The Nick DiPaolo Show - 057 - Turkey, Stuffing and Puddin Pops

Episode Date: November 25, 2014

Turkey, Stuffing and Puddin Pops

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. Hey, everybody. The holidays are here, and YKWD with our Riotcast family are doing a gift drive for the first time. Gifts donated from you will go to two different groups of kids, NAC in New York and Alliance House in Massachusetts. And our good friends at Tweaked Audio really stepped up. They're offering a 33% off promo and will match every set of earbuds for everyone sold. So go to tweakedaudio.com and use promo code YKWDGIFT when checking out. And this offer only lasts until December 15th.

gift when checking out. And this offer only lasts till December 15th. For more info on the gift drive and donating gifts, go to Riotcast.com. There's a page set up with details on NAC and Alliance House, along with a wish list and where to send the gifts. So please help us make this Christmas a little brighter for these kids. Thanks so much. And happy holidays from the YKWD Podcast and the Riotcast family. We've come to the time in the season When family and friends gather near

To offer a prayer of thanksgiving For blessings we've known through the years A cherry holiday must be To join hands and thank the creator A cheery holiday voice. I do fucking punch you. This year when I count my blessings I'm thinking the Lord has won I'm grateful for the Marxist asshole The sun and the wind and the rain The color of the blue in your sweet eyes The sight of a high-balling train What a cherry voice.

This song makes me sad on Thanksgiving. Stop it, Johnny. Johnny! You're making the baby cry with it. Depressing voice. He made you. I don't know what he's talking about. Johnny's probably talking about whiskey. And when the time comes to be gone

It won't be in sorrow and tears I'll kiss you goodbye And I'll go on away Grateful for all of the years I thank you for all that you gave me What old country Thanksgiving? Teaching me what love can do. And Thanksgiving Day for the rest of my life.

I'm thanking the Lord he made you. That's enough of that shit. Where's my razor blades? What's up, kids? Yeah, a little tribute there a little thanksgiving tribute the late great johnny cash i don't know i used to love thanksgiving and uh i don't know as you get older it just turns into thursday don't it sure do i'll be sticking around here, I guess. You know, this is why I gotta love my wife. She's kind of, I mean, she's like more antisocial than I am. She doesn't want to do anything on Thanksgiving.

I mean, a few years, you know, we've gone up to Boston and to her relatives. But the last few, just me and her. Not even like a neighbor or anything. Just sitting there. She's watching the Macy's Day Parade. I'm downstairs. I'm building a model airplane because that's what I have as a hobby. I don't know if I told you that, but it's a total lie. But yeah, and now this

Thanksgiving, again, it'll be me and her, which, you know, as I get older, I love it. Let's be honest, folks. I mean, it's fun to be around the relatives for 12 to 14 minutes, you know. But by the way, I do all the cooking. I don't know if you guys know that i cook like a bitch i can really cook must be the again the italian and half french in me french canadian i don't know if that counts or if they can cook um although they did come up with poutine so um yeah so i'll make the turkey and all the trimmings i tell her find a a turkey that had cancer because we only need about a four-pound turkey. It's just me and her.

And, you know, I'll eat three-quarters of it. And, yeah. I don't even know who's playing on Thanksgiving. Those games, got to be the Lions, and the Lions, and that's always good, right? You take the Lions getting plus 41, and by halftime they're down 38-0, and you're puking up your cranberry sauce on the corner because he is so depressed. They haven't been good since Greg Landry was the quarterback. It's about 10 years.

We'll get that reference if you're over 50. Uh, yeah. So, uh, we'll be sticking around here. The wife has to have a little outpatient surgery done the, uh, day before Thanksgiving. So, um, it's a legitimate excuse. We can't really go anywhere. Yeah. She's having her, uh having her personality put back in.

Apparently that I've drained from her since I met her, she said. No, so, yeah, so we're going to be sticking around. I like Brussels sprouts. It's the only food that smells worse when you cook it than when it comes out your ass the next day. No need for that talk, Nick. Well, there is. But I used to have a whole thanksgiving bit

that put me on the map comedically people loved it talked about how turkey's the driest animal on the face of the earth what does it live on fucking sand and broken glass while it's alive right and then uh it binds you for the next three weeks it's you might as well have a carpenter come over and spackle your ass shut. It was some real clever stuff back in 1990, but people liked it. So a happy Thanksgiving to you. I don't know what you're doing, but I hope you're not traveling because I looked at the weather today, the official Apollo forecast.

A storm with rain and heavy snow will cause major disruptions and delays on Thanksgiving on the East Coast and the Appalachians. God damn it. I was going to head to the Appalachians two days after Thanksgiving. I got a cousin up there. I like to pork every holiday. Rain will initially spread northward along the interstate, uh, 95 with snow and rain to start. It always does. It's so funny.

Well, it's, you know, it's the same jet stream that causes this diarrhea. It'll start further west in the I-81 corridor. However, a change to snow will take place from west to east, from northern Virginia to New England. So once again, uh, my parents are going to get dumped on. Storm will bring mostly snow, an I-81 swath, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York State, as well as much of the interior of New England, where a general 6 to 12 inches are forecast.

Unless you're talking about Buffalo at 6 to 12 feet. Holy shit, do they get hit. Mamma mia. Unless you're talking about Buffalo at 6 to 12 feet. Holy shit, do they get hit. Mamma mia. The storm could rapidly strengthen off the coast of New England on Wednesday night, leading to strong and gusty winds, especially near the coast.

This would lead to some blowing, let's hope so, and drifting of the snow, making travel on Wednesday a motherless, titless wonder, it says right in the report. Do you believe they talk like that on the Weather channel um wednesday nights can be very difficult traveling according to uh ben noel he's terrific he's on the accuweather.com uh site this guy ben all terrific he's been right twice in 21 years just kidding ben um yeah so thanksgiving dayades, that's going to be hilarious, huh, when you see underdog being blown across the Hudson River and shot down over Newark. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And you blew it. You blew it. Bullshit. I'm doing my own show in my basement. I didn't blow nothing. What's going on kids what did i do well don't look now but i'm actually doing showbiz things i i did colin quinn his web series that he wrote and directed and starring in and um it's not up yet but uh we shot the pilot like a year ago and uh i got the call to come in and do another episode.

I guess they put eight in the can last week. Went over to Queens, Long Island City, 29th, right off of 29th, 44th Road, I believe it was. And you're saying, why are you telling us that? Well, I'll get to that in a second. But anyways, yeah, it was fun. It was fun. I guess Gaffigan was there earlier in the day. I got there at like 2 in the afternoon.

Gaffigan, Amy Schumer has done it. I think maybe Jerry. I know Tom Papa, Buddy Papa did an episode. So actual names. And it was a fun set, man. I felt like when I was in L.A. and did a little bit of, you know. When I stole the show, it's suddenly Susan.

