out of bed Banging my head From things that I said Till I finally died Which started the whole world living Yeah, time for your medication, gentlemen. Gentlemen, time for your medication. After Joe was on me

I looked up at the sky That'll put you in a happy mood, won't it? So the Michael Brown funeral was, I guess, yesterday. 4,500 people. Three people from the White House. White House aides, which to me is laughable. Yeah, it's a tragedy or whatever, an 18-year-old kid's dead. But Jesus Christ, this was a funeral fit for a statesman, not a kid who did a strong-arm robbery and they try to attack and kill a cop. We've lost it.

We're so confused in this country. It's just, you know, P. Diddy was there, Spike Lee, Wesley Snipes. You know. The fact that Al Sharpton even is still alive proves that white racism

is almost non-existent you know because um it was half as racist as it was this is somebody would well you know in Bensonhurst they tried somebody stabbed them remember 20 something years ago or 30 um but what a scumbag and fucking NBC gives this guy a platform, a national platform. Just a race. The definition of a racist makes his living exploiting racial issues. I can't think of a more definitive description. What a scumbag.

Of course, he's at the funeral. Speaking. And the fact that Obama and this administration actually has a relationship tells me how much Obama really hates white people. We know Eric Holder does. I mean, they can't hide their frigging hate. But this whole fucking narrative that cops are just gunning down, hunting for black men,

it's got to be the biggest lie in the history. And I'm not saying they're not bad cops because there are but they are so minute the number is so minute and these guys risk their lives every day in black communities by the way white cops risking their neck to protect black people you don't hear about any of that shit and then cops get shot firemen die you don't see anybody from the White House, do you? Even when there's sometimes guys coming back from overseas, Afghanistan,

Iraq, that get killed. You don't see somebody at the funeral from the White House. Not all the time. Can you imagine treating this kid like he's a friggin' hero? And he wasn't. That's a sad fact.

He wasn't. But I almost think like P. Diddy and some of these people, Wesley Snipes, people whose career is on the wane, show up because it's like going to an award show. They can heighten their profile look i'm still relevant but uh just a disgrace to me in the perfect world there would have been a few of his friends and family members there and the media is also to blame to to uh you know to go into ferguson and to broadcast 24 hours a day around the clock, you know, just keeping the the flames alive.

And the media is just so ballless and hypocritical. And and boy, they have butchered this. The media butchered it. The the the cops and Ferguson butchered it. Governor Nixon, you see that guy? Everything that's wrong with the country. Just a white guy who's just brainwashed, conditioned to say the politically correct thing. Just no balls whatsoever.

Just out there going, we're going to prosecute. Using the word prosecute before the facts are even in. I mean, and this guy's a lawyer and a governor and just there will be justice done just he doesn't even know he's had his balls cut off by the likes of sharpton and all the all these other race baiters just just saying the politically correct thing and like i said there's two type of people in the world people who are politically correct and people who are for the truth oh my god this guy makes me sick he's on the sunday morning shows doesn't know what to friggin say doesn't know what

to say and uh yeah the media fan the flames and you know that it was the national media because a lot of these friggin people that were looting and shit 98 of them were from out of town some of them were as far away as like arizona and california that's what it said in the paper but uh give me a goddamn break just so biased and then sharpton let's play a little classic let's let's play the real al shar, because yesterday he was trying to, you know, at the funeral saying that, you know, us blacks have to learn from this, too. He's trying to back off a little because other networks, thank God,

you know, for Fox, the only one who has the balls to be honest about race, calling Sharpton out. So I think he tried to back off a little bit. You know, we have him. This is from years ago. This is my favorite Sharpton. He's talking about Dinkins, by the way, back in the, this is back in the 90s. Mayor Dinkins, black mayor who Sharpton hated. He thought he was Dinkins, by the way, back in the, this is back in the 90s.

Mayor Dinkins, black mayor who Sharpton hated. He thought he was an Uncle Tom and that's who he's talking about in this clip. But this is the real Al Sharpton when he was 180 pounds heavier and wore sweatsuits. And James Brown here, though. Only niggas can talk. Don't cover them. Don't talk to them. Because you got the only nigga proper. Because you know if a black man stood up next to you, they would see you for the whore that you really are. We the best chicken fries in the universe. But we don't go by some kind of sandwich chicken.

