The Nick DiPaolo Show - 119 - Horace and Pete, Iowa, My Health

Episode Date: February 2, 2016

Horace and Pete, Iowa, My Health

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, how are ya? Long time no speaky. I know you've heard from me since last week, because I put a few shows in the can ahead of time, because I was doing what you all know about by now, Horace and Pete with Louis C.K. in the can ahead of time because i was uh doing what you all know about by now horse and peep with lewis ck in the city we'll get to that later on in the show what an experience mother of jesus was that fun um yeah so uh i had to keep that quiet for months and um so yeah i haven't talked to you guys

sort of, you know, live, quote-unquote live in a while. Good to be back. How are you? You good? Are you? I hope so. Let me check the levels on the sound here.

Hi, thank you. Thank you very much. A little applause for myself. I'm in one of these moods. We haven't heard from him in a while, have we? My favorite Indian on earth. I'm just planting this in your head. That's right.

This is going to be stuck in here for months. My way of brainwashing you into listening to this show. Maybe one of the catchiest tones in the history of Calcutta. Every time I hear that, I think of my, you know, I think of it every time I go to the emergency room when I was in New York with an Indian doctor. You are Lord, Lord, you Lord. You are the powerhouse Lord. In verity, you are Lord. Yes, I am. All right.

Flute solo, motherfucker. All right. Hey, contributions as always i do that up front because that's how bad my memory is if i don't you know i'll forget but you guys have been great with the contributions brian melvin again thank you so much buddy jonathan keller once again scores uh dennis paul Bishop and these are some repeat contributions I know that from the names Kevin uh McArdle big contribution I think he's a first-time contributor I might be wrong there too show's growing so fast I can't keep track but he hit me with a big one and kevin thanks so much brother and um

terry stevenson i think i mentioned last week if i didn't i just mentioned you now thank you guys so much for keeping this thing alive and uh tell your friends i need you to spread this like an std tell your friends because come on, a lot of us think the way we do politically when I don't have a place to go to here. You know, at least what I say is the truth. And where we can talk like this freely, openly. I'm sure this will come to an end, too, if Obama and his minions have their ways. You know, they'll fucking demand equal time under some fairness horse shit like they did

terrestrial radio or they tried to anyways uh and real quickly come see me this saturday night sports haven in new haven connecticut that was this gig that was snowed out a couple weeks ago also uh at the portsmouth excuse me portsmouth uh new hamps Music Hall. That's the comedy 15th annual comedy extravaganza with Mike McDonald, very funny guy as your host, and a bunch of heavy hitters from Boston. That's on Friday the 12th of February. And then I'll be at the Brokerage in Belmore, Long Island on the 26th and 27th of February. And College of Staten Island, March 5th. And Bananas, Hasbro Heights, the 11th and 12th of March. Side Splitters in Tampa.

Bobby Jewel, my old friend down there. March 31st, April 1 and 2. That's enough for now. Enough of the business. Enough of the horse shit. Good to be back. Fire it up. Yeah, I had a birthday yesterday. You can google how old i am who the fuck cares does

it really matter i'm still out there putting out like a dirty whore okay i'm still in the game kind of all right hanging tough doing what i can scrapping i'm like fucking haggler you think i'm gonna go away i'm not going away by the way that, that reminds me, Dan Soder. Remember I did that pilot with him for Comedy Central back? I'm still waiting to hear on that. So let's keep our fingers crossed. In the meantime, I heard he just landed 10 episodes on a show called Billions, which Paul Giamatti, I believe, is on. So good for Danny boy.

Funny guy, nice guy. One of those guys that you like really root for. Yeah, so birthday yesterday and uh you know didn't do them went out to eat and uh in dobbs ferry at a place called the cookery and i had one of the best goddamn meals i have ever had in my life. I mean, it was fucking just tremendous. What the fuck is that? Quail. Alabuco. Baby quail stuffed with fennel sausage.

Can I get A for meeting this? Hey, Artie, didn't I see this guy in the park this morning taking a shit on a statue? Jesus Christ. I'm trying something new hey broaden your eyes yeah the cookery uh in dobbs ferry new york if you get a chance i had a pasta that i had never really heard of it and it was i think it was the name of it was italian for radiator radiatore and they look like little radiators. I'm guessing that's

why they were called that. Either that or I just made that up. But I had that with a fucking lamb bolognese. I don't know. Not everybody's a fan of lamb, like my wife. She doesn't like it, so I shoved her face in my dish and made her cry. No, it was so fucking good. And she had the osso bucco. Speaking of adi bucco, you just heard. She had the osso bucco. And holy, when I tell you, oh my God. And we sat near the kitchen. I sat at a high top. Not a fancy joint.