But, yeah. I was in LA and did a little bit of, you know, when I stole the show, it's suddenly Susan. But yeah, so it was fun getting to play a cop. And the show is about, you know, like comedians trying to do a cop show that can't act and shit. And it's kind of, you know, a show within a show behind the scenes. It's pretty goddamn funny. Quinn can write, man. Goddamn funny. Quinn can write, man. And the scene I was in, it was Quinn, his cousin, Tim Gage,

who's a very funny comic from Long Island, who looks just like a young Robert Duvall. And, yeah, we were in a cheap motel where there's a girl got shot in the head. There's this dead girl in the bed. And that's the scene. It was just funny. Just the staging of the motel room was funny with like a deer's head over the bed. It looked like every gig I did back in my Boston days. It looks like every hotel room.

But they have this hot chick. She had to be maybe 20. Her body on, I'd say, a scale of 1 to 10 was a 17. I'm not just saying that in a creepy 52-year-old way. But just stunning. Stunning. So she's laying on the bed like on a short skirt. But she had nylons on and shit, you know.

And there's fake blood all over the pillow and all over the wall behind her. It looked like a bad tampon commercial is what I wanted to say. But you can't say shit like that anymore. Thank you, feminist whores. You can't even joke about that. There was 19 lines that I could have said that anybody could have said. You couldn't even like, you know, just like flirt a little with a girl. You know, that's all I got left at 52.

You know, come on. But you can't do any of that. All the fun has been taken out by those douches, those mustachios. But, yeah, she's laying there, and we're just cracking up. Quinn's doing his line. It's fun. When you're on a set with people you know, it's really goddamn fun. And, you know, then they bring out the food and stuff.

They have, like, 12 trays of pasta and salmon. And this is a low-budget shoot, let's be honest, we're in a Long Island city, but he got a bunch of good names to do it, and it was really, the writing's really funny, and I'm very curious, Quinn's like me, he's not Captain Optimus, but you could see the glint in his eyes, and yeah, there was some funny lines, I kneeled down over her. This is after Tim Gage's cousin's character. He's reading, like, the contents of the woman's stomach, and it was blood sausage and Brussels sprouts, and everybody's like, ah!

This is the, I'm telling you, the actual scene. And everybody, you know, the cast groans, and the director's like, come on, what the fuck? You can't groan every time we say this. We've got to get this done. And thenin starts arguing with the director well it is pretty gross nobody wants to hit brussels sprout so colin's character you know and his character in the show right is you know writes the scripts and he says let's change it to s'mores i mean it was and we maybe had to be there but it was really goddamn fun they start arguing

and then tim gage uh collins cousins character fucks up and they go get nick dipalo and he sounds like a real cop and then i come in deliver my lines and i go her uh carbon 14 levels in her eye lines gave me a precise age probably uh 20 to 28 i'd say retinal scan sub-exation of the uh second and third vertebrae and just like over the top and then Colin goes into this monologue where he's just being like a really horrendous actor and uh here's what's funny about it I didn't know that we were supposed to be playing like bad actors and nobody ever said Nick you're doing it too good. Which means my acting must have been bad. Although the director had the same take on the scene.

He thought, I asked him beforehand, he said, no, give it your best cop. So I did. But then, you know, it turns out it was supposed to be over the top. So what I'm saying is me being at my best was over the top enough. When nobody said, no, you're not being bad enough. That's kind of depressing. But I think it's going to be really funny, man. Like I said, Gaffigan did it

and a bunch of people, Amy. And so look for that. I don't know where to look for it. I'll tell you when we get an update. But so it was just fun, you know. It was just fun walking around the set joking around with quinn bup bup bup beep bup have a great day i'm excited at the end of it that's a wrap for nick

nice round of applause they have more to do i say goodbye to everybody go outside uh go to get in my car and it's not there. It's not there. And I'm like, did it get stolen? And then you're not sure. You're like, this is where I park. So I'm walking like even further. Like if you've ever had your car towed, you're in denial. It's like, no, maybe I parked it on the next street over.

I'm just confused. I'm walking like just totally. And then I'm like, who am I shitting? I parked it 50 yards from the front door of the studio I know this and it's fucking gone and I'm going what the hell I have my car towed years ago over 20 years ago in Manhattan my manager at the time borrowed it and parked it and didn't know I had a bunch of outstanding tickets when I lived in Manhattan and they towed

it. And I had to find my way to Greenpoint, Brooklyn or someplace like that and had to hand over $760 in cash to get it out. Now listen to this. So I get the car back. This is again, 20 something years ago. I get the car back and then a couple of days later I have it. I come out, it's gone again. And i call around and and they go yeah come get it i said i just got it out you know but i can't and i couldn't find the receipt for the 760 and they wouldn't give me my car i had to come up with another another 760 just porked right in the eyes anyways so i can't find the car this time it's dark it's like 20 degrees it's i'm outside trying to talk on my cell phone i'm like i'm trying to remember who do you call i'm in long

island city and first i call information and then they you know they give me some local police station and of course they're like well that's not our jurisdiction that street but so then i dial 3-1-1 and i get a woman woman in the phones cutting in and out and shit. And then she's giving me all this information. The wind's blowing. I can hardly hear her. She's giving me a voucher number. She's like, do you have a pen and paper for all this information?

I'm like, no. I'm standing on the side wall like a Mama Luke. It's 11 degrees. So now I have to go back into the studio. I bang on the door, and somebody goes, shh, because they're in, it's 11 degrees. So now I have to go back into the studio. I bang on the door and somebody goes, because they're in the middle of a scene. And the scene ends and I go back into the frigging studio. I go into the kitchen and then they start another scene.

I'm in a kitchen in the studio trying to whisper to this lady. She's giving me the information where my car is. I give her the information. They have it. Ends up it's in College Point Boulevard or some shit over by city field over by where the mets play and um god bless the technology sometimes because i got the gps shit right on my phone so i put in the address and bubba and tim gage quinn's thank Christ, he was still there. And he used to drive a limo in like New York and Queens, so he knew everywhere. But we're using my phone to find, you know, College Point Boulevard. It said it's 8.4 miles away, 31 minutes.

Only in the Northeast can you be 8 miles away and it's 31 minutes. Only in New York, you know. Anywhere else would have been six seconds. And so i have to go get my freaking car luckily gauge of course we get lost a little bit because he's i'm like no it says to bear left here i'm reading the directions on my phone he's like no i know this fucking next thing you know we're in some residential neighborhood on the wrong side of the uh the grand central parkway so but but then he

grabs his phone he goes i'm just gonna follow this red arrow and we could have just followed my directions but no mr limo driver but he got me there you know banged the ue and anyways then i have to walk and go into this trailer and i'm met by a woman who looked like chris farley with no teeth and just she's just bitter. You can't blame her. She's in a fucking trailer. And I have to give her information. Anyways, fork over $185. It would have been $370 if the car was over 8,000 pounds.

But luckily my mistress wasn't in the back seat. Hello. And yeah, I got a hand over. But here's the thing,. But here's the thing. Okay. Here's the thing. There were no tow away zones on that street. I looked.

I parked in a no parking zone. I knew because I didn't want to be late. I circled for 20 minutes. It's Long Island City, Queens. There's no way to park. So I see it. No, it says no parking, whatever. Ninth is five. And I'm getting there like two in the afternoon.

