The Nick DiPaolo Show - 112 - UFC 194, GOP Weasels, Cursing is Fine

Episode Date: December 15, 2015

UFC 194, GOP Weasels, Cursing is Fine

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. It's Monday! Hi, everybody. How you with? I almost said happy holidays. Merry Christmas. How the fuck you like that? Pretty edgy of me, isn't it? To say Merrymas in these uh

days of uh anti-christian sentiment um happy uh happy kwanzaa ramadana and uh you know what uh what's the uh jewish one Come on, man. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah. You know, I'll tell you, did some online shopping today and it was so fucking irritating. They have 19 phrases for coupon code, item code,

40% off gift card code. Code this. I almost converted to Judaism by fucking 3 o'clock. Anything, not the fucking, even online. I think I'd rather go to the mall. You're like, what? Well, at least you get to look at some tits and ass. You know what I'm saying?

Am I right, kids? Sure. Did I tell you the time I, last couple years ago, I went on, I think I might have said this in an earlier episode. I can't remember anymore jesus h christ and i uh i'm horrible at wrapping gifts i'm pretty sure i told you this but i went online a few years ago and uh to look for a video on how to wrap a gift

properly and the chick got doing it in the video i'm not shitting you she was about an 18 on a scale of 10 just fucking smoking long story short i end up spanking it in the video i'm not shitting you she was about an 18 on a scale of 10 just fucking smoking long story short i end up spanking it to the video it's a true story i i tell it and break it up for the holidays for you and the kids and to spread like eggnog and uh yeah i end up hearing my wife to give and she's like this is a wrapping job, and how come there's no tape on it? How do you keep the paper on it? It's my secret, bitch. It's my secret. That's right, honey.

You figure out how to get the paper on that. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fucking monstrous rack. Might have been 24. It's a dangerous situation. Hey, thank you donations. Mike Mull. Thank you so much, pal. And everybody so far that's contributed.

And everybody who is subscribing. Because the numbers, I check it every couple days. And they're still going up. They're still climbing. Let's keep it that way. Let's build a fucking army. A militia of one million seems like we're going to need it what with the president dickhead and cheese in office and his acolytes

did you see the fucking broad i don't even i was half asleep watching the news it was somebody that works in the nsa or i don't know she looked like a 20 year old girl 25 maybe and the guy's asking her questions and she's like I didn't I didn't come prepared for that I thought you were going to ask me it was like a teacher throwing a pop quiz and he's like well I'm asking you about surveillance but I didn't that's not what I prepared for then he asked her questions I can't even remember specifically what it's pertaining to, but it was security questions. And he goes, OK, then I'll ask you this. And it was pertaining to what her purview was.

And she still couldn't answer the question. I was getting chills, douche chills up my neck. It's talk about amateur hour. It's not even amateur hour. I mean, there's been other administrations when you call an amateur hour but they're adults who just they're hacks they suck at their job but obama's literally out of political correctness and an affirmative action or whatever the fuck he's surrounded himself with like these it's like an snl sketch with young girls who don't know what the fuck they're talking about and they're literally in charge of our security

he's like he asked her about how many people okay how many people have um on visas that are overstaying the visas that's what he was asking i i i'm sorry i wasn't prepared to answer that question i i couldn't believe what i was hearing it was her job to know everything that he was asking her i just this just came to me just now as i went on the air here you know otherwise i would have pulled the clip because you would have got deuce chills right along with me. I mean, amateur hour. It's like fucking junior high school. Creepy.

Can I just say the NFL blows? You know, I know you've heard me say it before, but just it's the fucking, fucking you know as they labeled it years ago the socialist football it's nothing to do with the politics although they spread the they they spread the talent around equally and and and you johnny come lately's that's why you love it because on any given sunday yeah but see it's it's all mediocre on every sunday the teams are interchangeable and it just sucks and i'm you saying that, Nick, because you did shitty on your picks this weekend? Yeah, partly so. But I mean, really, Cincinnati, you're a three-and-a-half

point favorite at home against the Steelers, who haven't shown me much this year, and you get smoked. How about Indianapolis? That poor guy, Pagano, he survives cancer, but he's not going to survive that fucking offense. Is that his name, Chuck Pagano? He's gone, but he's not going to survive that fucking offense, is that his name, Chuck Pagano, he's gone, in my opinion, might even be this tomorrow morning, whatever, later today, I mean, they get beat by Jackson, Jacksonville put up 56 points, Jacksonville, the fucking Jaguars, in those dog shit uniforms, and that, I love the city, by the way, but, I mean, they put up, like, 56, how embarrassing, Kansas City just gets by the fucking Chargers, and, and the Bears, and the Reds, the Bears are

three and a half point favorites, and I don't even know what happened there, I think they got by the Redskins, I don't think they covered, I might even be wrong. I don't know. You know, Tennessee and the Jets. Can you think of a less attractive matchup? I don't know why I'm starting with sports, but I just wanted to just fucking infuriate me. Atlanta. Can somebody explain the Falcons? Explain this Falcons to me, okay?

What the fuck, man? Huh? What, have they lost six in a row? Matty Ice? Can't blame him. I mean, but what? There's a cancer in that organization, and, can't blame him. I mean, but what, there's a cancer in that organization

and they can't try like new coaches because they get smoked by Carolina, which, I mean, come on,

Carolina's undefeated, but 38 to nothing or some shit like that? Look out for Seattle. They're catching fire and Buffalo and the Eagles,

I don't even know what happened there. Eagles were a half-point favorite. I think Buffalo might have won. Again, Nick, check the shit. Well, I'm just saying. All I know is I got destroyed. It's really fucking... Denver loses outright to Oakland.

