The Nick DiPaolo Show - 083 - Who Gives a Fuck?

Episode Date: June 2, 2015

Who Gives a Fuck?

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, hey, hey, how's it going kids? I really don't want to fucking do this, I'll just be honest with you, I'm not in a fucking mood. And I'm just fucking, just tired of the fucking world. Just reading the news, I'm just sick of it all. I'm just tired of the fucking world. Just reading the news. I'm just sick of it all. I'm just sick of the fucking whining. I'm just trying to prepare, trying to pick some articles. And every one of them gets so fucking involved.

Just simple shit. San Francisco's passing a soda tax because people are getting too fucking... It's the same shit over and over again. Common sense fucking shit. Ugh, I just can't... So I'm not in the mood for this shit, which will make for a good show on your part because it's just like I'll be taking

a big runny shit in front of you. That's how I feel. This is how I feel. That's the world. All politically correct and shit. Quit trying to love me. Anyways, how's it going? Good, I hope.

Good. This show's real fucking important to me. Anyways, come see me in Tampa this weekend, finally. I can't wait to get on the fucking road. I'm sick of doing 20-minute sets in the city and getting nothing done and watching 25-year-old girl's face turn to disappointment when I start talking about the douchebag who was dragging her mattress

around Columbia University because she faked a rape and ruined a guy's life. We'll get to that in a few minutes. You know. And, yeah, I want to go get to that in a few minutes. You know. And, yeah, I want to go down to Florida where there'll be, you know, I can vent for a fucking full hour and people won't mind, hopefully. Side splitters this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in Tampa. Yeah, baby. It's a great club if you're in the area.

And then Reds in carlstadt new jersey on june 14th which is a sunday night uncle vinnie's on the 27th of june and point pleasant ridgefield playhouse july 18th ridgefield connecticut another fucking excellent gig actually and um go to uh another go to nick nick dip.com another senseless killing get it it's uh it's doing well because finally serious uh radio raw dog is playing it and it's you know playing uh plenty of clips from it i made a call saying let's get this shit out to you put an album on i need you to play it and um so much so that i checked on the charts on itunes you know you you check where it is they list the top 200 selling comedy albums or whatever not only was another senseless killing in there this week uh like number 101 road rage an album i did 11 years ago was number 102 right next to it there

was two two albums i have which was cool so uh thank you for that for supporting that people are loving that album i mean you know in other senses going in apparently road rage and i got a bunch more so that i did a while. So eventually they'll creep up the charts, hopefully. What did we do this weekend? Robert Kelly had a cookout. I was going to say annual comedy cookout, but that's what I do. Okay? And he lives about 13 miles south of me.

And he beat me to the punch. I usually wait until around Labor Day, but i'm not going to do that this year i'm going to do right in the middle of the summer when it's 110 and people are miserable but uh yeah barbie kelly had his cookout and uh i can see why a lot more people uh went to his than mine i get there he's got tents set up in case of bad weather which thank christ he did uh and uh it looked like I was walking into a carnival. There was shit for kids and games, and there was a roller coaster and a Ferris wheel and a drunk tank.

No, funnel cakes. But there was a lot of people. Noam, the guy who owns the comedy cellar, and his wife and his kids, Noam, the guy who owns the Comedy Cellar, and his wife and his kids. And Colin Quinn, Jimmy Norton, Buddy Monroe from The Stand. And a lot of people. Joe List, his girlfriend. A bunch of comedians. Mike Vecchione, his girlfriend.

Jim Serpico, who's Dennis Larry's partner. His kids. Dennis Larry's partner, his kids. Dennis Larry's kid, who I'm talking to for five minutes before Jimmy Serpico, Dennis's partner, goes, you know who that is? I go, not really. The kid I'm talking to is about 6'5". It's fucking Dennis's son. Last time I saw him, I think he was in diapers. Holy Christ. We'll be dead soon.

That should be the name of the show. We'll be dead soon. should be the name of the show we'll be dead soon oh god fucking help me and uh yeah so the the skies opened up obviously about about 20 minutes into the cookout and um man was it coming down as uh my old boss eddie boardman used to say when i used to work at the danvers state mental institution as a groundskeeper when i was in college for the summer uh eddie boardman my boss when it would be raining really hard would say it's uh it's like a double-cunted cow pissing on a flat rock god bless him what if that guy's still alive? He's the guy I told you about on my early, early podcast when we worked at the nut house. One of the nuts spit on him.

And then like a week later, I was walking down the hallway and here comes that nut that spit on him. And my boss hauls off and punches a guy in the stomach this is a patient a mental patient and my boss slugs him right in the gut i guess i can say it now he might even be dead my poor old boss but he had a zz top beard like down to his waist he was a i think he was a Vietnam vet but we were just walking here comes the kid and he goes to me

watch this as we're walking by all of a sudden he's fucking slugs a guy in the stomach and we just keep walking kid had it coming crazy fuck

and anyways so yeah it was coming down like buckets and Bobby Kelly we were laughing, man. Like Quinn said, he's dressed like a cholo.

