The Nick DiPaolo Show - 053 - End of the World

Episode Date: October 28, 2014

End of the World

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hello kids, how you is? It's Monday. You know what that means. Another day, not another dollar, at least when it comes to podcasting. What's up? another dollar at least when it comes to podcasting what's up so funny i meant to start this show literally an hour and a half ago i pick up my ipad and i use the ipad in uh you know coordination with the laptop to do the show and i keep getting this reminder on the ipad to update the software so you know this has been going off like two weeks i always hesitate

to do that because when you update stuff like that then there's other shit other bugs and stuff anyways i go oh i'm sick of seeing this it probably only take a few minutes i hit it and you know between the downloading and the installation then they you know give you nine questions afterwards um yeah that was an hour and a half ago. That's how slow it was downloading and just frustrating as all hell because I have other stuff to do. I have dusting.

I have to get dinner in the oven. I have to make the beds and vacuum. Of course, I'm kidding. I have an 18-year-old Latino girl that does that you know that's the kind of dough i have anyways that's a joke too i don't want to get sued not that anybody's listening that could sue me maybe bill in fucking buffalo who saw me at niagara falls but anyways i was supposed to start this recording an hour and a half ago and that's how long it took because i just don't understand this shit.

You know, it said five minutes left to the downloading, and I'm like, oh, beautiful. And then I checked 20 minutes later. It says three minutes left to download and all that. I'm sure you guys understand it better than I do. That's why I have Mike Baker at Baker Media, who I can't get a hold of until after midnight. He's like a comedian, man. He works night. of until after midnight. He's like a comedian, man.

He works night. He works after midnight. He's like me. Anyways, what the hell's going on? Just got back from the doctors, went for some blood work. You know, I told you about the Lyme disease and the symptoms of listlessness and, you know, forgetfulness and all that. And I have all that. But I believe that's because, again, I'm averaging about three and a half, four hours sleep a night, which just doesn't cut it.

But, you know, I tested positive back in what, of June July and the guy said wait about five six months to test again I don't know why but I told him last week I'm feeling like shit so let's do this so I went in for blood work and urine by the way the parking lot of the the doctor's office in Mount Kisco was like it looked like a mall parking lot on Christmas Eve or the day after Thanksgiving. Everybody's freaking out. I think they all think they have Ebola and it's flu season. So anytime somebody sniffles or coughs, sees a trace of blood, everybody's being tested. I had to frigging stand up in the waiting room for Christ's sake.

Of course, I'm like the youngest one in there. People are like in the late thousands, just all I heard was this. People sitting next to me. Oh, it's just, I'm going, holy shit, that's mean about 20 years. I don't look at old people the same anymore now that I'm in my 50s. When you were younger, you looked at old people. You went, that guy was, he was always old. That's how he was born. Oh, that woman was always old.'s how he was born or that woman was always old that's how when you were young in 20s you look at old people no i don't see it that way i'm like holy shit fast forward about 15 years which is about nothing i'll be sitting there with age spots like a bruised banana on my forehead my wife holding my hand waiting to go in to get

my blood thinners uh that's how i see it but you know i'm not the happiest cherries guy with the bright outlook you know that about me um what the hell else hold on i uh i left the phones on so they might ring i'm waiting to hear from a few important uh business related calls career related like i have one um so if you hear the phone ring it'll add to the uh charm of the show okay get the fuck out of here um yeah so i went to bed last night at 11 30 p.m because i was exhausted because the day before i had slept about an hour two and a half hours and just i'm laying there trying to watch football i couldn't even concentrate and so mentally exhausted so uh i forced myself to go to bed at 11 30 which is you know two hours earlier than normal for me and again i fall asleep fine uh but i wake up and look at the clock, and it's, what did it say, 347?

No. 1130 to 1230, 1230 to 130, 230. No, it was 10 of 3. It was 10 of 3. What's that, like three hours sleep? 10 of 3. And this is going on, folks, forever. I know I keep telling you about it but it's just

getting worse haven't haven't physically worked out in three weeks because i'm walking like a zombie fell back asleep at about 4 30 i was staring at the clock till 4 30 then i had dreams about me not being able to sleep people giving me advice and me yelling at them and them yelling back at me and i was dreaming that i uh that i couldn't sleep what a fucking nightmare i am like a zombie i have a headache from lack of sleep i really am gonna tonight i'm gonna uh i'm gonna crush up an ambience snort it up my nose jerk off four or five times and drink two bottles of wine you know i think that'll work better than an ounce of warm milk as people have been suggesting but uh

and it happened on the road brought the wife by the way on the road this past week went up to uh did seneca casino in niagara, a gorgeous room, about 450 seats. It might have been 10 empty seats. It was packed. I'm telling you, after 26 years, I'm starting to see some traction. But it's this beautiful theater, you know, small theater, but with theater seating. You know, I'm like, I'm in a pit. They call it the bear's den.

You know, I'm like I'm in a pit. They call it the bear's den. And Rob Lederman is a guy who is a radio guy up there that who emcees the show and books it. And but but the theater was awesome. It'll be a nice place to shoot a special someday. And my only complaint was that, you know, in a casino to me, that just draws low lives. But as far as my show goes, it was my fans, which was cool. But again, I talked about the casinos because I was at Foxwoods, right? It's just the, I just don't, you know, it just draws. Even up in beautiful Niagara Falls. Gorgeous up there, by the way. Nice people. In Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls! Slowly I turned.

This is how I came on stage. Step by step. I moonwalked Michael Jackson. I walked up to him and I smashed him. I knocked him down. I cut off the faces and I knocked him down. That's what I wanted to do to this kid that walked up to me at the casino after the show. He wasn't in the show because he didn't know who I was. But I'm sitting there with my wife playing like the slots.