I go, fuck it. I'll just take the ticket, right? The ticket's going to be whatever, 60. And if I go park, it's going to be, you know, 30 at a minimum. So I'll just take the blow. And I come in, and this guy, Morris, who's the executive producer of Colin's Web Series, a rich guy, I said, I had to park, and he's like, no, don't park, you know, don don't, don't, don't park. Uh, I said, no, that's not going to get towed. I'll just get a ticket. He goes, okay, but just give me the ticket. We'll pay for it. And blah, blah, blah. So I want to

see his face when he gets the towing charge. Um, but he couldn't have been nicer about it. We'll see. Um, anyways, there was no signs that said tow zone, tow away. It just said no parking. And when I mentioned that, when I first got there, calling on a few other people said, yeah, Artie Lang did the show a couple days ago. He got a ticket on his windshield. And I'm like, okay, like I said, I can handle a ticket. But for some reason, I get freaking towed. And you can't argue they have your car

it's my only way home when am I going to go hey fuck that I'm not leaving here until you give me an explanation when am I going to go get a lawyer give them a credit card they take Discover

not that I have a Discover but I'm just laughing so Mrs. Farley gives me you know I give her the credit card and shit and they charge another four dollars on top she's like we're gonna charge you another 450 for using your card are you all right with that yeah you're already in my ass why don't you put your fist in there what are you what the dirty rotten scoundrel and uh yeah so a buck 85 then she gives me the paperwork i go outside and this chinese I think he's Chinese who the

fuck knows it's Queens this breed you haven't even seen over there I get in his car and he's gonna give me a ride in the parking lot to my car and I said to him I asked him why did you guys tow my car when there were no tow signs. All it said was no parking, 8 to 6 or whatever. And he replied, and all the boroughs. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I don't understand you. And he gets mad at me. He starts to get louder,

because it sounds like he's been in the country four minutes. I go, I don't understand what you're saying. And then after 19 tries, after 19 tries, what I got out of it, he said, in any five boroughs in New York City, they can tow you for any reason. It doesn't have to say tow zone. Okay, so my next question is, why do you have signs that say tow zone? If you can fucking tow me at any time, anywhere, if I'm parked illegally. And why didn't my buddy already get towed and i saw cars where i my car was after he got towed why haven't they been towed you know i get paranoid i don't know i could you know i said to my wife i go who knows the car whoever the meter made whoever

probably saw me in tough crowd, didn't like my politics. I don't know. That's how paranoid I get. Not that I'm even that famous, but I'm just saying, what if they're a comedy fan and didn't like my right leanings? Anyways, God frigging damn it.

So, yeah, had to go all over, get over there and go through that hell. It's so funny, I was in so denial, I walked up and down that street, I'm clicking my, you know, my key chain, so your lights blink, you know where your car is, just in total denial, total freaking denial, but I still would like an explanation, I'm too lazy, I'm not gonna go on newyorkparking.gov.rapist to find out why I was porked, you know. I'll just ask a cop or something.

So let that be a warning to you if you're parking in New York City, I guess. Yeah, should have been just a ticket. So I'm hoping Mr. Morris is going to pick that up. I'll understand if he doesn't. And thanks, Gage, for giving me a ride over there. And then I left my shaving kit, you know, with my fake mustache and my hairspray.

No, I left my shaving kit. That's what I brought on the set with me. You know, it's got a comb in it and hair stuff. Of course, I lost that and all the excitement i don't know where that is the chinese guy's probably parting his ball hair with my comb right now uh son of a gun but so it ruined the nice day but anyways i get home at like 10 thanks to that extra three hours tacked on so uh ppu is what I get to say to that. You know?

The lady, the poor lady in the trailer, I almost cried for her. But, and, yeah, so that was fun. And,

and then I get, I get a text from Amy Schumer. And by the way, they said my acting was good. The set, the people on the set said to Colin, hey, he can really. And I'm like, no, they don't understand. If you were asking me to be over the top, that's not what I was doing. I was acting.

So actually, my natural acting is over the top. But anyways, so then Schumer texts me. Amy should mention this to the Comedy Cellar. You know, she's got a great show on Comedy Central. They're doing a whole episode based on the movie 12 Angry Men, which was back in the, I think it was in the 50s. If you've ever seen it, it's a great movie. Great actor.

I think his name's Lee Cobb. You'll recognize him if you see his face. He was in a bunch of movies back then. Jack Klugman was in it. And, you know, it's about a you know a jury and they argue about a i think it was a murder case or about a car being towed i can't remember but um they're doing a whole episode on that but the name of the movie is 12 angry men so apparently i was a natural fit. And 17, she sends me the script. It's the funniest, meanest shit.

I'm not going to give it away. But, of course, I'm the angriest guy of the 12. But in the movie, everybody's angry. But I was reading it and laughing out loud. It's so mean and, like, makes fun of Amy Schumer. That's all I'm going to give away. But it was so mean and goddamn funny, and I got to go to a reading tonight,

a table reading, at 7 p.m. in the village. So I'll leave here about 4, because it's three days before Thanksgiving, and it's in Manhattan. Oh, God. But, you know, I'm excited. Every line they gave me is funny and frigging mean.

So look for that. I don't know when that episode is going to air, when we're going to shoot it. But that's, you know, that's two acting gigs. And within a week, look out. DiPaolo making a comeback. Last acting I did was on, I think, Suddenly Susan. I said to Brooke Shieldoke shields i played a moving guy on the way out i said hey you're out of salami i think that was my line

yeah so uh that's pretty cool what the hell else uh i got written down here juliani versus dyson ever see that eric michael dys This hateful, hateful black professor who just hates white people. He tries to hide it with his 19 college degrees. He was on like Meet the Press I think it was. just again, I don't have the audio for that. You can't find

it. At least I can't on YouTube or whatever. But they had Giuliani on who was such a breath of fresh freaking air and um you know him versus dyson this dyson guy he's on bill maher all the time he's got glasses just a hateful hateful the definition of a black racist but of course not everybody you know looks at him as a professor and a genius. But they were arguing about Ferguson. They were arguing about Ferguson. By the way, let's keep that going.

Let's string that out some more until the tensions spill over. It's unbelievable. The people who rioted and, you know, after the incident, they have accomplished what they set out to accomplish. Set an atmosphere with like somehow some unbelievable injustice is going to be announced. They have accomplished what they set out to accomplish. Set an atmosphere with like somehow some unbelievable injustice is going to be announced. When the truth of the matter is, there were six black, and I heard this on TV, on the news, six black eyewitnesses that corroborated the cops, the white cop story. Not saying he's going to not be indicted, or he is going to be.

Either way, it could still go down that he's indicted. But just to have this kind of tension in this country, it's like a third world shithole. And Obama, you know, stokes the flames with his stupid talk. But Giuliani, this is why you got to love him. And he just responds after Dyson goes on one of his stupid rants. Where is it here? The former tutor may argue that the reason the predominantly black town such as Ferguson have police forces that are mostly white is because of black on black crime. The white police officers wouldn't be there if you weren't killing each other giuliani said i mean when's the last time

you heard anything even close to that honest when it comes to discussion and race and then of course dyson comes back with his psycho babble phd horse shit he says to Giuliani, that's a defensive mechanism of the white supremacy at work in your mind. What, what, what does that fucking mean? What does that even mean? That's a defensive mechanism of the white supremacy at, at work in your mind.