You know, not a real fancy joint. Sort of almost like a pub. But we really have perfected food in this country. Sorry, India, Ethiopiaopia and all the other um what do you mean there's good indian food shut up anyways uh yeah we sat at a you know a high top for two right near the and i chose it on purpose right near where the kid the uh chefs cook you know that little you know there's a space where they put the to put the plates up for the waiters and waitresses to pick up so i could look in there and try to see what

they were doing like young guys i like to see who's in there you know uh and uh a couple of young dudes with beards and like bandana kind of hip looking like you'd see on the food network tattooed guys or whatever but it when i tell you this was one of the most delicious things I've ever had in my frigging life, I had to give them, and I do this if I enjoy my meal, then many times at restaurants. Before we left, I had to stick my head in and give these guys a tip.

You know, I gave them some cash. And I mean, fuck, maybe, I don't know. I really appreciate that shit. I'm a frustrated chef myself. But holy Christ, I suggest the cookery in Dobbs Ferry if you get a chance. And, oh my fucking word. And had an octopus tentacle for an appetizer. It looked like a giant rat's tail.

Fucking phenomenal. Unbelievably looked good, though. And my wife's too i finished her also bucco that's why i look like fucking curly joe when i get up this morning back on that treadmill back to uh you know shaunti you got to stay with it you can't be eating it ready into a pasta and don't get fat you got to you got to get to get in that bad house, you got to, you got to focus, T25, and, uh, goddamn, oh, my fucking word, I, I was literally getting a three-quarter chub, I'm not shitting you, I, I'm sure my wife dressed up and looked good, but that's not the point,

a fucking ram, a ram, yeah, a lamb bolognese, what the fuck, and it was like 60 40 pasta to meet sounding like a real gins alone aren't i but i can't help it it was so goddamn good and so was her meal which i'm getting next time i think and then had a nice you know a nice ipa to top it off of my dessert some winter ale that was just fucking delicious god and then i came home and i finished a tom carvel ice cream cake shaped like a football that white my wife gave me the night before uh and it was covered the football was brown and you know what made up the brown like uh like a million oreos ground up that's what like the outside of it was i look like i'm about five and a half months pregnant right now gut wise what are you gonna do fuck life's short right we'll be dead soon the way things are being handled in this country

we'll get to that in a few fucking minutes but uh yeah the cookery i i highly recommend it in Dobbs Ferry. Thank you guys. Coming out this weekend to Wantage in New Jersey. Celine's. Again, these are the one-nighties you do. Look, people go, why do you do rooms? Well, I could go into the city and do 14 sets at 15 to 20 minutes apiece, and that's how many it would take to get paid. Or I could go do a nice hour and have fun uh so wantage on friday night then pompton plains was sold out uh pompton plains uh

the comedy shop in pompton plains new jersey uh which is at the hyatt hotel agency i can't remember the name of the hotel the point is it was sold the fuck out so thank you guys so much for coming out and actually enjoying this shit going up there winging it throwing in some material winging it just a new way of working i'm tired of living joke to joke and fucking trying it makes it harder to put an hour together but so what you got to enjoy it you know so um yeah so thanks for coming out actually took some pictures out the show and my boy uh the guy the guy that runs it james this is the second time in a row he's told me the wrong starting time it was right in the contract which my agent sends me and it says eight o'clock and you know i want to get there at the last minute. At this point in my life, so do all comics.

If we could go up 30 seconds before we're introduced, that's the ideal situation. I get there. I call him from the parking lot. I text him. I go, yeah, I'm here. You can start the show. He goes, we're starting at 9. And I almost fainted because it happened like a year prior or 10 months prior.

So it really fucking infuriated me. And, again, just, I don't know, fucking, you know, luckily, I have a guy just doing 20 minutes, oh, and I wanted to mention him, this kid, KP Burke, opened for me both nights, just a nice, quiet kid, stocky, like, Jersey guy, I guess he was in the Navy, and he's a great joke writer, I half listening people are talking to my ear off before the show and i'm trying to listen to him and and then i finally get a few minutes where i uninterrupted i could listen and the kid is funny i mean great writer so i just wanted to give him a plug man you know kp burke the kid's

name is and uh maybe we can get him into this comedy cellar or the stand or something. But I was impressed with his writing for a young guy. And what the fuck else happened since I talked to you? A lot. A lot, right? Besides me turning 76. Oh, remember I had a physical? I got those results a couple days ago in the mail.

Turns out I have, and I don't know how this is possible, sickle cell. With a touch of Ebola. Yeah, it's a true story. Excuse me. with a touch of uh a touch of ebola yeah it's a true story no actually uh i'm pretty goddamn healthy okay let me read it to you again this is in keeping my cholesterol it's at 202 normal range 120 to 200 so that's fucking by the way they're going to change these i read this in a report in some health magazine that these like these they're going to change the um you know the standards uh in other

words 202 is not going to be considered high anymore they're being ridiculously strict i guess so they're going to loosen up the standards as far as what's considered high cholesterol or whatever. So anyways, 202 I had in normal ranges, 120 to 200. So that's no... Triglycerides, I always have high triglycerides. It's just, you know, I can't help it. They came in at 219. Normal range is 30 to 150. Again, nothing to shit your pants about.