And I'm just sitting next to her watching the Broncos game. The Thursday night game on this huge screen. And this kid comes up to me like in his late 20s maybe, 30s. But drunk. Looks, comes right up to me like in his late 20s, maybe 30s, but drunk. Looks, it comes right up to me like two inches from my face. Are we winning? Are we winning?

And I just, you know, you know me, Mr. I go, who's we with a painful look on my face. I don't like when people just come up, complete strangers and want to engage you in a conversation.

I don't even like it when people I know do it. Just, you know, I don't know if you wanted to meet my wife or, you know. I go, what do you mean? Then I said, you know, I thought he met the screen. He was talking about the slot machine. I wasn't even playing. And then, you know, he's like, okay, take it easy. And then he puts his hand down.

I'm Nick from Philly. He goes, where are you from? And I go nick from philly he goes where you from and i go why and he goes what i can't be friendly and i go no you can't and then he's just like staring at me he goes this place sucks huh then he goes to my wife you better tell tell him referring to me he needs to relax this is a guy drunk by himself and then wanders away now am i wrong for getting upset at that because it happens to me all the time i remember bill hicks used to do a bit that because i have the same face as him apparently people come up to you when you're perfectly fine and go what's wrong and uh because that happens to me all the time

because i just my natural facial expression isn't a smile and everything's okay i don't know but he engaged me and i'm like does he want to is he trying to meet my wife what why are you fucking bothering me oh can't be friendly uh you're not being friendly you're being over uh i don't you're being provocative that's how i took it but he goes to my wife you better tell him to relax and then he just wanders away i'm guessing he was drunk he looked you know his eyes are kind of at half masking and uh half mask i didn't say mask mass and uh anyways don't do that to me okay bugs the shit out of me but uh the gig was good only problem was uh the morning radio getting there and um i went up the night before the gig drove up there about six hours or so me and the wife i never bring her on gigs people always ask

you that do you bring your wife it's like no this is how it works for comedians when you have a girlfriend or a wife they the first year they'll come to your shows not even after about six months they like uh okay i've seen enough and then they they find other comedians that they like way more like my wife loves uh always loved louise matera she's got good taste she she had louis peg way before he was famous and she was right and she loves john mulaney now which i understand because i hear him on the radio and he's a funny bastard i wish him all the success good guy too mulaney um but it's funny but she finally i don't think i can't remember maybe a couple thanksgivings ago she came

when I was in Tarrytown at the music hall. But that was probably the last time. So she drove up. You got to have somebody with you. You're going to drive six and a half. You don't have to, but what am I going to do? Paint the face on a volleyball and sit it next to me? So we go all the way up to niagara falls

and uh and uh you know it's romantic the falls in niagara falls it's it's romantic niagara falls we uh last time we went up there we took that boat ride that everybody does you know and they you dress up like the goat and fishermen and it goes right into the falls we already did that so we felt no need to do by the way if you're if you're going to do that, save your money. Like I said on stage the other night, you're better off getting a hooker to pee on you in front of a window fan. But no, it's actually fun. Do it. Then the morning radio, the poor driver who was supposed to bring me,

he was caught in Canada. Remember the shooting went on up there? I haven't mentioned that have i since uh that's why i call this this episode is called the you know the end of the world because you know you had that shooting up in ottawa right then you had the two new york cops attacked by that psycho fuck uh by the way there's a fine line between an isis member and just a crazy uh black guy from the bronx or wherever he was from um there's a fine line between an isis member and just a crazy uh black guy from the bronx or wherever he was from um there's a fine line okay people who just hate cops and whitey by the way he said he wanted whitey dead too so now now crazy people and racist people are going to use that as an excuse that they're working for isis basically uh then you had the two cops killed in Sacramento. They were blown away. And school shooting in Seattle.

It's the darkest time I can remember in my 52 years. It really is creepy. And God bless you if you're wearing a uniform. Because the scum, the scum right now are empowered. I don't want to say why. Because the scum, the scum right now are empowered. I don't want to say why. So, just a, yeah, just a dark time.

Don't you think? I do. Yeah, so the three hours of sleep, went to doctors, the blood work. I pissed in a, see, now I can't even remember if I just said this to you. This is what's scaring me and drove me to the doctors

in the first place. And I believe it's the lack of sleep. It's not, you know, or it might be the Lyme. Oh, look, I couldn't even remember

the word Lyme. I'm going crazy over here. But I can't piss on cue and they want piss right after they take your blood so i peed in a um tupperware a little tupperware thing at home and brought it with me and then you know i cheated i went into the bathroom and poured it into the test tube like a crazy scientist and um i can't piss on cue. I have no problem pissing like in a men's room when there's everybody around. That doesn't bother me,

but when a doctor says, here, give me some. That I have a problem with. I always hear the Jeopardy music in my head, and they tell you to turn the water on, and by then I get done flushing the toilets, and nothing's working, so I brought it with me. So remember that. if you come to my house for a cookout you might want to take

a double look at that tupperware that i serve you the baked beans and no i tossed it out a little tiny thing just thinking about leaving it on the counter with some grapefruit juice for the wife just to bust her chops but listen kids um then i went from niagara falls again drove up on tuesday and i did the gig no drove up on wednesday and i did the gig on uh thursday and uh i recommend it to all my comic friends it's a good good thing good gig they give you a corner room suite overlooking Niagara Falls at night, like the whole, I mean a big ass suite, old fashioned.

