The Nick DiPaolo Show - 096 - Free Speech and Comedy

Episode Date: August 25, 2015

Free Speech and Comedy RiotCast.com

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Let's get it on, kids. What do you say? How you is? How you was? Yeah. Nick DiPaolo podcast is on. Tonight. Nothing. What's happening? Haven't talked in a week or so ah kind of a morbid week went back to the uh boston area where i grew up again i mentioned a close friend of the family

passed away last week and went back for the uh funeral and the wake and um yeah you know what was scary the scariest thing is uh and this guy this gentleman was 89 years old very close to the family how about the fact this guy worked this isn't the scary part he worked up right up until a month before he died he was still working can you imagine having that kind of i mean what does that tell you right there but it's funny i learned so much about this guy that i didn't even know you know being a spoiled little brat growing up and you know you don't care your parents friends you're like yeah okay they're nice people i don't but this guy was in the service during world war ii he's in the navy as a signaler and uh you know just to just to just to kick ass guy and uh it was his daughter went up and gave a eulogy that was just unbelievable

it was poignant it was tear jerking it was hilarious at times i was like in awe i'm like that's like my biggest fear you know know, the eulogy thing. How do you get through that? I don't know. I have a folder on my desk. This is how kind of morbid I am, just my nature. I've had a folder on my desk for like the last three years now, and it's labeled Dad Eulogy. And every time I think of a funny thing that happened or whatever, you know, or whatever, that I put it in the folder.

And after three years, I have one thing in there. That's it. I mean, I have a million great stories about my old man, what a great guy he is, but as far as humor goes, and he's a funny, you know, funny bastard, but I couldn't say any of this enough in church. I'm sure I'll come up with a few goodies, but anyways. Yeah, he was in the Navy. I didn't even know that during World War II in the, in the Mediterranean, he was stationed

on a boat and, uh, and so they had to, uh, it was at a Protestant church, the mass, and they had two Navy guys come in really impressive with a full white, you know, like the Tom Cruise, whatever. And, you know, the dress. And they came in and unfurled an American flag and then folded it back up while a guy played taps. It was like really like an impressive thing to see. And I think I'm a fan of the protestant church i might convert i know it's a little late in life i was i'm brought up roman catholic not that it matters like i said i stopped going to church like seventh eighth or seventh grade i think i just remember my my mother

hitting me with a wooden spoon and me putting up my arms and the spoon breaking over my arms and me laughing uh that was last time i put up a fight to go to church i there was there was more involved in that in that fight but uh i remember after that after she started breaking some of her cooking equipment over me she's like i can't make this kid do anything anymore um but uh yeah i was in a protestant church and uh the first thing I noticed, and I guess I'd never been to a Protestant mass, the first thing I noticed, there was no kneelers.

You know, when you're Catholic, it's, you know, people have made the joke a million times, like an aerobics class. It's like following Sean T. up there. You've got to stay within yourself. You've got to get down on your knees. You've got to pray to the Lord Jesus that you're going to lose 5, 10 pounds. You've got to stay within yourself. You got to get down on your knees. You got to pray to the Lord Jesus that you're going to lose five, ten pounds. You got to stay focused. Up and down, up and down, up and down. None of that. Not even a kneeler, which is good at this point because of my knees and because of, ironically, Sean T. right away yeah that's right i'm a lazy i'm not religious you know that but i'm just saying and um the other thing i think i'm going to change in my will is the uh i think that i want to be cremated it's just um it's a lot less sad when they have like a little urn up there you know

at the altar or whatever as opposed to you a casket you know at the wake if you're catholic you guys you know the kelly you have an open casket sometimes uh not always you know if you're a gambino member you probably get shot in the face uh you know tommy does a moan they you know they'd have a closed casket depending how you went or if you're just a regular civilian you get hit by a bus obviously i'm gonna have the casket open there but uh um you know just the the casket itself uh especially like in the wake when you're staring at a person i gotta have a bit about it i'm not gonna i think i played it a couple episodes ago uh but it but it makes it whole i noticed the absence of the casket and the body makes it a lot less sad like the

wake was three hours long there's a bunch of people mulling around you go up and you you know you pay your respects you kneel down real quick uh in front of the air and say a prayer uh but um you know most of the ones i've been to up to this point, friends, families, there's always a body there. And I can't help but, you know, can't help but take the party mood out of the room. That's not what I'm saying. You get what I'm saying? It's, it seems a lot less morose with the, without the casket there or whatever. But, uh, yeah, it was well done.

without the casket there or whatever but uh yeah it was well done uh and uh that was wednesday and thursday and uh and then uh friday drove back thursday night made it back in record time again thanks to the ways app i'll tell you you, those Israelis come up with some great shit. Didn't hit one IED on 95 South. But, yeah, I told you about the Waze app. But anyways. And then Friday, had to go to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, to the Steel Stacks Music Fest Cafe. It's a big festival, you know.

And it's a great venue. Had a great time again. Thank you for coming out, folks. You were great. And, yeah, that went off without a hitch. Just a good gig. I'd do it again in a second, and Kendrick Cunningham,

got to give her props, this girl that I have open for me, this woman, like I said, she's a modern day Mae West, she fucking killed, with smart, funny,

not, you know, not trying to overpower people, with energy, a lot of time they have openers that don't have good material They use energy or whatever Just funny I can't describe it

But smart funny shit and they loved her And then I went up And ripped the tits off the crowd as usual Just making fun of the ride out there How I passed 12 alpaca farms And if I could get a gig within the fucking city borders that would be nice but um they were really uh it was really cool big big uh big space high ceiling again which usually doesn't make for a good comedy room but the sound system was tremendous

and there's a balcony up there with people but it's a big i can't describe it's a big pavilion there's other things going on like like, away from the stage. But it was killer. Audience was open-minded and not PC, which is what we're going to talk about today, eventually. But I'll be at, speaking of comedy, I'll be at the Laughing Skull in Atlanta this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. So if you're in the area, I know it's like a smaller room, but I've heard nothing but good things about it. So the Laughing Skull in Midtown, Atlanta, this weekend. You know the dates. Today's what?

