The Nick DiPaolo Show - 098 - Brady, Feminists Scum, BBQ

Episode Date: September 7, 2015

Brady, Feminists Scum, BBQ

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. For the Patriots, rookie free agent out of Ole Miss. Brady stepping up, stepping up. Brady's got a target. He's got Hernandez for the turn. The fake to get a little close back to the inside. Pressure up the middle on Brady. it's passed, Stronkowski. And hard, done two. Second and goal and Brady, firing the end zone court for the...

Brady, running out of time, on the move, throws, complete, inside the five to the end zone, touchdown! Thank you. Play fake. Three. Touchdown Gronkowski! Brady on third and five. Gonna lock it down the sideline. Has a man. Dive in! Touchdown Brandon Lloyd! Against Champ Bailey today. Here in first and goal. Brady goes left side. It's Wilkers!

first and goal. Brady goes left side. It's Wilkers. Well, we gain the lead. Brady, a fade. Caught. Hernandez. Touchdown, Patriots. $12 million deal was with offensive coordinator McDaniels. Deep ball. Caught by Wilkers. Brady to the end zone to grab. Kosti. Diving catch. Yes.

Touchdown, New England. Third and goal. Brady to the end zone again. And he's got Gronkowski. Brady steps up, fires it in. So, touchdown, Brandon Moore. End zone. Touchdown, New England. Brandon Lloyd. Inside. Touchdown, New England.

With fourth and goal at the nine, and it's Lloyd, and he's got another touchdown. Brady to the inside, and Gronkowski. Brady with a good throw. Quarter. Gronkowski, he's got it. Touchdown, Patriots. Branch, the motion man. Brady looks.

Brady senses trouble. Gets out of it and connects. Woodhead lunging. Touchdown, Patriots. Brady to the end zone as Gronkowski for the touch. Brady throws. He's got the touchdown. Brady throws. He's got the touchdown. Julian Edelman.

Fitted by the Colts. Brady looking to strike quickly. And he goes to Gronkowski. Touchdown. Brady, great protection. Swings it to the outside. And here's Walker getting open for the touchdown. Yeah, I think you get the idea. How are you, kids? Before we get to that story, let me ask you a question. Are you getting enough?

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Obviously, I think you picked up on from the beginning of the show. I couldn't be happier. But Tom Brady and my New England Patriots. And I realized the ruling doesn't say that it doesn't prove that he didn't know about deflate gate or whatever the ruling says that he didn't really get a fair a fair shake from the nfl that's what the ruling says the process was wrong and everybody sort of knew that if you've been following this going into this and how it wouldn't hold up in court um so uh yeah but uh i enjoy this only because i'm in new york here and the new york writers sports writers just hate the fucking patriots and you can understand i mean not all of them do but the ones that probably cover the jets like steve serby i mean the couple they cover the giants and

the jets but steve serby has a real hate on for Tom Brady and the Patriots. And, you know, you can understand covering the shitty New York Jets, who have been shitty for so long, haven't won a Super Bowl, what, 69? Joe Namath? I mean, fucking embarrassing. Representing the greatest city in the world. I mean, you can see why they get bitter and just on the cover of the Post, you know, in a picture of two deflated footballs and there's still your balls, Tom,

and just every article, just shitting all over. I love it. I love it as a Patriot fan. You know I love it. You understand the more hated we are by the rest of the nation, especially New York fans, the more we love it.

But they are, they're just fucking crazy. Ever since Belichick bolted the Jets, remember he was coach for a day and then bolted for New England? That's what really adds fuel to the fire nobody brings up. I mean, they hate him because of that, but then you throw all this shit, all of his success on top of it. And just embarrassing the Jets every year. I i mean they're in our division you know that's why i keep bringing up the jets hey the giants beat tom brady twice but they're not in our conference they're not in our division uh so but steve serby and a bunch of other new york writers are just whiny whiny motherfuckers whiny just makes me so happy.

When I heard the ruling, I couldn't wait to get my paper the next morning. It's really fun. Really fun to watch. But my point being is, you know, they love to label the Pats cheaters and shit, these New York sports writers, but you didn't really hear a peep in 2009 when the Yankees won the World Series and you could find more steroid use in the New York Yankee showers

than you could at WWE. I mean, with, you know, Pettit and A-Rod and Sheffield and Knobloch and Clemens and Giambi and just, you know, you didn't really, you didn't hear that much. Oh, it was mentioned, but, you know, I mean, Pettit got off scot-free. He comes on and goes, yeah, I did a little bit for a couple weeks.

Okay, we want to investigate. I mean, compare that to a football that's deflated by a couple ounces. Compare that to a football that's deflated by a couple ounces. So deflated so much so that the refs didn't even notice it themselves who handled the balls between each snap. And I think one of the 12 balls, you know, the Patriots balls, was, you know, under regulation as far as pressure goes. And it's just so, compare that to, you know, baseball players juicing. And again, and I'm doing this because the New York writers seem to fucking love to tear up the Patriots.