I hope I have these right. I shut them off halfway through. It was so disgusting. The third quarter. I think Denver lost at home to the fucking Raiders. Denver was over

a touchdown favorite. Green Bay did what they had to do. They covered. And anyways, just, and I'm watching, I flipped over,

I have direct TV to that, they have that fantasy zone and they have that Fantasy Zone. And they do that show from the old Nick and Artie studios that they built for me and Artie. By the way, my idea of the whole fucking show, everybody knows that, I'm just saying. You don't think it rips my tits off to sit there and watch a couple of goofballs? You know who's in there? John Ritchie. Artie, the guy that replaced me.

Who I like. He played for the Eagles and a few other teams. Tough nut. He's still with DirecTV. And I can see why. He's likable. But he's in that studio. I mean, life is too fucking weird, isn't it?

He's still there in the fucking studio that came about because of my idea and fucking dan patrick uses everybody's in that beautiful studio i'm flipping through and they're cooking they got that broad uh deborah may zinger whatever the fucking name was she was in jesus christ i'm like my old man now she was in you know what goodfell. She was the one in the kitchen. Remember when Henry Hill used to come over and she's weighing out all the coke and cooking it and shit? Anyway, Debbie Mazur, I think her name is. I actually like her. But her and her husband,

they have a show on the Food Network. They're in the kitchen of my studio. Direct TV. And I'm sitting there going, you motherless fuck. On Monday, I i gotta do a podcast oh i was making large cabbage folks you have no idea but to see that studio just rips the short pubes from the roots makes me want to cry but enough of my fucking whining huh but pu nfl

anyways fucking i think i got three right honest to god out of 16 games and i'm like i was like at the near the top of the pool for the whole season did i take a big cockapoo poo mama mia mike molly already thank you right everybody else uh thanks for the suggestions on names i'm about to go nick dipalo podcast or the dipalo podcast i don't know i can you know a lot of them are taken and i got a few though you know what i like here's what i like that i came up with tolerate this it might be it huh i like that one how about ray of sunshine the key with the name it has to have a politically incorrect element to it because that's what draws people to my show. You know?

The truth hurts. I'm sure that's taken. I got a few others. I got a thousand others. Who am I kidding? I'd like you to say, you know, fuck the left, but that's too political because it's not our politics here.

Come on, we have fun, don't we? Talk to me, you motherfuckers. Come on, talk to me, you muggers. Yeah, sure we do. We have a lot of fun.'s the holidays pass the egg nag damn lorry uh real quick i want to let you guys know my wife's having a knee operation in a couple days no what am i saying tomorrow which is tuesday and uh yeah so i don't know what's going on here. I'm going to try to pump out a couple shows. Wednesday, probably not. So, but if not, I'll be back on Thursday or Friday or both,

depending on how many do at the beginning of the week. But it's a pretty serious knee operation, so I'll be running around like the bitch that I am. But it's the least I can do, right? You know. She gets me my weed and my whiskey. I mean, she's a hell of a girl, this hippie. And, yeah, so I don't know. Probably no show, I would think, in the middle of the week sometime.

But, like I said, I'll land it on the other side of that if I have to. I'll do what I got to do because you guys have been so good to me. How about this show? Here's the name for the show, Cry Me a Ribba, You Motherless Tit Wonders. How about that?? Here's the name of the show. Cry Me a Ribba, You Motherless Titwonders. How about that? A Little Long? Below the Fray? Fuck the Left? Ray of Sunshine?

Sugar-Free Speech? Conjecture. What else, kids? What else, kids? What's the name of the show? Somebody suggested. Direct TV, Those Pricks. what else kids what else kids that's the name of the show somebody suggested um but bomb direct tv those pricks okay uh anybody uh saturday night did you do what i did did you do what i did i ordered that fight and i watched uh on fox sports one i watched two hours of preliminary fights which was about five or six fights

they were deliciously good and then i thought i thought that was it and then you flip over and you just get the fight for like 60 bucks but then you flip over and you got you know like three undercards before the two title fights of course the big one the headliner being uh conor mcgregor for his josie elder when did josie become uh when did jose become josie uh again is this just people fucking with us we used to say jose because they told us jose because if you pronounce it maybe his name really is josie and it's not jose i don't know i think they're fucking with us so there's a lot of that shit going on tony dorsett, I blame. Remember? It was Tony Dorsett.

And then he, no, I want to be called Dorsett. Oh, okay. You're from the south of France. Get the fuck out of here. You played for Pitt. But there's a lot of that. Bullying the Americans. I didn't say your name.

I swear to God. Am I that paranoid? You're goddamn right. Anyways, Jose Aldo. Got his fucking clock clean like a rolex but i watched the undercard i watched those five or six preliminary fights that were great um on fox sports one like i said i flipped over to the uh other five fights that were just i mean let me tell you something i don't follow it as closely as a

lot of you guys do probably but what a night of entertainment and brutality uh ufc 194 of course the big one was uh conor mcgregor defeating uh josie aldo in 13 seconds of the first that's you heard me 13 thank god they had undercard fights and thought thank god they were pretty good can you imagine i mean obviously that's why they do that in case something like this happens a one punch fucking knockout 13 seconds in quick it in the ronda rousey uh getting her clock clean holy shit anyways uh let me talk about the undercards before i play a little of conor mcgregor throughout the year i mean this has been building up for a year or so but uh the luke rockhold kicked the living shit it was like if this was done in the parking lot of a 7-eleven