Today must be what? The 24th? Yeah, 27, 28, 29. Come on out. I suppose I should plug the rest of the gigs while I'm doing this. I've got to get something out of this, right? Sure I do. Laugh Boston

September 17, 18 and 19. And then Governors in Levittown, Long Island September 25 and 26.

And the Gramercy Theater October 17 right here in New York City. Yes sir. That'll hold you.

Hey the market is in a free fall or it was this morning i guess it was making a comeback i haven't checked i really i i i'm i'm a fucking child when it comes to finances and then went to school for business it's the thing i know least about obviously i'm telling jokes for a living uh but um you know, I can make the money. I just don't. I'm not totally, you know. I opened an IRA back in the day when I was a kid or whatever. You know. I have a financial advisor and all that shit.

But I guess China. I guess they devalued their currency, which put a fucking real tailspin on everybody across the globe. makes sense i guess not that i know much about it but um the shanghai composite i guess that's the name of it that was down eight and a half percent the market uh as of like monday morning or whatever dow jones was like down a thousand that was again again, early this morning. I know it was making a comeback before lunch and, uh, the S and P lost 5.2% or this morning was down. That's a ton. I know that much. When you start talking about percentages of markets, that's a real whack in the nuts. Sound like fucking Charles Schwab, don't I? With that type of language. Or that type of language.

Yeah, so the global markets are taking it right in the pooper. Big time. And it's kind of ironic. My guy at Merrill Lynch is an Asian guy. He's actually Chinese. And I called him to see if he was in a panic. So actually, here's the call. That's not good. That means something to my equities.

This is at about 9.05 this morning. And now he's crying. I'm guessing that's not good. Can't wait to get the statement this month. Take it easy there, Ching. Yeah, he lost his shit. So for those of you people invested in the market, hope you didn't, again, what time is it now?

Oh, it closes in 20 minutes. But they were talking about if it happens again, they're going to suspend the New York Stock Exchange if it got below a certain level. I mean, so it must have been pretty bad. Whatever that means to you people, I don't know either, okay? What can I tell you? It's why I love what I do for a living.

It's half the reason I get into it. You show up, you tell your jokes, you walk off, they hand you a check. Could it be any goddamn simpler? Again, a little embarrassing when that check has a picture of a banana with sunglasses on it in front of a microphone. I'm playing Hasbro Heights Bananas. But what are you gonna do so i hope you guys didn't get creamed what the hell else i don't know i saw trump on uh

tv still uh loving his brashness i i again deep down i don't think he's gonna be the guy the nominee um although i would love it anyways that's the beauty it's like a two-edged sword because people like oh he could neverged sword, because people are like, oh, he could never be the actual, because he doesn't know that much about politics. Yeah, he's really not a politician. He has no experience in politics. Yeah, that's what people fucking love about him.

And somebody, this guy, Cranky T-Rex, it's a blog, this young fan handed me a folder when I was in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, when I came off stage. And it's funny, he had a couple of stories that he wanted me to discuss on a podcast, which I had on my desk that I didn't get to last week. One of them was called The Hell You Say, about political correctness in speech.

We'll get into that in a few seconds. But this Cr cranky t-rex blog was another article in there just saying how that um you know trump is for first of all again i i listened to him and and and i and i said this last week i'm like i'm still not sure he's not a mole for the Democrats because he's saying all this shit that would really energize Democrats and voters. You know, I compared remember I compared him to Rodney Dangerfield last week in Caddyshack, that rich guy. But this guy basically saying in the article is. This is about. You know. article is uh this is about you know it's more donald trump is more of a fuck you to to to every to the media to conventional politics and and that's why he still has traction you know but the guy it was pretty interesting the way he put it.

What's he say? He says in the article, the right, and especially the GOP, still does not seem to understand what's happening here. They seem to think that this election is about policy and visions for America. And who will be the best leader to bring us out of this seemingly interminable malaise but it isn't this election is america voting for prom king which i see what you mean it's a popularity contest about who makes people tingle in the right places that's it he says that's why romney got his ass handed to him last time even though most people

agree he would be better at literally everything than barack obama um many of us hate that notion would prefer the choice of the most powerful person in the world to be a discussion about what is best for our country going forward but that's not the world we live in right now and he's right after decades of systematically beating the idea of intelligent debate out of the populace progressive liberals that's who he blames have taken in other words you know they shut down every discussion with with name calling whether it's you know sexist racist misogynist um after decades of systematically beating the idea of intelligent debate out of the populace progressive liberals have taken

that away entirely if you want it to change you'll have to fundamentally alter the culture we live in today and since the right usually has to be dragged kicking and screaming into engaging in the culture that isn't going to happen anytime in the near future so instead we're going to have an election which just like the last one will come down to one thing and one thing only. Which candidate best reflects how people feel right now? And right now, people are pretty fed up with pretty much everything, which is exactly right. So along comes Trump. And basically, his campaign is fuck you to the establishment.

Republicans, fuck you to Democrats. He can't be bought, fuck you lobbyists, fuck you to Washington, fuck you to the pundits. And he's right. I think that's pretty damn accurate. You listen to him. He doesn't get into any details. He'll go, yeah, I'm going to stop legal. I'm the best at it. Well, how are you going to do that?

Oh, don't worry about that. But you know what? Like I said, it's a two-edged sword it's a catch-22 that because what what do you want to hear a politician talking smooth about immigration and and and more politically correct horseshit knowing that they're never going to get they've been they've been talking about it for 30 years about stopping people from sneaking in and they haven't done a fucking thing so uh this i thought that was uh this guy sums up perfectly um what what this whole trump thing is you know eventually like i said i think somebody will uh i think i don't know i'm hoping not i'm hoping he gets thrown in there. Look, it's not like and every time I, you know, with my liberal friends, my comedian friends, if I start talking about Obama or whatever, and they'll always come back, not just Obama, other presidents, you know, they'll go, well, he's just a figurehead. He's got people around him giving him advice, which is true.

