The Nick DiPaolo Show - 086 - South Carolina Psycho and Race

Episode Date: June 23, 2015

South Carolina Psycho and Race

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo podcast is on tonight. It's really today. How's it going? Long time no speak. Yes, it's Monday again. Long day. I hate these days. Woke it's Monday again. Long day. I hate these days. Woke up about 5 a.m. You know, I've documented my sleep problems.

Went back to sleep about 8.30. Was up by 9. I don't have to be to work until 10.30 tonight. The comedy song. That's a long day. Excuse me. But it gives me plenty of time to talk to you folks. God, me and the wife had a good laugh yesterday.

I go to take the trash out. She's sitting on the front steps, like a couple of hillbillies, watching me take the trash down to the driveway. And my trash cans are in a, you know, a screened-in box type of thing that the guy who lived here before us built, you know, for parents' purposes. And anyways, I lift that. It's very heavy to lift that. And then I lift the top off the lid of the trash can. A squirrel jumps. Literally, his ass was the eighth of an inch from my nose leaps out of the trash

about 20 feet to up into a tree i i'd say i jumped about 11 inches didn't hear it wasn't moving when i lifted the lid you know how when you corner a rat they say they'll jump right for your throat same same principle here but he missed holy shit man fucking wife was belly laughing if that was her she would have died i mean she sees a spider or a mouse in house she literally just you know has a panic attack and there's no consoling her it happened so quick it didn't, the thing flew by me. I didn't know what it was. I didn't know they could spring like that. Like your average NBA power forward.

Unbelievable. From the top of the trash can to a tree that had to be 10, 15 feet. Unbelievable. Flying rat. Missed my face by inches. So now, you know, I went down there this morning i have to i rattle all these things it's like coming home to an empty house you're like hello is anybody in my house

making you know you start slamming shit around to let the criminal know you're home i gotta do that with trash now i i knock on top of the uh trash can nothing i said Nothing a nice piece of meat with bleach on it won't help. Maybe some nuts. Put some walnuts out there with some bleach. Like the guy that owned the comedy club.

Remember I told you his son said, Dad, there's a bird's nest up in the army. And he goes, get the bleach. It's an old Italian remedy. But holy shit, that scared the hell out of me. I'm sure you've had that happen. Anyways's going on kids uh real quickly uh where am i gonna be uncle vinnie's point pleasant this saturday

night one of my favorite gigs you actually bring your own booze i told you i always bust their balls um it's uh it's a good gig though uncle vinnie's uh this saturday night the 27th down in point pleasant new jersey and um july 18th ridgefield playhouse ridgefield connecticut probably my favorite venue i'm not kidding you it's just my demographic a bunch of cranky white people um yeah so come out to see it's a beautiful theater and uh it was pretty close to full last time and i think we'll fill it this time i think we all had a good time and uh another senseless killing was in and out of the charts on itunes which is good it's still alive and kicking and uh i'm going out uh i'm going to do

my uh annual trip out for the podcast tour out in L.A. That's where the heavy hitters are. In July, I'm going to go out there and hit up Joe, hopefully Fitzsimmons and Bill Burr on the 20th. These are all tentative,

but they look pretty much solid. Joe Rogan on the 21st. Mark Maron. Talk about a heavy hitter, huh? Well, you know, I have Joe Matarese in here. I have Joe List. Maron has Barack Obama this week. Today, as a matter of fact.

Good for Maron. Let me tell you something about Maron. Never had a real problem with him. Well, he called me irrelevant at the comedy festival, and I won't let that go. But I'm just doing what he does, obsessing on things and being insecure about shit you really shouldn't be insecure about. But me and him never really had a problem. He, you know, he's a lib, and he knew he always looked at me as some type of Nazi. But we always never got into it that heavily.

And I laughed at his neuroses, um he laughed at my you know short temper and we're both very negative people they used to joke the comedy cell when we came in together that you know like a giant rain cloud would form over that comedian's table just so much negative energy between him and me he seems a little little better than he was. But anyways, the point is he had the president of the United States in his frigging garage. And I give Obama props for that. Again, I hate both their politics. But kudos to Marin for landing that. It's unbelievable.

And people are going, wasn't that beneath the presidency? Yeah. No. in that it's unbelievable and people are gone isn't that beneath the presidency yeah uh no when you're the president you want to get your message out and marin's what his thing's been downloaded his show over 100 million times since he started uh wtf what the fuck and uh so what does the president give a shit and he knows marin's marin's a lib and uh i think it's kind of funny it's amazing in his garage and i love the fact that marin didn't like put on a suit jacket or anything because that's not him that's not what you do that's your beauty being a comic you know so uh holy christ i bet you he's thrilled about my trip out there

i'm just i got my fingers crossed that he doesn't cross me off the list. I actually sent him a text. I said, now you can call me irrelevant. I mean, Jesus Christ, you're interviewing the president. You can say whatever you want to me at this point. But you'll still get the truth here, folks. Not a bunch of liberal slanted horse shit. But the big news.

Well, let's start. Let's get the heavy shit out but the big news, well, let's start. Let's get the heavy shit out of the way. I didn't feel like doing a heavy show today, but I can't help it. I can't fucking help it. That's the country we live in right now. We're so divided, and, you know, obviously the South Carolina story, psycho Dylan Roof, hillbilly drug addict fuck, and that's what he was make no mistake about it i don't want to hear how oh he's it's just a symptom of a society uh as a whole that embraces race racism and blah blah blah the same assholes jumped in as they do every time and try to put a twist on this. Okay? Guy's a piece of shit.

