The Nick DiPaolo Show - 077 - Chase That Van, Assholes!

Episode Date: April 20, 2015

Chase That Van, Assholes!

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Let's get it on, kids. How you with? Where you with? It's Monday again. We'll all be dead soon, let's be honest. Time's flying, ain't it? Sure it is. Let's get business out of the way quick.

This, not this sorry a week from this thursday i'll be heading to uh helium comedy club in philly that will be april 30th through may one and two helium comedy club philly one of my favorite rooms great place great city it's the type of place you feel like you could get knifed uh at one in the afternoon just walking around philly you know but you know when they find your body and do the autopsy you'll have eight pounds of cheese stick stuck in your colon that's the good thing uh what else main street armory on may 16th the main street armory rochester new york also i have a dentist appointment with Dr. Ward on the 19th. That's true.

It's in the book. And then Tampa. Side splitters in Tampa, June 4, 5, and 6. Great gig. With my buddy, I forget what his name is. He owns a joint. But he could drink anybody under the table that I know. And, yeah. So so side splitters.

And don't forget another senseless killing at nickdip.com. Go get it. Let's keep it in. It's still on the charts, man. I feel like Barry fucking Manilow over here. Another couple albums that'll have gone copper. And, you know, i think i've made 11 i've paid for it in the first few months so uh get that going for me uh that's good

right sure it is yeah another sense is killing go get it um anyways taking me forever to get this goddamn show off the ground today, I don't know if I, I don't know what the fuck it is, my memory, I can't remember the steps to set up the, to pull clips and put them on my iPad, there's a lot of steps involved, again, for somebody under 78, it would take them 20 minutes, but it doesn't really come natural to me, nor does anybody else, now that I think about it. Just go online and go into these rooms of people pissing and moaning about the Apple products. I guess Apple, I don't know, this latest round of phones is like they made it so it's like privacy is like the number one thing for the owner of the phone where in other words if the cops confiscate your phone if you get arrested

they used to be able to tap into it they'd have to ask permission but they could look at your phone and stuff but now that can't be done because uh they can't tap into i don't know they've made it foolproof but the scary thing is that uh terrorists have a hard-on for this type of technology. It makes it easy for them to get away with these shenanigans. You know, the people that are trying to hurt us. So again, it falls into that privacy, you know, security versus privacy type thing. It's a weird world we're living in, man, you know, and ISIS and all that.

And those guys are good. They're good with the technology. They're great with it. I'm actually thinking about calling them to get a publicity person. Like I said it last time, you know, again, 800 teenagers

can show up at the footlock at a bum bum rush the place using their cell phones. They can do that in five minutes, and it takes me forever to tweet out about a gig. But that's kind of weird, man. So I don't know where I fall on that because I don't like the government up my ass, but I also live in a different world with scumbags, you know, trying to kill us. And law enforcement

needs access to some of that information. I don't know. Leave it for bigger minds than me. I don't feel like talking about anything serious today, do you?

I mean, give me a... Oh. One of my favorite stories since I talked to you last was the gyrocopter guy. The retired postal employee. Maybe he's not even retired. A Florida guy from Florida, the mailman, landed his gyrocopter on the front lawn of the White House.

What the fuck? Speaking of security how does that happen in this day and age it's i mean this is priceless this administration is just friggin clueless how does that thing not get shot out of the skies yes i know it was flying below the radar and all that shit first of all all, he did all this to raise awareness. The guy's from like, well, he's from Florida originally, but I think he flew from Gettysburg, Pennsylvania to D.C. to call awareness to campaign finance reform.

But of course, nobody's talking about that. All he did was spur another debate about, you know security how safe we are i mean if this asshole you know who built the helicopter in his garage his gyrocopter this technology goes back literally to the 1920s and okay and he fooled uh 2015 uh technology with this 1920s technology by flying under the radar and people were waving to him he was interviewed saying that's what he 2015 technology, well, this 1920s technology, by flying under the radar. And people were waving to him. He was interviewed saying that's what he found most surprising.

Asshole like tourists in front of the White House are waving to him. I mean, how fucking stupid are we? I mean, this guy could have, you know, 800 pounds worth of explosives taped to his ass as he lands on the front lawn.

Where's the security at the White House? We had a guy running the front door i mean jesus christ i had better security when i live in a fraternity the university of maine what the fuck well i mean where are the secret service people probably what they're probably having sex parties downstairs and shit fucking white houses in a shambles, man. What an embarrassment. But you got to love this guy's balls. But he really didn't get his objective done. Nobody's talking about campaign finance reform because of this.

They're all going, how did he do this without getting shot at? I would have loved to seen, you know, can I just somebody trying this at the Kremlin? Christ's sake, Putin would have been on the balcony, bare chested with a shotgun and fucking blow this guy out of the sky. This guy lands on the front fucking lawn. Oh, my God. You got to hand it to him. Former mailman. He's like a crazy Cliff Clavin.

Yeah, I was going to, you know, get a gyrocopter landed on the front lawn here, and we'll talk about campaign finance. Hold on. Sure. He was arrested. He's 61 years old, by the way. Last name of Hughes, which is my wife's maiden name. Probably related.

I'm going to do a little search on Ancestry.com because she does have relatives from Florida. Yeah, he was arrested and charged with operating an unregistered aircraft. I guess the fuck unregistered was made out of bicycle parts and an umbrella and a fucking oscillating fan he had in his living room. And he violated national airspace and faces four years in prison, which he's not going to get, obviously. He said he expected to be intercepted. He didn't realize how inept

the fucking Obama administration is. So goddamn funny. Yet he still says the dummy that flew the copter says the security around D. dc is ironclad yeah i can see how you'd think that if i can land it and you landed on obama's bed for christ's sake why would he think that he goes i seriously expect that if you uh were to get into a gyro tomorrow it wouldn't work well yeah because you've called attention to the lack of security around the white house dummy nobody's talking about oh my god but how about this the secret service had

learned of this guy's plan more than a year earlier but they said they had no reason to know he would actually carry it out i mean if i'm from'm from Al-Qaeda, ISIS, and all those, I have a hard-on right now, going, you have to be shitting me. What are we trying to do here? We don't have to hijack planes. Let's fucking build one in our cave here, strap it to Muhammad's ass,

and send him on his way. Just unbelievable. He had to get back to Tampa he said on Friday he needed to return home before his house arrest began on Monday he's gonna have to wear an electronic monitor electronic monitoring ankle bracelet until the hearing in DC next month they asked him if he thought he was a patriot said no I'm a mailman the hearing in DC next month. They asked him if he thought he was a patriot. He said, no, I'm a mailman. And that's how they invented the wheelbarrow.

