The Nick DiPaolo Show - 109 - Trump, Terror, Big Announcement

Episode Date: November 24, 2015

Trump, Terror, Big Announcement

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, hey, hey, kids. How are you? What's going on? Holy Christ. I sat down at 12 o'clock, no time to do this. It's now 4.20, just getting to opening the show. Why is that? Well, I plug my ipad in i get some type of fucking message that software needs to be updated and then my uh itunes uh software on my laptop need to be updated and then there was a glitch while it was updating and then there was 19 other fucking questions steve jobs rotten hell you fucker you anyways no but i you know i realized he helped create this uh thing we call the uh you know whatever and uh it helps you know guys

like jared fogel little kids into a van with a teriyaki sub and uh other than that you can look at some tits on online but the rest of it just fucking ages me at Mach speed. But anyways, oh, what a fucking nightmare. Then I get Rob Sprantz on the line from Riotcast, and we do this Join Me program. He's looking at my, you know, if you've done this, I'm sure. He's looking at my computer screen through his computer screen. Glitch after fucking glitch and updating the iPad softwaread software you know the status bar comes up it's like what three inches long and in the first you know two inches and and three quarters goes by like in five seconds then i'm gonna can't tear away from it completing this the update and it

just freezes i'm staring at that for 45 minutes and getting in the fetal position and crying. And then something else came up. And then something with my fucking Dropbox kept sending me this message in error. And again, your sister's ass. Your sister's sweaty fucking ass. Fuck you and fuck me. How are you, folks? Good to talk to you.

Big announcement. I was just doing a little speech to give you time. Here's the deal, folks this is uh kind of exciting probably the biggest announcement on the history of the nick de palo podcast but uh hopefully you're big fans because you're listening right now and i'm guessing you are but if you want more shows uh we're gonna make it happen here's how it's gonna work get a pencil and paper ready. I'll be announcing this for the next few weeks anyway. So, but if you want more shows,

I'm going to do the one show a week for free on Riotcast as normal, like on Monday. And if you want to get three more shows, you go to connectpal.com slash nick connect c-o-n-n-e-c-t pal p-a-l dot com slash nick and uh it's a multimedia platform where i can do all kinds of shit but most importantly the depalo podcast will be up there three dollars and 99 cents a month will get you uh three more shows i say i should say two to four because because of my schedule you know how that works um whether i'm traveling or not i can get more in or not how much how much time i have but you know you can count on at least uh

three i would say three more so for $3.99 a month, come on, for Christ's sake. That's nothing. And yes, and we can build this army. And I'm doing it because the downloads have been going up and up. So that's the deal.

If you want more Nick DiPaolo podcasts, $3.99 a month. Connectpal.com slash Nick. And yeah, we'll have some fun. I think Tom Green is with his company on the platform and a few big name politicians and a few syndicated radio show hosts. You are a syndicated radio show host. And it was a connection from the Nick and Artie show, a guy that I work with back there, who helped start this, along with a very smart fella that went to Harvard, his partner, also a radio guy. So connectpal.com slash Nick.

And, yeah, starting tomorrow. So I'm excited. starting tomorrow. So, I'm excited. That means I'll only have to sell half the cocaine I usually do to make ends meet here in the household. That's a joke, you silly fucks. Anyways, what has been going on since we last talked? Well, you had the attack in Mali.

That was a lot of courage, huh? Open fire and people staying in a hotel was it a hyatt i think it was anyways more carnage the world is just in chaos and uh jesus christ you know we gotta talk about it it's you know it's stuff it's just depressing every week but uh yeah that happened since the last time i talked to you but a lot of other shit too um what the hell else let's start with my weekend i was uh yesterday spent the day in uh in new jersey in jersey city actually on a used car lot that That's right. Danny Soda and a woman named Michelle Wolf, very funny comedians, both of them.

I think she writes for Seth Meyers. And you guys know Danny Soda, young guy, funny bastard. Love him. Originally from Colorado. And he came here. And you guys know him from the Bonfire Radio Show with Big J. And anyways, him and Michelle wrote a pilot, you know, web series thing for Comedy Central, and Comedy Central seems to like it, and it's about a used car lot, blah, blah, blah.

And anyways, they wanted me to play, you know, the guy who runs the lot. And so, yeah, it was, that's where I was yesterday. Every once in a while, you have to work like a real person in show business. The the car picked me up at five. It was in my driveway at 520 a.m. yesterday on a goddamn Sunday. That's right. And yeah, he brought me to Jersey City. I get there. I get there. I'm there before I'm there before even like the camera guys or the grip guys or the Comedy Central guys. Walked into this tiny little shitty trailer. It's an actual used car lot.

It was perfect. I guess the guy that owns it is from like Egypt. And he's in Egypt and he keeps an eye on his lot from Egypt. So God knows. I was looking for some type of, you know, God knows what that guy's up to. Because Danny told me all the cars on the lot don't even start. Let's lift the hood. Oh, fertilizer.

That's good. Fertilizer. And what else is that? Some type of gas mixture. Who knows? God forbid I prejudge. But it's on my mind. You know.

So, yeah. So, anyways. We started we started you know started shooting at like 7 30 8 o'clock and got home at uh 8 o'clock last night so yeah yes sir e bobby it was like a 14 15 hour day and it was great that means i was in every scene and uh got to be a maniac just yelling at dan and michelle i'm their boss and with a you know just a fucking shitty attitude and it was just they're like go crazy and you could work loose you know you just you ad lib here and there and they know what they're doing and it was was really funny. I got to be honest. The script was funny. And it was just a blast. It was like me, Danny, Michelle, and one other actor. And that was like it for all the scenes. They had already shot a couple the day before.