We can all agree on that. Okay? And what a coward to go into a church. You know, just God-loving good people. And this asshole just, you know, just a coward. And you know what? Don't give him the death penalty. Again, I'm against the death penalty.

I want to see him raped in his cell for the next he's like what in his 20s for the next 50 years or so by people that look just like the people he hated i'd say that's an eye for an eye that's justice for this friggin hillbilly but uh i mean it's so obvious, you know, anytime a story happens the other way, where a black person is the killer, it's always an isolated incident. But if we say that, no, no, no, no. It's part of a systemic racism in this country and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Which is, I think, total horseshit. And you could see by the people of all races gathering at that church. And I love, how about the fact that the relatives of all races gathering at that church and I love how

about the fact that the relatives of these victims forgave that piece of shit they're better people than I am apparently they don't have any Italian blood in them because it would be would all be about revenge for me and pretty much anybody else those are Christians man that's how I know I'm not a real Christian and I'm not religious. And I, you know, I just don't have any of that in me, but, uh, Oh, he's gonna, he's gonna, I mean, they're going to rip his little white ass up. And, uh, I can't think of a better justice, just a hillbilly fuck. But, um, but then the usual suspects, where do you, where do you want to start? We'll go back to Marin. It all ties in because it's all race related.

But every time something like this happens, and it's not that often, okay? It's not that often. I'm talking about a mass slaying that involves race. But the usual suspects come out. Let's start with a girl that was on the show last week that we love so much, the portly pantsuit. You know who I'm talking about. And she's still, they still say she's going to be the nominee for Democratic.

Hillary Clinton I'm talking about, obviously. Of course, she had her take on this whole Carolina story. I'm going to play it off my phone because I couldn't. She has such a big yap. You pull anything off YouTube, it's over 20 minutes. You you can't really convert it at least the way i do it and uh she can't shut shut her yap she was speaking this weekend and it's just hilarious the emperor has no clothes yeah well the queen has no pantsuit she's just talking about race and i'll point out the hypocrisy and the contradiction she's just a walking contradiction it and I'll point out the hypocrisy and the contradiction.

She's just a walking contradiction. It's fucking, here's her take on it. If I can get the fucker going. Hold on a second. Be patient, kids. Ha ha. It's also the cruel joke that goes unchallenged. It's the offhand comment about not wanting those people in the

neighborhood let's be honest for a lot of well-meaning open-minded white people the side of a young black lives in a town that's literally has one i think i look it up 1.89 black population she's talking about oh we don't want them people who still say we don't want them in our neighborhood. And that's the neighborhood she lives in. Okay. I bought my house because I found it on the internet. I had no idea about the demographics.

I love the fucking house. It was in the woods. Wanted to get out of the city. For those of you who want to call me a hypocrite. Okay. I remember Patrice, the late great patrice pointing out no it's actually duraldo duraldo said on uh on one of the uh tough crowd episodes about it depaulo bought a house up in westchester so he doesn't have to see any black people there in the day or some shit like that

which was not the case of course i just i wasn't going to move to new jersey and deal with tunnels and bridges and wasn't going to move to New Jersey and deal with tunnels and bridges and wasn't going to move to Long Island. Yeah. Good luck with that commute. Excuse me. I still have AIDS of the chest. You can hear it. And, uh, so, you know, I ended up in the woods up here, but, uh, not far from Mrs. Clinton, but, um, she's out there calling everybody else a bigot and how we have to open our minds with the fucking shamelessness on this. Oh, Jesus H. She makes me crazy. And as far as black kids wearing hoodies, yeah, I'm still going to cross the street if it's one in the morning and three of them are coming down the sidewalk.

Yeah, I am. You're telling me to go against my natural instincts. And you know who else crosses the street? Black people. Jesse Jackson said as much, remember? When he's talking about walking around D.C. and he hears a pack of young people behind him and he looks behind him,

he's relieved to find out it's not, that it's a pack of white kids. Do you remember that statement, Hillary? Unbelievable, the pompous. She lives in the whitest goddamn town around here. What's this? I'm getting an email from my, anyways. Just a frigging hypocrite.

I can't believe she's still in the running, you guys. I'm hoping that Bernie Sanders, can you imagine we have a socialist and a self-proclaimed socialist and getting traction. That's where we are. You can say what you want about Obama, man. He fundamentally changed it. All right.

I just hope for a real right winger. There's nobody in the nobody in the race right wing enough for me to balance off this big time move to the left. I don't care what you say. But that's Hillary's take on it. Ugh. Then, of course, Bill Maher, just when I was starting to see some, he was starting to make some sense, you know, when he brought up how his audience isn't all liberals anymore.

They used to draw from a liberal poll, and he started to get a more mixed audience, and he says it's way better now. And remember he called out liberals for not calling out radical Muslims, and he was starting to show a little bit of light. And then he fell back into his old ways again, blaming the shooting in South Carolina on a conservative media, which makes me laugh, just the term conservative media. That's hilarious to me.