You know, you think Trump, if he ever did get elected, which I don't think he's got people around him giving him advice which is true you know you think trump if he ever did get elected which i don't think he's gonna but um of course he'd surround himself with the best military guys which obama hasn't by the way he's got a bunch you see his press conferences those it looks like an snl sketch he's got girls that are like 23 years old with janine graffalo glasses it looks like a fucking parody of a sketch they don't have no fucking idea what they're doing so uh you know at least trump has built shit built an empire had to deal with real people we'll see how far he goes but like i said i i don't uh but it's keeping all the other guys honest it's so funny and they're trying to get a little you see like

jeb bush getting a little salty this weekend snapping at some guy because he used the term uh anchor baby and the guy's like don't you know that's offensive no get what jeb bush is like well give me another give me another word for it another term what would you what she wouldn't have you know if trump wasn't around they're all trying to step up the game and be a little more outspoken and politically incorrect. And you can see right through them. That's the best thing about fucking Trump being in this. You got to admit, it's fun to watch.

I don't care what side of politics you're on. It's really fucking fun to watch. To watch like Meet the Press and those Sunday morning shows. And, you know, they had him dead before he even ran. They were like, he's not going to run. He's not serious. Now they don't even know what to do with him. I'll tell you.

So he's the fuck you candidate, and I like fuck you, don't you? Sure we do. And then at the end of the article, which was great, and I didn't see the movie, but at the end of the article, he quotes John Goodman in the movie The Gambler, because I guess his character said the United States of America is based on fuck you, which it is, of course. Fuck you, England. Isn't it how it all started? Don't fucking tread on me.

So good. Stay in there as long as you can, Donny boy. See what happens. as long as you can, Donny boy. See what happens. But they like, I think the biggest appeal is the non-politically correct approach. That's what I think people are finding refreshing on both sides of the aisle.

Well, I shouldn't say that. Martin O'Malley, there's the guy. There is, to me, he represents everything like on the far left,-called progressive just a spineless remember he backpedaled black lives matter started booing him and then he apologized the next day and i saw him this weekend on one of the shows and he keeps bringing up well you know the right and the gop they use that hate speak anytime you disagree with any of his stupid fucking liberal policies it's considered hate that is the most childish therein lies what's wrong with it and he represents all of it he's not

even going to come close now they're talking about uh biden getting in you gotta laugh folks you gotta laugh at the dems right now i mean you can make fun of the Republicans all you want, but look at the choices on the left. Fucking Hillary is not going to be the nominee. I've been saying it for a year now. They're leaking that shit little by little. And I love how people just go, like fucking Howard Dean. What a douche. He's like, well, you know, legally she hasn't done anything.

Ugh. They take that tag. In other words, well, you know, legally she hasn't done anything. Ugh. They take that tag. In other words, well, you know, legally I haven't done anything wrong. I mean, I've done shit wrong, but legally you can't catch me. It's unbelievable. It's all lawyer speak. You know, she's finished. And there's a theory that Obama's letting this shit drip out a little of the time.

Because you know they hate each other, the Clintons and the Obamas. So I think Obama's performing a water torture on this fat pantsuit she doesn't have an original idea in her head she's not even bright she's not even smart she might have been in her day but it's that day is long past. Zero charisma. But you know, Clinton, Bill Clinton told Trump to run, supposedly, in a phone call. That's the word out there. So that's why people are still skeptical. Wouldn't that be a ploy?

I mean, and Bill Clinton is that bright that he'd pull some mobbing. But anyways, at least it's fun to watch. Right, kids? Sure it is. But it's his outspokenness that I fucking love, especially as a comedian, you know? But that dovetails perfectly

into what I wanted to talk about. Oh, how about a quick... You know, I mentioned the Navy guys at the funeral mass I went to, but how about props for the two U.S. servicemen that were on a train, I think it was in France, and they snuffed out a terrorist attack. Some jerk-off radical Islamist came out of the bathroom.

He had like an AK and a knife on him, and this U.S. serviceman, Spencer Stone and Alex Scarlettos, I guess, tackled him. And Spencer Stone got stabbed in the neck. And he was on the cover of the Post. But anyways, they thwarted this guy and beat him unconscious. And another, there's a third guy, Anthony Sadler. I think he was a student that was with these two guys. But yeah, the president of France is going to honor these guys with the highest medal or whatever.

Once again, Americans saving the French ass. Unbelievable. Imagine they heard him in the bathroom, like, fucking loading clips into his gun. And you always got to have your radar up, folks. It happened to me once on a Metro-N north train they uh hurt a guy in the bathroom and uh no um yeah so they fucking they beat him they literally beat him unconscious guy stabbed him one thing i think it was stone spencer stone i think he had to have his uh thumb sewed back on imagine he gets stabbed in the neck.

And they pummeled him with his own rifle, knocked him unconscious. What a fucking world, huh? My wife's always going, let's go to France. Let's go to France. She's been there like twice without me. I had a good reason. I was at the Uncle Funny's Chuckle Hut in Bora Bora doing an 11- week stay um so props to those guys huh but uh yeah as i was going on stage in uh bethlehem at the steel stacks as i was coming off i should say the kid handed me

a folder and one of the uh one of the articles was that i already had in my book that i didn't get to last week it was was labeled The Hell You Say. I forget what the, it was in the New Yorker, I think. And it was by Khalifa Sanna, S-A-N-N-E-H. But it was talking about free speech and it was talking about a couple of specific, one specific story. There was an Irish pub

near the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. And there was a guy, you know, a DJ spinning records in there. That's where you guys, you know, college kids go to drink and get fucked up and dance. And he was playing Blurred Lines,

you know, the Robin Thicke hit, you know, which the feminists got their dirty big giant dirty bloomers in a bunch about because blurred lines they think it's the song is um you know kind of encouraging rape anyways a patron stepped into the dj booth you guys might already heard this already but i just didn't get to it last week a patron stepped into the DJ booth. You guys might have already heard this already, but I just didn't get to it last week. A patron stepped into the DJ booth, a chick obviously, to ask the song be cut short. She later explained that she wanted to create a safe space and that Thick's lyrics evoke threats of sexual violence. The DJ rebuffed her, and in the days that followed, she and her allies took to social media to voice their dissatisfaction, suggesting that the pub was promoting rape culture.