That's Giuliani responding. Oh, my God. The two originally got into a verbal tussle when Giuliani said 93% of blacks are killed by other blacks. He insisted that the Ferguson shooting was the exception to the regular violence in most cities and giuliani makes and again these are valid points that you can't argue with unless you get all emotional what about the poor black child

that was killed by another black child giuliani asked why aren't you protesting that why don't you cut it down so that so many white police officers don't have to be in black areas. He added 93% of blacks in America are killed by other blacks. And this is an exception. And Dyson responds, most black people who commit crimes against other black people go to jail. White people who are policemen

and kill black people do not go to jail. Oh yeah, really? Really? Really? Tell that to the guy in the Luima case here in New York City. He got 30 years for, you know, shoving something up Luima's ass. So he got 30 years, basically, practically a life sentence for a guy for losing his temper for eight seconds. And I know you'll get a thousand, you know, arguments on that that he should be in jail but the rest of his life was total bullshit it was way too uh harsh in my opinion anyways um

and then obama weighs in there are a lot of communities in my hometown of chicago for example who want to actually see more police but the point being is really so we have to have black cops in black areas is that what that that's what it's come to but they uh but obama says but they want to make sure the police are trained so they can distinguish between a gangbanger and a kid who just happens to be wearing a hoodie see See, he invokes Trayvon Martin. But just otherwise is a good kid and not doing anything wrong. In both cases, in the Michael Brown case and the Trayvon Martin case, they were both doing wrong. See, there's the problem.

We have different values in different communities. Therein lies the rub. So in Obama's, and I'm not saying either one of those kids should deserve to die, but they weren't good kids. Okay. Trayvon Martin wasn't a good kid. And Michael Brown, you know, punched a cop in the face in his cop car and tried to get his gun. You know, you know all the facts and shit. I don't want to go over this again.

I'm just saying it was nice to see Giuliani, you know, call this Dyson on his horse shit. It's amazing to me that the country hasn't blown up way. But again, it's the media. It's the media just playing it, man. Just playing with fire. White cowards that run the media just playing with fire and going along with it. Hey, we'll get ratings. Anyways, enough of that.

Yeah, so very, very refreshing. Just compare Giuliani to de Blasio. And I know people who are liberal would rather have Giuliani than de Blasio. This guy's a real beaut. What the hell else? Well, you know who else is in the news. And this ain't going away soon. Tell you that much.

Penny. More people coming out. More women coming out. I'm starting to believe that I might have been raped by Cosby. Yes, I met him in Atlantic City after a gig. I woke up in his suite at the Taj Mahal. All I was wearing was a Temple University T-shirt, and I had a pudding pop hanging out of my ass. I just remember hearing a lot of this.

Very hazy, the whole... That sounds like dice. That's a terrible impression. But they're coming out of the woodworks more. This is the best elevator music I've ever heard. Elevator music. It's ironic. I'm sure that one's coming.

Cosby, huh? But I guess he performed Friday night somewhere in Florida and got like a standing ovation. I'd love to see the, I want to know the makeup, the racial makeup of that audience. And I'm not saying, I'm just saying there's enough white idiots, too, that would give him a standing ovation. But that story is getting really interesting because you had,

if I can find it here, you got this guy that worked for NBC. Did you guys read this? This was on the internet, too. Frank Scotties. He's 90 years old now. But he worked for Cosby. Claims Bill Cosby. Again, this is all alleged. Paid off women invited young models

to his dressing room as he stood guard. Frank Scotti himself. Cosby invite young models to his Brooklyn dressing room and this guy would stand outside when the married Cosby invite young models to his Brooklyn dress room and this guy would stand outside when the married Cosby sought a queen's apartment for another pretty face this guy would arrange it and then he would disperse cash with uh you know Cosby's permission to his flock of single female friends this guy became the conduit for payments of up to two grand a month.

It's so obvious. This guy was like a, in my opinion, this Cosby was just out of control and he's everything that these broads are saying. I mean, these women don't talk like that. He came forward last week with insider look at Cosby's womanizing ways during the magical 1984 to 92 run of The Cosby Show. Guy's 90 now.

He said he felt, you know, as more women came forward, he started to feel sorry for the women. But, you know, I guess he's 90, so he's not, he isn't fearing. But, you know, aren't you like complicit if you're standing outside pretending you don't know what's going on? Aren't you, like, complicit if you're standing outside pretending you don't know what's going on? He delivered monthly payouts to eight different women in 1989 to 1990, including Sean Thompson, whose daughter, Autumn Jackson, claimed the actor was her dad. Oh, my God.

Cosby, while denying paternity in that suit, paid out more than $100,000 to Thompson over the years after the year their 1974 affair began And then this guy Scott he said I was suspicious that something was going on I suspected that he was having sex with him because the other person he was sending money to which is Thompson He was definitely having sex with He actually kept the money orders this guy from the era detailing the payouts to four of Cosby's women. He recalled Cosby presenting him with a satchel of money,

all $100 bills, and pressing Scottie to distribute the payments, using money orders in Scottie's name. God gracious. How the hell, I want to know how he performed Friday night in Florida. Who let that gig go on? Who's running that joint? And how come? You're going to tell me there wasn't a protest somewhere?

I'll have to get the details on that. A second woman said Dr. Cosby sent her money to help cover expenses for her son to attend private school. The receipt showed her receiving four money orders in one day worth $3,500. Ming. Ming. Cosby via Scotty passed along an additional $1,560 to a third woman in February of 1990. Angela Leslie, now 52, was the last name on the receipts, and she told the news that Cosby Camp paid for her to fly to California in the early 90s.

She got sick and returned her ticket but saw him two years later in Vegas. Once there, Leslie claimed Cosby got naked before getting sexual, despite her lack of interest. When she backed off, Cosby chased her out of the room. I felt so used. Cosby chased her out of the room. I felt so used. He also, this guy, Frank Scott, he said,

Cosby had an arrangement with a Manhattan modeling agency in which the owner would deliver young women to his dressing room. Some of the aspiring models were as young as 16. I want you to keep that one girl here. Sounds like Pesci in that scene of Goodfellas. Keep him here, fucking keep him here. I want you to keep that one girl here. Sounds like Pesci in that scene of Goodfellas. Keep him here. Fucking keep him here. I want you to keep that one girl here. Scotty quoted Cosby

as telling him, I want to interview her for a part in the show. That was his M.O. That's why I believe he's guilty. And a lot of other people do because all these girls

have the same story, you know? And what's stupid is he was rich and famous and powerful. There's enough girls out there that would have done this legally. You know what I mean?

He was just lazy. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to put in the eight hours of banal conversations and the 12 rounds of margaritas. He's just lazy. I mean, what the? The other models and the agency's owner would quickly disappear, leaving Cosby's pick alone with the comedian. The owner just walked right out, he recounted. She knew exactly what was going to go on.