Normal should probably be 200 with the new standards or whatever. HDL, good good cholesterol i have 40 uh normal range is 40 to 85 so that falls in normal ldl which is your bad cholesterol uh 119 and the normal range is 20 to 130 so i fall there so uh get this one though it says thyroid functions are normal psa normal, one liver enzyme was minimally elevated. This may suggest use of alcohol. I would plan to repeat this test in a few weeks, time after curtailing alcohol use a bit. What the fuck? I have a couple drinks a night, and not every night.

You know, before a show, if I go into the city to do sets, I'll have maybe a Jack and Water. So that's kind of funny. I was also on an antibiotic right before this. I wonder if that affected it. Vitamin D is low. Yeah, that's because it's fucking wintertime and there's no sun. Do you know that?

I've actually had another doctor tell me that. What am I going to do? Drink milk like a fucking four-year-old? Vitamin D is low. I say that. Watch me break my hip doing P90X. My complete blood count is normal. No evidence of diabetes.

Even though both my feet are pitch black and the nails are falling off. No, that's fucking horrible to see. Yeah, it's goddamn funny. Overall, the doctor says, I'm quite pleased with the results, with the exception of the liver enzymes. He says, lay off the fucking Heinekens. No, he doesn't. Anyways, so EKG is stable.

I'd say I'm healthy. Blood pressure was like 112 over fucking 68 or some shit 118 so uh you know for a guy in his late 70s kiss my grits is what i'm telling to you of course they had the old prostate too that and when he and and and i that's why i was on uh antibiotics is when he pushed it, it fucking hurt. I think I told you this on the last show. But he's funny. I go, is it supposed to hurt?

He goes, well, you had a finger in your ass. Fucking made me laugh. And then I saw my doctor doing an open mic, hit Rascals in New Jersey. So anyways, that's right, kids. I'm healthier than a lot of people I'm healthier well definitely healthier

than this guy Tom can you get me off the hook for old time's sake can't do it Sally bye bye Abe bye bye yeah I know

this was a few days ago but I haven't talked to you and uh that was a bummer, huh? Do you know how that whole thing started with people thinking he was dead? Like People Magazine started that rumor 30-something years ago. In an article, they thought he had died. They made like an honest mistake, and everybody's... And because Abe O'Goda looked like he was 77 when he was 14,

you know, people actually believe the irony, and that's how that whole thing started. But I was doing a little math, and 19, he died at 94, so that means he was born around 1922, if my math is correct. The Godfather came out in 72. They probably started shooting a couple years before that. So he was like 48, I'd say, when he shot The Godfather. And he looked like he was 78.

Just one of those guys. But that bummed me out. Bummed me out because we used to have him on. Falman a lot and Conan O'Brien had him on. And he was always funny and just, I used to sit there, shake my head, and go, this guy is unbelievable. It's like a 90, sharp as a tack. And that's the thing. His, his daughter said he was like sharp as a tack when

he died mentally. You know, that's what I think I'd rather not have my faculties. I don't know. I don't know. But I remember him because of my age. i remember him on a show called barney miller i was talking to this girl eliza trager she was a girl in the horus and pete scene that was trying to pick me up and um you know i mentioned barney miller and she's 28 she's like what the fuck are you talking about you can't you forget but uh he played fish on barney miller and then there was a spinoff series obviously but he had a lot of times it was like a running gag on barney miller he was always heading to the men's room because he was an old guy and that's what old guys do and um here's a clip from that uh from barney miller

where he just gets a huge laugh because he used to have that deadpan delivery. He'd only have to say one or two and then give him killer punchlines. But in this scene, he's actually heading towards the men's room. So listen to this. It's so funny. 12 Precinct, Yamana. Yeah.

Yeah. You're kidding. Yeah. Barney, that was dispatch. There was somebody in the Jewelers. And then you got to wait. Harrison Ward, you're chasing them through the sewers. Through the sewers?

Yeah. Down there? They're chasing these criminals through the sewers. And now here comes Abe Vigoda in the background heading to the men's room. I've better wait. Get dumped. I could be obstructing justice. Just the timing and the fucking writing was so funny and uh that show uh thing about that show i don't think there are any chicks on it believe it or not like not regulars can you imagine

i know fish had a wife but i don't think she was on it that much i mean then they had the spinoff of him and his wife but it was all it was a precinct you know and it was all uh you had an asian guy jack sue who's been dead forever funny as hell ron harris was the sharply dressed black detective uh woe jeho which was this polish dumb guy and um steve landisberg who was a very funny stand-up and they always gave him these really dry smart funny and hal linden was barney miller and it was just a great show and you know why it was a great show there was no oh what about the wife isn't she stronger than the husband and where's the the daughter the young teens who hate their parents and are so much smarter than their fucking parents it was fucking guys all guys and crazy characters would come in

and out they had a you know they had a jail cell right in the precinct obviously and uh you know they bring wackos in from the subway and just a brilliant vehicle um and just uh fucking abogado was so goddamn funny on it. Most of us know him from The Godfather, but he was so funny, he did a lot of shit, and then it spun off. I guess they roasted him this weekend at the Friars Club. So rest in peace here, Big Abe. I tweeted out when he died, when God told him to come home he said you can't

do he can't do that screws up all my arrangements everybody had a tweet from anyways uh what else in showbiz yes Horace and Pete let's get to that I don't know if you guys uh you must have maybe you might not have yet um last week like i said uh i did these shows a week and a half ago the ones that you listened to last week uh monday tuesday wednesday's podcast i did the week prior because i knew i was going to be in the city last week and i i've been biting my tongue and loving you know dying not to i i wanted to not let slip the secret that louis was doing this project. You know, he calls me a few months ago. Can you come to my house for a table read?