he would have been thrown in jail for fucking three years he beat chris weidman to a fucking bloody pulp. Fourth round TKO. I mean, just this Luke Rockhold, man. He looks like a porn star from like the 70s. Kind of a Chuck Norris meets a better looking guy. And just fucking beat up. And Weidman's like a real cocky handsome guy and all the girls are just moistening themselves as he enters the ring and really like cocky and he had me convinced i'm listening like i said i don't follow this shit closely but i'm like this guy

i think wyman's gonna kill this guy just the way he's talking and oh my god luke uh rockhold which again that sounds like a that sounds like a 70s porn star luke rockhold just fucking and then you had this uh so that was for a belt by the way too i forget the weight class i know mcgregor's feather uh luke rockhold i don't know welter i don't know middle weight i forget but uh not that important but then you had uh yoel romero versus jacare sosa that's right sosa and this romero they say he's a six foot 180 pounds he looked like he weighed 260 to the physique on this guy has to be juicing are they not tasked for this shit nobody's that fucking big and ripped there's no way this guy's not juicing and i'm thinking oh my god he's just too muscular and you see a guy like

this that's a lot of frame to carry around for five rounds right and uh he enters the ring and they were talking about how athletic he is he comes into this is how he enters the ring he does like a front handspring and lands lands on, then a backflip. Lands on his feet. I'm going, what the, who is this guy? And the guy he's fighting, Sosa, is supposedly the best jiu-jitsu guy in Brazil. And that's saying something. And Romero fucking wailed on him.

Wailed on him. What a badass that guy is. He was like a legitimate silver, you know, silver medalist in 2000 and... I think they said 2000 or 2001 in the Olympics, you know. So, you know, legit. And he's got like 19 belts in jiu-jitsu and everything else. But I'm thinking way too muscular not gonna have that flexibility uh he was unbelievable to beat this guy who's well known

like i said in in brazil and then you had uh damian maya who had he's got the ears of uh these fucking ears like uh 747 he took on the iceland fella. You talk about white, blue-eyed devil, this guy Gunnar Nelson, that's the guy. Kind of a combination of Clint Eastwood meets Jim Gaffigan. Like a real, just blue-eyed, like, fucking handsome, fucking Icelandic guy who's a real badass in his own right, but Mr. fucking Maya took him to school

and just croaked him. And then you get Max Holloway, this guy Max Holloway, he's a skinny little fuck. Again, I've heard a little bit about him, and he was fighting this guy Jeremy Stevens, who has a reputation for being a real tough guy. And Holloway beat him. And before that, those are the main cards.

The undercard was Uriah Faber, you know, Joe California, the California kid who I love. He's one of the first guys when I started watching this that I saw. Even before they called him the California kid, I go, who's this surfer dude and what a badass. Guy's 30, what's he, like 36 years old now? And the undercard, he beat Frankie Saenz in a unanimous decision. He caught him with a...

He throws these wicked elbows. You can tell that Uriah has been doing this a long time. And he's still... He's way thicker now than I remember him. But anyways, bottom line, it'd be unbelievable for the ufc because the fights were good and bloody and vicious which brings me to my next point well let's let's first of all let's talk about the knockout and shit but here's some here's a little of a mcgregor taunting uh you know josie aldo throughout the year here's one of the uh clips

honestly the first thing i said to him was, I didn't think I'd see you again. So I was actually happy to see him. I shook his hand. I embraced him. I told him everything's going to be a-okay. It will be over before you know it. Just please show up December 12th. So I don't want to scare him anymore.

He's petrified. He went running before. Back in November. Now I'm going to take the opposite approach. Cuddle him. Look after him. Whisper sweet nothings. Tell him it's going to be alright. It will be over quick. Boy, is that prophetic. He said that, I think, back in

November, back in the fall. It'll be over quick. Don't worry. Holy shit that he back it up. You know, he's got the gift of gab and the trash talking, but man, it ain't trash talking when you back it up, and it lasted, like I said, 13 seconds, and Joe Rogan was great as usual, man, like I said, I don't know that much about the sport, but you're listening to him, you can learn shit while you're watching, he knows all the grappling,

all the jujitsu, he knows everything about that came within a match you know if you guys aren't familiar he came within within a match of going to the olympics himself and uh martial arts so he he knows his shit and and he's really good on the mic and uh i love listening to him and here here's the call with him and uh i don't know who the guy the guy doing play by play knows about one eighth i think what joe knows but it was still here you go this keep in mind this was building up for over a year this fight was supposed to happen in july and uh aldo broke a rib or something so i mean it's been building up for they've been talking about for a long time i mean just think it was picture Ali, first time Ali and Frazier got together,

and Frazier dropped Ali 13 seconds. It's that big of a sport. Here you go. Here we go. Green trunks for the southpaw, the notorious Conor Greger. Black trunks for the champion, Jose Aldo Jr. Conor relaxed and smiling. Oh! He slipped up. Yeah! Conor Greger! That's it.

Just get done describing the fucking trunks they're wearing. Left hand. Left hand. And Jose Aldo was throwing a punch. It was his right, I believe. Yeah, and he still landed it as he was unconscious. As his punch is coming towards McGregor's chin, you know, McGregor steps to the side and throws like a left hook. And Aldo's out on his feet, but still his punch still lands right on the nose of McGregor.