Then he'd tell me, stand outside the door and don't let anyone in. And then another time, Cosby asked Scotty to find a queen's apartment for another model from the same agency. Holy moly. He said, call Donald Trump's brother and see if he can give you an apartment. So I called him up, and of course, who's not going to? Who's not going to? He'd throw somebody out just to give Bo Cosby an apartment. The sordid arrangements gnawed at Scotty and eventually led him to walk away from Cosby.

It bothered me. You got all these kids every time he told them. Yeah, but they didn't bother you quick enough. I know you're 90. They probably won't come after you, but I don't know. Anyways, of course, Cosby's lawyer, Martin Singer. What evidence does he have of Mr. Cosby's involvement? I don't know.

Money orders, you dick cheese. What are does he have of Mr. Cosby's involvement? I don't know. Money orders, you dick cheese. What are you talking about? How would Scotty know if a woman was a model or a secretary? Lawyers, how do you sleep with yourselves? The two were reunited, you know,by and scotty when the um cosby began shooting the cosby show in brooklyn in 84 scotty told cosby that he was considering retirement was surprised by the star's

response this is cosby's months he said you'll never quit me you love me that's what he said to this guy then cause gave him a less sentimental sendoff when he announced his departure he looked at me and said leave right now and uh at the end this guy says speaking of cosby he was a very selfish person he thought he was a genius he thought he was better than everybody else it's kind of the impression i always got of him too genius no he wasn't a genius It's kind of the impression I always got of him, too. Genius. No, he wasn't a genius. But they're coming out of the woodworks, aren't they? What the hell's left?

He's a deep doo-doo. Yeah, I got to look up where he performed and see what money grubbers okayed that on Saturday and what idiots came out and supported him. And there's a gig, the Tarrytown Music Hall, which I play. I played last couple Novembers, last two or three Novembers, and he's scheduled for that, I think, in December or whatever. And the last time I checked, that was still on, but I'm guessing that's going to go by the wayside.

Anyways, what the hell else, kids? I'm guessing that's going to go by the wayside. Anyways. What the hell else, kids? Time is it? It's quarter to three. I don't know why I just said that. I smell right now. I got BO.

That's unusual for me. I'm a very clean fella. Show's getting a little heavy. You know, we have to bring in and lighten it up. Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. I guess I'll have to spread my legs now, she says. Why, he asks. Don't you have a vase?

I'm sorry. You guys are going to hear, as long as this podcast exists, you're going to hear the, this cracks me the fuck up. What else? I don't want to get into, you know, okay, executive order,

nice going Obama with his speech and, you know, had to get amnesty done, all that baloney. Like there was any urgency there. He couldn't wait for the new congress you know to be sworn in in january we've you know waited this long we can't

go another six months so they could present something to him now the emperor jumped right in there with a stroke of his pen what a dick he really is just the most narcissistic and uh and you know that because both people on both sides of the aisle don't like them so yeah five million illegals and uh so they won't live in the shadows anymore and i guess my question is if living in the shadows was so bad how come they kept doing it and didn't go back to you know mexico wherever they came from? Because it wasn't bad. I heard like 30-something percent of them are already on Medicaid.

That's the whole purpose of this. You do realize that, right? It's a play by the Dems and Obama. You've got to give him credit. This guy's a bad-knuckle brawler. I'll say that much. More than I can say for the Republicans. He's making them look stupid.

But the whole key is him being biracial. They're not going to try to impeach or whatever go after the first african american president and it's a play by the dems so they can have future voters and um but the thing is the thing you don't hear on mainstream tv is there's a high percentage like in texas it's like 44 percent of of uh latinos are against this shit too because they did it correctly. It's all about wealth redistribution. You have to know that. That's all it is.

The majority of these people that come over are poor and uneducated and they're going right on the frigging doll. Do you understand? They're going to go right on the fucking government's tit and you and I are going to pay for it and we're supposed to be happy about it. There's some groups some amc uh immigrant uh lawyers that aren't happy this didn't go far enough can you fucking believe the nerve just bullshit it's so it's unco everybody knows it's unconstitutional so that's not even you know

everybody knows it so i guess there's already oklahoma governor oklahoma governor of texas have already brought a lawsuit i don't know you know again i i part of me actually believes that republicans are in on this with him you know what's saying they do all the symbolic shit but you know they want the they want the cheap labor too it's but it's really i'm just saying to you people out there law-abiding whatever you are white black latino asian you know what if you want a shoplift go ahead and do it if you want to speed or whatever because apparently the laws don't apply to everybody you know i mean so if you want to be lawless go ahead that's what i'm saying that's the difference between us and a fucking banana republic You know what I mean? So if you want to be lawless, go ahead.

That's what I'm saying. That's the difference between us and a fucking banana republic, see? So it's going to cause lawlessness, and it's going to divide us even more. It's just ironic. This guy, you know, ran as the great unifier, remember? It's just hilarious. It's the most, it's just,

it can't be good. Whether you're for this or not, it can't be good for the country. There's no way. It's going to create way too much tension. But again, it's a power play by the Dems. And I don't blame them.

These stiffs, these Republicans don't have no backbone. McConnell, perfect. McConnell's perfect for this. He's got no chin. He's no white guy with glasses. And John Bain in with his empty threat.

Where are we going to fight? That's not true, David. Whatever. It's just, it's the fundamental change that he promised and he's doing it, you know.

And all the excuses. Well, other Republican presidents use executive order not on something this large. And they did it, they did it in response to a law that was already passed by Congress. This is like by fiat.

This is right out of thin air. I just don't understand how it's going to not go to the Supreme Court and get shot down or whatever. I don't know. Whatever. Anyways, you know how I stand on that. Where do I stand on that? But you know how I stand on that. Where do I stand on that?

What the hell else? What do I want to talk about? Hey, you know who gave me props? This is, I almost fell out of my seat Sunday reading the paper. They have that insert like Parade Magazine. They did an interview with John Stewart, who's, he wrote and directed a movie called Rosewater. Excuse me. But, you know, they did an interview with him, and he's talking about comedy.

And he said, yeah, so obviously I was shaped by legends like carlin and prior but he said it was my contemporaries who also influenced me and he mentioned dennis larry ray romano colin quinn louis ck and nick dipolo i don't know if i should be happy about that or not after that last segment i just but uh no i was flattered because i have known john and i know he's not just bullshitting because like i said he had two like talk shows one on mtv and one before that and i was his first comic twice on both those shows so uh yeah i was flattered by that you know whether i you agree with his politics or, you can't argue that he hasn't kicked ass and had the career I would have loved to have had. But I was flattered to be mentioned with those other guys, too. I'm really the only one that's not famous in that group.

So I almost fell out of my seat. I really did. I would like to call and thank him, but, you know, I don't have his phone number. He can't come to the phone. He's selling a $17 million condo. But I would have loved to have had his career. You know what I mean? Let's be honest.

Yeah, I don't like his politics. He hates mine. He called me Goebbels. Remember on Tough Crowd? He sat down next to me and called me Goebbels. Because I made a few Jewish jokes. I told you that in previous episodes. But I was flattered, jokes. I told you that in previous episodes.