I'm doing a show called Horace and Pete that I write. And I go to his house and I'm not knowing what to expect. Oh, and who do I bump into in the living room? Alan Alda. Steve Buscemi. Edie Falco comes in. How far can I create? Steve Buscemi, Edie Falco comes in. How fucking great. Jessica Lange.

I'm sitting at a table across from Alan Alda, Hawkeye Pierce. Just crazy, man. And we're doing this table read, this thing that Louis wrote. This thing that Louis wrote, Horace and Pete, which is about a Brooklyn, old school Brooklyn Irish bar that was handed down to generations and generations of guys named Horace and Pete. And it's based on something called Abigail's Party, which I guess was a play that was done in London back in the, they turned it into a TV show in the seventies over in England, sort of like a, you know, it was just one set, just almost like all in the family, but just one set. And it was like a two hour show and interesting characters would come in and out. Anyways, Louis based it on that. Um, and, uh, as only he could do, and he's shooting this thing differently. He's shooting it. like if you went to see a play

when you do tv you do a hundred different takes if somebody fucks up you know you can do it there's a hundred there's you know then they shoot the camera on you and then the person you're talking to they shoot on him they get all kinds of coverage and and and pickups they call once you're done you do these pickups if somebody fucked up. But Louis was trying to shoot this like a play with the two sets, the bar and the apartment and whatever, and trying to do the scenes like in their entirety. I mean, every once in a while,

somebody would fuck up and would reset, but it's like it hasn't been done before, shot this way. And the kids inventing, I mean, it's just just crazy it's fucking scary how talented and smart this guy is and um watching him like direct it's it's it's one thing that you you wrote the whole thing but now you're directing it and you're acting in it but just to watch him direct like eddie falco and beshemi and alan alda

and i'm watching like alan alda watch louis like giving notes to beshemi or edie falco or jessica and alan aldo just he has his grin and this glint in his eye just you know you could see he could appreciate how smart Louie is and how fucking talented. And it was fun to watch his reaction to Louie doing his thing. And just the people skills. If somebody would fuck up, like one of the sound guys. I remember one of the sound guys goes, hey, the jib is in the shot. Right? Well, we were shooting a scene.

And Louie's like, oh, you can't say the jib is in the shot right while we were shooting a scene and and louie's like oh you can't say the jib is in the shot thank you but but not getting angry or getting fucking just his people skills i mean uh mature beyond his years and and i've known him forever but i had no idea what he was but we all knew he was really smart and funny and shit but jesus christ what the fuck in the inventing new genres and stuff but um yeah so you go to lewisck.net and it's five bucks and uh it's so funny though you know you read the fucking idiot comments online and you just want to go oh my god we are so finished as a people people you know a lot of people loved it but just the idiots oh big fucking deal they're just not appreciating that he fucking wrote

directed and you know i mean just oh he's not that funny i liked him better as a comic he'll be back to doing cinebunjo just this fucking and it's all based in envy. And it's really fucking sad where we are as a fucking people. Even when I see something, a movie or TV show I don't like, I can still respect the talent that it took to get it together. I don't know. Anyways, I play like an assistant district attorney. I had a couple scenes one where this uh girl comes in and she's asking me about my job and asking me all that and she

basically keeps counting me and finally she comes to the conclusion that i'm not that special because it's like 800 ada and whatever it was a a young comedian named eliza trager very funny very cute and in an annoying way with her uh uh we get along great we we hit it off great and then the other scene was of course me again i i play like a you know guy who leans right in his politics and i start arguing with a a liberal hipster type guy at the bar his real name was zach he did a great job, this kid. And I'll play that scene of me and him arguing with a bar patron in the middle

sort of acting as a mediator. And here's that scene. You conservatives are trying to find something in Hillary's emails because you have nothing real to say about her. You're incapable of a real debate. Yeah, well, the problem with you liberals, you think you're the good guys. You think that gives you a pass

to do random criminal acts. You know, ooh, I saved an owl, and I can go kill a baby. That seems like... You must know that's not true. It's kind of an interesting thing, the way you guys define yourselves and each other. Liberal, conservative. How would you

define a liberal? Like, to How would you define a liberal? Like, to you, what is a liberal? Just PC, fucking fake animal rights, gay agenda. Always pushing the liberal agenda. They hate Christians and they hate white men. You know why? Because they don't think it through. And they think they're better than everyone else and that they should tell everyone else how to think.

They're just fucking assholes. Okay. How would you define a conservative? Just Jesus everything and they hate gay people and racists, but pretending they're not, and they're selfish, and they only care about money, and they think everyone has to do their conservative Christian shit. See, the fact that you start out by seeing each other like that.