So keep an eye out. You know, I think Comedy Central seems to be kind of, who knows. Danny said, I think they're hot on it. They seem interested. But it was a blast it was and man it got cold all of a sudden like two in the afternoon it dropped temperature dropped about 20 degrees of wind picked up and um we you know did some outside shots and uh it really is crazy i don't know how many people stay in show business as long as they do but uh just you know it's just funny if i can there's a trailer

like where you change and you know it's just it's fucking it's weird man some while i'm doing it i'm like what i feel like i'm doing a play in eighth grade or something some type of theater fag bag i can't get used i can't get used to ah it's just so funny and then they're throwing these kids are referencing movies and shit and and and pop color i don't know what the fuck they're talking about but uh but soda had me cracking up and it was great like i said he let us wing it you know you could wing it here and there you, here's the structure to the scene. You got to get the words in some of them, but let's do it again. Only, you know, so I'm just making up. At one point I'm screaming in their faces and just going, you titless fucking grilled cheese, eating gluten-free

jerk offs, get out of my fucking and they're like, Oh yeah, let's do it again. And, uh, it's kind of fun. But nothing beats stand-up, folks. I mean, it is fun to an extent, that type of shit. But stand-up, when you write and edit and direct and you're out there by yourself, that is pure entertainment. The purest form, in my opinion. But acting, but that's fun, too. And they let you play a character.

Hey, we need an angry asshole. DePaulo, it says right in the breakdown sort of a nick to palo uh you know but uh let's hope uh let's hope that sees the light of day you know you do so many of these things over the year i read somewhere george cloney did 27 28 pilots it before before uh the hospital show he was on, I don't remember what the fuck it was, hit. But he had done 20, 78, 28 pilots or something that never saw the light. Just to give you guys an idea of how the networks don't know what the fuck they're doing. So keep an eye out. Let's hope it, like I said, let's hope it, you know, sees the light of day first and then catches on.

Secondly, could really use it. But a blast. And thanks to Michelle Wolf and Danny Soder and everybody at Comedy Central who are really nice, man. These people behind the scenes, they're unbelievable. Watch these people work, setting up the fucking lights and just, they know their shit, you know? And the wardrobe people, they asked me to bring like this cheesy shit I had in my closet, which wasn't hard.

I went behind my third shirt and found a suit from 1967. Everything worked. No, just really ugly ties and shit. And fucking Danny was wearing like polyester jackets and just it was just the whole visual was just funny so that's what i did yesterday got home and fucking watched like a little bit of arizona and uh what the fuck were they playing i don't even does it really matter? And the Bengals. And I fucking nodded off about eight minutes into that.

They also gave me a bottle of single malt scotch in my bag, Comedy Central. So I had a nice glass of that on ice. And, oh, between that and me being dehydrating and holding a dump for 12 hours. And, uh, uh, yeah, I went down like a Kennedy after two sips of that scotch. I've seen double shit packs of wallop, but I think I found a cure to my sleeping problems.

Um, but the, you know, anyways, pop, pop, pop, pop.

I don't even know if I'm supposed to be talking about it. I hope I didn't just blow something for Danny. I don't think so, but, uh, pop, pop. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be talking about it. I hope I didn't just blow something for Danny. I don't think so. But, God. Jesus Christ, Apollo. Honestly. Honestly, man. What's going on before we get to the heavy shit?

Oh, my fucking story had me belly laughing in the post today. Only New York Post. Oh, God. Headline, hidden camera catches panty thief hey i think we've all been there all right fellas a manhattan she's a good looking blonde by the way her name's ashley chase and uh just to sum up that she's a financial analyst and she went undercover by uh she noticed like her bras and panties would go missing every once in a while and her bikini tops and and uh so she borrowed like her sister's phone and there's some app on it that you can use you know that uh any any movement activates the camera the video camera

on it well long story short she leaves like in an elevator one day and uh She leaves like in an elevator one day. And Jose Cedillo, her superintendent of the building, is like in an elevator with her. And she would pretend she was going out. She had a bag in her hand. And she was going somewhere, the beach, what a Labor Day trip to the Hamptons. Anyways. And he's in the elevator with her and you know so so he can see that she's leaving anyways about 10 minutes after she leaves to head to the hamptons wherever she

was going the app goes off and sure enough there's a video of him him in there sniffing her panties fucking sick oh my god i mean what is going on stupid in this day and age it's like you know it's like uh ray rice not knowing his cameras in an elevator uh yeah so she checks on the phone and sure enough there he is she's headed to montauk on labor day and uh 10 minutes after she left the thing goes off and she checks it oh jesus christ i don't know why that makes me laugh um but listen this is the guy so she calls the cops he gets busted for burglary sexually motivated felony and petty larceny papers as a file man happens this is him he

he cops to the panty raid admitting this is the guy he goes i went in today to look around i took a pair of panties i left i went downstairs i sniffed them and i threw them in the garbage why would you throw them in the garbage unless they, you know, unless she shit herself. Then he says, then he adds, I went in another time a few months ago. I don't remember when. That one just gets me. Excuse me. That was my wife's panties.

Excuse me, you dirty. excuse me that's my that's my wife's panties excuse me you dirty uh i'll tell you why it tickled my fancy uh because once again on the show as always real life imitates art and vice versa i guess but in this situation i cracked up the minute I read this story because there was an episode on The Sopranos where when Christopher get made, Pauly Walnut shows up unannounced. It was a new thing with guys, new guys being made that they had to strip. They could be strip searched at any minute because so many guys are wearing wires. I guess this was true, too. So Paulie Walnut shows up unannounced at Christopher's apartment where he lived with Adriana, if you know the show, and says, you know, take off your fucking clothes. And I think this was, yeah, it was. So then he goes in, then he goes in, like, Christopher's bedroom.

And sure enough, he's opening drawers to look for shit, make sure Christopher's not, you know, playing double agent here. And he starts sniffing Adriana's panties. And Christopher sees him out of the corner of his eye. Which, oh, God. Which leads to this scene here. Tony finds out and has to have a talk with Pauly about this. You sniffed that girl's panties? He told you that?

Fuck him, baby. You got to apologize. Hey, I'm not apologizing. You were out of line. He's going to marry the girl, for Christ's sakes. As of the wedding day, anything that touches a pussy is off limits anything that touches her as of the wedding day anything that touches a pussy is off limits and fucking gandalfini does the best acting there just looking at him with a uh okay you crazy sick fuck it was the best

moment i've ever seen he just kind of looks at him then puts his arm around paulie and they start walking oh my god i remember hitchhiking from university of new hampshire uh from uh yeah i went down i used to hitchhike from University of Maine down to the University of New Hampshire to see my girlfriend on weekends in sub-zero weather. That's when you're young and you get a taste of, you'll do anything. And I remember hitchhiking back, getting up on a Monday morning from New Hampshire back up to Maine. I'm out on the highway. I was out there about an hour. Big 18 wheeler picks me up. I get in.