I just dropped something. Yeah, and then drove, got up the next morning and drove from Niagara Falls over to Albany, which is another 300 miles and about four, four and a half hours

to do the uh the comedy works the guy that runs a comedy work just opened a new room called the wolf's den and sold out by the way but an extra 60 people showed up than they expected so i'm seeing good numbers and i love you people for coming on i really do um did that room that was interesting because this is it's a beautiful sports bar that a guy had just bought and it's the room in the back it's separate from the sports bar i don't want to make it sound like a hell gig so um but here's the thing i'm on stage and right in the middle of my show all of a sudden the sound system is interrupted by an fm station some they were they're on the same frequency or something i don't know how that

happened but i'm up there i don't mean just for a minute or two for about five to seven solid minutes there's an fm station playing i'm up there trying to talk over it i'm looking for looking for tommy the owner and luckily he came to the rescue but you can't he sits down at the soundboard he knew about as much as i did he's he's trying to play with it i'm up there trying to it's one thing with the sound to go out you can fuck around with the crowd and start picking on people or whatever but but but it's playing music and shit i'm dancing to like sting and people are just i'm like can you change it to something I like? And just, you know, it's kind of weird. But what's funny is the reaction. Some people cross their arms and they look at you like it's your fault.

The comic. It's unbelievable. People get a few drinks in them. So I'm up there for like six or seven minutes in it. And there's like a station blaring, a disc jockey and music and they're kind of crazy i'm sure they'll work out the kinks it was i think it was the first night they were doing comedy there but good turnout by the way like i said and i appreciate that appreciate that very much and then uh yeah drove back that night which is about two hours and 10

minutes from albany to my house. So really logged a mile. You know what, though? I love the gigs, and I'd do it again. That's an ideal. I mean, two nights in a row just when you have to do one show? Banged out about an hour and 12, too, for the Niagara kids. Yeah, that's the ideal thing.

Both good paying gigs, back to back, just one show, and then I'm home for the weekend. If I could do that 52 weeks a year, I'd never get on a plane again. What I'm just saying

is you know me, I don't get happy about many things, but that was fun. So, but like, don't you feel the world is going fucking nuts right now between the panic the ebola a panic how funny is the ebola panic with i mean the hysteria the doctor coming back god bless him he's over there helping people. Then he goes bowling. We always knew you could get a bowler from sticking part of your body into a hole, but who would have guessed a finger into a bowling ball? People were panicking. Of course, the New York Post

had a field day with an e-bowler. The minute she heard about the bowling, she came up with that. And I said, what do you see the Post tomorrow? And sure enough, they never disappoint, do they? But then the Ottawa cops, that scumbag shooting that young, handsome guy. He's got a young son. What a, I don't know what the fuck is going on in the world, man. But just load up.

And that hatchet guy, his last name was Hale, Thomas Hale, I think. I think he actually went to Columbia, they said in one article. Just a self-hating, self-hating, America-hating scumbag with a hatchet. Hmm. I guess he thought it was Halloween. It was appropriate. I don't know. And then, like I said, the two cops killed in Sacramento.

It is, I mean, you know, ISIS said go after people in uniform. And this shows you. It shows you how crazy and how media-driven and a lot of people thinking, you know, this is like copycat shit going on which might be true they see the beheadings and then they call it self-radicalization i don't

even think it's that complicated it's some of it's just copycat shit crazy people but it shows you how media driven we are even the craziest nuts you know know how to work uh go on the internet You know, know how to work, go on the Internet. But it's just a dark time, isn't it? Or is it me? I mean, and this next story just to me encompasses all of this, the craziness and how it's driven by the media. I don't know if you heard this, and this is the headline, okay?

Connecticut man allegedly found a raping pit bull. That's right. Raping a pit bull in some lady's yard up in Waterbury, Connecticut. Okay? A 20-year-old Connecticut man was taken into custody on Tuesday morning after a bizarre incident in Waterbury when he was allegedly found raping a woman's pit bull in the backyard. The dog's owner, Alice Woodruff, allegedly found a completely naked man sexually assaulting her dog on Tuesday around 10 a.m.

Can you make this shit up? I'm not making this shit. Woodruff told the news station that her dog which she described as an aggressive rescue dog kept tied to an 800 pound toe chain this is so waterbury was surprisingly calm during the incident well maybe the guy was good sounds like he's enjoying it maybe he was good he pranced through the yard naked yelling this is our day and you have to prosper in it isis sent me see this is where i'm talking about the media and the copycats and it all comes together isis sent me could if i wrote this as a sketch or you put it in a movie people go wait come on stop with this shit you hear what i'm saying a guy sexually abusing it says raping a pit bull saying isis sent them could you make this shit up

i ran in got my gun out of the bedroom if you want to move to waterbury this is the type of shit that goes on the woman said she fired a warning shot into the ground, but the man, unaffected by the gunshot, then began walking towards her. He was apparently yelling about the end of the world. I didn't even see that myself. All right, me and him agree on something. And he gave her dog Ebola. Okay, so he's not only he's fucking raping a pit bull,

he brings in Ebolabola and isis do you see what i'm saying so this guy reads the paper he's well informed better informed than most democratic voters this is what i'm talking about it's scary the power of the media and the mental illness and when you live in such a free country, this shit's going to go on. I just laughed because it was Waterbury, Connecticut. You know, I was just up there a few months ago. He was eventually caught and believing he was suffering from some type of mental breakdown. Really? You think so?

The man was taken to St. Mary's Hospital where he remains under psychiatric evaluation. So the man was taken to St. Mary's Hospital where he remains under psychiatric evaluation. Declining to release the man's name, police said he will face charges including fourth degree sexual assault. Why fourth degree? That's an insult to the pit bull. Cruelty to animals and second degree breach of peace when he's released. Why release him? Let's put him down like the fucking mental case that he is.

