The Nick DiPaolo Show - 045 - Heavy Heart Tonight

Episode Date: September 2, 2014

Heavy Heart Tonight

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. Hey, hey, kids. What's going on? This episode of the Nick DiPaolo Podcast brought to you by our friends at Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website, portfolio, and online store. For a free trial on 10% off, visit squarespace.com and enter offer code Nick, N-I-C-K, at checkout. A better web starts with your better website. It's simple. It's easy.

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Squarespace. A better web starts with your website. Well, I'm talking to you today or tonight, whenever you're listening, with a very heavy heart folks um this past tuesday uh i lost my brother-in-law my wife's brother was uh killed in an accident up in connecticut um we'll just leave it at that i'm not going to get into details because um even the you know the final investigation isn't in, but it was very, very tragic, very unexpected. I don't know how long I'm going to go tonight because, um,

I don't know. Uh, his name was Bobby. Um, the very room that I'm sitting in right now, where I do the show, I mean, in my man cave down in my office, I look around. It's all his work. This was a shitty basement when we bought the house and with just like a black, greasy floor, very dark, just a horrible, room actually and um my wife asked uh bobby who's a who's just he was an unbelievable carpenter one of these guys that could do anything uh electrical work roofer um just anything one of these guys uh just super talented uh jack jack-of-all-trades guy, and just unbelievably talented. And as I look around, it's hard to do this show. I came down here two nights ago, and, you know, just trying to watch TV,

and I'm looking around, kind of, oh, I'm bawling my eyes out. It's his handiwork everywhere. And he was just unbelievably talented i know uh in the past uh few podcasts i've done i was talking to you guys and telling you how i was having a new roof put on the house well that was him that was bobby and uh his cousin john um they came down here every other weekend it seems like the whole summit the last couple months they stayed here and you know

they'd get off they'd work all week and then drive down here Friday night be up on my roof at 630 in the morning on Saturday work till 7 at night and do it again on Sunday and then go back to the jobs in Connecticut and they did it like when they

could when they were available they'd come down so they were like here almost every other weekend and um it's it's just you know it's hard to believe that this guy's gone I mean uh he was a quiet quiet just a guy's guy I mean just a quiet funny guy nothing pretentious about him and it's really hard because my wife and him were so close i mean they talked two three times a week i don't know how you guys are with your siblings um my you know my sisters might text me once a year no no i'm exaggerating about that but uh my sister my wife and her brother were extremely close and um i don't know what's harder that he's gone at age 39 or you know watching what it's doing to my poor wife who was just understandably so devastated um you know she's from a small town outside of Waterbury.

And, uh, so I've been going back and forth this week. Um, and, you know, obviously just so tough on her, her parents. He was the only, uh, he was the only boy and, um, four sisters. So just horrible. Got the call on Tuesday night. And again, I'm sorry I can't get into specifics, but I just, you know, it's just, I'm still in shock and it's so painful.

I'm still in shock, and it's so painful. But he was just a quiet guy. You know, he had his demons, but just still in shock, still can't believe it. You know, he's just here. A few weekends ago, we have pictures of him, and that's why it's so tough. You know, he's just here a few weekends ago. We have pictures of him. And that's why it's so tough for my wife. She comes home.

You know, she'd been up in the small town when she grew up at her parents' house the last four days. And when she comes home here and now she has to look around at, you know, his fingerprints are in every room he's done. He did all kinds of work on this house. And, you know, his handy work is everywhere and i said to her well you'd be crying if i did it so um you know it's just so tough on her and it's so hard to see my wife this upset but it's so understandable because she and bobby was so close. I mean, just, you know, since they were kids. So it's heartbreaking. And so say a prayer for my in-laws if you could. He was the only son.

And I don't know. You know, I've lost a few family members, but they were, you know, my grandpa, my dad's dad was 93. And I was, you know, I was, what, 16 at the time. And I've been pretty lucky other than comedian friends. You know, we lost Geraldo, obviously, and Patrice, my buddies. But Manny at the Comedy Cell I was pretty close to. But when it's, you know, when it's your wife's husband and they're that close, and like I said, really got to know him this summer,

and I was just commenting on how, I mean, he was a quiet, shy, just nice guy. And I was actually telling my wife how last time he was here a couple weekends ago, how he was, I saw him, he was more talkative than I've ever seen him, you know. I said it's kind of a side I'd never seen from him. But just a shy, nice guy. And hardworking, excuse me. And just a great brother to my wife. As you know, my wife took up horse riding recently.

And if you go in stables, people have these wooden, like, hope chests, for a better word. Lack of a better word, I should say. And she showed her brother a picture of one that she wanted. So, you know, he went and built it over a couple weeks or a month or so i mean right down to the last detail so um you know this guy was extraordinarily talented and um his boss at work you know sent a letter saying just that how uh His boss at work, you know, sent a letter saying just that, how when he was on a job and if an older guy was having problems with a task that Bobby would just step in and help without having to be asked. That's the type of guy he was.