Yeah, we have talk radio and Fox News, and you have 85,000 other outlets. But here's what Bill had to say, very predictable, about the South Carolina thing, as far as who he blames. We can never know why someone snaps, but I bet you I know where he got his news. Yeah. Turn that applause sign off of those lemmings that's right stupid keep applauding I look at because you're coming on this you're referring to the last week it was a lot of stories about black people a lot of stories same with Matt drudge I mean I think they present a really twisted view I'm not surprised this guy thought they're taking over the country.

Obviously, he's a warped mind. That goes into it. But I don't think it was video games. That goes into it. That is it. Yeah, it's Matt Drudge and Fox News. That's the problem. That's who has the twisted reality when it comes to the issue of race.

It's not outlets like NBC who during the Trayvon Martin thing, remember they actually edited George Zimmerman's 911 call to make him sound like a racist. They had to apologize. Who has a twisted view? The Duke Lacrosse case. Remember that one where the white privileged kid supposedly allegedly raped a black girl at a fraternity house who turned out to be all horse shit? Who was trumpeting that shit?

Was it Fox News? Was it Matt Drudge? Or was it MSNBC and Al Sharpton? I can't fucking believe. Come on, Bill. You got to be a little fair. Are you shitting me? Are you kidding me?

Yeah, it's 20. He's a 20, 20 something year old kid. Pillhead. I'm sure he's he's he's listening to Rush Limbaugh at noontime. And he's watching Hannity. Most kids of their age get their news from where? Comedy Central, if I'm not mistaken. What a crock of shit.

They do this all the time. Remember Gabby Giffords? Remember the female senator who got shot in Arizona? Remember? What's the first thing they did? They went after Sarah Palin. Bill Maher, all of them did. Pointed the fingers at Sarah Palin,

because she had a campaign map of the United States with targets that she wanted to hit. And she had bullseyes on the targets. And they said that's what contributed to the gun violence. When it turns out, that asshole had no political affiliations at all. He was even a little, I think he was even left-leaning, as a matter of fact. And then the Aurora shooter at the movie theater, that Holmes homes guy james homes who was like apolitical but the first thing they did was blame the gun nuts on the right and blah blah blah and then you have the nerve to say it's uh you know it's fox news and matt drudge who puts up headlines from websites from all over the world. Jesus Christ. Wake up.

How can you fucking fall for this shit? Same thing with, you know what, McVeigh. They did it with McVeigh. They kept calling him a wacko right-wing Christian. He was another one. He was a religious. He was anti-government. Had nothing to do,

nothing to do with religion. Never mentioned it or anything. You wouldn't know that from the media. I mean, there's a thousand other examples. I mean, libs don't even argue

that the media is liberal anymore. So how can you fucking point your finger at Fox News? They're even too liberal when it comes to the issue of fucking race it's just uh it's it's it's just so predictable you see it coming don't you and uh how about the ferguson msnbc during the ferguson you know they were right out there trumpeting that mike brown had his hands up, which is a total frigging lie we found out. Who's pushing that narrative? Was it Fox News? No. It was MSNBC, New York Times, all the usual suspects. So I would argue just the opposite.

It's the mainstream media, lib mainstream media that creates these nuts i can't believe hillary i couldn't believe that one though that one does she not know she probably doesn't she's probably not even home enough to realize how white her town is but you know what you know what this story does do out of south carolina it it it clarifies what a racist is because the the definition of a racist the scope of the definition has become so wide over the years okay anything from just disagreeing with obama on policy makes you a racist you know i mean this is a racist you gotta remind people what a real racist is this guy is this dylan fucking hillbilly roof how about he he's so stupid he wanted to kill himself and didn't even leave enough bullets for himself that would involve counting i guess

that's one of the survivors said he put the gun to his head and it clicked. Okay. That's so dumb and what a hillbilly, but to, to, you know, to point the fingers and, and Obama and Hillary, they were right out there. What,

what, but if I can less than 24 hours after it happened, politicizing it, bring it up the gun control, like any type of laws. How many times you have to go over this? The, the DC, Chicago, gun control like any type of laws how many times you have to go over this the the dc chicago the cities are the most strict gun law and i'm not a gun nut but they they have the worst amount of gun violence you're not going to stop an idiot like this no no laws are going to stop an idiot

like this they're always going to be able to get guns but they do it they politicize it because it's their religion oh anyways what the hell that kid's going to rot or they're going to maybe get the day either way who cares I mean death penalty fine but I'd rather have him tortured by the people very people that he hates he's such an idiot

he goes black people are violent and ignorant think he's projecting it all Such an idiot. So he goes, black people are violent and ignorant. You think he's projecting at all? Christ. But yeah, just like to go a month without one of these stories, wouldn't you? It doesn't seem like it. I mean, and this will stay in the news for a long time because the victims are black. and this will stay in the news for a long time because the victims were black you know um when the white kid jogging in oklahoma he would get shot by a black kid in the back

he was just jogging him and another friend of his was bored so they shot this kid dead that was in the story that was in the news for two days maybe on page eight and then the um the world war ii veteran 88 years old up in around the seattle area remember a couple of young black kids beat him to death that uh but that wasn't racism you know i don't know what you'd call that that was an economic crime how about those cases when when a black kid mugs somebody uh this happens a lot even after they have to the money they shoot the victim even after they take the the guy's wallet or whatever wouldn't that be it's all hate can't have this hate crime things that's all nonsense too it's all hate when you kill somebody and the people that are always uh you know whining that they want a colorblind society they're the ones who