Unbelievable. How do you feel, folks? Do you feel safe, huh? If you see something, say something. And nobody said anything. How fucking funny is that? I just saw a guy in a homemade helicopter fly three feet over my head and land on the water. Nobody said anything.

We are finished. We are doomed. They're coming for us. Try that shit in Russia. But I know what you're saying. Well, that's what makes our country great. In Russia, you would have been shot down. Over here, you have the freedom to... Yeah, yeah, okay.

Next time, it's not going to be a fucking mailman, a cuckoo mailman from Florida. It's going to be somebody from fucking, uh, you know where. Afghanistan. To Crete. ISIS running fucking fucking wild what a depressing world huh more beheadings on the beaches and shit just oh man you watch the nose you're ready to kill yourself

ah really depressing speaking of kill yourself and i talked about how new york city is really a cesspool we keep hearing it's the greatest city in the world. And part of that's true because, you know, the restaurants and stuff. But part of it just, every day you read about this week. And some woman hanged herself in Brooklyn. And her body, she did it from a fire escape, like behind her apartment, like in an alleyway. And her body was out there for an hour, dangling from a rope. Tommy went on officially a third world shithole over here.

The cops said, well, we didn't want to, we wanted to make sure it wasn't a murder scene. Yeah, yeah, because we've had so many of those. Has there ever been a murder in the history of New York City where somebody, you know, was hanged in the last hundred years, you know, right in the city. And then even after they discovered a body, they put a sheet over it. It was there for another 40 minutes. How, I mean, it's just, what the, you read about shit, they're like, yeah, okay, this

shit goes on in Honduras, fucking in Iran. We really are a third world shithole people get hit and run every day in new york city does he read about it every day somebody gets hit and they take off and it's just people probably waving to the body too like they were the gyro how sad fucking depressing so yeah big props for gyrocopter fella he first came to attention to the Secret Service in October

2013 after a concerned citizen told Secret Service about an individual purporting the desire to land a single-man aircraft on the grounds of the United States Capitol and White House.

And then they interviewed him days after that back in 2013. And they alerted the U.S. Capitol Police to his plans. Yet he still did it. Talk about incompetence, huh?

Another vote for fucking big government folks. You big you government lovers here you go jag off ah what the hell i meant to talk about my weekend marissaissa's in Trumbull, Connecticut, one of those one-nighters I tell you about that I had such a great time at last year and was looking forward to. Of course, didn't work out. Just, I don't know. Again, it's basically a restaurant. It's a nice one-nighter.

But, you know, come on. I developed this act in comedy clubs across the country and most of it in the city here in New York City in basements in front of people that you're not going to shock because they're young and they know what art is about. And so, you know, but you either take these gigs or you don't. And if I can make a little money on a weekend like this where I don't have to get on a plane, I'm going to do it. But it just didn't feel right. You know, I mean, I'm doing shit that's i look out literally uh two minutes before they bring me on stage they bring out a birthday cake for a lady in a wheelchair

in her late thousands i mean the poor thing had more age but she looked like a bruised banana and she said but she was you know she was spry and funny and laughing at shit she's probably the most lively one there i gotta be honest i asked her how old she was and she wouldn't say like there's some guy in there she was afraid some guy going ah i wanted to fuck her but she's 86 i thought she was like 71 so funny women won't even tell you their age when they're in a wheelchair but uh you know i mean i'm looking down and it's just nice families trying to have dinner and i'm dropping the f-bomb and i can just see some long faces and i don't know what the guys did that were on before me but somebody probably blew up the room with tv clean material that I come in

there with my horseshit and just scare the chicken palm right out of their mouths and uh I I couldn't find my groove I couldn't get a I couldn't get a roll going I I just felt off and and just you know and then I had somebody hand me a glass of scotch when i was on stage and i i i missed whole chunks of material i just it just felt like it felt like it was my second night in comedy but again i'm looking around and just you know there were again the younger kids loved it the younger tables loved me because they know me from wherever comedy center or whatever but again there's people that are older than me that were spitting out their uh you know their bourgeois did he just call hillary a twat yes he did and they're looking up

at me i just came here for the bolognese i don't need this shit and i'm just spewing my shit not having a good time it's so funny because last year was just the opposite i got lost on the way there last year i ran in i was a little bit late they they told me to go right on stage and i used that anger and frustration for the first 20 minutes to light up the place and um that wasn't the case this time this time i got there you know 25 minutes early and uh the guy said we're gonna start the show 50 minutes later so then i'm sitting in my car in the dark in the parking lot listening to some of my sets from previous nights and um maybe i should rush on to the stage at the last minute all the time and use that. But I couldn't find the groove. Some nights you just don't have it.

It's not a science. It's a frigging art form. You know what I mean? It's not supposed to work every night. Don't get me wrong. I didn't bomb because I've been doing it long enough right now to save a set. But it was probably my least favorite set of the goddamn year. But I thank the people that came out.

They had about 175 people. and uh place held about 150 comfortably no it's a decent place and um so yeah thanks for coming out and uh you know it'll be better next time i'm sure like i said my goal is to stop doing gigs where i burn my arm on a fucking pizza oven as I leave. But, you know, I was home by 1130 with some cash in my pocket. And, you know, that's what I'm saying. What are you going to do? They all can't be home runs, you know.

It just felt weird. And it felt extra weird because last week I was doing the Creek and Cave, which isn't really comedy club. It's the place in Long Island City. It's like a workout space for, you know, improv groups. And there's literally 20, 25 seats. It's not a comedy club. It's a little box. And it just felt fucking weird. I did that all week. And then to be in front of an actual crowd, I don't know off everything didn't sleep well on friday night and i could tell my memory was foggy and then you know had the glass of scotch it knocked any semblance of a memory um whatever very odd what are you gonna do uh what are you gonna do what else um oh how about uh my other favorite story of the week since i talked to you that chick uh brit mchenry for espn caught on tape chewing out some woman that worked at a uh tow service her car got towed from a parking lot, and she was caught on tape chewing out, you know, some employee, and yeah, she came across as a real elitist twat. I agree with that, but my first reaction, and it should be yours too, when I saw the story was, oh, okay, that's the towing company side of the story. Do we have the audio of the fucking hillbilly that was waiting on her and how,