Nothing like me. Not a selfish bone in his body and just quiet and and just that type of guy. But so, so talented. You you know he had his faults and and uh a few times i guess his boss said one time you know they let him go um he and and then but they had to take him back because he was so much more talented than any of the other carpenters and uh just as just one of those guys you know with the talent for that type of stuff, which I was so in awe of this kid when it came to that stuff. Because, I mean, I have to consult the Home Depot website to change a light bulb in my frigging house. And this guy just, you know.

And it was on my roof, like I said. It seemed like all summer. They tore up the roof, and they found an old roof underneath, which they had to tear up, and a lot of unexpected things, but he handled them unbelievably and just made it look so frigging easy. And same thing with this man cave down, for lack of a better word. I'm just looking around at the work, you know. This is just a dark, depressing room, and now it's like a beautiful office.

And he just made it look so goddamn easy. I was just an office guy, you know. And it's really a shame. He was, you know, a good son, a good brother, good brother-in-law. And just, yeah, just say a prayer for my in-laws and my wife. And I'm not that religious, as you know. But when stuff like this happens, you're like, well, it's got to be heaven, right? You hope. like this happens you're like well it's got to be a heaven right you hope um my apologies uh go out to rochester new york um because of this tragedy and the family i couldn't do the gig friday night

at the main street armory uh but i'm looking to reschedule that because i've heard it's a good gig and you know it's a nice theater so uh again my apologies for that because it's obviously unavoidable but um and uh yeah and we have bobby's wake tomorrow in connecticut and then another mass wake tomorrow in Connecticut and then another mass on Tuesday. So it's been a long trying week and especially for my wife.

But she's a toughie. So alright kids. What the hell else did I want to say you know my mother went through this my mom was just to give you a little you don't know much about my family or my history I don't get that personal

on stage but sometimes I use this podcast to do you know to let you in on a little but my mom talked to my wife today because when my mom was nine years old she lost her dad and her brother and a oil truck hit their car this is you know when she was nine back in the 40s but uh you know at nine she had to take care of all the household chores and raise her brothers when my grandmother went to work. So she was talking to my wife today on the phone.

And, yeah, a little bit of tragedy in the family. Even my wife's grandmother lost a son in Vietnam. And she's in her 80s. She looks like she's 60, this lady. She was at the house this week. And women are pretty tough. It's amazing. The mothers.

I don't know how. I could never. I can't imagine raising something and having it taken at whatever age. But that's like the worst thing when you bury your own child. But it's amazing how they handle this stuff. I'm sure some better than others, but I don't know. It seems to me that women, that's when they're really mentally tough. And they'll surprise the hell out of you.

So, yeah, I don't want to be too much a a donner here but um i was uh it's kind of funny because i had to go to waterbury back i was going back and forth between here and waterbury and um they live in a small town outside of waterbury not in Waterbury and, um, they live in a small town outside of Waterbury, not in Waterbury proper. And if, if any has been to Waterbury recently, the last, I don't know,

the last 20 or so years, it's really a scary place. And, um, it's so funny because all these years that I've been with my wife, we haven't gone up to her parents that many times, but the, the few times that I've gone,

it was always just me, me driving and her just telling me uh i don't feel like me when you're driving and people give you directions you just you're not really paying attention you just like left here and left here take a right at the left but but uh you know i've been there plenty of times but never really memorized it and every time i've gone with my wife she's gone like five different ways um so i realized um you know i came back on wednesday and left my wife up there and uh i had to go back a couple times so i use my gps and of course that sends me where right down right through downtown waterbury. And I was at Andy's parents' house and then decided to leave. You know, we were up to like 3 in the morning,

decided to drive back to Westchester. And, you know, using the GPS, and sure enough, it sends me through downtown Waterbury at 3.30 in the morning. And I'm looking at my gps and it says take a left onto bank street or whatever but there's a sign right above me that says no left turn but i'm going it's three in the fucking morning does it really matter so i make the left and uh sure enough i look in my rearview mirror and I see a van with no lights on following me, but, you know, a police van, and I pull up to the light. He pulls up next to me, and

I just put my window down and sort of try to beat him to the pot. I go, look, man, I'm sorry. I'm lost, you know. I'm just trying to get to 84, and he's like, well, you weren't supposed to make a left back there, and I, you know, and I said, i didn't see i didn't see it i honest to god i was you know trying to find 84 and so he didn't give me a hard time but and uh you know apparently waterbury you know they see the new york plates the cops and there's a history of you know new york is coming up to connecticut to waterbury downtown to obviously score drugs and whatnot it's so run down and and creepy but he just said go straight ahead he didn't give me a hard time but uh that's the type of week but then goddamn

gps man and and it's so funny the the night before i went up with my wife and she tells me a different way we took exit 20 and again like i said i'm not paying attention you know i'm just going on her directions and uh they all had a good laugh at me going through waterbury at 3 30 a.m downtown and then i go back last night i was going back and forth same thing i it's taking takes me through and i'm like whatever i'm just going through and uh of course in the worst part of downtown waterbury there's a cop with a flashlight telling us all to take a left because it was an accident up ahead i go up this hill there's no street lights and there's a bunch of people hanging out on a porch staring at my car and uh it was freaking hairy i'm like oh my god this i guess back in the day back in the 50s

whatever right after world war ii it was booming because it was like a textile town or whatever they made a this whole documentary on on waterbury but uh kind of a creepy place now can't figure out i don't trust my uh gps the broad's a liar figure out. I don't trust my GPS. The broad's a liar. Fastest route, shortest. I don't know. It always takes me. I ended up going like 19 different ways.