create these things like hate crimes that came up in the uh clinton administration all that uh legislation it's all hate i think it's safe to assume when you take somebody else's life you hate them i think it's the ultimate form of hate isn't it um anyway mark Mark Maron, buddy Maron, like I said, I'm going out there in July. Hopefully, I'll stay on his list. But he had Obama

into his garage. How cool is that, though? I mean, that is crazy. I was reading a little bit. I haven't listened to the podcast yet, which I'm going to. I just listened

to the beginning of it. He was talking, and Obama hadn't arrived yet, but there was like Secret Service guys kept looking in the window. Apparently in Mark's garage window to see who he was talking to. They told him he had to clean up his garage and sit so the president wouldn't trip over stuff. Excuse me. Damn. Can you get pneumonia when you're 53, yeah, so can you imagine, I'd be shitting bricks, I'd be shitting bricks, but that's how popular that show is, and I was looking at the list of people Marin's had on since he started, so he shouldn't be that nervous, mean it's all heavy hitters man whether it's mel brooks or

whoever he said you know a lot of serious people but that is so cool so the big news is during the podcast obviously because of the south carolina incident um, that has to come up in the discussion. And Obama used a certain word that apparently only a certain part of the, a certain segment of the population is allowed to, which I always scoff at and laugh at. If it's a word in the English language, we're all allowed to use it. It might be more risk involved

when certain other people use it, but the fact that some people believe that they have ownership of it, we've been through all this whole shit. But anyways, here's President Obama talking to a Marc Maron and surprising people by dropping this. The legacy of slavery, Jim Crow, discrimination in almost every institution of our lives, you know, that casts a long shadow. And that's still part of our DNA. That's that's passed on.

First of all, I take umbrage with that. It's part of our DNA. You paint against all as we're racist. It's in our blood just because we were born here. That's that anybody, you know, you can take umbrage with that. But anyways. We're not cured of it. Racism.

Racism. We are not cured of it. It's silly, Mr. President. I know you're a smart guy to think we're going to be cured of it that's never going to go away do you understand it's in i guess it's in everybody's dna you don't have to be an american all over the world it's just a natural instinct if if me crossing the street if i see a bunch of five young black kids and it's two in the morning and i'm in the village in new york and i cross the street just that's considered racism it's always going to be there those are those are natural

instincts of preservation preservation it's a dangerous situation it's a dangerous situation christopher you see what i'm saying though so that's always going to be there um you know even if you look at a cafeteria at a high school, a very diverse high school like in Brooklyn, you'll see all the black kids sitting there, you'll see a bunch of Asian kids sitting together, is that racist, if that's racism, it's always going to be there, to think you're going to wipe that type of thinking out, which is this human behavior, natural human behavior, you're a little bit silly, I never hear, again, everybody when we discuss racism, it it's always it's like a monolithic subject

it's always assumed that it's white racism we're talking about that that notion that you can't be racist if you're a minority i get it's actually taken hold and it's the silliest thing i've ever heard they never talk about black racism ever or even you know japanese racism or how how about the Asians that run bodegas that follow young black kids around. They come into shop because they're afraid they're going to shoplift. Let's break it down. Since you guys are so hung up on color, you know, let's talk about Asian racism. It's not just white racism. See, it's in all of us is the point.

You're not going to ever eradicate it. It's silly to think so. Let's face it, folks. This country is an experiment that's not working. My people should have stayed. My dad's parents should have stayed in Italy. And Collins should have stayed. And his grandparents should have stayed in Ireland.

And Patrice's should have stayed in Africa. Well, they didn't have a choice. They were dragged over here. That's not fair. Clearly. in africa well they didn't have a choice that we dragged over here that's not fair but clearly and and and it's not just a matter of uh it not being polite to say nigger in public that's what the measure of whether racism still exists or not now you're not. You're half black. No, it's no big deal that he said it.

It's on CNN. It's a headline. Everything has to be put into context. I don't even see how that's even controversial. You know what I mean? He's black. He gets to say it, and he said it. And he didn't say it in a... I think, you know, his explanation on, you know,

it's just silly that it's so controversial. It's the only thing I like so far. This is my favorite thing that he's done as a president. Actually, that's as close as to honest as he's come as far as a race discussion. And he's doing it in the garage of a comedian. I kind of like that you're always talking about you know reaching out to the working class people and the regular people that's what he's doing and uh he gets to drop that it would be now would have been news if george w bush said

that would have been, how funny of that, like George W. was in like, let's say, Larry the Cable Guy had a podcast and he was sitting in Larry's tent. Imagine imagine George W. Drops the N word. Now that would have been controversial, but I don't understand why this is such a big deal.

He is half black. That means he has half a right to say it according to the rules of our society. Know what I'm saying? Anyways, I'm looking down at my stupid, you know, whatever. Excuse me, Mr. Bush, did you really say that?