But, you know, I mean, which one's really more egregious? Baseball players juicing the whole season or a football being under deflated for one half of a football game. And, you know, whether Brady knew or not, it's so, you know what this is all about. The Pats are a victim of their own success. This is the country we live in. It's that same mentality that points out white privilege.

Anytime anybody's doing better than somebody else uh somebody gets their panties in a bunch right that's the that's the country we live in right now under stupid and uh i i just love it whether he knew or not it's so insignificant and the fact that they've dragged him through the mud his name and everything and it's only going to unify the patriots and it's only going to light a fire under Brady's ass. And, you know. So, yeah, couldn't have turned out better. And, yes, the NFL is going to appeal it,

but I guess when it comes to appeal courts, something like this, a case like this is about, I don't know, they said 7.5% to 8% chance of it being overturned, which is very slim. And Goodell looks like the putz that he is. See, Goodell thought he could, you know, use this and, you know, because he took a ton of shit for being so lax on the domestic violence and all the serious issues plaguing the league that this was a nice softball i'll come down hard on uh one of the faces of the league one of the superstar you know rich white guy with a supermodel pussy wife and just an easy target Yes. But yeah, so they broke it down, you know, as far as the reason Brady was not suspended the four games, according to the judge. And they gave like three reasons. One of them was the lack of advance notice. Brady could be suspended for ball tampering or less than full cooperation with the investigation.

I thought that the second one, the quarterback was not allowed to examine NFL general counsel. That's lawyer for you. Dopes out there. Jeff Pash, one of the lead investigators who probed the case. And Brady was denied equal access to investigative files such as witness interview notes. But you got to remember this, folks. Remember the Wells report? They did the investigation to this. They even acknowledged, and this is

right from the Wells report, our scientific consultants informed you that the data alone did not provide a basis for them to determine with absolute certainty whether or not there was tampering. But even if there was, like I said, whether there was or wasn't, it's such an, I mean, right after this happened, remember Aaron Rodgers and a couple other quarterbacks,

what's the big deal? I like my balls overinflated, some of them said. I like mine a little underinflated. I mean, Terry Bradshaw, all these ex-quarterbacks, you know, it's ridiculous. Mark Brunel. Mark Brunel and Troy Aikman. Of course, they, you know, Troy Aikman's kind of like a catty girl, you know what I mean? Because he was the pretty boy quarterback.

I sense that jealousy every time I hear him doing a pass game. Of course, he doesn't believe Tom Brady and Mark Brunel didn't either. And, of course, probably out of envy and jealousy. But like I said, either way, either way. The median appeal in the Second Circuit Court of Appeals lasts about 10 months. And there's about a 7.5% chance of decisions being reversed in that court of appeals. Hey, it could still be reversed or whatever. But I'm just saying, motherfuckers.

Tommy boy. So stick that in your pipe, Steve Serby and these guys are great writers by the way the post has the best sports you know in new york but uh they they've had a hate on like i said for belichick and uh and the patriots and uh and then the whole spy gate thing like fucking every team wasn't doing the same thing the pats were it's it's such fucking horseshit but again i love it because i told you as a kid i was a big uh i was a besides being a pages fan i love the oakland raiders when i was a kid that was back in the heyday in the 70s because they had this reputation for being bad boys and and everybody hated them and the l davis was a you know gangster owner and And they were just the fucking rebels.

And this is a wet dream for a guy like me who grew up watching the shittiest team, the Patriots. For the whole world to hate us like this? It's just fun. It's just sports. It's just fun. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, sir. But, like, they're the only ones, you know.

How about the New Orleans Saints? I brought up the New York Yankees. Let's bring up a football analogy. How about the New Orleans Saints who were, remember, they were tapping, they were, like, tapping the headsets, the phone lines of the other teams, offensive coordinators, and they were bugging certain rooms. Remember all that shit?

That went away in about two weeks, remember? Actually, a couple months, but it went away. Here we are on month eight or ten. Why? Because it's the Patriots. It's the Patriots. That's why when I say they were a victim of their own success, that's why people love to hate them a victim of their own success, um,

that's why people love to hate them. Can't blame them. Can't blame you. But it really is funny. It's just, I have to pinch myself every day. We have this like guy that looks like a male model, maybe arguably the best quarterback ever.

And, uh, the whole league hate you even before that. And, uh, it's a lot of fun. It really is. But, uh was uh i loved i loved as a kid the reputation the raiders had well let's it's it's this is the kickoff anyways uh this coming week uh of nfl football so and i'm talking about uh the raiders of the you know just win baby

l davis raiders let's uh let's uh let's let's kick off the nfl officially on the nick de paulo And I'm talking about the Raiders, you know, just win baby L. Davis Raiders. Let's kick off the NFL officially on the Nick DiPaolo podcast. A little of this. You remember this. The autumn wind is a pirate. Blustering in from sea, with a rollicking song, he sweeps along, swaggering

voicelessly. His face is weather-beaten. He wears a hooded sash, with a silver hat about his head, and a bristling black mustache. He growls as he storms the country,

a villain big and bold. And the trees all shake and quiver and quake as he robs them of their gold. The autumn wind is a raider, pillaging just for fun. He'll knock you round and upside down and laugh when he's conquered and won.