Guy had like a bushy beard, almost like a ZZ Top. Kind of a creepy looking man. So he goes, well, you know, I tell him I'm going to University of Maine. And I go, oh, yeah. Yeah, my nephew went up there or something. And he goes, they still do them panty raids up there? Fucking, I almost jumped out of the truck while it was moving. Oh, my God.

You still do them panty raids up there? And the answer to that was yes, I think we did it, actually. I can't remember. I'm going to be honest with you. I've never, well, I've, yeah, I just, I don't remember breaking, any of my girlfriends looking into their drawers and shit and sniffing that stuff. How unmanly of me. But I do know somebody, a comedian that was staying at his place once a long time ago. And nobody you guys know so the phone I was checking messages on his answer machine that's how long ago was and it was blinking and I pushed the wrong button I played him and it was it was

him on the phone with a sex line and he's on the phone and he's talking one of those phone sex and the uh the person the girl goes ah um he goes yeah i have some panties in my hand and the girl oh whose panties are those and there's like a there's like a uh there's like a a dead silence for a second then he goes um uh my sisters and there's no and it's it's just i i i rewound it like a time and played it i was laughing so hard on my uh whose panty those um my sisters how does the girl on the other end of the line not stop laughing her balls off i mean i would have been fucking mad. Whose panties are these?

My sister's. It was kind of like he asked it like, my sister's? Like he had to come up with an answer in a pop quiz. Sister's cunt. Yes, exactly.

So that fucking cracked me up. So that guy's in the post. How funny is that? How humiliating, but a girl. Well, he had good taste. I'll give him that much. Sniffing her panties.

I guess he and he took some dirty ones like I said. Guy's an expert. He knows what he's doing. Who's behind a question? What the hell else? Gangs of New York.

Sicilian Mafia offers Big Apple protection from psychopathic ISIS. Does that ring some bells from the past, folks? Giovanni Gambino. He's the son of a key figure in the Gambino mob. So why is he in the post, a picture of him?

It's unbelievable today. Well, he says the mafia is in a much better position than security bodies such as the FBI or Homeland Security to give New Yorkers the protection they need. He says they often act too late or fail to see a complete picture of what's happening due to a lack of human intelligence. This is a mob guy talking with NBC. He added the mafia's knowledge of individual movements and interactions with locals give it the upper hand, even compared to the latest surveillance technologies.

Of course, he's also trying to carve a role as a Hollywood screenwriter, the Scambino guy, which is, again, that reaches back to the... Christopher did that on Sopranos. Obviously, the Sopranos guys relied on a lot of the local headlines, I mean, for their scripts, but boy, do they... There's a couple more examples in this episode that I'm going to tell you about, but he says, The world's a dangerous place today, but a living in New York neighborhoods,

neighborhoods with Sicilian connections should feel safe. We make sure our friends and families are protected from extremists and terrorists especially the brutal psychopathic organization that calls itself the islamic state okay that's true that's great and everything but are you going to be at the low cineplex when i'm going to see fucking star wars 19 even though i wouldn't see that if they were shooting in my front lawn but i'm just saying are you going to be at the what are you going to fucking hide out in the giant turkey float on the halloween Fucking Cecil Picatrano under the turkey's neck opening fire on fucking, I understand what he means. The local neighborhoods will be protected,

but, uh, you know, how about the, how about the Madison square garden or we can go to see a rock concert like what happened in France? I mean, there's only so many Gambinos, I think, right? But I like the spirit. What a world, huh, folks? What a fucking world we're living in. With, you know, ISIS and fucking mobsters ready to do battle. But, again, the story's kind of relevant but i'm like why does this sound familiar if you

remember and if you if you have your history folks and you know your history there is a there is a connection between like uh uh the mafioso la cosa knows doing its part to protect the united states and i know you guys who follow this shit. I know what I'm talking about. Lucky Luciano, World War II's Operation Husky. And he was, you guys have seen it on TV if you follow the mob stuff. Luciano was in prison reading daily newspaper reports of Allied victories and he got impatient. He wanted to be part of the action. This is according to Meyer Lansky. He had it all worked out.

He would volunteer. This is Lucky Luciano. Would volunteer to act as a scout or liaison officer for frontline troops. He'd put his neck in line by being parachuted into action behind enemy lines and use considerable influence to win the war for america lansky laughed but uh luciano didn't see the funny side he was deadly serious and uh this is really they gotta i can't believe well they probably have done a movie about this but i didn't see it uh january of 1943 the allies were on the offensive in the mediterranean

they had uh they were fighting you know they already defeated the germ were on the offensive in the Mediterranean. They had, they were fighting, you know, they already defeated the Germans and the Italians in North Africa. Now they're looking to open up a second European front to put more pressure on Hitler while the German army is fighting for its life against the Soviet Union and Russia. The final decision was made at Casablanca conference between FDR and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill. After much debate, the Americans agreed to support Churchill in his desire to invade Mussolini's Italy, which was the soft underbelly of Nazi Europe back then. To this, they would first have to attack Sicily

in an operation that would go by the codename Husky. That's unbelievable. Having determined the location of the next Allied thrust, Churchill then had to admit that the Americans possessed an undeniable advantage when it came to dealing with Italians, in view of their friendly feelings towards America, entertained by a great number of citizens of Italy, said Roosevelt to a telegram to Churchill.

