The Nick DiPaolo Show - 075 - PLAY BALL for Christ Sakes!

Episode Date: April 7, 2015

PLAY BALL for Christ Sakes!

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. What's up, kids? What's going on? My mouse is, uh, the mouse. I don't know if it's the battery, whatever. I gotta click 19 times for anything to, uh, catch. How old did that sound? Yeah, it's always, it's always something. Friggin' computers. for anything to catch. How old did that sound? Yeah, it's always something,

frigging computers. How you doing, kids? How was your Easter? Was it good? I don't know. I was raised Roman Catholic, but I'm still, I don't know. It's so funny I'm labeled a conservative. I don't even know if I believe in anything.

It's a nice story and whatnot. This is about how committed I am to my religion. It was like I promised myself I was going to watch Killing Jesus just to try to get in the mood, you know? I mean, as a kid, we used to watch that stuff and whatever. We used to have to act it out, as a matter of fact. My father would make to act it out as a matter of fact my father make this act it out we'd have to tie him to a uh you know a uh you know the clothesline we tied him with his arm spread and threw fruit at him and stuff we had to recreate it and uh of course i'm just kidding he wasn't

into it either the mother like i told you before she's very religious goes to church every sunday but has good reason to um i don't know what to believe but i'm like yeah i'm gonna watch killing jesus i actually recorded it and uh then last night i'm like it's between that and madman and i went with madman and i gotta be honest with you i think killing jesus might have been more interesting now madman was pretty good but uh i don't know if you guys are fans of Mad Men, but they take three years in between seasons. So, you know, you kind of get disinterested. And I appreciate they need Matt Weiner, or Weiner, however you pronounce his name, who's a little bit of a genius. He was involved with The Sopranos.

He's the showrunner and the writer. But he said he—I think I read an article. He said he needed the time, that much time to to keep the quality of the show up but i mean it was literally a year and a half ago so i and i'm a big fan and i didn't give a fuck i couldn't remember last night who who don draper was fucking who he wasn't and uh if you watched it you know i didn't know who the fuck was but uh it's still a good show but again so what they did they showed seven seven episodes like a year and a half ago and now these are the final seven forever and then the series ends and i can't it's like almost it's like who cares i almost lost

interest you know so instead of watching uh the guy that died for my sins i watched uh you know a guy committing sins that I'd love to commit. Banging a lot of dirty whores. And I watched it on Easter. Yeah. So show was pretty good. Before I forget, let me get the plugs out of the way. Because, you know, I have, you know, limited RAM, as they say in the computer world.

Do they even use that phrase? Random access memory. Where am I going? Oh, this weekend. Holy shit, I get it again. I'm playing again. I forgot. Thursday.

This Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis. And then on the 18th, the following weekend, I'll be at Marissa's in Trumbull, Connecticut. It's a comedy treehouse series. Marissa's, Trumbull, Connecticut. It's a comedy treehouse series. Marissa's, Trumbull, Connecticut on the 18th. It's a Saturday. And then Helium in Philadelphia, April 30th, May 1 and 2. And somewhere in Pompton Plains, New Jersey on the 9th. And then the Main Street Armory, Rochester.

It's a nice theater up in Rochester, New York on May 16th. That's enough of that shit. And go get another Senseless Killing, please, could you? It's available at nickdip.com. And also, obviously, at iTunes and Amazon. And anyway, you can buy digital horseshit. Anyways, yeah, so I watched that. Mad Men, pretty good, but like I said, seven episodes.

Who gives a rat's ass, Matt? It's too bad. Also watched over the weekend. Watched Going Clear, which is that documentary about Scientology. And I know, you know, there's been a ton of books about Scientology, and it's been in the news a lot, but this was really good. I thought it was really good. It was so creepy, man.

Just showing how, you know, it actually shows footage of Ron L. Hubbard. Reminds me kind of like, kind of looks like what Jeff Ross is going to look like in a few years. Something about him reminded me of Jeff Ross. This guy was a fucking mad, just a madman is what he was. One of those guys that was genius, borderline genius insanity, you know? And I'm sitting there just jealous that he could turn this thing into a, you know what I mean? Millions of people following a zillion dollar a year industry and after 28 years i'm still tweeting to get people out to the club you know i mean jesus

christ talk about having an influence he was nuts i mean i always heard he was nuts but it's so it was so great to see this footage of him talking and he's just a lost soul but he's a you know science fiction writer and he combined that with religion and it just goes to show that there's a sucker born every fucking minute and i know you're going well that's hindsight nick you know you know it's a farce now but it's like even then how did you fall for that horse shit i don't understand it you got to watch it though it's friggin fascinating and it's creepy when they show them you know doing their conventions at these big convention halls that holds tens of thousands of people and it's very nazi like you know with all its symbol behind them and and and ronald harvard died and this guy david miskevich took over and he was just like a little

fucking hitler i think his mother was in the, and he was just like a little fucking Hitler. I think his mother was in the cult, and he was like 10 years old when his mother brought him into the cult, and he used to film stuff for Ron L. Hubbard, and if I'm not confusing my characters, then he took over when Ron L. Hubbard died. But there's footage in there of, you know, people that have been in it,

and, you know, it's narrated by people who got out after like, anyways, between 10 and 20 years and and uh it's fascinating and just they show clips of travolta and uh just friggin tom cruise they have inside you know they have footage of him they did it you know they said they do a thing called an audit where they literally do an audit of your mind and they try to expel all the negative thoughts and replace them and there's a meter thing that reads your thoughts because he believed that your thoughts

actually consisted of a certain mass and you could read that with this thing. It just looks like horseshit. I don't understand how anybody, it just shows how many people you know are confused usually he got them while they were young you know but uh you can fall for anything and just fucking brainwashed and physically abused and uh but the guy was fascinating. It's just amazing. You know, I know evil, too, but still, I just admire what people can accomplish, you know.

