The Nick DiPaolo Show - 113 - Racist Food, All Apologies, Universal Confusion, Accidental Rape

Episode Date: December 22, 2015

Racist Food, All Apologies, Universal Confusion, Accidental Rape

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hi everybody, how are you? That's right, Nick, move the mic towards you. Dimwit. What's going on? Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Ramadan Madingadong, Kwanzaa, Leoli, and all that other shit. Hey, thank you, James Wright, right at the top, for a very nice contribution. I appreciate that, pal. You guys have been very generous with the contributions, as well as subscribing.

The number's still going up. Something good's happening here. We will win this fight. We will. What fight. We will. What fight are you talking about? You know what fucking fight I'm talking about. I hope you do, because I don't. But nice to talk to you again, kids.

What is going on in the world? A little holiday cheer. I mean, come on. Christmas is Friday? Is it? I don't know. That's right, folks. Ah, my dad recorded this in the early 60s,

right after he married my mom, and they lived in a little shitty house in Springfield, Mass., then moved to Manchester, New Hampshire. That's actually true, actually, those locations. And they migrated from Italy. Mussolini had just taken power and... Ha ha ha! Ended up 25 miles north of Boston.

My grandfather, you know, 90%... Oh, that's dirty. Imagine Springsteen wrote this. I thought it was kind of cheesy for him. Guy's known as a poet, but this was a little below the belt, in my opinion, for Springsteen. He was on, uh, you know what? Alright, enough of that shit. Um, did you see Springsteen at SNL? Poor bastard, after he sings this song, he's like breathing like, like a fat fuck.

Just ran up a flight of stairs. I laugh every time I see, you know, little Stevie Van Zand they're playing guitar because he's not stevie van zant to me he's silvio dante who runs the bada bing that's who's playing guitar it just that's the character when i see it i laugh my ass off it would be like seeing don corleone playing bass for Styx or some shit with that fucking mug of his. He's always got those pointy boots on too, Stevie Vanz. But anyways, Tina Fey and, you know, Amy Poehler, they have a new movie out. And it's good to see Hollywood's finally giving them a shot, you know. I'll probably say that last show and I'll say it again, but Tina Fey's kind of hot. I always found her kind of sexy. That scar, I love a fucking scar on a girl's face, especially if I give it to her.

Oh, for Christ's sake, what kind of talk is that? No, I'm just saying. I don't know, she's pretty hot, even with her shitty left-wing attitude. Both funny people. I'm giving them credit, all right? We're creditors, too. But I'm just saying. I'm not going to go see the movie.

I mean, it's more of the same, right? Guy's stupid, girl's strong. Quack, quack, quack. Haven't driven that message home, have we, for the last 40 fucking years? I can hardly even watch NFL football now. There's a commercial for some jewelry store as barts or some shit i probably have the name wrong doesn't fucking matter the commercial literally 30 seconds long and it just goes again this is for like a bracelet or a ring

you can buy your wife and it goes good news is uh something like it's good that you remember she loves blueberry pancakes and then it shows a messy kitchen all filled with smoke and it's good that you remember she loves blueberry pancakes, and then it shows a messy kitchen all filled with smoke. And it's good that she told you where the fire extinguisher is. And then it goes into the commercial about the bracelet you should buy for her for Christmas. It's no more than 30 seconds, but they have to open the commercial with a guy being fucking moronic. It's just in the copy, in the dialogue. They don't even show it it but they have to open

the commercial with that and again i've talked about this fucking ad nauseum and uh they asked the now organization the woman that's running that a couple years ago in an interview why the commercials are so anti-male and she said she literally said this was her explanation because of the way men uh women were portrayed in commercials like in the 50s and 60s when a guy used to yell how the coffee sucked and i yet to find those commercials anywhere but jesus christ can you let it go you bit it bucks for five minutes and then that same jewelry store ran another commercial again another 30 second spot it's like it's good that you bought her some bracelet, and it's good that you remembered where it was.

It shows a guy rifling through his sock jaw drop because he almost forgot where he put it. I mean, again, they can't leave it alone for five fucking seconds. I'm trying to ignore it, folks. And if it was isolated incidents i would ignore it but fuck are they relentless it's just been 35 40 years of this shit and and this mentality and so here's the other explanation they give well because women do most of the shopping which is bullshit now you get more mr moms out there which one is it by the way um but that's the

explanation they give well the reason they shit on husbands and guys at commercials is because it's a commercial. It's for the women. So you're telling me the fucking woman has to hate her husband for the ad to be effective? Go fuck yourself, you carpet-munching fuckface. What kind of talk is that for the holidays? I say it's pretty good talk.

Don't you think? I think it is. Santa, you know what I want for Christmas this year? What? A big fat cock! Oh! In my ass! Thank you, Hillary.

Jingle bells. Three, four, five. It's the first time for you. So here's what you do. It's the first time for you. You hanging out at a goddamn girl's skunk convention? Don't go ripping out my pubic hair. Reach for my grab bag.

Terrible. Terrible words. You can do it with ease. God. John! I agree. I fucking agree. Thank you with ease. God. John! I agree. I fucking agree. Thank you.