I mean, how could you possibly ever respect each other or agree on anything? Yeah, well, they do that. I don, how could you possibly ever respect each other or agree on anything? Yeah, well, they do that. I don't. You just said you do. You just described us with a string of insults. Just like you did. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. This is getting interesting. Now, you define conservative. Conservative

means values. Having values and sticking to them and defending what's right and not just saying what somebody said is right that year. You know what I mean? There's things in this defending what's right and not just saying what somebody said is right that year. You know what I mean? There's things in this world that are right and wrong and always have been. And you have to respect where this country came from. And you have to hold on to that.

And the fact that country and God and life, those are all sacred things. And people should respect each other. And government is there to facilitate. It's not there to control people. And the way you get the best out of people is to make room for their strengths, not by overcompensating for their weaknesses. That sounds reasonable. That sounds like something most people could respect, right? Yeah. Now, define liberal. Just being open to things outside yourself, having your eyes open and thinking about others,

and being aware that our planet is precious and we're responsible for that, and people need to listen to each other and be decent and tolerant, and that a diverse community is a strong community, and sometimes a little guy needs a hand, and we're a strong enough country to do that, so we should. How's that sound?

Sometimes, Yeah. So if you start by taking his definition of himself and he starts with your definition of you, don't you stand a better chance of having a better shot at getting to some sort of consensus? Who said they want that? They're not trying to reach an agreement. This is fucking sports. Hillary Clinton is a cunt.

That's Jessica Lange. And I'm a liberal. Look, do you know how lucky we are to live in this country? You think this conversation is happening at a bar in any other country? God, I hope not. Steven Wright. This country is not that great. It's not even a democracy anymore. You can go live in Afghanistan. Stephen Wright that was Kurt Metzger

weighing in about how it's just a sport to argue back and forth and he does a nice job he's got the sits at the bar with a newspaper and then he goes on to to explain, you know, how the founding fathers, what they meant by it. And they designed it so the people would have power. But they know the people would be able to handle it, the common people. And they throw it back to them, which they did.

And he calls us both suckers for being liberal and conservative. And again, these are all Louie's. Louie writes this shit, you know, which is, it's so, it's pretty crazy. And, but yeah, I thought everybody did a nice job. And again, Louie directing, you know. And so it's fun. It's interesting. There's no laugh track, you know.

It's not a sitcom. Not everything's a punchline. Matter of fact, it's really a drama. Like, sort of like The Sopranos comedy comes the comedy comes out of it organically and um Alan Alda plays a racist bartender you know he's 79 years old matter of fact his birthday was Thursday they had a cake for him on the set and shit it was so cool and um but he just i'm going how is this guy gonna remember all these lines because he's in almost every friggin scene and and the the story of the horse and the peach you know there's different generations and this cousin and that buh-buh you're not my

brother and just really confusing shit and i'm like there's no way this guy 79 is gonna fucking be able to do this sure enough with each passing day when we're rehearsing which is only really one one and a half days um and then he comes to work on uh you know wednesday when we're shooting this shit and and and and just you know it's amazing that just to be able to memorize that shit at that age and i think of my my poor dad with his alzheimer's and uh it's just incredible and he and he's so freaking good all the you know he's just an old hateful bitter bartender racist says the word nigger and and i mean just really provocative it's kind of like like David Mamet shit. And just, you know, just hilarious. We were sitting there doing rehearsal.

Every time Alan Alda would, you know, say, he calls Louie a cunt. And fucking, and me and Stephen Wright would keep cracking up. You know, luckily it was a rehearsal, but we would fucking crack up. It just didn't sound right, these words coming out of Alan Alda's mouth. But he's so believable. Two seconds into it, you're like, he's that guy. You're like, holy shit. But having that come out of a liberal, because Alan Alda's a really ultra-liberal Upper West Side guy.

So it was fun to hear him saying shit he would never say. Oh, my God. So, yeah, go to LouisCK.net. And I'm telling you, it'll be the best $5. People are such fucking, you know, I go online and I read, you know, some kid, whoever. I don't know what the age is when you obviously read these comments. But I would say the emotional level, like I think Bill Hicks out of the average American about an eighth grade emotional level.

And that's exactly, I'm reading the comment, five bucks, that's a little steep for one episode. It's 67 minutes. You know how hard it is to put that thing, how much work went into that? Fucking, if you don't have five bucks, go fuck yourself. You're a fucking loser living in your mother's basement.

You're a victim. But just really five dollars too much to see Edie Falco, Alan Alda, Steve Buscemi, who is unbelievable. He has like mental illness in this in this show. He's like schizophrenic and he's off his medications. And and Stephen Wright just, you know, throws in a line here and there like the deadpan funny. And, you know, and the New York Times gave it a good, some guy gave it a great write up. And most people did who can appreciate what goes into something like that, you know. But, yeah, so it was so hard trying to keep that from you guys because, you know it's a great thing to talk about uh on a podcast and i kept i was so nervous i was gonna slip and go yeah i gotta get into the city

oh that was the other thing of course we started uh you know rehearsing in the city on uh monday the day after the big snowstorm and And I leave my house, right? I wake up at like six in the morning and I check my Waze app and it says 39 miles, 48 minutes, which is perfectly normal. And so I go back to bed because my call time was until 10.