Then the chairman come in there and throw some hot pizza in return. And dip it down and you stand in line and buy that. Koreans sell us

watermelon. We need watermelon all night long. They're going to come cut it up and put it

in a bucket with a rubber bag around it. We're going to buy it like it's something we

didn't know what it was. He was doing like stand-up in that last minute. Talking about Koreans cutting up watermelon and putting it in buckets. That's the real Sharpton, you know. The one that perpetuated the Tawana Brawwley the fake rape that ruined a cop's life you know he was in on that won't admit to it to this day that it was all a hoax

Freddy's uh fashion mart which was a store up in Harlem ended up he ended up uh fanning the flames there to protest the store burned burned down. Six people died. He was right in the middle of that. And numerous other things. I'm forgetting a couple of big ones. And yeah, so MSNBC. Let's give him his own platform. Can you imagine if there was a white guy with that past?

Can you imagine if there's a white guy with that past? Can you imagine if there's a white guy with that type of history? Anything even close to that controversial giving him his own show, a network. NBC is the frigging worse. The fucking long arm of the Obama administration. They are the absolutely Sharpton was on Meet the Press. There was some chick hosting

and the interview, it couldn't have been more softball. You know, she didn't even ask him anything about how about you, you know,

everybody thinks you're a race baiter, an agitator. Even most of the people there, you know, didn't want him there. A lot of the people from berg is in uh but she

doesn't bring any of that up she's like so how can we how can we improve the relationship between young black males and the police and uh you know it couldn't have been more freaking softball just making me sick i had to freaking shut it. Same with ABC. They're just as friggin bad. If, you know, Sharpton wanted to get fired from NBC or whatever, wanted a show tomorrow on ABC, they'd give it to him. Just a racist scumbag. And the fact that our president

actually invites this guy to the White House just tells me a lot about him and Holder. How about Holder? Yeah, let's order another autopsy until we get the results that I want. How is it? There's no way.

If you had to bet money, there's no way this guy's not going to be railroaded. This white cop. There's no way. Excuse me. So, yeah, very depressing. But you didn't hear about the white kid, did you, in Utah? That got shot. White kid.

White slash Hispanic. the white kid did you in utah that got shot white kid white slash hispanic uh now we're making up uh you know ethnic groupings um but you didn't hear about it did you happen two days after michael brown was shot in ferguson um yeah kid uh last name is taylor dylan taylor described as white and hispanic as kind of like the trayvon martin thing um see but the cop who shot him on august 11th outside of a 7-11 in uh south salt lake city uh wasn't a white cop so that's why you haven't heard anything about it. Because the douchebag liberal pussy media isn't interested. Right? Because it doesn't fit their narrative of Whitey being the oppressor. And black people being victims. Haven't even heard about it.

It's the first I heard about it. But, yeah, he was outside a store, 7-Eleven. People saying he's unarmed, but other people said he was waving a gun, and this kid was no angel either, trust me. But the point is, nobody's making a, there's no riots. There were protests, peaceful protests in this city. You didn't even hear about them, did you? They didn't even bother covering this shit, did they?

New York Times, or did you? Maybe you mentioned it on page 22. He was with his brother and a cousin leaving the 7-Eleven, and three officers told him, they gave him verbal commands to reveal his hands, but he failed to comply. And by the way, to me, a lot of these things, even the Michael Brown thing, to me, it's that's almost suicide by cop. Nobody's really labeled it that.

But when you charge a cop a reach into the window, he's 18 years old. He's no dumb. I mean, you're asking. old he's no dumb i mean you're asking i keep hearing you know how cops bully and picking on young blacks but the is there anything in the behavior of young black guys in the city that tells you they're afraid of the cops i would say that's a definitive no but uh this kid failed to comply with the cops. First mistake. Okay, you're almost asking for it. And he was shot and then died at the scene.

His brother said that he was wearing headphones. He didn't hear the police until they surrounded him. And his brother said that he might have been pulling up his pants before responding to the command to lie down on the ground. Why would he do any of that shit? To me, it sounds like, you know, even in this case. But it was good. There's a black radio show host, Dupree, I remember is his last name.