I do a 20-minute set on a Wednesday, and I feel like I've had a big week. God, help me. Ron L. Hubbard, but going clear. Watch it. And a great footage of Tom Cruise that you might have seen on the Internet since. Because my wife had already seen it. She was telling him he's in a black turtleneck. And it's actual, you know, it's actual stuff that they shot inside the church that wasn't supposed to be made public. And it just shows what a fucking wacko Tom Cruise is laughing maniacally.

He's got a black turtleneck on. Tom Cruise is laughing maniacally. He's got a black turtleneck on. They ask him about suppressive persons, SPs, and he just starts cackling. But I recommend it highly. I started to watch it, and then I couldn't stop. And I know a lot of you have already read the books and shit, but I'm thinking about joining. That's the point of this segment.

I think I might, because who's more negative than me? I think I need these things that have been holding me back. You know, I figure if I go through a couple years of Scientology, I'll be playing out 600, 700 seats as opposed to the 250, 300. Oh, my God. What what fucking idiots i don't know how you fell for this stuff just crazy and um oh my god i can't even describe it but it's obviously he took his skill as a science fiction writer and worked that in because he believes that this he believes that the planet earth is a place that was actually, he called it a prison planet where there was another planet

where they dropped bad people off onto this planet. He believed that people lived just like we did 70 million years ago. People drove cars like us, dressed like us and shit. And then he took the evil ones and dropped them off in a volcano. The volcano explodes and all the evil souls go into the air and when somebody's born we take in those evil souls and they have to be it's just whatever nanu nanu is more believable fucking mork and mindy than the shit and people fell for it on a large scale creepy they rough up people who got out of the church and you know

speaking against them and but that that that just just alone to see that clip of uh tom cruise cackling like a fucking madman oh my god creepy and and and travolta and uh so i recommend it i recommend it highly that and the view View, my favorite show. No, I'm just kidding. Um, how about those broads? I think still hanging on. Give me a fucking break. Could you, could you, could you please? But anyways, um, where's my lineup? Where's my lineup where's my lineup of come on i wrote all this shit down uh yeah so heading off to minneapolis which i love by the way i noticed the more that i fly and you know i always get this pit in my stomach because i just hate dealing with the idiots at the airport and i think we went over that last week but i noticed because i've been flying a

lot at the beginning of this year i'm almost used to it it's not really bothering me that I have to get on another plane on Thursday um that and because I'm going to my favorite club where I shot the special and um just love it and you're like well why do you love it because uh Louis Lee the owner is I get paid what I deserve to get paid and I realize how I get fucked in all the other clubs. The guy couldn't be more fair. And like I said, the audiences, I've never had to tell anybody to lower their voice, shut off a cell phone. They go there for the comedy. They actually hang on every word.

I can tell an audience is good when I like mumble under my breath, which I do a lot on stage. I tag jokes. I'll come up with something on the top of my head and mumble it, something pretty evil or whatever. And people catch that shit, but not in comedy clubs. They usually don't. This club, they hang on you every word.

It's weird. I can't describe it. He's like, I think he might be like L. Ron Hubbard himself of the comedy world, Louis Lee, because he's got all these people brainwashed. You can go in there on a Monday night, and I've said this before,

and there'll be like 200 people in there watching young comics not even anybody you know guys unbelievable so uh you know i look forward to it once i'm there i'm going to do the tom bernard radio show that's the morning guy he's been a monster for years and then i'm going to do his podcast in the afternoon and the comedy club acne itself has its own podcast and i agreed to do all that stuff because you. And the comedy club, Acme, itself has its own podcast. And I agreed to do all that stuff because, you know, I got that album out there. Got to plug it. And it kills time.

And then got two shows that night. One Thursday, two Friday, two Saturday. And, yeah, I'll actually hang out at the bar, do a few shots with some of the folk. They're just very hospitable. And that's that. And that's what we do. He's dead. And he's gone.

Anyways, you know what today is, right, folks? Now this could only happen to a guy like me. I know the audio's a little... It can only happen in a town like this. That's Bill Murray, by the way. That's right. It's back. It was actually last night, officially. Watch the Cubbies. Take me out to the ball game It was actually last night, officially. Watch the Cubbies get beat by the Cardinals.

But all is right with the world again, because, remember, sports is the toy department of life. Somebody said, Bill Maher. is the toy department of life. Somebody said. Bill Martin. This is from a few years ago. Let's get some rock! Yeah! Yeah, baby.

Yes. It's back. Yeah, the Cubbies, you know, they got Joe Madden, by the way. You know, Tampa's coach for the last 15 years or whatever, who's a great coach. So the Cubbies got him, and they were all excited. They got this kid, Chris Bryant, I might have mentioned him in the last episode, who hit 45 home runs, like, in double and triple A in the last year, and 110 RBIs.