Oh, God. I meant to break out some of my Christmas jokes that somebody requested on Twitter. There's a couple that they love. One of them is, I was actually going to pull them up, but it takes forever. Guys, you wouldn't believe what I, anyways. I started preparing for this seven hours ago. Anyway, and that's on me not you uh i really do have to get a hot uh 22 year old broad that knows technology i'm sure she'll be asian or indian but that's okay i can put up with the smell

what kind of crack is that oh i don't give a rat's fuck um dates dates real quick i gotta plug these things because, I mean, what else do you do a show for other than, you know, January 8, 9, and 10. That's in a couple weeks. Levity Live. That is in West Nyack, New York.

Okay? If you come from Westchester, you go right over the bridge. It's right at the mall there. It's a beautiful room, actually. And then I'm in Zany's in Chicago. It's beautiful. I'm in the middle of January.

That's where my agent sends me. Zany's 14 15 and 16 of january again on thursday the 14th i'm downtown for two shows and then the next couple nights i'm in rosemont and then the sports haven in new haven connecticut i hope the fuck that's confirmed i never really uh that's january 23rd which is a saturday night and then the music hall in portsmouth new New Hampshire. Mike Donovan is the host. Very funny guy from Boston. He's got a bunch of heavy Boston hitters. And that should be fun. And then Bananas in Hasbrook Heights, March 11 and 12.

That's enough for now, ain't it? Sure it is. What the hell else? Steve Harvey I wanted to talk about who i like by the way always did i like him because you can tell he's not crazy about whitey but he never tried to hide it and he just it's what i mean he's like uh i'm probably surprised with this type of but uh george lopez another guy who goes after whitey but he does it and the shit he says is true about how soft white people have become and it's really funny and steve harvey i always liked them i don't know i just uh

like i said when i worked with chris rock he took us to see the uh you know kings of comedy thing at madison square garden and uh i'm telling you man it was as funny as anything i've ever seen and steve harvey has just been around forever and is just a funny MF-er. Anyways, this weekend he had the privilege of hosting the Miss Universe pageant. And you guys have probably heard about it by now. He came down to, you know, the first runner-up and the winner. And when they do these pageants, I guess, instead of just announcing the winner and when they do these pageants i guess instead of just announcing the winner naturally when it when it gets down to two um they announced the first runner up and he fucked it up

okay he announced the uh he announced the the the uh first runner up as um the woman from the Miss Saigon, the woman from the Philippines. And he announced Columbia as the winner. Miss Columbia, who was smoking hot, by the way. They were both, stunningly. I just saw this today, folks. No, I didn't sit down and fucking watch it. I'm just saying. My wife told me about it today on TMZ, and I couldn't believe it.

Anyways, he screwed it up. He read the card wrong but um and again it could happen to anybody especially at uh like our age my age and um you know so there's miss i think it was miss columbia i hope it doesn't matter but she's got they put the crown on her she's got the flowers and then you see him in the background getting very uncomfortable and and the poor bastard. And then you see him in the background getting very uncomfortable. And the poor bastard. Oh, my God. You could just see the pain in his eyes. He stood there.

And they were applauding for like two minutes for this poor broad. And then he has to come around and admit that. Well, he handled it beautifully is my point. He handled it beautifully. And here are some of the highlights of the poor mess up. But he apologizes first. Okay, folks. There's, I have to apologize.

The Filipinos go crazy. Sounds like the Beatles went on Ed Sullivan. Listen. Sounds like the Beatles went on Ed Sullivan. Listen to that. The first runner-up is Columbia. The Filipinos go crazy in the crowd. They're throwing poodles. But then he corrects himself nicely.

Universe 2015 is Philippines. Not Miss Philippine. Philippine. And then, but, so they hand the crown. And before they even hand the crown to her, she's standing there next to Miss Columbia. They don't know what to do. Nobody's taking charge. Then some woman comes out, I guess, from the pageant, stands in between them.

And then, you know, this is why Steve Harvey's the man. He takes control of the situation. Listen, folks, let me just take control of this. This is exactly what's on the card. I will take responsibility for this. It was my mistake. It was on the car. Horrible mistake, but the right thing, I can show it to you right here. He's mitten. The first runner up. It's refreshing. It is my mistake. Still a great night. Please don't hold it against the ladies.

Please don't. We feel so badly, but it's still a great night. Thank you all. Amen. Nice job. He came from the David Letterman, you know, you fuck up and you get it right out there. Remember Dave made the apology after the guy blackmailed him about fucking his girlfriend? You come right out with it. But he handled it classy.

And I would have stormed off and blamed whoever typed the card. I can't read this shit. The font's too small, motherfucker. But Steve Harvey, I always liked him, man. And every time I hear the Miss Universe pageant, one of my favorite comedy stories is at the Comedy Cellar. And you know our buddy Rick Crome. He's the, if you watch the show Louie and the poker scenes,

he's the gay guy at the table who we're always busting his chops. And he's a great guy. He's been a regular at the Comedy Cellar for years. And he's, you know, he's an openly gay guy. He wasn't always openly gay. We dragged it out of him. We held him down and gave him a couple of tit twisters, and he gave it up one night.