I check it again, right? I plan on leaving my house at 8.30. That gives me 90 minutes for what is about a 48-minute ride. And I check it again, and it says an hour and 21 minutes. And so I get on the road, and Waze, you know, boots me off the Taconic, puts me on the fucking anyways it kept changing folks how about two hours and 20 minutes it took me two because it was the day after a storm and it was just a fucking nightmare if i had left at six in the morning i would have been there

two hours too early who wants to do that so i was caught between a rock and a hard place and no the train is not a fucking option. Okay. By the time you get there, blah, blah, blah. And then park my car up here. It's just ridiculous. But anyways, two hours and 20 minutes. It was, they ended up sending me in on like the fucking LIE coming in that way through the Midtown Tunnel. It was fucking, and every time it would go, oh, we found a faster route.

I'd get on that route and it would go, oh, we found a faster route, I'd get on that route, and it would go, oh, accident. I saw two cars upside down on the way. People don't fucking forgot how to drive in bad weather in the Northeast, unless these are tourists are flipping their fucking cars. And I was going, and I'm real anal about being on time. I go by the Vince Lombardi philosophy of life be 50 there 15 minutes earlier than you're supposed to which is really anal in this time of you know black time and being hip and showing up an hour late unless you know being Madonna and showing up two and a half hours late or Axl Rose anyways I was just fucking I come in you know so I get there like at 10 of 11 i am out of my fucking goal and louie's

laughing he sees me come in my fucking you know and he uh he's just he's like take it easy and i'm just out of my fucking mind worst commute ever i've been doing i've been commuting from westchester for 15 years at least worst by a country mile and uh so what i did the next two nights i got a room at the belvedere hotel in the city which is the fucking best move i made and uh what an experience man hanging out though with steve beshami me and him hit it off uh he's got a great sense of humor and alan alda couldn't have been nicer and uh edie falco who i love she's everybody was really friendly and i'm not just saying that you guys know me if somebody was a dick there i'd be on

the mic because you can get much more humor uh out of negative shit people are assholes but it was uh it was fun watching these pros and uh lisa trager i think her handle is at glitter cheese on uh on twitter and she was very good in her part yeah i like to see these young and kurt metzger was fucking great me and him were arguing the whole week in the green room politics and he's very confused about his politics and he'll say the same of me anyways but uh we had a good time we had a fucking great time all of us and uh yeah i went back to the hotel and you know sat there one night the second night i think and just uh after doing all my big scenes all

the stresses off had like i don't know three three jack and waters and a couple of ipas and stared at some fucking waitress at that plata forma you know that restaurant in the city it's uh brazilian it's one of those restaurants they come over and they with like a whole thing of meat on a spit and they cut it off with a sharp knife it falls right into your plate I didn't have any I couldn't eat that heavy I just stayed at the bar but uh it was good being this I wandered around to bounced in and out and had a few here fucking the city is just the balls anyways so, yeah, it touched on the show touches on Louie keeps it current. We the setting of that episode was the day the night before the Iowa caucuses. And we I actually some of my dialogue talked about the Super Bowl, Peyton Manning versus Cam Newton and shit.

And I don't know what's not to like about this show, honestly. shit and uh i don't know what's not to like about this show honestly so uh yeah i touched on iowa and and trump and uh kurt metzger had a whole thing spiel about trump and so it's it's very fucking cool and speaking of that why don't we just uh segue into the iowa caucuses first of all that's tonight it's a big thing i think people put way too much stock in it because uh every a lot of people have won the iowa caucuses have uh gone on to do nothing santorum won it last time and mike huckabee won it uh then again but george w won it a couple times and ended up winning the presidency twice but uh i think obama too but first of all real quickly i was i'm like how did these caucuses work and uh you know and how's it different to what goes on in fucking New Hampshire? But let me read to you how it works.

In Iowa, groups of voters will meet in 1,681 precincts throughout the state beginning at 7 o'clock local time tonight. It's basically a gathering of neighbors, so it's the folks on your street or in your neighborhood or at your church. What's that? Who vote at the same place where you vote, coming together to discuss politics. This is a guy, a political science professor at Rutgers, explaining this. The caucuses will take place at schools, fire stations, city halls, and churches. Any easily accessible public occasion. Really? How about a truck stop turlet attendees must caucus with their political party but individuals

can register to vote that same day or even upon entering the caucus that evening that's why they say like up to 40 don't even know who they're going to vote for each side gathers it may hear from a candidate supporter or surrogate from there it varies widely between parties and then it says why iowa is different for democrats republicans cast secret ballots but democrats go through a far more complex process why wouldn't it be consistent for both that's what i don't get democrats have to be willing to stand up in front of their friends. These aren't the candidates, folks. I'm talking about the people going out to caucus. These are the voters. You have to be willing to stand up in front of their friends.