Bum, bum, bum. I get the hair standing up on my neck, even at my age. The good old days. But that's the reputation the Pats have now. And I love it. I love that they're hated from their quarterback to their

head coach. And it's just going to galvanize them. That's all it's going to do. And, you know, the only downside, CBS still covers the NFL. We have to listen to this shit after every commercial break and every time they put up a graphic. I want you to count during a game how many times you hear this. Let's take a look at the Kansas City Chiefs.

Starting lineup. Let's take a break. Commercial for Viagra. Remember not to beat your bitches. I'm Ice-T. Just think how many times you're going to have to hear that in the next until February.

If you're a sports fan, if you're a gay fella listening to the show, you might not give a shit about the whole first 20 minutes of the show, but I don't know that I have a big gay following. Although I had a couple gay fellas that loved me down in Atlanta. They came out to see me specially. One of them had a nice tight mini skirt on, and the other fella had some nice perky tits. I don't know Vince I don't know everybody hates the Patriots Vince I don't know but I'm sure you

were subjected to this type of hate when the Green Bay Pack of that other dynasty when you were running this show and the good old days, huh? Did you see? I don't know if you guys, but the Giants and Pats played last night, and the Giants won 12-9 in a meaningless exhibition game when none of the starters played, but it was, yeah, it was kind of a crushing bore of a game. Oh, here's another one from the 70s. Mr. Official, let me ask you something. How can six of you miss a play like that, huh?

Oh, six of you. The ball jumped out of there as soon as we made contact. I thought you were talking about you being on the field. No. What? Great Hank Stram. But my point was Bill Belichick, after the Giants-Patriots game last night, they asked him about, you know, the ruling with Tom Brady.

And he's like, I don't want to have questions about the game. Only he said it with less energy than that. He makes me belly lap because that's like a persona. Because they say, you know, he shits and giggles around the players and stuff, and he has a personality. I mean, I saw him on Letterman. He actually does have a personality. He just hates the media so much that he just gives it that stoic, cracks me up.

I've got to meet that guy. I've got to hook up with Lenny Clark and his brother. They know him well. That's right. He's a big Lenny clark fan famous comedian from boston um anyways uh you know that's that folks i'm just saying i'm just saying uh if you've been following it, it was no big surprise. And the season's going to kick off on this coming Thursday, September 10th, I believe it is. Steelers at Patriots. And no, Jimmy Garoppolo's not going to be behind center.

Or Finley, who, by the way, was very good. Don't even know his first name. Might be Charles. I don't know. Who played the whole game at quarterback for the Pats last night. And I got to be honest with you, I was kind of impressed. Sure, they only put up nine points, but he was fairly sharp. Speaking of that, Tim Tebow's making a little bit of a comeback.

The other night he had two touchdown passes against the Jets. It's like, I don't know, don't quote the statistics but like i don't know he's like 15 for 18 for 179 yards and he ran for 32 yards and uh it looks like he might be he's fighting for the third spot with the eagles behind bradford and sanchez i believe that's chip kelly's plan so we'll see if that was enough for him to make it. I don't see why it wouldn't be. Isn't that funny? He's still in the picture. Unbelievable.

Want to be said when you get Jesus in the huddle. Jeter? Did I say Jeter? Yeah, Jeter in the huddle, not Jeter. Oh, it's hot as a witch's tit. Hold on. I got to turn a fan on down here. Mink you.

Yeah. Oh, it's hot as a witch's tit. Hold on, I gotta turn a fan on down here. Mink ya. Buh-buh-buh-buh. Let me grab my phone while I'm up. You kids stay right there! You sons of bitches. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm back. Oh.

Yeah. Sorry about that. I would have paused it, but the last time I did that, I didn't know how to get the show started again. It was supposed to hit the space bar or some shit, and I didn't. Ended up with two different portions. But Rob Sprantz is a genius. He'll fix it. But, uh...

Harder than hell's hinges up in this motherfucker. Well, let's stay on football, I guess, huh? Because it is that time of year. I'm excited. I can only watch so much

soccer from Europe. Goal! Goal! Andre Sheva! No caca! Goal! Goal! Andre Sheva! No caca! Usually followed by one of the biggest soccer fans in the stands.

And for you, your own work, your own flesh, your own flesh. I'm sorry, that was Goodell. by one of the biggest soccer fans in the stands. I'm sorry, that was Goodell. No, that wasn't. That was the head of ESPN yelling at Schilling. I guess he's gone for the rest of the year. I don't know what else he did. I guess he emailed the whole... I brought that up, right, in the last episode about the whole...