So that's the big news that he said that uh i can't wait to listen to the whole interview though it should be interesting and he got in a bunch of uh who he too were playing golf while he was up there i guess he's golfing in california and i guess that's controversial because the uh you know the state of California is going through the worst drought in the history of the state it's drier than Barbara Bush's uh ass and uh made no sense anyways but uh he's golfing and you know on nice plush greens and you can't be doing that if you're out, you know, talking about conservation

of water and whatnot. So he got, you can't, let's be honest, when you're the president, you can't do anything without taking a rash of shit. But,

so, yeah, that's that. And nothing we can do about it. He was gone. And he's gone. What else do I want to say? It's about it as far as that stuff goes. I just...

It's just so disappointing when Bill Maher... I try to... I want to like him. And then he comes out with that. He's way smarter than that. Isn't he? Sure he is. He's way smarter than that, isn't he?

Sure he is. But what the hell else is in the news? Oh, to stay on the Lib Media as opposed to the conservative media. Did you see the picture the AP put up? I found this on Breitbart, but it's an actual picture, an AP picture of Ted Cruz, obviously probably the most right-wing guy in the, excuse me, on the Republican side as far as possible presidential nominee. And he's speaking somewhere. I don't even know where, but there's a poster in the background.

And on the poster, there's a giant picture of a handgun. And, of course, the AP guy, press photographer charlie uh niebergall um he he frames the picture so the gun is pointing right at it's a profile picture from the right of ted cruz and the gun is pointing right at ted cruz's forehead and again i kind of find it funny but i can't totally find it funny because if that was a damn if that was Hillary or, you know, Nancy Pelosi, Michelle Obama, the president, can you imagine? Well, not the president. I don't think anybody would be dumb enough to do that. Even the AP. But but how do you know how do you make a news? It's Ted Cruz. And can you imagine the shit storm that would have caused? You know? And really, it's the fucking right, it's the conservative media that's twisted in their fucking reality. Woo!

Again, if there wasn't a double standard, I'd be laughing. But it's placed there perfectly. And, you know, I want to see if it makes the news tonight anywhere other than maybe Fox. But this is what you're going to be dealing with in these upcoming elections. Just keep that in mind when you vote, folks. We're such a media-driven society,

and that's why the Libs won the culture war, because let's face it, that idiot box influences everybody's behavior, and people that say it doesn't, well, you're just lying. Why would Budweiser spend a trillion dollars a year on advertising or any company if it didn't affect your behavior?

So, and again, you can't deny that there's a left-wing slant to the mainstream media. And it's amazing to me that George W. Bush even won twice. It's all fucking rigged. Who am I kidding? It's not even, I don't even know. Like another part of me, like I said last week, it's probably 12 guys in a room somewhere deciding all this shit. But that is no doubt that would cause a furor if that was i don't know hillary

if it was hillary i'd put like a uh it would be funny if it wasn't even a handgun just like a big dick on a poster in the background but let's see if that uh causes a stir. I'm black, yo. What the hell else did I want to talk about? How about, oh, they're trying to get rid of, again, again, if you're a lib,

you got to give big props to Obama as far as fundamental, his fundamental change. Oh, yeah, big couple rulings coming down today on Obamacare and whether they can provide federal subsidies to these exchanges. And if they can't, it's really going to pretty much destroy Obamacare or whatever. And the other one is the gay marriage thing, which I don't give two shits about.

The Supreme Court's going to rule on that, whether it's going to be a nationwide thing, which it probably should be. I don't, again, that one doesn't, me, so-called Mr. Right Winger, it doesn't, I don't even understand why that would be a problem, but, well, it could be a problem. When you start forcing people like bakeries

that don't want to, you know, get involved in a gay wedding, when you start to force them, then you have a problem, but I always thought the individual state should decide that horse shit. But yeah, the Obamacare, those two big things are supposed to come down today.

I think it's Kennedy who's the swing vote on the gay marriage thing. And he has a, I think it's Kennedy. I might be wrong there. I believe so though. And he has a, I think has a history of siding with gays on issues like this. So that one's pretty much done him.

But I had to bet money. Oh, this one kind of cracked me up. They're trying to get Hamilton off the $10 bill. Alexander Hamilton. Who, by the way, if you look at the $10 bill alexander alexander hamilton who by the way if you look at the ten dollar bill i always used to say it is he kind of the picture of him on there he looks like uh kind of a younger don imus and uh yeah so uh they're trying to get him booted again and another uh another example of just trying to wipe out the history of the united states and how it was founded and the great minds and the white males that founded the greatest

nation on the face of the era well eventually all that shit's gonna be gone by the time i'd say i get off the planet which is in about 30 years if i'm lucky um you won't even know there were white fellas here you won't know the history because they don't teach this shit anymore. But Alexander Hamilton, for those of you who have had a New York City education or anywhere else for that matter, he founded the treasury. He was the founder, okay? He fought in the American Revolution,

Battle of Yorktown, I think it was. Co-author of the Federalist Papers. I mean, the guy was sort of important. You know what I mean? A lot of credentials. And they're going to replace him with a chick, because that's what's important today. You got to have tits and a clit.