And in consideration for the large number of citizens of the United States who are of Italian descent, it's my opinion that the military problem will be made less difficult by giving to the allied military government in Sicily as much of an American character as practicable. Practicable? What the hell is that? Churchill agreed,

but he also expressed the fear that Italian-American anti-fascist agents appointed to Sicily might well turn out to have mafia links. Which is like, yeah yeah that's what we're shooting for here it gets more interesting uh lieutenant anthony marslow had no qualms about dealing with gangsters this is a military guy okay lieutenant of the u.s military lieutenant uh the exploitation of informants irrespective of their backgrounds is not only uh desirous he said

but necessary when the nation's struggling for its existence he hooked up with another guy named captain mcfall and um happened in two other members of his four-man team were practicing a practicing attorney and an investigator who would later be tasked with exposing waterfront racketeering. They were now told to speak to all kinds of shady characters in order to get data of use in Operation Husky. You see? So Maya Lansky was active. He was actively involved in bringing some of the personalities

to Havden's office. The naval offices wanted everything they knew about the shape of the coastline of Sicily, the major landing points. So they got mob guys, okay? They grew up in Sicily, knew the lay of the land, and they brought them in. And the Navy wanted from the Italians

all the pictures they could possibly get of every port of Sicily, of every channel, and also to get men that were in Italy more recently and had knowledge of the waters on the coastlines. From his jail cell, Lucky Luciano recommended certain people who knew Sicily well and Lansky escorted them, this is Maya Lansky, escorted them to the naval intelligence offices. Socks Lanza helped out too. Sometimes some of the Sicilians were very nervous, said Lanza. Joe Adonis would just mention that Joe Adonis was a heavy hitter on the mafia. He would just mention the name of Lucky Luciano and say he had given them orders to talk.

If the Sicilians were reluctant, Joe would stop and smile and say, Lucky would not be pleased to hear that you're not helping. And then they would imagine having that much fear. So then they would, you know, they would spill their guts to what's the lay of the land in Sicily. And as the days counted down to Operation Husky, the Allied invasion of Sicily in the summer of 1940, it was it was not only U.S. naval intelligence that woke up the advantage of having homegrown links with the Sicilian mafia, of having homegrown links with the Sicilian mafia, but also, you know, the army, chiefs of staffs in Washington.

They came up with a plan for psychological warfare in Sicily. This was in April of 1943. This included the establishment of contact and communications with the leaders of separatist, nuclei, disaffected workers, and clandestine radical groups, e.g. the mafia. In other words, those radical groups in Italy, they hated Mussolini

because he was a fascist. So they were going to get these unhappy people over there to help with the U.S. military's invasion. Yeah, because it says it would not prove too difficult to get their help because Mussolini had come down hard on the mafia in the 20s when he sent to Sicily the tough law enforcer, Cesar Mori, to subdue and humiliate mafiosos and their families.

Many of them were tortured, sent to jail, or fled abroad to America. It was this hunger for revenge against the black shards that the American military wanted to utilize. How fucking interesting is that? So the United States would supply them with weapons and explosives so they could blow up our Axis military installations. This extraordinary concept of arming lawbreakers so they could fight against fascists and nazis was approved by the very highest military authority including eisenhower where's he i just want to get to the word um yeah on july 9th 1943 the british the american and the british landed some craft uh through the waves of the Mediterranean onto the beaches of the southeast corner of Sicily.

And the British were supposed to advance north along the eastern coast of Sicily from Saragusa to Messina. All the way, they would encounter stiff resistance from German soldiers determined to slow their advance. And they took some heavy casualties of the Brits. It said the British advance would be measured in blood. But in contrast, listen to this. This is where it gets really interesting. The Americans quickly cut across Sicily to occupy the western half of the island and take its capital, Palmyra, on the northwest coast. The casualties

were a fraction of those suffered by the British. Had Roosevelt and Eisenhower been right? Had they secretly deployed their Italian-American contacts

to somehow ease the progress of their own soldiers? Had underworld links across the ocean instructed the mafia in Sicily to aid the Americans

and discourage Axis troops from attacking them. It's been a long held belief that's exactly what happened. So the mafioso stepped up on behalf of the Americans and made it easy when they invaded Sicily. And very interesting. There's a lot more to it. I don't want to, you know, it's enough detail.

But once again, I'm like, this all sounds familiar. And the final season of The Sopranos, I think it was the final season, the last of the second and the last, Tony has an encounter because, again, he, you know, you guys know the show takes place in Jersey and the terrorists and, you know, they started to shoot the show like 98 the pilot in 2001 happened right in the middle of the series so they they had to work that that angle into the show and sure enough tony has a uh has a conversation with detective harris from the fbi talking just about this and it sort of mirrors you can see they obviously studied their history and and did an

episode um sort of based on this here's uh is i have three short clips of tony soprano and and uh talking to the fbi and they're talking about this very thing going to the mafia for help and its fight to defend the United States. As I told you, my partner and I are with the Joint Terror Task Force now. You're around Port Newark often enough. We're concerned about what might come through there from the Middle East. Yeah, and? Let's talk terror funding. Most of it comes about through a legal enterprise. Our pitch is this, and it's the same we gave to Christopher Maldisanti. Maybe he never mentioned it.

If you or any of your people ever heard of anything going down, Middle Easterners, Pakistanis, you'd be helping us a lot if you let us know. I think there's a word for that. Your daughter takes pre-med classes in New York? She's the tunnels. In other words, you don't want your daughter to be blown up in the Holland Tunnel going back and forth from class at Columbia or wherever. And here's another clip, of Tony with the feds.

You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Hey, T. Yeah, I'm here with some people. The Arabs from the Bing, what were their names? The Arabs. Some people? Exactly. Oh, fuck, yeah.

Ahmed and Mohammed. What'd they do? Ahmed and Mohammed. He's telling me up here. You know, actually, I Ahmed and Mohammed What'd they do? Ahmed and Mohammed He's telling me up here You know, actually, I got a cell number I called him recently, but he don't answer no more Ahmed Al Najafi 973-555-0146

Ahmed Al Najafi Tell me they're not gonna blow up the chemical plant or some shit. I don't know. I'll call you later. Cell phone. That's a real prize. Thank you. Yeah, but Tony had more integrity And so did Lucky Luciano Than the psychos today

And the mob that rat each other out Every three seconds Here's the final Contact with Tony And the FBI How's the anti-terror going? Great If you don't like sleeping, eating or seeing your kids

Listen to those Arabs From the Bing If you don't like sleeping, eating, or seeing your kids. Listen, those Arabs from the Bing. Let me ask you the truth. They're in Jordan, right? Getting their balls zapped? Or you're not going to tell me? I'm not really sure. For all we know, they may be harmless pistachio salesmen.

And don't get so bent out of shape. You're a big boy Tony you know World War two your your outfit protected the Brooklyn Navy Yard think Roosevelt told Vito Genovese where Hitler was hold up go fuck yourself I love it. See that? Art imitating life and vice versa, I guess. I thought that was pretty cool, though.