It was unbelievable. But he went down like a Kennedy in the kitchen of a California hotel. Not making fun, just saying. He went down like he was fucking shot. And then, you know, McGregor jumped down, you know, gave him a couple pops in the face while he was laying there, which I think eventually you're going see um them get rid of that when somebody's laying prone like that just the optics are bad if you want this thing to be legal everywhere but big john mccarthy

the ref jumped in quick and i noticed a change from a few years ago when they used to let you know they used to let you get a few shots and even when the guy's laying there like a corpse, he jumped right in there. You know, out of respect for Aldo who hasn't lost a fight

in 10 years, but mother of God, I was in shock and I'm like, thank God I watched the other five hours of fights. There was actually

another undercard fight I didn't mention. Two chicks, if you want, chicks, you know, quote, unquote, Tisha Torres. They said she hails from Massachusetts, and she beat up Jocelyn Jones, Leibarger. And Leibarger was this skinny, tall blonde with pencil legs. And I'm like, she's not going to last a second.

But she was tough. She had a chin on her. And this Tisha Torres, she was boxing. I mean, she looked like a young Ali, man. She hit this girl with some shots. But that was actually a decent fight. Well, Nick, why are you surprised? I don't know.

You know how I am. But that was the other undercard. But the main card events man the holloway stevens and the maya versus gunna nelson romero sosa rockhold weidman uh you know the and mcgregor aldo were they were it was unbelievable the most brutal fight was that luke rockhold jesus christ did he bloody this guy. That brings me to my point. We're talking about concussions in the NFL.

Hello. Hell fucking hello. Anybody looking into these guys? See, this sport hasn't been around long enough. There's got to be a few guys. It's been around, I don't know, a decade or so. There's got to be some guys getting fitted for their adult diapers, I would say the next couple years but you can't tell me elbows you got a guy down in a hold you can elbow him as hard as you can in the top of the head and they're talking about soccer balls causing concussions how about the fucking elbow uh you know of 100 and a full grown man sitting on top

of you elbowing you in the temple and forearms to the head and shit as hard as they can until you open your face. Huh? You're going to tell me this, this isn't right for investigation. This, I guess the, the sharks will wait until it's a trillion dollar industry like the NFL

before they jump. But there's gotta be. And again, I hope you don't ruin it you know again I'm trying to put you know headgear on these guys and shit but that has to be a conversation that's being had right now as we speak right I mean this is vicious in boxing you get knocked out you know uh the guys are wearing gloves different sizes but still um those guys are punchy after they retire i i know i can't imagine these forearms to the head and and these you know and these kicks roundhouse kicks that send you you know into space there's got to be some brain damage going on.

Mother of Christ. But that McGregor, man, holy moly. It was a great night. If you like that type of stuff, you know, if you like it, I mean, it's great. Happy holidays to you, folks. That's all I get to say. was trying to think how can i say make this a holiday show kind of because it's we're getting close and

how can i do that you know when they'll in the nick de paulo spirit so i kind of uh i don't know well sir someday i'd like to be a dentist. A dentist? Well, we need one up here. I've been studying. It's fascinating. You have no idea. Molars, bicuspids, and incisors. Now, listen, you.

You're an... He's a fag. Oh, come on. Don't pick on the kid. He's a fag. Damnag he wants to be a dentist dana ghoul used to have a great bit on that about misfit island oh god it's so funny there's a good lesson to teach your kids uh anyways what in christ creation so yeah that was unbelievable what's going on in the world

of politics let's have a little discussion about i guess the gop the heavy hitters the uh the uh rinse prebus the guy who runs the rnc he's the head of the whole thing and look i'm not going to get into the weeds because I don't even know how it works delegate wise on the floor come February and all that shit. But I guess the heavy hit is, like I said, the Rince Priebus and Mitch McConnell. They're getting very nervous about Trump. They see that Trump's numbers aren't dipping. He's not going away. And they're shitting their pants like the fucking cowards that they are.

So I guess they were seeing Priebus and McConnell and a few other heavy hitters of the establishment at some restaurant having a powwow in D.C. And obviously they wanted this leak to the media, but it got out there. They're trying to find a way to fucking

somehow get rid of Trump. You know, brokered convention, whatever the hell that is. But they're trying to make moves. And even Ben Carson came out and said, if they try to pull any funny shit instead of letting the will of the people, you know, decide the way it's supposed to be,

that he's going to jump ship. Ooh, what a threat. They're like, yeah, what do we give a shit? What are you, third now? But that would be typical, wouldn't it, of these fucking cowards? Look, I understand this election's got everything riding on it. We can't have fucking Hillary. She's just an extension. And don't forget that, people. Well, the people listening to this, you're not going to vote for her anyways, but I'm just saying that thick ankle dog face is just that, you know, she's just fucking Obama in a fucking dirty pantsuit. You understand that, don't you?

So but they don't know what to do because Trump is a risk. Let's face it, folks. We have an electorate out there so stupid and will, you know, fall for all. They have fallen for all this politically correct horse shit. And Trump's a racist and he's Hitler. And those are the times we live in. So it is risky, him being the nominee. But, you know, so

if they try any underhanded shit, Trump said he's going to fucking run as a third party candidate and he will just he'll just he'll fucking hand it to the Dems. If he runs as an independent or whatever, pulls a Ross Perot, he'll just hand the fucking hand it to the dems if he runs as an independent or whatever pulls a ross perot he'll just hand the presidency by the way i love the fact that hillary still in the mix here all that benghazi shit that was all for fucking not it's starting to make me wonder really all those hearings and shit you couldn't get her i i still have this little fantasy that she's going to be let away in cuffs and the biggest pair

of fucking cuff ankle cuffs you've ever seen like you'd put around a clydesdale's feet that's my wet dream seeing her being led from the podium hands behind her big saggy tits fucking hanging down you know as we all laugh our balls off just get get out of here, you dog-faced whore. Can't say the word tits without playing this song. Don't you have that fantasy, though? All that shit about Benghazi, really? We got nothing solid on her?