I think, I don't know if he's out in L.A. or where he is, but he's a nationally, he's a conservative. But he mentioned it, how the media is ignoring it, you know. So it transcends race as far as agreeing on the press being biased and selective. The cop was a non-white officer again that's why you haven't heard about it wearing a body camera so the video they're gonna and uh they're gonna release the video after the uh investigation i don't know i say really you should release it right away that's the whole thing about the michael brown thing in ferguson that was the biggest mistake they made why when something like this happens why don't the right away why shouldn't the cops put out a statement

i mean an hour after it happened going no no no no no he wasn't he wasn't he didn't have his hands up or whatever i mean an hour after it happened they should have been on national TV saying, this guy reached into the cop car and punched the cop in his face, broke his orbital bone, and then bum-rushed the cop. Wouldn't that have put it a little more in perspective? All we got was that Dorian Johnson, the kid he was with, who, by the way, yeah, a real credible witness, he was actually charged with lying on the witness stand in another case, whatever.

Just a just a known liar. And then and the you know, the mainstream media ran with his account, which was which isn't going to hold up. The point is neither side knows exactly what happened. But one side was out there acting like they did know what happened with no reasoning no logic just pure emotion screaming they wanted justice and what that does is now it creates a situation where uh you know if it doesn't go their way the indictment doesn't go their way um the grand juries you know they've already uh and everybody else's mind is they're gonna have a right to burn the place down now if it doesn't go their way

instead of waiting for the fact you know i know you've heard all this but it just it's friggin sickening i mean it's i never thought it would get to this but it's like seeing two different groups of people seeing the world in two different ways and to me one of them is being honest and one isn't i'll let you decide which one you think i think is being honest um this kid he was wanted this kid in utah uh a 25 000 bench warrant for violating probation in connection with a felony robbery felony felony robbery, excuse me, obstructing justice convictions. So this kid was, you know, nobody's called him just a good boy or a gentle giant, just a bit of a scumbag.

But that doesn't mean you want to die at the hands of the cops, you know, unless maybe he did because he had posted something on his Facebook page four days before he got shot reflecting his stress over the warrant. He said, I'm going to have warrants out for my arrest soon. All my family has turned and snitched on me. I'll die before I go do a lot of time in a cell. So I'm guessing this sounds like suicide by cop, doesn't it?

Sound like, you know, because he's been in jail before and knows how horrible it is. But the point is, you haven't heard a peep, have you, about this, have you? Double standard. I don't know how people like at the New York Times and MSNBC can even fucking sleep at night. You're evil fucks. Anyway, make me sad. I'm running my hands

over my eyes and I fell out of bed Hurt in my head I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I means you shouldn't use it. I mean, sometimes being flippant means you say things you shouldn't say. This gets in the way of your message. Sharpton over the Bee Gees. Oh, I'm just playing around here. And this is what goes through my head when I get sad.

I ate at the Cheesecake Factory in Atlanta. Took the boys out. Can you get bigger portions? Holy Christ. Yeah, so let's see how long it takes for there to be outrage about this case in Utah. By the way, I'll be on Anthony Comey's show tomorrow afternoon. I think you have to like subscribe

and I don't know. It's on iTunes and a lot of other places. I'm sure. I don't even know the total thing. I just know I'm going there. Haven't seen him since his incident.

Speaking of race. And I'm sure some of the stuff will be brought up. But, you know. I started to tune out about a week after because it was just so obvious what was going on down there. You can't even watch it. I can't even sleep. It makes me too crazy.

How all logic and reasoning gets thrown out for just total emotion and uh it's all based on horseshit i think uh with bill o'reilly uh stated a statistic on one of his shows there were 12 million arrests last year uh 12 million arrests yeah last year and 12 million by the and i think 423 or 429 involved uh cops using their guns and most of them i guess they're you know justifiably it literally breaks down to 99.9 percent where you know there is no problem i would say there's pretty good track record how do you freaking argue those numbers sharp and saying we have to revamp how uh all major cities are policed

so what's the alternative so what are you asking for they should be allowed to bomb rush somebody and steal a box of cigars and punch a cop in the face well i don't understand what the alternative is you want lawlessness i mean blacks are killing blacks in Chicago like it's the Middle East I don't understand what the fuck the logic is here God it's just two different worlds I'm going blind too by the way

I don't know how old you guys are listening probably because I got my way. I don't know how old you guys are listening, but probably because I got my eyes checked, I don't know, eight, seven years ago with reading glasses, and I haven't changed the prescription since. Out of all the things about getting older, that's the one I hate the frigging most, because I'm in denial. I guess I'm very vain. I don't want to be seen with glasses on. You'll see me at a restaurant with my wife.