I mean, you want me to believe that she just went off unprovoked? There had to be some exchange before that. But of course course espn suspended her immediately without even thinking and i remember seeing the story and the first thing i said to my wife well whiz this is typical of a news you don't get the other side of this story and um and it turns out after googling some of this shit that this advanced that was the name of the country advanced towing whatever they have like the worst reputation for towing cars that aren't even parked illegally some people will call them thieves and on of course on yelp they get fucking destroyed but that's because you know they're a tow company who's gonna call them go yes i really

enjoyed it when they took away my car and uh but i just had my car towed okay when i did colin quinn's cop show in long island city not far from the creekaking cave, when I came out of there on a cold January night, whatever month that was, we did it. I told you the whole story, and my car was towed. And, you know, there's a lot of that dick attitude. I had to go into a little trailer just like she did. And there's definitely this attitude because they have your fucking car. just like she did and there's definitely this attitude because they have your fucking car and by the way my car was not towed righteously that unlawfully i say it was because there was uh there weren't any signs that said uh tow zone it just said no parking and uh but it didn't say

tow zone and whatever and like i told you i i asked the chinese guy who drove me from the trailer into the giant parking lot to find my car and he mumbled something in chinese slash mandarin slash swahili and that i didn't understand but i meant what i made out was that they have the right to in any five borough new york they have a right but he was a fucking hateful prick too and i just like to know the other side of this story but this brit mchenry she sounded like a real douche when she goes honey i'm in i'm in news no you're not you're on espn you're not in news even if you were she thinks she's important because she's on television. Let me tell you, folks, from the little bit of television I've done, there's nothing important about me.

Oh. But I say again, I want to hear the other side. Was she catching attitude from this broad that was working in the trailer? I want to hear both sides, please. But this is what really frost my tits. This fucking story made it to the both sides, please. But this is what really frosts my tits. This fucking story made it to the Sunday morning talk shows. I should say show. I don't know if it made it to meet the press.

But, you know, my favorite show this week, you know, it's supposed to be George Stepmanopoulos. But apparently every Sunday he gets fitted for lifts. And Martha Raddatz sits in that dried up fucking hang like this she's got a voice just like this and this week Britt McHenry of ESPN was caught on tape talking down to somebody just the point is it made the sunday morning talk shows this is how much of a hate on the society has for well-to-do white people look we caught a white person dressing and again i think the woman i don't even know what color the woman when she's dressing down i i think it was another white broad i don't know it doesn't matter but the point is this made the sunday morning show

because it fits their fucking narrative of you know of uh white privilege you know it fits it perfectly whether it's a guy or a girl we got the blue-eyed blonde devil talking down you know but again i'd like to know what provoked the whole thing it wasn't just the towing i don't think but it made the sunday morning talk show can you imagine? Okay, I got to believe there's been a million incidents in the last 10 years where somebody semi-famous, oh, you know, somebody semi-famous was, you know, of a black person or, you know, a person of color was talking down to a white employee. But you're not going to see that it's hilarious it's it made the sunday news i i almost shit myself i couldn't you know i'll tell you what didn't make the sunday news though brian gumbel's real uh real sports a

show that i think i've hated since day one because brian gumbel's a pompous ass. Let's see if we can find any racism at the hockey puck factory in Iceland. You know, that type of horseshit with his pompous glasses. Anyways, I love it. They did some show, and the show was about some company. They love to go after big, you know, successful, some sporting company that made soccer balls. And apparently, according to HBO Real Sports, they used underage kids to stitch the balls. And they actually had footage of these underage kids sewing the soccer balls together, you know, child, you know, violating childhood, you know, labor practices and laws.

And it turns out these kids they say it was all staged i don't know who's right or wrong i don't know who's right or wrong but it didn't surprise me and i loved that somebody was finally going after hbo and they're horse shit real sports real pompous ass, yeah, they said it was staged. They were like called in to do this. I love it. I think the country, the company's MITRE, something like that. But they're suing.

They're suing HBO because of the way they portrayed their company as violating those laws, child labor laws. So both fingers crossed that HBO gets it right up the kazoo. Yes, I said it. Brian Gumbel. Well, Bernie, is there a lot of racism in female lacrosse? He's got his glasses on the end of his nose. Meanwhile, his mother's living in an apartment in Chicago with no heat,

living on bologna and cat food. Read that story a few years ago. Pompous dick cheese. But this, it was funny. She goes, I'm in, I'm in, and lose some weight, baby girl. What am I doing? Why am I doing an imitation of her?

I think I have the actual clip. Let's take a listen. Shall we? I'm in the news, sweetheart. That's how we'll do this place.

Okay, that's fine. And I'll play your video, so careful. I'll play the video. That's why I have a degree in music. I wouldn't work in some place like this.

He makes me stand I have a degree in the lab. I wouldn't work in a place like this. Makes my stomach crawl even being here. Makes my stomach crawl even being here. Well, let's get you out of here quickly. Yep, that's all you can do. All you can do is just taking people's money. Yeah. With no education. Yeah.

No skill set. With no education, no skill set. Listen to this. Just want to clarify that. Do you feel good about your job? So I could be a college dropout and do the same thing? When I have to drive a train and you don't? No idea.

What a bitch. I was missing some people with her. I can't understand what the other woman said because I'm on television and you're a fucking trailer but then they said let's listen on the rest of it i i'd like to know what you know you can hear mumbling from the other woman you know i like to hear i wish it was more audible what she was saying but uh this is cracking me up it reminded me of i don't remember the name of the movie but nicole kidman you know she plays an anchor woman in the line of the movie. She's like,

if you're not on TV in America, you're nobody. Something like that. I'm paraphrasing. Lose some weight, baby girl. Lose some weight, baby girl. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Meow, meow, meow, meow. But ESPN suspends her, and i have a problem with that you don't have a right to fucking flip out she wasn't working for them at the time that's the

issue right holy christ i mean there'd be nobody in the workforce if they got suspended by their bosses every time they flipped out outside of work who the hell behaves outside of work my god but i'd like that i want full audio i want to hear both i want to who knows the other lady oh just cracking me up but don't think you're important because you're on TV. Seriously, please. I learned that years ago. I mean, after my first Comedy Central presents and pussy wasn't lining up at the mall for me, I couldn't believe it. I was shocked. I thought I'd be getting blown behind the fountain,

you know, in front of one potato too. Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. I got more ass when I had a radio show for six minutes at 3 FM. At least then I'd bump into some strippers coming out of Howard's studio. But, you know, I'm on TV. Lose some weight, baby girl. That's what I'm going to say from now on.

Somebody heckles me when I have a chubbet giving me shit at a bachelorette party in a month's day i'm gonna go hey lose some weight baby girl i'm in comedy unbelievable she really put the c and you know what didn't she but uh again i kind of uh Again, we've dealt with people who work in trailers and the DMV. You don't have to go to a place like that. You don't have to have your car towed to be subject to that type of attitude. You just go to the DMV and, oh, they're so happy. Any government employees, huh?

They're fucking just itching to help you out, aren't they? No attitude there. But she gets suspended. Lose some weight, baby girl. Oh, I'm in the news. You're in the fucking news. Well, if you want to tell me, you know, that Hanley Ramirez went three for five today with a home run. If you want to call that that.