That's important. Forget the fact there's no woman that uh live back then or alive now that has the resume that alexander hamilton has and that's what the money that's why you get your face put on money because you've done something uh there is nobody that exists like that as far as i'm concerned uh maybe dolly madison and uh i'll agree to it if she has big tits and a nice ass but other than that she better have an ass on like kim kardashian uh but do you see again once again howard zinn must have a hard on right now just uh revisionist history throw abroad on there get him off and uh then you get a lot of people saying why you know and then there are people pissed about this there's actually people who

follow this stuff like experts on money and stuff and historical people but uh how about andrew jackson he's on the 20 and he was a slave owner and a fucking just a real asshole like one of the worst presidents ever they should take but if they're gonna yeah replace andrew jackson they should put a woman on and instead of andrew throw but throw somebody just really like a nobody like uh just put a woman on it like people would have to google just to really like uh mrs kravitz from bewitched i think that's the show she was on the real fucking nosy uh real nosy ugly neighbor just toss her up there let people have to google it and learn about her just with the horrible resume showbiz resume and just don't give any

explanation just go with the government that's who we chose shut up i'm sure it'll be uh i'm sure it'll be uh oh they already use the uh indian chick i can't even pronounce her name they put her on a coin how about the broad the uh the indian from the lando lakes butter box the one that i used to jack off to when i was like 10 remember i told you used to fold it's in my special another census killing at nickdip.com by the way it's one of the bits in there I do a thing on the evolution of porn and the uh land their legs box the remember the girl the Indian kneeling down bare legs you could fold her knees up and they would become her tits it's an old thing you can google that and watch it it's a guy that does a video on that but um maybe throw her on there

if you're gonna if you're gonna get you know eventually they'll get rid of george washington again it's uh unless somebody puts a halt to this fucking train this runaway train but uh yeah if there's a woman out there that lived when he did that had a better resume uh okay then i will think about it. But until then, kiss my white grits. Doesn't it anger a little bit that it's so deliberate, though? It's just, it's not going to matter. The country's going to be like a third world shithole in the next 10 minutes anyways. Why am I even doing this?

What the hell else? Yeah, so it's really about credentials, which leads me to my next story. Did you hear about now the military? They're going to start banning combat patches on uniforms. Badges. You know, you see soldiers when they're being interviewed on TV, and they have all those badges on their chest, you know you see uh you see soldiers when they're being interviewed on tv and they have all those badges on their chest you know stuff actual things that signify what they've done do you know what i mean their accomplishments

yeah they're gonna start they've already started, like, pulling those. Yeah. You heard me. That way everybody feels more equal. You know what I mean? Young soldiers who haven't had any battlefield experience yet, they just don't feel as equal. That's what it's all about, right, folks?

It's about being equal. Everybody gets a trophy. Now, apparently, we've gone from everybody gets a trophy to nobody gets trophies in the military. Here's the article. You earn it, you keep it, you wear it. That's how many soldiers value their combat patches and insignia that display who they are and what they've done. But while in the field, the commander of Fort Carson's 1st Striker Brigade combat team wants soldiers' uniforms to be bare to the bone, only showing name, rank, American flag, U.S. Army tape, and the unit's 4th Infantry Division insignia. The purpose is to promote a unified Army culture.

Colonel David Hodney recently, I hope I'm not messing up his name. Then again, if he's such a PC dummy, I don't care. Recently told the Colorado Springs Gazette. Hodney also wants to boost morale by making newcomers feel welcome while we're all proud of our individual accomplishments when training in the field we're building a team and do not need to focus or be distracted by our own or others individuals accomplishments you hear that it's basically fucking uh oh my god it's again it's it's it's it's just a uh version of everybody gets a trophy or nobody gets a trophy yeah there was a story i didn't even pull it out but my wife was reading and the sunday paper there's high

schools around here up where i live or i don't know where they were there's like seven high schools they're not going to have a valedictorian anymore. They're going to have multiple ones. Can you fucking believe it? You're attacking the very thing. That's all based on a hatred of competition and this obsession with equality and egalitarianism. It's just fucking, you're cutting the heart out of what made this country the balls.

Can you fucking imagine if you're a soldier and you're so weak-minded that you're going to be discouraged that somebody has more badges on the uniform and you don't have any you you shouldn't you're not even strong enough to be in the military in the first place i'd order that code red tonight. You're goddamn right I did. What was that kid's name? I can't remember. But, uh, and why? Because he couldn't run fast. Yeah, because you have to run fast in the military. We've already talked about this on this show.

Used to have to do like 15 pull-ups. Now it's like five since the chicks have gotten involved and i'll say it again your army's only as strong as your weakest soldier and if you're mentally so weak that you're you're gonna be crushed because somebody has more decorations holy shit what the fuck what is going on oh boy and you know what the soldiers are pissed about it and you'd think they would be the move has some soldiers riled up combat patches aren't one to say look i've deployed or

i love this unit wrote tom simpkins on the Army's Time Facebook page. And an answer to a request for comment. I wear mine as a scar. I wear it for every single person. This is a soldier talking. Who deployed with me in every minute of rough times we went through. Exactly. Exactly.