I got through downtown Waterbury, then it was like 11 different turns through these back streets. But it got me there. Freaking retarded. I didn't update the disc. You know, every year they go, hey, buy a disc for $188. I did that once.

I remember that me and my wife went to a wedding. And, you know, apparently the streets were built like the day before the wedding. So it wasn't on my brand new disc. We were going in circles for about an hour and a half. It was fucked up somewhere in, I think it was New Hampshire we were. It was fucked up somewhere in somewhere. And I think it was a New Hampshire. We were. It was pretty funny. What the hell else? I was on on Tuesday.

That's right. We got the bad news about Bobby and Tuesday night, Tuesday day. I was on the brand new hit show, the Anthony Comia radio show at anthonycomia.com. And I know a lot of you guys that listen to this or fans of mine are probably fans of ONA.

And man, I envy that guy. I envy his setup. He's doing that show and he films it so you can watch it later on or whatever on iTunes or wherever. But he's doing it. You all know he's got the big, beautiful house in Long Island.

I pull up. It looks just like the Sopranos house. And so funny. I walk in. I mean, it's unbelievable. You could drive golf balls in the living room and kitchen. It's frigging. This girl answers the door, and she looks like she's 20 maybe,

but she has braces, which makes her look like she's 14. I'm laughing my balls off and just in my own head going, Anthony's so funny. Cute girl. And then, you know, Anthony comes to the door and leads me around and shows me around downstairs, and he's got a great setup. He's got a green screen down you

guys know all this but uh but we went out back and did the show by the pool he's got this small little built-in pool and he's telling me how all these codes all these guys that have to be greased in friggin you know like anywhere or the westchester long island and um but it's so funny he's got like a beautiful little backyard. But that back of the house looks just like Tony Zoprano's house. I was laughing. And he's got that dinosaur, that T-Rex near the pool. It's like amongst the foliage near his pool.

It just cracked me the hell up. But, I mean, the show's going great guns, he told me. You know, a bunch of the ona listeners and i don't blame you well the guy is freaking hilarious you want to hear him uncensored why wouldn't you uh so you know and we just sat there and his girl missy is bringing out uh you know, bringing out beer to us as we're sitting there doing the show. And he's just a funny guy. Cracks me up. Yes, we think a lot alike when it comes to politics.

And he doesn't shy away from any racial talk, although we didn't get that heavy into it. But he was telling me about it. He was going to, you know, he's having merchandise made up and, you know, a bunch of stuff for the Anthony Accomi radio show. And I guess the people that were going to do all the T-shirts, the wife thought or heard that Anthony was a white supremacist or some shit. So we started joking about it.

And I do, I forget what I said, something like, God, tell her sales are through the roof. And I did like the Heil Hitler thing. You know, of course, I forget that, you know, this is on camera too. So somebody, you know, grabs a screenshot of that and has to put it on Twitter. You know, Anthony was doing it too. We obviously were joking that somebody thought he was a white supremacist or whatever. But it didn't get that heavy.

You know, people were expecting us to go crazy or whatever, which is so, it just shows you how much people are brainwashed and, you know. We talk, Christ, we talk more about Polly Walmarts and the Sopranos than we did anything else. But it was, yeah, it makes me, it makes me envious. I love radio and that's what I want to do. And to work from home. All these guys, you know, Rush Limbaugh has his compound down in Palm Beach for years. Hannity works out of his home, I believe, in Long Island. You know, I guess he

comes in to do the TV show to the city, but that's at night. I mean, uh, but all these guys was a guy up in Boston, Jay Severin, who's from Long Island, I believe, but he had the number one talk show like up in Boston, another conservative guy. Um, but he was doing it from his house and, uh, you know, the technology today allows you to do this. I would love to do that. Because I do. I love where I live. I love the city, too. Don't get me wrong.

But to be making a living doing what you like out of your house, I mean, I keep hearing that's the American dream, you know. People don't go to malls anymore, right? We order everything through Amazon, have it delivered to your house, and that's where we're headed. That's if ISIS doesn't fucking cut our heads off. We'll get to that in a few minutes. But yeah, it was fun.

It was just very relaxed, just like I thought it would be. I didn't know there was going to be beers all over the place. But, yeah, it was a blast. And to be doing it from home. Who else was there? He had his producer, Keith, I think. I guess he's worked with him for years, this kid.

