The Nick DiPaolo Show - 111 - San Bernardino, Pats Eagles, Emotional Cripples

Episode Date: December 8, 2015

San Bernardino, Pats Eagles, Emotional Cripples

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hi, kids. How are you? Nick DiPaola Podcast. Well, that's what we're calling it for now. I'm going to have to rebrand this whole thing since we're doing so well with the subscriptions and blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean?

It's been a soft launch up to this point and uh so i want you guys to uh come up with some ideas for names for the show and um before you before you you know send them to me or whatever uh if you tweet them or whatever before you do that google them because a lot of things you think are going to be clever and funny are already taken which i've found out you know so uh check that stuff first before you suggest it i don't know and then the winner gets a uh i don't know free cd or whatnot pair my dirty underwear or a top hat i wore in high school something like I'll figure it out. How are you? Yeah, just back, just back from my trip to Israel. I mean, to Foxborough. And well, first of all, before I even do that, again, I want to thank the contributors, people contributing to the show,

other than their $3.99 a month um you guys have been very generous and and i appreciate all of it because i don't need it let's be honest um not a lot of money in the podcasting uh not yet but uh you know but a big big thank you to Bill Finari, who really generous contribution. Logan Allen also. And David Robitaille. I think those are the latest. Please don't get upset if I forgot. But every time I get one, I put it in my little folder on my phone or on my iPad or on my Mac or on my chalkboard. Anyways, thank you guys so frigging much, seriously, for being so generous. I feel like the NPR TV show. Lydia Bistanich has a new cookbook out, and for just $49.95, Mike Donovan, this comedian in Boston,

used to do the funniest bit because he hated NPR and public TV. And he goes, they used to make you feel guilty while you're watching it, like Channel 2, PBS TV. That was what it was in Boston, public television. He used to go, look at you sitting there and not contributing, you one-way self-centered cocksucker. That's what I feel like. But thank you for the contributions guys and gals you're terrific um yeah

so uh yeah foxborough this weekend boy how did that go huh i haven't seen the pats i told you last time i saw him was spy gate uh a giant stadium a jet stadium whatever they call it out there in the cancerless the cancer-filled Meadowlands where everybody who's worked there for the last 10 years ends up with a lump on their ass. That's the last time I saw the Pats live. So I hadn't been to Gillette, which was embarrassing as a Patriots fan to not have been to that beautiful.

And it was everything. The only thing I ruined, that was the game. I can cross it off my bucket list. This Patriots place, it was everything. The only thing I ruined, that was the game. I can cross it off my bucket list. This Patriots place, it was everything that I heard. It was really frigging awesome. First of all, let me talk about the comedy club, the comedy scene. Please support it. It's fairly new.

And thank you guys for coming out and girls. It was fun. It was a fun room. Got to work out a few kinks with the sound system and whatnot. But you know what? I'd do it again in a second. And it was really fun. And when I mentioned the podcast, the whole place clapped, which gave me a three-quarter chub.

Sort of like when I'm looking at my wife as she's getting out of the shower. I'm only kidding. There'll be a half chub. Anyways, it was fun. It was a good gig. And I want to thank John Tobin and Brian Early, who's like the general manager of Patriots

Place, for getting me these tickets. Jonathan Kraft, the son, is a fan of my comedy, apparently. He used to hear me on Stern. I know, like, Belichick's a big stern fan and robert crafts you know he lives in brookline and whatever he did and uh so yeah they give me these uh these club seats and um my buddy said he used to get the same version of these seats

in miami he knew a guy and he says they have to be three to four, three to five grand minimum. I was in the Putnam Club, they call it. And, you know, it just unbelievable. Unbelievable. Just huge cathedral ceilings with with carving stations, you know, carving people, carving prime rib and and lobster rolls and and and like five different bars available. You don't have to wait for a drink we get there a couple hours early it opens three hours before game time and i'm just going this is everything i heard and this giant flat screen tvs everywhere eating delicious food i kept thinking of the run and then it looks out onto the field you know it's about halfway up the you know the loge level like with glassed in and um and you know if you get cold you can stay in and watch it there it was just unbelievable i kept thinking of the romans

and and when i went to italy a few years ago um and you look and went to the coliseum and just thinking of you know that's what we are we're modern they're just people eating, pigging out, walking by with 19 fucking feet high stacks of nachos and lobster rolls and pizza. And then you go out and you sit in the seats like you would the Colosseum, the Romans, and give a thumbs up, thumbs down. And of course, if you were doing that to the Patriots, big thumbs down. But the place was so impressive. And then all the restaurants and bars. And after the gig Friday night, the second show after, I mean, we had one Friday night, two Saturday. After the one show I did Friday night.

And by the way, I get there and I see my face like up on a big flashing billboard screen next to the stadium. I know that's like, I don't know like up on a big flashing billboard screen next to the stadium. I know that's like a, I don't know. It was a thrill. I got to be honest with you. I know that I'm at a fucking G-list celebrity, but to see a face like when people are walking around Patriots play, flashing up on a big board, it was pretty fucking cool. You know, just feet away from the stadium and the parking lot.

I looked up and saw this big chubby guinea face staring at me but what are you gonna do it was bittersweet um i'm actually looking at it as i'm having lunch at this cbs scene which is where the comedy club was and i'm going look at my chubby fucking cheeks as i'm literally eating like a BLT in a fucking vat of New England clam chowder. But unbelievable. What a place they built, man. Restaurants and bars.

And after the show, like I said, Friday night, I went to some, I can't remember the name of the restaurant, but it was a northern Italian steakhouse. Damn it. I don't know what the name of it. But I had Kobe meatballs. Meatballs made out of Kobe beef. And then fusilli. Homemade fusilli with red cherry peppers and pancetta.