He was comparing radical Islam to Nazis, which was very actual, a true statement. Yet, you know, ESPN goes against all their politically correct fucking liberal, faggy, horse shit, fucknut nonsense. So they and so I guess this week Schilling had the nerve to email somebody about the controversy uh you know that he got in trouble with his tweets and uh that was enough for espn cheese dicks that they are you should uh boycott them when you get the chance not really because there's football on there too that would be hard to do well i think of something don't go to to Disneyland, because it's owned, you know, it's owned by Disney. Go to Disneyland and, I don't know, suck a punch, goofy, kick Mickey Mouse in the fucking balls, or twat, whatever. Jesus, Nick, you're really banging on some beauties today. College football. That opened,, it opened a couple days ago. But I mean, officially, this Saturday, a full schedule in bloom.

And I know some of you people are just pro football fans. And it makes me question what you really know about sports. But I mean, I love both. Let's be honest here. But I'm just saying, college football. Just the cheerleaders alone. Come on, you don't see 20-year-old puss on the sideline

at a goddamn Colts game, do you? But you know what I mean? The big house in Michigan. Well, I got somebody who can, I got somebody who can put it into better perspective. The greatest voice in sports broadcasting in the history, in my opinion,

but no doubt, college football. And you guys who follow it know what I'm talking about. This fella here. When the last glow drifts away from the big house at Michigan, it's a good time to have a seat and listen. Here, Yost, Kipke, Weissler. And in your mind's eye, see the lads who wore the colors. Harmon, who played both

ways all the way to a Heisman Trophy and got a standing ovation once at the Horseshoe. At the Horseshoe. And Archie Griffin, the double Heisman man from Ohio State, who had his moments. So many to remember. Players and coaches. But there are two coaches

who had a special place in this history. Woody and Bo, the salt and pepper of the series. Giants in their profession, their histrionics, legendary. And they could win. This is a remarkable festival annually,

whether here or at the Horshutissa. He ovat suuria bansseja, jotka ovat koko joukkoa. Näytä heille Ohioja täällä. Haluaa victorista ja haluaa vahvistuneista heroista. Tänään toinen muistinpäivä. Se on 100 vuotta Buckiessa ja Wolverineista. Another bounty of memory. A bounty of memory. A hundred years. Keith Jackson. Of Buckeyes and Wolverines. Oh, Keith Jackson. 4,000 pounds of Colorado bison.

Make any volunteer run for his musket. That's what he actually said at the beginning of a... Was it West Virginia? I don't know who the bison. Well, they have a bison for a i think it was tennessee and the volunteers and whoever runs on the field with a bison colorado i was actually four thousand pounds of colorado bison make any volunteer run for his musket guy was a poet when i was in la i uh went out on a few uh voiceovers that's when you you know voiceovers

you know what they are and uh i had an audition and uh fought five o'clock traffic in fucking la nightmare i get there and just a shitty day all around and uh who's coming out of the audition before me keith jackson that's right the legend i go you gotta be shitting me i walk in there i don't even think the the people running it because people that you know are in show business really don't even they wouldn't know keith jackson from janet fucking jackson i go is that who i think it is and they're like who who do you think it was who's fucking keith jackson you dopes i said i should just get in my car and go home i don't even want the job. I'm a shit. I was actually starstruck. I let him walk right by me. I should have tackled him when, oh, no, there's a fumble.

Yeah, that was one of my, another job I didn't get, but yeah, construction. I love that voice. The hyperbole is done. Now we can finally play the game. Yeah, Keith Jackson. I love that voice. The hyperbole is done. Now we can finally play the game. Look at that. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Goodbye.

Hello, Haskell. Intercepted by Teague. George Teague to the end zone. Left hand. We're going to play football. Yes, sir. I saw it. I was watching a Notre Dame game once, and a guy caught a pass. He was wide open, blown coverage, blown assignment. He goes, he had so much time.

He had time to catch a call, and his mama bring him a blanket. Boy, I delivered that like a real fucking open mic, didn't I? Holy shit, did that stink. That's why I'm doing this. And he's doing that. He's retired. Um, yeah. Here are the matchups that I highlighted for the opening weekend.

You guys will be hearing this show Monday night, I'm guessing. Unless Sprance is, uh, on vacation somewhere and can't release it. Like tonight, I'm going to watch Washington at Boise State at 10.15. Well, I'll record it. You know what I mean. But on Saturday, the big ones in the opening weekend, Auburn at Louisville, BYU at Nebraska. That's a very white game, I call it.

Two great programs. A lot of whiteville, BYU at Nebraska. That's a very white game, I call it. Two great programs. A lot of white fellas on BYU. You might see one black guy on each side of the ball. And same with Nebraska. Those corn-fed fucking Nebraska kids are monsters, you know? Then you shoot them up with juice and that corn turns to muscle. Just like the 2009 Yankees, right, Serby? Arizona State at Texas A&M.

Texas at Notre Dame Saturday night at 7.30. That's a delicious one. And here's a really good one. Wisconsin at Alabama. Big 10 versus SEC. That's a matchup. And I'm telling you guys who just obsess with the NFL, get on board

the college train too. Then you have a ton. You can't get enough football. Come on if you're an American. Right? Am I right? Unless you're Caitlin. You know? He's too busy. He's out riding dirt bikes

in a mini skirt for the A&E channel. What? You heard me. So those are the matchups. But with college football today comes a lot of negativity because they're... Okay, where's the fucking article? I really do need a producer, honest to God. But this is the headlines this weekend.