That's why I'm starting to really not believe in the whole system, folks. Don't want to get too cynical, but if they pull any shit, can you imagine Trump going, okay, yeah, watch this. I'm so cynical. I'm getting so cynical. I'm starting to believe this is all a plan.

You know? It's all a plan for this new world order. They want the fucking old United States out of the way and this new fucking global horse shit. Oh, by the way, they solved the climate change problem over the weekend. Apparently, a hundred countries have signed on to help, you know,

help control the whole warming thing. So you can feel rested, even though none of it's binding, I guess. It's not officially a treaty treaty so I don't understand but they're all celebrating that which is good news that means when you're at your

family's funeral after they're blown up at a parade by ISIS it should be nice, it should be in the fucking 70s and so I'm not saying there's not global warming of course there is i even notice like i said i used to used to take me all day to get a tan you know i get a lot of pigmentation and uh now you're outside for like an hour and i notice i get like oh so i know i'm not

this shit shit is changing but but this whole thing that we're really not going to know definitely for another hundred and something years. But in the meantime, we're going to tax you just in case get the fuck out of my face with that. I'll do, I'll, you know, I'll do my part. I won't rev my car to try to impress the young pussy in the Walmart parking lot. I won't rub it. And, but anyways, yeah. And it's so funny. They show the president. He's speaking about how he's got 100 countries joining. And he's so, this is, he's just an environmentalist.

He gets a hard on talking about that type of stuff, doesn't he? Do you see how bushy I am? Anyways. So yeah, they're playing with fire. I would not want to be those guys that run the GOP because that is a touchy situation. It's a touchy situation. It really is. That's a terrible Gandolfini, by the way.

I'm going to leave that to Matt Aries. But, yeah. I mean, what are they going to do with this guy? I mean, he's not just winning a little bit. That's why it's such an insult to him. He's smoking the field. And they're like, we can't have this fucking guy. And I mean, I understand because the country is so fucked up, the other half, who voted for Obama twice.

You know what I'm saying? So there is a liberal bent out that you got to worry about. But it's a definite concern, you know. But what are they going to do? It's a definite concern, you know. But what are they going to do? I really, you know, I wonder if they're dreaming about, you know, having a wet dream of bringing Romney back at the last second.

Who, by the way, and again, you know me, I'm a Ted Cruz guy. I'm a far right guy. And Romney hardly falls into that. But I know that guy would have made a great president, I think, or a good one. And you real right-wingers are going, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm just saying, very, very smart fella, great businessman, and it's what we need.

And he's a little more refined than Trump. But that's why Cruz, man, Cruz is now way, Cruz is ahead in Iowa. He's like Trump. He's got the fucking politically incorrect, he hates everything Obama stands for, but he's a little more refined and a lot brighter than Trump, in my opinion.

But again, anything, anything but the fucking cankled grandmother with the fucking hairy nipples in her late 70s. That's how I just snap every time I talk about the fucking. Here's a story i found quite interesting and actually uh kind of refreshing because i kind of fall into this category and the headlines were this is in the uk paper the independent people who are really good at swearing have an important an important advantage you can see why they would excite me. I curse all the time. It's sometimes too much. You know, people tell me after the show, you say fuck a lot.

And I'm like, yeah, so what do you give a fuck? But I do, yes. Those who are liberal in their use of swear words are not the lazy and uneducated individuals they are often made out to be in new study claims. In fact, a well-stocked vocabulary of swear words is actually a healthy indicator

of the other verbal abilities. I've been... What have I been fucking telling you fucking jack-offs? Yeah. This is... This was in the Language Science Journal.

U.S.-based psychologists Christian Jay and Timmy Jay, one of their brothers and sisters, they dismissed the long-held belief that swearing is a sign of inarticulateness. Working with the poverty of vocabulary, quote-unquote, concept, that's the assumption that people swear because they lack intellectual capacity to find any other way to express themselves. I do it because it feels fucking good. Their experiment aimed to find out whether those more fluent in the art of swearing are less fluent in other forms of vocabulary. So this is what they did. Using students as research subjects, the psychologists then asked their participants to say as many different swear words as they could think of in 60 seconds.

Other than non-swearing tasks such as saying as many animal names in the same space of time were also set to compare to the findings. The result found that volunteers who could produce the greatest quantity of swear words could also produce the most words in other categories. So if the poverty of vocabulary explanation was true, then the opposite should have been the case, right? Right. So they asked him to say as many swear words in 60 seconds that they could think of, and then they asked him to name as many animals as they could in 60 seconds. And what they're saying is they did both. The people who came up with as many swear words or good at coming up with as many animals

or anything else they asked him to come up with in 60 seconds verbally. I wonder if they were like, when they were naming the animals, if they were like cock-tucking cat, fucking raccoon, fucking gorilla, motherfucking tigers, fucking-sucking cat, fucking raccoon, fucking gorilla, motherfucking tigers,

fucking jerk-off dogs, fucking asshole pandas. And I always believed that. You know who had a real potty mouth? Hemingway, the writer. You know, of course, he used to like to booze it up and drop acid and shit. But I never believed that. You know, that if you, you know, obviously you hear somebody with a third grade education, you know, from the inner city who couldn't put four words together. You know, there might be a little truth to that.

You know, there might be a little truth to that. But there's a lot of, you know, a lot of this. Look, a lot of successful people wouldn't really. Well, let's go. Let's go to sports, for instance. Tommy Lasorda. I mean, he he had one of the filthiest mouths ever. Remember that?