And this, anyways, Jesus H. Christ, was it good. And then I laid down and tried to sleep after that meal. It was like I had a, I was having a miscarriage. It was just gurgling. And again, that's, it has to do with my age and not the food. I couldn't stop eating the food. Matter of fact, I got a doggy bag and I get back to the hotel, you know, I was going to, and there's no refrigerator. So I'm like, Oh, I got to eat it now. I'm eating fusilli with my hands. I had no silverware. What a fucking pig. What an asshole. And Ooh, I felt it the next one. But, uh, what a fucking pig, what an asshole, and ooh, I felt it the next one, but what a place, folks,

get up to Gillette, and if you get a chance, you know, the Eagles fans did, and mother of God, it's massive, and then they have the Patriots Hall of Fame, first I went and dropped 200 bucks the minute I got there on Patriots paraphernalia because I really didn't have any modern shit, you know? Man, I went in there and dropped a deuce. And you think I'd give it out as gifts and stuff? No, I'm going to wear it all. I couldn't buy a Patriots, I couldn't buy a Tom Brady shirt because there's something about wearing a quarterback's number that's too,

it's kind of gay. I just can't, as a form of strong safety and somebody who's to like, you know, to headhunt. And I just couldn't wear a Brady shirt. It's something you put on abroad, like, you know, when she goes to bed with you or whatever. You can see your girlfriend or wife in it. For all of you who think I have such a man crush, I couldn't do it.

So I got a nice, you know, nice fucking hoodie and a couple of old school t-shirts that have the so i got a nice you know nice fucking hoodie and a couple old school t-shirts that have the old patriots emblem you know the center snapping the ball which i used to laugh at that emblem yeah nothing more athletic than a white center uh but um all kinds of shit i bought the winter hat with a pom-pom like brady was a couple like I said awesome t-shirts and um uh Patriots hat so you'll see me you know wearing that shit around but uh I did the whole thing went to the hall of fame my buddy the former cop from Miami came up and they flew up and met me and I you know I had the tickets for him and um just we went to the Hall of Fame you go

in and they have a 15-minute film on the history of the Patriots and it's and they intersperse it with highlights from back to the 60s it was so well done but it's being narrated like by like New England fans like like a couple of older women and like in their 70s who've been following them since the 70s. And they found New Englanders and they're dispersing it. Clips of the Patriots game with like lobstermen. And they had them interviewing them and they had the heaviest Boston accent. It was so well done. It showed fishermen and it showed a guy, a cranberry farmer.

And they're like, I can't imagine not going to the Pats game every year since 1970. I can't believe what it's turned into with Brady, and it's unbelievable. My grandfather, he didn't get to see the championships at Belly. Just the heaviest, me and my buddy were belly laughing. It sounded just like us growing up. It was so frigging well done from, again, it showed,

you know, clips of hog Hannah, uh, all the way to Vinatieri kicking that field goal. And they didn't miss a fucking thing to the Superbowl stuff. And, and it was so well done 15 minutes. And then you,

you watch that and then you go through the hall of fame. And I put some things up on Twitter. You know, they have, they have like wax figures where you can get right in the huddle with like Brady and shit, and you can actually hear him call a play,

and they had interactive shit where you can kick a field goal like Venetieri in the snow. You know how when you hit, you go to a fake inside driving range, you can golf, and you can see how far you drive. One of those deals.

And there was another thing where you get down a three three-point stance and there's a defensive player in front of you like a poster and then they they call hike and you you fucking block them with your hands to see how quick your reaction time was how sad is this i couldn't hear the guy going hike hike hike because my right ear i lost uh some hearing in my right ear uh when i saw a ted nugent concert when i was 15 at the cape cod coliseum so i'm down in a three-point stance and there's people waiting to use this thing and i couldn't fucking hear it my buddy's pressing the button so the guy goes you know odd said hike hike i couldn't fucking hear it kept jumping off sides and then i just swore and get out of there people were laughing and uh so yeah Patriots place anyways friggin awesome again like and and

then the game really put the damper on I put on about eight pounds while we were sitting there we got there three hours early and uh tremendous Robert Kraft god bless you I mean because I went I'm so old I went to the Patriots when it was called Schaefer Stadium in the 70s and saw the shittiest literally aluminum it was all aluminum benches you know uh like you know like you'd see like in the bleachers aluminum bleachers and robert craft used to sit there if you guys don't know that he had seasons tickets and watched those horrible teams and ended up creating this empire and they got the they got the lighthouse this huge lighthouse that you've seen on TV, I'm sure.

And then they blare the frigging music. They blare the music when the opposing team has the ball, like in between snaps. They'll play loud shit. I don't even know how they can hear themselves in the huddle, but they don't do it when the pass. I don't know how that's legal. That's like an advantage. But with the Eagles yesterday, it didn't matter because they go no huddle. They'd start to play like one-eighth of a second of an an Aerosmith song and then they'd have to shut it off but they uh but the Pats uh yeah we we saw I said to my buddy when when the Eagles went ahead I go

wouldn't it be funny you and I we were planning on leaving early anyways just to beat the traffic if you've been there it's a nightmare it is like a route one leads out to the stadium it's only like two lanes and it can take two hours to get out of there that's the only thing that they still have to fix so we were planning on leaving regardless like at the end of the third quarter but i said to my buddy in the second quarter can imagine we were joking before the game that hopefully the pats will blow them out we can leave early but then i go when the eagles went ahead i go you imagine if it turned out the other way we leave but which wasn't the case we're gonna leave early regardless but we left to the fourth quarter we stayed in the fourth quarter but even at halftime you know uh even with a few seconds left in the first half we started to head up inside to be everybody to

the bathroom and get more food or booze or whatever we were doing, you know. And you know what happened. We're walking up the steps, we got our backs to the field and we hear this. He just can't put into words. And this is blocked by Philadelphia and it will lead to a touchdown. I didn't even look back. I didn't even want to fucking look back.