He's got the shaved head. He's got those long, I don't know if they're long shorts or short pants where you can just see about, you know, four inches of shin and ankle. And he's standing at the grill, and it is coming down sideways and he's got this little umbrella butted up against the the eave of his roof and uh you know that flat thing that you put food on on the side of your grill rain is just banging off of that somehow he kept the fire going he was just soaked the fucking water's dripping off the edge of the umbrella right down his back i mean he's just and it's blowing sideways and he had like three or four different tents set up i'm sure you'll hear this on his show

if you listen to it but he rented the tents when he heard the rain was you know gonna come like a few days ago and uh i forget who he said he rented it from but the guy said look we'll set the stuff up for you and he gave him a price what it would cost if they set it up and he's like go fuck yourself i'll do it myself so about 20 minutes after it started raining of course one of the tents collapsed uh keith robinson was there too um old buddy keith and uh i brought a bottle of wine and uh knowing that keith robinson likes red wine and me and him polished it off in about i don't know half hour um and then you know the verbal abuse just began fucking abusing bobby and everybody else just zinging each other and uh people are playing cornhole in the rain it was a real mess and then every it got so bad after the food was done

uh we all squeezed into bobby's house and uh this you know there was a lot of kids there that was screaming and shit and uh it was i don't know it was good i'm glad i was only uh about 12 miles away because uh i drank a lot of wine and um it was so funny everybody crammed into the like living room in the kitchen when it was really pouring and uh and then at the end like he had a fucking ben and jerry's came a guy ben and jerry's guy came and set up like ice cream thing for the kids of course all the adults are pushing the kids out of the way. And I'm not a huge ice cream fan. And I'm standing next to the steak tips, which Robert Kelly gets from a place called Dominick's, I think in Everett, Mass. I think it's Everett.

They're just tremendous. He has them mailed to him here in new york because you can't get him anywhere marinated steak tips he must have had eight pounds of them and everybody's over there fighting over the ice cream and in the in the living room watching tv i'm standing next to the steak tips with a plastic fork and there was still about three pounds left even after people had got at him. I must have, everybody's just yapping, and I'm just standing in the background next to the thing, sticking a steak tip in my mouth once every three seconds.

If I didn't eat two and a half pounds of red meat, I still haven't gone to the bathroom. You know, that shit will live in your colon like a fucking squatter. I'm going to have to get a lawyer to get it out. But, yeah, I'd say I had about two pounds of steak tips and six Italian sausages. No rolls, just the sausages. No hand, just a hook he had. I was just dipping them in fucking mustard and eating them like M&Ms.

And, holy Christ, I would have quit. I'm going to give Bobby Kelly credit, man. i would have quit getting a bobby kelly credit man i would have quit it was poor and shit he just kept cooking it didn't even phase him he kept his head down dressed like a fucking cholo and just kept pumping out the food and uh we pigged out only thing is with these parties everybody's uh clean and sober reformed uh you know former drinker norton doesn't drink quinn doesn't drink bob kelly doesn't fucking drink uh me and robinson were the only one really you know swilling isn't that half the fun of it fucking all fun goes out of life as you get older. So what?

I feel like going, come on, Quinn, do a shot. Do a shot. Can you imagine Colin Quinn was like a violent drunk back in the day before I met him? He said he used to wake up on the subway sometimes and be, you know, fucking 40 miles from Brooklyn. He woke up on a train in Pennsylvania, he said. He used to take mescaline and fucking get drunk and beat people up on the train. Quinn, the voice of wisdom, Mr. Grampy. You know.

Everybody's darling. He was a madman. I just can't picture it. Just can't friggin' picture it, man. What the hell else? So, yeah, thank you, Robert Kelly. He must have spent a fuckin' serious dough, man. Well, he's on a show that's coming out in July.

Dennis Larry has that rock and roll show on FX. I don't know the name of it. But I think Bobby's a regular player, so he can afford it. Good for him. I don't know what the fuck to talk about. I had all the shit lined up.

The Patriot Act and how that ran out on Sunday night or whatever, you know, temporarily. Rand Paul blocked it. They're trying to put a reformed bill together, which would allow, instead of the government collecting bulk, you know, calls in bulk, the telecom companies would be allowed to do it.

And that's the big debate because um it's dangerous times and this is how we track terrorists and again the government doesn't listen in on the phone calls but they collect all the data your phone number blah blah blah the phone number you're calling and that is intrusive i don't give a shit i know we're living in dangerous times. It will take a fucking chances, okay? And like Rand Paul said, you can get a warrant if you, like the Russian kids that blew up, you know, the pressure cooker at the Boston Marathon. They were on the radar before they did it. You can get a warrant, individual warrant, and go after them. So I just don't trust the government. I just don't in these dangerous times i don't freaking trust him i think rand paul's got it right i

think he's gonna make a lot of headway uh running for president with this you know he's a libertarian but uh we'll see you know because uh you know if we get hit again, people are going to be like, well, it's his fault. He's going to want to get rid of the Patriot Act and reform it. But at least he has some balls to stand a conviction. Look, we hate the, this country was founded on the fucking hatred of government. Okay. And the Patriot Act, I mean, holy Christ, we needed it right after 9-11. But, uh, come on. You have a right to be left alone.