Yeah, you're a regular. Brian Williams. Oh, that's right. He's not on the news anymore. What else went on? Oh, a girl. How about a girl, you know, you know what I'm talking about, Hillary Clinton.

She's all over the place. Have you ever seen anybody, the poor thing? I'm starting to feel bad for her, Hillary. And I still say she's not going to be the nominee. I'm sticking to my guns. How about that?

There's so much shit coming down the pike. Me and Colin Quinn are arguing about this. I love how there are, you know, people on the left already got her as the nominee.

All that shit, the email, that's not going to come back. None of that email stuff is going to come back to haunt her at all. That's all in the rearview mirror of her Scooby-Doo van, by the way. I just don't believe that.

She's got so many more shits coming out. Then you got Menendez, you know, the corrupt senator, allegedly corrupt senator from New Jersey, you know, who was hooked up with some crooked dentist and uh the dentist was doing him favors and vice versa it turns out that bill and hillary spent time at this this dentist has a place down in i don't know brazil or somewhere dominican republic this beautiful spread where hookers have been known to go in and out of there apparently bill and hillary spent time there i mean not to mention benghazi and all the other shits but i i feel bad for her here's why i almost almost feel bad for her she have you ever seen

anybody have to make more of an effort to act like they're just a regular person to be themselves but i mean what the fuck then they got her so she got in a van uh that was a big thing and uh they drove to iowa to meet regular folk on the way but everything was staged every time she pulled over they uh she went into a chipotle i guess and um guacamole and seven pounds of corn chips and 12 burritos later imagine you're in the back of that van hillary's fucking cutting in a lot of pots and just uh you know don't worry there's plenty of corn chips but uh oh then she's she's having a little round table discussions and all the people have been pre-picked and stuff she's just hiding from

the press that's why she got in a van and if you want to hide from people get in a van and drive to iowa oh my god just uh i just so unlikable the poor you know time passed her by she's yesterday's news what difference at this point does it make none hillary none yesterday's news it's over but um But, yeah, and de Blasio, for you people out there that don't live in New York, he's a radical left-wing mayor. He wouldn't endorse her last week on Meet the Press. And, again, my instincts are so good. I'm like, because I had read about him having presidential aspirations himself.

They wrote that in the paper probably six, seven months ago. So I'm thinking there's got to be another reason, you know, why he didn't endorse her. It seemed, and sure enough, in the papers, in yesterday's paper, they're saying, you know, he's kind of playing it smart here. Because he, I think he agrees with me. I think Hillary's going to, her thing's going to blow up in her face. She might not be the nominee. She's got so much friggin' baggage, man.

I'm not talking about her ankles or her ass. I'm talking about real baggage. So, yeah, he failed to endorse it because he might end up jumping in. Maybe not this year. But these guys, I love it when they start cutting each other's throats it's not not just uh republicans not not the only ones doing that i love when all politicians do that instead fucking cut each other's throats shows what slimy whores they all are but uh did you see the media running after the van?

Looked like something out of Napoleon Dynamite. Looked like Uncle Rico's van in Napoleon Dynamite. I mean, they called it the mystery van. I wasn't a big Scooby-Doo fan. I didn't like fucking Scooby-Doo because I thought that's when cartoons started to go downhill. It was basically a cop show that you could have done with human beings.

So why use animation at all? That was my big beef with Scooby-Doo. At least when you watched Daffy Duck or Bugs Bunny in Anvil would fall off a cliff and land on Bugs Bunny's head and would turn him into an accordion. But he'd get up and walk away because that's a beauty animation. Anything can happen. And Scooby-Doo is like watching a detective show. That and Casey Kasem was the voice of Shaggy whoever the fuck. Another reason to, but she's got the Scooby-Doo van,

and I'm going to believe a lot of young girls that look up to Hillary, and what the hell is that? What is a Scooby Do? Just a horrible, a horrible rollout to this thing, this campaign. She's hiding from the front. It's it's like watching Princeton play four corner basketball. You know, when they when they're playing like UCLA and they pass the ball around for like 20 minutes before they take a shot just to stay in the game. and they pass the ball around for like 20 minutes before they take a shot just to stay in the game. Ah, your sister's fat ass. Oh, and the other big thing, we're not supposed to call her.

This was in a few websites and a few papers. We can't call her Hillary. That's sexist. Because, you know, when we refer to male presidents, we say Clinton, Bush, Obama, Eisenhower. So apparently calling her by her first name is just sexist. But that makes no sense. So, you know, she claims she was named after Sir Edmund Hillary, the guy that climbed Mount Everest first, whatever the fuck. But it turns out that he didn't do that until she was born way before that,

so that's a lie. I said, but she does look like a sir. I think we should call her sir. How about Cliton? Without the N, Cliton. But that makes no sense because she has a pair of balls too. Hillary Cliton. The Big C. but that makes no sense because she has a pair of balls too hillary clinton the big c but uh is that we're gonna have to hear now for the next uh

the next fucking couple years until the election that's sexist this is sexist uh my sister's ass i can't take it anymore, the whining. Yeah, we're going to hear cries of sexism and misogyny and all that shit. And I'll say it again, fellas out there, if some girl hasn't called you sexist in the last 15 years, you're probably a puss.

Just my opinion um you know let's uh speaking of sexist and uh you know you know i've been harping on the whole and i think i started the whole thing, how dumb guys are, betrayed in commercials. I mean, this hasn't gone on since the 80s. And, you know, how a woman a betrayed is so much smarter and all that. It's so funny. We talk about liberal media, and people always assume you're just talking about, like, MSNBC versus Fox News.

It's not even about the news. It's the other shit. It's what comes out of Hollywood that does the real damage. That's how they won the nose it's the other shit it's what comes out of hollywood that does the real damage that's the that's that's how they won the uh the culture wars you know by betraying men as weak in every movie women are strong and men as morons and pigs and and it just has it's just it's been a steady you know tainting of the uh collective unconscious is that what they call it but they call it? But they do it through commercials and shit. And I was watching playoff hockey, by the way.

It's still the best spectator sport ever. And I'm a football guy saying that. But I saw a couple commercials that were great examples. I'm going to try to play them. They're on my iPad here. And just bear with me if I can find the goddamn things. Um, but, uh, yeah, I kept, it was like two or three in a row that would just, I'm like, oh my God, does it ever, does it ever fucking stop? See if I can find them.