But I was flattered, man. And I like John. I like him a lot. And, you know, super talented. Just, again, polar opposite politically is how the world works. But what the hell else? That was kind of cool. Oh, my dog has been shitting and throwing up.

I should say my wife. I love the dog so much. Yeah, it's a Yorkshire Terrier, but it's not like a tiny little teacup, little faggy one. It's about the size of a roast turkey. you know it's about the size of a roast turkey uh and i love this dog but uh last three two days just unbelievable like a play-doh machine keep her in the bathroom like a little gate you look in there you know it looks like an explosion at a baskin robbins this shit and puke everywhere i don't know but uh my wife thinks she came up with the cause. The dog ate potpourri. I don't even know what that is. It's like little chips.

They're red in color and they smell and give you a house a nice faggy smell. And my wife had apparently dropped some or whatever the dog ate went off the floor. And she Googled it, of course, a day after seeing the dog throw up like Linda Blair. And, yeah, potpourri has stuff in it that make dogs very sick. You can actually kill a dog. I don't know how this dog stole. But she's much better as of yesterday, although today a little more gack. But so, you know, let that be a make a mental note.

If your neighbor's dog is shitting in your lawn, just put on a nice basket of potpourri with some raw hamburger in it. I'm kidding. Don't poison a dog. But yeah, I was wondering why the dog's poop was a nice, beautiful pink and had a nice aroma to it. Yeah, I was wondering why the dog's poop was a nice, beautiful pink and had a nice aroma to it. So keep the potpourri away from the dog. Dog's name is Bianca, by the way. I like her.

I think she's like a lesbian dog. She's a little, but she's like a toughie. By the way, just for the record, I wanted like a... My dream dog was always the... I wanted a bull mastiff. You know those chestnut color ones with a head like a Coke machine on it? Always wanted one of those. They were always too expensive, though. And the wife loves little dogs, so...

She wins out. But I love this dog. Sweetest animal ever. I stick my face right in her food bowl while she's eating, and she won't, she won't, she won't even bark.

She's just like, she freaks out, man. So the dog, yeah. We got that on, we have it on IV. What the hell else in the world of health? I'm looking for sound clips here.

I'm the fucking, I really do need it. I need a producer. I really do. This is what I was looking for during that last story, but. Come on, finish the potpourri sandwich. No, eat it. Eat it all. It's delicious. I'll finish it.

It would have been funny if I did it four minutes ago when I was talking about the fucking dog. That's the beauty of this show, isn't it, though? It's the warts and all. But what do I smell? Mother of God. You ever notice how cumin smells just like body odor? They're exactly the same smell.

Have you noticed that? Make a mental note. Oh, yeah, another health news. I have, continuing with my aging woes, how about I have shingles, which isn't completely new news. I don't know if you guys know anything about shingles. I saw a commercial for medication, prescription medication for shingles. I'm not kidding you.

It was about 10 days ago. And in the commercial, they state people over the age of 51 and three of them will get shingles. And I looked at my wife and said, I said, that's a year away from me. And not even a year. How about 10 days later? I wake up with this patch on my stomach about the size of a silver dollar. These like red blister type things. And the pain is radiating throughout my whole right side

oh my god like betty davis said getting old isn't for pussies yeah so i diagnosed it myself because i just said you know first of all like is that what is that a fungus from a yoga mat did you blow anybody from sierra leone and i'm like not this week and uh it just hurts and it's throbbing and i said to my wife i know it's shingles because i've had a form of shingles uh when i get really run down from lack of sleep what else uh my scalp will get really sensitive the back of my arms if you touch them it feels like i have a second-degree burn, and that's a form of shingles. I remember diagnosing my, and I've had that for 15 years. If you have had chicken pox, give me a little lesson on shingles, if you had chicken pox, the virus stays in you the rest of your life,

and it can manifest itself in shingles as you get older. So I've had, I know it's in me because, like I said, there's times when I can't the back of my arms or my side becomes so sensitive but i've never to the point where something visible where blisters have broken out they're like red dots they but they're it's really freaking painful and i know i know my old man has them but he's an old man um But yeah, this is the first visible sign. And again, it's, I know, directly related to my lack of frigging sleep.

And I'm falling asleep. That's not the problem. I fall asleep right away. But again, bang, last night, I wake up, went to bed at 10.01, which is good for me. Said I was going to be in bed by 11.30, but I stumbled over Louisville Notre Dame. I didn't know the results of it. So like an idiot, up went to bed at 10 or 1 which is good for me said i was gonna be in bed by 11 30 but uh i

stumbled over louisville notre dame i didn't know the results of it so like an idiot after watching four games during the afternoon i watched that and uh you know go to bed at like one and um but it bang i wake up it's 505 and then i'll lay there for about an hour and go back to sleep wake up it's 5.05 and then i'll lay there for about an hour and go back to sleep so i know it's i know this was coming you know so it hurts like a mother and they're still there it's been about 10 days a patch is still there it doesn't hurt as much taking like freaking advil and shit but yes i'm dying that's a sign you're dying. What the fuck? I mean, come on. Shingles.

Gotta change the name of that, too. That's just friggin' gross. I just picture up, you know, lifting my shirt and showing the doctor, and you just, when you hear the name, you visualize just that. Like little gray squares. Like on the top of your head. That's all I can think of, but it's not.

It looks like herpes on a fat whore's ass is what it looks like. And it hurts like the bejesus. Yeah. I roll over my right side. My wife runs in and rubs Hellman's on it.

What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. So I get shingles, kids. Like I said, I'll be dead soon. I'm pretty sure that's it. Oh, the other thing about Cosby I didn't mention. Speaking of shingles. There was another story online. Late this is the head of the uh

headline late show david lederman staffers relieved they don't have to deal with upcoming cosby appearance apparently when cosby would come to the lederman show this is it was in his writer he would request all the like female staffers would have to come in and to his dressing room and watch him eat curry. And he wouldn't even say a thing, just in silence. He wanted young girls to watch him eat. Is this guy not turning up to be the biggest fucking creep ever? But you know what scares me about this story? That the people at the Letterman Show don't have the balls to say, fuck you, Bill. It's not like he's at the peak of his career in the last 10 years.

Imagine they complied with this. And then you go, well, yeah, it was the Letterman Show. That's true. Dave had his own history, but he wasn't anything like this. But how weird is that? I should have done that on the set of Colin's show. Yeah, I want all the girls here and the girl that's playing the dead girl, the hot one, wanted to come in.

Come in here and watch me eat ziti with sun-dried tomatoes and chicken. And I don't want them to say a word. Just watch my approach on eating salmon with a spoon. What? How creepy is that? They'd have to sit there and watch him eat

and not say anything. And you'd think somebody would have the balls to go, hey Bill, fuck you. What the? Do you believe this shit?

Uh, girls, come in. I want you to watch me eat coca platter. Fuck you! That's all that deserved.