These are Democrats now. And neighbors and say, I'm supporting Bernie Sanders or Hillary or whoever. They will literally, once the caucus is called to order, physically move to different parts of the room to show their support what the fuck and it's like musical cheers the larger the preference group the better because democrats require candidates to garner at least 15 percent of support per precinct what the fuck why did the parties get to... And that's when Iowa voters may find themselves appealing to a neighbor or a good friend or a colleague to join their side. That must make for some interesting... I wonder how much booze is involved.

Supporters of candidates who fail to meet that threshold may campaign to gain additional voters, or they may choose to walk over and join those supporting the remaining candidates. The percentage of support is crucial because it determines how many delegates are awarded to each viable candidate. So somebody might have set support across the state, but if they're not viable in very many precincts, they might not get any delegates or very few at the end of the night. Republicans, meanwhile, have it much easier at their caucuses. Voters write their name,

of course, of their favorite candidate on slips of paper that get collected and tallied. The group then moves on to party business. That makes more sense to me. But like I said, not everybody who wins, you know, um, goes on to fucking become the nominee.

Isn't that weird? So that takes a lot of balls. I mean, you gotta really be, you gotta really be motivated and, and, and to, to get up and to like publicly speak, at least on the Democrat side, to your friends and shit, and say why Bernie Sanders or whoever is right or wrong, that takes some balls. And they're expecting a blizzard there. I haven't checked the weather. And then the article goes on. Iowa and New Hampshire are both small states.

Why that matters. Unlike Iowa, the Granite State holds a primary election system used in most states. This year on February 9th, voters will have all day to head to polls and cast ballots directly for their candidate. This is in New Hampshire, by the way. There's a similar theme for voters in both states. There's a similar theme voters in both states should remember. Love thy neighbor. It just might help your candidate become the next president.

Really? The caucuses are really about community and neighborhood gatherings and talking politics. But in the end, the campaign in New Hampshire is very similar to the campaign in Iowa. It's very personal. It's very oriented around town halls and one-on-ones. Interesting, huh? Kinda. Is it interesting? Fuck you, it is too.

Fuck you. That's right, Hillary. So, uh, that's when they talk about having a good ground game and going door to door and blah, blah, blah. I guess Cruz had the best ground game in Iowa, but Trump is still beating him. Or they're like neck and neck. Or who even knows? You know? Because they say like 40% make up their mind up that night or whatever.

But here's Cruz. You know, Iowa's filled with like very religious, you know you know I was filled with like uh very religious you know evangelist type Christian and Ted Cruz is playing up to them this is Ted uh being very and this is what uh to me could hurt him in a general election but uh you know he's concentrating on Iowa just just one minute a day that you simply say, Father God, please continue this awakening. Continue this spirit of revival.

Awaken the body of Christ that we might pull back from the abyss. Ah, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. I just, I guess you gotta do it because there's still a huge voting block. But that type of religious shit, I don't know if there's going to fly.

And that's what scares people because we've become such a secular country that we're moving in that direction. But he's a smart guy and he's really smart. And, you know, but people people uh you know people get nervous with that religious i don't know why the fucking country is founded by very religious guys you know separation of church and state yeah we know all that we know that but um but when he starts talking explicitly like that you, it's like it gets people a little nervous. I don't know why. I ignore all that shit.

I can still like Ted Cruz and ignore that shit. Nobody's going to force religion down your throat. Stop with that fucking silly horse shit. But, you know, bringing up Christ and whatever. You got to do it to win Iowa, apparently. Although then you get Bernie Sanders. How about him nipping at Hillary's heels? Hillary, who should be, and again,

and then we touched on, that's why Horace and Pete was so good. We touched on this very subject about her emails. Let me tell you something. That broad should be in jail okay regardless of how you vote just be objective for once in your life she has fucking done shit david petraeus for christ's sake did one-eighth as bad as hillary and and he got he got fucking his career was ruined and uh i mean it was a whole story.

Highly classified Hillary Clinton emails that the intelligence community and State Department recently deemed too damaging to national security to release contain operational intelligence in their presence on the unsecure personal email system jeopardize sources, methods, and lives, a government official said. They can't even discuss them there's 22 top secret emails that it's it's above classified they're so classified that they can't even they can't even discuss them he was limited this guy discussing the contents contents because of the highly classified nature. He was referring to 22 top secret emails that the State Department said it could not release in any form, even with entire sections redacted. They can't release the fucking thing.

And she was putting this on her personal server. I mean, you've got to be shitting me. gotta be shitting me the guy says there's no way that someone a senior government official talking about hillary who has been handling classified information for a good chunk of their adult life could not have known that this information ought to be classified whether it was marked or not anyone with the capacity to read and understanding of an American national security in an eighth grade level or above, would understand that the release of this info or the potential breach of non-secure system presented risk to American national security. She's she does not qualified. Pompeo, that's a guy that's saying this, also suggested the military and intelligence communities had to change operations because of the Clinton server.