Yeah, it doesn't happen. Who would have guessed, huh, folks? But everybody's so excited, all the Patriot haters. Come on. Again, it doesn't bother me. As soon as we get Gronk back and Edelman, but, you know, and Dante Hightower. But you see, they're just depleted. But still, they played horse shit.

You know, I mean mean their special teams suck their defense was soft without dante hightower in there and um i don't know what's going on teams are running sweeps like high school sweeps and getting 10 12 a pop let's fucking fix that folks but uh don't get too excited because let's be honest we're missing everybody from Dion Lewis a leading rusher gone for the year Edelman with a broken foot Gronk out Hightower out Jamie Collins just came back for the first game and uh Nate Solder our all perennial all pro offensive lineman gone for the year uh but you know you can't have it both ways the Patriotsots, that's what they say about Belichick. Next man up.

What the fuck? Apparently, these next men aren't, you know, Brandon LaFell is going to learn how to run a route. Anyways, congratulations, Eagles. I like Chip Kelly and people, you know, counting, you know, counting on him being canned at the end of the year and stuff, which still could happen, whatever, but I think that would be a mistake. But anyways, they fucking whipped the Pats,

and me and my friend are just laughing because it was a perfect weekend, and we're like, we saw the worst beating they'd taken in years. Anyways, a couple of flukes in there. Interception, bounces off a guy to another guy in the end zone, a guy goes 99 yards. How about Brady trying to chase the guy down? We were laughing our balls off. He is as white as they come, isn't he?

But then, what is Belichick? Again, Belichick, the genius. Right after you see how slow Tom Brady is, like two minutes later, they do that trick play to Brady. Who would expect? You're going to throw to a guy who just, you know, showed himself to be one of the slowest guys in the league. Anyways,

congratulations Eagles, but we'll see you motherfuckers in the playoffs, Denver or whoever, hopefully, hopefully, um, had a great time at the club too. Like I said,

the comedy club comedy scene, check it out. Well, what's, I mean, a lot's gone on since I talked to you last. San Bernardino, right? I can't even keep track. But I believe that happened after I talked to you last. Anyways, Obama gave a speech on it last night and addressed the nation.

And, you know, it's easy to pick apart speech. But Jesus, when you're sitting there watching it and shit's jumping out at you that's like, oh my God, what is he? You got to call him on it. You know, they weren't too easy on Bush every time he gave his dumb speeches. So there was, you know,

I don't know what to think of Obama. Sure, he's being sincere. I can't tell anymore. Like I said, sometimes I think he's a Manchurian candidate. I don't know what to fucking believe. Again, I think the world is run by 10 guys in a room, Illuminati, whatever you want to fucking call them. So I don't know. But let's play some clips of the speech and the few things that jumped out at me that seem kind of fucking silly. And addressing, you know,ization all that san bernardino shit and uh isis over here and and people being radicalized online i start right from the beginning uh and this is really

you know i know probably politically incorrect but if you're a muslim living somewhere why would you come to the united states why would you come here because every bit of our value system clashes with yours all your beliefs and your your morals and and uh why why would you come to a society i guess you're escaping religious persecution i guess but why would you come here you know why don't you try sandals in the bahamas it's very nice they're all inclusive no pork if you don't want it at the hotel no i mean but why would you in the united states where where you know sex is out in the open and liberal and we're proud of that and why that's where i start from that my little suspicion about the whole muslim thing i just come to a country where everything you hold dear clashes with our society.

I don't understand. And the San Bernardino thing in particular, the thing that bothered me most is the neighbors admitting they saw all kinds of suspicious shit but didn't want to profile there you go and that's at the crux that's at the crux of political correctness that that mentality is going to get so many people killed and has gotten so many people killed didn't want to be caught profiling when are we going to get over that horse shit? Prejudge. Profiling is just good cop work. If you see something, say something, yeah, that's fucking profiling.

That's how you stop this mentality. It's been driven into our DNA, into our bones. That's the worst thing you can do. And that's what they came out and said that, right? Came out and said, I don't want to be a bigot. I don't want to profile my neighbors. Fuck that. I'm on the horn too sweet to the FBI.

Just these two people's names, last names, would have been enough for me to follow them around. How's that for prejudice? How is that? I'll tell you how it is. That's how you stay alive. You know? And again, I'll say it how it is. That's how you stay alive. You know? And again, I'll say it again. I lived in Astoria.

I was surrounded by good Muslims. And I don't doubt. I don't doubt there's, you know, good Muslims. A majority of them probably. But the point is, when there's bad ones sprinkled amongst, whether it's here or anywhere else in the world, I'm sorry. You've got to start doing stuff like profiling. amongst, whether it's here or anywhere else in the world. Sorry. You've got to start doing stuff like profiling.

And as far as surveillance, you know, undercover work at Moss, they don't want that. You know, that's very anti-American, Obama says and everybody else. All right, well, then we won't go undercover. Just have a cop or an FBI guy go to every mess at every mosque, have one guy assigned to go to every that's his job and we tell them well we're just coming in to go to mass and you know i mean don't do it sneak don't do it stealthily just just have an fbi guy sit in the front row taking notes

i mean you know i mean if it's the undercover this sneakiness about it that uh goes against the constitution we'll just go i'm coming in i'm going to mass i'm starting to like this Undercover the sneakiness about it that goes against the Constitution. We'll just go, I'm coming in. I'm going to mass. I'm starting to like this. You know what I mean? Are you with me on that? Anybody?

Huh? Just have a guy, FBI guy, sitting right up front there with a yellow legal pad as he's listening to the Ejimaru. And just go, excuse me, what did that mean? What part of the song, what does that mean? What did he just say there that sounded fucking creepy?