That was last year. And this year, he had nine homers since, I don't know, enormous amount of RBIs during spring training, led all of baseball. And they're keeping him down in the minors for another 12 days that way because if they brought him up then he'd be a free agent a year earlier this way they get to hold on to him before they face that him being a free agent in 2020 or some some horseshit like that of course the union has a problem with it blah blah blah but uh this kid's supposed to be a stud and of course they got our boy john lester from the Red Sox, lefty ace.

Still don't understand how we let him go. I mean, he got 155 mil for six years. Can you blame him? I don't know. Can you blame him? That's my question. Because he's already, all these guys are already set financially for life, right? But, you know, these are young guys.

I forget, too. And he won a couple rings with his socks. So he's like, you know, these are young guys, I forget, too. And he won a couple rings with his socks, so he's like, you know, let me try something new, I guess. But Jesus,

to leave a town like Boston, there's no better baseball town. I mean, Cubbies fans are awesome, too. I'm just saying. I don't know. It's a tough one. You know,

the one, Johnny Dame is the one that bothered me the most because he was like a Christ figure after the Red Sox won their first one in 86 years. He was like a rock and roll. I mean, he got more ass than fucking Mick Jagger did in 1971. Just a Christ figure in Boston. And he goes to the evil fucking empire. You money-grubbing hoe. That one really.

But John Lester last night, he didn't look that good. You know, it's early. He's like a hot weather pitcher anyways. Cubbies looked inept as ever. They kept getting the leadoff guy on, and they couldn't do anything, couldn't drive anybody in.

Wayne Wright for the Cardinals looked sharp as ever, but the Cubbies, they have Theo Epstein as their president. He's the one who turned it around in Boston. So they're all excited. They're renovating the park, which is Theo Epstein, what he did with Fenway. That brings in more money. And so they were looking for big things.

Maybe not this year, but real soon. And, eh. But, so today you got, I think, the Yanks playing the Blue Jays at Yankee Stadium. My Red Sox, holy shit, it's 3 o'clock. They're pitching right now. They got the Phillies at philly opening weekend and a lot of talk about baseball changes this is how much of a red socks fan i am i said this on stage the other night at the creek and cave i was talking about how much i love the red socks and again baseball

is not even my favorite sport but it's just uh the tradition in boston i don't know what it is but i said i wouldn't even i'm such a socks fan i refuse to take the ice bucket challenge and they're like why would you do that why would i fucking why would i help eradicate a fatal disease that's named after new york yankee anytime we can bring them bad publicity let it run i say if there's a disease if they come up with let's say big poppy disease, you know, I'll dump a bucket of cat piss over my head. Big poppy disease. What would that, how would that look anyway? Well, some of the symptoms I think of big poppy disease would be, it would be like OCD.

Stepping out of the batter's box and adjusting your gloves for 45 minutes between pitches and tapping your helmet and on the top of your head uh you know 20 minutes between pitches and 40 minutes to get around the bases but uh that's uh that's something that's coming up by the way luke garrick i hate to break this to his family he wasn't the luckiest man on the face of the earth guy got very sick and died but can you imagine saying that that's the kind of integrity and the kind of guy he was. Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. I would have been up there whining. I would have been like, really, Jesus?

I hit all these home runs, for Christ's sake? I hit them all in one seat, and you're going to, you motherless, how the fuck can you do this to me? I would have been in front of a crowd of 60,000 in Yankee Stadium. Today, I really got rooked as usual. I really took it in the seat. I don't feel lucky. How dare they do this to me? I'm a good family man.

Great athlete. Jesus, I don't know what you're thinking up there, you prick. Boo-hoo on me. That's what I'd say. I'd be seen in the dugout in a fetal position crying with my thumb on my mouth. They'd go, come on, get up to bed, Lou. No, fuck that.

I'm not going to be in the lineup next year, obviously. Tell God to kiss my ass. Such talk on Easter, I know. But there's a lot of talk of that, of baseball making changes. As far as maybe they were experimenting with a pitch clock. I don't know how you guys feel about baseball. It does take forever to play, especially when the Yankees and the Sox get together because both teams take thousands of pitches.

They have a very selective eye. But games take forever. And although I'm such a lazy bastard, it doesn't bother me as I get older. I could have used a few baseball games to watch when I was in Phoenix a couple weekends ago. With nothing to do with my hands. But it does take forever. They could speed it up. But they're going to experiment with a rule.

I don't know if it's in effect this year or not. Where the batter can't really step out of the box. He has to keep at least one foot in the box. I don't know if it's in effect this year or not. With a batter, can't really step out of the box. He has to keep at least one foot in the box. I don't know how that speeds up the game. You can keep one foot in the box and play with your batting gloves for 10 minutes. By the way, that was started by Nomar Gassiapari. He's the first guy, I remember, to manically play with his batting gloves. And then it sort of caught on.

But, yeah, so they're thinking about putting in a pitch clock. In other words, a pitch would have to throw a pitch every, I don't know, how many seconds just to speed up the pace. Of course, hitters don't like that. And a few weeks ago, Big Papi, they had a press conference asking him because when people talk about games going too long, and a lot of the first people they look at are the batters, you know, taking forever to get in the box, and nobody's more guilty of that than my hero, Big Papi.