That's right, folks. You have to worry about ISIS blowing up your plane. Or you getting on the plane and touching something that an Ebola victim just touched on your seat. It's a dark world.ing a pitbull that's my favorite story of the year so far mother of god and related to the ebola stuff you got uh you got this nurse who was over there uh what's her name case Casey Hickox. She came back. She was over there, Sierra Leone, you know, doing God's work.

But now she's, you know, they quarantine her and she's whining about it and she takes a selfie, which tells me a lot about her. I don't know. I'm a little confused. Okay, you're going over there to risk your life, right treat these people to do for what reason to stop ebola from spreading right so why would you have a problem being quarantined when you got back i think she's complaining but it's just i don't know it's kind of whiny and and they did treat her shitty i understand that

but uh i don't know she just sounds a little bit whiny to me in the article she's like everyone keeps asking how i'm feeling physically and of course i'm fine but i don't think most people understand what it's like to be alone in a tent keeps asking how I'm feeling physically. Of course I'm fine. But I don't think most people understand what it's like to be alone in a tent and decisions are being made that don't make sense. No, I understand that. Because I know who's in charge. I feel like my basic human rights have been violated.

To put me in prison is just inhumane. Okay. Again, don't go too far, Casey. And again, we appreciate your effort. But she was on CNN talking about this. But this is so typical of the feds. They really don't know what to do. They put her in a tent without a shower

or a flushable toilet. She might as well have stayed in Liberia or wherever, Sierra Leone. You know, and she didn't have any symptoms. She tested negative twice. She was forced to wear paper scrubs, had no TV or reading materials. Holy shit. Sounds like the green room, the gig I did.

Oh, my God. In a tent outside of University Hospital in Newark. Okay, but what's with the selfie that that's bugging me that's bugging me um so now the feds are battling with cuomo and christy you know they they imposed it they imposed a law that when these people get back, they have to be quarantined for like, you know, a few weeks. And people are up in arms about it. And of course, people are coming up with this excuse. Well, then doctors aren't going to want to go over there if that's how you're going to treat them when they get back.

Okay, but I mean, again, you're going over there to stop the spread of this shit, right? So why would you have a problem with being quarantined and i guess cuomo and christy have made it a little more lax now they can be quarantined at home these people but feds come to their house a couple times a day to see if they're still there because you had you know you had that nurse that went out remember she went out and picked up food a couple weeks ago and you had this other guy spencer i think his last name dr spencer went bowling so um but that seems fair to me if you if you don't if you if you don't have the symptoms yet and you still should be quarantined but but i think at home that's not but once again the feds

are having a problem with the states calling their own shots. Again, big government. But I don't like the selfie. It fucking bugs me. It's not how it's self-serving. Maybe that is she reminds me of a girl that I used to bang in Boston named Heidi. This is years ago. Christ, I was seven. No.

She looks just like her. Maybe that's what's bugging me. Quit your crying. All right? You don't want to help people lay it out. But yeah, you can't put them in a tent outside of a hospital. We really are a third world shithole. Isn't that the goal of Libs?

To turn this into a third world shithole? They're right on. They're doing it. Ebola. Like I said, you know know if you want to avoid it don't take a fucking hot yoga class in uh liberia and then lick the teacher's mat um yeah it's kind of like uh it's crazy the middle east i don't know it's just they're so far behind this story was on the paper this weekend i i see this is a real war on women i hope sandra fluck a fluke a douche i hope she read this article and maybe puts it into perspective according to her if you don't pay for her, you know, contraceptives.

It's a war against women as opposed to, you know, throwing acid in a girl's face who wants to go to school. Or this woman, this Iranian woman, you know, she was hanged for killing a man who tried to rape her. Yeah, they hanged her Saturday. Rehani Jabari, I think that's her name. Yeah. Rehani Jabari. I think that's her name. Yeah, Rehani Jabari. It's creepy over there, isn't it, though? Yeah, she was sentenced to death in 2009 by an Iranian court.

She was found guilty of murdering a government intelligence operative. They call it premeditated murder they say the court says jabari 27 years old stabbed sarbandi in the back in 2007 after purchasing a knife two days earlier the execution was carried out after sarbandi that's the guy who was killed, family refused to pardon her or accept the blood money. This is 2014, okay? Jabari was sentenced to death

by a criminal court in 2000 after what Amnesty International called a deeply flawed investigation in trial which failed to examine all the evidence. I guess what went down was it took place in 2007 when Jabari, that's the woman, was just 19 years old. When she met Sarbandi, the former decorator, in a cafe and convinced her to visit his office to discuss a business deal. While there, Sarbandi allegedly drugged

and attempted to rape her. She grabbed a pocket knife and stabbed him, he's a civil servant, and then fleed the scene as he bled to death. Jabari's execution was first postponed in April after a global petition to spare her life attracted 20,000 signatures. Then it was rescheduled. Amnesty International says she was placed in solitary confinement for two months where she did not have access to a lawyer or her family.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable The organization also claims Jabari underwent savage tortures to extract a confession Fucking Middle East Let's level that fucking shithole Seriously Again, we have a whole arsenal of nukes Yes, there'll be some collateral damage, I understand But just let's send a small one over there

Just enough to take out Iran and Iraq. Get all our military out of there. Can you imagine? That's what's going on over there.

That's a war on women. See, ladies? It's not, uh... It's not people not paying for your birth control or you're getting paid 23 cents less, which is total horseshit and has been disproved a thousand times.