History repeating itself. Hope we step the fuck up. I don't know. We don't have any leadership on the legitimate side. I wonder if we have any on the mafia side anymore you know speaking of fascists and uh whatnot um you know i think you've heard obama say that uh terrorism is actually being caused by climate change and global warming and um who else said it during a debate oh bernie sanders actually said that sanders you said you want to rid the planet of isis in the previous debate you said the greatest threat to national security was climate change do you still believe

that absolutely in fact climate change is directly related to the growth of terrorism. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not this fucking time. No fucking way. No fucking way. No fucking way. No fucking way. That's right. Well, the theory being that, you know, because of the planet warming up and eventually crops won't grow and people be fighting for water and it'll cause, you know, international conflict. But how is that any different? even if there wasn't global warming, whether you believe it or not, terrorists are always going to fucking, there's always going to be unrest all over the planet, okay?

It's never going to be fucking equal. Get that wet dream, you utopian horse shit out of your fucking mind. But here's the thing. Flashback, 1941, okay? The headline from 1941 from a Cincinnati newspaper, it said, again, scientists claim global warming caused Hitler. Warm attempts may produce a trend towards dictatorial governments. People are more docile and easily led in warm weather. This is a headline from 41.

People are more docile and easily led in warm weather. That explains why, you know, spring break is in Florida and in Arizona and the Bahamas and Cancun. I got more pussy because, you know, let's be honest, people are more docile and easily led

in warm weather. Nobody's going to spring break in fucking Anchorage. You're not going to get any pussy up there. Might have had to do with the eight Long Island iced teas I pumped into Betty. But can you imagine that? 1941 claim. The rise to power of Adolf Hitler in Germany and Benito Mussolini, Italy may be due in part to the gradually warming temperatures of the world.

People are more docile. Links fascism with weather. It's a Cincinnati, Ohio paper. I think it's a bit of a fucking stretch. That was in the UP. That's United Press. I don't even think they the mason city globe gazette and oh mason city iowa that was another article that was march of 1941 yeah it says increasingly warming temperatures throughout the world may produce a trend toward dictatorial governments in the opinion of dr clarence mills professor of

experimental medicine at the university of cincinnati um well if that's the case how come we're the only fucking superpower left and uh there's a handful of dictators but in fact dr mills believes that the rise to power of hitler in germany may do in part to gradual warming temperatures i guess the leftists were fucking even retarded back then dr mills is author of a theory that climate has a marked effect on human growth, stature, sex developments, and disease resistance. Well, well, well. That theory's been around a long time. And Bernie Sanders and the fucking idiots, Obama, they're trying to fucking pump steam back into it. Anything to get a reason to fucking tax the United States.

That's all it is. We're the ones who'll be squeezed, the fucking taxpayers. And you carbon tax my left nut. Fucking, even if it is warming up, I'm not even denying that. I'm just saying. When you use it as an excuse to dip into my fucking wallet yeah i'm gonna be skeptical what else what else is going on

oh fucking trump my little stick on this well we had we had on Friday five more Syrians. We're stopped at the Laredo port of entry. Laredo, Texas, that is. You know, Mexico border. This brings the total number of Syrians seeking entry into the U.S. through our city to 13 this week. Yeah, a statement from the Department of Homeland Security. Five Syrians in the National presented themselves at the gateway to the America's Bridges. A family consisting of a man, woman, and child and two other men were taken into custody by Customs and Border Protection.

A standard procedure. The statement reads that the CBP checked their identities against numerous law enforcement and national security-related databases. Record checks revealed no derogatory information about the individual. Would you let us know if it did, you fuckheads in the land of sanctuary cities? Are we really going to trust anything? Oh, boy. CBP turned them over to U.S. Immigration

and Custom Enforcement for further processing and placement in an ICE facility, where I'm sure they'll be let free after they get a call from shithead in chief. As you may recall, folks, groups of eight Syrians were also taken by CBP at Laredo Port of Entry on Tuesday. And I know.

And now we're into this phony debate that, oh, Jesus, if you're trying to deny refugees, you're a bigot. It's the same fucking tool they've been bludgeoning the right with for fucking years. And here it comes. I can't even believe we're having this debate. with for fucking years and here it comes i can't even believe we're having this debate after that attack in paris and the guy with a fake passport the syrian with a fake passport i mean you consider racists or a bigot if you just even fucking want to have the discussion about it i mean we've lost all common sense we've fucking lost our shit yeah there should be a suspension immediately i say a moratorium on legal and illegal immigration completely for like 10

years let all the black and browns and yellows and purples and everybody that's come over here let them fucking learn our ways let's shut the doors for a while until you know they assimilate into our culture is that that really how fucking outrageous and when syrian is the hotbed of fucking terrorism really that's big at it to want to double check or you know just put a suspension a temporary suspension is that asking too much really holy fucking moly oh goodness gracious hallowees i mean is it really that all fucking rages and um they've been coming over i i remember hearing five years ago reading that like every 15th or 18th or I can't remember what the exact was. Um, um, person sneaking in was from like a country that was on a terror watch list.

I mean, it's been going on, you know, forever. And even with all the madness, people, Oh, don't want to be racist.

Uh, I could give a flying fuck. My friend, uh, shut the doors at least for a little while shut them all fuck just the wall and and fuck just the wall in the southern border building all the way around the country trump you get trillions and zillions all the way around the whole fucking perimeter outline it i told you my plan bring everybody home make an announcement to the world hey terrorists everybody we brought everybody home from korea japan we're bringing

everybody home and we'll do business with you because we know you have to do business with us to survive but if anything happens we are gonna melt the fucking planet. That's my plan. I'm an isolationist. But, of course, Trump, Mr. Fucking, with his nuanced speech, I guess since I talked to you guys last, he comes out. Somebody asked him about a watch list or a database to keep an eye on Muslims. And Donald, well, the reporter brought it up. And Donald's been taking a lot of backlash. Because you can't use that type of language, you know. You can't go, yeah, because, you know, right away they go right, the lefties go right into their panic.