Before long, Fitzgerald's, that's the, you know, the pub, conceded defeat, apologizing to the patron on Facebook and promising that Blurred Lines would not be played there again and that the offending DJ would never be invited back. Unbelievable. So obviously, the school paper picked up on it. And I guess it's an irreverent website

called Barstool Sports, which expressed its certainty that the complaining student was just a crazy-ass feminist who hated fun. Can you fucking imagine? Can you imagine? That's where, and that's not an isolated incident on these campuses, and we are more campuses are radical left. Nothing to do with fucking conservative views

anymore. It's a place for liberal indoctrination. That's all it is. Can you imagine though? And a zillion other people like students like her, think just like her. They think they really can you fucking imagine? She's in a public place and she has a nerve. She wants to create

a safe space. Stay the fuck home and lock your door. I'm guessing you probably have a mustache and a crew cut anyways. Stay the fuck home. Nobody's going to miss you. But that's the atmosphere. Not just on college campuses. Anywhere. you know?

I don't go on Facebook. You can see. I go on it every once in a while to post. Maybe I got a gig or whatever, and I'll read a couple things, and everybody's on this soapbox, but it's like a politically correct soapbox, and can you friggin' imagine? But then he mentions a couple, and again,

and I've been saying this shit comes from the left, this type of censorship. Nobody wants to fuckin' admit that. I mean, finally, like I said, Bill Maher came around and admitted to how liberals are doing it. And Kirsten Powers, she's a pundit on Fox all the time. Finally, like I said, Bill Maher came around and admitted to how liberals are doing it. And Kirsten Powers, she's a pundit on Fox all the time. She's like, you know, a moderate lefty.

And she's got a book attacking the far left for, you know, shutting down free speech. But the article also mentioned that the same month that happened, the pub thing happened. Brendan Eich, the CEO of a software company, you know, Mozilla, was forced to resign after critics discovered that he had donated $1,000 to supporters of Proposition 8, which was a 2008 ballot initiative to ban same-sex marriage in California. And remember the guy, the president of the fast food chain, Chick-fil-A? He voiced opposition to same-sex marriage in California. And remember the guy, the president of the fast food chain, Chick-fil-A? He voiced opposition to same-sex marriage in 2012. Remember when he did that? Rahm Emanuel of Chicago. These are mayors, by the way. Thomas Menino, he's dead now, in Boston, suggested that Chick-fil-A restaurants would be unwelcome in their cities. Well, it's pretty American, huh? Yeah.

Okay. What do they all have in common? The leftists. Far leftists. Fucking fascists. They're going to deny you a right to make a living because they disagree with your politics. It's the definition of fascism. Buck faces. Ugh.

Yeah. So what Uh, yeah. So what happens, though? Here's the thing that happens. So, you know, people, because of social media, there's no, you know, yeah, you can't yell fire in a crowded theater. You know, you have a lot of leeway, though. You can say a lot of shit. in a crowded theater, you know, you have a lot of leeway though, you can say a lot of shit but what happens now is, let's say

you say something outrageous, or do something outrageous, which that was not playing Blurred Lines I mean, it's one of my favorite songs, for Christ's sake turned on to me by Keith Robinson Blurred Lines

is referring to, you know you're trying to get into a girl's pants you know she fucking wants it, but she's saying no, and Blurred Lines is referring to you know you're trying to get into a girl's pants you know she fucking wants it but she's saying no Blurred Lines so uh Keith Robinson turn me on the song

but uh the point is social media now they go online and like the guy that owned the pub, you know, girls that agreed with the girl who said don't play that song, you know, they'll say don't go to that pub and boycott it. You know what I mean? You're not going to get arrested for playing the song.

So is there really free speech? That's the bigger, that's the bigger issue. There is and there isn't. You know what I mean? There's certain taboo things that you can't say. It would end your life. Like going on the Tonight Show and dropping an N-bomb if you're

white. Imagine doing a bit. I mean, then you're finished. And so is there really speech or not? Free speech, I should say To some degree But not really You just have to know how to walk that line

But people are getting fed up with it Nobody thought it would get this far Right? So But where's the line? Like I said, there is no line I like to play with it every night. That's the fun of being a comic, by the way.

Especially one who leans right and works in New York City. And you know what? The, uh, it's, you know, college comedy clubs, those kids, most of the audience are, uh, they're college-age kids. So they're not all fed up with uh you know i mean some of them have had enough political correctness because they come out to clubs and i don't catch that much shit i mean the club does like i said the comedy cellos get a ton of email to the point where they had to sit me down a few years ago um but uh they still come out to comedy clubs and the audience is is a majority 20s and 30s i would say right so it's uh but again it's the fucking once they get into groups

feminist groups or you know uh you know black lives matter. Once they start to organize themselves and shutting down free speech, people are starting to have enough. And I was trying to think of some of the bits, like on college campuses, because that's back in the news again. They keep talking to comedians about how politically correct college campuses are

and how a lot of comics aren't going there anymore. But here's the problem. Every time I hear this discussion, the comics that they talk to, like in this article, excuse me,

you know, they talk to Carlos Mencia. Okay? They talk to Trevor Noah. That's the guy taking over for Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. He's black and he's South African. Horatio Sanz, who's what, Hispanic? I don't know.