I mean, guy's invaluable. And another kid, Rat. It felt like, you know what it felt like? It felt like Boogie Nights. I felt like Anthony's playing the role of Burt Reynolds in Boogie Nights and I'm hanging out at his house by the pool. Guy cracks me up, though. He's living the American dream, okay?

That's what I like about him. So I like both of them. I like O up, though. He's living the American dream, okay? That's what I like about him. So I like both of those guys. I like Opie, too. Opie couldn't be a nicer guy, you know? And Jimmy, and still fans of those guys. So, you know, we'll do both shows. Hopefully, you know? I actually text Jimmy Norton before I did the Anthony show saying, you know, is it all right? I don't want to piss those guys off either, you know. I actually text Jimmy Norton before I did the Anthony show saying, you know, is it all right?

I don't want to piss those guys off either, you know. Because that's a great, obviously a great venue for comics to go on and plug our stuff. And speaking of that, I'm doing something for WPLR. I don't have, it's September 20th. It's September 20th. It's a Saturday night. I don't even know the venue yet. I don't know why I'm telling you about it.

That was stupid. But somewhere in Connecticut, I believe. You know, Chaz and AJ, PLR, they've been very good to me. Anytime I have Connecticut gigs, whether it's Foxwoods or, you know, anything in the Connecticut area, the treehouse gigs, they let me go on there. And they keep me on all day. So I thought, you know, I'd throw them a bit of a favor. They asked me to do a stand-up thing, I guess, that they do every year.

So if you're in the Connecticut. And then the following weekend, Chicago, Illinois. Zany's on the 25th. Rosemont, Illinois on the 26th and 27th. Again, those are Zany. The name doesn't do justice. It's a great little club. It's very tiny. The one downtown of Chicago.

I haven't done it in years. I can't wait to go because i love chicago um great friggin city for comedy used to do the funny firm a couple times a year and it's great you know have a few drinks after the show then you go on the street and on rush street there's all this food and it's uh it's actually a great freak city great italian restaurant just don't wander into the you know wrong neighborhood i mean jesus christ that's where the isis said they were headed if they're coming here yeah good fucking luck what about isis since uh i've been trying to news this week but it's been uh very tough now before i get to isis um and again not to bring the show down again this is kind of a heavy-hearted show um joan rivers

ai ai ai what is going on with comics huh 2014 joan rivers who i like i gotta be honest with you i like her balls i like her moxie and And it's funny. Look, people ask who her influences are. When I was a kid, you know, 70s, she would be on The Tonight Show. And the fact that, you know, she would crack me up. You know, she's all right. I mean, but she is a legend. There's no doubt about that. But I like her balls, her spunk, you know.

And she's pretty funny. I don't know if she, you as funny today as she was but i do like her moxie as they say i i i get to i i actually got to meet joan um back in the 90s when i first moved to new york my manager joan joan's husband edgar committed suicide she always used to bring edgar up in her act he was like the punching bag that's what was funny you know most of the up to that point was always the male comedian busting his wife's balls like i do in my act joan used to use her husband edgar as a punching bag um And he committed suicide, so she kind of went into hibernation for a while,

for quite a long time. I can't remember how long, but her first show back was at Mimernick High School, the auditorium. That's where she grew up, I guess, right here in Westchester. And my old manager, Barry, got tickets or whatever and brought me.

And we got to meet Joan. I'll never forget it. The air conditioner was broke. And it was one of those 101-degree days. And we're in this, like, high school gym with absolutely no AC. I remember just thinking, oh, it's going to kick on. This is obviously, you know, a temporary situation. People, I saw like older people walking out, like right in the middle of it.

People getting dizzy. It was just unbearably hot. I don't know how she got through it. And it was not long after her husband had killed killed killed himself and um she was a little rusty i remember but of course because she'd taken a lot of time off but she she's just a tough lady you know i kind of like her um this past thanksgiving when i went to louie's house uh for to Louie's apartment in New York City there, Joan and Melissa were, you know, right in the kitchen.

Joan couldn't have been nicer. Her and my wife, she was helping my wife in the kitchen and setting the table, which I would have never expected, you know, from her act, you know, the Jewish feminist, whatever. But she was nice. she was nice melissa was nice and uh they couldn't have been nicer but um i do like i do like her uh that streak that mean streak and i i like the fact that she got older as a comedian she was never afraid to say anything i mean um never too shy in that regard but as she got older you know as you get older she's christ she's 81 um she's not gone by the way she's uh but she doesn't look good did i mention that at the top

of the story she's um she's on life support as of tonight which is sunday um she was having a routine uh thing done to her vocal cords, supposedly. Of course, on the Internet, you go on, people start shit, and, oh, bullshit, you believe that? You know, she was having more face work done, and it's just so fucking, just even, it is unbelievable. The comment section, the Internet just shows the ignorance of the fucking idiot masses.