When you take into consideration the amount of experience, the job, paternity leave or maternity leave, I should say, you take all that into effect. You're making the same as a man, but let's keep that myth alive. Uh, it's just dark, ain't it? Dark side of the, it's creepy. Yeah. So she's, uh, she's 26. Hmm.

So let's recap so far. Ebola. Ebola on the rise. The rape of a pit bull by a guy who says ISIS sent him. The rape of a pit bull by a guy who says ISIS sent them. Oh, God, help us. God. I mean, if God was going to come back, wouldn't this be a good time? An Iranian woman.

Hanged. This is the good news. Wait till I come up with the weather. Let's stay on the feminist stuff. I think this is God who wrote this song about us uh how about the little have you seen this video the feminist video with the young girls in it i know you have dropping the f-bomb f-bomb this is what i'm talking about folks this is the one that got me fucking riled to me this again encompasses the times of limiting there's a video called f-bombs for feminism potty mouth princess use bad word for good cause

precocious girls ages 6 to 13. Wearing full princess dresses. Makeup and tiaras. Spout. Explex. Jesus Christ. Expletive. Expletive laced.

Statistics about women's inequality. You think. Out of all the comics. Expletive would have been easy for me to say and of course in the song they keep rehashing a lot of these horseshit myths women make 23% less than men for the exact same

fucking work a little girl says in the video I shouldn't need a penis to get paid is another one I mean this is what I'm talking about they They can't leave it alone. Do these fucking angry broads ever relax for five minutes? Do they ever leave it alone?

Their never-ending list of grievances that are so much horseshit. And again, you know, that's what the Dems do. Identity politics. You're racist. You're misogynist.

They wouldn't have anything to, they wouldn't even have a platform if they didn't have this horseshit. Where is this clip? Anyways, let's listen to this. This is just priceless. Listen to these little girls. Unbelievable.

This is so wrong on so many levels. I'll comment as I play it. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. What the fuck? I'm not the pretty fucking helpless princess in distress i'm pretty fucking powerful and ready for i'm pretty fucking powerful just again it's coming out of little girls because these douchebags these grown feminists ardent feminists hard

douche but they don't have the nerve to come out and say this themselves in a video. So that's, that's, you know, one level of evil using little girls to do it because they don't have the balls to do it themselves. And I, and people are saying, well, this was put out by a for-profit t-shirt company. That's all this is. That's how they're trying to explain this away, which is total bullshit. There's a reason they chose this specific content and this cause okay so it's not just about profit but listen to these little girls i was laughing my balls off by the way success so what is more

offensive a little girl saying fuck or the fucking unequal and sexist way that we treat women. Do you believe this shit? It's just the opposite. I would say women in the United States are more spoiled than any creature on the face of the planet. How about that? I'm going right against the grain. Total horseshit. I mean, you have access to the richest men

in the world. How many? Don't even make me. They're talking like it's 1950. This is the thing. I understand the black thing because, you know, 350, 400 years of oppression, and even that, we've got to let that go eventually. But all

the feminist movement just grabbed the coattails, obviously, of the civil rights movement and trying to portray themselves as victims just like. And it's not even close. It's not even legitimate. The argument. OK, but they've taken the lead. This shit. This is what angers me more than than the Al Sharpton's of the world and and the myths he spreads.

But this is just outrageous grown-ups here's some words more fucked up than the word nice women are paid 23 percent less than men for the exact same fucking work and nice talk you blow your father with that mouth little little girl. You piglet. You hear this shit? You hear these outrageous fucking lies that these bearded women are telling these little girls? She can't even say penis, okay? Just because you're a boy? Um, hello and hell no. Pay up, motherfucker. I shouldn't need a penis to get paid. She can't even say penis, okay?

And by the way, they put a nice black spin on it too, because that's pop culture. Motherfucker, you hear that? To get paid, motherfucker. And they're doing that thing that black women do with their heads when they talk, you know, that side-to-side shit. And they're little white girls, by the doing that it's so fucking just so angry so angry even when they're in power nice huh teaching the girls to see you know eight-year-old girls that men are the enemy Will be sexually assaulted. Or raped by a man. Nice, huh? Teaching the girls, you know, eight-year-old girls that men are the enemy. Let's indoctrination.

Let's drive that home. And this has been going on for years. Let me tell you, the 60s is the worst thing that ever happened in this fucking country. Feminist woman, Gloria Steinem. Douchebag. She ended up marrying some rich guy. Because it's all a big fucking lie. Do you hear that?

Ah! One, two, three, four, five. Which one of us will it be? So how many more women have to get knocked down before society stands up and stops it? Here's a hot tip. Stop telling girls how to dress. And. You hear this?

They're getting it all out. They're letting it all out. This makes me want to hit a woman in the face with a pie. I would never hit a woman, you know. I mean, with a pie. Nice hot apple pie out of the oven. About 450 degrees. You hear this shit.

This is what encourages misogyny. You know that? This type of shit. Start teaching boys not to fucking rape. We're glad a woman's right to vote.

Are you hearing this? Teaching boys not to fucking rape. Because we are teaching boys to rape. Are you hearing this? Oh, man. Oh, God.

I wish they'd show their faces. The bearded brides that wrote this and directed it. Show your faces. I want to know your race. I want to know your age. I want to know your color. That's the same as race, Nick. I know.

I'm just. Yeah, show your face. or is it that scary that you don't want to put your face on oh it's fair but equality's next step is walking to the car without fear be pretty so here's the tricky thing pretty it's a compliment but here's how this focus works to girls' detriment. Society's teaching girls that our bodies, boobs, and butts are more important than our brains. Leads us to thinking. Our worth comes from our waistline. My aspirations in life should not be worrying about the shape of my ass.