As some famous justice said. I forget who it was. But, uh, my wife should learn that, too. The right to be left alone. Not only a people but as a husband but uh anyways so yeah they're gonna try to reform it so we're totally not left naked but jesus christ and again this all came about because of snowden he's the one that fucking made all this public, right? They were doing it. The government was doing it secretly.

What does that tell you? You know, if it was so harmless, why didn't they let us know about it beforehand? Well, then the terrorists. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess they got to try to rework it it so the telecom companies will now and the people who don't like that idea is because they say the telecom companies don't get rid of that shit they don't hold on to it too long once they collect it well good get rid of it the fuck out of my lives we'll take our chances um so they're gonna come up with something new in a couple days, apparently, I guess, I don't know,

it's just, I just started reading, and I got a headache today, wasn't it a fucking, it was just too, too many quotes from lawyers, and too, too much horse shit, and then, uh, the hell else, I was going to do a whole thing on fucking Hillary. Oh, you know what really infuriated me? Oh, by the way, Hillary, yeah. Fucking Hillary's still not answering questions. And in all the polls, like, more people think she's untrustworthy than trustworthy. Yet they're still going to vote for her.

So explain that one to me that's how you know we're finished it's all about ideology it's not about fucking ethics or morals it's about my team versus your team i'm gonna vote for even though she's a lying twat she's a fucking i still can't believe i i still can't believe after all that shit with her you know wiping clean her server and all that shit that people are still talking like well she's going to be the nominee really she signed a thing when she became when you go to work for the government saying you can't use your private computer for you know government work it's against the fucking law so why the fuck isn't she not being arrested i don't fucking get

it i'm starting to believe the people if you vote you're a sucker this all seems preordained if she's the fucking nominee i will never fucking vote again that's all i'm saying she's a self-entitled fucking political hack twat who did nothing as secretary of state. She fucking has no charm, no fucking personality whatsoever. Just an entitled douche who's in love with government. She's like Obama in a fucking pantsuit is all she is. Oh yeah, but she'll be the next...

Why? Ugh. Why? Why? I'm gonna fucking smash his fucking face in. Who'suce jennings it's not a him it's a her get to that in a few seconds you see him on the cover of vanity fair holy fucking moly actually looks good from a distance but just knowing he's got a cock in those panties he's got this face all done up like an old female movie star, like Faye Dunaway or some shit.

Is that even a person? And, you know, he's in like this fucking bustier and panties, but he's still got a cock under there. Like I said on stage, he's in the lava stage. He's not a caterpillar. He's not a butterfly. Well, now he's more of a butterfly. He actually had the 40 hours of facial surgery to look like a woman and he looks like a like a pretty movie star from the 40s is what he looks

like pretty did i say yeah pretty fucking ugly no he does he looks like a like a pretty woman i think that's what his goal was but he said even himself after he had all the uh all the facial it took like 10 hours to redo his face. He said right after that, he's going, what did I do to my life? What did I do? And, of course, the doctor said, well, that's common. It's the medication, and those feelings will go away. But they don't always go away.

That's why they have doctors and psychiatrists that specialize in this. So, you know, whether you afford it or not, and I'm glad he's happy. He found and he's in touch with finally who he really was. And I do believe all that shit, but you really fucked up. And I hope you find happiness. But yeah, Vanity Fair,

they did a whole photo shoot. You know, there's some sick bastard jerking off to the pictures. I don't know if Norton's around or not. No, I... What the fuck else? Yeah, so... Yeah, Hillary's still not answering questions and shit.

Just wish the fuck should go away with her fucking husband. Now FIFA, you know, FIFA, I should say, that's the organization, you know, that heads up the, you know, soccer, Worldwide Soccer Federation, whatever the fuck it is. Apparently they made contributions.

You know, they're in a scandal, right, with all the kickbacks and shit. Apparently they sent money to Clinton Foundation. It's unbelievable. And nobody's even pressing her on in the mainstream media. Just a bunch of left-wing, douchess, suckers of Satan's cock just going right along with it. Yeah, it's just more shit keeps coming out.

And then Kathleen Willey, remember she accused Clinton of sexually assaulting her. And I think it was actually rape. Oh, they're all coming out of the closet, you know. And Hillary's just out on the road and popping into, you know, little restaurants and pre-selecting people who ask her questions. And it's unbelievable the sense of entitlement. You'd think she'd be rejected by everybody. Left, right, center. Just a fucking douche.

How about mattress girl? Huh? How about the mattress girl? She's back on the news. That dirty little hoe up in Columbia that was dragging a mattress around. Because she said she was date raped by her boyfriend. Who has since been cleared by the school, by the police. Yet this little douche continues to drag around a fucking mattress in protest. She brought it to her graduation.