I'll get my wife the menu and have her stand across the room because I'm only farsighted. She's like 10 feet from the table. I'm trying to read it. End up wondering. Let's see. What else did I want to talk about? Yeah, so Anthony, call me a show tomorrow afternoon.

Tune in. A lot of people anticipating it because on my Twitter, there's a lot of, Anthony, when are you going to have Nick on? They're expecting, you know, we both have, I guess, the same point of view on racial matters, but I'm not going to go frigging crazy. Really, when you talk it out, it's just logic in it. But I'm excited to see Anthony because that guy makes me laugh as hard as any comic I know. I wish you do stand up.

I told you he was making fun of that Italian show, that wise guy show that some of the surprise guys did on satellite. It's the hardest I've ever laughed. I swear to frigging God. I'm going to shit my pants. I told you he was making fun of that Italian show, that wise guy show that some of the Sopranos guys did on Satellite Red. It's the hardest I've ever laughed, I swear to frigging God. I'm going to shit my pants. He's a funny bastard and a pretty smart guy, too. I don't think he gets the credit. So I'm looking forward to that.

I haven't seen him in a while. Maybe get there a little early. I think he had drones before the military had drones, Anthony, didn't he? He's always flying these remote helicopters and stuff. So I'm looking forward to that. Get down there a little early. That could be good. He, by the way, if you remember, he was dismissed from his job because of being honest about race. My back is all tight this morning.

I have a pond on my property, and I've mentioned it before. It's like we had somebody measure it. It's like 9,000 square feet. It's almost a quarter of an acre, the pond, 0.20 acres. And over the last couple months though this summer and this never happened before this this algae developed on top this green shit like bright green it's actually pretty the color but completely filled it picture in that nhl hockey rink maybe a little smaller than that but completely filled with this green algae.

And floating on the surface. And it just sucks. It just, you know, the pond is the favorite thing about my house. So after two months of doing nothing, we had some guy come out who's supposedly an expert. He really didn't know. It wasn't much helpful than, you know, didn't know well it wasn't more much helpful than you know didn't know much but before he was leaving he suggested a pond rake so uh went online and they have these rakes so my wife ordered one for me and uh it's a rake that you assemble uh you know the rake part with the teeth on it is about uh four feet wide

with these big like 10 inch red red plastic teeth and the handle is about i don't know 12 15 feet long and you can tie a rope on to the end of the handle some of you i know if you're living in this area you know what i'm talking about all these are probably like what the fuck is he um so that's what i was doing last night um put the pond put the pond rake together by the way which should have taken about 15 to 20 minutes but i have no mechanical abilities it took me a solid hour to do something that literally a guy that you know has any talent whatsoever uh would have done in about 15 minutes but um that's besides the point i'm trying to get it out of the door i'm almost breaking windows in my house because it's so big but the thing works it works don't you get a hard on when you get

when you buy something that actually works the way they say it works on the internet or in the ad and uh yeah you toss this thing of course i was getting better at it as the night went on i was out there um you toss this rake out uh which like i said is like 12 the handle is like 12 or 15 long itself but you toss it out with a rope you can throw it like 30 feet into the middle of the pond which is about halfway in the middle of my pond but then you drag it in and what happens is that green shit floating isn't it has shit algae attached to the bottom of it like seaweed so by the time you get it to the shore or to the side of the pond it weighs i'm not shitting you 45 50 pounds and you have to you know shimmy down to the end of the rake with your two hands and lift it's like the best

workout my back and shoulders were like burning and with the humidity i was freaking soaked and uh it was creepy i'm pulling up all this black shit that's under the surface algae and there's like baby fish jumping out onto my lawn and uh i saw a giant spider that was like pregnant her body was like this white bubble and it was kind of freaking creepy like i said i'd never go in my own pond and uh and then you know i was out there about an hour i throw the thing and i'm pulling it in and sure enough through all the seaweed i see this tail pointing straight up this pointy ass tail about a foot long and it was a fucking snapping turtle or a regular i don't know uh regular turtle but it luckily it got away lucky for me if i pulled that thing ashore and it landed on me because i do i told you i have a