Yeah, sorry. That's how it is. It's human nature. Fellas are always going to look at you as a of my ass. Yeah, sorry. That's how it is. It's human nature. Fellas are always going to look at you as a piece of ass. Sorry. Even when you really are smart. Like we don't appreciate smart women. Again, this is all based on frigging lies.

And they're letting it all out. This and... Oh, hi. That's my mother saying, hey, lay off. Here we go. Look, focusing on how I look. And give me a book. The Continued Sexism, Girls and Women's Stale Face.

I'll give you a book. It's called How to Give a Good Handjob. Back to the show. Instead of cleaning these girls' mouths out with soap, maybe society should clean up its act this is what a feminist looks like girls just want to have fun to mental rights five dollars from each shirt goes to kick ass charities that are fighting another evil part to five dollars if it goes to kick ass charities that's really specific huh that that's another level of evil and people uh you know say it goes to a

charity percentage of which it doesn't it goes to buying them more two-headed dildos uh is what it does um this is evil on 19 different levels yeah but that's the beauty of it see mother nature you can make as many of these videos as you want it's not gonna change it ain't gonna change anything it is hate to quote people come out of judge judy's uh courthouse it is what it is every day to make the world more equal for women and girls yo bro when you tell a boy it's bad to act like a girl, it's because you think it's bad to be a girl. Fuck that sexist shit. Spokeheat.com Swear jar.

I don't give a fuck. Nice. Nice. Nice. If I'm not the Republicans, if I'm running, I just play this and go, hey, who do you think

the people that made this and encourage this type of thing, how do you think they vote? That's all I'd say. That'd be my speech. Good night, everybody. At the 2016 convention. Just play that.

Because I know people, obviously, you know, people on the left who fucking think this is insane, too. Thank God. 2016 convention. Just play that. Because I know people, obviously, you know, people on the left who fucking think this is insane too, thank God. There's a few left. But,

oh, it just shows how angry. And can you imagine telling young girls that the men are the enemy and that they're victims. They're not even old enough to form their own thought chest but let's ingrain it's indoctrination the left is great at it uh yeah nice nice piece of work that should help your cause how about war against men

is it little girls or little boys that they're drugging up and giving Ritalin to in school? Because they're, you know, to calm their nature. Boys are a little hyperactive. You can look that up too. I'm not making that shit up. They're drugging little boys in school on Ritalin. How about the fact that guys have to, you know, bring a lawyer with them if they want to bang a chick on a college campus now? War against women. Get the fuck out out of here i could go on and on

terrific i started a joke let's stay on the the feminist uhhit thing. In a related story, this is a good one. Ted Bishop was ousted last Friday as president of the PGA, that's the Professional Golf Association of America, over a sexist tweet

in Facebook post directed at Ian Poulter, who's a golfer. You can't make this shit up. You can't make this shit up. You can't make it up. Well, I'll guarantee you'll never be a member here. Member? Are you kidding? You think I'd join this crummy snobatorium?

But this whole place sucks. That's right, it sucks. Only reason I'm here is maybe I'll buy it. Buy? Bushwood? You're on the great late Ted Knight. Yeah, Ted Bishop was ousted. Bishop was irritated by remarks that Ian Poulter made in his book on the Ryder Cup captaincy of Nick Faldo in 2008 and Tom Watson this year.

He referred to Poulter. Listen to this, folks. Now, buckle up tight tight this is some of the most sexist shit i don't even know how it's sexist but this is why he was canned listen this is outrageous think about what i just played that clip that video i just played for you that audio think about this he referred to polter as a little girl on twitter when stacking up Poulter's feets next to Faldo's. In a Facebook post, he noted that Watson with eight majors and Faldo with six majors in the Ryder Cup record for most points

were getting bashed by Poulter. And he said, really? Sounds like a little schoolgirl squealing during recess. Come on, man. That's what he put in the Twitter. Ted Bishop wrote in his tweet the pga of america board voted friday to remove him meaning bishop will not be invited to future pga championships and rider cups

or any other courtesies extended to past presidents can you imagine can you friggin imagine he's the first pga president to be ousted he had one He had a month left on his two-year term. And this is a statement from the PGA. The PGA of America understands the enormous responsibility it has to lead this great game and to enrich lives in our society through golf. No, it doesn't have... Since when do sports have to do all that? People can enrich their own lives in their own ways.

Listen to this. They're taking the weight of the world on their shoulders. We must demand of ourselves that we make golf both welcoming and inclusive to all who want to experience it. Tell me how Bishop calling Poulter a little girl in a tweet, how does that keep young women from being included in playing golf? Please, somebody explain that to me.

Do you see what fucking horseshit this is? Ah. We must demand of ourselves that we make golf both welcoming and inclusive to all who want to experience it, and everyone at the PGA of America must lead by example. Most politically correct horseshit. It almost makes that feminist video I just played look sane. How? How? Please, somebody tell me how.

That keeps little girls from, or women from playing golf. Please explain it to me. that keeps little girls from or women from playing golf. Please explain it to me. But then, this is what pisses me off. This Ted Bishop guy, of course he apologizes

to Poulter and anyone else he might have offended. How about standing up and going, fuck you. I've been running this thing beautifully for years. You know what I mean? He's got a month left or two months left. Kiss my ass.