But whatever, whatever she was having done was pretty routine, you know, and she stopped breathing, whatever. Now the question is how much oxygen didn't get to her brain. But it doesn't sound good. I mean, a couple days ago they said, you know, they put her in a medically induced coma. And then, you know, today they're saying they might have to make a decision to take her off life support.

And her daughter Melissa is, they said, one source in the paper said she's kind of in denial about it. And I hope. But I've got to believe it's true. This doesn't look good. This is the sad show, folks. I don't know. It all came down. But... So let's pull for uh Joan um for you younger listeners uh she did the Ed Sullivan show to give you an idea how long she's been doing it there's a documentary that

I don't even know the name of it I should have looked it up uh if I was getting paid I would have um there's a documentary that came out a year or two ago about her her career you should get it even if you're not a fan just to see how hard work and I found her inspirational she's like doing a gig out in you know the middle of Wyoming somewhere she gets on a plane she lands in New York at like 3 in the morning gets in her limo she's up the next day like 7 to write some jokes or something. I'm going, holy shit.

You're talking about a woman. She's 81 now. And I guess this past week she was doing a gig like the night before joking how she could just fall over because she was 81. She could go at any time. And then that happens the next day. So, yeah, but get the documentary.

I don't even know the name of it but uh you know you know how it works fucking google joan rivers documentary and uh it just shows i don't know where they get the energy i don't know i must have low blood sugar or some shit but i was watching it going holy christ and she catalogs all her own jokes at home she has these you know dewey decimal system she has it's like the library there's like a thousand drawers where she you know writes jokes she's been writing jokes her whole career on index cards and then put them in the in the proper drawer and she's got like it's a whole wall it looks like a library wall um but just uh you know she's a comic she got that mean streak in it too

she's not afraid to say some really you know what people might find horrendous and uh some people get bent out of shape i think we have a good example of that this is her a few years ago in wisconsin at a gig and uh she says something somebody in the audience gets offended because it's america and that's how it fucking works isn't it folks um but this is her i think it was in wisconsin a few years ago maybe not even a few years ago pretty recently she gets into it with a heckler i hate children gets into it with a heckler. I hate children.

The only child that I think I would have liked ever was Helen Keller, but she didn't talk. It is just... It is very funny. Yes, it is. And if you don't, then leave. It's funny if you have a deaf son. I happen to have a deaf mother. Oh, you stupid ass. Let me tell you what comedy is about.

Go ahead and tell me. Oh, please. You are so stupid. Comedy is to make everybody laugh at everything and deal with things. You idiot. My mother is deaf, you stupid son of a bitch. Don't tell me. And just in case you can hear me in the hallway I lived for nine years with a man with one leg

okay you asshole and we're going to talk about what it's like to have a man with one leg who lost it in World War II and never went back to get it because that's fucking littering so don't you tell me how do you not how do you not how does she not say fucking that i mean or did she i don't think she did how do you not snap on that right

oh you're so stupid that's all i mean i wish when i got pissed that that was the strongest language i but first of all i just loved how she handled that so what you're telling me the guy that yells shit out and this has happened to all comics trust me happened to me at catch rising star uh actually the comic strip one of the first times i performed when i first moved to new york the comic strip i was making fun of chelsea clinton and this uh woman comes up to me after the show with her husband. She's fucking crying, literally so upset. She's crying. She goes, you know, when I was a kid, I had, uh, I had braces and glasses. What you said about, uh, uh, the Clinton's

child was not funny. I look like that as a kid. And her, her husband was trying to pull her away. Her husband was laughing. He, he, he was going, he was like behind her shaking his head to me going, don't worry about her or whatever the fuck. I still remember that guy. Should have kissed him. But can you imagine? And I remember saying to her and I said it to her because I go, oh, I said, OK, well, sorry. I mean, you know, but I'm really not because I did homeless jokes. And you didn't have a problem with that. So only when it pertains to you is it offensive.

That's a nice way to go through fucking life. That's real mature. Just some people don't get it. Like that guy that yelled at Joan Rivers just now. Because he has a deaf son. But the rest of the show is fine. We know Joan Rivers. I'm sure she was attacking a lot of people.

But because you have a deaf son and she was doing it. The Helen Keller references, hack. That's horrible. Joan should have been suspended a year for that. But Helen Keller. We were doing Helen Keller references when I was in fifth grade. But for a guy to go, that's not funny. He had that shitty Wisconsin accent.

That's not funny when you have a deaf son. Sounded like Pesci. We're doing Pesci on Anthony Comey's show. Be careful. After he throws Sharon Stone out of the back of the club, remember? At the back of the restaurant. Fucking they push her down the stairs and throw her outside. And Anthony pointed out that he throws in that.

Be careful. And, uh, that fucking cracked me up. But, uh, I love the way Joan handled that. You asshole.