You remember this? Tell you what I think about it. I think that is very, very bad for that man to make an accusation like that. That is terrible. What they're talking about here is Lasorda, the Dodgers in San Diego years and years ago, one of the Dodgers pitchers hit one of the Padres,

and one of the Padres players said, well, they should blame it on that little fat Italian who told him to throw at this guy. And the guy who said it was Tommy Lasorda giving instructions to hit the guy was Kurt Bevilacqua. So listen, here you go. He was accusing Lasorda of giving instructions to the Dodgers pitcher to hit this Lefebvre guy.

I have never, ever, since I've managed, ever told a pitcher to throw at anybody, nor will I ever. And if I ever did, I certainly wouldn't make him throw at a fucking 130 hitter like LeFay or fucking Babacqua, who could hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat. fucking babakwa who could hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat and I guarantee you this when I pitched and I was gonna pitch against a fucking team that had guys on it like babakwa I sent a fucking limousine to get the cocksucker to make sure he was in the motherfucking lineup because I kicked that cocksucker's ass any fucking day in a week he's a fucking motherfucking big Oh, that was with a bunch of reporters around. Oh, that was years ago, man.

I mean, and you're going, well, is that who he is? Yeah, he's not a dummy, sort of. Come on, he went on to run the Dodgers for a long time. Not a dumb guy. I'm just saying. You want some more proof? Who else? I'm staying in the sports realm because that's the show we're doing here.

But don't tell me Steve Jobs didn't curse out. I didn't see the movie. But don't tell me he didn't fucking curse like a pirate. And tell me Einstein didn't call his wife a twat when she knocked over a flask. But, fuck that. But here's Bobby Knight, who we know is very successful, he's written a few books, and here's Bobby being interviewed. And they're thinking about games.

You get a game that you've played very well in and won easily by the margin. And maybe you haven't won all that easily. Maybe the rebounding has been even. Maybe you've shot a very good percent. A lot of things enter into it. Yeah, Coach, but 51 points. You beat Northwestern here by 51 points. That doesn't amaze you.

Let me ask you something. Let's just start all this fucking shit again. Now, I'm not here to argue the thing with you. I'm not here to fucking debate things with you goddamn people from television. You know, you want a fucking answer from me, you get the answer, on TV nope uh Bobby Knight reminds me of my old man my old man had out of nowhere you know he'd get that you know that look when your dad was in the driveway and your mother would go uh honey phone call and he'd fucking look up from doing he's doing with that squint in his

eye i think uh colin quinn said john mccain has that look all the time but that was my old man he just had that and out of nowhere it would come out of left field but uh that cracked me up um but the point being of the whole study is that people who choose to use that type of language and i do and we can we can we can drag this into the comedy realm too as opposed to working clean and who doesn't and we can talk about that for a few minutes but um the overall finding of this set of studies that that taboo fluency is positively correlated with other measures of verbal fluency undermines the poverty of vocabulary view of swearing. That is, a voluminous taboo lexicon may better be considered an indicator of healthy verbal abilities

rather than a cover for their deficiencies. I agree wholeheartedly. Hear, hear, you motherless fucks. Hear, hear, cocksuckers. I mean, I use it as a release. I think it's healthy in that regard. Hold that shit in. Those are the guys that drop dead on the treadmill.

But comedy-wise, and I do say fuck too much, but there's a whole muddy thing about clean comics. You hear people go, he's funny. He works clean, too. What does that fucking mean? So that means he's funny. He works clean, too. That makes him. What does that fucking mean? So what? That means he's funny. Well, yeah.

Really? So Richard Pryor wasn't fucking funny. Who cursed more than Richard Pryor? Sam Kinison. Chris Rock. I remember hearing Bill Maher. One of the few things I agreed with him on saying he goes yeah i say fuck on stage because i say it off stage what am i going to be a phony up there which to

me is exactly right it can you know i it's funny i have a double standard for black comedians when they say motherfucker it's like poetry cat williams says motherfucker it's like listening and he says it every three seconds motherfucker listening, and he says it every three seconds. Motherfucker and nigger. He says it every three seconds. It rolls off his tongue and makes me laugh because he, I mean, he's like a funny street pimp. I just can't, you know. But, yeah, I did a special. I did a special that I chose not to air in Boston years ago.

And I just, you know, I counted like 78 fucks, I think, 35 minutes into it. And even for me, that was like. But I don't care if you come out to see me in a club and I'm headlining or whatever. And it frees me up. Me and Geraldo had a conversation late Greg about that. And he goes, yeah, he goes, you know, I go, doesn't it free you up somewhere? You know, I don't know. The point is you don't rely on it.

I can be funny without it. But saying fuck the way I would on the street to my friends, people understand that. But if you have to rely on it, you know what I mean? Dirty comics to me are the ones that open with asshole eating jokes and talk about sex from beginning to fucking end with nothing else. That to me is a dirty comic.

And throwing cursing on top of it. Then you're filthy. There is a little bit of an art form to it, but like I said, I don't rely on the on the dirty i don't do a lot of sex stuff i say fuck a lot but i say fuck a lot say fuck a lot off stage um sort of getting away from the point of this article saying that people who curse a lot aren't necessarily uh uneducated or whatever they sort of choose to do so and I throw myself in that category. Hey, look, I had a 2.5 at the University of Maine.