Five Rutgers football players arrested in connection with home invasions and assault. This is what college programs, and I don't blame the academics, I should say academia, on the campuses. You know, if they wanted to get rid of some of these programs, I wouldn't blame them. Because they're just bringing gangsters onto the campus and you don't hear about it. I mean, they're trying to keep a lid on it. But then stories like this break. You have five players, five current Rutgers football players, including the cornerback. That's corner, not quarter at the center of university-led investigation into Coach Kyle Flood. They were charged Thursday with assaulting a group of individuals,

including one student whose jaw was broken during the unprovoked attack. Fucking pieces of shit. Director of New Brunswick Police Department announced. That's right, there's a comedy club called the Stress Factory in New Brunswick. Two seconds from the campus. The current Rutgers players charged in the attack were identified as Ruhan Peel, 22, and Nadir Barnwell. He apparently, the coach was trying to get him academic help and called a professor, which the coach is not supposed to do,

according to the NCAA. So he's in double trouble. Nadir Barnwell. They're both of Piscataway. And then you got Razan Gross, 20, of Franklin Park. And then D'Lon Stevenson, 22, of Sayreville. D'Lon Stevenson's brother, Daryl Stevenson, who's 23, a former Rutgers student from Sayreville, remains at large. large charged in connection with home invasions was andre boggs 20 of coatsville pa the plays have been suspended indefinitely and like i said earlier barnwell's at the center of the investigation of coach flood with the university looking into whether the rutgers football coach broke school

policy by contacting a professor regarding Barnwell's grades. Of course he did. But they're on scholarship, these guys. I'm assuming most of them. And I mean, and they're breaking into houses. Just explain that to me. Just fucking help me out here. You know, you can laugh at Bill O'Reilly all you want,

that to me just fucking help me out here you know you can laugh at bill o'reilly all you want and people like him would say that we have to you know examine um the what the you know the disruption the um you know the whole uh it's a whole culture thing it's not just um you know peel was charged with assault in august 2014 for allegedly pulling the hair and scratching the face of a girlfriend. Those charges would drop later on. Barnwell was arrested for DWI and careless driving in October 2013. After the police responded to an early morning crash. I'm giving you the rundown. Okay, this is what we allow into colleges now.

The places for higher learning. Nine of the ten defendants were arrested today. One remains at large. The arrest stemmed from an act of continuing investigation by the Middlesex County Prosecutor's Office and the New Brunswick Police Department. The investigation began last spring when police officers were called to home invasion on Prosper Street in New Brunswick, April 26, 2015 at 1130 at night. After three masked men forced their way into the home and stole an undisclosed amount of cash and marijuana from five students at gunpoint. Can you fucking imagine?

Can you fucking imagine? Aye, aye, aye. What the hell's going on out here? I have no fucking idea. Imagine what Vince would do with these guys. During an investigation, intensive investigation, police arrested Tayjohn Johnson, 23, of Egg Harbor. The former student was charged with robbery, criminal restraint, theft,

so not all of these guys are football players, and possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose. As they continue the investigation, they link Johnson to a home invasion on Hartwell Street on April 27, 2015. Police determine that Johnson and Andre Boggs of Coatesville forced their way into a home armed with a bat and a knife robbed a student of approximately 900 bucks and undisclosed amount of marijuana huh just uh just uh model students huh folks sure they spent a ton ton of time at the fucking library I don't blame academia if they wanted the these programs shut down I wouldn't

blame them one fucking bit. I'd tell them to take it elsewhere. All the shit that goes on at campus, you guys don't even hear about it, including rape. I could go on and on. It's unbelievable. The six that were charged today, they were charged with aggravated assault, riot, and conspiracy to commit a riot.

A 19-year-old male student suffered a broken jaw during the unprovoked attack. So they outnumbered the kid, and then they beat his face in it, because that's what fucking tough guys do. It's unbelievable. So, what are you going to do? They're not going to see.

This coach at Rutgers is in deep doo-doo. They've had some serious problems. We used to have on the Nick and Artie show, I can't remember the guy's name, slips me, Italian last name, the AD, he came on a couple times, and then he got in trouble. I can't even remember what. And he was replaced by a woman

and apparently she's not doing the job so i don't know i don't know what to tell you yeah i know i sound like a hypocrite because i'm telling you how much i love college football but if this shit goes on i'll probably stop watching it in 2040 what else am I gonna do with my fucking life, come on, folks, Christ's sake, I don't have kids, I fucking bought a paddle boat, didn't even buy it, I gotta, I come home from, I come home from a gig the other night, from Atlanta, and I didn't tell you this, there's a paddle boat, you know, little paddle boats that you paddle, it's in my front lawn.