Again, no more apologies. We all whine about political correctness. Okay? And the only way to eradicate political correctness is to be politically incorrect. When it makes sense. What a bunch of cucka pga of america has 27 000 members about 1100 of them women so you can see how this would be this statement would just blow it all up right

oh my goodness gracious of course you know they got pressure i'm sure from women's groups and can you imagine just for him referring an adult man referring to another adult man as a little girl somehow that's going to just it's going to impede progress of girls playing golf somehow. But then Bishop, you know, stupid, apologizes. You go, this is Bishop talking. This is a classic example of poor use of social media on my part. No, it's a classic example of you guys having their balls cut off and acquiescing to this politically correct horseshit. That's what it's a perfect example of.

And if I had the chance to hit the delete button on the things that I sent out yesterday, I would without hesitation. This is what happens when old white guys get old and crusty and they're just giving in, even when the shit doesn't make sense uh suzy whaley a teaching pro a golf teaching pro from connecticut who qualified to play a pga tour event outside hartford in 2003 is among three i'd like to know her sexual orientation by the way is among three and don'd like to know her sexual orientation, by the way, is among three. And don't say it doesn't matter.

Is among three PGA members running for secretary at the November 22nd election. If she wins, Whaley would be in line to be PGA president in 2018. Whaley said she found Bishop's remarks to be insulting. I was extremely disappointed. Let me do it in her voice. I was extremely disappointed. They were definitely sexist to Whaley said in a telephone interview.

I'm 100% belief that we need to empower young girls. Ask if she complained to the PGA office. Whaley said, I didn't have to do that. The PGA of America took incredibly swift action and are taking this extremely seriously, Whaley said.

And then she hit a golf ball 750 yards. Obviously, it's critical that we are inclusive. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. No, it fucking isn't. It's just a mantra. Diversity, inclusiveness, diversity, inclusiveness.

They're like robots. Can guys have anything to themselves that's what i'm going to ask okay she found a fuck are you kidding me a grown man calling another grown man a little girl you imagine? That's cause for firing today. You gotta admit, even you liberal dicks have to admit you fucking lost your minds. Keep caving in. Bop, bop, bop.

What else? Cards? Oh, General, Attorney General, while he's stepping down, Eric Holder told lawyers last week he was exasperated about the leaks from the federal investigation into last summer's police shooting of an unarmed 18-year-old in St. Louis suburb. investigation into last summer's police shooting of an unarmed 18-year-old in St. Louis suburb. Let me play, I think I have the clip of this story. Can you imagine? He's outraged. In Ferguson, protests over the shooting death of Michael Brown have intensified in the wake of the most recent leaks. Those leaks appear to support Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson, who claims he shot Brown in self-defense. Last Friday, the New York Times reported that Wilson told investigators

he feared for his life after Brown tried to grab his gun, which was fired twice during the struggle in Wilson. Something we've all known, even while the animals were rioting in Ferguson, before the facts were outing in Ferguson before the facts are out something most people you know most adults who took the time to learn you know anyways it's car hitting Brown once in the arm then on Tuesday an official autopsy was published by the st. Louis Post-Dispatch it showed that Michael Brown had been shot at close range

and that Brown had marijuana in his system when he died. In an interview with CBS radio station KMOX, former St. Louis County Police Chief Tim Fitch said this about the leaks. I think what you're seeing them do is coordinate leaks to the media and to start getting some of the facts out there to kind of let people down. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You wouldn't want to do that. You don't want to get the facts out there.

These leaks are perfect because it offsets the horseshit that went on, all the rioting and trying to convict this cop and, you know, in the media and in public opinion before all the facts are in. This is how, see, we're a country of law and order to the idiots that are out there burning and looting. And I don't give a shit if they're from Ferguson or not. See? So it's required. I'm glad somebody leaked the shit. Somebody has to leak the truth to balance that type of behavior. You see?

That's why it's necessary. So I don't know why Holder is so exasperated. Holder, who flew in on Joe Biden's jet into Ferguson, by the way, you think he was trying to tilt public opinion one way or the other when he did that? Yeah, dirty, rotten scoundrel. I think they recognize that it's probably very unlikely there's going to be charges. Do you hear that? The most likely won to be charges. Do you hear that? The most likely won't be charges.

So prepare for another, you know, another round of rioting and looting and whatever else. It's all, it's a perfect storm, isn't it? Isn't it? I see. That's why I'm calling. It's the end of the world. It's a perfect storm. Between Ebola and ISIS, having people attack people in uniform.

How'd you like to be a cop in Ferguson? Huh? I'm surprised they're not all splitting. But Holder is exasperated. The guy who's played the race card more than anybody, he's exasperated that somebody's leaking this stuff to put the story into perspective. We can't have that.

This is just, it's beautiful. Has there ever been a more incompetent administration ever or racist? In my opinion. I didn't even get to the story today about, what's her name, Atkinson, Cheryl Atkinson, CBS, former CBS reporter,

who got axed because she wouldn't let the, you know, Fast and Furious story go, and they wouldn't let her do any stories that, you know, she wanted to do stories saying that the media was protecting Obama, so CBS axed her. Now she's got a book out, and it turns out the government had put spyware on her computer. I mean, the Obama administration makes the Nixon administration look clean. It is unbelievable.

People are more of an outrage. It's worse than anything Nixon ever did. And nobody's even talking about it. It's worse than anything Nixon ever did. And nobody's even talking about it. It's crazy. But, you know, Hillary's running, so everything will be fine. But, you know, everything's going to be fine. Anyways, the show has been I know a little a little heavy in content

and a little dark but god what the hell when it gets too heavy we always call in our buddy to tell us a joke and you know what I'm talking about guy comes home

with a bouquet of flowers for his wife I guess I'll have to spread my legs now she says why he asks don't you have a vase fucking be funny till I'm a hundred I'll have to spread my legs now, she says. Why, he asks. Don't you have a vase?