The point being, and I'm going to keep driving this point home until everybody gets it. Yeah, they probably can get in a little bit of trouble now because it is hyper, hyper sensitive where nobody can say anything. But really, do you really think that Trevon Noah is going to be more limited what he can say than a famous white comic? You know what I mean? And I'll say it again.

Political correctness stifles white heterosexual males. That's what it was created for. But now it's so out of control that they're starting to eat each other, which is fun to watch. I appreciate those guys, but I don't call their comedy edgy because Chris Rock in his heyday, he couldn't get in trouble for making fun of who? Who's a black, famous black comic? Now on a college campus, he might, but their politics, the way they voted, created this stifling atmosphere. Don't fucking blame me. I mean, they're famous. Nobody's going to fucking ask me for my opinion when they should be. Because, you know, I said shit on Tough Crowd. They should go back and look at those tapes. I feel vindicated at the shit I said. I feel like I was ahead of the curve. But I mean, Bill Maher? I mean, how many times has he called the Republican politicians racist and shit

over the last 10 years on his show? And sexist and assholes. And even Jerry, the way they vote. They vote in these people. They voted for Barack Obama, all those guys. That's what they all have in common. They all voted for Barack Obama. I'm talking about Jerry, Bill, and Chris.

I'll bet on it. Okay? And that's what, that type of stifling of free speech, again, doesn't come from the right. And I try to make that point of Larry Wilmore. I couldn't believe how it was lost on everybody. But I mean, Carlos Mencia,

he's actually, he's like German and Argentinian. Somebody told me he's not even, but you know, this whole thing is, he's actually he's like German and Argentinian. Somebody told me he's not even. But, you know, this whole thing is he's, you know, Hispanic. He places himself on and he does. He does a lot of racial shit going after everybody. But do you see what I'm saying? Colin Quinn would get in a lot more trouble. Anybody, you know.

As famous as Mencia. Do you see what i'm saying he hasn't been banned from anywhere yet has he he only does like five colleges it said in the article as opposed to 20 i guess he was at rutgers uh this is mencia i'm talking about in september and a student activist how about this how about we ban student activism? Let's fucking do that. See how that sits. I mean, seeing as they can shut down your business, if you don't agree with their horseshit, let's just shut them down. I don't know. Maybe physical threats will do it.

A student activist, this is after Mencia performed at Rutgers in September, complained the routine was littered with racial and sexual epithets. Mencia was pleasantly surprised when the students and administration of the diverse Newark, New Jersey campus opted to support him. Well, why are we surprised, Carlos? You're Hispanic. If you were white, the fucking administration of the students wouldn't have backed you. They would have run you out of town on a fucking rail.

That's my point. They're such hypocrites. They're only offended, these activists, well, the activists was offended, but the administration only come to the defense of a minority comic or a female or a gay comic.

I'm still waiting to read that story. He said, I personally thought i was a huge success in the fact that for the first time somebody pointed out that the exception was the exception and not the rule and see it all the rap it's the publication but for edgy comics like the former Mind of Mancius, whose material delves into racial and societal issues, run-ins with political correctness don't always go smoothly. Last December, Bill Maher was the subject of a petition drive at the University of California, Berkeley.

Do you believe it? Okay. I mean, Bill Maher's a lib. Can we agree on that? And he's got the University of california berkeley activists they were opposed to him speaking at a winter commencement because of his past remarks criticizing muslims but my point is mr bill you created this type of atmosphere with your show who do you think's watching your show he even said not now that he's got he mixed up his audience live audience. He was getting like too many progressives.

And they were too sensitive that he's now mixed it up a bit. And it's much better. Well, thank you. And stop voting the way you do if you want to change things. I want to see Chris Rock and Bill Maher and Jerry. I want to see them vote for Trump if he's the nominee. Will they even admit to it? I mean, they all have a zillion dollars in the bank.

They're safe. I'm like an idiot. I go on Tough Crowd. I had no money in the bank. Still don't. And I'm fucking shooting off my mouth. Yeah. Don't take career advice from me.

Across the United States, high-prof profile comedians like seinfeld larry the cable guy and even larry the cable guy and chris rock have said they are avoiding campuses because of student hypersensitivity i did like what bill maher said though uh in in one of the articles he said you know like when he was a college age kids kid, he wouldn't have thought of being snot-nosed enough to lecture George Carlin on how to do comedy. That's basically what some of these kids are doing today on college campuses. It's unbelievable. They have safe spaces. What the fuck does that even mean?

Safe space. My safe space was, I don't know, there was a woods behind the house we used to drink. That and there was a crawl space under my sister's bedroom that I told you I used to pretend I was going to CCD class. That's like for Catholics. Mine was on Tuesday night up the street at church. I'd leave my house, and if there was a Bruins game on,

I'd tell my brother to leave the bathroom door open downstairs because I could go into the crawl space. I'd go outside. I'd leave the house with my books. I'd go around, and I'd crawl into this space, this crawl space that my father used to keep ladders and shit. It was under, like, my sister's bedroom. And that looked into the bathroom downstairs.

And if the bathroom door was open, I could see right into the bathroom downstairs and if the bathroom doors open i could see right into the tv room so i told my brother to leave the door open and because they were playing the canadians it was a big game so i went out the door and i crawled under the thing and that was my safe space i'd watch the first period and then come in like i just came from ccd class Anyways, I digress. We are in a age of faux outrage. Incoming Daily Show host Trevor Noah told The Wrap, sometimes people don't even know why they're angry.

They just jump on the bandwagon. Noah knows from experience. Whoa, does he? Yeah, okay, but you're taking over a show that encouraged that atmosphere. That's what I don't think they won't get. No one knows from experience. Within hours after he was named to replace Jon Stewart, the South African native was called out on social media

for edgy tweets about fat chicks and Jews that he had posted years ago. Yeah. And my point is, he's still going to be the host of the Daily Show, isn't he? Isn't he? Now, if he were a white fella, like myself, and yes, I am.