I look like a white... Might as well have been in Kentucky or West Virginia. Like this bright orange, dirty, filthy thing covered with... My neighbor gave it to my wife. That sounded bad, didn't it? Holy Jesus. I hope that didn't come out wrong. Yeah. That sounded bad, didn't it? Holy Jesus. I hope that didn't come out wrong. Yeah, but didn't she,

didn't I go to work and come home and get up the next morning and she's already out there. The wife had cleaned it completely with bleach, all the algae off it and shit. Plugged a couple holes and used that rubber black, that rubber spray paint shit.

Thing looks brand new. We're going to throw it in the pond, and I'm going to pedal around. I'm having the Nick DiPaolo Annual Comedians Labor Day Cookout on Monday, which is going to hopefully be fun. Hopefully somebody will show up. You know, a bunch of the dudes have already confirmed, and ladies, kids welcome. I just hope the kids won't be offended by Rick Ross

playing over the... I text Keith Robinson, you know, my black friend, and I'm like, what should I have on the playlist as far as music and uh let me see if i can find what he wrote me he's a funny motherfucker i like he uh i like him so much i already threw his email away after three seconds uh what the fuck of course the one email i want to read you is in some kind of code now you know steve jobs i'm glad you're dead you fucking douche uh he sent me a couple uh i said uh you know what am i looking looking for? Here's what he wants me to put on the playlist.

He goes, here's a few of my faves. Fuck the police. Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. He's dead serious. Die Whitey Die by Reverend T.D. Jakes. So I got the first two, and then I'm searching for 10 minutes for Reverend T.D. Jakes. And Robinson texted me back because I made up that last one. Son of a bitch.

Well, when he gets here and he thinks I'm going to put this hip-hop shit on, he's going to get about fucking hour and a half of ABBA while he's eating his wings. And, uh, yeah, just to punish his ass. No, I actually, uh, I have quite a playlist of, I spent about $60. That's addicting, isn't it? You start downloading music from the fucking iTunes store. Holy shit. I felt like a broad in a shoe store with a cocaine problem. How does that figure into the joke? I don't know. I'm just fucking mumbling here. Will you relax? Let me play you some of the, I'm not playing through the system. I'm just going to play it right on my phone because I don't have time to fuck it. But I'm sure my neighbors will appreciate some of this shit, you know.

Oh, what the fuck? Let me get a better one. This is my wedding song, by the way. My first wife, Letitia Wexman. Met her in Detroit playing craps. Wait till my neighbors get a load of these tunes, huh? On my beautiful Bose speaker. Next.

Next. Break it down, bitch. You believe this shit. As Ann called us at Adios America. Oh! Antisemitic! A little Snoop Go old school on you Just picture me

Listening to this shit As I'm making cheeseburgers And sweating over the Fucking grill With an angry look On my face At least Snoop Has a little melody involved.

You know what I'm saying? He hides his white hate with a nice melody. But then I'll come back with shit I like, just to bug the key, you know? It's my wife on guitar, me on vocals. Come on, honey, get in the right key, bitch. And then I'll come back with some real white shit from Boston.

Little J-Gals. That'll work. Joe List just saw Giles last week with his old man, so he'll be there. He'll be dancing to this, and if he doesn't, we'll smack him around. This is where Keith will throw something at me. Get that white shit up there. something at me. I'll go, get that white shit off there. And then I'll go, okay, I'll put something on that you really like, Keith. And you blew it!

No, I didn't. You blew it! That'll get his blood boiling. This is where we miss Patrice. Could actually grab my speaker and throw it in the pond. And then for the older white vocal, get a little of this. Let's go back to the 70s. I didn't even have hair on my pencil when this was number one. This goes out.

A little Three Dog Night. Don't you wish you could come to this, Coco? Anyways, you get the idea. Not to mention a bunch of other corny shit. Yeah, so we're gonna have a paddle boat. And, uh... Ooh, looks like it's gonna rain now. I gotta go shopping for all this shit.

And half these guys, you know, they don't bother getting back here. They just show up, and then they're like, What? You're out of sausages? What are you, a dick? Yeah, well, if I knew you were coming, fuckface. You know, you're on the road to Shambhala. Hey, uh, what the fuck else, oh, the, uh, if you guys are wondering about the Mark Maron, uh, he's, uh, he's posting my podcast on September 24th, I forgot the guy does, like, five, six shows a week, and he's got a whole backlog so uh you know i texted uh

his producer and he said yes he said you're on uh the same week keith richards is being interviewed that's not too much of a mind fuck for marin to go from me to keith richards so yeah september 24th is the date in case anybody gives a shit uh and i did a very very uh funny David Feldman, you guys. I don't know if you know him or not. Very ironic comic from San Francisco years ago. Originally from Brooklyn. He was out there in L.A. for years.

Wrote for Dennis Miller when Dennis Miller had an HBO show. Very smart, funny, very, he's just, he lives on irony. So much so, you know, he'll say the outrageous shit, and people would just take him dead serious, and he'd get in trouble for it. I told you, he's got one of my favorite jokes. I think I might have mentioned this on the podcast. I was watching Conan years ago, and one of his jokes, he goes, yes, I pray a lot to God, but my prayers never seem to get answered.