Fucking be funny till I'm 100. If I make it there. Ooh, I got a chill and I'm kind of clammy. What else? Again, I don't like to go heavy on the sports, but I have to bring it up. In case we put this show on a time capsule. Let me ask you this.

I'm thinking about doing this more often um but there are you know under certain circumstances like maybe you know doing this four times a week or so uh if so if i do that and again it takes up a lot of time um you know i need to know from you people you can let me know on twitter. Would you be willing to pay a small fee or whatever, a donation? Because I don't make money doing this. But I could do it like four days a week and give you, you know, a free show. Whatever, you know. I want to treat it like a radio show, a daily show. Because, you know, the numbers are growing and it's good it's fun

there'll be weeks obviously when i travel which i wasn't able to do it and i know some people bring their shit on the road their equipment i'm not gonna do that i focus on stand-up that's still my bread and butter and i still love it the most and i love this too but uh i like to treat this like a radio show. But it's up to what you guys are willing because, you know, the Internet. People don't want to pay a dime for anything. They just want to be entertained. It's crazy.

But just throwing that out there, if you'd be willing, I do this every day. Then we could do some live ones and have a call-in number and you can participate. Treat it like a radio show. I'll have to get a producer for that. You know? Somebody who'll work for nothing.

But just putting that out there. Sports-wise. How about the Jets? Let's start with them. Geno Smith, I mentioned he's a good athlete playing quarterback. He wasn't even that this week. Threw three picks, I think, in the first 10 minutes of the game. We have, I think that we have audio of Rex Ryan on the sideline

two minutes into the game. What the hell's going on out here? What the hell's going on out here? What the hell's going on out here? What the hell's going on out here? What was he thinking? Mama mia. And then poor Michael Vick, he's done. Prison took it out of him.

I was a Vick fan, but he's finished. What are the Jets, one and seven, something like that? I'm guessing maybe when I get done with this podcast today, I was a big fan, but he's finished. What are the Jets? One and seven, something like that. How? I'm guessing maybe when I get done with this podcast today, I'm guessing at five o'clock they'll announce Rex Ryan being fired. This guy must have pictures of Woody Johnson blowing a midget in a hot tub at a Red Roof Inn in Jersey or something. How? This guy should have been canned two years ago.

I'll say it again about the Ryan clan. They're defensive guys, okay? They're not head coaches, any of them, including Buddy. They're great defensive guys. I don't even know how great. You got the other Ryan down in New Orleans. Saints defense didn't look that good. But, yeah, oh, P.U.

And then everybody had Tom Brady and the Patriots washed up and finished after they got blown out by the Chiefs three weeks, three, four, a month ago on Monday Night TV. They've won four in a row, four or five. I can't even give you. Brady was 30 for 35, 360 yards and five touchdowns against a Bears team that was, you know, a month ago they went into San Francisco and beat up on the 49ers.

This league is just, oh, to update you on my pool picks, I had eight going into tonight. If I get tonight right, it'll be a season high for me, but I'm still mired in last place. I got a guy, I got one more win ahead of me. How about my old man though? My old man, uh, I think he had two wrong, 12 rice, something like that. Two or three wrong. Imagine you do that in Vegas, you parlay that nice payday uh so um again i'm doing this on a monday afternoon don't know when you listen to it uh five games have been played uh in the world series san francisco giants are up three games to two they're heading back uh tomorrow and wednesday to kansas city to

finish out the series madison bomb garden last night pitched as good a game as I've ever seen pitched, including playoffs, regular season. This guy is unhittable, and he's done it before in the World Series. He's just putting himself in that category of just

one of the greatest postseason guys ever. He's got heat. He's a lefty. He can throw that big guys ever just he's got heat he's a lefty he can throw that big slow curve he's got a chain he was just unhittable so um but i'm not counting out kc uh it just seems like it was their turn this year so they're going back home and i don't know i know they're going back home. And I don't know. I know they're going to be happy at Baumgarten, although he can come back in game seven.

They might use him again. So what else? College football. I don't have the info in front of me. But watched Penn State. They were down 17-0 at half, I think, to Ohio State. And almost came back and won it, which was an incredible game. That's the reason I went to bed at 3 that night.

I got my three and a half hours. Mississippi State, I think they won again. That's about it, kids. But kick it around. You know, maybe I'll do this more often. but kick it around maybe I'll do this more often and you know

come on out to see me let me plug my gigs because basically that's what this podcast is for right now that's the benefit I get out of it other than talking to my fans I started a joke. Monica Lewinsky, go back into your hall, too, by the way.

Nobody gives a shit. Portraying herself as a victim. Nation of Victims. Get the book, Nation of Victims. I forget who wrote it. Okay, Nation of Victims, and read it. Learn it, breathe it, live it. Read it 20 years ago, and it still pertains to today.

Where am I going to be? I'll be in the city, obviously, working out stuff this week. The next gig, though, what is it? Stress Factory, November 7 and 8. I'm not doing the Thursday. 7 and 8. The, you know, in New Brunswick,

New Jersey, the Stress Factory. Good gig. My buddy Vinnie Brand. And then the brokerage, November 14 and 15, Belmore, Long Island. And then Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant.

Dino and Jerry, my two guys down there. And that's on the 22nd, which is a Saturday night. And the 29th, I'm doing the comedy shop in Pompton, Plains, New Jersey. So that's November.

That's it, kids. You know how I feel about you. And if you don't, this guy will tell you. I love you for helping me to construct of my life, not a tavern, but a temple. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word,

without a touch, without a sign. You have done it by just being yourself. Perhaps, after all, that is what love means. And that is why I love you. guitar solo I'm out.