I ain't that stupid. Oh, God. Jack! All right. Sorry, folks. I know that was up a little loud. That was a little loud. You'll be whining about it on Twitter. But what are you going to do? So don't feel bad if you,

you know. Matter of fact, you guys who have office jobs out there, the next time you're in a press conference and you're having a sales meeting, say, Johnson, could you show us the fucking sales, you cocksucker? And why are we down 13% as opposed to the motherfuckers last year? See how your boss handles that. You'll go to human resources. Boy, am I glad I'm out of that world.

Oh, God. Comedy saved my life. Didn't it? Sure it did. Oh, wait a minute. I'm not done with my dirty talk. I played Bobby Knight in Lasorda, but you can't be discussing successful people who like to curse without my next clip, the great friggin' Earl Weaver. You guys have heard this. I'll explain after. And now to the manager's corner.

Manager's corner. It was a radio show with Earl Weaver. This is Earl Weaver with Manager's Corner. I'll explain after. Today, I have Tom Moore, Oreo broadcaster, back on the show. And I understand Tom's been getting some mail with questions that supposedly I can answer.

Now, what the fuck are some of these goddamn questions, Tom? Well, first of all... That's Earl Weaver. He's dead, though. ...from Baltimore, is asking how much we feel the loss of Don Stanhouse. Well, Don Stanhouse was an asshole. He had us in trouble, had the fucking bases loaded.

God damn it, almost every fucking time he went out out there he liked to ruin my health smoking cigarettes and thank god we got timmy stoddard coming in on the bullpen right now sticking a bat up their asses and that's what it takes well bill whitehouse there that certainly is an answer from frederick merrill wants to know why you and the oreos don't go out and get some more team speed team speed for christ's sake you get fucking goddamn little fleas on the the bases getting picked off trying to steal getting thrown out taking runs away from you get them big that can hit the ball out the ballpark and you can't make any goddamn mistakes well well certainly this show is going to get out in history earl terry elliott of washington dc why wants to know why you don't use Terry Crowley as a designated hitter all the time.

Well, Terry Crowley's lucky he's in fucking baseball, for Christ's sake. He was released by the Cincinnati Reds. He was released by the fucking goddamn Atlanta Braves. We saw that Terry Crowley could sit on his fucking ass for eight innings and enjoy watching a baseball game just like any other fan and has the ability to get up there and break one open in the fucking ninth. So if this cocksucker had mind his own business and let me manage the fucking team we'd be a lot better off well certainly you've made your opinions known on the fans questions but let's get to something else alice sweet from norfolk wants to know the best time to put in a tomato plant

alice sweet ought to be worried about where the fuck her next lay is coming from rather than where her next goddamn tomato plant is coming from. She'd get her ass out of the fucking bars at night and go hustling around the goddamn street. She might get a prick stuck in her once in a while. I don't understand where these questions are coming from, Tom. That's about it for Manager's Corner. Go fuck yourself and the fuck with your show

coming up next on the Baltimore Oriole Baseball fucking network. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh, my God. Dad, are you kidding me? I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

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I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I beaver a few youngsters he said he's a hall of fame number four manager for the orioles for years

when they were really good he passed away a couple years ago but he used to you know tear into the umps he get thrown out more than anybody i think in the 20 year span and just a fucking crazy old man and that people thought that that was real and when i went out over the air in a real radio show live, which is not the case. They used to do a pregame thing, and somebody from Seattle, I guess, the Mariners organization asked for a copy. They sent them questions, you know, Earl Weaver and this guy, and they kept flubbing it up.

They were going to prerecord it and then send it to Seattle. This is a long story short, and they kept messing up. They were going to prerecord it and then send it to Seattle. This is a long story short. And they kept messing up. Then they started laughing. They got the idea that, hey, let's send them something, you know, let's send them something really vile. And just as a joke. So they, you know, they did that. Then sent it to whoever was asking for it. The Mariners organization or somebody.

So it didn't go out over the air live. And the guy mar actually told that story um so that's the story of that you might have if you're sports fans you've probably heard it before unless you're um but you know you want to be a dentist you might not have ever heard that that makes me but but the but the point is earl we, that was him being funny on his own. You know what I mean? That's relying on cursing. Okay, that's relying. But Alice Sweet wants to know when the best time to put tomato plant in.

Well, Alice ought to worry about where her next fucking lay is coming from. Never mind the tomato plant. If she get out in the street, she might get a prick stuck in her. I mean, that's fucking, that'll be funny a thousand years from now. And he was no dummy Earl. Like I said, I'm going to sports figures, you know. I'm going to successful sports guys. But, you know.

Boy, did that make me laugh the first time I heard that. And then there's another one of Tommy Lasorda. I'm not going to play it for you, but there's another one of Tommy Lasorda going out on the mound to take a pitcher out. And he gets into it with a pitcher that you guys have probably heard. But like I said, cursing is good. It's hard to do. People always ask, well, how about when you do the you know that you do

let them into the tonight show or tv appearance and it is it's uh it's funny you're you're at the beginning of your career you you want to get on those shows so you kind of keep the material kind of clean and stuff but then once you've done a couple of those shows and you have your reputation then you feel you've earned the right to do whatever you want on stage talk the way you want and uh you do every night you're in a club you know in front of people with a few drinks in them and uh again not an excuse guy like brian reagan uh clean as a whistle funny he's a funny to me he's the exception for somebody that works that clean. A lot of guys that work really clean pick really bland topics and kind of do unoriginal shit, which kills because the audience doesn't know. It's the other thing you get to know about comedy. They don't know the difference.