She actually went up and got a diploma dragging the mattress, even after Columbia made a rule saying that you couldn't bring anything like that to the graduation ceremonies. Of course, they made an exception for her. Because, again, when it comes to this feminist horseshit and this war against men, which it is. It's a war against men. It's not a fucking war against women. It's just the opposite. Yeah, she brings it to the graduation ceremony.

And I wonder how he felt because he was, you know, getting his diploma too. Can you fucking imagine? His reputation has been tarnished. And like I said, the authorities have cleared him and the school has cleared him. Yet, Kirsten Gillibrand, whatever the fucking name is. She's a politician here in New York City. Is inviting her, this woman, the mattress girl, Sulkowitz her last name is, is inviting her to like one of Obama's next speeches.

Can you imagine? Even though Emma Sulkowitz is her name. Even though her allegations have been proved false. That this Gillibrand woman is just, oh, can you imagine if a guy falsely accused a woman of something? Can you, the fucking double standards are just making me fucking ill. That's what I'm saying. I got a headache reading the paper today. I couldn't.

But the boyfriend was Paul Nungesser. Nungesser, I guess that's his last name. He's suing the school, Columbia. Facilitating a harassment campaign against him. I fucking love it. Columbia's an evil fucking place. It really should be burned to the ground. I'll give somebody $50.

I'm only kidding, by the way. If anybody's listening, just kidding. Don't do any violence. You know, guys at Columbia, you should start dragging around wallets. That's what I said, the giant wallets. And then when somebody goes, why are you dragging around a giant wallet?

Well, it just represents, I took a girl out and I spent $400 on dinner and drinks. She didn't even give me a handjob. So who got raped there? That's what I'd do. it just represents, I took a girl out and I spent $400 on dinner and drinks. She didn't even give me a hand job. So who got raped there? That's what I'd do. Drag a big fucking wallet around.

Dinner whore. I'm not making light of a sexual assault on campus, but once again, it's been overblown to the 10th power in the name of man-hating

and fucking... She carried a mattress to the graduation. Again, this was like 10 days ago. I'm just getting to it now because I don't give a fuck. But yeah, people on the left go, it doesn't matter. You know, like with the other false rape case,

you know, the whole fraternity and a rolling stone magazine even though that was all proved to be horseshit there are in a radical there are people on the left mostly radical feminists gone doesn't matter it draws attention to the bigger issue of of of of campus uh sexual assault so it doesn't matter if we're telling the truth or not, and we've destroyed, uh, uh, people's lives. It doesn't matter. We're drawing attention to the bigger issue. Imagine using that logic. So next time anybody gets mugged, if you get mugged by, you know, somebody just go, it was a black guy. Not really, but that's the big issue of crime in this country. It's black crime, really, right? That's the big... So just blame a black guy.

No matter what your race is, if you get mugged, if you're an Asian, white, or even black itself, just blame a black guy, because we're drawing attention to the bigger, the bigger issue of black crime. Ugh! Can you imagine they're going to invite her? There's no way.

There's no way she can go to... I don't even know what... It's not the State of the Union. Whatever the next big speech is. Kirsten Gillibrand. Is she a lesbian? I think she's a lesbian, by the way. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why aren't more people interrogating? Like me. Yeah. Yeah, you motherless fuck. fucking stupid. Why aren't more people interrogating like me? Yeah. Yeah, you motherless fuck. MTV gave Sulkowicz a slow clap for her stunt. MTV, another thing

that should be fucking destroyed right after they played the last video. Refinery 29, whatever the fuck that is called her a rape survivor can you imagine even though the allegations have been proven false she's a rape survivor yeah you see where we're at the very fucking fabric that holds a society together is just fucking totally eroding doesn't matter facts don't matter truth doesn't matter how would she survive if she didn't fucking wasn't actually raped

un-fucking-believable Columbia what a fucking ugh uh yeah mama mama-sama here's the uh

here's the um San Francisco Jesus Christ we were already through this with bloomberg in new york if you thought the fireworks over soda and san francisco were over when voters defeated attacks on sugary drinks in november think again yeah because why should the fucking uh why should the voters why should the people the taxpayers have any say in a government that's for buying and whatever the people? You believe this shit? Of course in San Francisco, because it's run by a bunch of elitist leftist douches who know better.

They're going to tell you what to fucking drink and see. But the truth of it is we live in a free society. And if I want to start drinking a case of Coke a day and blow up like a fucking toad, that's my choice. That's the beauty of living in a fucking free society. And don't give me this shit. Well, that's risky behavior. And then you'll end up getting diabetes and going to the hospital and we'll end up paying. OK, then let's let's stop kids from skateboarding and dirt biking and people who like to fucking skydive.