I got a deaf mother. I mean, really people, do you really, what the fuck is that guy doing at a comedy club? Remember all, uh, deaf jokes are off limits because my son is

dead joan should have said something like okay tell you i want to give your son a message and done some fucked up sign language and then gave the finger tell your son this and do like some fake but you know like remember the black guy that was standing next to the president that crazy black kid that was somehow snuck up there and was doing, pretending he was signing? And nobody knew who the fuck he was after? He had, like, terrorist ties or something. But that's what John should have done. Hey, I got to read this ad again because I was told to do it, you know, at the beginning of this show and in the middle, I guess.

And I'll do it for them because it's a great product, Squarespace. And they came back to us. Excuse me. And we appreciate that. This episode of the DePaulo Podcast brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website, portfolio, and online store. For a free trial and 10% off, visit squarespace.com and enter offer code NICK at checkout.

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Don't it? Sure it do. Thank you to Squarespace. Good product. I'm not kidding you. Because I know people who know computers and shit. And they said, yeah, that's good. What else?

On this story today, Leandra Becerra Lombreras was reportedly born in the year Queen Victoria celebrated her golden jubilee. She's a Mexican woman, Leandra Lubreras. She has reached the age of 127, making her the oldest person who has ever lived. Let's put it into perspective here. She was 27 when World War I erupted.

27. World War I erupted. 27? World War I was like 1917, 16? Holy fucking moly. She was 75 when JFK was pushed out of a moving vehicle on Route 1. No.

Era. Where's the old Mexican broad? 75 when JFK was shot. And she was nearly 100 years old when the Berlin Wall came down. Which was in what? 91, I want to say? No, 88. Somewhere in that area, you know.

Must have been 88 88 Reagan was president supposedly she's the oldest person who has ever lived I'm looking at a picture of her right now it's funny when women get older and they lose all their estrogen and I don't know if they gain testosterone or what

but they do turn into she looks like Charlie Rangel Charlie Rangel estrogen. And I don't know if they gain testosterone or what, but they do turn into... She looks like Charlie Rangel. Charlie Rangel, the fucking asshole congressman from New York. Oh, she looks like a very old middle relief pitcher for the Astro.

Oh. According to the relatives, she loves chocolate. But get this, folks. Here's a little, you know, catch to the story. There'll be no visits from the Guinness Book of Records because she lost her birth certificate while moving, changing houses 40 years ago.

Okay, well, then we don't know how old she is. Maybe she's 66 and she looks like shit for her age. Okay, I'm gonna claim I'm fucking 11. I'm the oldest looking 11-year-old. Once again, we'll leave it to Mexico, another third world country.

No paperwork. What do they do, write shit in mud when you're born? Anybody keep records of the united states apparently she has this is why uh i don't believe it because it says she has 73 great-grandchildren i mean i know 22 old mexican broads that have 73 great-grandchildren that's why i'm saying it's a hoax, supposedly born on August 31st, hey, wait a minute, what's today,

aren't we right there, that's probably why it's in the news, dummy, 1887, my grampy DePaulo was born in 1885, he died in 1978, she was a seamstress. A seamstress for

the band. Ballerina must have seen her. Yeah. She was a seamstress. She's already seen five of her children and several of her grandchildren die. Not from like unnatural causes. She's out seen five of her children and several of her grandchildren die.

Not from, like, unnatural causes. She's outliving them. She has, get this, folks, 55 great-great-grandchildren. And her labia is 11 inches long. I, uh, what? Can you imagine being 127? Holy Christ. They say she does P90X and she... She likes to skydive and she builds her own street bikes and races them.

No, that's all bullshit except for the 55 great-great-grandchildren. But again, this is total horseshit. Like I said, she's from Mexico and she's probably 68. I mean, if you've got that many great-grandchildren, it's going to age the shit out of you. A lot of blow, too.

So, you put a story in the news like this and you go, oh, by the way, it's not official. You know who the oldest person is because it's not official? Misawa Okawa. I don't know if that's a man or a woman, but it's a Japanese person, 12 years younger. So that's 115. Can you friggin' imagine?

I'm 52 and I've had about enough i gotta be fucking honest with you at times you know i say that but uh 127 can you imagine the changes she's seen she's 127 and she's seen the Mets win two titles how do you say dog shit club in Spanish here's a story I didn't get to last week

that really again it's one of those ones you're like okay but but nothing the headline was get to last week that really, again, it's one of those ones you're like, okay, but it's but nothing. The headline was, from National Review Online, Vermont diner's bacon sign taken down for offending Muslims.

I don't give a shit if this is, you consider it anecdotal, you know, or whatever the fuck. I don't give a shit. It shouldn't happen even once. A sign advertising the bacon at a Vermont diner has been taken down after a Muslim resident

complained about the sign on the internet and sparked a massive backlash. That's the part that fucking irritates me. It's an actual backlash from jerk-offs on Facebook and other fucking idiots on the Internet. Here it is. In June, in return for taking part in a local volunteer initiative to plant flower beds in the city's traffic medians, the diner was awarded a sign on a lamppost that said, Yield for Sneakers Bacon. Sneakers is the name of the restaurant.