What are you guys up to? What the fuck are you doing? What is Tangayomi? Any song that begins with a sound effects of an explosion. That gets my dander up. It's kind of a beautiful song. But then you come to our country, you know. You come over as a Muslim,

and you have to go from that music that you listen to to, I mean, this type of stuff. I like Big Tits. You see them on the street. Left and right. And I mean, they have to put up with this. I like Big Tits. But that's what we like over here. We like Big Tits. We like Big Tits.

We enjoy our pornography. The Kardashians are big fat asses. Here comes some tits. That's not going to sit well when you come over here from Yemen. And then eventually you're going to ask to change. So that's what I'm saying. I just don't fucking... Anyways, you know what I'm saying, don't you? Sure you do.

I'm trying to be fair here. I'm trying to be fair. Let's go to the Obama speech and a few things that popped out at me. He started talking about, at the beginning he refers to the killers, San Bernardino, that they embrace some type of perverted version of this religion. But it is clear that the two of them had gone down the dark path of radicalization, embracing a perverted interpretation

of Islam that calls for war against America and the West. But my question is, is it really perverted? Because even like the Muslim countries that are considered our allies or whatever, they don't let women drive.

Clitoral mutilation. Stoning gay people. And those are like in the moderate Muslim countries, right? Or am I wrong? I think I'm right. I think I am. So is it really perverted? I mean, yeah, when you start shooting people up, obviously.

But I'm just saying, even the good, the more moderate views of this religion kind of give us the creeps here in the West. Don't it? Then he brings up, obviously, turns to gun control. That was the thing. I got done with a podcast, and some guy tweeted me, Oh, how do you like it? And I think he followed me. How do you like your right wing buddies now? And I didn't even understand that comment.

I'm like, how did, it's not even politically motivated, but I guess I'm guessing he meant, uh, even Joe battery said probably meant the gun thing. And I'm like, yeah, I could see how you wouldn't want to have a gun when some guy fucking storms into a conference. I don't even, I don't want to get into it, but well, let's get into it because he mentions, uh, the president mentions some of that. Come better at preventing complex multifaceted attacks like nine 11 terrorists turn to less complicated acts of violence, like the mass shootings that are all too common in our society. This type of attack.

Mass shooting, yeah. And again, mass shootings, you've got to look up the definition of that. That's four or more people, I think, gets killed in a shooting, basically, I'm paraphrasing. But, you know, that includes every time there's a drive-by in South Central L.A. or Chicago and the projects every weekend that this happens. You understand that those are mass shootings and they are included in the numbers. So, you know, you take those away and you don't have one every day in this country. Not that you can ever make an – I'm just saying. Let's not start playing word games.

You know what I mean? Let's not start playing word games. You know what I mean? But the point being, you understand, no matter how many laws are on the books and we already have a zillion, they still, the bad guys are going to get guns. They go around the... You know the fucking arguments, for Christ's sake.

And then he went into some steps to take out isis i think that was the uh he started to outline his strategy that should have been implemented about fucking 14 months ago but uh it wasn't announced first our military will continue to hunt down terrorist plotters in any country where it is necessary. In Iraq and Syria, airstrikes are taking out ISIL leaders, heavy weapons, oil tankers, infrastructure. Oil tankers? Now, I heard, and again, I get this from multiple sources, not just right-wing or wing on the internet and newspapers they were saying and it was people in the defense department saying we weren't blowing up oil trucks with ISIS guys in them first of all we were dropping pamphlets

giving them a 45 minute head start and we didn't want to hit the oil fields or the oil trucks because they were afraid of the damage it would do to the fucking environment. So maybe he changed. Are we finally hitting? Because that's how ISIS makes their money, through selling oil that they steal. But that was what was being said. Last week. That we weren't hitting those.

Oil tankers. Or trucks. Or whatever. Because of. Maybe he's changed. Because of. They were worried about the environment. Like that's important.

When you have no country. The fucking environment. And again. Remember. Climate change is more of a threat to you folks. Than ISIS. Like those two guys. People in San Bernardino

were sitting in their apartment going, is it Hutton here or is it the Christians? Let's get our fucking guns and... And then he got into more about the... how we're going to go about, you know, arming our allies, I guess, or whatever. We will continue to provide training and equipment to tens of thousands of iraqi and syrian forces fighting israel on the ground so

that we take away their safety that's the other creepy thing so uh we're arming like the arab up or the arab spring remember we're arming people we didn't even know if they were our allies or not just giving guns and shit so they can have all the guns they want over there. We can give, you know, we're supplying, you know, but we, you can't. You U.S. citizens,

you know, there's too many guns. You can't, you can't. But we're giving them to, like I said, we don't even know who the good and bad guys are. It's such a clusterfuck over there. But we're ar them to like i said we don't even know who the good and bad guys are such a cluster fuck over there but we're arming people and and uh you know but we're so anti-gun over here and we're worried about people and every time this whole thing turned into a a debate you know about

gun control every time that happens and obama gives speech, the fucking sales go through the roof for guns because people think, you know, eventually he's going to outlaw. And it happened again. That must burn his fucking balls every time that he gives a speech like that. And the NRA, their commercials, they're not playing around. I'm watching one the other day. It was like a young black kid. And that's how these NRA commercials they're really good i don't know who does them but they start talking about the constitution defending my right blah blah blah

it's a young black kid and and and and then he comes at the end he goes i'm an nra member which sort of goes against type you think you know everybody wants to think timothy mcveigh types uh so they're really their marketing is tremendous. If I maybe get them involved to market this show. But that's the thing. We're arming people over there, but over here we think we have a gun problem. Bullshit. Well, there's six people for, six guns for every person in this country.