That's risky behavior. They could end up in the hospital, too. Stop with your horseshit excuses. Okay? Drink as much fucking soda as you want or as little as you want. Nobody's putting a gun to your fucking head. And they always hide this shit under the guise of they're going to take the money and use it to help finance uh a nutrition education disease prevention and recreation programs that's how they fucking that's the fake excuses they use to raise the fucking taxes who knows where that money

will go people telling you how to live your fucking lives. We really lost it. Some people never knew the history of this country and what made it fucking great. So they want some jerk off, wants to put warning, you know, warning labels like they do on cigarettes. They want to do that on soda now. These do-gooders, these fucking, these... What's this guy's name?

He actually mentioned the dick's name. Who wants to do this. Where is he? I don't know. Does it really fucking matter? Just know that he exists. Hmm. I hate soda personally. I'd rather drink gatorade

locale gatorade the uh the the new three-pronged package of legislation this is the san francisco sugar story includes a supervisor scott weiner or whiners perfect name either way here a fucking dick uh proposal the first of its kind in the country, to require warning labels on all new soda advertising on city services, including billboards, buses, transit shelters, posters, and sports stadiums. Hey, Scott, why don't you get a fucking life, you fucking loser?

You have the soul of a 95-year-old what's that like you bitch what a bitch imagine that's because he was uh probably younger than me just raised in politically correct times thinks he's too many do-gooders in the world thinks he's fucking helping out with his horse shit it's like having your grandmother just sit next to you and fucking. Ew. Don't eat that. Don't drink that. Be careful.

Wear a helmet. What a douche. Scott Wiener or Winer. Wants to put warning labels. On all new soda advertising. Billboards transit just like just like the uh have you had enough of the non-smoking shit are they going fucking hog wild for the last 15 years with that you know we know the tobacco companies were full of shit and i understood at the beginning but now they're just fucking taunting us with this shit. Right in the middle of it, you'll be watching a ball game on TV.

They'll show something fucking really graphic, you know, some heart. You know, they fucking, from a smoker, they open it up. It looks like it's loaded with ragat cheese. Yeah, we get it. It's bad. They're going nuts, though. They're just having fun with it now. It keeps people employed.

It's like a cottage industry. You know? Yeah, we know all this shit. Don't assume that we don't. It's an American's right to choose to smoke and drink soda and do whatever the fuck he wants. Ah. So good luck, Scott Wiener, with that. It's already been shot down once.

So why does it get another shot? It's another thing I don't understand. It was shot down in November by the voters. So why does it get another shot? It's another thing I don't understand. It was shot down in November by the voters. So why does it get another shot? Another story into the guise of the elitist jerk offs telling you how to live your fucking life. This is the headline. West Virginia teacher threatened with fine for violating Michelle Obama's school snack rules. Why is everyone so fucking stupid?

Yeah, and fat. Why aren't more people interrogating? Like me. Like Michelle. Like Michelle. Yeah. Yeah. Students and parents are rallying to the defense of a teacher

who was accused of violating federal school snack rules. Federal school snack rules. Right there, that's just to chill up your ass. It's just like fucking Hitler in Nazi Germany wanted everybody to be healthy for the cause. You know? That's all it is. Fucking tyranny. People don't? That's all it is. Fucking tyranny.

People don't even know what tyranny is. That's the fucking sad part. The Williamson pre-K-8 teacher who was not identified would give her students wrapped candy as a reward for their hard work and good behavior. God forbid, huh? Because the practice was an alleged violation of the federal rules championed by First Lady Michelle Obama, Mingo County School Director of Child Nutrition, listen to this title, Mingo County School's Director of Child Nutrition, Kay Maynard, placed a call. She fucking ratted this teacher out.

She placed a call to officials at the West Virginia Department of Education to report the incident. What a douche, you little snitch. You little fucking no fun loving snitch whore. You can tell I'm not in the mood. Maynard also spoke to Williamson pre-K eight principal Shannon Blackburn. Shannon's a guy. Telling him about the possibility of a monetary fine for the teacher. Imagine the teacher rewarded a couple kids with sugary treats because of their hard work. And she might get fined. What the fuck? You know.

Meanwhile, Michelle Obama has an ass on her. Like a fucking linebacker so when the news spread not everybody's lost their mind thank God in West Virginia parents and students mobilized collecting pennies to pay the potential fine on the teacher's behalf

but administrators decided the teacher's violation was not a deliberate attempt to break michelle obama's rules but what if it was what if she was saying fuck you to the first lady who's that nobody voted her in god instead of finding the teacher they required the department to develop a corrective action plan to include training on child nutrition policies we don't need training it's very easy it's very fucking easy don't let you have you

don't let your kid do every don't let your kid have 40 uh fucking sugary cookies and a quart of coke try to teach a little bit about moderation it's that easy i'm gonna set up classrooms what the fuck a lot of people with too much time on their hands wish I had kids I'd put them on YouTube I'd just bake them

a fucking 25 layer chocolate cake and give them all three spoons and put like a fucking put a kiddie pool filled with a mountain doing it

and give them all crazy straws and just go nuts don't come out of the room until it's finished. Film it on and then send it to the White House and I'll link. I love the article because it has a picture of Michelle Obama eating like a fucking