I know Patrice is looking down going, you ain't fucking white, Nick. You're Italian, man. What the fuck you talking about? Yeah. Talk to me on Columbus Day when I'm blamed as an evil white European male for killing a bunch of Indians. I never understood that. My black friends. And then when I defend whitey, they go, you ain't fucking white. I never understood that, my black friends. And then when I defend Whitey, they go, you ain't fucking white. Yeah, so he caught a bunch of shit, Trevor Noah, because of those.

You remember when he put up those posts, right? But did it cost him the job? No. No, because he's a double standard. He's a minority. He got away with it. And I don't want, like I said, I don't know why he's complaining. Because Colbert and The Daily Show, they created this type of fucking...

And Amy Schumer's catching shit now. You see what I'm saying? And she's a lib. Louie. I'm just saying. You helped create it. Louie. I'm just saying. You helped create it. I didn't. You built it.

I didn't. I'm the opposite of Obama. But, um... Yeah, they always ask, you know, Horatio Sands. What the fuck? He was on SNL ten years ago. Who gives a fuck what he has to say? You know what I mean? You notice there was no i mean

again i wish i was more famous that's on me but uh maybe that's why i'm not because i've been saying shit that sticks in this craw for the last 20 something years diane diana blaine professor of writing and gender studies 20-something years. Diana Blaine, professor of writing and gender studies. Just the names of these classes make me want to shit blood.

Writing and gender studies. Oh, you're so complicated. I got a dick, you got a twat. We're going to have a class about it at the University of Southern. Can you imagine

taking a gender studies class at USC? Yeah, that's just teeming with the conservatives, huh? But she empathizes with the comedians, even though she's a fucking gender studies professor at the University of Southern California. I don't think campuses are aggressively liberal.

You don't, you dumb hoe. Really? Why don't you take your head out of your ass? For the most part, the students are more than happy to learn about these ideologies that have perhaps caused them to be more hateful or small-minded. You see what she's doing there? It's the larger society. In other words, America has taught these kids to be hateful.

That's what she's talking about. Just the whole idea. It's the country to blame, not them. To be small-minded. Yeah, that makes for great fucking humor. Ah, man, are we lost. Even young people themselves are concerned about quashing a vigorous thought and contrarian views. Really? Where are those three students? I'd like to talk to them.

Jokes make me uncomfortable. That's almost a positive thing. Yvonne Jojia, the 22-year-old tut actor, told The Wrap at a recent red carpet event, For the longest time, whether it's George Carlin or Louis C.K. now, comedians make us observe the things about a society that make us uncomfortable and it makes it okay to laugh about them. I was going on long before that. You weren't around. That's the kind of thing

that goes over the heads of most people my age that are outraged at comics who do college shows. It really is unbelievable where it's come because I mean, when i was a teenager we fucking loved george carlin you know seven dirty words would sneak into uh you know

my friend's basement and listen to the album and shit now you do it now these kids fucking sneak into a basement and they burn the albums. What kind of little fucking Nazis? Horatio Sanz, a veteran of eight seasons of SNL. The trick is to tailor jokes to meet audience expectations. That's the last thing you want to do. And I'm sure he's a good guy, but I'm just saying. He's more known for SNL than to be in a stand-up. You don't tailor your act for anybody, folks. Okay?

That's the first thing people ask you. When you go to a different city do you do you change it because what makes people laugh in alabama might make not make people laugh and in washington state do you change your no you don't no you don't you either believe what you believe in or you don't if you fuck if your act is that easy uh the jokes are interchangeable you're not saying anything you're just manipulating the audience the fucking the easy part is making the audience laugh the hard part is doing it with your point of view that's the whole secret i don't change it

i should go to a college gig and a catholic university and they go don't do the molestation shit you have like 12 minutes and then i replace it with something equally as vile you know which which led me to think of i was trying to think of some of my old bits um that i you know not well a couple of my older bits that uh just trying to do them on a college campus today with this atmosphere like the uh i don't remember the rape whistle one i can imagine doing this now on a college campus today with this atmosphere like the uh i don't remember the rape whistle one i can imagine doing this now on a college campus some women have no clue about their weight they don't give a shit how they look i was in new york i was in central park i saw a girl in central park last month she weighed no less than 400 pounds i shit you not she had a keychain with a rape whistle on it.

She's 400 pounds. That's like putting the club on a 73 Pinto. Only balls she's going to see are in that whistle. She actually had two rape whistles on her keychain. What's the second one for, the rapist? Imagine trying to do that today. What was I thinking? Stop me before I do this again. Stop me.

Of course. Nick, the dean of student affairs would like to talk to you. Imagine trying to do that today, a little rape whistle. Again, they find it funny when they're in a comedy club. I guess just not on a college campus. Again, that was a long time ago when I did that. it's not on a college campus. Again, that was a long time ago when I did that.

But when I play the stand every week, the comedy cellar, I'm not playing to 50-year-olds. I'm playing to college-age kids. You know? So it's the administration. They get involved

and when you're on a campus, you get to form these little groups unless you're, you know, want to reform like a pro-life group and then they'll fucking drum you out of the state. It's such horseshit. It all comes from the fucking left don't let anybody kid you okay they love to shut down free speech that's why they don't know how to handle donald trump he hasn't even said anything

that outrageous in my opinion there's another bit i was uh an older one of my like immigration bit trying to do this on campus today. Probably get me arrested. It's not even that edgy. I'm all for immigration, legal immigration. That's how half our grandparents got here. You know, immigration worked at the turn of the century. It was like this country was having a big house party.

We invited everybody from all over the world to the party. But you had to bring something to the party to get in, right? The Irish brought the booze. The Italians brought the food. The Japanese brought the booze. The Italians brought the food. The Japanese brought the sound system. Puerto Rican said, we'll clean up afterwards. Oh, goodness gracious.