There's a handful of people who know the difference, in my opinion. But, you know, if you're going gonna tell me bill cosby was funnier than richard pryor or george carlin gonna tell me george carlin didn't have a high iq guy used to swear like a pirate with tourette's so i don't want to hear about fucking bob hope boy i'll tell you those cocksuckers in vietnam um what else do i want to talk about with you fellas a couple more stories here i might save them for the you know the tuesday show whatever um here was an odd little story that i just found before i went on the air. I guess it happened last week, though. Yeah.

Foreign speaking. Foreign speaking. That's what the guy says. Men walked into a U.S. Walmart at 3 a.m. And bought 60 cell phones. This happened at a Walmart in Lebanon, Missouri. Employees contacted local law enforcement authorities. You know, they saw something and they said something. Laclede County Sheriff Wayne Merritt said somebody went in and bought 60 cell phones from Walmart.

That's not normal for this area. It's not normal for anywhere. I got news for you, fella. I'm not going to say just because they're a different religion or because they're a Muslim, but these people were foreign speaking, then you need to take notice. You need to let us know about it because it doesn't hurt to check on it. You see how even after the killings in San Bernardino and in Paris and everywhere else, San Bernardino and in Paris and everywhere else.

I mean, what just happened, you know, just recently, people still have to couch their language. That's how embedded this politically correct horseshit is in our bones now. I mean, just because they're a Muslim, but you don't have to say that. You don't have to say that. I mean, you do, you know, if you want to be laughed at by fucking Chris Matthews and those fucking jagoffs. He's like, I mean,

you're not being racist or anything. You can hear he's got like a guilty complex for doing his job. That you're just protecting yourself. Yeah, we get it. We get it, Sheriff. See, people were concerned because terrorist use those cell phones.

Experts say they use the cell phones, you know, disposable ones, prepaid types, to communicate with each other. Yes, we know that. I learned that from a Sopranos episode 11 years ago. But, you know, cell phones, they also use them to detonate explosive devices. So, where's the footage from that walmart i know there's cameras in there i want to see that shit get it up on national tv but don't be apologetic so some employees saw something and they did something don't you love

that slogan if you see something say something could it be any more politically correct unfreaking believable but but i was reading the article going why does this guy have such an apologetic tone but that is kind of weird isn't it a couple of fellas a couple of foreigners of course they don't mention the race or whatever and then i wonder um you know the people who put this story out that's what you got to think about the people who pop when a story comes from like the ap which i don't think this one did but uh you know ap cbs mbc you got to take it with the spirit that they put it out there do you know what I mean by that? You got to know their politics. And what their thinking was. And their motivation.

Are they you know. Is it to point. To the hayseeds in the middle of the country. Look they're still racist. This I think came from a far right. Publication. But nonetheless it still happened. And I'm sure there's people who will read it and go, oh my god,

aren't they ignorant? They call the cops on somebody. They weren't even doing anything. They just ordered 60 cell phones. How dare they? So what? They bought a couple of pressure cookers and sure they were going to make pulled pork, those fellas from Yemen. They love the pulled pork, don't they? I mean, they don't

say it out loud, but I'm sure they love the pulled pork. Bullshit. Anyways. Excuse me. That's about it. Voice is, uh, my voice is fading in and out. I'm staying on top of the mic. The, uh, the sweats are over, the night sweats, and that's good, so top of the mic the uh the sweats are over the night sweats and

that's good so i don't know what the fuck again like i said i got no immune system i'm like the boy in the bubble without the fucking bubble give my dog a peck on the head and next thing i get the shits i'm blaming it on the dog you heard me um i'll save these for tomorrow. But like I said, kids, thanks for the contributions. Come see me at Levity Live. Sick of these plugs yet, but this is the reason we do this. I mean, one of the reasons. I shouldn't say the reason.

Levity Live, that's West Nyack, New York, right over the Tappan Zee Bridge from Westchester, I should say. That's January 8th, 9th, and 10th. And then Zany's in Chicago. Downtown on the 14th and in Rosemont on the 15th and 16th of January. Love that town. Just, you know, you gotta know where to go. Sports Haven, New Haven, Connecticut, January the 23rd. I hope that was

confirmed. Music Hall, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, February the 12th. Bunch of Boston Comics headliners. Listen to this in March. College of Staten Island. Can you imagine? I'm going on a college campus to... Although, you know, excuse me, didn't mean to cough into the mic. But, sure I did. College of Staten Island. But you know what? I've got gotta be honest with you did a couple

colleges a couple years ago again though it's going on two three years now and they were fine surprised the shit out of me and then staten island it's not like doing a college it's not like going to harvard i'm sure you know i mean uh what do you mean by that nick i'm just saying when i was on free fm staten island i could have run for governor they would have voted me in i like the way things go on out there. Bananas in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, March 11 and 12. That's enough for now, right?

Right, kids? Sure it is. Hey, again, thanks to all you subscription members. Let's keep these numbers climbing, huh? I don't want to leave the house anymore. You know how I feel. And thank you for the contributions. The contributions.

Very generous. Yeah, very generous. And, you know, I need it all. As long as you don't have a company behind you. You know what I mean? So I'll get to these other stories mañana, as they say. I'll get to these other stories manana, as they say. And until then,

if you see something, if you see something, I don't know, go out and buy a gun and come, well, that'll be eight years before you get that. If you see something,

you know, throw a rock at somebody. That's my saying. Hit them with a fucking pipe. We don't have time to call the authorities. All right? All right. I'll time to call the authorities. All right? All right.

I'll talk to you real soon. I feel like I'm forgetting something, but God damn it. That's what happens when you're in your late 70s. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all I've got But once I'm done, I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no Have a good one, everybody. And I don't want to live my life like everybody else And I don't want to be this way guitar solo I'm out.