eating like a giant lollipop. Some type of holiday lollipop. What the fuck? Mind your business. mind your goddamn business hmm mattress girl what a fucking she's not even that hot enough, but they have texts of her, going back to the mattress girl situation, after she accused him of,

they accused him of rape, or whatever, date rape, or whatever, they have texts, that she sent him, loving texts, in other words,

that she was still involved with him, and had, put that in the past, I can't wait to see how this plays out, I hope he sues that school, of them and had put that in the past. I can't wait to see how this plays out. I hope he sues that school for a fucking zillion dollars. And I hope... Why the fuck doesn't she go to jail? And any other woman that falsely accuses

guys of rape? You know? Why don't they go to jail? It's un-fucking- blable I had a girl accused me of getting a pregnant back in the early 90s here in New York right before I met my

present wife she told me she's pregnant you know what I did though fucking got a found one of their OBGYNs. Fucking number in her apartment. Hey. Anyways, then she admitted to it before I even made the call

that she was fucking lying. Hmm. That was nice, huh? I should have carried around a giant... I don't know. Paper mache fetus on my back. Uh... I just hope there's some repercussions for that whore i mean that woman of columbia don't you sure you do

mattress girl that leads me to cuomo who's trying to pass all kinds of uh legislation for campus college campuses including private ones here in new York, the state of New York. And you guys have all heard about this, where if you're on a diet, on a diet, did I say? On a date? If you're on a date with a fat fuck who's on a diet. No, if you're on a date and, you know, you're with a chick in a room and you want to go to that next level? You know,

you want to go from tits to maybe some finger popping? You have to get a verbal, you know, a verbal agreement from her to go to that next step. Ain't that exciting, huh? He's trying to get this, it's again,

it's a war on men is what it is. Why would you, why would you ever with all these fucking rules that are going to be passed, these laws, even in these laws it's implied, even if she just accused you wrongly, she's considered a victim. It's fucking unbelievable. And you guys, like I said, you're nuts. You're nuts to go into a dorm room with a chick now on a college campus, especially here in New York with what Cuomo's trying to pull. But you have to get a verbal, an oral agreement, an oral yes from the woman,

which is hard because, like I said, in the jugglies you do, it's hard. You can't understand what a woman say when she has a dick in her mouth. What? Want me to lick your ass? What did you say? I can understand. It's, you know, it's unbelievable. Take the money that you're going to spend on her, on margaritas and dinner,

and get yourself a hooker. Again, she ain't going to be that pretty for that kind of money. I mean, you're probably going to Applebee's anyway on your college budget. So you get a hooker who, you know, who's got a stump club foot or some shit. He's got skin like James Edward Olmos. You know. But don't go in a room with a girl. Don't trust them. You know, I mean, with the climate, the anti-male climate on college campuses

led by these mustachioed feminist whores who couldn't get laid in a fucking men's prison. The hatred they have for men knows no bounds. That's the only way you can explain this. And this attack. Probably most of the girls don't even agree with it but again they're not the ones in charge making the rules it's the real left wing intellects and you've seen most of them

most of them have cocks I'm just saying what the hell else I'm just saying. What the hell else? Did you watch Hockey Kids? Did you watch it like I told you to? Somebody on Twitter asked me uh about the nhl playoffs who i who i was picked to be in the fine back in january february i said the rangers were the best team in hockey which they ended up being and i thought they would win the whole thing uh but then when i saw tampa bay dispatch of the

montreal canadians i was very impressed but But somebody asked me a couple days ago on Twitter about there's four teams left. You had Anaheim and Chicago, the Rangers and Tampa. Some kid asked me who would be in the finals, and I said the Rangers versus Anaheim. Also, the four panelists on Around the Horn last week said the same thing. And all five of us are wrong. It was Chicago Blackhawks winning in Anaheim, dispatching of the Ducks. Very impressive. And Tampa shutting out the Rangers in a Game 7 in Madison Square Garden.

First time the Rangers had ever lost a game seven in Madison Square Garden in the history of the New York Rangers team. Pretty goddamn impressive stuff. Tampa Bay, man, they got some what I call snipers. So does Chicago. This is going to be really interesting. Tampa Bay, though, they can play defense. Am I talking hockey?

Yes, I am. They can play defense. Am I talking hockey? Yes, I am. They can play defense when they want. I mean, I think they shut the Rangers out twice. And as far as Tampa Bay's offense, they're like the goddamn 85 Lakers, run and gun. They got snipers who can finish. And Chicago, man, this is like like has to be the fourth or fifth time in the last six years that they're in the finals or semi-finals now they're in the finals again uh they're unbelievable they have so much playoff experience and it's the same core guys I noticed

it's the same players when I watch the Bruins every year, you know, they turn it over, their roster. But it seems like Chicago's had the same core guys, Taves and, you know, who came and Seabrook, Duncan Keith and Shaw and Pickickle. And they are good. And that Crawford, the goalie, he's a money guy. The bigger the game, the better he seems to play. Like during the regular season, he's so-so. Even at the early in the playoffs, he's so-so.