A woman took issue with the sign, calling it insensitive to those who don't eat pork. Yeah, but how about the other 98% who do eat pork, you fucking close-minded twat? Here's the part that bugs me the most, though. The woman's objection. First of all, here's my question. Why do you come over here to the united states of america maybe you were born here i don't know it doesn't really say but as far as you know people that come from other countries why would you come to the united

states especially if you're muslim where everything in our society offends you. Why would you pick this country to live in? Where, you know, you're going to be subject to this shit. Because of our freedom. Whether it's pork. Or, you know, sex. Booze. Where the most free country in the world where all the shit flows and it's what makes it great why would you decide to

I don't know it makes me wonder you know why would you do that come to a place you know whose society goes against every value that you seem to have I still don't get it oh it's because we also have freedom of religion here.

Okay, then shut your mouth and put up with the fucking bacon. Okay, look at it as an exchange. But here's the part of the story that makes my blood curdle and almost makes me believe that the people who own the diner deserve to be treated like this. The woman's objection in which

she posted online prompted several Facebook and Yelp comments calling on sneakers bistro to take down the sign there's the fucking idiot liberal jerk offs here in this country chiming in facebook you know i read the shit i go on for five minutes i don't even understand facebook i don't know why twitter is the only thing i like about the internet. But these people, it's unbelievable, the politically correct shit just pouring out of the holes in their face. All this fake positivity and shit, it's really caught on. PC is like a disease. So you got people telling the bistro to take down the bacon sign.

Are you fucking kidding me? The diner's owners contacted the woman to apologize and tell her the sign has been removed. Good. And I hope all you other patrons who love bacon tell you to go fuck yourself and your business goes in the toilet. That would be the free market at work. I hope that's what happens. Who knows? This is a quote from the owner.

We are here to serve people breakfast, not politics. Oh, is that really? That's a political sign saying you have great bacon on a sign? That's considered politics now? Are you shitting me? You know, hummus offends me because it's chickpeas mashed up or whatever, right? And it makes people fart. That bothers me.

I say we start to... That's offensive to me. Stop serving hummus. Stop selling in supermarkets. I actually love hummus. We're here to serve breakfast, not politics. Oh my God. The mayor of the town,

Winooski, Vermont, commended the diner for taking down the sign. The cool part of living in a diverse community is that it's not always comfortable, said Mayor Catherine, fucking dumb twat. This is why, you know, I have to do satellite radio

and that type of language. Mayor Catherine DeKeraro told the television network. It's a fascinating place with lots of opportunities for conversation. Do you hear her? Do you hear how she's taken the bait and swallowed this shithole? Do you see how it's in her DNA, this politically correct horseshit, because she's been lying her whole life? What does that mean?

It's a cool part of living in a diverse community. That it's not always comfortable. Not always comfortable for who? You don't have a right to not be uncomfortable. This is a mayor. This is a chick mayor agreeing with this politically correct horseshit. This is a chick mayor agreeing with this politically correct horseshit. She goes on to say,

Winooski is always welcome to immigrants, she said, including my ancestors who spoke only French in 1835 when they arrived. What's French for fucking idiots? It's plural. Too bad they arrived. I got to believe more people. I can't even. I'm losing my mind here.

I can't even believe that makes sense. I don't give a shit. I don't know if it's an isolated incident, which it's not, by the way. I mean, we've heard story. I just don't understand that. You move to a country with a culture that just, you know, totally goes against everything you believe in or whatever. Have they finished building those special sinks that Muslims wash their feet in at the

airports? Remember that was going on? That was when I had my old radio show. Hmm. Ah. I got some soreness in the shoulders I don't know if I mentioned on the last podcast I have a pond I have a pond on my property and it's like about the size of an NHL rink, I'd say, maybe a little smaller. It's 9,000 square feet, whatever that is.

But anyways, the whole summer, this summer, for some reason, you know, algae, algae, I said allergy, algae grows in your pond sometimes. I don't know what happened this summer and i saw i saw it on a lot of other ponds in the area it's it looks like pea soup the whole surface of my pond all summer has looked like somebody threw a lime green tarp over it looks just like pea soup and you know it's algae and shit so i uh i got this rake i might have mentioned this last podcast i gotta start writing down or keeping what I talk about and then I get married I got this

pond rake sent away for you got to assemble it yeah I did talk about it but anyways but it worked beautifully just like it said it was gonna with like a 30 foot rope on a 12 foot handle so I could throw it out in the Just like it said it was going to, with like a 30-foot rope on a 12-foot handle so I could throw it out in the middle of the pond and drag it in.