No, but so anyways, he's one of my favorite movies. Every time I hear Miss Universe pageant, I think of him because John Manfred Lottie, who's a hilarious comic, originally New York Italian guy, as funny as anybody. He's been out in L.A. for years. He was a regular on King of Queens. And no, excuse me, not King of Queens. Everybody loves Raymond. He was one of Ray's friends. But he's just a funny fuck. he was a regular on king of queens and and uh no excuse me not king of queens everybody loves raymond he was uh i want to raise friends but one of them he's just a funny fuck he told me the story that

they were sitting around the table one night and the college national football championship was being played that night and the miss universe pageant was also on that night this is at the comedy set a long time ago so long ago that it involves a pay phone anyways uh both those things the college championship and miss universe are on that night and uh they were sitting around the table wondering who had who had won the the football game and then rick chrome is on a pay phone near the tape near the bar and they and they hear rick chrome say to whoever he's talking to, so who won? And Manfilotti says, I didn't know Rick liked football.

And then you hear Rick Crome go, Miss Florida? Really? I just love that story. Come on, that's true. That's something you'd see in a sitcom, for Christ's sake. Will and Grace or something. They're like, we didn't know you liked football. Miss Florida.

Cute little fucking story. But Steve Harvey handled it beautifully, brother man. Not that he's ever going to hear this or give a shit. But that's how you do it. You step in and take control of the situation. That's something that NFL fucking refs have to learn how you do. You step in and take control of the situation. That's something that NFL fucking refs have to learn how to do. I watched the, you know,

the 19 games as I usually do on Sunday, and I can't take it anymore. I was a proponent of instant replay because I assumed that we were smart enough and evolved enough as a species to know that if the reviews took too long, it would fuck up the pace of the game and make it almost unbearable. And that's where we are at this point.

Secondly, the fucking NFL refs, they all stink because they're part-time. They sell insurance during the summer and whatever. They got to make them full-time and send them to camp or whatever. But here's the thing they do that makes me mental and I've talked about it before. Every time a flag is thrown, they don't even make the call now. They huddle up before

they even make the call. Do you understand what I'm saying? A guy catches a ball and he's running. Let's say they think his foot stepped out of bounds or something. They don't,

they don't, they don't, they're supposed to make a hand signal out of bounds. He caught it out of bounds. Whatever, right? They're supposed to make the call and then discuss it now they fucking huddle up before anybody's even made a call which you can't do because when you're using a review system you

have to review what the the most crucial part of that process is the referee's call on the field whether you're going to reverse that or not but they're not even doing that they're huddling and here's the other thing i mean somebody will jump off sides now and and all four of them have to come together and talk for like 10 20 seconds nobody takes charge and you see it not more in the nfl than college but they did this whole thing well it's it's best that they get it right. As opposed to what? Fucking up the pace of the game? No, it's not. I'd rather have them get it wrong.

And let's make a snap decision and get on with it. It's going to sound crazy to you. But then we can watch games in under nine fucking hours. I mean, this huddling up horse shit. And again, they have to make a call before they huddle up. But now they'll throw a flag and they'll all look at each other. Did he get in? Did he go over the pylon?

And three guys will be standing there looking at each other. And nobody takes control. It's like they look ball-less. They look like they have no courage. They're afraid to get it wrong. I don't know if it's the world we live in today. And here's the other thing about, and I've talked about this before i'll talk about

it again they can't tell if it's a catch or incomplete or a fumble here's how you solve that now if you're going to continue to use replay which i wish they'd get rid of it all they fucking reviewing everything they're doing it in hockey now and and everything they're reviewing everything a guy's clip you know a guy's knee touches down on the one-eighth inch line and and they get a fucking review for 10 minutes. When we all know, you know, years ago, that would have been a touchdown. Nobody would have given a fuck.

Oh, I fucking lost my train of thought. But yeah, stop with the huddling. Oh, what is a reception? What is not? If you're going to continue to use replay, let the replay decide the whole reason the rules were changed over the years and been bastardized about what is a reception what is not because the game's moving so fast a guy gets his hands around a ball and somebody drills a minute pops loose the refs are saying it's going so fast that we can't but you can't use that as an excuse anymore. We can use the replay.

And my definition of a, of a reception is going to clear up all this mess. I wish somebody would hear this, um, in the NFL. Maybe I'll call Goodell tonight. Um, but use the replay. Now, if the, if the receiver has his hands on the ball for more than 1,001, 1,002. I mean his two hands are on the ball, okay? He has possession of it. I don't give a shit if it's against his chest, it's out from his body. If he has both hands around him for two seconds. And again, use the replay to decide this now. Don't worry about his feet, whether they touch the ground, whether he made a football fucking move.

Like I said, you got replay now. Let the replay 1001 1002 yes he's squeezing it with both hands then he got drilled and it came loose that was a reception and now that's a fumble use the replay to help yourself if you're going to continue to use replay i'd i'd scratched i'd get rid of it completely and i was a huge proponent of replay but they are so fucking up the process and taken forever. And now they won't even make a call on the field in live time. Like I said, the refs know that it's going to be reviewed.