Could have been compromised by a third party. They actually had to change operations. there's a potential breach, that is, information that might potentially have fallen into the hands of the Iranians, Russians, or Chinese, or just hackers, that they begin to operate in a manner that assumes that the information has, in fact, gotten out. She was questioned about this with George Stephanopoulos, who used to work for her, by the way, her husband, I should say on this week and Here's what Hillary had to say Oh, no. Here's Hillary talking about the emails.

They will not release 22 emails of yours deemed top secret. You want them released. Why are you so confident that release would not compromise national security? What do you know about those emails that we don't? Well, here's what I know. I know that this is, I think, a continuation of the story that has been playing out. There is no classified marked information on those emails sent or received by me. Dianne Feinstein, the ranking member of the intelligence, who's had a chance to review them, has said that this email chain did not originate with me and that there were no classification

markings. So I do want them released. And of course, I can't be clear about exactly what the reasons might be for some in the government as part of this interagency dispute to make this request, not to make them public. But I would like to see them disclosed, and I think they can and should be disclosed from everything that I'm told about them. Your supporters, including Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, former governor of Iowa, and Senator Feinstein herself, have suggested it's political. Is that what you think? Well, I'm going to leave that to others who are quite

experienced in the ways of Washington to comment on. I just have to point out that the timing and some of the leaks that have led up to it are concerning. And I just want this matter resolved. The best way to resolve is to do what I asked months ago, release these, let the public see them, and let's move on. You know, you said many times that the emails were not marked classified, no evidence that that's not true, but the nondisclosure agreement you signed as Secretary of State says that that really is not that relevant. It says classified information is marked or unmarked, classified, and that all of you are trained to treat all of that sensitively and should know the difference.

Well, of course, and that's exactly what I did. I take classified information very seriously. You know, you can't... No, you didn't. You had it on a personal server. She signed something in 2009, a non-disclosure agreement, which acknowledged the markings are irrelevant, undercutting her central explanation. The agreement states classified information

is marked or unmarked, including oral communications. In other words, regardless, whether it's marked or unmarked, it has to be treated as top secret. And she said, no, that's exactly what I did. No, you didn't. It acknowledges the markings are irrelevant.

That you should know enough, in other words, to treat it as top secret. And she's going, there's 22 of them. And I just told you why they're so sensitive that they can't even put them out there to talk about this story. She's like, release them. She's saying that because she knows damn well they can't release them are you fucking kidding me and again whether you're democrat republic you got to be shit you have to be discreet why do you think bernie sanders is doing so well this broad is the most flawed she has no business being near the white house oh my fucking word

that's right hillary Oh, my fucking word. That's right, Hillary. La, la, la, la. The Clinton campaign is now calling for the 22 top secret emails to be released. But this is not entirely the State Department's call since the intelligence came from other agencies which have final say on classification and handling. I'm really hoping like Obama's behind this and just this drip drip that's killing her.

I keep thinking back to that dust up they had, the Clintons, and remember it got racial? What Bill Clinton said about Obama? What is this? This is a fairy tale. This guy would have been getting us coffee a few years ago. That's what Bill Clinton said. And don't think something like Obama is going to forget something like that. I don't know. But how this brought us still walking around. Further, a 2009 email released to Judicial Watch after a federal lawsuit suggests the State Department's senior manager, Patrick Kennedy, was trying to make it easier for Clinton to check her personal email at work. Writing to Clinton aide Cheryl Mills, a standalone separate network PC is a great idea.

That's what he said to Cheryl Mills, who was a Hillary aide. In other words, we'll put her on a separate, standalone separate network. We'll circumvent the system. Unbelievable. So, anyways. That's about it. We covered a lot today, and good to be back um we'll get a few good ones

tomorrow the NAACP the guy white guy who heads up the NAACP in Arizona a few days ago he made some comments off mic he thought it was off mic we'll get to that and a bunch of other shit that I think you're gonna enjoy very very much but that hillary's got a lot of balls don't you problem you're the fucking problem you fucking doctor why onking jam rag arkin spunk bubble i'm telling you h you keep looking at me i'm gonna put you in the fucking ground i promise you not this time so enjoy the carcasses. Enjoy your cake. A smaller piece. Michael, I would have appreciated if we talked about this privately.

Anyways, I'm a Jew living on a pension. In the twilight of his life, I'd give four million to take a piss without it hurting. My six cents tells me that there's a bag with $2 million in cash. That was Hyman Roth. Anyways, kids, good to be back talking to you. I'm around all week, so, yeah. That's it.

Come see me Saturday night, like I said, at the Sports Haven in New Haven, Connecticut. And the numbers have been great with my live performances. I don't know if it's this show. I don't know. But something's happening out there. And you guys are, you're like the grassroots. You know what I mean? Know what I'm saying, T's?

Sure you do. I think I've covered just about everything, have I not? I think I have. That's it. I will talk to you soon. I won't take all the damage down And make out a son in a room And I'm not gonna pay you my bills

Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'll talk to you kids soon. Have a good day, everybody. guitar solo guitar solo Bye.