there were a couple turtles uh in my pond last summer or the summer before that i'm telling you their shelves were the size of trash can covers they were fucking in the pond i told you they were they were linked together and they were spinning around in a circle so i i'm telling you thinking a neck on it like ray lewis uh so i saw that tail pointing up and i it was like fishing i'm like what the hell do i have on here hooper starboard hooper are you watching it's under the boat oh he's a smart fish so uh yeah i don't know what i'm pulling up i'm afraid i'm gonna find the guy you know maybe i'll find the head or something weird shit floats down i have a lake up behind me it flows into like i told you my neighbor's yard he has a brook that flows into my yard which flows into my pond so it's so funny i'll find like plastic boats um you know

hair scrunchies that girls i'll find like a uh coke plastic coke bottles a doll's head i found a couple of those floating a wiffle ball bat it was somehow made it to my pond. But that's what I'm doing because I'm having a cookout, the annual Nick DiPaolo Comedian slash Hack cookout on Monday, Labor Day. And I want to clean up the pond. So I was out there for an hour. I maybe did a third of it if I'm lucky.

I was out there about an hour and a half. So I still got a good day or two's work to get the scum off. And I'm piling up all the seaweed alongside the frigging pond. So I have to throw that in a wheelbarrow and bring that into the frigging woods. Where I'll probably, you know, be attacked by a tick off a deer's ass. By the way, update on the Lyme. I feel better than I did last week, but I still feel a little low energy-wise.

But I feel better than I did. Actually, I've been sleeping dead frigging tired. I don't know if that's the Lyme or just me with my sleeping problems, which I've been getting a little better lately anyway so I gotta get all that scum off the pond before I have all my buddies up here and I don't know who's coming

in our comics hour I said RSVP I've heard from about five of them five or six some I haven't heard from um and uh yeah they're gonna get to drive on my beautiful driveway which they say and that was very expensive by the way which uh it's all done when i left for atlanta they were just starting to scrape down the street i come home it's all done you're not supposed to uh

well i say three two to three days you can drive on it, but even then, you're not supposed to turn your, when your car is stationary, don't turn your steering wheel, because the tires will put grooves in it, which, it's like, really? For the money I spent, I should be able to jackhammer that fucker? Have a fat chick do front handsprings down my driveway?

It should be just fine. But it's got diesel oil in it, so that's what keeps it soft for a while. But they say three to six months before it completely hardens. You've got to be kidding me. So I hope Florentine doesn't show up in the oil truck like he did last year. Anyway, so I got those guys coming up.

Not juicy a ball. Bubba Burgers. You guys like Bubba burgers You guys like Bubba burgers First couple cookouts I made the burgers by hand Might as well have been You know Vietnamese girl

Or Taiwanese Making sneakers Very labor intensive So Bubba burgers You get them They're pre-made You get them Like Costco're pre-made. You get them at, like, Costco and they're delicious.

They're actually delicious. So, I got, hopefully, some boys coming up. I know Joe Lister said yes. He'll be up here with his broad. And I think Bobby Kelly's working. I think Gnome from the Comedy Cellar is coming uh i think uh gallman and his girlfriend i believe and um who the hell else i'm forgetting about three or four more couples it's good problem is all these guys are clean and sober now you know i'm I'm the only one. And I went to the cookout.

I'm shit-faced. Burning chicken wings. Everybody's laughing at me as I'm playing, you know, the best of foreigner. Quickly, sports news. Yankees won five in a row. These dicks.

I don't care. Praying to God they don't make it. I hate the Yankees so much that I was asked, I was challenged to do that ice bucket challenge thing and I had the ice bucket over my head and I realized that

ALS is Lou Gehrig's disease and Lou Gehrig was a Yankee. I'm a Red Sox fan so I just dumped the water on the ground and said kiss my ass. Anything that can hurt the reputation of the Yankees, I say we keep it alive of course i'm kidding but uh can you imagine if i did that got the bucket went fuck this luke garrick he's a yankee um but yeah yankees are making a little uh by the way what was the

was it tanaka is that his name the picture pitcher they got from Japan that paid all that dough for? Who was lights out until he had elbow problems, and they told him not to get Tommy John surgery to rehab it. I'm making this prediction right now, by the way. Remember, I predicted Rand Paul will be the next president. That Tanaka's going to, the elbow's going to blow out if he comes back this year. They think he's going to maybe pitch. Yeah, and if it doesn't blow out during the playoffs it will at the beginning of next year when you have that kind of problem i think surgery you gotta get it over with

anyways my red socks oh my god do they suck a bag of cheese doodles holy h i don't know what the h stands for but uh this is the same team that I saw in person win the first world series in friggin 80 something years at Fenway last year it's not the same team obviously but oh my god do they stink they just lost eight in a row they won last night they beat Toronto but holy Christ but you got to realize they've been playing like, it's been like a triple-A squad since the All-Star break. They say we're playing for next year. Fuck it.