So they feel no urgency to make a call on the field. And they're just fucking it up. And it's unbearable to watch. And we have to listen to that CBS theme every time they do a review and go to break um i don't know how i got off on that tangent but um yeah take control i guess is my point like steve harvey did take control of the situation have some bezolls and step up um you know do you know what i'm saying you guys again a lot of years are johnny come lately that's another way of saying you're way younger than me but i've been watching this shit since

i was six i have a trained eye i really should get a job being a spotter in the booth i can call penalties my friends watch games with me they go how the fuck did you see that well because i've been watching football since i was six. Haven't missed a weekend. Played Pop Warner. Played in high school for four years. Played in college. And haven't fucking missed a weekend since. And I literally, I can call an illegal formation before the ref throws a flag.

If there's not enough guys in a line of scrimmage. If nobody's covering up the tackle, you know, or the tight end. I see all that shit now. I see a clip behind the play. I see holding before the ref throws up. My friends fucking laugh their balls off. They're like, how much of this shit do you watch? And by friends, I mean my wife and my dog.

Anyways, NFL, get your shit together. It's making it very fucking difficult. And by the way, right before I came on air here, like I'm on air live, I heard that the NFL did a surprise check of the Patriots footballs. Oh, Goodell's got a hair across his vagina for Tom Brady in fucking craft, I think.

Anyways, the Pats, you know, kicked the shit out of the Titans like they should have. Anyways, what else went on on the weekend, kids? By the way, as far as the name goes, I'm almost ready to go. I'm about to just go Nick DiPaolo podcast. Everybody's saying my name. A lot of people are saying, look, it's enough. They know what you stand for and shit, so why?

I don't know. I just thought I'd throw it out there on safe space and all that shit. That is, I know that's wholly appropriate, but there's a million shows with that name and shit. So again, you guys, I appreciate the contributions. I'd like to call it, you know, fuck the left or whatever, but that's too political. You know what I mean? Mike Baker, my web guy, I think he, he's come the closest happy hour with Nick DiPaolo.

And again, only you people who know me and know my act finally that i'll be fine that funny you'll see the irony and my name and happy being in anything together so but the people who don't know me and be like what is that and there's a ton of uh podcasts called happy hour too but i guess when you attach a name to it it doesn't matter anyways enough of that whole shit sister's ass uh top moments in the democratic debate i guess that was on i i i uh i guess i forgot and all the hoopla um they put it on saturday night it was in new hampshire i i i still don't know what channel it was on i think it was somewhere between the cartoon network and the food network it might have come on right after chopped or dinners drive-ins and douchebags i think

um but uh they hit it nicely and i would hide it too with candidates like that three fucking white people huh all that fucking harping about diversity and how important it is racially and huh three fucking white people you get bernie Sanders, a 96-year-old socialist. Then you get dog-faced, Clydesdale-ankled housewife who sucked the cock of every smart guy. And then you got the most self-hating white man, Martin O'Malley, just a ball-less cup of melted butter. Just a dink.

Every time he opens his mouth, they want to shit chunks of blood. Just, ugh. Anyways. Yeah, so they throw this up on the Saturday before Christmas. Like anybody's going to. They're literally hiding these people. Because, see, Hillary and Bernie Sanders is right. The old crazy socialist fuck.

You know, I'd vote for him in a second over Hillary that if I was a dim god forbid rather have Ebola of the taint um there was a little bit of controversy you guys heard about it maybe you didn't I don't know if you follow this shit as closely as me somehow Bernieernie sanders and and his uh campaign got information about hillary's voters somehow on their computer he says it was accidentally sent to them they didn't steal it and it happened and uh the first time it happened twice the first time it happened bernie said uh you know we immediately expunged it because that was and then the second time they found more of hillary's information uh data on his on his uh you know in his database and uh i guess one of his workers you know

snooped around and shit and didn't uh didn't send it back or delete it and so that guy was fired and um well they talked about it uh right at the top of the debate, I guess. Absolutely. Does Secretary Clinton deserve an apology tonight? Yes, I apologize. Secretary Clinton, do you accept? Listen to how she accepts. Not only do I apologize to Secretary Clinton, and I hope we can work together on an independent investigation from day one.

I want to apologize to my supporters. This is not the title of camp. Like somebody said, doesn't he sound like Larry David doing George Steinbrenner on the Seinfeld show? That's exactly what he sounds like. But listen to how Hillary accepts the apology. She's such a lawyer. She doesn't say i accept your palm but anyways listen up bernie pain that we run and if i find anybody else involved in this they will also

be fired secretary clinton he's apologized how do you react i very much appreciate uh that uh comment you hear that the measured words She has to measure her... I don't accept the apology. I accept that comment. And she's so happy. You can see how comfortable. She knows it's being handed to her. I am so fucking naive,

and I had this conversation with Colin Quinn on the phone. I guess I really... I'm not as cynical as everybody says I am. I really... All that Benghazi shit you're gonna tell me there was no legitimate rules but there was no laws broken there any of that shit she's gonna be she's gonna be the nominee I I still I'm still fucking pinching myself I can't believe that it's this rigged and you people told me years ago I remember Brett Butler remember her grace, Grace Under Fire?