Okay, let's make it ten. Since people are coming over here and shooting us up innocently and shooting people up innocently and shooting people up at a cafe or blowing people up at a boston marathon yeah everybody should be caring i know that's gonna make fucking people crazy but uh and every once in a while yeah you're gonna have an incident but uh i gotta believe that's why they're taking the time getting over here. They know we're armed to the teeth, the average guy. Holy shit, my breath. Is it this microphone?

Mother of Christ. It's like a bad can of tuna. What the fuck? And then he talked more about working with our allies and listened to a few of the people, a few of the countries he mentions. With American leadership, the international... We don't have any. ...has begun to establish a process and timeline to pursue ceasefires and a political resolution

to the Syrian war. Doing so will allow the Syrian people and every country, including our allies, Doing so will allow the Syrian people and every country, including our allies, but also countries like Russia, to focus on the common goal of destroying ISIL, a group that threatens us all. Russia. We've got to work with Russia. The same Russia that's killing, you know, the Free Syrian Army over there. The rebels way back. We're going to help. Russia's going to help us. That's where I get fucking scared.

I don't know. Putin doesn't seem like the type. I mean, he'll help us kill ISIS. He'll put on that front, but he's still buying. We all know he's propping up. Bashar, whatever the fuck his name, the president of Syria, who, you know, uses chlorine and gas on his own people. And anyways, it kind of creeps me out. We have to rely on Russia. Mamma mia. A little more of the speech.

There are several steps that Congress should take right away. To begin with, Congress should act to make sure no one on a no-fly list is able to buy a gun. What could possibly be the argument for allowing a terrorist suspect to buy a semi-automatic weapon? This is a matter of national security. I don't know. I don't know with the Second Amendment. I don't know how that works. That makes sense to me. How can you be on a terror watch list and get a gun? But I don't know what you have to do to get on a terror watch list.

If you haven't broken any laws or whatever, that would be against the Constitution to prevent you from buying a gun. So I don't even know. But you know what's creepy? I have a story related to that. So I don't even know. But you know what's creepy? I have a story related to that.

Seventy-two employees at the Department of Homeland Security. You get this? You believe in this? Seventy-two employees at the Department of Homeland Security are listed on the U.S. terror watch list. What the fuck? What? 72. How is that fucking possible?

Yes. Yes. 72. Yes. Yes. No. It is. Stephen Lynch from Massachusetts.

He's a politician. Democrat, by the way. Representative. Disclosed that 72 people at the DHS are on the tarot watch list. Back in August, they did an investigation. The inspector general did of the DHS. And 72 of them on the tarot watch list, help me, I used to joke around, when I, when I, when I fly out of, once in a while, I'll fly out of, well, even LaGuardia or Kennedy, but when I fly out of Newark, I remember being with either Artie or somebody, and going, is every person at work here, look like they just

fucking got here from Yemen about six minutes ago, I'm seeing the, you know, the Muslim beards and the fucking, I'm like, what the fuck? So I guess this isn't completely implausible. And he's talking about, you know, we all know how feckless the TSA is because they hire people that couldn't cut it at Wendy's. TSA is because they hire people that couldn't cut it at Wendy's. Lynch referred to that to a recent report that found TSA, which is overseen by the Department of Homeland Security, failed 95 percent of the of the attempts. You know, they they test them every once in a while. They'll set up decoys to try to sneak bombs and guns in to see if the TSA is doing their job. Ninety five percent failure rate. if the TSA is doing their job.

95% failure rate. He said he has very low confidence in DHS based on its many failures over the years. And for this reason, he voted in favor of recent legislation that will tighten the vetting process for any Syrian refugees applying for asylum in the United States. Yeah, I would fucking think so.

He says, I have very low confidence based on any empirical data that we've got on the Department of Homeland Security. I think we desperately need another set of eyeballs looking at the vetting process. How about no vetting process? How about we don't let them come over for a while? Can you fucking quit worrying about being called a racist or a bigot by the leftist douche fucks? Can you?

For five minutes and just moratorium on all both legal and legal, illegal and legal immigration for about, I don't know, 10 years. Till all the fucking 80,000 different cultures assimilate to our way of life. Is that, again, I was never a huge Trump fan, but he's really making me fucking want to pull the love of him. He goes, I have even lower confidence that they can conduct the vetting processes in places like Jordan, Belize, or the Syrian border, or in Cairo, or Beirut,

you know, where they keep birth records by writing a kid's name in the sand or on a piece of toilet paper, or, you know, where they keep birth records by writing the kid's name in the sand or on a piece of toilet paper or, you know, with a rock. It's, I don't know, seems pretty easy to me to stop common sense. So I'm going to review the visas. Did I play this yet? Maybe I did. I don't know.

There are several steps that congress should take right away to begin with congress should act to make sure no one on a no-fly list is able to buy a gun yeah i just did this what could possibly be the argument sorry allowing a terrorist suspect well i just made the argument i just made the argument this is a matter of national yes it is but uh I don't know how we're going to. That's the thing. People in the government. This isn't just me. There's people in the government under his watch coming out and saying, no, we don't have a vetting

process. And then somebody will come out and say, yeah, we do. We got a very astringent. And then you get Loretta Lynch, the person who replaced Eric Holder, who's going to, you know, ready to persecute anybody who talks anti-Muslim. What the fuck? Oh, my goodness gracious.

Hell, are we. Anyways, those are a few things that I saw in the speech that seemed like, you know, contradictions that jumped out. And I don't know, folks. contradictions that jumped out. And, um... I don't know, folks. This next election, think there's anything riding on it? 72?

I don't get it. How can you have 72 employees in the Department of Homeland... They're in charge of keeping us safe. And they're on the terror watch. Well, what do they do to get on that list?