That's the other thing I forgot about that. Anyways. What's else on the agenda, fella? Let's see. Headline, technology killing you. That was another story. I loved it. I loved this story

because you know you know i'm one of those guys i mean yes again i love the technology because it's made porn it's perfected porn which is on my upcoming another census killing dvd by the way looks like we'll be taking pre-orders i'm hoping after thanksgiving at nickdip.com uh the distributor the guy does all the marketing, he has everything. We put together the trailer and stuff, so it's getting close, kids. I know it took forever, but what are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

What are you going to do? And you blew it! Yes, I did. You blew it. That's right. But, yeah, this was interesting. I don't think you guys, it's not like we don't know this already but uh is your technology killing you and i've always said yes i always say it on stage when somebody has a cell phone out i always go i hope those friggin cause cancer which is met with

silence and then i go well you know people are so obnoxious on them and uh and i believe i always said this i believe the cell phones because I've read this shit. Cell phones, laptops, high tops, high tops. Yeah, high tops. Your sneakers cause cancer. Laptops, all that stuff causes cancer. And my friends are always like, well, Bush, that's not true. And I go, really?

How did Steve Jobs die? Was it fucking Ebola? I don't think so. Who spent more time around the shit than he did? Guy couldn't even hold up his last invention. It was a half a pound iPad. Little help. Little help over here.

And people get mad when I make fun of Steve Jobs. But yeah, good article. You know, it's killing you in a million ways. Some of them more obvious than others. Obviously, like they quote like a bunch of, you know, chiropractors are seeing people with neck injuries

because they're texting, you know, your head is down. An adult head weighs 10 to 12 pounds in the neutral position, but as the head tilts forward

when you're texting, the force on the neck surges upwards. So your head weighs like 60 pounds. How about when you're texting about how hungover you are must be up to 260 fucking just breaks off but my wife my poor wife she was in a car accident years ago and her neck's fucked up and she sits at the uh sits at her desk doing all the books for me and

yelling things like you cleared 18.5 this year doing comedy. Congratulations, you dirty guinea. And then she puts a nice pack on her neck. But, yeah, I mean, she's had been complaining about this for a year. But that's because she's sitting there typing with her head down for hours at a time. If you're texting with your head down hours at a time, you deserve neck pain. What the hell else? So, yeah, neck injuries, obesity obesity which makes perfect sense obviously if you sit there not uh not doing anything it's so funny man we had uh we had the in-laws down and you know my wife's nieces and nephews and it's like eight of them in the living room and you don't hear a peep. I go in, and they're all laying on the couch

literally texting to each other, not even talking to each other. Again, I don't want to sound like a fucking old fart, but that can't be good. I wonder why their social skills suck. So yeah, you turn into a fat fuck. Who would have guessed if you sit there typing? But inactivity, so yeah, you turn into a fat fuck. Who would have guessed if you sit there, uh, you know, typing, but it all, you know, inactivity, they say leads to other things like breast cancer, prostate cancer, bowel cancer.

You ever hear that one sitting is the new smoking now. If that's true, I must've done four cartons yesterday. I didn't move a friggin muscle sitting as the new smoking uh it fucks up your sleep we all know that right but they always say it's the light from your you know your ipad or your tablet or your computer it's the light that triggers some shit in your brain that keeps you awake but another guy says well that's baloney it's the actual intellectual stimulation. I don't know how intellectually stimulating you porn is,

but it's keeping me up at night. It's the intellectual stimulation. That's what Professor Kevin Morgan says. He's director of the clinical sleep research at Lawnborough University, whatever the hell that is. Yeah, it's the intellectual stimulation rather than the screens backlighting that keeps you awake at night probably more than half the

civilized population of planet are looking at screens he said but screens disturbing your sleep have almost nothing to do with the radiation it is transmitting why are you looking at a screen before you go to bed it could be uh it's because you are working or a child might be playing an exciting game. You know, it pissed me off on the way down to Uncle Vinny's this week, and I see a sign on the Jersey Turnpike, or it might have been the, no, Garden State Parkway, you know, one of those digital signs. It says, put down your phone and start driving. Hey, fuck you.

Put down your phone and start driving. Hey, fuck you. Put down your phone and start driving. Fuck you! Fuck you! Don't you love it? The government just fucking literally, like your wife on the rag in the back seat. In your face. And then another sign I see a couple miles later,

it says distractions cause accidents. Well, wouldn't your fucking sign might be considered a distraction? I had to look over there to read it. It's hilarious. But just the government just upped your ass. Yeah, Nick, but a lot of people are distracted and getting killed because people are...

I don't give a shit. We'll figure it out. Weed out the dummies. It really is. That's how they get weeded out fourth uh problem the technology is doing to you this article says depression not only could starting at it not only could staring at a screen in bed stop you from sleeping it'll keep you from banging your wife then then she'll get depressed, and you'll get depressed because you're depressed. No.

Yeah. Not only could staring at a screen in bed stop you from sleeping, it could also trigger depression. This one killed me because they have rats in the thing. This comes out of Hopkins University, John Hopkins University.

Found that mice regularly exposed to light at night became depressed, showing less interest in doing fun things, being less likely to explore new objects in their cages and not move around as much. Really? Is it the light that's making them depressed, or that you have them locked in cages their whole fucking lives, and you use them, you know, as experiment maybe that might give you kind of a dour outlook showing less interest in doing fun things what did they say to the mice hey you want to go to

a titty bar tonight now i'm just gonna hang around the cage drink out of this bottle in the corner and shit pellets what do you want to do fun things we're're going to go to Applebee's for the fucking jalapeno poppers. You want to come? No. I'm going to get some cheese over here. I'm just going to gnaw on this. I'm not in the mood for fun. They also had higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

Jesus Christ. I don't look at my tablet, but I do look at a flat screen TV before I go to bed. You know what I mean? That's what most people do. You watch TV, you get tired, and you shut it off. What am I supposed to do? Sit in my basement in the dark, diddling myself until I get tired? Radiation is number five. It classified the radiation emitted by handsets as possibly carcinogenic, placing mobiles in the same risk category as lead, pesticide,

DDT, and petrol exhaust. Oh, bullshit. Eat shit and die, you liars. Number six, addiction. Yeah, we all know that. Technology should be a tool, not a burden or health risk. Bum, bum, bum. This doctor accused parents who constantly fiddle with mobile phones or ipads in front of their

children of benign neglect oh yeah pretty soon the government will go hey see that lady in applebee's looking at her tablet next to her four-year-old arrest her she's neglecting her kid but i do agree with this they say this, this guy says, they advise children under the age of three have no access to screens at all. But of course, those are the kids you want to give screens, right? Who's screaming and making a ruckus in a minivan? What do you do? You put on a freaking movie or whatever. You hand them your tablet and go, look at dirtyhousewives.net, Timmy. And they're quiet as a mouse. But kids under the age of three shouldn't have access. No, I agree with it. And no more than an hour a day outside school for those under the age of seven. How seven yucky yeah shingles anyways

let's close it out with a little sports uh chatter i gotta read uh my uh amy schumer script again it's just a table read but i want to go in there angry as possible which is perfect because you, you know, I'm not gonna be able to find parking. It's down in the village somewhere. I'll walk in there and they'll say, use that. What did I want to talk about sports wise? Well, the Patriots are only best team in football. I hate to brag again. And but come on, folks. Detroit Lions, supposedly the best defense in football. We took them apart at the joints. Took them apart at the goddamn joints, didn't we? I think you know that.