We were having dinner, this is when I was on her show, and we, there was an election, and she goes, we were talking about it, and I was giving my opinion, and she goes, dumb guinea,

you still think your vote matters. And you know what? She's fucking right. I think it's all just kabuki theater. I hate to be that cynical, but if this fucking thick-ankled dog face is going to be the nominee after all that shit it is a rigged it's more rigged than even i could imagine anyways bernie well that was the end of her she said you know i accept the comment whatever the fuck blah

blah blah blah blah blah uh blah, blah, blah. So there weren't many frigging highlights. She did say something stupid. Thank God it's going to come back to haunt her. Well, first of all, they asked whether corporate America should love Hillary Clinton. She goes, if they should love her. And she goes, everybody should. With that shitty fucking phony smile oh i want to punch her right in the ribs as hard as i can and lose my fist amongst that fat

and then they asked bernie sanders the same question if you know if uh wall street would love him and he goes no I think they won't. I think they will not. It was fucking perfect. It really made her look like a fucking douche. And he's going to be the enemy of the rich cats. And she just talks the talk, but he walks the walk. It was a fucking great job by Bernie there.

And then they get on to talking about the you know global rise of isis and you know the attacks in san bernardino and and uh uh the clydesdale thick-ankled dog face ms clinton said we now finally are where we need to be in regards to isis oh is that gonna come back to bite her and her big catches mid of a snatch really where we need to be show you tell that to the uh victims families in san bernardino and in paris and anywhere else that's gonna smack her right in the face but again like i said it's all rigged i guess it doesn't matter i guess you know if she's the fucking nominee, I guess it doesn't matter who the Republicans put up against her. I can't believe. I'm going to, I mean, I really, I don't know that I'll ever vote again. After Obama getting elected the first time, I should have probably taken that stance.

Seeing as the guy did, what, 12 years of college and there's no papers or anything we can read that he wrote. And again, not to sound, but is that really asking too much? That makes me a conspiracy nut. It's all rigged. I might just sit this one out. But I can't take that chance, you see. I can't take it. I can't do it.

She's gone. She's gone. I can't do it. And then they ask Hillary what you wanted for christmas to lighten up the mood you know santa you know what i want for christmas this year what a big fat cock oh in my ass i love santa and the oh sorry i didn't mean to blow your ass out there but uh there was a a funny moment in the debates

i guess apparently hillary you know they went to commercial break and i guess um you know they do whatever they do over the break and hillary went to the uh to the powder room to put her big cock and balls uh she went to the ladies room and uh i guess they didn't know what happened anyways they come back from break and she's not back yet and they start up a debate without her which in a perfect world you know but uh she came back and uh you know she just went sorry and got a big laugh they're so in love with her and um it turns out i guess i don't know it turns out there was a line and people weren't supposed to be using the bathroom she was using and she had to wait whatever the fuck that must have

drove the queen crazy but we all know we all know what the hell was going on in there does anybody see miss clinton we're trying to do we're coming back from commercial. Is Hillary... I'll be out in a minute. I'll be out in a minute. Fucking Chipotle. Fucking Chipotle. I'm going to sick every lawyer I know in Washington after these motherfuckers.

Oh, God damn it. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell. So yeah, she was in a toilet. She probably bumped into Martin O'Malley in the girls' room. Big fucking puss. Big puss. What a sad field. Can you imagine out of the millions of politicians,

that's the best they could come up with? But right there, they should tell you they have no right to have the White House. So like she said, ISIS, we're right where we should be, with them gunning down people. And, you know. By the way, I saw this thing on Mumbai. I guess it's an HBO documentary, but I saw it on CNN or some other channel.

It's been out for a while, but remember the attack in Mumbai at the hotels? Ugh, talk about depressing. Boy, is it me or is India the asshole of the earth? It looks dark and just shitty. Again, there's beautiful spots, I'm sure, but I never see them on TV. It's always these, you know, there's a zillion people over there living on top of each other in huts. And there's always wires fucking, just open wires going from apartments to streetlights. And just, oh, it just looks fucking horrendous.

But if you get a chance, watch that attack on Mumbai, the documentary. Goodness. That'll put a chill on you and it's fucking graphic and bloody and uh it just makes you want to fucking annihilate these suckers of satan's cock what else is going on the world uh obama accuses trump of exploiting the working class fears of people. He said that in a radio interview. He's talking about Trump. He said he's exploiting the resentment and the is the first African-American to hold the White House.

Must be nice. I don't have that built-in excuse when somebody doesn't like you. Oh, it's because I'm black. How did you get elected, you ding fucking bat? If the country's so racist, you couldn't have gotten elected without white people's...

The guy's a broken record. Just... He's still defending his approach as far as taking on ISIS. He dismissed the notion that the militant group is an existential threat to the United States, even as he conceded that he had received legitimate criticism for failing to adequately explain his strategy for confronting it. That's what he always does. Every time he polls badly on something, one of his policies, it's not the policy itself.