But help is on the way. Cespedes is an animal. Love him. He's got to cut down on his swing a little bit. Big Papi has been as good at the plate as he's ever been. Sky amazes me. 31 homers. Leads the American League in our.

Of course, he fouls went off his foot a couple nights ago. And I mean fouled it off. Like a 95 mile an hour fastball inside of the plate. Right off the top of his foot. He went down like he was one of the Kennedys. I mean, holy Christ. So he's probably gone for a week or so. Maybe not. Didn't play last night in Toronto.

Will Middlebrook. Sorry, brother. You're a triple-A player at best. You can't hit a bull's ass with a base fiddle. I know you drove in a couple RBIs the other night and had the game winner, but you are not in the Sox future. That's my prediction. We got the kid, though. Castillo,

another defector from Cuba. Have you seen this kid? Makes Yasiel Puig look like an anorexic. This guy, he looks like a bodybuilder. I just saw a clip of him when I was in Atlanta on the news. His back is a V-shape. He looks like a goddamn football player. He's 27 years old, and he lit up the Cuban League over there, I guess.

And the Sox have given him 72 mil for like five years. So we get him. We get Cespedes. We'll have Napoli, who I'm starting to sour on. I was the biggest Napoli fan when he got here. But 15 homers? What are you, a shortstop for Kreising? Get those numbers out of a shortstop.

He's supposed to be our power hitter, brother. Love him. But if he can get back to, you know, it could be a shortstop. He's supposed to be a power hitter, brother. Love him. But if he can get back to, you know, it could be a scary lineup. But I'm sure they're going to make moves over the offseason. And you people who aren't Red Sox fans, I'll stop talking about it. But just know that I'm acknowledging they suck hard this year. And I'm a sucker. I still watch them.

I was working on a new bit in Atlanta, trying to work on a new bit. I came up with a premise. I used to tell a story about this girl that blew me. Well, I think she was a cougar. Because I was in my late 20s. It was in Naperville, Illinois. And she used her teeth. The worst blowjob ever.

And I said it was like, I felt like Quentin Jaws. teeth the worst blow job ever and i said it was like i felt like quint in jaws and and uh i was trying to do the bit telling it like uh quint from jaws i was on you know this is how i want to work it out i'm gonna work it out at the stand in new york you got to work the these premises out you know but i was like uh she's a cougar. You know, you can tell she's a cougar chief from the water, from the stage. You look from the tits to the tail. If she's wearing leopard skin pants, she's a cougar. Anyways, I'd push the cougar away,

and sometimes she'd go away, and sometimes the cougar wouldn't go away. The thing about a cougar, chief, she's got lifeless eyes, got black eyes like a doll's eyes. When she comes at your cock with those teeth, you don't seem to be living. And she bites down,

and those black eyes roll over white. And you hear that terrible high-pitched screaming, and sheets turned red and I don't know how much blood I lost maybe a pint, pint and a half I don't know how many eye teeth she had maybe a thousand

anyways I bumped into a friend of mine who was blown by her a couple weeks earlier Louis C.K. and he pulled on his pants. His cock had been bitten in half. Anyways, I delivered the load. June the 23rd, 1997, the funny bone, Naperville. All right, kids, good talking to you.

Keep up, keep toning in the numbers are good i uh i'm gonna go out now let's see i got a couple hours i think and i'm gonna use the pond rake and get a nice jag going take a shower get in the vehicle and ride to anthony akumia's where i'll on. I don't know when this is going to release this podcast, probably tonight. So you won't be tuning in Anthony. It'll be too late, but I'm sure it runs over and over again.

I'm sure they archive it. You know how it works. Anyways, thank you very much. Wash your filthy asses and a good day to you sir guitar solo guitar solo Bye.