Somebody call the dean, please. Call the cops. That's just outrageous. I did that bit of Caroline's this has to be 10 years ago and um did that line also i hear a big crash up front and i mentioned this on an earlier podcast somebody threw a bottle from the back of the room and it landed on a front table. It was like a family of people. They were from Atlanta, I found out after. But yeah, the person that threw the bottle was the editor of Latina Magazine.

And she didn't like that line. And threw a fucking bottle. That's how they handle free speech. Can you give me an example of like a real righty shutting down free speech? I'm talking about recently. I know back in the day, the evangelists, a TV, you know, the right wingers would, you know, if somebody on the radio said something or TV, they would protest, whatever. But those days are long gone. Don't kid yourself.

So, yeah, they arrested that girl, by the way. They threw the bottle. Next thing you know, the cops were there. I continued with my act, gave her a couple more zingers on the way out the door, and I think Colin, Colin, because I told him I was at Caroline's. This is when we still actually went

and saw each other's acts if we weren't working. He said he's walking down the street. He gets like a half a block away, sees a cop car blow by, and he gets to Caroline's. It's out front. And he started laughing his ass off. I had a couple incidents. Again, so, you know, what the fuck?

I really don't care what Trevor Noah or Carlos Mencio or Horatio Sanz has to say about it. Okay? Tig Notaro, you think she's going to get in trouble What Trevor Noah or Carlos Mencio, Horatio Sanz has to say about it. Okay. Tig Notaro, you think she's going to get in trouble for making fun of straight white males? You know, it's eventually people will get it. Stop voting in these fucking fascist DBers, as we used to say. How about one of my bits on, you know what, on my latest album, Another Senseless Killing. I do a thing about Match.com and how, and this is, I've read many stories, you know, that girls are meeting guys on Match.com and end up getting murdered or raped or whatever the hell.

Imagine me doing this on a college campus today. I feel bad for you ladies because you're the victim of this male sexual deviancy. You know, sick fucks pulling our pricks out in public. What? And you're taking advice from guys on how to avoid this stuff. This was in the New York Times this summer. You can Google this. There's a professor at the University of Colorado, a male professor, telling young girls in his class

to keep a guy from raping you. You should either urinate or vomit in front of him. Just doing rape in any context would get mad at me. First of all, if I'm a girl in that class, I'm going to raise my hand and go, you know this how? Bear with me if you have the album, which you probably do.

But if you haven't, go get it. Urinate or vomit to scare off a rapist? That might work, unless the guy fucked a bunch of drunk chicks in college. Every girl I fucked in my 20s was puking and pissing herself. She was shit-faced. That's how I knew I was gonna get laid.

No meant no, and I don't feel good meant yes. And how are you girls going to piss and vomit on demand? That's my question. Wouldn't you load up on bad pork and iced tea before you go running in Central Park? Take off your pants, bitch. Not tonight. Oh, thank God for those Amtrak clams.

I'll tell you. Here comes the chicken palm from Applebee's. Hey! What if you're a nice Jewish girl and you're fasting that day? You're all the... Hold on. Oh, go ahead.

Imagine if I did this on a campus. It's been a while. Fuck it. I'm going to find out soon. And I'm not making fun of rape, ladies. Nothing funny about rape unless it's happening to a rapist in a prison shower, then it's fucking hilarious. Girls, you want to keep a guy from having sex with you?

Well, he's taking his pants off. Just look him in the eye and go, I love you. What are you thinking? Do you like children? Not everything is rape, either. We're always trying to... Here's something that's not rape.

I'm sick of hearing about. When a hot female school teacher, like in her 20s, fucks a 14-year-old boy student. It's not fucking rape. That is a fantasy for all us fellas. Oh, my God, I'd be shot. That's a rite of passage. You can bang his brains out.

He'll be just fine. Trust me. Fuck him. Fuck him hard. Fuck him long. People go, that's not true. That kid's life will never be the same. Yeah, you got that right. He won't be able to go to the mall without signing 300 autographs on Friday. He's going to get a big head when they're building a statue of him in front of the gym on Wednesday. Statue of the teacher bent over with an apple in her mouth.

Fucking Brian's behind him with a condom. Yeah, you're always the victim of this shit. I feel bad for you. I hear about this all the time. I hear about women meeting guys on the internet, and then the guys kill them like a week later. Yeah, that's, ladies, that one's kind of on you. Imagine if I said that On a campus I'm listening to this whole

But none of it could be done Anywhere near a campus Okay this hole, but none of it could be done anywhere near a campus. Nothing? Alright. Okay. It's naive girls. I can see them trying to meet guys on the internet. They're on Match.com. Oh, look at this guy. He likes hiking. Yeah, translation, he's going to rape and kill you in the woods. He's into sunsets. He's going to do it after dark.

Can you imagine the... Oh, he's into fashion. Yeah, he's going to make a suit out of your skin and wear it around the house for the next three weeks. Oh, he likes to cook. Yeah, he's going to make a casserole out of your tits and feet. Have you had the tits and feet casserole? It's delicious by Rachel Ray recipe, but 40 minutes. Tits and feet, it's one word, it's German. Tits and feet. tits and feet it's one word it's german tits and feet anyways and in that joke and this is what happens when with political correctives and hypersensitivity i'm actually saying what sick fucks the guys are out there and really you know telling women to be careful on match.com you know it's all but it's

all lost the context is we all you know they jump on buzzwords now say rape or the n-word no matter how you use it what context again if you're a white heterosexual male they might uh be a little more nuanced in their their interpretation of your jokes if you're a female, gay, or minority. You know what I'm saying? Here's another story, another campus story. I guess that Catherine Hamm and another guy named, his last name is Benson.

I know I see her once in a while on Fox, but they have a book out about this very subject. I should give them a plug, but I can't find the book, the title of the book. But they tell, this has happened on a call, a Minnesota university that arranged to bring a camel to campus as a stress relief treatment. What the fuck?