It's that he didn't explain it good enough to us, us fucking morons, us, you know, us working class stiffs. It's never the policy that sucks. It's that he didn't explain it well, and that's on him. What a fucking... Anyways. Mr. Obama has struggled to appeal to white voters who do not have a college education.

I keep reading this now in every story. In other words, you know, again, he's too highfalutin for us dummies. Wait a minute. Why am I saying us? I have a college education. 2.4 business administration, university. Yeah, he's only carrying 36 percent of the, you know, the voters who don't have a college education.

White ones. In 2012, he only carried 36%. Republicans, here you go, Republicans perform particularly well among that group. In other words, Republicans can connect to the fucking morons because they're morons too. That's all this article says. Look, I'm trying to find articles, I'm not biased, but...

Yeah, those are the same people, by the way, Obama, that fight and die for you and protect this country and, you know. But, you know, it's the same old shit. They don't like me because I'm black and fucking Republicans are stupid and so are the people that vote for them. And it's all the same horse shit. and it's all the same horseshit. On domestic matters, he said he was concerned that a recent uptick

in campus protests around the country in which students have shown a spotlight on racial misunderstandings has in some cases shut down important debates. Yeah, and who's to blame for that?

Everybody that he's talking about on those college campuses that are shutting down debate, think just like him. That's who vote for him. I think it's a healthy thing for young people to be engaged and to question authority, Mr. Obama said.

I know you're a community organizer. I think fire hoses and fucking dogs are what's called for on college campuses right now. I know it's kind of anachronistic of me. I do think that there have been times on college campuses where I get concerned that the unwillingness to hear other points of view can be as unhealthy on the left as on the right. The right doesn't do that. The right doesn't shut down free speech, you fucking nimrod. It's you jerk off leftist

okay yeah i like the way you included republicans when you were when you were crafting together obamacare you included them in the debate you didn't shut them out did you or did i just have that fucking dream this guy's a walking contradiction and how about all those executive orders is that including everybody in the debate and here on all sides? Shut your fucking dirty mouth. Santa, you know what I want for Christmas this year? What? A big fat cock

in my ass. What else on DePaulo News? My wife's driving me nuts by the way that's all i hear in my head for the last fucking 30 years that's what white people hear you hear that that's what we hear in our heads. Again, this doesn't mean we don't love each other and can't get along, but I'm just saying, give it a fucking rest, could you? Feminists and minorities and LGBT, can you give it a rest? Can you take a fucking day off? I'll give you $11 each. I'll write you a check for reparations right now for $49.95.

um let's go to uh oberlin college this is my favorite story of the day the students at that college it's a little ritzy college i think in ohio somewhere they say that the cafeteria food is racist. Again, these are minority students, and this time it's the Asians. But there's also, I'll get to the black disgruntled students at Oberlin also. It's, you know, this is some Asian kid who was unhappy

with some type of sandwich they were making, some Japanese sandwich in the cafeteria i don't give a fuck about the facts right okay it was a yeah anyways uh but he said um it's one thing to quietly gripe about the quality of dorm food this is the article by the way it's quite another to accuse the dining room staff of stealing from Asian culture because they didn't prepare the general sauce chicken with the correct sauce. When you're cooking a country's dish, this is a student talking now, Japanese, for other people, including ones who have never tried the original dish before, you're also representing the meaning of the dish as well as its culture, said Tomoyo Choshi. I'm not making this shit up.

I'll translate for you. So if people not from that heritage take food, modify it, and serve it as authentic, it is appropriative. And for you guys out there who don't know what that means, It is appropriative. And for you guys out there who don't know what that means, a cultural appropriation, that occurs when people borrow traditions of another ethnic or religious group. Liberal students at Canadian University, for example,

recently shut down a free yoga class for disabled students because yoga origins are in Hinduism, meaning it doesn't belong to white people and they shouldn't practice it. I'll repeat that again. So this shit just doesn't go on in this country. You know it's global on all college campuses around the fucking world. This type of liberal fucking mental disease that's spreading, spreading like fucking chlamydia throughout colleges.

Liberal students at a Canadian university shut down a free yoga class for disabled students because yoga doesn't belong to white people. It's a Hindu thing. Why doesn't somebody just say that to these little fucking kids huh so anyways that's what they're saying you know if if if white people are trying to cook other cultures so so what i'll get to the point of this in a second the point is though they have they have come full circle these liberal jerk offs and college kids they're so fucking liberal that they're racist and they think just like fucking racist did back in the 40s and 50s that hey this is our culture don't touch it instead of sharing it that's what fucking retarded they are

oh i'd like to sneak into that cafeteria and drop a load right in the fucking california rolls see how they like that what's a special sauce you know what it is you fucking it's part of the dna of my white european culture it was ridiculous student deep young that That's Vietnamese. I know that. Told the Oberlin Review. The it they're talking about was the banh mi sandwich. It had the wrong bun. They made the banh mi sandwich with the wrong bun. How could they just throw something completely different and label it as another country's traditional food?

I don't know. How could they? Ask the fucking student who goes to a college that costs 50 grand a year to go to you spoiled rotten fucking should have killed you when we had the chance what you heard me motherfucker anyways okay that was that part but this is also going on um other than them shitting on the food at the cafeteria at that school. There's other cultural appropriation free spaces at this school. The desire to reinforce traditional cultural boundaries also manifests itself in a new list of demands recently released by black students.