God help me. Ah. Holy Jesus. Here's one. I think it was the Discover commercial. Just listen. It's a woman talking about her husband i just i always i can't help it even after 30 years of this it just pops out at me that only because if you reversed it and and the wife was the dope or described as a dope

they'd be picketing they'd be hell to pay but here's one for you hopefully the audio is good Here's one for you. Hopefully the audio is good. Ah, did you hear that? He forgot to pay the bill, and then he went out last week for milk, and he came back with a puppy, which is exactly what a woman would do, not all one, I'm just saying, but they'd come back with a puppy, at least, if you're gonna make the guy an asshole, you know, he went out for milk, and came back with at least, you know, chewing tobacco, a fucking hustler magazine, he had to make it a puppy, do you see what I'm saying,

Chewing tobacco. A fucking hustler magazine. He had to make it a puppy. Do you see what I'm saying? They're just relentless. And they're fucking. But it's all about emasculation. Like I said.

It's not a commercial. The guy's not being emasculated. That was like Discover. Here's one for a. I think this is the phone company one. Of course there's a cute blonde girl. Standing next to a guy, a handsome young guy, and she made the right decisions. I don't know if it's Verizon. I don't know what it is.

She made the right decisions, got the right, and he's just a fucking moron. I think this is it. Oh, boy. Oh, no, i'm sorry shakes how do you know her name oh i kind of have nicknames everybody this is the sonic guys this is the two these are the two white idiots that that uh sonic we don't even have sonic here and i've been subjected to their stupid commercials for the last 15 years but it's it's just two white guys obviously uh they're wearing hawaiian stupid shirts they both have huge foreheads receding hairlines because that's how every white guy looks to hollywood in every commercial this is the average guy and

they're just two emasculated douches you've seen them you know who i'm talking about but uh they're always having a conversation oh i snuck out to have a burger behind my wife's back. They're both holding the gayest drinks you can be holding. Fucking like sundaes with whipped cream and cherries on top. It's just all so intentional and how you're missing it is fucking beyond me. And then there's always this benign conversation going on where you just want to choke them both. Just the most unlikable. You would never hang out with these guys. But here's the dialogue, which really isn't that important.

Based upon my order? Caramel, para. Yeah. Holly for jalapeno chocolate. That's great. And Janine for peanut butter. Why Janine for peanut butter? Because she reminds me of my ex-girlfriend Janine, who was nuts.

She was crazy. Oh, isn't that fucking great, huh? Here's two fellas you want to hang out with. Just two emasculated douches sitting there with sundaes in their hands with cherries on top. I would love to grab the people who cast this by the throat. Their big, beefy,

beefy 18-inch necks. Believe me. And I went out. I told you. I lived in Hollywood and went on a few of these auditions. I'm not exaggerating. Ugh! Guy has a Hawaiian shirt on. Does that say asshole right off the bat?

With his fucking discussing his hot fudge sundae with his fella friend? Here's the one with the phone. Of course, she made the right decision. It's all so predictable, and the guy made the wrong decision. I think it's a phone company.

I don't know what the fuck it is. Just listen to it and get mad with it like me, could you? Networks keep making different claims. It gets confusing. The strongest, the most in your faces it sounds like some weird multiple choice test yeah but do i pick a b or c for me it's all of the above i picked like the best of everything verizon i didn't i picked a maybe c and how'd that work out for you not so well oh who would have guessed The woman made the right decision and dumb male fuck made the wrong decision.

It's relentless. If this was isolated, I'd understand, but it's been a barrage. And the next time you're in a supermarket or in a store in public and you hear a housewife berating his husband, don't think this didn't have an effect on it. That's where it comes from.

I hear that all the time. I'll be at a mall or a supermarket, lady dressing down her husband. Ugh, it's just all too clear to me. Huh. Which bone company? I picked the wrong one. She picked the right one.

It was easy for me. I picked the right one that saved me the most money. What did you do, shit? I don't know. I got a pair of testicles and a cock. I picked the right one that saved me the most money. What do you do, shit? I don't know. I got a pair of testicles and a cock. I don't know. I just like to pick my ass, watch football, jerk off, drink beer. Take a look.

Fuck. Hmm. Hmm. Cocaine drip. Yeah, right. hmm cocaine drip yeah right um let's stay on the stay on the agenda thing uh a couple things i thought i was going i was online you know that's the thing people my few friends laugh because i still read newspapers you know actual newspaper why wouldn't you go online and why wouldn't you get your news off? I do both, you know, I'm fucking, I'm very talented that way. But the reason I still read the newspapers when I'm reading about

the Middle East, a story about the Middle East, an ad doesn't pop up for younglatinos.com and three minutes later I'm yanking it. That's never happened while I'm reading about the the Middle East and the post or whatever the daily news um but I was on the internet flipping through and I came you know they always have those things that distract you like you know 12 celebrities who put on 40 pounds in the last 6 minutes or

10 retarded kids who took the biggest dumps in Africa whatever the fuck um here this was um kids who took the biggest dumps in Africa, whatever the fuck. This was, I don't even know what it's from, millennials or something. The 11 most attractive things men do without even realizing.

Obviously, this was a poll of women and this is what they find things men do without even realizing it. Number one, be kind, especially to strangers. Whether that's tipping the delivery guy extra when it's raining, pulling over to help someone with a car trouble, or holding the door open for someone with their hands full. Catching you doing something that shows your character, sexiest thing ever, somebody wrote, some chick wrote. Catching you doing something that shows your character. Yeah, but what if your character sucks? What if,

you know, what if you catch me hurtling over a guy in a wheelchair to get into the supermarket before he does? You still find that sexy? Well, athletically. And I am kind. Believe it or not. I'm on a plane.

I'm always helping. Did I tell you that story last week? Helping a lady with her bag? You know, and I'm on a plane, I'm always helping, did I tell you that story last week, helping a lady with her bag, you know, and I really wanted to say, you can do it sweetheart, you fall for that freedom, lift it yourself,

that whole thing, you know how many times, I always help women lift their bags, or whatever the fuck, but I've also had a couple hiss at me too, I can handle it, well go ahead butch, hope you pop a nut left in your bag.

Oh, speaking of being kind, remind me to get back to this. We had a TV repair guy come out. We bought a Vizio. It's a fucking lemon. I love Vizio. I got one down in my office. Got one in the bedroom. But we love, I love Vizio. I got one down in my office. Got one in the bedroom. But we bought one for the TV room itself.