It seems ridiculous, especially in an infantry or other combat MSso's uh joseph cristichelli wrote on facebook it lets newer guys such as myself know who to look to for guidance for first person experience as well as demands that as well as demands that extra bit of respect exactly if you're a young guy you want to know who uh right you want to know who to go to who's been through the shit this is incredible to me and it but it shouldn't surprise me because like i told you when i had a few uso gigs i did when we went over to japan you know all the hot spots japan in 2003 um i remember doing uh stuff in japan uh because the war was going on in iraq war or whatever uh even in uh afghanistan we were given a list of shit don't make fun of the culture uh and uh i remember doing a couple of bits that were getting like gasps like i was on the like i

was at the comedy cell in front of a uh a bunch of nyu students and i remember quinn even saying only dipalo could uh only dipalo could uh you know make the uh make a bunch of marines fucking gasp or something and it wasn't even ridiculous stuff because like i said they told us uh not to go too heavy on that you know there's a list of shit we couldn't this is the military guys this is the fucking military i mean they kill people for a living but i can't poke fun at fucking muslims or whatever or just the afghan culture or whatever can you friggin imagine so, let's take the badges off the soldiers and make them all look like fucking Eagle Scouts.

And, uh, oh my God. Where does this shit end? Is it gonna spill into pro sports? You know, we can't have Big Papi, or you can't have A-Rod as a cleanup hitter. We can't call him that. That would offend somebody else in the lineup who doesn't have the power

statistics. That's the mentality. Some soldiers say they have experienced a no-patch rule before, both overseas and stateside. Christopher Parker said when he switched over from cavalry scout to infantry, all prior service and activity duty soldiers were ordered by the csm to remove

their combat patches oh my god what the fuck what is going on well i'm gonna fucking smash his fucking face exactly he said at the end of the course at graduation i then realized that i had more deployments and awards than my drill sergeants. Maybe that was the point. I don't know, but I feel by removing my patches somewhat dishonored my friends who had passed on during my deployments, Parker said. Exactly. Unbelievable. I can't believe we're to this point.

I fucking can't believe it. I can't believe it. to this point. I fucking can't believe it. I can't believe it. Get rid of Alexander Hamilton. Crazy. You fucking believe this shit? Get rid of the old white guys that helped founded this nation. And take them off the money. Take your fucking patches off your uniform.

Don't say these words. Let these illegals in and give them college tuition. Yeah. That's a fundamental. This is what, as Obama said, this is what change looks like. What the hell's going on out here? Exactly.

What the hell's going on out here? This is how i feel about it exactly um yeah anyways what the hell else yeah i went into the stand last weekend that's the other club haven't been at the con i I'm at the cellar tonight. But at the stand, I'm working on that new hour, shaping it up nicely. You've got to realize the last hour came out in January. But I had already done that. Material is always, you know, a couple years old up to the night that you record it.

And I had already started my new hour way before i recorded uh so i had a nice head start into this hour so what i'm saying is there's gonna be another album coming i don't know when hopefully you shoot it in the winter maybe and um so in the meantime that's what comics do that live around. We go into the city or if you're already in the city, bounce around to the clubs and, uh, work on shit, working on a, uh, working on a funeral bit. Am I going to funerals and wakes? And, uh, well, I'll, I'll play it for you. I actually recorded it at the stand and, uh, there's a little, if I can find it here, there's

a little funeral chunk I'm working on. I personally prefer wakes over funerals, but here we go. You go to a wake, you do what I do, you kneel down next to the casket, you pretend you're saying a prayer, but you're really browbeating the fucking books. Sometimes I stay up there too long. Even my grandmother's funeralivolous. I hear my father behind me, hey, what are you looking for? Signs of foul play? She's a 36. And I'm like, no, I'm just looking at the makeup job. Jesus Christ, she's an 88-year-old Italian

woman. She looks like Lady Gaga. Apparently Liberace's hairdresser is working with a friend of hers. I had to look for my grandmother. I mean, don't get me wrong she's kind of look like Vince Lombardi when she is scared the fucking dead body something was bothering me about going to weeks and here I figured out my buddy's father died don't get sad. He's kind of a dick, but I went anyways. But here's what bugged me, you know? I've known the guy my whole life. I never saw him in anything but like a fucking wife beater and shorts. Now he's laid out in like a $1,400 Italian suit, $800 shoes. Isn't that kind of a waste?

Beautiful suit. It's going right into a hole to rot. Does that bother anybody? How about the poor guy digging the hole? You get a Guatemalan immigrant making three bucks an hour. You know what happens when the family leaves the cemetery, right? The Guatemalan rips the suit off the guy, brings the casket home, makes a go-kart for his ten kids. Next day, you look out, your neighbor's a gardener, cutting roses, wearing a Hugo Boss suit,

wearing a lot of shoes. Anything, honey? Hello? All those nice clothes. Even the casket is a waste. You see how beautiful, what a beautiful piece of furniture a casket is? Right? You ever look at a casket up close? Talk to a black girl here.

People have hypertension. You know the casket. It's a black woman up front. It's got a coat of shellac on it. It's like a sailboat. It's silk interior. That's going right in the fucking hole. Oh, shh.

Don't discuss it. Don't find me. What kind of lady's talking about the jokes. The one lady that I like in the audience. I'm yelling at her. But all those nice clothes,

Greg, it's a waste. You guys look at a cemetery, you see what? You see dead people. I see a men's warehouse. Billy needs a suit for the prom. Let me get my shovel.

I'll be back in 30 minutes. See Billy at the prom slow dancing. get my shovel. I'll be back in 30 minutes. See Billy at the prom slow dancing. He's got maggots on his collar. Bust all of us. Why does your cologne smell like formaldehyde? I had to make out a living well recently. I'm at that fucking age. My wife takes care of this shit. I know, how fucking creepy is that? Having a discussion about when I'm gonna die soon. My wife better hope that I fucking die first. Because she handles all the money and the paperwork. If she goes first, that body is not gonna see a hole for, I don't know, six, eight months.