He goes, I think it's probably because at the end of the prayer, instead of saying amen, I say, and make it snappy. And you blew it. You blew it. No, it's my favorite. But, yeah, I did his podcast. He's back in New Yorkork and um it was great they gave me a they gave me a pop quiz on the sopranos which i aced with my eyes closed and uh they had bobby slayton

call in i gotta find out how that program or that app works i'm sure you guys out there already know but uh you know i'll get a i'll get a phone number you guys can call in and uh you know we'll get this show out of the basement maybe up to my kitchen on the second floor motherfucker yo motherfucker don't ever fucking go over my head again you prick you i'm on the move for little Junior. Let's see what we got. Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. I guess I'll have to spread my legs now, she says. Why, he asks.

Don't you have a vase? What the hell's going on out here? Oh, relax. So, yeah, I'm excited. We're going to miss Patrice. I told you, I've done this cookout maybe four times, five times. I don't know. But Patrice came the first year and maybe yelled at me because I didn't have steak.

I don't know what kind of money he was making headlining fucking yuck yucks. So we had Rich Foss run out and get steaks. And then he insisted on cooking them. Patrice did. Takes over the grill. And then he doesn't even eat the fucking steak. And then the next year

he shows up to lay great Patrice with, I'm not shitting you, about $350 worth of Chinese food. And I'm going, you're such a, I go, that's such a passive-aggressive asshole thing.

What, you didn't like the food last year? Sausages and burgers wasn't good? No, man, no, man, I'm gonna watch my, I'm on my health kick, man. I'm gonna watch it. And I go, okay. I open, the first two cartons I open are like orange beef and bubblegum broccoli or some shit. Grape-fl flavored egg rolls. Not a fucking, not an ounce of rice or fucking, you know, just like the shit with nine coats of batter on it. But he fucking loved it up here.

I got a picture of him and me and Mike Baker, my web guy, that it just captures. It's so funny because he, you know, he was impossible to get a compliment out of, but he loved it up here at my house. I remember him and his date was sitting, DeCarlo, did I say that right? I hope I got her name right. Was sitting over on this bench near my pond, and he just, man, I fucking, I love it up here, man. I fucking tell you, man.

I fucking love it up here. Just, and you never said anything nice to me, really, but he couldn't help himself. No, he fucking loved it up here. And yeah, every time I, that's who I miss. Geraldo, I never get Geraldo to come to my house. He was always on the road every time I did this goddamn thing. And he always promised, but he was always on the road.

He had to. He had a wife and kids. But we miss those two guys. But it'll be a good crew. Quinn already confirmed and I think Jimmy Norton, Anthony Cumia, Dan Soder, Joe List and his girlfriend, Matt Arise and his wife, and Tom Selleck and his wife, and Larry Storch and his girlfriend, and Kevin Eubanks and his boyfriend and Superfoot Wallace and, no, who the fuck else? Rich Voss and Bonnie. And I'm forgetting a few people. But, yeah.

It'll be great. Got a clean pond. I told you, get all the scum out of that thing. Anyways, what else did I want to talk about before I go? Oh, here's a, you know, I wanted to make it a light show today because, you know, it's Labor Day. It's the end of summer. Jesus Christ, do you believe it?

Do you fucking believe it? What was that, eight minutes of summer? And the Farmer's Almanac is predicting a worse winter than last year? How the fuck is that even possible? Headline, Vanderbilt Women's Center to lecture men on healthy masculinities. Could I fucking make that up? If you got college-age kids and you're sending them to college in this country, you've lost your minds because it's just a bastion of liberal indoctrination.

That's all it is. Me and my wife know this girl who's going to a school. I won't mention which one. And we can already see the change. She's asking my wife about certain shit. And it's just, I have to sit there. Chewing on a monkey wrench. Not the fucking snap.

Vanderbilt University Women's Center will be hosting a week-long event dedicated to lecturing. They even use the fucking word. They're shameless, these he-she's. A week-long event dedicated to lecturing men about what it means to have healthy masculinity. Do you fucking believe that? They're going to tell us how to be a man. This is where we are. Why the fuck would you fucking believe that? They're going to tell us how to be a man. Literally. This is where we are.

Why the fuck would you send a kid? The Healthy Masculinities Week is sponsored by Vanderbilt's Margaret Cunningham. C-U-N-I-N-G-G-I-M. C-U-N-N-I-N-G-G-I-M. It's too easy. Yeah. Can you imagine? It's sponsored by her let's go find that way she

lives and pin her down and shave her beard off this fuck base which claims to be devoted to celebrating women while empowering all listen to this this is the mission of the women's center at fucking vanderbilt to affirm a space for all members of the vanderbilt community that acknowledges and actively resists sexism so right away they're not welcome at all because they're talking about men when they say sexism racism so they're obviously talking about white men homophobia so they're talking about straight white men actively resist sexism racism homophobia and all forms of oppression while advocating for positive social change. Go fuck yourself.