I told you guys about this. Well, I mean, after doing it, I don't know, I did it like for two and a half, three hours a day. You talk about a workout, mother of God. My heart rate was up, sweating like a pig. The lime green shit at the top you know just look like surface scum but there's like like this green no i don't want to say seaweed because it's a pond this green heavy look you know it's almost like kale that uh is connected to it so i mean

i must have pulled uh literally 2 000 pounds of this shit out of my pond over a three or four day period. And it looks finally, not crystal clear, but there's just a little bit of green shit at the top now, little patches here and there. And it started pouring today. I mean, pouring hard, not for very long. By the way, no leaks anywhere in my house thanks to my late brother-in-law, Bobby's work.

Nothing. You did it perfect as we expected. And all that pond scum washed away pretty much. My pond is back to normal. I was cleaning it up because I was going to have the annual Nick DiPaolo comedian slash hack Labor Day cookout. And

then the tragedy happened. So that was put on hold, obviously. And well, luckily, Bobby Kelly had one, I guess, last week and had a cookout he's not too far from me about 14 miles up here so he had a bunch of the comics up but that could put on hold so that's the only time I ever have anybody up here

that's crazy me and my wife we're like so anti-social got this beautiful piece of property and we don't, uh, don't ever have that much company. I was lucky enough to find a wife that's as antisocial as me in a good way. I mean, people who meet her love her, but I'm just saying that's one of the few things we do do. and it's a lot of fun to have all those comics up. It's funny, every year people start bringing, like,

now Jimmy Florentine has a baby, and Mike Baker, my web guy, and Bobby Kelly has a new baby. So you young whippersnappers are going, yeah, that sounds like a hell of a party, Nick. Shitty diapers and Bud Light. But it is. It's kind of fucking fun. We didn't get to do it, but that means next year.

Maybe I'll have another one in a couple weeks. See how my wife's doing. It would be too tough to have company now, you know. But the shoulders are stiff today. Not too bad, though. Not for 52. I destroyed my shoulders playing football in high school. I think I told you all that, but actually it was lifting weights is what did it.

Nobody knew back in the, again, the early 40s. No, the 80s that you're supposed to stretch and stuff. We'd go in the weight room, literally not even supposed to stretch and stuff we just would go in the weight room literally not even warmed up and then nobody no really seriously would throw like you know would would throw 225 on the bench and start with that and then you know try to max out at three bills without stretching hey who would have guessed my shoulders turn into putty the doctor explained it to me dr lyle mckaylee by the way guy is the world-renowned expert on something called the bankart procedure which is what he did to my shoulders

but he was saying how when you're lifting all the way benching that much i was still growing at the time you're like 17 at the time or whatever 16 17 and you what you're doing is stretching uh all the ligaments and stuff all the muscles around your shoulder joint become stronger than the joint itself, something like that. So that's why the shoulder would pop out. It was, you know. And every time my shoulder came out of the socket, all your ligaments would stretch.

Your tendons would stretch, you know, like a rubber band when it snows. But after, you know, like an old rubber band doesn't have any more stretchy. That's what happened to the tendons of my shoulders. And so somebody could come up to me and just sneeze on my shoulder, and it would come out of the socket. And that's how they both were, not to mention, you know, and like I said, because of all the lifting and not doing it right and stuff. And they came out during, you know, if I hit somebody on the field, it would come out.

And every time it would come out, the ligament, the tendons would stretch more and lose its elasticity. Then it'd be even easier. And I finally, you know, I jumped off a man-made quarry. Might have mentioned this in previous podcasts. Buddies dared me and a couple other guys, 75 feet, fucking idiots. Can't believe nobody died. And one of my shoulders came out, went right back in, luckily. But when I told the doctor that story, he said, you know,

they both could have come out and you could have went right to the bottom. And that has happened to people, which that's when I said I got to get them fixed. And Dr. Lyle McKaylee did it. bottom and that has happened to people which that's when i said i gotta get them fixed and um dr lyle mckaylee did it i don't know how i get on that oh yeah i'm cleaning the pond i woke up with shoulders on us anyways but not too bad and i credit that the p90x actually no i've sewn this anywhere else lower back whatever's about it, kids. It's been a long, tough, emotional week. And thanks for hanging in with me on this. You know, show's kind of sad in its tone.

But God bless you, Bobby. We're going to miss you. And that's about it. College football, maybe I'll get to that next time didn't get to see much of it because of the circumstances obviously recorded a couple games i might watch right now finally get a little relaxation and before we head up to uh the waterbury area tomorrow for the services um come see me again at zany's in chicago on the 25th of september that's in downtown chicago then on the 26th and 27th in rosemont zany's in rosemont on the 26th and 27th which is friday and saturday of that weekend um any other dates i don't know let's play a little tune for bobby Any other dates?

I don't know. Let's play a little tune for Bobby. All right, kids. That's Norman Greenbaum, by the way. Another Boston guy. One-hit wonder. But this might have been the best one hit of all time,

in my opinion. Read somewhere on the internet. It's the most used song for movies and whatever. And I hope they don't get mad that I'm using it, but... Goes out to my boy, Bobby. Love you, man.

Love you, man. I'm going to go when I die. When I die and your name is your best. I'm going to go to the place that's the best.