And it's a fucking lemon. And they're giving us a hard time. Luckily, I got my wife on it because she can stay locked in her office on the phone arguing with these people. But they're making her, you know, upload pictures of the picture of the screen. And making you jump through a thousand fucking hoops and it just it's been back and forth for two weeks now so finally they sent the technician out and this guy pulls up in a little van and he's coming up my walkway i'm sitting on the front steps having a cigarette after doing uh insanity 30 minute insanity workout i know it makes no

sense but i told you it's like heroin a cigarette fd your lungs are all open your bloods are anyways here he comes guy has to be and i'm not exaggerating anywhere between 77 to 85 i'm not exaggerating he's got like an amish beard a white amish beard you know just on the chin and um just and i was happy to say i'm always happy to see old guys because they know their shit but i just my heart broke the minute i saw him and um he had what they call a cleft palate real bad you know and obviously back in the day they didn't have the technology to fix it and he's talking to me and his poor false teeth are moving all over the place and just breaking my heart before he even gets into the house gets into the house folks he got to my house at 2 15 in the afternoon you know what time he left i'm not shitting you 11 30 p.m i was setting up a cart

for him for christ's sake in the uh basement he stayed he was in nine over nine hours the guy's gonna be in he's gonna be close to 80, I'm not, can you tear my, we, we, you know, we asked if he wanted something to eat, and he goes, yeah, but when I eat, I have this problem with food because of my clip, you know, and, and just, poor guy, he had to, like, I gave him some pasta, and it was too spicy, it almost melted the fucking roof of his head, and just breaking my but just busting my heart and and and he knew so much he was every bit as knowledgeable and just pleasant and and couldn't have been a nicer guy and just stayed at it for nine hours i've never heard of such a thing

and and then uh you know just we you know we we we just felt so bad so my wife goes downstairs and and and she tells me that somehow she got out of him that he only gets like a flat rate which you know first of all you know this company doesn't give a shit he calls into his home headquarters like to you know to help fix his tv they've already gone home for the weekend he's still at our house and uh and told my wife he gets paid a flat rate so you know i threw him a hundred dollar bill just out of that's being being kind. But yeah, I don't know. I didn't get a blowjob out of it or a handjob from my wife. Apparently, that's one of the things that turns on women, being kind.

But the funny, so he leaves, right? He leaves. I go upstairs, and my wife sat on the couch bawling her eyes out. Just, he broke my heart. He was breaking my heart. And I'm like, I know, I i know i know you know i'm consoling my wife and and then i went downstairs and started to cry in the fetal position no but it really did the guy gave me a lump in my throat he's got poor guy has a wife at home that's sick and here it is

friday night it's friday night he's still at my house working on this thing and uh i just you know and then he came back after he left and like 10 minutes later i go oh jesus he thought he had left his clipboard and it was in his car on the floor of the front seat and uh oh my god we uh it reminded me of a louis episode that's something that's's something like Louis would write about, only he'd make it way funnier, because he sees the humanity. But Jesus Christ. Anyways, the TV still sucks,

and I'm going to find the guy and kill him. No, the physio, you better fucking, they better come around. I'm telling you, I i'm gonna sit there and bad mouth them for the next i have two of their sets they don't give a shit so be kind apparently girls find that attractive they also find it attractive uh when you laugh out loud really i i'd never heard that what did you when you When you laugh out, what's so attractive about that? I don't recall that.

Do you? It says, uh... Excuse me. Because who isn't attracted to someone who finds joy and humor in the world? Me? I don't like dizzy bitches. to someone who finds joy and humor in the world? Me? I don't like dizzy bitches. Find that attractive? My wife would be like, shut your yap.

The woman says here, genuine uncontrollable laughter makes me want to kiss them. Okay. Guess I can see that. Never heard that one from women, did you? They like a guy with a good laugh? Number three, roll up their shirt sleeves. Women love forearms, which are the equivalent of boobs for women.

And swoon-worthy. What? Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. That's another one. Have you ever heard that? They love forearms?

Joe Girardi must get laid a lot. Ever see his forearms? Holy fucking moly. I roll up my sleeves and I'm on stage. And I have a good laugh and I'm getting nothing. Oh, that's what I'm married. I keep it getting. Yeah, that explains Popeye's,

all the pussy he gets at Olive Oil. She's a real looker. So girls like forearms, huh? Roll up the sleeves, really. A lot, but goddamn. Let me play that again. I got to make sure my settings are right here. Suck me dick. Look at me fur arms so all of uh olive oil so that was the whole deal huh uh what else how about this one

go gooey eyed the way looks at you can be very telling. One woman loves when your partner's eyes get all sparkly when they first see you. Who wouldn't? Didn't that speak more to women's egos? They want you to get all sparky. Really? I've known my wife for 21 years. I'm going to get all gooey-eyed? How about if I roll my fucking eyes as I see her car come up the driveway?

And I'm sure she does the same for me. I don't see her getting all sparkly eyed. You know? She sees me. Matter of fact, she shuts her eyes and shakes her head and goes into her office and slams the door. Get all gooey eyed. Okay, I'll take some fucking Oxycontin before I see the wife. Honey, look at me.

I'm crying. Girls like that. You get all gooey-eyed. Again, it's about them. What's the next one on the list? Speak passionately. Comment is on the thread. I mean, Paul, we're in agreement that the topic is less important

than the way the guys talk about it or argue for it when my significant other this is a woman talks excitedly about something anything he cares about

even if it's isn't really one of my interests it's insanely attractive to me a bunch of chicks diddling themselves to this speech one of my interests, it's insanely attractive to me. A bunch of chicks diddling themselves to this speech. Oh my God.

Sure he killed six million Jews, but I am as wet as a pond. Number six, hold a conversation. Be able to make intelligent conversation is a seriously underrated point of attraction. Well, then go fucking hang out at Microsoft in the lobby. I'm going to talk about the Steelers 3-4 defense. Again, I'm married. This doesn't really pertain to me. This is for you single folk out there.

Girls like a guy who can hold an intelligent conversation. Yeah, well, we like guys like girls who can have an intelligent conversation you know i like it when a stripper is getting a lap dance and her asshole's an inch from my nose and she goes i'm putting myself through nursing school yeah sure you are you're not the fuck up uh number seven ladies like when you concentrate hard like you mean when I can't get it up? I love the look a guy gets on his face when he's trying to figure something out. Well, then watch a bunch of retarded guys trying to do a Rubik's Cube. Go to a mental institution.

Watch a guy try to put his shoes on the right feet. That's what gets you cooking. Some of these are really surprising me. Cook. That's number eight. They like when a guy knows how to cook. It on the right feet. That's what gets you cooking. Some of these are really surprising me. Cook. That's number eight. They like when a guy knows how to cook. It's a turn on. This lady says, I fucking love watching my boyfriend cook.