But he seems to turn it on as the stakes get higher. And that's my only worry about tampa bay's goalie sky bishop by the way university of maine my alma mater uh he can be uh i don't know he had a couple like he shut out the ranges twice but he also had a couple where i think he let in six or seven should be uh should be a hell of a series, though, because they both can net it, man. So, yeah, should be excellent. I know you guys, basketball guys, don't give a shit. I guess the Cavs made it to the finals. LeBron, man, I'd love to see him do it in a Cavs uniform.

Then the guy could just shut everybody up. He already has, in my opinion. But playoff hockey, I can't. I should be a spokesman. I wish I was more famous than I was. I could be a spokesman for the NHL. I know Dennis Larry pushes it every time he has a chance. But it's just as far as a spectator sport.

God damn, do I fucking love it. I record all the shit. I go to work and I come home and then it's 2 30 in the morning and uh i'm watching this stuff sleeping a lot better too by the way you know why the air conditioner that's the key for me you gotta have cave-like conditions it's gonna be about 50 degrees in my room and pitch black you know but i don't know working out more i don't know but i'm finally sleeping having crazy ass dreams too wonder if that's just the sound of the air conditioner knocks me out but having some

weird fucking dreams with no medication right now. No medication. It's a major situation. Red Sox stink. My Red Sox stink. There, I said it. Right now, they stink. I'm not saying it's going to stay that way, but boy, do they stink. I keep falling for this shit every night. And nothing.

Pitching. Hitting. The offense is what's making me crazy they have a fucking lineup that i thought was going to average seven runs a game and they just hit these meat ground balls and and nothing mookie bets he's a big young guy you know he's hitting about 250, I guess. Pablo, big boy, the Panda. San Deval, he's hitting like 265. Big Pop, he's in like 220. Not doing anything.

And Pedroia is right under 300. He's consistent. But he's made more errors than usual. The pitching has been horrendous. Joe Kelly got his shit together finally yesterday, but didn't they lose bottom of the ninth? Josh Hamilton's murdering him. Guy comes back after being off all this time.

He's killing the Red Sox. Had a walk-off double last night. In the bullpen, Uehara blew it. Nothing's working and they got a ton of they have a ton of offensive talent i mean napoli was a player of the week last week or two weeks ago but uh up until then he was stinking up the place too so i don't know what the fucking i don't know what to make of this team. Bogarts, he's not hitting for average. He's good, but he's not, you know, all these young guys that were hailed to be the Red Sox future,

you know, they're not showing me that much right now. I'm not saying they can't change, but got this guy, Swihart, Blake Swihart, the catcher behind the plate. He's only like 22 years old. We'll cut him some slack. They weren't going to bring him up yet we had injuries to two catchers so and he's hitting a little over 200 maybe but you can tell he's got he's got some serious potential then you got this guy rusney castillo that we paid

i don't know like 75 mil for five years this cuban guy was even at the mine in the mine is at the beginning of this year he drops a routine pop-up the other night routine fly ball the right field it's a guy who's playing 75 mil and then they're throwing the ball around the diamond like a little league team i mean very surprising for a uh john farrell coach team you know they look dog shit pitching stinks hitting is nothing wade miley's come around a lefty he's been pretty good for the last couple weeks and this young kid this kid they brought up rodriguez against the ranges through so i think he threw uh seven innings i've shut out ball gave up a couple of hits against texas the other night can't even remember his first name but it's rodriguez big handsome young kid he's like in his early 20s he could be our next ace

again you can't tell from one start but that was to look got us a little excited and then they went out and stunk up the next night i mean it's tough man i mean what the fuck we want it all we're in last place in 2012. Win it all in 2013. Last place last year. Schizophrenic. They're going to have to, I don't know. I can't wait for the trade deadline, man.

They're going to have to get rid of some of that young so-called, what they thought was going to be the future of the Red Sox. They might have to move a few of them out to get an ace. We don't have an ace. We don't have an ace. You're going to be the future of the Red Sox. They might have to move a few of them out to get an ace. We don't have an ace. We don't have an ace. You got to have an ace. Yeah, the fans must be, they're going to start dragging our mattresses to Fenway.

We were raped. We're paying $500 for a fucking ticket. So, already footballs on the, can you imagine already footballs on the imagine already footballs on the nose it's just crazy they were asking belichick about last year the flake he's like we're on to 2015 that was a long time ago we're on to 20 oh that's coming up june 23rd tom brady's uh appeal was coming up June 23rd. Tom Brady's appeal is on June 23rd. And I guess Goodell's going to hear it. He refused to step down after the union asked him to step down,

and let somebody else hear it. But he has the right to hear it, and he's going to hear it. They've got to cut it back. They've got to cut back the suspension at least a couple games, and it shouldn't be a first round. Goodell's really trying to show everybody that, hey, I'm not dead. Everybody says that him and Crafter joined at the hip. He's really trying to prove.