Oh, touchdown. Gonkowski touchdown uh yeah come on huh me and keith robbins were arguing he said man don't worry about it this is like two weeks ago man you gotta worry about p worry about, Pats are going to lose to Denver anyways, man. They're going to lose in a playoff to Denver. Since then, Denver has lost to the Rams and barely get by the fucking Dolphins. And the Patriots have just been slaughtering people. The Pats have beaten quality teams.

They've beaten three division leaders. Don't ask me to name them because I forget. But I know the Bengals, the Colts, and somebody else, the Broncos, and then Detroit, maybe four. Maybe it's up to four, three or four. But they're beating the bestals, the Colts, and somebody else, the Broncos, and then Detroit. Maybe four. Maybe it's up to four. Three or four. But they're beating the best teams in the league.

Making them look silly. So then I text Keith Robinson. I said, yeah? Want to tell me more about us losing to Denver? And then he texts back. He goes, just worry about the Packers, man. I don't give a shit if we lose to the Packers next week. As long as we have home field advantage.

And we're not going to. But that's going to be a hell of a game, isn't it? Too bad that wasn't on Thanksgiving. Instead of the Lions against some bitches. Got to watch that horrible Lions team. Did you see the commercial during the NFL game now? There's another one. They did a little thing on a little girl last night playing Pop Warner.

And the coach comes on. And I saw her playing and i said the other guy i i don't care what i want that girl on my team this cute girl playing quarterback because and and then he says something about football being a male-dominated sport somehow like implying that the the the fix is in there too that it has nothing to do with men being physically tougher and superior i mean we have really lost our fucking minds. And then it says, send Carly to the Super Bowl. It's some competition.

And I'm happy she's playing Pop Warner. And I'm happy she's beating kids, you know, beating boys. But the truth is, boys at that age aren't boys. They're little girls. That's why pedophiles like to fuck them. You understand?

They're not boys at that age. They have no hair on their pencil they don't know how to tackle my cousin karen could beat me in arm wrestling for christ's sake when we were kids but but they imply that somehow it's and then it's an nfl psa thing i forget what it just made me get dizzy and i'm glad she's having fun as a little girl. But the point being, there's no future in it for it. There never will be a future in it for it. Go on YouTube and Google. There was a girl that tried to play pro football a couple years ago, running back. I don't know if it was arena football.

They gave her the ball three times. She was a running back. They gave her the ball three times in a row down on the five-yard line. And she gets hit. I was cringing as a guy. I felt so bad for her. She was getting drilled by these guys in a football manner, and I just don't know where we're going.

I just don't. I mean, the point being is there's a little boy who's probably as good as that little girl, but of course they're going to want to see the little girl playing quarterback, and there's no future in it for her. And I'll say it again. There's no future in pro football for women. And I'm not talking about he-she's.

I'm talking about straight-up women. Okay? So I'm glad she's having success at the Pop Warner level. But she's going to get hurt. Now that's, even that sounds misogynistic she's gonna get hurt it's just a physical see they they look at the world as they want it to be instead of how it is that's what makes me cuckoo about these leftist nuts but did you see it you know what i'm talking about along with the no more no more she was she was asking for it, no more, it's

just, you gotta be a male to just, you're getting scolded the whole fucking time, it's like, I've been supporting your shitty product for the last 50 years of my life, now you're lumping me in with guys who beat their wives and rapists, fuck you, anyways, ah, yeah, uh yeah so uh whatever denver goodbye and packers are rolling and um but uh the patriots holy moly brady just he looks like uh last seven weeks he looks like he did when he was 23 so if you're a boston fan of sports you gotta be well except for the Bruins there. All the good guys are out, and the Canadians made them look like little girls the other night. But the Red Sox, huh? Today I wake up and find out we got the Kung Fu Panda. You know what I'm talking about?

Pablo Sandoval, the third baseman for the world champion Giants, has jumped to the Boston Red Sox. And I'm glad that means no more Will Middlebrooks, who I thought was going to be the next star. He's the guy that, you know, Kevin, he replaced Euclid, and he actually hit three homers one game a couple years ago, and he hasn't done anything since, so you're not going to see him no more.

So, but we got the Kung Fu Panda, okay? He's 28 years old. You know I'm talking about a heavyset guy. If you're a baseball fan, you know we should be excited because he's great defensively. 16 homers last year, 73 ribbies. Hit.279. And in his career, he's a.294 hitter. Okay?

He starred in the postseason hitting.344 with six homers and 20 ribbies in 39 games in his career. How's that for numbers? I love it because a guy can play defense. I love it. I love it. He won the World Series MVP in 2012. Fucking love it. We got him.

We got him. Because we stunk at that position. We ranked 29th in baseball OPS. That's on base plus slugging. We had like a 580 mark, it says. 121 percentage points below the league average, which is 701 at third base. That's how weak we were there. Yeah. Well, we just fixed that problem, didn't we? I don't know where to get the money. We must have a Colombian drug dealer running the team. And if that

wasn't good enough news, and this is from today too, a Red Sox set to add Ramirez, as in Hanley Ramirez. It's not confirmed yet. But a deal in the range of five years for $90 million. I'm kind of excited about this, but I'm not. Because it might mean that we're not going to get Jon Lester back. Because if you spent that kind of money on Sandoval, and you're going to spend it on this guy, I don't think we have that budget I don't know but if they get him back we're the big winners and as far as hot stove baseball goes in my dirty opinion um Ramirez he won the batting title uh What was it? Almost six years ago, 2009. But led the National League with a 1.040 OPS in 2013.

That's the statistic everybody looks at now. But I know we're not going to get rid of Bogarts. So this guy's going to have to either play the outfield or another infield position. He's not going to play first because Napoli's going to have to either play the outfield or another infield position. He's not going to play first. Because Napoli's going to be at first, unless we're going to dump Napoli. So probably in the outfield, which means... Are they talking about Cepedis? Maybe trading Cepedis.

Cespedes, I should say. And maybe making this guy an outfielder. But he's a great hitter. And he has been his whole career, this guy. Had a bit of a toad when he first came up. Anyways, that's exciting news. If you're a Red Sox fan, that's a good day. Again, it's not confirmed about Ramirez.

But it looks it. That's about it, I think. I've touched on it all, kids um dog potpourri shingle all right so yeah another senseless killing we're getting there i think the actual launch where you'll be able to get it everywhere and iTunes and all that stuff is like February 17th. I'm going to go out in January, the beginning of January, and do like hopefully Joe Rogan's podcast. I'm already scheduled to do Corolla's. And I'm going to hit all the bunch of good podcasts out there.

And maybe, you know, whatever else I can do to promote it. So I know it's been in the making for a while. That's about it. Have a good Thanksgiving. Block your colon with that bread stuffing and that protein of turkey. And I'll talk to you real soon. the support kids hang in there I'll hit you up on Twitter and vice versa all right all right I love you for helping me to construct of my life

not a tavern, but a temple. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign. You have done it by just being yourself. Perhaps after all, that is what love means. I gotta take a shower. And that is why I love you. guitar solo guitar solo Bye.