That in itself, okay, they're going to bring a camel to campus as a stress relief treatment. Is that what I'm going to see now when I'm on a plane? Do you know how people are bringing dogs on? They're dogs and they slap like a vest on it and a pair of fucking dark glasses and go,

yeah, it's an assist dog. It's an emotional stress relieved dog. Can't wait to be sitting in Jet Blue and fucking

and mint sitting in first class and get hit with a pair of fucking camel balls. Yeah, this camel keeps me relaxed as I fly. Yeah, so they brought a camel on campus, stress relief treatment,

only to cancel the appearance after protests. One student explained online that camels are associated with stereotypes that reinforce harmful Western, they mean white, perceptions of Arab people. Can you fucking imagine it? You gotta be shitting me. Some other examples.

Voice for Life, a pro-life group that was initially denied recognition by the student government on John Hopkins University, partly out of concern that its sidewalk counseling sessions could be considered harassment of women. Ha, ha, ha. Un-vagan-believable. Sidewalk counseling sessions could be considered harassment of women. Unbelievable. But they make a good point also how technology has really, you know, just thrown gas on the fire with this nonsense. Because it's nonstop commentary.

because it's nonstop commentary. And Kirsten Powers has a book, too, also talking about how the left is killing free speech. Like I said, she's a lefty. So that's what happens. You know, there's no such thing as total free speech, like I said. I mean, it's kind of... There's still more gray areas than we want to admit to. But you've got to be able to, you know...

The First Amendment's there to protect, obviously, unpopular speech. Nobody has to protect popular speech, obviously, right? Yeah, Kirsten Powers mentions, I guess, a few months back, Obama said, he was talking about prison rape. We should not be tolerating, Obama said, we should not be tolerating rape in prison, he said, and we shouldn't be making jokes about it in our popular culture. And Kirsten Powell's take was that that sounded a little oppressive. In other words, you know, we have the president telling us what we can and can't joke about.

the president telling us what we can and can't joke about. If you say the unsayable, you might well be shamed, and that shaming can have consequences, but you will not be arrested. Do you see? That's actually a good point. Mostly what inhibits speech is the fear of being spoken about. So, yeah, there's other consequences. They're not going to come to your house, not yet at least, and arrest you.

But, you know, you'll fucking lose your job. Your boss sees it on Facebook or whatever, or on Twitter. A big story blows up that you, you know, drop the N-word or whatever, and then you're fired and your life is fucking ruined so uh you know it's a real mess I do a joke about Obama when I feel the crowd is really like when they moan me or they hiss at a few of my things and early into my set you know and again this usually happens when i'm like uh some at a club here in new york city because again most people are real lefties here and there's a lot of students and then so i'll do an obama joke just to uh just to kick him right

in the stomach and say yeah that was racist there's nothing you can do about it. I'll just say, you know, I have this bit about, I go, yeah, look, remember when George W. Bush was the president and the guy from Iran? I'm talking about how, you know, I think people that lean right are a little more open-minded. Remember they threw shoes at George W.'s head? And I, you know, I thought that was funny, even being leaning right in my polo. I thought that was funny when the guy did it.

And, but, you know, and my liberal friends thought it was hilarious. And then I go, you know, when I see Obama on TV at home, I throw shoes at the, I throw shoes at the TV every time I see him. I go, not in a racist way. It's not like they need shining.

And you know what? It gets a perfect mix, that joke. Some tables are appalled and I hear a hiss. And the other tables are laughing their balls off. You know? That's the perfect joke to me. Well, that's not the perfect. That one I use intentionally to make people cringe who would like to have me arrested

by saying something like that. But, you know, you can play with jokes too. I could say that, you know, in a different way where it's totally could be construed as racist. But I don't do it just to be. It was a funny thing that I thought of. And whatever the hell. That's why the show Tough Crowd was so great.

And again, if you guys, again, people listening to this probably were big fans of that show, but watch the clips if you can find them if comedy central even they're out there somewhere some of the clips so it was such a free exchange i wonder how and today you watch the news you're like oh my god tough cow be the most popular show the history of tv because of this uh atmosphere, kids, that's about it. I can't really think of anything else.

My Red Sox still suck, although they were playing much better. Watch out for the Toronto Blue Jays. That's all I got to say. Finally, football is upon us. Still don't have a ruling, a definite ruling on the Tom Brady situation. It's a better situation. Tiger Woods played much better

this week and then shit, had like a I don't know, triple bogey. So he's not gonna make, they have like a playoff now, FedEx playoffs. I don't follow golf that much, but I just know that he's finished, even though he played much better this week. What the hell else?

That's about it, I guess. I don't know. I'm looking for the Love Charger. I haven't played that in a while. Just to let you kids know how I feel about you. Just to let you kids know how I feel about you. I'm going to be brought on. I'm doing Staten Island College, by the way, at the beginning of 2016.

So we'll see if I get arrested at that campus. Haven't done one in a while. Come see me this week, Thursday, Friday, Saturday night, the Lapping Skull in Atlanta. That's about it. I say if you want to say something, you

kicking it around whether you should say it or not. Say it anyways. Then deal with the consequences like a man. It's what separates us from third world dictatorships and shitholes like Venezuela and Yoko Chavez and Cuba, regardless of what Obama thinks about it. Say it anyways, because you can in America. Because up now you can.

And if the feminists get their panties in a bunch tell them to fuck off. Tell them you are Kate. Watch that again last night. Holy Christ. That's going to end in fucking tragedy

in my opinion. You can't walk around looking like a tight end for the fucking 49ers nice dress anyways All right, kids. That's about it from here. I'll talk to you real soon, huh? Enjoy the rest of your day, evening, morning, night, wherever you are.

I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern, but a temple. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern, but a temple. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sound.

You have done it by just being yourself. Perhaps after all, that is what love means. Good day, everybody! guitar solo I'm out.