That's like fucking Nazis. That's like Nazi Germany. And I did a bit on my special when they were upset. Remember when they wanted to pull people, they were pulling people over in Arizona. And if, you know, they found out you were there illegally, they wanted to deport you. And people go, that's just like Nazi Germany. It's like Nazi Germany. And I said in my special, I don't said and i said my special i don't remember uh

jews sneaking into germany i don't remember them climbing over the fucking fence they got a nice laugh so it must have had some truth to it but uh yeah some reporter kind of yelled out he's in a gaggle of reporters to trump about this idea and of course donald most politicians uh would go you know just jeb bush would go that's that's that's fear-mongering i wouldn't do that but here's what trump did about the his idea of a watch list or something not his idea it was the reporter's idea but he you know he admitted it was a good idea there should be a lot of systems beyond database so we should have a lot of systems and today you can do it but right now border we have to have strength we have to have a lot of systems. And today you can do it. But right now, border, we have to have strength. We have to have a wall.

And we cannot let what's happening to this country happen anymore. Oh, I would certainly implement that. He would certainly implement that. So don't try to deny it, Donald, that you said it. He was trying to backpedal. And so what, I say. So fucking what. But that was dumb, Donald.

That was dumb. It was really dumb because, you know, you don't come right out and say, you just do it. You just do it. There's a million ways to...

Look at the guy sniffing at panties. It's not even safe to sniff panties in a building that you're the superintendent. You just do it. Yeah, a watch list so what if i mean oh but civil rights and all that shit all that shit is it doesn't matter national security comes first who gives a fuck about your civil

right if you don't have a country i don't give a shit make a list as long as my arm you don't think that's going on right now? You know, de Blasio, no, we can't put surveillance in mosques. Please tell me he's an actor in this role. He can't be that. Can he be that stupid, really? You know. You know we're surveying.

We have to be doing undercover work. If not, you're very naive about the world which people on the fucking far left are um that's not how it is anymore oh that would be prejudice and racist first being shot up at a concert those are your two fucking choices pick one yeah so and and trump says that shit right even i'm going i said to my wife i go you know what i think he doesn't want to be president i think the it's almost like the public he keeps going up in the polls we're calling him on his bluff remember at the beginning people go oh he's just in it to sell books he's not going to run for brand and i sort of you know sort of agreed with that and it's like it's like a uh you know what do you call a chicken fight trump's like yeah i'll

show these guys and we're calling him on his bluff you know he goes i'll say something already because you think maybe he's getting tired or he's like oh god this is harder than i thought and uh he says he he says these outrageous things. And part of me thinks he says them on purpose, thinking it's just going to implode his campaign. You know, if I come out and say I'm for a watch list in this politically correct world. Oh, my God. My my numbers will plummet. Maybe that's how I can get out of it.

This way I'll pull the strap on my parachute to get out of this fucking mess. And he says it. And we and the public's like, fuck you, you're in this for the good. The numbers go up even further. But it's just, you know, that's a crazy theory. But people are sick of political correctness and what's going on in the world and the lack of leadership and all that other shit. So, I mean, when he says it, people are like, yeah.

He also said he'd bomb the shit out of uh certain you know isis strongholds he goes i'll bomb the shit out of them and you know what good i'm all for it just being around a few of the actors too this weekend a few of them listening to them talking and and you know it's so funny i'm like an undercover agent in this business because you guys know my politics and most of the people do. But there's certain people on the set that, well, I guess they might know, you know, but I'm listening to them. Once they get amongst each other, you know, black people get real black when they get around each other and they black it up. And that's what libs do. They get around. Do you hear what Trump said? What is he fucking?

I'm just sitting there in the makeup chair laughing quietly. You know, it's hilarious. That's why you got to go, you know, come to the show. You're not going to hear this shit anywhere else. Everybody else is looking over their career. It's too late for me. I don't give a shit. I blew the lid off on Tough Crowd. I'm an open book. Don't say Mein Kampf. I know what you're thinking, you dickheads. I say that like these liberals listen to this show. But Trump. Yeah, I'd definitely implement that.

Okay, don't try to backpedal. Don't get mealy-mouthed about it. You said it. Now take it to the bank, Mama Luke. I don't think it's so outrageous, you know? They love to go to that Nazi. That's it, dude, a Nazi. I don't give a shit.

Whatever you got to do to keep the homeland safe. The truth is you can't prevent any of this shit, can you? You can't prevent psychos. By the way, they say ISIS is making their own cocaine now. That's good. That's good news, huh? But you can't. How are you gonna how are you

ever gonna prevent that somebody going into a mall and we're we're an open open and free country that's what makes it so easy for psychos who who don't believe in that you know it's a blessing and a curse at the same time here's a nice headliner for you white house gave isis 45 minute warning before bombing oil tankers. This is fucking... Can I make this shit up? Can I make it up? Can I fucking make it up?

Yeah. The Obama White House has given ISIS 45-minute warning before bombing their oil tankers by dropping leaflets advising potential jihadis to flee before airstrikes in syria get out of your trucks now and run away from them warning airstrikes are coming oil trucks will be destroyed get away from your oil trucks immediately do not risk your life the leaflet reads i i can't believe what i'm fucking hearing here i should believe it though because uh when we went over one of the USO trips, it was even, it was the Japan one, which was in 2005,

four, I don't know. But even then is when I learned about rules of engagement. And the Marines were telling me, yeah, we can't shoot unless we're shot at. I got dizzy on my feet. I thought they were making it up.

So this shouldn't really surprise me, especially with a peacenik in the fucking White House, but the leaflet drops are justified under the premise that oil tanker drivers might be civilians and not ISIS recruits. Well, if they're driving

trucks for fucking ISIS, I don't give a shit. They're part of it. You know, just like Ward Churchill said, the people are, what did he say about the people in the fucking towers? What he was so wrong about, little Eichmanns, he called them. In this case, it's true.

They're driving trucks for ISIS. And this guy, J.E. Dyer, goes, they're waging ISIS war, just like the other non-uniform participants who make up 100% of ISIS ranks. This is how much Obama wants to control collateral damage. Compare the Obama White House's approach to fighting ISIS to that of Russia. While it took the U.S. 15 months to even begin targeting ISIS oil refineries and tankers, airstrikes by Moscow destroyed more than a thousand tankers in five days.