But, of course, he had his own opinion on the subject. Here we are. Let's see what he had to say. That's him flying in. I call that bulls** in. Bullshit. Bullshit, he said. Bro, when you come out of the box, they don't understand that when you come out of the box, you're thinking about what the guy's trying to do.

This is not like you go to the plate with the empty mind. When you see guys pitch coming out of the box box we're not doing it just for doing it our mind is speeding up i saw his mind is what speeding up i don't understand that anyway i'm pitch when i come out i'm thinking what this guy gonna try to do to me next exactly what my first dates think go ahead papi spew i like the way he says gang not game game is gang like crips bloods a gang not walking around just because their camera all over the place and and i want my bodies back home to see me and this and that doesn't go that way they're're laughing. You know, when you make a heater, when you force a heater to do that, 70% you are out because you don't have no time to think.

And the only time you have to think about things is that time. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how this baseball game is going to end up. The heater. A heater. Not like a space heater. He means a hitter. He don't know how to

gangranga. But makes a good point. He's up there trying to match wits. But what he has to understand is there's millions of people at home watching the game

and they got to get up the next day and go to work. And young kids who are baseball fans, that's the future Big Papi of your sport. They have a attention span of crack babies thanks to videos and the internet.

And they're not following the game like they used to. So they're trying to make changes here. But I agree with him on the bigger point that it's not just the hitters. I mean, you got to spit out the gang. You're trying to figure out the guy that I told you, man. But do you understand they're trying to speed up the game? There's no way. It don't matter what they do.

The game's not going to speed up. That's the bottom line. No, an attitude like that. When you argue for a pitch that they got to go and review it, that takes some time. Is that our fault? No. It's their fault.

But we still got to play the game. It's only a $500 fine. I think you just pay the money. Well, I might run out of money. The reporter says it's only a $500 fine. I might run out of money. Period. I'm not going to change my game.

I don't care what they say. He's not going to change his game. He's staying with the Bucks. I'm going to keep it that way. It's not like what they say. He's not going to change his game. He's staying with the Bucks. I'm going to keep it that way. It's not like I go around and do all kinds of stupid shit, but I got to take my time to think about what they got going to do against me. And I'm pretty sure every single hitter at this level is on the same page because they put their rules together, but they don't talk to us as a hitter.

How do you feel about this? You know what I'm saying? Why don't you come and ask questions first? And then we get into an agreement. But just like, oh, you got to do this just because I say so? Oh, but it doesn't work that way. Trust me. Yeah, it does.

It does. I think MLB, they pay you. You do what they say, big puppy. I know you don't like it. But anyway. What are you going to say to the umpire? I mean, if they tell you. Just tell him to throw the ball.

I got. Hey, look. This game has been going on for over 100 years. And the nature of the game. I don't care who you are, you're not going to change it. But what he's missing is society's changing. And the bottom line is TV revenue and dollars. I agree with him. I'm kind of a purist.

I don't give a shit how long it takes. But, you know, it is a business in the end. And society has changed. We have no attention span, especially younger people who are their future. So he's forgetting that part of it. It's kind of a, you know. Our nature. Pitch come through, you come out of the box, you go back in it.

When you throw a pitch, I'm going to stay there, and to the pitcher's ready and just go back at it? I don't know about that. Do you think there are other ways to speed up the game besides just... Of course! It's not on us. It seems like every time they want to speed up the game, they focus on the hitters. Have you noticed that?

How about the pitchers that go around the mound and do all that bulls**t? How about that? Why don't you tell the pitchers, throw the pitch and stay in the mound? Don't move. You ever talk to Clay about that, though? I mean, Clay would be... I'm talking about everybody in general. But there are pitchers who get right back on the mound and throw.

I can't name them right now, but there are a few who like to get the ball back. But Big Papi goes, how about the pitchers? And then he does with his head. You know, I have a pitcher shaking off pitchers for 10 minutes. They could... That's actually a good point. And how about you can't throw over more than one time when a guy's on first base? That's got to be the worst play in sports as far as being a spectator.

A guy throws over to try to keep a guy close for 10 minutes? Yeah. If they're going to have it on us, they should have it on the picture too. We're not the only one in the gang. You know what I mean? A lot of gang members. A lot of gang bangers. Shutting off the time.

Shut out the time. They're talking about the heroes. How do you like to eat octopus, huh? Nobody else. And I have seen guys that they made me run out of pictures. How about the guy in the mound that eats like this for three hours? I got octopus coming huh? Nobody else. And I have seen guys that they made me run out of pitch. How about the guy in the mound that eats like this for three hours? I got octopus coming out of my ears.

He's bobbing his head right now, shaking off his tongue. I face guys that I'm like, come on, man, make a pitch. Come on, man, make a fucking pitch. That's what he said. He's got a point. It's not just the hitters.