Can I see that, please? Can I see what the fuck? And we're going to seal the border with Turkey. That was part of the other plan. He mentioned that one of the steps was to seal the border with Turkey. Hmm. Are you going to do that? We're going to seal that to of the steps is to seal the border with Turkey. Hmm.

You're going to do that? We're going to seal that to keep the bad people from going into Turkey from Syria. But over here, we're going to bring 100 and how many? 10,000 to 100,000, 120,000 refugees over here. Make sure they don't get into Turkey. But that's all right if they come over here. What the fuck? Did he really say that?

Let me hear that again. Third, we're working with friends and allies to stop ISIL's operations, to disrupt plots, cut off their financing, and prevent them from recruiting more fighters. And feet. Since the attacks in Paris, we've surged intelligence sharing with our European allies. All three of them. We're working with Turkey to seal its border with Syria. Yeah, he did say that. All three of them. Yeah, he did say that.

Seal that border, but not this one. If I can give them guns, but don't give me... Every time I hear him speak, I just get sick to my stomach, and I have to run in the back. Oh, mama. Mama. Mama. This is my review of the speech. That's a rebuke of the speech if you didn't pick up on the tongue and and ass tongue and cheek um um what else in our society of uh that's making me fucking crazy we have uh oh this story and i mentioned this uh when an earlier podcast because i experienced it myself people are faking disabilities to fly with their

pets you know people use uh pets as a you know an emotional they're deemed emotional you know, an emotional, they're deemed emotional, you know, for their emotional well-being. You can bring a pet on and say it's for emotional support, which, you know, some people have mental issues, I get. But now, obviously, and you could see this coming a mile away, people are taking total advantage of it. People that are completely fine are bringing dogs on and shit and saying it's my emotional support dog and because uh the something called the air carrier access act you have to let people on with their pets that have emotional problems and i mean the people don't know not the fucking pets but it's becoming like an epidemic and who didn't obviously no friggin shit um yeah people are bringing dogs pigs even miniature horses deemed unnecessary

for their emotional well-being originally meant for those who could barely function without the support of an animal it is now when was that though when did you how about a husband or a fucking wife if i can i'm gonna bring on my fucking billy goat because i'm fragile mentally emotionally unavailable and yeah originally meant for those who could barely function without the support of an animal it is now broadly used by people who enjoy the comfort of their pets of course that's what we do in this fucking country listen to this a guy had a miniature horse which didn't fit comfortably in the back. Imagine you're in 33C and he's in 33B in the middle seat

with his fucking miniature pony. This actually happened. I'm not making this shit up. I'm not making this up. This actually happened. So his horse didn't fit in the back of the plane, so they put him in first class. That's a good idea.

Can you fucking imagine? I can't sit next to somebody who's chewing live without going crazy. Now I got a miniature fucking horse. Are you? How? So he's put in first class as eric lip executive director of open doors organization an advocacy group for people traveling with disabilities the airline made the horse wear these little shoes so it didn't scuff the plane but it pooped all over and the other first class travelers weren't happy. Imagine ringing your call button.

Sir, can I help you? Yuck, you got this Shetland pony shitting in my lopies, you fucking titless bitch. Fuck you. That's all that deserves. Fuck you. To the airline. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Can you imagine you're stuck in first class and then there's a flight delay and the person sitting next to you, his pony is shitting all over the place. This doesn't happen in third world countries. But we have to accommodate everybody or there'll be a lawsuit

in this fucking faggy country, you fucks. And the people who really need to support animals, they're pissed off at the people who are faking it. I'm pissed off at you. How about that? If you're that fucked up and fragile emotionally, stay the fuck home. You shouldn't be flying.

You're not mentally well. Oh, Nick, that's terrible. There's a whole... Shut up. You heard me. Stay off the fucking plane. Take Greyhound. flying you're not mentally well oh nick that's terrible you're there's a whole shut up you heard me stay off the fucking plane take greyhound nobody even noticed if you you sneak a pig on or a goat or a couple of ducks you ever been on greyhound just you don't belong on a fucking plane okay both of you people who are faking it you're douchebags and people who are faking it, you're douchebags, and people who are too emotionally fragile. How about a stuffed animal?

How about a teddy bear that looks like your real pet bear? Can you bring that on? That won't do it? I was talking to a—I told you, I talked about this on a previous episode. And this flight attendant, very gay guy, black guy, very nice, had me belly laughing. He was telling me stories. Somebody brought on a—they had like black guy, very nice. They had me belly laughing. He was telling me stories. Somebody brought on a, they had like a mannequin with them.

And the guy that had the mannequin, or the woman, it was a woman that had a mannequin, insisted that he, the flight attendant, address the mannequin. In other words, when he asked her if she wanted something to drink, you know, or whatever, a snack, he had to ask the mannequin in other words when he when he asked her if she wanted something to drink you know or whatever a snack he had to ask the manic and i said please tell me you didn't do he goes i had to how would i get fired what fuck you that's what you should

have said to her fuck you fuck you! By the way, that reminds me. That was Mel the Cop from Scarface. But that reminds me. The great Robert Loja. You know, Frank Lopez and Scarface passed away this weekend. You know him from... He was in Big, too. Remember?

Doing the dance in the toy store on the giant piano with fucking Tom Hanks. But you remember him from Scarface. You remember him. dance in the toy store on the giant piano with fucking Tom Hanks. But you remember from Scarface, you remember he was Feech LaManna in the last season or two of The Sopranos. Well, he passed away at 85. Fucking great actor. He had Alzheimer's, by the way, for five years. But I just wanted to bring that up anyways. I'd like to see him on a fucking plane sitting next to a lady with a goat on her lap.