I can stand there and watch him all day. Yeah, because he's got a 19-inch size of each. He's bustling around chopping veggies and putting dry rub on meats. And stirring things around in a pan. Again, see what this is? This is more fucking role reversal. stirring things around in a pan. Again, you see what this is. This is more fucking role reversal, even though I'm a cook, but,

uh, I don't think it's ever got me blown, but you should try my grill cheese. That's worth a handjob. Um, he's bustling around chopping veggies. Do you understand? Again, role reversal,

all this shit. I mean, that's what guys used to find hot and women, didn't they? He thinks he's just making dinner. What he doesn't know is, uh, I's just making dinner. What he doesn't know is I'm bleeding. No. What he doesn't know is that by the time the meal is ready, after watching him be

so competent and unselfconscious and focused on making the food, I want to rip his clothes off and have my way with him first and eat dinner later. So even then, she has to shit on what he's trying to get done. That's sexist, lady. You're just a pig.

So you want to rape him before the appetizers? Okay. I don't know when my wife finds it sexy, you know, that I'm cooking. I'm splattering grease. I usually cook without a shirt on, you know, which is stupid. And she can hear me cursing. she's in there reading the paper and i've burnt my nipples to a crisp uh number eight use eye contact especially when there's a bunch of pretty girls around that did work once for me when i was in my 20s in faneuil hall on a saturday night and it was a smoking broad but she'd be there's like four guys had surrounded her and i stayed back stayed back and uh acted like i wasn't interested but i noticed that she looked over and i ended up uh not getting her either who am i kidding um number 10 be thoughtful

some women appreciate a guy sending a text out of the blue to say you're thinking of me once again it's about them once again it's about them it's not about what you you know i mean they have to know you that they're the only one that you're thinking about them you got to be google-eyed and sending them texts all day it's about their needs send a text saying you're thinking of me in regards to something I said in passing forward an article you think might interest someone remembering a difficult anniversary or wishing someone luck at a big meeting

that could make all the difference in the world I do that sometimes on the wife when she goes horseback riding that could make all the difference in the world. Yeah. I do that sometimes on the wife. When she goes horseback riding, I'll send her a picture, a close-up of my left nut, and go, guess what this is? Hoping that she's looking down at her phone while she's on the horse

and goes off the side of a hill. I'm kidding. She knows I love her because I look at her goo-goo-eyed like I'm fucking retarded. Be thoughtful. Number 11, hug from behind. Well, I know that works for a lot of rapists.

It's cute and it makes us feel safe. I'm going to get you in a nice chokehold and you tap out right before I make a nice bridge hole. Hug from behind. They like that. before I make a nice brisole. Hug from behind. They like that.

See, now, if you read that to a feminist and they hear the line, it makes us feel safe, that would make, you know, Hillary, her ankles would explode out of anger. Top of cheese. Hug them from behind. They like that. They sure do.

Hillary likes that. Hug her from behind. Hillary! they sure do hillary likes that all right little tiff a tad 10 things men find unattractive i didn't go with the 10 things men find attractive because we all know those. Right? And there's a thousand things. You know what? Don't we find attractive? But this was a list on another magazine. Ten things men find unattractive.

Makeup is number one. What? Who the fuck said that? Who likes a girl that doesn't have makeup? I don't mean, I don't like it. I don't want you to look like a corpse. Like my grampy did when they fucking buried him. Jeez, he looked like Lady Gaga for Christ's sake.

93-year-old Italian guy. Looked like Joel Grey in Cabaret. But, uh, but I gotta have some makeup on there, let's be honest. Girls are, you know, basically men. I mean, some of them are actually beauty, but come on.

That's the zillion dollar pussy we're talking about. But you got to put a little bit of makeup on. No makeup? I remember we picked up, me and my buddy Tony, we picked up a couple of girls. I told you this on one of the earlier,

one of my first broadcasts. We picked up a couple of girls dressed like pandas. This is before I even started comedy in Boston on Halloween. I went to some club. of girls dressed like pandas. This is before I even started comedy in Boston on Halloween. I went to some club. They were dressed like pandas. Very cute.

Until I woke up, the girl had taken a shower. She went into the bathroom, a panda, and she came out fucking Grandpa Munster. Holy Christ, I couldn't get out of there quick enough. I actually threw the omelet at her in the driveway. Get out of here. But seriously, she was... Look cute as...

Who doesn't look cute dressed up like a panda? See the makeup on and shit? Oh my God. That one fucking frightened me. Number two. Ten things... Again, ten things men find unattractive about women. It says hair.

Who made this fucking list up? You don't like makeup and hair? What do you do? Go to a cancer hospital and pick chicks up in the waiting room? What does that mean, you don't like hair? Well, a fancy hairstyle may be okay for a glamorous night out. Men prefer natural looking hair. No, I like a girl with a fucking nice red wig.

It's more attractive to look at it... Well, a fancy hairstyle may be okay for a glamorous net, but for a natural-looking hair... I like a girl with hair like Buddy Hackett. Remember how we used to call him? Is it a side, like a real dope? Yeah, Buddy Hackett hair. It's the first thing I look for in a girl.

It's more attractive to look at, and it feels nicer to touch when it's free of gels or sticky products other than my load. Number three, shave. Ten things men find unattractive. It says shave. Oh, it's telling them to shave. They don't even know how to make a list right. It should say unshaven women.

It says shave. For the love of all that smooth, please shave. Men associate hair with testosterone and testicles. Well, some guys like that. So they don't want to seat on a woman. Well, thanks for clarifying. I like a chick who has a leg, a little bit

of hair down there. I like to bang somebody. I like it when I'm banging a chick. I like to pretend it's like Bill Lambert with his legs wrapped around my back. Men like touching soft skin, so say bye-bye to the fuzz and make sure your moisturizers and lotions keep your skin smooth. It'll send a message that you care about your hygiene. Yeah, not having to load your pants when I get down there.

Number four, mouth. These are supposed to be things men find unattractive i like a lady with no mouth well who doesn't let's face it ladies men look at our mouths that's the first thing i notice on a woman by the way you know they all say guys i'm a i'm an ass guy i'm a tit guy i'm a leg guy i'm a mouth guy because let's let's face, that's where it all begins. What if she has an ass, a beautiful ass, and, you know, and then she's got like one black tooth in the front and a hair lip? Let's face it, it says, ladies, men look at our mouths. Sure do.

Usually when we're looking at them, we're thinking, is she ever going to shut it? Bad breath and discolored teeth are unattractive to the opposite sex. Unless you're from Kentucky, then it makes you hard as a whale's tooth and as wet as a puddle. Cut down on coffee and red wine. Use whitening toothpaste or strips to brighten your smile. Listen to how stupid this is. This is the shit that I start reading right in the middle of when I'm, you know, getting my news on the internet. Always carry gum.

Especially, nothing a guy hates worse than when he kisses you and then his next question is, what do you do? Just blow a goat and have an onion sandwich. You never know when that kiss may be coming. Always carry gum. Am I dating sparky fucking lyle number five perfume do not overcompensate don't try to hide the smell of your stinky snatch with a bottle of chanel number five no don't overcompensate men don't want to smell you a mile away use one drop of your favorite perfume and it will be enough to keep him wondering about what else you have to offer i like when a girl sprays her neck with a pine scented lysol i like this i like a girl to smell just like uh just like a bathroom does after my father drops a deuce. Number six, alcohol.