How would you guys feel? Call in at 1-800 no fucking radio phone here um yeah i don't know it's a leisure you got to be in the mood man you don't sit down and watch a ball game or go to a game if you get other shit to do and other stuff on your mind you're going to be totally like i'm going to relax for the next three and a half four hours uh national league is a little quicker the game's a little quicker you know no dh and whatnot but um so i don't know i guess they could pick it up a bit i you know the adjusting the glove like i said i remember nomar doing it first or the most probably not the first but he did it

more than anybody else. And somebody made a good point in the paper I was reading. It's one thing to swing, you know, and then step out of the box and adjust your gloves. But these guys will take a pitch. They won't even swing. And they'll adjust their gloves. Why? You didn't even, your hands didn't even move.

What are you adjusting your gloves? And it's a timing device. Like Big Papi says, I guess you're trying to figure out what's coming. What are you adjusting? And it's a timing device, like Big Papi says. I guess you're trying to figure out what's coming. But Jesus Christ, this isn't golf where they talk about the next shot for 20 minutes before they make it. Christ Almighty. But I'm so happy baseball's back.

That's all I'm saying. I don't know what to expect. Yankees don't either. I think the division's wide open. Tampa's going to suck. Madden's gone. They get rid of a lot of their players. By the way, the San Diego Padres picked up Kimbrell, the best reliever in baseball. wide open. Tampa's going to suck. Madden's gone. They get rid of a lot of their players.

By the way, the San Diego Padres picked up Kimbrell, the best reliever in baseball, and somebody else last night. I should have looked up all the players that they have acquired. They spent a zillion dollars over the offseason. They have like an all-star lineup, one through nine, and they got Kimbrel last night. These guys aren't playing. But that doesn't guarantee anything. It's weird, man. You'd think it works that way. But out of all the teams, they went nuts.

Nuts. Sox, we don't have a real number one. Like I said, we get rid of Lester. But we get Rick Porcello and we get Clay Bulkos who's starting today against the Phillies. And he wasn't exactly lights out last year. I mean, he was pretty good the first half

and then he had shoulder problems and he's a skinny guy with wet hair. He looks like a rat. But I hope when he's on, he's brutally tough. Anyways, might as well stay on sports real quick here. Tonight, Wisconsin number one. Two number one seeds go at it for the NCAA Hoops final.

Wisconsin versus Duke. And that should be a doozy. Again, I'm not a big college Hoops fan, but I'll be watching this or recording it. I'm trying to get through this show because I got guys coming here. I told you I have steam heat in the radiators. You know, at night it sounds like Moe hitting Curly

over the head with a wrench for two hours. We're having the steam guys. Supposedly that's all they work in. They're experts at steam alone. So they're going to try to solve that. And they're supposed to be here between 1 and 5.

I didn't know that. I thought my wife said 1 on the dot. But anyways, that doesn't matter because you'll be listening to this a month from now going, this is all irrelevant horseshit. What the fuck is he doing? But Wisconsin and Duke tonight. And Wisconsin beat Kentucky, who was 38-0. Only loss of the season. And Wisconsin, who was 38-0, only loss of the season.

And Wisconsin, who was defeated by Kentucky last year in the semifinals, got revenge. And Duke smoked Michigan State. They were very impressive. But for anybody to beat that Kentucky team, you got to give them a little bit of an edge over Duke, wouldn't you say? I don't know. What the fuck do I know, folks? A little bit of an edge over Duke, wouldn't you say? I don't know.

What the fuck do I know, folks? But after the game, a Kentucky player, Andrew Harrison, used a racial slur when referring to Frank Kaminsky. Frank Kaminsky's a big white boy. He was the Naismith Player of the Year. He was the Player of the Year in college basketball for Wisconsin. And somebody was asking another, a reporter was asking another Kentucky player about Frank Kaminsky.

Andrew Harrison used a racial slur. He said, fuck that nigga. When referring to Frank Kaminsky, who's a white guy for Wisconsin. And he says he knows him. He since apologized. And Kaminsky said, it's no big deal, which I don't think it is.

I think he was using the N word as like a noun. And I know, yes, you're all going, but what if the white guy had said it's no big deal, which I don't think it is. I think he was using the N word as like a noun. And I know, yes, you're all going, but what if the white guy had said it about? Yes, we know that can't be. We know that can't be done. But that's not an accurate analogy. If the white guy, if it was reversed, it would be like the white guy calling the black guy a cracker, which is what Kaminsky should have done. He should have just said, ah, he's a crazy cracker. And we could have solved this thing through humor.

Wouldn't that have been funny to have a white guy call a black guy cracker? Anyways, and they kept running last night. That crawl across the bottom of ESPN's screen during the baseball game, that story kept coming by, you know, to make sure we knew that the white guy forgave the black fella if he was in a racial slur. And again, I'm with Andrew Harrison because he says he knows him. I don't know how well they know.

But yeah, it's a bad thing to say, but it's funny. It's just funny, a black guy calling a white guy the N-word. It's fucking crazy. And that's the big question, right? Can a white guy use the N-word? That's always the big question. And a couple people have opinions. Chris Rock has a great bit on it.

And Louis C.K. talks about the N-word. Let's play Louis first. By the way, in full disclosure, I've worked for both of these guys, right? I'm a regular on Louis' show, and we were roommates, and he's a good friend of mine, and Chris Rock, I worked,

I wrote for his show for T as an HBO, and love the guy. Don't agree with his racial shit, you know, but he doesn't hide his dislike of Whitey so I appreciate his honesty that's what I like about him but it's not dangerous for him to disclose that but here's Louie first we'll uh listen to Louie's take on the n-word I to me the thing that offends me the most is every time that I hear the n-word not nigger by the way I mean the n-word literally whenever a white lady on CNN with nice hair says the n-word that's just white people getting away with saying nigger that's all that is they found a way to say n-word not really it's bullshit because when you say the n-word you way to say nigger. N-word. Not really.