Just fucking... Fuck you! Exactly. But how about this, in this article? Some of the pet owners feel that the high prices and a stressful travel environment justifying them bending the rules. Well, you can use that logic for anything, can't you? I don't like to fly either. You know

what I, you know how, you know what makes me very relaxed after I jerk off? Have a glass of wine and then yank it. I guess I could do that, right? Maybe I'll squirt it all over your pet goat, you fuckhead. Can you fucking imagine? They feel justified and do it because, you know, the fees and then the airlines treat us like shit. Yeah, but how about your fellow passengers? I mean, you can't even have peanuts on the plane because people are allergic

to peanuts, but you can have, like, a giant Siamese cat with all that dander and shit because it's... How does that support you emotionally? What are you,

a fucking two years old? For a pet to be classified as an emotional support animal, an owner needs a note from a licensed mental health professional such as as a psychologist a psychiatrist or a social worker that's who's flying next to you folks you might as well be taking a fucking bus that's who's flying next year my uncle touched me when i was seven i have to bring on my fucking pet snake oh and of course yeah they're not going to take advantage of that right doctors and I have to bring on my fucking pet snake. Ugh. And of course, yeah, they're not going to take advantage of that, right?

Doctors and because they're all on the up and up. Entrepreneurial types have caught on to the business opportunity of providing such notes. Countless sites now provide emotional support vests. Emotional support vests? And necessary letters for fees ranging from $59 to 200 bucks. You can get a note from a fucking fake doctor, I'm sure, saying, you know, this guy's fucked up. Put him in 1C. Airlines are usually very compliant because fines for refusing legitimate support animals can run as high as 150 grand. I wonder if any of the airlines has paid that.

There must be cases out there. And, you know, I could have Googled it before I talked about this. That would have been a fucking, you know, a nice thing to do, Nick. Yeah, well, you know what I think I get all day? Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Imagine, you fucking, you settle down in your seat, you paid for a first class ticket, you know, you're paying like a thousand dollars more than everybody else and you just fucking bite into your bag of Cheez-Its and you fucking hear this. Dog sniffing at your nuts. You're just trying to finish your fucking warm ginger ale then you just step on its neck and then they have to land the plane how about my wife when we lived in la she used to take the little she had a little dog ugly little thing half chihuahua half dinosaur i don't know what the fuck it was it was like a black calzone with legs. It was just so fucking ugly.

But she loved it. Anyways, the thing got loose. The thing got loose out of her. She had a little bag that she carried. And the fucking thing got loosed. And it was running down the middle of the aisle. Shitting. Nice wet dumps.

It had like diarrhea. Can you imagine my poor wife? The dog was shitting all over thes it had like diarrhea can you imagine my poor wife the dog was shitting all over the place can you imagine oh i would pay to see footage of that anyways stop doing that one lady brought a tarantula on she had an emotional support tarantula okay she had a lot of anxiety over takeoffs and landings and don't fly stay the fuck home and play with your pet tarantula in other words for her giant bush um of course it took her mind off the problem but terrified other people who were scared shit of spiders can't have peanuts but you can bring on a potbelly pig

or a fucking anyways unbelievable travel site inspired uh citizen founder anthony berklich believes that travelers who bend the rules uh are you know they feel um justified in bending the rules but he also says that people have taken advantage of it or just, you know, they're just being selfish, self-centered, rotten scumbags. I agree. I agree with that one. First time that happens, I told you, a guy had like an English bulldog. That's one of my earlier podcasts about a year or two ago. I don't know. He's getting on the plane. He looked fine. He had like an army jacket on, scruffy beard, young guy, healthy. And the dog had a stupid, he put like an orange vest on the dog. It looks like a Con Ed worker.

Excuse me. And I need it for support. I knew. I'm like, what the fuck? Sure enough, what happened? What happened? The flight had to be delayed because they couldn't make a ruling on whether this guy could have this dog on or not. And the flight attendant, they all got off the plane and they were talking, blah, blah, blah.

We sat close to an hour delayed because they were trying to decide a ruling on this Mama Luke and his dog. And he had to get off. He had to get off. No shit. Even the dog looked. I'm like, how is that? He's perfectly healthy. The dog looked like semi-retarded. You know, bulldogs are funny looking anyways,

but this thing didn't look that healthy. His back legs are kind of dragging. Hey, support what? What, are you going to use it as a flotation device? What the fuck? Anyways, stop it, you assholes out there. You weak-minded, emotional cripples. Stay off our fucking planes

okay take a segue from Vermont to LA have your dumb goat pull it I don't give a shit and finally tonight and finally I'm getting so sad

let's play this song This is the Motorman With all the Terrorism And people bringing Goats on planes And the Patriots Getting a fucking

Shellacking from a shit team Again we're playing Scrubs But we'll see you In the playoffs I started a joke Bitch started the whole world crying But I couldn't see

That the joke was on me I'd rather have a goat on a plane Was on me. I'd rather have a goat on a plane than a fucking baby like this. Shut that fucking kid up. That's the reason I'm pro-choice. Shut him up. That's the reason I'm pro-choice. Shut him up. Who's losing his mind? I am.

And finally tonight, the feminists, once again, just fucking retarded and you you know that and not all of them i mean they had good intentions when they started but it's turned into this man-hating machine that i can't uh i can't get my uh my um mitts around you know i'm talking about anytime we you know anytime we talk about uh feminists last week the national women's studies association membership voted to boycott israel no shit

of course they did. They said, We cannot overlook injustice and violence, including sexual and gender-based violence perpetrated against Palestinians and other Arabs in the West Bank and Gaza Strip, within Israel, in the Golan Heights. They're taking the side of the Palestinians.