Sure, a man likes to hang with a woman who knows how to have a good time, but no when enough is enough. Well, who's to say? I like to walk in. I like when I used to go out on dates, I used to like to surprise the girl, you know, when I'm going to the ladies' room and I'd bust in and see her throwing up her quarter pounder. That's right. I took her Mickey D's.

No one wants to see a woman puking in the bar or bathroom or falling down on the dance floor. That's bullshit. I love. Those are the girls I used to go after. You see a girl falling on her ass on the dance floor? This is the same thing. This is, you know, it's like nature. It's like the gazelle who's wounded and all the uh what attacks gazelles i don't know number seven

negativity men like happy positive women so don't complain about the lack of service at a restaurant or how long you had to wait in line show your upbeat personality i don't mind that shit at all boy am i not on the pulse of america on this one i fucking when i used to date i'd be the one going for christ's sake where i ordered a salad how long does that take and if the woman of the date went relax what's the big deal i just want to leave her in the dust i like people are conscientious i'd like see i would like if the girl joined in and goes, yeah, what the fuck are they doing? Going to

where, you know, somebody joined in in my pain. I don't mind negative broads. I find them funny. You know? But that's me. Number eight. Swearing. Men like ladies with a little class, so dropping the F-bomb in every sentence is a turnoff

and does not show how sophisticated you really are. Yeah, save that shit for bed. Save that for the sack, you know? I don't want to hear you, you know, you're out on a date and the girl goes, oh, this fucking souffle blows. Although that's negative and I kind of like that. But save it for the bedroom, you know.

Wait till you get the guy in bed and go, eat my filthy tits. That's the type of, guys don't mind it in the sack, but it's a good point. I don't think we'd like to hear it. Number nine, nagging. No one wants to be told over and over that they're doing something wrong. Choose your battles, ladies. If he leaves a toilet seat up, quietly put it down. I have never put down a toilet seat in my life,

and I never will. Why should I fucking touch it? I mean, you can still piss. Just straddle the bowl. I've seen it done. Cost me 50 bucks. If they don't shave for a couple of days, deal with it. This is again, not nagging on your boyfriend. Let him hog the remote control once in a while. Remember, there are probably things they don't like about you too. I always have the remote control once in a while. Remember, there are probably things they don't like about you, too. I always have the remote control. I like to sound up loud.

Number 10, needy. Don't ever drop your girlfriends and family for a man. Being too dependent on your man, see, they got to get the shot in at the end. Don't ever drop your girlfriends and family for a man. Who the fuck does that? I wouldn't want a girl who did that. Yeah, you know, you fucked me so good the other night. I think, uh, I don't want to talk to my family. I don't want to talk to my mother the rest of my life. You banged me that good. Come to think of it, fuck my friends too. Being too dependent on your man to make you happy is a turn-off. Expecting him to change to meet your needs is also very unattractive.

They want to be loved for who they are. That's well said. Exactly. Don't try to paper train me. What am I saying? I'm talking like I'm single. Isn't that hilarious? Anyways, kids,

we have touched on it all, haven't we? Real quickly, at the end, I threw in a little sports news. And again, I beg of you, I beg of you people who are such basketball fans to watch the NHL playoffs. I don't care what series,

pick any game. Oh, my God. There's nothing better. And again, I'm a football guy. There is nothing better than NHL playoff hockey. It's fast. It's violent. There's no whistles.

They take it up eight notches from regular season. I mean, I've been watching these. It doesn't matter. I put on any series. I'm watching the island isn't a capitals and i'm going this is as good hockey as i've seen in 10 years and then i put on you know another game after that and i'm like holy penguins rangers i'm like this is even better it's just crazy how fast and good it is and then you got out west you have calgary and vancouver

okay they're both on the west coast it'll be be like LA and Anaheim having a ride. Or the Flyers, the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Philadelphia Flyers, two East Coast cities. They hate each other. Only, you know, it's Canada and it's hockey, so it's life or death. It's like the Crips and the Blunts. They had a brawl that ended the game the other night at the end of the game. 132 minutes and penalties. I mean, it's like watching. and then i watched him last night usually what happens when that happens in hockey the neck the second game they settle in and play hockey it was just as ugly

after every whistle somebody was in a headlock and getting a face rake and uh and and again hockey's not like that they've cleaned it up almost too much if you look back over the and we talked about this last year if you look back over the, and we talked about this last year. If you look back over the playoffs last year, there might have been three fights. But their referees put the whistle away and let them play. And holy Christ, is it entertaining. I mean, the body checking is fierce. And they don't think twice about like cracking somebody in the teeth with this.

You got to watch it. You got to watch teeth with this you gotta watch it you gotta watch it you got to watch it i mean i don't see how anybody if you're a sports fan how you wouldn't like it i mean the last few minutes of a hockey game compared to a even march madness or an nba basketball game there's just no comparison it's on and all the games that won two goal games. It's hardly any blowouts. Goaltending has so evolved in hockey. It's so much better than when I was a kid

watching it. But anyways, just, just put on any series and I don't get paid to do this by the NHL. I'm just telling you.

Um, what else? Oh, and by the way, I read today that Tim Tebow has signed with the eagles what the fuck what is uh chip kelly you gotta love this guy i think he already has mark sanchez and he has that guy kid barkley out of usc uh i don't know how many quarterbacks you need so

maybe it's a publicity stunt i don't know what he's doing. But, um... Don't they have Bradford, too? Sam Bradford they got from the Rams, the Eagles? I think they do. So I don't know what, if this is a publicity stunt, but Chip Kelly's not like that. He's not like that. Anyways, that's about

it, kids. Been yapping away here. Hope you enjoyed the show uh again go get another senseless killing you'll love it it's in and out of the it's like i said it's on itunes you get it on itunes too uh if you want some people particular or go to nickdip.com and uh save a few bucks. Aight? And go see me at Helium on April 30th and May 1 and 2 in Philadelphia

or at the Main Street Army in Rochester on the 16th of May or at the dentist on the 19th. Come in and see. Tampa and side splitters June 4, 5, and 6.

All right, kids. Good talking to you again. And thanks for listening to the podcast. After the show, people always tell me, they listen. It's growing like a tumor at the base of my ass. Oh, yeah. It's the geeks. Because once I get started, I go to town. Because I'm not like everybody else.

No, no. I'm not like everybody else. I'm not like everybody else. Well, I'm not like everybody else. Good day, everybody. guitar solo I'm out.