It's bullshit, because when you say the n-word, you put the word nigger in the listener's head. That's what saying a word is. You say the n-word and I go, oh, she means nigger. You're making me say it in my head. Why don't you fucking say it instead and take responsibility for the shitty words you want to say oh come on lou that's a brilliant way of approaching it too and uh i just don't believe

louie's offended at any words because he actually says cunt in the end i didn't play the whole bit i don't think any words offend louis but it's a brilliant way to approach that uh now let's get a black comic chris rock's take on white people saying the uh the n-word you have an interracial posse if you are in an interracial posse you have to figure out you know what are the rules of the interracial possum? What are the Dr. Dre rules of your crib? That's right. You know, what are the Dr. Dre rules? What are the rules when a Dr. Dre song comes on the radio or plays at a club? What is the procedure that goes into effect?

Because sometimes I'm with my white friends and the Dr. Dre song will come on and there's a lot of niggas in the Dr. Dre song and they want to enjoy it but they can't really enjoy it around me so they start taking out the niggas or mumbling the niggas and it's just a sad sight to see it's just sad to see some white person trying to do a niggerless rendition of a

Dr. Dre song. It's just fucking depressing. And they're trying to rap along without saying nigger and they're like creeping down the back street on knees. I got some because I don't know what the fuck I said. Tip tip tap like that,

and I never hesitate to put a ha-ha-ha-ha. That's a funny take on it, too. You can't have one, you can't have a word where only a certain segment of the population can say and the other can't. It's just a silly notion. Even black people know that. But that being said, white people, you use it at your own risk, right?

Yeah. I don't know how we got to this. Eventually, someday, we'll all grow up. But I thought that was funny. Two interesting takes. grow up but uh i thought that was funny two interesting takes um white people can't use the n-word but they're singing a rap song around their black friend i mean what the fuck really but uh frank kaminsky said look i'm over it bubba no big deal and the the press made sure that got out in other words a black guy didn't do anything that

wrong you know which he didn't he says he knows frank so you know they use it like a noun now but uh it's funny to hear that that take on it excuse me but yeah if uh if uh frank aminsky was caught off mic imagine imagine saying that about Harrison. Literally. Probably booted out of the school. Yeah, it'll eventually get over all this. We'll all be dead. Anybody who's listening to me right now.

But eventually, I think the world will get over it. Maybe not, you know. If the two sides keep playing there. What the hell else, kids? Yeah, so you've got Wisconsin and Duke tonight. And you got to give Wisconsin a little bit of an edge, but Jesus, Coach K and Duke. Anyways. Wednesday, I got a prostate exam with a new doctor.

I talked about this on another episode. You know, I piss. It's not a strong stream. I got to be honest with you. But this goes on. This started in my 30s, you know. I've just been living with it. I have to milk myself when I piss.

I have to stick my finger under my nuts and squeeze out the last half a quart. That's not normal. And I mentioned this earlier. So now I'm going to a new doctor, my primary care physician, sending me to a urologist on Wednesday, which means he's going to, he's going to, I mean, my primary care doctor a couple months ago did an exam on me. Okay, now I'm going to have a new doctor. I'm guessing I'm going to get the...

I'm getting fingered like a... You know, a fucking cheap whore here. Two fingers up my ass by two different guys. What am I, some type of slut? In two months? That's too much for me. I'm not like that. I'm not a Jezebel.

So... like that. I'm not a Jezebel. So, let me play the prostate bit I did 20 years ago, which, and it was 20 years ago, because I mentioned I'm 33 in the bit. Can you imagine? I was having it back then, and I remember when I wrote it, it wasn't new then, but I'll play a little bit of it. I know you've heard it before, maybe. It's humiliating. You're 33. Have you had a prostate exam yet? Yeah, I have, shithead. I just had my first one a couple weeks ago. Ah, kiss my grits. That was so humiliating.

I have a new respect for women now when you go to the gynecologist. That's true, actually. I had to go into a room, pull my pants on my ankles, bend over a table. This guy put on a rubber glove and proceeded to do shadow puppets

on my ass for 20 minutes. Oh, dirty picture. He's like, let me do an eagle for you, son. Let me do a rabbit. A rabbit? Let me do an alligator. They don't have any ears. That last one kind of pinched. This guy was poking at me with his index finger like a homeless guy trying to get a quarter out of a payphone.

He goes, I'm going to push on your prostate, you're going to feel like you're going to want to pee. I said, I had that feeling when I saw you put on the glove. That's true, too. When you're all done, you got lubrication over your ass. He throws you a bunch of napkins like you're a $5 crack whore. What am I, at a motel in New Jersey? What's going on here? Enough of that.