How about that? There's your social change, you. Healthy Masculinities Week hopes to encourage men to explore healthy masculinity through various lenses, such as American society, the gay and bisexual community, fraternities, and more. Listen to this, folks. I can't make this shit up. The first event as part of the Healthy Masculinities Week is called The Macho Paradox. Why some men hurt and how all men can help. The title is a reference to a book by Jackson Katz, who is a self-proclaimed anti-sexist

activist and the speaker for the event. Translation, he's a gay Jewish fella, I'm guessing. The full title for Katz's book is The Macho Paradox, Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help. It's unclear why the word women was removed from Vanderbilt's event listing. Oh, really? It's unclear why? Because there might have been a fucking uproar.

It would have made it transparent that you're attacking men, you fucking duplicitous, pitless wonders. According to a review for Katz's book, Katz explores those aspects of American culture that promote violence against women, focusing separate chapters on pornography, prostitution, prostitution. i said no kids pornography prostitution and other sex-related businesses as well as sexual violence in the military the music industry and athletics they literally are you fucking hearing this?

It also offers advice on how men can ally with women to curb violence and change those aspects of the boys will be boys attitude on male aggressiveness and masculinity that can lead to violence and abuse.

They literally, they literally are telling us how to be fucking men. This is... In 2012, Katz gave a TED Talk with the title, Violence Against Women, It's a Men's Issue.

In his talk, Katz asserts, we need to change the socialization of boys and the definitions of manhood that lead to those current outcomes. Violence against women. Do you hear this?hood that lead to those current outcomes. Violence against women. You hear this? They literally want to change our DNA. And I'm not saying in our DNA it's too, you know, they're painting with a broad brush.

That's what makes me fucking crazy. Yeah, the thought bubble over the cartoon guy's head says, don't cry, have sex, major in business, play sports, and man up. Allegedly, these are examples of unhealthy masculinity. Can you fucking imagine just the arrogance to take on this guy? I can't even talk. And this is coming from a guy named Katz. Well, this is part of the, you know, symposium at vanderbilt my point being my bigger point why why would you send kids your kids to college in this country today when this type of shit and you notice i'm always reporting on these stories last week was washington state university

and the week before it was a different college and the week before that it was a different college so it's a national movement i don't know where we're going in this country i don't know what the fucking all this shit i mean they talk about the the the republicans moving to the right are you shitting me are you shitting me i cannot wait for this guy to get out of office and no i'm not pinning it on him but obviously this is everything he holds near and dear to his heart and uh it's unbelievable i don't know where we're headed we're gonna split in two we're gonna split into i hope because i can't stand being around these people these fucking radical libs who again they have this utopian wet dream but they can't point and give me an example anywhere else in the world where they with their fucking i you know with

their vision of a society actually worked which is you know, where their vision of a society actually worked, which is, you know, socialism slash communism. It's never worked. They can't give me an example, yet they hate everything this country stands for. Fuck them and everybody who votes like them. Anyways, happy Labor Day, kids. It's about it from here. By the way, homelessness is through the roof.

The big story with that here in New York, 4,000 people on the streets, they broke up 80 homeless camps throughout the city. de Blasio finally admitted. So you're wrong about everything. You're wrong about fighting crime. You're wrong about race. You're wrong about the nuclear Iran deal. You're fucking wrong about everything.

And like I said before, if the Republicans, if you can't come to the White House for the next 40 fucking years, you really don't deserve it. All right, kids, now that I've worked up into a lather, I got to rinse my salty nuts and go out and buy 400 pounds of chicken and uh um i don't know cream corn um that's about all i got i guess it's getting hot as a motherfucker down up in here uh you guys thank you so much go to adamandeve.com i already gave you that oh real quick. Please write this one down. October 17th. I repeat. If you like me, I'm getting even crazier on stage. You'll come out and see me if you want a breath of

fresh air that doesn't have feminist twang to it. October 17th. What the fuck did that even mean? At the Gramercy Theater here in New York City. Please, please come out. This is a gig that means a lot to me because it's a gorgeous theater

and I want to do it more than once. October 17th, Gramercy Theater, New York City. Okay? And before that, 17, 18, and 19 of September, Laugh Boston. Governors on September 25th and 26th in Levittown. All right, kids. That's about it.

That's right. It's that time of year. So buckle up. Good luck with your fantasy leagues if you're into that shit and you have that kind of time in your hands. And I'll talk to you soon.

I love you for helping me to construct my life. And you blew it! You blew it! He sure did. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign. Wait a minute. Just hold on a second.

I want to play something for the Vanderbilt Women's Center. They want to lecture men on how to be men. Let's see if I can goddamn find it. It's probably a mistake. This goes out to the Vanderbilt's Women's Center. It goes out to

Margaret Cunningham and to Mr. Katz who wrote the stupid book. I suggest you don't get it. It's a horrendous read. His name is Jackson Katz. This goes out to you and all your feminist friends, you douche. I like it. I like it. Uh-huh I like Big Ted Uh-huh

You see him on the street Left and right I like Big Ted That's right I try to look away But I can't resist. Every time I try to call it quits. Here comes some tits.

That's a big tent for big tits. What a deal. I like big tits. Good day, everybody. guitar solo I'm out.