So who's really in it to fucking win it? We are in it to win it. Yeah. In comparison, Colonel Steve Warren said the U..s had taken out only 116 tanker trucks the first strike to target isis uh lucrative black market oil business which funds over 50 of the target's activities listen to this this is what killed me in this article u.s airstrikes targeting oil assets are so rare that PBS, the network, was caught using footage of Russian fighter jet bombing an oil storage facility in Syria and passing it off as evidence of U.S. targeting the Islamic State's oil infrastructure.

They had to find a clip. targeting the Islamic State's oil infrastructure. They had to find a clip. They couldn't find a clip of us blowing up ISIS oil reserves. They actually had to substitute a clip of a Russian jet blowing up a storage facility in Syria. Pilots are coming back. Pilots say, you went 12 full months while isis was on the march without us using the air power and now as the pilots come back to talk to us they say three

quarters of our ordinance we can't drop we can't get clearance even when we have a clear target in front of us you fucking hear this that's what i mean it's gonna be all scripted scripted but again now when you say that um obama's administration they have uh they have an answer to why they were doing that numerous analysts claim obama white house 15 a month wait before it began targeting primary funding mechanisms behind isis was part of a tacit policy to help the Islamic State overthrow Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. So that's what, which may be true. You know, they're saying, hey, we didn't, 15 months ago, we weren't blowing up ISIS because we thought that they were going to overrun Assad, who's still our fucking enemy.

And I can almost buy that. But you're dropping fucking leaflets? I don't know. I know, that's how I feel. Believe what you want to believe, folks. I don't know. Hey, let's talk about some feminist news, huh? This is a great story by Carol Markowitz.

This is a great story by Carol Markowitz. How whiny feminists are ruining sex. But she really nails it. This goes out to the feminists. Who makes it hard for young fellas to get any pussy, especially on college campuses. Like I said, get yourself a hooker. We're going to graduate a million Charlie Sheens if this anti-male sentiment keeps up on college campuses. This Carol Markowitz says,

when I was growing up in the 90s, the dominant feminist message delivered to teenage girls like me centered on female strength. And, um... But she says, today these women are treated as perpetual victims in need of safe spaces at their colleges

so they dare not hear alternative opinions, suspicious of all men as predators and infantilized by people in power seeking to protect them. We've gotten to a point where society accepts that sex isn't an action between two equals. We treat the man as always in control of the encounter a drunk woman is incapable of consent while a drunk man remains responsible for all his actions amen that says it all right there women can go i was too drunk you know when they charge rape i was too to, they have that thing now where you have to, you have to literally get a verbal, a verbal answer from the woman, you know,

to go to the next level after making out with her. And I had a joke about that. I told you it's hard to understand a woman saying when she's got a dick in her mouth. What? You want me to,

but, but, isn't that, that's a, she sums it up. Guys on college campuses, they't that, that's a, she sums it up. Guys on college campuses, they can't, you know,

they have to fucking be totally responsible, even if they have 10 beers in them, but women can use that in court against them. Yeah. What's this other thing she talked about a girl? Listen to this. This one will make you fucking crazy. This woman... It's in New York Magazine, to give you an idea.

It's called The Game is Rigged. It was the article Rebecca Traster tells the story of Rena Gattuso, a Harvard senior, who wrote a column for the paper, school paper, about a sexual experience she had at a party. She was drunk. She slept with two men. She admits that it was entirely

consensual, but that she woke up dissatisfied and confused, wondering about the power imbalance in sex. Traster writes, eventually, Gattuso realized, that's the girl who slept with the two guys, that what she was grappling with

was not just the night in question, but also the failure of campus feminism to address those kinds of experiences. We tend to talk about consent as an individual process, she wrote, instead of asking, what kinds of power are operating in this situation. The student complained, they only ask questions like, did you or did you not say yes? It's not

as simple as yes or no, she continued. Yeah, it is, you fucking whore. But ethical sex is hard, and it won't stop being hard until we minimize as much as possible power imbalance related to sex. Cattuso had, as women having consensual sex have throughout history, chosen the partners, the place, the time, and the action. And yet she believes the power imbalance isn't in her favor. Exactly. Have we really gone so far down the rabbit hole that the obvious fact that women can have sex whenever and however they want to while men can have sex only whenever and however women want to

isn't obvious exactly this broad fucking nails it i like to meet this chick i like to meet it tracy notes that young women don't always enjoy sex and sex and sex on offer to young women isn't not a very high quality. I'll excuse fucking men. Yeah. Yes. Young men are generally not very good at sex film at 11. But Trace's conclusion is that the game is rigged with game being sex and the rigging being done by the sinister patriarchy to deprive women of sexual pleasure. Amen. Apparently men are too self-involved in need to provide more in bed for women.

The constant men should do this for women is the antithesis of feminism. Yet frequently embraced by self-described mustachioed pig face whores. I thought she fucking nailed it. All the responsibility, you know? That little scenario she drew up with a drunk woman and a drunk guy in a college dorm. And she can go to court and just say, I was too fucked up to give consent. And yet he

has to fucking be totally responsible for his actions even though he's drunk it's just such horror eventually like i said it's like with the race thing al sharpton's of the world won't be happy until it's it'll be illegal for white people even to talk about black people and that's what it is eventually with the feminists they they will not be happy until uh i don't know what'll make them happy i don't think anything anything i feel bad for the guys in college holy christ you wonder why they're dropping fucking shit in your your diet coke when you're not looking nick you just what are you what are you talking about you by saying that you just you're proving her point yeah i guess i did didn't i i'm just saying i'm glad i'm 53 and i don't fuck anybody what you heard me oh yeah i didn't read that well you know, I talked about the eight Syrians trying to sneak in,

but I just want... NBC News had a story on it, too, but it was so fucking... This is supposed to be... Again, reporting is supposed to be unbiased, you know, impartial. But on NBC News, it's unbelievable. The internet's so left-wing now, too. Eight Syrians were just caught on the southern border trying to get into U.S. ISIS, maybe? I told you so, said GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump tweeted.

We need a big, beautiful wall. Of course, they have to. Soon other Republicans were chiming in about the supposed threat on our southern border. Yeah, it's fucking legitimate. But I love NBC just, but the Department of Homeland Security told NBC News that Syrians were regular migrants who made no attempt to evade U.S. authorities. That's the tone of the reporter. The Republicans said this, then they said that, but then we talked to Department of

Homeland Security and they said this. We talked to Department of Homeland Security, and they said this. Problem? You're the fucking problem? You fucking Dr. Y onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time.