You heard it before. But anyways, yeah, so I got that to look forward to. Prostate guy. Um, what the fuck yeah the gynecologist thing it still bugs me that uh some doctor gets a look at my wife's privates without any spending any money on it whatsoever i just don't you know i mean i used to lobster and champagne okay a big mac and a can of diet sprite but uh before i got a look at it fudruckers that got her moist but the diet that gynecologist what he puts like a 10 cents worth

of candy corn in a dish in the waiting room and he's in like flint the fuck how is that fair yeah motherfucker but uh you ever think about that did you ever once think about that yeah i remember talking to my wife about that a lot of times she always had like a female um gynecologist i can't remember if he's i think she's got a male one but i said and she she like she was like no they can't really see you feed her up in the stirrups but there's a gown over here and this is a little hulk and then i bring it up like a few months later she goes no if i can spread ego they can see her i said then you what were you lying to me before anyways i threw some scalding water on her face, and that was the end of that

discussion. It's a joke, folks. But anyways, yeah, so I have to go through that humiliating thing again. The last time the doctor said it wasn't enlarged, my primary care, he said it felt a bit boggy. Oh, boggy. Thanks for clearing that up. What does that mean? It feels like a place where cranberries grow? What the, what's he talking about? I guess it's supposed to feel like a piece of, you know, medium rare steak when you, I can't remember. No, he used his hand. He said you push against the fatty part of your thumb, you know, the meaty part of your hand. That's what it's supposed to feel like. I don't know what he felt when he went in there. Boggy. It's not like he went up to his elbow. Oh, man.

That thing's way too soft. But I got to go through that horse shit again on Wednesday. I'm almost thinking about canceling. But they put the date on the books like I made this appointment like back in February.

This guy's booked like friggin', you know. Obama. It's for our speaking engagements. It's like, you know, he's trying to see the Pope, for Christ's sake. But sure, I got that to look forward to. What the hell else um i made a lobster arabiata yesterday on easter you're going oh you didn't eat meat and i had nothing to do with religion i just had to do

with the recipe i saw that i had to make let me give you the recipe. It was so goddamn good if you're a Ginzaloon, or if not, and you love Italian food. It was so friggin' good. It's basically just spaghetti with lobster and a really spicy tomato sauce. But for the love of Christ, where are the ingredients? I printed the, anyways, you need, you need like three one and a half pound lobsters to be safe, a pound of spaghetti, and you know those round cherry tomatoes? Two quarts of those, some white wine, four cloves of garlic, and yeah, you take like a roasting pan. I put it right on top of the stove so it covered two burners, and then you put olive oil in the pan, and

then after you cook the lobster, you do that like the day before, you separate the body, the head from the tails, and you roast the heads in the pan. Yeah, just in the shell. And it releases the juices from the lobster body and shit into the olive oil. You do that for like five to ten minutes, roast those lobster heads in the pan, and then you discard them.

And then you throw in your garlic and um your chilies that's what i forgot you know those little red thai chilies you need four or five of those couldn't find them so i just used red crushed pepper and i i went a little too heavy on it my wife's still in the bathroom i think uh yeah two table i put two tablespoons of red because i like shit you can't get it hot enough for me um i like it like nuclear and uh i knew the minute i tasted it my wife's asshole was gonna fall out and uh but i served it to her anyway was that mean yeah what are you gonna do it's easter just trying to do a nice thing make a nice meal anyways i put it in the two tablespoons of red crushed and the garlic, and you just saute that quickly.

Don't let the garlic burn. Then you add your half a cup of white wine, right? And then you throw in your two pints of cherry tomatoes, and you cook those so they start to get a little bit soft. In the meantime, you've already taken the meat out of the claws and the tail and cut the lobster up into one-inch chunks, right? Then you throw that

into your tomato mixture there with your garlic and white wine and you mix all that together and you cook your pasta, obviously, earlier. Dump that in right into a big roasting pan with the roasted tomatoes the white wine the garlic the lobster meat and just let it you know just for a minute

or so so the pasta absorbs all that and i'm telling you holy shit is that good again i fucked it up for my wife she couldn't enjoy. Her stomach was coming out of her mouth. She was hiccuping so hard. But Lobster Arrabbiata. And it's tremendous. I think it was, you know that show Debbie Mazur is on? Her and her husband, I don't know what his name is. Seems like a gay Italian fella. From Tuscany or somewhere.

But they have a show called Extra Virgin. That's where I got the Extra Virgin. Yeah, that's where I got the recipe. And holy shit, was it good. So I say you make that and you watch Going Clear on HBO about Scientology. It's a good night for you. Or Killing Jesus. or Killing Jesus.

I don't watch Killing Jesus because I've seen, I've seen 19 versions of Jesus being killed. You know? And it's not much new. It's been told. You know? They should make a, I don't know, have, put a spin on it.

Have him get hit by a car. He's running across the street to a Coldplay concert or something. I don't know. Mix it up a little bit. Have Jack Su... No, Jack Su's dead. I was thinking the Asian guy from Barney Miller.