Who would have guessed that they got in on this, huh? That's what I hear. More grievances. More grievances. That'll be stuck in my head now for the next thousand years. Well, the black students are pissed at Oberlin also. They put out a document 14 pages long with the demands that they want. Black students want a safe space for Africana-identifying students.

I don't know what that fucking means, Africana-identifying students. Well, I see that. So if you can just identify as an African, you can get this shit. They want that set up in each of various campus buildings the article makes a good point says given that white student allies of black protesters were ejected from similar black safe spaces at the university of missouri and other campuses it seems fair to assume these obalin radicals are proposing something akin to segregated safe spaces that's what they want this is my point well let me go on and read some more of the fucking demands. Previous generations

of activists fought for equal treatment and equal access to facilities for all students. This is the guy writing the article. Regardless of color,

they fought against racial segregation on campuses, including at Oberlin, which betrayed its legacy of fierce opposition to slavery by segregating its campus in the 1880s. But it sounds like separate, this is a great point, but it sounds like separate facilities are exactly what today's radical students want.

They want to hire more professor administrators and psychologists of color, and they assert the right of black students and only black students to have the final say on the continued employment of these people we demand demanding capital is a written form that assures us of the institution's commitment to increase the number of black psychologists within the counseling center furthermore we demand that black students be able to sit in on the interviews of these highly qualified candidates in order to ensure that these professionals cater to the needs of the black students.

You fucking believe what you're hearing? We also demand, demand in capital letters, the hiring of black healers, healers slash non-Western health practitioners practitioners because not everyone finds comfort and healing solely from a psychologist good how you fucking bring in snake handlers and witch doctors and shit and and are you going to reject uh you know western medical uh treatment that's only the best in the fucking world good good let the shit spread like wildfire fucking ebola although i agree on the psychologist part you don't you don't really need any more of those on college campuses oh my god do you fucking believe this activists also want

these are the black uh activists um i'll keep that going so you'll know who I'm talking about. Activists also want black student leaders to be compensated $8.20 an hour for their organizing efforts. They're just fucking with white school administrators' heads now. And you know why? Because they'll get away with it. Now they're just fucking with you. And none of those jerk-offs with their bow ties sitting up in the faculty lounge will fucking stand up and say, you know, they won't pull a Steve Harvey and go, you know what? with you. And none of those jerk-offs with their bow ties sitting up in the faculty lounge will fucking stand up and say,

you know, they won't pull a Steve Harvey and go, you know what? Fuck you. They want members of the Oberlin community who offend, listen to this,

they want members of the Oberlin community who offended them banished. They want no fewer than four buildings renamed. If all of the, if all of the, if all of the,

do you fucking believe this? Oh my God. They're just fucking with white people now. It really is. Why don't you just admit you're more racist than those white idiots back in Selma in the 50s? You want the same thing they want. Why don't you just fucking you're more racist than those white idiots back in Selma in the 50s you want the same thing they want why don't you just fucking admit it and these are college educated

at least those fucking rednecks back then was fucking sixth grade education just admit it and again this doesn't I'm not speaking for all black people here because there's probably more black people that agree with us when they hear this shit and roll their eyes, I would hope. Although I don't hear them speaking up too much either. But can you friggin' imagine? They want what white racists want. They want their own shit, separate.

Give it to them. Let's do it. Let's try. Can we agree that the racial thing has only been getting worse? Huh? Supposedly in this post-racial world. It's do it. Let's try. Can we agree that the racial thing has only been getting worse? Huh? Supposedly in this post-racial world. It's only worse. It's never been worse.

Thanks to Diz, stupid in the Oval Office. He's, you know, exasperated the situation. Why don't we, let's try it. Let's try it. We'll take our shit. You take your shit. We'll visit each other. You know, like fucking divorced parents each other you know like fucking divorce

parents who you know you have the kid one day i'll have the kid well let's try it because it's sure and fucking working this way and it's not gonna because these are these this is the future whether it's obalin or whatever what happened in canada that's the future this is what these fucking pukes are learning and digesting and actually believe in it. So it's not going to get any better soon. Anyways. If ISIS is going to hit a college,

well, anyways, I won't finish that. just the whining just never ends whether it's feminist like I said or the gay community or the transgender community or the black community it just never never fucking ends

you put on the news and this is all you hear is fucking my banh mi sandwich is not authentic. No, that's a real bun. That's how they do it. Translate it. Bullshit! That's the bun they use in Nagasaki.

Sure, it's burnt. You fucking tell me I'm a phony. Phony pho ha. See, the bun is an eighth inch thicker than they serve in Japan.

This is not authentic. You are being racist. How can you call this a banh mi sandwich? You're lying, motherfucker. It's a beautiful language, isn't it? Sure it is and finally tonight on the depalo happy hour as the world crumbles oh as the world crumbled did i just stumble on one yeah i think i did i think I did. I think I did.