Oh, help us. Somebody help us. Somebody help us. That's about it. A little story here. Kind of creepy to keep up with the times. We are coming. Pro-ISIS message found on Ohio College campus. Youngstown State, I guess it was. on Ohio College campus.

Youngstown State, I guess it was. The Vindicator reports the rocks in the center of Youngstown State University campus were defaced with ISIS messages stating, we are coming, France deserves destruction, and YSU supports ISIS. That'll be Youngstown State. Campus police have reached out to the FBI regarding the message.

Yeah, you know who I'd reach out first to? Black Lives Matter. That's who I'd reach out first to. And the anarchists that make it up. That would be white little fucking liberal jerk-offs and, you know, angry black students and whoever else. Really, it goes across all racial lines when it comes to the 99 percenters. But that's who I'd check out first, FBI. I'd find that group because they're pretty much one and the same.

Don't tell me they're not giggling every time there's a blow against France or any of our allies because they hate this country so fucking much. I guarantee they're giggling every time there's a terrorist attack. And I'll say that now and I'll be right in a fucking year from now and have to remind you. That's who I'd look at first. Special Agent Todd Ward,

the head of the Youngstown FBI office, told the Vindicator, at this point, there's no specific credible threat to Youngstown State or the Youngstown area. Yeah, check out the people who hang fake nooses on doorknobs and draw fucking swastikas and feces.

Why don't you fucking... If you find out who did that, you'll probably get your answer here. Just a theory I have. Yeah, Titlis wonders ya. Huh, huh, huh. 150 on flight from Mexico allowed to skip customs leave JFK airport can I even make this shit up can I fucking make it up the airline and security officials at Kennedy airport let 150 passengers arriving from

international flight leave the airport without going through customs, the Daily News learned. American Airlines Flight 1671 arrived at JFK from Cancun, Mexico on Friday night. When the plane landed, passengers walked out of the airport without having their passports or bags checked by Customs or Border Protection. Imagine? I land from fucking Montreal. I have to leave a stool sample and a cup of piss a source familiar with the matter said passengers disembarking the plane just follow gate agents the security snaf who came just two days after isis released a video threatening new york city some passengers on flight 1671 did not complete immigration and customs upon when they arrived when they were inadvertently directed to the domestic terminal.

Can you imagine? The airlines had to contact the passengers and directed them to return to JFK Customs for processing. An official told the news on Sunday that 144 passengers had to return to the airport and they had gone through customs. The six that remain are all U.S. citizens.

But apparently the customs people were very aggressive on the phone. Can you fucking imagine the incompetence? Can you imagine if that was a private company or some shit? It would have been fucking out of business. But that's probably because, you know, I don't know if it has something

to do with the fact TSA's made up people who couldn't cut it at fucking wendy's i mean you think that might have something to do with it what a fucking farce oh my god it's all scripted folks i'm telling you by the way a fan of the Latino immigrants, the legal ones. Like I said, every time I watch Meet the Press or one of those Sunday morning shows this week with the Greek midget, they put up at the end, you know, who died fighting in Afghanistan. It's going on and it's always Latino names. There's always Latino names in there, you know. Like I said, they're the Italians of the...

What the Italians were in the last century. More Italians died in World War II than anybody. Or fought in World War II. But I'm just saying. Why, you know? So, but the incompetence. Imagine with the terrorism going on, it's the holidays,

and these fuckers are sending people to the wrong terminal. It's not even the passage's fault. What do you want from an airline that lost a girl's leg? You read that last week? The woman one of the women who lost a leg in Boston Marathon bombing. American Airlines lost her fucking

artificial leg. I can't fucking make this shit up. Oh god fucking help us. Our father who art in heaven. He's a fag. Oh, come on. I guess that's about it, kids.

Sports-wise, I got the bills and the pats tonight. Had seven right out of 16. My brother's got 11. He's at the top of the pool. And quickly, Panthers are still undefeated.

College football, Ohio State, they were number two behind Clemson, but they get beat by Michigan State this weekend. We knew that was going to happen. There's something, I don't know. And who else? Baylor beat up an Oklahoma State who was like number three or four in the country. Yeah, that was kind of an upset.

So there's a playoff system now, folks. So those are big deals. That's all I can really, I think we got it all. Folks, I can't say it enough. Because of how much the show's been growing, people requested more shows. So, again, let me give this out. Connectpal.com slash Nick. That's Connectpal.com slash Nick.

C-O-N-N-E-C-T-P-A-L.com slash Nick. That's Connectpal.com slash Nick. C-O-N-N-E-C-T-P-A-L.com slash Nick. And like I said, I'll do the free show, one free show, the Riotcast thing like on Monday. And then if you want three more, $3.99 a month. And so we get to do more shows. And I just hope it's not a technical fucking nightmare like today, or I will be found hanging in my fucking shower. All righty, that's it. I don't know what else to say, but thanks for the support.

But come see me Saturday night in Riverhead, New York. Riverhead, New York, At the Suffolk Theater. That's right. Riverhead, New York this Saturday night, the 28th at Suffolk Theater. And then the comedy scene in Foxborough, Massachusetts, December 4 and 5. That's a Friday and Saturday. That's right around the corner. And, well, we're already into 2016.

I might as well give it out there and uh levity live january 8 9 and 10 palisades mall in west nyack new york and uh zany's on january 14 15 and 16 i'll be downtown on the 14th and Rosemont on the 15th and 16th. And then the Sports Haven in New Haven, Connecticut, January 23rd, which is Saturday night. That's enough of the plugs, huh? Connectpal.com slash Nick.

Connectpal.com slash Nick. I look forward to doing this every day because it is, it's goddamn fun. Come on out and see me live. Those are the best shows where we can say shit again i don't know how much longer i can say the shit that i'm saying hillary's going after comedians i didn't even get to that today god damn it we'll get to it tomorrow see i can

say that now um about laugh factory comedians busting her chops yeah either way you know how i feel all right kids Good talking to you again. I'll talk to you real soon. Until we meet again. Adios. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. guitar solo guitar solo Bye.