Have him play Pontius Pilate. Mix it up. Do something. I guess I'll watch anyways. What else? News-wise. anyways um what else news wise oh uh rolling stone remember the whole rape story and how it was all bullshit created by a bunch of hateful feminist whores that are hell-bent on just painting men as evil and we'll never get over it. Anyways, that fraternity that they lied about in Rolling Stone, well, they came out to say,

and they're going to pursue legal action against Rolling Stone. I would fucking think so. The fraternity at the center of the now discredited Rolling Stone rape article says the story was defamatory and reckless, and they're pursuing legal action. Yeah, I would think so that was phi kappa psi by the way uh the fraternity statement came as the columbia graduate school of journalism released a report saying the magazine shortcomings encompassed reporting editing editorial supervision and fact checking yeah basically that's reporting that's all it is rolling stone is uh is pledging to review its editorial practices but get this folks this is

why i had to read about this this is so fucking typical of the benefit of the doubt society that we've created for ourselves where nobody is responsible for anything, especially on college campuses. Rolling Stone is pledging to review its editorial practices, but won't fire, won't fire anyone after a leading journalism school issued a blistering critique of how it reported an edited and discredited article

about an alleged gang rape at University of Virginia. So Rolling Stone's not going to fire that broad. Okay? Is that just so fucking typical? Isn't it? That broad should be taken out and hanged.

Or hung. That's right, she's a fucking liar uh here we go i think the real casualty uh of the report is i'm quoting it is the university of virginia's trust in journalism said abraham axler of new york city president of the university student council see that's what abraham thinks the real casualty it's not the fraternity you know it's not the guys that belong to the fraternity it's it's it's um it's the trust in journalism i don't think any university of virginia student going through this will ever read an article the

same way you don't have to be from a student at university of virginia to feel that way maggie rossberg a second year nursing student at university of virginia to feel that way maggie rossberg a second year nursing student from crozet virginia said her chief concern is the effect the journalistic lapse will have on rape victims again again that's see that's what they see is the worst thing to come out of it not that it just fucking discredited a whole let's face it they have a hard-on for the Greek system. They're going to try to get rid of it in a few years anyways. Because it represents, what does it, white fellas.

I mean, we've talked about this on the show many times before. How many times have you heard, typical white frat guy. Or if they say just typical frat boy, they're talking about white guys. And, you know, they're an endangered species on college campuses. Because it represents that whole patriarchal system that they fucking hate so much and blah, blah, blah, and all the other cockapoo. But yeah, that's the worst thing. It's the effect the journalistic lapse

will have on rape victims. Anyways, the Charlottesville Police Department said it had found no evidence to back the claims of the victim. So I hope they sue the pants off these ass fucks. By the way, you know, Rolling Stone and the same douchebags to back the claims of the victim. So I hope they sue the pants off these ass fucks. By the way, you know, Rolling Stone and the same douchebags that put one of the Boston Marathon bombers,

remember? The younger one on the cover made him look like a rock star. The magazine's publisher, Jan S. Wenner, that's a guy, by the way, told New York Times that Eardley, that was the woman who wrote the article, would continue to write for the magazine and that neither her editor nor Dana would be fired.

Can you imagine that? Can you imagine if it was reversed? If some fellas just made up some shit about, I don't know, a feminist group saying, can you imagine? The double standards and the hypocrisy that we're living through right now is just fucking amazing. The report found three major flaws in the magazine. Listen to this. That Eardley, she's a girl that wrote the article, did not try to contact the three friends of the girl,

instead taking Jackie's word for it because she didn't want to know the truth, that she failed to give enough details of the alleged assault when she contacted the fraternity for comment, which made it difficult for the fraternity to investigate. And that Rolling Stone did not try hard enough to find the person Jackie accused of August. It's fucking, you can't make this shit up. If the fraternity had more information, it might've been able to explain early that it did not hold a social function the night of the attack. God, it could all been dismissed if they just called and said, Hey, did you guys have a party on so-and-so night? And they wouldn't know

that would have been it. Can you imagine all this could have been avoided? So these fucks. That would have been it. Can you imagine? All this could have been avoided. Sue these fucks. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, my God. Do you believe this shit?

But that's the benefit of the doubt society, right? That we live in. Let me ask you a question, Rolling Stone. What would a journalist or somebody that writes for your magazine have to do to get fired if you don't get fired for something like this do you understand that's what we call standards uh they're eroding and you see how the media today nobody trusts they have a lower rating than the friggin' politicians in Washington. You know? She still gets to call herself a journalist. She should be taken out and flogged. Bring in a fuckin' Iran. Drop her off and... Can you fuckin' imagine? She still has her job. So what do you have to do to get fired?

Huh, Mr. Jan Wenner? Excuse me. Anyways, kids, watch the game tonight. I wish I had a bookie. I don't even know what the line is. So you got that, make a lobster arrabbiata if you have the money. If you don't, go steal a few lobsters like I did in high school when I had a boat and we took them out of people's traps, which they actually can shoot you for doing that. I think I talked about that on my second podcast.

If they, me and my buddies would get drunk and take my old man's boat and go out and pull up traps and if one of those fishermen stumbled upon you by the way when you're doing that they can literally shoot you all it takes is alcohol and youth to do something that stupid but boy do we like kings anyways make a lobster arbiata. Watch Going Clear. Watch the game tonight. Go to a pro baseball game. Just to support it because I don't know how much longer it's going to last. That's it.

The fellas still aren't here yet. The steam guys. So I made it through the show. And I'm going to go out on a little different note on the song that i used to play at the end of my free fm days uh if you were a fan of that radio show this is my uh used to go out on this song by the Kinks. Anyways, off to Minneapolis. Love you guys. And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no

I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else. And I don't want to get a job like everybody else. Because I'm not like everybody else. guitar solo I'm out.