I think he's going a little overboard, but we'll see. We shall see, folks. What did i do i went into the city uh i go to the stand a lot to do my comedy on third avenue they've been very good to me over there and then i haven't been to the cellar for the while for a while and not and that's not because they're not good to me i just uh i get to do a little more time at the stand. I don't want to hog the stage. I might go back to the cellar too. I've got to ramp up this. I've got a new hour.

It's like molding something out of clay. I have the big blob. I just have to shape it now. I have big chunks that I have to hone it now i have a big chunks that i have to fucking hone i'll start doing that when i go to tampa this weekend side splitters and um but i go to the stand and it's a good joint a few people live in the city here um they have good food upstairs too every once in a while the crowd gets a little fee fee foo foo it's a kind of a younger hangout you know and uh you know should i be surprised when i can't make

a you know a cute 24 year old asian girl laugh is she really gonna find although i say that and it was a table of asian people uh not just young girls there was some young but it was whole table looked like a family who who was laughing at my sick shit well these little nyu nerds or wherever the fuck they're all these little politically correct college students are shitting their pants i had a table of asian people fucking high-fiving each other and uh you know i busted their chops what's some stereotypical stuff? Hey, do you ever click on Saturday Night Live when it's on your screen? Click on the info button and then go down to parent info if you have DirecTV and click on that. And it's like a 12-sentence paragraph explaining, warning about the show for parents whether the kid should watch it it says it's iffy for 14 year olds um because of the language and and uh stereotypes abound

and i quote stereotypes abound of ditzy women and angry black men. Isn't that fucking hilarious? Yeah, because they never stereotyped middle-class white families on that show. That's the whole, that's 90% of the sketches when Will Ferrell was on was him playing a suburban asshole dad in a shitty sweater

driving a Ford Taurus. That's their main target. But that's what it says in the description. Stere stereotypes abound of ditzy women and angry black men or black people i can't remember you see how obsessed they are they don't see it any other way they don't see it nobody's taking stereotypical shots at white folks it's fucking hilarious and then it goes on for a couple more sentences to describe uh events surprising events could occur during the show and then it says like when shanae o'connor ripped up a picture of the pope that's what it says you imagine having to be so protective it should say

your 14 year old kids uh have seen and heard way worse on the internet so don't worry about it let them fucking watch everything's out of whack right now it's hilarious college students now they have uh they tell the professor i was reading a story in the paper a professor wanted to show some documentary and uh some film in his class and two of the students said we can't watch it because um of trigger concerns. Apparently it was about sex and it might make him feel uncomfortable. Can you imagine professors are hearing this now? Teachers about triggers. Wait till my next album.

Oof. Yeah, the society's getting softer china china is fuck china is building islands in the south china sea they're building islands on reefs they're developing reefs into actual islands and building and putting military equipment on them and we're doing nothing about it supposedly somebody from the state department told china that when you know we'll fly over there that's still international airspace, and we'll bring a boat right up to the whatever. So we're in a pissing match with China right now,

and they know. They've been watching Obama for the last six and a half years, knowing he's not going to do shit. But they're building. You should see the pictures, man. It's unbelievable. They're building runways and, like and small airports on reefs in the ocean. And of course, the Philippines are claiming that's their islands.

Taiwan, everybody's. And China's like, fuck you. And they're saying, fuck you to us too. We dare you to try some shit. That's all that it would take. At least that's all it used to take. Remember the sinking of the USS Maine? What kicked off a war?

Can't remember which one. I don't know, the Spanish? I don't know what war was. But it's amazing. Everybody's calling our bluff right now all over the world because we have a big girl in office. A big fucking girl. And I'm not talking about Michelle.

That's about it, kids. That's all I got. Really just need to... Wish I still had the heavy bag in the garage. Yeah, so go get another senseless killing. Nicktip.com I was going to have Matt Arisa again on today, but he's in Israel. He finally texted me back.

He still has all his limbs, too. I guess he's ripping the tits off the crown at the Wailing Wall. Um, is there anything else? I don't think so. I don't think so. Can you think of anything? Come to the stand if you're in the city. It's a good club. Watch me work out shit and die quietly. Yeah? I'll talk to you next Monday.

I'll be back from Tampa and hopefully something will have happened down there. You know? I don't even know what the fuck that means. Oh, by the way, that's right. Tampa is in the finals of the Stanley Cup, which won't make for great numbers on Saturday night. Although, like somebody said to me, a lot of the people in Tampa don't like hockey but my counterpoint was yeah but they're from

the people like me that are down there from up here from New York and Boston and uh they like hockey we'll see doesn't matter I'm gonna rip the tits off the crowd anyways aren't I maybe not I'm gonna buy a puppet before I Maybe not. I'm going to buy a puppet before I go down there. I'm going to work on something. Get a new angle. Yeah, sure. You kids take care of yourself.

Remember, tell the government to get the fuck off your back. Don't take all that they hand me down. And make out a smile though I wear a frown. And I'm not gonna take it all lying down. Cause once I get started, I go to town. Cause I'm not like everybody else. Good day, everybody. I'm not like everybody else. Good day, everybody. And I don't want to be destroyed guitar solo Bye.