The imperial politics of nation states like the United States, Israel, and Palestine. Palestine is a nation, I guess. Panelists include former communist Angela Davis. Of course it did. They vowed to get the association to boycott Israel. And of course, now they've succeeded. And this woman, Phyllis Chesler, who's in the New York Post,

I guess she was a feminist back in the day. And she's saying how full of shit today's feminist group is and how wrong they are specifically here. She says this association she's talking about the national women's studies association doesn't condemn for example the atrocities being practiced by hamas isis boko haram and the taliban against muslim women children

and dissidents and against christians and kurdish women, you know, ISIS turns any chick they capture into a sex slave. And they ignore all that shit because they're batshit fucking crazy. You know how fucking they're fucking nuts. And she's right. This is an old feminist broad that wrote this, by the way. But, you know, she's still got her head on her shoulders as opposed to today's young feminists like this chick here that you're familiar with um but we told you he's an article for free inhabitants so he does not have to have a license this is on recording article four free inhabitants confederation you can look it up it's in the united states book of codes it is your laws you have to follow all right i will do that

talking to a cop who played this last week article, free inhabitant pursuant to the Articles of Confederation. Put the camera down for me. If it records, that's fine. But I don't want you holding anything. No weapons, no weapons. All right. No weapons. So what I'm going to ask you to do is the same thing.

Get out of the car? Yes. No, I'm not getting out of the car. Oh, grab her by her scruffy neck. Well, I am going to tow this car. Tow her fucking head off her shoulders and kick it down the street. I'm towing this vehicle. Well, if you go get your superior, he'll clarify that he can be set free because he doesn't want to talk about the lessons.

It's not going to happen right now, young lady. So either you're going to come out of the car on your own free will, or I'm going to assist you. Thomas makes you think ISIS has a point. I'm going to get out of the car and walk down to that house. No, you are not free to leave right now. Are you saying you have authority over me? Yes, I do. You have proven authority over me.

Yes, I do. How did you do that? The county of Imperial through the sheriff. You do not have authority over a human being, over a free inhabitant. Do you want to argue the point? You need to go look up your laws. I don't have to look at anything right now. What I need to do is get you out of the vehicle.

If you have identification, please hand the identification over to me. No. Identify yourself to me. And I'm not going to step out of the vehicle. If you have identification, please hand the identification over to me. Identify yourself to me. And I'm not going to step out of the vehicle. Alright, well, you know, you are impeding my investigation. You are delaying me, which is a penal code violation in the state of California. That law only

applies to U.S. citizens. Well, where are you a citizen of? I am not a U.S. citizen. This is today's family. I am of the earth. I do not belong to any corporation. I do not a U.S. citizen. This is today's family. I am a free inhabitant. I am of the earth. I do not belong to any corporation. I do not belong to any country. No. But as long as you're in the sovereign states of the United States, you will abide by the

U.S. and laws. See, a free inhabitant is, they are allowed to, they are free people. They have all of the rights of a U.S. citizen without following any of their laws. Well, that would just be pure anarchy if that were the case. No, no, because we're peaceful people. We're peaceful people. Go call them up and ask them, and they'll tell you exactly what I'm talking about. Well, I don't know who to call. Your superior.

Well, I am a superior to a certain extent. So call your superior. Anyway, she starts screaming rape, literally. I don't want to, because we played it last time I read it, but she literally starts screaming rape. You fucking believe it? Anyways, it was a good article, I thought, how nutty they are. She says, and this is, again, a feminist wrote the article,

an old school feminist. This women's studies group isn't boycotting the honor killings among Arabs in Israel, on the West Bank in Gaza, and among Muslims in the West. They aren't condemning the forced face and body veiling. I'm sort of for forced face veiling. Start with Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi. I like to see their face veiled in fucking two inches of dog shit. You know, this shit goes on in Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia.

They're forced to wear their hijabs. And like I said, a few of the chicks at MSNBC I might be for that one actually the association doesn't focus on the pervasive nature of female genital mutilation I don't know after I have a good sex with a girl you can it's a form of

no I'm just kidding that goes on in Egypt or the increase in child marriages across Arab and Muslim world. They ignore all that shit. The feminist whores, the mustachioed pig faces on the far left and the condemning Israel. Anyways, once again on the wrong side of the law.

Anyways, um, what's this doing? This button says blowjob. Oh, this is Hillary. This is the best thing she did. Oh, yeah, baby. Do it one more time.

She put that in her resume. This is one of her accomplishments. She sucked the penis of somebody who became president of the United States. That, I will give her a checkmark. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That was offensive, Nick. I know it.

I know it. Anyways, kids, good to be back. Good to talk to you again on a Monday and whatnot. And I think I've covered everything I'd like to. Again, don't get excited about the Patriots' demise because we heard about that in week four, was it last year, when they get smoked on national TV by the Kansas City Chiefs and everybody's like, Brady's done and Belichick, this could be the done.

How did that turn out? I think we all know. But you know what? Eagles fans were there, and, you know, they made the trip. They can get excited for a while. Like I said, I kind of like Chip Kelly. But that was pretty ironic, huh? I get tickets from the son's owner of the Patriots,

and we watch one of the worst shellackings that's happened in a few years. But if you get a chance, go to Patriot Place. I don't care what team you pull for because it's awesome. You youngsters out there, a lot of drunk broads stumbling out of bars and restaurants and, you know what I'm saying to you? And go to the comedy club, the comedy scene. Support that because I'd like to do it again. It's fairly new.

Is that it? Again, thank you to all the contributors. That's all I got I got for now. That's all I can think of. We'll talk some more. Sure. Lee,

tell them how I feel about them. Both subscription and non-subscription fans I love you for helping me to construct my life Not a tavern He's a fag I love you because you have done so much To make me happy. He's a fag.

Stop that. Without a touch. Without a sign. You have done it by just being yourself. Perhaps after all, that is what love means And that is why I love you Good day, everybody! guitar solo I'm out. Bye.