I'll be trying to figure out the applications. She'll be standing in the fucking... She'll be in my garage behind a canoe with a top over her. Riding like a summer squash. Where's your wife? I don't know. I can't figure out the fucking application on the end of my computer. I rebooted it and she's got a sum of squash growing out of her neck i can't

i just pick her picture of lanie stiff as a book fucking birds and squirrels i'm fucking trying to use her computer. What's the password, bitch? Fucking come here. How sad is that? That I've actually had that discussion. We meet with the, you know, I don't even know what you call the guy.

Lawyer Nick? Whatever. The, you know, financial advisor sent it to some guy to do a living will. That's when, you know, the living will deal is if, let's say I get in a car accident, I'm in a coma,

she has power, but Tarni, she can decide what to do with me, make all the decisions and vice versa. And I am not mature enough to do that. That's why I find that bit kind of funny. I am the worst as far as paperwork and money and uh god that's my worst fear man she falls off that horse some days i hope now look i'm kidding about that uh but uh yeah that's my worst fear, that I, just me, my computer skills and my basic immaturity.

She'll be leaning behind a canoe in that, against the snowblower in the garage. And that'll be that. That's about it. Got Uncle Vinny's on Saturday night in Point Pleasant. I think the crowds are pretty good because summertime,

you know, I do those, I go down there in the winter too. I can't remember if everybody's at the beach or they actually, because everybody's down there

in their summer homes so they actually come to the show. Imagine I've been playing the place forever and I can't remember what's better, a winter night there

or a summer night. But if you're in the area, and don't forget, especially don't forget, I want you guys to come. If you're in the Tri-City, come to Ridgefield Playhouse on July 18th. Seriously, it's just a great venue with beautiful old theater. And I'll pollute it with my brand of horse shit. It's a nice suburban town. But good luck to Hillary, and I hope she's a nominee. Don't you?

Sure you do. Hillary! Hillary! Her and her trailer getting ready to speak. To lay out more of her lies and horseshit. Hillary, uh, yeah, it's banging on the door. Hi, Hillary, Fox News, like to talk to you? She won't come out.

Come on, we got a few questions for you about the, uh... About your server and, uh... Hillary! My God, what has she been living on? about your server and Hillary. My God, what has she been living on? White bean chili. Yeah. Well, kids, that's about it. You guys have been great as usual.

Love you to death. And that's all I can think of in the world. Oh, real quick. Oh, real quick. Oh, real quick in sports. Chicago Blackhawks, congratulations. You sons of bitches.

Your third one in like five or six years. That is not a dynasty, by the way, but you're getting close. A little too close for comfort. Jordan Spieth, 21 years old. He has won the Masters and the US Open, the first two majors of 2015. One of only six guys to do that in the history of golf,

and he's like the youngest one since 1923. Imagine the ass this guy's getting. Then again, he's married, but can you imagine? Tiger didn't make the cut. He was like 16 over, and, he's not even relevant anymore. Yet you wouldn't know it from watching the broadcast. And again, in such a racist country he lived in, they still spent half the broadcast talking about him.

But he embarrassed himself. And Jordan Spieth and this guy Dustin Johnson, who I was kind of pulling for because he's, I think he's the guy that had drug problems. He had to step away from the tour, kind of. He had, I think, I hope I have the right guy, cocaine and alcohol problems, which makes you kind of like the guy. But he had a chance on the final hole to get an eagle. Was it an eagle? I might even be blowing this. I know that Spieth on 17 double bogeyed. So that left Justin Johnson, I think, two strokes.

And he had a chance for an eagle. And he missed it. He three putted. So he missed it. And then he had a couple feet coming back, two, three feet coming back to tie it. And they would have went into an overtime. I know you guys are fascinated by golf talk on a podcast. But they would have had a playoff on today, 18 hole playoff but he missed that one too and my brother who's

an avid golf fan and golfer said yeah he's been he's in dustin johnson's unknown of a bit of a choker and uh he might have to hit the sauce again if you want to make those shots i know that's a horrible thing to say but uh i was kind of pulling for him and um and uh yeah they were on some course up by seattle and the the players hated it because there's some type of grass they used that makes it very bumpy it wasn't like a wasn't like a carpet like you see at most u.s opens and most golf courses with majors of play you know you get that silky greens these are look like my front yard in August. Kind of dried up like an eczema patch. And the balls weren't exactly rolling true.

The players get a little whiny in golf. You know, it's like, fuck you. Just fucking hit it. Wait till they go to the British Open, which is next. That ain't much better. But anyways, Jordan Spieth, that's pretty amazing. 21 years old and he's won the Masters. Those are the two biggest ones in golf.

And Golden State Warriors, congratulations. First time in 140 years they have a title. Actually, it's the fifth in their history, which isn't that bad, but they hadn't won one in like 40 years, I think. Something like that. So that's it, kids. I will talk to you real soon.

Take care of yourselves, and wash your filthy faces. Thank you, guys. Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why aren't more people in town? I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started, I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else

And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else Good day, everybody. guitar solo guitar solo Bye.