I'm still, I'm steaming about the last article. I don't, all these stories I've told you about college campuses and all the whining, not one of them has included. And then somebody from the faculty stepped forward, the president of so-and-so university, and told the kids to fuck off when they demand, when he was handed a list of demands, he fucking no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no this fucking time no fucking way no fucking way no fucking way no fucking way you may that was the president of the university of sydney that's how they'd handle it in australia i'm just aren't you just curious to see where this is going and uh i am so fucking fun here's an article blacks fail philly police psych screening uh they give a test to cops in philly who want to be cops and psychology tests and blacks are

failing the psych exam well you know i'm not even going to get into it because it's the same shit. It's the same fucking shit. The test must be something wrong with the test and blah, blah, blah. Like I said. But here's a funny one. Here's a funny story. Headlines.

Millionaire found not guilty of rape after claiming he tripped and fell on woman. I used to do a bit about this my buddy uh my my uh old roommate in college who was the quarterback up at maine actually sent me this today and said didn't you used to do a bit about tripping and and i did but i couldn't remember the bit but um do you believe this a millionaire businessman has been found not guilty of rape after claiming he accidentally penetrated the woman when he tripped and fell well either he has a really pointy dick or she's got a huge hole i mean that would be hard to do if you tripped walking down the sidewalk in Manhattan and Con Ed was working on a fucking manhole.

S. Sean Abdulaziz, 46 years old, was initially accused of forcing himself on the 18 year old as she slept on a couch at his London flat after a night of drinking. You get a lot of balls to go back to a flat

in London with a guy named S. Sean Abdulaziz. That's all I'm saying. Nick, what are you saying? You know what the fuck I'm saying. Are you prejudging? Yeah, I am. What are you going to do about it? His uncle Jr. said, call the cops. The Saudi property developer said he had already had sex with a young woman's 24-year-old friend, and it was possible his penis may have been poking out of his underwear when he tripped and fell. Remind that old commercial for racy's peanut butter cups you know the butter into my chocolate thing for you guys who are in your late 70s. There was a commercial back on in the 80s, was it? I don't know.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. There's a girl walking down the street. She's got her peanut butter and he's got the chocolate bar. He's coming. They come banging to each other and the thing goes in and sort of what happened here, isn't it? Sure it is. But you believe that? And you believe that worked?

That excuse worked? He met the two girls at a club and they brought him home. You know? I'm looking at the guy. He's no fucking... He must be a trillionaire. I guarantee two of the broads saw a watch he was wearing. You know? The 18-year- old claimed that after a number

of drinks at abdeliz's north uh london home she went to sleep on the couch she said she woke up to find him on top of her forcing himself on her why didn't you just go hey no no no no no no no did you try that you probably didn't she woke up with the? Did you try that? You probably didn't. She woke up with the defendants kissing her and his penis in her vagina. Or his chocolate in her peanut butter. For you foodies. She said, what are you doing? He said, it's fine.

Indicating that her friend was asleep. She got up to find her friend, tried to wake her, but couldn't. She then tried to get out of the flat as quickly as she could. Abdulaziz said he had accidentally fallen on the teenager. What an accident. And that she tried to seduce him, and that was how his DNA got onto her vagina. That's how? I thought you might have threw a handful at it.

No? I'm fragile. I felt, this is what he said. I'm fragile. I fell down, but nothing ever happened between me and this girl. Nothing ever happened. As he was saying this, he was dabbing at his balls in taint with a handy wipe in court. So that, I think that's what, you'd think that would have been enough to convict, but apparently not. No.

He also told the court it was possibly he had semen on his hands after having sex with the young woman's friend this guy was fucking this is the bill cosby of london the jury acquitted abdulaziz after just 30 minutes of deliberations okay i want to meet the can we please i want to meet the jury please Can we please? I want to meet the jury. Please? That's fucking priceless. It took him 30 minutes.

Clearly from that story, right? Folks, you agree. There's no way he could have been guilty. Oh, my God. What the fuck? I thought this country was fried. The jury was made up of, um, eight Saudis, three camels,

and two Pakistanis, and, um, I don't believe it. Anyways, that's it. That's it, kids. That's it for today.

As far as, uh, the week, the schedule, probably gonna do Tuesday and Wednesday. Two more shows after this one, because I think Thursday's Christmas Eve, and again,

I got the wife, I'm playing Nurse Ratched, she's making me crazy, every time I walk by, she has 11 things for me to fucking do, it's like Brian Piccolo, and trying to rehab Gail Sayers knee

I just can't take it no more I was helping her with her exercises and I go you fucking pussy and then I call the nigger just like Brian Piccolo did to Gail Sayers and she started laughing

so I think I'm looking at tuesday and wednesday i'm not ruling out thursday completely but i'm just saying i get so much dough haven't finished shopping and all that other poops and i gotta take her to rehab uh for alcohol and drugs not her knee no that's just a joke no no shut it anyways that's it good to talk to you again Shut it. Anyways, that's it. Good to talk to you. Again, thanks for the contributions.

If you haven't signed up, get your friends to sign up, please. Let's get this train going. Huh? Could you? Sure you could. That's it. I will talk to you soon. Bye. I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else

No, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else Good day, everybody. guitar solo guitar solo Bye.